# The Wednesday Knights Story Hour



## Goonalan (Jan 7, 2004)

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION I- Part 1.

Satyrday 1st Jankers 2000 
Year of the Dark

The Pub Launch.

Outside, in the village of Amberdale, a thin mizzle soaks everything, inside the Birchwhistle Inn a group of incompetents and malcontents sit and nurse their half-pints of “Old Scrotum”. In the far corner Endrin (Bard 1), a ladies-man, a fop by any other name, plucks softly at the strings of his lyre so as to hear what the incompetents and malcontents are saying…

Felix (Druid 1), the raggedy dressed Dwarf, eyes the assembled crew and speaks slowly, as if he were addressing children, “ I am Felix.”

“The cat?” offers Liandri (Rogue 1), a thin and profoundly ugly elf, and then ss behind his hand. 

Felix shoots him a glance and continues, his voice rising to crescendo by the end “I have just returned from adventuring deep beneath the surface of the Oerth. I have travelled twisted tunnels filled with dark hideous creatures unknown and unseen by you…”, he looks at their expectant faces, one by one, “surface dwellers.”

Felix shifts in his seat and fixes his stare.

“So.” says Mallaria (Barbarian 1), a stubborn looking warrior maiden with the touch of elvish about her. “Why should I care?”

The question hangs in the air.

This is better Felix thinks- I don’t have to trust these people; I will not trust these people.

“So. I wish to return there”, his voice trails to a whisper as he leans forward inches from Mallaria’s face.

“I will repeat the question, Dwarf, why… should… I… care?” Mallaria hisses back.

Good, good, thinks Felix- she is strong.

“I wish to gather power so that when I return… all will know my name, and it will be the last word on their lips before Moradin takes them down to his fiery furnace to make them anew.” Once again the Dwarf takes to shouting and thumping his tankard to make his point.

Silence engulfs the table even the Bard has stopped his strumming, Felix leans back and folds his arms over his massive chest.

Mallaria shakes her head and looks around the table and then back to the surly Dwarf- “So, is it just me, but wha…”

“I think he wants us to accompany him…” all eyes, bar those of the Dwarf, turn to stare at Endrin who finds himself the centre of attention, “I mean, probably not directly. I think he wants us to go adventuring- to seek out new lives, to bravely go where…”. His left arm reaches to cradle the neck of his lyre, his right is about to sound the first note (actually the opening chord of “Going Underground” by the radical Sulean folk trio “Sticky Berry Paste”)

“Enough, pansy.” Growls Mallaria, “Is he right, Dwarf?”

Felix nods his head slowly so as the barbarian will understand.

“Then I will go, but no man will lead me, nor <SPITS DRAMATICALLY ON THE FIRE> any Dwarf.” With that Mallaria rises and strides over to the bar. There she wipes the trail of saliva from her chin, and frizzes her tight perm for affect.

“I’ll go,” Endrin scans the Dwarf’s face, “if you’ll have me?”
Felix nods, and half-smiles then turns to look at the others- Bob (Ranger 1) the gangly seventeen year old quickly nods, Liandri smirks while Xeolus (Monk 1) slurps his Milk-Squiffy (non-alcoholic) and nods eagerly almost displacing his frothy moustache. The deal is done.

“Meet back here- 5 A.M. tomorrow morning- bring your gear, we’re busy. Does any of you know what a Kobold is?”
“Vicious”, comments Bob.
“Pathetic”, adds Mallaria.
“That’s as maybe… here, 5 A.M. and be ready.” And with that Felix leaves the Inn.

And so the adventure begins… the road goes ever on, or so some damnable halfling once said- here follows the tale of the Wednesday Knights a shambolic gathering of misfits and loners brought alive by a shambolic gathering of… you get the idea.

Dramatis Personae

Felix, Dwarven Deep Druid (subterranean Druid) gruff and grouchy.
Endrin, Human Bard a ladies man.
Liandri, Elven Rogue obnoxious and generally nasty.
Bob, Human Ranger young and stupid.
Xealous, Human Monk very young, a crusader.
Mallaria, Half-Elven Barbarian vicious and mean.

Coming soon… Farmer Brown and the Kobold Potato Bandits- your spuds or your life.


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## robberbaron (Jan 7, 2004)

Nice start.
What is it with female barbarians? They are always sooooo aggressive.


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## Goonalan (Jan 8, 2004)

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION I- Part 2.

Sunday 2nd Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Guard that Potato.

The rain comes down and within minutes the party are soaked, hunched and miserable they blow clouds of cold air and stamp their feet- Liandri in the puddles, much to the Mallaria’s annoyance.

“STOP THAT.” Each word a solid blow.

Liandri mooches away from the petulent Barbarian, “make me”, he whispers under his breath, but only when he is sure that no one is about to hear his challenge.

Five minutes later Felix arrives.

"Where's Xeolus?"
"Bed. He says he didn't get to sleep till late and he thinks he's got a bit of a snuffle, so it's best he rests up." Endrin states, unconvinced.
The group looks elsewhere as Felix shakes his head.
"Bloody kids." He lets the statement hang in the air.

With a damp shrug and a backward wave he leads them out of town- there’s no one around to see them go.

“Where are we going?” Endrin pipes up chipper despite the hour and the downpour.
“Farmer Brown’s place.” Felix says without breaking stride.
“What’s there then?”
“Potato’s”
“What?” 

The other members of the party stop and stare at Felix’s receding form. The dwarf walks on until he is certain their footsteps have stopped- at which point he turns to face the group his hands in the air, ready to placate and if possible explain.

“Right. Farmer Brown is paying each of us £3 to deliver his Potato’s to town- his farm has been attacked by Kobolds twice in the last week, they stole a chicken and a pig.”

[DM’s note- the currency of the age is the Golden Dollar ($’s) ($1 = 1 Gold Piece, $5 = 1 Platinum Piece, 50 cents (c’s) = 1 Electrum Piece, 10 cents = 1 Silver Piece, 1 cent = 1 Copper piece). Except for Dwarves who don’t hold with Dollars- using the above exchange rate change Dollars to Pounds (£’s) and cents to pennies (p’s). Dwarves are just strange like that- they invented money afterall.]

Bob shrugs, “fair enough” and walks on- the others briefly look around and then follow suit, Endrin smiles broadly at Mallaria who stands statue in the centre of the road- “Potato’s… Potato’s? Xeolus got it right. Sod that, I’m off back to bed- you can keep your spuds.” With that she turns and trudges off back to Amberdale and the warm mattresses of the Birchwhistle Inn.

“She’s a miserable bitch”, remarks Endrin.

From six the party is reduced to four, apparently Potato protection is not everyone's cup of tea.

A wet and muddy hour later they arrive at Farmer Brown’s, in the yard Old Tom the carthorse is being hitched to the cart that Old Bill “Filthy Hoe” Garvey and Terry “The Spade” McGuire have just finished loading. Farmer Brown sees the group and waves them over while Mrs. Brown fetches them a good strong brew…

The tea drunk, Farmer Brown leaps onto the cart and with a courtly gesture invites the group to join him, there are spaces for two other party members. Liandri rides shotgun, while Endrin hitches a ride on the wagon’s tailgate. The rain has almost stopped and bruised cotton wool clouds frame the sun.  Endrin whistles a happy tune as he follows behind the cart, Felix and Bob stride off in front- outriders.

Three hours later the first load is done, and in good time, they are back at the farm and ready for the second run- only a half-load left after that.

On the second run about two miles from the farm Old Tom (the carthorse) draws to a halt, snorts at the air and begins to toss his head back and forth- his left front leg paws the dirt of the road. Felix, walking ahead of the cart checks the balance of his staff, Endrin notches an arrow and scans either side of the road, Bob half-draws his longsword, and Liandri begins to get a little nervous. The silence folds in upon the party like the clouds around the sun, Farmer Brown mutters something and keeps his eyes on Old Tom- the horse continues to make his mark in the dirt road. There is a palpable charge to the air, a light drizzle begins- the tension is unbearable for some- Liandri is now stood in the wagon his bow drawn, hands shaking- wanting and yet not wanting to let go, waiting for something, anything, to happen…

Silence except for the rain, except for pained whinny of Old Tom the horse, except for the slap of Felix’s stave on his open hand, except for low creak of Bob’s leather armour as he twists to stare frantically in all directions, except for Endrin’s piping staccato whistle through his dry lips, except for the strangled cough of Farmer Brown hunched and low.

Silence except for the chitter of the arrow hard against Liandri’s bow, the tension in his hands through his wrists holding, holding, holding… the colour draining from him, white fear.  

Silence.

Suddenly an explosion of sound causing the cart itself to vibrate, followed by a dull wet thud- like a body dropping into a muddy puddle. 

Coming soon... Liandri and Old Tom make a pile...


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## Goonalan (Jan 8, 2004)

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION I- Part 3.

Sunday 2nd Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Minimalist style panic ensues.

Felix growls and shakes his staff at no-one in particular, Bob strains to find out what’s going on, Endrin shuffles nervously non-plussed his tune and cheer gone. Liandri, Liandri keeps his head down and sobs as quietly as possible.

Farmer Brown breaks the silence his muffled cough turns into a laugh that in turn becomes a roar, head back he kicks his legs in the air and rocks to the rhythm of his joy.

Felix and Bob look back at the strange Farmer and immediately spot the huge steaming pile of dung, nearly a foot high, that Old Tom (the carthorse) has just deposited on the puddled road.

“First of the day”, the Farmer guffaws.

The horse nods, Bob swears later that it also smiles and winks, the cart moves off, the Farmer grasps the reins and wipes the tears from his eyes.

Behind Liandri squats down, looks left then right, and then leaps over the side of the cart and waddles/shuffles into the woods holding his backside- he’s as white as a sheet. 

Farmer Brown stops the cart looks puzzled, sniffs the air and then looks back to where Liandri was sat/stood- Liandri has left his mark.

The Wednesday Knights gather to offer support for the beleaguered Elf,

“First of the day, Liandri?”
“I’m not eating them potato’s now.”
“I thought you said you wuz a crack shot with that bow, more like a cack shot.”

Then from the woods.

“Fetch me one of them Potato sacks… NOW.”

Five minutes later Liandri appears from the woods wearing the Potato sack as trousers, actually more like a sarong or skirt. After the wolf-whistles die down the party are on the road again.

When they reach Amberdale for the second time Liandri uses all of his Rogue talents to enter the Birchwhistle Inn unnoticed shimmy upstairs and collect fresh trousers and underwear.

Of course on the third journey when spirits are high at the thought of £3 each- easy money, the group are somewhat less surprised when Old Tom (the carthorse) stops again, Endrin’s giggles are silenced by Liandri’s stiletto stare. 

However things change suddenly when two small creatures emerge from the woods ahead of the wagon, one with his/her/it’s hand in the air- as if to offer parley, they look a bit like scaly (and ugly) dogs except they walk upright.

“Kobolds” whispers Bob.
“MMMuuuuMMha” agrees Farmer Brown.

Two more of the creatures emerge from the woods behind the cart.

Time stops.

Endrin shuffles furiously the two creatures approaching him look menacing and are wielding short spears- well, looking as menacing as they can at just over three feet high, they growl in a squeaky way. In a fit of peek Endrin takes this as a personal slight draws his bow and fires- the arrow whizzes past the Kobolds who are stunned for a second, they grasp their half-spears and rush to attack screaming in Draconic.

“Death to the biggums.”
“Prepare for a spearing you long tall streak of…”
“Go for the knees.”

Felix and Bob at the head of the wagon hear this, shrug and charge forward, they simultaneously roll natural “1’s” (there first attack roles ever). Felix’s staff skitters out of his sweaty hands and lies well out of his reach on the floor, Bob prepares a huge overhead blow, alas his grip is also loose- his longsword sails off into the distance, landing some thirty feet beyond the momentarily stunned Kobolds.

They share a pained expression, as the Kobolds rush forward and attempt to stab them with their spears, both miss. Once again entirely in synch the two bundle into the creatures. Bob has instant success (natural “20”) his blow sends the Kobold spinning to the floor- dead. Felix displays rather less elan and falls upon his opponent and kinda rabbit punches the thing into unconsciousness shouting, “for Mash get Smash”, as he fights.

A sudden flight of crossbow bolts from both sides of the woods, fortunately no one is hit, although the cart develops a pincushion effect.

Back at the back Endrin takes on two of the creatures, sword drawn- eventually killing one before the second flees, he has a slight cut for his troubles.

While this is happening stuck in the middle Farmer Brown shouts and points all the while- “That wun ‘ad my !” (male chicken, think about it), and, “Get orff my land”- before sitting down abruptly when a crossbow bolt fired from the woods strikes him in the shoulder. Old Tom (the carthorse) likewise is hit although the bolt does little damage. Farmer Brown keeps Old Tom from bolting as Liandri makes balance checks and fires back into the woods- killing Kobolds as they pop up to aim. 

The conflict is soon over with Bob and Liandri dashing either side of the road whooping and hollering and generally giving chase.

Soon after they regroup and begin to drag the five Kobold bodies into the woods, Liandri meanwhile ties up the one left unconscious.

A few minutes later Farmer Brown is packed off to Amberdale (swiftly) with his potato’s intact and one ko’d Kobold hidden in the back. 

The group follows Bob, the expert Ranger, into the forest on a mission to hunt down and destroy the dreaded Kobold Potato Bandits.

Coming soon… to Koboldly go…


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## Goonalan (Jan 8, 2004)

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION I- Part 4.

Sunday 2nd Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Tree Pain

Five to ten minutes later in hushed silence the group trail through the woods in search of the Bandits, following Bob.

Bob: “What are we looking for again?”
Endrin: “Kobolds.”
Bob: “Ohh.”
Endrin: “Why?”
Bob: “Mmmuh?”
Endrin: “I said why?”
Bob: “Mmmuh ohh it’s just that I haven’t seen any tracks for anything for ages- I’d forgotten what we were looking for… have you seen any?”
Liandri: “Oh… You… ”

The group retrace their steps back to the road and then head in the opposite direction into the woods, soon after they pick up a trail- Kobolds. About 30 minutes later, deep into the woods, the group have espied and silently moved in to have a look at a large Oak tree that has been hollowed out at the base to create a den of sorts. The party creeps back a distance to form a working party.

They each have a plan- this will prove to be a mistake later.

The attack commences- Bob creeps up a bit and then rushes in screaming, right in front of Liandri, who lets an arrow fly- it jams into Bob’s back, stuck in his armour, but deals no damage. Endrin rushes into the bole of the tree, forgets to duck and discovers that the den has only four-foot headroom he whacks his head almost knocking himself out and scattering his sword. Felix has better luck the Kobolds attempt to flee from around the other side of the tree, Felix is waiting- he swiftly cuts two down. Bob and Endrin also get good hits in while Liandri picks off those that are attempting to flee into the woods.

There are nine Kobolds when the group arrive, soon after there are six dead bodies and three more fleeing through the woods. Bob is in hot pursuit, actually he’s only just in the same post code (zip code) as them but let’s leave him for the moment- he’s happy.

A thorough search of the den locates a few pennies, a collection of sheep’s teeth and a sack of Farmer Brown’s patent potato waffles. High fives all round, the group hoist there ill-gotten gains and trudge back to Amberdale, alternatively back-slapping each other and ribbing Liandri for his pant filling problem.

In Amberdale they retire to the Birchwhistle Inn for Latte’s and Ginger Snaps- safe in the knowledge that everywhere (Amberdale and surrounding commuter farms) potatoes will sleep safe in their beds in the knowledge that the Kobold Potato Bandits are no more. However new dangers lurk at every corner for healthy fresh new potatoes- the spuds keep their eyes peeled.

The Kobold captive has been sent to the Amberdale gaol (actually cell- singular) for a debriefing, sorry beating.

The group spends their three Dollars/Pounds each on fine wines (actually fizzy lager) and suckling pig (cheesy wotsits). Before each charms a lusty, busty courtesan and takes them aloft for a-pleasuring (your Nan).

The first day of adventuring comes to an end, the Wednesday Knights, or at least four of the six, are put back in their boxes to dream of riches beyond their wildest... well dreams. For Liandri it's waterproof trousers with a safety mechanism for quick egress, for Endrin it's maidens that need rescuing (from their virginity), for Bob a nightmare of hard sums, joined up writing and learning how to track, Felix dreams are of glistening solid gold bars… fried potatoes- Dwarven chips.

Coming soon… Ratatouille.


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## robberbaron (Jan 8, 2004)

LMAO   .
I like the way you spin a yarn. 
Had to stifle a loud guffaw (sitting at desk in an open-plan office) when Old Tom did his business, and several times after.

Keep it up.

BTW, what did Mallaria's player do while all this was happening?


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## Goonalan (Jan 8, 2004)

robberbaron said:
			
		

> LMAO   .
> I like the way you spin a yarn.
> Had to stifle a loud guffaw (sitting at desk in an open-plan office) when Old Tom did his business, and several times after.
> 
> ...




Actually Session 1-1 was a made up happening that we did when we rolled up the characters, Session 1-2 was actaully the first game night.

Kev who we call Gimli (in real life, he looks like him- don't ask) who plays Xeolus didn't turn up, and Emma who plays Bob had to work, however Tommo who plays Mallaria turned up late but without his character sheet (he'd lost it without actually ever using it) thus he chose to play Bob.

You wish you'd never asked.

I think you could describe the sessions as either 1) a Hodge-Podge, and 2) a semi-drunken Hodge-Podge.

Thanks for asking.


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## robberbaron (Jan 8, 2004)

Goonalan said:
			
		

> I think you could describe the sessions as either 1) a Hodge-Podge, and 2) a semi-drunken Hodge-Podge.




The latter has often been my favourite kind of session, usually sending the GM somewhat barmy by the end.


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## Goonalan (Jan 9, 2004)

Robberbaron on your first comment you started with LMAO- what does that mean, it's just that I've never been in this room before, and I've never been on a messageboard before. Well not as far as I can remember.

Er that's it, thanks again- spread the word, work permitting I'll keep writing.

Per Ardva Ad Astra


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## robberbaron (Jan 9, 2004)

Goonalan said:
			
		

> Robberbaron on your first comment you started with LMAO- what does that mean, it's just that I've never been in this room before, and I've never been on a messageboard before. Well not as far as I can remember.




Laughed My Ar5e Off. I think I've seen it used before but, as I'm not completely au fait with the vast range of acronyms used, I could have just made it up. 

I will spread the word, have no fear.

Per Aardvark ad Astrid


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## Goonalan (Jan 12, 2004)

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION I- Part 6.

Sunday 2nd Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Where Rat?

Dramatis Personae
Felix Dwarf Deep Druid 1, will eat anything.
Endrin Human Bard 1, one for the ladies.
Liandri Elven Rogue 1, born bad.
Bob, Human Ranger 1, a simple country lad.

The next day the group are roused (not aroused) by the ’s (male chicken, not a hen but a) crow a little the worse for wear after last nights celebration.

Endrin “Sod Paracetamol get me a Para-Medic.”
Liandri “ My head’s come off… MY HEAD’S COME OFF.”
Bob “That’s my head.” 
Liandri “Thank the Lady for that.”

Bright and early they complete their ablutions.

<RRRRRRaaallllpphhhh>
<HHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEWWWWEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee>
<RaLPH>

And descend for breakfast.

“Oh Pelor no… I think I’m going to be…”

Five minutes later Captain Jarrek arrives at the Birchwhistle Inn in search of the hardy souls. Captain Jarrek, Chief Guarder… er boss of the Amberdale Guard, is a fifty-year-old dick that lives by a little book with a set of rules in it. The book tells him everything- how long his hair should be, what he should wear and where he should wear it- a military man. It is said that he urinates to attention….

“Aahhh, at ease Private.”

Anyway he marches into the groups lives- Felix who is eating Liandri’s breakfast (he’s already had Endrin’s, Bob’s and his own) meets him and on behalf of the Wednesday Knights accepts their next mission. It seems their fame is spreading.

“The others... Oh they’re up the stairs practising their swordplay and the like.”
To which Jarrek nods “Damn fine men. Damn fine.”

And the story is Rodney Dirt (Bob’s Pinocchio Pal- a halfling Ranger that taught Bob everything he has since forgotten) has reported that there is a rat infestation at the nearest Ranger Tower. The Ranger Towers dot the Amberdale woods, safe havens back to which the Amberdale Rangers and Guard can retire when on patrol. The group then is to travel to the tower and clear the place out- make it fit for Human habitation (which will necessitate Mallaria’s continued absence). Also Xeolus has sent a note from his mum saying that he will not be able to play out as he has a sniffle and a verruca, and besides he has forgotten his sports kit. The effect is somewhat spoiled by the fact that Xeolus is an orphan- brought up (badly) by Monks.

Several hours later the group assemble, they’re as sober as they’re going to get without having to wait till tomorrow. Bob leads them off, he’s been to the tower before, a few hours later after some marathon dawdling they half-creep, half-saunter half-arsed into a clearing and espy three large (Dire) Rats, frolicking in the long grass outside the tower door- which seems to have been gnawed through. The group crouch down and stay hidden, they then aim missiles and fire, everybody rolls eighteen plus and six seconds later all the rats are dead. This is all done by signals in true Special Forces style, believe me it can’t continue.

Bob pushes open the half-gnawed (the lower half) door and looks inside, the others file in- an abandoned guardroom and kitchen- all the food has spoiled and the place is full of rat droppings- a real mess. A set of stairs file up into the darkness… A brief search is conducted in silence- lots of Rat tracks and maybe some human sized footprints.

Liandri listens a while, nothing. Two steps at a time he silently climbs the stair Endrin behind with Felix and Bob following on. On the first floor an open doorway, the door lies broken on the floor, beyond a darkened chamber, the stairs continue up. 

Liandri creeps in to a large-ish bed chamber full of tatty bunk beds, moments later another Dire Rat skitters out and is swiftly skewered, Endrin moves on in followed by Felix, Bob remains on the stair listening.

Another Dire Rat is sliced before Felix discovers a nest of a dozen or so normal (house?) rats, he begins to waddle after them stamping on them as he goes (no longer house rats now flat rats).

“Good eatin’.”

Every now and then Felix stops to marvel at the a) “bloody lovely cornicing”, b) “fantastic mortar work”, and c) “great grouting- just great”. He has a thing about quality stonework. The rats, for the record, were bothering nobody till Felix arrived. Endrin mooches about the room examining stuff- 

“I look at the bed”
DM “And?”
Endrin “Do I see any treasure?” 
DM “No”
Endrin “Ok, what’s over here?”

And thus it continues until he finds a mirror on one of the walls, and spends some quality time gazing into the eyes of his true love.

Liandri (thank Pelor) meanwhile has opened up a locked cabinet and discovered (2) longswords and (3) daggers which have Silvered edges.

“Hey, Bob what are these for?”
And then quietly “there for me…” He begins to hide them away.

But Bob the Ranger has moved on climbing the stair as quietly as he can. He does however wake the bushy haired side-burned hirsute character that was previously lying on the bed on the top floor- who then quietly descends the stair (in a rodent-like manner) oblivious to Bob who is now standing stock still behind the door to the room. Not wanting to give away his position, or warn the others downstairs, Bob has a look in the Ratman’s (for it is inevitably he) room. He finds a few trinkets before Endrin’s screaming breaks his reverie.

Downstairs the fight is going badly, Endrin is caught in the doorway fighting the creature on his own as Felix & Liandri jostle to see what’s going on (while trying to avoid the fight) behind him. The creature looks like Noddy Holder from Slade, Endrin is half-heartedly waving his longsword in the creatures direction, having already taken a deep wound. 

“Make it go away. Somebody.”

Felix ignores the rats for a moment and saunters over to Endrin and over his shoulder aims a Flare spell right between the creatures’ (hereafter known as Noddy) eyes- momentarily blinding it. Liandri grabs a silvered Longsword and charges barging through the crowd.

“Aaaaaarggghh… Get out the way.”

A marvellous blow running Noddy through and spiking him onto the tower wall, Noddy thrashes about a while, while Liandri dodges his flailing claws grinning inanely, giggling as the blood flows and Noddy expires his last words through his tears-

“I wish it could be christmas… every… day.”

This for Liandri is a formative experience, the others- Felix and Endrin remember Liandri’s cruel leer and are shaken by it, Liandri remembers the dying moment in Noddys eyes- when the lights finally go out. It makes him feel warm inside, he likes it.

The rest of the Tower is explored and a few more gewgaws are nabbed, as are all the Silvered weapons- the Rangers can get some more. 

The group rests and heals, Endrin seems to be ok, and then shuffles back to Town. There they are met at the gate by Captain Jarrek who pays them immediately, $5 each- a fortune. Jarrek then treats them all to a slap up dinner at the Birchwhistle Inn- Jacket Spud and “enough Cheese to choke a Dire Rat, just my idea of a joke you understand. Haw-haw, stout fellows. Haw-haw.”

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 1.

Next week… Chop Socky, now with added Xeolus.


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## Goonalan (Jan 12, 2004)

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION II- Part 1.

Moonday 3rd Jankers 2000
The Year of the Dark

Farmer Palmer’s Root Cellar Ruckus.

Dramatis Personae-	
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1, drunk & daft.
Endrin Human Bard 1, combing the ladies from his moustache.
Xeolus Human Monk 1, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Ensconced within the snug of the Birchwhistle Inn the intrepid explorers sup and quaff and sup some more- Felix is in a drinking competition with himself and losing badly. 

“Come on ya baztud…”

Xeolus looks on amazed at the Dwarves constitution throwing down pint after pint of “Old Scrotum”, with shots of “Knacker” (fermented from snakes venom, sugar cane and size 7 winkle-picker shoes- just add flavour to taste). Xeolus makes do with milk-squiffies and sports a froth moustache, he giggles to himself when the others are not looking.

Over the other side of the bar Endrin has his arm around a stunning caravan guard called Sam Fox who is blonde, bubbly and top heavy to say the least (sexist but happily true). He is searching for her bra strap within the heavy cotton shirt, this is more like adventuring he thinks to himself.

The others, well they’re elsewhere, doing other things.

There are dozens of drovers and caravan guards in the bar and all is well with the world. 

That is until Farmer Palmer comes staggering in out of the rain. 

Endrin is the first to spot that something’s up when he sees Birchwhistle (the landlord) pointing directly at him, Farmer Palmer following his direction. Soon after the group sit down with Palmer somewhat away from the noise- they soon discover that although they’ve had a few, they would have to spend the whole day on the ale to approach the level of inebriation currently being experienced by the mad Farmer. Farmer Palmer tells them about the Ghosts “what ‘ave taken up residin’ in ‘is back passage- that be by way of me root cellar, young ‘uns”. Palmer continues to bring a bad name to country folk everywhere- “all this used to be fields”, and, “you townies don’t understand our country ways” etc. The conversation rattles on going nowhere the party certain that it’s just the ale talking.

Endrin makes his excuses and heads to the bar trying to spot Sam Fox on the way, while ordering a drink he talks to Birchwhistle, who while confirming Palmer’s spectacular ale head reputation, also states that “he’s not a liar though.” Endrin takes note and heads back to the table.

Fifteen minutes later the four stagger from the Birchwhistle, and in mud and rain make the 2.5 mile journey to the Palmer farm- a run down affair which if the front porch is to be believed grows whisky bottles. 

Felix sings as he saunters-

“Eating trifle, eating trifle,
Hello, hooray, what a nice day for-
Eating trifle, eating trifle.”

Until by popular demand Endrin thumps him in the chops, the Dwarf looks bemused but staggers on, the volume down.

Palmer points out the entrance to the cellar and shoves the party down, his parting words- “careful it b’aint be ‘ardly ‘uman.”

Adjusting to the light takes some time as Endrin’s torch flutters and flares. A slow search of the area begins- a cluttered cellar with piles of farming equipment rusting and unused and a great deal of other junk.  Xeolus shushes the party- he can hear something. With the group at different corners of the cellar (or at least three corners)- a curtain is pulled back (which a moment ago appeared to be a wall) and two crossbows fire- both miss. Vagabonds and scoundrels leap out onto the intrepid party, three in total, Endrin quickly remembers seeing their faces before. At least one of them a wanted man in Tinderbox (a small town nearby), for murder- he’s seen the poster in Captain Jarrek’s guardhouse. The fight suddenly gets serious.

Xeolus goes all Jackie Chan leaping over bags of Chicken Feed and Barrels of Muesli. He kicks the pooh out of Hort (the murderer and leader of this desperate bunch), who is “Entangled” by Felix- (to the DM) “it’s a root cellar- there must be some roots- good Entangling material roots, look at trees.” Having contributed Felix then slumps to the floor to sit the rest out- still singing the trifle song. Endrin comes over all Douglas Fairbanks Jnr. and fences with a longsword soon another lies dead. This leaves one bandit left who swiftly calculates his chances and surrenders to Xeolus. The guy is securely tied up and left with Felix to play with- on Endrin & Xeolus’ return it will be apparent that he has learnt the “trifle” song, by knife point. Xeolus is sent topside to find the mad Farmer and get the authorities while Endrin mooches about. 

In “the room behind the secret curtain” (now available on Magic Lantern, Video & DVD) Endrin discovers a number of coffins (sans corpses), and a pile of loot. He takes the loot figuring his conscience would never forgive him if he left it to be shared out, and while the Awful Good (sounds like a good name for Diet food) Monk Xeolus is not about. 

An hour or so later, the grave robber (for that is what he is) is singing like a canary.

“Eating trifle, eating trifle…”
“No more I’ll tell you everything, make him stop.”
“Hello, hooray, what a nice day for-“
“Kill me please, kill me.
“Eating trifle, eating trifle- once more.”
“Arrgghhh.”

Captain Jarrek arrives and is overjoyed; he has to be prevented from going down on Xeolus there and then. There is a reward for each of the criminals the party has defeated, while the survivor is to be shipped out to Tinderbox for trial. All told they have just made over $50, more than a years wage for most.

The party comes out of the encounter feted by their expanding public and without a single scratch on them- even though the crossbows were flying.

Just as the clear up is in progress Bob turns up, he’d been back home at the family (turnip) farm, and had been told by Birchwhistle that the others had headed off to Farmer Palmers.

He is just in time to help to carry Felix home.

“I wuv you I do.”
“Yes Felix.”
“I do.”
“That’s nice, isn’t it… ahh.” Xeolus blinks back tears.
“I do, I wuv you.”
“Ok, let’s get you home to the Inn.”
“Can I haff a drink den?”
“No, you’ve had enough.”
“You’re me best pals.”
Bob and Endrin take it in turns to nod, Xeolus still looks a bit blubby, he bites his lip.
“See this.” Felix comes to a sudden halt, necessitating all others to suddenly halt. “This”, he shoots his arm out, pointing everywhere, “all this used to be field.”
“It’s still fields.”
“Yeah. But diff’rent fields.”
Felix scans the horizon (as best he can) and looks sad, then looks up at Endrin.
“I need a wee can you help me get my winkie out?”

And so ends another adventure of the Wednesday Knights- next session Mr. Muyagi and the Monk Initiation Training Cave Hideout.


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## robberbaron (Jan 12, 2004)

I chuckled my way through these last posts accompanied by strange looks from my colleagues.
Brightens my day up no end.


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## Goonalan (Jan 15, 2004)

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION II- Part 2.

Chewsday 4th Jankers 2000
The Year of the Dark

Monkie Business.

Dramatis Personae
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1, hung-over.
Endrin Human Bard 1, enchanting.
Xeolus Human Monk 1, bright eyed and bushy tailed.
Bob Human Ranger 1, a pleasant enough lad. 

The next day Xeolus is knocked up early (F’narr) by a small bald man wearing a stereotype Mr. Muyagi (yes of Karate Kid fame) is here to ask a favour.

After a quarter of an hour spent bowing, a short Tea Ceremony (no biscuits); the two inscrutable fellows enjoy a brief, but almost entirely incomprehensible, conversation.

Mr. Muyagi “MMMMmmmm”
Xeolus “Ahhhhhh”
Mr. Muyagi “MMMMmmmmuuuaahhh Daniel-san.”
Xeolus “Ahhhhhh Sooo. MMMmmm”
Mr. Muyagi “Hai”
Xeolus “Hai”

Xeolus turns to the other members of the party (they share the same bed didn’t you know) and says-

“This is Mr. Muyagi he has been sent from Master Wen at the Moon Temple to direct a young Monk, known as Daniel-san, to undertake a traditional Monk-like initiation test. Anyway I digress, but the old man rattles on.” At this point Xeolus smiles and nods at Mr. Muyagi who reciprocates. The party look on amazed.

“Anyway, where was I- Mr. Muyagi also said that they had travelled to the area yesterday morning and then spent some time in the Amber Forest preparing Daniel-san for his test. They picked the third leaf of the flower we call “Elermall” and crushed it between the fore and index fingers to prepare… oh once again I digress, but Mr. Muyagi’s story was so compelling and full of detail.”

“Anyway, as I was saying Daniel-san entered the Monk Initiation Test Cave Hideout, or MITCH as the Spirit Dragon ‘Gong Lee’ was known to have called it (actually she did so only once- and has ever since lived to regret it). Mr. Muyagi waited outside of MITCH but so far Daniel-san has not returned- it has been over 12 hours and Mr. Muyagi is frightened- as he said previously, if you were listening to us speak, and I hope I translate this correctly. Mr. Muyagi said, ‘I am cacking it- Master Wen is going to have my testicles for ear Muffs’. Mr Muyagi then went on to say that the Temple of the Moon would obviously reward those who would ‘go beyond themselves and journey into the greater unknown’.”

Xeolus winks and bows low to Bob and whispers “I think he means enter the cave”, and shrugs.

“So what’s it to be comrades?”

The room is silent, only Felix farting.

“Just out of interest Xeolus- what did you say to him?” spoke Endrin.
“Oh I asked him if he knew the Spurs score.”

There follows a brief flurry of activity and an hour or so later the group head off to MITCH with Mr. Muyagi in tow- pointing out ALL of natures wonders- even Felix the Deep Druid wants him dead by the time they get to MITCH. The journey takes a little over four hours.

The cave is protected by a wild-plant like thing that waves its tentacle like pseudo-pod (not real pod’s just pseudo-pod’s) at the approaching hero’s (behind the party- in the far distance, oh somewhere else then). Mr. Muyagi explains that the creature that guards MITCH can only be placated at certain times and after certain rituals, and he hasn’t brought his whistle- so the players will have to batter the thing to get in. So much for the wonders of nature then.

The fight is unevenly balanced- the plant cannot run away, the adventurers however can and do repeatedly. Felix at one point is reduced to throwing stones at the plant (he’d kill it but it would put him off his vegetables for a while). Bob is wrapped up in the creature’s tentacles while Endrin and Xeolus try to rescue the Ranger. Eventually they all get missiles out and shoot at the central stalk of the thing until it goes a bit limp- at which point they scamper into the cave and MITCH itself.

They emerge into a circular chamber with five doors leading from it- Endrin and Bob open one door and from the darkened corridor beyond two very poorly looking and extremely smelly Monks stagger towards them- one seems to have a hole that goes all the way through him/her. The creatures plod toward the pair arms outstretched. They are obviously dead but seem not to have been informed of the fact- Zombies.

Zombie #1 “Brains.”
Endrin “Get ‘em Bob, you’re immune.”

Xeolus (the sensible one) opens a different door and the floor falls away beneath him leaving him on his backside in a pit with a Skeleton standing over him, he is unarmed. While at the same time Felix discovers that the door they came in has gone- vanished completely. 

Rough-housing ensues- Endrin and Bob lure the Zombies out of the corridor one by one and swiftly hack them to pieces although both of them are wounded in the assault.

Xeolus in the pit switches to Chop Socky mode, leaps to his feet and kicks the Skeletons head off- he also takes a wound for his trouble.

When the dust has settled Endrin discovers an ancient looking key on a chain around the second Zombie’s neck, he nabs it and goes to try it in the next door. The door creaks open.

The group follows a long passage into a small square room, the walls are covered in 6-inch diameter stone buttons marked “PRESS ME”, in common. A hollow echoing voice sounds in their heads it urges them to “Pick one”. Each member of the group takes his/her turn to press a button- after a brief contretemps with a combination Grease spell and Flame Trap they tramp back to the central chamber, a little as they say at BK ‘Flame Grilled’. As they pass through the doorway there is a loud click and the next door opens.

Back in the chamber they spend a moment or two healing up before they press on.

A short passage leads to a room in the centre of which is a carved stone idol- a fat-bloke sitting under a tree smoking a (medicinal) fag, they file in, in various states of apprehension. The idol greets each party member by name (spooky) and says in a rich haunting voice-

Xeolus “Smash the false idol.”
The idol looks momentarily put out.

The others turn as one to look at Xeolus, who wafts his club in the air a bit and then takes up a position behind Endrin.

The idol puts its fag out and tries to speak again-

“What is bound and yet helps others to escape…”

“A book”, says Endrin.

“You have one guess ea…  Er, yes that’s right… Er pass on mighty warri…”

But the group has already left the room.

There is a final clack, the last door is open an inch or so- darkness beyond, and with that the session ends and the players have to go home to their Mum’s, Wives, Children, Pets and Individual Meals for One.

And so endeth SESSION that is numbered 2.

Next week… Slip slide away.


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## Goonalan (Jan 16, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION III- Part 1.

Chewsday 4th Jankers 2000
The Year of the Dark

Monkie Business Part 2.

Dramatis Personae-	
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1  
Endrin Human Bard 1
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Bob Human Ranger 1

The last door clicks open and Felix and Endrin push inside- Endrin’s torch illuminates a musty cobwebbed room a clear path leads to a set of stairs desceding into eerie darkness (what other kinds of darkness are there?). 

Felix begins the descent while Endrin follows cautiously behind- they are five feet down when the stairs turn into a slide and the two descend rather more rapidly (and with much less dignity). 

“Arrrrggggghhhhh.”
“Ditttttttttttto.”

They shoot out of the er… shoot (damn) into a room lit by Endrin's guttering torch which spills onto the floor, out of reach. Immediately they realise they are trapped, held in some extremely sticky white threads, as tough as steel. 

“Do something Felix, use your Underground abilities to save the day.”
The Dwarf looks around a bit…
“HELP. HELP. Bloody HELP. You BAZTUD’s, don’t leave me down here to die- I’m scared of the dark. HELP.”
Soon they have a chorus going, after a while they remember to stop shouting to listen for any reply, they hear from above…

“Are you all right?”
“Why would we be shouting HELP, if we were all right Bob?”
It goes silent for a bit as Bob tries to work through this new information.
Eventually, “I don’t know why would…”
And then in chorus “GET US OUT.”

Xeolus tries to push past Bob to get to the slope-
“I’ll go Bob.”
Bob bar’s his way- he’s taking charge of the situation.
“Hang on… Is there anything dangerous down there?”
“YES.”
“What?”
“ME- NOW GET FOOKIN DOWN HERE.”
“Oh ok, just finding a way.”

Felix and Endrin begin to relax and stretch back as best they can on the cold stone floor. Endrin struggles out of his backpack and uses it as a pillar. Felix begins scratching his name into the stone, with his fingernail.

“What made this stuff then Felix?” Endrin attempts to break free of his bonds once again, indicating the sticky stuff that holds them. 
“Spiders.”
“What lotsa little Spiders?”
“Yep… probably.”
“Probably?”
“Well… yeah. Lotsa little spiders. Probably.”
“Or?”
“I’m not thinking about the ‘or’ Endrin, it’s best you don’t either… understand?”
“Wha…”

There is a sudden slurping splat sound a sticky mass of strands thumps into Felix’s head and chest. 

“Wor, wit wood bwe a bwig spwider.”
Felix is lifted a foot or so into the air, the only thing keeping him on the floor is the mass of sticky webs that he fell into initially.

“BOB.”
“BWOB.”

They both follow the light of the torch craning their necks back to see a huge (6 feet circumference) Spider, which descends from a single thread. Their screams begin, Felix does a fair impression of a break-dancing Dwarf trying to keep himself from being pulled up towards the creature. 

Endrin observes beyond the Spider the twitching cocoon of a previous victim- looking into the darkness he begins to make out many more similar packages attached to the ceiling.

“Heeeeelllllppppp SSSSSppppiiiidddeeerr”

And then the cavalry arrive (too late to save Endrin’s underwear). Xeolus salutes Bob and slides down the slope on his arse, at the bottom he performs a perfect tumble and comes up on his knees crossbow loaded and pointing at the spider.

“ThwooonngG”

The bolt lodges deep into the Spiders abdomen, the creature begins to descend eager to get at the feisty Xeolus. Seconds later with slightly less élan- slipping, sliding and falling Bob arrives. He leaps as he lands at the bottom of the slope and with his Longsword in two hands delivers a hideous blow to the creature (natural ‘20’- of course). The Spider is split almost in two- it jumps, twitches and shudders like some freaky Disco dancer, in slow motion it sinks to the hard cold floor deflated and defeated. 

Short work is made of the webs and soon Endrin & Felix are free, as is the Monk- Daniel-san, spotted earlier by Endrin entombed in silk and attached to the ceiling. Also discovered is Mixu Paateleinnen- Emmawyn Rowanleaf, Amberdales Gnome schoolmistresses, lost cat- Endrin recognizes the creature. A few other trinkets are taken and with a little help from Xeolus the party eventually move back up the slope and out of MITCH (the door has re-appeared) and from there into the light.

Outside Mr. Muyagi leaps from one foot to the other with joy- replicating, as closely as possible, the sound of one hand clapping (the other). 

The group takes a moment, Felix makes his excuses and heads off to investigate some Feldspar and Agate deposits he saw a way back- he feels he has let the group down and needs to reassess his situation. The party leave him be as he gets a bit sticky when he sees a good ore, having saved themselves from a fate worse than death- double Geology with the half-pint, the intrepid explorers return to Amberdale and specifically the Birchwhistle Inn.

Mr. Muyagi and Daniel-san ensure that the rest of the day and the night pass in a fug of alcohol and herbal medication- although Xeolus is somewhat stand-offish, seemingly wishing to preserve his dignity (odd?). Much later Felix turns up after a wander through the woods in a better mood. 

This concludes the scenarios taken from “An Introduction to Amberdale” a free download from PDabble Games- the Dabbleverse Campaign. PDabble website is www.Pdabblegames.com- go there, they’re nice people.

Next week… Getch ya filthy stinkin’ hands off my frogs, boy.


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## Goonalan (Jan 19, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights
SESSION III- Part 2.

Woodnesday 5th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Getch ya filthy stinkin’ hands off my frogs, boy.

Dramatis Personae
Bob Human Ranger 1
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Endrin Human Bard 1
Liandri Elven Rogue 1

Early the next day in the Birchwhistle Inn supping a quiet beer Liandri looks down at his meagre pile of coppers and silvers on the bar counter, then over at the larger pile being counted by Xeolus the youth of 16 summers, with his milksop smile and bum-fluff moustache. Xeolus smiles at him and then for good measure waves- the two are less then 5 feet apart, Xeolus’ happiness is infectious like a disease.

Then next sound is a whistle like a whisper and the coins are gone and instead a like number of small frogs appear on the bar top- there are sudden cries elsewhere in the bar as several other patrons make similar discoveries. Xeolus quickly steps back from the bar-

“The work of the Devil.”

All of Xeolus' frogs hop off the counter. Liandri quickly scoops his own into a sack and heads off on a treasure hunt of sorts. Confusion ensues with Xeolus chasing a single copper coloured frog around the bar, all the time timidly billing and cooing hoping the frog will jump into his cupped hands. Liandri employs a less subtle approach-

“STOMp…STOMp…STOMp STOMp.”

Fifteen minutes later the bar patrons have caught all the frogs and are forging their way out of the Birchwhistle, it seems a Town meeting has suddenly been called. In the bar Xeolus carefully cleans the few frogs that he has collected, wiping each with a hanky before offering them a peanut and then placing them in his pouch. Liandri meanwhile is doing a fair impression of the chest-burster from Alien, except from all angles. Frogs leap from a myriad of pockets, pouches, sacks, socks, shoes and also from his hat. He grins foolishly-

“Give over that tickles.”

His pockets hold flattened frogs and the slivers of the same- he seems to have inadvertently invented folding money. The Rogue started with around 20 coins of various denominations and now possess’ over a hundred dead or partially alive frogs.

The two head out of the bar and follow the crowd to the cottage of Birinth the local seer, wizard and chip shop owner (only kidding), a dozen or so of the villagers alternatively clasp their pockets and bang at the door. From inside a complex game of leapfrog can be heard. Eventually after much shouting the grizzled wizard opens the door.

“I know…”
“fucfrogWHATyoudamnmonkeyArghWhat’stobedoneWhyIoughtaFROGS”  
“I know… I know… I know. NOW SHUT UP!”
The crowd silences.
“The Magic Bowl has been taken…”
Collective in drawing of breath.

Birinth spots Endrin at the front of the crowd, the Bard is always the first on the scene- he grabs him by his arm and pulls him into the cottage indicating to the other members of the party that they should enter too.

Birinth then by gesture silences the grumbling crowd.
“The bowl is gone- we must find out where, Captain Jarrek will you please also enter- I suggest we send these hardy adventurers to rescue the bowl, and thereby save the village, for without the Super Bowl we are lost.”

Birinth turns back into the kitchen of his cottage, in which the group stands, open mouthed- “no pressure lads, no pressure”, and winks at them.

Captain Jarrek enters and the sounds of the crowd outside slowly fades as they wander off to see what is going to happen next.

The adults talk and tell the story of the bowl- of how the village has made its money, quite literally, for years. The bowls’ ability to turn counters carved of the same wood as the bowl into copper, silver or gold coins- or as it now seems, anything else that is placed within the bowl. Amberdale had used the bowl extensively at first, under Birinth’s instruction, to pay for the labourers hired to create the walls of the Town. The Bowl had also paid for the Guard and allowed the Town to set such a low rate of taxes that Guildsmen, Merchants, Craftsmen and Labourers had all flocked to the area. But now the Bowl is missing and it is up to the party with the help of Captain Jarrek to see it returned. However Jarrek will be short of men as Birinth is about to explain.

“Captain Jarrek, I would like you to mount a 24-hour guard on the area just down from the Mill Pond, and further more to tell the citizens of Amberdale to avoid the area under penalty of arrest.”
“Very good, sir- could you tell me why?”
“Tadpoles, Captain Jarrek. Tadpoles.”

With that Jarrek stamps on the floor a few times in a pretty pattern and makes an orderly retreat. Birinth roots around in a desk draw, eventually locating a 6 inch long gnarled twig- “here take this”, to Endrin. “It’s a wand of Detect Magic- it’s got plenty of charges. House to house, street by street- it’s going to be a long day. I want you to check everywhere for the Bowl, it must be found.”

The party head off into the Town- there follows several hours of the Party going from heroes to zeroes, basically pissing off the natives- 

“What’s under that cushion, check under that cushion Endrin?"
“It’s a ball of wool Liandri.”
“Wool aye. You got a license for this.”

Mid way through the afternoon the party head back to Birinth’s none the wiser, Xeolus is on the case however.

“Do you have an apprentice, Mr. Birinth?”
“Yes, yes I do as a matter of fact. Why?”
“Where was he or she on the night of the murder in question?”
“What murder, nobodies been murdered?”
“I put it you Mr. Birinth that it was you that killed little Tommy- witness’ have confirmed that we are looking for a man with a pointy hat either that or… a pointy… err… head?”
“Oh I see what you mean- you’re suggesting that one of the disgruntled villagers that auditioned for the vacancy of Wizards Apprentice, and failed to get the gig, must have come back and stolen the Bowl. Very clever Mr. Xeolus, very clever.”
“Yes… aren’t I.” He puffs his sparrow chest out.
“So all you have to do”, Birinth continues, “is to track down the failed apprentices- ingenious, I take my hat off to you.”
“Look, LOOK, the pointy head it was him…”

Some time rather than now (later) the party accuses two burly young farm labourers of having stolen the Bowl and are attacked in the street (can be painful) by the farmers boys Mum. Bob is told that his ‘father will here about this’ and Endrin ends up with a black eye. The Oerth turns slowly on its axis- nobody of note falls off.

At the end of the day there is only one name left on the list of possibly jealous apprentices- Billy Purbeck of Purbeck Farm, famous locally for being the only Purbeck to “learn his letters.”

Late afternoon and the group have travelled most of the way to the Purbeck Farm, they take the fork off the main Travensford road only to see a little way down the track, at the bridge, a group of three four-foot tall ugly humanoids, “Goblins” hisses Liandri, Bob nods. The creatures are wazzing (urinating) over the side of the bridge and giggling furiously. The party cautiously approaches, the Goblins spot them and quickly shuck up their pants and shuffle to the centre of the bridge. They form a short wall of spears, the most ferocious looking of them edges forward. 

“A Dollar or die.” 

The creature spits over his own shoulder and attempts to wipe away the saliva trail while retaining a cold hard killer look (DC 40 Bluff- failed).  

Needless to say a fight ensues, someone pushes Liandri, Liandri stabs them through the face, you know the usual “I was provoked”, approach. The fight is made more interesting when two much larger vicious looking (Hob)Goblins emerge from their hiding places beneath the bridge- the group however is more than a match for them and the creatures are slaughtered- one tries to escape to Purbeck Farm but is brought down by Bob’s bow.

"Something's up at the Farm."
The entire group look at Bob who now points toward the farm house.
"Ya think?"

Liandri and Xeolus take the long route to the farm, taking advantage of ditches and hedges to arrive there unmolested and unseen. Bob chooses to hang back awhile- bow ready, Endrin undoes any good work by choosing to charge at the farmhouse screaming (to this day we’re still not sure why- he may have been drunk). From the building emerge (at pace) about 12-15 figures mainly Goblins but including three Hobgoblins- melee is joined. Endrin launches into the fight singing an inspiring little number “you’re going home in the back of an ambulance.” Liandri and Xeolus emerge from their hiding places and join the fray, backstabbing and kick-boxing there way through the creatures. Bob is a killing machine however, each round he draws his bow aims and fires, and each round another Goblin bites the dirt- he never misses. Soon the creatures are fleeing, scattered they head for the woods the whistle of Bob’s arrows of death still fresh in their ears. 

A thorough investigation of the now almost ruined farm uncovers Farmer Purbeck- Billy Purbeck’s father tied up in the root cellar (popular places), he is unconscious and looks to have been beaten. There’s no sign of the Super Bowl, or Billy for that matter. The group return him to town where Brother Mendel, Priest of Pelor, does his best to heal his wounds.

The above was cobbled together from “A Quick Look”, a very short scenario available as a free download and written by D.A. Walsh, god bless you Mr. Walsh. The scenario in all its glory (4 pages) can be downloaded from www.3rdedition.org who, I know, are great cat lovers.

An hour or so later Birinth returns to the party with news that “Billy Purbeck is missing, his father doesn’t know where he is. The Goblins attacked the farm and tortured him- they were also looking for the Bowl. Also, of note, Mr. Purbeck caught Billy talking to a Toad last week.“ Birinth looks at each of you expectantly, however it is Captain Jarrek that is first to speak, he helpfully describes this latest piece of news as, “not normal talking to a Toad, strange. Saving present company.” He looks at Birinth who has a worried looking Lemming (his familiar) on his shoulder, the creature morbidly stares at the ground.

Birinth politely asks the Captain to leave and then ushers the party into his office “where I will summon the spirits to see where on Oerth the Bowl lies.”

“Couldn’t you have just done that before?” Endrin asks.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 3.

Next time Arse a friend in need.


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## robberbaron (Jan 19, 2004)

Do your players begin the session a couple of sheets to the wind or do they start sober and get progressively more "tired and emotional" as the evening goes on?


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## Goonalan (Jan 20, 2004)

robberbaron said:
			
		

> Do your players begin the session a couple of sheets to the wind or do they start sober and get progressively more "tired and emotional" as the evening goes on?




It's a heady mix of the two- during the early sessions there are often players missing. Usually an hour or two into the game there's a phone call from Kev M (Liandri) saying "I'm in the pub- is there anything good need killing...". Wayne (Endrin) however favours turning up drunk- "it saves time", during these early sessions I also instigated a kill a Kobold (or whatever) and drink a mystery shot- Vanilla Stoli. Apple Schnapps, Orange Absolut, Coffee Schnapps, Pepper Vodka and others- all colourless so you don't know what you're getting. It certainly went some way to spicing up proceedings at times. 

Kev H (Xeolus) is not a big drinker and approached the thing with an earnest sensible attitude, Emma (Bob) is not in it for the mental agility she just likes the sound of rolling dice- no need for booze. Dave (Felix) indulges in moderation but with no visible effect, while Tomo (Mallaria) really has no need- although he always brings a bottle of Old Noggins Weasel Poacher Abbey (real ale), a prediliction for chaos and mayhem, and the honest desire to see everyone else suffer are a way of life for him (he works in IT).

Parting is such sweet sorrow


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## robberbaron (Jan 20, 2004)

Goonalan said:
			
		

> ... during these early sessions I also instigated a kill a Kobold (or whatever) and drink a mystery shot- Vanilla Stoli. Apple Schnapps, Orange Absolut, Coffee Schnapps, Pepper Vodka and others- all colourless so you don't know what you're getting. It certainly went some way to spicing up proceedings at times.




Heh, heh, sounds like a good plan for softening up the party, although I think I would have to take a shot myself, in memory of said "Kobold".
During our occasional all-day sessions I feel obliged to at least keep up with the players.



			
				Goonalan said:
			
		

> ...  and the honest desire to see everyone else suffer are a way of life for him (he works in IT).




Ah. I am in IT as well and completely understand his outlook.

Keep up the good work.


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## Goonalan (Jan 20, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights
SESSION IV- Part 1.

Woodnesday 5th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

The Old Abandoned Mine- Scooby.

Dramatis Personae-	
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1
Endrin Human Bard 1
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Bob Human Ranger 1
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1

Mallaria is back, Mallaria is back- death and destruction to follow.

After a brief ring-a-ring-a-roses, led by Birinth, the 60-Watt Crystal Ball flickers into life. Birinth steps forward and adjusts the horizontal hold- an image appears. The Super Bowl lies intact upon a rough floor of partially worked stone. Within a foot of the Bowl is the open outstretched hand of, probably, Billy Purbeck- although it’s hard to tell- the hand is unmoving. The only other thing in the picture of note is a single metal rail- possibly one of a pair, possibly a railway track somewhere- Endrin gasps “The Old Abandoned Mine- who would have thought it?”

Deathly silence around the gaming table, tumbleweed blows by.

“Jeez”
“What the fu…”
“Christ couldn’t you think of anywhere better to set it?”
“What’s this Scooby Doo?”

The players look at the DM with a mixture of awe and wonder, or it could have been sadness and bitter disappointment, I forget which. The DM shuffles in his seat and looks uncomfortable. 

Birinth suddenly breaks the deadlock.

“Notice- we can see the Bowl?”
“Wha…”
“There must be light there- there’s something or someone in the Old Abandoned Mine.”

Dun Dun Derr

“Nutter, come on let’s get off then.”
“Abandoned Mine… tsk, bloody amateurs.”

The group files out of Birinth’s and on into the night- the journey to the Old Abandoned Mine goes without hitch in the dusk. 

The mine itself is at the North end of an old Chalk Quarry that has long been abandoned. The circular depression is surrounded on all sides by trees and shrubs- the south side has an easy slope, a scree leading down into the centre. 

The players circle around the depression to the scree area, in the centre of the quarry they spy a fire with a number of short ugly humanoids (Goblins) standing around it. The group rest up a while and observe a, now identified, Goblin chanting and making gestures towards a number of other Goblins stood to attention. The lead Goblin seems to be addressing each one individually, after which the lesser Goblin bows and then salutes. Behind them two other (larger) Goblins wrestle with something unseen. 

What happens next is Felix the Dwarf, who’s a bit racialist when it comes to Goblins, builds up a head of steam. He creeps in a bit down the scree then abandons all pretence and charges into the Goblins attempting to batter them to death with his staff. This catches the rest of the adventurers off guard.

“Pelor, who’s that nutter running down there.”
“Ha ha I wouldn’t like to be him.”
“They’re gonna murder him.”
“Hey it’s a little fat Dwarf, like Fe…”
“FELIX.”

The group charge towards the haphazard melee.

However there are over a dozen of the creatures and even though ten of them are pre-pubescent teenage Goblins undergoing an initiation ceremony- there are still enough bodies to do the dirty on Felix. Also the two larger Goblins are trained Warriors, while the third conducting the ceremony is a Shaman/Witch Doctor type. 

The rest of the party catch up with events and go postal.

In a matter of seconds Felix finds himself unconscious on the floor getting in some quality stargazing time. The Shaman type is being a pain in the arse and not dying, every five or ten seconds he disappears only to re-appear 5-10 feet away. Of more concern is his ability to Spit Acid- Felix being the first victim of this, his armour is ruined. 

Eventually the tide turns and while a few Goblins run screaming most, including the Shaman type, are despatched. Felix is tended to, a Potion of Healing is shoved down him and he returns to consciousness, although still slightly the worse for wear.

“What was that about Dwarf?”
Mallaria is perturbed, being out crazied by Felix.
“Goblins are bad, I dunt likes ‘em…”
Felix begins to drip a toothpaste like foam- Mallaria backs off.

However things pick up when Felix wanders over to the now growling bundle that Mallaria has just uncovered (she was about to kill it) - a young wolf cub, destined to be sacrificed no doubt. Felix takes the time to calm the creature and himself, he smoothes down the wolf’s hackles, the beast is soon untied and reciprocating, making a fuss of the now smiling Dwarf- barking and generally chasing its tail.

Felix uses his Animal Companion skill to adopt the creature and decides to call the Wolf “Ace”, the DM mishears him and decides to refer to the creature as “Arse”.

The above scenario was taken from a free download called “Rites of Passage- The Unkindest Cut of All” written by Osvaldo Oyola Ortega, or the triple ‘O’ as he’s known around the office. The sample interlude is available from Midgard at the following address www.matantisi.com/aquerra/midgard/midgard.htm enjoy.

Next time, the Beetle Crushers… Aceeed, spray it again.


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## Goonalan (Jan 21, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION IV- Part 2.

Woodnesday 5th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

The Beetle Crushers… Aceeeeed, spray it again.

Dramatis Personae-	
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1
Endrin Human Bard 1
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Bob Human Ranger 1
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1

The group heal themselves as best they can and after a brief chat and a fag break drag themselves on into the cave/mine itself- a ten foot high/wide cavern with a pair of rails for mine carts leading in. Ahead a large cavern, they soon spot a myriad of small lights on the walls and floor. Moving into the main chamber they find over a dozen small beetles each one a foot or so long, glow wands at the tail of each of their shiny carapaces, the light reflected on the beetle’s mirrored shell. The effect is quite settling and not in the least bit intimidating.

“Prit-eee.”
“Ahhh.”

They are just getting to like this natural wonder when the shuffling sound of a much larger creature approaching is heard- from the far side of the cavern, with a ponderous gate, comes a much, much, larger beetle. The Giant Beetle is around about seven feet long, four to five feet wide and four feet high- like an overturned lifeboat, the smaller fire beetles skitter out of the way. The group are unsure of exactly how to react- except for Mallaria who winks at Felix and then rushes the thing with her Two-handed sword waving overhead. Alas the cavern is not tall enough “THUNK” her weapon breaks on the low ceiling. The Beetle spits a long stream of Acid at the nearest party members Xeolus and Endrin (more Acid!). Endrin drops his torch into a puddle of the stuff and it ignites- Endrin does a brief impression of Torchy the human torch and then flumps to the floor. One down. Xeolus dives upon him and beats out the flames and in doing so slips into unconsciousness, later Xeolus will also be gnawed and crushed by the Beetle for good measure. Two down. For now the two of them lie there in a cold, but singed, embrace- it would be a touching moment if it wasn't for the chaos that surrounds them. The Beetle lurches forward into Felix, who has he hands out telling the beetle to “calm down.” Alas he is knocked down and trampled- he too hits the floor, and after a brief struggle is ground into unconsciosness. Three down. 

“RUN”, shouts Bob… at Malaria the only other person standing- actually Malaria is thumping the beetles carapace with her now truncated weapon.

She waves her broken sword once or twice and screams in frustration at the beetle and then thinks better of it and scarpers.

Mallaria and Bob escape the Beetle by jumping down a hole in the rocky cavern floor, well actually Bob does, Mallaria in attempting the jump strikes her head on the side of the hole and is X-marks-the-spot on the floor. Four down. Every now and then Bob pops up and takes a pot shot at the creature. But after missing a couple of times decides better of it and climbs back out of the hole- while the beetle chews on Xeolus. He then uses what cover there is along with the Beetles slow turning ability to attack the creature from all angles, skipping around the lumbering beetle avoiding its attack. Twenty seconds later the creature is despatched.

Bob stands alone except for the reappearing twinkling lights of the Fire Beetles that scurry to take advantage of the plentiful carrion. He kicks them away and drags the unconscious forms of his fellow adventurers down into the hole he and Malaria found earlier. Malaria doesn’t have to far to go. Bob then sits on the pile and eats his sandwiches a mad glint in his eye, his hand never too far from his bow.

Half an hour later a group of Amberdale guards led by Rodney Dirt and Birinth himself appear outside of the cave and cautiously enter- the scene within is pure carnage- Bob is still wide eyed and set to kill.

“Who’s there? WHO’S THERE?”
“It’s us Bob… It’s us… Now, just put the bow down.”

The bowl and the body of Billy Purbeck are found down a side tunnel next to a rusted rail track, the boy is badly wounded but he will survive. The players are revived as best as possible and are taken, half-dragged half-carried, back to Amberdale.

As usual they are applauded as local heroes, or rather they will be once they have emerged from their respective comas and/or bottles.

Captain Jarrek fills in the details for Bob, while the remainder of the group rest up.

“It seems that Billy Purbeck had been receiving some magic lessons from a local Goblin Shaman.”
Bob nods.
“The payment you ask, a simple wooden bowl owned by the wizard, Birinth.”
Captain Jarrek smirks.
Bob nods.
“And you know which bowl that was, eh Bob.”
Bob nods.
“But little Billy’s curiosity got the better of him didn’t it.”
Bob nods.
“Waiting for the Goblins he couldn't resist taking a look inside the Old Mine. And there he met your old friend.”
Bob nods.
“He he… aye.”
The wily Captain nods and shuffles his feet.
Bob nods, “Felix?”
The Captain stares hard at the ranger, looking for any signs of recognition. 
“You haven’t understood a word I’ve said have you, Bob?”
Bob smiles knowingly, and then nods.
Jarrek shakes his head and walks away.

This part of the scenario- the Magic/Super Bowl was half-inched from Citizen Games Adventure Pack Three a free download- don’t I just love them. It's entitled “Brinthal’s Treasury”- I forgot the wizards name, hence Birinth (nearly right, I had been drinking though). It was written by Gabriel Falcon and can be downloaded at www.citizengames.com as can many other fine works.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 4.

Next time Into the Valley of the Kobolds.


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## robberbaron (Jan 21, 2004)

Why is it that when someone shouts "Run!", everyone else immediately finds something to fight?


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## Goonalan (Jan 21, 2004)

robberbaron said:
			
		

> Why is it that when someone shouts "Run!", everyone else immediately finds something to fight?




It's always the way- when one of them shouts "Run" the others seem to think that they're job is to fend off the bad guys while the lesser characters that can't hack it scarper. Usually even the character that shouted "Run" thinks this- by and large the only character that runs is the one that's nearly dead and is beginning to feel it (Felix/Liandri), they usually grab one of the other characters- preferably an uninjured character that is surrounded by a pile of enemy bodies (and hasn't yet broken sweat) and "rescues" them (Mallaria). At this point everyone else runs (Endrin/Bob). A little later they remember the unconscious character they've left behind (Xeolus).

Roger and out.


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## Goonalan (Jan 22, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION V- Part 1.

Woodnesday 12th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Into the Valley of the Kobolds- Part 1.

Dramatis Personae
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Liandri Elven Rogue 1
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1 with Arse the Wolf 
Endrin Human Bard 1

After a week spent in a semiconscious state, mostly through intense inebriation training, the Wednesday Knights regroup and meet with Captain Jarrek who, with Rodney Dirt, has an offer for them. Jarrek with the help of a blackboard, a pointer and a multitude of coloured chalks draws a map to a valley “some two days hence.” 

Rodney explains that the valley is a dry riverbed; “could be glacial” comments Felix- everybody looks at him for a while, and then remembers they are to ignore him. Rodney continues outlining the valley and alluding to the fact that there are a number of caverns in the area- he feels there is at least one Kobold tribe within the valley, maybe more. 

Finally we hand back to Captain Jarrek who while promising to pay $50/person states that the money can earned by either destroying the Kobold menace or by driving the tribe/s away. The Knights are quick to agree to the proposition- $200 between the four of them will be the most money that they have ever seen.

The group decide to provision and then head out in the morning for the two-day journey- Rodney states that he will be in the area and explains the various methods by which Bob, who will be following on next session, can contact him.

The group also learn that this information has come courtesy of the Kobold bounder they captured in the Potato Bandit attack- who has been persuaded to come clean by the use of Rodney's magic wand- a pick axe handle. 

Thorsday 13th Jankers 2000

The journey to the valley is fairly uneventful- the only encounter over the two days is with a few Kobold stragglers- eight or so of the creatures who look to be out on patrol. The Kobolds are decimated by the Knights initial attack- an ambush from the trees, the party loose missiles and then rush to melee. Arse the Wolf rips the throat out of two of the little tinkers. The plan works perfectly- odd that, although they of course forget to take a prisoner to find out what awaits them.

Fryday 14th Jankers 2000

Finally into the Valley, creeping along the right hand side of the Valley, in the shadows and out of the bright sunlight the Knights espy a cave entrance set some 20 feet up a scree slope. 

While the sun is still shining, the Party head up the slope and very cautiously enter the cave- figuring they can flee the same way as Kobolds are creatures of the dark and hate sunlight. My God the buggers are actually thinking about stuff now- wonders will never cease. 

The Kobold Cave No.1.

The alternative title would be “Kobold Kock-up No.1”, the party led by Liandri, the cautious Thief, enter the cave- all the time checking for traps, eyes peeled etc. At this point Arse begins to growl and hangs around in the entrance chamber- Felix translates for the Wolf “there’s a bad smell here.” Everyone looks at Felix who still has bits of egg in his beard from breakfast, three days ago- he has probably not washed for two weeks. “Yeah, something does smell funny,” remarks Liandri. Within 20 feet of the entrance they encounter light resistance- six or so Kobolds from a passage to the right, there is another passage to the left. 

The Kobolds make such a racket dying that within seconds the sound of approaching armies is heard- the group forms a defensive wall trying to block off both passages. A tide of Dire Rats, nine in all, rush out from the left hand passage- squeezing through the parties defences and getting in behind them, chaos ensues. After the Rats the Kobolds come again, from the right hand passage, and this time in numbers. The left hand passage is abandoned by the party- while heading back to the cavern entrance, a tactical withdrawal, Liandri discovers a pit trap the hard way.

“WhooshFucccKThud”

Liandri tumbles to avoid damage and comes up smiling only to have the grin wiped from his face as Dire Rats leap down into the pit- soon he is fighting three of the creatures in extremely cramped conditions. 

Back up top things are not going well- Xeolus has been bitten twice and now lies on the floor, unconscious, being dragged away, out of the cavern, by Felix the Druid. Felix himself is less than happy- he too has a Rat bite and has taken a couple of blows from the Kobolds, he feels woozy and is dying (literally) for a lie down. Arse bites at the Rats as they attempt to get to Felix- tossing the dead and the living alike into the cavern walls or down the pit in which Liandri resides. Endrin is fighting valiantly while singing his happy victory song, all the time eyeing the exit.

“Brave Sir Endrin he ran away, ran away,
filled his pants, cacked his trews
Ran off fearing he would lose…”

Liandri, having killed two of the Rats in the pit, and leaving the third eating one of its compatriots, leaps out and rallies the group with his battle cry.

“Run like Feck- we’re done for.”

There follows a mass evacuation (not dissimilar to Liandri’s in Session 1.) the results of which sees Felix with the Monk over his shoulder tanking over the valley floor as fast as his dumpy little legs can propel him. Arse all the time snapping at his heels running back and forth clearly excited by this new game. Liandri is about 20-30 yards ahead of them all, while Endrin who exits the cave last with a final flourish and en garde, trips and makes the 20-foot journey down the scree on his front- using his face as a braking device. The Kobolds trickle out into the sunlight and give a token response, which tails off into cheering and dancing- and generally rude gesticulating.

The group head out of the valley and run to the tree line where they break for rest and recuperation. Xeolus is soon brought round and the healing is shared out- a brief meeting takes place. 

Xeolus “What happened?”
Liandri “You’re cack.”
Endrin “You fell down the sodding hole.”
Liandri “Cook you.”
Endrin “Cook you, you filthy Cooksucker”
Felix “Calm do…”
Endrin & Liandri (together) “Oh Cook you.”
Liandri “You stumpy twat.”
Xeolus “I really think you should all…”
Endrin punches Xeolus. Hard, or at least as hard as he can.
Felix “Right do you feel better for that?”
Endrin “Yep.”
Liandri “Yeah- that was funny.”
Xeolus “Gno Gnot Greally”, holding his nose.
Felix “Right I’ll just fix Xeolus’ nose and then we’re going back.”

Endrin and Liandri chortle and wander off to the tree line to observe the cave.

Felix sidles over to Xeolus and puts his arm around his shoulder (Xeolus is sitting down), “that was very honourable of you Xeolus- without you the Wednesday Knights would fall apart.”
Xeolus “Greally”
Felix “Yes. Greally”
Xeolus looks a whole lot happier, he smiles and then winces.

After fixing Xeolus’ broken nose the four head off back into the Valley- this time hugging the left hand side of the rift- giving the Kobold Cave No.1. a wide berth.

Next time, Kobold Cave No.2.


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## Goonalan (Jan 23, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION V- Part 2.

Fryday 14th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Into the Valley of the Kobolds- Part 2.

The Kobold Cave No.2.

The cave is much the same as the last one, this time set only 10 feet up a scree slope, once again the entrance is unguarded, and once again Arse balks at entering. The Knight’s follow a long passage and left at a fork- there is the noise of construction ahead, Felix’s ears prick up. Seeing this as an ideal opportunity for retribution the Knights creep up on a gang of Kobold miners- ten or so of them, and massacre them all bar one, which Felix sits on till the fighting is done.

“Hello sonny?” Liandri taps the creature on the head- hard.
“We’re gonna ask you some questions.”
The Kobold looks up at Liandri bemused.
“What’s the capital of Peru?”
“?”
“No?”
“?”
“LEE”, slap, “MA”, slap.
“?”
“Where’s the tresure?”
“Tresh-urr.”
“That’s it.”
“Tresh-urr.”

Five minutes later Terry Kobold (he picked up a moniker along the way) has learnt the words “tresh-urr”, “lump-un-prow-lee-teary-at”, and the opening lines of the Sulean Folk Trio, Sticky Berry Paste’s, number one hit- “Going Underground.”

“Gow-in hunder-grownd, 
Gow-in hunder-grownd,
Wer Endrin slays,
Go-a pow-wow-wow.”

Having had there fun, Xeolus breaks up the party-

“I don’t think he knows anything, we ought to let him go.”
After the other three have stopped laughing it becomes apparent that Xeolus’ remarks are without irony- he means it.
“Yes.”
“Ok.”
“I’ll take him out. Shall I?”
“Yes, that would be a good idea Liandri.”
“Yes. It would be for the best Endrin.”

Liandri winks at Terry, grabs his arm and drags the smiling Kobold towards the cave entrance.

“What a cheery little fellow”, Xeolus states to odd looks and general bemusement.

Liandri gets to the entrance- scoops Terry up and with a flick of his wrist draws a dagger and plunges it into the creatures’ throat, hand clamped over its mouth he watches it die. He tosses the remains into a dark corner, wipes himself and his blade, and mooches back into the cave and the Knights. 

“Did you see him off.”
“Yep.”
Liandri beams.
“It feels good doesn’t it Liandri.”
“It feels great Xeolus.”
Xeolus beams back and pats the Elf on the arm in passing.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 5.

Next time the gang’s all here.


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## Goonalan (Jan 26, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION VI- Part 1.

Fryday 14th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Into the Valley of the Kobolds- Part 3.

Dramatis Personae
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Liandri Elven Rogue 1
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1 with Arse the Wolf
Endrin Human Bard 1
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Bob Human Ranger 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1

The Kobold Cave No.2. - Part 2.

Before the Knights can venture further noises are heard from the entrance to the cavern- slinking forward Liandri spy’s creatures entering the cave. Before he can ready his bow he realises that the lead character is Bob then Mallaria with Rodney Dirt in close company, a strange bloke in a headdress also tags along. He curses himself- and makes a mental note to shoot first next time.

The two groups meet in the entrance chamber and hold a hushed conversation, basically explaining what has gone on so far. The party are then introduced to “Whirlwind.”

“Who the hell’s he?”
“Which one?”
“The nutter in the feathered head-dress”
“That’s ‘The Whirlwind’ as he likes to be known, a warrior from the Amedio Jungle, he specialises in a death dance of whirling axes.”
Endrin looks at Liandri- the two begin to giggle and are finally bent double with laughter.
“Nice.”
“I’ll give him a week.”

‘The Whirlwind’ stands unruffled fingering the blade of his axe, a cold hard look, possibly hatred, in his eyes. Mallaria takes notice.

Back to the action- Rodney heads to the exit to keep guard, while the reinforced party- more like an army heads further into the cave.

The unexplored passage leads to a long thin cavern with an exit at the far end- there are a number of manacles attached to the walls, as if the area has been used in the past to hold prisoners. The strange thing however is the swirling, rolling mist that spills from the far exit. Whirlwind approaches cautiously, Mallaria not too far behind. Slowly a fiery figure forms from the coalescing fog- Xeolus crosses himself and gulps like they do in films. Whirlwind looks back at the party, opens his mouth to reveal a huge grin, and tugging at Mallaria’s shoulder walks quickly into the mist disappearing from sight, and ignoring the fiery figure altogether. Mallaria is suddenly aware that she has found a friend and likewise trots into the mist, the party hears nothing until Mallaria’s battle cry.

“Death to role-playing.”

The two warriors struggle through a narrow corridor- bouncing off the walls to guide them through, appearing from the mist into a larger chamber. In the centre of which stands a small and particularly weedy looking Kobold, who is obviously a spell caster- he wears a robe with silver foil stars attached to it. Whirlwind grins at Mallaria- they both heft their axes and advance upon the Kobold- who, strangely, smiles back- Whirlwind suddenly feels very tired-

“I think I’ll have a little snooze”, says Whirlwind and slumps to the floor- Mallaria is stunned and for a moment is unsure of what to do.

The Kobold Sorcerer grins mischievously and advances to attack Mallaria as Felix lurches into the room- followed soon after by the other members of the party, the fight is made more difficult by the fact that some sort of magic field protects the Sorcerer. The Kobold screams for help but to no avail- it is cut down in short time- Felix delivers the killing blow.

Seconds later shouts are heard from the main entrance and the Knights rush off to see what is happening, except for Liandri, of course. They find Rodney Dirt about to be overrun- fighting a rear guard action against a dozen or so Kobold warriors. 

Back in the Sorcerer’s chamber Liandri rifles the dead Sorcerer and comes away with a magic scroll and coin, he completes his mission by robbing Whirlwind, as he snoozes.

“Welcome to the Wednesday Knights.”

Back at the main entrance the fight turns in favour of the Knights and a half-dozen Kobold survivors flee leaving another eight dead, the party watch the survivors cross the valley floor back to Kobold Cave No.1.

Cave No.3. - The Mausoleum.

Thirty minutes later Whirlwind is all better and Rodney Dirt has departed his job done, with Arse in tow- he doesn’t like the smell of the caves. 

The intrepid explorers head further into the valley and away from the now deserted Kobold Cave No.2. and the far too dangerous Kobold Cave No.1. Another cavern thirty-five feet up the side of the valley wall- the Knights make their way up the slope and into the cave, cautiously- three sarcophagi each with their lids pushed aside. As per Trading Standards- Skeleton Menace Section, three bonies duly appear and attack the group, a couple of them get hits in but they are efficiently despatched- with Endrin recovering a reasonable breastplate from one of the opened tombs- nice.

Cave No.4. - The Empty Cave.

A bit further down the valley the Knights find another cave, on the valley floor this time, however the cave is empty- the adventurers mooch around for a bit before eating lunch.

“How do you think it’s going Felix?”
“GRRR.”
“Don’t talk to him while he’s eating.”
“And don’t put your fingers near his mouth.”
To emphasise the point the surly burly Dwarf snaps once or twice.

Continuing down the valley, not so much creeping as sauntering, the next cave they espy has a Kobold sentry who on seeing them runs within, Mallaria and Whirlwind rush to the attack, the others lumbering behind.

“Bloody hell- here we go again, can’t the buggers stop running everywhere?” Felix puffs and pants but waddles on.

Cave No.5. - The Third Kobold Cave.

Rushing after the sentry Mallaria and Whirlwind run through several empty chambers into a much, much larger cavern. In which Kobold families- females and their young cower and try to hide. A small number of Kobold warriors attempt some form of brief resistance- five or six are quickly killed by the duo before the rest throw down their weapons and surrender. The others catch up. Mallaria orders Xeolus to the cave entrance to stand watch while they “interrogate er… sorry question” the Kobolds.

Xeolus nods helpfully and stalks off, if he had a tail it would be wagging.

Mallaria “Who scored the winning goal in the 1978 World Cup Final?”
The Kobold merely stares at the strange looking Half-Elf.
Whirlwind prods the creature around the chest area with a dagger.
“Come on… come on… Mario… come on this is an easy one.”
Eventually Whirlwind stabs the thing in the heart, or thereabouts- he’s not that fussy.

While Xeolus whistles a happy tune, Mallaria and Whirlwind slay the remaining warrior Kobolds, and a few of the women and children for good measure, in an explosion of bloodletting. The slaughter is only brought to an end when Felix, Endrin and Bob physically intercede, Liandri mooches off giggling, ostensibly “to check for traps.” There follows a heated debate, the backdrop a cacophony of screaming and crying Kobolds.

Felix “They are all creatures under the Oerth, sure I don’t like them but I can’t kill the women and children in cold-blood”
<SSSsslliiittt>
Mallaria “I can.”
Endrin “Pelor- you’re an animal.”
Mallaria picks up a kid and flings it at a wall- the Kobolds are screaming and wailing, yammering for mercy.
Bob “Mallaria. Leave them be.”
Mallaria “Or else?” Mallaria hefts her great axe, the ranger saunters over his hand on his longsword.
Felix “Leave her Bob she’s not worth it.”
Whirlwind stands behind Mallaria, a wall of silence hits the cavern, even the Kobolds have worked out what’s going on.

Suddenly Felix begins to flap his hands and herds the women and kids out, toward the exit; Endrin joins in- trying to move them on before the storm breaks again- the warrior tableau remains in place.

At the entrance Xeolus stands aside to allow the screaming Kobolds to exit, “bye… bye… nice to have met you.” He finishes off his apple and strides back to the central cave. “That was nice letting them go”, nobody knows where to look except Mallaria and Whirlwind who relax and smile, “I suppose you found out what’s in the rest of the caverns- particularly that first one. You know I’m quite surprised really- I’d have thought you would have used them as hostages, I suppose you thought I would have been a bit ticked off. Well I would- you did the right thing.”

“Oh Pelor- we didn’t ask them anything.” Endrin states, the others shake their heads while Mallaria and Whirlwind continue to grin.

Next time... more mischief in the Kobold Caves.


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## Goonalan (Jan 26, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION VI- Part 2.

Fryday 14th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Into the Valley of the Kobolds- Part 4.

Cave No.6. - The Abandoned Bandit Hideout.

The Knights have reached the end of the valley, turned the corner, and are heading back down the right hand side- the last cave in this direction will be the Kobold Cave No.1. However they first enter this fairly small cave more of a cut through, once inside Liandri discovers a secret passage and the group explore what looks to be an abandoned hideout, or something similar. The Knights manage to upset a few traps which are fortunately well past their sell-by-dates, before Whirlwind finds a shagged, but ultimately salvageable, suit of half-plate armour.

Cave No.7. - Tentacles of Doom- nearly.

Once again 35 feet up the side of the valley is another walk through- although the last member of the Knights to make the journey through the cave does not think so. In the central chamber of the cave, Endrin spots something glinting on the floor and picks up a handful of coins- when he straightens up to examine them, he realises that the other members of the group, with the torches, have left the room. He is about to call out to them when something flops down onto his shoulder and with lightning speed coils around his neck. He is soon on tiptoes a rubbery tentacle attempting to lift him up to the ceiling, grappling hard he manages to loose the tentacle enough to shout for help. Liandri is the first on the scene; he rushes over and begins to climb Endrin, who is brought back to Oerth with Liandri’s added body weight, Liandri stabs at the tentacle, there is a squelching noise followed by a high pitched scream. 

The creature on the ceiling takes a deep blow and the tentacle uncoils as rapidly as it attached itself- something on the ceiling moves swiftly away from the area. Felix and Mallaria study the ceiling as Endrin and Liandri quickly flee the chamber.

The Knights nick off sharpish, another confrontation successfully run away from.

Cave No.8. - The Spin Cycle.

Another cave, quite small this time and only 10 feet up the valley wall, Bob discovers the tracks of several wild animals, possibly wolves- the party is pre-warned, they enter cautiously, reduced to single file in the narrow passage.

The cave is straight and narrow and ends in a single small chamber that is completely flooded; the chamber is no more than 15 feet in circumference. Liandri enters the pool and has a splash about- the water at the edge is only a foot or so deep, he discovers however that it drops off sharply towards the centre; Mallaria likewise takes to the waves. 

In a matter of moments the two become aware of a steadily growing undercurrent that whips at their feet attempting to knock them over. The force of the water grows exponentially with Mallaria soon washed off her feet and careering round in the mini-whirlpool that is being formed. Whirlwind wades into the water holding onto Bob, who is likewise gripped by the other members of the party; they attempt to grab at Mallaria, as she washes round on the spin cycle. Liandri, now trying to get out also discovers he is in jeopardy. The water gathers him up, the duo are being sucked in to the centre of the whirlpool and are suffering cuts and bruises from the scratches and scrapes caused by the buffeting. Eventually, after several attempts, the two are hooked and dragged towards safety- the whirlpool suddenly loses its energy and moments later a small squat creature formed entirely of water rises from the centre of the pool. There is a sudden explosion of spray towards the group, now on dry land, and all the torches go out, Mallaria’s perm also suffers terribly. Whirlwind shouts, “Run” (DM’s note- he’s getting the hang of it very quickly), and the Knights run, stagger and lurch towards the exit.

The group now a little shaken and the worse for wear head back to Cave 6- The Abandoned Bandit Hideout and decide to rest up for the evening.

The Knights decide to entertain themselves- Whirlwind delivers a lecture on the benefit of eating “Long Pig”, Mallaria tries her hand at stand-up.

“What do you tell a Dwarf with two black eyes?”
“Dunno.”
“Nothing you’ve already told him twice.”

Eventually the evening ends with a game of eye-spy; Whirlwind gives a clue to his secret observation- he points at Bob.

“Bob?”
“Ranger?”
“Woodsman?”
“Turnip farmer?” Offers Liandri, “I know moron?”
Whirlwind shakes his head at each wrong answer.

Eventually the others surrender.

“Go on, what was it?”
“Long Pig.” Whirlwind rubs his stomach and smacks his lips.

In summary the Wednesday Knights have had the following "run-in's" so far vs. Kobolds- lost one (ran away badly injured), drawn one (allowed the Kobolds to run off), and won one (miners and a Sorcerer despatched). Of the other caves- one empty hideout, now home; one empty cave- lunch taken; one skeleton menace overcome; one rubbery tentacled horror- ran off; one water elemental- ran off. This adventuring lark is proving to be hard work- Felix has never ran so much.

The players head off home to their domiciles where they will participate in the hollow charade that is life.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 6.

Next time- it's us or them, Kobold style.


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## robberbaron (Jan 26, 2004)

Nice to see The Whirlwind fitting in so well.


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## Goonalan (Jan 27, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION VII.

Satyrday 15th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Into the Valley of the Kobolds- Part 5.

Dramatis Personae
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Liandri Elven Rogue 1
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1 with Arse the Wolf
Endrin Human Bard 1
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Bob Human Ranger 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1

Around the ol’ campfire.

The Knights spend a restless night holed up in the Abandoned Hideout- particularly Bob who, four hours later wakes in a cold sweat after working out Whirlwind’s Long Pig comment, “’umans!”. There are two guard posts, one at each of the cave entrances. At about 2 A.M. Felix comes to life as a couple of Kobolds approach the opening he is guarding- Arse is roused and sent into the fray, “fetch”, a few screams later and Arse returns dragging a dead Kobold, there follows sounds of frantic fleeing, “who’s a good boy.”

Later still both entrances are attacked by much larger groups of Kobolds, the party can hear the sounds of orders being issued- the attack is much better co-ordinated. The first entrance is being alternatively bombarded with spears and rushed by small groups of Kobold guerrilla’s- the party leave Endrin alone guarding the second entrance with his lute.

Endrin strumming quietly whispering the song-

“Should I stay or should I go? 
If I go there will be trouble
An' if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know... “

A spear suddenly grows out of the centre of his chest…

“I’ll be off then… FELIX.”

Endrin flees- lit torches are thrown into the cave, they fail to ignite anything and soon burn out, however the cave becomes increasingly smoky and difficult to manoeuvre in. During a lull the Knights hold a rushed meeting.

Liandri “If we stay here we’re dead.”
Felix <Cough Cough> “What the feck do you suggest.”
Mallaria “They’re fecking Kobolds, hobbits with attitude that’s all- lets rush them and kick the  out of them. What’s Endrin doing, he looks like a huge cocktail sausage lying there?”
Endrin “I’m dyin’, leave me be, I’ll be alright.”
Felix “Either you’re dying or you’re alright- you can’t be both. Anyway there’s no dying on my shift.”
Felix’s healing hands set to work and soon Endrin is back on his feet, Mallaria helps him up by the spear.
Endrin “Ow. Ow. Ow. MALLARIA, are you sure we can’t remove it Felix?”
THWOP
Endrin falls to the ground again holding his chest and screams for a while, “we’re all doomed I tell ya, doomed.”
Felix <Cough Cough> “How do you know- I can’t see anything?”
Mallaria “Come on, ignore him… let’s get ‘em.”

There follows a brief readying of arms and general preparation for combat. 

Endrin “Ow, aaaarrrgghhh, oh, eh eh eh eh, Gnnnnaaaaar. MY EYES. IT BURNSSSSSS US.”

Alas Endrin’s perform role is only a “6” he eventually gets up and readies himself- everyone else is ignoring him.

The Big Fight.

The players come rushing out of the cave, it’s fair to say the Kobolds were not expecting this sudden counter attack; the rest of the session is spent in a dice rolling frenzy.

In the initial charge Endrin once again makes a complete fool of himself, he trips and forward rolls down the scree into the midst of the Kobolds, Felix is also caught momentarily off balance. The rest of the party are forced to double speed down the slope in order to catch up with their tumbling compatriots. 

The fight kicks off with the entire group in close combat- there are easily a dozen Kobolds surrounding them with more joining all the time. Xeolus is quickly surrounded and is swiftly beaten unconscious (does this sound familiar to anyone), Endrin too is quickly surrounded and knocked out, grasping the dirt. However Felix comes to the rescue and in the midst of the fighting, with Bob holding the Kobolds off, Endrin and Xeolus are brought round and made well enough to defend themselves from attack.

Bob and Mallaria once again are at the fore, with Mallaria going crazy ape bonkers- killing everything that comes close to her. 

At one point the seven adventurers are being attacked by nearly twenty Kobolds co-ordinated by a spell casting chief. 

The players are worried, they spur each other on with their valiant battle cries.

Endrin “For Amberdale, Captain Jarrek and the Wednesday Knights. For Honour, Hope, Charity and Tumescence. For all the girls I’ve lurvved before…”

Bob “GRUNT Tek that varmit.”

Whirlwind “SNARL dead… dead… AAAARRRGGGHHHH… dead… dead.”

Felix “For Thorin Ironpants, who died at the Gate of MooooorDoooor.”

Liandri “-“, not participating.

Xeolus “Spiritual Father, Hieroneous- Valour and Courage be my shield against these heathen foes allow your countenance to shine forth upon this valley. Bless my staff, and Bob’s, what’ve you got Bob- is that a Long <OW>. Take that, yes Bless his Longsword, Shield-Father and Bless Felix’s <OW> bloody, bloody <OW> <THUMP> Stop that ya bugger.”

Mallaria “hahahabloodyfeckin’arsewipetreestreesinmyeyescanyouhearthevoicesinmyheadoneforthenmoneytwoforthesnowIamtheWALRUSKOO-KooAitchoosomemysayI’madreamerbutI’mnottheonlyoneibelieveinmiraclesboiledsweetsinthehandbagofloveOOBLADEEOOBLADAAmutherfecker.”

The Kobolds fighting spirit cannot withstand the aural onslaught, particularly when Endrin breaks off into the Dwarven ballad made famous by Jhoni Masssif “Feelings”, a tear jerker about a romance between a young dwarf and three pound ingot of pure gold. 

The Kobold cohesion does not last and soon elements of the rabble are breaking off to throw spears into the mix, some of which strike their compatriots, before running away sharp-ish. Xeolus has found a new way of killing the creatures he picks one of the creatures up and dunks it in a burning bush. The party having previously thrown their torches into the sparse vegetation, igniting the bushes, so as to light the battleground. Liandri has enough sense to duck out of combat when the melee is thinning out and circle round to the Kobold chief. Once in place he delivers a mighty blow and the chief flees savagely wounded, many of the Kobolds warriors do likewise, the last half-dozen that remain are cut down with Arse chasing after those fleeing the scene. 

The Knights however are all bruised and bloodied and pursuit is not an option- they return to the Abandoned Bandit Hideout, which is now much clearer, and hunker down for the few hours that remain till morning. A token watch is set- Arse stands guard at one entrance, while Mallaria still hyper guards the other.

Sunday 16th Jankers 2000

At first light the group re-assemble only to decide to continue resting for the day- it seems they are without any form of healing (other than rest) until Felix gets his spells back. The day passes in idle pursuit; nobody leaves the cave except to whiz (meaning to pee), which they do from the main entrance to the cave- soon a competition begins, involving height, distance and style. Mallaria wins- the manner of her victory is too obscene to tell, those that were there have been sworn to silence- needless to say the scroll tube was thrown away soon after.

After a fairly fitful nights sleep the group head off the next morning to Kobold Cave No.1. only to find the place abandoned- a thorough search reveals little of interest, only half-forgotten items of little or no value- the Kobolds have departed. 

With glad hearts the Knights head off back through the woods to Amberdale, a day into the journey Xeolus and Endrin begin to show signs of fever, to make matters worse Arse has become disorientated and is having to be carried at a much reduced pace by Felix. Xeolus and Endrin are able to continue but they are taking a long time to cover any great distance- the pace slows and an extra day is spent getting home. 

Fortunately encounters during this time are scarce- only a Wild Boar, which is scared of by the entire group shouting and waving at it, except for Felix who runs after it shouting “Sage & Onion”.

Thawsday 20th Jankers 2000

The Knights arrive back at Amberdale and immediately book Xeolus and Endrin into Brother Mendel’s care- the two have Filth Fever, a disease that comes from rat bites, Arse also suffers from the same- over the next two weeks they recover from the disease. 

Endrin also visits Birchwhistle the landlord of the Inn of the same name and trains, the first character to reach second level. Liandri in the meantime searches out Birinth, the wizard, and convinces the old man to teach him something of the wizardy ways. 

The above dungeon “The Valley of the Kobolds”, was a combination of “Shades of Yesterday” a download from Agatha Blades www.agathablades.com which just isn’t working any more, and The Kobold Cave (B3, I think “The Caves of Chaos”) from Eric Noah/ENWorld conversions page (although I don’t think it’s there anymore). Do however try www.d20reviews.com.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 7.

Next time Gorgoldand’s Caravan of Love.


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## robberbaron (Jan 28, 2004)

Yaay!
So, consistently falling over is the quickest way to gains levels.
I'll have to remember that.


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## Goonalan (Jan 28, 2004)

robberbaron said:
			
		

> Yaay!
> So, consistently falling over is the quickest way to gains levels.
> I'll have to remember that.




Ah yes well... but, yep you've got me there. But the thing about Endrin is he's the talker, for example. The Wednesday Knights encounter a strange fellow in Amberdale dressed in peasant garb who looks like a farmer but could be an assassin*.

Peasant "Excuse me could you tell me the way to the Inn?"

Liandri quickly assess the situation ducks down behind a market stall and begins to siddle around the peasant in order to be in a backstabbing situation.

Felix puffs his chest out and pushes to the front "Aye, what fer?" He says screwing his face up in a pirates grimace. The peasant looks worried.

Bob picks his nose and farts.

Xeolus scans the peasants face for signs of the Devil all the time smiling and nodding his head at the worried commoner.

Whirlwind growls and drools (he can't do one without the other) a curtain of saliva matts the front of his armour- the half-plate has a semi-circle of rust under his chin.

Mallaria doesn't talk to peasants, she doesn't like talking to the other adventurers, in fact she's not there- if she was there'd be a fight, possibly not with the peasant- anyone passing, inanimate objects anything will do.

The peasant begins to back off his hands up in defence, "that's ok... I'll find..."

Endrin places his arm around the young farmers shoulder- "the Inn, the Birchwhistle, a fine establishment, I know the proprietor. Here let me show you the way, did I say that I play quite regularly at the Inn, you may have heard of me..."

And on it goes, I sometimes feel as a DM that if it wasn't for Endrin talking in character they'd never get anywhere, also, and whisper this- he's the unofficial party leader- none of the players had better read this as there could be repurcussions. I am particularly glad that Tomo (Mallaria) "ain't learn'd mi lettres yet."

Anyway just for the record I do XP differently, by and large it takes a long old while to go up levels- I use a hybrid 2nd edition D&D system kinda thing- it takes an age to work out and involves "hard sums", which I like. 

Adieu to yieu and yieu and yieu.

*everyone is a potential assassin, learn this and you are 50% of the way towards understanding life. <Liandri>


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## robberbaron (Jan 28, 2004)

Fair enough.

It is a potential problem with 3.0/3.5 that XPs are only doled out according to Challenge Ratings, if the GM isn't on the ball.
I've always given out XPs (from way back in the day when they were called EPs) for "playing in character" and "having good ideas", and I guess I hoped that all other GMs also did it. I don't suppose they do, but one can dream.

Keep up the good work, its very entertaining in a "s quietly while I'm supposed to be working" kind of way.

Edit: forgot that the board doesn't like the word starting with "snig" and ending with "gers" due to the bit after the "s". Shame, 'cos it accurately describes the noise I make when reading this story hour.


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## Goonalan (Jan 29, 2004)

SESSION VIII.

Thawsday 3rd Fibber 2000
Year of the Dark

Gorgoldand Caravan & the Orc Raiders.

Dramatis Personae
Liandri Elven Rogue 1
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1 with Arse the Wolf
Endrin Human Bard 2
Bob Human Ranger 1

Boys about town.

For the past two weeks the group have been resting up- Liandri lodges with Birinth the wizard and in a couple of weeks he has picked up the basics of wizardry- enough to start him of as a first level wizard.

Liandri “What’s this red stuff?”
Birinth “Don’t touch that it’s dangerous.”
Liandri <aside> “I’ll come back for it later then.”

Endrin, after making a quick recovery from Filth Fever, trains to become a 2nd level Bard.

Endrin <singing> “Can yew feel it. Comin threw the air toe-nyate, Oh Lawd… Filthy Fill Kollins- is this absolutely necessary.”
Birchwhistle “Fear affect, one note of this stuff and they run a mile- Fill Kollins’ deadly stuff- we have a lot to thank him for, Pelor bless his scabrous, ugly Half-Orc hide.”
The singing lessons continue. 

Meanwhile Xeolus and Arse, with the help of Brother Mendel, recover from Filth Fever.

Xeolus kneels to pray, “praise be to Hieroneous, holy father, smiter of evil, my constant companion in these dark and troubled times. Thank you saviour for blessing me, allowing me to feel the scourge of the rotten filth of the heretic unbeliever Kobolds and their rat servitors, only to be wiped clean- as your holy vengeful love courses through my veins.”

He continues in a whisper, “I will serve you through these difficult times- I will channel your might, your strength, your courage, I will detroy all that stand in our path…”

In the meantime Felix has come to pick up Arse, Mallaria has also tagged along for the ride- they observe Xeolus for a while, exchanging glances- worried.

Eventually Xeolus notices them. “Are you looking at me? Are you looking at me? Well there’s no one else here… you must be looking at me.” Xeolus points a holy symbol of Hieroneous at them. Felix, Mallaria and Arse back away carefully, without comment.

In the meantime the Knights sell all of the items they have found so far- a few gems and pieces of jewellery, they are also allowed to keep the Wand of Detect Magic that Birinth lent them previously. Endrin gets the breastplate he found repaired Whirlwind does likewise with the Half-Plate armour.

The group also re-equip courtesy of a passing merchants caravan, getting excellent prices after Endrin twirls his moustaches (and other things) in the direction of the head of the caravans’ guard contingent. Sam Fox a stunner spends a couple of nights and days locked in Endrin’s room at the Birchwhistle- ostensibly helping him with his training schedule. 

“Err… she’s helping me on my bending and stretching routines. Birchwhistle- a plate of lettuce and greens please.”
Birchwhistle frowns.
“I want to see if she eats like a rabbit too.”

At the end of the two weeks the group decide to spread their wings and apply for, and are hired by, the next caravan that passes through Amberdale- the merchant Gorgoldand’s caravan. The next day they head off, leaving their families and friends (enemies- Mallaria & Liandri) behind, ahead the bright lights of Travensford, the next two-bit hick town up the road.

The Orc Caravan Ambush- the terrible Twins.

Sunday 6th Fibber 2000

A day out of Amberdale the Knights are riding shotgun when Endrin spots smoke in the distance, some way ahead over a steep rise. After a brief chat with Gorgoldand they are urged to race ahead to see what’s happening- Gorgoldand says he will sound a horn if anything untoward happens to the caravan, he also allows three of his own guards to accompany the Knights. They head off quickly…

They crest the rise and are appalled by what lies ahead, another caravan (the one that they bought goods from in town) lies shattered on the road ahead. There are (or were) four wagons- one lies on its side- horses gone, it’s being looted by a group of hugely muscled humanoids- Orcs, the second is on fire- once again horses gone. The third can just be seen in the woods- it seems the horses, which can not be seen, must have panicked and tried to pull the wagon into the woods.  The last caravan looks fairly intact, including horses, however a group of drovers surround it they are being menaced by a number of Orcs, there are at least a dozen dead bodies scattered around- only one that can seen is an Orc. Worse still a circle of Orcs (these are nearest to the Knights) surround a seemingly one-sided fight, a lone female warrior armed with a longsword battles a huge Ogre, the female in the centre of the circle is immediately recognisable to Endrin- 

“It’s… oh her name’s on the tip of my tongue.”
“Stick it out and let me see.”
“That’s just what she said.”
“Pelor, Endrin it was only a couple of nights ago.”
“Ahh, but I’ve been in training- intense training.” He winks.
“You’re a dog.”
“Woof, you betcha. Shall we go then…”

The Knights click into combat mode, they each fire what missiles they have to hand and run straight for the largest concentration of Orcs, the ones surrounding the Ogre fight. Initially the Orcs are surprised by the their arrival- the Wednesday Knights have the advantage and cut down a number of the foul creatures. The Orcs rush to meet the Knights throwing whatever missiles they have as they go- two of Gorgoldand’s guards are cut down instantly in the rain of steel. The dozen or-so Orcs surrounding the Ogre battle are soon put to the sword (and axe, and club etc.), a combination of courageous attacking, and improved armour allow the Knights to cut a swathe through them. Arse once again proves to be worth his weight in doggie biscuits- ripping the throats out of several of the filthy creatures.

Meanwhile the lone swordswomen’s fight with the Ogre turns out to be less one-sided than the group at first feared, the beautiful women with the longsword swiftly and efficiently cuts down the Ogre and is poised ready to meet the Orc reinforcements arriving (the looters). The final group of Orcs at the far end of the Caravan also moves towards the party, after killing the captured drovers in cold blood. 

Stranger still, standing just within the woods, unnoticed till now, is a human in robes flanked by two larger, well-armed and armoured, Orcs. The man takes out a crossbow and every ten seconds or-so fires at one of the Knights- his next three shots all strike home- he never misses.

The group continues to wade through the Orcs, eventually meeting up with the blonde haired warrior- she fights alongside them and proves to be as deadly as she is beautiful, cutting down two Orcs at a time- the group are impressed, Endrin is tumescent. 

Eventually the remainder of the Orcs flee, although at this point they have been reduced from twenty in number to just a handful. This leaves only the robed Human Male and his huge Orc minders- the robed figure takes the time to get a good look at the Knights before they close in. The robed man heads back into the woodlands ordering his minders to destroy the party before they retreat, like automatons they obey- Endrin & Bob attack join the fight while Liandri dodges round and begins sprinting through woods towards the departing Human. 

Bob & Endrin fight hard, dodging huge two-handed axe blows, they eventually manage to overcome the two huge Orcs. Two hundred yards away Liandri finds himself alone with the Orc’s Human leader (maybe). He slashes away at the man furiously- who is however protected at this time by a combination of magic forces, this wizard thing helps, Liandri thinks. However knowledge is not power Liandri’s blows all fail, while the Human leader reduces Liandri to near unconsciousness. Liandri staggers back- spent.

Human “Don’t mess with me, you are neither clever enough nor powerful enough to frighten me- you are little people, you are nothing. Now run along. Before I decide to end you.”

Liandri gulps once or twice and backs off sword in hand still menacing the man although less inclined than before.

Liandri “Feck you, you… <the threat stalls> fecker.”

The man smiles then turns and walks away into the woods- never looking back, which for a thief hurts.

The other Knights come rushing towards Liandri, just in time to hear a horse departing at speed.

Back in the road the Knights go from body to body as Gorgoldand’s caravan approaches- two of the three guards he sent with the party are dead, the third vows never to do this kind of work again. Of the members of the first caravan, Sam Fox (the beautiful female warrior) is well, if not a little distraught; she rushes into the arms of Endrin and begins to sob uncontrollably. He winks at Liandri and strokes her hair-

“There, there… the nasty Orcs are gone.”
“Oh but Endrin they were so brutish- the things they did…”
“But I am here now- shall I tell again the tale of how I slew the Rat Lord in his be-trapped Tower- like I did the night I touched you deeply.”
<<SOB>>
“You are safe with me, here in my strong manly man arms- or shall I sing of the time that I slew the Ghost Thieves in their Underground lair.”
<<SOB>>
“Or when I fought the Mighty Spider Queen and her hundred Monk Minions.”
<<SOB>>
“Or the Thirty foot long be-horned beetle which I crushed with my mighty magics, and keep still in a match box at home in my parents house where I live… I mean their er… my Glorious Undersea Fortress Stronghold.”
“Oh Endrin.”
“Oh Susan.”
“Oh En… Susan… Who the feck is Susan?”
“You are… Unless it was Woodnesday then you would be…”

SSSSSSSLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAP

Later she will look up into his eyes and be lost within their deep blue pools, he’s convinced she will- anytime now.

The other members of the caravan are all alas deceased.

Thirty minutes later the sound of approaching horses is heard, a sheriff’s patrol from the town of Travensford arrives on the scene and takes charge. It seems one member of the caravan did survive- the guard riding ahead of the wagon train; he was cut off and fled when the Orcs attacked.

Also with the sheriff and his men is an old man who quickly finds his way over to the party to listen in to their conversation.

Sheriff “This is the second time this has happened- we need to destroy these raiders.”
The sheriff pointedly looks at the Knights.
“I know where they are.”
The sheriff continues, “there will of course be a reward for their destruction.” He looks specifically at each of the Knights.
“I said I know where they are.”
Eventually the sheriff looks around at the old man on the outside of the conversation.
“I’ve been near their hideout, they stole my cart two weeks ago and left me for dead, only I wasn’t, and I want my stuff back.”
The sheriff shrugs and looks again at the group, “well?”

The Knights hurriedly confer and arrange with Gorgoldand to meet him in Travensford in two days time, the sheriff and his patrol will guide the caravan safely to town- the other Knights (i.e. those not present) will catch up later.

After the sheriff has left the group- the old man comes over to Liandri and explains why he is so concerned about his cart. It seems there is a Two-handed Sword attached to the bottom of the cart- something he was transporting, secretly, he would like it back. Also in his cart, hidden in a box, are a number of potions- the group can help themselves to the potions so long as the sword is returned. The old man draws a map as best he can to where he thinks the lair of the Orc bandit’s is- after stealing his wagon and leaving him for dead, he was able to heal himself and follow the Orcs into the woods to their cave but was too frightened to enter.

This adventure, “Wagon Ambush”, was brought to you by DND Adventures at www.dndadventure.com/html/adventures.html where you can find lots of other stuff. I have obviously connected it up with the next lot of adventures- read on for a full explanation.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 8.

Next time the Orcward buggers.


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## Goonalan (Jan 30, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION IX.

Sunday 6th Fibber 2000
Year of the Dark

The Orc Raiders, and the terrible twins.

Dramatis Personae
Liandri Elven Rogue 1/Wizard 1
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1 with Arse the Wolf
Endrin Human Bard 2
Bob Human Ranger 1
Mallaria Half-Elf Barbarian 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1

The Knights head off into the woods, following the old man’s scrawled map; it is early evening when they have covered the seven or so miles, approaching a small cut or valley in the hills ahead. The Knights split up with several members climbing the hills and working their way round into the valley, while others using the cover of the trees to creep closer. They move as silently as possible to the tree line where they stay under cover watching a cave entrance within the valley.

Eventually a couple of Orc guards are seen, sauntering out of the cave entrance to sniff the air, they are not as large or as well armoured as the two Orc bodyguards previously encountered. Felix and Arse break ranks and approach the two.

“Nice night for it.”
The guards look stunned eventually one curls his mouth around a word.
“dWARfF?”
Felix quickly lifts up his leather kilt, there is a moments silence which seems to last forever.

Eventually Liandri nudges Mallaria and the two leap down from above the cave entrance onto the Orcs- which are despatched in short time.

Mallaria and Liandri stop to admire there handiwork, both Orcs still wear strangled, deeply pained expressions.

Eventually Mallaria breaks the silence and asks Felix, “does it… hurt?”
Felix lets go his kilt and signals the other still hidden Knights over.

They enter the cave which goes back twenty to thirty feet before splitting left or right, Bob hears the sound of running water from the right hand fork and so decides to head left (go figure?). Twenty feet later they turn a corner and encounter another Orc with a large Dire Rat bounding ahead of him, 

<Heft-Splat> “SKWIDGE-EEE.”

The Rat is despatched in quick time by Felix, while Bob leaps by the dwarf and cuts down the fleeing Orc in one flash of his longsword.

The Knights move on into some sort of guard room- now empty, a door leads north, Liandri presses an ear he hears loud voices- Orcish. A key is recovered from the dead Orc guard- after Liandri tries the door and finds it locked. Bob unlocks the door, and in one swift move kicks it open and rushes in… nearly over the edge of a walkway. The centre of the room is some twelve or so feet below the point that Bob entered with stairs circling down the right hand wall. In the centre of the room below, and yet almost at eye level with Bob, is an Ogre, a large Orc steps from behind the huge creature licks his lips draws his sword and heads up the stairs towards Bob.

“You guys, a little help here.”

The Ogre reaches over his shoulder and fetches out a large spear. Bob skips down the stairs to meet the Orc, Liandri follows crouched low, while Mallaria simply charges in, once again narrowly escaping plunging over the ledge, she is left teetering on the brink.

The Ogre grunts massively and then throws the spear at Mallaria, who given the choice falls forward off the ledge. The spear is now headed for the open doorway, standing in which is Endrin.

“FOOOK.”
“SLAAAAM.”
“THWonG..G..G.”

The spear hits the door slammed shut by Endrin, the spearhead passes through the door- coming within inches of Endrin’s head, the shaft vibrates violently.

Bob keeps advancing towards the Orc, Liandri tries to hide, while the Ogre grabs a huge hammer from its side and readies itself to crush the prostrate Mallaria.

Back in the guardroom Felix looks at Endrin- “Open the door when I say so, ok.”
The Bard shrugs and nods at him- Whirlwind looks on slightly bemused.
“Now.”
The door is once again flung open and the podgy dwarf barrels into the room and leaps from the ledge his staff above his head in a heroic effort to smash the skull of the Ogre.

“MORRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAohdear.”

He however misses his step and misjudges the width of the ledge, he is till running when he ought to be jumping. He plummets over the ledge and thumps down on top of Mallaria who is just getting up, the two land in a heap. At the same time there is a loud “POP” sound, Felix looks up his face as white as a ghost and yet covered in sweat- the pop was his knee.

The Ogre chuckles and the hammer… falls.

There is another loud “POP” sound.

Bob and Liandri react immediately, sod the Orc, sod sneaking they look at each other once then rush and leap from the stairs slashing wildly at the Ogre as they fly through the air. Through the open door comes Endrin and Whirlwind who rush to meet the now confused looking Orc. 

“For Felix”, they scream, and in unison.

The fight is soon over, the Orc is cut down in seconds by Whirlwind, Endrin leaps down to get to the fallen Deep-Druid. Bob nicks the Ogre a couple of times but receives a dead arm in return, while Liandri leaps beneath the Ogres attack to deliver a mighty blow- the creature rolls it’s eyes and topples over narrowly avoiding crushing Endrin and the dying Felix. Then comes the silence…

Endrin is crouched over Felix with a mirror in his hand trying to see in the half light whether there is any sign of life, the others says nothing, merely mill about there eyes elsewhere trying not to look at the lifeless lump on the floor. Time passes- each second amplified in the deathly silence. Till eventually…

“The fat fecks’ alive…” Endrin grins.
A muted celebration follows while the Knights swiftly discuss what to do with the reclining half-pint.

“We could bury him.” Suggests Mallaria.
“He’s alive for Pelor’s sake.”
“So… he said he wanted to get back underground… this seems an ideal opportunity.”
Liandri giggles while Bob looks perturbed.
“Why not he’s not up to MULCH at the moment.” Mallaria adds before wandering off to find an innocent to torment- where is Xeolus she wonders.

The Knights decide to spend a little time finding a safe place to hide Felix- the need to press on is paramount though, eventually Felix is lain beneath the Ogres rough straw mattress with the Ogres body dragged into place on top, thereby covering the Druid from all but those actively searching. 

Mallaria meanwhile wanders off, she returns to the entrance to the cave and explores the right hand passage, down which she discovers a much, much larger cave with a chasm dead centre. She can hear the sound of water flowing swiftly below; however there is obvious way to cross over (other than leaping). 

Arse drifts off and sits forlornly in the entrance to the cave, keening in the full moons gaze. 

DM’s note- Felix was on -9, soon to be -10 hit points when Endrin cured him. Whirlwind later reported seeing the fat Dwarves spirit rise up, only to be sucked back down into Felix’s body, “like he wuz ‘ungry and it wuz a pi or summat.”

Whirlwind as you can tell from the above accent is a Native American being played by Dick Van Dyke.

The Knights quickly organise themselves and continue north through another locked door- they head off into a corridor where they are fired upon by a pair of Orcs with crossbows- Mallaria leads a death-or-glory charge and one Orc is killed while the second flees further north, the party press on the bit between their teeth now.

They spill out into a much larger room- the room is crammed with all sorts of crates and boxes an aisle runs down the centre. Orcs are stationed at the far end armed with crossbows. A shoot-out develops, using the crates for cover- much shouting comes from the far end of the room, in Orcish- it sounds like orders are being issued. Soon after the four Orcs in the room are reinforced by another four Orcs- these new arrivals are all of the larger size and well armed and armoured. 

Eventually the Orc warriors can stand it no longer and break ranks and charge the party. Combat is difficult in the narrow corridor between the crates and a number of the party members suffer superficial wounds- however the Orcs are eventually routed. The ugly creatures flee with the Knights in hot pursuit (jump into the car flash).

The Orcs make a brief stand in a room with a-big-box-that-goes-up-and-down-on-a-bit-of-thick-string (as it’s known to Bob, to everyone else it’s a lift). Eventually all eight of the Orcs are despatched, fighting to the death. 

The rest of the area is explored and a locked and barred door is discovered, strangely the bar is on the adventurer’s side of the door. Liandri listens at the door- so that’s what silence sounds like. 

“Can you hear that?”
Endrin presses his ear to the door at the point where Liandri is pointing.
“Err… No.”
“Let me listen again.”
“OK”, Endrin moves out of the way and Liandri leans in once more.
“Yep.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”

Endrin shakes his head at Liandri who lifts the bar and opens the door, they both silently creep in. 

The two are only five feet into the room when the door is slammed shut by the sickly and generally deceased looking creature that was hiding behind the door. The creature smells distinctly of the cemetery.

The fiendish looking creature swipes at Endrin from the shadows, he feels the sting. Liandri launches himself into the fray but has massive problems connecting with the foul creature. Endrin on the other hand delivers a hefty blow but the creature battles on, ferociously.

"It's a Ghoul", shouts Endrin.

And in the great tradition of Saturday morning cinema (when I was a kid with Flash Gordon showing) we leave the Knights there- a cliffhanger.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 9.

Next time- down, down, deeper and down..


----------



## Goonalan (Feb 2, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION X.

Sunday 6th Fibber 2000
Year of the Dark

The Orc Raiders, the Terrible Twins- part 2.

Dramatis Personae
Liandri Elven Rogue 1/Wizard 1
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1 (ko’d) with Arse the Wolf
Endrin Human Bard 2
Bob Human Ranger 1
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1 (guarding Felix)

One drunken evening.

Apologies to begin with this evening was not as successful as it could have been- this due to the fact that everyone was late, there was European Cup football on the TV and we were drinking random shots- Smirnoff Blue & Red, Lemon Absolut & Apple Schnapps interspersed with more Schnapps Sidekicks.

And so to the action…

The Ghoul lashes out at Liandri who is hit, he shrieks like a girl (sorry about the sexism), Endrin steps in and delivers the killing blow. The Ghoul falls to the floor wriggling and moaning, a madly energetic death dance… and with a final sigh expires.

The door is flung open and the other Knights leap in, they were outside waiting for the noises of battle to die down. 

There are two ancient looking sarcophagi in the room, one of them is already opened, and empty, the other still sealed. A debate ensues as to whether it should be opened- theories are mooted, postulated and considered, meanwhile Mallaria yanks the lid off. 

Inside are the remains of a Dwarf- skeletal, it does not rise up (DM- an opportunity wasted if you ask me) no matter how hard Mallaria pokes it. Also in the sarcophagi are two Battleaxes, the hafts are rotten but the blades are good (masterwork)- Mallaria takes them while Whirlwind looks on longingly. Mallaria looks at Whirlwind while attaching the Battleaxes to her backpack and smiles, “feck off, they’re mine- I’ll sell the one I don’t use.”

Xeolus, super fly guy.

Meanwhile back at the main entrance Xeolus has made the journey through the woods and to the cavern having been directed to the lair by the old man who lingers at the ambush site. 

At the cavern entrance he moves past Arse the Wolf, who is still mourning Felix’s (near) passing, and on into the cavern. He stops at the point at which the passage splits left and right, and hears a noise, approaching footsteps, from the right hand passage. Xeolus crouches down low and tucks himself into the cavern wall, thirty seconds later an Orc appears from the right hand passage and spots the two dead Orc guards, he turns and barks something then moves towards the exit of the cave. Two more Orcs appear from around the corner and follow- Xeolus takes five seconds to decide, “hey you there, look out he’s behind you” he shouts.

The Orc half turns as Xeolus leaps up and kicks the creature in the face, the Orc crashes into the cavern wall and slumps to the ground, neck broken. At the same time the first Orc steps into the dusk, beyond the entrance to the cave, Arse leaps at him, there follows a lot of screaming and a horrendous amount of blood- the Orc is killed. The one Orc left turns to see Xeolus and then back to the Wolf, Arse- stuck in the middle.

“Put your weapons down and surrender immediately, you will be treated fairly- I mean you no harm.” Xeolus states in perfect Common, and then under his breath, “may Hieroneous guide my hands- death to the heretic.” The Orc obviously does not understand a word of it, he looks from Xeolus to Arse again, then draws his longsword, screams and rushes toward Xeolus who neatly steps aside and completes a roundhouse kick to the side of the head. The last Orc bites the dust- Xeolus drags the bodies into the cave, “there that’s much neater.” 

The monk looks down at a bemused and bloody Arse and pats the Wolf on the snout, “nice doggy- stay.” Xeolus stalks off into the cavern following the left hand passage, whistling a happy tune.

Back with the main group, after exiting the Ghoul chamber the Knights head for the lift room, which as they approach they overhear the noise of machinery- four Orcs are stepping from the lift armed, and armoured- once again spontaneous pushing and shoving with swords erupts.

“Once more into the breach.”
“AaaaRRRgggHHHhuh.”
“Lunchtime.”
“Have at ye varmint.”
“What beach?”
“I haven’t been to the beach in years.”
“Breach, breach, BREACH.”
“I’m trying.”

The battle is short and to the point the Orcs are easily defeated and the Knights emerge unscathed. As the dust settles- Xeolus steps around the corner to admire the dead-

“Hey, nice corpse.”

The Knights stare for a while- Bob nods. Xeolus quickly explains what kicked off at the front entrance to the cave- they retreat to the Ogre cavern, where the body of Felix lies. Plans are made-

“We can’t leave the fat twat alone.”
“Why not he’s usually alone- it’s not like he’s got any friends.”
“We are his friends.” Xeolus states.
Endrin and Liandri look at each other and smile.
“Leave Whirlwind here,” Mallaria states, “he’s not up to much anyway- it’s not like anyone will miss him.”

Whirlwind sits on his own and says nothing, merely looking stoic, and eating his sandwiches- meat paste again.

Eventually it is decided that Whirlwind will remain on guard over Felix (only one vote against) while the other members of the group will head back down the right hand passage- in the direction of the water they heard earlier.

A little later, down the right hand passage, the group enter a much larger chamber with a chasm running through it, just as Mallaria said- it’s 20 or so feet deep and fast flowing water can be heard at the bottom of it. The remains of a wooden bridge can also be seen, Xeolus takes a good run up and leaps the ten-foot gap with ease, Liandri in the meantime has climbed around using the cavern walls. A rope is thrown over and the other members of the group jump, fall and are pulled across (Bob manages all three) to the other side. 

There they find a campfire still burning and a large sleeping/eating area that looks to have been the home to many Orcs, possibly those from the ambush. They also find a locked door that Liandri swiftly opens, within is a storage room- a thorough search reveals the box of Potions, described to them earlier by the Old Man, and on the underside of a small hand cart a mighty two-handed sword is concealed. Mallaria hefts it and finds it to be an exceptional weapon- 

“I’ll take this.”
“Yes you might as well use it now before you give it back to the Old Man.”
Mallaria looks at Xeolus, bemused.


Down, down.

The Knights heads back to the Ogre’s quarters, acknowledging Whirlwind on the way, who is picking his nose and sitting atop the dead Ogre. From there they head to the lift- after a few false starts Mallaria and Endrin make the thing go- they descend a level, they can see there is yet another area below.

An intensely dark chamber is lit only by the Knights guttering torches, they soon discover a dead Orc body and a number of tracks/drag marks- the Knights move on silently and head off into the caverns. 

A little later, in a darkened room- Liandri spots movement on the ceiling and as the party make ready to flee the exit, their usual reaction to imminent danger, a pair of rubbery tentacles wrap around Endrin (again), he is lifted into the air. A brief tug-of –war results in Endrin being dragged back onto the ground with Xeolus, Endrin and Mallaria all hanging onto him. The Knights crowd around Endrin and using reverse psychology grab at the creatures tentacles and rip the thing from the ceiling- a strange Alien (looking) monkey creature with black rubbery skin is pulled to the floor. 

All of the Knights, except Xeolus, let go as Endrin is released by the creature- Xeolus has other ideas.

He begins to spin round in a tight circle, still holding the creature in his hands.

“Hieroneous, hear my prayer- bring death where there is life.”

The centrifugal force of Xeolus’ spin causes the creature to flail wildly from Xeolus’ outstretched arms- like some mad hammer thrower turning circles… getting faster, spinning faster.

“Bring darkness to the light. Unmake what has been made.”

His intensity and speed increases, each circuit now accompanied by what starts as a small bump but soon turns into echoing hard thuds as the flailing creature is brought into contact with the rooms walls.

“HIERONEOUS I CHARGE YOU DESTROY THIS EVIL… NOW.”

With a final crack the alien monkey creature is flung away, it lands at the feet of the watching Knights, the creature’s head is almost missing, the vague shape of its skull- now a pulpy mass of bone and grey matter.

“And thus to all unbelievers.” Xeolus whispers, now on his knees, he looks up to observe the other Knights- who for there part swiftly look away.
“Is there anything you want to tell us Xeolus… this Hieroneous thing?” Endrin at last asks, but the Monk chooses not to hear- and life continues again. 

A little later, “what the heck was that anyway?”
“That was one of the many spawn of the Devils and Demons that inhabit this world, that have found passage through the souls of men, evil men Endrin, to test our metal at the coming of the hour.”
“Oh. Right.”
“Evil men… and women.”
Mallaria smiles.

The Knights all look at Xeolus who goes down on one knee once more and takes a dark black, highly polished, Holy Symbol of Hieroneous out and begins to mutter a prayer of thanks.

“Oh Hieroneous who art most bodacious,
I thank you now for the might and power-
For the valour and the courage…”

“He’s fecking mental.” Mallaria stares at the strange Monk, the rest of the Knights merely nod.

The rest of the level is safely explored with nothing else of note or interest found. The group head back to the lift and from there…


Deeper and down.

The lift descends to the third level; there is nowhere else to go. The area is in absolute darkness- the Knights’ torches illuminate small circles around them. There is no sound here, only their breathing, and the thump of their hearts.

Endrin draws back the lift door and immediately the click-clack of bone on stone comes from directly in front of the lift. The circles of light are invaded, the grinning visages of skeletal warriors, crash into the lift attempting to surround the cage in which the Knights have descended, clawing through the bars. Panics ensues, the door is hurriedly slid shut again, Mallaria and Endrin grip the wheel and begin to haul the cage up to the first floor as fast as they can.

“Get us out of here…”
“C’mon move. MOVE.”

The lift opens and the group spills out, still gibbering. They are in need of a cunning plan… 

All is lost.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 10.

Next time- double trouble and beyond.


----------



## Goonalan (Feb 4, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XI.

Moonday 7th Fibber 2000
Year of the Dark

The Orc Raiders, the Terrible Twins- part 3.

Dramatis Personae
Liandri Elven Rogue 1/Wizard 1
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1 (ko’d) with Arse the Wolf
Endrin Human Bard 2
Bob Human Ranger 1
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1 (still guarding Felix)

Return to level 3.

This week is characterised by a much more professional approach- miraculously everyone’s sober throughout. After a thorough healing- the group decide to make a tactical evaluation of the problem- 

“We need to really think this one through.”
“Can I be excused- my head hurts.”
Whirlwind is allowed to wander off and look after the corpse/door-stop, whatever that is Felix- apparently the two have been getting on like a house on fire.

Xeolus stands frim, “I think we should send a note down explaining that this kind of behaviour is unacceptable in the year of the Dark- these are enlightened times. I think provided we are firm and use strong language to make our point then they will be left with no choice but to capitulate and surrender.”
Endrin looks at Xeolus- “I think Felix is sickening Xeolus, it would perhaps be best if you prayed over him a while- Hieroneous may be able to do something to ensure his survival- you know how much Felix relied upon you.”
“I think it would be a comfort for him, knowing you were there.” Liandri adds after catching Endrin’s wink.
Xeolus smiles and nods, “happy to oblige- perhaps you are right. Do you know I think Felix has perhaps always admired the teachings of Hieroneous.”
“We all have Xeolus, we all have… Now run along.”
Xeolus heads off after Whirlwind, the remaining members of the Knights watch their shoes for a while- until Xeolus is out of earshot. 
“Has anyone got a sensible plan then, one that involves murder and the like…” Mallaria asks.

And so the Knights decide to descend open the doors and pile out kicking the crap out of everything they see. It took them over half-an-hour to work this out- down they go.

“Ah but,” Wayne (an actual person) who sometimes commands Endrin states, “the devil’s in the detail- this time we’re kicking Mallaria and Bob out regardless. Those skellingtons don’t stand a chance.” 

And lo it comes to pass…

The doors whiz open and Mallaria & Bob rush out- the shock troops,

“BOO.”

The skeletons attack, there are four bonies, with a couple of Zombies following them- battle is joined. Endrin sings his courage song while fighting and everyone else wades in, Xeolus punches the head off one of the skeletons “for Heironeous” he cries. Bob & Mallaria kick the crap out of the rest- the Zombies prove much too slow, the Knights are barely having to pause for breath. 

A robed figure darts past the far end of the corridor- the same robed figure from the woods and the Orc ambush- he holds a crossbow in his hands and is grinning from ear-to-ear.

Soon after- “Twwwaannngg”, Endrin is hit and so it continues, with one of the Knights being hit every ten seconds or so- in the meantime four more Skeletons and another pair of Zombies rush & shuffle respectively, into the fight. The tide turns and the Knights are once again being forced back towards the lift. 

Liandri thinks he has broken through the skeletons when another human guy in a Chain Shirt appears at the bottom of the corridor- he looks exactly like the guy with the crossbow. Evil twins, the players look at the DM with a mixture of awe and admiration. 

The guy in the chain shirt waves his hands vaguely in Liandri’s direction, “pussy”, and an all-encompassing fear washes over him. Briefly his mind is filled with the dread and terror that comes when you realise in the dark of the night that there is something small with many legs crawling over your bare foot. When you slowly suck in your breath and realise it has decided to curtail its journey across the floor and has begun instead to climb your leg. Liandri runs screaming back the way he came and begins clawing at the walls of the chamber, in a forlorn effort to dig his way out.

Meanwhile Mallaria goes crazy-ape bonkers,

“Toothpastetorchythehumantorchmeatpastemeatpastetralalalatherhythmisgonnagetchya.”

She begins to cut through the Zombies with ease- it’s the skeletons and the Knights lack of bludgeoning weapons that hampers them. 

“Charge- destroy the infidels, in the name of Nerull”, around the corner come two extremely large Orcs and Evil Twin no.2. (he of the Chain Shirt). He goes toe-to-toe with Mallaria, which proves to be a big mistake, the Barbarian finishes off the last Zombie and charges into Aldin (Chain Shirt guy), two-handed sword clashes with mace the two push together.

“You are dead, you barbarian bitch, you will see Nerull in hell.”
Aldin smiles evilly at Mallaria, in the clinch, Mallaria merely smiles back and then in one move butts Aldin in the face, who recoils in shock, Mallaria spins, her two-handed sword catches up with her and neatly decapitates Aldin.

“You can point him out to me when I get there.”

Evil twin number one is not best pleased.

“Aaaarrrrggghhh- you barbarian bitch.”

He fires his last bolt into Mallaria’s chest- she barely notices, although she’s losing blood fast- Mallaria attacks but is repulsed, the guy has got a magical force-field protecting him. Bob however is much more accurate a longsword/dagger combo later, Evil Twin number one lies dying.

“I’ll see you in Heh…”
“Where did he say?”
“Hull?”
“No, he said ‘Heh’”
“Where’s ‘Heh’?”
“’Heh.’”
“Yeah.”
“I think it’s near Hull.”

The Orcs fight on but they are defeated, and they know it, with nowhere to go, the Undead are likewise despatched. Liandri is back with us and has calmed down- he is now picking over the bodies looking for spoils.

A brief bout of healing followed by some more investigating; the passage from the lift chamber splits left & right- the Knights head right into a 20 foot square chamber. It has a strange pattern on the floor, the PC’s notice that the centre of the chamber is slightly higher than the perimeter. Also there is a central bowl, seemingly scooped out of the floor- perfectly smooth, with a number of run-offs which lead to mouseholes (well like mouseholes) in the walls- Mallaria, after a brief spell unconscious- her rage wore off, has an idea. 

While the intellectuals within the group are trying to work it out- measuring things, studying angles, trying to lift the walls using the mouse holes for grips etc., Mallaria gets one of the Orc bodies drags it back into the chamber and slices off it’s head. She then up turns the decapitated creature, and like emptying a sack, allows its blood to spill out into the depression in the centre of the room. It fills to the brim and then flows down the runnels and through the holes in the walls- there is a grating noise and a panel, unnoticed thus far, opens. The rest of the group are not even in the room at the time, they are either hiding round the corner or waiting back just outside of the room for the inevitable trap to go off. Mallaria strides over and looks inside the secret compartment and finds a ring with a skull & crossbones on it- she picks it up, has a look at it, and then puts it on. Nothing much happens- the rest of the group gingerly approach the room and the new-found panel is checked over but nothing else is found.

From here the Knights head back out and left- to a door marked with various warning symbols- Liandri has a look but can find no traps. The group open the door and head on through, the chamber is old and seemingly unused, although there are a few boxes and crates about- merchants goods. Another door opens into a large cavern- once again is split in two by a chasm- a voice rings out from the other side.

“So you have made it this far, my…” the creature struggles to find the words, “followers said to expect you. I am Holg, they call me the Bloodaxe.”

There is little light in the room- a few guttering torches- stepping into the Knights vision is a giant Orc or Half-Orc dressed in a Chain shirt and armed with a huge Heavy Mace.

The creature plants his feet and begins to whirl the Mace above its head, till the thing makes a rattling whistling noise- Holg screams, “Fight ME.” The creature then draws back, gesturing for the party to follow, into the darkness.

In the meantime- Liandri has snuck off and begun to climb over the chasm to the other side, once there he descends onto a pile of loose rocks- suddenly there is a small blue flash and he can feel the charge of power in the air. A small blue lizard is poking its head out of the rocks- Liandri freezes.

Bob, Xeolus and Mallaria- rush at the chasm and leap over- with mixed results. Xeolus lands a foot or so short and grasps onto the ledge, Mallaria does slightly worse and is holding on by one hand. Unfortunately her grip loosens- Xeolus’ hand reaches out just in time and the young Monk pulls Mallaria’s back up to the chasm rim. Bob however lands perfectly and charges straight at the creature. Endrin fires his bow into the shadows, a slight moan indicating that he has nicked the creature. Bob attacks Bloodaxe alone.

DM’s note- how many times has this happened to you? This is my end of level bad guy, ok AC, lots of HP (30), a few protection spells etc- +8 to hit with weapon, does approx 8-10 damage with a hit- he’s going to hang around a while, that’s what you think, but ah no you’d be wrong. This is the thing that grips me this lot sometimes take an age and are nearly killed by a pack of four skeletons- they meet the ultimate bad guy and they kick the crap out him in well…

While Mallaria and Xeolus are pulling themselves out of the hole (actually chasm) they are in. Endrin is offering support “come on now- you can do it”- but not jumping across. Liandri is attempting to stare down the blue lizard, unaware at the time that the creature is Bloodaxes Animal companion, of sorts. Bob circles Bloodaxe longsword and dagger drawn- the two clash and both take a wound- Bob’s far worse than Bloodaxes, six seconds later Bob takes a huge swing and connects (DM- natural 20), Bloodaxe is struck across the chest and unpeels almost- guts spilling out.  

Bob appears at the chasm- standing over Mallaria and Xeolus, both still hanging on, he reaches down and helps them up. Liandri remains perched on the rocks eyes locked on the lizard, the staring contest has intensified- the Knights shout at him but he cannot be reached, he just continues to stare.

So much for the end of level bad guy.

A thorough sweep of the cave is completed and a few other items are picked up- mostly the deranged writings of Holg Bloodaxe dictating his rise to power- demonstrating his all-encompassing self-belief, he refers to himself as if he were a deity. 

The rest of the Knights spread out and search the lair once again- they leave Liandri downstairs- the group are forced to spend the remainder of the day here while the staring competition continues. 

Much later, in the wee small hours, Liandri appears with the lizard perched on his shoulder.

“Everyone this is Eric.” Liandri grins from ear to ear.

Mallaria and the others barely give the lizard a glance, shrug their shoulders and head for the exit, and home.

The Knights, almost fully healed, head off to Travensford and their rewards, dragging the sad-sack of a Dwarf behind them.

This adventure was cobbled together from various places including “The Caves of Shadow” by Monte Cook (I think), which I believe is available at wizards (see below) but I’m probably wrong. This is connected to “Unearthing the Past” by Jesse Decker, you can download this also from www.wizards.com/dnd for both. The bottom level is also connected to “Into the Darkness”, which I think is also available from Wizards. Go to www.d20reviews.com/adventure_guide.html to look them up- that’s where they’re all at, or at least they were.

And so endeth the session that is numbered 11.

Next time- The massacre of Sir Malcolm’s moustache.


----------



## Goonalan (Feb 5, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XII.

Chewsday 8th Fibber 2000
Year of the Dark

Sir Malcolm’s terrible Moustache.

Dramatis Personae
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1
Sam Fox Human Fighter 4
Karl Los Val Da Rama Gnome Priest of Pelor 1

Arriving in Travensburg the group are greeted as heroes-

“Who’s ‘em?”
“’Em’s ‘eroes.”
“Mmm?”
“Mm.”
“I thought an’ they’d be bigga.”
“M’m.”

The Knights then go there separate ways- Gorgoldand explains that the caravan will be in Travensburg for at least seven days, waiting for another cargo- so the Knights should have some fun, “but don’t kill to many of the natives”, everyone looks pointedly at Mallaria. “On second thoughts, I’d better find something to keep you busy. Mallaria- how are you with men with moustaches?” Mallaria just grins.

Endrin heads into Travensburg and visits bar after bar until he locates a likely candidate- a fellow Bard, soon money passes hands and Endrin begins training, he’s up to third level.

Bob too takes a wander into town eventually bumping into a member of the local militia- he’s given directions, and after a short journey, half-a-day, enters a Ranger Tower and finds someone to train him to second level.

For Liandri it’s also the call of the wild, he gathers some of his treasures and heads out into the Amberdale Forest, there to commune manu-a-lizardu with “Eric” his blue lizard friend. (DM’s note- Kev who plays Liandri has absolutely no idea what Eric is, he thinks he’s just a little blue lizard- he’s in for a shock). See next session for more on this event. 

Xeolus has flipped, it’s not enough that he keeps reminding the Knights to “mind as they go”, or, “watch that, it may be EVIL”, he has decided to join the Church, to fight the good fight. Travensburg is home to a shrine to Hieroneous- he packs his stuff and heads along. After a brief demonstration of his abilities he is put on the fast track Priesthood scheme, motto “convert or die.” He is of course the star pupil within hours.

Meanwhile Felix is taken to the Temple of Pelor and put to bed- Gorgoldand leaves him an uncut ruby to play with should he wake. However the price for Felix’s recuperation is not monetary, rather a “boon”, at least that’s how Sir Malcolm sees it.

A large man in Full Plate, with a moustache wider than his face, strides into the “Healing Chamber”.

“Aah Gorgoldand- allow me to introduce myself I am Sir Malcolm de Heehaw- I am in the region on a Holy Quest. A Vision Quest one might say.”

Gorgoldand raises his eyebrows, Sir Malcolm is known to him- a vain braggart and member of the “who asked the poor anyway” society. Sir Malcolm has undertaken many such quests- usually to find lost crowns or recover Holy Relics, the most the man has to show for it is a pronounced limp, which supposedly came from one leg (the left) seizing up after his armour rusted into place. The reason for this being his incontinence when faced with danger, and the fact that he dresses to the left. He did however ride for two days uncomplaining with his left leg unable to move. This is the only sign of stoicism the Knight has ever demonstrated- bloody hereditary peerage.

Nevertheless there might be something in this- Gorgoldand thinks. Imagine if he ever met Mallaria- she’d eat him alive (hopefully). 

The knight continues…

“I have been charged by Almighty Pelor, may his beneficent light shine down upon me and all such valorous souls etc. etc. Where was I?”
“Valorous souls, Sir Malcolm.”
“That’s right, that’s right. Valorous souls… erm, I have been charged… done that… Valorous Souls… check. Ah that’s it- lost my bearings there- what, what. Charged to vanquish the terrible armies of the Kobold Barbarian Hordes, damn swine- they’ve been interrupting the path of Pelor… er the trade routes. Can’t get a banana for love nor money, it’s not on, I can tell you. Not on at all.”

Gorgoldand nods and before he’s realised it he has agreed to provide a team to accompany Sir Malcolm on his quest- he has just the person to lead them. 

“Is he a warrior Knight like myself”, Sir Malcolm asks.
“She is a…”, Gorgoldand is lost for words, “… a lady warrior.”
“A lady eh!”

Sir Malcolm begins to twiddle and pull at his fine moustache, a glint in his eye.
“Well tell her I know all of the fighting positions.”

And so the deal is done- all that is left to do is to get a team together for Mallaria to lead.

Fortunately Gorgoldand does not have far to look for his first recruit- waiting in the wings of the Temple is a small but excessively hirsute Gnome, actually the Gnome has an Afro.

“Are you Gorgoldand?”
“I am he.” Gorgoldand replies.
“Then I am Karl Los Val Da Rama,” with that the Gnome bows low, “at your service- I was sent by the Priests- to see something of the world, and to go forth in the name of Pelor.” The Gnome looks uneasy- a pure novice.
Gorgoldand nods gravely, although kindly, and places his arm on the young Gnomes shoulder- “then welcome Karl Los… can I call you Karl.”
The Gnome nods and follows Gorgoldand out.

The second recruit is The Whirlwind, still eager to show his true spirit in battle, and with Mallaria that makes three, perhaps one more is needed.

As Gorgoldand is pondering this he notices Sam Fox, the group had saved her (or so they claimed) from an Ogre and Orc attack; he’d not been close enough to see what actually happened for himself. Xeolus had however come to him later and told him the truth, the woman had killed the Ogre on her own and the Orcs were certainly no match for her. Sam Fox would make an ideal fourth member to the Knights- she’d keep the others safe if push comes to shove, messages are sent asking for the four to meet later that evening at the Inn.

And there Sir Malcolm is introduced to the party-

“MMmmmmm. Sir Malcolm de Heehaw at your service Madam.” Mallaria looks at the peacock before her, “ha” and goes back to drinking.
“Madam Sir Malcolm de Heehaw.” He reaches out and grasps Sam Fox’s hand and kisses it his moustache twitches uncontrollably. Sam Fox flutters her eyelashes, more out of form, and scans the bar for any sign of Endrin.
 “Hello sonny”, Sir Malcolm pats Karl on his Afro head. Karl looks put out, but says nothing.
“Ugghh. Charmed.” He turns to Gorgoldand, “what is it?” 
“This is Whirlwind”, Whirlwind wipes his nose with the back of his hand and then inspects it.

There follows a brief over-view of the plan/scenario- a number of farms, villagers and travellers have been attacked near the road to Tinkle, attacks have also taken place in the Amberdale Forest to the north. Sir Malcolm and his retinue will travel north into the forest with the Knights as escorts and guards. About two days travel away is an ancient Elven fort (underground) that has been identified as the possible base camp for a large Kobold presence. The Amberdale Rangers have spotted large groups of Kobolds on the move and strangely co-ordinated attacks have been reported. The group is to attack and/or infiltrate the Elven fort and investigate it. If Kobolds are found then they must be destroyed.

After turning down a hand of whist with Sir Malcolm the new group make their individual excuses and head off to be bed.

The Kobold Mansion- part 1.

Woodnesday 9th Fibber 2000

The next day the Knights (B Team) form up and head off into the woods with Sir Malcolm and his retinue. The group is huge in number, and as Gorgoldand observes, highly armed and armoured- they should come to no harm.

DM’s note I’ll leave that last statement hanging in the air, “they should come to no harm…”

The army comprises- Sir Malcolm on his charger “Faustino Asprilla”, ten well armed mercenaries on foot, Sir Malcolm’s personal priest- Father Lucas, and his personal bodyguard, the Monk, Brother Fist. Tagging along are the four party members.

The first day goes entirely without incident Mallaria is foraging ahead of the group while Whirlwind is hanging back ensuring that nothing is following them- together they make a formidable partnership. The first night is spent deep in the forest under the stars- Sir Malcolm comes alive and grabs a lute from his saddle. He cosies up to the fire and staring through the smoke begins to sing to Mallaria…

“Strangers in the night…”

Mallaria spits into the fire and pulls hard at the bottle.

Thorsday 10th Fibber 2000

The next morning Sir Malcolm offers Sam a place on his saddle- she politely declines, later he tries the same with Mallaria, who offers him a seat on her index finger. 

After an hour or so of travel, Mallaria discovers a trail that seems to be a natural avenue through the woods- heading in the direction of the Elven fort. A brief discussion takes place and Mallaria states contrary to popular opinion that the party will follow the trail for a while to see where it goes while Sir Malcolm and his troops should stay and await the Knights (B Team- the lawyers insist) return.

“Well I’m not sure, perhaps we should camp here and head out tomorrow in force.”
“We could head a bit of the way in and see if it continues in the right direction.”
“You”, Mallaria looks at Sir Malcolm, “stay here- we’re going in, now.”

Karl and Sam look a little embarrassed, Sir Malcolm looks hurt, and not in a good way. 

After finishing her speech Mallaria rises and after nodding to Whirlwind heads off down the trail at a gentle trot, Whirlwind is quick to follow, then Karl and finally Sam- who have the good grace to at least wave goodbye.

The Knights travel down the path through the woods at a gentle trot for 30 minutes, when Mallaria still at the lead, flanked by Whirlwind, spots movement in the trees to one side of the track about 200 or so feet away. She signals to Whirlwind who immediately comprehends. 

Mallaria dodges left from the trail, Whirlwind right- once in the woods the two sprint as fast as possible to their target. Karl and Sam have no idea what’s going on and decide to follow Whirlwind (who is slightly less deranged than Mallaria). They jog through the woods attempting to keep an eye on the sprinting Whirlwind.

Ahead a pair of Kobolds break cover- they have been spotted and have in turn spotted the Knights approach. They run as fast as there little legs can carry them. One escapes completely- dodging into the undergrowth and disappearing from sight before Whirlwind and a few minutes later Sam and Karl can catch up. The other Kobold is not so lucky, Mallaria goes up a gear and is soon ripping through the forest in pursuit of the creature and gaining quickly, feints and dodges are attempted but Mallaria is on her game. Judging the distance perfectly she reaches over her shoulder and draws her Battleaxe. She notches up another gear and begins her swing-

“Thuuunk”
“scccccccccccccccrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeccccccccchhhhhhhhh.”
Mallaria skids to a halt, her Battleaxe having passed through the creature’s back and now protruding from its chest. The Kobolds arms and legs are spread wide, caught in mid-flight in some mad star jump. Mallaria giggles and treads on the creatures head to pull the huge axe free. She then makes her way back to the forest pathway, where the others are waiting.

“Did you get it?” Sam asks.
“Yep, killed it dead.” Mallaria grins.
“Couldn’t you just have captured it?”
“What for?” Mallaria looks around non-plussed, Karl begins to wander off holding his head groaning. Whirlwind smiles weakly.
“So we could interrogate it, ask it questions- find out what’s going on. I mean that’s what we thought you were doing- so we could at least have an idea of what lies ahead. Ohh bloody hell Mallaria.”
“Oh, no. I was just after killing it.”                           
“So you went hell for leather racing through the woods just to kill one Kobold?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“So it was dead.”
“And it never occurred to you once to just capture it?”
Mallaria is beginning to enjoy this game. “No, not once, because if I had captured it then it wouldn’t be dead- now do you understand pretty lady.”
With that Mallaria turns around and continues to head down the path- Whirlwind once again silently falls into line.

Sam and Karl- hold a quick conference-
“She’s fecking mad.”
“I agree, Pelor forgive me, she’s mental.”
“Let’s go back.”
“Agreed.”

Sam shouts towards the receding figures- “we’re off back”, and then again, and again- Mallaria & Whirlwind don’t look back.

Meanwhile back with Sir Malcolm…

The Knights have been gone about forty minutes when the Kobolds attack- the first wave consists of a dozen or so spear throwers- the mercenaries are caught unaware and unarmed, many are wounded in the initial onslaught. At the same time a dozen crossbows fire and this time two of the mercenaries are brought down, as is Father Lucas. The Kobold warriors then emerge from the undergrowth and charge- all thirty of them. The missile throwers soon after join in the fun- the attack and subsequent rout takes less than five minutes. 

Further down the track.
“Haven’t we gone far enough Mallaria?” It’s the first time that Whirlwind has spoken. Without a word Mallaria turns and then heads back down the track back towards the camp at a good pace. Maybe it’s guilt, maybe it isn’t.

And that’s how it came to be that Sam Fox and Karl, and then two minutes later Mallaria and Whirlwind came upon the remains of Sir Malcolm’s party. The Mercenaries are all killed, Father Lucas also dead, Brother Fist nowhere to be found and Sir Malcolm, Sir Malcolm is hanging on to life by a thread, a miraculous thread. Karl is frantic for the next few minutes eventually stabilising the pitted bleeding Sir Malcolm. 

A minute later after healing potions, scrolls, spells and skills Sir Malcolm opens his eyes and with an expression which makes even Mallaria shiver points at a blood soaked and obvious trail down which the Kobolds must have departed. “Kill them, kill them all.”

Two wrongs make a right.

Mallaria looks once at Sir Malcolm and then again at the spot in the woods at which he is pointing, then she’s off again, like a flash, Whirlwind as ever at her side. Sam looks at Karl, who looks back again- “not again, not again”, she says before laying Sir Malcolm’s head down and rushing off into the woods. “Pelor save me, Pelor save me”, Karl dances from foot to foot before drawing his mace, muttering a few prayers, and running as fast as he can into the woods.

Minutes later Mallaria and Whirlwind both hear and spot the back markers of the Kobold offensive, they’re singing there victory songs and generally making a noise. Without breaking stride they heft their weapons and run on, killing stragglers, loners and small groups as they stumble upon them- looking for the centre of the army.

Sam catches up about minutes seconds later- following the trail of dead Kobolds strewn about the forest- she joins the harum-scarum melee, when she finds it. A minute or so later yet Karl arrives, or at least believes he has- bodies are strewn through the trees, every now and then sudden dog-like screams followed by the various cries of Mallaria and Whirlwind. He turns round to see three Kobolds hiding behind a tree, one aiming an arrow at him- it misses and he remembers in an instant not the peace of Pelor but the Gnomish hatred for Kobolds- he hurls himself into the maelstrom.

Thirty or so minutes later the group find each other, seemingly alone in the woods- they each look shattered. Mallaria has raged, fought, been weakened, and fought on- all are wounded, some severely, there is no healing left, without a word they return through the forest to Sir Malcolm. 

DM’s note they managed to kill a little over 40 Kobolds between them- I’ve never seen anything like it, it took over an hour and a half of rolling.

They take what they can from the decimated group, some scraps for the loved ones of the deceased and then grab the barely alive Sir Malcolm and head back to Travensburg, a day hence. They are fortunate the night and following day pass without major mishap and they are soon home, but not to a heroes welcome.

And so endeth the session that is numbered 12

Next time Mallaria, more than a little rash.


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## endrin (Feb 15, 2004)

Awww, there's been no updates form you in a while, I miss hearing these tales of our past *ahem* victories.


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## Goonalan (Feb 26, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XIII.

Satyrday 12th Fibber 2000
Year of the Dark

Sir Malcolm & the Kobold Mansions- - part 2.

Dramatis Personae
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1
Sam Fox Human Fighter 4
Karl Los Val Da Rama Gnome Priest of Pelor 1

Repercusions

The temple of Pelor prepare a fresh bed for Sir Malcolm whose moustache is looking rather limp- there follows a debriefing session in which the air is to say the least electric-

“What do you mean you just left them; I thought you were supposed to be looking out for them?”
“He’s a dick, who cares.”
Gorgoldand shakes his head and stares at Mallaria who is examining her nails and idly tossing a dagger from hand to hand.
“Do you not think that leaving them to be attacked was a mistake?”
“Obviously now I do, but at the time I couldn’t give a flip. I don’t know what you’re getting so uptight about- there were thirteen of them and four of us. They were attacked by Kobolds- the same Kobolds that we chased after and kicked the crap out of.”
“But…”
“What were they doing- ten of them were supposed to be warriors- the ponce on the horse is a Knight isn’t he. If you ask me they’re just a bunch of pussies- they deserved to get the heck kicked out of them- trading standards, you wear the armour your going to get found out sooner or later. No sympathy. A Knight… more like good night Vienna- wherever that is.”
“That’s not the attitude, you were hired…”
“No I wasn’t hired- you got me the job because you couldn’t trust me to stay in town, why are you so surprised- I’m not a fecking nanny to a ponce in a suit of armour, who can’t keep his hands to himself- I may add. And can I just say the only reason I’m being so civil to you now is because you’re all right…”
“Oh thanks…”
“Oh duck you, you fat feck- ordinarily I would have punched you in the face five minutes ago.”
“Do you want to try it?” Gorgoldand springs to his feet and puffs out his chest.
“Hahahahaha, and lose my meal ticket, you’ve gotta be kidding me.”

With that Mallaria rises- all eyes are on her.
“Get us some nags- we’re going back to finish the job”, and stalks off.

Gorgoldand is left standing in the centre of the room fuming- all eyes are on him now- “get… the… horses then” he says through gritted teeth. He points to the door. Whirlwind smiles and departs, Sam & Karl look forlorn, like scolded children, and then they too depart.

Back in Emergency Ward 1.

“What’re you in for?” Felix asks the moustachioed Knight.
“Mallaria.”
“That’s a fatal disease innit?”
“It certainly feels that way.”
 Mallaria, more than a little rash.

Sunday 13th Fibber 2000

The four ride for a day, nobody says anything to anyone- not even an insult.

They follow the trail through the woods at one point Sam is certain she sees a Kobold face peering out at them but Mallaria is not stopping.

As the lane comes to an end they can see a clearing ahead Mallaria dismounts and runs with her horse into the woods- the others quickly follow suit- the horses are tied to low branches and left with enough oats to render them unrideable, should they choose to eat them all.

“Shouldn’t we hide them or something?” Sam asks.
“Shut the heck up.” Mallaria replies.

Across the clearing over two hundred feet away is a huge stone throne, and I mean huge- probably forty to fifty feet high- the seat is approx. twenty feet off the ground. At the base of the throne a number of Kobolds- five or six are attempting to climb to the seat and having little joy. They look to be bored guards.

The Knights wait until the Kobolds have left- they walk around the chair to the rear, at which point Mallaria covers the distance with a crouching run in a few rounds- the others follow suit.

At the monument/throne they hear Kobold voices’ coming from the rear- one group goes left the other goes right, both observe a stepped entrance behind the chair and a number of Kobolds milling about- it looks like the changing of the guard. Without warning Mallaria attacks, the others jump in- the fight is short and to the point, the Knights are unperturbed when another half-dozen creature’s leap out of the entrance to battle them, in fact Mallaria and Whirlwind leap down the stairs effectively cutting the creatures off. More Kobolds arrive on the inside, they too are cut down- until they are in retreat- the entrance chamber is taken, a dozen or more Kobolds lie dead.

Soon after the noise of many small feet is heard approaching, not Kobolds, but their friends again the (Dire) rats- these too are slain, all six are killed without a single wound being taken by the adventurers. Whirlwind and Mallaria while leading the charge are the least effective of the four- Sam Fox is a killing machine and even Karl is having his day.

The group heal up when the attack abates and chose the lighted passage over the unlit passage- figuring the lit passage will, in all likelihood, lead to the highest concentration of enemies. They’re not wrong.

Soon after they enter battle again, this time a co-ordinated attack, the Knights espy a pair of Kobold leader types; they wear robes and have some spellcasting ability, throughout the attack they remain elusively out of reach. The Kobolds are beaten back once again with 50% casualties- however the Knights have taken wounds particularly when they encounter an advancing double wall of crossbow firing Kobolds- they retreat once again to the entrance chamber and dish out the remainder (almost) of the healing.

The Kobolds are also in retreat or at least back off for a while- the Knights decide upon a fresh approach and hide down the unlit corridor, at this point the Kobolds turn up in the chamber the Knights previously occupied (the entrance chamber). Effectively blocking the exit, however the creatures appear reluctant to enter the unlit passage- when a charge is eventually attempted the Kobolds are massacred with missile weapons and flee almost immediately. A Mexican stand-off is in place.

Eventually a garbled voice, with a strange sibilance- not at all like a Kobold calls out-

“DevvillSSS I y’am Cusss CusssS the Great Kobold GodsssS- I will mooove my troopssS from thisssS Chaymburrr- then you leavesssS.”

The group looks at each other- Mallaria is just about to shout, “Feck off”, when Whirlwind clamps his hand over her mouth- a whispered conversation takes place.

“It’s a trap- they’ll kill us, given half a chance.”
Whirlwind nods- “Mallaria speaks the truth.”
“Besides they should die for what they did to Sir … mumbly-jumbly, I forget his name.”
Karl and Sam slowly nod their heads- “follow my lead”; Mallaria peers down the corridor and then shouts back.

“Alright, we’re going- stand back, let us through.” With that she strides off down the corridor- sword drawn. 

In the entrance chamber lie the bodies of six or so Kobolds- the two corridors into the complex are guarded by three or four larger Kobolds, they look to be warrior types and are well armed and armoured. One of the robed Kobolds can also be seen, there are also easily over a dozen possibly twenty of the lesser Kobolds.

Instead of heading for the entrance Mallaria- moves towards one of the larger Kobold warriors, who shuffles backwards, slightly- Mallaria smiles at the creature and points her sword at the thing, “you’re dead.” And in an instant the creature is- her sword lances through killing it instantly- the crowd of Kobolds erupts, the two remaining guards launch their attacks as the rest of the Knights dive in. The lesser Kobolds also attack although they seem less inclined to do so; the robed Kobold unleashes a Magic Missile at Mallaria, and from the shadows a huge lizard-like creature appears.

The new enemy stands well over 7 feet tall with a fin like crest adding another six or so inches- powerfully muscled, it starts combat by throwing a large spear at Sam Fox, which hits her in the side- breaking ribs.

Mallaria and Whirlwind- are fighting off the Kobold warriors and the rest of the rabble- once again it is noticeable that neither of them are spectacularly effective, having said that in the next few rounds both the remaining Kobold warriors are killed as are a couple of normal Kobolds. Mallaria and Whirlwind are each hit by Magic Missiles again however, with Mallaria once again struggling because of her wounds- although her rage helps slightly.

Back with the Kobold God (Lizardman leader) Sam strides into battle and is soon exchanging blows, a few rounds later Karl joins the fight. The Lizardman seems to be almost a match for Sam, it’s a war of attrition, she lands a good few blows but so does the Lizardman. When the creature looks ready to fall it mutters a few words and points at Sam- a sudden burst of light, a Flare spell, Sam shields her eyes and backs off. Karl sees his opportunity and leaps in to deliver the killing blow.

The fight turns- the lesser Kobolds on seeing their leader slain begin to back off, some fighting, many others turning to run- the robed Kobolds- the Knights are now aware there are two of them present, also retreat- in a more orderly fashion. After a swift session of healing- the absolute last available- all spells, scrolls, potions gone, the Knights head off in pursuit- once or twice they encounter resistance- a couple of Kobolds attempt to throw Alchemists fire at them but miss by quite a margin. The Kobold inhabited areas are cleared with bodies strewn everywhere, a number escape and neither of the robed Kobolds are accounted for, however the base, or at least the section explored, is declared taken. 

The Knights move into the uninhabited section of the base (for those in the know on the right hand side of the map) and discover several other creatures- Stirges & Giant Ants, they are either ignored (the Stirges) or battered (the Ants). With this section cleared the session ends, only the dark corridor they hid down earlier to investigate.

And with that the lovely people pack up their things and head of to their respective domiciles.

And so endeth the session that is numbered 13.


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## Goonalan (Feb 26, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XIV.

Sunday 12th Fibber 2000
Year of the Dark

 Sir Malcolm & the Kobold Mansions - part 3.

Dramatis Personae
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1
Sam Fox Human Fighter 4
Karl Los Val Da Rama Gnome Priest of Pelor 1

The clean up operation.

The mob continues unabated, the Knights head off down the unlit corridor and are soon in the thick of it, again. Several chambers of Undead are discovered mostly Kobold sized Skeletons which are vanquished without difficulty, however they are soon supported by some much larger skeletons. 

While Karl & Sam investigate a huge stone of unknown origin, which burns to the touch- Mallaria and Whirlwind wade into combat- this time it is Mallaria that destroys everything in her path. 

The giant stone is finally abandoned, although a glowing sheet of paper and a blue crystal key are recovered- also a number of stone coffers locked and merged with the floor are found and later left unopened, there’s no thief present and they resist all attempts to smash them.

Eventually time is called and after one last check through the complex the group head out, there are no surprise attacks, ambushes etc- the Kobolds have fled.

The horses are recovered- one had wandered off but is persuaded to come back to the fold, and the journey back to Travensburg is uneventful, however the mood is somewhat lighter.

Moonday 13th Fibber 2000

Back in town the Knights remain guarded but the success of the second operation is undoubted- it seems Sir Malcolm will make a full recovery, however this will not be for several months. Sam and Karl, volunteer all the money they have found in the Kobold mansions to be given to the families of the mercenaries that died. Mallaria is reluctant but says nothing, seemingly tired after the fight, Whirlwind merely shrugs his shoulders. 

The above Adventure entitled “Kobold Mansions” is by Dave “Dr. Skull” Nelson, his home page is at www.hometown.aol.com/avenelso/ probably. For definite if you go to RPG Archive and fanny about a bit you’ll find it, go to www.rpgarchive.com and try.


A Shocking Result.

Dramatis Personae
Liandri Elven Rogue 1/Wizard 1 &
Eric the Lizard.

Liandri has gone back to nature figuring the bustling metropolis (eh?) of Travensburg is no place to spend quality time with his number one Lizard. The time is spent relaxing and generally getting used to each other, Liandri also develops various talents in conjunction with Eric, and together they are more sensitive to their surroundings wit, Liandri’s hearing and vision seem to improve when Eric is about. It is also possible for Liandri to sort of sit in Eric’s mind- he can’t see through his eyes but he can kinda feel his surroundings- it’s pretty vague though, at least at first.

Several days pass with the two on first name turns, while not idyllic out in the woods, the weather is good and there’s plenty of food around- not game, Liandri stocked up on cup-a-soups and Pet Noodles before he left Travensburg.

About five days have passed when in the middle of the night an intense feeling of discomfort, a cross between fear and dislike, awakes Liandri. He is on his feet in an instant- looking around in the darkness, he can feel Eric approaching, he can also feel Eric watching something in the woods- something large, something very, very large.

Back in the real world Liandri hears the snap of trees and underbrush, Eric skitters up to Liandri and begins to wind his way about his body until he is up and inside Liandri’s jacket. There is a huge crash and a sapling comes falling down on the edge of the clearing- entering the area is an Ogre, the creature stands about nine feet tall. Liandri looks around for somewhere to run- the creature hefts the best part of a small tree and swings the club overhead at Liandri- who at the last minute dodges aside. 

The club thumps into the ground- Liandri can feel the reverberations through the souls of his feet, he is off running to the edge of the clearing- 30 feet at a sprint, turn and, “whooosh-thud”, the Magic Missile hits home.

Suddenly he realises that Eric is gone- somehow in his haste to get away he must have fallen off. The Ogre recovers hefts the giant club again and charges- once more Liandri dodges, avoiding the blow he sprints behind the creature, and turns again to fire another Magic Missile into the creatures rear. The Ogre roars in pain and spins around, only 10 feet away from Liandri- who has nowhere to go this time.

The creature hefts the club once again and Liandri ducks down in an attempt to tumble through the creatures’ legs, he suffers a glancing blow as he does so but comes up on the other side. As he spins around there is a huge white-blue streak originating on the ground five feet away from the Ogre and culminating at the creatures’ chest.

“ZZZzzzzaaaPPPP”

The Ogre staggers and begins to fall backwards, Liandri tumbles again to avoid the falling giant. The creature is out cold- unconscious- Liandri shows no mercy and slits its throat.

Eric is sitting on the grass, the source of the lightning stroke, humming slightly. Liandri smiles and thanks the DM profusely for bringing Eric into his life, he picks Eric up and begins to stroke him- figuring that the static will build up the charge.

“Who’s a pretty little fella, daddy’s little lightning bolt… my precious.” He hugs the lizard to him and scans the woodland for those that would attempt to take Eric away from him (Social Services? The RSPCA?).


Down on the Farm.

Chewsday 14th Fibber 2000

Dramatis Personae
Mallaria Elven Barbarian 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1
Sam Fox Human Fighter 4
Karl Los Val Da Rama Gnome Priest of Pelor 1
Bob Human Ranger 2

Liandri is back from the woods and has spent a few days in Travensburg- seeking out a fellow Rogue; the town supports a small community of like-minded individuals. He finds a colleague and pays him a fair sum of money to advance his Rogue skills to level 2.

Xeolus is still at the church of Hieroneous learning how to be a priest- for which read sanctimonious prig, I’m surprised its taken him this long.

Endrin is appearing at The Scalpel (Inn) tonight, he’s still in training, but is having to brush up on his performance skills- he will be doing “I will Survive”, and, “YMCA”- worth missing. The group decide to go to the pub to witness his humiliation.

At just gone midnight the bar of The Scalpel is beginning to empty, Aaron the Barkeeper/Bard who is training Endrin is beginning to tidy away and clear the customers out when a young women enters gasping for breath, crying. 

“It’s Richard…help us Aaron… please… he’s hurt bad.”

The women’s clothes are ripped and she seems frantic, Aaron quickly crosses the bar and begins to attempt to calm her down- she however pulls away, saying “Richard”, and, “I must get to him”, again and again between sobs.

Eventually Kyla (Aaron knows her) is calmed down enough to tell some of the story- it seems the farm she works with her husband, Richard, has been attacked- she escaped injury but Richard has been badly beaten. Aaron looks to the Knights-

“It’s not safe out there, you’re killing time- nothing to do- Endrin won’t be done for a week.” He looks at the group imploring them to help the poor woman.

Mallaria stands- “I’ll do it.”

Which is a surprise in itself- but who knows how or even if Mallaria’s mind/conscience works.

Bob agrees to help as do Whirlwind, Karl and Sam soon the six are on the road to the farm, the night is cool and light, a full moon overhead.

The journey takes only 40 minutes, when the group arrives Richard, Kyla’s husband, staggers out onto the porch of the farm to meet them- Kyla goes running over and begins to use the Potion of Healing she was given by Aaron to heal him. Karl wanders over and attempts to look at Richard’s injuries- he is rebuffed however; Richard grabs Kyla’s arm and pulls her to him-

“Who are these people? What do they want?”
“They’re here to help us Richard, please.”
“We don’t need any help- send them away.”
“But Richard…”
“Send them away- I’ll kill those little bastards if they ever come back here.” Richard stares out into the night his eyes glistening in the moonlight, his mouth set in a grimace.

With this Richard pushes through the door into the farm house- Kyla follows him leaving the Knights in the yard. Bob takes a moment to look around, he finds some clear tracks- and confirms that they were made by half-a-dozen or so Goblins.

A little later Kyla returns and states that Richard has calmed down, ”he’s just upset, that’s all”, and that they can stay in the barn- “if that’s ok”, the group agrees and heads over to settle down for the night.

It is two in the morning when the scream is heard- Mallaria is awake in seconds and hurriedly covering the distance to the farm building, Sam follows her as does Karl. Bob and Whirlwind begin searching outside of the farm to see if anything can be seen on the outside.

Inside the three find Kyla, it seems she slipped and banged her head, there is a pool of water by her side- the poor woman is in tears still upset from the Goblin attack.

After reassuring her the group head off back to the barn where Mallaria tells the rest of the group of her plan. Mallaria with a plan- how mad is that.

“I’m going to sleep on the roof of the farm tonight and then stay up there for the day while you go and have a look around.”
“What?”
“I think there’s something just not right about this.”

Woodnesday 15th Fibber 2000

The group dismisses Mallaria’s scheme and sleep till morning while Mallaria finds a good place to climb on to the roof of the farm building; she does so and then remains there being as quiet as possible. First having estimated where the bedroom is situated beneath the roof, eventually she drops off (to sleep), she has secured herself to the roof.

In the morning Kyla brings over a tray of breakfast and the group tell her that Mallaria has had to leave, she nods, seemingly unconcerned. After breakfast they head out to investigate the corn fields surrounding the farm, and the woods nearby.

For hours they wander idly and find nothing of interest- although later on in the afternoon the following takes place.

While moving through a cornfield- trampling it in fact, the group are approached by a Goblin- who steps out of the corn. The creature is unarmed, as far as the group can tell- he wears only a loincloth. The creature also shows the palms of his hands a universal gesture of peace.

After a brief contretemps, in which Karl advocates running the creature through or off, but is actually easily persuaded not to- a sort of conversation takes place, surprisingly with Karl- whom the Goblin takes to instantly, much to Karl’s chagrin. 

“Me Grit, Grit good Goblin, no hurt Kyla, pretty.”
“He’s called Grit- er… he’s a Goblin, and er… he no hurt Kyla.” Karl translates for the other members of the group, even though the Goblin is talking in Common.
“Grit no hurt Human, Grit no hurt Gnomeseys, Grit hurt bad man.” At which point Grit makes a few imaginary chops in the air.
“Grit doesn’t hurt humans, or Gnomseys- Gnomes- he hurts the bad man.” Karl begins to make chopping motions and Grit smiles at him- almost excitedly.
“What are you doing?” Sam looks at Karl.
“Translating.”
“He’s speaking in Common- we can all understand him.”
Karl remains silent for a moment- then nods at Sam and turns back to Grit- “so then what happened?”
“Watch for bad man.”
“He says we are to watch for the bad man- I don’t know who he’s talking about, do you? I’ll ask him in a bit… Shhh, I need to listen to what he’s saying.”
Grit continues, holding out his hand to Karl- giving him something as he speaks- “Give Kyla. Pretty. Stop Bad Man hurt.”
Grit passes a folded leaf bundle to Karl- grins at him and then turns and heads back into the corn field, the group spy a number of other Goblins, which they were not aware of at first, they also turn and leave.

Karl sheepishly opens the bundle and discovers a pretty stone with a symbol scratched on to it- on the leaf is a Goblin poem of sorts.

“Kyla, spider-silk hair
Black-stone polish eyes
Twin pumpkin breasts

Grit will eat the bad man’s blows
Long before you suffer them again.”

Bob stops reading- “It’s Richard. Richard’s the bad man, he’s beating her up- the bastard.”

The Knights turn as one and sprint towards the farm.

Meanwhile…

Mallaria has been lying on the roof for hours now bored out of her mind, that is until she hears Richard’s raised voice inside- soon after she hears Kyla scream- time for action. Mallaria quickly makes her way across the roof although, alas, not safely or without incident- moving across the kitchen area Mallaria’s leg shoots through the thatch and for a moment she is trapped. Her position given away- she can hear Richard clearly now (through the hole in the roof)- he is screaming at Kyla for inviting the Knights to the farm. She catches the last words of his speech- “and now you and they must die.”

As she pulls herself from the hole a (Dire) rat appears on the roof about ten feet from her position- decision time, Mallaria rends the roof in an attempt to make the hole bigger. The rat meanwhile lurches forward to attack, it misses and at the same time Mallaria shoots through the enlarged hole and manages to land safely in the kitchen/dinning room of the farm. The rat looks through the hole before leaping down, a second (Dire) rat appears at the far side of the kitchen- Mallaria attacks, as do the rats- the result of which is one of the rats is killed outright while Mallaria is unharmed. The door is flung wide open and Richard appears from the bedroom- he is wearing black robes and is furious with Mallaria- a black ray leaps from his hands and washes over Mallaria, seemingly with no effect. The second rat races at Mallaria, who enraged leaps the creature and piles into Richard- who suffers a glancing blow only. Richard screams with anger and then disappears into thin air- Mallaria swipes but hits nothing- suddenly the door to the farm is flung open, from the inside, silhouetted in the doorway is Bob the Ranger- there’s no escape here.

Dun-Dun-Derr.

The session ends and the reprobates return to reality.

Thus endeth the session that is numbered 14.

Next week… Dead head Dick.


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## robberbaron (Mar 4, 2004)

Such fine upstanding (well, lying down) heroes!


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## Goonalan (Mar 10, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XV.

Woodnesday 15th Fibber 2000
Year of the Dark

Down on the Farm - part 2.

Dramatis Personae
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1
Sam Fox Human Fighter 4
Karl Los Val Da Rama Gnome Priest of Pelor 1
Bob Human Ranger 2

“Where the feck is he?” Bob cries out- following him into the farm is Sam Fox- Mallaria, leaps at the last (Dire) rat and kills it in one blow.
“Shut the doors- he’s in here invisible.”

The rest of the Knights pile into the farm and all exits are sealed in quick time-each one guarded by a flashing blade (or associated head-clunking device).

Mallaria looks about the kitchen until she spots the flour bin- “I’ve got an idea”- she grabs handfuls of the stuff and throws it onto the floor and around the table. Suddenly she spots a swift smudge in the flour, a chair leg squeaks as it's moved aside.

Mallaria points and Bob dives under the table and slashes frantically at the same time Mallaria leaps onto the table and in the style of Conan the Barbarian plunges her two-handed sword through the table- from the scream from below she surmises that it has connected.

The chairs scatter in double-quick time Bob slashes and connects with something- Richard is beginning to panic- he reaches out to Bob his invisible hand pulses with Ghoul venom, Bob shrugs him aside.

Richard suddenly appears under the table

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL. YOU’RE ALL DEAAAARRRGGGHHH.”

Bob, Mallaria and Sam Fox all rush in to attack- the result is grisly to say the least, Richard is cut to ribbons in a matter of seconds.

“No, you’re dead.”

When their bloodlust is finally sated Karl covers up the body; he then heads into the bedroom where he discovers the barely conscious body of Kyla- his healing hands get to work (no- not on her love bumps).

Eventually Kyla comes round and is told the news; she confirms that it was Richard that had been beating her, between explosions of tears. She goes on to explain that Richard has or rather had some strange habits for as long as they’ve been married (five years) Richard had travelled away from the farm for no apparent reason on odd occasions. It was after she discovered Richard cutting up a perfectly healthy cow (sacrificing it) that things really started to get hairy- she points out a chest hidden under a loose floor board that Richard used to put his valuables in. The party investigate and discover a number of pictures and a journal- also a spell book.

Soon after while the Knights are examining the journals and pictures a knock is heard at the farmhouse door- on investigation Sam finds Grit the friendly Goblin outside. Grit seems to be already appraised of the situation (Richard’s death) and has come to offer healing and help to Kyla, who with some persuading agrees in principle. Also the grinning Goblin passes a Dagger to Karl- explaining that he is now a Goblin-friend and that the Dagger should be shown to other Goblins to show his goodwill. Karl mumbles his gratitude- the Goblins begin to clear up and help out around the farm, there are about a dozen of them dressed in loincloths, some also wear bandannas.

Eventually the party say their farewells and head back to Travensburg and the Scalpel Inn- Aaron is so grateful that he gives the group $50 and free room and board for the night- he disliked Richard intently, “always found ‘im creepy.” The group proceed to gather up lost (in training) members and get steadily drunk.

Much later in the Inn…

It is past everyone’s bedtime when Karl is awoken by the noise of the door handle to the room being turned- into the room comes a small hunched figure, the creature looks around once or twice and then proceeds to hunker down on the floor- soon the sound of snoring can be heard. Non-plussed Karl decides to sleep on it- in the morning he awakes to discover the new member of the group Cinch, a very young Goblin who brings Karl breakfast and generally acts as if she is Karl’s servant. Karl says nothing at all about this and while the other members of the Knights find it strange nobody is too perturbed. Cinch is very enthusiastic (in Goblin) about everything, although nobody much, including Karl, understands a word she is saying. Cinch follows Karl out of the Inn and takes her place on Gorgoldand’s caravan, next to Karl- Gorgoldand shrugs and the wagon train heads off to Tinkle. Felix is left behind in Travensburg under the ministrations of the temple of Pelor- who say that it will be three months before he makes a full recovery, the farewell goes something like this-

A Touching Farewell.

Thawsday 16th Fibber 2000

In the Temple of Pelor- patient no. 007 Felix the Dwarf-

“Bye then you fat freak.” Says Mallaria and struts off.
“We will hardly ever see his like again,”
“I’m not fecking dead you know.”
“He was a great Dwarf, an inspiration to us all- I for one particularly liked the way he would point out various rock formations and explain in exacting detail how they come to form.” Endrin wipes away a tear, and looks forlornly out of the window- grizzling, then wanders off.
Felix is propped up on one elbow eating a banana- much of which is now matting his beard.
“What the fecks he on about?”
Xeolus kneels down and crosses himself twice before mumbling a prayer to Hieroneous- he then rises and bows low to Felix, before about turning and striding away.
“Bye then”, Felix reaches for a ripe plum.
Bob comes over and shakes the Dwarfs hand “look after yourself- we want you back as soon as.”
“Aye, lad- I’ll be back, have no fear. Keep an eye on these buggers for me- don’t worry, I’m not done yet- my seam runs deep.”
The two smile at each other and then Bob walks away leaving Felix to his fruit and pebbles.

The above adventure entitled “Darkest Hearts” is by Clinton R. Nixon, which sounds like a made-up name, very presidential- what does the R. stand for Reagan? Roosevelt? I believe it is available from the good people at www.rpgarchive.com look around there’s lots of stuff there.

Ivanna Tinkle.

Satyrday 18th Fibber 2000

Dramatis Personae
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Bob Human Ranger 2
Endrin Human Bard 3
Liandri Elven Rogue 2/Wizard 1
Xeolus Human Monk 1/Priest of Hieroneous 1

The journey to Tinkle, the next village up the road, is without incident and on the way Endrin spends sometime going through the journal Richard left behind- eventually it comes to light that Richard has been doing some fairly diabolical things.

“How diabolical?”
“Oh you know pretty diabolical- evil and stuff.”
“No. I meant what sort of diabolical things?”
“…”
“Cutting heads off goats, eating kiddies, chewing gum under desks- what are we talking about here?”
“Does it matter?”
Endrin and Mallaria both turn to look at Xeolus who has since becoming a Priest developed a little bit of a far off stare- as if he is certain of things.
“Ooohh get her.” Mallaria snorts.
Xeolus focuses on Mallaria, who begins to feel herself colour.
“Hieroneous has put me on this Oerth to rid the world of such evil men, men that wallow in the vices and sins that have corrupted humanoids since the dawn of age.”
Endrin and Mallaria look on, half in horror-half in amusement, possibly with a soupcon of mild panic.
“It’s a good job I killed him then.”
“Yes it is, for him.”
Mallaria goes to smile but Xeolus speaks again…
“Now take heed, there will be a dawning of a new age- this…” Xeolus chooses his next word carefully,” barbarism will be destroyed.”

The road goes silent; Xeolus goes back to counting the stars. Mallaria opens and closes her mouth- doing a fair impression of a fish out of water, before dismissing Xeolus’ words and turning back to her inner thought (singular). Endrin continues to watch the callow youth- the hairs on the back of his neck slowly subside. An hour or so later he begins to read on.

It seems from what the journal says there exists a tower of some sort in the Amberdale Forest that serves as a Richard’s second home. Endrin explains this to the other Knights who conclude that Richard was in league with dark forces that must be destroyed (Xeolus’ theory) and that the tower will need investigating for lost treasure (everyone else).

In Tinkle the Knights book into the only Inn available, Kharne’s and spend the evening chatting to the locals in the hope that they can discover something about the tower. A number of the older members of the community are able to recall a (supposedly) haunted tower in the midst of the woods- but none are sure of its exact location. One, however, suggests that a hermit by the name of Randall who lives on the edge of the woods may know- he is said to visit the forest often. The Knights head off to find out what Randall knows.

Randall, the half-elf’s hut lies a little outside of Tinkle- he turns out to be a nice guy, just a little confused about things. Bob and Liandri get on with him and by the time the conversing is done they have the information they need- a promise from Randall to show them at least part of the way to the tower. Randall has also agreed to make a few Potions of Healing for Liandri’s return- the group return to Kharne’s Inn for the night. Endrin makes some beautiful noises, a bravura performance of the Birdie Song and Fat Bottomed Girls, it’s enough to get him free bed and board, the others head up the stairs to Bedfordshire. 

Cinch is still sleeping at the bottom of Karl’s bed and generally waiting on him hand and foot although Karl has not abused the situation (yet). The villagers of Tinkle are not sure how to react to the female Goblin, but Karl is always at her side, a glance from him and the villagers think better of asking.

And so endeth the session that is numbered 15.

Next week… For whom the bell tolls.


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## Goonalan (Mar 10, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XVI.

Sunday 19th Fibber 2000

The Dead Tower

Dramatis Personae
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Bob Human Ranger 2
Endrin Human Bard 3
Liandri Elven Rogue 2/Wizard 1

The Knights get together in the morning except for Xeolus who has been suddenly called away. Gimli who plays Xeolus, yes I know how that sounds- it’s not his real name he’s just a little short, and how can I put it careful with his gold, anyway his gone on holiday by mistake.

They hook up with the half-elf Randall and their journey begins, Randall explains that it will take the best part six hours to get to the tower, which sits atop a small hill deep within the woods. The Knights decide to take a leisurely stroll through the woods.

The peace is disturbed only once on the journey when a group of Goblins attack, an ambush of sorts- none of the Knights are Goblin friends (or even friendly) and so combat is joined. The result of which, in double quick time, is that of the eight initial attackers- six are swiftly killed while two flee the scene. None of the Knights are injured but Randall, the Druid, it seems is not popular with the Goblins of the Amberdale woods- many of them aiming their bows and spears at him to the exclusion of all others.

After a bit of healing Randall decides that he wants no further part in the Knights endeavour, nothing they say can persuade him to continue. On a piece of dried bark he sketches a rough map of the remaining journey and explains to Bob the route, and with that he is off, hot foot, back to Tinkle- muttering that “the woods are no place for a druid.”

The rest of the journey is without incident- the Knights eventually find themselves in the early evening at the base of a hill in a clearing, atop the hill, more a low rise is a small tower with an entrance building attached. The Knights mooch about the woods, circling the hill, and find a track leading to the tower at the top, as they begin the journey up a number of Goblins moving extremely slowly- Zombie Goblins, emerge from the woods. The Knights do some cutting and slashing and make their way through the creatures- all eight are destroyed swiftly. 

At the Tower itself they once again come under attack this time skeleton archers rain down arrows upon them, they use the tower itself as cover and while the arrows fly open a door into the building attached to the tower. At the same time the Knights can hear a bell being rung- it is clear that their attack is no longer a secret. The bell continues to be rung heartily (as a skeleton can) for the duration of what follows- this causes both the tension and Endrin’s ire to rise, “they’ve no musical talent whatsoever.” The Knights hurriedly duck inside only to be confronted by a huge skeleton standing fully nine feet tall.

The creature throws an enormous spear at Bob- it strikes home, knocking him to the floor- a bad wound, it then closes to attack with its clawed hands- the fight is long and hard, even though the Knights at one point surround the creature. Its lack of a body (only bones) is preventing any of them inflicting any real damage- they’re all armed with swords and the like- slashing and piercing weapons. The group make a mental note (about their fifth) to purchase some bludgeoning weapons as soon as possible.

Afterwards Bob is given a healing potion while the room is quickly searched with nothing of import found- the Knights head into the tower in a rush- it is hollow with stairs leading to a trapdoor at the top, to the battlements. Other than that there’s a wardrobe, a large trunk, several cupboards and a large bed- recently slept in by the look of things- 

“Still warm.” Endrin murmurs and licks his lips. 

The Knights switch to search mode, ripping the place apart, except for Endrin and soon after Mallaria who make their way up the stairs- the source of the campanologists’ (bell-ringing, do you have to be told everything?) offering. There with little in the way of panache or elan they kick the crap out of the skeletons standing on the roof, especially the one that tries to hit Mallaria with the bell it is holding. Endrin in the process gets close to experiencing unconsciousness- however he fights on the din being “an offence to all those with refined musical ability- like me.”

Meanwhile downstairs after searching the cupboards and the chest, with Liandri finding the trap the hard way, discover only mundane items- travelling clothes and the like. He then discovers the bed is on a pulley system and lifts it up to reveal a trapdoor in the floor.

Look Out Below.

“Looks like we’re going underground.” Liandri states.
Emma nods- “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”
“You said that about the cave with the Beetles in it.”
“The one in which Felix nearly died.”
“Yeah.”
Emma looks at Liandri, sort of nodding.
“What’s your point?” Liandri looks back non-plussed.

Mallaria descends the stairs two at a time- she pipes up- “feck that let’s just kill everything- undead give me the creeps.”

Down into the darkness a corridor leads away, a few containers are found with some clothes and cooking equipment, the corridor twists- a light is observed at the end, on they go.

Into a large chamber full of torture & laboratory equipment- a rack, an iron maiden, an iron cage suspended from the ceiling and a number of other tables piled high with well used glassware (see the new Ikea “Dungeon” catalogue- a must for demons, devils and necromancers alike). 

As the Knights enter a horde (eight- nearly a horde… a small horde, maybe) of tiny skeletons charge towards them, probably Kobold skeletons, the Knights begin to fight back and then notice the skeletons are not alone. Across the other side of the chamber a beautiful woman in dark robes is standing by an open door- she points a wand at Endrin- who’s taking in the scene. Three energy balls shoot out and with unerring accuracy slam into Endrin, he slumps to the floor- doing his best impression of a draught excluder.

“Fu…”

The Knights react- Liandri leaps onto a table kicking the glassware aside, the others follow suit- out of the reach of the Kobold Skeletons. The woman in the doorway looks into the darkness beside her and then screams- 

“RICHARD. Kill them. KILL THEM ALL.”

Out of the shadows steps an emaciated creature all fangs and drool- hairless and horrifying to the eye- the party stares in terror, Richard the Necromancer Farmer is back from the dead, and bad to the bone.

“Cook-a-duck who’s he?” Liandri stares at Mallaria.
“That’s whatsisname- I killed him.” She replies.
“Well go on then show me how, don’t let me slow you down…”

Mallaria raises her sword above her head and screams at the second-hand Richard “Death to the Undead… no that’s not right” she takes a step forward, off the table, three more energy balls slam into her- the Barbarian crashes forward knocking glassware over as she hugs the floor.

Liandri looks at Bob, “you take Richard,” Bob nods an “ok”, Liandri continues “and then the woman with the wand- I’m off.”

Bob has no choice Richard leaps at him- the fight continues with the two balancing and jumping from table to table. Liandri is having a dilemma- run/stay, run/stay, run/stay and with that the session ends.

The Knights find themselves staring defeat in the face Mallaria and Endrin are unconscious, Bob is fighting for his life (alone) against a Ghast dripping paralytic poison, Liandri is contemplating a one-on-one with a woman with a wand of death. Things do not look good- oh and there are still half-a-dozen skeleton kobolds snapping at their heels.

And so endeth session 16.

Next week… Get out of that.


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## Goonalan (Mar 11, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XVII.

Sunday 19th Fibber 2000
Year of the Dark

The Dead Tower- part 2.

Dramatis Personae
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Bob Human Ranger 2
Endrin Human Bard 3
Liandri Elven Rogue 2/Wizard 1

The fight continues- Mallaria and Endrin are still doing they’re best to win the sleeping lions competition. Bob leaps to meet Richard the Ghast, who is surrounded by a foul smelling haze, Bob is unaffected and takes to kicking the crap out of the creature. Liandri screams-

“Death to everything”, and runs at the woman with his longsword drawn, “but not me”, he adds as an afterthought.

The two confrontations go a little like this- Liandri lands a few good blows- although he too is hit by the balls of energy, he’s also struck by a ghostly ray that drains the very strength from him. Regardless he fights on, he does enough and the beautiful woman is forced to kick him away from her and retreat through the door by her side, slamming it behind her- both combatants are severely injured.

Bob, meanwhile is taking apart the end of level bad guy with out breaking into a sweat. Slashing away with dagger and longsword the Ghast is destroyed in less than 30 seconds. Bob for his part is only struck once, a wave of nausea washes over him, but the feeling passes. Bob climbs down from the table and with the help of Liandri mops up the remaining Kobold skeletons; they’re more of an inconvenience than a threat. At the end of it all they investigate (with healing potions in hand) the bodies of Mallaria and Endrin- who are both eventually brought round.

“What shall we tell them?”
“What?”
“Well before we heal them we relieve them of some of this heavy gold”, Liandri indicates Endrin’s money belt.
“You have the morals of a Goblin Liandri.”
“Yeah, but don’t ask me where I got ‘em.”

Liandri quaffs a potion of healing himself and sets to examining the door- he discovers a crude magical trap, which he proceeds to disarm. The door swings open into a storage room beyond; the woman is again over the far side of the room- wand in hand. 

“Thud… thud… thud.”

The sound of three more Magic Missiles slamming into Liandri, he is knocked to the floor but is still breathing- the Knights charge in but the woman, once again, retreats behind another door. 

“Don’t open it.” Bob shouts, “wait for Liandri.” Once again healing is quickly applied and Liandri rushes over to the doorway- he finds the trap and disarms it once again, the door is kicked open and Bob and Mallaria go running down the darkened passageway in pursuit of the woman. 

At the end of the passage the woman leaps up into the light, and out into the woods- the Knights are quick to follow, ahead they can hear snatched words, an incantation no doubt- they fear an attack and begin to take evasive action (zigzagging) while continuing their pursuit. Suddenly the woman leaps forward as if injected with fresh energy, within thirty seconds the chase is over; she has disappeared from sight.

“Bitch.”
“What the feck was that crazy legs thing?”
“Some kinda spell I guess.”

Bob and Mallaria look about a bit and then shuffle off back to the Tower where with the help of Liandri and Endrin they take the place apart in search of booty or fresh information.

A thorough investigation turns up nothing of interest- somewhat reluctantly; they are loath to leave the Necromancer Witch still out there, the group head back to Tinkle, having bagged only a little coin.

Back in town Liandri picks up the Potions he ordered from Randall and sets about having a rest up, he takes Eric the Lizard on long walks and generally takes things easy. Bob does likewise spending the time patrolling the edges of the forest- basically to see if the Witch has followed them. Bob is somewhat surprised to see Endrin head off into the woods alone on the day after their return from the tower- he seems to be loaded up for a journey. He decides to follow Endrin for a while- just in case he runs into difficulties, see below for more on this.

Mallaria goes crazy ape bonkers in the meantime.

The above adventure is entitled “The Old Tower” written by Dennis O’Brien- I believe it won the Adventure Design Competition at Eric Noah’s Unofficial D&D Third Edition News- oh the halcyon days. I think if you sod off to EnWorld and have a snoop about and you’ll find it no doubt- go to www.d20reviews.com

Mallaria la la.

Chewsday 21st Fibber 2000

Dramatis Personae
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1 played by Tomo
Sam Fox Human Fighter 4 played by Wayne
Flay Half-Orc Paladin of St. Cuthbert 1 the new guy played by Tomo
Karl Los Val Da Rama Gnome Priest of Pelor 1 played by Kev
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1 played by Emma

The ‘A’ team are out of action- Endrin’s on walkabouts, as is Bob, Liandri’s resting up and Xeolus is using the time to get to know how to use the spells that Hieroneous has blessed him with. And so another awkward squad is formed from the rag-tag bunch of hangers on that the Wednesday Knights ™ have picked up, the beginning goes a little like this.

Late on in Kharne’s Inn the locals are mithering over their half-pints of ‘Old Knacker’ while Whirlwind is attempting to chat up Sam Fox, who is pinning for Endrin, Karl is people watching.

Whirlwind swirls what’s left of his beer around and leans over to Sam, 
“Err… nice jugs”, he then nods at her once or twice in an attempt to show that he is sincere. 

Sam pulls a face and then turns her back on Whirlwind- who turns to Karl and gives him the thumbs up and whispers- “I think I’m in.”

At that moment the doors open and in strides the biggest Half-Orc the Knights has ever seen, the creature is soaked from the rain outside and muddy from the road. However beneath his cloak is the glint of armour- highly polished, immaculate. He removes his cloak to afford the patrons a better look- on his chest is the symbol of St. Cuthbert the bringer of justice. The creature takes five strides covering the distance of the bar and stands in front of Karl- who looks up, and up, and up…

“I am Flay- I have been sent by Sir Malcolm it seems that our paths are intertwined.” Flay has been practising the word “intertwined” on the road to Tinkle- he hopes he has said it right, it sounds impressive though, for a Half-Orc- don’t you think?

“Err… explain”, squeaks the Gnome, hoping he’s not being propositioned.
“Sir Malcolm is of the opinion that you, or your group, owes him for his present condition- I am to be Sir Malcolm’s squire, I have been trained for long years at the Temple of St. Cuthbert. Before taking my position I have been sent to see some of the world, I have a year to learn. Sir Malcolm says that YOU will teach me.”

The huge Half-Orc pulls a scroll from inside his armour and passes it to Karl- who gives it a glance, it confirms what the creature is saying and seems genuine.

“What are you?” Karl finally asks.
“I am Flay, Holy Knight of the Church of St. Cuthbert, the Bringer of Justice, the God of Law, the Righteous One.” The Half-Orc states loudly scanning the bar for miscreants and ne’er-do-well’s, several of the locals edge towards the door- justice being a funny thing, you never know whose side it’s on.

Whirlwind begins to choke on his beer- Sam thumps him in the back to remove the obstruction and at the same time the bar doors swing wide again- standing in the half-light is Mallaria. The half-Elf Barbarian is grinning inanely and babbling to herself- her eyes are like saucers; she grabs a flagon of ale from the bar and gulps it down in one. There follows a bit more giggling and then she turns and runs from the bar screaming her own name, swinging her two-handed axe above her head. She is naked except for a loin cloth- eyes are on stalks.

Whirlwind sort of shrugs his shoulders, Sam looks from Whirlwind to Karl- “Do you think we ought to follow her, it’s dangerous out there?”
Whirlwind smiles and nods- “It is now.”

The massive Half-Orc steps towards the door and opens it to see Mallaria sprinting for the tree line- “Who is… she?” Something other than religious fervour softens Flays face.

Whirlwind is quick to reply “That’s Mallaria, she’s a law unto herself- I think it’s some right of passage or ritual, she’s just nipping into the forest naked, as you can see, to bring an untimely end to one of Pelor’s creations…”. Whirlwind tails off his speech as the rest of the group turn to stare at him, “what… she said something about it earlier, you remember?” The group continue to stare at Whirlwind, “… what? What? Oh what now… no were not going after her… oh it’s raining, oh come on she’s a big girl,” Flay finds himself nodding, fighting for a second the accompanying smile. Quickly Flay makes up his mind he looks back at his newfound friends and then with a grunt is off, after Mallaria. 

Whirlwind, for all his talk, puts his beer down and is second out the door, grinning too. Karl and Sam groan and likewise put their flagons down before they put their cloaks and wellies on and head off out into the piss and wind.

“We’ve been here before haven’t we?”
“She’s going to be the death of me.”

The forest is quiet except for the sound of the rain, the low rumble of thunder (far away) and the mad Barbarian screaming her name at the top of her lungs. Flay can still see her, he finds himself somehow drawn towards her- a strange feeling for a Paladin used to the spartan and austere. The chaos, the obvious malevolence, the feeling that the figure charging ahead of him is not in control… and does not care- the freedom. The fact that she is mostly naked (some war paint and a loin cloth) is also not lost upon him, Flay feels very… uprighteous.

The others are closing, Mallaria has slowed her pace- still screaming her name, it sounds defiant like a challenge. Flay watches her head out into a clearing- Mallaria looks round at the Half-Orc stares him straight in the eye, spotting him immediately even though the light is almost gone. She turns back and begins to drag her huge axe through the grass- then another noise is heard, a low growl like far-off thunder, but this sound is much closer. 

The others fall in beside Flay who points into the clearing first at Mallaria and then to the huge bear that ambles forward from the deep forest. The two close, the bear roars and stands upright- the creature is easily a dozen feet tall.

Whirlwind quickly grabs a coin from his pouch- “A Dollar on… Mallaria.”
Sam quickly accepts the bet.

The two wild creatures rush to attack.

The Brown Bear is killed in less than twenty seconds- even though the creature is stronger, has twice as many hit points, a similar AC and is possibly more intelligent than Mallaria. None of this is a match for a Barbarian who knows that the creatures death will serve to increase her own power. The bear fights well landing two blows, Mallaria is deadly however and the monster is slit from its belly to its throat, her rage fuels her.

“MMMMAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLAAARRRIIAAA.”

She circles her giant axe above her head and then without turning she sprints off into the woods again.

“Feck me”, Karl looks perturbed, “come on, we’re off again.”
The others fall into line and do there very best to keep up with Mallaria, they fail… in a matter of minutes they’re lost- the night has folded in upon them, only the odd flash of lightning far off to illuminate the empty woods. Sam and Whirlwind are stumbling in the dark not blessed with Darkvision- Flay stops and points at a structure a little further on. The lightning breaks again, closer now, and illuminated for less than a second the group spots a large house of sorts, a little way off, it looks nothing like the other houses of the region. Cautiously they fan out and approach- on closer inspection it appears to be a mansion or villa of sorts- the brickwork is faded and dotted with creeping plants, the windows are smashed or broken and yet the front door is closed.

The group huddles together and formulates a plan-
“Feck knows where we are”, Whirlwind begins.
“It’s wet”, Sam points out.
“It might be dry inside”, Karl adds.
Flay just nods.

The plan made Sam heads over to the door and pushes it open, it creeks, it does indeed look dry within, the group march in.

 The Mansion in the woods- part 1.

Woodnesday 22nd Fibber 2000

Dramatis Personae
Sam Fox Human Fighter 4 (Wayne)
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1 (Emma)
Karl Los Val Da Rama Gnome Priest of Pelor 1 (Kev. M.)
Flay Half-Orc Paladin of St. Cuthbert 1 (Tomo)

Inside the group stamp their feet and adjust their eyes to the dank- Sam lights a torch- it is about this time that she spots the detached skeletal hand that is making it’s way up Whirlwind’s back, Sam screams and attempts to knock it away. A second hand leaps (as far as hands can) down from above the entrance door and lands on Sam- she feels a sharp pain it seems the central digit is elongated and ends in a sharp bone protrusion- it pierces her skin. An icy cold feeling flows through her she screams and leaps away- the skeletal hand still attached. The fight spreads out with the group pairing up Whirlwind and Flay are stamping on one of the hands on the floor while Sam and Karl are battling the other- eventually the first is smashed as it attempts to crawl away while the second is wrenched apart. Spooky though.

The group dust themselves down and pick over the remains-
“I have never seen these before what are they?”- Flay turns the tiny creature over in his huge hands- the bits that are left anyway. The others look at it and then at Karl, who shrugs his shoulders- “Pelor only knows.”

The group takes to the corridors that spread out in a figure of eight pattern with rooms within each circle- a mystery unfolds over a dozen dead bodies are found each seemingly killed in a different manner. Some of the victims have been burnt; others have died from poison, others from wounds. The group discovers one room that has more of the skeletal hands in it- they shut the door quickly and continue their search of the area. Half way round the circuit they surmise that something strange is at work- the inside of the building seems to show no signs of ageing and yet the exterior is clearly ancient- likewise many of the bodies are perfectly preserved.

Alas time is dragging on and the witching hour is approaching, the surly DM stops play- until next week adieu.

See next week for the nefarious activities of Endrin the Bard.

Thus endeth session 17.

Next week…. Premier style fannying about a bit (mystery what mystery).


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## Goonalan (Mar 12, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XVIII.

Woodnesday 24th Fibber 2000

The Mansion in the woods- part 2.

Dramatis Personae
Sam Fox Female Human Fighter 4 (Wayne)
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter 1 (Emma)
Karl Los Val Da Rama Male Gnome Priest of Pelor 1 (Kev)
Flay Male Half-Orc Paladin of St. Cuthbert 1 (Tomo)

The group continue their journey opening each door that they find- the mansion seems to be almost deserted except for a smattering of corpses about the place- they do however discover a fair few trinkets and baubles. They also discover some cylinders with raised surfaces- like pottery scroll cases with the writing on the outside- Karl smashes a couple to see what, if anything, is inside, later he will regret this.

All in all the Knights are stumped- lovers of mysteries this lot- they have not read things and have mostly given only a cursory glance to all the clues available. They have discovered that all of the corpses have suffered violent or at least unnatural deaths- therefore a murderer is, or maybe, was on the loose. They however figure that until they discover him/her/it then they couldn’t give a toss. After beating up a few more of the wandering skeletal hands they head back to the one room that seems to be inhabited. Inside they fight more of the skeletal hands and discover the body of what looks to be a thief- he is loaded with good stuff- which they of course pocket. Then the Knights are stuck again for a bit until they discover through careful mapping that there must be a secret room in the centre of the building.

Eventually they break into the room and wander into an encampment (hometown) of the skeletal hands- the fight is long and hard with many of the group taking repeated hits. The fighters are each poisoned multiple times- leading to a loss of strength and a reduction in their ability to attack and cause damage. That said the group are eventually victorious- the huge Minotaur skull with twinkly gemstone eyes, from which the skeletal hands emerge, is smashed into smithereens. 

By this time the group have had enough of the mystery, and after barricading themselves in the central room for a few hours (till dawn approaches), they head out of the mansion and back towards Tinkle.

The above scenario entitled “Perinocles’ Manor” is from Eden Studios’, Wonders Out Of Time-, which is a fabulous collection of good ideas and scenarios-, buy it as soon as you stop reading this. In all honesty the players did not do it justice, considering dead people as offering neither threat nor interest- beyond any loot they may have.

The scenario was supposed to be a sort of ancient murder mystery with a few clues to a long gone civilisation- the cack-handed players smashed some of the clues but have noted others which will obviously appear again later- probably.
 Woodnesday 22nd Fibber 2000

The Mansion in the woods- part 2b.

Dramatis Personae
Mallaria Female Half-Elven Barbarian 2. (Tomo)

The last time we saw Mallaria she was deep in the woods having recently off’ed a large bear, now read on…

The woods surround her still, the blood of the bear drips from her forearms and matts her hair. The lightning crashes into a tree in the distance, Mallaria dodges a huge branch and sprints off once again into the night… she something ahead… the shape off… it might be dry in there she thinks.

Suddenly Mallaria wakes- bolt upright

Her eyes blink and try desperately to focus, darkness- a crack of light- a door ajar- the soft mattress beneath her she slowly relaxes, a bed’s a bed- she moves her hands about her to hold in the warmth. 

She feels it again and remembers suddenly what it was that woke her- there is something, a small many legged something tap-tap-tapping her leg. In an instant she is up bounding out of the bed in a room she does not recognise- a skeletal hand is attached to her leg, Mallaria kicks out and the creature goes flying. She scans the room and spies a chair, quickly she snatches it up and smashes it down on the skeletal hand, which is now perched atop a small chest. The creature tries to right itself- she strikes again and again- it is soon smashed and broken, as is the lid of the chest.

Mallaria pulls the door open allowing in a curtain of light and squats down to look at what attacked her- parts of the creature have fallen down into the hole in the top of the chest, cautiously she reaches in…

“Owww, Feck.”

She quickly withdraws her hand- the spot of blood at the centre of her palm pearls and grows. She presses her hand to her mouth and sucks in…

Her head jolts back as she feels the blue surge of power, a bolt of lightning all of her own- held inside. It stiffens her limbs in some St. Vitus dance and in a moment is gone- her head thumps with the strain of it all and strange symbols and figures clamber behind her eyes begging her to understand them.

Minutes pass, Mallaria remains squatting on the floor in front of the chest rubbing her forehead and pressing her eyes shut- slowly making sense of the letters… she is learning.

She opens her eyes…

“Feck me.”

Slowly forming in her vision is an image of her right hand- floating free in the air it hovers over the chest, cautiously she reaches out to touch it but her hand passes straight through. The symbols and letters continue to dance in her head this time in a more co-ordinated manner, a coded conga. This time with her mind she manipulates the stream- the floating hand turns over palm upwards… instantly her headache becomes bearable, she smiles… no… grins. She reaches out slowly and shakes her hand. 

A little latter Mallaria looks in the chest and finds the smashed remains of a ceramic scroll with a serrated edge- beneath the pottery shards another such artefact. This she carefully lifts out avoiding the razor sharp edge, she wraps it up well and places it in her backpack… for later. 

The floating hand has long since faded but the spell that summons it lodges now, deep, inside her head.

After a brief mosey around the ancient but still intact Mansion she heads back to the sleepy hollow that is Tinkle.

 Chewsday 21st Fibber 2000

 Dark Delights.

Dramatis Personae
Endrin Male Bard 3 (Wayne)

The journey through the woods is fairly uneventful- Endrin remembers well the path they took to the Dark Tower and quickly covers the distance, it takes him six hours straight without a break. The forest is silent- at rest, as if it were waiting for something to happen.

Once at the tower Endrin clasps the magical dagger, Goblin-friend- he stole yesterday from Karl’s pack, and using the blades magical Darkvision searches the structure again. Cautiously, carefully he creeps about in the half-dark and shadow, but nothing alive or indeed undead remains.

And so Endrin’s sojourn begins- unhappy in his present profession he feels the flow of magic much stronger within him these days, not the word and song of his Bardic magic- put raw magic, raw power.

The Dark Tower seems to amplify the sensation; he felt it the first time he stepped inside the building. After a nights rest in the big bed that covers the trapdoor Endrin sets about making the place his home (some throw cushions, curtains and fresh flowers), if only for a short while.

After the creature comforts are in place the grand search begins, every cupboard is turned out, scraps of parchment read and mentally inventoried. Three days pass and at the end he feels he knows the place and is afraid of nothing here- there are no darkened corners, no hidden places where danger lurks. At the end of the fourth day he ferries the last of his findings down into the cellar and shuts the door- he has food for nearly ten days.

He works hard, harder than he has ever worked- searching the spaces in his mind in the same way as he searched the tower, discovering for the first time the limitations of his inner vision. With the spell book, stolen again- this time from Liandri’s possessions, he begins to fill up the once dark spaces of his mind.

Time passes, Endrin’s mind storms and rages- the cold cellar drips and sighs, the tower stands silently while outside the rain and lightning dance.

Two days after the food has gone Endrin notices and wearily climbs the stair- he also notices how tired he is, having to crawl out from under the bed, unable to lift it more than half-way up.

The thought of food is banished however as the sight of the bed hoves into view and he slips within the sheets and for the first time, it seems for twelve long days, he falls asleep.

Outside the storm comes again, the lightening circles the tower looking for an opening to reach within. The rain hammers down against the stones and soaks the ground, the thunder rolls…

It rolls a six. (Thanks to Terry Pratchett)

A puddle quickly forms as the outer door stands open- a small robed figure slips inside and heads silently to the door to the bedroom, behind which Endrin stirs in his sleep. The outer door is slowly and silently shut- a key turns, and the room is returned to darkness.

The inner door opens and the robed figure steps inside the bedroom and moves silently to the bed, watching Endrin’s flickering eyes- deep in dreams. A small pale, almost white hand reaches down and gently caress’ his forehead, moving his hair aside- the effect is electric, Endrin’s eyes snap open. His mind accelerates, his mouth already forming words- the small pale hand moves swiftly down and covers his mouth- Endrin’s mind catches up- he kisses the palm. Another pale hand appears from within the folds of the cloak and briefly fiddles with the clasp- the cloak falls to the floor. Endrin shows surprise for a second, and then moves towards the centre of the bed and pulls the covers back, the dark mistress of the tower slips in.

The lightening flashes again illuminating the room for a second showing the two figures moving slowly together and the Zombie in the doorway looking on. 

Much later…

Endrin wakes to find himself alone in the bed… he slowly pulls the covers down and is momentarily startled to see the Zombie standing at the end of the bed staring intently at him, pinned to the creature is a piece of paper etched with gothic script. Cautiously he leans forward- the Zombies eyes follow his hand as it reaches out to grab the paper which is held in place with a hatpin firmly stuck into the creatures body- he removes it slowly, carefully- the creature merely watches. The paper says “Hello, my name is Jeff, how can I be of service.” Endrin grins, then giggles, until he begins to laugh aloud- a fiendish almost diabolical sound.

Later he will remember the cold words that she spoke to him about a man called Sir Bradford, a Paladin of some ridiculous god she said. He will also take the wand that she has left for him on the table next to the bed, and eventually remember the command word to activate the device, “Mordus”. But now, in this instant, all he feels is the yearning, the craving- an emptiness inside… Hunger.

DM’s note- Endrin has multi-classed to become Bard 3 Sorcerer 1.

 Chewsday 21st Fibber 2000

Out and about with Bob

Dramatis Personae
Bob Male Human Ranger 2 (Emma)

Bob follows Endrin at a distance to the tower, he watches him for three days there, never entering the building, Endrin never leaving the building- except to gather wood for the fire. After three days his curiosity has gone and he feels too embarrassed to approach the tower and reveal himself to Endrin, there would be too much to explain. Instead he heads back to Tinkle ashamed of himself and his actions- Endrin is a friend to him, he must learn to trust.

Nearly two weeks later Endrin too returns to the village, looking… well… strangely rested and yet in some ways more withdrawn. 

And so endeth the session that is numbered 18.

Next week… Gone fishin’.


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## Goonalan (Mar 15, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XIX.

Woodnesday 8th Mork 2000

Gone Fishing.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue 2 Wizard 1 (Kev. M.)
Xeolus Male Human Monk 1 Priest of Hieroneous 1 (Gimli)

Thin on the ground as you can see from the above- they all made their excuses, and then there were three of us.

It was therefore decided that this would be a short session, which would involve the drinking of concentrated grain alcohol, with, as ever, mixed results- read on.

The Gorgoldand Caravan is fully loaded and ready for the road, the journey begins with the crossing of the River Tinkle- this is accomplished by a rickety ferry- the caravans are loaded aboard and polled/pulled across one-by-one.

Everything is going well with half of the group on the far bank- it’s a lovely day, the sun is shining and The Gaffer, a rotund halfling, is sitting on the bank doing a bit of combination light fishing and heavy snoozing. The second load is half way across with Liandri and Xeolus aboard when there comes a scream and whoop from the bank. The two head for the side of the ferry and observe a now animated Gaffer fighting desperately with his fishing rod- almost bent double with the strain of his catch.

“WWWoooooooooooo, come on now- Gaffer’s got a big’un.” He happily reels and tugs at the rod- Liandri watches the bubbles bursting on the surface of the river- Xeolus keeping an eye on the Gaffer, simple pleasures still make him smile. The battle continues for twenty or so seconds when-

“AaarghPLLoooooP. 

The Gaffer is wrenched from the bank and disappears under the water, half a scream and a thick flurry of bubbles marking his position in the river- being dragged out into the current and the deep channel.

Xeolus and Liandri exchange quick glances, gulp down a lungfull of air each, and launch themselves into the river…

BbbllubbllbblluuubbllbbblluubbllbbbblllluuubblllbbblllluuubblllBLUB.

In the dim weed infested world the two aquanauts espy a somewhat panicked Gaffer entangled in his own line being dragged along, bump, bumping on the bottom- on noticing them he waves frantically letting out another stream of air bubbles.

The two swiftly swim over to the entangled halfling, trying at first to disentangle the fishing line, they are part way through this with Liandri losing patience and resorting to his dagger when Xeolus is hit in the back by a large (6 foot long) catfish. This has a domino effect- Xeolus slams into the Gaffer who in turn slams into Liandri- the result of which is Xeolus is winded and out of breath and Liandri’s dagger is now somewhere at the bottom of the river amidst the clouds of dirt.

“ShBbblluubbllit”

Xeolus heads up for air while Liandri grabs the fish that has circled back in to reclaim its dinner from these have-a-go-heroes. 

Xeolus takes a huge breath of air- on the surface frantic waving and shouting, a cacophony of noise- and dives back down to, well… there’s no one there. A quick double take later and he spots the giant fish about 40 or so feet downstream with Liandri attached and the poor Gaffer being dragged along after them. The fish however has been slowed dramatically by the extra weight- also to add to its woes Liandri- ever the improviser, has taken an arrow and holding it near to the head is gouging at the creature’s side- it’s dorsal flap for the fishologists out there. 

Xeolus offers a silent prayer to Hieroneous and states to the DM-

“I will use my Flurry of Breaths ability while at the surface and swim post-haste towards the melee.”

Some giggling and then it is done- Xeolus is man-from-Atlantis towards the contretemps- which has slowed further, the tide is turning.

Xeolus ignores the fish at first and instead swims over to the Gaffer and delivers the kiss of life- re-inflating the Gaffers sodden lungs. The Gaffer blinks once or twice, and shakily makes a thumb up sign. Meanwhile Liandri is having the ride of his life- the fish while not going forward is certainly doing its best impression of a rodeo-bull. Liandri is however almost out of air- with nowhere left to go and no air to breathe he detaches himself from the fish and swims to the surface.

This has a knock on effect- the Gaffer is suddenly pulled from Xeolus’ grasp and is off again further down stream into the deep water. Xeolus is however not giving in- he assumes a torpedo position and after briefly surfacing he heads after the fish-halfling combo picking up Liandri on the way. 

The Gaffer it seems has his own ideas- only 40 feet away from the adventurers he grasps a rock at the bottom wrapping his arms around the stone and holding on for dear life- the line plays out and then goes taut- but the Gaffer does not budge.

Liandri and Xeolus are soon up with him and working their way along the line, when the Catfish realises the best form of defence- is attack. It about-turns and swims directly at the floundering threesome. They (actually Xeolus) take the blow and attempt to wrestle the creature the result of which is Xeolus on board, riding the thing, and Liandri clutching the creatures flapping tail. Liandri uses the arrowhead to stab at the creature- Xeolus resorts to his “Fish Chop” and when this has little effect alternatively shoves his fingers in the fish’s eyes, gills and for good measure waggles the hook around in its mouth exacerbating the wound. This continues for another 30 seconds or so with the creature growing weaker with each passing moment. Eventually the fish thrashes no more and begins to float with the current towards the deeper section of the river. Xeolus and Liandri nod to each other- the smug satisfaction of a job well done. The fish meanwhile disappears from view heading down into the dredged central channel.

Xeolus heads over to the Gaffer to attempt to bring him to the surface when- the line goes taut again- the fish is still descending, the Gaffer begins to scream (actually bubbles) as he takes the fishes entire weight (with gravity on the fishes side).

“FuBbblluubbllcking BBBlllubbl’ell”

The Gaffer can hold on no longer and passes out, letting go of the rock- he is being quickly dragged along the bottom of the lake towards the drop off point.

Xeolus grabs the halfling as Liandri returns from taking another breath; the Elf holds a rope that snakes back to dry land. When he reaches the Gaffer he attaches the rope to his waist and ties it off tugging at it swiftly- the strain is soon taken up and the halfling is now been torn in two directions. Quickly Liandri scoots down the rope and grabs Xeolus while passing, they dive over the edge and into the darkness of the deep channel. The two soon encounter the dead weight of the fish, they grasp the slippery thing in their hands and head once more for the surface… they surface to cheers and a heroes welcome.

On the river skiffs have been launched and the Gaffer, dragged from the water, is being tended to by the village priest- nothing major, although he is certainly fortunate to be alive.

Happy villagers eager to shake their hands and give thanks surround the two bedraggled adventurers. Kharne the owner of the Inn comes over and asks if he can buy the fish from them- to stuff and hang in his bar- he offers them $50, which they gladly accept. An hour or so later the two adventurers having been thanked once again, this time by the much revived Gaffer and his family, head back to the ferry and from there are back on the road.

The above encounter entitled “Catch As Catch Can” is available, I think, from Morrus at ENWorld as part of their Mini Encounters competition. Go to www.D20reviews.com and look for the bit in the left-hand column which says “Free Adventures”, or something like that. There’s loads of stuff in there including all the Mini Encounters you’ll ever need. 

The Damsel in distress.

Characters present
The same as above Liandri & Xeolus- no one else has arrived.

The first wagon has gone ahead (a couple of hours ahead) leaving the second wagon with a couple of drovers, three guards, Liandri and Xeolus.

About three hours further on the trees and bushes at the edge of the road part and a group of halflings (three in total) steps out into the carts path waving frantically and shouting. The driver brings the wagon to a halt and the guards stare at Liandri and Xeolus until the pair climb down and goes ahead to see what is happening.

“In the bushes…”
“And then one of them hit me…”
“It was horrible…”
“Definitely a Goblin…”
“Easily a dozen of them…”
“Some sort of magic…”
“Oh… Pelor- where have they taken Humpty, Fingle, Deaduck and…”
“H’Arfur.”
Liandri looks on bewildered while Xeolus tries to get them to speak slowly, and one at a time.

Five minutes later Xeolus has established that the halflings were travelling to Tinkle, a group of itinerant tinkers, cobblers, potters and chef’s part of the extended family of one Gaffer Gammonanpineapple. Their cart was attacked by Goblins- it lies dragged a little way off the road in a fallow field half in a ditch. One of them says that there was some sort of magic used, although he is vague as to what sort and what effect it had- they are all however still extremely frightened. The real problem is that there are four other halflings missing- the three left behind plead for assistance.  

Xeolus and Liandri decide to help them and order the guards to look after the halflings and to take shelter just off the road some way ahead, but not too far. They check their belongings, draw their weapons, and head off into the field. At the wagon there are signs of a struggle the assorted pots and pans, bits of shoes and other gear is strewn about the place- searching around they discover signs of fighting although no blood trails, not that either of them is trained in tracking. There are fields in all directions, the only blot on the landscape a stand of trees about half a mile away. The two draw missile weapons and quickly head off.

They cautiously search through the trees until they are certain that there is nothing present- furthermore no tracks exist, as far as they can tell. They are about to give up and head elsewhere when Liandri spots a large well in the next field a little distance away, near a cattle trough. The inquisitive pair head over and quickly discover a myriad of tracks mostly cattle but in the mud around the trough there are some smaller humanoid footprints- the two look over the side of the well into an inky darkness. Liandri as quick as a flash is over the low wall and beginning to descend using the pitted walls for grip- he is halfway down when he rolls a 1 on his climb check- the remaining 20 feet are covered at a much greater pace.

“AAAArrrgghhhSplasSSSHHH.”

Back at the top Xeolus takes the rope from his backpack and lashes it to the stone cattle trough he then begins to abseil down the well. Liandri quickly recovers, he finds himself in about ten feet of very stagnant water which he notices has been used by someone as a toilet- a jobbie floats by.

Liandri spots Xeolus’ rope and then notices that a rough plug of stone is being removed from the wall of the well about ten feet above the level of the water. A goblin head sticks out and spots him- a brief shouted conversation follows with someone on the inside and then the creature begins to site on Liandri with its shortbow. As the creature is about to fire a crossbow bolt thuds into the top of its skull. Liandri looks up to see Xeolus braced against the wall of the well firing his Light Crossbow with one hand- he also, obviously, dives out of the way of the falling Goblin body. Xeolus tries his best to reload while gripping the rope with his legs meanwhile Liandri hauls himself out of the brown soup and up to the plug- he looks in.

Much shouting from the inside all in Goblin a language neither understands; a spear is shoved out of the hole- Liandri grabs the haft and shoves back- from the noise knocking the wielder over. He quickly scrambles through the hole and into the lair- a small (15 feet by 10 feet) rough cavern with an equally small passageway leading from it. One Goblin sits on the floor (knocked over), while two others rush forward with spears- combat is joined. In the next round Liandri swings in with his crossbow loaded and in hand, in the same round a further four Goblins rush in from the next chamber.

The fight is bloody and Liandri and Xeolus are not in the mood for taking prisoners not that any of the Goblins are trying to surrender. Both adventurers take hits although minor. Four of the Goblins are quickly killed, including and unbeknownst to the adventurers, the Goblin Priest- one however attempts to flee further into the cave. Xeolus is having none of it and rushes after the creature- while Liandri deals with the two remaining creatures.

In the next room Xeolus catches up with the Goblin who is screaming blue murder- he grabs hold of the creature and roundhouse kicks it in the head- a satisfying click indicating the neck is broken, it slumps to the floor. Xeolus looks up and spots the four halflings tied in a row, gagged- their saucer eyes staring, pleading with the Monk Priest for rescue- he goes over to untie them when a voice stops him in his tracks.

“Thank Pelor you’ve rescued me…”

Xeolus spins round to see the most beautiful woman he has ever set eyes upon- dressed in a long blue robe, which has seen better days. The lady rushes over to him and half flings herself into his embrace- momentarily non-plussed Xeolus stares into her blue eyes. She holds his face to hers, inches away, she whispers into his ear.

“Now you belong to me- you love me, keep me safe.”

Xeolus blinks once or twice as if taking it all in- then nods his head slightly; the woman smiles at him and Xeolus smiles back- like a child eager to please.

She breaks from his embrace as Liandri steps into the cavern, having despatched the other two Goblins.

“Who the feck’s the bird?” Liandri says, followed by under his breath “nice love dumplings.”

Liandri puts his arm out to show Xeolus he is bleeding “heal me”, he demands- Xeolus looks at the lady then wanders over- she is still stood in the centre of the room smiling politely.

Xeolus takes a  look at the wound- while noticing the prisomer halflings trussed and gagged- there eyes are delivering frantic messages- from the Elf to the lady, some of them nodding at her maniacally.

“What’s going on… they’re trying to tell us something Xeolus… about her.”

Liandri’s voice tails off as Xeolus ceases his ministrations and looks Liandri straight in the eye.

From behind him the lady speaks again “Xeolus”, he turns to look at the lady, “what a nice name that is”, he smiles. “Now kill him- he wants me for himself, only you can have me.”

Xeolus turns to face Liandri, who is beginning to see the way of things, however before he can react Xeolus fires his crossbow into the Elf’s stomach from close range. Liandri is sent staggering back…

The fight is soon over Xeolus drops the crossbow and swaps to Karate Kid mode, Liandri does his best but is no match, already twice injured- soon Liandri lies unconscious on the floor.

DM’s note the spell cast on Xeolus was a Charm Person- I allowed Xeolus to save each round because of the nature of the requests, to attack Liandri. Xeolus needed to roll a 12 which after bonus’ etc. meant he needed to roll a 5 on the d20, in four rounds he managed a couple of 1’s a 2 and a 4- life’s funny like that sometimes.

While the above was going on the lady at first waded in with a Ray of Frost against Liandri, and then moved over to the halflings. She takes the youngest in her hands and forces it to watch the conflict and then as the fight is won cuts its throat (coup de grace). 

And it is this act that finally drives Xeolus over the edge- the unconscious Liandri seems not to bother him, the death of an innocent halfling tinker is however unacceptable- he breaks the spell and dives headlong at the sorceress. In truth Xeolus is unhurt (on full Hit Points) and the lady is poorly armed and armoured, she tries at first to fight back with her magic but it is to no avail- not even her pleas for mercy will save her. Xeolus is in no mood for mercy, in a little under twenty seconds he kills her, and then sets to healing Liandri. 

While Liandri is slowly revived (he was only at –2 hp) he unties and ungags the halflings who wail and sob fit to burst. 

“Humpty’s dead.” They grizzle.

The rescue is completed an hour or so later when the small cave system (three caves in total) is searched- there are a few odds & sods- some coins, gems and jewellery, nothing to break the bank. More importantly there are a number of missives (letters) written to the lady (Markessa) from a man who signs his name as Aldric. The letters discuss the training of a humanoid (Goblin & Orc) gang and the “necessary disruption of caravans to Wick and ultimately Carimor (both local communities). Xeolus takes these to deliver to the authorities in Fiddle (the next village along the road). With the place thoroughly searched the group head off with the body of Humpty.

Back on the road- having helped the halflings to make temporary repairs to their cart to allow them to go on to Tinkle, Xeolus and Liandri climb aboard their wagon and continue on to Fiddle for the night. The atmosphere is tense, back in the cave Liandri had reacted well to the beating he received from Xeolus- taking it all in his stride, the Monk was obviously charmed. Outside, on the wagon, with night closing in the Rogue Wizard is not so sure- Xeolus has said nothing as yet, not even sorry, he vows to keep a close eye on the young Priest Monk. Xeolus for his part is struggling to come to terms with what has passed- the attack on Liandri was not his doing and yet he feels responsible (remorse perhaps), but he does not feel truly sorry- Liandri is a Thief, a common criminal. He struggles with his conscience for a while before reassuming his position as stargazer. 

The wagon rumbles on, even the drovers and guards hold their council- it is cold and dark and they are all a long way from home.

The above was taken from another Encounter courtesy of ENWorld, it’s called “The Goblin’s Lair” and is available as above.

And so endeth the session that is numbered 19.

Next week… One, Two… One, Two… It’s just a test.


----------



## Goonalan (Apr 6, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XX.

Fryday 10th Mork 2000

Fiddling about a bit.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Xeolus Male Human Monk level 1 Priest of Hieroneous level 1 (Kev. H.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 

The wagons of Gorgoldand’s caravan eventually wend their way back to Fiddle, Gorgoldand’s adopted home. The weary adventurers pile out, stretch and yawn, and then give a token hand to the wagoneers unloading the stock into Gorgoldand’s warehouse. That done they head for Cheaters Inn, a swift drink to get the dust out of their throats and then bath and bed. They’re all tired from the road and Gorgoldand has advised them to rest up as tomorrow he has a little job for them- but tonight they have no enthusiasm.

Satyrday 11th Mork 2000

Up early the next morning the group convene at “The Pickled Dill”- Gorgoldand’s version of the old curiosity shop- there he explains his proposition.

“I had this message delivered to me in Tinkle”, Gorgoldand holds a note in the air, “it seems that one of my friends has got into some difficulties, actually not so much him, as his kids.”

Gorgoldand explains that the Hucrele’s, a merchant family based in Oakhurst, have come a cropper- the son and daughter have gone off adventuring and have not returned- a week has passed without any word. Liandri’s eyes light up, “is there a reward?”

“Yes, of course, and it’s a lot of money- I’ll tell you all about it when you return.”
“When we return?” All eyes are now on Gorgoldand.

“Yes, this is important, and without sounding churlish I need to be convinced that you’re up to it- I don’t mean to be rude, but this is not going to be easy- rescue missions never are.”

Liandri looks wounded and begins “of course we’re up to it…”
Endrin and Bob murmur their agreement, while Xeolus remains silent- still withdrawn, quietly watching his shoes.

Gorgoldand holds up his hands to silence the group, “alright, alright- look I’ve a little test- I devised it myself, it’s not far away. If you’re good then it’ll take you one day to complete- if you do it in two then I’ll still send you on this mission- so don’t kill yourself trying to get it done. And don’t think that just because it’s a test there’s nothing in there that can hurt you- mess up and you’re going to find out, perhaps permanently.”

Gorgoldand looks at their expectant faces- “right then, are you all in?”

The Knights consent- Gorgoldand sends them away to gather their equipment, and to return in an hour to the Dill. 

An hour later they return, Gorgoldand hands them a map and from the step of the shop, outside in the street, points out to them a small rise in the distance, “it’s 6 miles, but it’s a pleasant walk- go to the top and look for a way down.”

The Knights each shake Gorgoldand’s hand and proffer their temporary farewells, then slip on their backpacks, and stroll off to “The Gauntlet”.

Two-and-a-half-hours later they stand on top of a low tor, Liandri looks down the rock face and spots a rope that snakes down to a dark opening, further down a small but deep looking pool of water glistens in the sun at the bottom of the cliff.

Liandri descends the rope- at the bottom he discovers a cave entrance with a set of carved stone steps leading further down into the dark- the others quickly follow without incident. 

Gorgoldand’s Gauntlet.

Inside is a large cavern, slightly chilly and damp- the Knights form up and send Liandri off to scout ahead. 

Liandri creeps into the first cavern cautiously, only just at the threshold when a huge spider descends from the ceiling onto Liandri who in shock swiftly tumbles back out of the chamber, yelping in surprise. 

The rest of the Knights arrive quickly and begin to help Liandri up, Bob waves his sword at the spider, it bounces up and down a little on what now can be seen as a thick cord- then does nothing. 

“It’s a fecking con”, Liandri explains, “leave it be.” 

They Knights head on into the empty cavern, moving around the outside of the chamber, until they are at another passage, on the far side, this they enter. Half way down Liandri- point man, discovers a circle of rope attached to the ceiling somehow with a note that’s says-

“PUT FUT HEER”

“Pelor this is easy”, Liandri states and then inches along the wall past the rope- Bob who is coming next leaps over the rope and lands on squarely on the far side-

“THUMP-SCRAPE-THUD.”

The floor suddenly gives way- Bob however grasps the side and arrests his fall, “get me out, get me out.” 

Endrin rushes to help, and at the same time three or four tiny creatures, no more than a foot tall, appear from the cavern ahead. They throw tiny javelins at Liandri who is overseeing the Bob lifting operation. Several of the javelins pierce his cloak but none pass through his armour, “what the…”
He spots the little guys who are retreating, further into the cave, gesticulating and shouting all the while-

“Up yours longshanks.”
“You’re so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece.”
“You blow goats.”

“What…”

Liandri pegs it down the cavern passage chasing the little ‘uns, and out into the next cavern, which from the air moment is much larger. As the chase unfolds the other Knights cautiously cross the pit. 

Ahead of Liandri the little guys leap into the air and seemingly fall forward out of sight…

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.”

“What now?” Endrin looks at Bob, who shrugs in reply, the Knights head off to find out what new thing has befallen Liandri.

The other Knights arrive to find Liandri suspended from hundreds of fishhooks (on fishing wire) which cover the ceiling-

“”OW. feckin’ rhubarb munching, ARRRGH, dog dirt eatin’, OOOOOOO, pansy painting- good fer nuthin, OH OH OH OWWWWWW, when I get you, AAAARRRGGGHHHH GET ME OUT, GET ME OUT, GET ME OUT, I WANT TO GO HOME, I WANT A CUP OF TEA, AND A SANDWICH, I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE, I’M SICK OF GOING FIRST- WHY DON’T YOU GO FIRST? WHY’S IT ALWAYS ME? WHY? WHY ME? WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHAT’S HE FOR? (points at Xeolus), WHAT DOES HE DO? WHY? (Sob) I want to go home…”

Liandri begins to grizzle.

The Knights- well Bob & Endrin move forward to help Liandri out, when-

“PHUT”
“AGGH... AGGH… AGGH”

A very small dart protrudes from Liandri’s arse…

“That’s all I nee…”

Liandri begins to fall (asleep) but is caught, and held up by Bob, Endrin begins to cut through the myriad of fishing wires with hooks that pin-prick Liandri’s face, several more darts whiz by.

Xeolus steps past the struggling threesome crouched low to the ground- he steps up to the edge of a chasm and espies on the far side a large plumed helmet from which a small pipe extends. He waves his hands frantically while speaking in tongues-

“Itchy Moto Sacamoto Annus Horribilis Kingfisher Glass
Conjure me a badger to bite on his ass…”

The Celestial Badger burrows up underneath the helmet- from which surprised screams issue. The darts stop coming- the little ‘uns swiftly killed.

“That’s what I do.” Xeolus states but Liandri is having none of it- he’s out for the count, the Knights retreat to the first chamber, light a fire, sing a song and make inroads into their cheese and piccalilli.

“Didn’t wagon wheels used to be bigger?”
“Yeff.”
“What yoghurt’s that?”
“Ski.”

Apres-Ski.

The Knights move round the outside of the chamber, as before, and use their torches to burn away the wires with their “nasty” fishhooks- they then move to the edge of the chasm which bisects the room.

Twenty feet below is cool clear water, in between Liandri spots more fishing lines leading to tiny holes in the far cliff- death slides for the “fecking little squeakers”- he burns away the one’s he can reach.

Liandri begins the climb across the chasm, with Xeolus following behind- the two are half-way across when Bob and Endrin standing watch spot a large shadow moving beneath the water. Seconds later the water erupts as a huge Aquatic Ogre breaks the surface and begins climbing up the chasm wall. Liandri makes it over to the far side, Xeolus however, who’s been struggling to get across, jumps back the way he came. Bob and Endrin draw weapons and the Ogre leaps the last six feet to join the fight- the two barely scratch the thing while it delivers a mighty blow to Endrin, his arm goes numb and hangs limply by his side. 

“Hellllp.”

Xeolus to the rescue, he executes a two-footed flying-kick and knocks the Ogre off the ledge and back down the twenty-foot chasm into the water, the unfortunate side effect is that Xeolus follows the creature down. 

“Hieroneo…Oh.”

Bob and Endrin share a glance and then leap off the edge into the chasm- underwater the fight is much more difficult for the characters, the Ogre is swiping at Xeolus when the other two arrive. The creature is eventually destroyed, with the Knights concentrating their efforts on moving inside the Ogres spear range and grabbing onto the creature to use their daggers to stab the thing to death.

Before they climb out they do a bit of exploring and eventually turn up a loose cache of silver and gold, behind a rock, which they ferry to the top. 

Liandri takes a good hard Licking

Endrin heals himself and the Knights swiftly move over the chasm and into the next chamber without further incident- the new area is bisected by a wooden palisade wall, which is however, only five feet tall.

Xeolus and Liandri shin up and take a look over, the two are having a nosy about-

“There’s a door… it’s got some writing on it.”
“What’s in the compound?” Shouts Bob.
“Nothing as far as I can see… oh hang on there’s a shelf thing this side- I can hear something moving about underneath it.”
“Be careful.”

Xeolus leans over to take a look with Liandri watching him… “UUUaaarrgggh.” Xeolus leaps back nearly tumbling from the wall.

“What is it?” Bob shouts again.
Liandri meanwhile jumps down into the compound- a medium sized Insect-cum-Armadillo creature rushes out to greet him- he begins to back off but the creature advances till it is upon him- it’s snaking tongue licking at his belt and around his private parts.

“Help. Help. I’m being licked, it’s licking me- help me… I don’t know what to do.”

Bob fed up of being out of things gets Endrin to give him a leg up and tumbles over the wall- another creature (the one Xeolus saw) leaps down from the wall and rushes over to greet him also. Xeolus observes the scene, Endrin manages to climb up to watch also.

“What’s it say on the door.” Xeolus shouts.

Liandri’s pants fall down and the first creature sniffs the air and espies Bob- it rushes over to greet him also.

“Stop. Stop now- you’re tickling.”

Liandri picks up his trousers and examines his belt, what’s left of it crumbles as he grasps it- “Oh feck- Gorgoldand you BASTAAAAAAARD.”

Endrin and Xeolus atop the wall begin to laugh, “Rust Monsters- so that’s what they look like”, Endrin states. 

“What monsters?” Bob shouts as he begins to notice the edge of his Chainmail shirt redden and crumble- he pushes past the creatures and barrels over the wall. 

Xeolus in the meantime stands up and removes his robes- “tackle out” naked, he then climbs down into the compound- Liandri retreats back to the wall- and Bob under Endrins instruction throws the rest of his Chain Shirt over the wall- the Rust Monsters converge upon it to feast.

A matter of thirty seconds later Xeolus has opened the door with the writing on-

“Spelled front to back, it’s a person’s name
Or a protective guard, for certain.
Spelled back to front, it’s what you do
With a bow, blank page, or curtain.”

He spells out “WARD” on four raised wooden dials and the door clicks open.

The rest of the Knights grab their kit and peg it into the next room before the Rust Monsters finish their meal and decide they’re still hungry, Liandri fashions a belt from rope and Bob pines for his armour.

Entering the next area the group discovers a long room with a distinctive black & white tiled floor- a voice speaks to them “many of the squares ahead are trapped,” it says. “I will not tell you where the traps are located, but as you stand upon each square I will tell you how many of the adjacent squares are trapped.”

There follows a massive game of minesweeper which goes swimmingly all four of them on the board working their way to the exit- when they get close a bunch of the little “squeakers” appear and start to throw spears at them. While off putting this is no real hardship- the Knights hold their ground and draw missile weapons- two of the creatures are shot and killed. A third makes a complete fool of himself by overrunning his spear throw and stepping on the square by the exit- there is a bright blue flash and the creatures smoking body falls to the floor.

“Er… don’t put a foot wrong guys”, Liandri offers.

The Knights are soon through this test.

From here the Knights discover a set of stairs leading upwards each step has something written upon it-

“It seems every second or third time I step away, fate is there, without a doubt, to trap my course.”

Which if you read every third word reads-

“Every third step is a trap.”

Not that difficult you would think, what actually happens is this.

Liandri “ I take two steps up the stairs.”
DM “Ok.”
Liandri “Then I take three steps.”
DM “Ok?”
Liandri “I take three steps again.”
DM “Ok.”

And thus it continues till Liandri is at the top of the stair. This was after three of the members of the group had written the message down and spent a good five minutes pondering it- dozens of suggestions were discussed, Liandri just decided to try his luck- the others follow him up.

DM, “Could I just ask how you arrived at that solution?”
Liandri “Er… well it said two then three steps… er… and I just made the rest up.”
DM [sighs] “Fair enough, I suppose.”

The group reaches the top of the stair and the session ends- all in all they have done well, team work aplenty, with some good use of the head- other than to stop arrows (as is customary).

And so endeth the session that is numbered 20.

Next week… attack of the external invigilators.


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## Goonalan (Apr 7, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XXI.

Satyrday 11th Mork 2000

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Xeolus Male Human Monk level 1 Priest of Hieroneous level 1 (Kev. H.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 

Gorgoldand’s Gauntlet part deux.

“At the top of the stairs is darkness…”

The Knights’ torches illuminate a room with a metal door at the far end and a number of plaques on the wall, each holding a weapon along with an engraving-

A pair of Siangham (look it up I had to)
“Pa’s Hand Weapons, Gutstickers.”

A Metal Gauntlet
“Pa’s Gauntlet, Fist of Pain.”

A Falchion
“Pa’s sword, islet’s laughter.”

After cautiously (checking for traps etc.) taking the weapons down and distributing them the Knights head over to the door- where a mouth appears and asks-

“Not without the password you don’t. What’s the password?”

A bit of head scratching commences until Xeolus begins to smile and chuckle to himself- he’s a lot happier these days it seems.

Xeolus approaches the door and says-

“Password is let slaughter.”

The door swings open revealing a corridor beyond- Xeolus smirks at the other Knights and strides through- Endrin in the meantime casts Detect Magic and discovers each of the weapons to be magical- the group is overjoyed with their find.

The group enters a large chamber- lit this time by torches, there are four stationary skeletons in the room and a mirror with some writing on it, all on the far wall- cautiously the group creep in.

Xeolus, holy symbol in hand approaches the skeletons- 

“Begone foul demons of the nether world, back whence you came, never to ret… oh there made of wood or something.”

Endrin and Bob move to the centre of the chamber and Liandri goes over to the mirror.

“There not real skeletons, they’re carved of something- what does the mirror say?”
“Tirianisportius- whatever that is, I’m just gonna check it for traps.”

The moment Liandri touches the mirror the four skeletons take a step forward, while from the entrance to the room a crashing sound is heard- a portcullis falls, preventing retreat.

The first skeleton slams Xeolus’ holy symbol out of his hand- the group draw weapons and leap into combat. Once again they have trouble as they are all using bladed weapons (except Xeolus with the Magical Metal Gauntlet). The skeletons are incredibly hard many of the Knights’ blows seem to cause little or no damage- it takes a while but in the end they are victorious.

However, their wounds are such that it is necessary to use the last of Xeolus’ and Endrin’s cure spells. They return to the problem of the mirror-

“Try it without the “I’s”, the Skeletons don’t have eyes…” Xeolus once again comes up with the goods.

“Transportus”, Liandri shouts at the mirror.

The surface of the mirror swirls and beyond is an image of an identical room to the one in which they stand except for the pile of treasure at the centre- Liandri rubs his hands together and steps through the portal, the others follow.

In the mirror room they cautiously approach the pile of treasure in the centre of the chamber- each individually calculating there new found worth. When Xeolus and Liandri are within five feet a single coin (gold) picks itself up and lazily wheels itself towards the centre of the room- then another and then another. Soon gems, jewellery and the other items in the pile are coalescing- growing into an amorphous figure made from the treasure. The Knights look on, unsure as to how to react-

“What’s that?”
“Dunno.”
“D’you reckon it’ll hurt.”
The group turn to stare at the DM.
“Look at ‘im, he’s smiling- bound to be bad for us health.”
“Come on… Come on, let’s get on with it.”

The amorphous blob begins to bulge and form into the shape of a dragon- a Coin Dragon, it slaps it’s tail once making a loud jingling sound, dislodging a few coins, and then flexes it’s wings.

“Not bad.”
The group turn to nod their appreciation to the DM.

The Dragon in the meantime launches a barrage of coins and gems at Liandri and Endrin- Liandri dodges but Endrin is hit ruining his spell. He also notes how the coins expelled (the dragon’s breath weapon) immediately gather themselves up and head back to the dragon, it’s as if the creature is healing itself. Xeolus attacks with the Magic Gauntlet, Liandri & Endrin each with a Magic Siangham and Bob with the Magic Falchion. The fight is difficult the creature is hit a number of times but does a fair amount of damage back- however the outcome is not in question- the four Knights are able to surround the creature and batter it into submission. Eventually it crashes to the ground spilling its contents over the whole of the room- noticeably its spine an engraved longsword.

The Knights look at each other and then leap to the floor scrabbling around for gems, jewels and whatever is around- they stuff there pockets and packs. Note they decide to leave the Longsword there- not wanting to disturb it a second time as they’re all on low hit points. After giving the rest of the room a cursory search, in which they discover some nice leather bound journals, which are inscribed on the cover with the words-

“The Tales of The Wednesday Knights.”

Which makes them all smile. They then head back through the mirror and in the room beyond set up camp for the night- they have no spells left and are all low on hit points, guard duty is decided and the buggers get some much needed rest. 
 The attack of the External Invigilators.

Sunday 12th Mork 2000.

The next day, healed up to full, the Knights head off out of The Gauntlet- the only thing of note is their momentary return to naturalism (they all get naked) to shoo away the Rust Monsters, with one of the little creatures getting killed in the process.

Armour on they climb back out into the first light of morning and begin to get their bearings, as they do so a loud shout is heard from the bushes approximately 60 or so feet away.

“Cluckin’ ‘ell it’s ‘em. Kufo… Kufo.”

A large Half-Orc rushes into the clearing followed by a human in simple robes, the party also spots a number of creatures (two) hiding in the bushes, possibly creeping closer.

The Half-Orc slows to a walk and unsheathes a huge Greatsword as he does so- he points it at Liandri…

“You die, fecking Elf.” <SPITS>    
“Kufo…”, Liandri stammers.
“You know this feck?” Bob asks.
“Remember I said that I lived with some bandits in the Amberdale Forest a while back, this… feck, was the self-appointed leader of our group.”

Kufo rocks back on his heels and smiles, the robed figure takes a fighting stance and stares directly at Xeolus who throws down his weapon and does likewise, both awaiting the signal to go at it Karate Kid style.

“What was he like?” Bob continues.
“As thick as pig-poo, a right dick.”

Kufo’s smile disappears, “Now you die.” With that the Half-Orc begins screaming (raging) where he stands and then rushes at Liandri with his Greatsword. The Monks rush at each other all arms, legs, fists, knees, heads and elbows; Endrin and Bob meanwhile reach for their bows and return fire at the two hiding in the bushes.

Xeolus delivers a beautifully executed kick to his opponents’ ribs- there is a crunching sound the Monk’s breath becomes ragged. He receives a smack in the jaw back as his opponent attempts a “flurry of blows”, however the fight is soon over when Xeolus grapples his opponent and in the same move delivers a heavy blow to the guys temple- the Monks head snaps back and he goes limp.

Meanwhile Liandri is hit by a dagger thrown by Kufo, Liandri draws his longsword and charges in delivering a vicious hit. In the next moment he is struck back and slashed across the chest and neck reducing part of his armour to peek-a-boo style.

In the background the firefight is fairly short and sweet, the two in the bushes miss with their initial volley- however Bob & Endrin are much better shots. The first creature, a female human in leathers, is struck in the arm by Endrin and drops her crossbow and scarpers. The second, a male dwarf, also in leathers is hit in the chest by Bob and begins to back off protecting his partners retreat- this however does not last. Before he can reload and fire he is caught in the throat and falls to the floor screaming and kicking, where he soon expires.

Back at the main to-do Kufo is a whirling dervish, however Liandri is small and nippy (like a little crab)- the Half-Orc fails to connect, Liandri on the other hand strikes thrice and the stumbling Half-Orc finally goes to visit whatever Deity he pays lip service to. Liandri kicks the creature spits on him and then robs him of every penny he has- there’s nothing like justice Liandri style. 

While Xeolus protests, and is cut short by a sneer, he decapitates the creature and shoves Kufo’s head in a sack, to collect the reward later. He knows there’s a reward as Kufo carries a copy of his own wanted poster.

After a bit of healing the group piss off sharpish back to Fiddle, where they meet up with Gorgoldand.

The above was taken from “Gorgoladand’s Gauntlet” from Dungeon magazine- I think if you look about there’s also a copy of it somewhere on the web. All in all it’s a cracking little scenario, oh and if you’re playing D20 D&D and not subscribing to Dungeon magazine then shame on you.. rectify the situation immediately.
 Here We Go… Pre-Ramble.

Later the same day the group are de-briefed (er… perhaps not the correct term) by Gorgoldand- who then goes on to talk about their new quest. It’s also worth noting at this point that the Magic weapons they found (Gauntlet, Falchion etc.) have disappeared- and when they tell Gorgoldand that they left the longsword from the Coin Dragon in the dungeon he just looks at them and shakes his head.

The Knights are told about the Hucrele family and their importance locally, they are given a brief descriptions of Talgon and Sharwyn, the missing son and daughter, and are told that there were others present in their adventuring group. They hear a little about “The Sunless Citadel”, the missing groups last known location. This done they are told of the great rewards that can be theirs-

Return of Sharwyn/Talgon	alive $1,250 for each (Hucrele’s)
Complete mapping of area	$2,500 (Gorgoldand)

Gorgoldand sees that they are equipped for the road and lends them swift steeds, with that they are off to Oakhurst-two and a half days travel, and the home of the Hucrele’s.

Next week… Into The Sunless Citadel.

And so endeth session 21.


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## Goonalan (Apr 7, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XXII.

Chewsday 14th Mork 2000

The Pre-Ramble continues.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Xeolus Male Human Monk level 1 Priest of Hieroneous level 1 (Kev. H.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter level 1 (Erin)

The Knights arrive in Oakhurst and do the rounds, looking for clues before they set of to the Sunless Citadel itself. They spend the remainder of the day going around town where they learn that the Hucrele group set off to the Citadel a little over two weeks ago. There were four adventurers in the group- Sharwyn & Talgon Hucrele, Sir Bradford (a Paladin- Endrin nods his head sagely) and a local Ranger called Karakis. They also discover that there are small rewards for the safe return of the other two. Further investigation reveals that there are Goblins at/in the Sunless Citadel, and that each year they sell a fruit (a ruby-red apple) to the highest bidder. Bob learns that a few farmers have paid for seeds from the plant in an attempt to grow their own- only the saplings that grow from the seeds are always stolen. The Fruit is extremely valuable as it is supposed to cure all ailments- although none have seen it do so. Bob also learns that the farmers about no longer allow their cattle to graze near the Citadel as a number of them have been attacked and wounded or killed, with long jagged claw marks on their bodies.

With all the new information pooled and after stocking up with two weeks worth of food each, healing potions and plenty of other equipment they head off. The last stop the Hucrele household where the lady of the house bids them a teary farewell and makes them promise to return with her children.
 Into the Abyss (the shallow end with armbands).

Woodnesday 15th Mork 2000.

The three hour journey up the Old Road to the Citadel passes without a hitch, once there the group search around the old ruins and discovers a crevasse with a rope hanging over the edge. A little more searching reveals the remains of several old campfires and some graffiti in a language they cannot read (Goblin). Eventually Endrin secures a fresh rope to an immovable object (fingers crossed) and Liandri climbs down to a ledge some thirty or so feet below.

“What’s it like?”
“It’s like a ledge.”
“Oh. Anything there?”
“Some steps going down, a pile of rubble and stuff… oh and a huge rat.”
“A what? A hat?”
…
“Liandri… Liandri… LIANDRI, WHAT SORT OF HAT?”

The Dire Rat leaps out of the rubble and Liandri swats it away- killing it instantly, he is about to respond to Endrin’s calls when another Dire Rat appears- the fight lasts a further 10 seconds.

“No, A RAT. R-A-T.”

Endrin- reacts, “Pelor he’s in trouble.”

Endrin and Xeolus climb down the rope in double quick time only to discover the ledge is empty no sign of Liandri,

“He… He’s gone.”
“Probably went over the ledge- look he killed two of them, bastard rats.”
Xeolus kicks a dead rat over the ledge- it disappears into the darkness.

“He was… so… young.”
“Actually he was over a hundred.”
“Oh. Ok.”
The two look at each other and smile wanly before Endrin tries again.
“He… was… a good… person… at heart… deep down… y’know… inside… probably.”
“Mmm.”

“Who was?” Liandri sneaks up behind the two peering over the side, they both jump in surprise.
“What THE feck, you bastard- you did that on purpose.”
“What?”
Xeolus shakes his head and moves back to hold the rope, “you’re cruel Liandri- we thought you’d gone over the edge.”
“Where have you been fecker?”
“I was keeping hidden and staying silent- I’ve been down the steps, you should see it there’s a feck off big castle down there.”
“Well why the feck didn’t you tell us that you were hiding and creeping about- you scared the poo out of me… I mean Xeolus, (whispers) he was terrified.”
“You want me to shout you to tell you that I’m hiding and moving silently?”
“Always. Now let’s not say any more about it… especially that bit about Xeolus being terrified, y’know what he’s like- it’s his nerves.”
“I don’t know about his nerves, he gets on my fecking nerves.”

“Endrin. Bob and Whirlwind still haven’t climbed down. D’you want me to go and get them”, Xeolus asks peering upwards into the light.
“No, no need I’ll take care of it. YOU TWO STOP EFFING ABOUT AND GET YOUR ARSES DOWN HERE- NOW.”

Back on the surface Bob and Whirlwind are momentarily surprised when two pieces of vegetation come alive and attempt to tumble them into the chasm- they’re fighting with their backs to the drop.

The creatures are only three or so feet high but are proving resilient- well for about twenty seconds anyway, Whirlwind takes a cut but there are no other mishaps, the two head down the rope.

“Fecking keep up Bob, will ya’.”

The group march down the stairs, the Citadel slowly reveals itself to them as they head down a good 80 feet. At the bottom, the stairs end in a courtyard that was obviously once the top of some battlements- the entire area (and that beyond the battlements) is full of loose stone and rock- treacherous footing. Liandri leads the way but even he finds the going tough, several of the other members of the group are reduced to crawling on all fours, which becomes a problem when another couple of Dire Rats appear, they however are soon despatched. Liandri espies an almost clear section and heads for it.

“THHwwokThud”

The trapdoor/pit opens and Liandri falls within, inside waiting for him- gnawing on an old bone, is another Dire Rat. Liandri experiences a moment of déjà vu before wading into the creature. The others make their way over to watch.

“I’ve never seen an Elven Pit Fighter before.”
“Liandri, you should’a been born a Dwarf.”

They eventually get him out and head through the door into the Citadel itself.

 Into the Citadel.

The first room is a circular chamber, a hollowed out tower with all the above floors collapsed, within the room are the dead bodies of four goblins. The group checks the bodies and then discovers some runes written in Draconic on the wall “Ashardalon”, Endrin writes it down just in case.

Liandri not content with the two possible exits finds a secret door on the southern wall-

“Oww.”
“What’s up?”
“I was trying to find a way to open this door here when…”
Liandri holds his hand up to show the needle sticking out of the palm of his hand… “I think I’m going to…”, the Elf goes all woozy and sits down abruptly.

“I’ve been poisoned… I’m… dying.”
Liandri begins to suck out the venom. Actually what happened is he rolled a “1” on his disable traps and is convinced he’s on the way out- in the meantime the door begins to slowly open- pushing from the other side are three skeletons that leap to attack.

Liandri continues to roll around on the floor bemoaning his fate, “I feel all weak”, and, “Oh there’s a tunnel of light- help me Correllan.”

During this time the intrepid explorers batter heck out of the skeletons, which is once again not as easy as it sounds with no bludgeoning weapons to hand. I can’t remember how many times I’ve pointed this out to them but hey-ho, what can you do with them- I ask you.

The fight over Xeolus goes over and casts Detect Poison on Liandri only to discover that the Elf is not poisoned.

“Oh, so I’m not dying?”
“No.”
“So I should probably get up off the floor and stop rolling around making an arse of myself.”
“Yep.”

Liandri gets up and dusts himself down. Xeolus in the meantime wanders off through the north door into a corridor. Half way down he throws open a door on the right hand side and discovers a group of Kobolds who react by attacking him with spears.

“You guys, a little help please.”  

The rest of the group comes rushing down the corridor- Xeolus has gone all Chop-Socky and is doing ok when Bob wades in, the fight is soon over- three dead Kobolds. Meanwhile there is another door further down the corridor and a more intricate stone door opposite the Kobold chamber. 

Xeolus comes out of the room and heads down to the far door, Endrin and Whirlwind rush to catch him up, meanwhile Liandri, with Bob for support, takes a look at the stone door. The party is effectively split into two groups, Liandri & Bob open the stone door to reveal a barrel with a number of pipes leading from it- Liandri tries to wrench the top (a sort of bung) off.

“Why are you doing that Liandri?”
“What?”
“Breaking it open?”
“D’uh- that’s what I do, I’m a bit dodgy, a bit wheeee. I’m a geezer- I nick stuff- that’s what I do. Now you stand there and look hard and tell me if anyone comes along that’s not us. Kushtee.”
Bob nods and scans the corridor, at the far end Xeolus, Endrin and Whirlwind open the door into a much larger room.

Inside of the new chamber are a bent and buckled cage, a fire pit (no fire lit), a few benches and things, and what looks to be a very small Kobold on the floor making sobbing noises.

Xeolus approaches the Kobold and lifts him up with one hand-

“Meepo?”
“What’s he saying?”
“I dunno.”
“Bad Meepo, bad… bad… Meepo.”
The quivering Kobold slaps himself in the face- full force.
“Dragon gone… bad Meepo… bad.”
“What did he just say”
There are a large number of doors and exits to this room- Endrin after discovering an icy patch on the floor (the hard way), opens one; several more Kobolds armed with spears lurch towards him- he slams the door shut.

“Feck…”

And from back down the corridor with Liandri and Bob-

“…ing Hell.” 

The bung pops out of the barrel and a small (18 inches tall) translucent blue-ish watery figure squeezes out of the hole- it grins at Liandri.

“You’ve gotta see this Bob.”

The creature unfurls fragile looking wings that also seem to be made of water and flaps them once or twice until they are a buzz and the creature hovers in the air. Bob reaches out slowly to pet the creature, whilst saying in a loud dumb voice “we mean you no harm.”

The creature lifts one leg and produces a strange sound-

“BrrBlobblboblobblllobllbbbbol.”

Kinda like the noise when you fart in the bath- a thin gas like steam fills the area- Liandri and Bob begin to choke (Stinking Cloud spell).

“Feck me what’s he been eating?”
“I don’t know just get him.”

The creature flies off down the corridor towards the other party members, now getting friendly with a whole host of Kobolds, then switches back over the heads of Liandri and Bob, who are just beginning to breath easy. As it does so it showers them with a spray of stinging acid- Bob and Liandri’s faces begin to blister. The creature heads along the corridor and out into the tower and upwards, Bob manages to squeeze off an arrow shot that wings the creature before it disappears out of sight.

Liandri goes back to kicking the crap out of the barrel, while Bob heads for the Kobold fight. 

Meanwhile back with the others.
“Kobolds.”
“Where?”
“Here.” Xeolus holds Meepo up.
“No I meant behind this door.”
“And there.”

Endrin looks to where Whirlwind is pointing another door is slightly ajar with a Kobold looking out into the room, another of the creatures is attempting to creep by- out of a different exit. Whirlwind rushes over and slays the thing- he then heads over to the door, which has been slammed shut by now, and kicks the thing open. As he does so an arrow is fired from above the door and slams into the floor just behind him. 

“Right that does it.”

Endrin holds the other door shut he can hear and feel the Kobolds trying to break out- Whirlwind returns twenty seconds later, “all dead”, he then bows.

Xeolus meanwhile has a plan, he address’ Meepo-

“Listen I’m going to let you go, I will not harm you but you need to go in there and talk to them- I want to speak to whoever’s in charge here. Do you understand- on my word I will not harm you.”
“Yusdrayl big Queen.” Meepo replies and then nods.
“Right Endrin open the door, you [to Meepo] tell them you’re coming in.”

Meepo begins to yammer in Draconic while Xeolus throws him into the room one handed.

It is at this point that a small blue translucent watery type creature flies into the room and then out again- alas no one is looking in the right direction to see it.

After about thirty seconds Endrin, with his ear pressed to the door, begins to hear someone taking a pounding- it sounds like it’s Meepo. He opens the door and looks in, Meepo (the go-between Kobold) is taking a beating from his own side, it seems he’s not the most popular of Kobolds.

“Right that’s it, you’ve had your chance- I’ve tried to sort this out amicably- but oh no, not you lot- it starts with pushing and then someone says something about someone else’s mother…”
“Kaarrggh Deerst Fhar…”
“That’s as maybe, but it solves nothing… do you think I like doing this, do you?”
“…”
“Well?”
There are four Kobolds standing looking at each other, Meepo lies on the floor- where the others dropped him, they are all taking it in turns to stare at the red in the face Endrin who’s shouting at them. 
“Well I don’t. I’ve had a hard day- I’ve been attacked by Skeletons and Dire Rats and the like and we’ve only just started- Pelor knows what lies ahead.”

Endrin looks exasperated Whirlwind and Bob have crept into the room to listen to this.
“So you are all my prisoners, what I say goes- do you understand? Nod your heads.”
Meepo says something and the Kobolds nod enthusiastically.
“Right, good… I’m glad we’ve got that straightened out… now take me to your leader.”
Meepo nods enthusiastically once more, “Yusdrayl”, the other Kobolds nod and for the first time begin to smile…

Yusdrayl the Kobold Queen.

The Knights are led down smoky corridors to an even larger and much smokier throne room- sitting on a makeshift throne is Yusdrayl the Kobold Queen. She is flanked by eight or so Kobolds, another two dozen have wandered into the chamber to see what the fuss is about- news of the Wednesday Knights arrival has spread fast.

The Knights notice that behind the throne is a large altar shaped like a dragon- the dragons mouth is open and a key is held within its jaws, also on the altar is a smattering of strange, and therefore interesting, items.

“I am Yusdrayl… Kobold Queen, I rule here, kneel before me.”
Endrin looks at the others, he sort of nods and the others follow suit, “er… majesty.”

“Why have you entered my domain… land of the mighty Kobold warriors… home to…”
“Can I cut you short there, only we haven’t really got time for all this- look we’re after some other humans they came in here about two weeks ago- four of them a bird and three fellers- seen ‘em?”
“I have seen the four you speak of, they were indeed here many moons ago, they killed Burt and Fat Alec, no loss really, and then headed off into Goblin territory… the bastards.”
The other Kobolds boo and hiss at the mention of the Goblins.
“Goblins you say- where are they at, and are there many of them?”
“The vile Goblins are our sworn enemies, they are coarse and vile and not refined and civilised like wot we are.”
“Dragon, Dragon majesty”, Meepo shouts.
Yusdrayl nods at one of her guards who wanders over to Meepo and punches him in the nose.
“Dank you dadjesty.” Meepo shuts up.
“Ah yes the Dragon- our dragon ‘Cornflakes’ has been taken from us by the vile, uncivilised, ruffian…
“Cut to the chase.”
“…Goblins, and we wish for you to go unto the Goblin legions and smite them like they’ve never been smite’ed before.”
“Now that sounds more like it… and you say that these Goblins have also got the four humans we are in search of- doesn’t sound too bad.”
Endrin looks at the others who all murmur approval and nod their heads.
“All we’ve got to do now is sort out our recovery fee…”
Yusdrayl looks non-plussed for a while, “fee, what is fee?”
“Well, let’s see you’ve got your basic recovery mission that’ll be… say a hundred dollars, then there’s the fact that it’s a dragon- dangerous animals you see, not cheap- all adds up, another hundred lets say. Then there’s the wear and tear on equipment, a small charge for any spells and/or magic items that we use, then obviously there’s the insurance money- I think it would be safe to say that I can tick the box for hostile environment. All told… we’ll do it for a pony.”
“A pony- a small horse?”
“$500 to you… your maj.”
“Yusdrayl does not bargain with human scum…”
“Steady.”
There follows a mutual drawing of swords, the odds are stacked in favour of the Kobolds but many of them work out quickly that there are bound to be many casualties. The moment passes.
“There are a number of items atop the altar behind me including this magical key which cannot be removed from the Dragons mouth save by one blessed by the Dragons- only I may remove it. I will allow you take one item from our treasures if you succeed in retrieving our dragon ‘Cornflakes’, another item may be yours if you kill many Goblins. Do we have a deal.”
Liandri mooches over to the altar to get a better look, a number of the Kobold guards try to keep him at a distance.
“Dunno, there’s not much here.”
“Oh feck it- we’re going that way anyway, what harm can it do?”
“Well human scum?”
“I’ve fecking told you about that, any more and you’ll get a slap… ok we’ll do it, and we’ll take this one- ‘Meepo’ to show us the way.”
Several of the other Kobolds brighten up at the thought of Meepo going away for a bit- as does Meepo himself.
“Very well and so be it and that, you shall take Meepo and venture into the vile and spiteful and nasty and rude Goblin lair and make the meat of mince out of them. And you will return to us our beautiful and lovely dragon, that is Cornflakes- and you shall be rewarded with great and lovely and great again treasures- for I Yusdrayl Queen of all Kobolds have spoken and thus it is written, word up.”
“Ok.”
“Oh and watch for the one that they call Meepo for he is small and annoying and as you humans say… crap.”  
“er… Ok, we’re going now- be back soon.”

The Knights alternately wave and push through the Kobold guards- kicking Meepo out in front of them, “which way Meepo?”

“Oh were going to get our Dragon,
We’re going to get our Dragon,
A Dragon, a Dragon,
We’re going to get our Dragon,
Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes,
Were going to get our Dragon…”

And a small voice in the distance, “… I warned you.”

And so endeth session 22.

Next week… When is a rat not a rat? When it’s a shield, eh?

Oh and we’ve a new player Erin, who’s playing Whirlwind until she rolls up a character of her own- say hello Erin, “hello Erin”, now play nicely.


----------



## robberbaron (Apr 7, 2004)

Welcome back and good story.

I missed your little merry (sometimes) band.


----------



## Goonalan (Apr 7, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XXIII.

Woodnesday 15th Mork 2000

Dragon Hunt episode 1- the way of the Exploding Fountain.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Xeolus Male Human Monk level 1 Priest of Hieroneous level 1 (Kev. H.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter level 1 (Erin)

The Knights follow Meepo back into the chamber they originally encountered him, and from there take a different exit- a corridor to a door.

“Shh. Goblins bad people… hitting them… bam… bam… much soon… creepy creepy.”

Liandri pushes to the front and gives the door the once over.

“Looks pretty safe, best not take any chances though…”, Liandri nods at Meepo.
“I get ya.” Endrin nods and draws Meepo aside.

“Look you know this place well, so we’re following you from here on- it’s important that you guide us well Meepo, the safety of… what was it called… Weetabix?”
“Cornflakes.”
“Sorry, Cornflakes depends upon you… so just nip over there and open the door would you- we’ll be at the side here ready should anything happen.”
“Oh Ok.”

Meepo opens the door, nothing happens.
“Room.” Meepo points at the room beyond.

Bob enters first, he discovers some tracks heading North, human tracks and maybe some other Goblins… oh and plenty of rats. The Knights head on through to a room with a large dusty old fountain on the East wall and a door on the West wall the passageway continues North- the tracks continue in that direction.

The group first head over to the door, it is carved with skeletal dragons, written above it in Draconic it says, “Channel good, open the way.”

Xeolus barges to the front and presents his Holy Symbol of Hieroneous and begins to mutter a prayer, there is a click and the door swings open. The group share out the lit torches and walk inside. 

There are nine in all dusty sarcophagi leant against the walls- each carved with an elf-like figure, at the far end of the room is an altar with some stuff on it including a lit candle.

Xeolus goes over and starts picking through the stuff on the altar while Endrin and Liandri begin to open a sarcophagus each- the Skeleton within aid them in their endeavour. Soon all nine of the sarcophagi are open and the group is fighting tooth and nail with the creatures. Xeolus leaps up on the altar and begins to brandish his Holy Symbol- shouting a prayer this time. It has no effect.

Instead Xeolus jumps down kicking the head off one of the Skeletons in the process, he then wades into the combat attacking with his hand-to-hand skills. The fight, once again, is made more difficult by the group’s lack of bludgeoning weapons- have I sad that before, I think I have.

Eventually, however, the Skeletons are destroyed and the room is rifled. The sarcophagi are empty but Liandri, Endrin and Whirlwind discover a secret compartment behind the altar and pocket some gems. Xeolus in the meanwhile has grabbed a whistle/small flute shaped object from the altar and is examining it, it seems to be made of glass but is as hard as steel. Curiosity gets the better of him and he blows it- nothing happens, or at least nothing discernible- not even a noise.

Whirlwind has discovered that the candle will not go out and also burns without heat- he sets about attaching the thing to his helm, although it sheds only a weak light. Endrin grabs the potion vial on the altar and the group head back out into the room with the fountain, Meepo patiently sits on the floor humming the dragon song and clapping his hands every now and then.

Whirlwind heads over to the fountain with Liandri and Endrin in tow the others watch the exits. Once again they discover Draconic script, it reads “Nainarya”, translated- “let there be fire.”

A brief discussion follows-

“You’re up.” Endrin nods at Whirlwind.
“Why me?” Whirlwind looks hurt.
“Last in, first out.”
Endrin and Liandri stand about ten feet away and observe Whirlwind, every now and then giving encouragement.
“Oh… oh… oh… careful… careful.”
“C’mon Whirlwind… don’t die.”

Whirlwind creeps forward, a lit torch in hand, to the very edge of the fountain- and says the word in Draconic. There is a sudden drip, drip as a reddish brown liquid pours from the fountain- the flow increases until quite a puddle forms. Whirlwind puts his torch close to the liquid to better illuminate it…

BOOOOOOOOOM

Amidst the rubble and choking dust several figures stir-

“<Cough> What was that?”
“…”
“Hang on I can’t hear me.”
“What?”
“What- I can’t hear me… or you?”
“What?”
“What?”
“<Cough> he’d better be dead, the fecker.”

DM note the fountain produced several potions of Fiery Breath- Whirlwind applied heat- presto, as they say in the Magic Circle. 

One third of the room has been shaken badly by the explosion, the fountain is no more and bits of the ceiling have also finally seen sense and obeyed gravity.

Three dusty figures pick themselves out of the wreckage- Liandri, Endrin and Whirlwind all at least temporarily deaf and much the worse for wear, except Liandri who amazingly avoids all damage. As Simon Le Bon was fond of saying “the Reflex... fle… fle… fle… flex.”

A general healing session is called and the Knights rest up except for Xeolus who is beginning to look nervous- he wants action. Eventually after sandwiches and juice the group head down the northern corridor, in the direction of the human tracks, as discerned by Bob. Down the corridor they discover a number of Dire Rats- they begin to fight their way through. Except for Liandri that is, who instead sneaks into the various rats nests as they are flushed out to rob all valuable items before the rest of the group get a look in- and while they are otherwise engaged, obviously. 

Xeolus who once again is not getting a look in tells Bob he’s off and wanders back to a door the group discovered but did not investigate at the very start of the corridor they are traversing. He enters a lightless featureless empty chamber with a door on the North wall- he lights a torch and checks the room thoroughly, before opening the door… somewhere a bell rings.

Pressure Creeps Moving up Slowly

Ahead of Xeolus a short flight of stairs lead down, further on an opening seemingly half the size of a door way, his eyes adjust- the section ahead is lit from behind. Suddenly a Goblin head (attached to a Goblin neck, body etc.) peers over what is now discernible as a low wall. The creature shouts something, indicating there are others present.

The tension is profound, palpable- Xeolus is a coiled spring- subject to the inequities of life as a Monk Priest in a party full of Warriors and Spell Casters, it doesn’t help that he’s the only genuinely good guy there also. The dam bursts-

“AAAArrrggghhhh for Hieroneous.”

The Mad Monk leaps down the stairs-

“AAAAAArrrrrrgggggghhhhh my fecking feet.”

And discovers the caltrops liberally spread around the floor- he is then hit by a Goblin spear thrown by an amused onlooker.

“AAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Back down the rat corridor-

“What was that?” says Bob.

Liandri, Endrin and Whirlwind hear nothing Bob stands statue and listens.

“Where’s Xeolus?”
“Oh clucking hell.”

Bob hot foots it, with the others following unsure why, the 90 yards to Xeolus who has approached to five feet of the wall and is attempting to punch a Goblin who is trying to stab him with a spear.

The Knights arrive at the doorway and quickly assess the situation, as Bob is about to enter Liandri points out the caltrops on the floor- eventually Endrin and Bob wade in and mince across the hall to Xeolus. There they grab the monk between them and mince back up the stairs and slam the door shut behind them. All the while the Goblins throw spears and generally gesticulate and have a laugh at Xeolus’ expense. Once again the Knights are in need of healing- a time out is taken and Liandri uses the opportunity to lock/jam the door into the Goblin territory as best he can.

A very brief discussion follows regarding the benefits of allowing one of the Knights to wander off and go and explore on their own- a vote is taken and four to one it is decided that this should not be allowed to happen again. Some shall we say “uncomplimentary” things are said, some are left unsaid.

The Knights move off again up the Rat corridor- Liandri, Endrin & Whirlwind still slightly deaf and Xeolus moving at half-speed due to a bloody foot. Bob the only one unscathed as yet- Meepo has gone quiet, not as confident as he once was.

 Rat-a-chewie

The corridor ends in a much larger chamber there are several pits spiked open in the room- the tracks lead here, there are many more Rat tracks Bob notes, although only Xeolus hears him. On the northern wall is another fountain; on the western wall is a door slightly ajar. The group heads over to the door- Whirlwind kicks it open and a number of Dire Rats spill out to attack, the fight is joined. Bob thinks he will guarantee an easy victory by leaping over the rats into the room beyond- thereby surrounding the creatures.

This otherwise excellent plan is complicated when Bob lands in the room and is attacked by a savage looking Dire Rat some 6 feet long- Guthash the big mama rat. If this was anyone else but Bob then they’d be in trouble, not Bob- natural ‘20’ and the Giant Dire Rat is killed in 10 seconds- the rats take a little longer as more keep coming into the room from the rubble strewn area outside. However a torch is placed in the only entrance available to them from the outside and the rest of the room is thoroughly searched- the Knights make their first grisly discovery.

Hunting through the filth and stink they come across the butchered and partially eaten body of a human- eventually a gold ring on the man’s finger is discovered with the name “Karakis” etched into it. They have discovered the Ranger of the missing party- one down three to go.

After this grisly discovery Endrin goes over to the second fountain and while Whirlwind plugs his ears and crouches down low says the magic word discovered once again on the outer rim of the fountain. “Nathuine”, meaning “let there be death”, it doesn’t bode well does it- Endrin makes his next two saving throws and the colourless odourless gas dissipates.

“It doesn’t seem to be working… shame. See, nothing to be afraid of.”

They head back to Xeolus’ folly to face the Goblin menace.
 Set shields to Rat.

Later they will all say that it was just another of Xeolus’ mad ideas, returning to the Goblin problem with the caltrops on the floor and the Goblins throwing spears from behind a low wall- Xeolus has a plan.

He asks Bob to open the door briefly, while it is open he slings a deceased Dire Rat down the stairs and into the room- then another, and another. One Goblin throws a spear but Bob is too quick with the door, besides they are some distance away. Soon there are three Rat bodies on the floor, each one a little further into the room, stepping-stones. 

The other Knights then watch in amazement as Xeolus hefts the body of Guthash the huge Dire Rat in the air, and with Bob opening the door, rushes down the stairs using Guthash as a shield.

Bob looks at the others in amazement and then charges down the stairs behind Xeolus- the others shrug their shoulders and do likewise, Meepo sits on the floor and begins to cry quietly (as does the DM).

The Goblin defenders are momentarily non-plussed by the approaching spectacle- one throws a spear which hits the Guthash the other runs off, Xeolus reaches the wall, throws the Rat over, and leaps over himself. Of the four Goblins at the far end one runs away, one is captured after a Ray of Enfeeblement courtesy of Endrin, the other two are killed.

The Knights occupy this new chamber and begin the interrogation of the captured Goblin while investigating the new door they have found. Liandri sneaks through, down a short corridor, which turns back on itself into another room with a low wall and some target dummies- behind the wall Goblins are heard catching up on today’s events.

Back in the first room the party has problems interrogating the creature- they do not understand a word that he/she/it says.

And with that session 23 ends.

Next week…what d’you know, a complete feck up.


----------



## Goonalan (Apr 15, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XXIV.

Woodnesday 15th Mork 2000

Dragon Hunt episode 2- Slip Slide Away.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter level 1 (Erin)

Not present but being manipulated by others (only a bit though),
Xeolus Male Human Monk level 1 Priest of Hieroneous level 1

Liandri reaches around the corner and quietly places Eric on the floor (the Electrifying Lizard if you remember), Eric has a bit of a skitter about and comes back, none the wiser- Eric has a problem with numbers.

Eventually it is decided that Xeolus will stay with Meepo and their new-found Goblin friend, while the others will do the full frontal assault.

It works like this- Liandri creeps in behind the practice/target dummies and readies his bow; Bob likewise in the corridor does the same. The Goblin prisoners’ gag is removed and he is punched in the stomach- crying out, a number of Goblin heads pop over the wall- one is shot and killed by Liandri, Bob misses. Endrin and Whirlwind rush around the corner after being kicked into action by Bob (they’re still deaf) and leg it for the short wall, and leap over. Beyond is a small room with five more Goblins, there are two doors- one north, one west. The other Knights catch up and Liandri, once again, proves deadly. Two Goblins flee, one out of either door- the others are cut down in quick time and the area is secured.

Liandri heads through the north door into a corridor, there is another doorway opposite, while the corridor continues west. The door opposite opens and a bunch of Goblins come out (five in all), Liandri shouts and Bob rushes over- battle is joined. At the same time Endrin opens the other door on the west wall- there is an enormous chamber beyond- like the one in which Yusdrayl holds court, with smoky torches illuminating the area. Also in the chamber moving towards the door is a large number of Goblins- he slams the door shut and shouts a warning. 

Liandri and Bob make short work of four of the Goblins, the fifth flees down the corridor, westwards- they leave him be and return to the main chamber where things are kicking off again. Another force of a dozen or so Goblins is eventually repulsed, the Knights pick up a few wounds and another half-dozen Goblins lay dead. The door is slammed shut and Liandri does his best to lock the door, a hasty barricade is soon erected.

Liandri and Endrin then head back north to see where the other fleeing Goblin has got to, while the others man the barricade, the room opposite is a simple Goblin guardroom- the furniture is dragged back into the main room to pile on the barricade. They follow the corridor west to a door, alas Endrin discovers the pit trap the easy/hard way, he takes a little damage and with the help of Liandri climbs out. Liandri then checks the door beyond the pit- it is locked, while he is checking it he hears screams from the room beyond, he decides to leave the door locked- the Goblin must have had a key. The two then head back to the main room and close the door north and put another barricade against it.

The Knights move to the far side of the battlement wall- if the Goblins break in they will have to cross the wall to get to them. They soon discover another door (heavy construction and very dirty) on this side of the battlement wall- Liandri investigates and discovers it is locked- not for long.

Within is an extremely dirty chamber stinking of poo and filth, three Kobolds are chained to the wall, while in a small cage in the centre of the room is a naked female Gnome. Liandri rushes to free her and then moves on to the Kobolds.

Jerky Timbers, the female Gnome, tries to stretch after being caged for so long, while at the same time trying to save her modesty- rough clothes are soon found- Goblinoid but at least they fit. 

The Kobold prisoners accompanied by Meepo and Xeolus head back to the Yusdrayl’s chamber where families are re-united in a touching show of emotion. Xeolus against his better judgement can feel himself welling up, the big softy.

“You’ve not seen each other for, how long is it now? Well “surprise, surprise”, this production was brought to you courtesy of the Wednesday Knights.”

Xeolus and Meepo head back to the main chamber and the Knights settle down for the evening, to rest, sleep, heal and hear Jerky’s story.

Jerky’s Tale…

Thankfully Liandri, Endrin and Whirlwind are back on “The Planet of Sound.” They all listen to Jerky’s story, while keeping an eye on the barricades.

“Three months ago, I was on my way to seek my fortune and took the Old Road shortcut- what a mistake that proved to be. I was attacked by a group of Goblins, there were about eight of them and although I slew two I was knocked unconscious and dragged down here. If it wasn’t for my faith and the kind hand of my saviour, Pelor be blessed, then I would have died. As it was I have used my spells and abilities to remain in fair health- I’d have died from starvation an age ago else.”

Xeolus nods sagely.

“During my time I’ve heard many things from my Goblin captors, I’m certain they are at war with a tribe of Kobolds- hence the other prisoners, there seems to be some dialogue as other Kobolds have been sent home. The Goblins also speak of one called Belak who lives below in a place they call the Twilight Grove- whatever that may be. There he grows enchanted fruit- the fruit comes from a tree called the Gulthias Tree; they speak of the Tree in hushed tones. From what I gather there are two sorts of enchanted fruit, rosy red apples that restores spirit and vigour, and a pale midsummer fruit which steals the same. Belak sends the Goblins to the surface to sell the fruits- I have no idea why.”

Endrin begins to make notes, the others nod.

“There are other creatures that Belak controls directly- the Goblins call them the ‘Twig Blight’, the Goblins fear them- they are small Twig like stick creatures.”

“We’ve seen them.” Bob adds, Whirlwind murmurs his agreement.
Endrin, Xeolus and Liandri look non-plussed but shrug, Jerky continues.

“About two weeks ago, it is difficult to be exact about the time, a group of humans were caught by the Goblins- they were brought here and manacled to the walls. They were here for a few days- there names were Talgon, Sharwyn- these two were brother and sister, and a Paladin called Sir Bradford. They had all been wounded badly, although Sir Bradford and I healed them as much as we could. They spoke of Oakhurst and their family, they were sad, it was difficult I had been here for weeks and could see no way out. Talgon was angry, too angry, he upset the Goblins almost daily and was often beaten. Sharwyn was terrified- she cried for hours each day and worried herself half to death. Sir Bradford was more resolute- like he had accepted it, or he had hope- I don’t know…”

Jerky’s voice tails off.

“We are searching for them, the Hucrele’s- Talgon and Sharwyn, we were sent to find them… Where are they? Why are they not here, prisoners like you?”

All eyes turn to Jerky once more.

“Belak sent for them- the Goblins came and took them, that was a week ago- I have not heard of them since- the Goblins have said nothing. I’m sorry… so sorry, that’s all I know.”

With that the Gnome rocks forward and without sound begins to cry- the tears streaking her face, dripping down onto the dusty ground.

A dark silence descends.

Things that go BUMP in the night.

After Jerky ends her tale the Goblins take to battering on one of the doors (the west one)- it’s a token effort though, the Knights generally draw weapons and watch the door for a while, the furniture moves inch by inch away from the door. That is until the door bursts open and the first Goblins appear, they are cut down in seconds- four killed in the moment, the door is slammed back shut and the sound of a hasty retreat is heard.

A little later Liandri pokes his head round the door and sees that the Goblins have erected their own barricade, basically there is a gap of fifteen feet and then a four foot wall of furniture behind which many Goblins (over 20) squat and wait.

A little later still a Kobold turns up sent by Yusdrayl to say that the Knights should hurry up with getting the dragon back as the Kobold tribe has been attacked by the Goblins. The Kobold messenger gives no details, and what starts out as an order from Yusdrayl ends up as a polite request.

All in all, an eventful night for the Knights.

Meepo and the Big Chill.

Thawsday 16th Mork 2000

The Knights briefly check the Goblin barricade is still in place, and then abandon their position and remove the barricade around the door north. They leave Xeolus with Jerky in the main chamber to warn them if the Goblins attempt to break through. From there they head back into the corridor, where Endrin helpfully located the pit yesterday- Liandri sidles round the pit and gets to work on the locked door. A little later there is a satisfying click and the group carefully move into a much larger chamber-the area is full of stuffed animal heads and trophy cases, nearly all of which litter the floor broken and smashed. However the first thing they notice is the body of a Goblin by the only other exit, a door heading south- on the way over there Endrin once again comes a cropper and slips on an icy patch.

“Ice… again.”

The others look about hurriedly; Meepo begins to push his way to the front-

“Cornflakes… CORNFLAKES CORNFLAKES.”
A rough growl… more like a hoarse “Quack” is heard.

The Dragon takes flight- it is off-white and around about 18 inches long. The Knights who are as taut as bow strings expecting something the size of a small horse, visibly relax, and quickly become blasé.

“Feck me… I’d have it for breakfast.”
“…”
“Cornflakes… get it… for breakfast.”
“…”
“Suit yourself.”

Meepo runs forward eager to be re-united, alas Cornflakes is not so keen- when the Dragon gets within five feet it lets out a broad swathe of mist which engulfs Meepo- he disappears from view. DM note, like a fire extinguisher with accompanying sound.   

The dragon flaps over the Knight’s heads and then upward, roosting about 15-20 feet up on the trophy head of a bear. The mist clears to reveal a perfectly frozen Meepo, bearing a rictus grin, the Knights look a little worried and are certainly less at ease. Bob & Liandri draw bows and head off into the room- even this proves difficult- Bob falls on his arse and while Liandri stays on his feet he simply slides forward (look no inertia). Liandri doesn’t panic and allows himself to be carried across the room thinking he will use Meepo as a breaking device, for that is the direction he is headed. Bob in the meantime is being helped up to his feet by Whirlwind. Endrin spots the Dragon and fires off a Magic Missile it thuds into the creature and the fun begins.

It would be difficult in the extreme for me to do justice to quite what happened next, I will skip to the results- the dragon lies dead at the feet of Bob. It was attempting to flee the room when Bob, stood in the doorway, brought it down with his sword- slashing way above his head. Previous to this Endrin had been casting spells from a recumbent position, he fell over so often that it seemed too much bother getting up. Whirlwind has not managed to do anything except fall over and get back up again. Bob had retreated to the doorway, slightly out of the room, for those very reasons. Liandri the most dextrous first of all grabbed hold of Meepo who instead of breaking Liandri’s slide merely joined the queue- like some mad conga. Eventually the two of them come to an arrest courtesy of a wall- alas Meepo takes the impact badly, leaving Liandri holding one of Meepo’s lower arms (not attached to the rest of Meepo). From there he takes pot shots at the Dragon, and unlike the others manages to hit the creature. The Dragon in its turn had blasted a few of the party members and scratched and cut up several others- nothing that could kill however.

The group then slip slide there way over to the dead Goblin body and the door there, the Goblin is briefly examined- killed by the Dragons claws and bite.

Liandri unlocks the door and peeps within- they are behind the Goblin barricade. Liandri closes the door and relays this information- it seems that the Dragon was supposed to be a security guard. 

“1… 2… 3… Go.”

The Knights burst into the room surprising a contingent of nearly two dozen Goblins- the fight is bloody in the extreme, with the majority of the Goblins fleeing rather than face the Knights- they have them on the run.

The Knights quickly patch up their wounded and then secure as best as possible the large chamber, which in many ways mirrors the large chamber Yusdrayl holds court. There are lots of doors at the far end of the this chamber, the direction of the Goblins retreat- two doors north, one west and another south. After a brief exchange of views- the Knights decide to head south, unsure of which direction the Goblins fled.

After moving through an abandoned Goblin guard post they traverse a corridor- in which they find the pit trap, without having to fall down it- a first. They open the door ahead of them and walk straight into an ambush…

Kill them all… let Hieroneous sort ‘em out.

… the ambush soon comes to a complete stop as it’s the Kobolds throwing the spears at the Knights- they’ve wandered back into Yusdrayl’s throne chamber. The Kobolds quickly call for her…

“Where Dragon?”
Much whistling and a general sheepishness, followed by a bit of looking about a bit, then some “ummmm”, and, “errr”, and a bit of scratching about trying to avoid eye contact.
“WHERE DRAGON?”
Yusdrayl looks at the group sternly.
“Where Meepo?”
Endrin is pushed to the front…
“Well the Dragon killed Meepo…”
“Good” Yusdrayl replies, “save time.”
“And then… well… it took sick and died, it was terrible towards the end coughing up…” and whispered aside, “help me here.”
“Snowballs.” Liandri volunteers.
“Er… Snowballs.”
Yusdrayl looks icy now “WHERE CORNFLAKES? WHERE DRAGON?”
Endrin just sorta shrugs and looks a bit forlorn, “I dunno, I never did it.” He then sort of nods towards Bob and makes a slicing motion across his throat, he then coughs loudly and looks elsewhere.
“DRAGON DEAD?”
“’Fraid so… your highness… now about our reward and while I’m at it can I give you our card… if there’s anything else that needs doing… Kobolds rescuing, wars fighting, dragons slaying…. Er actually not the last one- birthdays, Pelormass, Holy Days whatever.”
And then conspiratorially, “I’m sure we can sort out a discount.”
Yusdrayl steps back into the mass of Kobolds (there are about thirty of them present) and screams something in Draconic (Liandri later translates as “destroy them all”) there follows a Benny Hill moment with the Knights high-tailing it back the way they came pursued by the Kobold Massive. In the rush for the exits Endrin and Bob are both struck by Magic Missiles- it seems Yusdrayl is a powerful Sorceress.

The Knights avoid the pit trap and head into the larger chamber with the Goblin barricade, there they split into three groups- Bob and Whirlwind head through one of the northern exits, Endrin through the other. The two passages meet up and after heading north for a while turn West and end in a door- they decide to leave it for a moment and turn to face a group of eight Kobolds that have just caught up, they’re weapons drawn. Soon the group of eight is reduced to four- they turn tail and flee. The Knights hold position to regain their breath, it’s at this point they notice that Liandri is not with them.

Liandri takes an alternative route and heads off back to the chamber in which the Dragon was slain- he is the sole observer of what happens next within the area. A number of Kobolds rush through the northern exits in pursuit of the Knights, less than thirty seconds later half of them come rushing back, Liandri smiles to himself.

The door bursts open and the rest of the Kobolds pile into the room scanning the area- they seem to be ill at ease here in Goblin territory. Yusdrayl orders folks about and two groups detach themselves- half-a-dozen Kobolds in each. The first heads for the door west, while the second group heads down the chamber towards the room in which Liandri hides and observes the situation.

Liandri is about to shoot one of the Kobolds approaching when the west door opens and in an instant there are Goblins streaming into the room- it kicks off right royally. The Kobolds and Goblins begin to sort their differences out using the time honoured method of maiming and killing.  

Liandri grins and settles down to watch the show, meanwhile not so far away…

“Got your breath back.” Endrin nods and points to the door.
“Do we fancy a look inside?”
“Why not.”
“Ok Whirlwind?” 
He nods.

The door is flung open by Endrin with Bob and Whirlwind standing ready to launch themselves into the room- beyond is the chaos of a Goblin encampment, females and kids run left, right and centre. Of greater concern is the dozen or so Goblins led by two much larger Hobgoblins that are, or rather were, approaching the door they have just opened. They increase their speed, Endrin slams the door shut, and the three of them leap to keep it shut.

“What the feck are we going to do now.”
“On the count of three we run… back the way we came… ready… 1… 2…”
Bob turns round to see Whirlwind and Endrin disappearing around the corner, “Oh bug’r.”

And that’s where we leave the intrepid explorers for this week, facing insurmountable odds, and so until next week goodbye children. 

And with that session 24 ends.

Next week… Goblins vs Kobolds.


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## Goonalan (Apr 15, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XXV.

Thawsday 16th Mork 2000

Pacifism- that’s fighting talk.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter level 1 (Erin)
Xeolus Male Human Monk level 1 Priest of Hieroneous level 1 (Kev. H.)

The big fight kicks off back in the main chamber where the Kobolds and Goblins are settling some of there spiritual differences- Liandri takes up his bow and begins to pick off stragglers, Kobolds and Goblins alike. 

At this point Whirlwind with Endrin in tow and Bob a little way behind come barrelling into the room, they are in turn being pursued by a group of Goblins and Hobgoblins.

“Feck me, what’s going on here.”
“Just sodding run Whirlwind.”
“Oh look there’s Liandri- Coooeee, Liandreee”, Whirlwind waves frantically.
“What’s he doing?”
“Smiling.”
“Why’s he doin’ that?” 
“He’s shootin’ stuff- that usually makes him grin.”

The group pegs it down the side of the chamber to where Liandri is positioned, out of the way of the melee, at the same time the door from the Dragon chamber is flung open and Xeolus wades in.

“For Hieroneous”, wielding his huge two-handed club he runs towards the mass scrap.

The rest of them: Endrin, Bob, Whirlwind & Liandri watch the Monk for a while, and at the same time wait for their enemies to kill a few more of each other, before equipping weapons and charging in, their battle cries ring out.

“For valour.”
“For courage.”
“For justice.”
“For mash get smash… I miss Felix.”

The Hobgoblins and Goblins that were chasing them have entered the melee and swung the balance, the Kobolds much weakened are retreating as they fight.

The tide of the Knights breaks hard against the Goblins et al. 

“Bane. Bane on you all.” Xeolus shouts.

The remainder of the Kobolds flee; less than a dozen left, pursued by a half-dozen Goblins led by a Hobgoblin- the Knights attack the remaining Goblins & Hobgoblins. However Liandri doesn’t help matters when he casts a Flare spell, which misses the Goblins and ends up distracting Bob, the result of which is Bob falls on his arse and has to be pulled out of the fight. Nevertheless the fighting is beginning to subside- there are fewer Hob/Goblins left, less than half-a-dozen all told. 

The Knights are confident that they have vanquished all before them when…

When two tribes go to war, experience points is all that you can score.

Endrin shouts above the racket.
“Where’s Yusdrayl- did the Goblins get to her?”

Less than twenty seconds later Goblin reinforcements arrive- running screaming from the door they raced through in pursuit of the fleeing Kobolds.

Hot on their heels comes another fifteen or twenty Kobolds- being whipped into a frenzy by the lovely Yusdrayl.

“Feck.”

The Goblins begin fighting on two fronts as do the Knights and therefore the Kobolds- the Goblins all the time screaming, possibly trying to attract reinforcements.

Yusdrayl spots Endrin and two Magic Missiles streak out and thud into his chest- Endrin fires one of his own back. Liandri seeing this decides that his moment has come. He sets off running towards the Kobold front line, leaps as high as he can over them tumbles and comes up on his feet, avoiding several attacks of opportunity on the way, and in one stroke cuts Yusdrayl down. The Kobolds instantly panic and begin to flee- several are cut down but for the most part they are allowed to escape with their lives.

The Knights change their impetuous and move back to attacking the Goblins who’ve since been reinforced by six more Hobgoblins- these are proving to be much worthier foes. The Hobgoblins are accompanied by, and being ordered around by, two leader types.

When the Knights begin to cut into these new Hobgoblins the order to retreat is given and they flee through the west door into the area Endrin and company had spotted earlier- the Goblin encampment.

The Knights themselves are in need of rest and healing- although much has been done throughout to keep them up and fighting. They quickly regroup and take to breaking through the door ahead of them, into the Goblin encampment, which has obviously been barricaded from the other side.

Eventually the door crashes down- the area beyond is a real mess, not only the day-to-day filth of a Goblin village but also the screaming, crying females and young. Mallaria is not present so the non-combatants are safe for the moment.

“You lot, feck off.”

Endrin points to the door, the Goblins who cannot understand the Common tongue observe the Bard/Sorcerer making noises and pointing at the door- they shrug uncomprehending.

Xeolus saves the day by taking the hand of one of the female Goblins, after first putting down his club, and leading her calmly to the door and ushering her through. The others reluctantly follow as he waves them over.

The room cleared the Knights head over to a set of double doors that seem to be locked, barred and generally stuck- from the curve of the wall they must lead into another tower.

After a brief rest up they construct a battering ram from odds and sods lying about, there are all-sorts of bits and pieces everything from wagon wheels to old and blackened tea pots. After ten to fifteen minutes of crashing and smashing the doors give way, carefully they enter…

Don’t let the Goblins get you down- Endrin.

The Knights enter, led by Endrin, before them is a huge hole in the ground that plunges into darkness; vines and tendrils surround it like a gigantic maw. A ledge runs around the edge- it is obvious that the floor of the tower, it extends a further fifty feet upwards, has collapsed- but what lies below?

On the opposite side to the Knights are several Hobgoblins and Goblins, including the two leader types they encountered earlier- only half a dozen of the creatures in total. The goblinoids are using a high backed chair which has a chest as a foot stool as cover- one of the Hobgoblins, a leader, steps forward and begins to hurl insults in the Goblin-tongue, although none of the Knights understand a word he is saying. However several of the gestures are know to them- Endrin & Liandri go one way round, Whirlwind & Xeolus the other while Bob drops back and readies his bow.

As combat is about to be joined the leader type lets out a sharp whistle and several hitherto concealed twig creatures reveal themselves and edge towards the Knights. Battle is swiftly joined with the Knights outnumbered nearly three to one.

However this is no problem for them, Xeolus goes crazy ape bonkers with his huge club crushing the stick creatures shouting “Bane… bane… on you all… ya bloody bastards you.” Bob settles for a bit of bow-work, plugging Hob/Goblins as and when they appear. Whirlwind is however in trouble surrounded by four of the stickmen he is eventually slashed into unconsciousness- Bob has to drop his bow and wade in. Less fortunate still is Endrin who with Liandri in tow rushes the leader types- alas Endrin misses his footing and is knocked down the hole and disappears from sight- 

“AAAAArrrrggggghhh…. It’s feckkkkiiiinnnnngggg dark… me arm.”

He is saved when flailing as he falls his arm catches in the tendrils and vines, this stops his fall somewhat abruptly- his entangled arm is all that prevents him from falling further. Back at the top Liandri despatches Grenl, leader type- female Goblin priest, straight off and then launches into Durnn the hobgoblin chief, one natural ‘20’ later and the fight is all but over. 

Down the hole Endrin reaches into his belt pouches and secures a potion of healing, Asterix like, a few glugs later he feels the new energy surge through him. He spends a minute assaying his situation as the fight above comes to an end- the Hobgoblin chief’s body narrowly missing him as it plunges down to the ground, a wet thud is heard. Rummaging around he locates a scroll and begins to read the words- a minute or so later Endrin, courtesy of a Spider Climb spell appears over the edge of the pit, back into the tower- his arm looks sore and is badly bruised but he will survive

A meeting of the ‘run away for a bit’ sub-committee is called to order.

“Lets feck off for a while, why not?”
“Where to?”
“Anywhere but here.”
“It’s all fecking dangerous.”
“Well it doesn’t matter where we go then- as long as it’s not here, and I get to heal up, then it’s ok with me.”

That decided the Knights gather up the stragglers- Jerky et al, and head back towards the first tower they entered, right at the very start.

And with that session 25 ends.

Next week… the cycle of life/death continues.


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## Goonalan (Apr 15, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XXVI.

Thawsday 16th Mork 2000

The players are revolting.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter level 1 (Erin)
Xeolus Male Human Monk level 1 Priest of Hieroneous level 1 (Kev. H.)

Whether it was the players that were overly-stimulated or underly-intoxicated, I don’t know- this is known- it was a terrible session… read on…

Returning to the first tower (where they entered the Citadel) the players travel through the Kobold compound and encounter a few of the little miscreants- Xeolus takes it upon himself to become Kobold-friend. He is eventually let into a large room full of mewling infants, and blubbing Kobold females protected by less than half-a-dozen Kobold Warriors. He tells them something of what has occurred and gives them the freedom of the place (after the Knights have departed of course). He says that they will clear out as much as they can, including the Goblins and they can pick over what’s left- he further advises them to lock the door and stay out of harms way until he gives them the nod. He especially tells them not to open the door to a pretty but wild-eyed half-elf who answers to the name of Mallaria- and thus begins the legend of Mallaria the Kobold Killer, not the greatest sobriquet- but apt.

While Xeolus delivers the good news the rest of the Knights head over to the Altar that served as Yusdrayl’s throne- there they rob the key and check all the other stuff for magicability- lots test positive, all of which they steal.

The Knights then continue on to the first tower.

Cooooool Cleeeeeear Warttuuurr.

In the room before the tower, where the Knights previously encountered Meepo (deceased) they find the rag-tag remnants of the Goblin tribe- once again mainly women and children. It seems they have a problem- the corridor that leads to the tower and then the exit is inhabited by a small blue creature seemingly made of water, the creature has slain two Goblin males, a female and two kids already. The group scratch their heads and remember a long long time ago a barrel with a load of pipes going into/from it, and Liandri pulling the plug. Sure enough down the corridor is the Water Mephit that Liandri previously released- guess who is ordered to go and get it.

In the end it is Liandri and Endrin that chase after the thing swords slashing above their heads while the other members of the group stop the creature from escaping into the room currently inhabited by the Goblins. Eventually it is forced back into the tower and there brought down by some expert bow-work from Liandri- the creature is no more than a puddle of water on the floor. With a cheer the Goblins are led out through the tower and up the stairs to the surface. 

The Knights rest up a while, but not for long it seems- they discover a door with a dragon mouth keyhole, and they have already found a dragon shaped key.

After a light lunch of potted beef sandwiches, Quavers and Iron Bru the Knights press on.

Her name was Lola she was a show girl… with music and laughter… der der der da der … she was a shoowwww girl… La la la… etc..

The Knights enter a room that looks to have partially collapsed in the southern section- Liandri spots a rat and plugs it. He then moves over to the Dragon door and inserts the Dragon key, and hey… guess what… it opens.

“Her name was Lola she was a showgirl… with music and laughter etc.”

The singing, which is awful, comes from within the room. The Knights observe the chamber, it has three alcoves to the north and one alcove to the south- the alcove in the south seems to contain a glowing blue Orb, there is no other illumination. The singing seems to be coming from the Orb- stranger and stranger. 

Cautiously Liandri is kicked into the room and told to “see what the feck it is?” As he approaches the glowing Orb the volume of the song increases dramatically- 

“LOLA SHE WAS A SHEWWW GURRL, MEWZIK AND LAFTER… DA DA DA DER.. SHE WUZ A SHEEWWWW GURLLL… LA LA LA LALA LAR.”

Liandri clamps his hands to his ears and flees as does Bob who is still standing in the door way- Endrin shouts “rush it” over the din and the three remaining characters charge in an attempt to grab/smash the Orb- from which the music is definitely emanating. Alas Endrin and Whirlwind make it to within ten feet of the thing before turning tail and fleeing. Xeolus on the other hand casually walks up to the Orb (which has found 11 on the volume scale) lifts it from it’s pedestal and walks back out of the room with no ill effects. The others flee the Orb in stark mad panic, they scrabble-run back into the tower. As soon as the Orb passes the doorway the tune stops, leaving Xeolus holding the lifeless Orb.

“Oh, bugger I was getting into that.”

Xeolus casually saunters back into the tower where the others are cowering and clutching at their ears, singing a little tune as he goes…

“Her name was Lola… dum dum dum der der… she was a shOOOW-a GuuRRLL.”

The others timidly remove their hands from their ears- just Xeolus, which while bad is at least not at the same volume. After a minute they recover and head through the room with the alcoves into a corridor in which is located an arrow trap- expertly found by Liandri…

“Owww, feck… don’t tread there.”

The others find the trigger plate by throwing stuff randomly about the middle section of the corridor soon the trap is dry- no more arrows to fire.

With that they head through into another much dustier room in which on a pedestal sits a small statue of a dragon- as Liandri approaches it turns to speak…

“We come at night without being fetched; we disappear by day without being stolen.”

Liandri mouths “Stars” and there is an audible click on the west wall, the dust is disturbed, as the outline of a door becomes visible. Liandri once again is sent to investigate- soon after the group enters another dusty room.

This chamber is some twenty feet wide with alcoves both sides, this time however within the alcoves are statues of elven looking figures dressed in plate armour and armed with longswords- they are carved from some white stone. The Knights are immediately suspicious and approach them cautiously. After a minute of attention they transfer they’re interest to the pit that blocks they’re way to the West- there is obviously another chamber over the other side of the pit as a dull green glow can be seen emanating from that direction. 

Endrin casts a light spell on a copper coin and throws it into the pit- it is full of spikes, Liandri is gingerly lowered into it and then creeps his way through the spikes to the far side. Once there he finds a nice bit of wall and once again cautiously climbs it- frightened to fall backwards and impale himself on the spikes. At the top he has a quick look about- the greenish torch light is illuminating a huge stone sarcophagus.

“It’s a To…”

And with that Liandri feels a shove in the back and falls face first towards the spikes- he curls into the smallest ball he can and only hits one. Meanwhile on the other side of the pit a barrage of missiles fly in- although there is nothing much to see...

“What was it Liandri?”
“Ohh feck…”
“Liandri…”
“I heard wings… I think I heard wings.”

At that moment there is a movement in the air by Endrin a small creature- seen only Whirlwind appears behind Endrin and sinks it’s claws and teeth into the back of the Bard who is surprised to say the least. Whirlwind attacks quickly but the creature blinks out of vision, obviously invisible. 

“It was a little winged feller, with a tail, and wings… for flying. He’s invisible… look.”

Whirlwind points at the empty space between Endrins shoulder blades, the party alternatively crowd round to see and swish the air with whatever weapons they have to hand.

About thirty seconds later the creature once again appears in the midst of the group, this time revealing it’s more terrifying aspect the Cause Fear spell it casts encompasses all save Liandri- although only Endrin and Bob fail there save. Bob rushes out of the room, Endrin rushes into the pit, “Ouch.”

Xeolus who has been waiting for this moment swings and connects with the creature as it appears- the winged fiend is momentarily knocked aside, spiralling to the floor before pulling up- it then disappears again. 

The Knights try the best they can to recover, hastily looking around waving their weapons once more. Endrin and Liandri begin to extricate themselves from the pit. While all this is happening the creature blinks back into existence- it looks like a little red/black horned devil and shrieks at them, 

“You broke the binding; my watch over the dragonpriest is over!”

And with that disappears cursing as it goes.

The Knights reform, dust themselves down, and cautiously make their way across the spiked pit so they are all on the far side. The new chamber contains a tiny torch that burns with a green light- Bob soon discovers that the torch has no heat and is somehow magical in nature, he nicks it. More impressive still is the nine foot long sarcophagus carved in the shape of a dragon- it has rusting metal clasps that seal it shut. The Knights decide to give it a wide berth and settle down for the evening posting a guard and relying on the fact that any intruders will have to cross the pit to get to them. Although as Endrin points out,

“Where the feck have we got to run to…”

The Knights thoroughly search the dead end room and eventually locate a crawlspace behind the Sarcophagus; Liandri takes a chance and follows it to discover that it emerges in the previous chamber (the other side of the pit). It will be a tight squeeze but it’s a bolthole should they need one.

And with that session 26 ends.

Next week… Here comes Balsag.


----------



## Goonalan (Apr 16, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XXVII.

Thawsday 19th Mork 2000

Night night y’all.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter level 1 (Erin)
Xeolus Male Human Monk level 1 Priest of Hieroneous level 1 (Tomo)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian level 2 (Tomo)
Sayon Female Elven Fighter level 1 Thief level 1 (Erin)

First off Tomo has returned and so Mallaria enters the fray, accompanying Mallaria into the dungeon is a new character Sayon- Erin has rolled up her own character having played Whirlwind for a while (too long). 

The adventurous pair (Mallaria & Sayon) turn up at Oakhurst a day or two late and from there, armed with directions from the Hucrele family, they make their way to the Citadel, they arrive unmolested. 

Fortunately Mallaria chooses the right route first time, as I’ve said Tomo has not been in any of the sessions in the Citadel so I allow him to guide Sayon in- it made sense at the time. 

The pair end up in the room with the spiked pit within five minutes of entering the Citadel- there’s a brief flurry of arrows as the two arrive, Mallaria begins shouting and screaming and the party are soon made aware of their mistake…

“Fecking Feck you Feckers if you don’t stop Fecking firing Fecking arrows at Fecking me I’ll Feck you up so Fecking bad your Fecking mothers wouldn’t be able to Fecking recognise you. Do you Fecking hear me you Fecks…”

Whispered, “it’s either Orcus or Mallaria.”

A bit of giggling later and the firing stops, the two are shown how to cross the pit. There’s a brief hello to Sayon…

“Who the feck’s she?”
“Is she fit?”
“I said I’M FECKING ASLEEP now shut it.”
“Hello there my name is Heironeous… Sorry Xeolus.”
“Hi.”
“Hello, it’s your watch- look that way… Night.”

There follows the sound of snoring leaving Sayon perched on the edge of the pit looking back the way she came, her new found friends are all soon sound asleep, including Mallaria.

An hour later Sayon gets her first taste of adventure…

Things that go “thump” in the night.

At first it is a dull shadow that would have gone unnoticed to all but Elven eyes- Sayon is nervous, on edge- but she sees the danger before it arrives. Quickly she scurries to Liandri’s side, another Elf she figures he’ll know what to do. Liandri doesn’t take much rousing having merely closed his eyes to recharge his batteries. A hushed conversation follows and the entire group are soon awake and awaiting the attack. Several Goblins have moved into the far room and are sniff-sniffing out the party, they smell Elves. The creatures begin to bark in their guttural tongue, Sayon who speaks Goblin (the only one who can) translates.

“They are calling their masters… there is one called Balsag that rules them… quickly to your places, they are coming, they are many and they seek revenge.”
“She talks like a book, have you noticed that?”
“Mmm… posh bird.”

The Knights position themselves either side of the entrance to the Tomb- the assailants will have to pass the pit to fight them. The Goblins charge into the room spurred on by the larger shadowy creatures behind them- there follows a rain of Javelins, which has no affect whatsoever. 

The Knights fire back with much greater effect- Bob once again is a killing machine, each round a Goblin falls he, never misses. The other members of the group are also making in-roads. It is not until a much larger (7 foot tall creature) breaks from the ranks and leaps the pit that the party is actually put under any pressure. The Bugbear lands and in the same motion delivers a deadly accurate blow to Xeolus- who injured badly falls. The other Knights, not engaged in the shoot-out, leap at the creature- it is swiftly cut to ribbons, but not before a number of them are exposed to a barrage of Javelins- several hit home. Another Bugbear emerges from the crowd and leads the artillery, with much greater accuracy, however after it has taken a couple of arrow hits it sounds the recall and the Goblins follow, fleeing the room. From the initial attack of sixteen Goblins and two Bugbears only six Goblins and one Bugbear remain, Sayon hears them leave- cursing the party and cursing the fact that they must return to Balsag, their master, and tell the tale of the defeat. 

“They will be back.” She confidently states.
“Listen at her, Little Miss ‘I can speak Goblin’ la-dee-da.”

The Knights hunker down, re-set the guard, and try the best they can to sleep and rest till the morning. Until then they have no spells, and they’re all in need of at least a little healing.

Fryday 17th Mork 2000

Tomb it may concern.

The morning comes- rise and shine- the group have slept/rested for the last 8 hours, spells are replenished and the Knights feel much better for a session of healing. Or at least would do if it wasn’t for the presence of the huge Sarcophagus. 

They surround the thing and slowly begin to remove the six clasps that secure the lid-, which takes quite some time.

Eventually the last clasp is removed and the lid is slid aside (still on the sarcophagus though).

“Go on then Bob, what’s in there?”

Bob shoves his torch inside to reveal the desiccated remains of an emaciated figure, possibly some 8 feet tall- the dead creature wears ancient looking robes, the only thing of note the necklace around the things neck. Bob is about to reach in when the creatures eyes open- revealing pure white pupils and iris’, the creature screams, or rather would do if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s vocal chords have long since rotted away. Bob jumps back as it rises up, pushing aside the great stone lid with ease. The rest of the Knights also take a step back, readying weapons- the creature lashes out at Bob, catching him across his chest, it’s long brittle talons break but not before they have cut through Bob’s armour. The Knights backs off further, Endrin fires a Magic Missile into the thing sending out a brief shower of dust. In one swift movement the creature leaps out of the sarcophagus and straight into melee as the Knights converge on it with weapons ready.

There follows a blood bath (without blood) of immense proportions- the creatures attacks, mainly on Bob, are countered by Xeolus’ and Endrin’s healing spells- Mallaria seeing the necklace around it’s neck reasons that the magic lies there. As the creature is attacking Bob she conjures her Mage Hand and rips the necklace free- alas the creature is not in the least bit perturbed. Eventually the creature is reduced to so many twitching body parts- it is only then that the party notices that the creature is swiftly regenerating. Liandri reacts quickly and decapitates the thing tossing its head into the spiked pit, having done this he turns around to take the plaudits only to notice that the creatures head is re-growing, he turns back to see the head within the pit withering and caving in upon itself. The Knights get a bit jumpy and a heated debate starts up.

“Fecking ‘ell.”
“What now?”
“Throw it on the spikes in the pit.”
“Feck that it’ll just grow back.”

The creature has now grown back its head and is beginning to open and close it’s eyes. The Knights go at it again with swords and axes till it is once again still- except for the ever-present twitch of regenerating skin, bone and sinew. 

“Burn the fecker.”
“We haven’t got any oil- only torches.”

Several of the torches are thrust into the creature which writhes on the floor- the fire is obviously having effect. Soon however the torches are out and the creature remains- regenerating still, it seems the problem remains.

“Put it back in the sarcophagus.”

The Knights look at each other, then take to slicing the thing up a bit more, to make it easier to carry and to buy themselves some time. Eventually all the body parts are lifted up and dumped into the open sarcophagus and the lid sealed shut. The clasps however prove to be more difficult to put back into place particularly as the creature inside is beginning to attempt to push up the lid. Eventually after the last clasp is clipped back into place the tirade from inside abates, the creature is once again sealed inside, entombed alive.

“Can you think of anything worse than that?” Endrin offers.
Mallaria thinks awhile, “You could have Felix in there with you.”

One or two of the Knights smile at this, however the overall mood of the group is not good.

“We can’t stay here.”
“Why not?”
“What if it gets out again?”
“What do you mean again? We let it out.”
“Alright then- I don’t want to stay here, it gives me the creeps.”
“Right then- lets go down the big hole, are we agreed?”

All present solemnly nod at Endrin’s suggestion- soon after the area is cleared; bedrolls packed away, the pit traversed and the Dragon door locked shut again. The group head back to the tower with a hole in it, only the sound of dripping water and the odd squeak of a rat- the dungeon is otherwise silent.

Pit Stop.

Liandri begins his descent, the vines are strong and it seems to be an easy climb, although fifty feet down there’s still a way to go- Mallaria and Sayon drop ropes and begin their descent. Things take a turn for the worse however when Liandri rolls a “1” and falls the last 15-20 feet jarring his leg (dead leg) leaving him hopping around yelping. He finds himself in a large open cavern full of all sorts of vegetation- mostly stunted spiky plants, doors are visible in the dungeon walls to the east and south, while a rough cavern exits north. Liandri continues to hop around waving frantically for Mallaria and Sayon to complete their descent- while doing this he notices from the corner of his eye one of the spiky plants uproot scuttle four or five feet closer to him and then come to rest again…

“The plants are coming to get me… I’ve got a bad feeling about this… hey you guys.”

Mallaria and Sayon redouble their efforts while at the top Endrin, Bob, Whirlwind and Xeolus look on. 

Several of the small plant creatures uproot and rush Liandri, in seconds he is hopping in a circle slashing with his Longsword in an attempt to keep the creatures away. As Mallaria and Sayon arrive, Liandri is finally swamped and brought down to his knees- still alive he continues to slash at the creatures who are now landing many more blows. Sayon leaps in with a lit torch and the creatures are forced back- however more join the fray (a total of seven now crowd the group). The members of the party topside begin to scramble down in a rush, while the north door slams open and a troop of skeletons file into the chamber and rush to meet the three Knights present. 

Liandri casts Mage Armour on himself and regains his feet, Mallaria uses her magic ring (the one with the skull and cross bones on) and casts Invisibility to Undead and rushes past the skeletons to the north door. At the same time Endrin and Bob arrive at the bottom, Endrin with Mage Armour already cast. Bob leaps into the attack fighting four of the nine skeletons on his own- the others also begin to arrive and join the fray, Xeolus waves his holy symbol about and the remaining skeletons begin to cower. 

The tide soon turns five of the skeletons are despatched, while the remaining four cower in the corner; four of the Twig Blights likewise have been destroyed, three fight on. 

Mallaria dashes through the north door, the Undead oblivious to her presence, into a large room with columns and several doors to the north and south. In the centre of the chamber, around twenty feet away, is a huge Bugbear wearing the skull of some sort of bear like creature as a helm, the creature has two large Dire Rats yapping like dogs at his heels. With a word the two foul pets leap at Mallaria who reacts by dropping her sword and falling on her arse, die roll “1”. The huge Bugbear laughs long and loud and prepares to settle down to watch the fight, Mallaria is not pleased and after punching one of the rats aside she leaps to her feet and in the same movement leaps the second rat and slashes at the huge creature. Balsag (the huge Bugbear) reacts with fury, however he remains in control, he signals again to his rats, lets out a huge bellow and turns tail and retreats out of the room- the two rats redouble their efforts and Mallaria is unable to do anything except defend herself.

Back in the main chamber Balsags bellow of anger echoes, from the north passage comes, belatedly, the second wave- six Goblins led by a Bugbear. The chamber is by now almost clear- Bob spots the Goblinoids as they appear and quickly switches to his bow, in seconds two of the six Goblins lie dead. The Knights rally once more and battle is joined- the other four Goblins are despatched with ease and the Bugbear, badly wounded, flees back the way he came.

The Knights take a swift breather as Mallaria returns from the next chamber- the two Dire Rats having bitten the dust. After a brief session of healing they move towards the back of the chamber and brew up (make tea)- taking it in turns to watch the various exits for miscreants.

And with that session 27 ends.

Next week… Xeolus in hot pants.


----------



## Goonalan (Apr 16, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION XXVIII.

Fryday 17th Mork 2000

Dark in the Underdark.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter level 1 (DM)
Xeolus Male Human Monk level 1 Priest of Hieroneous level 1 (Gimli)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian level 2 (DM)
Sayon Female Elven Fighter level 1 Thief level 1 (Erin)

The Knights put away their packed lunches and follow the wounded Bugbear north, there they find a large cave with a sleeping area and two nests, Mallaria speculates that this must be the station of Balsag and his pet rats. The area is carefully searched and a blood trail discovered that disappears into a crawlspace- Liandri follows this for a while as silently as possible and then returns to the party…

“It goes into the Underdark.”
“What’s it like down there?”
“What in the Underdark?”
“Yeah.”
“Er… Dark.”
“Oh.”

With that the Knights shove whatever’s at hand into the crawlspace, to try to block it up, and then head out of the area and back to the main cavern and then south, down a flagged dungeon corridor. However they leave Mallaria and Whirlwind in the main chamber, a sort of rear guard, made up of players that have not turned up.


Come on baby light my Fire (worm).

The corridor extends forty or so feet into the darkness- Liandri and Sayon creep ahead and discover the passage is bisected by a huge crevasse. The crevasse is three feet below the level of the corridor but extends for dozens of feet overhead- the rogues scout it out, it extends sixty or so feet north east and enters into the back of a darkened silent room. However it also extends sixty or so feet south west- the flagged corridor continues south, with another cave opening, to the south west, off the crevasse. The group head south down the corridor, there they pass through a jammed door into a darkened room- Liandri spots and kills a Dire Rat on the way. There the Knights discover the vandalised statue of a dragon holding a tray in it’s mouth- after a dozen or so attempts to make the dragon “work”, they abandon the room, declaring the magic of the statue to be broken. 

The Knights head further down the crevasse towards what looks to be a glowing hole in the back of a cave- this is immediately noticeable to all. Liandri who was sneaking ahead, begins to move to the back of the group- his danger sensor has flicked into the red.

Bob and Endrin move towards the hole, as they get closer they begin to feel the heat and hear a grinding sound- immediately they switch to melee weapons- Liandri backs further away and Xeolus looks for a spot to swing his club. Only seconds later, as if shot out of a cannon, a corrugated fiery worm creatures lunges from the hole- the creatures entire body is white hot and bathed in flame. The group swing furiously, Bob and Endrin singed by the creature’s proximity- Xeolus tries once again to make his way to the melee but is blocked by the cramped conditions. At that very moment, as Bob and Endrin are landing their first blows, a second fire worm emerges from a hole behind the group. Fortunately this area is being observed by Sayon who is not in the least surprised by events- she even manages to land a blow on the creature as it emerges. Liandri hears the call and he and Sayon start attacking the creature- leaving Xeolus frustrated in the middle of the two rumbles- unable to get into either scrap. Eventually both of the fiery worms are laid to rest- with the group taking minor heat damage only. Xeolus then throws a wobbler…

Try reading it out loud in a blustery sixteen year olds (who knows everything) voice- with his hands on his hips, and stamping his little feet to emphasise points.

“I mean… I mean… What… What am I supposed to do… A… A… What am I supposed to do around here… You charge about killing… stuff… willy-nilly… I mean… it’s not on, not on. Sure you kill that, you kill the other- I’ll stand in the middle and watch shall I- shall I. I mean it’s just not on… I’m not having it… ok… not having it at all… ok.”

The rest of the Knights shrug a lot, admire their shoes and generally kick bits of stone about on the floor. After about three or four minutes of silence Endrin speaks, all eyes are on him…

“Right, that’s settled- shall we get on.”

Hurriedly the group file out and follow the crevasse north east, into the darkened room, which turns out to be one of the many doors off the large columned chamber in which Mallaria encountered Balsag. All that is except Liandri who hangs back to make sure there are no other worms about- Sayon is creeping ahead of the party at this point. Liandri re-examines the bodies of the worms, slitting them open and spilling out their guts- he finds a whole cluster of pretty sapphires which he trousers before running to catch up.

The large columned chamber is explored, it’s a Goblin barracks of sorts- containing everything from sleeping quarters, to an area set aside for the fermentation of alcohol products. Most interesting is a small room which holds a Dire Rat covered in buboes and pustules, it also has a number of twig like appendages growing from it- Xeolus destroys the creature, an act of mercy really, but an obviously disturbing sight.

“Errrghhh… Kill it quickly.”
“Let me through- this creature is an abomination in my sight.”
Fhwump Thudd- Xeolus club cancels the strange creature.
“And let this be a lesson to all those that seek to tamper with nature in order to propagate their foul and nefarious ends. In these dark days it is necessary…”
The other Knights file out of the chamber swiftly, Xeolus follows however.
“… to be on one’s guard no-matter where one is, the shops, public toilets, dungeons, anywhere on the prime material plane of existence. The continuing insidious rise of evil can be best shown via the current trend for boxers over, Hieroneous be-blessed, the cotton Y-front, yes y-fronts sometimes chafe and constrict- but Hieroneous is with us to bear the pain…  My little chap...”

The other Knights swiftly gather their stuff together and head off east. There they find themselves in a large (huge) high arched chamber, the air here is palpably warmer, there is a layer of dirt on the floor and stunted plants grow lit by phosphorescent fungi- shedding a bluish-white light. Even Xeolus drifts into silence.

The Knights spread out and head south, leaving Whirlwind and Mallaria behind to guard the area. Through a stone door to the south they enter a large (60 feet across) hexagonal high-ceilinged chamber, which, once again, is home to a strange collection of plants- mostly fungi of sorts, some of which Bob recognises as being edible. Worryingly on the walls are a number of holes, much like the ones inhabited by the fire worms previous, one of which has a definite glow to it. After a brief cursory search it is agreed that this chamber and the possible worm menace will be ignored- the group press on. 

Back in the main chamber the Knights head east into another hexagonal chamber, much the same as the last but without the ominous holes. After a brief search they exit this and finally head north, the only door remaining- there they discover another huge arched chamber, the same as the chamber they are in at present. The Knights head through another door to the east and explore yet another empty hexagonal chamber and are heading north again to what they believe to be another such chamber, Xeolus chooses this moment to deliver his second speech.


The word of Xeolus.

 “I am going to prove myself, once and for all.”

The group stops what they are doing and turns round to stare at the young Monk/Priest.

“What?”
“I will fight the Fire worm.”
“What?”
“I will fight the deadly Fire worm, single-handedly.”
“What worm?”
“The one we passed earlier, in the first hexagonal chamber.”
“Oh yeah that one.”
“I shall fight the mighty Fire worm single-handedly without recourse to your profane magics [he looks at Endrin and Liandri], or to your salacious songs [Endrin again], or to your rapscallion nature [Liandri and Sayon- only good old Bob avoids his spite and ire]. Instead I shall rely on the strength of Hieroneous, I shall use my hands and suffer the burns of truth and feel the life force of the worm in my hands- as it ebbs away. I will stand alone before the fiery menace that strikes fear into all that behold it…”
“Is he still talking about the worm?”
“Yes… shh.”
“I shall become a weapon of God, blessed by Hieroneous I shall fight fire with fire, I SHALL VANQUISH THE FIRE WORM [the last part of the speech is delivered at volume 11].”

The words “Fire Worm” echo through the chamber briefly. Once again the Knights look a bit sheepish, eventually Endrin speaks,

“Do you mind if we get on then?”
“I’ll go and make sure he’s alright.” Liandri volunteers.

Xeolus turns on his heels and storms off a look of thunder on his face, at that point the door south opens and Mallaria appears in the room and shouts.

“WHO EVER IT IS FECKING SHOUTING TELL THEM TO STOP FECKING SHOUTING ONLY YOU CAN HEAR IT A FECKING MILE OFF.”

Endrin puts his thumbs up to acknowledge, and he leads the group off northward to probably the last hexagonal chamber (they think), Xeolus pushes past Mallaria and plods on towards the worm. 

“What’s up with her?”
Liandri shrugs.
“It’s a deity thing I think.”
“What d’ya mean?”
“Fecking God knows.”
Liandri winks and Mallaria smiles.


Xeolus versus The Fire Worm- seconds out round one…

After a short stroll Xeolus and Liandri arrive in the worm chamber- Xeolus walks solemnly towards the glowing hole- obviously the worms lair.

After thirty seconds of deep breathing followed by a short prayer, he begins a droning chant while his arms and hands perform a deadly dance in the air. Moments pass like minutes, seconds like hours- Liandri looks on a combination of astonishment (tinged with a little envy) and amusement (tinged with sadness). And then the worm comes…

At a rush.

In a brief second the creature is on Xeolus who has failed to avoid the fiery creatures lunge…

Xeolus is instantly engulfed in an amorphous field of flame-

He screams.

Liandri reacts quickly grasps his sword and rushes in, Xeolus’ blows are fierce and come with fury however they do little to mark the surface of the worm…

Xeolus is on fire, his hair burns, his clothes burn, his equipment burns but these are nought to the fire that burns inside of him.

Liandri screams “Run Xeolus… Run” and slashes frantically at the creature- he too is singed by the heat.

Xeolus stands his ground and continues the flurry of blows undaunted by there apparent ineffectualness.

Liandri is at full speed now- chopping, slicing doing all he can to vanquish the foe…

Xeolus falls as if cushioned by time…  

Liandri watches, in disbelief, the young Monks haunting eyes seemingly locked on some far distant light as he crumples to the floor- the fire like a furnace blisters and bubbles at his face and skull. His clothes almost consumed. His skin a mixture of black and in other places transparent. His insides boil and fume.

Liandri slashes… and slashes… with all his might, till eventually the worm is dead… but for Xeolus it is all too late.

The silence is broken only by the noise of the fire being quenched in the only way Liandri can think of…

“Aaaarrrggghhhh… I needed that.”

Liandri re-buttons his flies and begins to scrabble about in the remains of the Monk Priest looking for ‘salvage’.

He locates a few items that have survived the heat including the strange looking whistle that Xeolus found on the skeleton altar. Like Xeolus did when he found it he examines the thing then puts it in his mouth and blows- after wiping it clean of course. While no sound is heard the effect is astonishing- the charred blackened body of Xeolus rises from the floor. Liandri dances backward sword drawn- the creature (a Zombie) merely stands to attention and looks at Liandri expectantly- Liandri begins to giggle.

He spends the next few minutes determining the control functions of the whistle- the Zombie Xeolus it seems obeys the commands of the whistle-wielder (while within earshot at least) and is fairly intelligent.

After checking the room once more- and slitting open the fire worm to rescue the sapphires within, Liandri heads back to the Knights with his new found friend in tow.


Unfriends re-united.

Liandri catches up with the group in the last hexagonal chamber, they have discovered a door that leads to a darkened chamber and decided to stop and await the return of Liandri and Xeolus. A little while later they duly arrive…

“Pelor!”
Xeolus has been spotted.
“Good innit.”

There follows several moments of astonishment- much opening and closing of mouths, some pointing and sad to say, even in this enlightened age, a fair amount of giggling.

“What the feck happened?”
“Why’s he look like a Pelormass Turkey?”
“Oh the worm kicked the crap out of him, those little orange robes of his burst into flame, I managed to kill the worm eventually- but he was charcoal briquette by then.”
“Charcoal Kickette- that’s what we’ll call him.”
“We’re not keeping him.”
“Oh come on.”
“He’s a health hazard.”
“So’s Mallaria… and Felix.”
“So anyway Liandri- why, or more to the point, how the feck is he up and walking?”
Liandri shows them the whistle-
“I… Er… put the fire out as best I could and rescued this. I blew it and he got up and followed me around.”
The others look on.
“Kin’ Hell.”
“He probably is… he probably is.”
“Look- chase Endrin.”
The Zombie Xeolus begins to totter towards Endrin arms out, moaning a bit as he goes.
Endrin giggles for a bit and dodges around the assembled crowd leading ZX (hereafter Zombie Xeolus) a merry dance. Eventually ZX is called off and order is restored.

After a snack of cheese and pickle sandwiches, followed by a bottle of Blue Nun the group gathers their gear together and head off- remembering to leave Mallaria and Whirlwind behind as security guards.

Back to work.

The group enter the darkened chamber, Liandri guiding ZX all the while.

“Left a bit… keep going left.”
“Look Liandri beneath that huge menacing looking Dragon statue… directly in front of it… see, just where it would breathe great gouts of flame- if it were alive. Look there’s a strange coloured tile.”
“I see it… hang on. ZX get over to that tile and jump up and down on it a bit.”

ZX does as he is told the result is a sudden burst of smoke and perhaps some flame, it’s difficult for the group to tell what with all the fumes. While the smoke is settling Liandri feels a sudden chill as if an icy hand had somehow reached into him, Bob soon after complains of the same and swears that he saw a ragged shadowy face in the smoke. The effect is electric- the group head swiftly for an obvious door- kick it open and head within, slamming it shut behind them.

The new chamber looks to be a rotten and ruined library of sorts- ZX is eventually called through to the room when the dust and smoke has cleared. Several of the group state that ZX looks, almost better- as if someone had taken the time to clean him up. The group rest again- Liandri and Bob feel weak (DM’s note they have both been attacked and damaged by a Shadow)- the area is searched and a number of Spell Scrolls are located. After an hour or so the group decide to press on, as they are still in good-ish health.

The Knights exit the library following a dank passage that curves round to a set of steps down- the passage below is about a foot and a half deep with foul smelling water. Liandri and Sayon are despatched forward- they discover there is a door on the left of the passage but it looks to be barred and chained shut from this side. The two press on to the outer limits of a lit chamber- within is a low wall with several Goblins standing behind the wall (battlements) armed with spears, there looks to be another door on the far side.

The two creep back and a plan is hatched- eventually ZX wades forward towards the Goblin guards while Endrin’s Ghost Sound spell echoes down the passageway. The Goblins behind the barricade go to flee- unlocking the door behind them- two are cut down while two escape. The Knights leap the wall and set off in hot pursuit- through a storeroom of sorts they head into a third room- obviously a guardroom also. There the two fleeing Goblins and four more Hobgoblins are cut down in short order. There is another door which leads out into another corridor, with stairs going up again, however after a brief meeting it is decided to lock and barricade this door while the chained and barred door is investigated.

This is done in short time with stuff taken out of the store room to barricade the door- a number of Dire rats are discovered and almost straight after killed. Likewise ZX is sent back to Mallaria and Whirlwind with a note telling them to move forward, and to run through the room with the Shadow. Mallaria rests in the room with the improvised barricaded door, while Whirlwind is in the room with the battlements- the doors open between them. 

Meanwhile the rest of the group take to examining the strange padlocked and barred door- it seems to be a tomb of some sort, that has probably been sealed for ages. Eventually Liandri pops the lock and Bob puts his shoulder to it to get the door open, alas this proves to be Bob’s downfall.

The door flies open and the water surges in emptying into the newly discovered room that is bisected by a pit, running the entire width of the room. Bob overbalances and is swept over the side- landing roughly some twenty feet below and damaging his arm (dislocated) in the process. The others rush in to help-

“Bob… BOB… Are you ok?”
“I… I think so… get me some light.”
“Endrin quickly casts a Light spell on a stone and throws it down the pit.”
“AAAArrrrghhhhhh ZOMBIES.”
“No you’re alright he’s up here.”

Bob is on the floor of the cavern, surrounding him are at least six Zombies arms outstretched clambering to get to him- to rip him apart.

And thus Session 28 ends.


Next week… Take a break- enter a kill trap.


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## endrin (Apr 18, 2004)

Poor Xeolus.....

We all miss him, though I'm sure it was Gimli and not Tomo who were (ir-)responsible for the demise of Xeolus (sorry for nit-picking)


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## Goonalan (Apr 19, 2004)

endrin said:
			
		

> Poor Xeolus.....
> 
> We all miss him, though I'm sure it was Gimli and not Tomo who were (ir-)responsible for the demise of Xeolus (sorry for nit-picking)




Bow down before me mortal; quiver, tremble in fear as I... oh you're right, I've put Tomo, when it should be Gimli, oh I'm a one aren't I. I don't know my Arse from Endrin.

There it's all edited straight.

The Wednesday Knights are brought to you courtesy of the Smirnoff & Hedges Foundation.

Thank you


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## Goonalan (Apr 19, 2004)

Not the Wednesday Knights

SESSION XXIX.

Fryday 17th Mork 2000

Inter Mission.

Characters present
Sam Fox female Human Fighter level 4 (Wayne)
Karl Los Val Da Rama male Gnome Cleric of Pelor level 2 (Kev. M.)
Flay male Half-Orc Paladin of St. Cuthbert level 1 (Erin)

Thin on the ground again- Emma’s in New York, Tomo & Dave are lost in space and time, while Kev H./Gimli has sworn off RPG- something to do with him being too old for this kind of thing, also Xeolus met a non-to-heroic end.

And so it is decided to play some of the lesser characters, the bit-part players, to have a bit of fun, thus we go back in time (a few days) to the village of Wick. Liandri and Xeolus you may remember rescued the Gammonandpineapple Halflings from a Goblin hole (down a well) which was being run by a lovely woman who charmed Xeolus and then got him to kick the crap out of Liandri. Well while they were there they discovered a lot of papers and what not- these they took to the authorities in Wick. The authorities being what they are did little or nothing, until…


Woodnesday 15th Mork 2000

Light the Wick.

Woodnesday night and Sam, Flay and Karl are unwinding in the Star Inn, a nice little country pub with a reputation for good beer and fine music- a procession of Bards and wannabe jugglers etc. stop of at the Star Inn just to say they’ve played there.

Tonight’s entertainment- a cover band of the Sulean trio “Sticky Berry Paste” are semi-wowing the crowd when a rough looking feller, in armour and sword (obviously militia), sidles over to Sam and tells her to “come quickly.” Unsure as to whether this is a command or and advertisement for the said gentleman’s services she allows herself to be led from the bar nodding for Karl and Flay to join her. 

Outside in the fresh air they are met by Dante Hicks the guard captain of Wick- who explains the situation as swiftly as possible-

“There are creatures in the woods to the north of Wick, we think they’re Goblins- I know that some of your travelling companions dealt with a Goblin lair earlier this week- I wondered if you would help us…”

As he finishes the sentence a shout (more of a scream really) is heard from the northern end of the village- instantly all present are running in that direction.

Only 200 yards away a fire fight has developed, quite literally- Dante and the semi-Knights quickly learn that a group of Goblins, and possibly Orcs, are firing flaming arrows into the thatch of the buildings closest to the woods. The inhabitants of the buildings in a rush to flee are being fired upon also- with at least three people down already. 

Sam and Dante quickly co-ordinate a missile response while bucket chains are formed to try to stop the spread of the fire- soon after, however, Goblins spring from the woods and charge down those attempting to extinguish the flames. The semi-Knights and some of the guards (there are only six in total) do their best to put paid to the Goblins attacks. 

Once the Goblins are down to a manageable number, this after a second wave of Goblins come from the woods- the three semi-Knights rush off with Dante in tow to take the fight to those in the woods. There they encounter a dozen or so Orcs armed with large bows and sharp swords- it is only when six of them lie dead that the Orcs retreat- throughout the fracas the semi-Knights note that orders are being delivered in Orcish and Goblin by an unseen foe. 

The Orcs & Goblins vanquished the semi-Knights retreat to the village for a short rest and note that the villagers have now got the fires under control- there are nearly a dozen dead Goblins and half-a-dozen dead Orcs. Alas six villagers and a guardsman have also been killed in the melee.

Dante immediately offers whatever wealth the village can muster to entreat the three semi-Knights to track down the Goblin & Orc attackers and to “see them off- off this Oerth.” There are no dissenters; they are all in favour, Dante provides a guardsman/tracker Frod to accompany them.

The semi-Knights are quickly provisioned and head out into the darkness of the woods and fields.

Their trip is uneventful, although difficult enough in the moonlight- the tracks are easy to follow as the Orcs/Goblins have trampled many farmers’ fields. Eventually the group finds themselves two hours away from the village in the lower reaches of some hills. An hour or so is spent re-locating the tracks, now more difficult to spot on the rocky ground- at around 2 A.M. they finally spot a cave set back in a small cut, Frod observes movement inside.


Thawsday 16th Mork 2000

It was all going really well until...

The team gets themselves organised and ready to rock and roll- Karl kicks of proceedings by casting a Dancing Lights spell and having the four torches created march directly into the cavern. Crossbows are fired and the sound of grumbling and shouting is heard from within. Frod kills one of the Orcs with his crossbow, while Sam and Flay rush in to despatch the other (overkill there). 

Just inside the cave they discover a passage heading north, nothing stirs- Karl kicks into action again, a Ghost Sound spell recreates the sound of marching feet down the passage- once again crossbow bolts twang and snap- another trap foiled. The passage north is dotted with side passages, left and right, each only 10 or so feet long at the bottom of each behind loose rock walls are Orcs with crossbows. There are four passages in total- there are four semi-Knights (including Frod) and soon after there are four dead Orcs.

As the group is looting the bodies (not Flay of course) a voice is heard- an Orc voice.

“Is that you Golan?”
“Yes.” Flay crosses himself- he knows it is wrong to lie.
“What’s happening in there.”
“They have come send more… quickly.”

Ashamed at his deceit he puts his head down and then backs into one of the side passages to wait the arrival of reinforcements. The others in the group fire a few crossbows and let out blood curdling screams- taking this advantage to really ham it up.

“Aaarghh right in the spleen.”
“You’ll never take me alive Goblin.”
“Did I fire five arrows or was it six… do you feel lucky punk, well do ya?”

Soon after six Goblins come running round the corner shouting and screaming- spears in hand. Three are cut down immediately, while the three behind quickly turn and scarper, back the way they came, Sam Fox in hot pursuit. 

Sam Fox follows the creatures into a much larger cavern, the other semi-Knights close behind, she swiftly kills two of the Goblins while the third cowers on the floor and begs for it’s life. 

“No ‘urt me… no ‘urt me kind lady of the big bosoms.”

The semi-Knights are in the centre of a larger cavern about thirty feet in radius and easily a dozen feet high. A passage leads north- Flay watches it while Sam kicks at the Goblin and shouts questions at it (in Common). 

“Who are you? Why did you attack Wick?”

Then…

“Wait there’s something moving on the walls…”

Karl’s warning is just in time, half-a-dozen Goblins leap from concealed hiding places- niches set about five feet up on the cavern walls- at the same time Flay screams a warning also and four Orcs come charging down the passage, melee is joined. 

However the semi-Knights are once again on top of things, the six Goblins are cut down in seconds- Sam kills two of the Orcs in a single attack. Twenty seconds later there is only one Orc left standing although more noise from the north passage indicates that reinforcements are on their way.

Bursting into the chamber come another four Orcs led by a six and a half foot tall Human Warrior (by the looks of things) dressed in Half-Plate. It is at this point that things go a bit awry, it goes a little like this…

Sam is fighting two Orcs.

“Adieu to yieu and yieu and… next please.”

Result- she kills both in a matter of seconds. 

Frod is fighting an Orc, the Orc rolls “20” and removes Frod’s arm at the elbow;

“Me leg… My leg… I can’t feel me leg.”
“That’s ‘cos they’ve chopped your arm off- try using the other one.” 

Result- Frod falls to the floor and bleeds to death screaming all the while.

Flay is fighting an Orc however he rolls a “1” and delivers a sword blow (with the hilt) to his own head.

“For St. CuthberDONG.”

Result- Flay is unconscious on the cavern floor, the Orc finishes him off with a stab through the heart in seconds.

Karl is fighting Strumas (the warrior) and an Orc; he lands a blow to Strumas which alas has no obvious effect. In the meantime the Orc rolls a “20” and delivers 18 HP damage to Karl reducing him to –6 HP.

“He he… this is eas… eeeergh.”

Result Karl slowly bleeds to death.

And so in a little under ten seconds the party of four is reduced to one- Sam Fox. 

“Frod, oh. Never mind- Karl, can you help- oh, I see. Well then, Flay I’m sure you could- oh, oh Pelor. Aaaarrgghhh.”

Sam kills another two Orcs, and then another two till there is just Sam and Strumas trading blows- she could win this. 

When another male Human, this time in loose fitting clothing (no armour), enters the chamber- obviously initially put off by the sounds of fighting. This new enemy is accompanied by two more Orcs- who rush to attack. While Sam is coping with these new arrivals Strumas breaks free of the combat and heads over to Orbin (in the loose fitting clothes) where he is given and then sups a Potion of Extra Healing. Sam in the mean time kills the two Orcs and for her sins is immediately hit by a Burning Hands spell from Orbin- Strumas launches himself into melee again. But once again it is Sam that is doing the damage, Strumas is reduced from 33 HP to only 9 HP (for a second time), it is enough Strumas throws down his weapon to surrender, backing away from the conflict, with his hands raised…

“That’s bet…”

And they are the final words of Sam Fox as Orbin’s Charm Person spell hits her and she fails her save.

What happened after that… well how would you know, Sam has been charmed (captured/killed?), Flay, Frod and Karl are all dead, so much for having a bit of fun with the bit part players- for the most part they are now no more than bits and parts of players.

The above was taken from “Trouble Times Two” another free to download scenario, which you can more than likely find at www.enworld.org in the free adventures section- it was written by Eric Downtown, god bless you sir.

And thus Session 29 ends.

Sam Fox Captured
Karl Los Val Da Rama Deceased
Flay Deceased

Next week… They’re dead Jim- now back to the main event.


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## Goonalan (Apr 19, 2004)

The return of the Wednesday Knights

SESSION XXX.

Fryday 17th Mork 2000

The Day of the Dead.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter level 1 (DM)
Xeolus the Zombie (DM)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian level 2 (DM)
Sayon Female Elven Fighter level 1 Thief level 1 (Erin)

Back to the main event-

Bob flails wildly as the Zombies close in- Liandri and Sayon quickly climb down ten feet and then drop to the floor within the ever-decreasing circle, the two of them draw weapons and set to work. Meanwhile up top Endrin gives one end of his rope to ZX (Zombie Xeolus)- 

“Hold on to this- don’t fail me now Xeolus- we really need you.”
“Mmm Brains.”
“Whatever.”

The rope whips through Xeolus’ hands- taking a thumb and a finger with it Endrin plunges twenty feet and lands awkwardly- a little the worse for hit points, he lies on the floor and swigs at a Potion of Healing (his last one I believe). Soon all four of the group are up and at ‘em- with Bob only using one arm and waving his sword about a bit- although to fine effect.

Soon all eight of the Zombies have been killed- the party have suffered wounds but none of them is in the mood to quit now. A simple device is rigged up for Bob- effectively strapping his left arm in place and strapping his shield over the arm- this is done by Endrin.

Liandri scoots around the festering Zombie bodies to see what he can see-see-see, which turns out to be nothing. In the northern section of the cavern Sayon has discovered a sarcophagus with some writing on it, something about moving to face the morning sun. The area in which the sarcophagus lies is surrounded by frescoes- one of which shows the dawn of day- the rising sun. She braces herself and pushes the sarcophagus in that direction- it moves surprisingly easily- there is a loud click, Liandri wanders over to see what’s going on. Thirty seconds later a secret door has been found- it swings open into an abandoned looking room with a passageway leading east and a door to the west- the entire section smells of fust and death. 

The two thieves creep in…

“Brains.”
“Brains.”
“I fancy a bit of liver… sorry, kiddin’- Brains mmm.”

Zombies pile forth from the eastern passage, Liandri and Sayon demonstrate quick thinking by grabbing a rotten couch and pushing it in front of the passageway. This blocks the way although the first Zombie begins to climb (ponderously) over the couch- Endrin and Bob rush into the room and begin hacking at the creature until it is unmoving- more are coming however. 

“Quickly fall back- switch to bows.”

Liandri leads the way, each Zombie that crowds the passageway is struck by numerous arrows- only one manages to get over the couch and is killed by Bob in seconds- soon the flow ceases. The passageway is thoroughly searched- nothing is found, the Knights then turn their attention to the door to the west. The two thieves Sayon and Liandri go to work.

“It’s clearly not trapped.” Sayon rolls a “1”
“It bloody is.” Liandri rolls a “20”
“Look I know what I’m doing.”
“I never said you didn’t- it’s just trapped, and I think it’s a magical trap.”
“What are you on about?”
“Look it’s trapped Sayon, you daft cow- stand back.”

Liandri blows his whistle and low and behold one of the Zombies staggers to his/her (it’s) feet and is directed towards the door.

“Stand back everybody.”

There is a blinding flash as the door opens (Searing Light spell) and the Zombie is reduced to a pile of dust-

“See…”

Liandri spots the shadowy creature that has floated into the room heading for him-

“Oh feck it’s another one of those… whatever they are?”
The Shadow grasps Liandri (“20” critical hit) Liandri takes 13 HP damage and losses 6 points of strength.

“Oh feck- get it off me… I’m dying… mummy.”

Endrin fires off Magic Missile after Magic Missile- Bob grabs Endrin’s magical longsword and wades in- the result from this point on is never in doubt and the creature is vanquished. Sayon has also been struck by the Shadow and is also down on strength- they feel well weak and vulnerable.

“Lets go back upstairs- I don’t like it here.”

Endrin has a quick mooch beyond the door, he discovers a statue that is wearing a nice looking Breastplate, which he removes and a set of steps spiralling down.

“Ok, I don’t fancy going any further- let’s see if we can get back out of this hole.”

An hour or so later the group is once again topside, this is achieved with a great deal of difficulty as the two thieves are feeling the worse for wear.

The Knight rests a while- but soon get bored, they decide to cross the chasm and investigate the corridor that leads off on the far side.


Zombie Xeolus Vs King Cobra.

The Knights haul themselves over the chasm, they take Zombie Xeolus (ZX) with them as a forward scout (tee-hee). The passage goes north to a crossroads- short passages head off with a door (three of them) at the end of each.

Liandri with ZX go west, Liandri unlocks the door and espies (and hears) a snake within- he despatches the killer Xeolus. A little later he opens the door to discover the tottering ZX with the large snake wrapped round his arm and shoulder being repeatedly bitten in the face.

“Ah it’s the simple pleasures in life…”

Liandri tries every now and then to have a stab at the snake but mostly leaves it to ZX who is triumphant, but down to 3 HP at the end of the confrontation.

He searches the room and discovers a number of frescoes on the walls- there seems to be a Dragon headed gentleman killing lots of other creatures- maybe Elves, which does not make Liandri happy. The Dragon headed guy is often depicted with a lieutenant figure, a human, who wears a strange looking amulet.

Meanwhile Sayon cautiously heads north, as she reaches the end of the passage and the door there is a sudden grinding noise and Battleaxes swish out of the side walls. Sayon stays absolutely still- the axes pass and inch in front of her and an inch behind. She musses her hair, ducks down and walks back the way she came figuring Liandri can check further on.

Meanwhile… meanwhile Endrin and Bob check the east door- there is a complex looking lock which seems to have space for a triangle/diamond shaped object. Later Liandri will describe the amulet around the Dragon headed lieutenant’s head and the description will fit the bill- now to find it.

And with that session 30 draws to a close- the players stretch and paw at the air and head home to Bedfordshire.

Next week… Inter Mission Part 2.


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## Goonalan (Apr 19, 2004)

Not the Wednesday Knights (again).

SESSION XXXI.

Satyrday 18th Mork 2000

Inter Mission 2. Return of the Sequel.

Characters present
Zanakand Male Dwarven Fighter lvl 1 (Kev M.)
Lea Female Halfling Thief lvl 1 (Erin)
Greta Goldgarth Female Elf Cleric of Corellan lvl 1 (Wayne)

What with turn 29’s complete failure the players are short of a B team as it were- characters to play when there are not enough people present to play the Wednesday Knights, like tonight, again, for instance. Thus the above characters are rolled into existence. 


It’s all mine, all mine.

It all starts in the small mining village of Barrak- Zanakand son of Thorbjorn is beginning to get edgy- the young Dwarf has not seen his father for a week now. Zan’s mother died in childbirth making it just him and his father versus the world- Barrak had also proved to be another wrong turn, a human mining community whose Iron Ore mine has just about played out. 

Zan has therefore taken it upon himself to get some assistance- the local militia were sent to the mine four days ago but not a soul has returned- the village has conducted its day-to-day activities in fear ever since. A swift rider has also been sent to Carimor (the next, slightly larger, settlement down the valley) but assistance has not yet arrived. On top of the lost miners and patrolmen, there is a sickness in the village. For the last two weeks members of the community have been falling ill with alarming regularity, mostly the old and the young- but lately the sickness has begun to strike the young, robust and healthy. So far there has only been one death but the illness has not passed, and even some of those cured by the local priests of Corellan have taken sick again. It is as if the sickness is all around the village… in the air.

Zan visits the shrine of Corellan, to tell them his story; there he is introduce to Greta Goldgarth an Elven priest in training and head chorister at the shrine. The two quickly become firm friends- committed to getting to the bottom of this mystery. Last but by no means least Zan recruits Lea a Halfling lass, daughter of Daniel Way the village cobbler- Lea cares little for the mystery, she sees this trip as an opportunity to avoid a life of misery, “crushed underfoot” as she put it, by the family business.

And so the three intrepid wannabe adventurers take what equipment they have and what food they can lay their hands on and in the middle of the night head off to the Mines.


Sunday 19th Mork 2000

The Burning Plague.

In the early hours of Sunday morning, the villagers day of rest- when they are least likely to be missed, the three intrepid explorers arrive at the mine. A brief scout of the area reveals the signs of destruction on a grand scale- a battle has been fought here, and it appears that the humans- the guardsmen and the miners were beaten. The ground is littered with drag marks and blood trails- many of them days (maybe even a week) old. 

Greta leads the way into the mine itself- noting as she does the signs of combat within the entrance to the mine- cuts and notches in the pit props, the drag marks lead on.

The central cavern is a mess of overturned mine carts, fallen rocks and the debris caused by the destruction- the only thing of note, the body of a Dwarven miner face down next to an overturned mine cart. Cautiously Greta approaches- from the rear she can see the puncture marks of crossbow bolts, broken off in the wounds. Zan comes to look as Lea rolls the body over, to see if it is Zan’s father (it isn’t)- at the same time a piece of loose rock skitters down from where it was precariously balanced, as it hits the ground there is an almighty explosion. The three cover their ears as the Thunderstone erupts- Lea dives down to the floor and avoids the sonic damage, Zan also withstands the assault it is Greta that is left bleeding at the ears stunned and disorientated, unable to hear anyone or anything.   

“Are you alright Greta?”
“What?”
“I said ARE YOU OK?”
“WHAT?”
“ARE YOU OK?”
“WHAT?”
“CAN YOU HEAR ME?”
“WHAT, I CAN’T HEAR WHAT YOU’RE SAYING? WHAT IS HE SAYING?”
Lea looks at Zan and then back to Greta “HE’S ASKING WHETHER YOU CAN HEAR HIM OR NOT.”
“WHAT?”

The conversation continues for some time until mainly by hand signals the group heads further into the mine. From the central chamber there are two passages leading off- one goes to the miners quarters, the other goes into the mine- they chose the latter.

Towards the end of the passage, as it descends to the actual mining chamber, Lea and Zan discover a crudely constructed pit trap, only six or seven feet deep but lined with broken glass and rocks. 

“Who the feck’s in here then?”
“Dunno- take it easy though.”

Lea heads off into the main chamber keeping low to the cavern floor, in and out of the shadows, she takes her time, as she has never been in the mine before.

Around about ten minutes later she returns with news- there is another tunnel leading off this chamber that descends further, Zan states that this was a new seam which was discovered six months ago, but is also almost played out. The strange thing however is the ledge over on the far wall- up about thirty feet from the cavern floor, she climbed up the rope as silently as possible and observed a bunch of Kobolds drinking and eating up there. Throughout the entire report Greta stands uncomprehending still deaf from the Thunderstone- Zan meanwhile has to be restrained briefly while Lea points out that rushing the Kobolds is impossible-

“They’re thirty feet up on a stone ledge- how the feck are you going to get to them?”
“I’ll kill them all, just you see.”

Zan huffs and puffs a while but eventually sees the sense in Lea’s words- a plan is hatched.

Lea creeps back into the room, observing the inhabitants of the ledge as she goes and all the time indicating to Zan and Greta when it is safe to move forward. In this manner the three make there way to the centre of the chamber so they can all observe the ledge- they ready missile weapons. Lea then heads off again, shimmies up the rope and checks the ledge again, there seems to be one Kobold leader type and at least half-a-dozen Kobold warriors. She takes a rag out of her pocket that she has previously soaked in lantern oil and begins to smear it on the rope as she scoots down- eventually tying it at the end. Once at the bottom she takes her tinderbox out and on the second attempt ignites the end of the rope- the fire spreads upwards quickly, then a short sprint undercover back to her compatriots. 

Approximately thirty seconds pass, the fire has taken hold and is half way up the rope when the first Kobold comes to investigate and calls over his colleagues- the wannabe-Knights fire their missiles, they all miss. On top of the ledge the Kobolds duck for cover and chaos ensues, the only fatality comes when one of the creatures leaning over the edge in a forlorn attempt to extinguish the fire plummets over the side. The remaining Kobolds are soon back with their own missile weapons- a short exchange occurs with no winners or losers. 

“It’s not them.”
“What?”
“It’s not them.”
“What are you talking about Zan?”
“They didn’t do this- you said there were only six of them… we need to go on.”
Zan looks down the darkened passage- to the new seam.
“Down there- it’s down there”

Throughout this Greta continues to fire her bow oblivious to the conversation. 

Lea nods, nudges Greta and points down the passage. The three stow their weapons and move off at speed.

The passage descends again, a rough-hewn tunnel, into another chamber, nowhere near the size of the last. The three slow to a halt- surrounding them are the rotting remains of miners and guardsmen stacked either side of a cleared pathway puddled with their putrid liquefied remains, Lea is instantly sick. The smell of the chamber is all encompassing- the three tie cloths around their mouths and noses, Zan can feel the sting of his tears- scanning the rotten piles looking for his father. Greta reaches for her holy symbol, fortunate really as several of the piles stir, Zombies are extricating themselves from the morass of bodies, the fighting begins. There are four small Kobold Zombies, who climb off the top of the piles, and four miners and/or guardsmen- one of which is a dwarf.

Many of the creatures are turned instantly by Greta (all of the Kobolds) the others fight desperately- and then Zan finds himself standing in front of the Zombie version of his father, he is paralysed as his father strikes out. Greta pulls him quickly out of the way recognising the situation for what it is- in an instant she begins to batter feck out of the Zombie as Zan stands statue in the centre of the chamber. Soon the fight is over although several of the Zombies have retreated further down the passage that continues to descend further underground.

The non-Knights take stock of the situation- Zan is silent, the tears stream down his face, Greta is still deaf, and Lea is doing her best to keep them together.

“Shall we get on… up ahead… see what’s there?” Lea ventures.

Zan walks forward- descending further, following the seam, his axe in his hands- the others follow solemnly behind- like a funeral march, but who’s funeral? 

Thirty seconds later the group enters what looks to be the final chamber. The cavern is around about forty feet wide with a central spur from which water spurts- once again the area is littered with the corpses of miners and guardsmen alike. The water that gushes out of the spur seems to be crystal clear however once it passes through the revolting mess of the corpses it becomes tainted- the source of Barrak's illness is discovered. Zan stands guard as Greta and Lea begin to drag the corpses out of the stream, he begins to notice that the central spur has been carved in many places. Zan takes a few steps forward to read some of the inscriptions, even with his feeble religious/arcane knowledge he realises that they are runes of hatred, fear, disease and loathing the work of some dark god… and then the lights go out.

The maybe-Knights’ torches dim till they illuminate their faces only. Lea turns quickly they are not alone in the cavern…

“Is somebody there?”

In the silence, only the sound of the stream, a hand reaches out to touch Lea- she turns swiftly weapon drawn.

“Boo…”
“Aaaaarrgggghhhh…”

Lea screams and flees back down the passageway towards the Zombie chamber (a Cause Fear spell), Zan moves towards where Lea was and swings his axe a few times- he can see someone in the magical darkness and then suddenly he feels his strength wane (A Doom spell). A huge Half-Orc looms out of the darkness swinging a Heavy Mace that strikes home delivering 9 points of damage. Greta heads towards the ruckus only to see Zan receive a second blow the dwarf is knocked off his feet and unconscious. Not thinking Greta leaps in picks the dwarf up and in one movement is fleeing back the way they came.

It is not until Greta reaches the cavern with the Kobolds on the ledge that she lets up- Lea is also here, embarrassed but unharmed, the three hunker down undercover and talk it out. Greta begins by healing Zan as best she can- however the dwarf is not well, something more than the wound he has received- fortunately Greta’s deafness has about gone so she takes charge of the situation.

“Ahoy… HELLO UP THERE.”
“Wah… wha’ yu wan’?” A Kobold shouts back.
“What is it down there?” Greta points down the passage from which they have just emerged. The Kobold, obviously the leader type, comes to the ledge and looks down on Greta who is standing out in the open unarmed- although Lea lurks nearby.
“We don’t kno’. We fownd dis playce- we thort it woz desur… dez-sit… dezzur… oh emptee. But mad Orc about- kill lotz. We gow soon- you leaf too?”

The Kobold waits for Greta’s reply, she merely nods and then waves farewell- her mind is made up she needs to return to her shrine to seek advice- the creature, the Half-Orc, is too strong for them at the moment- they need Zan up and running at the very least. Furthermore as she looks at her two companions she can see that Zan has the beginning of the wasting illness that has affected much of the village- the head priest will know what to do she figures.

And so only two hours or so after their arrival the three adventurers head back, and are in time for tea. They say nothing to their families about the adventure they have undertaken- they do however call in at the shrine of Corellan to sort out Zan.


Moonday 20th Mork 2000

If anyone can Zan can.

The Priest of Corellan takes one look at Zan and begins a cleansing spell to remove the illness from his body; his wounds are only minor compared to the toxins that course through him. The ceremony lasts an hour however the true results will only reveal themselves over time, it is hoped that his Dwarven constitution will spare him the ravages of the illness. The need for this plague to be thwarted is even more apparent now- Zan has a personal stake in it.

The adventurers head back to their respective homes- although for Zan this is an empty house; he sits and stares at his fathers chair until the fire is low. Lea makes her excuses saying that she has been out in the hills all day, “taking exercise”, her father looks at her unbelievingly but says nothing. Greta stays the night at the shrine- she, like Zan, has no one to look after her.

And so early the next morning, 4.30 AM the group reconvenes- aware that this time they are likely to be in trouble, or at least Lea will be…

“Well you know how the song goes- ‘these boots were made for walking and that’s what they’re gonna’ do…’” She giggles to herself. The journey up the mountain pass to the mine is uneventful- the group get there in good time as the remainder of Barrak begin to rise… and so to the finale.


(P)Orc(ky) Dies.

Back at the mine the Kobolds have departed- the rest of the miners quarters are checked and are found to be deserted. The main cavern is empty, the three head down to the last cavern in which the Mad Orc was encountered. This time he is not alone- the cavern is instantly plunged into darkness when the could-be-Knights are heard- Greta counters with a light spell or two. However the Mad Orc is not alone, a huge wolf rushes from the darkness straight at Zen- the creature is hit by an arrow or two from Lea, who stays back and peppers the various melees as and when the opportunity arises. Zan for his part, with a Bless from Greta, makes short work of the Fiendish Wolf. During this time Greta wards off a Hold Person spell from the Mad Orc and then holds her own in a stand up fight, although she does little damage to the creature. 

The Mad Orc is soon fighting off Zan and Greta with Lea trying to get a shot in (without success), eventually the creature flees to the back of the chamber, reduced to half its hit points. There the creature swigs Potions of Healing and then Invisibility- Lea follows the creature into the shadows, relying on her listen skill to find the Orc out. 

Greta and Zan head for the entrance to the cavern and block the exit- slashing at the air in front of them, the Orc looks for another way out while Lea climbs the central spur, hunkers down and waits.

Time passes… slowly, until…

The Mad Orc, still invisible, can take it no more and charges at Zan and Greta in a last ditch effort to escape- miraculously Zan connects with the creature as it approaches, it roars and slashes back becoming visible. Lea’s bowstring twangs and her arrow thuds into the creatures back (a sneak attack), and in the same round the bleeding Orc is cut down by Greta- it lies dead on the floor of the cavern.

The group circles the dead creature and takes a good look- a six and a half foot tall Orc with crazy hair and eyes, lacerated, bruised and battered- much of it looks self inflicted. It’s face and body a mess of sickening sores and wounds mixed in with crude tattoos. 

Zan shoves a lit torch in the creature’s sackcloth robes- the corpse is soon ablaze.

They stay until the body has more or less burnt away and then clear the area as best they can before returning to the village to tell their tale.

And with that session 31 expires.

The above was snatched from “The Burning Plague” a simple adventure available for free from the constantly changing Wizards of the Coast- go to there site www.wizards.com (I think). You’ll need to fiddle about a bit and get to the role-playing game D&D section and then look for the free adventures- there’s loads of them.

Next week… Back to the main screen.


----------



## Goonalan (Apr 21, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights (back by popular demand)

SESSION XXXII.

Fryday 17th Mork 2000


The Stench of Death.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter level 1 (DM)
Xeolus the Zombie (DM)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian level 2 (Tomo)
Sayon Female Elven Fighter level 1 Thief level 1 (Erin)

Bob and Liandri re-examine the frescoes and compare the shape and size of the Amulet depicted with the indentation in the eastern door. 

“Yep that’s the one officer.”
“So all we need do is find it, and then we can open the door… which takes us… where?”
“Who cares lets just go and get it.”

While the two are doing this Endrin, Mallaria and Sayon head north- with a little shove the door opens into an immensely dusty room which holds just one thing; a cracked and broken sarcophagus.

Can you guess what’s going to happen next- as the group approach, the stone lid, which has already been broken in two, is pushed aside- crashing to the floor. Standing in the sarcophagus is an emaciated creature- 50% fangs, 50% drool.

“Oh it’s one of them…”
“One of what Mallaria”, Sayon eagerly enquires.
“A Richard.”

A “Richard” or “Dickie” is Mallaria’s pet name for a Ghast, or any other hard-looking Undead- after Richard the Necromantic Undead Farmer (See previous turns- can’t remember the number).

“Hold your nose.”

The creature leaps out of the sarcophagus and begins leering and gurning at the adventurers.

“What do you mean hold your nose”, Sayon says then sniffs the air.
“Have you farted?”

The Ghast exudes a foul stench, fortunately Mallaria and Endrin have spent time sleeping over with Felix- whose eggy vapours are a fair comparison.

The creature stumbles forward and Mallaria notices that around the creatures neck hangs a triangle/diamond shaped pendent- now who wanted one of those?

In seconds the pendent is in Mallaria grasp- this Mage Hand ability she has is proving to be worth its weight in gold. For good measure the three slam into the creature and kick the crap out of it in a matter of seconds- the only casualty is Sayon, and then no more than a scratch.

The group retreat and meet up with Liandri and Bob- Mallaria proudly displays the Amulet, Liandri grabs it from her and quickly makes the eastern door work- beyond is another abandoned room, with only a chest to show for it. Seconds later the thing is open and a pile of gold and another Amulet is found- Endrin snaffles it, and takes to wearing it immediately (after a surreptitious Detect Magic makes it glow). Later he will notice how difficult he is to hit for it is an Amulet of Natural Armour +1.

The group split the gelt and head back to the crevasse, there they take a late supper and then head below again, leaving the Zombie Xeolus with Whirlwind with orders to “shout a lot, and very loudly” if the enemy comes.

This above section bit was grafted onto the main adventure (see later) using only sticky tape and spit- it is called “A Typical Tomb”, catchy title eh? I believe you can go get yourselves a copy from www.d20reviews.com/csp (Crooked Staff Productions) or try ENWorld again. Kristian Richards, whose favourite cheese incidentally is Edam, wrote the adventure. Great guy, great cheese.


Wight Dragon.

The group hustle through the Zombie cavern and then through the secret door and then on through the western door from which the Shadow was released and to the spiral stairs that descend into the darkness- Liandri and Sayon are sent ahead.

The stairs spiral down for a short while before ending in a corridor (which also smells of death)- ten feet away is a crossroads. The two thieves sneak ahead while the rest of the group comes down the stairs.

Part way to the crossroads Liandri thinks (only thinks mind) that he hears or even feels a soft click- he decides not to mention this… Mmmm what do you think- a good idea? We’ll see.

Liandri sneaks a peek around the west corner… standing ten feet away from him is a Zombie with it’s back to him- this proves too good an opportunity to miss, Liandri wades in with a sneak attack. The first creature is swiftly destroyed, however as it sinks to the floor Liandri and Sayon see that there are others approaching, the two double up and head off to meet them.

Endrin and Bob hear the action draw swords and rush to the crossroads- there is nothing ahead (south), Sayon and Liandri fighting Zombies to the west, and oh… what’s this… more Zombies heading towards them from the east. Battle is joined as Endrin and Bob pile in, which kinda leaves Mallaria in a quandary- she cannot get into either scrap- nothing for it but to head south.

Mallaria has gone no more than twenty feet when the floor suddenly gives way plunging her a good fifteen feet down onto cold stone and into darkness.

“Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu guyssss.”

Liandri takes note.

Back upstairs the Zombies are getting the crap kicked out of them with little in the way of harm to the Knights- there are ten to begin with and soon after there are none. 

Mallaria quickly adjusts to the darkness and the flaring torchlight above- she finds a wall and miraculously scales it (Climb DC 15 x2).

The fight over the group search the corridors, from which the Zombies emerged, but find nothing of interest before sidling past the now open pit into a circular chamber with a dried up fountain in the centre. A door leads further south, Mallaria discovers it is locked- Liandri scours the fountain and in the rotten detritus discovers an ancient looking key- seconds later the door swings open into darkness. 

The Knights torches illuminate a huge chamber with rotting tapestries on the walls and two very large sarcophagi.

The Knights look at the DM and shrug there shoulders (collectively) as if to say not this again.

“Ok I want this to go by the numbers people- I want tactical arrow cover and big sword up front formation- that’s you Malaria, shag it people, we ain’t got all day.”
“What’re you on about Endrin?”
“Erm. Mallaria- you’re up the middle, me and Bob’ll back you up, Liandri & Sayon one to either side of the room- clean sweep forward.”
“?”
“Whatever, Sarge.” 

Mallaria salutes a frustrated looking Endrin.

“Absolutely bad ass… I’m sorry I don’t know what’s come over me.”

They do as their told though, the thieves head for the corners- keeping hidden and as silently as possible. Mallaria draws her sword and heads off with Bob and Endrin for support.

The group are around halfway through the room when Sayon spots the shadow of a figure crouched behind a sarcophagus, only feet away from Mallaria, she screams.

“Mallaria watch out.”

From behind the sarcophagus the figure rises, seven feet tall a dragon’s head with a man’s body, worse still the creature appears to be transparent- some form of Undead Dragon headed tomb inhabiting… and then.

“Phwooosh.” <DM’s note- the sound of Fiery Breath>

Followed by-

“Aaaarrgghh, another bloody Dickie.”

Mallaria backs off, which in 32 sessions is a first.

Liandri, now closest skips in, abandoning his bow for his sword- the blade passes clean through the thing. Endrin slightly singed lets rip with the Magic Missiles, while Bob wades in swinging her blades- both of which bite home.

Mallaria recovers as another gout of flame engulfs Bob and Endrin who stagger backwards- Mallaria rushes into the gap and swings with all her might; the magical two-handed sword does the rest.

“Twonk.”

The dragon’s head hits the ground spinning before finally coming to rest, in seconds it becomes insubstantial and fades into nothing, the body slumps forward and does likewise. 

“Bad Dickie. Bad, bad Dickie.”

The Wight is gone.

The treasure hunters take over, Liandri and Sayon get their jemmies out and begin levering the tops off the sarcophagi- five minutes later, much to their chagrin they discover that both are empty.

“Bollocks.”

Mallaria however has discovered something- here Elven senses have found something between the crumbling patches of plaster on the walls- it looks to be a concealed door. Several swings of her axe later the plaster is gone and the door revealed- Liandri and Sayon shuffle over and in minutes it swings open.

Beyond is a small room full of dust and cobwebs, a backpack, and a pile of equipment in one corner, a passage heads north. The Knights discover some masterwork armour and weapons and, seemingly, a dwarven haversack- at least the writing on it is in dwarven.

“GREEN HOWARD’S HANDY HAVERSACK
PROPERTY OF ECKEE THUMP
DUNMININ’
VIII PEBBLEDASH WAY
KARAK DOOM”

And on the inside flap-

“ECKEE LUVS SHARON.”

Alas Sharon is crossed through, true love never runs smoothly, and is replaced by-

“GOLD.”

Which is at least traditional.

Inside is a cornucopia of delights, probably the strangest of which is the ten-foot ladder. The Knights ponder this for a while, although Mallaria has her own theory-

“Bad magic.”

She is dissuaded from destroying the Haversack, and Bob takes it vowing to check out all of the contents later, and put an end to the mystery. 

DM’s note- Bob is a big thick Ranger; let’s just say he wears slip-ons- no laces.

The passageway leads around the trapped corridor and back into one of the areas from which the Zombies emerged at the start of this level.

The above scenario, entitled "Forgotten Honour", is available from the lovely people Dragonscaleencounters.com, it was written by Eric Price, who's a fantastic guy, eats all his greens and looks both ways before crossing the road- absolutely no trouble whatsoever- God bless you Mr. Price. Thanks.


Let's get the flock out of here.

The Knights climb the stairs, then up and out, and back to the waiting Whirlwind and ZX- who are play “slapsies.”

Slapsies is a game for two players; it takes skill, guile, dexterity and speed to win.

Each player places their hands together as in prayer, pushing their arms out slightly from their chest so that the tips of the two player’s fingers meet in the middle. One player is “it”. He or she attempts to slap the other person’s hands- with one hand, the other player attempts to move their hands away (usually up or down- but keeping their hands in the prayer position) to avoid being slapped. The guile comes into it when the player who is “it” motions or feigns an attempt to slap the other (without actually moving their hands from the prayer position). If the person who isn’t “it” moves their hands out of the way of this feigned attack then the person who is “it” gets one free slap. Whoever is “it” continues until they miss, when the second player becomes “it”. The only time a player may break the prayer position is when they are attempting a slap- any other is punishable by one free slap. 

Needless to say ZX is winning.


A Pincer Attack.

After half-an-hour rest the Knights gear up to get on, Sayon opens the door and heads up some steps and into a long corridor heading south, she creeps ahead, the others follow. At the end of the passage are two doors heading east.

Sayon opens one of the doors and an arrow “thwunks” into the stonework surrounding it- she shuts the door quickly.

Meanwhile Liandri opens the other door, an empty room, a study of sorts; although there’s a thin layer of loam and soil on the floor- he moves in followed by Mallaria and Bob. It is indeed a study, with a small library- mostly nature books. More importantly there’s a door leading south, obviously entering the room that Sayon just attempted to investigate.

Endrin clocks this.

“Right then a pincer attack, we’ll open the door here and draw their fire, you charge through your door and lay into them. When they’ve fired their first volley I’ll blow my whistle- that’s your cue.”

Much nodding.

Endrin nods at Sayon who whips the door open-

“Thud. Thud. Thud (x many).”
“Peeeeeeep”

Endrin steps into the doorway and fires of a Flare spell with devastating effect, three of the half-dozen Goblins reel back- blinded. Sayon squeezes into the room and fires off a shot or two, one of the bad guys sinks to the deck.

Meanwhile in the study.

“It’s locked.”
“What?”
“The door.”
“Feck.”
“Liandri…”
“Shush, I’m reading.”

Bob looks exasperated then runs out of the room towards Endrin and Sayon.

Mallaria straightens up takes several paces back and thunders into the door. The door creaks and groans, a partial success. Liandri looks up from 
His book and shakes his head. Mallaria goes again.

Meanwhile-

“Peeeeeeeeeeep.”
“PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.”

Sayon looks at Endrin.

“Where the feck are they?”

An arrow strikes her in the side, natural “20” from the Goblin archer and she goes down like she’s dying.

“MALLLAAAAAARRRRRRIIIIIIIIAAAAA.”

Bob appears in the corridor, as the door smashes through at last and Mallaria charges at the Goblins- ignoring the arrows that are hitting her. The Knights rally.

Endrin, “For the Hucrele’s.”
Bob, “For Amberdale.”
Mallaria, “For the money.”
Sayon, “For <COUGH>.”
Liandri, “For Pelor’s sake keep the noise dow…”

Behind the overturned tables in the chamber are at least half-a-dozen (probably more Goblins), rushing into the chamber are another half-dozen of the stick like creatures. Worse still two Bugbears step from the shadows, one of which is Balsag.

Liandri dives for his bow and is in the doorway, “laying down suppressing fire”, (it’s something Endrin said to him) before you can say Jack Robinson (in elvish).

Sayon is gurgling nicely and coughing up blood, Bob is a whirl of blades- mincing Goblins and Stickmen alike, Mallaria and Endrin wade into the first Bugbear making short work of the creature, Liandri continues with the arrows.

The fight begins to thin, the Stickmen do not retreat and so are cut to shreds, the Goblins attempt to flee but the stragglers are caught between Liandri and Balsag, who’s obviously not keen on any of the Goblins getting away. Balsag screams and bangs his chest swiping at any of the Knights that come close.

“FYYYTTTEE MEEE.”

The huge creature points directly at Mallaria, who shrugs half-smiles and closes in.

“Feck you, fecker. I’m gunna gets me a nu rug.”

And with that session 32 draws to a close and we are all put back in our respective boxes for another week. 

Next week… Fin.


----------



## Goonalan (Apr 23, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights.

SESSION XXXIII.

Fryday 17th Mork 2000

The first line of defence.

Characters present
Liandri Male Half-Elf Rogue level 2 Wizard level 1 (Kev. M.)
Endrin Male Human Bard level 3 Sorcerer level 1 (Wayne)
Bob Male Human Ranger level 2 (Emma) 
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter level 1 (DM)
Xeolus the Zombie (DM)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian level 2 (Tomo)
Sayon Female Elven Fighter level 1 Thief level 1 (Erin)

Mallaria and Balsag clash, struggle, and then fly apart, their weapons clatter to the floor. Meanwhile the other Knights are laying about the scattered remains of the Goblin/Stickman defenders, however others are arriving, three more of each. 

Mallaria pulls out her hand axe and lets it fly missing Balsag and whizzing by Endrin’s head. Balsag launches a punch and Mallaria is sent sprawling. She fumbles for her second hand axe, and lets that fly- it buries itself in the huge Bugbears abdomen. Then she’s on her feet sword in hand, Balsag staggers upright, likewise re-armed.

The Knights are winning all the other fights, Liandri notches an arrow and lets it fly, another Goblin crumples; Endrin stabs out and another one bites the dust; Bob slashes cross-bladed and a Stickman is reduced to tinder; Whirlwind cuts and parries and another falls.

The only casualties of the piece are Sayon who is still wheezing on the floor and ZX, who alas, has finally come to rest- one leg a foot shorter than the other.

Balsag stumbles and Mallaria launches a massive overhead attack, her two-handed sword bites- through the huge Bugbears shoulder and into its chest. Balsag sinks to his knees, and then mutters through bloodied lips-

“The darkness comes for you. I’ll be waiting.” 

Then slumps forward- dead.

The other confrontations are likewise coming to a conclusion- the Knights are victorious.

The Knights check the bodies, and discover a Goblin still hanging on to life- Bob patches him up as best as he can,

“We’re going to have a little chat with you.”

Sayon meanwhile has been dealt with, the arrow removed and Bob’s healing hands (he’s got the gift, the big lug) have made Sayon comfortable, a potion of healing to restore her vitality. Meanwhile Liandri has nicked off back to the study, rifled the shelves, and discovered all manner of things- scrolls and books, he’s filled a sack with “stuff to read.”

The area is secured- a dull and dirty guardroom, with one wall collapsed and a huge cave beyond. Bob and Endrin look out through the many twisted and stunted plants, trees and bushes that choke the cave- Endrin swears he can see a light in the distance.

Mallaria and the newly energized Sayon grab the Goblin and take him for a wander.

“What the feck’s in the cave.”
“Big boss.”
“Who’s he then?”
“Belak.”
“What’s he like?”
“Crazy like a woof.”
“What power does he wield?”
“The power to end you elf… [he notices Mallaria’s pointed ears] elves.”
“Oh yeah.”

Mallaria takes her two-handed sword rests it on the Goblins chest, smiles, then leans on it- it slips in, and through.

“Thanks for that.”


In remembrance.

The six Knights are gathered in a half circle, in the center of them lies the body of Xeolus the Zombie- lacerated and hacked at, missing one foot, burnt to a cinder, and smelling faintly of elf piss.

“He was a good man.”
“He was a better Zombie.”
“More tolerant.”
“Tolerable.”
“I’ll miss him.”
Everyone turns to stare at Mallaria.
“He made me angry all the time- I like that.”
“Do you want to say something Endrin?”
The silence stretches.
“Err… no. Liandri?”
“He… he… tried to kill me once, but then again he saved me- he was alright, I suppose- I’ll not miss him though. Whirlwind?”
“Never met him really- he seemed, I dunno, alright, I suppose.”
“Sayon?”
“Yeah- I’ll go along with that.”
It falls to Bob.
“He tried to do the right thing, he meant well, in his heart I know that he wanted only for good, it was just, he was just…”
“An annoying feck?” Liandri offers.
“Actually I was going to say, he was just fifteen.”
It sinks in.
“Oh.”
The silence settles.

Liandri draws out the whistle to play a last post-

“Peeeeee…”

Zombie Xeolus sits up and opens his eyes.

“Feck I forgot about that.”
“MOVE NOW.”

The Knights scatter as Mallaria, in one move, draws her two-handed sword, circles once, and decapitates ZX where he sits.

“Leave him. In peace.”

Then stalks off, the others mooch about a bit, trying to find words.

In silence they tighten straps, heft melee weapons, ready missile weapons, re-locate scrolls and potions- for ease of access; ready for the final confrontation, Belak and the Twilight Grove ahead.


The Twilight Grove.

Sayon and Liandri head off, the advance party- they make fair headway through the thorny vegetation, there is indeed a light ahead. Settling down a hundred yards or so from a collapsed (built) stone wall, Liandri bills and coos at Eric (the Lightning Lizard) and then lets him loose to find his way forward.

As Eric skitters off the bushes move around the pair of Rogues and the Stickmen come- half-a-dozen and in a rush, the two down one each before hot footing it back to the cave entrance, and the Knights- Eric is still out there. The Stickmen do not follow.

The second time all the Knights head forward, and when the collapsed walls are back in sight- the two Rogues head off again, knowing that support is not too far away.

Through a gap in the walls they spy and elderly man dressed in leather and robes, with a long beard and leaning on a staff seemingly talking and staring at a huge dark misshapen tree- Belak. He looks, for want of a better word, a bit “crazy”, possibly like a “woof”.

They creep back to the Knights but are once again attacked by the Stickmen- this time the rogues are ready- Liandri kills both in a moment.

Plans are made. The Knights creep forward, silently, as close as they can to the walls- alas the plan is somewhat scuppered when Bob falls over and yelps like a dog- he spends the next few minutes picking thorns from his face.

Belak has gone. 

Then Sayon spies him, looking out from behind the tree. Liandri has other news- he points into the branches of the tree- a huge frog balanced there, seemingly on look out.

Mallaria straightens up and strides towards the walls, the other Knights creep and follow-

Whispered, “What’re you doing?”
“Trust me” Mallaria quietly replies.

She steps over the low wall and into the clearing before the tree- Belak steps from behind it, grinning like a woof.

“I am Belak, the outcast, who are you?”
“I am Mallaria, I‘m an outcast too.”

Mallaria looks up at the tree, and the frog.

“It’s beautiful is it not? It lives, it breathes, it’s so strong- so full of life… and death. They say it grew from the heart of a vampire staked to the ground here- the stake still had life, and thus it grew.”

Belak stares in awe at the tree.

“You have battled long and hard to get to my Grove- to what end?”
“I’ve come in search of adventurers- Hucrele’s, a brother and a sister?”
“One is here with me- a supplicant to the tree, she has been accepted, taken in- her life altered forever, devoted to the tree through the living sap that flows in her veins.”

Out of the shadows steps two figures, a handlebar mustachioed Paladin, Sir Bradford, in heavy armour- sword in hand; and a beautiful young women in robes- clutching a dagger- Sharwyn Hucrele. The two stand stock-still, like statues, they look, well- woody.

“I wish to be accepted.”
“Then hand over your weapon.”

Mallaria moves forward proffering her sword, Liandri and Sayon begin to inch forward trying to stay hidden, Bob and Whirlwind are still waiting, Endrin pulls the wand from his belt- a glazed expression on his face, he whispers to himself-

“Kill Sir Bradford.”

Belak hisses at Mallaria.

“Give me the sword.”

Mallaria twists and turns in order to attack, but she’s not quick enough- Sayon and Liandri burst from cover. Belak lurches backwards to the tree, his arm outstretched, muttering strange sounds, from beneath the sleeve of his robe a wand points out. Suddenly the roots and foliage surrounding Mallaria, Sayon and Liandri grows at a terrifying rate- only Sayon tumbles aside, the other two are caught. 

Sharwyn moves quickly to stand in front of Belak, eager to take any blow aimed at her master. Endrin appears from behind the wall, wand pointing at Sir Bradford.

“Mordus.”

Three missiles streak out from the wand and slam into the Paladin, who is moving slowly towards the entangled duo- he slumps to the floor- dead.

The vegetation parts, Bob and Whirlwind are confronted by three of the Stickmen- battle is joined.

Belak moves back behind the tree, while the tree itself bends forward and lashes at Liandri and Mallaria, who scream to be free.

Sayon dodges forward towards Belak but is blocked by Sharwyn- she proves no barrier and is stabbed through the heart, she slumps to the floor dead.

The frog leaps down into the melee, its tongue lashes out and grabs Liandri around his wrist.

Endrin stands statue, slowly becoming aware that he has killed the Paladin- as ordered. (See Turn 18.)

Mallaria looks up, cursing and is caught in the gaze of Belak- she suddenly feels a whole lot more receptive to the Dark Druid’s suggestions.

Bob leaves Whirlwind fighting the last of the Stickmen and rushes to Liandri’s aid- fighting the huge frog that is trying to drag the Elf into its maw.

Belak sees his opportunity and makes his break for freedom, Endrin wakes as if from a dream and sees the Dark Druid running straight for him, and the cover of the vegetation behind him. He draws his sword and readies himself for the confrontation.

Mallaria shrugs off the vegetation, snapping and bending the creepers that hold her, then at full pace she rushes at Endrin, just as Belak approaches, Endrin is grappled and knocked to the floor the crazy Barbarian begins to pummel Endrin’s face and chest.

Three more of the stick creatures arrive adding to the confusion and tying Bob, Whirlwind, Sayon and Liandri up. The tree bends low and swipes at the quartet, although they’ve done their best to move out of the trees range- except for Liandri of course who’s still trapped by the entangle spell.

Belak looks back at the confusion then drops a Flaming Sphere in the path of any that would follow- it rolls towards Mallaria and Endrin who are soon caught in the blaze. Endrin catches on fire- his screams are long and loud, and enough to wake Mallaria from the charm she is under.

Belak moves swiftly into the vegetation, which seems to bend to allow him to pass.

The frog is eventually defeated and while Sayon and Whirlwind fight the last of the Stickmen- Bob frees Liandri from the creepers.

Liandri reacts swiftly and rushes after Belak, hurdling the Flaming Sphere in the process.  The vegetation closes as the Elf approaches making it much harder for him to follow the Dark Druid.

“Quickly”, screams the Elf, “he’s escaping.”

Mallaria by now is distraught-

“Pelor, what have I done”, the barbarian screams dragging away from the Flaming Sphere the dead (?) body of Endrin the Bard.

Bob is soon at her side, pushing the Barbarian away with a look of pure hatred on his face, he searches for the signs of life and soon after is relieved to feel a weak pulse.

Mallaria uncorks a potion of extra-healing and Bob allows her to pour the contents slowly down the Bard’s throat- soon coughing and spluttering Endrin opens his eyes, and grasps Mallaria tightly by the arm.

“You…”
Mallaria is speechless.

Elsewhere Liandri moves as swiftly as he can through the solid wall of thorns and spiny plants which scratch and claw at his flesh. Breathing hard, he screams again.

“COME ON… HELP ME YOU FECKERS.”

Sayon has joined Mallaria and Bob, who still cradles Endrin in his arms. Endrin thrusts the Wand at Sayon-

“Take this… kill the <cough> fecker… Mordus.”

And with that the Bard’s eyes close again.

“He’s ok- he needs to rest, GO. Go get the bastard.” Bob delivers the last hissed through gritted teeth.

Sayon is soon up and running, Mallaria with a hunted look on her face tags along behind. Bob swiftly motions for Whirlwind to come over, he directs the warrior and is soon also committed to the chase.

A fog begins to roll into the clearing- Belak has, it seems, lit several smoke sticks to cover his trail.

Hidden within the vegetation Bob and Sayon make their way through the thorns, Bob trying his best to follow the Druid’s trail- he soon realises that Belak has the ability, common to many Druids, to pass without trace.

Mallaria is on a mission, the cuts and scratches of the spiky plants go unnoticed- she bleeds from a dozen wounds, and yet she presses on- the plants ripping at her arms and exposed areas. Blood trickles down from her scalp and clumps of hair, ripped out, mark her passage. The rage is nearly on her she fights for control- tears streak her face.

Liandri moves more slowly, the air seems to be thicker here, he tenses.

Suddenly there is a bright blue flash maybe twenty or so feet ahead of the Elf- a lightning strike.

“Aaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhhhhh.”

Liandri cannot help himself- he smiles, “Eric”, he whispers. The vegetation parts behind him and Mallaria steps into the clearing- Liandri turns swiftly and holds the crazed Barbarians glare. He sees fear, hatred and sorrow. Liandri motions forward and the two press on, they’re soon through the vegetation and back into the guardroom in which they made their stand against Balsag, the Goblins and the Stickmen.

Belak limps across the guardroom, he turns round as he hears the two approach, the Wand comes into his hand and another Entangle spell is fired at the pair, both dodge aside. He then swiftly heals himself and hefts his sickle as Liandri and Mallaria approach.

The swing and sing of weapon upon weapon greets Sayon and Bob as thirty seconds later they too emerge from the vegetation. 

Mallaria is raging, Liandri is cut badly already- Sayon points the Wand at Belak.

“Mordor.”

Nothing happens.

“Feck.”

Bob looks for an opening but Mallaria is all whirling steel, he cannot see a way to attack.

“What was it?”

Liandri stumbles out of the combat, Bob is swiftly at his side- the Elf is bleeding badly, Bob holds Liandri still and shoves a potion of healing down him, while the Elf fights to be heard.

“Mordus, it’s Mordus you feck- now DO IT.”

“Mordus”

Three balls of energy fizz out of the wand and slam into the Druid, he winces in pain but fights on.

“Again.”

“Mordus.”

But this time nothing happens, the wand’s energy is spent- no more than a useless twig.

Liandri screams and then dashes back into the fray, alas at the same time Mallaria in her anger attempts a roundhouse stroke with her two-handed sword. The stroke never reaches Belak, instead Liandri approaching from behind takes the full force of the blow- the elf staggers back and slumps to the floor. Bob moves again while Sayon looks on, frozen to the spot.

For Mallaria the fire still burns however, Belak grins and hefts his scythe cutting a great gash down the barbarians side- but not enough, not nearly enough- Mallaria grits her teeth and delivers stroke after stroke at lightning speed.

The Druid is caught, unable to escape, the end seems to last an age and yet it is over in less than twenty seconds- Belak drops his scythe in an attempt to halt the barbarian’s anger. The final blow comes overhand down through Belak’s neck and shoulder and into the chest cavity almost splitting the druid open. 

A silence descends only Bob whispering quietly, reassuringly, to Liandri who is miraculously still alive.

Nobody talks.

Not for hours.


Aftermath.

Still in silence the Knights have gathered back in the chamber with the dark tree, the bodies have been searched and stripped of valuables. Belak’s body has been thrown at the base of the tree-, which still moans and lashes out ineffectively.

A fire is built and banked, rags are made from the garments of the dead and soaked in wine or oil, wrapped around arrows- the first volley is loosed.

The tree cinders and chars, blackened streaks, sap bubbles and boils, it seems to shudder and sway as if it is trying to escape from the fire- the Knights watch.

Sayon, who still registers a heady mixture of terror and excitement, is holding up Liandri who’s still very groggy. Endrin, battered and bruised, one eye closed, one half-open squints at the fire held up by Bob, who’s face, as ever, registers little, his hand in his pocket is wrapped around the rosy red apple he plucked from the tree. Whirlwind stands next to Bob content to lean on his axe and be warmed by the flame. Mallaria stands yards away from the group- the outsider, staring straight ahead, if not considering her nature, then perhaps her future.

It burns for a while and they watch it knowing that ultimately they have failed, their only hope for success is to find Talgen Hucrele, the warrior. 

They all bear the scars.


Satyrday 18th Mork 2000

Rap up

And of course Talgen is found, and of course he’s dead. Part of the throne used by the Goblin leader, in the tower with the massive hole in the floor, turns out to be a brass bound chest- inside of which is the grisly, chopped up, remains of the missing Hucrele.

The Knights trudge, stumble and limp their way out of the Citadel- the journey back to Oakhurst is completed in silence, there are no encounters. Endrin goes to see the Hucrele family to break the news, leaving out some of the more horrifying details- needless to say the Hucrele’s are heart broken. Faced with the grieving family- Endrin departs, still needing Bob for support.

The appropriate authorities are informed of Karakis and Sir Bradford’s death, the Knights take rooms at the Inn, a separate room for each- they sleep and dream and eat and heal, and when they can, they talk.

Time passes and yet for the Knights it seems all too slowly.


And thus endeth the session that is numbered 33.

This scenario was of course “The Sunless Citadel”, by Bruce R. Cordell who’s a lovely lad, he’ll go far- mark my words. 

Next week… The Lost.


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## robberbaron (Apr 23, 2004)

Poor Mallaria.
Not only is she a raving loony, but she gets charmed AND fumbles with a whopping great chopper!

I can only imagine the atmosphere around the table.


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## sayon (Apr 24, 2004)

i know poor mel. it was very hard to sit at the table but we did.


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## sayon (Apr 25, 2004)

la la la la la don't you think that i'm getting better


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## Goonalan (May 6, 2004)

The Wannabe Wednesday Knights.

SESSION XXXIV.

Chewsday 21st Mork 2000

Hit the road.

Characters present
Zanakand Male Dwarf Fighter level 1 (Kev. M.)
Greta Goldgarth Female Elven Priest of Corellan level 1 (Wayne)
Fred Male Human Fighter level 1 (Emma) 
Lea Female Halfling Thief level 1 (Erin)

The fall out from the mine escapade is all too real, half the town thinks the adventurers are heroes, half believe they’re the instigators of the trouble- and that they should have left well alone. No one however can deny that times are going to be hard- all in all, seventeen families are without brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, sons or daughters- the town is devastated. 

The mayor, Alton Gimlick has taken to his bed, and the Guard Sergeant has been arrested for failure to protect the mine- chaos reigns.

It seems an ideal time for the three friends to vamoose, Zanakand has no reason to stay- his father, his only relative, lies dead at the mine. Greta has no ties to the area, she came to Barrak merely to study. Lea, the youngest of the Way family has no desire to stick around- the cobbling business is not for her, she prefers something a little more “tricksy.” 

Late in the night the three get together to decide a course of action. 

“We can’t stay.”
“There’s nothing to stay for.”
“Where too, then?”
“The next caravan out.”
“Where’s it going?”
“Wherever, it don’t matter- I just need to get out.”
“Will you miss anyone?”
“No.”
“No, only…”
“Fred.”
“Yeah.”
Silence.
“Let’s take him with us.”
“How d’you know he wants to go?”
“He will when I tell him he wants too.”
Laughter.
“When?”
“Tomorrow- there’s a caravan due, Iron Ore- they’re going to be disappointed. They won’t stay long, we’ll hitch a ride.”
“How?”
“Leave that to me.”

A little later Fred is told that he wants to see the world, he wants to go adventuring, he wants riches, gold, fame and fast carts and even faster women. Less than twenty minutes later Fred’s convinced that the adventuring life is all he’s ever wanted- a childhood dream.

The only difficulty will be persuading Fred’s mum- Fredbold who’s, how best to put it- a little fiery. The story goes- she met an Orc, no ordinary Orc but an Orc Chieftan, on the way to the river one day. The Orc made friendly, in an unfriendly way- she played along until he got his “fireman” out, at which time she pulled it off- actually, physically- off, right off, in her hand- the Orc died of blood loss. Fredbold keeps the offending member in a jar in her kitchen, which she waves at bad kids who get in her way or make fun of Fred.

Fred for the record is a six foot monster of a man, actually only sixteen years of age, who does odd jobs around Barrak- making use of his great strength, alas he’s not the quickest on the uptake. 

Emma plays strong but dumb Fighter types (See Bob) that do the killin’ and leave the thinkin’ to others.


Windsday 22nd Mork 2000

And so the next day…

“So you see Mrs. Fredbold, Fred just needs to get a bit of air, spread his wings-like.”
“He’s not a bird y’know.”
“Still it’d do him good to see something of the world.”
“Mmmm.”
“And Kadel the merchant will keep him safe- all he’s got to do is help with the loading of the wagons, he’ll get his Cart License as well.”
Fredbold slowly nods.
Lea looks up, and up, and up, and then smiles.

A little later…

“So you see Kadel, you’ve got to take him. I mean she’s a reasonable woman…”
Kadel winces. 
“But when she gets an idea in her head…”
Lea trails off, then shrugs.
“I just wouldn’t want you to get hurt, you know what happened to that Orc.”
Kadel goes white.
“He’ll help out with the loading which’ll save time, and all you have to do in return is teach him how to drive the cart.”
Kadel looks from Lea to Fred, who’s grinning like Pelormass.
He nods.
Lea looks up, and up, and up, and then smiles.

A bit later still.

The wagon is turned round and is on its way back to Arduat- empty, there’s no Iron Ore to be had in Barrak, although slightly heavier as the four adventurers stare wide-eyed over the side of the cart at the strange and unfamiliar land.


Fryday 24th Mork 2000

The gates of Arduat are open, a snake of traffic- mostly merchants and farmers, stretches from them, about a hundred yards from the gate Kadel and the caravan wait their turn. Time passes, slowly.

Ten minutes later they’re only yards from the front when the sound of shouting can be heard from behind.

Pushing past the queue of traffic come three Orcs or Half-Orcs, warriors from one of the many Barbarian Clans that dot the plains. Several merchants shout and gesticulate but none are prepared to stand their ground. Kadel likewise scrambles sideways and out of the way, as do the other adventurers, which just leaves Zan.

The huge Half-Orc warrior stops short of the Dwarf and spits.

“Move.”
“No.”
“MOVE.”
“No.”

Greta, the Elf, moves over to stand behind Zan.

In the meantime the two Orc warriors move towards the caravan- spears at the ready Kadel and Lea find something big to hide behind- Fred.

One of the Orc prods out with his spear, Fred grabs it off him and breaks it over his knee.

It begins…

The Half-Orc, in one swift move, unleashes his two-handed club and brings it down…

“STOP.” Greta shouts.

The Command spell takes hold and the Half-Orc turns statue- Zan charges.

“AAAARRRGGGGHHHH.”

And thumps into the creature’s legs in an attempt to rugby tackle him, the Half-Orc remains rooted to the spot, with the fat dwarf vainly trying to tip him over.

Lea quickly darts round and shouts in Orcish at the two Orcs, one now without his spear, who are menacing Fred and Kadel.

“Leave them, this is not your fight.”

The Orcs marvel at the Halflings ability to speak there tongue, till the one with the spear shrugs and attempts to spike Fred- but not quick enough, Fred punches the warrior on the side of the head and the two Orcs break and run.

Meanwhile the Half-Orc comes round from the Command spell and sees red, he begins to Rage- Greta dodges away, while Zan, still holding onto the creatures legs, is kicked into the air- he lands a good dozen feet away, his pride hurt.

Fred looks at Zan then at the Half-Orc with Greta dodging blows he draws his sword.

DRING
DRING
SLLLITTTT

Then a gurgling sound as the huge creature, slumped on the floor, spills its guts- Greta sidles over to check for a pulse.

“Dead.”

Zan shrugs, while Fred looks… well, looks like he’s going to cry.

“Chin up Fred.”
“The bastard deserved it.” Zan spits.
“We’re all in it together.”

Suddenly the stamp of feet, the crowd parts to reveal the Arduat Guard- motto “better late, than never.”

“Who did this?”

The crowd grow quiet at the Guard Captains words, he scans the adventurers faces- each in turn nods or motions towards Fred, who puts his hand in the air- just like he never did when he was at school.

The Guard Captain strides over while his men begin to examine the body.

“So…”
Fred sniffs, tears still stain his face.
“Put your hands out.”
Fred slowly complies, his hands shake, he closes his eyes, waiting for the cool metal of the manacles.
Then a sudden weight in his hands, he opens his eyes.

A fist sized stitched leather bag- it feels like…

The Guard Captain smiles broadly,

“You deserve it- vicious bastard, we’ve been after him for a while, twenty five dollars- good work lad.”

The Guard Captain gives Fred a chuck on the arm and then moves off- one of the guardsmen wanders over to take Fred’s name and complete the paperwork. The line moves again, with dozens of folk either tipping their hats or giving a small wave to Fred- several merchants’ daughters come over to hug and kiss the strapping hunk.

Red-faced the big lug eventually finds his way to “The Dragon’s Roost”, the Inn in which Kadel and the adventurers are staying.


Have you seen the light, son?

The wine and ale is flowing and the backslapping continues apace, the adventurers are dining at the expense of an unknown benefactor- the landlord merely stated that they should keep their money in their pockets, and no it wasn’t him paying either.

Eventually with brandy in hand the foursome make a go of smoking some of “Ethanbach’s Skunk Cigars”, it’s an unfair contest- only Zan wins, even Lea has to call it a draw, as for Fred & Greta well they remember little of what happened next.

“Have you seen the light, son?”
“No sorry, father, I haven’t sat on it have I?
“You mistake me my child, the beneficent face of Almighty Pelor.”
“Oh is he in tonight.”
The adventurers scan the bar- looking for Almighty Pelor.
“That thing he does with the snake and well… there’s ladies present, I’ll leave it there… but fantastic.”
“No once again child”, the grey-haired Priest’s face begins to show signs of doubt, “perhaps I should explain.”
“Yes.”
“Do. Take a seat father.”
“How much father.”
The adventurers collapse in laughter, the Priest sits down and waits for calm.

“My name is Jehrid, a Priest of Almighty Pelor, the Light of the Ways.”
Greta, still sober, nods.
“I saw you, er… in action at the North Gate, I was… impressed, you see I have a problem and I thought well… well I thought I’d buy you a meal and then broach the subject.”
A silence descends.
“Do you mean an adventure?” Lea looks sternly at the priest.  
“Y…Y…yes.”
“We’re in <HIC>.”
Zan and Fred nod, Greta however motions for the priest to follow him and the two depart the table.”
“You three enjoy yourself- I’m just going to clear up some of the details.”
Zan, Lea and Fred wave at the departing clergy, Zan then bursts into song.

“SEE-LING’S, NOTHIN’ MORE THAN SEE-LIN’S,
TRYIN’ TO FORGET THE
SEE-LIN’S I LOVE.”


Satyrday 25th Mork 2000

“Ah me ‘ed.”
“Come on then.”
“What?”
“Get up, we’re off in an hour.”
“What?“
“Adventurin’”
Fred pulls on his pack and re-fastens several buckles while Lea looks… worried.
“What?”
“You agreed.”
“What?”
“The priest- Jehrid.”
“What?”

The above conversation continues, in a circular fashion, for twenty minutes or more- I won’t bore you with the details. When Lea eventually arrives in the taproom the rest of the group are crowded round a table with Jehrid marking their route on a crude map.

“Look, what’s happening?”
“We’re just studying the route, come and have a look.”

Sheepishly Lea nudges her way to the map.

“… so you should be able to cross the river at this point, there’s a lot of swamp, but it’s the highest point for miles- just take it easy. It’s another two days maximum from there, the temple, while long abandoned, should be fairly easy to spot- there was a fortified compound, an Inn, many orchards and vegetable gardens, and all the usual things you’d expect from a temple complex home to over fifty priests of Pelor.”

The priest unfurls several scrolls-

“I’ve brought you these just in case”, he hands several Cure Light Wounds Scrolls to Greta, “don’t lose them.”

“Now what I want you to do is to search the place and discover all that you can about the complex, find as many artifacts as you can. I will pay each of you a hundred dollars on your return. I will also compensate you for all holy items of Pelor that you return with.”

Lea’s eyes light up.

“Right then what are we waiting for?”


Attack of the Huge Killer Swamp Monster.

The four adventurers are wading through the Arduat River, heading into the swamp proper, the first leg of their journey. Greta at the front of the party, somewhat indecorously, is carrying Lea, while Zan is on tiptoes with his head just above that water, bringing up the rear is Fred.

Unseen and unheard a huge beast seemingly created from gobs and splodges of the brown muck of the riverbed rises up directly behind Fred, till it towers over him- ready to engulf the Fighter. It attacks, the DM rolls a “1”, and the creature collapses in on itself having over-extended, with a load “SLURP” it is sucked back under the water- Fred turns to see… nothing. The adventurers press on.

And that’s the only creature the adventurers encounter on the first day’s journey… which doesn’t mean they’re not attacked.

Later in camp for the night- a fire is going, using what dry wood they can find, beneath the branches of a Mangrove tree the adventurers cook dinner and congratulate themselves on a successful days adventuring, that is until…

“I thought I saw something… There… Pelor.”

Several small spiders leap from the branches above into the midst of the group, one lands by Lea who’s ready for the attack, alas she swipes but doesn’t connect- Greta, bow in hand, fires and wings the thing- it flees. A second spider leaps past Zan’s ungainly attack and bites the Dwarf who winces in pain, however his back stroke mashes the creature- dead. The third spider catches Fred in a doze, lying on the ground, and has bitten him before he knows what’s going on. He knocks it away with his hand and struggles to rise, Lea leaps in but misses the spider by a mile and instead buries her sword in Fred’s thigh. The Fighter looks at Lea for a second and then collapses, a huge gaping wound in his leg, (Sayon who plays Lea rolled a “1”). Greta rushes over and instantly begins healing the Fighter, Zan dodges by and smashes the spider into the swamp- dead.

“Sorry Fred, sorry… I didn’t mean…”

The Fighter opens his eyes.

“That’s ok little one.”

Greta applies a poultice and orders the human to rest, Lea will cook and feed Fred this evening to ensure he’s fully rested for tomorrows exertions.


Sunday 26th Mork 2000

The second day passes without incident, Fred’s leg is much better, and at the end of the day Greta declares him to have a clean bill of health- with no infection.


Moonday 27th Mork 2000

Lea has still got her head down after badly wounding Fred, Fred however gets the joke- bested by a Halfling. 

Late in the afternoon the group pushes through a dense area of Mangrove trees in a huge flooded clearing.

“Bloody hell, what’s that?”
“Er… I don’t want to worry you but I think that’s it.”
“What?”
“The Temple.”
“How can it be, it’s a lake?”
“But it’s a lake with a Temple in it… Look.”

Greta points into the distance where the slanted roof of a religious looking building peeps from behind a wooden (now rotten) palisade.

“Look there, the Orb, sun symbol of Pelor… this is it.”

The adventurers look less happy.

“Let’s circle it and find a way in.”

And off they go, they’re journey is interrupted just the once when several human shaped creatures, dressed in tattered robes, lurch from the jungle and towards them- Zombies.

Greta quickly fishes out her Holy Symbol of Corellan and two of the four Zombies head back towards the tree line. Lea fires her crossbow into one of the creatures, Zan rushes in and hacks at another, while Fred obeys tradition. He runs ten yards, hits and then trips on a tree root, and ends up sprawled face down in the marshy water- unconscious and drowning.

Greta quickly rushes in to drag the Fighter out of the water. Meanwhile Zan and Lea step in front of the creatures and begin slashing- they make short work of the already injured Zombies.

Greta discovers that the creatures are wearing crudely made black sun or disc shaped amulets on leather thongs- clearly there’s some greater evil here, controlling the undead possibly.

Soon after, when the circumnavigation is complete, it is decided that someone must be sent to swim to the palisade wall to check out the inner compound. Zan is volunteered, by Lea.

Zan makes hard work of the two hundred or so yards but eventually makes his way over to a small piece of dry land at the base of the Palisade wall. From here he watches and observes, a little while later still he is back at lakeside, having already tied a rope to a sturdy looking stone pillar.

However the meeting is interrupted when the trees part and the remaining two (turned) Zombies lurch forward, this time it’s Fred and Greta that are to the fore- between them they slash and kill the creatures. Once again both creatures are wearing crudely made black discs, Greta is certain that the temple is inhabited, she makes her feelings known.

The adventurers decide that enough is enough, the temple will still be there in the morning- they set up camp and settle down to a night’s rest. Precautions are taken, two on guard- two sleeping, for two-hour shifts, the night passes without further attack.


Deliverance.

Chewsday 28th Mork 2000

It’s Zan again the water baby, although I wouldn’t say that to his face, the big-boned Dwarf wades into the lake and then begins his doggie paddle across to the palisade wall using the rope he left yesterday as a guide. Alas the journey is not as successful as the first when just over half way across he encounters a morass of stinking weed, which he of course gets caught up in.

“Go round, GO ROUND- not this Dwarf, laddie. The only thing that’s round about this dwarf…”

The joke goes untold, a shadow passes beneath him, a Lacedon, an Aquatic Ghoul- the creature begins to float to the service.

“Help. HELP.”

On the shore Lea and the others shake their heads and tut loudly.

“I’ve got weed in me ears. Help.”

The Lacedon is closing fast when thrashing out to the Dwarf comes Lea and Fred (without his heavy armour), they soon grab the Dwarf and then head to the palisade. They all arrive safe and sound, Zan explains.

“Weed in your ears, it can be fatal, my Grandfather died of it- my grandmother told me that an Orc weed in his ears, never trust an Orc she said.”

Lea and Fred look on in astonishment they are however disturbed by Greta’s shouts.

“I’ve tied all the armour on, now pull it across.”

Greta tugs the line to make sure everything’s secure- Lea, Zan and Fred form up like a tug-of-war team and begin to pull, the equipment with Greta swimming alongside is dragged across. Until…

“Aaarrgghh blubblblbubll.”

Greta disappears beneath the water, the Lacedon clawing and biting at the Elves legs. Greta fights back as best she can- unarmoured, out of her element, trying to stay afloat etc. The odds are against her, when…

“Pull the blubblubbblublll…ing rope.”

The others comply, and with alacrity, Greta is borne towards them as if she were on water skis, the Aquatic Ghoul left floundering in her wake.

Seconds later she makes the palisade and the danger has passed.

Slightly more reluctant to get in the water the adventurers do the best they can to island hop, using the roofs of the buildings that poke out of the water to make there way over to the largest island, on which stands the Temple of Pelor. The only item of interest they discover on the way is a very large dead Frog.

“You know what’s for tea?”
“Frog’s legs?”
“You know there’s a joke about that.”
“Yeah, here he comes…”

Zan approaches- Zan’s so bandy-legged he couldn’t, as the saying goes, “stop a pig in a passage”.


And with that the session that is numbered 34 comes to an end.

Next week… The Fecking Frog Fiasco.


----------



## Goonalan (May 19, 2004)

The Wannabe Wednesday Knights.

SESSION XXXV.

Chewsday 28th Mork 2000

The Fecking Frog Fiasco.

Characters present
Zanakand Male Dwarf Fighter level 1 (Kev. M.)
Greta Goldgarth Female Elven Priest of Corellan level 1 (Wayne)
Fred Male Human Fighter level 1 (Emma) 
Lea Female Halfling Thief level 1 (Erin)

Lea creeps ashore and to the Temple doors, hiding amongst the tall grass- the doors are open, she whistles and waves for Fred to come over.

“Urrk.”

A huge tongue lashes out and wraps itself around the Fighter; Fred is dragged off his feet and into the high reeds at the edge of the water.

“FredddddD.”

Zan goes wading into the tall grass, and collides with Fred, who is hopping to stay upright while a Giant Frog chews on one of his legs. Zan splats the thing causing it to jump out of the way- Fred still attached. The Frog thumps down around twenty feet away, but lands upside down- Fred falls out its mouth and lies prostrate on the floor.

Zan comes charging again while the Frog tries to right itself.

“Thump.”

The Frog lies dead- splattered, Fred is out cold- Greta does her stuff and the accident prone Fighter is brought round, he is only stunned and winded.

Ten minutes later Lea opens wide the door to the Temple and creeps in, there are doorways to the left and right, both doors smashed down- further on the passage seems to open into a much larger chamber- probably the Temple proper. 

Lea motions for the others to follow quietly and heads through the left hand doorway and into a passage, halfway down she hears sounds, she whispers-

“Ratsss.”

Fred and Zan rush past and splat the offending rodents. Several nests are discovered and ransacked for shiny stuff. The group then backs out and heads down the right-hand passage. The same system is employed with Greta finding the rats this time- it’s still Fred and Zan that do the killing however. Actually Zan kills all of the rats, Fred does however spend thirty seconds chasing a large specimen up and down the corridor missing wildly, then the rat runs into Zan’s area of effect.

“Splat.”

Zan salutes the huge Fighter, who continues to look frustrated, while the other adventurers mooch about Zan slams open a few more doors and discovers an abandoned money pouch in one rat’s nest. Smiling he leads the others back into the entrance chamber.

While the others watch and wait Lea creeps into the large chamber, the temple proper, she passes down the side of the room using the scattered pews and benches as cover. She spots movement ahead, and turns statue.

Seconds later a skeleton strides past, ten feet from her position. Lea hunkers down and begins to crawl slowly away- towards the center of the chamber. Eventually Lea emerges in the center aisle of the church, looks right- nothing, looks left and straight into the bony feet of a skeleton. 

“Arrrgghhh Skelly.”

Lea ducks the creatures swipe and is running, hot foot, back to the entrance chamber, shouting all the while.

“Skellies… SKELLIES.”

Two skeletons are in pursuit only feet behind the halfling- four more hear the noise and come running.

Zan steps out of the shadow and-

“Clunk”

One of the Skeletons is reduced to splinters of bone, Greta at Zan’s side presents her Holy Symbol- three more screech to a halt and begin to lurch backwards scrabbling at the air.

Fred nudges Lea and the two of them crash into the remaining skeletons- one is smashed to pieces, Zan takes care of the other. The fleeing Skeletons are rooted out and destroyed by the surly dwarf.

Lea is already in clear up mode- searching the room, although there’s little to be found- the place is rotten to the core, parts of the floor seem to sag with the damp of the swamp.

“Nuthin’ ere.”

With that Lea heads through a door and into a dark and scummy corridor, the others follow her as she snakes her way round to another rough wooden door, after a brief check Lea pushes it open. The adventures file into a smashed up bedchamber, with five beds and lockers, they spread out to cautiously search the chamber.

Greta finds a beautifully made Heavy Mace, which she decides to keep; it proves to be of masterwork quality.

In the meantime Zan wanders through a door to the south into a much larger bedroom with a double bed and nicer furnishings, all alas are worn and battered. He’s nosing about as behind him a Skeleton, dressed in robes and half-plate with a Heavy Mace in hand, crawls out from beneath the bed- the Skeleton of the Head Priest. 

“Slam.”
“FECK.”

The Heavy Mace slams into Zan’s back- he screams, the fat Dwarf spins around to see the hideous creature- at the same time Fred lurches into the room, takes everything in and then starts swinging. The result is never in doubt, while the creatures plate armour deflects many of the blows the two warriors overcome the Skeleton with ease.

The other adventurers come through to see what the noise is, soon after they begin rummaging to see what they can find- figuring the big money items will be in here.

Lea ducks under the bed, she inches across- in the darkness she bumps into something solid- two flecks of red, almost fire like light appear, the pin-points grow to illuminate the face of a creature long dead.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

The halfling struggles out and flees, the spectral creature drifts up through the bed for all to see- Greta grabs her Holy Symbol and retreats from the room, muttering prayers in an attempt to banish the terrible spirit. Zan and Fred, weapons drawn, cover the retreat- the spirit approaches and Fred leaps forward to deliver a mighty blow, his weapon passes clean through the creature, the adventurers flee back to the first bedchamber and watch the door. Lea hides in the corner of the room, her eyes tight shut- 

“Make it go away, NO, make it go away, I’m too wee to die…”

Greta comes over and soothes her until Lea is able to open her eyes and face the world.

The adventurers form up and after a brief rest investigates two further barrack rooms- more beds, lockers etc. The first chamber is empty; while the second has a skeleton sprawled upon the floor- Lea still shaking from her previous experience creeps forward and then leaps at the prostrate creature and smashes its bones- it does not animate.

“Die. DIE. DIE YOU FECKER…”

As she is screaming several other Skeletons rise from beneath the beds, Lea has her back to them but Zan spots the danger; the burly Dwarf barrels over, picks Lea up, and flings her out the way.

Greta steps in and waves her Holy Symbol- the Skeletons cower and hide; the adventurers rush in and take the bonies apart.

The adventurers head into the vestry where Lea makes amends by pocketing a nice shiny ring, and shares out several potion bottles, soon however the spirit voices and spectral figures appear again- the adventurers flee rather than face the ghostly foes.

From there the group head into another High or Head Priest’s Chamber, within three much larger and better armed Skeletons animate- clad in disheveled and broken plate armour and wielding heavy maces- they attack.

Once again Greta’s Holy Symbol is to the fore, turning only one of the creatures alas- the other two are put to the hammer by the Dwarf and the Ranger with Lea nipping in to help- soon the room is silent again. On investigation it is discovered that the three mighty Skeletons each have a quarter of a Holy Symbol of Pelor around their necks. Stranger and stranger.

“What the feck are these?”
“Holy Symbol of Pelor.”
“What do we do with them?”
“We find the missing one…”
“How do you know there’s one missin’?”

Greta holds up the three-quarter Holy Symbol for Fred to see.

“Oh. Yeah. S’pose.”

A huge metal door is also discovered in the north west of the room- it has space in the center of the door for a Holy Symbol of Pelor, there are no other markings or handles.

“It goes in der.”

Greta pats Fred on the shoulder to acknowledge his clearly superior brainpower.

“We need to search this place again.”

There follows an hour spent re-visiting old rooms and investigating all the other rooms they have not visited as of yet, encounters are few- only another gang of Skeletons that are easily dismissed.

The adventurers do however locate a beautifully made Holy Symbol of Pelor, a medallion worn round a deceased Priests’ neck, Greta seems to think that this is a Holy item and they decide to take it and return it to the Priest.

As the Elven Priest grasps the thing a wave of golden light passes over the group.

“I feel better.”
“Mmmm.”
“Better dan what?”
“Just… better.”

With a Bless spell covering them all they continue their search- alas the fourth and missing part of the Holy Symbol continues to allude them. With that they head back to the room in which they discovered the three other parts of the Holy Symbol to think.

“Where could it be?” Zan strides the room scratching his beard.
“Dunno.” Fred picks dirt from beneath his nails and gazes in to the middle distance, meanwhile Greta stalks the room examining in detail the walls in search of some hidden chamber. Lea sits forlornly on the large stone chair, possibly a symbol of the High Priests office, her little legs far from the floor, she swings them too and fro till…

“KLUNK.”

Followed by…

“FLOOOP.”

A flap of stone falls out from the front of the chair revealing a small concealed compartment, Lea jumps down from the chair and reaches inside as the others look on.

“Ta Daaaa.”

The fourth part of the Holy Symbol of Pelor is found.

Soon after Greta places the last part of the symbol into the door, there’s a slight click and rays of golden sunshine shoot out from the now complete Holy Symbol bathing the adventurers.

The door swings open with steps leading down into darkness...

And with that the session that is numbered 35 comes to an end.

Next week… The Dead Center.


----------



## Goonalan (Jun 28, 2004)

The Wannabe Wednesday Knights.

SESSION XXXVI.

Chewsday 28th Mork 2000

The Dead Center.

Characters present
Zanakand Male Dwarf Fighter level 1 (Kev. M.)
Greta Goldgarth Female Elven Priest of Corellan level 1 (Wayne)
Fred Male Human Fighter level 1 (Emma) 
Lea Female Halfling Thief level 1 (Erin)

Down the stairs they go, Lea slightly ahead of the others, scanning and checking the way for traps or other pitfalls. The small chamber with the stairs in leads through a wooden door into a ten-foot long corridor, the doors here are rotten and open easily, sometimes crumbling when pushed open with force. Down the corridor and out into a much longer corridor of flagged stone, only five feet wide this time, it disappears into the darkness.

There are two doors, one on either side of the corridor, the adventurers investigate and discover a chamber with a relatively intact altar to Pelor. Lea meanwhile discovers a secret compartment in which there are a number of flasks of colourless liquid- Greta identifies it as Holy Water, the adventurers stock up.

The second chamber contains a number of rotten coffins alongside some rusty tools- nothing of interest.

The adventurers file out and begin to head into the darkness down the corridor, only ten feet down an alcove is discovered, with rusty bars preventing access. Piled to the ceiling behind the bars are the bones and skulls of the dead.

“Feck.”
“Does that open?”

Lea tries to find an access point but sees none; Fred lurches over to test the strength of the bars.

“Solid.”
“Good.”

Cautiously the adventurers continue on, into the darkness- another chamber appears, piled again to the ceiling with the bones of the dead.

“Pelor.”

Then another…

“Oh feck I really don’t like this.”

And then an empty chamber.

“Phew.”
“That’s better.”

And then a double chamber, both sides of the corridor, the skulls and limbs of the skeletons spill out, the adventurers having to edge past the outstretched arms and clawed hands.

“Feck feck feck feck feck…”

Lea begins to hyperventilate and is scooped up by Fred who pushes past the horrors, in the light ahead another double chamber appears, the Halfling Rogue begins to gibber and mumble to herself.

“Must stay alive, not be dead, stay alive, got to stay alive, alive, alive.”

Fred pushes on, Zan following behind alert as ever, Greta with her Holy Symbol going before.

Eventually they pass through and to a T-junction, they take a moment to rest up.

“It’s ok Lea it’s over- we’re through.”
“Stay alive, stay alive… must stay alive, promised mum I’d stay alive, not dead, alive.”

Five minutes later and a whole lot less nervous Lea takes point again and heads west, the corridor grows cold, ice has formed on the floor, the adventurers torches illuminate a solid black metal door. It has no handle or means of egress; waves of freezing cold seem to pulse from it. Lea turns to shake her head-

“Not good.”

She sidles closer but is put off when the cold grips hold of her, freezing the snot in her nose, making her face ache furiously, she steps back.

“Let’s find another way.”
“Can’t hurt, let’s come back, let’s try the other way first.”

The others nod agreement and Lea happier scuttles to the front and leads them off again.

Thirty seconds later they find themselves in a large underground temple area, moving along a central aisle flanked either side by huge stone sarcophagi- ahead a pale quivering light; there’s a strange hum in the air.

“Have you farted?”
“Sorry, I’m a bit nervous.”

The adventurers press on towards the light, at the end of the aisle there are several steps leading up to a much larger stone sarcophagi- gingerly Lea climbs the first step.

The light swirls and coalesces, for a second it is blinding, like dawn’s first rays- lighting up the entire chamber. 

As the adventurers look up from shielding their eyes standing before them is a being made of shimmering light- a Knight by the look of things. Greta instantly recognises the heraldic design on the Knight’s shield.

“A Paladin of Pelor”, she whispers, the others nod, somewhat in awe.

The spirit holds up his hand in a symbol of greeting, and of peace- the creature speaks in a voice, which is not so much heard as felt inside.

“For many years I have awaited the arrival of your band Greta Goldgarth. Your quest is known to Almighty Pelor, Sun God, he blesses you for your efforts.”

“Hang on, what do you mean, ‘your band’?”

The Knight stops open mouthed and looks uncomfortable.

“It’s as much my band as it is hers.”

Zanakand looks grumpily at Greta, and adds.

“It was my bloody idea in the first place…”

The dwarf continues to mumble as Greta nods to the spectral Knight who continues his spiel…

“Your quest can only end when the wretch Ceruvan has been laid to final rest by the power of Pelor. The entrance to the Cleric’s Tombs were sealed in madness years ago and is beyond your power to open…”

“The cold door.” Lea whispers very loudly, everyone, even the grumbling Dwarf, turns to stare at her, “sorry, but it’s the cold door isn’t it… it is isn’t it?”

The Knight nods, then continues-

“I will perform one last task for my Lord Pelor, I will break the magic that guards the entrance to the tomb, even though it will cost me my immortal soul.”

Even the Dwarf has stopped mumbling; Zan looks suitably cowed at the gravity of the spirits last words.

The spectral Knight paces towards the adventurers, who part to allow him past, bowing their heads. The Knight stops and touches Zan on the shoulder; he looks up, his face bathed in the cold white light.

“My spirit will live on, sheathed in steel and as sharp as Pelor’s light, forged to cut through the darkness. It will be up to you find the way- through the darkness; fear not stout Dwarf you will keep the path.”

Zan puffs out his chest; he looks resolute, maybe even stout.

Lea giggles behind her hand and whispers to Fred, “stout dwarf… Zan.”

The Knight strides on the adventurers falling into line, like some ghostly procession, to the cold, cold door.

The spirit begins to grimace, as if in pain, dispelling the magic of the door- the electric hum of the creature builds in intensity. The adventurers edge back, until with a loud explosion, which seems to linger in the air, the spectral Knight explodes into a million different shards and flecks of light.

The light fades replaced by the adventurers’ own torchlight- the ghost Knight is gone, in his place wedged into the hard stone floor is a gleaming longsword, bathed in light. Zan creeps forward to grasp the hilt of the weapon, as he does so there's a loud click followed by an ominous creak the door ahead swings open.


Dawn of the Dead.

A musty damp corridor stretches into the distance, the adventurers creep forward, Lea and then Zan leading the way. Torchlight reveals a pair of large stone doors; one on either side of the corridor- Zan and Fred put their shoulder against one-

“Stuck.” The Dwarf nods, Lea creeps ahead, while the pair try the other door.

“Don’t go too far.” Greta calls to Lea who has just passed another pair of the stone doors, the corridor continues on.

“I don’t like… what was that?”
Lea spins round, the closest door to her is opening, a moment later the other shudders then moves.

“YOU GUYS.”

Meanwhile…

“They’re both stuck.” The Dwarf shrugs at Fred, who nods back then reaches out to lean on the door to get his breath back- the door swings open, Fred falls forward and is lost in the darkness. 

Standing in the doorway on the opposite side is a Priest, quite obviously- it has half its face missing, a dead priest.

“ZOMBIES.” The cry goes out.

Meanwhile, back at the front…

Lea is faced by four Zombie Priests, ahead looks clear, a shimmy left, dodge right and tumble forward later she’s past all four of the slow moving creatures. Lea rushes on, away from the other adventurers and into a clear space- no Zombies.

Meanwhile, at the back…

“By the power of…”

Greta’s Holy Symbol shines gold and green- several of the Zombies retreat into the tomb they have just exited, pulling the door shut behind them.

“For feckin’ Pelor.”

Zan steps in and slashes- decapitating a Zombie in one fell swoop; he grins to himself and only just stops himself from kissing/licking the blade when he sees the gore matting it. Grimacing he lunges and cleans the blade by stabbing it through the next Zombie, the sword goes in gory and comes out clean-ish.

The area is clear- temporarily.

Greta leaps into the open doorway, through which Fred fell, there lying on the floor weaponless is Fred doing a fair impression of a break-dancing epileptic, surrounding the big lug are three more Zombies leaning in to claw and grapple.

The Holy Symbol comes out again… nothing happens, the Zombies don’t even look up.

Zan rushes into the room and skewers one of the creatures- the other two take notice and stagger towards the screaming dwarf.

“COME ON, I’ll tek the lotta yus.”

Meanwhile, back at the front.

Lea looks a little nervous, from the second pair of stone doors (she passed) six Zombies have emerged- three head towards her, while another three head back down the corridor towards Zan et al. 

Lea swaps to her crossbow-

“THUNG”

It doesn’t seem to slow the Zombie down any, she begins to retreat, further away from the others, suddenly she stops short- she has an itch, it’s right in the center of her back- where you can’t reach no matter how hard you try. She turns swiftly- coming down the corridor towards her are another half-dozen, at least, of the rotten Zombie Priests.

“YOU GUYS… REALLY, I’M NOT JOKING- A LITTLE HELP PLEASE.”

Meanwhile, back at the back.

Greta tries again, her Holy Symbol glows and the two remaining Zombies back away- Zan steps in and drags the grasping, and indeed gasping, Fred to his feet. Fred shouts to be heard-

“RETREAT. We must get out.”

Fred moves at speed through the door, back out into the corridor, Greta follows- Zan menaces the two retreating Zombies as if to finish the job, then thinks better of it, he turns swiftly and rushes for the exit.

“THUNKFECK.”

He misjudges the doorway in the heat of the moment and as he hears Fred’s shouts from outside in the passage.

“ZAN- QUICK- MORE OF ‘EM.”

Zan lies on the floor, stunned; having just ran into the doorframe. 

Greta and Fred turn round to see the dwarf waving to them to indicate he’s ok, just a little… Zan gets up, staggers, and then falls down again… dizzy.

The pair do a double take- Zan crawling on all fours- towards the other doorway (the wrong direction- for anything), three more Zombies are approaching and somewhere further down the corridor, possibly somewhere near the large knot of Zombies in the distance, is Lea.

Greta takes charge-

“Help him…”

The Priest holds forth her Holy Symbol; the three Zombies approaching cower and turn away. Greta then casts a spell.

Fred watches the Priest walk by the frightened Zombies then bends to grab Zan, a couple of slaps later the dwarf is making sense.

“WoodneSDAY, crab pasTE, TEA Kettle, FLANGE.”

Fred tries a delicate right hook. The Dwarf straightens and spits out a tooth- Zan watches the offending peg as it skitters onto the ground.

“If that was me gold toof you’d have problems right now strider.”
Fred nods and looks a little scared.
“Right then- let’s go get ‘em.”

Zan makes a few practice swipes with the Longsword and strides towards the Zombies- Fred follows, grinning from ear to ear.

Meanwhile, back at the front.

Lea is surrounded.

“THUNK”

“FECKING COME ON.”

“THUNK”

“YOU GUYS.”

“THUNK”

“OH YOU WANT SOME OF THIS, DO YA?”

“THUNK”

“GET SOME.”

“THUNK”

The Zombies both sides are closing in, less than fifteen feet away from the beleaguered Lea.

“OH FECK. IF YOU CAN HEAR ME YOU LOT THEN YOU’RE DEAD… DEAD I TELL YA.”

“THUNK”

“What’s the fecking use.”

Lea throws down her crossbow and draws her sword- it looks small, as does she.

“COME ON YOU FECKERS.”

When stepping out of the crowd,

“‘Scuse me.”

Comes Greta- Lea is a little astonished.

“Wha’?”
“Invisibility to Undead- nice isn’t it. Hang on.”

Greta cancels the spell and appears Holy Symbol in hand… 

“FWHOOOOM.”

Swiftly followed by a light spell- the Zombies shield their eyes, stagger a bit and generally mill- not knowing quite what to do.

Greta and Lea wade in, weapons drawn- this proves to be the anticlimax of the rescue, a Zombie Priest spins round and backhands Lea- a tremendous blow, the halfling slams into the wall and slumps down to the floor- not breathing.

“ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN.”

Greta screams as the Zombie in question is almost split in two by a gleaming Longsword.”

“Yep.”

Fred mashes away at another of the foul creatures, more surge towards the group- Greta quickly darts to Lea’s side and begins her healing magic- soon after the halfling opens her eyes- in pain, but very much alive.

Fred and Zan press on into a wall of rotting death- there are still half-a-dozen of the Zombie Priests in combat- with others approaching. Back the way the adventurers came, a tomb opens and those previously turned by the Priest begin to exit. The fight rages when…

“COME ON. OH YOU WANT SOME. AND YOU. GET SOME. GET SOME. GET SOME.”

DONG

“HUH.”

Zan topples forward his helmet slipping over his eyes, the dwarf does his X-marks-the-spot impression, out cold- behind him a Zombie Priest wielding a battered mace does its best to grin.

“What?”

Fred does a double take and then snatches up Zan’s Longsword.

“FOR ZAN.”

And runs the thing through, Greta quickly scuttles over to the fallen dwarf while Lea, grimacing all the while, staggers to her feet- hoping to make a better fist of it this time.

Fred with the magic Longsword is a sight to behold- possibly even more devastating than Zan, Lea tries to stay hidden behind the huge warrior, darting out to deliver stabs and swipes that make it even more difficult for the Zombies to co-ordinate their attacks.

Moments later Greta joins the cause, Zan was stunned rather than actually hurt, the dwarf shakes his head to clear the mist, while Greta stands beside Fred to form a wall beyond which none shall pass.

Soon after the three adventurers begin to press ahead- taking the fight to the shambling undead, a further half-dozen of the tottering Zombie Priests are dispatched before the fight is over.

They rest.

Aftermath.

“That was…”
“Yeah.”

Zan is back to his old self somewhere between grinning like an idiot and looking glum- a happy-go-lucky manic depressive, his wounds have all been healed.

Fred suffered only a few cuts and bruises- he tends not to feel the pain anyway, surveying the undead dead he can’t help but smile, a kinda “I did that”, expression on his face.

Greta survived the fracas unscathed, although she’s almost out of spells and her ability to ward off undead is also very low- she’s determined to see it through however.

Lea has suffered the most, she is scarred and not a little scared, there’s been a lot of horror for Lea, she comforts herself with the thought that she has survived all the same- against all odds.

The adventurers check their weapons, tighten straps and secure their belongings- healing over and dinner finished (mozzarella cheese, sun-dried tomatoes on granary foccacia all washed down with a litre of Diet Fanta), they head on.

The End is Nigh.

The six tombs, from which the Zombie Priests emerged, are searched, one-by-one, with nothing of interest found. The eighteen dead Zombie Priests are dragged out of the way- the corridor cleared for a quick retreat. The adventurers press on to…

A crevasse splits the path, on the opposite side, maybe eight to ten feet across the corridor continues on and almost directly into a larger unlit chamber.

Lea grits her teeth and runs full pelt and leaps the crevasse, she came first at long jump at school, Greta follows suit. Between them they dig out a rope ladder from Lea’s pack and fling it across so it bridges the gap. Fred holds one end while; Lea and Greta hold the other- Zan begins to crawl across the taut bridge.

“I don’t like this, I don’t…”
“Don’t look down Zan, you’re doing great.”

The Dwarf waddles over on all fours as the rope bridge bucks and sways.

“What’s that clicking noise.”

Lea who’s not really helping to hold the ladder, actually just doing facial impressions of someone straining, picks up the lantern and moves to the edge of the crevasse- the light shines out, and down.

Ten or so feet down the crevasse is a huge caterpillar like creature, except without skin- just bones, it’s maw is circled by a bunch of writhing tendon like tentacles or feelers.

“PELOR!”

The dwarf begins to shimmy faster but the creature is quicker, soon the tentacles search out the ladder, and then Zan’s hands that grip it tight, the sinuous feelers circle round to grasp the dwarf’s arms and legs. A tug of love begins- the Skeletal Carrion Crawler’s love of dwarf meat vs. the adventurers love of Zan.

“OH FECK.”

“FRED, let go when I say. LEA grab on.”

Lea quickly slings a flask of Holy Water at the creature, it smashes on impact, the creature sizzles as it burns, unwrapping several of its tentacles. Lea joins Greta and grabs hold of the ladder.

“NOW.”

Fred lets go and the ladder swings to the far side, causing Zan to thump against the side of the crevasse, a rung breaks, but Zan hangs on while Greta and Lea take the strain. 

Greta and Lea begin to pull but the Crawler wraps four tentacles around Zan’s legs.

“THAT’S IT, THAT’S IT- MAKE ME TALL.”

Fred has nothing to throw and so is reduced to throwing stones that ping off the creature, doing little or no damage.

Suddenly three more rungs break and Zan shoots down five or so feet grabbing the last but one.

“I FEEL TALLER. I FEEL TALLER, NOW GET ME OUT.”

Zan slips down to the last rung.

Fred abandons the rocks and leaps the crevasse landing neatly on the other side- he swiftly goes to help Greta and Lea pull up the dwarf.

“Come on we’ve got ya…”

PING

The last rung breaks.

“ArrrTHUMP.”

Zan falls, well, about 4-5 feet, and thumps into the Skeletal Carrion Crawler, which in turn slips about 5 feet down with the added weight of the dwarf. Zan begins to kick at the face of the creature with his hobnailed boots- it’s about know that the evil Undead Spirit of Crawler wishes he/it hadn't bothered.

“ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-oh you’re there.”
“Throw me a rope.”
THUMP- THUMP.

The rope sails by Zan- still curled in a neat circle. 

Back up top Greta and Fred stare at Lea for a second.

“Wh…”
“I didn’t think it through.”

Down below Zan is smiling.

THUMP
“Come on this is easy.”
THUMP
“Ya big Jessie.”
THUMpWHOOSH

The Crawler/Dwarf combo suddenly descends at speed, then suddenly lurches as the creature catches gets a fresh grip of the wall, it seems that kicking the thing in the head is not having the desired affect. Zan looks down; the darkness goes on forever.

“HELP, GET ME OUT OF HERE. GET ME OUT. PLEASE- it’s dark down here…”

The Crawler is doing it’s best to stop Zan from stamping on it’s face but the mad dwarf has worked up a sweat now, several more kicks and gravel and loose rock begin to skitter away as the creature starts to lose its grip again.

The dwarf looks up to his companions, now twenty feet above, a look of resignation on his face.

“GO ON… I’LL, I’LL STAY HERE… MAY MORADIN BLE…”
“JUST GRAB THE FECKING ROPE.”

Fred’s rope is about eight feet away, swaying, Zan cannot reach.

Then the Crawler falls.

The moment lasts forever.

Zan leaps towards the rope…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.”

And catches hold, he rolled a “20”, the others drag the grinning fat dwarf back to the surface.

“Well that was easy.”

The three rescuers crowd round the dwarf patting his back, shoulder, chest etc. just to confirm that he’s real, they’re all grinning.

“Come on, let’s get this finished.”
“Hang on.”

Zan unsheathes the Holy Longsword and passes it to Fred.

“You take it… you’re better than me with it.”

Fred nods as he feels again the weight of the weapon.

“Let’s go.”

Dead again.

The room opens out, a temple of sorts; a low cold mist grips the floor of the chamber seemingly drifting from a large sarcophagi on a dais at the far end of the chamber. A broken statue of a priest in the center of the chamber bears what’s left of a Holy Symbol of Pelor.

The four adventurers move further into the chamber, an eerie red glow begins to form on the top of the sarcophagi…

“Look…”

Atop the huge stone tomb is a skeletal figure, it’s hand hangs limply over the side, it still grasps a blood red dagger.

“Ceruvan?”
Greta nods.

Cautiously they approach.

Suddenly the red mist swirls, as if with a new impetus, the hand clutching the dagger stiffens and the creature rises to the sitting position and in one-bound leaps from the tomb.

The adventurers draw swords and look to each other and then to their enemy, as Greta nods for the final attack to begin the creature speaks.

“Fools! Your quest is for nought. My soul is eternal, you will suffer in eternity, the forces of darkness will conquer the light, as they did before. The temple failed, lost to your pathetic Sun God, you are lost, and lost you will remain here for ever.”

The creature shrieks screams and rushes forward- the adventurers rush to meet the eerily red glowing skeleton.

Fred strikes first the magical Longsword plunges into the rib cage of the creature, white-hot light pours forth from the blade engulfing the creature, it screams…

The smoke clears as slumped to the floor the skeleton lies motionless, the adventurers gather around- slowly flesh begins to encase it till a fully formed human priest, Ceruvan lies on the floor. Perfect except for the hole in his chest, where the heart should be, burnt through by the Holy Longsword.

“That was plop.”
“How easy?”
“Are you sure he’s dead.”
“He’s undead.”
“Did you see that attack- nice one Fred.”

For the record that was another “20”- why do they insist in chopping up my end of level bad guys in ten seconds flat.

Fred admires the sword then follows Lea, who’s gone to check out the sarcophagi, Greta heads over to the statue of Pelor, Zan meanwhile stands above the body.

Eventually the dwarf kneels down to inspect the corpse.

“HHAARRGGHH.”

The corpse sits bolt upright its hand’s wrap around Zan’s neck, squeezing the life from him.

The others react- Greta and Fred rush in as the Zan’s eyes begin to close- he’s losing conscious. The two grapple with Ceruvan attempting to wrestle Zan free, Lea skitters in and stabs at the creature- her sword doesn’t even break the skin. The creature grins, and begins to giggle.

Eventually, smashing at the corpses arms, Zan is dragged free and collapses on the ground, the corpse is on his feet in seconds and lunges at Greta, Zan gasping for air rises, Lea swings again- her weapon rebounds again.

Zan charges from behind the corpse, who is still grappling both Greta and Fred, Zan’s axe falls.

“THWONK.”

And rebounds away, knocking the dwarf over once again.

Greta and Fred break free- both have been mauled and scratched and are bleeding profusely. Greta lashes out with her Longsword, it two rebounds away- not even a crease in Ceruvan’s flesh.

Fred draws the Holy Sword, the creature stops what it’s doing, it stops giggling, slashes the air and backs away.

Lea dodges away and behind the creature, which is still backing away from the sword- Greta is dizzy and near to collapse, Zan is out on his feet barely conscious, even Fred is breathing hard.

The dwarf raises his axe and with his last ounce of strength charges, Ceruvan grins and giggles again- as long as it’s not the sword, the creature makes ready to receive the dwarf.

“Come an’ get it fatty.” 

Only five feet from his quarry Zan hurls the axe at the creature who just in time diverts the it away with its iron-strong forearms, it grins again, as the fat dwarf barrels into the creatures midriff- knocking it off balance.

“OOOooF.”

And over Lea who is crouched behind Ceruvan, the creature whacks into the cold stone floor, arms spread wide for a second in shock and surprise- just the opening Fred was looking for. The Holy Longsword spears down through the mouth of the creature and out the back of its head and into the stone floor.

The creature is pinned.

Once again the burning white holy light engulfs the creature which scrambles and screams, trying to break free but unable to touch the blade.

The adventurers scoot out of the way to watch while Ceruvan continues to scream as his face is eaten away, replaced by the light, thirty seconds later all that’s left is the burnt remains of the creature. This too begins to crumble as time catches up with thrice dead priest; soon all that is left is dust… and a ring.

Greta reaches down and picks the ring up.

The four adventurers stand, heads bowed, and give thanks.

“I enjoyed dat.”
“Mmm.” Lea doesn’t sound so sure.
“We should do this… for a living?”
“Yep.” Zan nods.
“Yeah.” Fred grins.
“Mmm.” Lea looks worried.

And thus the session that is numbered 36 comes to an end.

Zan (Fighter), Greta (Cleric) and Lea (Rogue) are all up to second level. 

Next week… The missing turns, maybe.


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## robberbaron (Jun 28, 2004)

Most entertaining.

When can we expect the return of the first-string team?


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## Nail (Jun 30, 2004)

Good stuff, Goonalan!


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## Goonalan (Aug 12, 2004)

Due to unpopular demand the Wednesday Knights Story Hour will be returning sometime very soon, alas I have changed job- more teaching so I've been off limits for a while.

Apologies to the players-

Like the groping governor of California says, "I'll be back..."


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## robberbaron (Aug 12, 2004)

'bout time too.
I was getting worried.


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## Goonalan (Aug 13, 2004)

I wrote the next Turn up last night- it's another biggie, verbosity's a terrible thing, I'll try and knock off a few more over the weekend. I'll post one on Monday- promise.

Coming up next the Carimor Annual Olympic Games...

Talk about topical.

The Tozar Barbarians, motto- "where the fighting is thickest"- no fear of head injuries.

VS.

The Carimor Imperial Guard, motto- "letting you down gently"- a standing army of two.

There follows an advertisement on behalf of our sponsor, read it, OR ELSE-

JOIN THE CARIMOR IMPERIAL GUARD NOW

YOUR OLIGARCHY NEEDS YOU

PLACES STILL AVAILABLE FOR THE OLYMPIC TEAM

CAN YOU WRESTLE, TOSS, SHOOT, DRINK OR RUN UPPITY-DOWNITY

IF "YES", "MAYBE", OR EVEN "NO"- 
THEN THE CARIMOR IMPERIAL GUARD IS THE PLACE FOR YOU. 

THE CARIMOR IMPERIAL GUARD- DEMOCRACY INACTION.

Advert ends- THANK YOU.

The Games include the Modern Pentathalon-

Arm Wrestling

The Goblin Toss

Archery (Standing & Mounted)

Drinking

And the Finale...

The Big Run Over Bumps And Jumps And That

A clash of societal values on an epic scale, Barbarism meets Civilisation, to slug it out with knife, clenched fist and pointy chopstick.

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

Concessions Available. Tickets 1 Groat.

Come one, come all, come many, come some, come as you are, COME ON EILEEN TA LOO RAH HEY, oh just come why don't you- a crowd of literally tens expected.

Book early to avoid not being disappointed.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EVENT WILL BE SHOWN ON-

SCRY SPATS

HOSTED AS EVER BY...

HAM SLAAD

TUNE CRYSTAL BALLS AND REFLECTING POOLS TO 107.3 MAGICHURTZ


SCRY THE FUTURE NOW, TOMORROW.









Please note in earlier press releases Ticket Prices appeared as 1 Groat, the actual price is 1 Goat. No kidding.


----------



## Nail (Aug 16, 2004)

....funny..!..   *<8^)


----------



## Goonalan (Aug 17, 2004)

The Wannabe & Original Wednesday Knights.

SESSION XXXVII.

Chewsday 28th Mork 2000

By the Ghoulies.

Characters present
Zanakand Male Dwarf Fighter 2 (Kev. M.)
Greta Goldgarth Female Elven Priest of Corellan 2 (Wayne)
Fred Male Human Fighter 1 (Emma) 
Lea Female Halfling Thief 2 (Erin)

The Wannabies spend an hour or so scouting around the now deserted underground, searching out any so far undiscovered nooks or crannies, alas their efforts go unrewarded. They return to the surface for tea- Lobster Tikka sandwiches, extra mayo for Zan.

Now to get back across the water-

Zan is showboating a little on the swim to the far shore- backstroke, eating a sandwich, with the mayo bowl balanced on his chest- when somebody/thing pulls at his skiddies (underpants) from below.

The Dwarf gargles something before sinking below the water, fortunately he has a rope tied around his waist, the others begin to pull him in. However the Lacedon has learnt his lesson, he’s brought a dagger with him for just such eventuality- 

SAW SAW HACK HACK,

and then,

PING, 

the rope shoots back knocking Fred off his feet.

“Bug’R”

Greta and Lea dive into the water- there follows a slightly dodgy (is there any other sort) DM decision.

Real (proper) DM’s look away now. 

Greta spots the Aquatic Ghoul and quick draws her Holy Symbol of Corellan-

“Bluubble Blub Bluubbbba Blubble Blub Be Gone Foul Blubble.”

The Lacedon shrugs its shoulders, as if to say, “it’s a fair cop”, and scoots off.

Lea and Greta quickly scoop up the paralyzed Dwarf, who thanks to their quick reactions is alive. They surface and then swim safely to the other side of the lake, in a rush.

Thawsday 30th Mork 2000

There follows a fairly uneventful two-day journey back to civilisation, Arduat. There the Wannabies meet up with Jethro the Priest and return the relics they have found to the Church of Pelor, for their services they are rewarded $750. Alas though they have to give back the Longsword of Undead Slaying that Fred has really taken to.

“I wuz really gettin’ into dat.”
Greta pats the frustrated Fighter on the shoulder and promises to get him a bigger sword to play with later.

The above scenario is entitled “The Lost” from Mystic Alchemy Gameworks- I bet that’s not his real name. There will always be a place in my heart for Mr. Gameworks.

Fryday 31st Mork 2000

The Wannabies see a flyer-

CHEWSDAY 4th APRON 2000

THE CARIMOR GAMES

THE TOZAR BARBARIANS LED BY CHIEF EKE THUMP

VS

THE CARIMOR IMPERIAL GUARD (Except Alec, who’s wife’s run off with a travelling Holy Symbol salesman and left him looking after the kids.)

BARBARISM VS CIVILISATIONISM

OUR VALUE SYSTEM HANGS IN THE BALANCE.

THE REIGN OF CHAOS OR THE RULE OF LAW.

ICE CREAM AND CANDY FLOSS AVAILABLE.

THE MODERN PENTATHALON-

ARM WRESTLING.
THE GOBLIN TOSS.
ARCHERY.
DRINKING.
THE BIG LONG RUN OVER BUMPS AND JUMPS AND THAT.

Due to essential cutbacks the CARIMOR IMPERIAL GUARD numbers three (minus Alec), anyone wishing to join the guard should report to Major Mina at the Carimor Imperial Barracks at 32B (top flat, knock hard) the Grimes.

Printed by Guttenberg and Sons.

“Mmmm. I’ve got an idea forming in my brain…”

Fred lubricates the thought; a glistening trail of saliva hangs from his chin.

Meanwhile not a million miles away…

“Huh.”

“Huh.”
“What is it Bob? Are you having an idea?”

The big lug Ranger passes the flyer to Endrin, who scans it quickly then takes to smiling.

“Easy money… and the lay-dee-sssss.”

Chewsday 4th Apron 2000

Gurning for Gold.

Characters taking part in events
Bob Male Human Ranger 3 Priest of Kord 1 (Emma)
Cinch Male Goblin Monk 1 (Erin)
Endrin Male Human Bard 4 Sorcerer 2 (Wayne)
Felix Male Dwarf Deep Druid 1 Priest of Moradin 1 (Tomo)
Fred Male Human Fighter 1 (Emma) 
Greta Goldgarth Female Elven Priest of Corellan 2 (Wayne)
Jerky Timbers Female Gnome Priest of Pelor 1 (Kev.M.)
Lea Female Halfling Thief 2 (Erin)
Liandri Male Elf Rogue 4 Wizard 2 (Kev.M.)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian 2 Fighter 1 (Tomo)
Sayon Female Elf Rogue 1 Fighter 1 (Erin)
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter 2 (Wayne)
Zanakand Male Dwarf Fighter 2 (Kev.M.)

“I hereby declare these games going… on… started… oh just fire the bloody arrow will you.”

FHWOOSH… THUD… AAARRGGH.

“Sorrrrreee. I said we should have done this outside”

The PIG IN A POKE Inn is playing host to the first event,

“Tonight laydees and genlemen, direct to you via the magic of SCRY, I bring you the first annual CARIMOR Games.”

“My name is Ham Slaad and I’ll be your genial host for the next three days.”

“And so without any further ado… I can’t read that it’s too little… No… No… Next one… YEEESS ARM WRESTLING.”

“We join the event at a crucial stage, TUM THUNDER, one time Battle Group Leader of the Tozar Barbarians, latterly demoted for unprofessional behaviour in the arena of death. I think we all remember that incident don’t we, it won’t be necessary to conjure up those gore infected images, remember kids- Phil Collins- JUST SAY NO.”

“Versus Mallaria, the only Ex-Tozar Barbarian that’s still above ground, saving the three that tried to run away and now live nailed to Chief Eke Thump’s dining hut wall.”

“We join the action right at the beginning.”

“Oh lovely grimace from TUM, he’s gurning well… oh what’s this…”

“You gurl Elf die.”

“Everybody… IT TALKS.”

Mallaria inches down her tunic and slides her foot up the calf of the now goggle-eyed TUM.

“Mmmmm.”

Up past his knee.

“Urrrrrr.”

To his thigh.

“OooooooH.”

Then CRUNCH.

TUM folds in two, at the same moment his hand is slammed down onto the table.

“WE HAVE A WINNER… EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR MALLARIA- REMEMBER, LIFE’S THE DISEASE- MALLARIA’S THE CURE.”

“If I could just grab a word- Mallaria. Mallaria... Do you have anything to say to your fans on SCRY.”

“Everyone must die.”

“Lovely… keeping it real… Would you like to say anything about your chances of reaching the final?”

“Yes…”

After a while.

“What?”

“I kill everyone.”

“Thank you Mallaria, a big hand laydees and genlemen.”

The competition continues apace, in the Quarter Finals the results look like this-

DONK, Tozar Barbarian beats GRETA, Paladin (Wayne).

EKE THUMP, Tozar Barbarian Chief beats MALLARIA, Barbarian (Tomo).

LIANDRI, Rogue/Wizard (with Bull’s Strength) (Kev.M.) beats LOKI, Tozar Barbarian.

FRED, Fighter (Emma) beats BOB, Ranger (Emma).

Soon after the Semi-Final’s begin, although questions are being raised about the legitimacy of Liandri’s strength and parentage.

LIANDRI beats DONK

In a bout that lasts under thirty seconds the huge Half-Orc is slammed into the table, nearly lifted out of his chair.

“And you join us again laydees and genlemen at a crucial, and may I say, on a personal level, terrifying moment- LIANDRI, quite possibly the worst looking Elf in the forest- he hit every branch on the way down when he fell out of the ugly tree, has beaten the favourite DONK, the Tozar Barbarian. Listen to that crowd.”

“FICKS, FICX, FIYX, FYIX, FICS, PHICS, PHYKS.”

“The Tozar Barbarians laydees and genlemen, angry AND stupid- a deadly combination, I’m sure you’ll agree.”

“Liandri… Liandri, can a have a word, Ham Slaad, SCRY SPATS, to what do you attribute that massive victory…”

“I’ve been training hard over the past year or so Ham, really been putting in the hours, sometimes seven or eight times a day.”

“Do you have a regime?”

“No, I’ve a dirty mag from the Temple of All Conception, d’you wanna scan?”

“-“

“What d’you do, seven or eight times a day?”

“Wan…”

“AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR- 

HOWLING AT THE MOON, SLAVERING FOR THE BLOOD OF VIRGINS- ARE YOU THE WOLFMAN?

TIRED OF COMING BACK FROM THE HUNT COVERED IN THE BLOOD AND ENTRAILS OF YOUR EVISCERATED VICTIMS- THE STENCH OF DEATH ALWAYS IN YOUR MANE.

TRY NEW “APRES CARNAGE” THE LATEST FRAGRANCE FOR WEREMEN.

“I smell great NOWOOOOOOOWWWOOOOWWWOOOOo.”

If you want to meet the IT Girl then Apres Carnage will make you the Where Man.

Warning may contain Paladins.

The second semi only makes things worse.

FRED beats EKE THUMP

Wouldn’t you know it kicks off…

An hour later.

“I’mn Hamn Slaa’Nd and ththis isth ththe FiNNnal, LiaNdrI, oh that HurrrTsth ta Tshay Versusth FrWeD. ThnanK Ynew. Ow. Cayn I Hav mI TeeF BaKk Now.”

LIANDRI VS. FRED

“You don’t stand a chance Fred, my mighty magics are more than a match for your seriously hugely muscled… Pelor they’re enormous, what’ve you been eating? Barbarians? Anyway, no matter…”

“Take the strain… after three Gentlemen.”

“You cannot hope to win…”

“ONE…”

“My magic will rule the day…”

“TWO…”

“I will crush you like the fly you…

“THREE- WE HAVE A WINNER.”

“FECK, FECK, Feck, bloody spell durations.”

“THE WINNER OF THE FIRST EVENT AND CARIMOR GAMES CHAMPION SO FAR… FFFFFFRRRRRRREEEEEEDDDDDDD.”

The place goes wild- actually he’s a popular winner, unassuming, not too bright, even the Tozar Barbarians are placated- he’s dense enough, he could be one of them.”

“Fred, FRED, FRED, Ham Slaad…”

“I’ve eaten Thank yew.”

“No, that’s my name. How do you feel?”

“With my hands, No. Like this…”

Fred rubs his belly and pats his head- at the same time.

“I meant, how do you feel right now- after your fantastic victory, over… well a cheat.”

“I feel a little dizzy…”

“The excitement?”

“No, new undies.”

“Anything else?”

“Over the moon.”

Fred looks up, a few seconds later he realises he can’t see the moon as it is hidden by the ceiling, and the other floor above.

“RIGHT. Well then… FRED. And now to fin…”

“Can I just say hello to someone?”

“Yeah sure. Go ahead champ.”

Fred turns away from Slaad and begins to wave at Lea at the bar, 

“Hello.”

Then walks off.

“THE CARIMOR GAMES. EVERYONE. GO WILD. FOR IT.”

“Tomorrow… <BIG SIGH> MUCH more…”

THE CARIMOR GAMES BROUGHT TO YOU BY SCRY SPATS- BRINGING YOU ALL THE ACTION, TOMORROW NIGHT AT EIGHT “I SLEPT WITH MY MASTERS CONCUBINE”, FAMILIARS THAT GET A LITTLE TOO FAMILIAR…

Woodnesday 5th Apron 2000

Fly Goblin, fly.

The Goblin Toss begins-

On a sour note- DING, Half-Orc Tozar barbarian badly misjudges his throw and sends the screaming Goblin straight up in the air…

THUMP

And straight back down again, the Goblin alas is killed, Ding meanwhile retires with a migraine.

LOMAS, one of the two Imperial Guardsmen, is way ahead with a throw of 23 Goblin Lengths. The tension is palpable; the Tozar barbarians eat spice cakes and play Travel Scrabble (46 U’s and an R, the G’s gone missing).

“I’m Ham Slaad and you’re watching SCRY SPLATS, the final throw in the Goblin Toss… the crowd falls silent…”

“UR.”

“… you can cut the atmosphere with a two-handed sword.”

“UUR.”

“The final competitor takes his position.”

“UUUR.”

“Just Bob to throw.”

“UUUUR.”

“Making sure he hasn’t got too much blood on his hands… although I say you can never have TOO much blood on your hands…”

“UUUUUR.”

“He begins his spin.”

“UUUUUUR. Triple word score.”

“One revolution.”

“UR.”

“Two.”

“CLEVER. SIDEY WAYS ON. THINKIN’.”

“Three.”

“ME CHANGE THREE TILES.” 

“There it goes laydees and genlemen.”

“UUR.”

“It’s flying.”

“CHEAT, UUR NOT WORD, IT SOUND.”

“Flying.”

“STOOPID BARBEAR… BARBUR… STOOPID.”

“It’s a long one.”

“WE BREEV UUR.”

“It’s coming down.”

“I FORT THERE WAZ ANUVER U IN UUUR?”

“It’s landed. It’s a long one… but surely not long enough.”

“STOOPID, UUUR IS ON YOR ED.”

“They’re measuring up… It’s still going to be short.”

“I THOUGHT THAT WAS UUUUR?”

“No, it’s going to be too short. But what’s this…”

“STOOPID, UUUUR IS WEN YOU REFERS TO A LAYDEE, LIKE- UUUUR, OVA DERRR.”

“The Goblins up… it’s not dead…”

“I FORT DAT WAS UUUUUR?”

“It’s running.”

Chief Eke, the smarter of the two Travel Scrabble players, gets up, draws his bow, and lets an arrow fly- all in one swift action.”

WHOOSH THUNK.

“A direct hit laydees and genlemen- the Goblin’s down, at 23 Goblin Lengths- we have a tie.”

“STOOPID, TOE UUUUUR IS UUMAN.”

“SORRY.”

“NO WORRY, IT COMPLEE… COMPLEED… COMPLYKAYTED.”

“YOU SED A MOWTHFULL.”

“UM. SLEEP NOW.”

Meanwhile Lomas beats Bob in the throw-off. Sayon (Erin) comes in third.

THE OVERALL POINTS CHAMPION AFTER TWO EVENTS IS BOB

Later the same existence…

“You join me now in what once was the idyllic village green of Carimor… now a scene of devastation. Already losing by a considerable margin the Tozar barbarians went off the deep end when Eke Thump, the tribal chief, came a cropper in the mounted archery. First the results from the normal… er standing… shooting, I mean archery… damn.”

“The prize for the er… standing… erm archery, a beautiful Masterwork Longbow went to Lea, the shor… sorry untall Halfling. The bullseye, which has never been struck before- it being only two smidgins in diameter- about the size of a pea, was hit not once, but twice by the plucky… d’ya get it, Halfling. Lea had this to say shortly after the moment of her victory…”

“I can’t reach?”

“Special. Then the terrible events of what seems like not long ago, but was in fact just now…”

“As you can see on the SCRY CAM REPLAY, Chief Eke Thump begins his final charge- only needing to score a point to beat the smug looking Liandri, that’s him in the background folks.”

“Then. This happened, look away if you are of a nervous disposition, or are an animal lover- not in the strictest sense of the words… I think you know what I mean.”

Eke spurs his horse on towards the target and the shooting line, a perfect combination of man and beast, oh alright- beast and beast working in unison.

“Here it is listen closely…”

“PHATTY.”

“That’s the point when magicians within the gathered crowd detected the use of magicness, later identified as a Ghost Sound spell, originating from somewhere behind and to the left of the Chief, somewhere near the grassy Gnoll. The grassy Gnoll, with very Elven features- incredibly ugly Elven features, but Elven features nevertheless.”

“Zapruda, the Gnomish Savant postulated that this figure was in fact Liandri cleverly disguised as a grassy Gnoll- if you look carefully you can see the Bulrushes sticking out of his pants.”

“Then this happened. Roll VT.”

Eke, startled, turns swiftly behind, as the horse bows its head to allow the Chief to gain a clear line of sight. 

Eke loses his balance, badly, and is catapulted over the horses head- he fires his arrow. 

It strikes home. 

Killing the horse instantly.

The horse ploughs on into the Chief- specifically Eke’s face.

CRUNCH.

The huge human barbarian slumps to the floor, his head hitting the dirt in slo-mo, then lies still.

For exactly one second.

He raises himself up, shakes his head, looks in the general direction of the grassy Gnoll and screams the feared Tozar barbarian battle cry-

<CENSORED> ‘em.

“Needless to say death and destruction followed- innocent lives lost, for what… nothing. Let’s ask Chief Eke- Chief, ah I see an Axe. Chief er, it is a big Axe isn’t it? Chief- do you have anything to say to the loved ones of those that met their maker, or to be precise, their unmaker- this afternoon? Chief?”

“I… UUUUUR.”

“You heard it here first on SCRY SPATS, or should that be SPLATS… you’ve gotta laugh or else you’ll die.”

“And so Liandri wins the Mounted Archery, and by my reckoning the cheeky Elf with a face like a bulldog stung by a wasp is the overall points winner so far with one event left today- the DRINKING. Oh you’ve gotta admire the gumption of the young… No Chief… ChIEf… No please- not the face. Till… Oh my Pelor… Next… Aaaargghh aaarrrgghhh NOOOOOOO Argh Argh… TurnARRRRRGGGHHHHHH.

And so endeth Turn 37.

Next Turn… A Quiet Pint.


----------



## Goonalan (Aug 19, 2004)

The Wannabe & Original Wednesday Knights.

SESSION XXXVIII.

Woodnesday 5th Apron 2000

A Quiet Pint.

Characters taking part in events
Bob Male Human Ranger 3 Priest of Kord 1 (Emma)
Cinch Male Goblin Monk 1 (Erin)
Endrin Male Human Bard 4 Sorcerer 2 (Wayne)
Felix Male Dwarf Deep Druid 1 Priest of Moradin 1 (Tomo)
Fred Male Human Fighter 1 (Emma) 
Greta Goldgarth Female Elven Priest of Corellan 2 (Wayne)
Jerky Timbers Female Gnome Priest of Pelor 1 (Kev.M.)
Lea Female Halfling Thief 2 (Erin)
Liandri Male Elf Rogue 4 Wizard 2 (Kev.M.)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian 2 Fighter 1 (Tomo)
Sayon Female Elf Rogue 1 Fighter 1 (Erin)
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter 2 (Wayne)
Zanakand Male Dwarf Fighter 2 (Kev.M.)

“I’m Ham Slaad and your watching SCRY SPATS the foremost purveyor of quality tussling in all forms. We’re here tonight in the Pig-in-a-Poke Inn, Carimor for the DRINKING, which no doubt if the form book runs true, will climax in the SCUFFLING, and if we’re very lucky the SCUFFLING WITH SWORDS.”

“Well as you can see behind me the competition is pretty well advanced- so let’s catch up with some of the previous events of the evening.”

“Oh, you’ll like this one- priceless.”

Cinch, a Goblin Monk, with no knowledge or understanding of alcohol stands in the centre of the bar, grinning like a fool- apt really. He swigs at huge foaming mug, each time he comes up for air he looks a little less sure of himself- the smile begins to slip.

A minute later the mug is slammed down on the table in front of the Goblin, the creature summons up a strange smile then topples forward almost at attention. The Goblins skull makes contact with the table.

CRACK

The table breaks apart, cleanly cleft in two- the Monk does not stir.

“HI-YAH KARATE. What a way to go… but Cinch wasn’t the only one…”

Guntha, a huge Orc Barbarian, pitches forward and into the replacement table, which has been moved back considerably- just not far enough however.

CRACK

The table does not break; the Barbarian slowly sits up and smiles.

“I’m s’all s’right.”

He whistles through a massive gap where his front teeth once were. The lost pegs are the shown embedded in the edge of the table.

“Crazy guys these Tozar Barbarian- they’ll eat anything- very toothsome the tables around here… Huh huh just my little joke. Next up, or should I say, down…”

Jerky Timbers, a slight (emaciated) Gnome Priest of Pelor, looks confused- then topples forward.

THUNK

Missing the edge of the table by three or four feet. 

“Close but no cigar, still those three fared better than this father and son team, still they looked better for it at the end- just watch.”

Two dishevelled, extremely corpulent and, of course, inebriated members of the Carimor farming community shuffle and smile as the home crowd spurs them on. They each clutch small glasses of bright red liquid, which steam slightly. 

They swig down their drinks in unison, swallow, turn and nod to each other and then back to the crowd and smile broadly holding their glasses aloft in victory.

The larger of the two, obviously the father of the pairing, goes to shout something, instead a Technicolor yawn of titanic proportions jets out across the crowd. 

The son turns to his father and goes to speak- you can imagine the results.

The scene shifts and lurches, the sound track a mess of belching, farting and vomiting- over low level screams.

“An hour later the Carimor Games Safety Inspector declared the Inn safe to return to, over fifty gallons of acidic bile were swilled from the Bar- you’ll be pleased to see however…”

The same father and son team shuffles into view each a good hundred pounds lighter- stick-like.

“… That all’s well that ends well. The way these two were going I thought their chances of survival were, well, slim. How are you feeling guys?”

“SqFineeak.”
“SqSmashingeak.”

“Good to hear gents. But that wasn’t the end of it- no way, check out this guy.”

The action has moved to outside the Inn, clean up crews beaver away in the background sweeping out lakes of bubbling liquid that smoke gently- the odd hiccup and belch can still be heard from within the Inn.

Endrin stands in the centre of a ring of eager onlookers, he holds a glowing crystal goblet of gently fizzing pale wine. He raises his glass and makes his toast.

“For all the women I’ve loved before, as I said at the time…”

He scans the crowd making numerous nods, winks and glances- a chorus of farmers wives and daughters turn away and flush in response.”

“… Bottoms up.”

In two gulps the wine is gone. Endrin stands tall and lifts the wine glass high in salute, shrill cheers fogged by deep voiced grumblings.

Endrins smile lasts, despite the white foam that starts as a drip and then rapidly progresses to a waterfall fizzing from his mouth.

“I F’ay. Fotts Fiss. FOTTS FFAPPENING.”

Endrin, now two thirds foam, slumps to the ground and begins to flop and wriggle like a fish out of water, all the time spurts of foam fountain and splash.

“FfuFFing Fto Fwurry Fabout. FI’me FFFine.”

The laughter is deep and booming, with a background of tutted sympathy.

“Hey guy, where’s the fire? Endrin the Bard- an entertainer to the end. But it didn’t end there- we’ve got some hidden footage of Endrin’s later explanations to a gang of irate farmers what exactly he had been doing with their significant others- watch out for the haymaker from the huge hayseed on the right.”

POW

Endrin’s face is shown in extreme close up as if slammed up against some clear screen.

“I’m afraid we’ve gotta cut the highlights show there, we’re live now, back in the Pig-in-a-Poke Inn. It’s the semi-final, the Tozar barbarians have dominated this event, as we expected, in fact the semi-finalists are all Tozar. Dunk, Bukowski, Chief Eke Thump and wait for it, Mallaria.”

The four semi-finalist eye each other suspiciously- actually three to one, the Tozars stare at the ex-Tozar, Mallaria- grins and waves back at each in turn, they fume back.

Four small purple shot glasses are brought out- seconds later all four are drunk.

The three barbarians- fizz and yap while pulling strange, unpleasant, faces.

NeeeeAAAtT YATTT TARRR
MEE-MOO MEE-MOO
WADA WADA WADA WADA

Finally they straighten and turn to stare at the unmoving Mallaria- statue still, glass in hand.

Eventually, the crowd hushes…

BROOCK BROK BROK BRRROOOOK BROK BROK

Mallaria moves off at a staccato pace, delicately lifting her legs and placing them carefully and deliberately back down again; hands tucked into her armpits, flapping like wings. She stalks the circle made by the crowd- pecking, the laughter begins.

The barbarians fold their arms over their chests and settle back to enjoy the scene. Mallaria continues her merry dance- clucking and squawking all the while.

She cosies up to Eke eventually squatting at the huge barbarian chief’s feet.

BRRRRRRROOOOOOOOCK BBBBBBRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOK

Eke looks down; still wracked with laughter, at the straining Mallaria, the crowd continue to scream their delight.

BRK!

Mallaria shuffles off her perch quickly.

The ripple of the crowd’s laughter begins to turn into gasps and silence.

Till only Eke continues to laugh- long and loud, finally he notices the surrounding silence- he looks down to see, incapable of laying an egg Mallaria has done the best she can- in the circumstances.

A wisp of steam curls upwards.

The image lurches violently a huge roar from the desecrated Chieftain.

RRRRRRAAAAAAYYYYYGGGEEEE

Imagine Tyson versus a fine British Athlete- Jayne Torvill, maybe. You get the picture.

Sometime later.

“Well after that monumental battering it was decided to make Chief Eke Thump the winner of the event, there seemed little point in continuing with the competition, particularly as Chief Eke Thump has confirmed that he had won. So that’s settled then, a clear victory for the Tozar barbarians, a clean sweep of the medals.”

“Well it’s 2 AM here at the Pig-in-a-Poke, Carimor. We’ve seen some top action, some premier scuffling and projectile vomiting the like of which hasn’t been seen since that infamous PHIL COLLINS incident. The competition is on a knife-edge; with that last 1-2-3 the Tozar barbarians are only a point adrift and are clear favourites for the final event. In the individual competition it’s still too close to call- it’s Liandri and Eke tied in first with Bob and Donk closely following them.”

“So till tomorrow, 11 AM and the Big Run over Jumps and Bumps and that, the final hurdle as it were, this’ll separate the men from the boys, the cooks from the broth, the gathering stone from its moss.”

“You’ve been watching Ham Slaad on SCRY SPATS- remember, to be in with a fighting chance watch SCRY SPATS. G’night and sleep tight, and don’t have nightmares.”

Thorsday 6th Apron 2000

We interrupt this broadcast.

Characters present
Bob Male Human Ranger 3 Priest of Kord 1 (Emma)
Fred Male Human Fighter 1 (Emma) 
Jerky Timbers Female Gnome Priest of Pelor 1 (Kev.M.)
Liandri Male Elf Rogue 4 Wizard 2 (Kev.M.)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian 2 Fighter 1 (Tomo)
Sayon Female Elf Rogue 1 Fighter 1 (Erin)
Zanakand Male Dwarf Fighter 2 (Kev.M.)

“It’s not tomorrow, it can’t be I haven’t slept yet.”

Zan is roughly shaken awake, it’s 4 AM in the morning, many of the competing adventurers have had just two hours sleep- for others, in the thick of last night’s action like Mallaria & Endrin, there’s been no rest- their wounds having prevented them from sleeping at all.

“We need help, please,”

Arthur Tremble, the proprietor of the Inn gathers any adventurers that he can rouse, minutes later the group assemble in the bar, talking in whispers as they complete their dress. There are some monster hangovers present.

“I’m sorry to wake you.”

SHAAARRRGGHHSHHH
SHHHHFECKSHHH

“Oh, right.”

Arthur switches to a loud whisper; the seven adventurers huddle around to hear.

“Four farmers went looking for a goat this evening- they told their friends that it had been stolen and they had found tracks and were going to follow them and get it back, they’d been drinking, and foolishly left with only an hours worth of light left. We’ve only just discovered they’re still missing, they’ve been gone for hours now, and… well one of them’s my brother. I tried to wait for the morning, but I can’t- I’ll give free food and board for as long as you live to any of you, all of you- if you can get him back safely. I’m so sorry to wake you… I had to ask, please, pl…”

Arthur begins to break down and cry.

“We’ll find them.”

Bob steps forward, followed by Jerky, Fred, Sayon, Zan, Liandri and finally Mallaria, who’s in no state to go anywhere.

“Mallaria, you shouldn’t…”
GRRRR
“Ok, but take it easy.”

Bob shrugs and catches up with All Star Wednesday Knights, as they in turn follow Arthur to the goat pens. Torches and lanterns are lit en-route.

A little later, at the goat pen. 

Mallaria squats next to Bob, the two look at each-

“Ogre.”

The tracks lead out of Carimor, naturally, Arthur is sent back to the Inn and the Knights head off.

Just short of an hour later the Knights are spread around a low rise looking down into a stony area with a cave on the far side- a fire burns in the entrance and Liandri is certain he can see a figure hunched in the darkness. Every now and then a goat or sheep can be heard bleating.

Liandri is sent forward to check out the lay of the land- five minutes later he signals to the Knights and Mallaria steps up to the plate.

She shuffles her way forward into the rocky clearing and towards the fire, the hunched figure straightens and steps into the light, dressed in simple leathers, the young human squints at Mallaria as she approaches.

“Who goes there? Who are you? I’m armed.”
“My name’s Mallaria, I hope it’s not you that’s got my goat.”

The young guy looks up as Liandri stumbles about to launch himself at the human.

“JERRY.”

He screams and then runs into the cave- cover blown the Knights quickly emerge from hiding and hotfoot it down to the cave. Once there they draw weapons and creep forward.

“I think I can hear something.”

Bursting from the cave entrance comes a pair of goats moving at high speed, followed by three sheep at a fast trot, one crashes into Zan sending the pair thudding to the ground.

The Dwarf wrestles the ram for a short time before it gets free and charges off.

Thirty seconds of heart stopping silence follow punctuated by the loping slap of something much larger approaching from the cave.

“Ogre.”

The Knights ready themselves for the onslaught.

CLOP
CLOP

A bemused cow appears in the firelight, and wanders, seemingly without a concern in the world, through the statue like line of fighters- who simply stare, trying not to giggle.

RRRRRaaaaaaaRRRRRR

The Ogre charges out of the cave mouth, a huge club in one hand- it swats at the flatfooted Knights.

Sadly the Ogre misses.

A dagger whizzes out of the darkness certain to bury itself in Mallaria’s gut, that is until the barbarian at the last moment flings herself right… the dagger passes harmlessly by. 

However in avoidance Mallaria crashes into the wall of the cave mouth and “lights out”, slumps to the floor.

Liandri sees his chance and leaps down, narrowly missing the Ogre, however he lands softly and silently behind the creature- next time.

The other Knights unfreeze- Jerky, Holy Symbol in hand, fires of a Cause Fear spell which has an instant effect.

MMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMM

The Ogre jumps backwards

AAGH

Knocking over Liandri and for a second crushing him underfoot, the Elf sucks in air and curls into a ball.

The young human goat thief sees his opportunity and bursts from the cave and through the Knights line, in the hole left by the downed Mallaria. 

The Ogre quickly finds his senses, as the other Knights close in- it looks down to see Liandri, still curled in a ball- nothing else for it. The giant kicks the Elf, who skids, slides and tumbles into the fire.

AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH.

Jerky quickly drags Liandri from the conflagration, beating the flames out to leave charred and singed patches in the Elf’s armour and clothes.

Zan is slightly wounded, and Bob takes a nick but the result is never in doubt, the Ogre is quickly slain. 

The cave lair is empty, apart from the collected faeces of the mini-stampede. In short a dead end.

The Knights grab hold of Mallaria and Liandri and head for Carimor as fast as they can.

5.30 AM and the Knights, sans Mallaria, who’s been put back to bed, are stood again in the bar of the Inn, listening intently to Arthur’s four year old son-

“Then they ad annuver drink, an Uncle Alan said something about the frogging goat, no that’s no it, more like frugging goat… I can’t remember. Then one of the others, the tall one, the one that smells like that cheese, anyway he said that the broody goat was gone- then they started pushing, and one of them swore… he did, not Uncle Alan though.”
“And then?”
“Can I have a biscuit?”
“After.”
“Can I have two biscuits?”
“Yes, after, what happened next?”
“Can I have some jam?”
“ – “

Liandri steps between Arthur and his lad, picks the kid up and pins him to the wall with one hand, while in the other a gleaming stiletto dagger appears,

“Tell me where they went.”
“Theyleftinacarttheywentonthesouthroadandthenwentcrosscountry.”
"Thank you.”

Liandri drops the kid who begins to ball his eyes out. Arthur steps forward.

“You bastard, I’m going to…”
“Get your brother back, hopefully, out the way.”

Liandri strides off, the Knights mouth apologies and follow after.

Ten minutes later they’ve followed deep rutted cart tracks to a strange spot which in the half-light of the rising sun seems to have seen some action.

“They were ambushed, here, three- maybe more, there’s no blood- there wasn’t much of a struggle.”

The others look on as Bob goes to work.

“Soon after they turned the cart round and headed off… in that direction, the horses remained calm throughout. We follow.”

Bob points and then head down leads off, they follow the trail for twenty more minutes when Bob quickly signals for them to stop, then hide. 

Four figures appear moving through the brush, they get close enough for Bob to recognise them, they’re locals.

“Hold. Where are you heading?”

The four farmers recognise the Ranger and the other Knights from the games.

“There are men moving through the land, a little to the West of here, we were looking for our friends when we spotted them. Have you found anything?”
“Your friends were ambushed back there, we’re following cart tracks, see. The men you saw- did they have a cart? How many of them were there? Which direction were they heading?”
“No there was no cart, they were moving very slowly, like old men. There were four of them with hooded robes. I think they were heading west,”
“Mmm, a similar direction to the cart tracks, clearly they’re not the men we seek. Liandri go with these men and see what you can see, then return here and follow after us- quickly, You people take Liandri to where you last saw these men- then return him here, then go back to Carimor- it very busy out here tonight- not a place for farmers.”

And so Liandri heads off with the farmers soon to discover the temporary camp of four robed figures who are taking tea, hooded and cloaked against the cold morning. Liandri spends a few minutes observing their actions before urging the farmers to speed him back to the cart trail.

Thirty minutes later Liandri has caught up and delivered his report.

“Four humans, one looked to be an old man. It wasn’t them- they seemed in good cheer- taking tea, travellers probably.”

Bob nods and the Knights hit the trail again.

7.30 AM and something strange looms into view, the Knights creep forward to the outskirts of a clearing in which stand two crudely and newly constructed buildings- single story, both fairly small- no more than single chambers. A tent sits between the buildings; ringed by six strange creatures- human Zombies.

Instinctively the Knights know they’re journey is at an end- as they are about to sneak back to discuss tactics a door opens and into the light comes a group of robed figures. The three figures are carrying scythes.

“Feck.”
“What?”
“Scythes.”
“So?”
“Death God.”
“They could be farmers… with Zombies.”

Everyone stares at Sayon for a while.

The group of Priests break up, heading in different directions- Zan kicks into action, slightly ahead of schedule.”

“Bastard.”

THWONG

The heavy crossbow bolt thuds into Jonyez the Butcher, leader of this evil triumvirate, jolting him backwards- he screams and runs for cover.

The Knights break cover while the six Zombies shamble towards them, Jonyez and another priest hang well back spell casting, the third priest scarpers into the smaller brick built chamber. 

The Knights begin to chop through the Zombies- two are already down, however from the smaller chamber emerges a gaggle of skeletons- who charge into the fray. It gets serious.

All of the Knights, except Sayon, have been wounded and still three Zombies and four Skeletons are standing, summoned Fiendish Dire Rats are appearing everywhere, nibbling and attacking the Knights from behind.

Fred takes a thump to the side of his head from a Zombie and crumples to the ground.

Zan smashes down a Skeleton and charges into Egarhz, the Priest that released the Skeletons, thumping the Priest sending him spinning to the floor. Zan is prevented from following up on his attack when a Fiendish Dire Rat attacks him from behind while a Skeleton also rushes to attack. Egarhz heals and edges away.

Liandri also manages to break free of the general melee and lands a devastating blow to Jonyez; the Priest flees back into the second, slightly larger, building- from which spill another half-dozen Skeletons, preventing Liandri from following.

Jerky steps out of the fight and raises his Holy Symbol- eventually he manages to scare a few of the bonies away; alas the respite is not for long. Chlaghen, the remaining Priest, raises his Holy Symbol, and after a short battle of wills, the Skeletons return to the fray. Jerky panics and retreats out of the fight and into the long grass surrounding the encampment, her veins running cold courtesy of a Cause Fear spell.

Bob reacts to this, finds some space, and charges through the crowd at Chlaghen- he smashes him to the ground and slays him but not before being scythed and slashed terribly across his chest.

Sayon briefly ends up fighting a Fiendish Dire Rat within the tent, but soon slays the creature and emerges to fight on.

Meanwhile from within the larger building, into which Jonyez fled, come terrible screams of pain.

And so we come to the end of the 38th Turn, Bob (badly hurt), Liandri (hurt), Zan (badly hurt) & Sayon (unhurt) fight on against a scrum of three Zombies, eight Skeletons and a Fiendish Dire Rat, Egarhz bolsters the undead.

Five yards away Fred lies spread eagled on the floor- dead to the world.

Jerky (slightly wounded), courtesy of a Cause Fear spell, stalks the grasslands afraid to return to the fray.

In the larger chamber something screams loud enough to wake the dead… perhaps.

And so endeth Turn 38.

Next Turn… The Bitch is Back.


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## robberbaron (Aug 21, 2004)

Oh my.
"Apres carnage".
I laughed so hard my wife thought I was having a fit.

More, please.


----------



## Goonalan (Aug 23, 2004)

The Wannabe & Original Wednesday Knights.

SESSION XXXIX.

Thorsday 6th Apron 2000

Characters present
Bob Male Human Ranger 3 Priest of Kord 1 (Emma)
Fred Male Human Fighter 1 (Emma) 
Jerky Timbers Female Gnome Priest of Pelor 1 (Kev.M.)
Liandri Male Elf Rogue 4 Wizard 2 (Kev.M.)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian 2 Fighter 1 (Tomo)
Sayon Female Elf Rogue 1 Fighter 1 (Erin)
Zanakand Male Dwarf Fighter level 2 (Kev.M.)

The Bitch is Back.

“Pelor save me, Oh Lord.”

Jerky hops from foot to foot in the tall grass, tears stream down her face.

“I can’t go back. I must go back- Oh Pelor, please help me.”

Stepping out of the undergrowth behind the panicked Gnome comes a terrible sight- the swollen features of the creatures face break into a horrible grin. It silently creeps forward towards the nervous Gnome, stretching out bloody, battered & bruised hands towards the Gnomes neck.

EEEERRRKKK

“Boooooo.”
Jerky twists round, while simultaneously soiling her pants, to see the swollen, blackened features of a Zombie… no hang on its Mallaria.

“Pelor you scared the crap out of me.”
“So it seems.”
“What the feck are you doing back here.”
“Mores the point, what the feck are you doing here- shouldn’t you be helping your friends?”
“I… I… I…”
“Fight by my side, or die by my sword, Sunny.”

Mallaria jogs towards the sounds of combat, drawing her massive sword as she goes. Jerky makes up her mind and follows swiftly after.

Back at the encampment the fight is still deadlocked, Liandri sees an opening and ducks out and heads for the tall grass-

“LIANDRI…”

But he’s gone; Bob makes a mental note to have a word later, but fights on.

But Liandri has not gone far, hidden in the tall grass, he swigs at a potion of healing and then applies a Mage Armour. He’ll be back.

Mallaria dives into the fight as Zan splats the Fiendish Dire Rat, the Half-Elf Barbarian scatters the bones of two of the Skeletons in a single attack. Zan nods his thanks.

Not satisfied Mallaria rushes on towards Egarhz- who panics and begins a spell, too late- the foul Priest is almost cut in two by Mallaria’s huge sword, what’s left of the man flops to the floor.

Jerky catapults from the tall grass, Holy Symbol in hand- shouting her prayers.

Four Skeletons shiver and as a unit back away from the Gnome Priest.

“YESSSSS- In you face Evil dudes.”

Sayon is locked in battle with a Zombie, still unhurt but having a terrible time trying to bring the thing down.

Bob swigs at a potion of Cat’s Grace and does his best against a the remaining Skeletons and Zombies, two of each. Liandri arrives back on the scene to help the Ranger out.

Mallaria charges off towards the turned Skeletons and hacks them down in double quick time. Then straight after runs past the Zombie that Sayon has been fighting, and failing to hit for some time, she decapitates the creature as she passes.

“Err… thanks.”

Sayon heads off to help Liandri, replacing Bob, who spots an opening and dives towards the building, into which Jonyez fled- and from which come the unearthly screams.

Inside of the crude and featureless single chamber the dread Priest Jonyez, seemingly now uninjured, slits the throat of one of the prisoners- two bodies lie in ever expanding pools of blood. Four other prisoners, bound and gagged, wrestle with their bonds in terror and panic.

The Priest spins round to meet the Ranger.

“You’re dead.”

Back outside Jerky completes his examination of Fred, who gingerly raises his head- he had only been knocked unconscious.

“Catch up Fighter- no time for lying around.”

Fred leaps up and draws his sword- ready for action, two Zombies remain locked in combat with Mallaria, Liandri & Sayon- Fred joins the fray as Mallaria departs- rushing into building in which Bob fights Jonyez. Zan likewise barrels into the chamber.

Bob has so far failed to make any impression upon the Priest, the prisoners press themselves to the floor- avoiding Jonyez wicked Scythe as he carves away creating a wall of razor sharp steel.

Mallaria dives in and is sliced badly; she leaps back immediately clutching at the deep gash.

 CLUNG

WHOOSH

CLUNG

THUNK

Zan is built of sturdier stuff, twice the Scythe bounces from the Dwarves helm, the last sound Zan’s axe as it slices through Jonyez’s arm and buries itself in the Priest’s side and chest. Jonyez, sways slightly, then speaks…

“I’ll be back…”

Smiles and then slumps to the floor- dead.

The three begin releasing the babbling terrified prisoners, when shouts from outside send them stumbling back out into the sunlight.

With only one Zombie still standing Sayon, Fred, Liandri and Jerky are playing with the thing, when bursting into the clearing come three of the four robed figures spotted en route earlier by the farmers and observed by Liandri.

One of the robed figures is cut down in a trice by Fred, shambling into the encampment comes the fourth member of the travelling group- not an “old man” but a Zombie.

The other Knights emerge from the building bristling with weapons and matted in gore and blood- it’s all too much for the wanderers, low level adherents to the Death Cult- they break and run, leaving the Zombie to face the music- the Last Waltz as it turns out.

The Knights decide against following, and rest up a while.

“How did you find us?”

Mallaria tells her story, waking up to find the other Knights gone, finding the Cart trail with the help of Arthur, encountering the farmers and then rushing on to join the Knights.

“Well, we’re glad to see you. Thanks.”

The others nod their thanks also.

The four remaining prisoners, two farmers and two caravan guards, are made comfortable and given healing. One of them is Arthur’s brother, although it takes fifteen minutes to be certain of this- they’re monosyllabic and prone to fits of crying and moaning- the things they’ve seen.

“D’ya hear what he said?”
“What?”
“I’ll be back…”
“So?”
“So, make a fire.”

All the undead creatures and the Priests are gathered, searched, the Priests decapitated, and then all the bodies burnt.

Matted in blood, stinking of death the Knights, exhausted, trudge back to Carimor.

In time for the final event.

The above scenario is taken from the Kingdoms of Kalamar Module “Harvest of Darkness”; the first scenario contained within- “Sometimes They Come Back.” Although the Knights headed that particular twist off at the pass- the Priests can’t rise again if they’re decapitated and burnt to ashes- good work.

The gallant Knights are welcomed back to Carimor by all, except the Tozar barbarians who chuckle and pass comment upon the dishevelled state of the adventurers. Mallaria receives some barbed jibes, she chooses to ignore them and have her vengeance in the final event.

Arthur is delighted to see Harold his brother although there are others who are now without husbands, fathers, brothers and/or sons- the weather is overcast reflecting the mood of Carimor. 

The Knights have less than an hours rest before the final event, they’re all exhausted, battered and bruised- nevertheless they all sign up for…

THE BIG LONG RUN OVER BUMPS AND JUMPS AND THAT.

“And so here we are again for the final event of the Carimor Games… the conclusionator. A special shout goes out to the brave Wednesday Knights, many of whom got no rest last night, foiling a plot by a group of Dark Priests to create an army of undead. The High Priest finally cleft in twain by Zanakand’s mighty axe.”

“And yet, these gallant guys and gals have all signed up for the ultimate challenge.”

“Now join me as I explain the terror that lies ahead… First a dash of 180 yards to the wall, forty-five feet of rutted cliff. From there another dash, 120 yards, to a cliff. The competitors dive, swan-like, into the dark waters of Carimor Pond- swim across to the far side then dive down beneath the murky water and swim through the underwater passage and into a slippery cave that slopes up to emerge back into the light. Don’t worry laydees and genlemen there are trained Gnomish Aquanauts in the Pond, there to save anyone in danger. From the cave it’s another 270-yard dash to the Squires and the competitors mounts. Those without horses will have to make do with the nags and miscellaneous farm animals provided by the inhabitants of Carimor. I’d sure like to see them saddle a cow, and the chicken may prove difficult.”

“Then they spur their mounts on around a quarter mile circuit that brings them round and back towards the waiting crowds, and the final giant hurdle- the Big Fence. The finish line only yards the other side. Then all that’s left is to present the trophies to the winners. I for one can’t wait.”

“Before the off I’ll do the best I can to tell you a little about the competitors taking part in this gruelling event.”

“From the Tozar barbarians we have Guntha, Donk, Pumba, Gollpin, Ding, Taz, Chief Eke and, of course, Loki.”

“Representing the Carimor Imperial Guard we have Len Stubbs and Lomas, although joining them we have the Wednesday Knights- Bob, Cinch, Endrin, Felix, Fred, Greta, Jerky, Lea, Liandri, Mallaria, Sayon, Whirlwind and Zanakand.”

“Representing the Carimor locals, not scoring points for the battle between Barbarism and Civilisationism, are Tam Flinders, the Dwarven Smith, and for the farmers Goland and Langley- the “Sicko’s”, as they’re now known, and Tom Selig.”

“Independent competitors in it for the prize money or kudos are Earl Grey and Naj Robel Paladins of St. Cuthbert; Sister Serka, and twin brothers, Brothers Jonu and Juno, Monks from the Order of the Blinding Light; and lastly Yee Nu an Elven Caravan Guard.”

“And so with the scene set… as the crowd hush, we move now to the official starter Lady Juniper Bushes. Over to you Lady Juniper… The Carimor Games brought to you by Scry Spats laydees and genlemen, Ham Slaad reporting for you… Lady Juniper.”

“ARW WOO WEADY?”

The good Lady’s slightly, who am I kidding, equine features stare down from the starting platform.”

“The tensions mounting, Ham Slaad, Scry Spurts.”

“ARW WOO STWEADY?”

“This the final event… Ham Slaad, Scry Spurts.”

“G…”

And so endeth session 39.

Next turn… “…O”


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## Goonalan (Aug 25, 2004)

The Wannabe & Original Wednesday Knights.

SESSION XXXX.

Thorsday 6th Apron 2000

Characters taking part in event
Bob Male Human Ranger 3 Priest of Kord 1 (Emma)
Cinch Male Goblin Monk 1 (Erin)
Endrin Male Human Bard 4 Sorcerer 2 (Wayne)
Felix Male Dwarf Deep Druid 1 Priest of Moradin 1 (Tomo)
Fred Male Human Fighter 1 (Emma) 
Greta Goldgarth Female Elven Priest of Corellan 2 (Wayne)
Jerky Timbers Female Gnome Priest of Pelor 1 (Kev.M.)
Lea Female Halfling Rogue 2 (Erin)
Liandri Male Elf Rogue 4 Wizard 2 (Kev.M.)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian 2 Fighter 1 (Tomo)
Sayon Female Elf Rogue 1 Fighter 1 (Erin)
Whirlwind Male Human Fighter 2 (Wayne)
Zanakand Male Dwarf Fighter 2 Monk 1 (Kev.M.)

“O”

“The Big Long Race over Jumps and Bumps and That begins… I’m Ham Slaad and you’re watching SCRY SPATS, for the final event of the Carimor Games.”

The rope drops and the motley collection, from fatties to thoroughbreds set of at a lope or a gallop.

“No casualties so far, first to the Wall is Loki, closely followed by Guntha and Bob in third- the Wall’s a difficult climb, there may be a few casualties here- if someone fell from the top they could certainly smash their skull clean open. Fingers crossed. Keep watching folks.”

A clutch of scrambling freaks push, shove and pull themselves and each other up or off the Wall. There are several fallers but none from any great height- the unlucky ones scramble to their feet and begin the climb again. 

“And first to the top, actually there’s two of them together there- Pumba and Ding of the Tozar’s, followed by a gaggle of others too close to call- Guntha, Gollpin, Langley, Lomas, Bob, Cinch, Fred, Liandri and Whirlwind. That’s really bunched them up- perhaps the next dash will split them up a bit more.”

The slightly thinned out field sprints, head long, towards the approaching cliff and Carimor Pond below. It’s begun to show on some of the competitors faces- as the lead pack reaches the cliff edge we see there are still a number scrambling up the wall. In fact Greta, the Priest of Corellan, is still looking for a clean place to put her hands to begin her climb.

“Does anyone have any gloves, silk if you have them, though something in calfskin would be acceptable?”

“Is there a way round then?”

On to the cliff edge.

“And Pumba dives first, no points for style there. There goes Ding… no hang on he’s refused- looks like he’s going to try and climb down- the big baby. So second now is Guntha, there goes Gollpin in third. And in fourth places comes the first non-Tozar, it’s the ugly Elf Liandri. COME ON CARIMOR- THIS IS FOR CIVILISATIONISM.”

“Oh we’re back to the Wall… Ho ho… here’s our first casualty. Roll VT.”

Tom Selig, a plump farmer does a header from almost the top of the Wall- his body crunches into the ground and bounces- coming to rest, motionless. A young man, seven feet tall and thin with it, jogs across the grass towards the could-be corpse, one half of the stretcher squad. The other half being a middle-aged female dwarf weighing something in the region of 400+ lbs. Between the two of them it’s poetry in motion.

Eventually the farmer stirs and raises a hand, the crowd, and insurers, breath a sigh of relief.

On closer inspection we see the skinny guy unseen by the crowd holding up the farmers hand and waggling it about. The large Dwarf makes repeated chopping motions across her neck and throat.

“One-Nil.”

“SCRY SPATS- ALWAYS THERE, DEAD ON-TIME.”

We change to a murky view from beneath Carimor Pond- weed waves and fish casually saunter by, several stop to stare. In the background a column of bubbles points down to a Gnome, either of incredible size, or wearing an inflated leather barrage balloon. The outfit is topped off with a goldfish bowl, from which extends a hosepipe to the surface of the Pond.

“Let’s see who’s first so far, here they come you can see them on the surface- there’s the underwater passage, to the right.”

“Oh and here’s a turn up for the books…”

Breaking the surface diving down in a row come three competitors- in the murk we can see Guntha and in the same moment two of the Wednesday Knights, Bob and, of course, Liandri.

“What a turn up- there’s nothing between these three- which of course begs the question, where’s Pumba?”

On the surface it seems The Raft of the Medusa has finally sunk. It looks like hell, the water park. Jonu the Monk is being rescued, Cinch, Felix and Lea already sit in the rescue boat- heads down, looking decidedly peaky. 

The scene lurches right.

CRUNCH

Lying on the rocks beneath the cliff, lies Earl Grey, the Paladin, x-marks the spot unmoving- having slipped rather than jumped from the cliff. 

Loud cheering fills the air and small children run about waving flags and yelping with joy.

Fatty and skinny lope onto the seen, some of the more unsavoury elements throw fruit.

“As I said to Old Nick the other night when he asked me how I liked my Paladin, ‘on the rocks’”

The picture lurches back to the waters surface again where Greta screams and gargles thrashing the water about her to a foam. The rescue boat tries to get close but is repelled by the Priests flailing arms, eventually Felix leans over and CLUNKS Greta on the head with his club- then drags her in.

Back under the surface of the water, down, deep down, right to the bottom of the Pond- there, beached on the bottom, is Pumba. Swimming like fury but getting nowhere at all- he’s a big lad, in a big way, it’d be quicker to climb over him than to run round.

In the background an Aquanaut points to the surface, Pumba shakes his head and continues to mime swimming.

The Aquanaut visibly shrugs, then sits down to see how this is going to end.

“What a mix there, that’s put paid to a chunk of them, let’s cut to the Cave and see who it is that emerges first from the Underwater passage.”

Bursting from the water comes a huge figure…

“It’s a Tozar, it must be a Tozar, Nerull be blessed, look who it is.”

It’s Bob.

“Where did he come from? And next up…”

Liandri sprints from the water, streaking after him comes Ding, then Guntha, then, of all people, Mallaria.

“She’s back, the Bitch is back… Mallaria’s making a late charge.”

The competitors emerge from the cave and into the light- in the distance the Squires can be seen holding their mounts.

Back to the runners and Bob is pulling ahead, halfway to the mounts and the mighty Ranger is not slowing down, more than twenty yards behind comes Ding, then Liandri, then Mallaria. 

The crowd goes berserk.

“Let’s just mop up shall we, catch up with some of the also-rans.”

Back under the surface of Carimor Pond the underwater passage is plugged solid with a frenzy of kicking legs and waving arms- two Aquanauts attempt to alternatively shove then pull at the bolus of bodies- hoping to dislodge it.

On the surface we see at the Ponds edge, a line of exhausted and eliminated competitors- Donka, Sister Serka, Goland, Langley, Loki and Lomas all sit gasping for air- out of it all.

Suddenly the surface of the water explodes and Pumba is thrown a good fifteen feet in the air- blown up like a barrage balloon, he hangs in the air for a smidgin of a second, then back down again with a slap.

“Whoooo Hooo Crazy man, you can’t keep a good Tozar down.”

“Now let’s get back to the front…”

Bob arrives first, mounts in one swift movement and is off. Ding arrives next breathing hard he mounts double-quick and spurs his horse on. Liandri and Mallaria pull-up and throw themselves on their horses and head off at high speed.

“But what’s this, he’s catching… Bob, come on Bob, he’s behind you. BOB, COME ON BOB.”

Bob looks behind to see Ding’s black stallion closing fast, it’s all or nothing now. Liandri and Mallaria follow close behind. Behind them Sayon, Fred, Eke, Juno, Whirlwind, Jerky, Gollpin, Taz and Tam Flinders are all still in the race. 

“We’ve got a faller…”

Trying to catch Liandri, Mallaria’s saddle (suspiciously) slips, and she tumbles overboard bouncing along the turf. The crazy barbarian’s not through however, she gathers up her horse and sets off again at full pelt.

“Oh my word…”

The scene shows Bob and Ding head to head, horses neck to neck- hurtling towards the Big Fence.

“OOOoo”

Closer.

“OOOooo”

Closer still.

“Oh.”

The scene shows the Big Fence, no horses, no Bob, no Ding. 

“They’ve both refused, look, behind them, Liandri’s closing fast.”

Ding and Bob spur there mounts around and head back towards the Big Fence, Liandri is only a dozen yards away.

“THIS IS IT.”

Ding and Bob leap at the same time- 

“OH”

“OH”

“OH”

“LIANDRI…”

“LIANDRI’S IN THIRD.. YOU COULDN’T SEPARATE THE FIRST TWO. OH NERULL, NERULL BE PRAISED, ALL HAIL TO THEE GOD OF DARKNESS- WHAT A FINSIH.”

The crowd converge on the riders as they stream across the finish line, Sayon comes in fourth, Guntha fifth, the rest pass in a jostling knot. 

“There’s some fighting, I can see some fighting, claim and counter-claim, they’re fixing the result- this needs to be sorted out quickly… what am I saying. CREAM THAT SUCKER.”

Ding and Bob still in the saddle are side by side watching sundry barbarians trying to beat the stuffing out of sundry, well, others- any non-Tozar, which includes Mallaria. As for the sundry others- non-Tozar, including Mallaria of course, they’re knocking the stuffing out of the barbarians.

“Heap good race.”
“Yeah, my hangovers gone.”

The Tozar chuckles.

Bob chuckles back.

The two puff out their chests seemingly still fresh as a daisy.

“Who won?”
“We did.”
“Is Me We?”

(I’ll give you a pound if you can identify the poem contained (in full) in the above three lines- and who said it? First right answer.)

Bob nods.

“Good. Happy. Sleep now.”

Bob nods.

The two wander off, the result for them, clear.

“And there’s a right to Mallaria, she’s down, she’s down- I think that’s the en… no she’s back up again… OOOOH. That was low, it’s no longer Eke Thump, it’s EEEEk THUMP.”

Time passes, the Oerth stretches around the Sun, the combatants thin a little.

“That’s not what you should use a set of bellows for, they’ll need a good scrub. Oh that’s Mallaria down again, the Chief’s using, what’s that, I can’t see what he’s got in his hand- whatever it is he’s battering Mallaria with… it’s a Halfling, a Halfling- nice improvisation. I thought someday someone would find a use for them- I leave traps out for them at home. Once they get into your man-vault, sorry larder… Mallaria’s not moving, she looks to be,,, Oh I’m welling up, this sad… She’s up, she’s up. OOOh, that’s twice in the cockles- does that qualify as a special attack.”

More time passes until all the fighting has finished, the combatants are making small talk, eating sandwiches and drinking, a barbarian Ooompah band are kicking up a storm, the lead Goblin player in the midst of some crazy solo. In the background the sun sets on this idyllic scene.

In the foreground Mallaria and Eke take it in turns to punch each other in the face, there’s about a minute between each blow, they’re very tired.

No one is watching.

Eventually.

“Tired?”
“Yeah.”

The two straighten up and stare intently at each other, trying desperately not to collapse.

“Draw?”
“Draw.”

Eke Thump nods, then turns to leave.

“Dad.”

He turns back.

“Yes.”

The silence extends from a moment to somewhere between a minute and forever.

Eke Thump speaks again.

“Daughter.”

An even number of them smile, then heads bowed, they both  minutely examine the ground beneath their feet.

The moment extends once again, till, as if at some unseen signal, the two simultaneously turn and walk away, in opposite directions.

Possibly forever.

Back at the party things are going swimmingly until some fool forgets and asks the question-

“Who won again?”

Soon after the Official Diviner is called, His Arch Magicness, Appalling Daniels.

“You’ll like this, not a lot.”

A Divine lottery is undertaken-

“And tonight laydees an genlemen we will be summoning… Drum roll.”

Several Tozars beat dead Goblins on any available surface- it’s more a drum tumble than a roll.

“WEE JAS.”

“This is Ham Slaad, for SCRY SPATS, yes you heard it folks- WEE JAS, the dark God of Magic- ostracised by the Magic Circle after pulling a Vrock out of his hat at a children’s party, with disastrous consequences. The Circle having calculated that the Vrock, if it continues to claim its Disability Benefit, will bankrupt all the nations of the Oerth in only half its lifespan. There were no winners that day, the foul Vulture Demon, was left a gibbering wreck and has no chances of ever working again. Interesting fact- twenty-two of the twenty-three, ‘butter wouldn’t melt in their mouth’s’ children went on to become Bards. Yes Bards, the most annoying know-it-all’s on this Nerull forsaken rock. WEE JAS, laydees an genlemen- a bad egg, some might say. Now over to the twenty third child from that terrifying and for an innocent Demon career ending party… Appalling Daniels.” 

“You’ll like this, not a lot.”

The annoying Prestigitator shuffles about a bit, sashaying too and fro, waving his arms about a bit- annoying, as I say.

“And now my beautiful assistant… Debbie McGhee…”

A large, eight to nine foot tall- three quarter ton, creature shuffles onto the scene. It’s wearing a blond wig and a silver spangly costume, which leaves nothing to the imagination. It has huge Vulture-like wings.

And is gibbering and shaking like a leaf, nervously scanning the crowd, hypnotised by the far away flames in the eyes of every under five.

“The show must go on. The show must go on.”

It’s mantra as it glissades and vogues behind the Official Diviner.

“You’ll like this, not a lot.”

More swanning and gadding from the pair.

“Ab-Ra Ab-Ra
Cadabra
I’m gonna reach out
And grab ya.”

The clouds in the sky split in an instant, ripped apart and peeled back as if by some invisible hands. 

It begins to rain.

White Bunny Rabbits

The face of a dark and mysterious figure appears in the wound in the sky, its huge hooked nose and angular features, tumbling black curls down to its shoulders, nestled beneath the tallest and blackest of top hats.

And in a booming voice-

“WHAT D’YEW WANT JIMMI?”

“Oh mighty WEE JAS, Dark God of etc. We your supplicants humbly do beg that you part the mists of time and with your Third Eye, Great Architect, tell us…”

“DA SECRETT OF ETERNUL LIF?”

“No, mighty ruler of impenetarabubble…”

“DA SECRETT OF DA OFFSYDE TRAP?”

“No, although… No your Great… Er… Bigness, the question we seek an answer to is…”

“I’M NAE TELLIN’ YA AGAIN WER DA REMOTE KONTROL FOR YA KRISTAL BALL IS, AN I’M NAE DEE-IN THAT THUNG WUR YA GET THE PORN CHANNUL AGIN. YU’LL JUS’ HAFTA’ SUBSCRIBE.”

Ham Slaad pops up suddenly-

“SCRY SPURTS LAYDEES AN GENLEMEN, A DIFFERENT POSITION EVERY WEEK- NEXT WEEK, GOAL SHOOTER.”

Then pops back down again.

“No mighty WEE JAS, you miserable big-mouthed blabberer, We, no scratch that, I want to know, no… DEMAND to know the winner of the 11 O’clock Carimor Steeplechase. You… you…”

The lightning stroke leaves behind an impenetrable snow of singed and burnt playing cards, and that electricity smell, the clouds of cards eventually clear- Daniels is gone.

Lying on his/her side is Debbie McGhee now minus wig and sans spangly costume- clutching at his/her heart.

“Me ol’ ticker.”

The Vrock dies, thereby saving the Magic Circle and safeguarding the future prosperity of all the nations of the Oerth, Thorsdays have always been odd days- ask Arthur Dent.

The crowd are stunned… still.

Wee Jas reaches down, his huge hand set to crush all those present- caught in the spotlight- paralyzed by fear.

Closer.

Closer.

Surely the end.

“PICK A CARD.”

No one moves.

“GO ON.”

Still no reaction.

“YOU’LL LIKE THIS.”

Wee Jas seems to be thinking.

“BUT NOT VERY MUCH.”

“NO THAT’S NOT RIGHT.”

“BUT IT RINGS A BELL.”

Liandri shuffles forward.

“LOOK, please, who bloody won?”

Wee Jas looks down and smiles.

“I’VE ANSWERED THAT.”

And retreats dragging back the clouds to seal the breach.

“What did he mean?”

A few smile, very few, none of the Wednesday Knights that’s for sure, except maybe Endrin, but he, as ever, is pretending.

There’s some more left of this turn- The Original and Best Wednesday Knights head off to adventure, but I’ll hold that over until next time- that’s enough. Sorry- intrusive author.

The above was cobbled together using an unforgettable source book called “Tournaments, Fayres and something or other”, by, “I can’t find it now”, who make a lot of good stuff- someone remind me please.

I’ve looked it up it’s called “Tournaments, Fairs & Taverns”, by Natural 20 Press, published by E.N. Publishing. There are some good rules there but it can get bogged down with a lot of dice rolling- although maybe that was my fault. The players certainly weren’t enamoured and were slavering to find something to “rend, maim… destroy”, as Mallaria eloquently put it.

And so endeth turn number 40.

Thanks to Jerry Sadowitz for his Wee Jas impression.

As the great Mr. Sadowitz once said to me- “Is that your hair, or is your head unravelling?”

Next turn… The continuing adventures of the Wednesday Knights in “Inheritance (A)Tax.”

Oh and Zan chooses this moment to devote himself to the Order of the Blinding Light, he goes away to train to become a Monk.


----------



## Goonalan (Aug 27, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights.

SESSION XLI.

Fryday 7th Apron 2000

Characters present
Bob Male Human Ranger 3 Priest of Kord 1 (Emma)
Endrin Male Human Bard 4 Sorcerer 2 (Wayne)
Liandri Male Elf Rogue 4 Wizard 2 (Kev.M.)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian 2 Fighter 1 (Tomo)
Sayon Female Elf Rogue 2 Fighter 1 (Erin)

Carimor, mi amore, you know the score- we’re off.

“Gertcha, ain’t yew bledy gun yit. ‘Eroes eatin’ me outta ‘owse an’ ‘ome.”

Endrin looks askance at the barmy old man then finds something prettier to rest his eyes upon.

MMMNICE

HELLL-O

HERE SHE COMES, FIRST IMPRESSIONS.

Endrin doffs his cap as the beautiful, and seriously overdressed, young woman comes to a halt before him, she looks as though she’s just left the ball.

Endrin thinks he’s found it.

“I’m Lord Endrin of Amberdale, first Prince of Vauxhall… Nova, perhaps you would like to accompany me to somewhere where there are fewer…”

Endrin scans the still crowded streets of Carimor, the young woman follows his gaze.

She giggles.

Coquettishly.

Alas, is there any other way.

She steps closer.

Within range.

And looks up at Endrin with her big eyes.

Who licks his lips then continues-

“As I was saying, fewer… clothes.”

Her mouth opens slightly- maybe surprise, maybe, just maybe, not.

“And then afterwards, tomorrow, you can tell me your name.”

The young woman straightens up with a jolt.

“My name… my name… surely you recognise me Endrin?”

Endrin is taken aback.

“Recognise you… D’you mean we’ve… we’ve… met?”
“Oh yes, we’ve met.”

Endrin slips into the archives, the black book with accompanying mug shots in his brain, the few good ladies that have been kind enough to spend time with him.

The young woman waits.

“Well… have you remembered?”

“I’m only up to ‘N’, give me a minute.”

He gets his minute.

“And?”
“No, no, I can’t remember.” 
“Well that’s the end of it then.”

She goes to turn away but Endrin speaks quickly.

“No, no, that’s not the end of it, I just went through the list of the few good ladies that have been kind enough to spend time with me…”
“Well?”
“Now for the bad, bad, sometimes thoroughly bad, ladies that have been wicked enough to spend time with me.”

She smiles.

“Alas this will take considerably longer, perhaps in the meantime you’d like to wet your whistle?”

Endrin points towards the Inn.

And sotto voce, just quiet enough so that she can hear.

“I know I would.”

She smiles again.

“You should have started with the second list- I would have.”
“You intrigue me?”
“You're very good Endrin, what’s your secret?”
“Practice.”
“In the mirror?”

She grins.

“Sometimes, but never alone.”

She laughs, she laughs like she knows your secret, but doesn’t care.

“I… I believe you… never alone.”

Then just as suddenly she looks flustered, maybe even angry.

“I must go.”

She turns and runs as fast as she can- which is very fast as it turns out, the chase is on.

Endrin eventually screams he cannot keep up.

“WHO… WHO ARE YOU? TELL ME, TELL ME, PLEASE?”

She stops and turns to face him.

“WHO AM I? Who am I?”

She trails off to a whisper.

“If I were you Endrin I’d start a bit closer to home.”

“Wha..?”

“Go to Weston, you’ll, or rather they’ll, see.”

She turns to leave again.

“WHAT? Where are you going? Who are you? What do you mean, closer to home- me?”

She moves off, at speed.

“WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN?”

In desperation.

She replies without turning.

“SOON.”

And sotto voce, quiet enough so that Endrin could never hear.

“All too soon.”

And with that she’s gone.

Three minutes seven seconds later.

CRASH

“Right, you (B0B), you (LIANDRI) and, no not you fatty (ZAN), you (SAYON)- we’re off, get your stuff- and one of you find Mallaria, I feel safer when she’s with us, least that way she’s not against us.”
“We off somewhere?”
“Weston.”
“Nice.”
“What’s there?”
“Answers.”
“Answers? To what?”
“Questions?”
“Questions? What questions?”
“I don’t know.”
“What?”
“But I’ll know the questions when I find the answers… at least I hope I will.”
“Endri..?”
“Bob, look, just don’t ask, I’ll explain as best as I can when we get on the road… and yes I’ll talk slow and use little words.”
“Tiny.”
“Sorry, tiny words.”

Bob smiles and then runs upstairs excited. Liandri whistles a happy tune while picking rotten-ish chunks of meat from between his teeth. Sayon keeps her head down and says nothing, just going with the flow.

Five minutes later the Wednesday Knights have been reassembled, at least sans Mallaria, they’re saddled up and ready to roll out.

“Where is she?”
“She said she was coming, had something to take care of.”
“What? Those exact words?”
“Yeah.”
“Pelor, you guys get riding, I’ll catch you up, give me Mallaria’s horse.”

Bob passes over the reins to Mallaria’s nag.

As he does a scream erupts from just down the road- running out of a building comes three men, naked men, followed by two slightly larger ladies, also naked, followed by a sheepish looking goat. Mallaria is of course at the head of the queue.

“START HER UP ENDRIN.”

Endrin begins to spur his horse; the others do likewise, Mallaria dashes alongside her galloping nag and swings herself into the saddle.

The Wednesday Knights gallop off at great speed.

“What’ch ya do?”
“Nuthin’”
“Ok, what were you supposed to do?”
“Ah clever Endrin. I was supposed to do everything.”
“I can see how that would be disappointing.”
“Where are their clothes?”
“The goat ate ‘em.”
“So why did you take the goat?”
“To eat their clothes. Silly”

Bob tries to work it out; some of the others are getting there. Endrin smiles to himself, not listening to a word Mallaria says anymore.

Moonday 10th Apron 2000

Back on the road again.

“So tell me again, what’s this all about?”
“Pelor, Bob- do you never listen.”
“It’s about His Highness getting laid.”
“MALLARIA!”
“Hnh hnh. He’s met some bird and she’s knocked him back.”
“ – “
“His ego can’t stand it.”
“That’s not it- this… woman,”
“Beautiful woman.”
“Yes, beautiful woman, she said something about my past- about who I am, at least I think that’s what she meant, about who I REALLY am.”
“Oh, right. So why’re we going to Weston?”
“Pelor, because whatever it is I need to know I’ll find out in Weston, or, somehow, someone will know me there, I think- I’m not certain what she meant, sorry.”
“Oh. So we’re going to Weston to find out.”
“Yes.”
“All of us?”
“What?”
“We’re all going to Weston because some woman met you in town and said some stuff and then mentioned Weston. Is that it?”
“ – “
“Well?”
“Yes, that’s about it, I don’t know, you’ll have to trust me Bob.”

Endrin holds Bob’s gaze.

“Alright, I just wanted to know. It’s fine.”

They ride on in silence for an hour or so.

“So, Endrin.”
“Yes Mallaria.”
“I just want to get this straight,”
“We’ve…”
“You’re not going to get laid, and it’s nothing to do with your ego?”
“No, for the last time. No.”
“But it’s about you, it’s all about you- about who you are, that’s what you said.”
“Yes. Yes, I suppose.”
“Oh. Ok. That’s alright then.”
“Good.”
“Good.”

They ride on for an hour or so, once again in silence.

“Endrin?”
“Wha…?”
“If she’s in Weston, the woman, sorry, this beautiful woman- would you sleep with her? Give her one? Y’know hide the salami? Would’ya?”

An hour later the silence is broken.

It begins to rain.

Woodensday 12th Apron 2000

Back on the road again II.

“Riders approaching.”

Liandri states matter-of-factly.

“Six of them- they’re in a rush.”
“We’ll pull over, be ready.”

The Knights gear up, keeping their weapons out of sight, then watch and wait.

Thirty seconds later a group of horsemen fly by, the lead rider takes a good look at the Knights.

Ten seconds later the riders slow up dramatically, turn their horses around, and head back at pace to the Knights.

Who ready their weapons.

The riders are all in the same livery, except the lead rider- who looks more like a Squire, certainly well-dressed, and Elven, the others humans.

“Greeting travellers, I am Endrin, we travel to Weston- what news of the road ahead?”

The riders look suddenly confused, the Elf recovers quickest.

“Endrin? We were sent for you, although, in truth, I did not know your name. You are wanted.”
“Wanted? By whom? For what?”
“We are to escort you to Weston- for your benefit?”

Endrin stares hard at the Elf trying to fathom him out.

“I swear to you that we mean you no harm, my task is merely to escort you safely to my master, in Weston. I do not know how it is that you are here, unless you knew you were wanted- I did not expect to find you so soon. I know only that you are missed. I see from your face that you have questions, maybe in Weston you will find the answers… maybe only more questions.”

Endrin continues to stare.

“Will you come?”

Endrin remains silent then…

“Who am I?”

Even the horses seem to hold their breath.

“Who am I?”

The Elf looks away quickly.

“I am Aniel. I am here to escort you to Weston- for your benefit. Ride with us.”

The silence continues until Aniel begins to lead his horse away, back towards Weston, the liveried men follow.

Endrin has no idea what game is being played.

“I would be glad to ride with you Aniel. We can talk en route.”

The Knights and the riders head off.

Weston-Super-Mare.

Hours later, hours of Endrin’s questions without answer, Aniel remains silent. Nor can the other riders be persuaded to say a single word.

The town of Weston is a dump, obviously once prosperous; those days are long gone- the buildings have begun to collapse. None of them look inhabited and yet there are a gaggle of men huddled over a fire on the main street, they look to be vagrants.

Aniel spurs his horse on, the Knights follow through the town- heading towards a large and similarly run down villa. At the gate, which stands open, are two guards in the same livery.

They ride on to the villa itself and there are met by several more of what are obviously guardsmen. The door to the villa stands open, Aniel motions for the Wednesday Knights to enter.

They hesitate.

“I swear I mean you no harm Endrin.”

The Knights file in, through a large hall and into an anti-chamber, at the far side of which a man sits at a desk- the scratch of his quill on the parchment before him. He looks up, as if to speak, he opens his mouth- but the words just wont come out. 

Finally he speaks.

“We’ve been expecting you…?”
“Endrin.”
“Yes, Endrin.”
“Won’t you take a seat?”
“I will, but I’d rather I got some answers.”
“And your companions.”

The Knights take a seat. The guardsmen head off, but Aniel sticks around.

“Yes, answers… Mmm, yes.”

A silence descends.

Then he begins to speak, and once he starts, he doesn’t stop.

“This is the Villa of Baron Peyto DeMoren, the family seat as it were…”

Two hours later the Knights emerge from the room- once more in silence, Endrin looks ashen.

WHO AM I?

He excuses himself and takes a walk around the Manor, the other Knights find food, drink and chatter.

Bob and Sayon talk quietly.

“How do you think he got the key?”
“He’s always had it. I remember seeing it on a chain when we were kids in school, back in Amberdale. That seems a long time ago.”
“It’s not even four months since we started this.”

The Knights stop to stare at Liandri, a lot has happened in such a short time.

“Who’s the woman then? She had a key too.”
“Dunno.”
“ – “
“But she knows.”

Liandri butts in again.

“Is all this his then?”
“Whatever’s in the vault is.”
“Wheeeeeeew. Ho ho. Come to daddy.”
“LIANDRI!”
“Whaaaaat?”
“Shut up, think of Endrin.”
“What about him? He’s just discovered that he’s rich, his dad was a Baron, Peytro whatever his name is, was. He’s feckin’ loaded- what’s he got to worry about.”

Bob looks hard at Liandri.

“His dad’s not his dad, he’s someone else he’s never met, never heard of even. His mum’s not his mum, this Amelia that disappeared all those years ago, he doesn’t know if she’s dead or alive somewhere. He’s not from Amberdale, he’s from here- this ghost town. That’s all he’s got know- the people he thought where his parents are… who knows. Endrin’s always needed tp know more- he loves finding things out- he loves gossip. He thrives on gossip, especially if it’s about him. And now he doesn’t even know who he is. It’s the ultimate whatsit, like coppery or tinny, the other one, you know.”
“Irony.”

Mallaria adds.

Bob nods agreement then shakes his head and looks downcast, saddened. Taking deep breaths after, what for him, was an epic speech.

“He doesn’t know who he is. His families gone.”

Liandri quits grinning and finds an insect to worry and torture.

Mallaria takes up the grin.

“I wonder who the bird is then, the ‘beautiful woman’, has he lost his parents only to gain a sister, I wonder if he’ll still want to shag her?”

Bob rises in a flash, Sayon goes to dive between Bob and his prey- Mallaria. She slows Bob down a little, but not enough…

“Leave her.”

Endrin’s in the room.

“Lets go get the other key and open this vault. All these questions… The answers may be not so far away.”

The Knights kick into gear- Endrin leads off, Bob goes to follow but Mallaria pushes him aside and heads after the Bard.

“Anytime Ranger, anytime you like.”

Bob picks himself up and falls in line, storing up the anger for use later- something that deserves to suffer will undoubtedly suffer, but be reassured, not for long. 


Ne Moren’s Vault.

The Knights make easy work of the panelling in the cellar, the hidden door to the vault is revealed. Aniel passes Bob a silver key, Endrin reaches for the one around his neck, where it’s always been.

Seconds later the door swings open, a dark and musky passageway leads off- some way ahead is a pinprick of light. Aniel salutes the Knights then he and the guardsmen leave the cellar.

The Knights stand in silence, only the sound of the door to the cellar being locked and secured.

Sayon breaks ranks and begins to creep down the dark passage, the others begin their routine- torches lit, weapons drawn- ready for adventure.

Sayon returns.

“It heads on a way, there are passages off, two left, one right- at the end a door, I think, that’s where the light is- to the left of the door, oddly.”

Endrin nods then makes to enter, Sayon block his path.

“There’s someone or something here- by the entrance, a message, scratched on the wall- it says “Betrayer”, I think it’s been written in blood.”

The Knights take a deep breath.

“Good work Sayon. Guard yourselves, we go…”

But once again Endrin is prevented from entering, Bob, the huge Ranger, lurches in front of Endrin, draws both of his swords and passes in.

Thirty feet in there’s a crossroads, Bob and Sayon head right to a door, Endrin and Liandri left, likewise, to a door- Mallaria stands guard in the corridor.

EEEEEEERRRRR

Beyond is dilapidated bunkhouse complete with rotten food and soured wine. Bob and Sayon begin their search, they do not have to look long before they make their first discovery- a Giant Centipede shoots out from beneath one of the bunks. Then another, and another, each three to four feet long, until there are a half-a-dozen of the creatures trying to bring one of the Knights down.

By the time Mallaria rushes in it’s all over. Sayon is perched on a bunk, bow in hand, Bob in the centre of the room surrounded by dead Centipedes.

“You’re not needed Barbarian.”

Mallaria smiles at Bob’s bravado, then stoops down to reach under the first bunk- she retrieves a crumpled piece of paper.

“Man words. Probably important.”

She grins again.

“You need me, and you know it. There may come a time when I no longer need you… that could be interesting.”

Bob straightens out the paper and with Sayons help-

“What’s that word?”
“That’s not a word, that’s a stain, let me do it.”

They read it.

Meanwhile…

The other door opens into a room filled with beauty, Endrins torch illuminates the chamber, reflected a thousand-fold. Four trees seemingly crafted from gold and silver are gathered round a lipped pool of very murky water. Huge elaborate tapestries line the walls.

Endrins stops to stare.

Liandri, obeys his Elven urges, he makes for the trees. Without thought he attempts to pluck one of the leaves from the tree, without success. He grapples with the leaf for a second but only succeeds in cutting his hand.

“FECK”

Liandri turns round, slightly concerned that Endrin hasn’t started shouting at him yet for, ‘despoiling the beauty’, or some other guff.

But Endrin hasn’t moved- Liandri follows his gaze.

About a minute later the other Knights enter the chamber.

“We’ve found a clue, I think.”
“I. I found, you just think- hnh, no, what am I saying...”
“You can’t even read Barbarian. What does it matter that you found it.”
“Oh sorry, good-old Bob, at least I admit that I can’t read. What’s the point Bob, you’ve read it, what’s it say then… do you even remember? You FECK, you make me sick, you sanctimonious fecker, yeah that’s the thing- sure you can read a bit, but do you even understand the words- oh the tiny ones, you know all the tiny words but…”

Mallaria looks at Bob, who’s looking past Mallaria, not even listening.

“Bob?”

Then she follows his gaze.

“Oh feck, oh fecky fecky feck. OH FECK. Feck, feck, feck, feck. FECK- we’re never going to hear the last of this are we.”

The Knights take turns to stare at the tapestries moving from one to the other and then back again- open mouthed. They depict a hero in action, a hero being admired by a group of regal looking Elves, a hero being feted by regal looking Humans and finally the same hero standing with figures from the previous tapestries outside the Villa in which the Knights now stand.

The hero is of course Endrin, the exact spit- in one tapestry even the clothes are the same.

Mallaria finishes her moaning and kicks the Rogues into action.

“Search, search it. Now.”

The Knights drift into life, although Endrin appears reluctant.

A few minutes later Liandri makes a discovery.

GGGGGRRRRIIIIINNNNND.

“Heads up we’re in business.”

Liandri has discovered a secret chamber, he heads in- Endrin follows.

Beyond is a statue a fine statue of a Knight armed with an elaborate longsword in his hands, a plaque at the base reads-

“Sir Jaycin Threefingers, Hero of the Realm.”

“There’s another plaque on the back.”
“What’s it say?”
“Had he twenty perfect hands, still he would not be able to count his great deeds.”
“I’ve heard of him.”
“Obviously.”

Liandri moves back round to the front of the statue.

“Hang on.”

And finds a ring on one of the statues fingers- he removes it. 

“It says "Elven Friend", on it- in Elvish. Nice.”

Endrin is deep in thought.

“What was all that about through there- the tapestries, family?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Who is he?”
“Kragor Ne Moren, I don’t know much about him- a warrior, maybe- he helped the Elves a long time ago, fought in wars- the usual, you know hero stuff.”

Liandri shrugs and goes to pocket the ring.

“He was my grandfather, or so it would seem.”

Liandri looks vaguely interested.

“Give the ring to Bob eh Liandri- he’s a good friend.”

Liandri shrugs again and slinks out of the secret chamber.

Endrin looks once more at the statue, there’s a hand print in the base, just above the plaque. He bends down to examine it, then tries to place his hand in the print- he has one finger too many.

Mallaria, meanwhile, has discovered an inscription around the edge of the pool-

“All true life results from two components- Water & Light.”

“Mmm… Lovely.”

Endrin comments re-entering the chamber.

Mallaria continues.

“Read him the note Ranger.”

Bob stares daggers at Mallaria then unfurls the crumpled piece of parchment that Mallaria found earlier, clears his throat and then passes it to Sayon, who reads.

“You stupid fool- by the time you find this note, it will be too late. You’ll never have her back! And by the time she recovers from what I’ve done to her, she’ll be able to visit your grave.”

Endrin nods.

“It seems Amelia didn’t just disappear then.”

The other Knights nod and look interested.

Bob toys with his new ring as the Knights head off- further down the corridor, down some steps and into a chamber on the left. Liandri and Sayon creep inside as the other Knights ready themselves.

The two Rogues circle around the upper level of a two tiered chamber, below them seems to be a crypt, a few scattered  and smashed coffins indicate that others have been here. Eventually the pair complete their circuit and take the stone stairs down to the lower level.

“AAAAAARRRGGGHH BONIES.”

The other Knights come rushing in, Bob leaping down brandishing his Holy Symbol, and in the same instance realising he is seeing things remarkably better in the shadowy light- thanks to his new Elven Friend ring. Of the eight Skeletons seven scatter- Sayon and Liandri in pursuit; smashing them down.

Out of the shadows either side of the stairs lurch four Zombies- Mallaria leaps down splitting one of the foul things in two on her descent. Soon another two of the creatures lurch into sight- regardless, it is not enough the undead are soon put to the sword.

The Rogues head out to do some real searching, Sayon finds caskets for both of Endrin’s parents- Paytro Ne Moren, on inspection there’s no body inside; and Amelia Ne Moren, although her name is crossed out, empty again, but scratched on the casket is the legend, “Always Lisette.”

“Who’s Lisette, Endrin?”

He shrugs.

Liandri on the other hand finds three black onyx gems and a blank scroll- he neglects to mention the gems in his report.

The Knights move on.

To the door, or rather just before the door is an alcove, in which, on a pedestal sits, a glowing gem- the light seen earlier. Without hesitation Endrin picks it up, examines it closely then straightens-

“I’ve got an idea.”

Endrin strides back to the chamber with the pool aqnd the trees and places the glowing gem into the water- in an instant the pool clears.

“Thought so.”

The other Knights stare.

“Drink some Sayon.”
“Why me?”
“Last in, first out.”

Mallaria counters.

“Why me Endrin?”
“Because you’re wounded, trust me.”

Sayon eventually shuffles forward, gingerly places her hand in the water, and then tastes a drop.

“It’s alright.”

She takes a bigger gulp, a wound she received from a Skeleton previously knits together- healed.

“Blimey.”

Ten minutes later Bob has siphoned off a small cask of the Healing brew.

They head back to the door, Endrin with the light of the gem cutting through the shadows, leading the way.

In the centre of the door is a depression, just big enough for the gem.

GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNND.

And so endeth turn number 41.

Next turn “Evenin’ Stan’ard.”


----------



## robberbaron (Aug 29, 2004)

So, you've been to Weston-Super-Mare, then?


----------



## Goonalan (Sep 14, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights.

SESSION XLII.

Woodensday 12th Apron 2000

Characters present
Bob Male Human Ranger 3 Priest of Kord 1 (Emma)
Endrin Male Human Bard 4 Sorcerer 2 (Wayne)
Liandri Male Elf Rogue 4 Wizard 2 (Kev.M.)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian 2 Fighter 1 (Tomo)
Sayon Female Elf Rogue 2 Fighter 1 (Erin)

Inherit the EEEEEAAAARRRRGGTTHHH.

Beyond the door darkness and the stink of decay, the previously pristine stone of the vault has been corrupted. The floor an inch of rot and filth, the air fetid and foul, water drips from the ceiling, down the walls.

Endrin is pushed aside- Sayon and Liandri noiselessly scout ahead.

The dynamic duo discover a number of passages, a set of slimy stairs heading half-a-dozen feet down into a darkened room. One passageway is bisected by an extremely crude channel- as if the earth had been split in two by some titanic force. 

Another passage is completely blocked by fallen masonry, and yet another…

AaaaaHHH Ah Ah AHHHRR

Has a pit half way down, Sayon pulls up short.

“Nearly.”

The Thieves head back to get the gang- if there’s a pit then there’s bound to be something interesting on the other side.

Minutes later Liandri has climbed across and with Mallaria’s help stretched a rope across the void- soon the Knights are on the far side of the pit. Except for Mallaria of course who chooses this moment to go for a wander.

Beyond is only a junk room, Endrin finds some bits and pieces- nothing of real value- disappointed the Knights head back and call for Mallaria, who hasn’t wandered far.

They repeat the trick to ferry themselves back over the pit, but alas, all does not go to plan.

The burly Ranger Bob gets in difficulties and before any of the others can act falls into the pit of inky blackness.

AAARRRGGHHTHUD

Bob, in the bottom of the pit, looks around and tries to stand, to orientate himself, but all around is inky blackness.

“ERR… Hello, up there. HELLO. It’s me. BOB.”

And on the surface, sotto voce,

“Who else could it be- you idiot.”
“Climb out, Bob, come on.”

“I can’t… I can’t see you.”

“I can’t see you… you ok?”

“Yes… dark though. All round, nothing- it’s spookyOW.”

“BOB, BOB- YOU ALRIGHT BOB?”

“I jusd bumpd ind da dwall.”

“Oh, ok, we’re throwing down a torch… here goes.”

FWOOSH

“CAN YOU SEE IT BOB.”

“NO.”

“NO. What d’you mean no… hang on I can’t see it either- strange.”

AAAAARRGGHH AAARRRRHH AAARRRRGGGHH

“BOB. BOB. WHAT’S GOING ON- ANOTHER WALL?”

AAAARRRGGHH AAARRGGHH AARGG ARGH ARGH

“BOB!”

“I’M ON FIRE.”

“YOU CAN’T BE, I CAN’T SEE YOU.”

AAAARRGGGHH ARRGGGHH ARRRGGHH I AM I AM.

This exchange continues for a while until Endrin figures it out- the pit is ten feet deep but subject to a permanent darkness spell. Eventually Liandri climbs down with a rope and after a brief game of dodgems connects with a now singed Bob.

It takes just over thirty minutes to complete the task.

The others make small talk and play Top Trumps, which, as it turns out, is not a card game.

Soon after the Knights are on their way again, this time down the bisected passage, Liandri leads the way.

The passage is crude but the Knights struggle through, it curves, as though constructed, but crudely done.

Liandri silently emerges into a much, much larger natural cavern- he signals for the Knights to wait and creeps in, following the wall of the chamber.

The cavern is massive, seventy or so feet, a fast flowing stream bisects the chamber, five feet down from the cavern floor.

On the far side are lights, a brazier, in the shadows figures creep, half-a-dozen, tall, thick built, one larger than all the others- and furred, like a bear walking upright.

Meanwhile Sayon follows the opposite wall- she confirms Liandri’s report when the two Thieves arrive back to confer with the other Knights.

Endrin has a plan, the Knights huddle to whisper and plot, except for… well, who else…

“EVEN’IN STAN’ARD.”

Mallaria, as if out for a Sunday stroll, strides the cavern, towards the figures now in silhouette, staring at this strange new phenomena. 

“Ok, not the even’in standard then.”

Mallaria tries again.

“BUY THE WATCHTOWER.”

The Knights shake their heads and ready missiles, Liandri rushes in and around the wall to the river, and there he begins his climb to the other side- still hidden in the shadows.

Three large figures head into the cavern to meet the magazine seller/Barbarian.

“HOBGOBLINS.”

Mallaria calls, which is provocation enough, the Half Elf leaps the river and cuts down the centre figure, charging on towards the others by the brazier, all this before the other two can react.

THUNK

THUNK

THUNK

Bob, Sayon and Endrin provide covering fire, the two Hobgoblins slump to the ground.

Mallaria wades into now readied crew- four more Hobgoblins, one wearing a bearskin rug, a fifth sprints away screaming for back-up.

Liandri keeping pace with Mallaria, still in the shadows, releases Eric- the shocking lizard and then heads off after the fleeing guard.

The other Knights rush forward to join the fray.

The fight erupts lit by a clean blue arc of lightning as Eric does his work.

Liandri scampers down the darkened passage towards the light, following after the screaming Hobgoblin, into some sort of ready room.

Eight more of the huge Hobgoblin warriors, some already armed and armoured, lurch towards the Elf.

“FECK.”

Liandri improvises-

“SNOOOOZO.”

The Sleep spell hits and a solitary Hobgoblin slumps back onto his pallet and begins to snore loudly.

The others, all eight of them, look on, then chuckle and begin swinging.

And in a flash Liandri is gone- back the way he came.

Back to the Knights who are stood around watching Sayon as she rifles the dead-

“Don’t turn away, not one of you, don’t let her out of your sight- not even for a second.”
“I wouldn’t steal anything Endrin.”

Sayon attempts an angelic look- actually she’s very good, behind her back a Hobgoblin’s life savings miraculously make the short journey to one of Sayon’s secret pockets.     

“I’m an Elf Endrin, we’re the good guys.”

She grins.

“Oh yeah, like Liandri, and Mallaria- the Elves, the good guys.”

It’s at this point that Liandri’s screams alert the Knights.

The Knights look up to see Liandri and in hot pursuit a large number of Hobgoblins.

The Knights take aim.

While two more Hobgoblins lose their savings to Sayon.

The Hobgoblins arrive.

And break against the immovable object that is Mallaria.

And a wall of arrows.

Four are killed in the opening exchange.

Beyond Mallaria can see an irresistible force- there must be nearer thirty of the Hobgoblins screaming down the passageway towards her.

They’re led by a female Hobgoblin of enormous proportions, who seems to be already to foaming at the mouth- raging.

Ah well here we go again.

Mallaria and the Hobgoblin chieftain imperceptibly nod to each other- to the death the signal, Mallaria enters rage.

The other Knights back off ready for the charge.

The two titans clash.

Mallaria’s huge sword flashes up and forward, with what in different circumstances could pass for élan, slicing through the Chieftains throat.

Killing her instantly.

Just a second, this is a DM interlude- they’ve done it again, my big bad guy(ess) is natural “20”’ed in the first round- 48 Hit Points of Barbarian with massive strength and a sword to match, gone, just like that… 

Right that’s it- somebody’s going to pay.

Meanwhile back to the action…

The scene explodes in flame- Hobgoblins go all elemental, plane of fire stylee, as Endrin’s Pyrotechnics spell erupts from the brazier.

Arrows rain down bringing instant death.

The Hobgoblins, not to put too finer point on it, fill their pants.

They flee.

Except for four hardy souls.

Two of whom drip foam, shudder and jibber- quite obviously enraged- more Barbarians.

DM- now for some payback.

The other two Hobgoblins realise their mistake just too late.

“I fink we shudda run.”
“Y…”

They are quickly slain.

One of the raging Hobgoblins spreads his arms wide and roars in anger- flinging away his two handed sword in the process.

He looks, momentarily, at a loss- then an arrow sprouts from his chest, nonplussed doesn’t cover it.

He recovers and slashes wildly, seriously wounding Bob.

The other rager carves a niche in Sayon, the thief scampers away as Mallaria steps in.

“’ello.”

Her sword comes down crunching through bone- killing the creature instantly.

Mallaria yanks her sword free one-handed, clasps her other hand into place and like a professional Goblin-Tosser (one of the highest accolades in Dwarven Society is to be called a Great Goblin Tosser, incidentally, the same holds true in Goblin society) describes a perfect arc.

“B’bye.”

Mallaria gives the other rager a chuck on the shoulder.

The creature gulps and blinks as his torso slides away from his legs- cleanly cut in two.

Mallaria stares hard at the carcass, Sayon whispers kind words, and her Rage subsides.

Silence for a second.

“Come on- let’s finish them off.”

Endrin trots after the Hobgoblins, the others swiftly follow- a bloodlust in all their eyes.

Except for Liandri, who suddenly stops…

“I forgot…”

But the others are gone.

“Too steal all the money.”

Liandri heads back, stopping off in the ready room on the way to slice a smile into the still sleeping Hobgoblins face. 

He then sets to rifling the dead, quite a haul.

Back with the Knights- all is calm, well, relatively calm- screaming Hobgoblins are fleeing into a cramped passage to the Underdark. The Knights are slicing into them, gouts of blood and hacked off limbs fly left and right.

Endrin’s singing a nice tune though- see calm.

The other Knights don’t look in the least bit ruffled either.

It’s soon over.

In all this confusion…

A little later the Knights, gore caked, make it back to Liandri- who shows them his meagre find-

“Two Copper pieces and a button. Bloody cheapskates. Here you might as well keep it.”

He remembers and suddenly stops grinning.

“Can I have a word Liandri.”
“Certainly Endrin, and may I say how lovely your looking, the red goes with your…”
“Here.”

Endrin wanders off with Liandri to begin negotiations regarding how much of the stolen gold Liandri will give over to the party funds.

The others settle in to await the result.

Before the Spanish Inquisition can take their comfy chairs however a strange rattling sound is heard- it’s coming from back within the cavern.

They head off to investigate leaving Endrin and Liandri already deadlocked.

“50/50.”
“1/99.”

This side of the fast flowing stream is another crudely carved passageway. The noise is coming from there.

Mallaria, Sayon and Bob try to see through the shadows.

“What’s that?”

Crashing through the end of the passage- smashing stone from the cavern sides comes a monster.

Standing nine or so feet tall and covered in slate coloured chitinous plate, with insect eyes, huge fanged jaws and massive clawed hands that, even now, slice through the stone. 

The Undrathar.

The creature bellows then charges forward.

Sayon runs away.

Others are not so decisive.

Bob is slashed horrendously and slapped aside.

Mallaria cuts madly but misses.

Bob scrambles to his feet- ready to meet the foe, and is caught in the creatures gaze.

Bob slows to a halt and…

Stands there.

Then waves.

Then does a little dance.

Mallaria is… is… no, there’s not a word for it.

She’s rooted to the spot.

The Undrathar brings down one mighty fist and smashes Bob to the floor- unmoving.

Mallaria is ripped apart almost, she flops to the floor.

Liandri and Endrin round the corner into the chamber and spot the cowering Sayon.

“What’s up?”

Sayon motions over her shoulder- the Undrathar is no more than ten feet behind her, on either side of the creature a fallen Knight.

Liandri reaches into his pocket.

“Sorry.”

Kisses Eric the lizard.

FZZZ OW

Then flings the lizard at the huge creature.

FFFFFFFFFFFFZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT

Eric seems to be more than a little perturbed.

The creature staggers back.

“Beat that.”

Endrin launches a brace of Magic Missiles- the pair thud home ripping through the creatures hard plate covered exoskeleton.

“Best I can do old chap.”

The two share a smile.

“CHARRRRRRGE.”

Endrin rushes in and slices a chunk out of the creature, now on the back foot.

Liandri meanwhile is making with the Mage Armour spell.

Endrin’s a little concerned, he however takes another chunk out of the beast, then avoids the creature’s attack.

THUNK

An arrow hits the Undrathar in the side of its head, piercing its skull.

The creature falls against the cavern wall, but quickly recovers.

Liandri dives in and pours a Healing Potion down Mallaria’s throat, next up Bob.

Endrin fights on, alone, he’s struck once but not badly- blind luck over skill- he fights back, determined.

Another of Sayon’s arrows strikes home.

Liandri launches his sneak attack and cuts deep, and is swatted aside like an insect- the Elf dodges back trying to avoid another blow but stumbles.

The Undrathar hits again and this time it’s Liandri that embraces the cavern floor.

Leaving only Endrin, and a terrified Sayon.

Endrin stabs home again.

The creature is on its last legs.

Endrin hits again, while another of Sayon’s arrows pierces the creatures shell.

The creature roars in defiance and lashes out at Endrin, one final crushing blow, but too late.

Endrin ducks inside the creature’s reach and stabs upwards, just as quick he ducks out from beneath the creature as it collapses.

The silence engulfs Endrin as he slumps to his knees, his Longsword gone, embedded in the creatures gut.

Liandri is brought round, only slightly the worse for wear- compared to the others. Mallaria and Bob are alive but will need a lot of time to heal.

Soon after the Knights stumble off, in silence.

Nervously they scan every dark corner, they couldn’t take another encounter now.

They make it past the gem door and into the safe haven of the vault.

The huge stone door slams shut behind them.

The Wednesday Knights stagger out bleary eyed into the light.

Aniel scoops up Endrin as he collapses- the guardsmen do likewise with the other Knights except for Sayon who stands there looking forlorn, tears in her eyes- and pockets full of gold.

And so endeth Turn 42.

Next session… Oh Mummy.


----------



## Goonalan (Sep 23, 2004)

The Wednesday Knights.

SESSION XLIII.

Satyrday 22nd Apron 2000

Characters present
Bob Male Human Ranger 3 Priest of Kord 1 (Emma)
Endrin Male Human Bard 4 Sorcerer 2 (Wayne)
Liandri Male Elf Rogue 4 Wizard 3 (Kev.M.)
Mallaria Female Half-Elf Barbarian 2 Fighter 1 (Tomo)
Sayon Female Elf Rogue 2 Fighter 2 (Erin)

Back to the Front.

After ten days of assorted bed rest, scroll creation and training the Knights are back, Mallaria the worst off- spending the full ten days healing and sleeping.

The Knights equip and head back into the stink and black.

Past the gem door they head in, this time sending Liandri & Bob down the stairs into a sodden wine cellar. Liandri spots movement- leaping from the dark comes a huge frog.

SPLAT

Alas it lands on its back, legs flailing- helpless, Liandri shrugs his shoulders at Bob then stabs down skewering and killing the thing.

“Watch out for frogs… I guess.”

Bob nods serious, and resumes his crouched fighting stance.

The Ranger creeps further into the chamber, suddenly he feels something circle his leg, like lightning a second frogs elastically long tongue has wrapped itself around his leg.

Bob reacts in an instant, dropping his Short Sword, he grasps the tongue firmly in hand and braces his Longsword, like a lance. The frog reels him in, at speed.

SQUIDGE

Bob’s Longsword pokes out the back of the frog’s head; the creature is dead.

“BOB?”

Liandri reacts, a little late.

“Just another frog.”
“Oh.”

The Ranger and the Rogue/Wizard scour the room and come up trumps finding three intact wine bottles- two, by their labels, appear to be expensive rare wines, while the third is sealed with a note inside.

Back up the stairs Liandri opens the bottle and reads the note to the other Knights.

“I have grown weary of my imprisonment. I have no food. I drink from a dirty pool seeping through the floor. Is this how your precious Baron treats his love? My brothers are dead and soon I will join them. Will anyone remember me?”

The other Knights look at Endrin, who purses his lips, deep in thought.

“What happened here?”

Bob breaks the silence.

“It seems someone was trapped down here- maybe three of them, the woman and her brothers. We haven’t found them yet- they may still be here, in some form or other.”
“Who were they though?”

Endrin lapses back into silence.

“Are we after your mum?”

Endrin’s eyes flash anger but he controls himself.

“Is this how your precious Baron treats his love, that’s what the note says- why ‘your precious’- if she were my mother it would be ‘my precious’. And ‘precious’ it’s got an odd ring to it- malice.”

Endrin shifts his stance.

“Be on your guard- I am certain we’re not alone here, something dark this way comes.”

Mallaria grins evilly.

The Knights head back to the chamber in which the great fight took place, past the body, now slightly rotten, of the Undrathar. The Knights head down the passage from which the creature emerged. There they discover the creatures lair, and of course, its treasure.

Everyone is watching so Liandri has to share the find- four gold trade bars, nice.

The Knights head off again, following the passage, Liandri stops briefly to pass water, or so he says. Actually the sneaky Elf takes the time to examine the ring that he found along with the trade bars, but failed to hand over.

The ring is magical- some form of protection; Liandri slips it on and heads back to the Knights- armed with a self-satisfied smile.

The Undrathar’s tunnel emerges back into the Vault proper, the other side of the blocked passage they found earlier- once again the place is filthy, covered in mud and slime. Sayon leads the Knights into a small room. Her eyes widen as she takes in the scene.

The room contains the remains of smashed furniture and the remains of a number of hobgoblins- the eviscerated bodies of the ugly creatures are liberally scattered around the chamber. The walls are smeared with blood and ooze, chunks of ragged flesh and bone lie all about.

HUGHHHHEEEEE

It’s all too much, Sayon brings up her breakfast- the other Knights make a cursory search then head off, Sayon, only slightly recovered, leads the way.

A little way up the passage north the Knights stop to examine another collapsed passageway off to the west, the corridor continues north to a t-junction.

Liandri decides to share another of his discoveries.

“I found this, in the last chamber- I didn’t…”

His voice fades off; Liandri passes the silver locket to Endrin.

The Bard/Sorcerer takes it, examines it, and then looks inside- a portrait of a young and incredibly beautiful women lies within.

Endrin is caught in the moment; finally he speaks.

“It’s Amelia. My mother.”

The other Knights crowd to look.

“How do you know?”

“I just know.”

They all stand in silence until Endrin snaps the locket shut and slips it into his pocket- the spell is broken, the Knights head north.

At the junction Liandri soon discovers the floor of the corridor east is made of glass, the Elf cautiously creeps forward, ten feet across he can feel the floor begin to bow and sag.

“Not safe.”

The Elf returns to the Knights.

“Lets head west for a while, we’ll come back later.”

Sayon leads off.

Down the west passage the Knights discover a strange looking sealed door heading north, the passage continues on.

Sayon sets to work- while Bob and Mallaria head through a smashed door into a chamber to the south. Inside the pair discovers a small display room with a number of filthy ripped tapestries and a collection of crested shields.

The two wade through the junk but find nothing of worth.

Sayon is faced with a seemingly impenetrable door with a list of colours written in common on a plaque in the centre of the portal.

“Ah hah.”

Sayon begins to read out a long list of colours, as she comes to the end Endrin leans in.

“That’s not what’s written.”

Sayon’s smile is accompanied by a dull creak as the door inches open.

“No but the colours I read out are the colours of the inks in which the words are inscribed- clever, your ancestors, but not clever enough.”

The Elven Fighter/Rogue cautiously enters in.

Thirty seconds later she emerges.

“There’s a trap- Liandri I need your skill.”

Sayon looks serious.

“It’s dangerous Endrin.”

Endrin nods and the two Rogues head in, partially closing the door, Sayon pokes her head around the door.

“If I scream- come running, ok?”

Endrin nods again.

Within Sayon shows Liandri her find, they’re in the Ne Moren family museum no doubt, pressed against the glass of a small display case.

Thirty seconds later the two Rogues come back alive and wipe the smears of their breath from the glass.

“Should we?”
“Yes.”

A minute later the display case is open- an exceptional Pearl necklace, a set of fantastic Diamond earrings, a beautiful Ruby signet ring and a magnificently cut Sapphire are removed.

Silently they re-secure the lid, for a second they both look guilty- it soon passes.

Together the two Rogues have just stolen just over five thousand dollars worth of jewellery.

A minute later, when their breathing has returned to a normal pace, the pair appear back to the doorway.

“It’s safe. Close one.”

Liandri looks serious and nods to concur, wiping the sweat from his brow.

The Knights file in and search the museum, Endrin takes his time- taking it all in, including the one empty display case- neither of the Rogues meet his gaze.

“There’s nothing here… anymore. Let’s head on.”

Back down the passage, further west.

There the Knights discover a short passage south to a door, Sayon sets to work again, Liandri unheard and unseen decides to wander off having spotted a much smaller passage heading north from the main drag.

The passage winds and heads west, Liandri heads on.

The Elf discovers a strange chamber, the southern wall seemingly made of glass, on closer inspection it seems there is a room beyond- just visible through the pane.

In the north of the chamber, in an alcove, Liandri discovers a statue of a man kneeling holding his hand out, palm up, almost before his eyes.

Liandri follows the statues gaze.

And smiles.

The pane of glass, stained glass as it turns out, shows again the scene outside of Ne Moren’s Manor, seen previously in the first tapestry chamber, with the silver tree.

Liandri searches the statue and finds the inscription.

“The light that can blind the eye can also illuminate the mind.”

Liandri smirks again.

“Easy.”

Then he hears Sayon’s scream.

Back at the door south Sayon nods and grins.

“It’s open, come on.”

She grins, pleased with herself.

The Knights head in… immediately they begin to gag and retch, the smell that erupts from the room is beyond description, only Endrin is unaffected.

Another chamber fouled by the eviscerated remains of the  unknown creatures that met their death here.

Stepping out of the shadows on the far side of the room come two creatures, at first sight male humans but on closer inspection corpulent stinking creatures of death- Ghasts.

Gagging while they swing the Knights wade in- Bob is soon in the thick of the action, he’s struck a number of times. He feels the sting of the attacks but seems unaffected by the creatures paralyzing touch- strange. Later he will remember his Elven Friend ring- much later, possibly a year from now.

The Ranger kills one of the creatures; it takes all the other Knights to finish the second, although it is Sayon that delivers the killing blow.

The Fighter/Rogue lets out a shrill cry of celebration.

Then faces the collected wrath of the other Knights.

“You stupid fecker, why not just announce we’re coming.”

Mallaria looks hard at the Elf, as Liandri bursts into the room.

“SAYON?”

“Oh and here’s your idiot twin.”

Liandri looks confuse, still taking in the scene.

Endrin takes charge.

“Too late, search the room- Sayon make yourself useful, check that door. And don’t, don’t, do that again.”

Sayon looks sheepish and then nods, she heads off to a door in the southern wall of the chamber.

The other Knights fan out to search, Mallaria’s eyes follow Sayon all the way to the door, the Rogue can feel them boring into her every step of the way.

Liandri finds Endrin meanwhile.

“I’ve found something.”
“What?”
“Come. See.”
“What is it Liandri?”
“Come on. You’ll like it.”

The Elf grins; it must be money, Endrin thinks.

“Hang on. Let’s finish up here.”

Liandri nods and takes a look around.

“Endrin.”

Endrin wanders over to Bob.

“Look.”

The Ranger points at one creature and then the other.

“The faces. They’re brothers.”

Liandri wanders over.

Endrin stoops to look, to make sure, he knows Bob’s right.

“So that’s two out of three, just the woman to go. I think she’s through there.”

Endrin points to the door south.

“Right then. What is it Liandri? Show me.”

The Knights follow Liandri to the strange chamber and spread out to take a look around. Liandri shows Endrin the statue and the inscription.

“The gem.”

Liandri nudges Endrin; finished reading the Bard nods and places the gem in the palm of the statues outstretched hand.

In an instant the room is illuminated, the stained glass window glistens with light and colour- despite the years it remains a thing of great beauty.

Silence descends as the Knights stop to stare.

CHUNK

“What the?”

Mallaria grabs Sayon’s right arm, she’s about to swing her Morning Star into the huge pane of glass a second time.

“I’ve warned you once.”

Mallaria looks hard at the Elf. Sayon looks daggers back. The tension is palpable, only broken when Bob speaks.

“I’ve got an idea.”

In the stunned silence Bob walks out of the chamber. The silence continues for an age- Bob, an idea, incredible.

The reverie is broken by an insistent tapping sound.

The Knights come alive and look for the source of the sound.

Sayon’s pressed hard against the glass.

“It’s Bob. On the other side of the glass. He’s saying something… hang on. He says we should come round. Hang on though. He’s saying something about the light- leave it on, or something.”

Sayon points at the glass, to the room beyond, then runs back to the corridor- the other Knights follow swiftly after.

The chamber beyond has the picture from the window projected onto the southern wall.

“Hang on.”

“Hang on.”

Sayon moves over to the wall as the other Knights arrive.

“Look, the door.”

Sayon reaches up and taps at the wall, just at the point where the front door of Ne Moren’s Manor is reflected. There’s a grinding noise.

A huge stone door opens.

Beyond is a small chamber, on a table- a book, a ring and a small figurine- an owl.

“Pelor.”
“It’s all magic.”
“Wheeeeew.”
“So I’m good for sumthin’”

Sayon looks at Mallaria.

The Barbarian sneers.

“Gather it up, we’ll take a look at it later- let’s get back to that door.”

Five minutes later the Knights are formed up and ready outside of the door south.

The Knights head through into a passage that leads to another door- Sayon goes to work again.

The chamber beyond contains a desk and chair, several empty bookcases, a statue, obviously Kragor Ne Moren. In the centre of the room is a huge black circled- burnt into the floor of the room. 

“It’s a summoning circle.”

Another door heads south, Sayon sets to work as the other Knights search the chamber.

Endrin soon comes up trumps finding two scrolls and a potion in the desk.

Liandri meanwhile starts to examine the statue when the thing begins to speak.

“Know your adversary before battle. Enemies can often be summed up by answering these three questions: One, what is their chief desire? Two, what are they willing to do to gain this desire? Three, what do they fear? When you know your enemy, you can be best prepared for battle.”

The statue falls silent.

“It’s written on this scroll.”

Liandri snatches the scroll from the statues hand and reads the words again.

“Hang on.”

Liandri hunkers down on the floor and begins to scratch away, writing on the back of the scroll.

Liandri puts the scroll back in the statues hands- nothing happens.

“Feck, it’s broke.”

“Hey.”

The Knights turn to see Sayon holding the door open.

“Safe. Come on.”

They head off again down a small passage to another door.

Sayon is soon through, the Knights pile in- their torches illuminate an almost barren room- a charred black skull sits in the centre of the chamber. There are four more statues, each holding a scroll… too late.

IKAN HEREYEW KALLIN FREWDE AYRE TOWNITE.

A statue intones.

“It’s a summoning spell.”

Liandri shouts.

The skull jumps into the air and bandages appear from nowhere binding round and giving form to a terrible creature- a Mummy, it forms in seconds.

The Mummy holds up a hand and in the silence speaks.

“Ahh, at last. You must be Paytro’s spawn coming to claim your family’s treasure. Had he been an honourable man his riches would be mine! No matter- his gold means nothing to me now. All I yearn for is… living flesh!”

The Mummy charges at the Knights as another statue begins to speak.

“Kill her.”

Endrin screams back.

Bob leaps in and delivers a massive blow with all his might (DM- natural “20” of course) but leaves just a tiny scratch on the creature (DM- so not using a magical weapon Mr. Bob, tee hee).

The statue finishes speaking all of the Knights can feel an unholy aura fill the room.

Liandri charges in and scores a second critical hit, this time with slightly better effect, he removes one of the Mummies ears, then dodges back.

Lisette, the Mummy, screams in terror, then lashes out at Bob, slicing into him- nearly ending him in one blow.

Angered now the creature slams into Sayon, neatly knocking her down.

Liandri fires off a Ray of Enfeeblement, the Mummy just grins- the spell has no affect.

Mallaria rushes in and slices and dices landing some massive hits- all they seem to do is further enrage the creature, no actual harm done. The Mummy knocks the Barbarian aside- Endrin steps into the gap.

“I am Endrin Ne Moren, prepare to die.”

Lisette throws her head back and laughs wildly, a terrible sight almost completely unharmed despite the Knights best attacks.

Endrin and Sayon are rooted to the spot- paralyzed with fear, thinking, perhaps for the first time, maybe they’ve bitten off more than they can chew.

And so endeth session 43.

Next Turn… Mummy dearest.


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