# Making Money in Voltis Town



## Erik the Human (Aug 9, 2012)

This is an adaptation of a campaign my character Erik the Human partook in. Hope you enjoy.

By the time I reached The Meat Spit the dead elf I was carrying over my shoulder felt like a sack of cement. I pushed through the swinging doors, carried the cadaver over to the long cook’s counter and lay him down next to my sketch pads with a sigh of relief. The elf had a purple face and a ring around his throat from the hangman’s noose but was otherwise undamaged. Dr. Joshua would pay well for the anatomy drawings, my customers would pay for the meat. 
I tied a rope strung through a ring on the ceiling around the elf’s ankles and hoisted him into the air. After placing a large clay bowl below his head I opened up my sheath of instruments and made an incision in the right and left internal jugular veins letting the blood slowly drain out. I expected the Drider Eldray to show up this evening and it would be an easy sell. When the exsanguination was finished I lifted the body back onto the counter. 

Rollic, would you be so kind?

Rollic looked over from where he was chopping carrots and jalapenos and grunted an affirmative. Rollic was young for a Minotaur, with his horns barely poking through his mass of curly hair, but even at this early age he was muscled like, well, an ox. He hefted his thick cleaver and quickly severed the head, arms and legs. Then he wiped it on his apron. Throw out the bits and pieces this time he said. Rollic was tidy and hated waste.

I opened up the chest cavity and made a quick sketch. The ribs would cook, as would the liver and we could probably sell the heart to one of the more savage guests. After sketching the biceps, quadriceps, and other muscle groups I sliced them out and threw them on the grill. The head was more problematic. After drawing the optic nerves and eyeball lens I sawed open the skull and removed the brain. Surely some adventurous type might eat it, perhaps on a dare. The rest I threw with the intestines into a bucket that would go to Zed, the zombie Cloud Giant that guarded all the buildings in Hag’s Court.

At that point my third business partner sashayed in carrying a stool and a violin over to the small raised platform against the north wall. Sillia was dressed in tan pants, shirt and veil that left her green scales and waist length snake hair plain to see. I knew that she was too young to actually turn anyone to stone, but that wasn’t common knowledge. During business hours she would play and sing. Her snakes, while they couldn’t speak, could harmonize quite well. Songs of drinking and heroism were her favorites. She sat down on her stool, opened a wooden case and began skillfully applying her make up. One of the Hags will be in today for her cut. Let’s have a profitable night she said.

Sing me a song about the heroism of Man, Sil I said.

I don’t know any. The human heroes all died out five centuries ago along with your empires. Now you’re just soft and pink and scrapping out a desperate living from the leavings of superior races she smirked. 

Then sing me a song about that.

I’ll try to think of one.

Earlier that day I’d picked up a triton tail from the Sahuagin fish market and started carving off slices. I’d just finished when the sand ran out of the hour glass signaling opening time offering our customers a choice of elf, fish, rum, or stew. Doctor Joshua of the Voltis Town Hospice was the first to enter and ordered a tall mug of rum. Rollic and I helped him with his surgery from time to time and respected him a great deal. He could do things with cord, staples, and metal that you’d swear were magic, and for a tenth of the cost. His Hospice was located across the cul de sac of Hag’s Court from the Meat Spit and was always full. He was rather interested in my drawing of the elven eye and passed over a few silver for it. 

As predicted Eldray the Drider didn’t take long to clatter inside. The Drow didn’t bother me much; they basically staid in their city states fantasizing about racial superiority and outside of the occasional raid left the rest of us alone. I didn’t know if Eldray was an outcast or spy or both. All I knew was he was an expert at making poisons that I didn’t care about and narcotics I did. They added some light and color to the constant struggle for money that life seemed to be. I warmed a mug of elf blood over the fire and walked over to the corner table Eldray had taken. 

Do I smell what I think I do?

Pure tree tickling moon struck dandelion eater for just five silver.

Aww you make me happy like I had my legs back. The drider took a sip and licked his lips. I have a problem for me that is an opportunity for you he said. My go to guy Tom Chiogen went off to harvest me some ingredients and hasn’t come back. The problem is his hunting ground is a cave beneath the water line near Third Dock and my kind don’t swim so well. So perhaps you three would like to rescue his runty arse and get me my supply.

That’s possible. Speaking of supply however…

I got your Sannish. Agree to save the Halfling and bring me some raw materials along with him and I’ll let you have it for free along with fifty gold when the job is done.

Sounds like a deal. I reached over and took a proffered veil of bluish liquid. I was about to partake when swinging doors opened and a troop of gnolls lead by large beast with a dyed red mane strode in. The leader loudly demanded rum and song. Sillia started up a stomp and clap version of _Yeenoghu Breaks the City Gates_ and I rushed over to help Rollic serve the alcohol. 

By the time Sillia had moved through _Howl at Red Moon_, and into _The Triumph of Savagery _the gnolls were deep in their cups. Red mane was explaining to Rollic how their ship had found a sloop with a broken mast three days east and the Red Reavers were in town to celebrate until their money ran out. Rollic nodded and wiped the vomit off the counter.

Just as the tavern was about to close the doors creaked open one last time and the unwelcome sight of a landlady walked through. Five feet high with green skin, warts, and brown hair with twigs and berries in it Hypaxis was eldest of the covenant of Hags that sub leased Hag’s Court. She ambled up to the counter and accepted a glass of rum. 

Voltis has upped taxes, she said without preamble, it’ll be 20 gold this week. 

Rollic coughed and sputtered that we had fifteen and change.

It’s 20 gold Hypaxis repeated.

I got us some work I said quickly, tomorrow, fifty gold, should be easy. Give us till then.

Hypaxis gummed her lips together a few times and said fine, you have one day, and remember to feed Zed your leftovers I don’t want him snacking on anyone.

So what’s this job said Sillia.


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## Erik the Human (Aug 11, 2012)

Part 2

Thirty yards to the west of Pier 3 a thin chain was wrapped around a boulder, marking where Tom Chiogen had made his decent. I waded in first and quickly discovered a severe drop off three feet from the shore line. Taking a look back at my partners for reassurance I dove under water and hauled myself along the chain links. 

Seaweed slimed its way across my skin until I pulled myself through a five foot circle of coral and broke the surface. I lit a lantern and glanced around. I was in a limestone tunnel stretched out beyond the lantern light. Behind me Rollic and Sillia broke the surface. 

The water glistened off the medusa’s scales enticingly. I mentally slapped myself. I was checking out Sillia of all people. Who was a reptile. And didn’t have breasts. And laid eggs. But she moved like a woman. I should concentrate on work. Yeah work, we needed to move.

My group moved cautiously down the uneven tunnel, brushing the occasional spider web out of our faces which was odd. These tunnels must connect to the surface at some point. We came to an oblong cavern that you could fit the entire Meat Spit into that was covered with webs. Small spiders the size of a coin crawled about a desiccated stirge. A path had been burnt through the webbing at the far right, hopefully by our quarry. 

Look at these spiders, they are all wrong said Rollic. Some have too many legs, some have bodies that don’t look like there made of chitin.

Sillia and I took a closer look. Your right I said. And look at the Stirge, its body isn’t just empty of fluids, it looks a little melted. Let’s not get bitten by these things.

The Drider might pay a pretty penny for poison that does that said Sillia. Maybe on the way out we should capture some.

A hundred yards down the tunnel we came to a three way split. With a little searching we found an arrow drawn in chalk pointing down the right tunnel. We followed it for ten minutes until we reached a large cavern that contained two red robed bodies, one half in a pool of water. They looked misshapen even from a distance. I started toward them when Rollic put a hand on my shoulder. 

There’s something on the ceiling.

Peering to the edge of the lantern light I saw it. A vague outline of a bloated body with a web held between four outstretched legs. I don’t think Sillia’s short bow is going to kill that. Maybe we can sneak around I said.

Even though none of us would be mistaken for rogues the spider must have been reluctant to give up its ambush spot and we slid around the walls of the cavern. Twenty yards ahead the tunnel split once more and again there was a small arrow pointing to the right. As we continued the number of arachnids beneath our feet and on the walls increased. We crushed many underfoot and some were large enough to skewer. I went first. Luckily I knew a trick. I can swing a sword with a little skill but my hidden talent is my mind. Reaching for my power I toughened my skin against their small bites and made my way unmolested.

After ten minutes we came to another cavern also crawling with spiders, who I noted seemed destined to starve to death as there seemed to be little food to support them. At the center of the room was a monstrosity: an amalgamation of three gray green arachnids that immediately began lurching toward us clacking its six mandibles. 

I believe the tension of the last half hour had gotten to Rollic as he bellowed, lowered his head and charged, slamming into the mutated creature, puncturing its carapace and flipping it onto its back. I followed the bull and swung my great sword into its abdomnin while Sillia bounced an arrow that did nothing as the thing seemed to be in its death-throws.

Sillia’s snakes braided themselves into a beehive while she tapped her cheek in thought. We should cut off the heads. The venom glands have to be in there somewhere.

It wasn’t the first time greed had driven me to do the unseemly and we soon had three craniums bouncing inside my sack. 

The cavern continued to widen and as we advanced we heard the sounds of voices raised in panic and a scream that was abruptly cut off. Another hundred feet at we found four men in red robes fighting a spider the size of an elephant that had three times the number of legs it was supposed to. On the ground lay two halves of one of the men his body sniped in two.

Do we help them I asked?

Perhaps they can give us some answers replied Rollic as he swung his great axe off his shoulders. Blood and ichor splattered around us before one of the men in red thrust a curved dagger of swirling colors into the monstrosity’s brain and causing it to collapse. He then dropped the dagger to the floor where it slowly dissolved.

Thank you for your aid. I am Moris, a Speaker of the Brotherhood of Searchers. Who might you be.

I stepped forward. I am Erik and my friends and I search for a lost Halfling. I am surprised to meet so many fellow humans in these caverns.

Our order has encountered no Halflings, only spiders. We too bemoan the decline of our race, but at the moment we seek a relic we have divined that is in these caves.

Master Moris, spoke a human with a large tear on his arm, my wound is mutating. I need your healing.

I have none left brother Curis.

I stepped forward to look. The edges of the wound didn’t bleed but seemed to wither and change into, glass? I have some skill as a surgeon I said. I could amputate.

Please! 

Rollic please hold the man down.

I unrolled my tools and chose a scalpel and a saw. A quick circular slice around the upper arm cut through the flesh then ten thrusts with the saw cut through the bone. As I cauterized the wound with a torch I believe Curis’s screams ended in unconsciousness. 

We must tend to our fallen comrade said Master Moris. If you meet others of my order they may be much more suspicious. Use the phrase “The Eye is Blind,” it may help you avoid hostilities.

We thanked him and continued onward.


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## Erik the Human (Aug 11, 2012)

Chapter 3

            The cavern continued to widen until it became a twenty foot ledge along a deep pit.  The pit was covered in a great web, in places the individual strands were six inches thick.  At the far wall, or rather attached to the wall was a huge spider that was far from anything crafted by nature.   It had a huge head with two rings of red lidless eyes the size of baseballs and a thorax that was fused to the wall.  Its mandibles were three feet long but melted together at the points and useless.  Its legs seemed to have changed from those of an arachnid to other substances: one was bright gold, one seemed to be clear glass, and another hung flaccid and green.  Next to its pulsating abdomen was a half formed egg sack that shook from the inside.

Twenty feet below the Spider stood a stone pillar of twisting tentacles fifteen feet high pierced by a giant obsidian spear.  From where the spear entered the statue slowly dripped a greyish substance that dully reflected every color of light like oil like a wound and pooled around the base of the statue.  As we watched the pool bubbled, writhed, and from it burst a bat like yellow creature with a pseudopod for a mouth.  The enormous arachnid immediately speared on a many segmented leg as it flew up and forced it into its maw.

The sight was so arresting that it took me a moment to hear the chanting coming from farther along the ledge.  Six red robbed figures stood around a diagram of a circle with wavy arrows pointing in all directions.  Past the six figures lay a smaller seventh dressed in street clothes on the ground.  Our Halfling?

Rollic, Sillia, and I approached the group.  When noticed, Sillia said clearly that the eye was blind.  The chanting paused.  One figure with a white sash demanded to know where we learned that phrase.  We explained our interaction with Master Moris.  He seemed angered.

Moris is a sentimental loose lipped fool.  You will leave, now.

That’s not a problem I replied.  Just let us take that Halfling over there and you’ll never see us again.
Do it.  Then go.

Rollic walked over and hoisted the softly moaning up.  You are Tom Chiogen correct?

Yes he said roughly.  Please get me out of here.

On closer inspection Tom was in bad shape.  He had strands of spider web stuck to his spider bitten body and one hand’s fingers appeared fused together.  He had a backpack that a quick look revealed was filled with bottles of something fleshy and pink.  We turned and left the Brotherhood of Searchers to its business.

On the walk out we questioned Tom about the red robbed men.  He had been milking venom from the spiders when dropped a web on him from ceiling and bit him.  Almost immediately after the Brotherhood arrived, drove the arachnids off with magic, and started preparing their ritual.  They talked of the mysteries of infinite possibility and seemed intent on removing the spear from the statue, which they regarded as a blasphemy.  Tom had asked for help but was curtly told to help himself and do so quietly.  

After returning to the surface we took Tom to Doctor Joshua’s Hospice across from the Meat Spit.  The doctor was very interested in Tom’s malformed hand.  We gave him a report of our expedition beneath the Town.  

Mutated spider venom you say.  I would very interested in acquiring some myself.  It seems to be influenced by elemental chaos.  

You are in luck I said.  We have three spider heads, ten gold apiece.  

I accept said Joshua.  As for you hand Tom, the bones are fused, I can only amputate.  However I am skilled in prosetics.  I can give you a hook, claw, or weapon for little money.  If you happen to become rich I might be able to do much more.  As for the rest of you, I could use your help in a delicate surgery schedualed for tomorrow morning in my lower rooms.  Will you be available I am afraid I can only pay you in future favors.

The education alone is almost worth it alone I replied.  Rollic agreed eagerly but Sillia said she had work at the tavern.

When we opened the Meat Spit for business that night Eldray paid us our fifty gold grudgingly.  He seemed annoyed we had given the spider heads to Doctor Joshua rather than him.  The Hag Hypaxis shuffled in not soon after for her 20 gold.  That’s a good boy she said, patting me on the cheek with a wart covered hand.  Keep Mama happy.

Looking in the cash drawer saw thirty gold coins and a miscillanious pile of silver.  It was a long way from being rich.


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## Erik the Human (Aug 13, 2012)

Chapter 4.

The patrons had left, the puke was cleaned off the floor, and another night drew to a close. It was time to relax. Sillia leaned back in a chair against the wall and propped her feet on thick wood table, her make up a bit of a mess. Rollic sitting on the bar doing bicep curls with a bar of iron, and I was holding up the wall near the door with my hands in my pocket. 

I’m going to write a sad song, said Sillia. It’ll be about a young female without the money for dresses and jewels, or mouth that has tasted a kiss, but has hidden talent and a passionate heart that longs for love.

I don’t think that will sell many drinks, said Rollic. Write one about how much you miss your mother and what she would think of your life of sin. And a catchy chorus that everyone can join in on.

My few fair weather admirers are the regulars who are drunks. They need some instruction on how to feel about me.

Real subtle said Rollic. The Minotaur switched hands and started a new set of reps. 

Not that the song isn’t true. I’m honest to my muse. When was the last time you saw a male medusa around?

Never. I said. I don’t even know what they look like.

Me either she sighed.

I think your song has potential. When the customers have a few in them they might feel sorry for you. Call it The Girl who never will be Kissed or something like that. 

What do you know human, I’m not going to be an old maid. 

Sorry, sorry. I spread my hands placatingly. Has been kissed then. My ambitions are simpler, I want to buy the Hag’s share of this place and double our profits.

Rollic stopped his bicep curls, picked up a barbell, lay down on the bar, and started doing bench presses. I want to be… the biggest… strongest… beast that ever… walked into the Spit he said. I also want… to be the most… learned one. Rollic set the bar down. Pizzat said he should have my scrolls tomorrow night.

What are these on? More distant realities we’ll never see or touch?

These are on knowledge arcana. Pieces of an ancient wizard’s primer. Pizzat swears there are real spells in it.

You couldn’t cast a spell to save the horns on your head said Sillia.

Doesn’t mean I can’t learn about them lonely girl.

All I know I said was that we risked our lives today under the city just to make a little more than rent. That doesn’t look to me like a smart way to live. 

Well tomorrow we’ll be making money from the doctor by seeing what’s under creature’s skin said Rollic. I’ve decided I like helping him. It’s fascinating trying to fix the tissues and tubes we’re made of. Plus I think it makes me a better cook.

There’s something to drawing the anatomy of veins, muscles, and bone I said. And learning to stitch and suture saves lives.

Pass, said Sillia. I don’t know how you two don’t vomit inside a patient and kill somebody.

Still, I insisted, we took a huge gamble yesterday for so little profit. Now it didn’t look like we had much choice at the time, but can’t we be smarter than that?

If you have any ideas I’m all ears and fangs said Sillia. Maybe I could write a song about stomping spiders and saving the Halfling. It’s a shame we didn’t bring back some sort of trophy to hang over the bar.

I shrugged and pulled the glass bottle I’d bought from Eldray out of my pocket, sloshing the blue liquid inside. Look what I got from the drider yesterday and forgot all about.

OOOH said Sillia. Sannish! I want.

If you keep spending your money on devil’s wolf milk you how do you expect to pay for this tavern said Rollic?

Don’t be so strait edge said Sillia. If you don’t want any it’s more for me and Erik.

I’m going for a run, you two enjoy. Rollic rolled off the bar and jogged out the door.

I drank half the bottle, feeling a familiar numbing of the senses and passed the rest to Sillia. 

She sipped at the bottle. This stuff doesn’t taste good, but I like the taste. Does that make sense?

Coffee doesn’t taste good but I like the taste I said.

And when have you been able to afford coffee asked Sillia as she drained the rest of the bottle?

Back when I was dating Myra, she got her hands on a few bags that fell off a cart.

We both sat in silence as the Sannish’s euphoria slowly washed over us. While on it all pain fled. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before but the Doctor would be very interested in it. Something to think about tomorrow.


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