# You crack open the beholder and find scrolls.



## freebfrost

(Inspired by Crothian's post in another thread talking about searching the bodies of wolves for treasure...)

What was the weirdest scenario in which you or your players have discovered treasure?  It can be magical treasure, gold, what have you, but I'm looking for the situations where either the treasure is something that obviously doesn't make sense for the creature in question, and how it was explained that it possessed that treasure.

For example, when I first started gaming back in the 80s, I was taking a party through the D-series and they randomly encountered a beholder.  A fight ensues, the party wins, and they ask if it was carrying treasure.  I dutifully roll up some treasure - magic scrolls - and tell the party that yes, they have found some magic scrolls.

"Where did it carry scrolls?" came the inevitable question.  

 

Thinking quickly, I responded, "you cracked open the beholder's body like an egg and found the scrolls inside."  

How convenient is that - monster and treasure in one neat package!

Anyway, what are the weirdest places you have found (or placed) treasure?


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## caudor

Oh yeah, this brings back memories 

Back when I was DMing from the 1st Ed. Basic boxed set, my play usually went something like:

DM:  You see a room.  It looks empty (I snicker)

Player:  OK, I'll flip a gold piece into the room

DM:  OK, nothing happens

Player:  OK, I'll flip another gold piece

DM:  OK, there are no traps.  But bugbear hiding in the corner sees you and runs out and attacks you.

Player:  OK, I'll use my long sword

DM:  (Rolls)  OK you hit.  It dies.

Player:  OK, I'll cut open the Bugbear.

DM:  OK, you find 10 gold pieces!

Player:  Alright, cool


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## BiggusGeekus

Scrolls?  That _is_ odd.  Wouldn't you find a nymph located in the creature's ocular organ instead?

After all "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".


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## Sargon the Kassadian

Me and my friends were looting some goblins when the DM rolled on the 1st level random loot table, with a result of 1000 copper pieces. There was no way he'd be carrying that much stuff! As this was our first loot of the campaign we decided it was just like a video game, and enemies exploded when killed, loot bursting from their corpses and spilling onto the ground.


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## sniffles

@Biggus Geekus - ouch!   

I don't recall ever getting any loot from an odd location in a tabletop game. But I often like to joke that I'm disappointed when monsters don't disintegrate into piles of coins like they do in Diablo.


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## Patryn of Elvenshae

BiggusGeekus said:
			
		

> Scrolls?  That _is_ odd.  Wouldn't you find a nymph located in the creature's ocular organ instead?
> 
> After all "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".




No, no, no.

That's where you find the Ring of Human Influence.


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## Patryn of Elvenshae

> (Inspired by Crothian's post in another thread talking about searching the bodies of wolves for treasure...)




Are you sure that was Crothian?  I know *I've* mentioned that before, because that's what I did in my very first game of D&D after my very first fight in D&D.  

Or do I just have more in common with the Great Ooze than I thought?


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## Quasqueton

> But I often like to joke that I'm disappointed when monsters don't disintegrate into piles of coins like they do in Diablo.



I like how a swarm of flies drops a suit of plate armor when it dies.



> After all "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".



Wow. Who could have ever guessed someone would set up a situation where BiggusGeekus could come up with this joke. One in a million set up. Nice response BiggusGeekus.

Quasqueton


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## demiurge1138

The standard quote for looking for treasure in odd monsters is "I cut open his spleen and look for emeralds." And every once in a while, they find one.

Demiurge out.


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## Quasqueton

Oh, and there has been official precedence for finding treasure inside of creatures. Mimics, ropers, and some other creatures come to mind.

Quasqueton


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## Rel

Quasqueton said:
			
		

> Wow. Who could have ever guessed someone would set up a situation where BiggusGeekus could come up with this joke. One in a million set up. Nice response BiggusGeekus.
> 
> Quasqueton




Some people theorize that BG has been hanging around these forums for lo' these many years for the express purpose of making this very joke (and being sexy).  Now that he's finally done it, I doubt we'll see him much anymore.


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## William_2

It is a cool topic, but you may have gone all in right from the deal with that story – what are the odds that anyone can beat the Beholder scroll piñata story?!

I’m always kind of stumped by generic treasure situations: some goblinoid or such, living in a squalid cave attacking passer-bys….in possession of enough gold to buy a small village.  Why don’t they? And if not, what are they collecting gold for? Retirement?  It is all a bit odd.

Not as odd as a beholder bursting open, though.  “Look kids – scrolls!”


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## Kahuna Burger

In "The flight of dragons" I think it was, it indicated that dragons swallowed gems to use them as grit in its crop, thus treasure would be found in the disolving remains of dead dragons....


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## lukelightning

Ah yes, nothing is more fun than luring the players into butchering monsters for possible treasure.  All you  have to do is have one monster with gold in its gut, and the next thing you know the PCs are hacking open dire badgers and cockatrixes in hopes of some reward.

I once made a giant skeleton that had a magic dagger inside its skull... the giant had been killed by a thrown dagger to the eye.


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## Dingleberry

After my players killed an aquatic troll, they found a bunch of coins, gems and a ring in a clamshell jammed up its... um... treasure hole.


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## Crothian

BiggusGeekus said:
			
		

> Scrolls?  That _is_ odd.  Wouldn't you find a nymph located in the creature's ocular organ instead?
> 
> After all "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".




freaking brilliant!!


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## Crothian

Patryn of Elvenshae said:
			
		

> Or do I just have more in common with the Great Ooze than I thought?




my influence is spreading, seeping into your very soul!!


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## Krypter

Mt. Zogon had just the thing:

http://www.zogonia.com/mtzogonarchive/galeena17.html

In my game, all demons drop black diamonds after they're defeated. That's their evil, evil heart. (nod to Talislanta)


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## Patryn of Elvenshae

The funny thing about BG's joke is that it's one I made a long, long time ago.  Except, in my joke (as above), it was a Ring of Human Influence (which I think granted 18 Charisma and allowed you to Charm Person a couple times per day).

In my set-up, you came into a room in a dungeon which had three doors.  Ancient runes instructed you to choose your reward by operating a lever.

The levers were marked "Beauty," "Power," and ... "Grace," maybe?

The lever marked "Beauty" opened a door behind which was a beholder (with a Ring of Human Influence in his central eye).

The lever marked "Power" had some kind of old creature known as a Corrupter or something similar behind it, along with some Gauntlets of Ogre Power.

I can't recall what the third lever said, had, or gave you.


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## freebfrost

Patryn of Elvenshae said:
			
		

> Are you sure that was Crothian?  I know *I've* mentioned that before, because that's what I did in my very first game of D&D after my very first fight in D&D.



Pretty sure.


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## Voadam

I have never found non-obvious treasure. In multiple decades of play. I figure there are tons of slaughtered enemy corpses with gems in their guts and hidden trap doors covering buried treasure chests wherever my PCs have been, waiting for someone who has read the module to cut them open and dig them up.


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## Synthetik Fish

William_2 said:
			
		

> I’m always kind of stumped by generic treasure situations: some goblinoid or such, living in a squalid cave attacking passer-bys….in possession of enough gold to buy a small village.  Why don’t they? And if not, what are they collecting gold for? Retirement?  It is all a bit odd.




Exactly! What also doesn't make sense is that, if these creatures have all these random magic items lying around... why don't they USE them? Sure, a goblin chieftan usually has a +1 sword that he uses i  combat, but how often do you see the goblin Shaman popping off shots with his wand of magic missiles every round? Using them doesn't even have to be in-combat, either. I have a DM who one time had goblins using a Rope of Climbing to tie up some sacks of misc. stuff they had... cause you know... it's a rope, and why would a goblin know better?


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## Voadam

There are probably tons of non hidden magic items left behind as well.

DM: "He has a pouch with 30 gp, a short sword, a cloak, and _*boots*_." 

Me: "All right! Loot! K I take the pouch of gold and his shortsword."


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## Warehouse23

Once and only once at my game table were the words, "Alright, I take 20 on the poo" uttered.

There be treasure everywhere, lads....


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## Patryn of Elvenshae

freebfrost said:
			
		

> Pretty sure.



That's funny.

Like I said, in my very first D&D game ever, after my very first combat ever, I tried to search the wolf I'd slain for treasure.

Up until then, my only roleplaying experience had been Nintendo RPGs like Dragon Warrior and Final Fantasy, and in both of those you got XP *and* GP for defeating wolves.

The rest of the group laughed at me, and asked whether or not I thought the wolf might be carrying a gold coin in its mouth, perhaps?  

For the record, my human fighter used a hand-axe because, in Dragon Warrior, it was a decently powerful weapon.


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## lukelightning

Wolves carrying gold? Stranger things have happened.


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## shilsen

Now if you guys were discussing the weirdest places for NPCs to discover treasure, we could have the story of the drunk player, the elven PC and his Ass of Holding.


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## BadMojo

freebfrost said:
			
		

> Thinking quickly, I responded, "you cracked open the beholder's body like an egg and found the scrolls inside."
> 
> How convenient is that - monster and treasure in one neat package!




Hey, it's the fantasy equivalent of a pinata.  A malovelent, highly deadly pinata.  Too bad there wasn't candy in it.


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## Synthetik Fish

BadMojo said:
			
		

> Hey, it's the fantasy equivalent of a pinata.  A malovelent, highly deadly pinata.  Too bad there wasn't candy in it.





Dude, its got... *counts*... HOW many eyes? Can you say gummi bears? Jelly beans? Granted, REALLY big ones.


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## Crothian

BadMojo said:
			
		

> Hey, it's the fantasy equivalent of a pinata.  A malovelent, highly deadly pinata.  Too bad there wasn't candy in it.




there was a really bad sci fi channel movie (I think) that had an evil demon possessed pinata.....


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## Aaron L

Wasnt there a magic shield in the stomach of a giant lizard or something in Temple of Elemental Evil?


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## Arbiter of Wyrms

*Variant Beholders*

We all know, I think that beholders are highly prone to dramatic mutation and the profligation of various sub-species of beholder - it is therefore somewhat surprising to me that no one here has correctly identified this variant beholder.  Known for carrying its treasure inside its body and for fighting viciously to protect this treasure, this creature is generally known as a WITH-HOLDER.


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## Patryn of Elvenshae

Arbiter of Wyrms said:
			
		

> Known for carrying its treasure inside its body and for fighting viciously to protect this treasure, this creature is generally known as a WITH-HOLDER.




AoW := AoW +1


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## Zappo

Isn't there a Book of Vile Darkness spell that lets you replace your eye with one from a beholder? And there is a spellcasting base class in the Book of Erotic Fantasy which uses Comeliness as its spellcasting stat... hmm... with a bit of spell research, you could say that "the beholder lies in the eye of the beauty"!


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## philreed

Awesome beholder idea!


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## Len

freebfrost said:
			
		

> Anyway, what are the weirdest places you have found (or placed) treasure?



I can't beat the beholder story, but we fought a naga once...

It spat a bead of force at us, and then it used a wand to heal itself. How does a naga use a wand? Well, it keeps the wand in its stomach, and when needed it regurgitates the wand, holds it in its prehensile tongue, and mumbles the magic word. Then it swallows the wand again.

Naturally we cut that one open after we killed it. And sure enough, we found some potions and the wand in its stomach.


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## Drowbane

*groan....*



			
				BiggusGeekus said:
			
		

> Scrolls?  That _is_ odd.  Wouldn't you find a nymph located in the creature's ocular organ instead?
> 
> After all "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".




that...hurt...


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## Nifft

My PCs once found a pair of nunchaku after fighting a pack of Slaad. He must've eaten a Monk in a hurry...

 -- N


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## Runesong42

demiurge1138 said:
			
		

> The standard quote for looking for treasure in odd monsters is "I cut open his spleen and look for emeralds." And every once in a while, they find one.
> 
> Demiurge out.




ROFLMAO!

After reading this, I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my soda and ruined my keyboard.  That's definitely a quotable quote.


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## ShrooMofDooM

BiggusGeekus said:
			
		

> Scrolls?  That _is_ odd.  Wouldn't you find a nymph located in the creature's ocular organ instead?
> 
> After all "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".




double-u tee eff. That's all I have to say on _that_ matter.

As for finding treasure in odd places, my friends and I never really gave it much thought. I guess we just figured it was just. . .there.

We did find a goblin in a very odd place when my very immature friend was DMing once (and that was his only time doing it, mind you). He said that a goblin emerged from a dead miner's body. It just burst forth from his stomach. Yep. That was a weird day.


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## interwyrm

Kahuna Burger said:
			
		

> In "The flight of dragons" I think it was, it indicated that dragons swallowed gems to use them as grit in its crop, thus treasure would be found in the disolving remains of dead dragons....





Actually, I think they ate limestone, not gems. I could be wrong though.


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## lukelightning

interwyrm said:
			
		

> Actually, I think they ate limestone, not gems. I could be wrong though.




Limestone! Precious limestone! You all want to steal my precious hoard of limestone!


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## Zander

I created and ran an adventure in which the PCs had to find a map that had been hidden _inside_ a wand.

The players had no trouble finding the wand; it was in the treasure of one of the first encounters. But it wasn't until they had gone through the whole scenario and figured out all the clues that they realised that the map they were looking for was hidden in a secret compartment in the wand they had had with them almost all along.


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## Vraille Darkfang

shilsen said:
			
		

> Now if you guys were discussing the weirdest places for NPCs to discover treasure, we could have the story of the drunk player, the elven PC and his Ass of Holding.




Ask oh Noble One & you shall recieve:

Here it is, back by popular demand, newly edited:

The Carrying Capacity of an Elven Backside: A Moral Tale

The beginning.

Freshman year at college, just introduced to 2nd ed D&D. Just running my first game.

(That Morning, in the cafeteria)

The group & I are getting our breakfast & having the normal 18 year old male conversations and discussing the night’s game. Two very important things happened here:

1: One player, I’ll call him CM. Mentions he came up with brainstorm to empty various household containers & re-fill them with various alcoholic products.

2: Over the radio, in one of those ‘weird news’ segments, they mention a man was arrested for attempting to smuggle a bowie knife into a building. His chosen hiding place: his rectum. A BOWIE knife in his rectum. I guess that awkward limp gave him away to the authorities, or maybe he set off the metal detector. Most of us were in disbelief about the ability to hide a bowie knife in such a manner, but not CM.  Nope, as we are declaring this a joke, CM informs us as to how something the size of a bowie knife could easily fit into the aforementioned orifice. As he wasn’t a pre-med major (thank thy merciful gods above), we asked how he could know the ‘carrying capacity’ of the human backside. He began to go into great detail (did I mention we were trying to eat breakfast?) of a certain segment of his porn collection that dealt exclusively with young woman aptly demonstrating just how much can go where. So much for breakfast. Then, we broke up to go to class and meet up that evening in the lounge for our nightly role-playing session (nightly, the good ole’days).

(That Evening)

Everybody was there (almost). We had a Dwarven Cleric, the Halfling Fighter/Rogue, the ½ elf bard, human ranger & the Human Paladin. Just missing the elven wizard (played by CM). 15 minutes later, CM shows up. Said he was sorry, he got lost (despite just living 2 floors up). He then takes a swig form a Clorox Bleach Bottle & asks if we’re ready to “Kick some A**”. Then stumbles his way into a seat.

The session begins well, the PC’s get a quest to go scout the local area for Frost Giants. (Not engage them, they were less than 10th level, just spy on them). That lasts until the paladin charges a lone group of 2 Frost Giants, who proceed to blow their hunting horn & the other 100 over the hill come running. Then the ‘strategic retreat’ (masquerading as fleeing in terror) began. Now, being slower than Frost Giants, the party looks for a place they can hide that the Giants can’t get into. Eventually they find a cave mentioned in the module. A small cave with no exit but the one they came in.

Now, surrender negotiations begin:

“Come out & we’ll not kill you”

“How about we pay you 100 gold to let us go?”

“Come out & we’ll not kill you”

“How about we let you eat the Halfling?”

“Now wait just a minute!”

“Come out & we’ll not kill you”

“Ummm, we’re really the only sons to a rich duke, he’ll pay to ransom us!”

“Come out & we’ll not kill you”

Now comes the act of surrender. Party really bummed about being enslaved. Even more bummed about losing all their neat stuff (like many novice DM’s I gave out waaaaayyyyy too much treasure).

Party thinks about burying their stuff here & coming back for it, but realizes Frost Giants will realize the well-armed party that went into the cave & came out almost naked probably left it in the cave.

Now, while the party is trying desperately to figure out a way to keep all their stuff…..

CM, who has been taking a draught off his Bleach Bottle from time to time, has his epiphany. As everyone else is arguing, CM leans back in his chair, takes a big swig from his Clorox Bottle stares up at the heavens and casts Commune with Captain Morgan (or maybe Clorox Bleach, never really sure with that guy). And lo, is his question answered. Suddenly, he jumps up, pounds the table and says: 

“I know, I’ve got a big Bag of Holding! We can put all our stuff in there! Then we can hide it up my A**!!!”

“Stunned Silence”

“More Stunned Silence”

“What you talkin’ bout CM?”

“We can take everything & fit it in my a**, and then hide it. We’ll have all our stuff right here!” The accompanying finger pointing was unnecessary.

Dwarf: “But, laddie, the bags is harsh burlap, not a pleasin’ material. I think it’ll not go whar you wan' it to go.”

CM: “Bah, we got cooking oil right? We can just coat the bag in cooking oil & it’ll slide right up, just like in (porn title forgotten)”.

Halfling: “But it’s big! No way will that fit where you want it to fit!”

CM (interpreted into in-character speech): “What about that town crier report this morning! Somebody was caught sneaking into the palace with a short sword up his a**. And what about all my Major Illusion gems? I KNOW what will fit up an a**, I’ve invested thousands of gold pieces into what various young, nubile females of various races can fit into all their primary (and some secondary) orifices!”

Paladin: “I think I might have to atone now.”

(Now, while I hate to break up the narrative here. It is very important to explain what is about to happen. You see CM has been drinking either: A: Captain Morgan, B: Clorox Bleach, or C: a Morgan & Bleach Cocktail, thus the Alcohol Gnomes have begun to take the words he THNIKS he is saying & translating them into whatever is the most embarrassing in the morning. Thus his brain is about to say ‘in the Bag of Holding’ a lot in just a bit. The Gnomes feel that ‘A**’ is much simpler and easier to say than ‘Bag of Holding’. Thus from now on, when he thinks he is saying ‘Bag of Holding’, what will come out of his mouth is ‘A**’.) 


Bard: “But I’ve got a suit of Elven Chain, that won’t fit into the opening of the Bag of Holding.”

CM: “Sure it will. We can just roll it up & shove it right in my a**!”

Bard: “You mean your Bag, not your A**, right?”

CM: “Yea, that’s what I said. Just roll it up tight & it’ll fit in my a** no problem.”

(Now, realizing that’s he has entered the quasi-drunk stage & is not fully cognizant of what he is saying & being the nice, LG people we are…. We take full advantage for our own, personal amusement. If we only we had had a tape recorder.)

Paladin: “I’ve got +4 Full Plate (remember what I said about overdoing the magic?), how’s that supposed to fit in that little hole?”

CM: “Easy, just take it apart & shove it in my a** piece by piece. It’ll all go. The breatplate’ll be a tight squeeze, but I can force it.”

Paladin (trying not to laugh): “But what if parts of it gets stuck, what then?”

CM: “Just shove extra hard, it’s not like my a** will break or anything, it’s a magic a** after all. If something gets stuck just reach in & yank it back out & try it again from a different angle.”

Paladin: “Now I need to atone.”

Bard: “What of my lyre of building & horn of the valkeries? Are those going to fit?”

CM: “Sure it’ll fit. The only problem would be if something were to blow the horn & it’s not like anything in my a**’ll blow it”.

Halfling (chocking on something): “God, I hope not. I thought flying monkeys were bad. Large, winged women in full plate would be infinitely worse.” 

Bard (either a great actor or just slow, I’d vote for slow): “We got a lot of stuff, though. How much will actually fit in a Bag of Holding?”

CM: “Wait, I’ll check (flipping through DMG). Here it is. Ummm, (alcohol gnomes & numbers don’t mix well) 300 cubic feet. That’s a lot. See the DMG says my a** can fit 300 cubic feet of material as long as it will pass through the opening. Heck, we could shove the Halfling up my a** and he could sneak out later.”

Paladin: “Hey, an inside job? What about it Gerbil-boy (this was when certain rumors surrounding Richard Gere were going around)? Care to climb in and wait it out?”

Halfing: “I ain’t going near that bag or ANYWHERE near that elf’s backside! Got it!? Any further attempts to approach me results in death.”

Ranger: “What about my Flametongue? Can you fit a flaming tongue in? Won’t the flames hurt?”

CM: “Of course I can fit a flaming tongue in my a**. The fire’s not a problem, it’s not like there’s anything to burn in there! What’s so funny?”

(Did I mention Alcohol imposes a -20 penalty to your Sense Motive Rolls)

Us: “Nothing. Nothing.”

CM: “Anybody else hungry for pizza. How about sausage?” (He’d eat anything as long as it was on a pizza crust, thus he had a large list of toppings in addition to sausage, but the only one to still rings out clearly is his yearning for sausage).

Us: “No, we’re good. Not really hungry right now.”

CM: “So is it settled? We shove everything up my a** & take it back out when nobody’s looking.”

Dwarf (stayed in character, mostly): “Aye donna know. I have a mystical hammer of thunderbolts. It’s head is broad an pointy, I doona think it’ll fit up thy scawney elven backside. To say nothing of my horned helm of telepathy & spear of returning (he had no spear). Do ya mean ye could fit me whole spear in your elven derriere? And my horned helm? Do ye really want somethin’ that horny?”

CM (still clueless): Of course I can fit a spear in my a**! And it doesn’t matter how horny it is, if it’s less than 300 cubic feet, I’ll stick it in my a** and be happy about it!”

Ranger: “What about our Daern’s Instant Fortress (again they didn’t have one)? Can you fit a 30’ column of rigid stone in there?”

CM: “For the last time. YES! Everything we have will fit up my a**. 30’ stone tower, sure, as long as it collapses, it’ll fit easily up my a**. So are we gonna do this or not? Start putting things in my a** if you please.”

(At this point more than one person had wondered by to see what the yelling was about, and just as quickly left to do something else. Anything else.)

Paladin: “Fine you want it. Here’s my armor, here’s my…… (long list of items). Finally here’s my Intelligent +5 Holy Avenger Greatsword. Shove it in so we can get it over with.”

Halfling: “Still don’t see how a greatsword will fit, plus don’t you have to LG to wield a holy avenger?”

CM: “I’m not WIELDING it, I’m just storing it in my a**. I’m not even going to touch it. If his sword is in my a**, I’ll be fine.”

Me (as sword): “Umm. Do I have a vote here. It is undignified to be carried about in such a manner, the only true way warriors should battle is face to face. We should charge out now to greater glory! Death before surrender! We shall die upon a heap of our…. What the?

Halfling (taking damage from grabbing and tossing sword into bag): “If anything deserves to see the inner working of that elf, it’s that idiotic sword.”

(Much striping down to only non-magical clothing later….)

CM: “Is that it? Is everything magic in my a** now? What about you Halfling, you still got a magic silk suit of thievery on you don’t you?”

Halfling: “Umm, remember when I was a few copper pieces shy of being able to buy those Bracers of Armor? Well, I sold my clothes to get enough to buy it. I ain’t wearing nothing underneath this silk suit.”

CM: “You sure you just don’t want to crawl in my a** and sneak out later. That way you could keep all your gear?”

Halfling: “Dear god no.”

CM: “That’s it. Time to shove it. Where’s the cooking oil? Is that a Dex check? Con check? What about a save, like maybe vs Death Magic? Do I need any help putting it in?”

Everybody: “Do it yourself. I ain’t helping. I’m not even looking, tell me when he’s done.”

Me: “OK. I’ll just say…. I’ll just say you get the task done. You feel a little off, but you have ‘hidden’ the bag of holding.”

CM: “OK, let’s leave. Tell the Giants we are coming out & we are unarmed.”

(Unbeknownst to the Frost Giant leader had a quasit familiar that was eavesdropping the entire time. He was invisible, hovering at the top of the cave. I now know about a paladin’s & Holy Swords' Detect Evil powers, but not so much at the time).

The party then leaves, just wearing their normal clothes (but for the Halfling in his magic silk suit). Frost giants take them aside, search them & put shackles on them. CM has big, stupid, ‘I fooled DM’ smile on his face.

Quasit appears from behind them, pointing: "Be sure to search the elf good, he shoved all their magic things up his a**. I saw him!”

Conference meeting between Frost Giant leader & Quasit, something to do with the carrying capacity of an elven backside. Eventually, the Frost Giant agrees;

Frost Giant: “Sven, Bjorn (all frost giants are given Icelandic/Norwegian names), give that one a COMPLETE search. And I MEAN COMPLETE!”

Thus 2 frost giants lead poor CM off over the hill, strip him naked & proceed to examine his elven prostate. 

Sven: “By the sweet lords of ice, he does have a bunch of magic sh** (I tried not to say it. I really did) shoved up his a**.”

Thus began the party’s trip, nearly naked (except for the elf, who was never given his clothes back, thus completely naked), through the artic tundra and waist deep snows (frostbite can be a bi***), to eventually be slaves to the frost giant & work deep in their mines.

The elf never did walk quite right again, also ruled he had some intestinal issues from then on.

CM never did realize why we were laughing so much. He thought being taken prisoner sucked. I’ve left out the really nasty comments that were made as well. But, the next day, he did come to breakfast with a pounding headache. Couldn’t remember anything about the game the previous night. Once we started filling him in, his memory slowly began to return. It didn’t believe us of course, but the halfling’s player asked him to go home & read the back of his character sheet. (Turns out he’d written “A** Capacity: 300 cubic ft. on his character sheet). As horror dawned in his eyes, somebody decided to pull the coup de grace:

Somebody (still can’t remember who): “Man and those girls, you know the ones form the first floor, the cute ones? The look on their faces watching you rant & rave about what all you could stick up you’re a**. I’m surprised they didn’t call the campus cops.” (Never happened, but CM didn’t know that).

From that game session I learned several things:

1. Drinking diminishes your ability to roleplay.
2. Gamers are cruel, evil people, who will take advantage of your stupidity for their own amusement.
3. Once your character gets the Nickname ‘Gerbil Boy’, that character must be retired.

So the moral here is:

If you drink & game, your character will end up receiving a body cavity search by Frost Giants.


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## freebfrost

BadMojo said:
			
		

> Hey, it's the fantasy equivalent of a pinata.  A malovelent, highly deadly pinata.  Too bad there wasn't candy in it.



Funny you should say that.  I took a Spanish course my senior year of high school, and one project we had involved creating our own pinata.

Well, I'm sure you see this one coming... yeah, it was a beholder.

Still have it hanging in my basement in fact.


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## domino

interwyrm said:
			
		

> Actually, I think they ate limestone, not gems. I could be wrong though.



Both.  They broke down limestone to release hydrogen with which to fly.  They used the gems to break down the limestone, however.


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## Arbiter of Wyrms

Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> Halfling (chocking on something): “God, I hope not. I thought flying monkeys were bad. Large, winged women in full plate would be infinitely worse.”



I'm pretty sure that it was at about this point that I did myself some injury through enthusiastic laughter.


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## frankthedm

Ioun stones in a low magic world that you can swallow to gain thier benifit. You have to rince and repeat every couple of days though. And butterflies in the stomach have nothing on this.

But at least they are not a sign that says "Steal my magic stuff!"


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## xnosipjpqmhd

*magic candles in the bathroom*

In a Call of Cthulhu adventure a few years back, we needed to find some magic candles. (I don't remember the particulars.) Anywho, we happened to be poking around in somebody's house and we found them *in the bathroom closet* right between the towels and the deodorant.

The guy who was running the game was notorious for making things up as he went along, logic be damned.

ironregime


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## VirgilCaine

ironregime said:
			
		

> In a Call of Cthulhu adventure a few years back, we needed to find some magic candles. (I don't remember the particulars.) Anywho, we happened to be poking around in somebody's house and we found them *in the bathroom closet* right between the towels and the deodorant.
> 
> The guy who was running the game was notorious for making things up as he went along, logic be damned.
> 
> ironregime




If they looked like normal, if weird smelling candles, I could see a cultist keeping candles and supplies in the bathroom. Easy to clean up circles of blood or whatnot. People are used to weird smells. Lots of water available. Some people keep candles in their bathrooms.


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## xnosipjpqmhd

VirgilCaine said:
			
		

> If they looked like normal, if weird smelling candles, I could see a cultist keeping candles and supplies in the bathroom. Easy to clean up circles of blood or whatnot. People are used to weird smells. Lots of water available. Some people keep candles in their bathrooms.




It's not so much that there were candles in the bathroom (or even that there were magic candles in the bathroom, necessarily)... it was just the complete feeling of randomness to it made the discovery anti-climactic. Almost as if no matter where we were, the macguffin artefact we needed to continue the story would've been found there. We thought we'd need to do more, you know, find a secret compartment, solve a riddle, something...

To this day we use the terms "magic candles in the bathroom" to mean "an important and powerful item is being conveniently handed to the players without much work being done because the GM wants the game to progress." ;-)

ironregime


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## MummyKitty

Note to self: move magic candles out of the bathroom.


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