# Troll Porn



## Vraille Darkfang (Nov 18, 2007)

So, what have you put in a Treasure Horde that gives your players the willies?

I think the Troll Porn would have to be the thing that most made my players go:

'shiver', "MY EYES! "MY Poor Eyes!".

Because, if you think about it, what would be a Troll's most prized possession?

That Dagger +1 or the Programmed Illusion of Gozo-Troll-Orgy-Fest 7?

I've also put Crap in a locked Chest in an Otyugh Lair (Rare Dire Lion Poop, he sort of treated it like a Rare Wine, to be stored for a special occasion).

I've often thought that very little thought goes into the inner psychology of those critters about to be spitted (and roasted) on adventurers' swords.

I think it is high time that treasure hoards included what the actual owners considered valuable, as opposed to what the thieves (adventurers) get when they kill the monster & take his stuff.


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## Kmart Kommando (Nov 18, 2007)

Does that mean Modrons keep a stack of JPEG pron in their belt pouches?


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## Deuce Traveler (Nov 18, 2007)

I think that you would like Hackmaster since they have all sorts of this kind of humor in their modules.


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## (Psi)SeveredHead (Nov 18, 2007)

I don't think trolls have the skills for that kind of illusion-making. Picture a troll paying a PC mage for something like that. Lol!

Seriously, I think they're more into ... large toys and aiding devices. That's all I'll say on this topic, for fear of getting the thread locked.

(Okay, one more thing: what if the PCs don't immediately recognize what the items are? They carry them around and try to sell them, when the shopkeeper they sell too states exactly what they are!)


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## interwyrm (Nov 18, 2007)

Hehe. Miscellaneous 'art' objects.


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## an_idol_mind (Nov 18, 2007)

While it's not particularly disgusting, one of the PCs in my game now has a copy of Ye Olde Bathroom Reader from a b&e job in a wizard's tower.


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## QuaziquestGM (Nov 18, 2007)

A bone motif teddy found under a wizard's bed.  Then they found the framed photo in the night stand dewar of his lich girlfriend....


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## Clavis (Nov 18, 2007)

Sometimes its been the location of the treasure that created the ick factor.

Such as when the halfling PC had to pull a bag of gems out of a female ogre's.....um, special place.

It's the kind of event I love to describe in exquisite detail, emphasizing the unique visual, auditory, and olfactory elements of the experience.


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## Nifft (Nov 18, 2007)

Kmart Kommando said:
			
		

> Does that mean Modrons keep a stack of JPEG pron in their belt pouches?



 Surely Modrons would prefer a lossless format. 

Cheers, -- N


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## Relique du Madde (Nov 18, 2007)

(Psi)SeveredHead said:
			
		

> Seriously, I think they're more into ... large toys and aiding devices. That's all I'll say on this topic, for fear of getting the thread locked.




You can always throw in an "innocent" weapon and add lurid details to them...

DM: "You go into the Troll's treasure chest and find a large club that is covered with iron knobs and has a pungent smell..."
Player: Cool, it must have some sort of special power.  I'm going to take it.
DM: "Uhm... ok.. if you insist..."


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## Relique du Madde (Nov 18, 2007)

woopse double post


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## Griffith Dragonlake (Nov 18, 2007)

*Thank you Hellraiser IV*

I think the ickiest loot in my experience was when my players found a magical drum which consisted of the face of an NPC friend stretched across the frame.  Admittedly I stole the idea from a deleted scene in Hellraiser IV.  Quite effective, nonetheless.


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## Gez (Nov 18, 2007)

Relique du Madde said:
			
		

> You can always throw in an "innocent" weapon and add lurid details to them...




This reminds me of some cleverly hidden things in Morrowind. For example, you had many "dwemer ruins" here and there, the Dwemer being a race of scientists and technicians, who had created many automatons and similar mechanical wonders, until one day all the Dwemer vanished entirely, leaving behind just their tools, devices, and little heaps of dust. (The reason for their disappearance being one of the setting's mysteries.) As befit these engineers, the loot you can find in their ruins include cogs, pipes, grease, scrap metal, and so on.

Well, in one ruin (the one under Mournhold in the Tribunal extension, for those who have the game), you can find under a bed frame two heaps of dust and one dwemer tube. There's a jar of dwemer grease nearby. And there's a third heap of dust just by the slightly ajar door.


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## Savage Wombat (Nov 18, 2007)

Long ago our party found a small, ivory rod about 8" long and 2" around in the pouch of a slaver.  We carried that thing around for years (real time) despite its lack of magical ability.  The DM finally told us it was merely a "toy" as described in previous posts.


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## Kae'Yoss (Nov 18, 2007)

I haven't done anything like that. So far!

This is going to change. It really fits Rise of the Runelords. 


The only monster porn we had was a bunch of pictures that guy painted of his girlfriend, with one being her as a succubus demon (she's undergoing fiendish changes and he's hoping for succubus, of course. I mean, what do you expect from a guy who paints nekkid pictures of his girlfriend?). The players promptly sold the pictures (in the very town that girl grew up no less). 

Well, that earned them a Greed point right away.


I did have a case of players doing their own gross treasure (wasn't the DM):
We were fighting ogres, and being the greedy wizard/thief I was, I asked for loot. 
DM "Nothing much, they only had bad armour and weapons that were rusty and in bad repair"
ME "Nah, they can stick them up their a**es"
Other Player 1 "No, they can't, they're dead"
Other Player 2 "We can do it for them, though."

And they did. The noble wood elf even told the non-too-bright high elf amazone that it was a high ritual back home at court. Not something a grey elf needs to see if he's just getting over his race's usual prejudice against the other elven subraces.


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## Rechan (Nov 18, 2007)

I'd definitely expect something like this from Hobgoblins.

A picture of a male hobgoblin on a throne with a naked female human (or elf) with a steel collar and a chain bolted to his throne, forcing her to stay on her knees. 

This isn't a picture about patriarchy, or even an issue of gender, but it reflects the thinking of the Strong ruling the Weak, and the hobgoblin as the clear dominant and the woman representing the frailty of the human/demi-human races, who deserve to be ruled beneath a boot heel. 

I think it would be more intriguing to find some non-mammal porn or something like that. Such as just a box containing funny-smelling bottles in a kobold nest; the bottles represent the smell of females in heat, and the kobolds just like to take a whiff now and then and fantasize.


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## Kae'Yoss (Nov 18, 2007)

If you want sick, real sick, have mind flayer porn. Those guys don't understand humanoid sexuality (their idea of a good time is to get one of your tadpoles eat the face and brain off a human.) but they do know about really dominating slaves. I think the images of humanoids being dominated in some (what they think as) sexual way, really being humiliated in the process, would give a mindflayer an intellectual buzz. 

Of course, mind flayers are mental. In several ways. They don't paint pictures. They don't get human art. Why have something made of paint? It's a mental image, which you can "view" (well, experience) via a psionic item: If you don't know the right command thought, you experience it from the victim's point of view. 

So you think that a picture (not a photo) of a nekkid troll is going to freak your players out? Wait until you describe to them how they're suddenly some woman that is going to be molested in some horrible way, by a squid-faced monster no less. 


Don't allow a save, by the way. Saves ruin everything. Treat it as a kind-of cursed item: you have to be willing ot make it work in the first place, and willing participants don't get a save. But "forget" to mention that you need to know the hidden command thought (which nothing short of powerful magic will reveal) to get the premium program instead of the "guest" account.


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## Rechan (Nov 18, 2007)

Kae'Yoss said:
			
		

> If you want sick, real sick, have mind flayer porn. Those guys don't understand humanoid sexuality (their idea of a good time is to get one of your tadpoles eat the face and brain off a human.) but they do know about really dominating slaves. I think the images of humanoids being dominated in some (what they think as) sexual way, really being humiliated in the process, would give a mindflayer an intellectual buzz.



Dude, who do you think INVENTED hentai?  Tentacle porn came from somewhere.


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## Nifft (Nov 18, 2007)

Rechan said:
			
		

> Dude, who do you think INVENTED hentai?  Tentacle porn came from somewhere.



Probably from here.

Cheers, -- N


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## Rechan (Nov 18, 2007)

Nifft said:
			
		

> Probably from here.



Actually, I've heard that there are statues of hentai that date back to the 1600s in Japan.


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## Kae'Yoss (Nov 18, 2007)

Rechan said:
			
		

> Actually, I've heard that there are statues of hentai that date back to the 1600s in Japan.




Wasn't that the fabled Ecchi dynasty?


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## Nifft (Nov 18, 2007)

Rechan said:
			
		

> Actually, I've heard that there are statues of hentai that date back to the 1600s in Japan.



 No doubt, and thousands of years earlier if you go to India. 

That comment was aimed at tentacles in particular.

Cheers, -- N


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## Ao the Overkitty (Nov 18, 2007)

Heh.  One time, the group was busy clearing out a wererat thieves' guild den.  While searching for treasure, they ran across some wererat porn.  The look on the player's face was just priceless.


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## pawsplay (Nov 19, 2007)

If it were a WoW troll, could be kind of fascinating.


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## Rechan (Nov 19, 2007)

pawsplay said:
			
		

> If it were a WoW troll, could be kind of fascinating.



"Fascinating"?  There's internet sites for that, y'know.


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## The Grumpy Celt (Nov 19, 2007)

Most of the things I wanted to post here would make Eric's Grandmother cry.


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## Thornir Alekeg (Nov 19, 2007)

My players found rations on some orcs.  Turned out it was Elf Jerky.


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## Kae'Yoss (Nov 19, 2007)

Thornir Alekeg said:
			
		

> My players found rations on some orcs.  Turned out it was Elf Jerky.




That's old. Finding out that their enemies were eating manflesh (or humanoid flesh in general) isn't that shocking any longer. We have humans in the real world do that.

You have to describe how some enemies have soft skin. Say they got it by using baby oil. Let that last part sink in.

Or let them "play with their food". You know the Reavers quote from the Firefly pilot?


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## Semah G Noj (Nov 19, 2007)

In our age of worms campaign, The evil necromancer Filge had some rather squick-inducing zombie related porn. Filge was a creepy guy.


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## kenobi65 (Nov 19, 2007)

Kae'Yoss said:
			
		

> You have to describe how some enemies have soft skin. Say they got it by using baby oil. Let that last part sink in.




If you get corn oil from squeezing corn, and sunflower oil from squeezing sunflower seeds, where do you think baby oil comes from? 

And, do they then take what's left, and make baby powder?


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## Nifft (Nov 20, 2007)

kenobi65 said:
			
		

> where do you think baby oil comes from?



 When a mommy oil and a daddy oil love each other very much...

Cheers, -- N


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## Kmart Kommando (Nov 20, 2007)

Nifft said:
			
		

> Surely Modrons would prefer a lossless format.
> 
> Cheers, -- N



There's a certain order in compression.


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## Kae'Yoss (Nov 20, 2007)

Nifft said:
			
		

> When a mommy oil and a daddy oil love each other very much...




That's not oil...


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