# The Land of Lost Times Story Hour, more fun than an angered scorpion!



## Moe Ronalds (Nov 25, 2002)

Since it's been a while since my last failed campaign, I figured I'd show you my latest venture! And this time we actually got to play!

The World: The god of time, the most powerful deity in all of the planes, has been driven insane by the extreme stress of his job of keeping order in every world. In his insanity, he has combined the various time periods of the material planes onto one world. In this world, dinosaurs and advanced cybernetics both exist- though generally in separate places on the planet. 
	An unexpected side effect of the time god’s psychosis is that the intermediate gods of nature, the sun, moon, and stars, have also been driven mad. This means that snow in blistering weather is no longer a strange occurance in this world. Few druids or rangers exist, though those that do hold onto the grim, if fanatic, belief that nature will eventually be healed of the wounds that it’s mad king has bestowed upon it. 
The Cast:

Guk, The Neutral Good human Barbarian. Guk was born and raised in a lush, tropical jungle among a tribe of primitive nomads. They revered the large beasts and the monstrous Dinosaurs there like gods. Later, he found his way innadvertantly teleported into the complex urban jungle that was civilization. The wizard that brought him there taught him, taking his mental capacity beyond that of most normal people, as well as teaching him how to read, and write.

Interesting tidbit: Guk has too much HP for his own good. That       

Miros, the Chaotic Good half-elf sorcerer. Raised in a more Medieval region where elves were more common, it made sense for Miros, having the blood of one of the most magical races in his veins, to have some latent magical ability. 

Interesting tidbit: Miros’s player started playing D&D to increase his level of geekiness.

Astride, the elven chaotic good ranger. Astride was raised in the woods and trained in the art of dual-sword wielding by an older, wiser ranger. While in the woods, he dedicated his life to fighting giants- particularly ogres- when he witnessed his wise elder being killed by an ogre. 

Interesting tidbit: Miros’s player (and, actually, every player other than Guk) is a first timer so I’m making up these backstories as I go. Also, Miros for some reason doesn’t have any sort of ranged weapon. 

Kassan the True Neutral half-elf druid. Kassan grew up in a druidic circle near a large, pollution chugging factory. As a result, he’s very suspicious of urban types, especially those having anything to do with factories.

Interesting tidbit: I admit, this character’s just plain boring.

EPISODE ONE!!!

Our adventurers start off in the local tavern (duhn duhn DUHN!). They have recently decided to start adventuring with one another, to gain gold, prestige, and to purge the world of evil. However, pickings for heroic opportunity have been slim at best. They are currently sitting over a freshly brewed ale in a seedy bar, with fighting, blood, drugs and sex all around them. Surprisingly enough, the baby gold-dragon bartender seems to be participating rather eagerly. 
	Soon however, a man clad in a faux-leather jacket, boots and gloves, and baggy purple pants walks up to the adventurers. He appears to be thin, nimble, and quick. He has a playful glint in his eye and a smirk on his face. He looks at Guk (who happens to be wearing steel underwear, a helmet, boots, and a big axe), as well as his comrades (a man with a big stick wearing robes and carrying a big toad, an odd hippy down-to-nature type (who looks very out of place in a bar) and a warrior clad in all leather with two swords slung over his back) and immediately takes them to be adventurers. 
	“Hey,” he says, looking around suspiciously so as not to draw too much attention to himself, “would you guys be interested in a little… quest?” 
	Kassan frowns. “What’s in it for me?” 
	“Shut up you moron!” Guk growls.
	“Oh you’ll find out soon enough what you’ll get… I’m sure the informer will be able to handle all your questions…” 
	“Who’s the informer?” Kassan asks.
	“You’ll see… Do you follow me?”
	Miros and Estride nod at eachother a yes, as do Guk and Kassan. 
	The man leads them through a series of back alleyways. It’s sweltering hot and pitch black out, though blood and snow are both raining from the sky. Just a mile off it appears to be mid-noon. Finally, they get to a large building. The man unlocks the door and lets himself in. The party follows.
	The room is surrounded with bookshelves filled with large, dusty tomes. In the computer is a couch, a TV, and a few computers. Standing in the middle of the room is what appears to be a raptor. Astride and Miros notice that it has a pair of eyeglasses on.
	Miros considers attacking it, but decides against it.
	“Hello.” The raptor says, in a pompous british accent. “I take it you’ve come to help?”
	“Help with what?” Miros asks. 
	The raptor sighs. He removes his glasses and polishes them off. “I’m glad to see my voice to the public-“ he waves an arm at the man, “-managed to find heroes that aren’t easily baffled. I have a problem I need you to deal with. There has been a recent and massive string of kidnappings lately. All the victims have turned out to be spell casters. The kidnappers are very efficient, leaving nearly no clues behind. A few nights ago, I too was the target of one of these kidnappings. And I found something interesting.’
	“My assailants- who I unfortunately had to dispose of in self defense- were wearing strange, silver rings. Well, as any Loremaster worth his salt would be able to do, I managed to deduce that the rings were minor things capable of allowing their possessor to go without leaving even the faintest trace of a finger print. But that’s not all I could see. I immediately identified them to be of the same mass-produced craftsmanship shown by the company magicorp. My hypothesis is that a meeting with the president of magicorp could help shed some light on our situation. Unfortunately, I would be too conspicuous in public, and as for my comrade, well, a wanted-“ the raptor shot a sharp glare at his friend “-man isn’t the best person to send out talking to people in positions of public. Also, wherever the kidnapped spellcasters happen to be would be a very dangerous place indeed. And I’m afraid my friend would not be up to the challenge once he knew where to go.”
	“What’s in it for us?” Kassan asked. He was immediately met by a sharp look from Guk. 
	The raptor sighed again and rolled his eyes. “Whoever has the power to capture all those spellcasters would have access to nigh-unlimited resources. Seeing as your… kind… have an odd tendency to loot bodies, I’m sure you’ll find your reward there.”
	“Uh… sir, can we have a map so that we know where to go?” Estride asked. 
	The raptor nodded and handed them a road map with the necessary roads highlighted. The adventurers immediately left, and set out on their journey across the highways.
	Soon, the band stood before a small business building in the middle of a green field. They stepped inside. They saw a pair of Orc security guards. 
	“You! No tresspassing after 9:00! Leave the premi… the promi… leave!” One grunted. 
	“What have you to hide?” Kassan asked.
	“Nothing! But you’re tresspassing. Now leave or-“
	“We’d like to see the manager.” Guk said bluntly. 
	“No! He mustn’t be bothered! Now-“
	“What have you to hide?” Kassan asked again.
	“I said we have nothing! But you don’t either, at least not a search warrant…”
	Guk let out a mighty roar. “TELL US WHERE THE MANAGER IS NOW!!!”
	The orcs cowered back in fear. The others also attempted to intimidate the orcs. Estride, however, went into the corner to cry instead. 
	“He’s- he’s downstairs, but please! Do not bother him! He’s-“
	“Bring him to us!” Guk growled.
	“Sir! We don’t have that kind of clearance! Now please-“
	He was interrupted by the sound of gunshots and screams of joy upstairs. 
	“What was that?” Moris questioned.
	“Nothing! Please leave!”
	The adventurers ran upstairs. They were immediately greeted by a room full of pale, pimply looking “men” in dirty business clothes sitting at the computer. The sounds of gunshots and death continued.
	“Hah! I am the leetest doom haxor biotches!” One squeaked.
	“What the hell is this?” Guk said, aghast. The nerds all looked at him and immediately closed their games.
	“You’re not with management are ya?” One whimpered. 
	“Yes! Now tell me where the owner of this company is or you’re fired!”
	“If you’re from management why are you dressed like He-man?” Another one accused.
	“Who is this he-man of which you speak?!” Guk yelled. 
	“I am he-man, defender of eternia!” Kassan yelled. 
	“Come on, let’s leave this place.” Guk growled. As they left, they heard one nerd mutter. 
	“My buffy chat group is NEVER gonna believe this one…” 

More from the first session coming later (tomorrow maybe).


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## Moe Ronalds (Nov 28, 2002)

bump?


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## Malachai_rose (Dec 2, 2002)

I like the multi genre aspect to the game, heh. Talking raptors and Mega Corps in the same game with Barbarians and Wizards, seems like it will be interesting  Some of it is a little rough around the edges but the Dialog is great, I especially liked these parts, heh.
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Also, Miros for some reason doesn?t have any sort of ranged weapon.

 Hah! I am the leetest doom haxor biotches! One squeaked.

 If you?re from management why are you dressed like He-man? Another one accused.

 My buffy chat group is NEVER gonna believe this one

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Lol, I'm a sucker for l33t d00d speak  Especially when it's being used to poke fun at em a bit. Well looking forward to your next post Moe, and keep the witty banter up it really makes the post


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