# I've "met" the perfect woman (for me).



## BrooklynKnight (Apr 25, 2004)

She's 21, has red hair, is 5'2", has peircings I cannot mention on this board lest I risk being banned, the most adorable lips, is a writer, has blue eyes, sings, plays guitar, is genetically pre-disposed to having twins (being a twin, and having twins run in her family through multiple generations), likes starwars and various geek things, wants 4 kids, likes squishy guys like myself, and....to top it all off.........

She's a gamer.

If i wasnt an athiest i'd say God Bless Live Journal.

The only negative part about all this, is that she lives on the Canadian/NY border and not nyc :-(.

But.......she's just sooooo, perfect. Quite literally the ideal woman for me. And she likes me. 

*swoon*

I'm gonna go call her for the first time and get ready for bed.


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 25, 2004)

Oh, and she's ok with naming our kids after characters in movies. (she wants to name a daughter willow, and I wanna name a son Aragorn.) 



(What?! I'm named after a king who's name starts with A, and my son will be too. Nothing wrong with that! :-D)


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## Andrew D. Gable (Apr 25, 2004)

Woot!  I always say, God bless redheads, which for some reason seem, to me at least, to be genetically predisposed to the geekly pursuits.  Or at least much more tolerant of the geekly arts.  Oh, Ireland has it good. 

As to names, hey, I want to name my first kid (if it's a girl, anyhow) the amazingly pretentious-sounding name of Robin Victoria Elayne Gable, so knock yourself out.  Yeah, I know Catholics are the ones who give two middle names, but there's no law saying non-Catholics can't...


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 25, 2004)

2 Hours on the phone.
she sang and played guitar. 
I "tried" to sing and she claimed i was good.
Then the poetry, oh the poetry.


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## RangerWickett (Apr 25, 2004)

Arthur, . . . *checks calendar* . . . you're 24 days late.


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 25, 2004)

Aww, thats one cheep joke wicket. Its no april fools joke. I'm serious.


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## RangerWickett (Apr 25, 2004)

Perfect women are perfectly implausible.  As a guy who hasn't had a woman look his way in four years (and that includes two years when I was actually dating someone), I find the whole concept of women being attracted to people alien.


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 25, 2004)

I didnt say perfect, i said perfect for me.


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## Robbert Raets (Apr 25, 2004)

Power to you, Arthur. >Crawls into a dark corner<


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## the Jester (Apr 25, 2004)

Great!  Congrats!!  Good luck!!!


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## Umbran (Apr 25, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> (What?! I'm named after a king who's name starts with A, and my son will be too. Nothing wrong with that! :-D)




Nothing wrong, other than the huge amount of abuse you're ensuring the kid will get, yeah. The fastest way to get a kid to reject his name later in life is to give him one that nobody will respect.

If you really want to name him Aragorn, eithe rmake it his middle name, or give him a middle name he can choose to use instead.  Names can be unique, yes.  But naming after such a completely geeky symbol isn't doing the kid a favor.


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## Angcuru (Apr 25, 2004)

*agrees with Umbran*

Nevermind all the trouble he'd get when filling out legal documents. *sudder*


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## Darkness (Apr 25, 2004)

*/me channels Andrew from rpg.net*



			
				Umbran said:
			
		

> Nothing wrong, other than the huge amount of abuse you're ensuring the kid will get, yeah. The fastest way to get a kid to reject his name later in life is to give him one that nobody will respect.



 *is in agreement*

Naming your children isn't a game. They've got to keep those names until they are old enough to legally change them to Optimus Prime.


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## blackshirt5 (Apr 25, 2004)

Darkness said:
			
		

> *is in agreement*
> 
> Naming your children isn't a game. They've got to keep those names until they are old enough to legally change them to Optimus Prime.



 ROFL!


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 25, 2004)

Umbran said:
			
		

> Nothing wrong, other than the huge amount of abuse you're ensuring the kid will get, yeah. The fastest way to get a kid to reject his name later in life is to give him one that nobody will respect.
> 
> If you really want to name him Aragorn, eithe rmake it his middle name, or give him a middle name he can choose to use instead. Names can be unique, yes. But naming after such a completely geeky symbol isn't doing the kid a favor.



Phht, I got stuck with Arthur....

but i'll give him a middle name he can use instead. 

Chances are by the time I have kids all such ideas will have faded.


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## Darkness (Apr 26, 2004)

BTW, I deleted an inappropriate post. Be nice, everybody. Thanks.

- Darkness,
moderator


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## ConnorSB (Apr 26, 2004)

Go Arthur Go! The girl who I have a "dated at summer school and then 2 year letter/email" relationship with is a redhead as well, and a writer too! She's super-amazing, and would play DND like all get out if there was anyone at her school who had even heard of the game.

The best part is that we, without realizing it until we both had already gotten accepted and decided, ended up deciding on colleges that are but a few hours by bus from each other. And they were both our first choices, too boot.

So maybe both college and love can work out...?


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## Crothian (Apr 26, 2004)

Darkness said:
			
		

> BTW, I deleted an inappropriate post. Be nice, everybody. Thanks.
> 
> - Darkness,
> moderator




But...I had a good post...I don't want to be nice


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 26, 2004)

I'm in my 3rd year of college and slightly behind actually. Too much gaming.
Near the end of may she's supposed to visit NJ and NY and we'll get together for the first time then. If we hit it off in person...well. Who knows. Right now, all i know is, we have many things in common and she has just about every quality ive ever looked for in a woman. 

Here's to hoping for the future.


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## Greatwyrm (Apr 26, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> The only negative part about all this, is that she lives on the Canadian/NY border and not nyc :-(.




For (insert deity of your choice here)'s sake man.  QUIT COMPLAINING!  Shut up and buy yourself a car that gets good mileage.  She sounds like one in a billion.  Given the average, there can't be more than 5 or 6 more like her on earth.  Get yours while you can!


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## Maldur (Apr 26, 2004)

I think there is such a thing as To Much Information!


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## AGGEMAM (Apr 26, 2004)

Maldur said:
			
		

> I think there is such a thing as To Much Information!




I agree. And regardless of how perfect she is, she'll still redecorate your place with flowers and seat cushions in no time. You'll see.

Oh. And you can kiss those big Cerwin Vega's goodbye.


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 26, 2004)

I have no idea what a cerwin vega is. and she can definatly redecorate my place. I did discover one more negative today though. *weeps*


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## AGGEMAM (Apr 26, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> I have no idea what a cerwin vega is.




Something like this


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 26, 2004)

a speaker?


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## AGGEMAM (Apr 26, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> a speaker?




Yeah, if can call something with these measurements a speaker (Dimensions:   36" x 17 1/2" x 18 7/8" ). Most would just call them monsters.

Anyways, what's that snag you discovered?


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## diaglo (Apr 26, 2004)

good for you Arthur.


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 26, 2004)

AGGEMAM said:
			
		

> Yeah, if can call something with these measurements a speaker (Dimensions: 36" x 17 1/2" x 18 7/8" ). Most would just call them monsters.
> 
> Anyways, what's that snag you discovered?



The snag?
*sigh*

She's catholic. :-(


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## Cthulhu's Librarian (Apr 26, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> The snag?
> *sigh*
> 
> She's catholic. :-(



 So are a lot of people.


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## AGGEMAM (Apr 26, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> She's catholic. :-(




bummer .. strictly or?


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 26, 2004)

Cthulhu's Librarian said:
			
		

> So are a lot of people.



Lol, its not that simple. I hope this is not crossing the religion line. But, I do not want to raise my children catholic, or jewish, or anything else.

When they come of age to start asking questions, I always planned to be as neutral as possible. 

For them to make their own choices.

On this one note, we disagree. 

She wants to raise her kids catholic, and let them make the choice to take it or leave it when they "come of age".


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 26, 2004)

AGGEMAM said:
			
		

> bummer .. strictly or?



If she was i doubt she'd have ever talked to me


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## Umbran (Apr 26, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> On this one note, we disagree.




On this one note, among many others, you should not yet be concerning yourself. 

I mean, think about it for just a second - you've had a phone call.   You haven't even met this person face to face yet, and you're showing concern about how you might raise your kids?  Jump the gun much?   

Don't get ahead of yourself.  You have a lot of territory to cover before you get anywhere near the subject of how children should be raised.  I mean, you have not yet really fallen in love.  Take care of what needs to be taken care of now.  Blow up other bridges when you get to them, not before.


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## Crothian (Apr 26, 2004)

Umbran is so right.  ?Just enjoy the present and let the future take care of iteself.


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## WanderingMonster (Apr 27, 2004)

Why do I have Billy Joel's _Only the Good Die Young_ going through my head?

I suppose it's better than Haley Joel Osment's "I see dead people!" going thorugh my head.


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## Darkness (Apr 27, 2004)

WanderingMonster said:
			
		

> Why do I have Billy Joel's _Only the Good Die Young_ going through my head?



 Because you're bad, jealous and willing to take matters into your own bloodied hands?


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## jgbrowning (Apr 27, 2004)

Crothian said:
			
		

> Umbran is so right.  ?Just enjoy the present and let the future take care of iteself.




Yep. Don't think about the future till the time to think about the future arrives. You need to take time to make *a present* before you worry about the future. When the present is taken care off, then move on.

Be utterly certain to give her time to show you who she is as opposed to thinking about who she is in your head. Your mind's image of her *won't* be accurate.

Good luck,

joe b.


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## Ashwyn (Apr 27, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> She wants to raise her kids catholic, and let them make the choice to take it or leave it when they "come of age".



I don't see much hope for you two then. That's not a small thing, and someone will have to seriously compromise which will lead to resentment, and that leads to fighting, and it only gets worse from there. Of course, one of you could change your mind before then, but it's not likely. I know you didn't post asking for advice, but I wouldn't recommend getting into a relationship  with a large problem in the somewhat foreseeable future and just hoping it will work out. Odds are, it won't. That said, enjoy yourself for the time being. I pray you don't go through the pain I did, when I had an unrealistic, idealized version of love. Don't expect things to always be good and happy. They won't be. Expect to be miserable sometimes. Relationships are work. Do not forget these things, because doing so sets you up ot be used and thrown away. 

Congratulations though. I really mean it.


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## the Jester (Apr 27, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> The snag?
> *sigh*
> 
> She's catholic. :-(




So are a lot of pagans I know.

Besides, you know what they say about Catholic girls. (wink wink nudge nudge)


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## ASH (Apr 27, 2004)

the Jester said:
			
		

> So are a lot of pagans I know.
> 
> Besides, you know what they say about Catholic girls. (wink wink nudge nudge)





You are so naughty Jester..just because a girl is catholic does not mean that she is easy.  

But, then again there are few girls that come from the catholic school here, that arn't.. but that does not mean anything..!  

As far as relationships go, its great that you seem to have a connection. I am all for not jumping in to anything, because its the internet and you never really know a person. Even when you've been married to them for a  few years, you find things out that you didn't know. Take it slow, get to know her, and dont expect that crazy new feeling to last forever. I have known a few people that get in to relationships that over the computer were great, then came the first real fight, face to face and it all falls apart. 

As far as her being a redhead, YAY!!! I have red hair and so does my husband, and both my kids. 
Becareful of her temper, if its her natural hair color, us redheads have crazy tempers.


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## RangerWickett (Apr 27, 2004)

Arthur, are you yourself, um . . . 'neutral'?  (I actually find it odd that I've never heard someone refer to themselves as that in a religious sense before.)

When you're young, it's hard not to listen to your elders.  It's practically impossible to let a kid decide his own religious beliefs before he's 14 or so.  Or at least it's hard for that decision to mean anything.  For most people, it'll happen again when they go to college.

Really, if she's a girl, a gamer, and a Catholic, I _think_ you shouldn't have to worry about her keeping your potential children from thinking for themselves.  Is this more an issue about kids you don't have, or about your own beliefs?

*contented sigh*  You know, the Catholic church has some of the best symbolism of any religion I know.  Choirs of angels, centuries of saints, sinners, demons, and layers of hell.  Great stuff.  Makes me want to run a Savannah Knights-esque campaign.


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## thatdarncat (Apr 27, 2004)

RangerWickett said:
			
		

> Makes me want to run a Savannah Knights-esque campaign.




I'll play!


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## blackshirt5 (Apr 27, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> If she was i doubt she'd have ever talked to me



 Untrue.  They will often talk with you and possibly date you.  A girl at my recently left job was hardcore Catholic and wanted to save my soul.


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## ASH (Apr 27, 2004)

blackshirt5 said:
			
		

> Untrue.  They will often talk with you and possibly date you.  A girl at my recently left job was hardcore Catholic and wanted to save my soul.





But she couldn't save your soul, could she.. 

Only Jewel will save your soul.


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## A2Z (Apr 27, 2004)

AGGEMAM said:
			
		

> Oh. And you can kiss those big Cerwin Vega's goodbye.



Speakers so big they blow women's clothes off!


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## knitnerd (Apr 27, 2004)

RangerWickett said:
			
		

> Arthur, . . . *checks calendar* . . . you're 24 days late.




Stop picking on Arthur. He is a gentleman and he deserves a nice girl.


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## AGGEMAM (Apr 28, 2004)

A2Z said:
			
		

> Speakers so big they blow women's clothes off!




That's part of the reason


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 28, 2004)

RangerWickett said:
			
		

> Arthur, are you yourself, um . . . 'neutral'? (I actually find it odd that I've never heard someone refer to themselves as that in a religious sense before.)
> 
> When you're young, it's hard not to listen to your elders. It's practically impossible to let a kid decide his own religious beliefs before he's 14 or so. Or at least it's hard for that decision to mean anything. For most people, it'll happen again when they go to college.
> 
> ...



We'll discuss that via AIM, its not a discussion for the boards.


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 28, 2004)

knitnerd said:
			
		

> Stop picking on Arthur. He is a gentleman and he deserves a nice girl.



aww shucks.


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 28, 2004)

I know some of you think that now is more important. But, i've been "future minded" since i  was 12.

I'm constantly searching for THE girl, not A girl. Why date someone when you know that sometime in the future you'll come to blows over something that important?

I know how I want to raise my kids and how i'd like my future to go. The kicker is finding someone with similar views. 

She's nearly perfect...

Life is about making comprimises, but....some cannot be made. Who knows.


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## Umbran (Apr 28, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> I know some of you think that now is more important. But, i've been "future minded" since i  was 12.




Often being future minded is a good thing.  Sometimes it isn't.  Specifically, in the case of deep interpersonal relationships, being future minded gives you the tendency of putting words in other people's mouths, and creating bogey-men that don't actually exist.  



> I'm constantly searching for THE girl, not A girl. Why date someone when you know that sometime in the future you'll come to blows over something that important?




First off, looking for THE girl is terribly, terribly unfair to both you and the girl.  THE girl is a fantasy.  But real girls are only human.  Every last one of them.  

Plus, looking for THE girl means you'll never fully appreciate the charms of people who don't fit your mental image of perfection.  There's a lot to be said for that which you don't expect 

Why date someoen when you know you'll come to blows?  Two reasons - first off, you don't _know_ you'll come to blows.  By the time you get to know each other, fall in love, go through the mating dances, and finally are ready to have kids, _things may change_.  You may change, she may change.  Think - if you don't get married for five years, that'll be about one fifth of ehr entire life.  That can lead to significant change...

Second, even if you don't know about it beforehand, with every single person on the planet, there's something important over which you may (and probably will) disagree.  So, dodging the landmines you know about only leaves you likely to stomp on the ones you don't know about.  

Third, if you don't date people before finding THE girl, you probably won't be emotionally ready for her when she comes along.  Dealing with a loving relationship is a learned skill.  If you don't get in relationships, you don't learn the skill.  If you haven't tried it before, she may be THE girl for you, but you won't be THE guy for her, because you will still be inexperienced and immature.

In general, people can surprise you.  Giving up based upon casual association would be as dumb as deciding you'd fallen in love and had to get married without ever seeing her.  Let the relationship develop and grow natrually, without the burden of so many preconcieved notions, and you're far more likely to have it go somewhere useful.


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## KenM (Apr 28, 2004)

I have found THE girl for me, problem is I'm seeing someone else.  THE girl I met at work and we started talking. I have a better time just hanging out talking with her then I do with the girl I'm seeing. The one I met at work makes me better, she feels the same way. I'm going to call it off with the other girl this weekend. She will be heartbroken, but I will try to let her down easy. Even if it does not work out with Heidi (girl from work), I'm calling it off with Kathy. Why? Because I now know what I want in a partner. How do I know? Lots of dating, trying. 
   My point is you have to go out with different people before you know, and like someone else said, be emtionally ready. Good luck.


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 28, 2004)

Oh i've dated around, i've dated around a lot. I've been through that area in my life already. I know what I want in a partner. Its not some ideal i just made up in a dream.

I know that typically no girl you'll find will ever fit that ideal but some will come close.
When i first started talking to her she was just a cute redhead from upper nyc. She asked me what my ideal mate was... 

At that point she was pretty close already (personality wise, looks wise, etc etc), and i told her. "Well you're pretty close actually. If only you were a gamer."

Then she said.. "But I am. I play an Elf Fighter/Rouge in this game...etc etc."

heh.

In all our talking the only negative i find (aside from the distance) is the one i mentioned above.


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## Djeta Thernadier (Apr 28, 2004)

RangerWickett said:
			
		

> Perfect women are perfectly implausible.  As a guy who hasn't had a woman look his way in four years (and that includes two years when I was actually dating someone), I find the whole concept of women being attracted to people alien.




Last time I checked , I was totally attracted to MojoGM. Moreso every day. 
Don't be bitter. Us ladies don't dig that.

As for you Arthur - Go you! She sounds like a nice person. I'm sure you'll manage around the distance. When Chris and I first got together I lived a bit of a commute away but we managed and now we live together.  

Umbram - excellent post.


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## Djeta Thernadier (Apr 28, 2004)

Darkness said:
			
		

> *is in agreement*
> 
> Naming your children isn't a game. They've got to keep those names until they are old enough to legally change them to Optimus Prime.




Yup. Take it from someone who grew up LOATHING her name. My real name is not weird per se but it is outdated and not used alot where I grew up. I always wished my parents had just named me Jennifer or Lauren or something. Instead they had to name me Sheri.


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## Arnwyn (Apr 28, 2004)

AGGEMAM said:
			
		

> Oh. And you can kiss those big Cerwin Vega's goodbye.



Whatever! Mrs. arnwyn loves the Cerwins.


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## Henry (Apr 28, 2004)

Djeta Thernadier said:
			
		

> I always wished my parents had just named me Jennifer or Lauren or something. Instead they had to name me Sheri.




On the bright side, Mojo couldn't go around singing old Steve Perry tunes if you were "Jennifer," could he? "867-5309" isn't nearly as good.


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## Djeta Thernadier (Apr 28, 2004)

Henry said:
			
		

> On the bright side, Mojo couldn't go around singing old Steve Perry tunes if you were "Jennifer," could he? "867-5309" isn't nearly as good.




Not to hijack Art's thread but when I was in junior high, at the tender age of 13 (and we all know how fun it was to be 13), the guy who was the biggest geek (not in a cool way) in the school got over the school PA system and dedicated the song Sherry by Frankie Valli to me. THE WHOLE SCHOOL heard this!!!!   

The counselors let me go home that day and take the next day off. Oh gawd, it was horrible...

Don't get me wrong, he was a nice kid and all but you know how cruel junior high kids are...

I never lived it down. Not till I left high school.


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## RangerWickett (Apr 29, 2004)

Djeta Thernadier said:
			
		

> Last time I checked , I was totally attracted to MojoGM. Moreso every day.
> Don't be bitter. Us ladies don't dig that.




I'm not bitter (often).  I still love all sorts of women, and for years now I've tried different ways going about dating, or not dating, or trying to impress, or being casual, or being a friend and hoping something happens, or falling in love at first sight.  I tried the 'not looking at all' part for a long while, just to make sure I wasn't shooting myself in the foot by being a spaz or something.

No woman has expressed any interest in me for the past four years.  I know that isn't an unprecedented event, but it's a bit frustrating for me.  When I say I'm not really familiar with women being attracted to men, I just mean that I don't really remember what it's like to have someone attracted to me.  I see things happening among my friends, and I'm happy for them, but, as is appropriate for something as wonderful as love, I don't understand it.  I know that in the past four years I've been attracted to six girls that I either asked out or hinted to that I was interested, but none was ever attracted to me.

So, I can't help Arthur on the getting into the relationship part.  However, I do have a lot of experience in the 'dealing with differences' and 'realizing in hindsight that, no, arguing is not a valid form of conflict-resolution.'  *grin*

I wish the man good luck.  I think he's incredibly lucky.  I also think that you don't toss away a $1000 lottery ticket just because you'd rather have a million.  If nothing else, enjoy the grand while you've got it; you might even use that money to buy that million dollar ticket you always wanted.


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## KenM (Apr 29, 2004)

Well, I just called it off with Kathy, she took it hard. I tried to ease it as much as possible. The same thing happened to me, and the women that did it to me was not kind to me when she let me go, i know not to do that.


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## Djeta Thernadier (Apr 29, 2004)

KenM said:
			
		

> Well, I just called it off with Kathy, she took it hard. I tried to ease it as much as possible. The same thing happened to me, and the women that did it to me was not kind to me when she let me go, i know not to do that.




She'll be okay, I'm sure you know that. I've had guys walk out on me. Had one guy tell me it was over once during the phone I call made to him from the ER after I had gotten hity by a car. The girl he left me for actually worked as an aide at the hospital I was at. 

I wasn't too sad about that loss...  

Given that you didn't do that, I'm sure she'll be fine and move on with her life. 

Good luck.


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## Crothian (Apr 29, 2004)

wow...broken up in the ER after being hit by a car.....that's a bad day


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## Djeta Thernadier (Apr 29, 2004)

Crothian said:
			
		

> wow...broken up in the ER after being hit by a car.....that's a bad day




It's really okay. This guy also suddenly became a big fan of The Clash, then died his hair black and started talking with a British accent a few weeks beforehand. 

I'd say I've seriously upgraded my tastes in men since then.


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## Crothian (Apr 29, 2004)

Good for you.  But the Sherry song in middle school, then that break up....wow, that's just a lot of stuff a person shouldn't have to deal with.


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## KenM (Apr 29, 2004)

Well, I did tell her on the phone. It was the hardest thing I had to do, ever.


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## Crothian (Apr 29, 2004)

least it wasn't easy...when breaking up with someone gets easy, I think you will have  problem


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 29, 2004)

Djeta Thernadier said:
			
		

> I'd say I've seriously upgraded my tastes in men since then.



Well yea, I mean we're friends arent we? :-D


Anywho, Meg is supposed to visit NYC/Jersey the last week of may. I'm scheduing a weekend trip up there so we can travel back down together.

7 hours on a bus together with nothing to do but kiss....

*weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*


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## Crothian (Apr 29, 2004)

you could like talk...for a few minutes


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## Ankh-Morpork Guard (Apr 29, 2004)

I met my girlfriend 7 years ago...playing X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter. We've been friends for a long time, and finally met for the first time two years ago. She's from Wales so it makes communication interesting, but we talk on the phone and such a lot.

And best of all, she's flying in on SUNDAY(the 2nd of May, day after my B-day). The whole Atlantic Ocean being dropped where it is makes things annoyingly complicated, but after she comes here, she isn't leaving alone. The 1st of July, I'm moving out to Wales. Wanted to move to Britain anyway, now I've got an excuse.


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## BrooklynKnight (Apr 29, 2004)

Ankh-Morpork Guard said:
			
		

> I met my girlfriend 7 years ago...playing X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter. We've been friends for a long time, and finally met for the first time two years ago. She's from Wales so it makes communication interesting, but we talk on the phone and such a lot.
> 
> And best of all, she's flying in on SUNDAY(the 2nd of May, day after my B-day). The whole Atlantic Ocean being dropped where it is makes things annoyingly complicated, but after she comes here, she isn't leaving alone. The 1st of July, I'm moving out to Wales. Wanted to move to Britain anyway, now I've got an excuse.



Christ, i'm glad we made that trade before you moved.

Good luck!

Hrm, I think i'll invite her to Gencon.


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## Ankh-Morpork Guard (Apr 29, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> Christ, i'm glad we made that trade before you moved.
> 
> Good luck!
> 
> Hrm, I think i'll invite her to Gencon.



 Heheh, yeah. Trading lots before July for me.


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## LightPhoenix (Apr 29, 2004)

Here's my relationship story-slash-question.

My gf of three years broke up with me about a month ago.  I guess we just weren't making each other happy.  Now, at the time I didn't understand why, but I know now how the whole thing works.  See, you can't make someone else happy unless you're happy yourself.  I wasn't happy, she wasn't happy... and thus our relationship was unhappy.

Our parting was... not amicable, but not unamicable either.  We basically decided that it needed to be... gah, can't think of the term.  Basically, we don't talk to each other or anything.  I ended up visiting some friends in Binghamton and we went to a bar... and she was there with her friends.  I'm not the type to make a scene, I would have been perfectly content to just let it be... she has a good time with her friends, me with mine.  Her best friend then came up to us and asked us to leave.  Needless to say I was a bit aggravated and very much disappointed, as I didn't think her or her friends would be so puerile about it.  

So my question is this... how can you not want to see someone at all one day, and miss them completely the next?  Stupid emotions...


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## Ashwyn (Apr 29, 2004)

BrooklynKnight said:
			
		

> She's nearly perfect...



The "perfect" woman for you is not neccessarily the one who meets your expectations. And nobody's perfect.


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## Ashwyn (Apr 29, 2004)

KenM said:
			
		

> Well, I just called it off with Kathy, she took it hard. I tried to ease it as much as possible. The same thing happened to me, and the women that did it to me was not kind to me when she let me go, i know not to do that.



As someone who's been dumped in some pretty nasty ways, let me say thank you for being nice about it. I'm sure she'll be fine, as a result. It takes a lot of character to be direct about it, and actually try not to hurt the other person's feelings.


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## ASH (Apr 29, 2004)

Ankh-Morpork Guard said:
			
		

> I met my girlfriend 7 years ago...playing X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter. We've been friends for a long time, and finally met for the first time two years ago. She's from Wales so it makes communication interesting, but we talk on the phone and such a lot.
> 
> And best of all, she's flying in on SUNDAY(the 2nd of May, day after my B-day). The whole Atlantic Ocean being dropped where it is makes things annoyingly complicated, but after she comes here, she isn't leaving alone. The 1st of July, I'm moving out to Wales. Wanted to move to Britain anyway, now I've got an excuse.




Your birthday and my husbands birthday are the same day!! 
You were both May day babies!
YAY!


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## Andrew D. Gable (Apr 29, 2004)

Henry said:
			
		

> On the bright side, Mojo couldn't go around singing old Steve Perry tunes if you were "Jennifer," could he? "867-5309" isn't nearly as good.




"I shoulda been gone..."


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## Ankh-Morpork Guard (Apr 29, 2004)

ASH said:
			
		

> Your birthday and my husbands birthday are the same day!!
> You were both May day babies!
> YAY!



 Heheheh. I've actually not met may people who were born on May 1st...lots of 2nd and 3rd, but not much on the 1st.


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## Henry (Apr 29, 2004)

Ashwyn said:
			
		

> The "perfect" woman for you is not neccessarily the one who meets your expectations. And nobody's perfect.




The Perfect Woman for me cares nothing for gaming; she is moderate liberal to my conservative; she is more a doer than an academic; she has the fire of a redhead but beautiful auburn locks; and we can get into some of the nastiest knock-down verbal drag-outs under the sun. She even knows more swear-words than me.

And I thank God for her love, compassion, and her devotion to me every day.  She doesn't care about gaming, but encourages my chances to do so. She dislikes most of my music, but she surprises me with CD's every now and again. Even during an argument, she'll pack my lunch for work the next day. 

When I was twenty, my perfect girl mentally was blond, slender with soft eyes, was very caring, and very soft-spoken. Funny how you don't know love until it gets here. 

Art, good luck with love on all fronts. I second Umbran's suggestion - enjoy each other's company, and enjoy your time together, and burn the bridges of marriage, children, and "forever after" when they get here.


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## Crothian (Apr 29, 2004)

perfect...not gaming

that's an oxymoron Henry  

But its good all the same


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## Darkness (Apr 29, 2004)

Henry said:
			
		

> The Perfect Woman for me cares nothing for gaming; she is moderate liberal to my conservative; she is more a doer than an academic; she has the fire of a redhead but beautiful auburn locks; and we can get into some of the nastiest knock-down verbal drag-outs under the sun. She even knows more swear-words than me.



 That is, she's mostly like me? 

(Except for the 'woman' and 'cares nothing for gaming' parts, as well as a few others.)


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## Piratecat (Apr 29, 2004)

Darkness, I *know* we encourage the moderators to be close, but... err...


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## Darkness (Apr 29, 2004)

Eh, no worries. I enjoy my own company far too much to share it, anyway.


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## Piratecat (Apr 29, 2004)

I will now do the "Too much information" dance.


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## Darkness (Apr 29, 2004)

Indeed? Your brain must work in less savory ways than even mine, then.


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## Hida Bukkorosu (Apr 30, 2004)

RangerWickett said:
			
		

> No woman has expressed any interest in me for the past four years.




you think you got it bad, for me its the past 26 years.  and i'm 26.


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## Ashwyn (Apr 30, 2004)

I've had women be interested in me, but I've always had to initiate the relationship. I've always wanted to have someone make the first move for a change. Right now though, I do no belive there are any females interested in me.


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## Angcuru (Apr 30, 2004)

Well, in my circle of friends (from HS, not the gaming circle), I have the strange position of being the go-to man when relationship problems arise, despite having always been single.   :\  And so, I've developed a good deal of insight on the matter. 

A few bits of advice to men and women alike.
Guys:  when the woman speaks, listen up; think before you speak; don't try to be manly or macho; _be sensitive_, it's not that hard; surprise her with a gift every now and then, and don't be stingy on the compliments; let the woman win the argument.

Women:  don't think that expecting a guy to be caring and sensitive is too much, 'cause it isn't;  men are more than capable of doing stupid things, so don't go crazy if we forget something minor/non-major; TELL HIM when something is wrong, don't make him guess.

Both:  don't expect your partner to always be the way s/he is, people change;  if you've got something important or heavy to say, say it gradually, not all at once:  a few hits with a hammer are less shocking than a heavy whack with a sledge.


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## Umbran (May 1, 2004)

Angcuru said:
			
		

> let the woman win the argument.




I'll disagree with this one tidbit.  Ditch the idea of wining and losing an argument altogether.  

If it is about something important, the darned thing needs to be settled, and settled honestly.  Allowing someone to win leaves the disagreement to fester.  It'll come back and bite you on the butt.

If it isn't about something important, you shouldn't have been arguing in the first place!


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## Djeta Thernadier (May 1, 2004)

This is so turning into the EnWorld Guide to Dating...

Here's a few things I'd like to say...

Guys - 

Don't spit. It's just icky. Do it in private if you must.

Do not EVER honk at women from your car. That disgusts those of us who have at least some level of class and we think you are sleazy. Don't.

Do not get pissy when we want to listen to OUR music in the car now and then.

Do not argue when we want to drive, or critique us the whole way through.

Do not obsess over old girlfriends. Unless you have a child or some other reason to be a part of each other's lives, let the past go or we will get fed up with waiting for you to get over her, and we'll leave if it comes to that , BUT find a middle ground .....don't constantly berate old girlfriends either. This makes you come off as bitter and hard to deal with. Unless she killed your dog or something, don't refer to her as a ____. 
(I've experienced both of these, several times. They're equally bad.)

Call your mom. Unless she is deceased or disowned you or something. Calling your mom regularly shows us you care about family and generally respect women. Don't know why, but it does.

Don't whine about the bad things in your life. If you have problems, fix them. Male drama queens are worse than female ones. 

Do not suddenly start listening to the Clash alot and start speaking with a British accent and then dump your girl because she is not "punk enough" for your new image. (okay...this has probably never happened to anyone else, but I had to throw it in there) 

Do not put a big ridiculous spoiler on your car. Unless it came with the car, and is reasonably small, we find them to be idiotic. You're driving a car; not a small aircraft. Get over it.

Stuffed animals are your friends. Cute animals are your friends. Babies are your friends. Even those of us who never want children (ie. me) think babies are cute. Don't refer to them as smelly screaming brats, unless the child in question actually is.

We get moody. Accept it and don't take it personally. But if we do something that truly annoys you - tell us. We are not mind readers any more than you are. If we've annoyed you or made you mad, inform us of this, so we can fix it. We're not as unreasonable as stereotypes make us out to be.

No real life woman will ever look like the girls in Playboy. This is because , off camera, THEY don't even look like the girls in Playboy. There are things called effects. Airbrushing and such. They aren't real.

Have Playboy or pron or whatever. We like that stuff too you know. But please do not plaster your bedroom/garage/gameroom with posters of half naked chicks. That is just tacky.

Don't be jealous or clingy. But act like you care. If we're going out with our best guy friend from college who is happily married with children - HE IS NOT A THREAT. If we want time alone to write, watch girl flicks, or shop - we are not trying to blow you off....

Women , contrary to popular belief, enjoy sex. If you're bored with your gf or whoever, tell her, so she can move on. Don't string her along after you're sick of being with her because she's not shiny and new anymore.

NOW - from my experiences in life...

GIRLS -

Guys like a lot of alone time. Don't hound them for attention every 5 minutes.

Guys like guy things. You may or may not be interested in it. Get over it and accept it. Surely you have plenty of things in common to do / talk about together. If he wants to spend a day a week watching NASCAR or something, find a hobby or something to keep you occupied.

Guys ogle at skanky looking women. Sometimes they think they are attractive. Sometimes they think they look ridiculous. But it's a fact. Guys look at women (or men, depending on what kind of guys we're talking about here. Often ALL people check out ALL other people. It's called peoplewatching. I look at guys/girls/small children/animals everyone and everything. You probably do too. Don't start a fight over your bf glancing at some woman for 3 seconds on the street. Let it go.

Orlando Bloom is not real. (see my male comment about Playboy girls). Off camera he's not Legolas/ Will/ Paris. 

Don't lay on guilt treatments. It's annoying to guys and nothing good will come of it.

If something is wrong, say so.

Guys don't care what you wear, what color lipstick you have on etc. Don't constantly bug them for fashion advice. 

Do not be clingy. And do not freak out if he wants time alone once in a while. 

Don't gossip. Please don't.

Don't whine about your weight, your problems etc. Unless you want advice. Guys are tactical by nature. If you want to fix the problem, fine, tell them. But if you just want sympathy - talk to your mom or your best girl friend.

We don't always want to win arguements. Sometimes we really want to hear and discuss an issue. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's just a few things I've learned in my 27 years on this planet. I've found it to be very true in most cases.


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## BrooklynKnight (May 1, 2004)

Things are slowly slowing down, getting more serious.

Man i really really like her.


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## Henry (May 1, 2004)

Djeta, that is some sterling advice. It needs to be archived somewhere. 

And Darkness, I'm sorry, but I'm German (well, German-descended anyway), you're Australian; you're role-play, I'm hack'n'slash  - It would never work between us.

But we'll always have Modforums


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## Crothian (May 1, 2004)

Ya, Djeta has some good advice...

...and henry's hack and slash?  Huh, learn something new everyday


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## Angcuru (May 1, 2004)

Well, when I said let the woman win the argument, it should probably have been stated that these people I moderate between are all teens, so there are some BIG differences from real, mature men and women.    

Djeta's advice is spot on.  Most seems like common sense to me, but then again, not many people possess common sense in this day and age.    So if that's the case, would it still be classified as _common_ sense, or rather _superior/uncommon_ sense.  :\   *brain hurt*


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## Henry (May 1, 2004)

Angcuru said:
			
		

> Djeta's advice is spot on.  Most seems like common sense to me, but then again, not many people possess common sense in this day and age.




Actually, it's part of the old _"she's not a person, she's a puzzle" _ philosophy that still survives to this day. Now, I know that many women look at things differently, or with different priorities than men, and it causes much friction, but as long as men and women remember that they are PEOPLE, it comes much easier. We've got the same kinds of doubts and fears, we have the same agendas - but women and men have doubts on different priorities, and our agendas sync up at different times due to differences in emotional maturities. 

More than once I've had to stop and look at HOW my wife is saying something, as much as WHAT she's saying. It makes LANDSCAPES of difference in disagreements.

Oh, well, that's enough of my useless advice.

FINAL THOUGHT: Good Luck, Arthur. Remember: Enjoy each other's presence first - there's time enough to iron out specifics.


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## LightPhoenix (May 1, 2004)

I think the biggest piece of advice is not to think of a relationship as "we", but as "you and me". 
The former is the decidedly high school way of looking at a relationship - that is, the idea that instead of being individuals, you're a couple, and have to do everything together, and be all lovey, and such.  It's a very dangerous way of looking at a relationship too, because it often leads to feelings of resentment about people being too needy and not having space.

The latter acknowledges what love really is (or should be) - two people together.  You have to remember that as much as you love each other and connect, you're two seperate people with seperate needs and desires and thoughts.  You'll be much happier in the long run approaching it that way.

Otherwise, listen to Djeta, she's smart.


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## RangerWickett (May 1, 2004)

LightPhoenix said:
			
		

> Otherwise, listen to Djeta, she's smart.




And, judging by her avatar, rather cute.  *grin*

I think I do whine a bit too much, but I try to only do it when the situation is amusingly bad.  Like how for six months, people have been stealing slices of my lunchmeat out of the communal fridge, despite repeated attempts to put signs up that request they stop.  Or how my work schedule and class schedule means that this entire semester I've had to wake up at noon on Monday, 9am on Tuesday, 8am on Wednesday, 9am on Thursday, and noon on Friday, so when classes ended, I found myself sleeping 'til 6pm and not knowing what day I was in.  Or how people accuse me of objectifying women just because I once wrote a parody of the 12 Days of Christmas that gave magic item powers to one of my friend's breasts.

Okay, so that last one I don't normally tell to people because I feel pretty silly about it, but it's amazing the kind of innuendo you can get with a random treasure table.

*sigh*

I should learn to keep my mouth shut, and my fingers away from the keyboard.


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## LightPhoenix (May 1, 2004)

RangerWickett said:
			
		

> I think I do whine a bit too much, but I try to only do it when the situation is amusingly bad. Like how for six months, people have been stealing slices of my lunchmeat out of the communal fridge, despite repeated attempts to put signs up that request they stop. Or how my work schedule and class schedule means that this entire semester I've had to wake up at noon on Monday, 9am on Tuesday, 8am on Wednesday, 9am on Thursday, and noon on Friday, so when classes ended, I found myself sleeping 'til 6pm and not knowing what day I was in. Or how people accuse me of objectifying women just because I once wrote a parody of the 12 Days of Christmas that gave magic item powers to one of my friend's breasts.



The first I would just bring in some bad meat and see who's not in the next day...    Really, signs don't work, because they're too easy to ignore.  If you happen to know any of the people that are taking it, you need to talk to them face to face.  It doesn't have to be overly confrontational, and whatever you do don't throw any office chairs.  Just explain that you've paid for it for six months, and don't appreciate people taking it.  If it's going to communal meat (oh, the dirty innuendo  ) then everyone should pitch in a little.  Either that, or stop bringing in meat.

I have no sympathy for your schedule, since in college almost every semester I had at at least three days where I had to be up for an 8:30 or 9:40 class, usually one of my chemistry ones.  Which leads into a funny story I'll tell another time, but it involves making my biophysical chem teacher look like an idiot...

And bleh on the objectifying women.  Whoever said that needs to be, in my opinion, shot.  Have we as a society reached a point where you can't make fun of anyone except for caucasian christian heterosexual males without someone getting offended?  There are people that definitely objectify, and then there's the other percentage of us who make one joke and get yelled at.


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## Djeta Thernadier (May 1, 2004)

LightPhoenix said:
			
		

> And bleh on the objectifying women.  Whoever said that needs to be, in my opinion, shot.  Have we as a society reached a point where you can't make fun of anyone except for caucasian christian heterosexual males without someone getting offended?  There are people that definitely objectify, and then there's the other percentage of us who make one joke and get yelled at.




*Most* of us know the difference between a generally respectful person making an off color joke once in a while and someone who truly thinks that women are toys to be played with and objectified.


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## Crothian (May 1, 2004)

You should write a book: Dating for Geeks


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## Angcuru (May 1, 2004)

Crothian said:
			
		

> You should write a book: Dating for Geeks



New York Times Bestseller within 3 days.


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## Crothian (May 1, 2004)

EN World best seller maybe....


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## LightPhoenix (May 2, 2004)

I bet you could make a whole lot of money doing that.  Go for it Djeta!!!


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## MacMathan (May 2, 2004)

This one is for all sorts of geeks male and female, although I see it ignored more often in the males of the species- Good Hygiene is Important- yes read that one more time guys, not only to your dating life but social life in general.

Other than that I find this page is pretty accurate Here


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## blackshirt5 (May 2, 2004)

Ashwyn said:
			
		

> The "perfect" woman for you is not neccessarily the one who meets your expectations. And nobody's perfect.




Agreed.  Me and Brooke are polar opposites, it seems(she dislikes anime, tolerates gaming and thinks it's cute that I'm a geek but won't do it herself, likes country music, and to quote my sister when I showed her a picture "She's skinny; what're you doing with her, lol?") but yet I've never had anyone make me feel as appreciated or as wanted as she does.

Even I think it's a bit weird that she's skinny(a size 2 to 4, depending on brand and style); I go more for the voluptuous girls; a taste not shared by some of my compatriots.


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## Ashwyn (May 2, 2004)

blackshirt5 said:
			
		

> Even I think it's a bit weird that she's skinny(a size 2 to 4, depending on brand and style); I go more for the voluptuous girls; a taste not shared by some of my compatriots.



I have the same tastes. Not in any way a dealbreaker though.


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## Djeta Thernadier (May 2, 2004)

blackshirt5 said:
			
		

> Agreed.  Me and Brooke are polar opposites, it seems(she dislikes anime, tolerates gaming and thinks it's cute that I'm a geek but won't do it herself, likes country music, and to quote my sister when I showed her a picture "She's skinny; what're you doing with her, lol?") but yet I've never had anyone make me feel as appreciated or as wanted as she does.
> 
> Even I think it's a bit weird that she's skinny(a size 2 to 4, depending on brand and style); I go more for the voluptuous girls; a taste not shared by some of my compatriots.





Some women are just born that way , have high metabolism etc. As long as you don't suspect she is a size 2-4 because of some sort of eating disorder, I wouldn't worry about it.

I agree sometimes people who are very opposite can compliment each other nicely. There are far more important things in a relationship than liking the same music and movies. This is actually often good because it allows each person to have their own "thing" and they tend not to become too clingy. I have friends like this. She is a black girl from the inner city of Boston who is very much into fantasy, fashion , football (and baseballl) and r&b. He is a white guy from rural OK who is very much into country music, Nascar, and his favorite show is Scooby Doo. But despite not having the same tastes in pop culture they are pretty happy - they are getting married a week from today. 

MojoGM & I have a *lot* in common. But that's just us. And we're weird. But we also have our own things too. We can spend hours in the same room doing different things.


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## Djeta Thernadier (May 2, 2004)

LightPhoenix said:
			
		

> I bet you could make a whole lot of money doing that.  Go for it Djeta!!!




Hmmmmm.... I do work for a big publisher....

hmmmmmmm....


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## blackshirt5 (May 2, 2004)

Djeta Thernadier said:
			
		

> Some women are just born that way , have high metabolism etc. As long as you don't suspect she is a size 2-4 because of some sort of eating disorder, I wouldn't worry about it.




Actually...she used to be anorexic.  She screwed herself up so bad that she's not even sure if she can have kids anymore because she threw her body chemistry all out of whack and the doctors don't know if it'll go back to normal. 

She's better now though.

I can't wait for the fun to ensue when my family and hers get to meet.   I've already met hers(and her sister Hillary's reaction was oh, so sweet; "you can do better than him, Brooke!".  What tact.  Makes me look positively subtle.  :\ ), and we plan on her meeting my whole extended family in one big shot around June(when we're next all getting together).


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