# Order of the Vanguard



## Caldarion (Oct 1, 2008)

Hi all

I'm working on a session-driven story called The Order of the Vanguard.  I'm working on it on my free personal web-site, and I need feed-back on what I've done so far.  First of all, if because the story is on my personal web this is a rude thing to ask, let me know (nicely ) If this is ok, please take a look at D&D 4e The Order of the Vanguard | A Tale of Mythgara  I've never tried anything like this before, so I'll need lots of suggestions, mostly about the writing.  I appreciate the feedback.  Thanks all! Looking forward to hearing from you.


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## Caldarion (Oct 1, 2008)

Wow, no responses at all.  I really need input here, even if it's negative.  Thanks guys.


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## Caldarion (Oct 7, 2008)

HELP!!! I really need some direction and input here guys!  If the site has a glitch and you can't use the forums or journal etc., PM me at dcpev@shaw.ca  I'm kinda fumbling in the dark, and any suggestions are welcome!


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## Hairy Minotaur (Oct 11, 2008)

It's a very nice website, makes me wish I were that creative and/or motovated. 

I prefered chapter 2's writing style, chapter felt almost as if it wasn't needed as I got much more characterization from chapter 2. Perhaps chapter 1 as short as it is (compared to chapter 2) could focus more on the battle and typical tactical choices the group makes. Starting in media res is fine as long as the battle is important. Otherwise I thought chapter 2 was well written and I'd read more.


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## Caldarion (Oct 12, 2008)

Thank you for the input HM.  Much appreciated!


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## Medriev (Oct 13, 2008)

Impressed with the web site as I've posted elsewhere but just got to reading the story and loved it. The writing gripped me pretty much straight away. Keep it up!


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## Caldarion (Oct 13, 2008)

Thank you Medriev for your kind words.  I'm really enjoying working on it, but it can be slow going sometimes!  I've been working on the backgrounds for ages!!


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## Indigo Veil (Oct 26, 2008)

Nice. The site is very cleanly done, and I enjoy the artwork as a nice visual break. I agree with Minotaur--I enjoyed the writing style of Chapter 2 more than I did Chapter 1.  There's a nice balance between action exposition and dialogue, and there's enough dialogue to let the reader get a sense of the characters' personalities. I also like that the chapters are in nicely digestible chunks, so the reader doesn't feel like s/he's investing an unreasonable amount of time  into each reading. 

What's with Prelude reading like it's a mental note to yourself?  It might be nice to have some character background there for the reader to get familiar with the characters before they meet up with the rest of the party--their day-to-day lives, their hopes, etc. as a reference point to measure their progress against as they advance through the story you're putting them through.

Overall, nicely done.

Just my two cents.


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## Caldarion (Oct 26, 2008)

Thank you Indigo for your input, much appreciated.  I haven't started on the Prelude yet, and I chuckled when I read that.  Question to those who have visited the site: Is it possible for visitors to print the story?  I know I can, of course, but if I need to do something to allow others to print, I'd like to know.  For myself, I much rather print something like this out, rather than reading it on a screen.
Thanks all for visiting the site!


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