# Let's make magical nipple jewelry!



## d20fool (Feb 5, 2004)

In honor of Janet Jackson's introduction to the world of "nipple sheilds" or medieval looking nipple rings, I thought we should commerate the moment in high d20 fashion.  Janet's accidental flashing (tear off your clothes and your boobs show, who knew?) revealed a large, somewhat bizarre "shield" in the shape of a stylized sun.  for more like these, check out (sorry, no nudity here):

http://www.tribalectic.com/NippleShields.asp


Your challenge is to make magic nipple sheilds.  Each one MUST follow the DMG guidlines for magic items and include all relevant information (effects, market value, etc.)  

If you have an opinion about the Superbowl debacle but no magic item to share, stow it!  Go find your own thread!  If you DO have a magic item and want to vent, go ahead, you've earned it!


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## Quasqueton (Feb 5, 2004)

Janet Jackson is a drow.

[edit]
Sorry, that doesn't add to the topic. But that was my first thought when I saw the jewelry in question was a spider. I can imagine drow having such jewelry and magic items.


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## Psion (Feb 5, 2004)

Summon Hong?


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## Belen (Feb 5, 2004)

Exactly, Hong would bring a really mature viewpoint to this discussion which will make us all sit up and notice.


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## Rel (Feb 5, 2004)

Nipple Broach of Shielding?

And in case you were not aware, the Book of Vile Darkness contains all your Magical Nipple Clamp needs.


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## MichaelH (Feb 5, 2004)

*Nipple Shields of Idiocy:*  These cursed nipple shields appear to be ordinary nipple shields that increase the wearer's charisma by +2.  Once worn, however, they actually reduce the wearer's intelligence and wisdom by -6 each.  Although the bonus to charisma stays, these nipple shields cannot be removed by the wearer.  The only way to remove them is to have them ripped off by a bard of at least 5th level.
  Moderate enchantment; CL 7th; Craft Wondrous Item, _touch of idiocy, bestow curse, eagle's splendor_; Price 8,000 gp.


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## Len (Feb 5, 2004)

Nipple Shield of Evermilk

Sorry, I don't know how to spec out magic items. Someone else will have to do it.


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## Barendd Nobeard (Feb 5, 2004)

Len said:
			
		

> Nipple Shield of Evermilk
> 
> Sorry, I don't know how to spec out magic items. Someone else will have to do it.



Just take the "decanter of endless water" and modify.  Like so:

*Nipple Shield of Evermilk*: If the command word spoken is spoken while the nipple ring is worn, an amount of fresh milk pours out. Separate command words determine the type as well as the volume and velocity.
• “Stream” pours out 1 gallon per round.
• “Fountain” produces a 5-foot-long stream at 5 gallons per round.
• “Geyser” produces a 20-foot-long, 1-foot-wide stream at 30 gallons per round.
The geyser effect causes considerable back pressure, requiring the holder to make a DC 12 Strength check to avoid being knocked down. The force of the geyser deals 1d4 points of damage but can only affect one target per round. The command word must be spoken to stop it.
Moderate transmutation; CL 9th; Craft Wondrous Item, create food and water; Price 9,000 gp;Weight 1 lb.


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## Heretic Apostate (Feb 5, 2004)

Huh...

Anyone want to post the Nodwick strip that has the nipple ring?


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## Aeolius (Feb 5, 2004)

The effects of all such magical devices may be negated with the use special cones of incense placed within the recently created Five Minute Censer.


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## Cthulhu's Librarian (Feb 5, 2004)

Barendd Nobeard said:
			
		

> Just take the "decanter of endless water" and modify.  Like so:
> 
> *Nipple Shield of Evermilk*: If the command word spoken is spoken while the nipple ring is worn, an amount of fresh milk pours out. Separate command words determine the type as well as the volume and velocity.
> • “Stream” pours out 1 gallon per round.
> ...



 ROTFLMAO! Thanks for the best laugh of the morning!


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## Hand of Evil (Feb 5, 2004)

Nipple Shield of Distraction 
- Provides group invisibility to all other activity in a 100 yard diameter
- Gather information, any checks for gather information under any subject will provide gossip and wonder of the nipple shield.


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## Olgar Shiverstone (Feb 5, 2004)

A 1 lb nipple shield?  Ouch.  Must have a drawback of severe back pain (-1 to all skill checks) if worn more than 8 hours at a time.


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## Azlan (Feb 5, 2004)

Great. As if player characters don't have enough slots on their persons for magic items -- let's create a whole bunch more!

Let's see... There would be _ten_ additional slots, right? By standardizing things, there would be two slots for eyebrow rings, one for a nose ring, one for a tongue barbell, two for nipple rings, one for a naval stud, one for a genitals ring, and two for toe rings. With the 13 slots already in existence, that would make for a total of 23 slots! (Or did I overlook something?) "Cool!", eh?


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## Azlan (Feb 5, 2004)

Olgar Shiverstone said:
			
		

> A 1 lb nipple shield?  Ouch.  Must have a drawback of severe back pain (-1 to all skill checks) if worn more than 8 hours at a time.




Severe _back_ pain from a 1-pound nipple shield? No, man, the brunt of the pain would not be bore by one's back.


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## Gez (Feb 5, 2004)

Barendd Nobeard said:
			
		

> Just take the "decanter of endless water" and modify.  Like so:
> 
> *Nipple Shield of Evermilk*: If the command word spoken is spoken while the nipple ring is worn, an amount of fresh milk pours out. Separate command words determine the type as well as the volume and velocity.
> • “Stream” pours out 1 gallon per round.
> ...




hat's not pr0n, that's art -- but you may not want to click on that link if you're at work anyway.

_EDIT - *tsk* *tsk* Gez... 

-Henry_

A sculpture by "Hiropon". Freaky, heh?


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## Ranger REG (Feb 5, 2004)

You have GOT to be kidding me? What's next? Ask Wizards if there is an extended limit to include piercings and body jewelry, in additon to what is already stated?


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## Len (Feb 5, 2004)

Ranger REG said:
			
		

> You have GOT to be kidding me? What's next? Ask Wizards if there is an extended limit to include piercings and body jewelry, in additon to what is already stated?



Only if it's not already covered in the BoEF. Anyone know? ArthurQ?


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## Azlan (Feb 5, 2004)

Barendd Nobeard said:
			
		

> Just take the "decanter of endless water" and modify.  Like so:
> 
> *Nipple Shield of Evermilk*: If the command word spoken is spoken while the nipple ring is worn, an amount of fresh milk pours out. Separate command words determine the type as well as the volume and velocity.




Can we have a version of that nipple shield that dispenses beer instead of milk, for us guys who love breasts but don't like milk? Heck, man, with those kinds of nipple shields, barmaids wouldn't need to lug around those heavy trays laden with tankards of ale -- they could bring the beer on tap to each table!


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## Ghostwind (Feb 5, 2004)

Nipple Shields put a whole new spin on Natural Armor bonuses...


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## EricNoah (Feb 5, 2004)

I'm ... shall we say ... uncomforatble with this thread at best.  It's a little beyond EN World's zone.  Plus this looks like a "humor" thread and those go in the Off-Topic forum.  So, I'm gonna move this over there, and close it, and then the mods will have a little pow-wow and maybe re-open the thread later.  Or maybe not.


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