# Do you tell pretty girls that they're pretty?



## Rel (Dec 3, 2005)

Ones that you're not trying to bed I mean.

I had this situation come up yesterday that I've encountered a few times over the years and I'm just wondering how other people handle it and how they feel about it within the context of their own relationships.

I was out of town in the eastern part of the state doing a property inspection job and I stumbled across a "one stop shop".  This is where you find a single individual who can not only give you all the info you need about the property you're looking at but also all the comparable properties nearby.  I sat and talked with this girl (she was propbably in the neighborhood of 25) for 20-30 minutes and she was pleasant and helpful in a way that I don't encounter often enough.  Somewhere during the conversation it also dawned on me that she was quite lovely.

This girl was hardly the supermodel seen in the media today.  Her skin was pale with freckles high on her cheeks and she was slightly plump but in a very well proportioned way.  Straight dark hair but it looked shiny and well cared for.  Very pretty pale blue eyes with little or no makeup.  Overall I got the impression of a girl who was somewhat pretty but was really making the most of what she had.  And her warm and helpful demeanor made her all the more attractive.

This was fairly close to lunchtime and if I was single then I most certainly would have asked to take her to lunch on the pretense that I owed her for being so helpful.  But I'm not single and that just wouldn't have been prudent.  I expressed how thankful I was for her taking the time to give me all the info.  As I was leaving I said, "In case nobody else tells you this today, you've got very pretty eyes."  She gave me a big smile with a bit of a blush and sincere sounding "Thank you."

I was thinking about this incident on my ride home and a couple things struck me about it.  First is that I'm not entirely certain that my wife would have been thrilled that I did this.  She's not incredibly insecure or anything but having her husband going around telling women that they're beautiful is probably not high on her wish list.  What she doesn't know won't hurt her though and if it made me feel nice to give the compliment and the girl nice to hear it, what's the harm?  <-(Important question.)

The other thing that occurred to me was that I'd probably not have said anything if this girl was "drop dead gorgeous".  It may have been no less true but when I see a girl who is smoking hot, I kind of figure that she gets told that on a pretty regular basis by her husband or boyfriend or the occasional batch of construction workers.  I'm more inclined to pay such compliments to women for whom this might be a less common thing.  Is that the height of arrogance? <-(Not very important question, but probably.)

So anyway, this is probably among the very least earth-shattering of threads here on OT, but I was wondering how other ENWorlders come down on this sort of situation.  *Compliments to Pretty Girls:  Harmless Feel Good Gesture or Thinly Veiled Come On Bound To Make A Situation Awkward?*


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## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 3, 2005)

I am a compliment-giver.  I am a person that, any time I find myself in conversation, attempts to compliment the person I'm talking to.  Whether it be a physical attribute, apparel, or a characteristic of their personality.  I figure, I really like hearing good things about myself, so other people must like it, too.

It's something I do for both sexes... so, the guys are work or school are just as likely to hear "Wow - you've got great lips!" as a girl is to hear, "Your shirt really brings out your skin's natural highlights!"

[double standard] Now... if it were my husband telling some chick she had nice eyes... I don't know how I'd feel about that. [/double standard]  

The fact that you may not have given a compliment if the girl was like drop dead gorgeous really intrigues me, Rel.  Just think that she doesn't deserve the compliment because she must get them all the time?  Though, that's something that I really understand... as a compliment-giver, I frequently will try harder to give someone a compliment about their looks that isn't super-model pretty.

In the end, I think that what you did was very sweet and not at all a "thinly veiled come on..."  If I were that girl, I would have felt better about myself without feeling like you were trying to get in my pants.  I bet you made her day.


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## nerfherder (Dec 3, 2005)

I see no harm in what you did.  The girl would appreciate it (I know I do when a female friend compliments me) and you were not doing it to try and cheat on your wife.

You're right though that it's best not to say anything to your wife - it's human nature to feel at least a twinge of jealousy in her shoes, and what would be the point in doing that to her?

Cheers,
Liam


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## Mista Collins (Dec 3, 2005)

I am a huge compliment-giver myself. I am not sure exactly why it happens, but I find myself doing more often than not. 

I don't understand why you wouldn't tell your wife, but that is because I am in a relationship where I am very open with my gf. She knows I give many compliments and doesn't get jealous. I guess I am lucky to be with someone doesn't have that human nature   .

Answer to the important questions: No it isn't harmful.

Answer to the not very important question: I still give the gorgeous ones compliments. Just because she is gorgeous doesn't mean she receives compliments. A lot of guys think the same thing you do when it comes to this, "I bet she gets compliments/hit on all the time." She probably doesn't receive many compliments about her personality as opposed to her looks.


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## fusangite (Dec 3, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> As I was leaving I said, "In case nobody else tells you this today, you've got very pretty eyes."  She gave me a big smile with a bit of a blush and sincere sounding "Thank you."



My understanding of how inter-gender coded communication works suggests that this statement was actually one of the more flirtatious things you could have said. "Eyes" when physical appearance compliments are given out is almost always code for some other body part it would not be appropriate to compliment. Now, of course, sometimes "eyes" means "eyes" but I think significantly less than 50% of the time. You might want to consider that before you hand out this particular compliment again.







> What she doesn't know won't hurt her though and if it made me feel nice to give the compliment and the girl nice to hear it, what's the harm?  <-(Important question.)



I'm all for keeping necessary secrets from one's spouse. But this doesn't fall into that category. Every time you hand out a compliment like this, you are creating a new little secret you are keeping from your wife. I'm not sure you want to accumulate these.







> I'm more inclined to pay such compliments to women for whom this might be a less common thing.  Is that the height of arrogance? <-(Not very important question, but probably.)



Nope. It seems quite reasonable and considerate to give things like compliments to people who will appreciate them.







> Compliments to Pretty Girls:  Harmless Feel Good Gesture or Thinly Veiled Come On Bound To Make A Situation Awkward?[/b]



No idea here. I hate conversations that comment on how people look. I will compliment people on how they dress (provided the outfit looks intentional) because that's a choice they can make. I will compliment people on their obviously dyed hair (provided it is supposed to look obviously dyed) because that's a choice they can make. I don't compliment people on things about themselves they cannot control because there is nothing they can say back. And I hate it when people say anything to me about how I look (of course, I'm a guy so it's not really relevant here); it makes me very uncomfortable.

In my view, the purpose of words in a conversation is to create openings for the other person to say things. Talking to people about how they look does just the opposite. And I'm just not self-sacrificing enough to disrupt the rhythm of a conversation in the hopes that the compliment I give out will make the person feel better about themselves.







			
				Queen Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> The fact that you may not have given a compliment if the girl was like drop dead gorgeous really intrigues me, Rel. Just think that she doesn't deserve the compliment because she must get them all the time?



Nobody _deserves_ compliments. People who have more attributes worthy of complimenting are not necessarily people who deserve more happiness in life.


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## Rel (Dec 3, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> In my view, the purpose of words in a conversation is to create openings for the other person to say things. Talking to people about how they look does just the opposite. And I'm just not self-sacrificing enough to disrupt the rhythm of a conversation in the hopes that the compliment I give out will make the person feel better about themselves.




This is an interesting point and it actually ties in with another aspect of the situation.  It's not like I go around firing off the "nice eyes" thing on a daily basis or anything but when I've offered such compliments, I always do it at the end of the conversation.  

I understand that it can be a bit of a show stopper flinging out a compliment like that.  She might take it as a come on and say, "I have a BOYFRIEND." (to which I'd reply, "I'd have been shocked if you didn't.").  Or she might say, "I want you to take me fast and hard right on this desk!" (let's hope this doesn't happen).  Hopefully she'll say, "It's very nice of you to say that.  Thank you."  Whatever happens, I'm ready to depart and leave any awkwardness in the dust.

If you give out compliments in the middle of a conversation while there is still obviously stuff to say, I think it is more likely to be interpreted as a come on and since it is not meant to be one then that would be bad.  By dropping the compliment at the end I'm hopefully leaving her with the nice feeling that comes with being complimented without much (if any) obligation on her part.  This (hopefully) turns it into a gift and not a negotiation.

As for the "eyes" being a metaphor for something else, she can take it that way if she likes (and she well might because her breasts were spectacular).  But I did look her directly in the eyes throughout the conversation with the exception of when she walked across the room to grab a file, during which I was checking out her butt.  Thankfully I've learned enough about women that I didn't compliment her by saying, "Your boobs and ass are fantastic and I assure you that, were I not married, I would delight in rubbing my face on them for hours."


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## Umbran (Dec 3, 2005)

Setting aside, for the moment, that I'm basically a reserved person...

Still I'd not give such a compliment.  As far as I'm concerned, if they aren't a potential romantic interest, their looks aren't terribly important.  Whether or not I'm looking, I don't like the idea of basing an interaction on someone's body.  If they tell me a funny joke, or are doing a neat drawing, or are showing a skill or ability that deserves a compliment, thats' a far different story.

I will disagree with fusangite, in that "eyes" only mean something else to those who have no style.  Eyes, are important in and of themselves.  They are the focus of the face, and invaluable communication tools.  Having nice eyes is more than being attractive, it's being able to _communicate_ attractivness and attractively.

My wife, for example, has _georgeous_ eyes.


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## Wormwood (Dec 3, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Ones that you're not trying to bed I mean.




Why bother, then?

/kidding
//kinda


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## Rel (Dec 3, 2005)

Umbran said:
			
		

> Still I'd not give such a compliment.  As far as I'm concerned, if they aren't a potential romantic interest, their looks aren't terribly important.  Whether or not I'm looking, I don't like the idea of basing an interaction on someone's body.  If they tell me a funny joke, or are doing a neat drawing, or are showing a skill or ability that deserves a compliment, thats' a far different story.




I think this is a valid position.  And I want to make sure that I'm getting my point across properly.  Most of the compliments I give are performance based.  I spoke to another woman on the phone about the property I was inspecting and she too was helpful.  So I expressed how thankful I was and how informative she had been and that I wished that everybody I worked with was as helpful.  Also, I'll reiterate that most of my compliments to "Jennifer" (the one with the eyes) were based on how friendly and helpful she had been.

But I know a hell of a lot of women who feel best when somebody says, "You're pretty."  None of this dawned on me at the time but I'll bet Jennifer hears "Thank you.  You've been so helpful." a half dozen times a day.  So maybe (and I might be vastly overstating the importance of my compliment) my "eyes" compliment was more impactful for its rarity.  Here reaction was a little surprised, a little embarassed and a lot happy.  I'd do it again given the chance.


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## Rel (Dec 3, 2005)

Wormwood said:
			
		

> Why bother, then?
> 
> /kidding
> //kinda




It appears that Umbran agrees with you.


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## reveal (Dec 3, 2005)

I see nothing wrong with what you did. I've told girls they are pretty because they are. I don't think my wife would have a problem with it. Heck, if we're out and I see a pretty girl I'll say "Hey, she's pretty" and point her out to my wife. She knows I'm not going to go after her.

OTOH, I wouldn't particularly be thrilled if my wife told a guy something like "You've got nice eyes." Why? Because guys, in general, think with their little heads. They usually don't know how to take a compliment and any girl who compliments them _must_ be trying to get in their pants. "Nice haircut" or "nice shirt" that's fine to a guy. But anything that compliments a guys physicality, that's when they start thinking "she wants me."

I can tell you, however, that the phrase "Was your father a meat burglar? Cuz it looks like you've got two fine hams shoved down the back of your dress" would be inappropriate.


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## ForceUser (Dec 3, 2005)

If I were single, I would have likely done something similar, Rel. I'd have probably asked her out, too. If I were in a relationship, I would have been thankful and appreciative, and I would have expressed that sincerely. But I probably would not have paid her the compliment. I'm not saying that it was wrong for you to do so, but I know that I would have felt a bit disloyal to my awesome other had I done it. I don't like feeling disloyal. I feel as though there's a decorum I need to follow when I'm in a relationship, and flirting would have been a breach of decorum in my internal world. How do I know this? Well, because I've done it and itr made me feel bad afterward.  

On a related note, I'm with Rel on the "hot chick" thing. Actually, I've got a hang-up about hot chicks that goes all the way back to high school and getting embarassed by some of them in public at the tender age of "just realized what a penis was used for." Now I just assume that 1) she has a boyfriend, 2) guys fall all over her constantly, and I'm not going to be one of _those_ guys, and 3) she's probably coasted through life on her looks and, thus, isn't worth the time of day anyway. Finally, to be brutally honest, I still have a juvenile complex that tells me that I can't get a hot chick, so I shouldn't try, because they'll just reject me because I'm not handsome enough or rich enough. This has really bit me in the butt a couple of times in my life when a smoking hot gal _with_ a personality actually _was_ interested, and I blew her off as a matter of course. Doh! That's what I get for stereotyping people.


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## reveal (Dec 3, 2005)

ForceUser said:
			
		

> If I were single, I would have likely done something similar, Rel. I'd have probably asked her out, too. If I were in a relationship, I would have been thankful and appreciative, and I would have expressed that sincerely. But I probably would not have paid her the compliment. I'm not saying that it was wrong for you to do so, but I know that I would have felt a bit disloyal to my awesome other had I done it. I don't like feeling disloyal. I feel as though there's a decorum I need to follow when I'm in a relationship, and flirting would have been a breach of decorum in my internal world. How do I know this? Well, because I've done it and itr made me feel bad afterward.




Paying a compliment != flirting. Your post definitely supports my argument.


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## RangerWickett (Dec 3, 2005)

Rel, . . . thank you for this thread.

_(And, just between the two of us, I wish I could rub my face in your pumpkins.)_


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## Rel (Dec 3, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Paying a compliment != flirting.




Agreed.  I know because I flirt all the time.  But I have a set of internal rules about it that I follow and the main one is that I don't flirt with a girl when I'm alone with her.


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## Rel (Dec 3, 2005)

RangerWickett said:
			
		

> _(And, just between the two of us, I wish I could rub my face in your pumpkins.)_




They are large and firm, are they not?


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## Captain Tagon (Dec 3, 2005)

I compliment people all the time. Just something I do.


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 3, 2005)

Girls like it when you notice things about their appearance.  I do it even with girls I'm not interested in.  I'll say things like "Hey Stacy, I like what you did with your hair." or "Is that a new dress, Bridget?  It looks good."  I never saw much harm in it, even when I was currently in a relationship at the time.


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## Rel (Dec 3, 2005)

I just got out of the shower and had a sudden change of heart about this whole situation.  I forgot I'm wearing Axe deoderant and body spray now.  I can't be going around telling women that they have pretty eyes!  

I leave and the poor girl is left standing there with the burning desire to have sex with me in an elevator.   

I may have to selectively give compliments in the future at times when I don't smell so damn sexy.  *Shakes fist at sky*  _Good Hygene!  How you burden me with moral dilemmas!_


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## Desdichado (Dec 3, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Paying a compliment != flirting.



Exactly, and given the way in which you (meaning Rel, not reveal) said it (as you were walking out the door) I don't see how this could possibly be interpreted as a come-on, or flirting, frankly.  And the idea that it would come across as a veiled comment on her boobs, or whatever, seems patently ridiculous to me.

Yeah, I'd do this.  I probably wouldn't tell my wife, but because I'd probably forget about it, not because I think I shouldn't.


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 3, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I just got out of the shower and had a sudden change of heart about this whole situation.  I forgot I'm wearing Axe deoderant and body spray now.  I can't be going around telling women that they have pretty eyes!
> 
> I leave and the poor girl is left standing there with the burning desire to have sex with me in an elevator.
> 
> I may have to selectively give compliments in the future at times when I don't smell so damn sexy.  *Shakes fist at sky*  _Good Hygene!  How you burden me with moral dilemmas!_



 Hmmm, you've got a point there.  Either I'll have to stop complimenting girls, or stop putting on TAG body spray every morning.  Leaving them there unfulfilled is just plain cruel.


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## ForceUser (Dec 3, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Paying a compliment != flirting. Your post definitely supports my argument.



Oh, I agree. I'm just saying that it feels like flirting to me, because I'm such a horn dog. Best for me to just avoid going there.


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## reveal (Dec 3, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I just got out of the shower and had a sudden change of heart about this whole situation.  I forgot I'm wearing Axe deoderant and body spray now.  I can't be going around telling women that they have pretty eyes!
> 
> I leave and the poor girl is left standing there with the burning desire to have sex with me in an elevator.
> 
> I may have to selectively give compliments in the future at times when I don't smell so damn sexy.  *Shakes fist at sky*  _Good Hygene!  How you burden me with moral dilemmas!_




Are you the reason Congress says kids can't distinguish reality from fantasy?


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## Crazy Hedgehog (Dec 3, 2005)

*I thought I was the only one.*

Wow, wish I had come across this thread a couple weeks ago.  Normally, I think compliments are great, everyone needs encouragement and I've seen a compliment really improve someone's day/emotions.  Now, I'm mostly talking about personality or intellect or similar things here, I don't usually mention physical attributes (especially with the opposite sex) other than complimenting someone on their clothes or hair, or unless they are feeling down about some aspect of themselves that I feel is actually rather nice.  Life is too short not to be nice to people and make them feel special.  For the record, I am married, and I don't want to hide anything from my wife, and while secrets may be inevitable I believe honesty and openness should be the rule.  Not sure if my wife would agree with me about being that nice to people, but that's how it is.

That said, I find myself in a perhaps similar situation to Rel.  I've been working on a postgraduate course, and I was fortunate to make a lot of new friends among my classmates.  As it happened, for the final stage of the course, a research project, most of my friends dropped out, except for me and one friend.  Not sure how to describe her at this point, except that she is very beautiful.  I say she is a friend, but for most of the time, I tried to avoid being alone with her, as I didn't want to put myself in an awkward position.  When it came to the research though, we ended up spending a lot of time together sorting out wrinkles in our projects, and despite attempts on both sides to include the rest of our classmates, it was mostly just us.  Now, I think I was a lot like ForceUser in assuming that she "1) she has a boyfriend, 2) guys fall all over her constantly, and I'm not going to be one of those guys, and 3) she's probably coasted through life on her looks and, thus, isn't worth the time of day anyway."  But, as I was spending all this time with her, I realized that she was a really special person and a very good friend.  Now, she really was an amazing help with my project, and deserved more thanks than I felt was appropriate to say to her, being married.  So, sensing that we would all be going our separate ways and that it was something that she was needing a compliment at the time, I told her all this.  She really freaked, and I think assumed I was making a pass at her.  I tried to make it clear from the beginning that she was a friend and that I'm happily married, but I think I just ended up digging my hole deeper.

  So now I'm really confused.  Not having been in many relationships, I'm not quite sure what is appropriate in this area.  I really want to be a good husband and a good friend, and to do the right thing.  I'm not sure if that was, but it really felt like it at the time.  Now I feel I've betrayed my wife and hurt a friend, when I was trying to be nice and say that she was a very special person.  Any advice would be appreciated.


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## Umbran (Dec 3, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Exactly, and given the way in which you (meaning Rel, not reveal) said it (as you were walking out the door) I don't see how this could possibly be interpreted as a come-on, or flirting, frankly.




Wsell, a large part of this is not how _you_ would see it or interpret it, now is it?  It's that darned free will - people take things from their own frame of reference, not ours.  She'll interpret it as she sees fit.  

A compliment on attractiveness means you've been paying attention to how attractive they are.  And, when a man pays attention to physical attractiveness, what else does one expect they're thinking, hm?


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## ssampier (Dec 3, 2005)

I don't think it was a big deal. I think most inter-gender communication can be misconstrued as flirting, which in many cases is innocent. At least you didn't compliment her butt or ask if she's free Friday night.  



			
				Rel said:
			
		

> I just got out of the shower and had a sudden change of heart about this whole situation.  I forgot I'm wearing Axe deoderant and body spray now.  I can't be going around telling women that they have pretty eyes!
> 
> I leave and the poor girl is left standing there with the burning desire to have sex with me in an elevator.
> 
> I may have to selectively give compliments in the future at times when I don't smell so damn sexy.  *Shakes fist at sky*  _Good Hygene!  How you burden me with moral dilemmas!_




Hmm, I put on Axe body spray this morning, but I don't recall being jumped by beautiful women. Then again I didn't read _Rel's Guide to Pumpkin Toting_, maybe I should?


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## fusangite (Dec 3, 2005)

Crazy Hedgehog said:
			
		

> Now I feel I've betrayed my wife and hurt a friend, when I was trying to be nice and say that she was a very special person.  Any advice would be appreciated.



I'm glad you're raising this whole issue of how this sort of thing reflects back on marriage. I notice I'm one of the few people on the thread so far to suggest that Rel is needlessly multiplying the number of secrets he has from his wife, for no good purpose.

As for your situation, the best thing to do is act like the whole thing never happened. Eventually, the feelings of awkwardness will subside. No action you take, however, will accelerate this process.


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## Umbran (Dec 3, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> I notice I'm one of the few people on the thread so far to suggest that Rel is needlessly multiplying the number of secrets he has from his wife, for no good purpose.




I don't think he's doing any such thing.

I don't always tell my wife what I had for lunch, or the details of every conversation I had with my coworkers.  But that's not keeping secrets, it's just not cluttering up what little time we have together with irrelevancies.   

A spouse is allowed to have interations with other human beings without discussing them in detail with their partners.  So long as Rel has no intention of doing anything more deep than give the complement, then there is no "secret".  That interaction does not infringe upon the husband-wife bond in the slightest.  It is a non-issue.  

Or, it _should_ be a non-issue.  If there's such a lack of trust between a married couple that a complement would be an issue, then that lack of trust is the problem, not the "secret".


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## Desdichado (Dec 4, 2005)

Umbran said:
			
		

> Wsell, a large part of this is not how _you_ would see it or interpret it, now is it?  It's that darned free will - people take things from their own frame of reference, not ours.  She'll interpret it as she sees fit.



I didn't say it had anything to do whatsoever with how I'd interpret it; I said I don't see how she could interpret it any other way.  She may be completely unlike anyone else I've ever met, and interpret it differently anyway, but when a complete stranger that you've known for fifteen minutes gives you a compliment as he walks out of your life never to be seen again, that's hardly flirting.  It's only flirting if there's an undercurrent of sexuality there; an undercurrent of going somewhere else, even if it's just playful and not serious.  This is just saying something nice.


			
				Umbran said:
			
		

> A compliment on attractiveness means you've been paying attention to how attractive they are.  And, when a man pays attention to physical attractiveness, what else does one expect they're thinking, hm?



Umbran, I know you like to argue, but how can you make this statement and then turn around and tell fusangite that there's no reason to tell his wife because it's so completely irrelevant and inconsequential?  Your habit of playing devil's advocate has you apparently taking both sides of a discussion in the same thread.

Either it's flirting and means something, or it isn't and it doesn't.  You can't have it both ways.  Which do you think?


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## nerfherder (Dec 4, 2005)

Umbran said:
			
		

> I don't think he's doing any such thing.
> 
> I don't always tell my wife what I had for lunch, or the details of every conversation I had with my coworkers.  But that's not keeping secrets, it's just not cluttering up what little time we have together with irrelevancies.
> 
> ...



Couldn't have put it better myself.

Cheers,
Liam


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## Kahuna Burger (Dec 4, 2005)

Umbran said:
			
		

> I don't think he's doing any such thing.
> 
> I don't always tell my wife what I had for lunch, or the details of every conversation I had with my coworkers.  But that's not keeping secrets, it's just not cluttering up what little time we have together with irrelevancies.
> 
> ...




I disagree that he's "not keeping secrets". You don't tell your wife what you had for lunch because it doesn't occur to you to mention it, therefore it is not a secret. But If you are talking to your wife and you think about something good you had for lunch then think "She would get mad if she knew I was breaking my diet" and thus *decide* to omit that peice of info that might have come up naturally, you are now keeping a secret. 

Of course he's "allowed" to not tell her. But if the interaction is weighing enough on his mind to post about it here *and* has made a consious choice not to mention it to her, that qualifies, to me, as a kept secret. Throwing it onto a percieved lack of trust on the wife's problem or her making it an issue misses the point. His wife, as a girl he considers pretty, is the perfect person to ask how she would have felt in such a situation. But he has instead decided to keep it from her. Whether this is "ok" so as not to hurt her feelings is another subject. But its definitly a secret.


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## Teflon Billy (Dec 4, 2005)

I don't bother unless I am trying to start something romantic with the woman.

Mostly, becasue it would likely send the wrong message. 

Just about any version of "you're pretty" is what most people _would_ be using if they were trying to pick a woman up. how is she expected to distinguish between "harmless" complements on her appearance, and "meaningful" ones? 

She can't. They're identical.

There is a reason you are leary of telling your wife about this Rel, it's because "complements on appearance" are a subset of a larger group of actions most people know as "flirting".

I will occsionally complement someone on their hair, but that's in a professional capacity.


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## Umbran (Dec 4, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Either it's flirting and means something, or it isn't and it doesn't.  You can't have it both ways.  Which do you think?




I think that the same words can mean rather differnt things to different people.  It happens all the time - It is called "miscommunication".  Perhaps you've heard of it?  

Rel not intending to flirt has very little bearing on whether she thinks he is.  How she takes it depends on exactly what he said, how he said it, and innumerable things going on in her life and in her head.  If he's a really good communicator, he phrased his words and took a tone of voice that would minimize the likelyhood that she misunderstood.  But there's no guarantees, you know.


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## Umbran (Dec 4, 2005)

Kahuna Burger said:
			
		

> Throwing it onto a percieved lack of trust on the wife's problem or her making it an issue misses the point.




Stop right there.  Go back and re-read what I said.  I specifically chose my words carefully there - I did _not_ say it was the wife's problem. I said the distrust was the problem.  There's a world of difference there.  

I don't know the ultimate source of the problem, so I don't lay it at the feet of anyone in particular.  I just know that paying a damned compliment shouldn't be an issue for healthy adults.


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## Rel (Dec 4, 2005)

Interesting responses.

Maybe I'm guilty of making a distinction that isn't a difference but my wife would not actually be angry or hurt by knowing about this.  I don't think she'd be thrilled or encourage it either.  And I suppose that when I think about it, many decisions I make in life are based on this (to my mind) important distinction.

I'll use a great example from GenCon that at least a couple people posting in this thread are familiar with:  The Red Garter (that's a strip club for those of you not fortunate enough to have been there).  My wife is not wild about the prospect of me going to a strip club.  Nor does it infuriate her.  I'd rather go and have a good time watching mostly naked women dance around while I have a few beers and some laughs with my newfound pals.  So I do.

Since it falls into the category of "I'd rather you didn't but I'm not going to make a big deal out of it", I didn't give her a blow by blow description of it and volunteered nothing about it unless she asked me.  No need to rub her nose in it.  But I made no big effort to conceal it either.

I guess I'm saying that our marriage (like most I suspect) has been negotiated on a set of rules for various sorts of behavior.  Some are banned and will get you booted.  Some are considered ideal and win you brownie points.  Some are mildly frowned upon and might cost you a point or two.  How you want to manage your points is up to you.

Trust me when I say that I'm pretty far in the black on the brownie point scale.


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## ssampier (Dec 4, 2005)

Hmm, all this time I wanted to _Rel's Guide to Pumpkin Toting_, now I think I need the _Rel's Strange Guide to Relationships_.


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## fusangite (Dec 4, 2005)

Umbran said:
			
		

> I don't think he's doing any such thing.
> 
> I don't always tell my wife what I had for lunch, or the details of every conversation I had with my coworkers.  But that's not keeping secrets, it's just not cluttering up what little time we have together with irrelevancies.



But Rel has made it clear to us that relevance is not the thing inhibiting him telling his wife this otherwise charming story of how he made a portly pallid corporate representative's day.







> A spouse is allowed to have interations with other human beings without discussing them in detail with their partners.  So long as Rel has no intention of doing anything more deep than give the complement, then there is no "secret".



He's willing to share this story with us and not his wife. What does that tell you? 

I'm all for omitting information from one's spouse based on relevance but not based on concern regarding the spouse's reaction which is Rel's clearly-stated motive.







> That interaction does not infringe upon the husband-wife bond in the slightest.  It is a non-issue.



What was his motivation for posting it here if it is a "complete non-issue"?







> Or, it _should_ be a non-issue.  If there's such a lack of trust between a married couple that a complement would be an issue, then that lack of trust is the problem, not the "secret".



It's not about trust (correct me if I'm wrong, Rel); it's about not wanting to hurt his wife's feelings. Her insecurity does not have to be about not trusting him. It can just be about her insecurity.


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## reveal (Dec 4, 2005)

The question, then, is why post here? Did/do you feel guilty?

IME, I've found that women who get upset or jealous if you compliment another woman usually have a poor self image. If I did this and came home, here's how the conversation would have gone:

Me: I talked to this really interesting person today.

Wife: What about?

Me: Subject X. She worked in a X store and we just started a conversation. She had very pretty eyes and I told her that.

Wife: Cool. What did she look like?

Why? Because I'm an honest person and my wife knows I mean nothing but "you have pretty eyes" when I say that. She trusts me enough to know that I didn't mean anything else.

And, yes, she's sitting right here and I asked her what she'd say.


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## Rel (Dec 4, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> The question, then, is why post here? Did/do you feel guilty?




No I do not feel guilty.  I voilated nothing within my own personal moral codes nor did I do anything that I feel was a transgression against any agreement I have with wife.

The reason I posted here was because I had done some moderately lengthy examination of my own feelings (mostly because I was captive within my automobile on the hour and a half ride home) and I was curious as to how others felt about the same issues.  I thought I'd made at least a modicum of effort to pose my OP in that way and not as a "Did I do the right thing?"  I understand that if it is interpreted that way then I look like too many other threads I've seen here asking for advice and then looking for any way to avoid taking whatever advice is given.

I think there is a valid question to be asked and that is, "If your wife doesn't approve of this behavior, no matter how mildly, why did you engage in it?"  My answer to that is that it made me feel good to give a compliment and it seemed to make the recipient feel good.  My wife doesn't know about it and probably never will.  If she found out then she might raise an eyebrow and that would probably be the end of it.  Looks like a net gain in warm fuzzies to me.

Perhaps on some level it gave me a sense of freedom and rebelliousness to do something I think she would not have much cared for.  Juvenile and petty?  Most certainly.  But if this is the most harmful manner in which I ever express my urges for freedom and rebelliousnes then my wife ought to get down on her knees and thank the sweet Lord.


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## Teflon Billy (Dec 4, 2005)

Umbran said:
			
		

> ...I just know that paying a damned compliment shouldn't be an issue for healthy adults.




It shouldn't be,and in a perfect, platonic ideal of a relationship it wouldn't be.

But like I mentioned earlier, fidelity is a bit of a touchstone in our society. 

If there is no appreciable difference between the way you initiate contact for a romantic encounter (and your wife will know--from experience--that it likley starts with compliments) and the way you "innocently" compliment a "girl you think is attractive" (which is what is happening since, you know, this is a compliment on looks that is being talked about), well to quote Red Foreman..."What good could come of it?"


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## Keryn (Dec 4, 2005)

First, I guess I should introduce myself - I'm Keryn, Reveal's wife. We've been married about 9 1/2 years. 

Now, from a woman's perspective, I can tell you it makes my day to have someone compliment me, especially on my looks. I get my fair share of performance related compliments - "Wow, I couldn't have done this report without you!" or "Thanks for your help on this project." etc. I can't help but be flattered when someone notices something physical about me as a good thing. 

As to whether the guy is hitting on the girl or not, I don't care. I can usually tell if a guy is being sincere or if he's flirting or more. But to be honest, it doesn't matter. It's not like I'm going to do anything because of it. For one, I'm happily married. But more importantly, even if you're hitting on a girl, she has a choice about whether or not to allow it to continue. You can flirt all you want, but if she doesn't encourage it, nothing will come of it. 

Lastly, if Reveal were to give a compliment like that to a woman, I wouldn't care. Doesn't matter if he tells me or not. I know him well enough to know he ain't goin' anywhere. Plus, he sucks at flirting. But even if he had pumpkins as large and firm as Rel's, I wouldn't care if he told a pretty girl she had great eyes. Hell, I don't think I'd care if he told her she had a great ass and perky boobs. Now, I might object if he told her he'd love to rub his face all over them for hours and hours. 

Oh, and giving men compliments...honestly, most of them don't care enough about their appearance for it to be meaningful. Tell a guy he has great eyes and he'll look at you like you're nuts. I have no idea how he'd take it, but I just don't bother complimenting men like that. I'll tell them I like their haircut, compliment the new shirt, etc., but not things like eyes or biceps. 

Just two cents from the wife's chair.


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## ForceUser (Dec 4, 2005)

Don't get us wrong, Rel. We're not criticizing you. We've all been there and done the same thing from time to time. Being attracted to other people is part of what makes us, in a micro sense, a community, and in a macro sense, human. 

I'd like to reiterate that I think that there's nothing wrong with complimenting the young lady--heck, I do it all the time. For me, though, compliments are always an opportunity to gauge a reaction and go from there. It's like the opening move in a game of chess. I do love it so.  

Of course, I'm single and on the prowl.


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## fusangite (Dec 4, 2005)

Keryn said:
			
		

> A bunch of stuff



Reveal is a lucky man. How common do you think your perspectives are amongst women?







> Oh, and giving men compliments...honestly, most of them don't care enough about their appearance for it to be meaningful. Tell a guy he has great eyes and he'll look at you like you're nuts. I have no idea how he'd take it, but I just don't bother complimenting men like that. I'll tell them I like their haircut, compliment the new shirt, etc., but not things like eyes or biceps.



Glad to know I'm not especially atypical here in not knowing how to take compliments about things that are not a function of choices I make.


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## reveal (Dec 4, 2005)

Keryn said:
			
		

> Oh, and giving men compliments...honestly, most of them don't care enough about their appearance for it to be meaningful. Tell a guy he has great eyes and he'll look at you like you're nuts. I have no idea how he'd take it, but I just don't bother complimenting men like that. I'll tell them I like their haircut, compliment the new shirt, etc., but not things like eyes or biceps.




So all those "nice ass" compliments meant nothing?! All those years with the thighmaster for naught!


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## Kahuna Burger (Dec 4, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> I hate conversations that comment on how people look. I will compliment people on how they dress (provided the outfit looks intentional) because that's a choice they can make. I will compliment people on their obviously dyed hair (provided it is supposed to look obviously dyed) because that's a choice they can make. I don't compliment people on things about themselves they cannot control because there is nothing they can say back. And I hate it when people say anything to me about how I look (of course, I'm a guy so it's not really relevant here); it makes me very uncomfortable.



This is the way I prefer things as well. I don't want to be complimented on something that doesn't actually reflect on me as a person. I don't mind if my hubby says he likes the way I look, because thats a way of saying I make him happy. And, hey, I want him to be happy. But if anyone else says they like the way I look (which is what a physically based compliment boils down to) its just a mess of figuring out what their motivation is. bleh.


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## reveal (Dec 4, 2005)

Kahuna Burger said:
			
		

> But if anyone else says they like the way I look (which is what a physically based compliment boils down to) its just a mess of figuring out what their motivation is. bleh.




Or it could be that they like the way you look and decide to say how nice it is. To think there's always some ulterior motive behind a compliment seems very jaded.


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## Keryn (Dec 4, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> Reveal is a lucky man. How common do you think your perspectives are amongst women?




I don't think my views are shared by too many women. I've just witnessed too many angry wives complain about their husbands visiting strip clubs to think my views are normal. I don't see a problem with my man enjoying beauty where he sees it as long the only bed he's in is mine. I know that's uncommon, but the point I should stress is that compliments are meant to make people happy. If you compliment a woman, don't worry how she'll take it. We often spend too much time analyzing motives. Just be sincere and she will be flattered...guaranteed.


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## Teflon Billy (Dec 4, 2005)

ForceUser said:
			
		

> Don't get us wrong, Rel. We're not criticizing you. We've all been there and done the same thing from time to time. Being attracted to other people is part of what makes us, in a micro sense, a community, and in a macro sense, human...




He knows we aren't ragging on him (I hope!) 

I will say though that, judging from the time we spent together at Gen Con Rel, you are a fundamentally more friendly person than I am, so ther eis really no reason that our opinions on this might differ.


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## Kahuna Burger (Dec 4, 2005)

Keryn said:
			
		

> If you compliment a woman, don't worry how she'll take it. We often spend too much time analyzing motives. Just be sincere and she will be flattered...guaranteed.



While I appriciate you sharing your perspective, you cannot (and should not attempt to) make any guarantees about how "a woman" will take a compliment. Particularly a physical compliment. I am rarely flattered by them, especially from people I do not know well.


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## babomb (Dec 4, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Thankfully I've learned enough about women that I didn't compliment her by saying, "Your boobs and ass are fantastic and I assure you that, were I not married, I would delight in rubbing my face on them for hours."




"Wash, tell me I'm pretty."
"Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."
"'Cause I'm pretty?"
"Yes, because you're pretty."



			
				Keryn said:
			
		

> Oh, and giving men compliments...honestly, most of them don't care enough about their appearance for it to be meaningful. Tell a guy he has great eyes and he'll look at you like you're nuts.




Quoted for truth.


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## BOZ (Dec 4, 2005)

i'm really not a compliment giver.  i've only told a small handful of girls (besides my wife) that i like the way they look, and to girls i'm not dating it feels like a pretty awkard thing to say, unless the topic comes up in conversation.

last night, i went to a bar with some co-workers.  inebriated enough, one fellow started talking about the girl who sits behind me (the lone female in our party pointed out that the girl is young enough to be his daughter).  i said that, yes, this girl was indeed mighty cute (she is).  i would never had admitted that to the girl, and i wouldn't have made that comment in front of my wife.  it's just not smart.


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## BOZ (Dec 4, 2005)

some perspecitve on the Mrs., by the way.  terribly insecure.  if i notice a pretty girl and my eyes don't shift away quickly i'm going to hear it.    what really bothers me is when she gives me a hard time for coming home late from work or gaming or just going out in general to a party or something without her, "where were you really?  you weren't with a girl were you?" gets kind of old after awhile, no matter how many times i've tried to convince her of my honorable intentions.  :\  and then when she calms down later, she smiles and tells me, "oh i was just kidding, you know i was kidding right" but if that's supposed to be a joke it's not funny (i think she just doesn't want me to think she's as insecure as she really is).

so, no, saying that another woman is attractive in any way at all is a definite no-no unless i'm looking for an argument.


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## Cursed Quinn (Dec 4, 2005)

Compliments from people you don't know well can be kind of weird. Maybe I read too much into them, who knows? Just how I feel.


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## Umbran (Dec 4, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> But Rel has made it clear to us that relevance is not the thing inhibiting him telling his wife this otherwise charming story of how he made a portly pallid corporate representative's day.




Hm.  Perhaps you missed the point.  I wasn't asked to give Rel's opinion.  I was asked to give mine.  I did so. 



			
				Teflon Billy said:
			
		

> If there is no appreciable difference between the way you initiate contact for a romantic encounter (and your wife will know--from experience--that it likley starts with compliments) and the way you "innocently" compliment a "girl you think is attractive" (which is what is happening since, you know, this is a compliment on looks that is being talked about), well to quote Red Foreman..."What good could come of it?"




I tend to agree with you TB, but it is addressing a different angle than my original approach.  I was talking about "Is it ethical".  You're more dealing with "Is it smart?"  You practical guy, you


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## ForceUser (Dec 4, 2005)

Totally OT: Keryn, is that a Tony DiTerlizzi piece in your avatar? He's dreamy!


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## BOZ (Dec 4, 2005)

defenitely looks like Tony D's work.


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## Keryn (Dec 4, 2005)

ForceUser said:
			
		

> Totally OT: Keryn, is that a Tony DiTerlizzi piece in your avatar? He's dreamy!



Yes, it is Tony's work.


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## Turanil (Dec 4, 2005)

Umbran said:
			
		

> A compliment on attractiveness means you've been paying attention to how attractive they are.  And, when a man pays attention to physical attractiveness, what else does one expect they're thinking, hm?



I agree with this.

IMO it's okay to compliment one's hairstyle or clothing, because it's compimenting their good tastes. However, complimenting a woman on her body is akin to telling her that she is good enough as a sexual object. I see it a sexist comment rather than a compliment. Better to compliment a woman on some of her abilities, meaning that you value her as a person, not as an object fiting with your own sexual criteria.


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## reveal (Dec 4, 2005)

Wow. It's no wonder sexuality is so oppressed in society today. Physical compliments are only given when someone wants something out of you or wants to sleep with you? That's idiotic. Compliments are given for that purpose sometimes, yes. But, other times, they are given because people want to be nice.

What is so wrong with telling a girl that her eyes are pretty if they are? It's a nice thing to do. People like to be nice and people like to be treated nicely. If I tell a woman that her eyes are nice, that doesn't mean I'm going to start humping her leg.



> Compliments invite the person who is complimented to embrace a new perception of him or herself. And just as layers and layers of nacre form a pearl over an irritating grain of sand, so compliments collect around us, developing us in all our beauty.
> --Daphne Rose Kingma


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## Rel (Dec 4, 2005)

Teflon Billy said:
			
		

> He knows we aren't ragging on him (I hope!)




Even if you were, I'm a big boy and I can take it.



> I will say though that, judging from the time we spent together at Gen Con Rel, you are a fundamentally more friendly person than I am, so ther eis really no reason that our opinions on this might differ.




Thanks for the compliment but I'm not sure I understand what you're saying with regard to how that would impact whether we'd have the same opinion on the issue or not.

Nice to see the posts from Keryn here too.  I hope she'll stick around.  ENWorld needs women!


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## reveal (Dec 4, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Nice to see the posts from Keryn here too.  I hope she'll stick around.  ENWorld needs women!




Are you hitting on my wife?


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## Rel (Dec 4, 2005)

Turanil said:
			
		

> IMO it's okay to compliment one's hairstyle or clothing, because it's compimenting their good tastes. However, complimenting a woman on her body is akin to telling her that she is good enough as a sexual object. I see it a sexist comment rather than a compliment. Better to compliment a woman on some of her abilities, meaning that you value her as a person, not as an object fiting with your own sexual criteria.




Here where I live, I'd say this is not largely representative of the way women perceive compliments.  But I'd say this sentiment is probably growing.

Fortunately, "pissing off staunch feminists with no sense of humor" falls directly after "telling a girl she looks pretty" on my List Of Things I Love To Do.  :\


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## Rel (Dec 4, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Are you hitting on my wife?




Apparently, you'll know I'm hitting on her when I tell her she has pretty eyes.


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## Eridanis (Dec 4, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Are you hitting on my wife?




Who wouldn't? Her avatar has pretty eyes! 

This is one of those cases that is very situation-dependent. I was much freer with personal compliments, even those meant in a non-flirtatious way, back when I was in college. In an office environment, when you see people every day, a personal compliment is part of a larger tapestry of interactions that build up over time.

In Rel's situation, it was a one-time meeting, and certainly had less of a chance to affect anything down the road. I don't see anything wrong with it, since you were (by your own description) not flirting with her the entire conversaion, and you were genuinely moved to improve her day by giving her a nice compliment. If you had walked in there in a polyester suit and had been making suggestive comments the whole half-hour, it would have been taken in a whole different manner, I'm sure.

What is boils down to is: Gallantry is not dead in the 21st century, but it's on life support, and not everyone knows it when they see it!


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## fusangite (Dec 4, 2005)

Turanil said:
			
		

> IMO it's okay to compliment one's hairstyle or clothing, because it's compimenting their good tastes. However, complimenting a woman on her body is akin to telling her that she is good enough as a sexual object. I see it a sexist comment rather than a compliment.



Well, I guess the trick, then, is to extend to compliment only to women who won't find it sexist. Fortunately, these women are often easy to identify because they have clearly made sartorial decisions that suggest such compliments will likely be welcome.

I have the same compliment protocol as you and Umbran do. But the reason I don't compliment women on their physical features has nothing to do with their feelings; it's all about not making myself uncomfortable.

Of course, culture plays a role too. Different cultures have different expectations about men verbalizing their appreciation of a woman's appearance than others. A Rumanian friend of mine, for instance, got horribly depressed in Vancouver because men never whistled at her on the street. Her mother visited her and remarked on it too. She said to her daughter, "How can you feel like a woman living here?"

Rel is a socially clever guy living in a different culture than you. I trust him to know what is socially appropriate and to judge, on a case by case basis, which women will be appreciative of his comments. 







> Better to compliment a woman on some of her abilities, meaning that you value her as a person, not as an object fiting with your own sexual criteria.



You are making an error here too. There are beautiful women I don't find sexually attractive and women I find sexually attractive who are not beautiful. To conflate these standards is a real mistake.


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## Rel (Dec 4, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> Rel is a socially clever guy living in a different culture than you. I trust him to know what is socially appropriate and to judge, on a case by case basis, which women will be appreciative of his comments.




Again, I appreciate the compliment and I do think that I'm reasonably good at reading people.  But honestly I'm not sure that I had a huge amount of data on which to base the assumption that Jennifer would take my compliment in the manner in which it was intended.  I do think that given her job and generally helpful attitude, she was used to interacting with people and being gracious.  And her being a southerner helped my odds too.

I'll stop short of flattering myself with the idea that I "made her day" but I'm willing to bet that it gave her at least a brief emotional high to hear the compliment.  But if she is the sort of person that gets her panties in a twist because a man dared to notice and (gasp) comment on her being attractive, that's fine with me too.  Those are precisely the sort of people who I enjoy irritating.

All the more reason however to make this a parting comment rather than drop it in the middle of the conversation while I still need information from her.


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## player 2 (Dec 4, 2005)

Eridanis, are you hitting on other women?  It's a good thing that I am not insecure  

I enjoy receiving compliments and I know that not all compliments are just flirting.  And even if they are flirting with me, I determine how far it will go. (And it will NOT go anywhere because I am happily married)   And I would tell my husband about the flirting because we would both get a kick out of it.  He would also tell me if a woman was flirting with him, that is the type of relationship we have. 

To be honest, Rel's compliment would have made my day - just knowing that someone cared enough about me to pay me a compliment.  Not everything that happens between a man and a woman has to have flirting as an undertone.  People can be nice for the sake of being nice.


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## Xath (Dec 4, 2005)

Keryn said:
			
		

> I don't think my views are shared by too many women. I've just witnessed too many angry wives complain about their husbands visiting strip clubs to think my views are normal. I don't see a problem with my man enjoying beauty where he sees it as long the only bed he's in is mine. I know that's uncommon, but the point I should stress is that compliments are meant to make people happy. If you compliment a woman, don't worry how she'll take it. We often spend too much time analyzing motives. Just be sincere and she will be flattered...guaranteed.





I fall completely into your boat.


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## RangerWickett (Dec 4, 2005)

*makes mental notes*

Whistle a lot in Romania. Check.

Compliment women, but only if they want it. Check.

Never go to Canada. It'll make you not feel like a woman. Check.

*grin*


If I'm going to flirt with a girl, I'm going to talk to her for five minutes or so, and then compliment her on how fun she is to talk to. I've noticed the physical compliment I give the most is about hair, because I love hair, and it's one of the things that attracts me most. Although in my local social circle, a few people take 'hair' as a code word for 'breasts' due to a weird conversation that happened a few years ago. 'Your hair is so pert and bouncy' is a dangerous compliment to give, but 'I like how you dyed your hair' just confuses them.

If I'm not flirting, I might compliment a woman's smile, or her outfit, occasionally her hair. One time, while very drunk, I was introduced to someone's friend, and my reply was "Nice t**s." The social exiling that happened after that was rather formative in making me watch my effin' mouth when I'm around women.

I'm single, and sadly the last few women I've been interested in aren't available for silly reasons like living in South America. So, since I'm single, I try to make things clear to myself at least, and hopefully to others, by only paying physical compliments to single women if I'm attracted to them. It's not making them a sexual object; rather, it's a social cue that, 'Hey, I'm interested in you.'

I try to only objectify the people I like.

And Teflon Billy has gorgeous hair.


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## Rel (Dec 4, 2005)

RangerWickett said:
			
		

> And Teflon Billy has gorgeous hair.




Are you saying he has manboobs?


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## der_kluge (Dec 4, 2005)

I was thinking about this very thing a couple of weeks ago. I think it was because I'd seen some really attractive girl somewhere, and I thought to myself that complimenting her might really make her day.

But then, it might not. It really depends on the person. Some, as TB said, might see it as flirting and as a married guy myself, I certainly wouldn't want to put myself in that position.


Attractiveness is also relative. I don't consider myself good looking, so it's only natural that if a really beautiful woman entered the room, it would only be natural that I wouldnt' compliment her - she'd be too far out of my league. This produces the syndrom wherein sometimes, the prettiest girls in high school often end up dateless to the prom because all the guys figure they already have dates. This girl Rel saw as attractive, was in his league - a physical equal in his eyes. 

Anyway, I don't compliment people on their physical beauty. I think it would just tend to get construed in the wrong way.


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## Eridanis (Dec 4, 2005)

player 2 said:
			
		

> Eridanis, are you hitting on other women?  It's a good thing that I am not insecure




Oh, yeah - and make sure your wife doesn't read the same boards that you do.


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## Thotas (Dec 4, 2005)

Compliments are good.  No matter how little regard we have or try to have for the opinions of others, as social animals we partially rely on the cooperation and good will of others, and compliments tell us that, for whatever reason, we have something that gives us some security there.  A genuine compliment makes us all feel good, deep down, for that reason.  

Giving genuine compliments is also a good thing.  You have to find something good, whether deep or shallow, in another person to be able to give one.  There are a lot of benefits to trying to find the good in other people, both for your psychological disposition and your interactions with the outside world.

The world, though, is complicated and simple ideas get complicated when they interact with a complicated system.  (You're all RPGers, you know all about that ...)  So you should give some thought to how it might be taken when you give a compliment; the most common example, some innocent compliments of a physical nature can be taken the wrong way because they so often are used to hide an ulterior motive.  Each situation and person is different of course, and nobody is going to call it right every time.


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## ForceUser (Dec 4, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Are you saying he has manboobs?



If he did, would you suck on them?


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## Rel (Dec 4, 2005)

ForceUser said:
			
		

> If he did, would you suck on them?




This is so disturbing that I might have to unsubscribe from my own thread!   

I like TB and all.  Hell, I even gave him my tie.  But no.


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## Ferret (Dec 4, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Most of the compliments I give are performance based.





I tihnk this was good enough to forego any kind of useful info I might give.....


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## ForceUser (Dec 4, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> This is so disturbing that I might have to unsubscribe from my own thread!
> 
> I like TB and all.  Hell, I even gave him my tie.  But no.



Sorry. Had to. 

That's the sense of humor 8 years in the military leaves you with.


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## Buttercup (Dec 4, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> if it made me feel nice to give the compliment and the girl nice to hear it, what's the harm?  <-(Important question.)




No harm that I can see.  I have never been angry about having my looks complimented.  It's not like you said anything over-familiar or wolfish.  You told her she had pretty eyes.  



> I'm more inclined to pay such compliments to women for whom this might be a less common thing.  Is that the height of arrogance? <-(Not very important question, but probably.)




I don't think it's arrogance, but rather human nature.  Or if it is, then I'm arrogant too.  I am generally not willing to give the time of day to a man who's smoking hot, because he's also probably fonder of himself than anyone else could ever be.  If I'm going to flirt, it's going to be with an average or somewhat hot guy instead of the Rob Morrow type.

On a side note, the older a woman gets, the less likely it is that she'll get a compliment on her looks, and the more charming she's likely to find it.  I'm not talking about the "nice ass" type of compliment, but the kind that you gave the woman with pretty eyes.


----------



## Teflon Billy (Dec 4, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Thanks for the compliment but I'm not sure I understand what you're saying with regard to how that would impact whether we'd have the same opinion on the issue or not...




Well, what I mean is that you probably toss out compliments to people as a functionof your personality, while when I do it it's ususally as more of a "means to an end".



> Nice to see the posts from Keryn here too.  I hope she'll stick around.  ENWorld needs women!




well, hot ones anyways...er...I mean ones with nice hairstyles


----------



## Buttercup (Dec 4, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> Reveal is a lucky man. How common do you think your perspectives are amongst women?




I wouldn't be troubled if my husband complimented a strange woman's eyes or hair or clothing and so forth.  I'm honestly having a difficult time imagining how I'd feel if he told someone they had lovely, perky boobs, because I can't imagine him ever saying that.  I wouldn't be happy about him telling a woman he wanted to bed her, but again it isn't the kind of thing he'd ever say.  Do most woman feel like this?  I don't know.  I think many do.


----------



## Rel (Dec 4, 2005)

Teflon Billy said:
			
		

> Well, what I mean is that you probably toss out compliments to people as a functionof your personality, while when I do it it's ususally as more of a "means to an end".




Ah, got it.

I do try and compliment people a lot.  And as I've said before, most of the ones I offer are "performance based" rather than ones about appearance.  When somebody tells me that I've done a good job then it makes me really happy.  Not only that, it makes me want to put in more effort in general and especially for THAT individual.

So when I get really good service at a restaurant or from the guy painting my house, I always say, "You've really done an amazing job and I'm impressed.  I'm going to recommend you to my friends."  I'll even ask them for business cards to hand out sometimes.  My experience is that that person is going to do a good job for me in the future and a good job for any friends I recommend them to as well.  (I suppose that in that light it is a bit of a means to an end.)

This also makes me feel more than justified if I leave a crappy tip for crappy service or if I bitch about somebody doing a poor job.  I know that I reward good effort so I have no qualms calling out a poor job.

I'm particularly apt to give compliments on a good job under tough circumstances.  When I can tell that somebody is having a hard time doing their best but they're doing it anyway, I go out of my way to thank them.  I know too well how easy it is to let your performance slide when you feel bad or are distracted by other concerns.

This kind of brings me full circle to another memorable time when I gave a girl a compliment on her looks.  It was a hot day in the summer and I stopped in one of my favorite hamburger places to find that their AC was out.  The beautiful girl who manned the counter and fry vat had to have been hot as hell (in the temperature sense as well) but she was not only still very attractive but kept a pleasant disposition (note the common theme here: Being pleasant is attractive.  Being unpleasant is unattractive.) despite her discomfort.  As I was departing with my burger and fries (no way I was eating in there instead of the AC comfort of my office) I said, "How you stay looking so pretty in this hot kitchen is amazing but not nearly so amazing as how you stay so cheerful."

On that occasion I didn't have to wonder at how the compliment was taken.  She beamed and said, "You saying that makes it all worth it."


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 4, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> This kind of brings me full circle to another memorable time when I gave a girl a compliment on her looks.  It was a hot day in the summer and I stopped in one of my favorite hamburger places to find that their AC was out.  The beautiful girl who manned the counter and fry vat had to have been hot as hell (in the temperature sense as well) but she was not only still very attractive but kept a pleasant disposition (note the common theme here: Being pleasant is attractive.  Being unpleasant is unattractive.) despite her discomfort.  As I was departing with my burger and fries (no way I was eating in there instead of the AC comfort of my office) I said, "How you stay looking so pretty in this hot kitchen is amazing but not nearly so amazing as how you stay so cheerful."
> 
> On that occasion I didn't have to wonder at how the compliment was taken.  She beamed and said, "You saying that makes it all worth it."




Rel - you are one of the damned nicest guys in the entire world.  That story makes me happy just reading it.


----------



## reveal (Dec 4, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> Rel - you are one of the damned nicest guys in the entire world.  That story makes me happy just reading it.




I don't think he's that nice. Look at his sig. He's threatening to have me make fun of people. Now I, on the other hand, would _never_ do that to someone.


----------



## Thotas (Dec 4, 2005)

Chiming in with Queen D here.  In an earlier post, I said genuine compliments are good things in and of themselves -- and that's one of the best compliments I've ever heard of!


----------



## mythusmage (Dec 4, 2005)

Say, "Hello.". Then say, "You look good today. It was nice meeting you."

Just remember how important sincerity is. Once you've learned to fake that you should have no problems.


----------



## Rel (Dec 5, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Now I, on the other hand, would _never_ do that to someone.




I love how at the moment your sig randomizer says "Jesus loves reveal."  It goes well with the halo. 

Thank you, Queen D & Thotas.  It makes me feel good to give compliments, especially to people who know how to take them.  My wife is getting better but has not always taken compliments well.  She gets embarassed and says something self depricating to take away from what I've complimented.  I've tried to explain that the proper response is to simply say, "Thank you...

...Now make _love_ to me you WILD STALLION!"


It's a work in progress.


----------



## reveal (Dec 5, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> ...Now make _love_ to me you WILD STALLION!"
> 
> 
> It's a work in progress.




Hopefully it wasn't progressing while you were typing that.


----------



## Rel (Dec 5, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Hopefully it wasn't progressing while you were typing that.




I don't screw while typing "Jesus".  It ain't right.


----------



## reveal (Dec 5, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I don't screw while typing "Jesus".  It ain't right.




Does that mean you're wife has never shouted out "Oh God!" at the right moment? Poor woman.


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 5, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> My wife is getting better but has not always taken compliments well.  She gets embarassed and says something self depricating to take away from what I've complimented.  I've tried to explain that the proper response is to simply say, "Thank you...
> 
> ...Now make _love_ to me you WILD STALLION!"




You know, Rel... that is the _exact_ response *I* got from your wife last night when I told her that she had very nice ... eyes.


----------



## reveal (Dec 5, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> You know, Rel... that is the _exact_ response *I* got from your wife last night when I told her that she had very nice ... eyes.


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 5, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

>



 I would have bet money that that was going to be your response, reveal. hehehe.


----------



## reveal (Dec 5, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> I would have bet money that that was going to be your response, reveal. hehehe.




Why mess with success?


----------



## Angel Tarragon (Dec 5, 2005)

Every woman I know to some degree I am always complimenting them on their great looks.

What can I say? Most of the gorgeous girls I've seen and met live in CA and AZ.


----------



## DaveStebbins (Dec 5, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> (note the common theme here: Being pleasant is attractive.  Being unpleasant is unattractive.)



Quoted for truth. A great attitude almost always trumps great looks. (Both together is just wonderful!)

I'll agree with most everything Rel has said in this thread. I'm lucky enough to work in a large office and interact with several dozen women on a regular basis.   (It is a welcome change from having spent 12 years on a different floor in the same building which was 95% male engineers.) I will often give them specific compliments on how they look today. That said, I also follow several things Rel said, but did not emphasize enough. I give compliments outside of business discussions, and I almost always do it as I exit the conversation. I also generally don't compliment physical attributes unless the conversation has moved in that direction and I know the person works out or is active in maintaining their appearance.

-Dave


----------



## Rel (Dec 5, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> You know, Rel... that is the _exact_ response *I* got from your wife last night when I told her that she had very nice ... eyes.




I'll be in my bunk.


----------



## Rel (Dec 5, 2005)

DaveStebbins said:
			
		

> Quoted for truth. A great attitude almost always trumps great looks. (Both together is just wonderful!)




I used to work in a small office.  When I was first hired there was a woman who worked there who was objectively very attractive.  Tall, blonde, athletic but still curvy.  She was such a bitch to me that she ceased to be in any way attractive within a month of me starting work there.

On the other hand we hired a secretary just a week or two after I started.  She was a bit on the cute side of plain from my perspective.  But she was so sweet and nice and friendly that I became very attracted to her.  Everybody in the office (but especially the guys) were heartbroken when she moved away after a couple years.

But (and I think of this as a classic example of "people can change") the "hot woman" in the office got sick and her severe "Type A" personality was forced to slow down a lot.  I guess she did some reevaluating of her life because she came to me one day and said, "Looking back I can see that I've really not been very nice to you.  I'm sorry and I intend to change that.  I hope you'll call me on it in the future if I start acting that way again."  (I was stunned.)

Her whole attitude shifted tremendously and...you guessed it:  She became very attractive to me again.  I guess that when you get right down to it, I'm a "Personality Man".

But, all things being equal, a nice, round ass doesn't hurt.


----------



## Belen (Dec 5, 2005)

I really enjoy giving compliments to a lady; however, I no longer compliments on looks other than hair or that outfit looks good on you.  I tend to be way too nice and that has given off the wrong impression way too often.  Sometimes I have had to "be the a-hole" to correct the mistake.

As for Rel, he is one of the nicest guys I know.  It is always a pleasure to get to hang out with him.


----------



## Kid Socrates (Dec 5, 2005)

I don't know that I'd say anything like "You have nice eyes" to another woman. To me, it wouldn't seem right.

Now, I'll think lots of things. And I have a remarkably awesome girlfriend who is perfectly fine with me noticing other people, and doesn't mind when I say something like "Our new office manager 'Kate' is very attractive," or "Man, I wish 'Karen' hadn't stopped working at the leasing office, she was hot." She doesn't care when I say stuff like that because she knows that she's the only person I look at in anything more than an appreciative glance. However, I don't think she'd be thrilled if I were to tell these other women what I thought -- I think it would be very awkward. 

I think it's the conscious decision to act on it. Here is a very attractive woman, not my girlfriend, and I am in her company. No problem. When I make the conscious decision to do something about said attractiveness, I have to wonder why I'd do it. It does not help that I am not exactly a master wordsmith, and it would probably come across as a come-on of some kind, when it's not intended as such. Smooth operator, I am not.

So in short, no, I don't think I would, and if I did, I'd probably feel a twinge of guilt, warranted or not. That's just me, though.

-Matt


----------



## Rel (Dec 5, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> As for Rel, he is one of the nicest guys I know.  It is always a pleasure to get to hang out with him.




Your check is in the mail, sir.

By the way, I saw Mike at Danny's BBQ the other night and said hi to him.  He was with a bunch of guys who looked like gamers.


----------



## Rel (Dec 5, 2005)

Kid Socrates said:
			
		

> I don't know that I'd say anything like "You have nice eyes" to another woman. To me, it wouldn't seem right.




So you'd talk nice about someone behind their back but not to their face, huh?


----------



## Belen (Dec 5, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Your check is in the mail, sir.
> 
> By the way, I saw Mike at Danny's BBQ the other night and said hi to him.  He was with a bunch of guys who looked like gamers.




Mike is a big fan of Danny's BBQ.  He was probably there with his Magic:The Gathering buddies.  They hang out at the store a lot.  Of course, a lot of them game too.  You should have seen the group I had for the Worldwide Game Day.  It was a blast.  Of course, the girls supplied messloads of candy, including pixie sticks, so they all had the sugar high from Hell.


----------



## Ralts Bloodthorne (Dec 5, 2005)

A well timed, and *appropriate* compliment can brighten someone's day. It can take what is a horrible day and turn it slightly brighter, even make you feel better about yourself.

Example: The woman at the counter of Fred Meyers looked VERY frazzled, and I noticed she was wearing a Christmas time bracelet with small tokens. After she took my credit card, I complimented her on how nice it looked, and how it complimented her nail enamel.

Her whole face brightened, and she seemed to calm down.

Why? Because someone appreciated her, and recognised her efforts. Sure, it was some stranger, and sure, it wasn't that big of a deal, and no, it didn't cost me anything BUT that small thing made her feel better.

Oh, and my wife was standing next to me. It doesn't bother her.


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 5, 2005)

Umbran said:
			
		

> Rel not intending to flirt has very little bearing on whether she thinks he is.  How she takes it depends on exactly what he said, how he said it, and innumerable things going on in her life and in her head.  If he's a really good communicator, he phrased his words and took a tone of voice that would minimize the likelyhood that she misunderstood.  But there's no guarantees, you know.



Actually, it has all the bearing in the world.  If Rel intended to flirt, he wouldn't walk out of her life never to be seen again.  Even "innocent" flirting is kinda like playing chicken with infidelity, in a way, but it seems clear from context to me that this was no such thing in this case.  

And since tossing that line out as he literally walked away, it doesn't really much matter if the gal thought she was being flirted with, or merely complimented, actually.  It makes no real difference to either her or Rel whichever way she intends to interpret it.


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 5, 2005)

Kahuna Burger said:
			
		

> While I appriciate you sharing your perspective, you cannot (and should not attempt to) make any guarantees about how "a woman" will take a compliment. Particularly a physical compliment. I am rarely flattered by them, especially from people I do not know well.





			
				Rel said:
			
		

> Fortunately, "pissing off staunch feminists with no sense of humor" falls directly after "telling a girl she looks pretty" on my List Of Things I Love To Do.



I wonder if we've had a bit of serendipity right here... :\


----------



## Rel (Dec 5, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> I wonder if we've had a bit of serendipity right here... :\




Don't fan the embers, Joshua.


----------



## diaglo (Dec 5, 2005)

having three sisters i can tell you from experience it is never a good idea to tell them what you think about anything.   

"does this make me look fat?"

fat? sis, you look like a beached whale.


----------



## reveal (Dec 5, 2005)

diaglo said:
			
		

> having three sisters i can tell you from experience it is never a good idea to tell them what you think about anything.
> 
> "does this make me look fat?"
> 
> fat? sis, you look like a beached whale.




Wife: Honey, do these pants make my ass look big?

Ex-husband: No, your ass makes your ass look big.


----------



## reveal (Dec 5, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Don't fan the embers, Joshua.




I think she could use a good "fire stoking."


----------



## Dark Jezter (Dec 5, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Wife: Honey, do these pants make my ass look big?
> 
> Ex-husband: No, your ass makes your ass look big.




Or, as Al Bundy phrased it on an episode of Married With Children...

"It's not the dress that makes you look fat.  It's the fat that makes you look fat."


----------



## Rel (Dec 5, 2005)

diaglo said:
			
		

> fat? sis, you look like a beached whale.




=! a compliment!

More questionable is this exchange:

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

"I am so HOT for fat women!"


----------



## diaglo (Dec 5, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> =! a compliment!
> 
> More questionable is this exchange:
> 
> ...





must apply acid to brain now... i am sooooo scarred for life.


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 5, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> More questionable is this exchange:
> 
> "Does this dress make me look fat?"
> 
> "I am so HOT for fat women!"



I personally like the response, "More cushion for the pushin', bay-bee!"

But not to my sister...


----------



## Umbran (Dec 5, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Actually, it has all the bearing in the world.  If Rel intended to flirt, he wouldn't walk out of her life never to be seen again.




*shrug*  From her point of view, he might have turned and walked away because her response was too slow, or what have you.  For all I know, she might have thought that he was a stalker making his first pass.  Or, she could have been thinking about paperclips.  We don't know.  



> Even "innocent" flirting is kinda like playing chicken with infidelity, in a way




In the same way that you can play chicken in a car when the brake is on and the car's not in gear?  You aren't playing chicken unless there's a chance of a collision.  



> And since tossing that line out as he literally walked away, it doesn't really much matter if the gal thought she was being flirted with, or merely complimented, actually.  It makes no real difference to either her or Rel whichever way she intends to interpret it.




Yep.  If Rel never has reasonable expectation that he'll not interact with this person again, it probably doesn't make a whole lot of difference.  And since he internally didn't mean anything by it, it's pretty much a non-issue, like I said in the first place


----------



## Rel (Dec 5, 2005)

Umbran said:
			
		

> If Rel never has reasonable expectation that he'll not interact with this person again, it probably doesn't make a whole lot of difference.  And since he internally didn't mean anything by it, it's pretty much a non-issue, like I said in the first place




Well if I ever have property inspection work to do in that city again, she's the first person I'm calling.  If I massively offended her, and if she remembers me, then I'll have messed up a potentially valuable information resource.  If she enjoyed the compliment, and if she remembers me, then I'll probably have an even easier time getting the necessary info next time.  I'm willing to take my chances.

This was part of the information I was curious about when I started this thread.  "Do people really analyze interactions like this with a Worst Case Scenario in mind and does that Scenario dictate their course of action?"


----------



## Ralts Bloodthorne (Dec 5, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> This was part of the information I was curious about when I started this thread.  "Do people really analyze interactions like this with a Worst Case Scenario in mind and does that Scenario dictate their course of action?"



Yes, but I analyze everything, and the WCS influences my actions.

But that's me.

"I expect the worst, that way I'm never shocked, but I'm often pleasantly surprised."


----------



## Rel (Dec 5, 2005)

Warlord Ralts said:
			
		

> Yes, but I analyze everything, and the WCS influences my actions.
> 
> But that's me.




That's well within your rights.  But let me ask this:  What if your little girl wants to go get some ice cream?

What's the worst case scenario?  That you could be killed in a car crash on the way to the shop?  Or somebody might try and rob the shop at gunpoint and kill you both?  It seems unlikely but it could happen.  Does that mean you skip the ice cream?

I Suppose that on some level I consider the WCS of actions I'm about to take.  But that is a very fleeting thing.  I focus on the likely outcome and not only the risks but the rewards.  My little girl gives me a huge smile and tells me I'm the "best daddy in the world" when I buy her ice cream. That is one hell of a reward.

For me it's the same with the compliment.  Maybe she'll think I'm stalking her and call the cops.  Maybe she'll be mortally offended and feel rotten for the rest of the day (I've already mentioned that I don't necessarily consider this to be a totally bad thing).  Odds are good that she'll smile and thank me and be happy for a while that somebody said something nice about her.  To me, the risk is worth the reward.

Life is risk.  If I'm not risking, I'm not living.


----------



## Henry (Dec 5, 2005)

I hardly ever compliment a woman's physical appearance, but mainly because I read people in person like I read a book behind brick, and I'd rather be known as "nice" and "complimentary" than "flirty." Were I single again, I'd undoubtedly change this, but as long as my wife knows I still find her attractive, funny, and a huge part of what makes me a whole person, then I find fewer complications.

If I'm ever single again, though, I'm applying for apprenticeship at the dojo of Sensei Teflon Billy.


----------



## Kid Socrates (Dec 5, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> So you'd talk nice about someone behind their back but not to their face, huh?




As weird as that sounds, said out in the open like that, yeah. Not because I don't think highly enough of them, but because I think higher of the people I'm with. If my girlfriend went around telling all these attractive men how attractive they are, well, I think part of me would start to feel slighted or overlooked. Same goes for her.

I am indeed a vicious compliment-spreading fiend.


----------



## Ralts Bloodthorne (Dec 5, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> That's well within your rights.  But let me ask this:  What if your little girl wants to go get some ice cream?



How long is going to take to get there? What's the traffic like? Do I have the cash? Has she done her homework? How are the brakes in the van? Do we have the gas? Am I expecting an important call from overseas?

Nope. It's go time.



> What's the worst case scenario?  That you could be killed in a car crash on the way to the shop?  Or somebody might try and rob the shop at gunpoint and kill you both?  It seems unlikely but it could happen.  Does that mean you skip the ice cream?



HAH!

No. It's just that it wouldn't shock me if it did.

Those are out of my control, and considered uncontrollable variables.

Do you just grab the kid, throw her into the van, yank out in traffic, drive 200 MPH to the store, and crash the vehicle through the front of the store?

No.


> I Suppose that on some level I consider the WCS of actions I'm about to take.  But that is a very fleeting thing.  I focus on the likely outcome and not only the risks but the rewards.  My little girl gives me a huge smile and tells me I'm the "best daddy in the world" when I buy her ice cream. That is one hell of a reward.



Yup, and the reason I do.

I still run through worst case really fast. Everything that can go wrong. Which is why, sometimes, it's "No, honey, we can't, Uncle Lurch is going to call soon from Iraq."

Worst Case: Miss the 1 time a month phone call OR She has to wait.



> For me it's the same with the compliment.  Maybe she'll think I'm stalking her and call the cops.  Maybe she'll be mortally offended and feel rotten for the rest of the day (I've already mentioned that I don't necessarily consider this to be a totally bad thing).  Odds are good that she'll smile and thank me and be happy for a while that somebody said something nice about her.  To me, the risk is worth the reward.



That's it, right there. Risk VS Outcome.

A little compliment carries little risk to you and me, some people with jealous SO's don't dare to give that little compliment (The outcome of 4 hours of drama queen low self-esteem control freak crap isn't worth it), and some people don't care.



> Life is risk.  If I'm not risking, I'm not living.



I agree with that.

Man, we got a lot of milage out of me stating that I do take into account WCS when I make a decision, didn't we?


----------



## Kahuna Burger (Dec 5, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> I wonder if we've had a bit of serendipity right here... :\



Since I don't read that poster, I have no idea of the context, but I do love the "No one reasonable would mind what I do... anyone who minds what I do is therefore unreasonable" bit of question begging that always arises in these sorts of situations.


----------



## Ralts Bloodthorne (Dec 5, 2005)

Kahuna Burger said:
			
		

> Since I don't read that poster, I have no idea of the context, but I do love the "No one reasonable would mind what I do... anyone who minds what I do is therefore unreasonable" bit of question begging that always arises in these sorts of situations.



What?

The words are English, but I don't quite understand.


----------



## Rel (Dec 5, 2005)

Warlord Ralts said:
			
		

> What?
> 
> The words are English, but I don't quite understand.




I think that Kahuna is saying that I'm on her Ignore list.  If true then it means that she's not reading what I'm writing right now.  Be that as it potentially may, I'll be happy to respond to her saying:



> "No one reasonable would mind what I do... anyone who minds what I do is therefore unreasonable"




A tautology to be sure!

There are people in life who very much enjoy a good compliment worded in a respectful manner.  There are also people in life who are looking to be offended.  I am more than happy to oblige both groups, especially if they have pretty eyes.


----------



## Belen (Dec 5, 2005)

I am surprised that Rel could be on anyone's ignore list.  Me, on the other hand, I would not be that surprised.


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 5, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> I am surprised that Rel could be on anyone's ignore list.



Especially someone who is obviously still reading _my_ posts.    

And I don't think I understood the quote at all either.


----------



## Teflon Billy (Dec 5, 2005)

Kahuna Burger said:
			
		

> Since I don't read that poster, I have no idea of the context, but I do love the "No one reasonable would mind what I do... anyone who minds what I do is therefore unreasonable" bit of question begging that always arises in these sorts of situations.




The originator of this whole thread--the one whose situation is being discussed here--is on your ignore list?

What are you doing here?


----------



## reveal (Dec 5, 2005)

Teflon Billy said:
			
		

> The originator of this whole thread--the one whose situation is being discussed here--is on your ignore list?
> 
> What are you doing here?


----------



## fusangite (Dec 6, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I'll be in my bunk.



You're referencing _Firefly_ aren't you?


----------



## ForceUser (Dec 6, 2005)

Teflon Billy said:
			
		

> The originator of this whole thread--the one whose situation is being discussed here--is on your ignore list?
> 
> What are you doing here?



Dislike Rel?

Does...not...compute.


----------



## BOZ (Dec 6, 2005)

it's the pumpkins in the avatar.  now i hate him too.


----------



## Del (Dec 6, 2005)

Telling a woman "yer purty" doesn't work in my judgment. "You look great!" goes over much better.


----------



## RangerWickett (Dec 6, 2005)

Except in Romania, where anyting so sophisticated as not making catcalls is an insult to a woman's right to be a babe, apparently.

Y'know, honestly, I'd like to be catcalled at once or twice, and have it be legitimate. Sure, there's this one girl who callls me a sexy man best or a rippling tower of manliness or a syrup-soaked pancake of asshattery, but I really can't tell when she's being serious.


----------



## ForceUser (Dec 6, 2005)

RangerWickett said:
			
		

> Except in Romania, where anyting so sophisticated as not making catcalls is an insult to a woman's right to be a babe, apparently.
> 
> Y'know, honestly, I'd like to be catcalled at once or twice, and have it be legitimate. Sure, there's this one girl who callls me a sexy man best or a rippling tower of manliness or a syrup-soaked pancake of asshattery, but I really can't tell when she's being serious.



The asshattery part, I think.


----------



## Dark Jezter (Dec 6, 2005)

ForceUser said:
			
		

> Dislike Rel?
> 
> Does...not...compute.



 It's pumpkin envy.  In fact, most of the world's problems can be traced back to pumpkin envy:  Corruption, crime, genocide, war, terrorism, Michael Bolton music, you name it.


----------



## Kahuna Burger (Dec 6, 2005)

Teflon Billy said:
			
		

> The originator of this whole thread--the one whose situation is being discussed here--is on your ignore list?
> 
> What are you doing here?



reading posts and responding to things people say. Are you under the impression that the orriginator of a thread somehow owns the entire conversation that results from the first post?


----------



## reveal (Dec 6, 2005)

Kahuna Burger said:
			
		

> reading posts and responding to things people say. Are you under the impression that the orriginator of a thread somehow owns the entire conversation that results from the first post?




How did you even see the thread if you have Rel on ignore and, if you do have Rel on ignore, why even bother reading the thread? Just so you can spread a little "wisdom?" Your opinions aren't so important that people are clamoring to read them if they have nothing to do with the original post.


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 6, 2005)

hmmm, interesting topic...my experiences on the subject:

1. My wife doesn't mind, but I also share these types of events if they are memorable - "yes honey, the hot girl behind the counter was checking me out..."

2. If I am talking to an attractive female, I am probably flirting (sad, I know, but it's what I do - it's who I am)...

3. The look that I receive more often than I would like to admit suggests that the attractive lady has recently seen a stalker (I usually assume it was the guy she talked to just before I arrived)...

4. The rare times that attention is returned sets off warning bells that should warn me of the dangers of flirtation (I usually ignore the warning bells, extract myself from the situation as gracefully as possible and learn absolutely nothing from the situation)...

Anyway, I am a hopeless flirt and my wife understands and accepts this.  If she were to have reservations about my behavior, I would change, but thankfully she hasn't.

Later...


----------



## BOZ (Dec 6, 2005)

Dark Jezter said:
			
		

> Michael Bolton music




"I told those fudge-packers that I like Michael Bolton's music. God."


----------



## mythusmage (Dec 6, 2005)

Her: Does this make me look fat?

Him: You know ...

When that item of clothing has been removed you can move on to the next. Do it right and you can get her undressed in a couple of minutes. When she's nude look at a piece of clothing you're wearing and ask her, "Does this make me look fat?"


----------



## ssampier (Dec 6, 2005)

mythusmage said:
			
		

> Her: Does this make me look fat?
> 
> Him: You know ...
> 
> When that item of clothing has been removed you can move on to the next. Do it right and you can get her undressed in a couple of minutes. When she's nude look at a piece of clothing you're wearing and ask her, "Does this make me look fat?"




Best idea evar.

Telling a women she looks fat is a good way to not be able to sleep with her.*

*I'm dating clueless, but I know that much.


----------



## Rel (Dec 6, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> You're referencing _Firefly_ aren't you?




I find it appropriate whenever hot lesbian sex is mentioned.


----------



## Rel (Dec 6, 2005)

BOZ said:
			
		

> it's the pumpkins in the avatar.  now i hate him too.




I can't have this.  And the season for the damn thing is over anyway.  So I'm going back to black!


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 6, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I can't have this.  And the season for the damn thing is over anyway.  So I'm going back to black!



 *pouts*  But, Rel!  I loved your pumpkins!


----------



## Rel (Dec 6, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> *pouts*  But, Rel!  I loved your pumpkins!




They say that the Great Pumpkin appears but once a year on Halloween.  So I guess you'll have to wait until next year to see him again.

Now climb up on Santa's lap and tell me what you want for Christmas.  You can even whisper it in my ear so it's a secret.


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

I getting in on this late, I know, but I just thought I'd chime in here.  I usually only tell women that I'm close with (my fiancee, sister, mom, grandma, close friends) when they look nice, and even then I tend to say it anyway just to make then feel good.  Other gals that I'm not close with, I don't say it.  They know they're pretty and I don't feel the need to placate their egoes with a comment.  Most women don't care to hear it or not, but some thrive off the knowledge that others think they are attactive.  Those are the women that I would much rather avoid at all costs.

Kane


----------



## ForceUser (Dec 6, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I find it appropriate whenever hot lesbian sex is mentioned.



I've never watched that show. I'm missing _lesbians_??


----------



## Staffan (Dec 6, 2005)

ForceUser said:
			
		

> I've never watched that show. I'm missing _lesbians_??



Indeed you are. Though it's only in one episode.


----------



## Belen (Dec 6, 2005)

ForceUser said:
			
		

> I've never watched that show. I'm missing _lesbians_??





And whores.  You're missing lesbians, whores, mutilated cannibals......


----------



## Thotas (Dec 6, 2005)

Rent or buy the DVDs, ForceUser.  You can't stop the signal.


----------



## BOZ (Dec 6, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I can't have this.  And the season for the damn thing is over anyway.  So I'm going back to black!




i was only kidding.


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 6, 2005)

ForceUser said:
			
		

> I've never watched that show. I'm missing _lesbians_??



... I believe the correct answer to this question is:



			
				Rel said:
			
		

> Them lesbians is EVERYWHERE these days!


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 6, 2005)

Maybe I'm just some kind of freak of nature, but I don't understand exactly why it is that straight guys get all excited about lesbians.  It's not like they're interesting in you butting in with your, er... equipment.


----------



## BOZ (Dec 6, 2005)

that's fine - they don't need to.


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 6, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Maybe I'm just some kind of freak of nature, but I don't understand exactly why it is that straight guys get all excited about lesbians.  It's not like they're interesting in you butting in with your, er... equipment.



 *chuckles*  The Universe feels the same way... and I've got to say I appreciate it.  Nothing worse than a significant other that keeps telling you how sexy it'd be if you sharing your bed with someone else.  That's like telling me I'm not pretty enough, but I'd be prettier if I was making out with this other chick.


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Maybe I'm just some kind of freak of nature, but I don't understand exactly why it is that straight guys get all excited about lesbians.  It's not like they're interesting in you butting in with your, er... equipment.



 It's everything I like to look at times two.  Even if I don't get to butt in, I can still easily enjoy the show.


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> *chuckles*  The Universe feels the same way... and I've got to say I appreciate it.  Nothing worse than a significant other that keeps telling you how sexy it'd be if you sharing your bed with someone else.  That's like telling me I'm not pretty enough, but I'd be prettier if I was making out with this other chick.



 I'd never tell my fiancee that not only for the fact that I would get hard things thrown at my head, but *I* wouldn't want to see the woman that I love having an intimate moment with anyone but me.  Strangers, though, not a problem.


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 6, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> I'd never tell my fiancee that not only for the fact that I would get hard things thrown at my head, but *I* wouldn't want to see the woman that I love having an intimate moment with anyone but me.  Strangers, though, not a problem.



In other words; QueenD, he wants to see _you_ and some other girl getting it on, and he's subtly inviting you go post pix at NTL...


----------



## Rel (Dec 6, 2005)

BOZ said:
			
		

> i was only kidding.




What makes you think that I didn't think you were kidding? 

Seriously, I had planned to only use the avatar through Halloween and Thanksgiving.  I'll either come up with something else for the new season or not.


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 6, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I'll either come up with something else for the new season or not.



Just give him time to decorate the Christmas pumpkin, and he'll have that posted as an avatar, no doubt.


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> In other words; QueenD, he wants to see _you_ and some other girl getting it on, and he's subtly inviting you go post pix at NTL...



 Easy now!  I should amend that statement by saying I prefer my strangers to be porn stars, not people I know, even only through a message board.

Thanks for putting me in that spot, JD!


----------



## Rel (Dec 6, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Maybe I'm just some kind of freak of nature, but I don't understand exactly why it is that straight guys get all excited about lesbians.  It's not like they're interesting in you butting in with your, er... equipment.




See, JD, you're confusing real life lesbians (who aren't interested in dude junk and are occasionally Rosie O'Donnell) with Fantasy Lesbians who all look like...well, Porn Stars.  Fantasy Lesbians say things like "Come and join us, big boy.  Three's company! *giggle*"  It's true.  I seen it on TV.

It's sort of the same way that gamers sometimes confuse warrior women (who are probably all scarred up and well armored) with Fantasy Warrior Women who all look like...well, Porn Stars.  Fantasy Warrior Women say things like, "Come help me slay this Troglodyte, big boy.  Once the danger is over, I can slip out of this chainmail bikini and help you polish your sword."  It's true.  I seen it in a Boris Vallejo painting.

And never the twain shall meet.


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 6, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> Easy now!  I should amend that statement by saying I prefer my strangers to be porn stars, not people I know, even only through a message board.
> 
> Thanks for putting me in that spot, JD!



 Putting *you* on the spot?!    What about ME?!

... however, I will take it as flattery and assume that JD thinks I look like a porn star.


----------



## reveal (Dec 6, 2005)

I think this song fits the thread well.

_She sits alone waiting for suggestions
He's so nervous avoiding all her questions
His lips are dry, her heart is gently pounding
Don't you just know exactly what they're thinking?

If you want my body and you think I'm sexy
Come on, sugar, let me know
If you really need me just reach out and touch me
Come on, honey, tell me so

He's acting shy looking for an answer
Come on, honey, let's spend the night together
Now hold on a minute before we go much further
Give me a dime so I can phone my mother
They catch a cab to his high rise apartment
At last he can tell her exactly what his heart meant

If you want my body and you think I'm sexy
Come on, sugar, let me know
If you really need me just reach out and touch me
Come on, honey, tell me so

His heart's beating like a drum
'Cause at last he's got his girl home
Relax, baby, now we are alone

[break]

They wake at dawn 'cause all the birds are singing
Two total strangers but that ain't what they're thinking
Outside it's cold, misty and it's raining
They got each other, neither one's complaining
He say's I'm sorry but I'm out of milk and coffee
Never mind, sugar, we can watch the early movie

If you want my body and you think I'm sexy
Come on, sugar, let me know
If you really need me just reach out and touch me
Come on, honey, tell me so
Tell me so, baby_

- Do ya think I'm sexy? by Rod Stewart


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> Putting *you* on the spot?!    What about ME?!
> 
> ... however, I will take it as flattery and assume that JD thinks I look like a porn star.



 That's an awesome way of looking at it.

I would like to hear The Universe's response to all of this...


----------



## Rel (Dec 6, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> ... however, I will take it as flattery and assume that JD thinks I look like a porn star.




I think I've just added a new compliment to my repertoire:  "You're pretty enough to be a porn star!"


----------



## Rel (Dec 6, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> I would like to hear The Universe's response to all of this...




Last time I think it was, "Oh...My...God!"

That was, IIRC, when I told Queen D that I was imagining her naked as revenge for some petty slight on her part.  I'd like to think that I'm above that sort of thing these days but I know for certain that I'm not.


----------



## reveal (Dec 6, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I think I've just added a new compliment to my repertoire:  "You're pretty enough to be a porn star!"




Just make sure not to start that sentence, "From behind...."


----------



## Belen (Dec 6, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Last time I think it was, "Oh...My...God!"
> 
> That was, IIRC, when I told Queen D that I was imagining her naked as revenge for some petty slight on her part.  I'd like to think that I'm above that sort of thing these days but I know for certain that I'm not.




That's it.  I am wearing lead at the next game day!


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> That's it.  I am wearing lead at the next game day!



 Won't work.  It's like a woman covered in bulky layers in the winter.  My mind can easily strip all that away...


----------



## Belen (Dec 6, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> Won't work.  It's like a woman covered in bulky layers in the winter.  My mind can easily strip all that away...




Must...go...wash....brain...in....ajax....


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> Must...go...wash....brain...in....ajax....



 Easy with the ajax.  Soap and water will do just fine and put a nice sheen on the frontal lobe.


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 6, 2005)

This thread really won't be complete until the Universe chimes in and tells us to knock it off.  It'll be like the climax of the thread, and yes, I do mean it that way.  Be sure and tell him to drop by, QD!


----------



## Belen (Dec 6, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> This thread really won't be complete until the Universe chimes in and tells us to knock it off.  It'll be like the climax of the thread, and yes, I do mean it that way.  Be sure and tell him to drop by, QD!




What is he going to knock off?


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 6, 2005)

Maybe he'll knock one of us up?


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Maybe he'll knock one of us up?



 I don't know about "up", but possibly out...


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 6, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> I don't know about "up", but possibly out...



 I certainly hope TU isn't knocking anyone up that *isn't* yours truly.  If he is, I'd be forced to kill him.


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> I certainly hope TU isn't knocking anyone up that *isn't* yours truly.  If he is, I'd be forced to kill him.



 I knew there was a dark side underneath that sunny exterior.  (Emotionally speaking here, Universe, not a reference to QueenD naked!  )


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 6, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> I knew there was a dark side underneath that sunny exterior.  (Emotionally speaking here, Universe, not a reference to QueenD naked!  )



 I don't know if I'd call it a "dark side" so much as I would a murderous jealous streak.


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 6, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> I knew there was a dark side underneath that sunny exterior.



Are you saying QD doesn't have tan lines?


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> I don't know if I'd call it a "dark side" so much as I would a murderous jealous streak.



 That's pretty dark to me!  My dark side is pretty much jerky comments and perverted thoughts, your's is MURDER!!!


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 6, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> That's pretty dark to me!  My dark side is pretty much jerky comments and perverted thoughts, your's is MURDER!!!



 Eh... you say potato...


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Are you saying QD doesn't have tan lines?



 Emotionally!!!  You're just trying to get Universe to sock me aren't you?


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> Eh... you say potato...



 Remind me never to cross you should we ever meet at GenCon!


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 6, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> Remind me never to cross you should we ever meet at GenCon!



 Don't worry!  Those "dark" standards only apply to the husband... I take the whole "vows" thing very seriously.  *insert meanie evil face*  Especially the "til death do us part" stuff!


----------



## reveal (Dec 6, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> Remind me never to cross you should we ever meet at GenCon!




She'll kill you with her smile.


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 6, 2005)

Got it.  I'll make a mental note: next time me and The_Universe get it on, we'll wear a condom.  No knocking up 'round here, no, ma'am.


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> Don't worry!  Those "dark" standards only apply to the husband... I take the whole "vows" thing very seriously.  *insert meanie evil face*  Especially the "til death do us part" stuff!



I can see that!

In all honesty, my fiancee is the same way.  Me, I'd just pack up my stuff and leave...rather pissed, but I'd leave.  She would leave nothing but a bloody trail of me across the floor!


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 6, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> I can see that!
> 
> In all honesty, my fiancee is the same way.  Me, I'd just pack up my stuff and leave...rather pissed, but I'd leave.  She would leave nothing but a bloody trail of me across the floor!



 Aren't women the GREATEST?!


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 6, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Got it.  I'll make a mental note: next time me and The_Universe get it on, we'll wear a condom.  No knocking up 'round here, no, ma'am.



 Oh, JD!  TOO FAR!  *shudders*


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 6, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> She'll kill you with her smile.



 Why did it get all flowery smelling in here all of a sudden?


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 6, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> Oh, JD!  TOO FAR!  *shudders*



Yeah, but you have to admit: I'm dead sexy! 

Here's a pic of me this last Halloween.  I went as Liberace dressed as Cleopatra.


----------



## Joshua Randall (Dec 6, 2005)

Well, I'm insinuating myself into this thread quite late (and after it has already degenerated^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H advanced into sexual innuendo), but...

I used to compliment the pretty girls all the time. Then I started working in an office environment, and had the fear of God* put into me by sexual harrassment laws.

* if God were a vicious, small-minder lawyer, that is

I think that in your typical corporate environment, it is *extremely* unadvisable to compliment a woman on her looks. You're risking career suicide.

So, I can only say, *Rel, I salute you!* Keep the compliments flowin'. It's good karma.


----------



## Ralts Bloodthorne (Dec 7, 2005)

Joshua Randall said:
			
		

> I used to compliment the pretty girls all the time. Then I started working in an office environment, and had the fear of God* put into me by sexual harrassment laws.
> 
> * if God were a vicious, small-minder lawyer, that is
> 
> I think that in your typical corporate environment, it is *extremely* unadvisable to compliment a woman on her looks. You're risking career suicide.



Sadly...

QFT

A friend of mine said your better off staring at your own feet and mumbling whenever you have to talk to a female coworker, that it was getting bad enough that staring them in the face would get you slapped with a lawsuit.


----------



## DaveStebbins (Dec 7, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> Nothing worse than a significant other that keeps telling you how sexy it'd be if you sharing your bed with someone else.  That's like telling me I'm not pretty enough, but I'd be prettier if I was making out with this other chick.



No, it really means that you're _plenty_ pretty enough, but EVERY woman is prettier when they're making out with another chick. It's like a great-looking car - _everyone_ looks better in a great-looking car.

Just one of those facts of life.   

-Dave
(who drives a cheap compact car  )


----------



## Umbran (Dec 7, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Seriously, I had planned to only use the avatar through Halloween and Thanksgiving.  I'll either come up with something else for the new season or not.




So, with the last one showing off your amazing, firm pumpkins, is the next one going to showcase your enormous reindeer?


----------



## Henry (Dec 7, 2005)

Umbran said:
			
		

> So, with the last one showing off your amazing, firm pumpkins, is the next one going to showcase your enormous reindeer?




Belen, hand me that ajax, please?!


----------



## Belen (Dec 7, 2005)

Henry said:
			
		

> Belen, hand me that ajax, please?!




Any time, Henry, ajax makes it all go away.


----------



## Rel (Dec 7, 2005)

Umbran said:
			
		

> So, with the last one showing off your amazing, firm pumpkins, is the next one going to showcase your enormous reindeer?




No offense, Umbran, but for holiday inuendo, I prefer "yule log" as my double entendre of choice.  It's more...cylindrical than reindeer.


----------



## Belen (Dec 7, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> No offense, Umbran, but for holiday inuendo, I prefer "yule log" as my double entendre of choice.  It's more...cylindrical than reindeer.




A Yule Log for the man who imitates Yule Brenner?


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 7, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> No offense, Umbran, but for holiday inuendo, I prefer "yule log" as my double entendre of choice.  It's more...cylindrical than reindeer.



 Hehehehe...log...hehehehe


----------



## Rel (Dec 8, 2005)

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> Hehehehe...log...hehehehe




"It's big, it's fun and it's wood!"


----------



## reveal (Dec 8, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> "It's big, it's fun and it's wood!"




"It's better than bad, it's good!"


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 8, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> "It's better than bad, it's good!"



 [singing] "Everyone wants a Log... You're going to love it Log... Come on and get your Log..." [/singing]


----------



## reveal (Dec 8, 2005)

_What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor's dog? 
What's great for a snack and fits on your back? 
It's Log, Log, Log!






It's Log, Log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's Log, Log, it's better than bad, it's good!
Everyone wants a log! You're gonna love it, Log!
Come on and get your log! Everyone needs a Log!_






*Log RULES!*


----------



## BOZ (Dec 8, 2005)

way better than Slinky.


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 8, 2005)

Sure, first the thread makes me feel like maybe I'm some perv-stalker-creepo for telling the girls they're pretty.  Then I feel bad for not telling Rel he's pretty.  Now I miss Ren and Stimpy...

Simple conclusion - girls don't care if you tell them they're pretty, as long as you give them your log...


----------



## Belen (Dec 8, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> Simple conclusion - girls don't care if you tell them they're pretty, as long as you give them your log...




Nope.  You are required to tell them that they are pretty and pray that they give you a license to log.  In many cases, you provide compliments and gifts and still pray.  

The only time you do not need compliments is when you pay to play.  Even then, you may wish to provide a compliment as a tip.


----------



## fusangite (Dec 8, 2005)

How are we getting away with this thread continuing? Hasn't it violated virtually all the rules for the forum?


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 8, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> How are we getting away with this thread continuing? Hasn't it violated virtually all the rules for the forum?




I'm sure that there a couple more that we can break.  We just have to think of the funniest way to break them...


----------



## nakia (Dec 8, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> I'm sure that there a couple more that we can break.  We just have to think of the funniest way to break them...




How about a religion that worships Rel's log?


----------



## reveal (Dec 8, 2005)

nakia said:
			
		

> How about a religion that worships Rel's log?




He'd be the only member.


----------



## nakia (Dec 8, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> He'd be the only member.




[Beavis]You said "member." [/Beavis]


----------



## fusangite (Dec 8, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> I'm sure that there a couple more that we can break.  We just have to think of the funniest way to break them...



And now for our next thread, *Hitler F***s A Donkey!*


----------



## reveal (Dec 8, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> And now for our next thread, *Hitler F***s A Donkey!*


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 8, 2005)

*walks in, hears the current conversation and leaves*

I had and will have no part in this!!


----------



## Rel (Dec 8, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> And now for our next thread, *Hitler F***s A Hindu Donkey!*




Fixed it for you.  Now THAT'S breaking the forum rules!


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Fixed it for you.  Now THAT'S breaking the forum rules!




At least if we get banned, it will be in the spirit of fun, right?  By the way, I didn't realize that you would be able to post on here and worship your log at the same time...  

My bet is on three more posts before official lockdown...(I'm really not a bad person, but I play one on TV)


----------



## Rel (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> At least if we get banned, it will be in the spirit of fun, right?  By the way, I didn't realize that you would be able to post on here and worship your log at the same time...




The key to any successful religion is to get enough worshipers to handle the worshiping, freeing you up to handle administrative tasks like talking about the Almighty Log on ENWorld.


----------



## Xath (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> At least if we get banned, it will be in the spirit of fun, right?  By the way, I didn't realize that you would be able to post on here and worship your log at the same time...




Maybe he uses the mouse with his left hand.....     


And now I'm done with this thread.


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 9, 2005)

Xath said:
			
		

> Maybe he uses the mouse with his left hand.....
> 
> 
> And now I'm done with this thread.



 That's what they all say, but they all come back!


----------



## Kanegrundar (Dec 9, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> And now for our next thread, *Hitler F***s A Donkey!*



 That's some weird imagery there, and you know, I like how the thread is going down in flames.  It makes for a fun ride!


----------



## reveal (Dec 9, 2005)

Xath said:
			
		

> Maybe he uses the mouse with his left hand.....




Makes it feel like a different person. I wonder if he puts his hand to sleep first?


----------



## reveal (Dec 9, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> The key to any successful religion is to get enough worshipers to handle the worshiping, freeing you up to handle administrative tasks like talking about the Almighty Log on ENWorld.




It also helps if they have a flat head so you have someplace to put your beer.


----------



## fusangite (Dec 9, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Fixed it for you.  Now THAT'S breaking the forum rules!



I guess a cow would have been a better choice, now that I'm thinking this through. Actually, I suppose a bull...


----------



## mythusmage (Dec 9, 2005)

Trolling about log worship, _that's_ breaking the rules.


----------



## Rel (Dec 9, 2005)

Xath said:
			
		

> Maybe he uses the mouse with his left hand.....
> 
> 
> And now I'm done with this thread.





Xath - "I just totally burned you with that mouse comment."

Rel - "Yes you did."

Xath - "Then why are you smiling?"

Rel - "Because I know something you do not know."

Xath - "What might that be?"

Rel - "I...am not right handed."


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## mythusmage (Dec 9, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Xath - "I just totally burned you with that mouse comment."
> 
> Rel - "Yes you did."
> 
> ...




Don't let me catch you looking for the six-fingered poster.


----------



## BOZ (Dec 9, 2005)

you killed my father.

prepare to die.


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

Xath said:
			
		

> Maybe he uses the mouse with his left hand.....
> 
> 
> And now I'm done with this thread.




Unless he's very flexible...


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> I guess a cow would have been a better choice, now that I'm thinking this through. Actually, I suppose a bull...




Nah, the donkey brings politics into the picture (could have used an elephant, but that would have just been disturbing)...


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 9, 2005)

Xath said:
			
		

> And now I'm done with this thread.



For some reason, that sounded like one of the worst innuendos so far to me...


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> Unless he's very flexible...



Are you suggesting.... self administered BJs?!!!11one!


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Are you suggesting.... self administered BJs?!!!11one!




Me?  I suggest nothing (lest the all powerful log overhear and smite me where I stand)...


----------



## reveal (Dec 9, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Are you suggesting.... self administered BJs?!!!11one!




My best friend's girlfriend's second cousin's mom's boyfriend's third grade teacher's aunt told me Rel had two ribs removed.


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## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> My best friend's girlfriend's second cousin's mom's boyfriend's third grade teacher's aunt told me Rel had two ribs removed.




I heard that high-priests of the all mighty LOG must have two ribs removed in order to perform the ceremonial Log Bow.  In other news, it seems that only males are allowed to be high-priests of the all mighty LOG...


----------



## reveal (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> I heard that high-priests of the all mighty LOG must have two ribs removed in order to perform the ceremonial Log Bow.  In other news, it seems that only males are allowed to be high-priests of the all mighty LOG...




Females can only become high priestesses of the coveted Phytotelmata.


----------



## PowerWordDumb (Dec 9, 2005)

fusangite said:
			
		

> How are we getting away with this thread continuing? Hasn't it violated virtually all the rules for the forum?




That's easy, Turanil hasn't shown up to complain yet.


----------



## Rel (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> Me?  I suggest nothing (lest the all powerful log overhear and smite me where I stand)...




You might note that you yourself have seen me outside the house.  Ergo, I am not capable of the suggested act.


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## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> You might note that you yourself have seen me outside the house.  Ergo, I am not capable of the suggested act.




Yes, but I have not seen you inside the house, therefore your secret is still safe with you...


----------



## Droid102 (Dec 9, 2005)

Log is a hell of a drug.


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## PirateMary (Dec 9, 2005)

Mista Collins said:
			
		

> I don't understand why you wouldn't tell your wife, but that is because I am in a relationship where I am very open with my gf. She knows I give many compliments and doesn't get jealous. I guess I am lucky to be with someone doesn't have that human nature





Coming in late here, but this is very important.  Screw the theory of "what she don't know won't hurt her".  I don't know about other women but honesty is a big part of my relationship expectations.  I am honest with my husband about most everything.  Although I find it hard to be honest about what's bugging me cause it usually comes off insulting to him. Not intentionally. 
There's nothing wrong with complimenting someone.  In fact, more people should do it more often.  I used to get jealous of my husbands actions pretty bad, but we had bad communication then.  I also found out later some of the "what she don't know won't hurt her" things and it hurt worse than it would have had I known at the time.  
In short, Mista Collins has it right. Best to be open with the SO.  For no other reason than it won't come back and hit you in the bum.


----------



## reveal (Dec 9, 2005)

PirateMary said:
			
		

> For no other reason than it won't come back and hit you in the bum.




But Rel likes to be hit in the bum.


----------



## Droid102 (Dec 9, 2005)

Oh and to stay on topic (strange enough in the off topic forum), I don't think it matters Rel.  Why tell your wife?  Seems silly.


----------



## PirateMary (Dec 9, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> But Rel likes to be hit in the bum.



Well, then, carry on!


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## nakia (Dec 9, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Makes it feel like a different person. I wonder if he puts his hand to sleep first?




Wow.  _A Gone in 60 Seconds_ reference.  Impressive.


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## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

nakia said:
			
		

> Wow.  _A Gone in 60 Seconds_ reference.  Impressive.




Oh, that's where it's from...whew...I thought that he was peeking in my windows last night.


----------



## reveal (Dec 9, 2005)

nakia said:
			
		

> Wow.  _A Gone in 60 Seconds_ reference.  Impressive.




Never seen the movie.


----------



## Sniktch (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> Oh, that's where it's from...whew...I thought that he was peeking in my windows last night.




That seems closer to the truth.


----------



## nakia (Dec 9, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Never seen the movie.




Really, even though it's on TNT every other day?

That's where I first heard of "The Stranger,"  really. . .


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 9, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Never seen the movie.



You should; it's good for a laugh.  The last half hour or so is one of the best car chase scenes ever filmed, IMO.


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

Sniktch said:
			
		

> That seems closer to the truth.




Shhh, don't tell them...


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> You should; it's good for a laugh.  The last half hour or so is one of the best car chase scenes ever filmed, IMO.




Yes, it was a fun movie (of course, I have very low standards for movies)...


----------



## BOZ (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> Nah, the donkey brings politics into the picture (could have used an elephant, but that would have just been disturbing)...




an elephant can make love to a pig.


----------



## nakia (Dec 9, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> You should; it's good for a laugh.  The last half hour or so is one of the best car chase scenes ever filmed, IMO.




Right up until the really bad CGI shot of the Shelby Cobra jumping over the cars while on the bridge.

And, um, to bring the thread back "on topic" -- I bet Rel has seen _Gone in 60 Seconds_ with a pretty girl.


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

BOZ said:
			
		

> an elephant can make love to a pig.




ooh, they don't call that love...


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

nakia said:
			
		

> Right up until the really bad CGI shot of the Shelby Cobra jumping over the cars while on the bridge.
> 
> And, um, to bring the thread back "on topic" -- I bet Rel has seen _Gone in 60 Seconds_ with a pretty girl.




Whew, for a second I thought that you said, "I bet Rel has _Gone 60 Seconds_ with a pretty girl."  I was fearing Divine Log Retribution.


----------



## Sniktch (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> Whew, for a second I thought that you said, "I bet Rel has _Gone 60 Seconds_ with a pretty girl."  I was fearing Divine Log Retribution.




I'm sure he's gone at least 60 seconds before.


----------



## reveal (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> Whew, for a second I thought that you said, "I bet Rel has _Gone 60 Seconds_ with a pretty girl."  I was fearing Divine Log Retribution.




That would be _Done in 60 Seconds_.


----------



## reveal (Dec 9, 2005)

Sniktch said:
			
		

> I'm sure he's gone at least 60 seconds before.




The cowboy in his blood won't let him.


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> The cowboy in his blood won't let him.




Hey, does that mean that Rel has rodeo clowns in his bedroom too...


----------



## nakia (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> Hey, does that mean that Rel has rodeo clowns in his bedroom too...



..

There may be some Log Roping going on.


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

nakia said:
			
		

> ..
> 
> There may be some Log Roping going on.




...or low groping...


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 9, 2005)

nakia said:
			
		

> ..
> 
> There may be some Log Roping going on.



Howdy doo!  That's an image I didn't need in my head--Rel laying on the bed with his ...log standing at attention while some guy in assless chaps and a cowboy hat tries to lasso it.


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Howdy doo!  That's an image I didn't need in my head--Rel laying on the bed with his ...log standing at attention while some guy in assless chaps and a cowboy hat tries to lasso it.




Hey, that video hasn't been released for public consumption yet...


----------



## nakia (Dec 9, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Howdy doo!  That's an image I didn't need in my head--Rel laying on the bed with his ...log standing at attention while some guy in assless chaps and a cowboy hat tries to lasso it.




Thanks for sharing.  (I need a screaming in revulsion and fear smiley).


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 9, 2005)

Oh, I'm not the public--I got a contributor copy.  I was the stunt.


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 9, 2005)

nakia said:
			
		

> Thanks for sharing.  (I need a screaming in revulsion and fear smiley).



I'd prefer a "gouging out my own eyes with a ballpoint pen" smiley myself.


----------



## reveal (Dec 9, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Oh, I'm not the public--I got a contributor copy.  I was the stunt.




Someone's seen Orgasmo one to many times.


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Someone's seen Orgasmo one to many times.




I have not yet seen that epic film, perhaps one day...

But, to get back on topic - Joshua, did you suffer any rope burns?


----------



## reveal (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> I have not yet seen that epic film, perhaps one day...
> 
> But, to get back on topic - Joshua, did you suffer any rope burns?




I'm sure he had plenty of lube. Always good to keep a greased hog.


----------



## Desdichado (Dec 9, 2005)

FickleGM said:
			
		

> But, to get back on topic - Joshua, did you suffer any rope burns?



Yeah, but you know what they say: good sex always hurts.


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Yeah, but you know what they say: good sex always hurts.




As long as it is done in the name of the all mighty LOG, no sacrifice is too great...


----------



## mythusmage (Dec 9, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Yeah, but you know what they say: good sex always hurts.




So if it leaves you a catatonic mess it must be fantastic.

(Far off in her cozy home we hear Eric Noah's Grandmother mutter as she oils her handcuffs, "Paper cuts and lemon juice would have that lot whimpering for their mothers.")


----------



## Rel (Dec 9, 2005)

When I started this thread, I could never have foreseen the twists and turns it would take down such dangerous and depraved paths.  And for that I am eternally grateful. 

As for the speculation on me being a cowboy...my dad's name is Gene and my father in law is Roy.  I guess it was meant to be.

"Go west young man!  Haven't you been told,
California's full of whiskey, women and gold!"


Happy trails, y'all!


----------



## reveal (Dec 9, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> When I started this thread, I could never have foreseen the twists and turns it would take down such dangerous and depraved paths.  And for that I am eternally grateful.
> 
> As for the speculation on me being a cowboy...my dad's name is Gene and my father in law is Roy.  I guess it was meant to be.
> 
> ...




Is that why your wife complains of "8 second rides?"


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 9, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> "Go west young man!  Haven't you been told,
> California's full of whiskey, women and gold!"




*grins* I do love me some country music.


----------



## FickleGM (Dec 9, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> *grins* I do love me some country music.




Ok, but I don't take requests, here's all I could dig up (I may have changed the name):



			
				Neal McCoy's Rel's Got His Beer Goggles On said:
			
		

> Awww Yah!
> Rel’s at the bar, he’s been there all night
> First ten beers he’s had, since her goodbye
> HEY! HEY!
> ...


----------



## Rel (Dec 10, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Is that why your wife complains of "8 second rides?"




She just wishes that I wouldn't wear the damn spurs.


----------



## reveal (Dec 10, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> She just wishes that I wouldn't wear the damn spurs.




Rodeo sex: Take her from behind, grab a handful of hair, call her by the wrong name, and hold on for dear life.


----------



## Dungannon (Dec 10, 2005)

PirateMary said:
			
		

> I don't know about other women but honesty is a big part of my relationship expectations.  I am honest with my husband about most everything.



Oh God, you haven't told him about _us_ have you?


----------



## JRRNeiklot (Dec 10, 2005)

BOZ said:
			
		

> you killed my father.
> 
> prepare to die.





Stop Saying That!!


----------



## mythusmage (Dec 10, 2005)

On a button:

"My name is Con Digeo Montoya. You killed my weekend, prepare to die."


----------



## Infiniti2000 (Dec 10, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> ...call her by the wrong name..



 Her _sister's _ name, specifically, is the recommended choice.


----------



## Dungannon (Dec 10, 2005)

Infiniti2000 said:
			
		

> Her _sister's _ name, specifically, is the recommended choice.



Especially if she's a twin.


----------



## reveal (Dec 10, 2005)

Infiniti2000 said:
			
		

> Her _sister's _ name, specifically, is the recommended choice.




Her mom's name works better.


----------



## Elephant (Dec 11, 2005)

BOZ said:
			
		

> an elephant can make love to a pig.




Are you calling my wife fat?


----------



## mythusmage (Dec 11, 2005)

Elephant said:
			
		

> Are you calling my wife fat?




Yo mama's so fat ... she don't sit around the house, she uses it as a suppository.


----------



## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 11, 2005)

mythusmage said:
			
		

> Yo mama's so fat ... she don't sit around the house, she uses it as a suppository.



www.yourmom.com


----------



## babomb (Dec 11, 2005)

So, sort of on-topic, this comic made me think of this thread.


----------



## ssampier (Dec 13, 2005)

Poor pig. Some days I feel like I'm a weird combination of Pig and Rat. I have the naivete of Pig with Rat's sardonic and fatalistic outlook on life.


----------



## Hijinks (Dec 13, 2005)

> I don't think my views are shared by too many women. I've just witnessed too many angry wives complain about their husbands visiting strip clubs to think my views are normal.




I also don't mind strip clubs.  I've been in them and I usually enjoy the music and atmosphere.  I think I have a healthy attitude towards sex and relationships.  My boyfriend used to get _Playboy_, which was fine with me.  Men are visual creatures and they like to look at naked women.  I understand that and don't mind it.

If my boyfriend came to me and told me the story that was the first post of this very long thread, I wouldn't have had a problem with it at all.  

I, personally, almost never get compliments.  I grew up in a family where I was constantly critized for the way I looked, never anything positive.  I'm a plain woman, and I know that and am (usually) ok with it.  I know I'm not beautiful, and will never be.

That said, I do get offended when men who are in the same room with me make jokes about fat or ugly women, even if not directing them at me.  I may not consider myself ugly, but I do think I'm plain; I think many men that I meet think I'm less worthy of talking to than other women, because I'm less attractive.  That's just the way the world works.  Whatever.  I don't think plain people, or fat people, should naturally be the butt of jokes.  This is a sore spot with me because recently, a person I considered a friend was talking to someone sitting beside me about "one-bag women," i.e. women that you only have to put a bag over her head, as opposed to "two-bag women," which means a bag over hers, and a bag over the man's).  It hurt my feelings because I know I don't measure up to his standards of what constitutes a real woman, because I'm not beautiful.  

I do have features that I think are pretty - my eyes, hair, hands.  When I get a compliment on a feature, I cherish it.  Because they are so unusual for me.  So I would personally encourage my bf - or another man - to compliment a woman on her features, if he feels it's not something she hears enough.  From the way the original poster described the woman's reaction, it made her day.


----------



## Rel (Dec 13, 2005)

Thanks for your post, Hijinks.  If I had any remaining doubts about offering the occasional compliment, your post dispelled them.


----------

