# Tickleberry's continuing adventures or "Killer Kobalds, from Where?"



## Tickleberry (May 5, 2002)

After saving Briniford, whether they liked being saved or not, we decided to go back to Hartsford.  Setting up camp one night, I noticed that the "natural impression" the fire was in was anything but. It was a giant's footprint. Naturally, I point this out to the rest of the party, and start looking around for what made it. I notice off in the distance a great glowing shape. I nominate the most capable to investigate: the dwarven maid we picked up.
      I have a personal policy to let the tougher individuals scout; they have a better chance of surviving any encounter long enough for the rest of us to show up in time to save them.  Ten minutes after she left, we started after her.
     When we arrived on the scene, things looked bad. She looked like she was about to be crushed under an oversized shoe, and then it looked like it was trying to grab her. I was about to cut loose an arrow at it when I finally made out what she was saying.
    "Iff'n ye be wantin' me t' help ye, yer gonna hafta hold still, ye big galoot." The big galoot in question was rather mismade; it looked like an oversized, underfed clown.
Billen, being so helpful, said "Oh, you want it free? How about this?"  He cuts it free, and the thing nearly falls on him. I knocked him out of the way (of course I make sure I'm out of the way, too). A stinking cloud envelopes us, along with a curious popping type sound. We see that the arms and legs are wooden, but there is definitely something moving, struggling, in the center of the mass.
I clamber up there, and start trying to cut it free. Glim, the gnome cleric, tries a command to make it calm down. It doesn't work, but it sure got still when I pointed out that I might cut it if it didn't.  There were four scars on its head, it had a clown nose, but under all that, it was the BARD! 
I might have hugged him too hard, if his blue face was any indication, and it took me a minute after that to notice the gag. Okay, I was over excited, but where else besides a ballad does a friend come back from the dead?
Once I let him tell his story, this is what we found out: The illithid was only partially successful in planeshifting the bard out of there; he landed in a cloud giants' nursery. They put him to work as a plaything. A band of adventurers freed him, and he wound up here with his oversized stilt shoe stuck. Now, he was back with us. Did I mention I was glad to see him? (No, not THAT kind of glad!)
We stopped at a little village along the way. Billen, always open to an opportunity, looked at the postings on the Tavern door. He had to ask the perennial old man about one of them. "Why are you offering a gold a head on kobolds?"
"N'un believe me, but, a few days ago, I seen kobolds fallin' outta that cloud over thar. Nun of'em  were hurt by it neither. N'un but me seen it, but they all seen that thar cloud hain't moved an inch since it got thar. Now, a day 'er so af'en I seen them kobolds fall, the Barnes, and their barn, disappeart.
N'nen, two of 'em walked inta town, purty as you pleased, n' tried t' set th' gen'ral store on fire. Purty surprised, too, when we kilt 'em. Hollered somthin' sounded like 'Kalamazoo'." He waved over toward the village gate. "Their heads 're over thar."
"If we undertake such a job, we'll need more than a gold a head." Billen always did try for more than the going rate.
"Ye'll haveta ask Mayor Folmar 'bout that."
"Where might I find him?" The old man waved toward the mayor's place.
Billen, with his usual panache, got us a twelve hundred fifty advance, with seven hundred fifty to be paid upon completion. Mayor Emory Folmar (player's note: Montgomery Al injoke) was a politician, and as such, gave Billen plenty of ammunition to use in monetary negotiations. I could learn a lot from him. With the consideration of ten percent of any loot, and the fact we would indubitably help his reputation  in time for re-election, we got a very good deal. Now to kill kobolds.
We literally found nothing at the Barnes' place. The house and barn were completely gone. There were no animals, and there were no tracks. However, we did find a pile of dirt at the nearby creek. Dirt like you'd find digging a well. There were wood chips we could see, and who knows what else. We found the barn and house. Probably found what had happen to the Barnes family. The lack of tracks were soon explained: they were being wiped away. We found part of a track that had been swept. It belonged to a kobold.  We decided to come back at night, and try to find the kobolds it belonged to.
This time, they make me scout. Well, I have plenty of cover, and it is dark. I am the quietest of the bunch, and hopefully no one will ever know I'm here. At the edge of the corn, I see three parties of kobolds. Each party has a giant weasel, and about ten kobolds apiece.
Using the corn for cover, we managed to wipe out two parties before they even knew we were there. Two almost got away. One I caught with an arrow, and Billen had his dog fetch the other. The lieutenants almost give you a fight, and a weasel bite hurts! Celwyn actually had the presence of mind to save one for questioning.
The other party had headed for town. We head for town as fast as we can. They aren't there. We find out what other farms are on the way to town, backtracking each one toward the Barnes' place. Nothing at the Hughes', or Waltons' place. We find the Ingals waiting for us with crossbows. They kindly point the way the survivors went.
It's in the woods, and there's some light to check for traps by, and I narrowly miss a snare. That's when I start using a long stick, and find a kobold with a crossbow. I jump out of the way, and find a nearby tree to climb.  What we have found are two fortified wooden pillboxes full of crossbow toting kobolds.
The dwarf jumps on top of one, and starts hacking her way in. Celwyn sets a flare off in one. Fire seems to be a good idea, since there isn't much to aim for through arrow slits. I light a fire arrow, and send it into the pillbox not being redesigned by a dwarf. I hear Celwyn cackle with glee. Then I see both boxes erupt with light. I do it again. He does his spell again. About this time, the dwarf gets through the top of hers. She descends to do some hacking of her own on kobolds. The other pillbox is blown open. Kobolds spill out for Billen, Glim, and Larry to play with. Suddenly, I see a party with two weasels descend on the fighters. The two weasels and the kobold leader aim for Billen. They miss him, and I explode one weasels head. Even with the influx, we are soon done.
The dwarf discovers tunnels in the pillbox, and enters following a kobold. The kobold turns and fires, and it does little damage to her. She kills it in one stroke. She journeys a little farther, and finds a trap the hard way. Thats when she decides to burn the tunnels clear. She empties about ten flasks of oil into the tunnel as she backs out. A kobold, uttering a shrill "kalamazoo!" lights off the oil before she completely clears. Half her hair and beard are gone. Glim heals her.
One breaks and runs for the hill. I stop him easily with an arrow. Once all targets are down, we go inspect the hill. There are nothing but traps on it. According to the dwarf, they have extensive tunnels, and the only entrance is through the pillboxes. Oh, joy.


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## jasper (May 7, 2002)

Darryl the sword speaks
Dudes check out my adventurers with this party. Look for the Adventures of Darryl the sword.

Dudes I go for chocolate brownies and look what happens.
Tickle beer got mostly right. The bard got tripped out by spaghetti face and landed a gig in rolling stones castles. Bummer dudes. The Stones kids must been a quiet riot. They dressed him up like a bozo clown from Mardi grade parades. Some adventurers let down their Hair and did a Jack in Beanstalk trick and released the bard from his contract.

We wandered into the small town. UBER Gramps starts laying down the story about flying airborne killer kobolds from kalamoo. This all when down a month ago. Then the Barnes (some noble family) and their barn disappeared. Then four kobolds try to due a voting drive in town. The locals get up in arms and lop off their heads off.

Dudes, Billen shakes down the man for some hard coin. And everyone goes to check out the Barnes place. Nothing man. Nothing man. No little house on the prairie, no barn, just a fence, and a field of corn. And a pile of dirt being wash away. Then Tickle chick finds a Kobold track.

The group hides out in corn. Night falls and suddenly. It was?.
The KOBOLDS OF THE CORN!
Billen starts having flashbacks about black pajamas and killer weed. Then the party starts?.
The group wipes out two or three dozen kobolds. And their weasel friends. Then they run back to town to stop an attack on it. The town was safe. They backtrack to the In galls to discover a dead dog and tracks back to the Barnes. They went up the hill. And the party started.
When they gain the hill the dwarf was smelling like hamburger and Tickle berry was mumbling about some heart break of hers.
The group took a captive back to town for questioning.
More later I going to go scope out the veggie pizza.


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## jasper (May 8, 2002)

*enemy contact report*

Enemy contact report 1313

Date Aug 25, 10017

Time Early Morning approx 30 after sun down.

Location Montgomery County Harvest base 1

Number of Enemy Reported: unknown
Magic users Reported: Unknown

Casualties Yes X No    Number 21 Plus 2 Weasels

Missing In Action  yes Number 1.

Description. Harvest squads 1 and 3 when on patrol and did not return. Further patrol discovered both squads were totally wiped out. Sgt Rock reports 21 dead, 2 weasel out of action, and 1 Mia. Names will follow. Early report indicates mixed group of normal, dogs, biggums, and horse.  Weapons were light crossbows, swords, and polearms. Bodies were recovered. Casualty Report follows.
End of Report

Enemy contact report 1314
Date Aug 25, 10017
Time Midnight
Location Montgomery County Harvest base 1

Number of Enemy Reported: 7  
Magic User Reported: 1 

Casualties Yes X No Number 31 Plus 2 Weasels

Missing in Action No

Description: Enemy unit made contact pass first perimeter. Crossbow Nest 1 and 2 lay down suppression fire while Squad 3 and 4 responded. Enemy flank both nests. Enemy to locate position crossbow nest 2 used fire arrows. Flame arrows were then flared to disrupt nests. Squads 3 and 4 attack and were wipe out to the man. Sgt Rock reported one biggum to be dwarf. Dwarf had entered nest and tunnel to be stop by first line defense. While the dwarf was attempting to oil down tunnel Corp Charlie was able to break flask held by dwarf and light off the oil causing dwarf to be injured. Award recommendation for Corp Charlie follows. Enemy unit gain top of hill and discovered false tunnel. Only Crossbow nest 1 and 2 tunnel has been discovered. Casualty Report follows. 

Enemy did take the heads of all killed in action.

End of Report

Harvest Base Mess hall menu Aug 25, 10017
Eggs
Corn
Weasel
Grubs
Water.



Message from the Desk of General Eye Howiser.
We have met the enemy and they are big. But their great size can be used against them. Fight on brave troops. For the Great Cluck and food. 



Message from Lt Needle mire.
To Harvest Base 1
The Emergency Magical Exit will be delivered today. Also Sergeants please remember to teach your map classes.


Message From Sgt Carter Harvest Base 1
to Scout Steal Supply Co
The unit needs are as follows:
Lumber 6 cords
Buckets 100
Picks and shovels 100
Grimtooth Traps Manual 1 (Note Pvt Pile ate the last one)


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## Tickleberry (May 9, 2002)

*What the hey?*

Great, and just what is all that supposed to mean?


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## jasper (May 10, 2002)

Note from Kobold squad 5 .  base. I think the normal call tickleberry have intercepted our transmissions.!.......


Just the kind kute kobolds in their smurf pjs take on what the blood thirsty invaders did.


Dm notes.
I had to cut my DMing time recently so the adventurers will be 1 or 2 shot thins.
I was watching the history channel when they did a show on the Tunnel rats and tunnels of Nam. When they showed a side view of a real complex  it just scream dungeon. 
Now the brave adventurers must clear out a kobold nest with the avg size being 4 by 4 high.


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## Tickleberry (Jul 1, 2002)

*The Nerve!*

 
The nerve! The cheek! The gall! If I weren't so outraged, I might be speechless!  Okay, Okay, so I need to slow down and actually tell you what happened. I'll try, but I make no promises. Here goes:

We mosied back up to that hill where we found the entry points before, and we found two (well, the bard and I did). One on the north side, and one on the south. Our fearless female dwarven fighter found singing in one, and stuck her face in for a look. She got tagged by an arrow. She was not very happy, at all. 
The bard chucked a flare spell down the hole, I chucked a flame arrow, and for good measure, Billen chucked some extra oil down the pipe. It hit, toasty kobold.
Now, being the sneaky scout type I am, they wanted me to investigate. There was only one problem with their plan: it was way too dark for my halfling eyes. I have no darkvision, and you can't very well sneak with a torch, now can you? I came back up, and calmly explained this to them. (Okay, so I ranted like a harpy, happy?)
The intrepid young dwarven paladin then volunteered, until he came to a shut door. He didn't like the idea of traps, and Glim was fresh out of trap detection spells (he didn't pray for any that day). My idea was for the dwarf to cover me, and I detect, since that is in my job description. Then Billen got crafty: nobody was going down.
His first idea was to plow the whole mess under, kinda like a farmer does rabbit warrens come planting time. We couldn't, because there were too many trees and roots. Then came the next idea: plug them with trees. Heh, heh, heh.
We collapsed both tunnels, hunted for any others we might have missed, and then plugged them up with the available trees. Heh, heh, heh.
We set up camp, and set watches. Somehow, and I am still trying to figure this one out, I am always paired with the burliest party member available. I pulled watch with the paladin.
Now here comes the part that reallly kicks my gears: That blasted little ghost shows back up. First, the paladin has to have a good laugh, I get accused of playing with his affections, and then the WORST.
I've had enough, so I wake the cleric to send the little spirit back on his way. OOOOOOOHHHHHHH the outrage. He decides to be a commedian and MARRY ME To that little ghost. Sheesh. The paladin is laughing his head off, and Glim ( the gnome cleric ) is having a ball. How, may you ask, can I be married without consent?
Well, when Glim got to that part, he says "Do you Tickleberry? Yeah, of course you do" fast as you please before I could deck him for his impertinence. Then, THEN, he pushes me into the little ghost so he can KISS ME! AARAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
The only good thing that came out of this is the little ghost disappeared. Hopefully for good. He left a ring; I gave it to the gnome. Turns out it was a ring of protection (+1 in game terms)
I had a nice, looong talk about his behavior. It seemed he was ready to sacrifice ME to the ghost for his own convenience. I simply told him I would remember, and respond in kind. 
Then a party really started: Forty kobolds decended on us next watch. Luckily, this time I was in my hammock, up a tree. I picked off what kobolds I could with my bow.
Billen and the dwarves were hacking them left and right (so was Larry) and the Kobolds were using Glim as a pell. Oh, they didn't hurt him, but his helmet rang for the rest of the next day (heh, heh, heh, heh).
Once we killed them, we beheaded them, and stuffed the bodies into what was left of the holes. Time to collect bounty on them. Celwyn (the bard) wanted to get some alchemist's fire. We used the bounty money to get some. I stayed behind to make fire arrows, and to take care of a little lesson in concern. (Okay, it was cheap shots at the paladin and cleric: I rubbed poison ivy all over their bed rolls and underwear.  Make fun of me? Marry me to a ghost? Well, maybe this will help them remember manners.)But I had plenty of fire arrows ready, too, in case of suspicion.
Our next concern was to follow the kobolds' tracks back to where ever they came from. Here is where I got a laugh on the rest of the party. Y'see, I always believed the old man's story about where the first insurgence came from: that motionless cloud. Billen wanted to know when the old man started dipping into the bottle. He thought the old man's story might have been mostly induced by drink. I maintained no story could be that farfetched, and the cloud too coincidental and weird NOT to be the answer.
Well, my point got proved the hard way.
We got to the landing point, and was ambushed. We got whacked hard. A fireball caught the dwarf girl and Celwyn, a backstabber jumped the paladin, and two snipers started taking potshots at the rest of us.
Well, then kobolds started dropping, about forty of them, and we had about a half minute before they'd land right on top of us.
Heh, heh, heh, they were going to land in a flaming nightmare, I was going to make sure of it. The landing sight was a field of flattened corn, nicely dried out. I poured some of my lantern oil on it, and set it ablaze with my tinderbox. Billen or Celwyn caught on, and did the same. Then we concentrated firepower on the mage, hovering in the air. We got her, but the snipers got the dwarf girl.
We'll be taking her back to Hartford to be seen about. I am not losing another party member if I can help it. I won't. I still miss Ember.


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## jasper (Jul 1, 2002)

Location Kalamazoo Listening Outpost  # 2
The following is transcript from the last transmission ?

Sgt Klarence Pepper  ? Tea a mot loves all the children. Yellow, green, red, black and white are pretty colors. Tea a mot loves all the children. Yellow, green, red, black and white are blessed colors. That is fact.  Hark what light appears at yon end of the tunnel! Bless my lonely heart; it is a bigger dwarf class. Suck crossbow bolt imperial capitalistic pig. Power to the kobolds. The small shall toss the big people down and bring them low. ?

Sounds of crossbow fire. Faint voices from evil adventurers group.

Sgt Klarence Pepper, ? Hey Colonel Custard there is an adventurer up there??

Sounds of spells going off.

Sgt Klarence Pepper,? Die biggums?. AAARGH!? 

At 0833 hrs on August 29,10017 listening post two went silent.

A platoon was dispatched from base camp.
End of report.


Enemy contact report 1320
Date Aug 29, 10017
Time 1205 hrs
Location Montgomery County Harvest base 1

Number of Enemy Reported: 7  
Magic User Reported: 1 

Casualties Yes X No      Number 40 KIA

Charlie platoon attack in force on top of hill. The whole unit was destroyed. Enemies defaced and beheaded all the bodies. 



Enemy contact report 1320
Date Aug 29, 10017
Time 1500 hrs
Location Montgomery County Harvest base 1


Number of Enemy reported 10

Casualties Yes No X

Enemy has employed native workers from Heft?s mansion. And plows from Ingall?s estate. Enemy has cut down trees from top of base. They used trees to plug tunnel exit one, two and three. Also found body parts of Charlie platoon buried in exits. 

Suggest attack in force.


Enemy contact report 1321 
FINAL FINAL FINAL  
Date Aug 30, 10,017

Captain Mempo and Colonel Patton Report.

Led by a glorious leader the Kline the Cool, we attack the enemy in coordinated attack. Delta platoon jumped as soon as enemy presented themselves under home base.  Capt Mempo and others attack the outer group of adventurers. Kline had hidden unit using fly, and invisibility spells. We attacked with surprise on our side. When the enemies resisted two fireballs, our leader order us to fall back and let the platoon take care of them. As we fly up toward home base, all the enemies targeted our leader.
	Kline died while within two hundred feet of home base. His fly spell failed at this time and he splattered all over the cornfield.
	The enemy destroyed delta platoon.
	Harvest base one was ordered to withdraw.  After all living members were safe on home base; we were able to recover magic welcome mat carpet.
	The locks were released on home base one. We hope to float to greener pastures and recruiter new spell casters. 
	The great cluck continues to produce magic feathers. 
End of report.


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## Tickleberry (Jul 5, 2002)

*What the Cluck?*


What gives with this cluck business, I want to know? Really, I mean, are we doing Jack and the beanstalk here?
 Oh well, only time and hobbit curiosity will tell. I got some great news today, though: cousin Bolo is back!
I found a posting at a local tavern, about some storytelling game of his, and I caught up with him. 
Boy, he's grown some since last I saw him. We played adventurers when we were little, and now we are. We'll be keeping in touch, and I may pass along a snippet or two as we go. (If things slow down again, especially). It's so great, two halflings means quadruple the fun! (Especially Brandybucks)


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## jasper (Jul 9, 2002)

*the dm speaks*

The great cluck is magic rooster, which grows a feather of feather fall each day. Which explains the airborne kobolds from the sky. Bonus to the reader who remembers the article from dragon which I stole this idea.
The plugging the tunnels with trees was my npc idea. Two of my players refuse to play tunnel rats. They kept trying to come up with ideas and I kept shooting them down. Of course I thought someone would bring a spell caster in and cast a dig spell and flood the tunnels.


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## Tickleberry (Jul 10, 2002)

*The Player Speaks*


Ha! What Spellcaster? We don't have one, but I'll let Celwyn address that idea. Plugging the tunnels had already been brought up, I don't exactly remember who, but remembering a certain dm's reaction, I don't think it was his. ( "I didn't expect this" ring a bell, Jasper ?)
 Anyway, with three characters who have dark vision too big to navigate the tunnels, and the sneaky one without darkvision, it would have been suicide to go in.  So we found a way around it: collapsing and plugging. We have two main strategists in the party, Rami (who plays Billen), and Butch ( who plays Celwyn). Joe only thinks he's a strategist (he's the dwarven paladin). However, to give the boy his due, he does come up with good ideas once in a while. Right now, the only npc is Larry, and we keep forgetting about him.


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## Tickleberry (Aug 13, 2002)

*Back in Business*

We have made it to Hartford, put up at Happy Hobbit, and have BOTH members back! Ember and Mender are now comparing notes. I don't know if both or either will be staying with us. Being brought back from the dead is a bit life changing. During this time, Red has come back. He helped us out before at EmpteyKeg. We talked, and he decided to journey with us a while.
The gnome, seeing that his actions were less than appreciated, decided to move on to greener pastures. Billen, however, and continued in the torture business. I'll deal with him in my own time, and in my own fashion. I don't know about the gnome, but the dwarf found the itchy rash most uncomfortable, riding in the sun, in armor. It may have colored his decision.

Upon hearing several interesting rumors regarding thieves turning up with missing left hands, dead town counselmen, and other ondits, I decided it was time to make use of the less savory side of my occupation. It was time to make contact.

A young, very obvious runner, slips me a scroll, telling me to show up at this particularly rough dwarven bar. I show, and am approached by an obviously disguised gentleman. I'll be watching to see who he really is. He calls himself Tucker. In his line of work, even a birth name becomes just another alias after a while.

Now get this: in the middle of our conversation, I am asked about a necromancer halfling. He can't remember the name. A ghost had showed up here calling this name he can't remember. Billen takes this moment to make his move. "Tickleberry! There you are! 
Why don't you introduce me to your friend?"
Another idiot, who goes by Ibn, shoves in. "You mean YOU'RE the 
famous widow Tickleberry?!" Now, I'll make allowances for a newbie, especially one as deficient as he must be, but REALLY! The help was unappreciated. It also scared off the contact.

Another scroll is delivered by another obvious runner. Huh, the guild must really be on hard times. It's to take place at this very fancy, very expensive restaurant. Hey, I'm always up for a free meal. Besides, I make Ibn pay for some of the rigging. He scotched the first, he pays for the second. He is also going to play coachman. Red kindly pays for the rest of the rigging.

Okay, imagine a pretty young halfling girl, not out of her thirties yet, curly red hair, bright green eyes, and dressed to kill. I make quite a vision, when I clean up.

We have a rented rig, not as grand as one's own, but it will do. Ibn is slow getting down to let us out. Billen, very impressive in his role as body guard, hands me down properly. The majordomo does his best to impress (his snobbery, anyway). I do a credible snob when need be.

"Tickleberry Brandybuck, I do believe I'm expected?"

"This way, M'dame." I'm shown to a fairly impressive table, close to the fire, and bards, who are particularly familiar, but I don't dare show it. It would give me away, and it would give them away, which wouldn't be good.

"M'dame care for wine, while she waits?"

"Hmm, your best, day wine, if you please."

"Of course M'dame."

Their wine ain't bad, not bad a'tall. However, I will pay for it, I'm sure.

After keeping me waiting entirely too long, Tucker shows.  He now believes me to be a necromancer on top of everything else. I am to buy my way in. I'm to produce two rings of invisibility, or a carpet of flying, expansion into the mining town, or kill off my hostess. Like I'd get rid of her! It seems by staying there, my reputation has also garnered some awe, like how I managed it in the first place. Like I'd tell them (like I knew there was anything to it? Hmmm.). At first he gave me the impression I was to turn up with all of them. Ha! It would be easier to take out the guild all together. Then he explains that, if I want in, I 'd produce one of the things asked. That's a little more reasonable.

Now, during all this double talk (No, really, my reputation is much exaggerated, I murmur), the bards (Red and Celwyn), decide to try and fascinate one of the patrons into tipping generously. They do this, because they are being shook down (so much to house, so much to the majordomo, etc). A butler is asked to call Celwyn over, Celwyn notices this guy has THREE wands in his belt. He is gently advised he'd better stick to normal fare, and leave the magic to the mages. Duly chastised, Celwyn takes the gold, pays off the others, and goes back to normal music.

While he's talking to his gentle advisor, a pretty maid slips a scroll to Red. He has a date after the meeting with her. She fills him in on the contradicting policies around this guild affair.

What to do, what to do?


Player aside, this game has been on hiatus for a long time, and we may be going to an every other week scenario. I'm hoping for a lightening strike, and a weekly meeting. Hey, miracles happen.


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## jasper (Aug 13, 2002)

*tucker speaks*

Greetings fellow tavern members.
I have heard rumors for a couple months about a freelancer staying at the Happy Hobbit. A nice looking piece of Halfling flesh called Tickle berry. However due to being in mourning for the head of our home shopping club Harry of Underhill, I did not check it out.  So I ask one of the junior members to drop her an invitation.

The situation has been going down hill since the first of August. The town guards have been cashing in and refunding the memberships of some of the junior and younger members of our club. Now my contacts with the town guard lead me to believe this is a high level conspiracy. 

First let me describe Hartsford. It is a small town with a population of just over 6000. Most of people are humans with us halflings making up about twenty percent of population.  The town has five districts. High town, which is up on hilly side of town. Templeton is the center where most of major temples are. Also it is the only district with walls. It was the original part of town but we out grew it. However it does make a good fall back position during bad times. The west side of town is called dockside. The east side of town is Sunset. This where most people live and it is the most scattered. And the rest of town is called Half Town. Half town covers most of the south side from the river till it merges with Sunset. Just outside of town are the temples of Obad-Hai and Ehlonna.

The mayor and nine other council members run the town. I know the mayor is chosen from the council but I don’t follow the coming and goings of the council so how it runs I don’t know.

Most of the judging is done by Judge Rory Bean hill. He is not much of problem to our shopping club. But occasionally when Cleo of Beerhouse is sitting in, some of our members have been treated to a vacation. Uppity innkeeper clerics are a bother.

I generally meet new prospective members at the Drunken Dwarf. Most of guys know me since I tip generously. And the town guards know it is a rough place so they don’t crash the brawls too frequently.  Most of the regulars keep to the regular punch up but will scream for the guards if swords come out. I arrive on time. Tickle berry and one of her friends are sitting at table. I slide up and start talking about the benefits of joining the home discount shopping club. When one of her bodyguards drops into the conversation and let drops she was the necromancer who cursed that poor teenager Charlie. Turn him into a ghost. Right away I am nervous. I notice the bard she hangs out with is across the way providing entertainment. Also I know he will provide fair witness if a punch starts. 
Just as I about to continue about the advantages to the shopping club, another minion drops into the conversation. I was forced to break off the meeting and reschedule. 
Hey being out numbered is not my thing plus the fact she is practicing the dark arts.
So I leave and check her out.

Since the four or five months of her first arrival in town, a magic sword was chasing her. She and her band were responsible for cleaning out the forge of fury taking out a huge black dragon in the process. 
A really weird magic rapier with the soul of a person named Darryl has seen with her companion who goes by the name of Floppy. Who heard of an elf with ears whose points are half feet above his head? Must have been one of her early experiments.
Her group has killed George of Beer House a cleric who was toasted at the forge. 
Ralph the Rotten of Beer House a former member of the shopping club according to the rolls. 
Larry who owns a fighting school took his trainees with her to Briniford. Only Larry returned with her.
Now most people would say these were accidents but I don’t know. That ghost had people shook up. And her bard was carrying a moldy thumb around his neck to recently.

The Beer House family has been in the inn business for over a hundred years. Steward a retired paladin is the current owner and he married Cleo. Now he owns 3 inns, one in Empty keg, one in Briniford and the one in town. The good thing about Steward is he dislikes tall folk. Only the first four tables in the inn are set up for dwarves, elves and humans. The bad thing is will detect evil on his customers in a heartbeat. When he starts sniffing through that huge nose of his he smelling out evil. Most of time he just asks the patron to leave. However some not so nice folk have been given the long vacation. So I generally stay away.

The next morning I send a junior member with invitation to meet for coffee at Macy’s the second most expensive restaurant inn in town. I thought this at least eliminate some of her force. I arrive on time and find a good look out place. 

She has arrived in rented coach. I nearly missed the dwarf minion but he was slow getting down and opening the door. He drives around back and I wait. After about twenty minutes I present my self to the door and shown the table. She wearing brand new clothes and so is her bodyguard. I glad Macy’s restricts the number of protectors one can bring in. I start discussing the various services and signs of good neighbors. 

That when I notice the bard and his light finger flutiest.  I know Macy’s hire spot entertainers occasionally but I amazed she was able to move so quickly. I also know the poor smucks are going lose sixty to seventy percent of the tips to house. 

We talk the buying in options.
A ring or two of invisibility.
A carpet of flying.
Checking out the new mining town for expansion purposes.

And finally to see if she reacts, I dropped that Cleo of Beerhouse were to have an accident; the home shopping club would breath a little easier. She agrees to think on. 

I leave her and retreat. Yes I know I left her to pay the bill but if she can outfit her minions well enough to get into Macy’s in under twenty four hours, she can afford it.


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## Argent Silvermage (Sep 18, 2002)

Hey People! Where's the story hour?


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## jasper (Sep 18, 2002)

YOU MAY CALL ME MR. FRED!

You delicious lunch able you.

Tickle burr Hair foot mention me a few posts ago. Her and her busy bodies muscled in on my nice harmless startup business venture.  I just want to open a nice gourmet chain of restaurants, which would serve elves, dwarfs, halflings, humans and even gnomes for a night of fine dining.

But Killwind, Tickle foot, and gang decide to crash and destroy my hard earned company. After destroying my business associates and burning down a temple or two, they attack me in my friend’s home randomly killing some of servants. After a quick and legal defense Killwind and me stepped out for a business lunch.
He blew me off and went elsewhere.

Now here I on Abyss with no one to talk to and my hopes of being a worldwide restaurateur have been dashed. But I did learn some things. One people hate just because you are different. Second brainpower is great but not much help when you are being mugged. So I took some classes and learn how to use a rapier and scratch that spell-casting itch I had.

I then tried to make contact with Kill wind, the nerve of that boy attack me again for no reason. But he nearly peed in his pants when I whipped out my rapier and was beating him on points before he broke the connection. The next night I tried contacting Tickle wolf, she hung up on me. The nerve they destroyed my business and wouldn’t return my calls. 

The final straw was last night when talking with Kill wind, the boy summons a gold dragon who wants to turn me into toe jam. The nerve. Well no more Mr. Nice Guy. The kids gloves are off and this means war!


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## jasper (Oct 1, 2002)

*spooky voice*

Spooky voice speaks.

I was sleeping peacefully until I hear these noises. Adventurers! Again! I giggle as the halfling tells the human plate guy to look out. Crash! Bang! Clatter! Fighter falls into the trap. I also hear some choking in the background. They found the dust of sneezing. Ha! Ha! Goldie would be please. 
Just after they haul the fighter out of the pit, the gremlins attack. Stupid gremlins. The party takes out two in seconds. The other two beat feet and slide across the chasm. The fighter and halfling run smack dab into the fishhook trap as they give chase. Boy does the halfling have a mouth on her.

The party wizard reminds them they have a few minutes left on his fly spell. So they anchor two ropes and fly across paying out rope as the go. Then they start hammering at the walls and blocking the gremlins spider trap and one of my side tunnels. Goldie is not going to be happy with their redecorating.  They get to the door with its riddle. And halfling starts humming to herself and feeling up and down the wall. Oh, she’s a thief. Goldie will deal with her. She spends a half hour or so on the door before the bard “Cut Wind” announces he has solved the clue and dials in the code. The door opens.

The party freaks when Rusty and Rosy come out to play. The fighter panics and flees the dungeon. Almost! He forgot one small thing. The chasm. One small step for man. One giant splash for mankind. Ha! Ha! Ha! He belly flops into the water at the bottom of the chasm. Tickle berry tumbles pass Rusty and Rosy. Then starts plugging them with her bow. One of spell casters casts levitate on both of them and the party starts playing baseball with Goldie’s monsters. Well they hack the poor creatures up. The good thing I don’t have to feed them any more. The bad thing Goldie is going to make them pay for the damages.

I look down at the water and notice the bubbles are fewer. Well the party remembers the splash and comes to investigate. They are starting to climb down when the fighter bobs up to surface with one sword between his teeth. And he is screaming about his plate armour being at the bottom of lake. I wonder if he will scream when the creature at the bottom of lake comes up to introduce himself.  

You know he screams very well. Now at the top of chasm we have a mixture of hobbits, elves and half elf. At the bottom we have nearly nakkin fighter who can’t see because it dark down there. And the halflings torches don’t reach enough to be able see. I think Cut Wind suggests dropping the bodies of Rosy and Rusty down on top of the fighter and creature. The fighter vetoes this most adamantly! He gets lucky and kills the creature. There goes play time, now I have no one to throw rocks at. The priest casts a spell and retrieves the plate armour.

The party continues to the trapped hallway. Show time. I disguise my voice and tell them rules. Most of party trips a couple of traps before making across. They wait to recover. Then hop skip and jump the stairs missing all the nice traps. Rats. I must tell Goldie to upgrade. 

The halfling jumps out of her skin when the door speaks to her. She flubs the password and its Kill win to the rescue. They get into the first grand hall and halfling starts drooling over the treasure in the mirror. They did not fall for the three traps and activate the mirror.

As they get into the treasure room the mage, naked priest, and wet fighter rush to the spell books. Kill win is shuffling through the knee-deep treasure pile and drooling. Goldie’s last surprise is activated. Pshaw! They took out with no damage. I’m going have to talk to the old girl when I see her next.  They loot the treasure room.

Since they have won the treasure and Goldie still hasn’t returned. I guess I will leave her a note. Then follow this party. They have to be more interesting than the gremlins. And I wanted to check out the noises from the valley.


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## jasper (Oct 1, 2002)

*dm notes*

Well it is Sept 7, 10,017. The party is in Goldie's valley. So are a couple of hundred miners. It appears that gold was discover here and it turning into a boon town.
The party arrive with convoy of a super secret wagon, a bunch of dancer hall girls, and lots of supplies. All the miners are afraid of the cliffside with the dungeon.

I hope the players will place their notes here soon.

Mr. Fred did not put in appearance during the night.  But he still out there.

More after the next game.


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## Tickleberry (Oct 4, 2002)

*Once again connected to the great net.*


        Well, now that the magic is back, I can let everyone know what's what. Yee haaaa! Mr. Fred annoyed us for a couple of nights, that's true. Annoyed us bad enough to make the bard's puncture wounds bleed. Luckily, we now have a REAL wizard. A post hypnotic suggestion cleared Mr. Fred out quick enough. 

         On the way down, there were some closely guarded wagons. A little judicious snooping (so judicious that we didn't get clobbered) turned up tantalizing clues. The dancing girls, if you can believe it, were in the most heavily guarded. Some type of giants were in the others. I suspected dancing girls on the way down, but it wasn't born out until they were dropped off.  The giants? Ummm, remember, wizard I ain't, and I think it would take Elminster to solve that particular knot.

        We set up outside the boom town. They thought entirely too much of their little town by the prices they were charging. We set up in the part of the valley that still had some trees in it. Turns out we were camping on Goldie's doorstep. 
Strange things kept happening to people who entered her cave.
Stories abound of naked adventurers who didn't know what had happened to put them there. The last memory is consistently  that of them entering. Of course we had to investigate.   

        Well, we entered, and the burly fighter found the first trap. We laughed at him, and then pulled him out. I started checking traps fairly often, though. Gremlins are much sneakier than you might expect.  Unfortunately, I had a big burly fighter to deal with. He would not stay back. Thanks to him, I got a face full of fish hooks. Darned Fighter. If he didn't make such a handy shield, I 'd kick him in the shins. I might anyway.

         We finally got past all the gremlins' folderol, and found, RUST MONSTERS. They sent Burly flying. Literally. Then he remembered he didn't have wings. As the mouthy python's saying goes "Notice how he doesn't fly so much as plummet."

          Right, gotta kill the monsters, and then fish him out (if there is anything to fish out). I decide to tumble right on through them, and shoot them full of holes from behind. Worked beautifully right up to the mage batting them back at me. As long as the things stayed levitated, I was alright. Heaven help my short self (2'9") if they fell.

           We peeked over the edge of the chasm we crossed, and saw naked fighter floating, with company. I'm not sure what that thing was, but Burly took care of it, and then we had to take care of him. Whatever it was chewed him up to a fair thee well.

            The Bard was a pure blessing on this trip. A couple of the riddle solvings were all his doing. However, *I* solved the first one. Quite simple really, especially since I use a bow.  Clues to finding the word draw and ward were used as a riddle. Then there were these dials with letters on them. Turn the dials, spell the word. Door opens, rust monsters come out.  Kill rust monsters, and continue through their room.

    The strangest trap I ever encountered happened next. I still don't know how it was set up. Paralysis spells that reset, and to avoid them, a voice tells you how many are near the spot you occupy. (player note: minesweeper as a trap! EEEEEEK!) What a bunch of help. The priest called in a couple of ethereal badgers to help, they fried right off. Fried so badly, they left.   so the priest, bard, and fighter decided to play hopscotch with a vengeance. At one point I had to help search them out. I was verrry lucky. I was also smart.  Before I let anyone play, I handed out chalk to mark the safe path, and before I offered myself up as a guinea pig, I fished the frozen ones out. I think the only one to survive unscathed was the wizard. I don't think he played.    

  The next two were a little trickier. There were the stairs, with a riddle on them. The bard solved it so quick my head spun. Then there was the door to the magic chamber. Pa's gauntlet, Pa's shield, and Pa's sword. Riiiight. Bard knew that the sword's name had to be the clue. However. My sneaky little hobbit brain figured that is wasn't lets laughter, but let slaughter. *I * did that. Okay, get into the room

A mirror with two skeletal stone statues. HHMMMMMMMMM, can we say, TRAPPED? So, search for others, besides the obvious. Riiiight. Approach, look in mirror, and see gold and jewels. (Player's note: I try to play my halfling thieves as adventuresome, not greedy. DM disagrees, or maybe there was supposed to be soooo much, it even affects those not in it strictly for the treasure. Anyway, I failed my save, so it had to be explained SOMEHOW) lots of gold and jewels. So many, I'm nearly drowning in them. I'm not really, but in the mirror...... Oh well, what's that inscription? T I R I A I N I S I P I O I R I T I U I S
Oh, transport us. Only way left to go is through, so we gather, and go.
There's the Gold! Wow, why is it moving? Uh oh. It is a golem, but the Bard has to check. It swipes at him, even as he speaks to it. Time to kill it. I leap up behind its head, but that does no good, no soft spot. The mage yells "Move" so I move, and one lightening bolt later, we're gathering pennies from heaven, and silver, and gold.


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## Dungannon (Oct 15, 2002)

Interesting story so far.  When can we expect the next installment?  Side note, I like the fact that you have certain situations told by multiple points of view (player on one post, DM on another).  It was confusing, especially at first, but once I got used to it I started to enjoy the contrast.


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## jasper (Oct 15, 2002)

*DM speaking*

real life kill Friday's game and next weekend is my anniveresy so if I game I will be posting as a spirit.
So Either after Oct 25 or first of November.
I am trying to get the other players to post their characters POV.
For a sum up of enemies
Mr. Fred. A mind flayer from speaker in the dreams module who has been modified. 
The Killer Kobolds. However they lost their leader and mage. 

Neutral
Thieves Guild of Hartsford. 
Spooky (I ain't telling)
Thieves Guild of Brinford


Allies 
The beerhause halflings. Just the parents since their kids had died adventuring with party.
Town of Brinford since the party save the town.


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## jasper (Nov 25, 2002)

*spook speaks*

the following takes place between Sept 19, 10,017 and Sept 24, 10,017 in not so real time.


Well, I was following the party that just raided Goldie’s Lair. Now the old girl has not been around for twenty years so it has been boring keep people out. Kill win and Tickle berry start breaking down the camp. Ackmed keeps a watch out and notices a Paladin walking up. How do I know he Paladin? He does not have mud all over his pearly whites.

Bucky the Wonder Paladin is amazed that Goldie is a dragon. By Thor he was sore, that his superiors did NOT tell this. His quest is to find out what happen to the old girl. I wish she reported in. Or least send a Christmas card. Or remember my birthday.

Camp is broke and paladin is not happy about attending the annual biweekly fights. The party settles down on the front row. To our left is Garfield, Garflan Mac Duff, and a dwarf who thinks soap is for dopes. To our right. Oh oh ah laa that man looks fine! Joe a simple fighter with the most gorgeous eyes and a cute butt. 

The fight starts and Garflan choose the curtain. Out comes a local hero, who is a dwarf, and they start trading axe blows. Garflan wins his match.

Pride goes before a fall. Bucky the Wonder Paladin decides he will go next. Bucky should have wondered why they waived the burial fee when he chose the box. He later commented he did not have a choice. The choices were the box and the curtain. He did not let the announcer even get to the second choice. Bets were laid against. Oh the rule for fights was begining and stop at the gong. In case of the box once the fight began last thing standing. NOTE THE HOST SAID LAST THING. Thor’s paladins are awfully slow. They bring more crossbow men down to the first rows. Some mages and clerics also move down. And what was in the box?

A Minotaur!

Bucky is knocked across the arena in the first charge. He wasn’t killed; he must of eaten his Purple Paladin Prune Crunchies that morning. A lot of mayhem happens and just as Bucky is about to become Minotaur Mush. Bucky sinks up to his chin in the mud. The Minotaur misses him does a bootleggers turn off one of poles and starts his charge again. The Minotaur also disappears into the muck of the arena. Then the north side stands disappear. Then the east side stands starts sinking. The party, Joe, and the dwarf team up immediately and save the wonder boy. They escape as No Name City sinks into the mud and most falls in the little stream in the valley.

So a mass exodus is heading for Hartsford. On the way to Hartsford, Tickle berry starts making eyes at Joe. So I leave her a couple of presents. 

Speaking of presents one night during her watch, she gets smack with a one-inch ruby carved like the Maltese Falcon. It has the initials “GT” and note I could not read!

We arrive at Hartsford and all pile into one room. Tickle berry has business with the local mob.  I don’t know how it went down. But last night I found out that Joe’s has nice lips.


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## jasper (Nov 25, 2002)

*spooky speaks again*

Oh almost forgot. The devil made me do it. I found a small branding iron on the way out of valley. So I brand Ackmed on the forehead. His face could use some character.


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## jasper (Nov 25, 2002)

*mr. fred speaks*

BY THE TENTACLES ON MY CHINY CHINY CHIN! BY THE GREAT BRAIN TRUST! BY THE EMPTY BRAIN PAN!

I will kill Kill win!
I will kill Tickle berry!
I will kill the mage that is helping them Ackmed is dead!
I will kill the horses!
I will kill the dogs!
I will kill the eater of Purple Paladin Prune Crunchies!

I contact them for a nice evening chat what to they do.
Shrink and stomp me in the head.
Ackmed throws a fireball into my bowels.
Then I slice and diced.
Then they make vanish in a puff of smoke.
They getting good as this astral plane dreaming.
They are very rude!

But I know they going or are in Hartsford. 
I am buying a plane ticket!
And planning on paying them a little visit.

Does anyone out there want to join me?


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## Tickleberry (Dec 3, 2002)

*Here we go again.*

 
Well, we made good in Goldie's lair, and decided to check out No Name City. Our company must have a REAL open door policy, because there are VERY few of us originals left.
Celwyn and I are the last two standing. We now have two paladins, Garfield (?) and Bucky, of all things. Buck was sent to check on Goldie. Imagine his surprise to find out she was a Dragon. Hee hee. Joe joined us simply because SOMEONE had to keep an eye on that wandering wonder blunder. Then there is Achmed the mage. He is still relatively new, but hey, I did pray for a mage. Praise Brandobaris.
On the way in, that annoying mindflayer payed us a visit. Unfortunatley, from one of us he gets a lead into one of the newbies. He gives our position away. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Then I get beaned by a ruby falcon while taking my watch in the tree. The next day, I find what looks like cat leavings in my sealed pack. (Player's note: an unseen force was moving in my bag, and another player finds it, and shuts it in with my stuff.) The next night I find poison ivy in my covers. Sheesh, what gives? Besides  the annoyances, we make it to NoName with no incidents.
Showing just how (ahem) sophisticated this burg is, they were having the Annual Monthly fights. Very few rules involved here, simply last man standing (and I use that term LOOSELY).
Garfield, the dwarven paladin, steps up to fight. He trades axe blows with his opponent from behind the curtain. It looks to me like  a very close thing. I try to pass him a cure before he gets himself killed. 
Suddenly, a lot of crossbow bolts are aimed at me. I decide to simply sit back and pray, a LOT.
Bucky, seeing Garfield win, decides to try his luck with the box. Oh joy, it's a minotaur. He whines that he didn't have a choice. Ha! Bucky the wonder blunder didn't even wait for the announcer to finish. Sheesh. Before he steps out there, I arm him with the magic sword from the hoard. 
Luckily, Celwyn had gotten in his bet before the odds dropped against him. Following his lead, the rest of the party take bets, too.
Bucky, by prayers and good fortune, drops the minotaur. It is just a momentary respite, though. As the minotaur charges, the ground drops out from under them.
Literally.
We do get a rope around Bucky, and Achmed has some fly spells and levitates handy. By winching him out we get everyone up and away, and back to Hartford.
Celwyn chuckling madly all the way back over the amount of money he made on those two fights.


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## jasper (Dec 30, 2002)

*spooky speaks*

pardon the little brown piles. 
I knew some adventurers have enemies but 
MR. FRED IS A MIND FLAYER!!!
Lucky I went on Tickleberry's pillow.


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## jasper (Dec 30, 2002)

*Mr. Fred Speaks*

I took a long autumn nap last night. Paid Killwin and his friends a little visit. Umm UMM Good!
Hartsford Hallway Halfling brains! I can’t believe it. Her friend, Ember answers the door. After a brief struggle, Tickleberry fell for my trap. She tumbled passed me to back stab me. Silly Halfling! I let Ember slam the door on me. Then I had a small snack in the hallway. SLURP! UMM UMM GOOD. About halfway through my snack, Ember, Killwin, and the rest fling open the door. I nearly eat the new chick Ember but she breaks my grip.  Just as I about to dine again, I wake up. 
Rats. Just when the dream was getting good. 
One down! And a handful of others to go! Who said I’M a dream to some and nightmare to others? Well the nightmare in Hartsford HappyHalfling begins!


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## jasper (Dec 30, 2002)

*Tucker speaks*

Well the great Necromancer Tickleberry has not bought in to our shopping club. But after I heard she destroyed No Name City (someone must have pinched her cute bottom), I decide to invite her down the clubhouse. She brings at least one ally. I was amazed at the zombie walking through the tunnel. And the fact Tickleberry did not use it as a trap finder. It was a great disguise until the zombie reacted to the door closing behind it. No zombie I know moves that quickly and is capable of independent thought. Also my back up team reported at least one extra set of footfalls. Sneaky! I like that.

I ask her to remove a certain moneychanger who has been given my home shopping club problems. She said she look into it. Bye bye Mr. Lilybo.


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## Tickleberry (Jan 8, 2003)

That squid faced horror is going down hard! The nerve! The gall! The sheer cheek of it all! I'll explain later, right now I'm having a rant. The smelly sewer sucking shagfaced two ton tentacled turkey.

Okay, now I feel a little better. Maybe I should bring you all up to speed.

Our little adventure began again with an interesting, and cryptic, note from the thieve's guild. We had Ember back (they don't know that , yet). So we dressed her as a zombie. She loved it. She was going in visible, while others were going invisible. 

Finding secret doors, checking for traps, and threading dangerous mazes to get to the meeting place was quite fun. Luckily I like to show off. Heh. 

Okay, so the maze took a little time to get through. It was dark, and my only light is that of my torch. Get over it.

Once there, they asked me to bump off a moneychanger Lilybo. Being my usual suave self, i promised only to "See what I can do." Nice out, huh?

Even if moneychangers are scumsucking backstabbing fungal blights on all creation, not all are. I had to give him a chance, right?

Of course.

We received a new cleric with the party. Unfortunately, he has a small hearing problem. I asked him to detect evil, and then maybe a truth spell. Nooo, he had to cast the truth spell first. Zone of truth, to be exact. This means I have to enter it if I want to know anything. lovely, isn't it?

So in I go. Trying to be facile as possible. The guy knows something is up, and is very hostile. Unfortunately, I'm not as facile as I'd like to be. I flub it, and he threatens me. 

I don't take kindly to that. I'm all for doing him in. Make room for an honest one. He'd already admitted to trying to cheat people, the WRONG people (not very smart, either, is he?).

Then my host (whom i forgot could do this) told me he was neither good, nor bad, just greedy. Great, blow my cover to find something I didn't even have to look for.

That night, my luck got even worse. Fred came calling, in person.
I was stuck near the door, the only way to get out of the fighter's way was to go on out. Fred caught me. I tried to wriggle free, and the lights went out.

I woke in the healer's chambers with four small holes in my head. That thing is going down bigtime. As if there weren't enough jokes already at my expense, i have to listen to "hole in the head" jokes, too.


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## jasper (Jan 14, 2003)

*Lilybo the moneychanger*

You know adventurers are such a bother. The dread necromancer Tickleberry and some of her minions dropped into my moneychanger’s shop today. Mr. Bill a pimply priest WALKS IN CASTING A SPELL. Just as my guards about to show him the error of his ways, Achmed a mage or so my sources tells me, grabs him by the collar and drags him out.
	Then Tickleberry starts asking me for information. And I discover I can not lie! Later found out from one of my friends that Mr. Bill cast Zone of Truth. But had a good laugh on Tickleberry because she caught in the spell too. We discuss various things and she spills the beans that Tucker has a hit out on me. Which is pretty strange considering Tucker was in the back room. Hmm. Sounds like Bilbo, Samwise, Frodo, and his Bagger chumps are going for hard core take over of the business. Looks like a corporate buyout is going down soon. 
	Also must plan of teaching Mr. Bill a lesson in manners.


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## jasper (Jan 27, 2003)

*Lilybo speaks*

My young helpers have just reported to me that Mr. Bill is over at the Crazy Cleric flirting and tying one on.  Since the Crazy Cleric is nice tavern inn and only a block away I think I go pay him a visit and break some fingers.

Hum some one is up ahead. That’s no right.

Ack!


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## jasper (Jan 27, 2003)

*Spooky the psuedo dragon speaks*

Well Cleo of Beirhouse was highly upset about the bison and mind flayer in the second floor hallway.  She raised and regenerated Tickle berry’s brain. Which is good because I was having difficulty deciding on who to start playing jokes on next.

Ms Cleo and her most of her temple came in and told everyone to get lost they were going to Hallow the Happy Hobbit and keep Mr. Fred out.  They were done before nightfall. Killwin went out and discovered that Lilybo the moneychanger had lock up and left town on business. The watch had been notified so they would circle the building on their patrol.  The gang decides that Killwin would go to Crazy Cleric and get a riot started. This would give Tickleberry a chance to break in and scout. I secretly follow her. And played one well two small… All right three practical jokes on her. 

Well she got arrested and I had to show myself to the group. Tickleberry got arrested. This turn out to be a practical joke gone badly. 

You see with all that went down, I was able to save Ms. Cleo but Tickleberry DIED!


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## jasper (Jan 27, 2003)

*Mr. Fred speaks*

Hum. It appears that Killwin and his group is a little bit more powerful than I thought. I think I will fall back and make some plans.


DM NOTE.
Got some feedback from the group they hate Mr. Fred and want him dead. But they are tired of him popping in and out every game. So Mr. Fred will be taking a vacation till at least most of them hit tenth level.


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## jasper (Jan 27, 2003)

*Leonard was Tucker*

Well with what happen I guess I need to make some things clear and confess.
First my name is Leonard but you know me as Tucker since with a little makeup I can pass for them, hey it helps. I am part of the Bagger gang of the Thieves Guild in Hartsford. Now the old fart of a leader Harry of Underhill did die of old age. None of Mr. Bilbo Bagger gang killed him and the Light fingers would not. Hey Lilybo was Harry’s lieutenant.
So last night we had a target of opportunity, I can’t believe he got stupid and fell for the trick, but Mr. Bilbo and Frodo Frenchy took Lilybo out. I was hoping to take out Tucker but I can’t. 
But to continue the Light fingers went into hiding and holding up in the moneychanger shop.  We should have kept a better eye on the traitor Tickleberry.  The boss heard that she was arrested and sent Michael, one of new recruits, to keep an eye on the trial. 

He came back too soon, but with good reason. Tickleberry was spilling the beans and Michael got out of there quick before she ratted him out. Mr. Bilbo called in everyone. I will introduce them. Grace was not able to make it in on time but he a nice guy with roguish flavor. Hardy was also not able to make in on time, he is a straight up fighter.

We had Michael and what’s his name in the look out positions but the traitor Tickleberry and town guards struck too quick. We had three runners ready but they didn’t help. Tickleberry who was not a necromancer struck too soon and too fast. But back to gang. 
Sam the Wise is a mixed bagger. He a good fighter, a good thief, and learning the assassin trade from Mr. Bilbo. Swag our magic handler. Barney Bones a cleric and our combat medic boy did he mess up. Frodo Frenchy another triple threat, magic, thief and even a better assassin than Mr. Bilbo. And my boss Mr. Bilbo Bagger, a thief and assassin. 

Yes Mr. Bilbo and Lilybo were discussing who would take over the head of guild but we play to win. The members were given a little over a month to decide on the next leader after Harry of Underhill died. You know not even the mayor or the rest of the council knew the head of thieves’ guild was sitting at the table. I guess it pays to have a good outlook on life. And that rule of members voting for leader was to go out the window when we took over. 

If you had a clue by now, it was us killing off the members who in an informal poll, were going to give their vote to Lilybo. Bad answer, most of the fools thought that we would respect the rules. I lost count of the number of bodies we dumped into the river. 

So there is the gang. I was happy to see Ms. Cleo go down before I bought it.


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## jasper (Jan 27, 2003)

*the Real Tucker speaks*

Hi, I am Tucker of Tiny Town. Proud member of the light finger gang. We should have let her go. But we thought Tickleberry had information on Lilybo’s where about. He went missing and we went to mattress. We heard Tickleberry break in and knew she was good. I don’t know which of Bagger gang closed her escape route and threw the hold person on her but it was just like Bilbo’s group to be sneaky. I am a priest to lucky one. Too bad my luck has run out.

I heard someone had been playing around as me. We could not really question people openly so we let it stand. Leonard had told his side now it my turn. First in the standing on my far left is Wallace of Montgomery, a young mage and thief. Next the cute one who is our bait is Ms Bonny of Sherwood also a mage and thief with a little bit experience under her belt. Third Hosea of Greenwood fighter and thief and one of upcoming soon to be down and going. Fourth is our heavy hitter and two weapon fighter Nelson who wanted to become a lord. Fifth is Robin of Merry wood better thief than fighter but good in both fields. Sixth and just hanging around is Clyde of Horse Lane a sorcerer but he is not going to pull any rabbits out his hat. And being gagged means no last minute spell slinging.

The body to my right is Lilybo. Who was just getting his head together after that bad night in the wizard’s guild. He did not come back with the crown he was sent after and circumstances did not allow us another go at it. But why am I hanging around.
You would too after being turn out by the evil Tickleberry. But at least I heard she bought the farm. For those visitors in Hartsford they hang thieves. Even two plus days dead ones! Lilybo is ripe and I can see the Bagger gang is too.

We found Tickle berry just outside the shop. We were unable to really question her, as the watch was unusually efficient. But she did have one of Lilybo’s maps on her. So she was arrested and we showed up for court the next day.

Boy as Cleo of Beirhouse tired. First the attack on her husband in the middle of night and then being haul into court as witness and spell caster. 

Tickleberry was crazy. She ASKED for Zone of Truth spells to cast. Her friend Ackmed was smooth. He was able to surprise the judge, Honorable Harry P. Stonebender, with his wit and talk. She was charged with possession of burglary tools, a lashing and fine offense, and possession of stolen goods, the map, and breaking and entering.  Ackmed was able to talk Judge Harry out the breaking and entering by getting me to admit since not one of us saw her in the building we could not be sure she did. He got her a lashing for stolen goods because the map was recovered. And he was working on the burglary tools when Tickle berry went cuckoo!

She stands up in open court and confesses to being a rogue. Ackmed tries to get her shut up but the girl was on a roll. She confesses to having broken in, stole the map, and…

THEN ANNOUNCES TO THE WHOLE WORLD THAT THE THIEVES GUILD DOES EXIST.

She continues to confess that she knows where the hide out is and rats us out. I didn’t see Judge Stonebender motion but next thing I knew is all us Light fingers were being dog piled and chained. While that is happening, the judge grabs two patrols, Cleo and Steward of Beirhouse to raid the place. And suspends her sentence. Then orders her and her party to help with the raid.  They went out the door in a flash!

Meanwhile the other priests are keeping up the truth spells. And the judge starts asking yes or no questions. And we were not allowed to stand mute. So we admit our guilty, especially after some body parts are subject to indignities!

Well that my side. 

Ack!
Such a long fall for a short halfling……..


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## jasper (Jan 27, 2003)

*the honorable judge harry p. stonebender*

I am the Honorable Judge Harry P. Stonebender. Lawbreakers hate me. I sentence them to lash, fine, and to die if the crime calls for it.

September 28,10017 was a good day. The day the town destroyed the thieves’ guild. Now we knew one existed but we could not prove it the cute Tickleberry took care of it. 

After dealing with the rioters I took Tickle berry’s case.  Young thing was charged with breaking and enter which is a fine and lashing. Also thief and possession of stolen goods depending on the case she could have hanged for that. And possession of unlicensed burglary tools again a fine and lashing. Now we do allow license trap makers to have in their tool kit burglary tools but we also have their names and they have to submit to the question every year and some times sooner. 

Her friend Ackmed is going to make a great councilor some day. He was able to razzle-dazzle me and get most of charges dropped or just lashings. But Tickleberry went crazy! She confesses to her crimes under a zone of truth. And gave us information to the where about of the thieves’ guild, the location, and some of names. I motion to Stanley and he collected Lilybo’s friends. Since I saw some coming and going during the trail especially Michael who accused her of being a necromancer, I spend sentence on her and order her, her friends, the members of town guard I could put my hands then and there and Cleo and her husband to form a raiding party and go now. They left smartly under Lieutenant Al’s command. 

While the raid was going on I put the Light fingers gang to the question. I was able to find out some of the bodies which have been turning up had been thieves. But none of the living members did the deed. It turn out a turf war was going on. Never did find out who started the rumors the town guard was behind the killings. But all the members of Light fingers gang are to been hung. Especially after the searches of their homes and moneychanger’s place. 

I also hung the members of Bagger gang. Yes they were dead but the law requires their hanging a couple times over. They found Lilybo’s body in the hideout when the dust settled. I hung him also. 

Unfortunately Tickleberry and most of the town guard died. Only Lieutenant Al, Lieutenant Barry, and Sergeant Harry survived. Some of the treasure recovered when to the adventurers; the rest went to city and survivors of dead watchmen. 

Also the halfling Grace and the halfling Hardy are under a sentence of death. Hope a good mined town person find them. 

I hear Ms. Cleo and Steward nearly died. And Ms. Cleo has offered to raise Tickleberry but I don’t know if it worked. But Tickleberry and her group were given citizenship and depending on how things work out, they may be able to lay claim to the criminals’ homes.


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## Tickleberry (Feb 9, 2003)

*Hah! Shows what YOU guys know!*

  
I am the best at what I do, and you can't stop me!
It seems that the reports of my death are TERRIBLY exaggerated. Heh, heh, HEH! Well, things were coming to a head, so it was decided I should drop by and see what I could see at Lilybo's. (Why me?) 

A carefully planned distraction carried out by the incomparable bard right next door to Lilybo's allowed me my time to check things out, and then it aall went wrong.

Lilybo is at best a second rate rogue. Noise traps? Easy trap doors? I almost think its too easy. I check through the chests, and get zapped a couple of times (the noise traps let me get too confident). But hey, what is a potion of cure light for anyway? 
The map I find is REAL interesting. Maybe a clue to an unwarrented good deed? Maybe. Just maybe. 

(note: I play my rogues as in it for the fun, but dm dropped clue it might be a further adventure hook, so I had to find a rationale.)

I head downstairs, and find PEOPLE. Time to duck out. Then the trap door closes, and then, as I go out an unoccupied bedroom window, I get hit by a hold person! Now the fat's in the fire!

These guys ask me where Lilybo is! Like I'd know? Oooh boy, now what? Just as these guys start to get physical, the guard shows up.  First time I've ever been happy to see the clowns (first time they've ever saved ME, I usual save THEM). They haul me off to jail, and the characters I meet there! I thought they must have caught an entire carnival. 

The crew shows up, and Ahmed is to be my counselor. Now, I recognize several of the "witnesses." I KNOW I won't have anything like a fair trial. So, I ask for a zone of truth. I have absolutely nothing to hide. (Well, I thought so, anyway.) Ahmed gives me such a looook. Was he planning on lying, too?

I see that there are several thieves in the crowd, and that someone starts that hideous rumor again about the necromancy. At least I can put paid to THAT old thing. You'd a thought I let a ferret loose in all their drawers. (Not a bad idea, gotta remember that one.)

So these guys start talking about lashings, and punishment for things I had absolutely no way of knowing were offenses. Registering? Illegal tools? Say WHAT? I ask for the rest of this farce to be carried out in Judge's chambers. No dice. (Like I should have expected sense from these men?) So I drop the big one on them. We infiltrated the thieves guild, and were trying to bring it down, and THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR RUINING MY COVER!

Okay, so now I'd let a DRAGON loose in the hen house.

We go in, and the fighting gets brutal. Now, I know my strong suit is NOT combat, so I hang in the protected middle, but they'd had time to prepare before I could mobilize the stupid boredocrats. ( I REALLY hate the "civilized" law structure, they have mice for brains. Look at the laws they pass!)

It seems like no time before the mid line becomes the front line, and the good guys are dropping. Some of the fatter ones go invisible, and sneak up on me, in the middle of combat. I'm really hurting, so I fake dead, and go down. Hah! Once the fighting is over (I'd seen Cleo go down, but she's up again, how?) I holler for a medic! Several surprised faces surround me wondering how I'm still alive, and believe me, I am too!
 
Things had gotten REAL interesting in that combat, but the final analysis was that I had survived, by the very skin of my teeth. The adventure continues!


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## Tickleberry (Mar 23, 2003)

*Then the NEXT day . . . .*


The very next morning, bright and early, what should happen but somebody THUNDERS on the front door. I waited a whole ten minutes for somebody else (namely somebody who hadn't been grieviously injured) to answer the door, but nooo. I had to go down.

What do I find there but a GIANT.  Okay, so he wasn't really a giant, but at 6'9" he sure seemed like it, especially when he's built like a mountain. I open up to see what the mountain man wanted. Did I mention the bright blazing red hair? Man's as redheaded as yours truly. Only difference was his eyes weren't as pretty a green as mine, more like a brownish hazel. 

As soon as I opened the door he took a look at me and said "Where's Lilybo?" Now, Lilybo was hanging in the town square, quite dead, and was surely still being talked about. This guy obviously had to have walked, or ridden through quite a bit of town to get here, and he managed to hear NONe of it? Incredible. Despite the early hour and inconvience he had already caused, I tried to be polite.
"Lilybo is no longer with us."
"Where'd he go? Is he at his other house?"  Mountain Red started looking around like I might be hiding him somewhere behind me. Okay, so he WAS as dumb as he looked. I took the gloves off.
"Lilybo is dead."  Didn't seem to phase him. "Are y'all now running the business? Sign's still up. He was always good to me when I'd come through town. Sure he ain't hiding at the other house?"
"Celwyn!" I bellowed. Let the bard deal with the thickwit. I was going back to bed. It was too early to be alive and functioning.

Then here came the bard, perky as ever. "Good morning good sir, what can I do for you?"?

"Name's Ronco Betide, an' I was hopin' to get this rock changed out. Ol' Lilybo usually give me a good deal when I came through." Ronco pulled out a huge ruby. This had gotten my attention. Wait a minute. Ol' Mountain boy mentioned another house. This might be worth staying up for after all. Who knows what he had hidden at another house, and it would legally be ours now. Hmm. This had possibilities.

The bard did the unthinkable, he gave him a straight trade off. I gave him an odd look. Was he feeling well today? He later explained "I didn't loose anything, and we need another bruiser." After the last fight, I'd have to agree.

Then Celwyn looks around at all the moneychanger equipment just lying there. He got an odd look in his eye. One I recognized. He spent the rest of the day looking into it and setting it up. I looked into getting my goggles of nightvision. I designed them, and they weren't quite gogglish. Goggles always looked so goofy. I also found out more about this "other house".  

Oh, did I mention that Celwyn also entered Ahmed in the town council race? Yeah, and set some insurance so that he gets a "fair" consideration. Let's say he became a very popular candidate (amazing what large amounts of alcohol can accomplish).

This other house was well back in the woods. It was quite a mansion. Whilst looking over the new property, something spooked the horses. We managed to keep our seat as a troll came up out of the ground beneath the new guy. Celwyn threw alchemal fire. Celwyn set Ronco's horse on fire.  Ronco axed the troll. Ronco hurt the troll, badly. Celwyn again threw fire. Ronco's horse had enough, and ran off.
Within a few more axe blows, and some help from me, the troll lay prone. Spooky (who was still rather new to me, mind you) suggested setting it on fire before it got back up. We toasted it.

Celwyn promised to make it all better with him, but Ronco just harrumped. We continued on toward the place, and met flying trolls. They were jumping out of the second story windows at us. One nearly got me.  Instead of ducking or dodging out of the way (as any smart halfling would have) I fire an arrow at it.  It hurt me, badly. Spooky helped me back out of the fight, and by the time I was back on my feet, it was another smoldering pile.  

We finally went inside on the north end. We found only a few locked doors, and no traps at all. We did find LOTS and LOTS of troll sign. Ronco was ready to go upstairs, so I followed and covered him with my bow. I checked at all shut doors, doing the usually look for danger routine, and found a troll all unawares upstairs. Ahmed looked ahead to place him, and we ambushed it very well. It died first round (happy to say, I was responsible for some heavy damage that time).
 As we were tossing flaming remains out the window, double trouble came in. There was an ogre and a troll. Both of them were wearing crowns. One crown solid copper, and the other was silver. The ogre said "I am Lilybo." The troll said "I am Lilybo." Uh-oh. This wasn't good. The troll looked us over and said "I go get troops." 

The ogre advanced. I had two choices: stand and get torn apart, or dive out the window. I dove out the window. Now, I was thinking about clambering back up, and then shoot from a safe vantage, when the bard came sailing out after me. Then followed the valiant (ahem) ranger, and then Ronco, and as Ahmed sailed out, there was an earthshattering kaboom behind him. The house went up in flames. Ahmed said "You decapitated him on that last swing."

"So why blow the whole place up?"
"To exterminate the rest of them."

We got commendations. The crown was caught by Ahmed, and he's been studying it relentlessly. Thinks it might be a crown of leadership. 
Wonder when my goggles will be ready?


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## jasper (Mar 24, 2003)

*spooky speaks*

Both Celwyn and Ackmed had been study for the past week; I guess they finally passed their exams. Celwyn has bulked up, lots of nice big muscles. Ackmed has a thoughtful look on his face.

As I was tying Ackmed’s shoelaces together, I heard Celwyn and Tickleberry talking about running Ackmed for town council. I quickly retied his shoes and sneaked into the other room. Hmm politics. Lots of jokes there! Just as I was wrapping my mind around the possibilities, Ronco Betide knows on the door asking for Lilybo!

It appears Lilybo was really a moneychanger! After a quick discussion, Ronco lets drop that Lilybo had a summer mansion to the east. After a quick hiring spree, we load the horse to check it out. After defeating flying belly flopping trolls, we enter the house. We sneak up stairs and off another troll. 

Ackmed toss more oil on the troll and shoves it out the window, the door to room flies open. I thought we had secured it. An ogre and a troll enter. The ogre yells that he is Lilybo. The troll yells he is Lilybo. They look at each other and yell, “We are Lilybo!” Oh great the evil spirit of the thief Lilybo is confused and taking over monsters. The Lilybo troll yells for it minions and takes a step back. The ogre charges. I notice that the ogre is wearing a copper crown and the troll is wearing a silver crown. I take high cover and start getting ready to cast. Then a Chinese Laurel and Hardy routine begins with out the bad piano music.

Tickle berry was closest to the door. She takes a swing at ogre and starts back flipping…    out the window… on top of the burning troll… 

Celwyn, who was next to window, starts humming the “Hey Mr. Custard” and dives out the window… on top of the troll.

The ranger and Ronco were next in line. They had drawn their swords and set for the charge. The ranger goes pale as Tickleberry cartwheels between his legs. He throws a Hail Mary slot shot …   turns …  and dives out the window…   on top of the burning troll… 

Ronco grits his teeth and throws an ankle cutter shot. Turns… and is knocked out the window … by the ogre’s baseball swing… on top of the burning troll…

I notice that Ackmed is about release a fireball into the ogre’s nose. And since I only three above this flaming booger, I fly out the window.  The same time the wizard cuts loose and drops out the window… on top of the burning troll…  

We all missed the burning troll!

The ogre slumps dead or mostly dead out the window! The copper crown flies off its head. Ackmed catches it just as he makes a three-point landing. You know those landings. Feet and Seat!

We retreat to horses hoping the other trolls don’t catch up with us. Half the group is chewed up between the three trolls and confused ogre. 

Ackmed insisted of wearing the crown home.


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## jasper (Mar 24, 2003)

*Ogre Lilybo speaks*

Ogre Lilybo

I was eating halfling and human on a half shield when I had a revelation! I am Lilybo KING OF OGRE THIEVES!

I gather my relatives and we visit the small village of Slapout. The morning after finishing off the blacksmith for dinner, the town watch. Burp! Let me clarify, the town guard from Hartsford arrived for the yearly pick up of weapons. My relatives are ate bunch of halflings, I mean ogres. The guards came prepared and I had leave.

I wandered for a few weeks until I came across myself in charge of some trolls. After eating a wagon train or two, I decided the cave complex sucked. I talked with myself. Lilybo and I decide to go back to my summerhouse. I arrived and we promptly ate Aunt Bee and Opie.  Hired help should not ask for pay raises when I having a bad week.

About of week or two later, I was playing cards with myself. Even when cheating, I was losing to myself. Lilybo’s boys were trashing the place and it sounded like some of them jumped out the windows. But I had ordered the house doors to be strong and nearly sound proof. I and myself heard a noise near the end of house. I and myself rose to check it out. I saw myself tuck an ace into my crown. I will have to talk to me about cheating.

We walk down to my spare bedroom. As we enter I notice a group of brigands who has just murdered one of Lilybo’s trolls. I announce myself. The guilty party members look up and go pale. It is nice being only three feet high and put terror in a group of low level adventurers. I charge and I yell for the boys while going for help.

The party panics and all but one jump out the window. As I go to backslap a mage he throws something up my nose.

Ahh…   Ahh…  Ahh… Ahhcoo BOOM!


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## jasper (Mar 24, 2003)

*Lilybo the troll*

I was nibbling on a knight’s knee one night when it became clear. I am Lilybo guild head of all the troll rogues. I polish my silver crown to a high shine. And get to work. 

You know trolls are hard to train. Gee you think they were honor students from SlapOut middle school. After a couple weeks of training and pounding my head against the wall, I decide to improve the cave complex. I leave a note at my out of town drop for Larry Trap builder. He arrives at the meeting location and faints. He is overwhelmed with my presence. 
Larry starts on his work after I nibble off the toes on his left foot. However, he needs help and I have to find it in short order. I do. But the gnomes are not happy when some of my trollish brethren snack on them. After many beatings, on both the trolls and gnomes they work together. Larry does a good job. Just be before Larry visited, my boys found my pet Rover, so I had Larry include him in the trap. I paid Larry off and ripped of his right leg and beat him with it. The boys snacked his left leg.

I teamed up with myself later. You know mom doesn’t know she gave birth to an ogre. That will make the next family reunion very interesting. We decide to blow the cave complex. I swing by Hartsford to have dinner with Larry. After a small snack of gnomes, we arrive at my summer home. I feed the hired help to the boys. That will teach Aunt Bee to make sure to dust the corners of the rooms. 

I hang out with myself and I start a major poker game. Even when cheating I having a hard time winning. I hear a noise at the back bedroom and I and myself go to check it out. On the way out, I notice myself tucking an ace into my crown.  I will have to talk to me about cheating. If that troll is ripping up my wallpaper, I am going to put my foot so far up…  Myself and I announce ourselves. It is a bunch of want a be rogues. With Ronco, a guy I had done business with. I leave to go get the boys for supper. And myself charges.

As I get half way down the hall, a huge fireball cooks off. After I rally the boys, the house is too far-gone in flames. I call for Rover and make a head count. I have three MIA’s and one killed. I hate alchemist fire.

Ok my Ronco von Peel you have invaded my house. Killed my guests. Murder myself. And stole my copper crown. I will be hunting for you now.


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