# Help me build the worst characters ever conceived for a drunken one-shot adventure



## cr20_Pseudodragon (Mar 8, 2012)

A while back I read an idea for a DnD drinking game (sorry to have forgotten your name Mr. Internet Person, you are an evil genius). You start with a stack 30 or so of terribly-built 1st-level characters, everyone grabs a character sheet, and the DM throws your party of misfits against very-low-CR encounters. When your character dies (which happens quite often), the DM grabs a new character sheet and joins the party, you finish your drink and you become the new DM. And you keep this up until you are too drunk to keep playing and/or you run out of characters.

The guy who suggested this idea told some crazy stories about almost TPKing to a beached whale or a log over a river (half of the party drowned). Here's a few of the misfit PCs that I remember from his stories:

A barbarian with high strength and a Con of 4 who is too proud to wear any armor
An old granny who fights with a frying pan
The Wicked Witch of the north-northwest who melts when she comes into contact with water
Thannibal Lector who fights with a knife and fork and tries to sneak away with the corpses of any dead humanoids that are handy
This is where I need your help! I need more character concepts or encounter ideas. Bonus points for dumb puns, like encountering skeletons in a closet. We're celebrating two birthdays, so I really want to make this fun. And I promise to come back and post my crazy stories afterwards.


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## Celebrim (Mar 8, 2012)

Delusional Wannabe Wizard - He has a 9 intelligence and no spells, but the thinks he works magic.  He's armed with rotten eggs and bags of bat gauno and goes around yelling 'Fireball!'  

Zero Wisdom Thief - He has an 18 dexterity, but a 3 wisdom and severe vision empairment.  He's all the time attempting nefarious deeds with the greatest of stealth, because he has no idea who is watching him or who he is stealing from.

The Blind Swordsman - He's a blind swordsman.  He doesn't have blindsense, tremor sense, or supernatural hearing.  He's just a blind swordsman with a very sharp sword and no sense of direction.

Adventuring Impaired Cleric - Yes, the saintly old man does have the wisdom of his years, a kindly heart, and a direct line to his diety.  But he's going to need it, because he only has a 3 str, 3 dex, and 3 constitution.

The 400 lb.  Ninja - He's a real ninja.  But he hasn't been out in a while, and he's got 250 lb's of encumbrance when he's just wearing a loin cloth.

The Hemophiliac Man-at-Arms - He's as stalwart and brave as any man, and anxious to prove it.  He just has a minor occupational disability for a man in a line of work involving sharp objects.

The Bard - He's a bard.


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## Traveon Wyvernspur (Mar 8, 2012)

The Rapping Bard with a CHA of 6, goes around "rapping" about his battles and thinks himself a true ladies man.

The Grizzled Vet - 75 year old retired Warlord with a STR/CON/DEX of 7 and thinks he still has it in him to beat up on the young whippersnappers and upstarts.

The not good at range Ranger - Low DEX one-eyed Ranger who thinks that he's the best archer in town even though he can't hit the side of a barn from ten feet away.

The Narcissistic Paladin - Has a high CHA, but very low INT/WIS and even in the middle of battle he has to look at himself in the mirror or nearest surface that shows his reflection. He'll stop in the middle of swinging his sword to go look at and coo over himself.


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## Living Legend (Mar 9, 2012)

I would like to propose a RIFTS version of this game.  The situations would be a little less mundane, but I think the spirit is there

The crazy: that has extreme OCD, he has to gather up each and every shell casing on the battlefield IMMEDIATLY

The juicer: who's drug pack is malfunctioning and set to only release muscle relaxers

The glitterboy: who is 12 years old, and his power armor is equipped with the newest iphone and he can't be bothered with anything else

The cyberknight: who is a were-lemming that changes forms whenever violence breaks out

The borg: who passes out at the site of blood


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## malcolypse (Mar 9, 2012)

How about a wizard with an extreme intelligence score, but no wisdom to speak of. Very proud of his brains, to the point that he will only use the spells Dancing Lights, Ventriloquism, and Magic Missile. You know, because with his advanced intellect, he can win any encounter with some combination of them.


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## Living Legend (Mar 9, 2012)

malcolypse said:


> How about a wizard with an extreme intelligence score, but no wisdom to speak of. Very proud of his brains, to the point that he will only use the spells Dancing Lights, Ventriloquism, and Magic Missile. You know, because with his advanced intellect, he can win any encounter with some combination of them.




magic missile is too easy, swap it with grease or maybe light or alarm and now you're talking.


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## trancejeremy (Mar 9, 2012)

The Hollow World has a race of depressed, Goth-like Elves.
Also, Smurfs (called Cubitts).

Both good choices.


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## Halivar (Mar 9, 2012)

An assassin modeled on Fluttershy from "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic."

/tap /tap /tap "Ummm? Excuse me... I would like to death-attack you, and I wanted to know if that was okay with you first?" /squee


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## jedavis (Mar 9, 2012)

The Hobbit - He's just a hobbit who, until recently was leading a perfectly peaceful life in a hobbit-hole, as most hobbits do.  Prone to eating during encounters, no combat skills to speak of, and a bit on the heavy side.  Also barefoot, hence particularly vulnerable to caltrops and other terrain dangers.


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## jonesy (Mar 9, 2012)

Ranger/Summoner Mystic Theurge.

A gnome Hexblade with 5 charisma and strength.

Make a character whose actual alignment reads "lawful stupid". 

Awakened shrubbery.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Mar 9, 2012)

_*Mute*_ Human Sorcerer; feats: Infernal Sorc Heritage, Infernal Sorc Shout.

Wears heaviest armor he can afford, uses a Morningstar & crossbow. OR spear.


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## Living Legend (Mar 9, 2012)

The ranger who absolutely hates waste, and so he must retrieve each and every arrow he fires... immediately after he fires it.


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## jedavis (Mar 9, 2012)

The Delusional Wannabe Wizard's Familiar - if you have the wannabe wizard in your game, at least give him a familiar...  and make that familiar a PC, who is smarter than his master (and knows it), but can't communicate well with the rest of the party (because he's a cat).


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## Rune (Mar 9, 2012)

*The Vancian Amnesiac*, who was probably pretty powerful, once.

*Lucky*, who can only use d12s when he would otherwise roll a d20.

*Mr. Billbo*, the hobbit made out of clay.  _OH NOOOO!_


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## Halivar (Mar 9, 2012)

Level 1 expert with max ranks in Profession (plumber). He insists on only attacking by jumping on enemies and throwing Italian meatballs at them (improvised weapon dealing 1d1-1 damage).

EDIT: Also, obsessively eats mushrooms.


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## Celebrim (Mar 9, 2012)

Conon the Pacifist: He's a barbarian.  He's big.   He's strong.  And he has a unwavering respect for the sanctity of all life and has foresworn all violence.  Straw hat and carpentry skills are optional.

The Mime: He's a bard that refuses to make a sound and thinks getting attacked is a great oppurtunity for pantomine slapstick humor.

The Retro Magic-User: He's a wizard, and he's got 15 intelligence.  Unfortunately, he also has 1 hit point, no armor, a dagger, can only cast one spell a day, and the only spells he knows are: Message, Read Magic, Ventrioloquism, and Write.

Lucky Lem, the Pirate: You have wooden peg where your leg was taken off by a cannon ball.  You hand was eaten by a crocodile, leaving you with just a hook.  You lost one eye to a boarding axe that split your face and left you missing half your teeth and horribly scarred.  And you're hard of hearing from that one incident with the keg of black powder that no one wants to speak about.  After all that, you have to be lucky to still be standign.

The Martyr: You have the power to inspire and motivate your friends to new heights of courage.  The only problem is that they only get inspired when you die.  (Note: You can actually play this character in my house rules.)


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## blargney the second (Mar 9, 2012)

The Mexican Wrestler: wears a mask, grapples *everything*.  Oh yeah, he's an expert with max ranks in Profession (wrestler) and Strength 8.

The Chicken Herder: he has a herd of 10 chickens that he takes with him everywhere.  They're all named, and he loves them dearly.  Oh yeah, he's an indigo muppet with a huge schnozz.

The Pied Piper: a bard with Weapon Focus (cream pies).  'Nuff said.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Mar 9, 2012)

Nairda the Monk: incredibly skilled, but debilitated by phobias to darkness, small animals, large animals, enclosed spaces, odd numbers, dirt, all water that has not been Purified, disease, asymmetry...

May completely dissociate under extreme stress (see list of phobias)

Always dresses in a brown gi, sandals, and gloves.


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## blargney the second (Mar 9, 2012)

The Referee: he's delusional and thinks he's the linesman for a reality show about a bloodsport arena.  Constantly calling timeouts in the middle of a fight for various infractions.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Mar 9, 2012)

The Dork Knight: a mighty warrior but with a low Cha...tends to bore others with his discourses on the minutiae of his passtimes- home-made wines, playing spoons, goblet stacking, model trireme building, etc.


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## blargney the second (Mar 9, 2012)

The Cross-dresser: he likes to wear full plate.  With boobs on it.  Oh yeah, he's a sorcerer.


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## blargney the second (Mar 9, 2012)

That Guy: he has a rod of wonder.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Mar 9, 2012)

blargney the second said:


> That Guy: he has a rod of wonder.




...AND a Deck of Many Things.








Don't be That Guy.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Mar 9, 2012)

Whiteraven the  Necromancer: He believes he will rule the world because he has the Eye of Vicuña...


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## jonesy (Mar 9, 2012)

A Zombie. Just a bog standard zombie. Able to talk sloooowly.

A bard whose instrument is a grand piano on wheels that he has to wheel around.

Twin sisters who are both sorcerers. But each of them only has half of a sorcerors normal allotment of spells. Together they are one sorceror. To cast spells they have to hold hands.


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## Halivar (Mar 9, 2012)

The Omnipotent Thespian Bard. He's a bard. He's a thespian. And he's also aware that he is in a role-playing game. He enjoys breaking the fourth wall, and making long, dramatic aside monologues in the middle of fights (thus delaying his turn) to the audience. He's also read the Monster Manual, but remembers the entries all wrong.


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## Wild Gazebo (Mar 9, 2012)

-Dwarven Acrobat
-Sullen Farmer
-Elven Composer
-Goblin Poet


Some that I've done and had fun with:

-Dwarven Bard with a pipe organ on a wagon.
-Human artist with no combat skills.
-Necromancer who doesn't like necromancy (family business)
-Sorcerer Farmer who doesn't have any arcane skills and isn't sure how he learned how to cast magic.
-Paladin Pacifist who traded in his holy avenger for two blackjacks.
-Goblin philosopher who recognizes that theoretically the party 'should' engage in combat but doesn't have a firm grasp that it is 'right to' engage in combat.


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## Matchstick (Mar 9, 2012)

I once made it through a Piratecat GenCon game as a butler armed only with a broken wine bottle.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Mar 9, 2012)

An _Awakened_ Bonsai Pine tree Paladin...with a Wolf as its summoned mount.


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## kitsune9 (Mar 9, 2012)

cr20_Pseudodragon said:


> And I promise to come back and post my crazy stories afterwards.




If you remember them!


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## SteelDraco (Mar 9, 2012)

A warforged druid who can't use any class features because he's made of metal.


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## Living Legend (Mar 9, 2012)

Planescape (2e) themed:

A frat boy bariaur 1 shot away from blacking out

A barbarian modron

A yugoloth who's weapons get smaller every time he lies

An aasimar with tourettes who feels compelled to stop and say a prayer every time he swears


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## Aramax (Mar 10, 2012)

Whamo the imaginary mage-all 3s except int 18,only knows 1 spell fireball but always rolls 1s on damage


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## Wild Gazebo (Mar 10, 2012)

A tourist named Twoflower.


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## Mercutio01 (Mar 10, 2012)

a bard ventriloquist with a dummy - the catch being that the dummy is "Awakened" and the ventriloquist is actually a polymorphed housecat.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Mar 10, 2012)

An Awakened Purple Squirrel Bard.

Purple squirrel captured in Pennsylvania | MNN - Mother Nature Network

He plays a funny shaped yellow Lute and prefers to be called "Dauphin" or "The Artist"...


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