# Need some stupid questions



## Morrus (Sep 12, 2013)

... for a project I'm working in with my brother.

Basically, I need a whole load of third questions for the Monty Python Holy Grail bridge keeper sequence.  So we'd start as normal for the first two:

- What is your name?
- What is your quest?

And then a whole bunch of questions to use as the third question.

(I'm sure everybody knows that the movie has two third questions: what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?; and what is your favourite colour?)


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## jonesy (Sep 12, 2013)

Morrus said:


> (I'm sure everybody knows that the movie has two third questions: what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?; and what is your favourite colour?)



He asks Sir Robin: "What is the capital of Assyria?"

And there was also this exchange following that, which they cut from the movie:
Bridgekeeper: "What.. goes black, white, black, white, black, white?"
Sir Gawain: "Uh.. Babylon?"

---

Anyways, how about:

- How are apples like oranges?
- Would you like some tea?
- How much does an elephant weigh?
- Why is the sky blue?
- Are any two things exactly the same?
- How do fish not drown?
- How much is too much sugar?
- If I go there, then I am no longer 'there'. Why is that?
- Did you bring any bisquits?
- Where is Africa?
- Is your name Frank?
- Can I shake your hand?
- If a man departs Timbuktu at midnight, and another man departs London at three in the morning, how long does it take their spouses to realize?
- What can change the nature of a man?
- What is one plus three plus two?
- Can you walk like this?
- What is in this box?
- Would you eat raw fish?
- Is there a man behind me?
- Do you feel good right now?
- How many miles from here to my house?
- Why so serious?
- Who am I?
- What's with those clothes?
- Is that a bee on your head?
- Can you cook?


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## Mark CMG (Sep 12, 2013)

How long is a piece of string?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 12, 2013)

*Lots of good questions in song lyrics:*

Who's your daddy?

Who wrote the book of love?

Who put the ram in the ramalamadingdong?

Where's that confounded bridge?

Why does it hurt when I pee?

Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful girl in the world?

What you gonna do when they come for you?

Oi! Where's the F***ing bar, John?

By the way, which one's Pink?

Is there anybody out there?

We've got spirit, yes we do!  We've got spirit, how 'bout you?

Who wants to live forever when love must die?


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## Dioltach (Sep 12, 2013)

Who let the dogs out? 

Why can't we all just get along?

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?


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## Hand of Evil (Sep 12, 2013)

Pirates or Ninja?
What is the square root of pie?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
What is the name of Kanye & Kim's baby?
Where's Waldo?
Who's the Doctor?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 12, 2013)

Does this kilt make my ass look fat?

Death, where is thy sting?

Paper or plastic?

Boxers or Briefs?

Do you want fries with that?

Can you hear me knockin'?

Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 12, 2013)

Are you kidding me?

Do I amuse you?

Do you feel lucky, punk?

Do you have a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range?

How does it look? (as asked of Riddick in _Pitch Black_...)

Isn't it ironic?


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## Morrus (Sep 12, 2013)

Awesome!  Some excellent suggestions here!  I think we'll be having fun with this!


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## MarkB (Sep 12, 2013)

Where did I leave my keys?

What is your father's maiden name?

What is the answer to this question?

Where are my marbles?

Do you know any good bridge repair men?

What is York West?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 12, 2013)

How soon is now?

Can you fly, Bobby?


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## Hand of Evil (Sep 12, 2013)

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
Are you expecting The Spanish Inquisition? 
Who's that tripping over my bridge?


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## Altamont Ravenard (Sep 12, 2013)

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

AR


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## Hand of Evil (Sep 12, 2013)

Star Trek or Star Wars? 
I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean "bad"?
Zuul was the minion on Gozer. What's Gozer?
Do you believe in U.F.O.s, astral projections, mental telepathy, E.S.P., clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full-trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster, and the theory of Atlantis?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 12, 2013)

You're a man of the world...wossit like?  Nudge, nudge, say no more...


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## Olgar Shiverstone (Sep 12, 2013)

When did you stop beating your wife?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 12, 2013)

Do you feeeeeeel like I do?

Where's Waldo?

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

If you leave me, can I come too?

Of all the gin joints in the world, why did she have to walk into mine?

Whoza good boy?  Is it you?

Who wants BACON?

Who set us up the bomb?

Does your hat of d02 have a limit?

Can I kick it?

Can I have some peanut butter?

Does this look infected?

Listen- did you smell that?


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## Hand of Evil (Sep 13, 2013)

Could you stop rubbing your body up against mine?
We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we, Wang?
I took something. I can see things other men cannot see. Why are you dressed like that?
Terrific, a six-demon bag. Sensational. What's in it, Egg?
I do not mean to pry, but you don't, by any chance, happen to have six fingers on your right hand?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 13, 2013)

Why must I be a teenager in love?

Why is everybody always pickin' on me?

Am I slipping into the Twilight Zone?

Have you ever seen the rain?

Who's crying now?

Hey, little sister, what have you done?

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.  What is that?

Dude, where's my car?

Is this thing on?

Are you an audience or an oil painting?


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## Hand of Evil (Sep 13, 2013)

Are you on Team Edward or Team Jacob?
Who is Keyser Söze?
Train A is traveling at 60 mph and train B is traveling 80 mph. Train A passes a station at 9:10 pm. If train B passes the same station at 9:25 pm, at what time will train B catch up to train A?


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## warfangiscuter (Sep 13, 2013)

Hobbit reference! What's in my pocket?


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## EscherEnigma (Sep 13, 2013)

How do you get with the boy when the boy has a girlfriend?
If a plane crashes on a state line, where do you bury the survivors?
If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a house with no wind, which way does the egg roll?
If two chariots start ten miles apart, both are heading towards each other at a rate of 5 miles per hour, and a bird starts that starts on the tip of one chariot and flies directly to the other at 8 miles an hour then turns around and flies back to the forth and so-on until they meet, how many miles does the bird fly before the chariots meet?
I would do anything for love, but I won't do what?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 13, 2013)

What are you, a man or a mouse?

Who are you- what do you wanna do with your life?


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## Bloodstone Press (Sep 14, 2013)

Would you rather an elephant kill you, or a gorilla?


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## MarkB (Sep 14, 2013)

Bloodstone Press said:


> Would you rather an elephant kill you, or a gorilla?




I'd definitely rather it killed the gorilla.


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## trappedslider (Sep 14, 2013)

any of the questions used in the Questions only skits from Whose Line is it anyway

and
 "Do you know the way to San Jose?"

"Do you know the muffin man?"

"Who is John Galt?" 

"Whatca talkin about Willis?"

Are you a God?

Are you the Keymaster?

Have you or any of your family been diagnosed schizophrenic? Mentally incompetant?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 14, 2013)

Did you personally pack all of your luggage, or was any of it handled by someone other than yourself?


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## calronmoonflower (Sep 14, 2013)

How is a raven like a writing desk?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 14, 2013)

"Desk"


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## Mark CMG (Sep 15, 2013)

"Are we there yet?"


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## DanotheSlender (Sep 15, 2013)

Is there anybody out there? Who is buried in Grants tomb? How can I save 15% on car insurance? Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 15, 2013)

Can you take me down to funkytown?

Do you know the way to San Tropez?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 15, 2013)

From Joan Jett: "Do you wanna touch me there?"


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 15, 2013)

Was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?

Do you love me, now that I can dance?


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## MarkB (Sep 15, 2013)

If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?


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## Hand of Evil (Sep 15, 2013)

Can I ask a question?
Has this been asked before?
Ever wonder why your nostrils are so big, Fingers?
Are we having fun, yet?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 15, 2013)

Did I do thaaaaaat?

Are you Sarah Connor?

Where did I put my glasses?  (On head.)


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 15, 2013)

Did I do thaaaaaat?

Are you Sarah Connor?

Where did I put my glasses?  (On head.)


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## Dioltach (Sep 15, 2013)

Who's on first?

Would you like some toast?

Isn't it ironic?

Given that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite ... Would you like a toasted teacake?

Who killed Cock Robin?

Would you like some toast?


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## Dioltach (Sep 15, 2013)

Is this the way to Amarillo?

Would you like some toast?


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## Dioltach (Sep 15, 2013)

Quo vadis?

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Would you like some toast?


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## Hand of Evil (Sep 16, 2013)

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most beautiful of all?
Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are?
Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?


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## Ragnar_Lodbrok (Sep 16, 2013)

If you were a turtle, what kind would you be?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 16, 2013)

What's wrong with being drunk?

Whose house?

You down with O.P.P.?

Tyger, Tyger, burning bright, in the forests of the night, what immortal hand or eye could frame thy fearful symmetry?


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## trappedslider (Sep 16, 2013)

t’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react? 
2. You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do? 
3. You’re watching television. Suddenly you realize there’s a wasp crawling on your arm. 
4. You’re in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, Tony, it’s crawling toward you. You reach down, you flip the tortoise over on its back, Tony. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can’t, not without your help. But you’re not helping. Why is that? 
5. Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about your mother.


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## Dioltach (Sep 16, 2013)

How now, brown cow?

Would you like some toast?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 16, 2013)

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?

So you think you can love me and leave me to die?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 16, 2013)

Are you ready for a new sensation?

Well, guess who's back in circulation?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 16, 2013)

Can you dig it?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 16, 2013)

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?


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## Dioltach (Sep 16, 2013)

Are you looking at me, punk?

So, toast, anyone?


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## calronmoonflower (Sep 18, 2013)

a/s/l? or age, sex location?


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## Mark CMG (Sep 18, 2013)

Are you going to finish that?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Sep 18, 2013)

Excuse me, but why does God need a starship?


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