# Saga of the Defrosters



## TarionzCousin (Jan 22, 2010)

I recently joined a group of old friends' 4E game--mostly guys I gamed with over ten years ago. It is something like a "beer and pretzels" game, albeit Jones soda and carrot sticks. The game is light-hearted, fun and full of laughter. In that spirit, I present my chronicles of "The Defrosters."

When my character joined, the characters were 8th level.

*The PC's:*

Present
*Arvin* – Human Rogue and Token Affirmative Action Beneficiary
*Felonius Dark* – Tiefling Warlock and Budding Musical Prodigy
*Flurge *– Eladrin Wizard and Poisonous Snaky Snarker
*Gromit *– Dwarven Fighter and Requisite Love/Damage Sponge
*Vixten *– Elven Cleric of Angharrad and Leader with a capital “L”
*Zanen *– Deva Avenger of Awesome Awesome-itude

Absent
*Marcus *– Half-Elven Bard and Melee Madman (Marcus' player is the current DM)


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## TarionzCousin (Jan 22, 2010)

*January 17, 2010*

*The Defrosters - January 17, 2010*


Location
Gloomwrought, in the Shadowfell—although that was not immediately apparent.

*I’ll Tumble 4 Ya*
Having just seen their comrade Marcus carried away by the evil naga, the remaining heroes tumbled suddenly through a dark portal into a realm of shadows and half-images. They landed in an empty dark city, gathered on a walkway between buildings and waterways. Standing nearby was a tall deva looking exceedingly groovy in a voluminous cloak. Before they could ask him for his autograph, they were attacked by undead horrors.

Wispy wraiths zoomed in and drove psychic daggers into the party’s brains. Their hideous screaming caused the heroes to attack one another. Just being near the wraiths overwhelmed the mind with mad whispers. Pale phantom warriors charged and cut deeply with their ghostly swords. In the distance, two skulls covered in green fire blasted arcane flames within their midst. In a matter of seconds, the group was in serious trouble and ready for a prolonged soak in a nice hot tub with several voluptuous maidens.

Bursting forth from within the epicenter of Flurge’s fiery burst, Vixten appeared. He immediately healed two of the group and sent the undead into a temporary retreat. Seeing their old comrade appear rallied the Defrosters. Gromit pounded a wraith into ultimate wispiness. Arvin and Felonius rained down bloody and fiery bolts. The Deva slashed through a phantom. 

Battered and bruised, the heroes emerged victorious. 

The air around them coalesced, and strange slender, hairless humanoids appeared. Dressed in black, with gray skin and dark goggles, they moved among the group with a mysterious purpose. One gestured at the group with a sparkling rod and things changed in a weird way. The city become more solid even as the gray humanoids disappeared. 



*Karma Chameleon*
Vixten led them to a hidden alley devoid of ambushers where he assisted them in healing and resting for a moment. The deva introduced himself as Zanen. He said that he had been chasing a shadar-kai in the underground tunnels beneath Waterdeep when he unwittingly plunged through a portal. Satisfied that his arrival must be attributed to good karma, the group returned to the main streets.

A beggar asked for alms, and received several in return for answering questions. This place was Gloomwrought, a city in the Shadowfell. It was nominally ruled by Prince Roland, but many people believed that the real power was a group known as the Keepers. From the beggar’s directions, the party took a room at the Knight’s Shield Inn. 

Vixten told of his recent fun. He revealed that the War Wizards of Cormyr had stupidly failed to keep the Codex of Altahn despite its extreme importance. The codex has information about predicting when the gates to and from the Shadowfell appear. Also, the High Hippy Elf Duirsar of Evereska had narrowly avoided being assassinated by Belendithus of the Dusk. Vixten was charged with learning more about Belendithus, including how to make her permanently unable to assassinate people any more.

Employing a cunning plan, the group took to the streets to gather information. Felonius questioned people with the snarky assistance of Flurge while Gromit and Zanen posed majestically and watched for unwarranted attacks. Arvin and Vixten skulked about in hiding to secretly determine if someone had switched the fine coffee they ordinarily drank for Folgers crystals. 

Proceeding from the nicer part of town toward the docks, Felonius spearheaded the charge into a seedy tavern. He tiefled around a bit until he learned a few choice tidbits:

1. The Keepers were occasionally seen by people. They were described as gray-skinned, hairless, dressed in black with dark goggles—they sounded slightly familiar;
2. Many shadar-kai soldiers had been passing through Gloomwrought in the past three months;
3. Gloomwrought ale tastes like smoky goat urine with a hint of big hairy ass;
4. Citizens of the city were living in moderate terror in fear of a being called “The Butcher.” In the poorer parts of town, every few weeks or days someone was killed at night. Their skulls and skins were found on the door of a relatively-unimportant church.



*
In the Church of the Poisoned Mind*
The most important church in Gloomwrought was the Temple of the Raven Queen. Arvin got a serious bug up his butt to go there, so everyone followed. The temple was impressive, built upon seventy-foot high statues and employing a magical glass elevator to ferry people inside. Using his innate charm, the rogue convinced a shadowborn elven acolyte named Mitherna that she should talk with him about Amway.

Instead, she revealed some useful information, including:

A. Belendithus of the Dusk was a well-known assassin. She supposedly spent a great deal of time in Gloomwrought—especially when she was hiring shadar-kai troops for some sort of invasion;
B. The Veiled League, an association of hedonists and baby lamb shepherds, was known to hire assassins;
C. The Raven Queen didn’t have any jobs for adventurers. Instead, Mitherna directed Arvin and the Chipmunks to go see Prince Roland about the Butcher.

The Prince had an open-door policy, so the good guys got in to see him without having to wait in line. For a guy over 300 years old, he looked surprisingly un-ancient. Yes, he wanted someone to rid his city of the Butcher. The monster was slowly depleting him of his precious peasants. Also, he claimed that the Keepers were powerless, up was down, and Gloomwrought ale was delicious. With the promise of a Level Seven Shadowy Magic Item to goad them on, the group decided to butcher the Butcher.



*Do You Really Want to Hurt Me*
First, of course, they returned to their cozy room at the Knight’s Shield Inn and had a nap. Gromit dreamed of decent ale and bearded Dwarven women, in that order. Zanen secretly didn’t sleep but instead stole all of the party’s good magic items and gold (Steve, don’t tell anyone!) 

Arvin disguised himself as Butcher Bait. Flurge made Zanen invisible so he could guard Arvin as the whole group paraded through the streets looking delicious. They heard the telltale sounds of someone being killed and skinned. Rushing forward, Vixten saw a shadowy column of writhing skulls hovering over an unimportant nameless dead NPC. He unloaded a volley of clericky goodness which resulted in a small amount of damage and a sufficient amount of blindness. Everyone ran forward, eager to get at least one hit in before the monster was quickly and oh-so-easily dispatched.

Zanen and Gromit charged through the Butcher’s cloud of swarming skulls, caressing it faintly with their implements of moderate pain. Flurge called forth a mighty arcane hand that grabbed the beast and held it fast. Felonius and Arvin blasted at it from a distance, then got too close and were reminded that they weren’t frontline warriors. Flurge summoned Frosty the Snowdemon and Vixten summoned MC Hammergnome to harry the beast’s flank. Much yelling, grunting, and swinging of weapons occurred. 

But the Butcher was not done. Bloodied but unbowed, it burst free of its constraints and flowed forward. Felonius alone held his ground as Gromit and Zanen were knocked back. Vixten cleverly hid around the corner and fired his red laser at its teenage minions through the front window of Steve’s house. Gromit took a deep breath and hammered the Butcher so hard it suddenly developed an intense yearning to be dancing ballet elsewhere, and so it immediately flowed down through the ground and escaped. 

Winded and wounded, the heroes trekked back to their inn where they struggled mentally to calculate the experience points of recent encounters. It had been a long day.

_--End Session_


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## TarionzCousin (Feb 5, 2010)

*January 31, 2010*

*The Defrosters - January 31, 2010*

Present
*Felonius Dark* – Tiefling Warlock and Disobliging Detainee
*Flurge *– Eladrin Wizard and Bold Boaster
*Grommit *– Dwarven Fighter and Gray Grinder
*Vixten *– Elven Cleric of Angharrad and Communicative Commander
*Zanen *– Deva Avenger and Zen Zealot

Absent
*Arvin *– Human Rogue and Manure Manhandler
*Marcus *– Half-Elven Bard and Missing Musician


Location
Gloomwrought, in the Shadowfell



*Is There Something I Should Know?*
Arvin was absent, having lost his ongoing struggle with Abyssal diarrhea while taking time out to haul manure for lonely goat herders in the Feywild.

Felonius dragged everyone to the Open Air Market. At midday, it was slightly less gloomy than at other times, and many merchants were open for business. Vixten bought Goth clothing to blend in with the locals better, including a fabulous fake porn ‘stache. Felonius upgraded his totally non-phallic rod to increase his curse damage, while Vixten improved his bow. Selling the tiefling’s Phrenic Crown netted enough gold to get everyone two Healing Potions.

The group took to the streets, questioning the locals and dragging the gutters for relevant information. Flurge questioned a toothless hag after Grommit was finished with her. Felonius led the questioning of other less-than-savory characters. After much talk, it was determined that: 

A. Marcus was probably already at sea on a ship, having been shanghaied by the Veiled League; 
B. The Butcher was part of a plan by something to take over the Veiled League. Also, of all the churches decorated by it, none belonged to the worship of the goddess Shar. Shar is the deity of darkness, Netheril, and bogeymen;
C. Belendithus of the Dusk is a unique fiend of some shadowy sort. She intends to take over the veiled league—probably with the help of something (see “B” above)—and is also a known assassin. To hire her, you need only provide a cute newborn baby. People have been said to get in touch with her at the King & Fool Tavern down by the docks; and
D. Wearing shoes without socks in Gloomwrought is a crime punishable by public group-hugging by unwashed manure-haulers.

The King & Fool Tavern was a degenerate hive of scum and villainy. Several clumps of shadar-kai and shadowborn humanoids were dotted throughout the main room morosely slurping their drinks. Felonius and Zanen sat at a table and observed while Flurge spoke at length with Gutless Joe. Flurge displayed his skill at the art of subtle conversation with careful forays like “Where does one go to find Belendithus?” and “We flushed the Butcher out!”

Gutless Joe was sociable, thirsty and messy.

A shadar-kai warrior from the corner suspiciously left the tavern after overhearing Flurge’s remarks. Vixten followed him down a few foggy streets and hid nearby to overhear his conversation. He told a different shadar-kai warrior how the people that they were sent to watch for were in the tavern asking about Belendithus right now. After agreeing that it would be easy to lure the hapless wizard and his associates into an ambush, the second shadar-kai returned to the tavern. Vixten followed him in. The shadar-kai conveniently overheard Flurge and Joe’s conversation and indicated that he could put Flurge in touch with a guy who knew Belendithus. All Flurge needed to do was go to a scary place near the docks at midnight. 

“I’ll be there!” Flurge agreed.

Zanen found the local temple to Selune and checked in. He met with a friendly priestess who gave him 50,000 platinum coins, a pair of magical über-comfortable socks, and the legendary Axe of the Dwarvish Lords. Zanen told her that the Butcher’s wacky antics seemed to be tied to the worship of Shar, as that goddess was the only major deity whose church had not been defiled by the monster’s corpse leavings. The priestess informed the Deva that agents of Selune were aware of increased activity by the vile worshippers of Shar and that they had agents who were looking into it.



*A View to a Kill*
The group decided to scout out their designated meeting place/ambush zone ahead of time. A few hours before midnight, Vixten and Felonius scrambled to take up advantageous positions on two separate rooftops to wait. 

Grommit, Flurge and Zanen spent the time before the meeting partying at the Racy Wrestler, a combination strip club/velodrome where naked elf maidens wrestled in ambrosia while nude she-orc bicyclists raced around a raucous gambling crowd. Bonus: it was Free Lap Dance Night!

Several happy hours later, the three ambled over to the ambush zone. Grommit spotted a shadar-kai waiting patiently to speak with him, so he swung his mighty hammer around his head and charged!

“Surprise, bitches!” Grommit explained.

One nearly-completely ineffectual surprise round later, our heroes were engaged in a street fight with five shadar-kai, none of whom was wielding a spiked chain. Zanen and Grommit rushed forward while Flurge positioned himself carefully. The bad guys teleported around and ruined a well-coordinated frontal assault. Felonius threw fiery bolts into the mix with mixed results. Someone tried to open the door to Vixten’s rooftop hideout but discovered that the cleric had blocked the door. 

“Heh heh,” Vixten chortled. 

The Elf Cleric pointed out where the bad guys were hiding in the buildings, so Zanen rushed headlong through a door and attacked without even knocking first. The villain confronting Grommit decided that the cleric would be easier prey and he popped up onto the rooftop after immobilizing the dwarf.

A wizardly bad guy rounded the corner and summoned a large insectile fiend on Felonius’s rooftop. It salivated and looked hungrily at the tiefling. Fel casually insulted its lineage, jumped down to the ground, and unloaded hot flaming pain on the evil wizard, bloodying it in a single attack.

Grommit shouted out that dinner was served and that he was one damned delicious dwarf. Both the warriors in range immediately rushed to taste him and got the business end of the hammer instead (They were very disappointed). Everyone piled on, with six successful attacks in a row by the good guys culminating in two shadar-kai down for the count.

But all was not well in Defrosterland! The insectile fiend leapt onto and grabbed Felonius, click-clacked “You No Talk Bad About Me Momma!” and teleported too far away to catch. Felonius taunted the infernal creature further and backed it up with a big boom and an even bigger poof. The poor insulted creature crumbled to ash.

Back in the fray, Zanen shouted at his opponent to surrender. He refused, then capitulated and dropped his katars on his turn. Zanen bound his hands and feet while explaining to him the flextime and healthcare benefits of the Light Side™. The shadar-kai was expressing interest when Felonius fell off the roof and his sympathetic damage killed the helpless villain. Zanen shrugged and looked coolly pragmatic.



*Save A Prayer*
The last remaining bad guy fled. Wanting to take him alive for questioning, Flurge, Grommit, and Vixten all surrounded him. But he used his opposable thumb and opened a door to supposed safety. Flurge concussed him into a wall. Grommit pounded his melon beyond the waking world. Then Vixten brought him back to consciousness with a gentle prayer and a nice, healthy slapping. Paleskin was more than happy to divulge what little useful information he knew, including:

1. Belendithus’ hideout was a place called “Shade Isle,” somewhere out in the Shadowfell via the Stormy Seas (which flow through and connect all of the Planes);
2. People shanghaied into service in Belendithus’ army were taken into the sea by boat to a place called “Devil Reef.”  Most likely Marcus was already there;
3. The Manure-Haulers Guild has bought up all of the available socks from every Gloomwrought merchant. Prices are outrageous;
4. Naga had been seen working for Belendithus, but only as Temps. The Netherese army wasn’t known for its generosity and often kept its Temp workers as Temps for several years without actually hiring them as permanent employees.

Zanen and Felonius searched the dead bodies and found not only diddly but also squat. Then they hid the corpses in a place so secret even the DM will never find them.

Carrying the sole surviving bad guy, the group decided to take him to Prince Roland, the ineffectual clueless ruler of the city, in hopes of netting a huge reward.

_--End Session_


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## TarionzCousin (Feb 12, 2010)

*The Defrosters – February 7, 2010*

Present
*Arvin *– Human Rogue and Hut Harasser
*Felonius Dark* – Tiefling Warlock and Dark Side Denier
*Grommit *– Dwarven Fighter and Bold Berserker
*Vixten *– Elven Cleric of Angharrad and Pressuring Parlayer
*Zanen *– Deva Avenger and Sinking Slicer

Absent
*Flurge *– Eladrin Wizard and Commemorative Celebrator
*Marcus *– Half-Elven Bard and Missing Musician (DM’s Kidnapped PC)

Location
Gloomwrought, at the docks, in the Shadowfell


*Come On Over*
Flurge was missing, having teleported to Tytherion to celebrate his broodmate’s birthday with festive slithering and cake.

The Prince™ was his usual, un-helpful self. He took the prisoner and went back to sleep. The heroes decided to investigate the shoreline where Belendithus was alleged to have her base of operations. Vixten skulked around the docks trying to spy something with his little eye until Arvin slunk into the water and dogpaddled out to the offshore hut.

Lurking behind the scenes, Zanen heard some beings approaching from a parallel alley. These mysterious others sounded a menacing signal horn while our heroes noted their failure to prevent them from doing just that. Felonius managed to not climb up to the nearest building’s rooftop twice while Grommit shuffled dwarfishly into position to attack whenever Horatio Hornblower appeared.

Arvin made it to the steps up into the hut just in time to witness a half-dozen almond-eyed sahuagin swim menacingly through the water. He entered the hut through a door that provided no cover whatsoever and chatted/bluffed with a sexy female Ojibwe tiefling he found there.

“Adventurers are attacking on the docks—at least a dozen or more!”

“Why are you here? I heard the horn; why aren’t you with the others?” She asked.

“I came to warn you!”

“I’ll go blow them away,” she pronounced.

“I’ll help!” Arvin lied.

The female tiefling went to see for herself and Arvin promptly pushed her off the porch. She even more promptly teleported behind him and pushed him back. He then mostest promptly fell down, barely clinging to the edge of the porch. 

A male tiefling appeared instantly behind Felonius, imploring him to join the Dark Side™ before shivving him in the back and teleporting away. Felonius gave up trying to climb the building and jogged around toward the frolicking taking place on the shore.


*
That Don’t Impress Me Much*
Down a side street, a pimpload of male prostitutes arrived carrying ineffectual axes and shields. These were the thugs Zanen had heard earlier. Grommit utterly and completely obliterated the lead gigolo’s single hit point and Vixten blasted away the other three. In retaliation, the female tiefling dropped a flaming ball of demonic backbacon on Grommit’s helmeted head.

Zanen rushed into the water to help Arvin, sank to the ocean floor and began drowning. Vixten rushed into the water to help Arvin, sank to the ocean floor and reconsidered his tactics. Two sahuagin stabbed Zanen with the pointy ends of their tridents and chortled gleefully. Grommit flanked one of them and shortened his spine by several inches with his happy hammer.

The male tiefling appeared just in time to be rebuked by an ice-armored Felonius--effectively refusing to become Darth Felonius (for now, at least!) Another sahuagin gnawed on Vixten’s elf ears, so the cleric retreated out of the water and blasted away "_pew-pew_" at many moist targets.

The female tiefling teleported next to Zanen and did something that nobody saw because it failed miserably. Zanen two-fisted his huge sword into her and parted her big brown hair. 

Back at the hut, even more sahuagin had surrounded Arvin. He roguified himself out of a jam and into the little wooden building, pausing only to notice a convenient Otis™ rope elevator in the rear corner. Bloodied and beaten back, he imagined himself jumping into the elevator and cutting the rope swashbuckleringly to plummet gloriously to the water below. But then, like a majestic vision from the DM (“Do you really want to do that???” the DM said as he began looking up “Extreme Falling Damage” in his books),  he suddenly wondered if the elevator really just went to the water below or if it went somewhere else….


*Man! I Feel Like a Woman!*
Several sahuagin slimed Grommit, proving once and for all that salt water is good for dwarves’ wounds. He took a deep breath and pictured his green opponents as big verdigrised nails. Nearby, Zanen cleaved the female tiefling into Shania Twain, violently ending her long list of chart-topping pop/country hits.

Felonius’s alternating hot and cold treatments permanently ended the male tiefling’s aches and pains. This freed him up to firebomb multiple sahuagin via his famous fiery barrage which has earned him hordes of screaming Asian girl fans and the moniker “Big In Japan™.” Zanen knocked one out and Grommit charged to the rescue with a wild air-hammer miss.

Arvin escaped the hut and jumped out into the water toward the shore just as the last two sahuagin decided it was time to retreat. They swam away in a hurry, but not quite quickly enough! Grommit, displaying a keen mind for crazy berserker tactics, single-handedly charged out into the water, across the porch, and jumped ahead of the retreating enemies to cut off their escape. Felonius followed him and learned what all the drowning was about. Zanen advanced and pulled one sahuagin up onto the porch so he could slice him into little pieces. Grommit finished him off and Felonius blasted the last one. 

On shore, Vixten healed the female tiefling with his boot on her neck, obviously intending to have a nice, civilized conversation with her. Arvin finally made it back to shore and offered his insights into the female persona. The woman was not interested, holding fast to her futile belief that the Army of Darkness™ would overrun the daylight world and make our heroes’ lives miserable. 

“Shar will destroy you,” she began. “You surface-dwelling —ACK!” She quit talking suddenly as Vixten made her pretty little head explode.

In the meantime, Zanen had moved to look at the elevator inside the hut. It was large enough to hold four trusting fools at once, and was only slightly wet. Curioser and curioser.

_--End Session_


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## TarionzCousin (Mar 2, 2010)

*The Defrosters – February 21, 2010*

Present
*Arvin *– Human Rogue and Flatulent Filcher
*Felonius Dark* – Tiefling Warlock and Evil Embracer
*Flurge* – “Friendly Fire” Eladrin Wizard 
*Grommit* – Dwarven Fighter and Risky Rusher
*Zanen *– Deva Avenger and Phenomenal Phaser 

Absent
*Marcus* – Half-Elven Bard and Musical Mosher
*Vixten* – Elven Cleric of Angharrad and Absent Admirer


Location
Under the hut on the shore of Gloomwrought, beneath the water.



*Love Bites*
Vixten had apparently fled the shore immediately after speaking with the female tiefling—or perhaps she wasn’t as dead as we had supposed. They were last seen making love eyes at each other and sipping one chocolate malted with two straws at Gutless Joe’s Ice Cream Shack.

The elevator only held a maximum of four people. Arvin was elected to wait up top because he was extremely flatulent.

Felonius, Flurge, Grommit and Zanen descended approximately 200 feet in the rickety elevator to the little hideaway beneath the waves. Water coursed in through poorly sealed walls, much like one can see in the Holland Tunnel while parked there during rush hour.

The bottom of the elevator shaft opened onto a narrow tunnel through which a few snakey-humanoids could be seen playing cards on a crate. One of them was heard to pull a switch and nobody really remarked on it much. Then Grommit charged ahead and triggered the lightning trap that Snakey #3 had just set by pulling the switch. Oops. Everyone rushed forward into the room and began playing cards fighting.

Zanen’s snakey opponent turned into an actual large snake and bit and grabbed him with her big mouth. He phased through her, so she bit and grabbed Felonius and Flurge instead. Flurge responded with a friendly lightning bolt that fried the snake, himself and Felonius with electrical zapitude. Felonius dropped the snake via an incendiary punch.

Grommit hammered away at his new snakey friends, winnowing one down to bloodied in typical dwarf style while simultaneously banging his head to his own internal soundtrack. Felonius rebuked snakey for his bad manners and Grommit squashed his melon.


*Pour Some Sugar On Me*
Up above, Arvin had managed to attract the attacks of two sahuagin who found his scent irresistably delicious. They attempted to season him to their taste, but he resisted becoming their dinner. Instead, the rogue stabbed them a couple times with his pointy phallic symbol before jumping into the elevator shaft and climbing down the rope. Along the way, numerous trident attacks poked through the wooden walls. They missed him, but increased the amount of water flowing in considerably. He “crowbarred” his way into the elevator and jogged out into the tunnel to be hit by the same lightning trap that someone really should have remembered to turn off.

Arvin arrived just in time to charge the lone snakey humanoid standing. It was repulsed by Arvin’s gassy stench and fled down the stairs, easily avoiding three futile Attacks of Opportunity.

Winded and nearly out of all of their Daily and Encounter Powers, our heroes wisely gave chase immediately instead of stopping to rest and recover. Grommit went first, exhibiting his typical “Charge first, ask questions never” approach that professional psychiatrists all over the multiverse claim demonstrates what is known as “A single-digit INT score.”

*
Bringin’ On The Heartbreak*
The escapee fled into a large room, perhaps 50 x 60 or so. Scattered throughout this room were more snakey types, a lone shadar-kai, and a dark demonic female with an extremely high initiative score. She created a spooky black portal thing in the rear corner of the room, then sauntered over and blast-slapped all of the good guys with necrotic ick. 

“You peasants aren’t worth my time. Finish them! I’m going back to Cormyr.” Her words and demeanor revealed her to be none other than Belendithus of the Dusk as portrayed by Lita Ford. After her pronouncement, she traipsed slowly back to her portal and stepped through. It remained open only long enough to taunt our heroes with heartbreaking imagined visions of home.

Prominent in the room but mysteriously not mentioned before now was the smoky black pillar of skulls and Deathitude known in Gloomwrought as “The Butcher.” This creepy entity surged forward and unleashed a swirly cloud of yuck that made everyone’s underwear itch in a very painful, hit-points-lost kind of way—everyone except Felonius, that is. He embraced the evil dark yuck and breathed it in as part of his tiefling heritage.

Grommit pounded the Butcher into slowness. Flurge summoned Frosty the Snowball of Pain and Zanen rushed to cleave through the support crew. As usual, every time the Butcher attacked the heroes went flying. Zanen and Frosty took out one villain while Felonius finished off the shadar-kai. 


*Foolin’*
The Butcher slammed Grommit onto a picnic table near a large snake. The snake attempted to grab the wily dwarf but instead got itself shaken out like an old rug. Arvin joined the fray, going toe to toe alone against the Butcher. He prevailed long enough to Daze the beast before succumbing to the sweet, sweet slumber of unconsciousness.

The Butcher wasn’t even bloodied yet, and all of our heroes had been gushing hit points for most of the battle. Zanen pushed and pulled the last snake-punk into the stairwell where he and Felonius finished it off. After another round of combat, only the Butcher was still among the living on the Bad Guys’ Side. Grommit and Arvin were down. 

Flurge made himself invisible and snuck past everyone into the room so he could more easily see and control Frosty. Zanen moved in and poured a healing potion in Arvin’s throat. Flurge did likewise to wake up Grommit. Feeling confident and full of ten or more hit points each, they rained hot and cold pain down on the Butcher. It was time to finish this confrontation once and for all.

But the Butcher fooled them. It looked confident and ready to obliterate our heroes but it was just pretending. When it was next hit, it was finally bloodied. Immediately, it teleported away to a nice quiet dinner with its girlfriend. 

Before the entire place flooded, the good guys looted the room and avoided the trap. Then they turned off the switch of the lightning trap and rode the elevator up to the top in record time. 

Arvin had to climb the rope alone because he was still too gassy to ride with everyone else. Perhaps a magical charcoal diaper should be tops on the rogue’s wish list.

_--End Session_


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## TarionzCousin (Apr 2, 2010)

*March 21, 2010*

Present
*Felonius *– Tiefling Warlock and Sonic Shrieker Soloist, of sorts
*Flurge *– Eladrin Wizard and Cold-demon’s Commander
*Grommit *– Dwarven Fighter and Pit Perceiver
*Vixten *– Elven Cleric and Daylight Destructor
*Zanen *– Deva Avenger and Blade Bereaver

Absent
*Arvin *– Token Human Rogue and Absent Absconder
*Marcus *– Half-Elf Bard and Shanghai’ed Singer

Location 
Gloomwrought and its surrounding swamps, known as the “Skins.”

_Note: _After this session, everyone is now Level 9. Level Up!

Loot from Last Game
**1900 GP* divided 6 ways = *316 GP* each, with the extra GP going to the Dwarf.

**Boots of Eagerness* – Given to the Dwarf.

**Nautical Maps* complete with scrawled notes and some plans indicating the location of “Shade Isle,” the destination for those press-ganged into Belendithus’ service.

**Herpes Simplex Type VI (Balor)* – Given to the Dwarf.



*Better Man*
Arvin stayed in bed, demonstrating humans’ innate weak digestive systems in response to Gloomwrought’s delicious and uniformly gray cuisine. No sexy serving wenches came to give him a sponge bath.

Felonius discreetly asked around until he found someone who could interpret the nautical maps found in Belendithus’ lair. A grizzled old wizard who in no way resembled a bear revealed that members of his university, the Tenebrous Cabal, might be interested in helping the group. But Mr. Grizzle was not good enough to deal with the group. He set up a meeting with a better man for Noon the next day at the King and Fool Tavern.

The party retired to their sumptuous suite at the Knight’s Shield Inn and relaxed in style, easily ignoring Arvin’s whining and complaining. The next morning, Flurge went shopping for healing potions and ritual spell components, aided by donations from Grommit, Zanen, and Arvin.

At the King and Fool, the bar was relatively quiet. If Arvin had been there, Gutless Joe would have surely made an appearance. Vixten slunk around in disguise, Grommit and Flurge muttered at the bar, and Felonius and Zanen questioned Thol, their wizard contact from the Tenebrous Cabal. Thol himself was a ghoulish-looking shadowborn human, but he generously offered to give the group a longship and adequate sailors to find Shade Isle if only they would do one small thing for him first: find the legendary Veined Egg, long thought to be hidden in the bowels of the Temple of the Black Hour located in the Skins, Gloomwrought’s surrounding swamplands. 

The egg in question was described as having pulsing blue veins, being a remnant from the Astral Plane that was first noted over a thousand years ago. Thol didn’t reveal what powers the egg was said to possess, or explain why he wanted it, but it is undoubtedly for altruistic and humane purposes that will only benefit all of the good peoples of the multiverse. When questioned by Zanen if there was anything they needed to know to enter the Temple, the ghoul-man said “Until everyone has suffered, no one can get through.” 


*Leaving Here*
Our heroes ventured outside the city walls to the slimy, foggy swamps, lit in an eerie emerald glow by the city’s magical green lanterns. Various creepy noises and even creepier smells imposed themselves on the group’s reverie.

“Ooo, creepy,” Flurge observed.

The Tenebrous Cabal had made arrangements for the party to be ferried out to the Temple by a Dark One ferryman. However, the diminutive sneak dropped the group off a half day’s walk from the Temple and said he would go no further--but would return the next day. If Arvin had been there, he assuredly would have stabbed/convinced the little weirdo to take them all the way to the Temple and wait for them.

After a slog of several hours through the swamps, the group reached the Temple. It loomed before them, not at all phallic in its shape or size. Instead, two stairways leading to two archways were visible. Vixten scouted it out and reported back that on the other side of the archways was an enclosed stone room containing two statues, one pit, and a side-chamber whose walls held mirrors. Grommit rushed forward to investigate the pit and saw a large woodsy plant thing climbing slowly up toward the surface. At that same moment, two green humanoid shaped plant monsters slid through cracks in the walls and attacked. It’s hospitality like this that has kept this temple from being a decent tourist attraction for centuries.


*Red Mosquito*
The green woodsy monsters shot out vines that blinded nearly everyone except Zanen (who had already charged out of their immediate range to oppose one of three brown viny treelike monsters who had also appeared). A giant man-eating plant lurched out of the pit and waved its tendrils around menacingly while failing on all of its attacks for the next several rounds. 

Grommit beat on it with his hammer while whistling jauntily.

Flurge summoned Frosty the Cold Demon and Vixten rained down Sunshiny Slaps on a group of bad plants for a couple rounds. Zanen shredded his opponent and moved on to the next. Grommit finished off the ineffectual Big Plant as Felonius burned the remaining villains. One green plantman got away, slipping through the cracks in the stone wall. If Arvin had been there, he would have definitely stopped it from escaping. After the fight was over, Frosty lingered around, his eyes glowing red, staring at people like a big hungry bug.

“Is that normal?” the Deva inquired. Everyone just laughed nervously and edged slowly away from the Snowfiend.

Unsurprisingly, the bad plants had no treasure. Flurge checked out the mirrors in the side room and declared that they were magical means of transportation. Having no other options, the group walked through the mirrors and into a similar small chamber somewhere else.


*Sonic Reducer*
A hallway led away from this entry, replete with alcoves lining both sides, two exits, three rust monsters and three corpses. The boldest ruster shuffled into a mirror next to it and came out of a mirror right in front of the crowd of Good Guys. Vixten promptly hid. Zanen stepped forward, slashed the nearby rust-bug, and pulled it into the middle of the party. Taking turns, everyone else hit it until it fell down dead. They discovered that their weapons were suffering from contact with the foul beast, but that didn’t deter them from using them.

The mirrors themselves didn’t reflect very well. They gave tantalizing glimpses of a spooky and weird land where up was down, in was out and Pearl Jam was actually the Stone Temple Pilots. It was very disturbing, to say the least. It was too bad Arvin wasn’t there, as the mere sight of his odd human-ness would surely have caused all of the mirrors to shatter in repulsion.

A Beholder-like creature suddenly appeared at the far end of the hall. It blasted and missed with several eye rays. Our group positioned themselves for mayhem and beat on another rust monster. Zanen charged the Medium-sized eyeball. Flurge speculated that it wasn’t really a Beholder, but was instead a Beholder Goth, a smaller cousin of the dreaded Eye Tyrant that wasn’t very harmful except to itself when it got really depressed and was alone with razor blades. It apparently wasn’t terribly upset, as it blasted its eye rays around without hitting many of its targets. Then it, too, fled through a mirror, possibly to mope elsewhere and never to return.

Then the mirrors themselves joined the action, dazing and slowing our heroes. This completely prevented the good guys from obeying Vixten’s repeated commands to flee. Instead they pounded the second rust monster into little bits. Then a weird alien thing made up of rubbery flesh, eyeballs, and toothy mouths crawled through a mirror and attacked the Good Guys’ very sanity—and they weren’t terribly stable and sane to begin with! Nearly everyone was dazed repeatedly by its scary chortling sounds. 


*Rearviewmirror*
The Beholder Goth reappeared from a mirror and telekinesed Grommit to him. The hardy dwarf rewarded it with a frosty maul to the face. On his backswing, Grommit killed a rust monster. Vixten dodged the Goth’s bite and blasted it to pieces. Zanen stabbed the rust monster so well that it opened its maw and swallowed his fancy magic sword. Yes: it ate his magic sword--utterly and completely digesting it--and looked very smug afterward! Zanen unsheathed his dagger and viciously stabbified the monster, so it ate his dagger too. Ultimately, he downed it with an awe-inspiring maximum-damage unarmed punch. 

After repeated attacks, Felonius was fed up with the horrible grungy music the mouther was making; it insulted his newly discovered muscial ear! So the tiefling dropped the Gibberer all by himself, finally stopping its hideous wailing. Unhappy with how their butts looked in them, Vixten and Grommit smashed a couple mirrors but their butts still looked the same as ever: too big as those other brothers can’t deny. With a flash of fire, Flurge finished off the final ruster and the group caught its collective breath.

Two of the corpses strongly resembled Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard, but only Arvin would have noticed and he wasn’t, in fact, there. From the corpses and dead monsters, the party collected four rusty swords (at –2 damage each) that Zanen strapped to his back. Flurge also loaned him one perfectly good, non-rusty longsword for temporary use. From Zanen’s nemesis rusty, enough magic residium was collected to re-enchant a Full Blade to +2 Viciousness should the opportunity arise.

Vixten explored the mostly empty room at the end of the hall and found it mostly empty. However, when he touched his hand to the wall he began to see “through” it. However, he was also simultaneously turning to stone. Remembering Thol’s advice, all of the group quickly touched the wall and so they were able to pass through it into someplace new and exciting, full of free Magic Amulets, Magic Cloaks, and rust-proof +6 Jagged & Vicious swords.

_--End Session_


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## TarionzCousin (Apr 23, 2010)

April 18, 2010

Present
*Felonius *– Tiefling Warlock and Dragon Dasher
*Flurge *– Eladrin Wizard and Electric Ender
*Grommit *– Dwarven Fighter and Greedy Grabber
*Zanen *– Deva Avenger and Chasm Cuddler

Absent
*Arvin *– Token Human Rogue and Snarky Stealer
*Marcus *– Half-Elf Bard and Isolated Isler
*Vixten *– Elven Cleric and Disappearing Director

_
Location_ – the Shadowfell, somewhere in the inaccessible Temple of the Black Hour, deep in the swamps surrounding Gloomwrought known as the Skins.


*
The Other Side*
Vixten didn’t appear in the new room with the rest of the Defrosters, leading to speculation that he had, in fact, been turned to stone on the other side. Elves always seem to disappear at the most inconvenient times to get stoned.

The new room was 30 feet square, with steps down in its center into a square pool of sparkling water. Grommit the Dwarf volunteered to touch the water, put his feet in the water, and bathe in the water. Arcana checks confirmed that the pool was extremely magical, but didn’t reveal any of its secrets. After several minutes of watching the dwarf clean himself, Zanen the Deva took a small sip of the water and immediately began writhing around on the floor in extreme pain. Through gnashing teeth, Zanen reminded everyone of Thol’s advice about “everyone needing to suffer” in order to advance.

Grommit and Felonius drank and joined Zanen’s pain dance. Flurge took his time, filling a flask with the water, scratching his ass delicately, and arranging himself comfortably on the ground. When he finally drank the water, the wall behind them faded away and the group crawled through.

On the other side were some natural tunnels and caverns. Moving slowly forward, the group crossed a ten-foot wide wooden bridge across a deep chasm and climbed up a 20’ cliff. They saw the back wall of the cavern glowing with the promise of the veined egg. Suddenly, everything went pitch black and our heroes were blasted by a charge of necrotic pain that made their pubic hair scream and fall out.

Zanen zigged and zagged around the darkness to charge a large Shadow Dragon. Grommit sprinted forward and flanked the beast. Flurge and Felonius scooted out of the darkness and it was on!


*Darkness*
A wall of fire enveloped the dragon and a sphere of cold poked at it, courtesy of Flurge and Felonius, respectively. More than a little annoyed, the dragon promptly cast another area of darkness and teleported away. Zanen grabbed the magic egg and tucked it into his backpack. Grommit burst through the darkness toward the dragon, followed closely by the tiefling. They found the dragon moving toward them and breathing more necrotic nastiness. 

Zanen jumped over the dragon to flank it. Grommit leapt down to flank it again. Flurge’s lightning bolt shazzapped the enemy in a tender spot. The dark beast belched forth another necroblast that weakened Felonius somewhat and irritated him a great deal. He ground his teeth and directed his cold zone closer, ever closer.

The dragon clawed Felonius, really just a love-tap. Zanen pulled forth his holy symbol and silvery light sprang forth and bedazzled the smoky reptilian with pain-filled visions of a moon and tears. Flurge cautiously retreated, muttering something about the planets not being in a proper alignment at the moment.

Grommit took a bite squarely on his armor, and activated its coldy retaliation, bloodying the beast. Its black blast missed everyone. Felonius’s zone moved close enough to harm, finally. The dragon teleported away, into another large field of darkness on the other side of the wooden bridge. One could almost hear the cold zone sigh.

The Deva ran forward and pulled the dragon by its whiskers out of the darkness and into target range. Grommit followed and completely missed hammered draco with Zanen’s rerollifying assistance. Zanen was flying high, riding the wave and full of confidence, so the black brute bullrushed him right off the bridge. It tried to do the same to the dwarf, but learned that dwarves cannot be budged by puny little 5-foot shoves. Zanen continued falling toward the chasm floor like a baby reaching for a cuddle.

Blackie teleported into his other darkness field, close to the “yummy soft targets” of wizard and warlock. Grommit debated tying a rope to the bridge and throwing it down the chasm, but instead ran back toward the fray. Felonius dashed at the beast and taunted it into biting him, doing retaliatory damage. The tiefling’s cold zone was still nearby, and it poked the dragon like a giant icicle. Flurge fired off an electrical ball of badness and the dragon went down.

Zanen hit the ground, one hundred feet later. Crunch. It was a good thing he had five rusty longswords to break his fall or he might really have been injured.


*
Same Old Song and Dance*
After catching their breath, the three heroes up top tied their ropes together and anchored a line to the bridge. They threw the other end down to Zanen. He tied himself in and slowly made his way to the top. He stumbled and nearly fell, but caught himself.

The typical post-combat looting spree of the caves produced some gold coins, a few healing potions, and to Zanen’s wonder, the sword he had always dreamed of: a pitted and scarred fullblade that fit his hands perfectly—after he wrestled it away from the dwarf.

“What does this do? Huh? Can I have it?” said Grommit, conveniently forgetting his magic frost maul and Zanen’s loaned long sword weapon disparity. 

“Whatever it does, it does it for me,” the Deva replied as he tossed the five rusty longswords into the chasm.

The four backtracked but found no trace of Vixten on their way out into the swamps. They searched for several hours, but the elf was simply gone. Speculation speculated that he had gotten so high he had simply floated away. So they trudged back and met the creepy little guy for a ride back to Gloomwrought. 

The city welcomed them back with an indifferent, gloomy “meh.” Thol eagerly took the Veined Egg, commenting that it contained “the son of a dead god.” What the Tenebrous Cabal wanted with the magic egg was left unmentioned. To distract the heroes, Thol provided a magic ship for the party. It was able to conceal itself in shadow, and so the group was able to approach Shade Isle without being seen. 

The heroes promptly set out upon the Stormy Seas. Grommit pulled on the oars stoically while Zanen navigated by the stars. Felonius prayed and Flurge consulted the spirits. After a few hours they saw the isle. There were several Netherese ships in the harbor, and a river passage into an interior that was dominated by a large volcano. The heroes’ ship was too large to traverse the river, so they hid it near a shipwreck full of spooky ghosts.


_--End Session_

Loot from This Session
*One Jagged Fullblade, +3* – Given to Zanen
*450 GP *– Split 4 ways 
*5 Healing Potions* – Everyone got one except the dwarf got 2 because he’s tricksy!
*A “Vicious” Horned Helm*, level 7, made by Flurge from Zanen’s former Vicious Sword’s residuum.


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## TarionzCousin (May 9, 2010)

*The Defrosters - May 2, 2010*

Present
*Felonius *– Tiefling Warlock and Brazen Bluffer
*Flurge *– Eladrin Wizard and Frost Flinger
*Grommit *– Dwarven Fighter and Butt Burnee
*Vixten *– Elven Cleric and Contraption Controller
*Zanen *– Deva Avenger and Bonebag Breaker

Absent
*Arvin *– Token Human Rogue and Shadowy Sleeper
*Marcus *– Half-Elf Bard and Wandering Wanderer

Location 
The Shadowfell, on Shade isle, Belendithus’ Army Headquarters on the Stormy Seas.



*Seven Seas*
The party’s shadow ship circled Shade Isle, searching for an alternate path into the center of the island in vain. Aside from the river, the entire isle consisted of steep cliffs of black glass surrounding a smoky volcanic peak. Several dark draconic shapes circled the volcano, keeping an eye out for intruders. Grommit remarked that this place was “like the Undead Riviera.” Images of the dwarf dressed only in a speedo, avidly displaying his hairy body trampled through everyone’s mind’s eye. This revealed a side of Grommit that nobody had previously suspected, nor did they ask to know more.

Vixten saw many large menacing shapes deep in the water, so he ruled out scuba-diving as a way to pass the time. Instead the group sailed alongside the outermost guard boat capable of sailing up the river. Vixten stealthily snuck on board while Felonius claimed he was “Peledisus,” an envoy of Belendithus. The crew gladly gave up their boat to such esteemed servants of Her Dusky Badness.

Arvin guided the Shadow Ship to a remote location and went back to sleep. Apparently his Level 9 Utility Power is “Power Nap.” Everyone else of consequence sailed up the river, rowing in perfect unison to Vixten’s chanting and drum-beating. After long enough to take a brief rest, they beached the ship short of an army camp on the right side of the river. On this side of the river were a stockade full of prisoners (but no Marcus the Wanderer), some sort of large machine, and at least a dozen soldiers. 

On the other side were more soldiers and the path that lead up to the volcano. “Pelendisus” commandeered a boat and the party set off across the river. A soldier notified their captain who wasn’t very happy about the whole thing and shouted out “You Idiot! Intruders!” The alarm sounded and villains moved in to position to be killed.

The party landed up near the path and disembarked, prepared to fight. They were swarmed by many soldiers and two extremely un-handsome shadowborn lieutenants with glowing red eyes and worms in their teeth. 

Vixten called down a strike of flames and offed two mooks. Zanen charged one lieutenant and dealt him a heavy blow. But the lieutenant’s eyes shot out black necrotic energy and he healed himself. That’s cheating! Flurge slew three soldiers who were sneaking up behind the group on a boat on a river. Grommit (wait for it) charged and impaled one unhappy mook on his new helm. Felonious fired away and all of the bad guys rushed forward at the heroes.


*Bedbugs and Ballyhoo*
Across the river, the machine began making noises and a soldier climbed up inside it. The contraption chugged and clanked and fired a thick bolt of white lightning onto Grommit’s butt. A lieutenant stepped past Grommit, laughed, and was hit by two opportunistic attacks. The tiefling summoned a nasty bowling ball of coldness and scattered the clump of bad guys. Flurge’s fireball splattered one wormy lieutenant and Zanen slew the other, finishing off the split.

The elven cleric promptly paddled the boat back across the river and began breaking in to the contraption. Meanwhile the machine blasted Grommit’s other buttcheek, completing his much-needed microderm abrasion treatment. Vixten broke in, killed the soldier inside, and took his place. The Captain of the camp arrived and was immediately introduced to the tiefling’s bitterly cold (and shrunken) ball. He teleported and became insubstantial to escape. Flurge teleported near to the Captain and, exhibiting strange Lawful-Good behavior, told him “Surrender or my warlock friend will kill you!” Refer to the betting pool for the odds on the eladrin becoming a paladin.

Zanen sprinted over and sliced the distracted leader into two pieces. Vixten blasted one unlucky soldier into ashes before the battle was over. But that didn’t stop him. He turned and lobbed lightning bolts past the prison and slowly fried the last few prison guards—all the while cackling gleefully about his new toy.

Searching the camp area provided only a million bedbugs, some wormy dentures (given to the dwarf), and a single black pearl on the captain’s corpse. Questioning the prisoners revealed that the higher value prisoners were kept inside the volcano. Promising to free them when they returned, the party sauntered carefully up the path. 


*Never Stop*
In front of a cave mouth surrounded by higher ground, four soldiers halted the party’s advance. “Pelendisus” convinced them that he was supposed to interrogate an important prisoner named Marcus for Belendithus.

“You have the secret mark to get past the guardian, right?” One guard asked.

“Of course we do,” the tiefling lied. 

With that the group walked boldly forward two whole steps before they heard a horrible roar come from within the cave.

“You don’t have the mark! I can’t believe adventurers we’ve never seen before would lie to us!” the guards wailed and attacked.

Three skeletons wreathed in arcane fire appeared on the higher ground. Grommit immediately climb-charged two of them—nobody even knew that was possible. The soldiers milled about until they were dispatched by Felonius, Flurge and Zanen. At that point, a loud roar and a cloud of pungent stench emanated from the mouth of the cave as a large brutish zombie rushed forward and jumped into the ring. Vixten hung back at the ropes and retaliated with some holy hits. Zanen blazed with lunar glory, damaging one flaming skeleton and pulling it off the ramp to its final end. Zanen danced like a butterfly with his arms above his head, declaring “I am rrrrrrready to rrrrrrrumble!”

Felonius went toe to toe with the big zombie, trading blows until he was knocked down but still providing flanking for Zanen. Vixten had climbed the cliff and was lancing away at the flaming bone-bags alongside Grommit’s burning butt. Flurge teleported up the cliffside so he, too, could lie prone near an enemy to provide flanking. Resorting to repeated uses of Ray of Frost, Flurge finally hit the skeleton right between the eyeholes to destroy it.

The Deva and Tiefling’s tag-team technique eventually knocked El Zombo Grande down for the count. They moved to the cliff’s edge to help with the last blazing skeleton, but before they could climb, the big zombie arose from the (un)dead. It leapt up and roared the worst halitosis ever experienced. While it was preoccupied with posing, the good guys hit it with a folding chair and dropped it with a sense of finality.

Everyone gathered around the last remaining enemy, but Flurge’s Ray of Frost/Grommit’s hammer combo shattered it before everyone could gang up. Skeletor exploded in icy-flaming chunks that landed on Grommit and (finally) extinguished his burning ass. Grommit held the Championship Belt high above his head and danced a dwarfy little jig as the crowd went wild.

_--End Session_


Zanen vs. Blazing Skeleton: 49 points of radiant damage = 54 points, plus 2d10 for the fall = One Shot Kill.  A new party record!

Loot from This Session
A *black pearl *worth 500 gold pieces.

Experience Points
+5850 XP. New Total: 19,728.03
Level 10: 20,500.27


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