# Angelsboi passed away 16 Jun 04 (was: Angelsboi Health Update)



## SSS-Druid (Jun 16, 2004)

Firstly, I apologize for potentially placing this in the wrong spot.

Angelsboi, who was once a fairly prolific poster here, has been hospitalized as his health situation has seriously deteriorated due to, among other things, an ARC-based set of illnesses.

Things have grown dire within the past couple of days, so much so that it is feared that he won't last the day.

If you pray, please pray for him. If you Craft, please do something - I have standing permission from him and am extending it to you. If you have half a moment, think good thoughts towards him, please.

Again, I apologize if this kind of post isn't in the appropriate forum or whathave you. Thank you for your patience - I simply wanted to make those who have some kind of affection for him based on his participation in these boards aware of what was going on.


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## Zappo (Jun 16, 2004)

I'm terribly sorry to hear these news. The situation has become so much worse since the last update. I strongly hope that he will recover.


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## jaldaen (Jun 16, 2004)

SSS-Druid said:
			
		

> If you pray, please pray for him.



St. Jude and St. Anthony have been contacted. They will do all they can for him.

God Bless,


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## RangerWickett (Jun 16, 2004)

He's pulled through dire situations before, I can hope due in part to how many people wish him well.  I do pray for him, and I regret never meeting him in person.

Is he still in the Atlanta area?  Do you happen to know how to get in touch with him, or even the hospital he's at?


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## Crothian (Jun 16, 2004)

My best for him as well as my prayers.  I remeber him fondly and he was a very good and active poster.  Thanks for supplying the news even though it is not good.


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## takyris (Jun 16, 2004)

I need a name and a city for the prayer-type stuff -- well, don't need, but it will help stuff get there faster.

EDIT: That was overly mysterious.  I practice reiki, a kind of laying-on-hands energy art, and I'm at a level where I can do distance healing.  I already did it, so it's probably a moot point now.


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## Olive (Jun 16, 2004)

I don't pray or craft, but I am thinkign of him. I've been lucky enough to have never had my life or the life of any of my friends touched by AIDS/HIV, but a poster on this forum who was here from the very beginings being alficted really brought it home to me.

So angelsboi, we're thinking of you.


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## Arcane Runes Press (Jun 16, 2004)

Well, I've never been much for prayer, and the closest I came to craft was macaroni art in elementary school. 

But I'm pulling for Angelsboi, and shooting all the good thoughts I can muster his way.


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## JoeBlank (Jun 17, 2004)

Seconding RW's request. Does anyone have any more detailed info on what hospital, for us in the Atlanta area?

Ryan will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## SSS-Druid (Jun 17, 2004)

They found some cancer in him. It's not reacting to chemo at all, so they stopped it. They've had him on a respirator for the last couple of days. They tried to insert a drainage tube down his throat and it almost killed him. They told his mother and his husband that if he has a living will, it needs to be enacted now.

Last I heard, they were taking him off life support tonight.

Thanks for all the support, folks - I know that he cared quite a bit for many, many people on this board.

Goddess bless.


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## SSS-Druid (Jun 17, 2004)

And yes, he is still in the Atlanta area. I am working on finding out where exactly, though.


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## Nightfall (Jun 17, 2004)

Don't worry Joe. I'm pulling out all the stops on this one. And thanks.


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## Knightfall (Jun 17, 2004)

This is sad news.

My prayers go out to Angelsboi and his family.

Knightfall1972


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## Shemeska (Jun 17, 2004)

I've never met him, but I've prayed for an act of grace from the Almighty. We'll see how he does. Christ bless.


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## The Sigil (Jun 17, 2004)

Thoughts and prayers to AB and his family... may *both* have comfort and feel love regardless of whether he lives or passes on to other spheres.


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## Aaron L (Jun 17, 2004)

Thinking good thoughts for him.


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## Sialia (Jun 17, 2004)

Thank you for letting us know. I miss seeing him here on the boards. He certainly was a formative influence in the EN boards, proving that this is a tolerant, compassionate, diverse and brave community. Like Angelsboi himself.

I've wondered how he's been doing since I hadn't seen a post in so long.

My heartfelt prayers for comfort go out to him and his family.


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## BiggusGeekus (Jun 17, 2004)

Peace be with him.  I wish him and his family well.  Thank you for telling us this.


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## Virate (Jun 17, 2004)

I remember Angelsboi...good kid...a very sad day.


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## Tanager (Jun 17, 2004)

Thinking good thoughts for him.


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## Buttercup (Jun 17, 2004)

This news is like a punch in the gut.   

His creativity always inspired me, way back when he was posting regularly.  I've missed him around here.  Looks like that's a state we'll all have to get used to.

Let's all raise a glass to Angelsboi and to Bjorn tonight.


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## Jarval (Jun 17, 2004)

Hell, I didn't realize things had got so bad   Seems unlikely now, but here's hoping he manages to pull through.

Angelsboi made me laugh, think, and kept me entertained with several PbP games he ran over on GoandNet.  He'll be sorely missed if he doesn't make it through.


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## Darrin Drader (Jun 17, 2004)

This is truly sad news.


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## humble minion (Jun 17, 2004)

Damn, that's miserable news.  I was a little concerned when his livejournal stopped being updated a while back, but I had no idea things were this bad.

 Best of luck to Angelsboi and all those who care for him.


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## Mark (Jun 17, 2004)

This is sad.  My thoughts are with him.


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## thatdarncat (Jun 17, 2004)

I haven't seen him in ages. Terrible, terrible news. We'll be thinking of him tonight.


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## Seri (Jun 17, 2004)

I remember Angelsboi from #dnd3e, our thoughts and prayers are with him


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## Trainz (Jun 17, 2004)

Angelsboi, I dearly hope you'll be good enough soon so to be able to peruse this thread yourself. My best hopes and wishes go to you.

I'd like to also invite Angelsboi fiancee to come here should he so feel inclined, we would be more than glad to give him support and an empathic hear.

Sometimes it helps to talk about something that troubles you to strangers, without the burden that face-to-face interaction sometimes generates.

I remember fondly his posts and good nature. Hold on tight man.


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## Remathilis (Jun 17, 2004)

Placed in Prayers.

Get better or else...


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## Tarrasque Wrangler (Jun 17, 2004)

I've missed Angelsboi a lot in the last year or so.  He was a good guy, a great poster, and an always intriguing personality.  Living in the San Francisco Bay Area all my life, I never held any illusions about his fate once he gave us the news (what was it, a year ago?  Two years?), but held out hope that he'd be one of the lucky ones to get to live with it for a long time.   I hope he knew (and all of you, as well) that every day he spent above ground is a gift.

*He was a gift to us.

*All my love and friendship to Ryan and his family,
  Max Gerry


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## med stud (Jun 17, 2004)

In the words of someone who was better than me of expressing these kind of things:



> I’m a poor wayfaring stranger
> While traveling thru this world of woe
> Yet there’s no sickness, toil, or danger
> In that bright world to which I go
> ...




Go with God, Angelsboi.


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## PJ-Mason (Jun 17, 2004)

*A Darker day than most*

Angelsboi touched a lot of different people on these boards. I helped him with a setting he was working on at these boards a while back. He was always so full of energy and ideas. This is news of the worst kind. I liked him.


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## WanderingMonster (Jun 17, 2004)

I'm praying for peace for him and his loved ones.


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## JeffB (Jun 17, 2004)

He and his family are in my prayers.

God Bless AB.


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## Samothdm (Jun 17, 2004)

I remember reading his online journal not too long ago, and he was still talking about how much he was looking forward to playing Vampire with his friends.  

I never interacted with him - only read his posts.  But, when I read about his illness, it affected me enough that I chatted about it with my wife and parents.  We all send our thoughts and prayers and Ryan, his family, and friends.


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## Pants (Jun 17, 2004)

My thoughts go out as well.


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## Napftor (Jun 17, 2004)

My thoughts are with him and his family.


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## John Q. Mayhem (Jun 17, 2004)

I've never met Angelsboi, or interacted with him on the boards. He seems to be a wonderful person, as evidenced by several health update thread I've seen since I came here. He and his family will be in my prayers.


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## Wombat (Jun 17, 2004)

Sadness for Angelboi's family, blood and otherwise.  

Obviously he has touched many lives in a great and positive manner.  I miss his postings here, but obviously it was becoming difficult, if not impossible, for him to continue them.

Pax tecum, Angelboi.  

Anything else I could say would be superfluous


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## Wolv0rine (Jun 17, 2004)

I'm so sorry to hear about this turn of events, I liked Angelsboi a lot, he was a good guy.  I hope as much as I can hope thia passes, and leaves him living to post and laugh and write for many more days.


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## Shadowdancer (Jun 17, 2004)

This is sad news. I hope he is able to pull through. I've missed his presence on these boards. 

Strength for him, his family and his friends.


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## hong (Jun 17, 2004)

This is Not Good.


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## Terraism (Jun 17, 2004)

I can only second Hong - Not Good, indeed.    Best wishes, and I'll keep hoping.


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## Ankh-Morpork Guard (Jun 17, 2004)

He was one of the first people I talked with when I first delurked here...argh, I do hope he somehow improves. ENWorld is most definitely pulling for him.


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## Oni (Jun 17, 2004)

Though I've only spoken with him a bit online, I was very sad to read this.  I prayed for him, and wish him well whatever fate may hold.


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## Teflon Billy (Jun 17, 2004)

Aw crap   

I hope he pulls through. I'm not much on prayer, but I've honestly never had anything but good thoughts for the guy, So I will turn it up a notch.

I knew Ryan's days were numbered. I had just hoped that the number was higher 

Hang in there kid.


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## Holy Bovine (Jun 17, 2004)

Been awhile since I used this login.  I wish Angelsboi the best.  I remember him going through some tough stuff before when my own health was in the crapper.  I hope and pray for him.


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## Ogre Mage (Jun 17, 2004)

Prayers to angelsboi and his family -- whatever happens.  Know that he was loved by the ENWorld community.


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## Micar Sin (Jun 17, 2004)

I'm not much for prayer, but I really hope he pulls through and the phrase 'only the good die young' doesn't hold this time....


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## Mirth (Jun 17, 2004)

Damn. Double Damn.

Ryan, wherever you are, know that I'm thinking about you right now. I always thought you had the gumption to pull through this and I still do. My heart hurts thinking about the pain you are going through, though. Best of luck.

Damn.

Jay


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## jgbrowning (Jun 17, 2004)

We're sending what good will towards him we can,

joe b. and Suzi Yee


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## LightPhoenix (Jun 17, 2004)

I'm sure he'll be mighty comfortable in whatever comes after, but until then I wish him some degree of peace from his pain.


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## Angcuru (Jun 17, 2004)

Damn.  I know a thing or two about cancer through personal experience, and if he's not responding to the chemotherapy, and considering his condition...I'm not sure that chemo was even a remotely good idea in the first place.  I've no idea how much longer he has, but I hope they're good times.


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## Piratecat (Jun 17, 2004)

We're so sad. Our thoughts are with him, and with the people who love him.


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## Imhotepthewise (Jun 17, 2004)

God Bless. Godspeed.


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## Stone Angel (Jun 17, 2004)

This saddens me beyond measure.    His posts were always a joy to read. Sending my best to Ryan and those close to him.

The Seraph of Earth and Stone


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## Merlion (Jun 17, 2004)

Sympathy and prayers.

I didnt really know him, but I feel a certain bond as a fellow gay man, and former Atlantean.


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## Chroma (Jun 17, 2004)

Prayers and best wishes.  Our thoughts are with you.


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## qstor (Jun 17, 2004)

God Bless. It doesn't sound good at all.  

My thoughts are with his friends and family.

Mike


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## Power_Word_Wedgie (Jun 17, 2004)

I would also like to extend my best of sympathies to him, his family, and his friends.  It must be rough.  I remember when he posted his first message on the subject on the board ... it doesn't seem that long ago.  Thanks for the update.


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## jmucchiello (Jun 17, 2004)

It's sad how sometimes you don't even notice someone's been gone a while till it's been pointed out. Why wasn't I thinking of AB until now? Damn. God bless.


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## Andrew D. Gable (Jun 17, 2004)

No, it doesn't seem long enough at all, Power Word.

I knew him only through his posts on here, but he always seemed a nice guy to me.  Hopefully all the positiveness going his way from the boards will have the desired effect.

Best of luck.


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## howandwhy99 (Jun 17, 2004)

I feel sad that I never was able to meet Ryan as he left the group a few months before I joined. I know the guys remember him fondly. My heart goes out to him.


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## Mercule (Jun 17, 2004)

Well, !

He seemed like a nice enough kid.  About all I can wish is that God's presence is felt and Ryan and family/friends are strengthened.


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## jeffh (Jun 17, 2004)

I didn't know Angelsboi anywhere near as well as I'm sure some of you did, but I remember seeing one of his earlier health updates.  Had to admire the level of courage he seemed to show.

Oddly enough I was thinking about it just the other day - to be honest, judging by the post I remembered, I assumed he was already no longer with us.  Nevertheless, I'm saddened to learn that that day may be upon us.


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## BryonD (Jun 17, 2004)

Very sad.

No matter what comes, I hope he finds peace and comfort.


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## William Ronald (Jun 17, 2004)

I said a prayer for Ryan, that he can somehow pull out of this and recover.  I have seen many people cheat death, and I pray that Ryan can do so.  

I remember Ryan's enthusaism for RPGs, his honesty, and his sheer joy at being alive or responding to a kind deed.  (He was ecstatic when thalmin gave him a gift of EN World Supporter status.)  I pray that we can see more of him on the boards someday.

I pray that Ryan and his loved ones are strengthened and comforted in these sad hours.  I think Ryan gave many of us a chance to show the compassion and thoughtfulness that truly makes EN World an online community.  I hope that we can continue to show these traits to Ryan and others. 

May God bless and strengthen Ryan and those dear to him.


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## thalmin (Jun 17, 2004)

Sad news indeed. Ryan, know that we care. My best for you and your family.


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## Jai Kel (Jun 17, 2004)

Done, and doing.  Without even half a moment's hesitation.



			
				SSS-Druid said:
			
		

> If you have half a moment, think good thoughts towards him, please.


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## Umbran (Jun 17, 2004)

Well, that really stinks.

We're asked to think good thoughts of him.  He's a good person.  One would have to make some effort to come up with a bad thought about him, which says something....

I hope he gets through this.  If that simply isn't possible, I hope he finds rest and peace.


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## Henry (Jun 17, 2004)

I checked his journal entries about three weeks back, and he seemed fair to middling then, but not below that. 

Seems like only yesterday he was telling us all how Andy Hallet's character on Angel was patterned after him. 

I'll pray for him. I am so sorry to see this happen to such a vibrant young guy.


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## coyote6 (Jun 17, 2004)

Damn.


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## LostSoul (Jun 17, 2004)

That blows.  I liked the guy.


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## zoroaster100 (Jun 17, 2004)

This is very sad.  He was so young when he got hit with such bad news back when he found out he was HIV Positive.  I feel like when something like this happens to someone good that young the world is getting cheated.  I hope he makes it through, and that whatever happens, that his family and loved ones are comforted in this difficult time.


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## Shonuff (Jun 17, 2004)

He used to play in my OA play-by-post game. He made such an interesting character I still use her as an NPC.

My wife and I are pulling for him to make it. He's in our thoughts and prayers.


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## diaglo (Jun 17, 2004)

i never post this late. i woke with a start and for some reason felt compelled to check the boards.

Ryan,

you know my prayers are for your best, safest, and most heartfelt recovery.

missing you,

David


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## Michael Morris (Jun 17, 2004)

In times like these I return to my faith for comfort. Perhaps the following may help.

[bq]Psalms 18
(To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David, the servant of the Lord, who spake unto the Lord the words of this song in the day that the Lord delivered him from the hand of all his enemies, and from the hand of Saul: And he said,) 

_I will love thee, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid. The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.

In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears. Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth. There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it. He bowed the heavens also, and came down: and darkness was under his feet. And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind. He made darkness his secret place; his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.

At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed, hailstones and coals of fire. The Lord also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice; hailstones and coals of fire. Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them; and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them. Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O Lord, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils. He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me. They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the Lord was my stay.

He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me. The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me. For I have kept the ways of the Lord, and have not wickedly departed from my God. For all his judgments were before me, and I did not put away his statutes from me. I was also upright before him, and I kept myself from mine iniquity. 

Therefore hath the Lord recompensed me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his eyesight. With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful; with an upright man thou wilt shew thyself upright; With the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure; and with the froward thou wilt shew thyself froward. For thou wilt save the afflicted people; but wilt bring down high looks. For thou wilt light my candle: the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness. For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall. 

As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the Lord is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. For who is God save the Lord? or who is a rock save our God? It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect. He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places. He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms. Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great. Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip.

I have pursued mine enemies, and overtaken them: neither did I turn again till they were consumed. I have wounded them that they were not able to rise: they are fallen under my feet. For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle: thou hast subdued under me those that rose up against me. Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies; that I might destroy them that hate me. They cried, but there was none to save them: even unto the Lord, but he answered them not. Then did I beat them small as the dust before the wind: I did cast them out as the dirt in the streets.

Thou hast delivered me from the strivings of the people; and thou hast made me the head of the heathen: a people whom I have not known shall serve me. As soon as they hear of me, they shall obey me: the strangers shall submit themselves unto me. The strangers shall fade away, and be afraid out of their close places.

The Lord liveth; and blessed be my rock; and let the God of my salvation be exalted. It is God that avengeth me, and subdueth the people under me. He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man. Therefore will I give thanks unto thee, O Lord, among the heathen, and sing praises unto thy name.  Great deliverance giveth he to his king; and sheweth mercy to his anointed, to David, and to his seed for evermore._[/bq]


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## Fast Learner (Jun 17, 2004)

Blessings and lots of white light to Ryan and his loved ones.

I've always enjoyed his posts here, and literally every time I've seen the show _Angel_ I've briefly thought of him.

It's all good, Ryan, and everything is OK.


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## Kelleris (Jun 17, 2004)

I don't recall seeing any posts by Angelsboi, but judging by these responses he will be sorely missed.  My best wishes go with him.


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## Ed Cha (Jun 17, 2004)

I'm so sorry to hear about Angelsboi's suffering. I hope he feels better soon. Is he well enough to read? I'd be happy to send him a care package of books and RPGs from my personal collection.


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## billd91 (Jun 17, 2004)

My best wishes to out to Angelsboi as well.


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## Citizen Mane (Jun 17, 2004)

Sad news.  Hopefully Ryan will find some peace.  He'll be in my thoughts tonight.


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## Kilmore (Jun 17, 2004)

..


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## Psion (Jun 17, 2004)

This is very sad, and I pray that he pulls through.


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## Beale Knight (Jun 17, 2004)

All my best wishes, rpayers, and good thoughts to AB and his family. I'm very saddened to hear the news, but I'm glad you let us know.


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## Uzumaki (Jun 17, 2004)

From his LJ:



> Thursday, June 17th, 2004
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 12:44 am - ...
> ...




Holy crap. I feel so stupid for what I almost did in February. I'm so dumb, dumb, dumb. Angelsboi... dammit.

I'm sorry. I'm just angry at everything.


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## Particle_Man (Jun 17, 2004)

This is very sad news.  My condolences to his family and many friends.

Perhaps there is something Enworld can do as a memorial to Angelsboi?


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## Buddha the DM (Jun 17, 2004)

_that's all that I have to say on this_


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## The Spectrum Rider (Jun 17, 2004)

Thank you for letting us know. My thoughts are with him.

The Spectrum Rider


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## Vymair (Jun 17, 2004)

May God bring peace and healing to his family and friends in this difficult time...


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## Old One (Jun 17, 2004)

*Peace...*

I have been following Ryan's situation through the boards and have thought about him occasionally over these past months.  It is sometimes hard to offer words of comfort or care through electronic media...

When I saw this post tonight...I tried to think of one word that described Ryan through all of his postings on this board in its various iterations.  Exuberance sprang to mind...

Carry that exuberance and spirit with you, AB...peace.

~ Old One


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## Teflon Billy (Jun 17, 2004)

A sad day for me  

Godspeed Ryan.


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## Taladas (Jun 17, 2004)

He has my prayers and best wishes. May his family find peace and comfort.


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## resistor (Jun 17, 2004)

Damn.

Goodbye, AB.  You are missed.


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## Tewligan (Jun 17, 2004)

It's not often that I'm in tears over someone I don't personally know. I'll make an exception today. My best wishes go out to Ryan's loved ones.

Can this news go on the front page, along with a link to contribute to flowers, research, or something? Anything?


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## resistor (Jun 17, 2004)

Yes.

A moment of silence on the front page for Ryan and his family.


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## Mangrum (Jun 17, 2004)

I only just discovered this thread tonight; I knew Ryan was seriously ill, but I didn't know it had come to this. I never interacted with him all that much, but once upon a time, I was a Ravenloft writer and he was a fan.

...

This is actually the second time in a few years that cancer has claimed a Ravenloft fan I'd known. Once again, despite not really knowing Ryan (or Marie, who went before him), my throat is tight and I'm struggling for words.

I never met Ryan, but I'm fighting off tears at his passing. My sincerest condolences to his friends and family. He'll be joining Marie in my thoughts for a long, long time to come. They were both too young.


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## zenld (Jun 17, 2004)

vaya con dios.


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## MerakSpielman (Jun 17, 2004)

I'm glad his pain is over, and I'm glad he went with his friends and family present... Ryan, you're in a better place now. You will be missed.


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## pogre (Jun 17, 2004)

Go easy bro. 
Rest in Peace.


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## d4 (Jun 17, 2004)

goodbye, AB. you will be missed.


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## johnsemlak (Jun 17, 2004)

There are few things sadder than the passing away of a young person.

Peace be with his family and loved ones.


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## Kesh (Jun 17, 2004)

It's amazing how one person can touch so many, even through nothing more than messages on a webboard.

Ryan was with us from some of the earliest incarnations of EN World, and he's always been a pleasant person to chat with on here. I can only take consolation in the fact that he's no longer suffering, and hope he found the peace he was looking for.


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## Jehosephat (Jun 17, 2004)

Somehow I always thought he would beat this thing.    

Maybe we'd all feel better if we turned this thread into one where people posted their fondest memories of him? There must be alot because I know he had alot of friends here.  

I'll start it, and if anyone feels like adding a memory they are more than welcome.

I didn't know him as well as alot of people.  Interacted with him a few times though.  And the one thing that really caught my attention was how willing he was to help someone and share ideas.  Angelsboi was a good sounding board for ideas.  Not only would he encourage people with their ideas, you always could also find a few nuggets of info in what he shared. 

RIP Angelsboi, your friends will miss you.


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## Teflon Billy (Jun 17, 2004)

I liked when he, as an Early-adopter of *Mutants and Masterminds* asked for some advice about why his supervillain was getting the snot pummelled out of him by the heroes, what was wrong with the build?

We were like "Dude, all he does is turn into a motorcycle...that ain't exactly _Galactus_ if you get what I'm saying"  

That was it. A motorcycle. He finally said it best himself in an email "How afraid would you be of a sentient motorbike if you could control the forces of Magnetism"

He had a point


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## Scarbonac (Jun 17, 2004)

Fare thee well, Angelsboi.


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## ForceUser (Jun 17, 2004)

...


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## Beale Knight (Jun 17, 2004)

A sad day indeed.


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## the Jester (Jun 17, 2004)

I only met him for a few days, but Ryan was a great guy.  He was sweet, kind, giving and fun-loving.  

Blessed be, Ryan.  Peace to you, and comfort to your friends and family.  We'll all miss you.


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## SSS-Druid (Jun 17, 2004)

Thanks to the person who posted that information from Ryan's LiveJournal.

Tonight, a young man who was in terrible pain was eased from that pain while surrounded by those who loved him and whom he loved. All across the world, many people who only knew him by a handle that told of his boyish adoration of a TV star and by his stunning personality and enthusaism for the past-time was all shared were praying for him, thinking of him, mourning for him.

Tonight, a young man may have died, but an angel got his wings. And those were well deserved, I think.

May the gods he knew usher him kindly into what lies beyond, and may the gods of those left behind comfort them.

Thanks, everyone. He couldn't have asked for better friends.

(As an aside, I am getting information on where flowers and the like can be sent, for those inclined. Thanks.)


----------



## takyris (Jun 17, 2004)

Here's hoping that Angelsboi's up there somewhere living up to his screen name.   

Remember him well, learn what he told us all to learn from his mistakes, and know that he's in a place without pain or sadness.


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## Jehosephat (Jun 17, 2004)

SSS-Druid said:
			
		

> (As an aside, I am getting information on where flowers and the like can be sent, for those inclined. Thanks.)




Yes, please do.


----------



## Frostmarrow (Jun 17, 2004)

Angel - please look after us.


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## ruemere (Jun 17, 2004)

...

Till we meet again, AngelsBoi.

Regards,
Ruemere


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## gfunk (Jun 17, 2004)

Rest in Peace, Ryan.  You were a great human being and I know you are in a better place now.


----------



## Bran Blackbyrd (Jun 17, 2004)

Wow...
Rest in peace.


----------



## Foundry of Decay (Jun 17, 2004)

I'll add that I'm utterly devastated by this news.  Like many, I knew he wasn't in the greatest of health, but had hoped he would be among us for many a year.

*A memory*  It was just before he had found out about his illness, and I recall him sending along a commission request to have a couple of his characters drawn up for a game he was playing in. 

Normally I don't take commission requests, but his characters were so unique, and memorable, that I had let him know that I'd like to give drawing them for him a whirl.  This was a day before I was about to depart on a trip to MA for a convention, and I had let him know that when I returned after a week, that I would hash out the details with him.

Sadly, things wen't terribly for him before I could return the E-mail.  But his characters still stand out in my mind.  If I hadn't had lost the message due to a drive corruption, I'd have drawn them gratis just because of their vibrancy.

I'll miss seeing him around.  I'm terribly sorry to hear that another wildly creative soul has been taken, and I send my deepest regrets to his loved ones in this sad time.


----------



## Trickstergod (Jun 17, 2004)

Peace and no pain, sometimes the best we can ask for. 

I never knew him all that well, but found myself worried all the same when I first stumbled across a thread regarding his condition however many months back, and even found myself checking his livejournal here and there over the months to come out of my general paranoia that he'd passed on without a word nor peep without my knowing. 

All my condolances to those who must live on without him.


----------



## Hecatol (Jun 17, 2004)

So sad...

My thoughts are with his family and friends, most especially Kevin, his S.O.

Yet Billy's motorcycle anecdote brings a smile to my face and reminds me what a bright and quirky soul angelsboi was.


----------



## Tarrasque Wrangler (Jun 17, 2004)

I remember telling him to move to the Bay Area.  I told him he'd fit right in with all the other freaks here.  I was being kinda cheeky about it, but now I really wish he'd said "Yeah...I think I will!"  He was one of my favorite electronic people and I'd have liked to have known the flesh and blood version.

 I can't help thinking: At least he got to see the last ep of Angel...


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## mikedidthis (Jun 17, 2004)

Discovering and following one of Angelsboi's threads sometime back is what turned me from an occasional lurker into an active, daily lurker. His posts put a human face on this board for me; made me want to get to know more about him and others on ENworld. 

God be with you, Angelsboi. You are missed here.


----------



## Elric (Jun 17, 2004)

This is so sad.  We must play the strings we have left.


----------



## Mouseferatu (Jun 17, 2004)

My own greatest memory of Angelsboi isn't a specific event. It was a general sense of him, back when I was new to the forums here.

It was, quite simply, this: He was so _open_ about who he was. In an online environment, where so many of the people you interact with are strangers, it must be so hard to be up-front and honest. And yet here was this person who was gay--and open about it, and happy about it--in a forum not specifically devoted to that topic.

And it _didn't matter to anyone_.

I'm not sure why that's so important to me, except that it, more than anything else, proved to me what a great community this was. The fact that he was comfortable here proved that this was not a place of hatreds or judgments or misperceptions.

Angelsboi, by himself, helped shape my perception of EN World as a community, and as a good place to be. I really didn't know him very well, but I think maybe he'd have liked that.


----------



## MulhorandSage (Jun 17, 2004)

Damn.

Far, far too short a season. I'lll say a prayer for you, Angelsboi. My condolences  to your loved ones.


----------



## Winterthorn (Jun 17, 2004)

I'm deeply saddened. I haven't been lurking around much of late. I just thought to look up what was new at ENWorld, and lo, the first thing that caught my eye was this news... I always thought that he would, as many have, be living with HIV for many many years to come... I never expected Ryan to leave this mortal world so quickly!

Angelsboi, my soul weeps for thee. I'm sorry I never interacted with you as much as I think now I should have... But I cannot weep forever, for I know we are all made of flesh here, and I hope I, nay all of us, will meet you on the otherside when our time arrives...

My sincere condolances to Ryan's family and friends. Thank-you Ryan, for spending time with us here during your short time on earth. Rest in Peace kid.

**sniff**

-W.


----------



## Duncan Haldane (Jun 17, 2004)

I saw this thread first a few hours ago.  I didn't post then, as I couldn't find the words.
Now when I was ready to post I find that he has already passed away.

As a gay man, I found great strength in Ryan's posting here.  I wouldn't call myself closeted (out to friends, family, but not at work), but he seemed so comfortable with himself he made me proud.

When he first talked about his illness here I didn't think it was good.  I worked as a volunteer with an AIDS organisation for a number of years, and although the medicines available now are doing wonderful things, he was hit so hard by the virus I couldn't see they would help him enough.

He drifted away from EnWorld a lot after that, with the occasional posting about his health.  But every couple of months I looked up his LiveJournal just to find out how he was.  I found myself thinking of him last weekend, and planned to look him up this week.

Ryan is unlikely to have had any idea of who I am, but I will miss him.  

Duncan


----------



## Maldur (Jun 17, 2004)

This is a sad day

Rest in Peace, kid.


----------



## kolvar (Jun 17, 2004)

It is very strange how the death of a person you only read some white pixels on the sceen from, can touch you. I had not much to do with AB, but he was simply there, he belonged to this board as someone does, who was here, is here and will be here in the far future. 
If there is a better place, he has gone to, I hope, he can feel, how much he will be missed and how much he ment to everyone, even those, who only new him by his alias. 

Thank you for sharing.


----------



## thalmin (Jun 17, 2004)

Peace, Ryan. Wherever you are has now become a much better place.


----------



## talinthas (Jun 17, 2004)

Bhagavan apka atma ne shanti aapo.
God grant your soul peace.


----------



## Pinotage (Jun 17, 2004)

*Prayers*

Angelsboi once played in a PBEM game with me. I remember him and his character fondly. My prayers go to him and his family in this sad time.

Pinotage


----------



## hong (Jun 17, 2004)

Damn, and I thought _I_ was having a bad week.


----------



## Olgar Shiverstone (Jun 17, 2004)

*Sniff* 

I first met Angelsboi as an online personality through these boards, and then -- completely by surprise -- met him in person when I joined a new gaming group after moving to the Atlanta area.  He had an amazing sense of who he was, and his imagination and dreams were bigger than all of us.  When I later took over DMing, he brought some of the most memorable and emotional characters and moments to our game in the form of Bernadette and Sir Richter Belmont (see the early parts of diaglo's Banewarrens d20 story hour to relive some of his best in-character moments).  He always brought tremendous fun to our table, and it was a great loss when he stopped gaming because of his illness.  He will be missed.

Though collective memory may be the best memorial, is there anywhere on this site we can memorialize him and others (ChairmanKaga) for the future?

Edit: Here's a sample of some of his storytelling in a series of adventures he DMed.


----------



## johnsemlak (Jun 17, 2004)

For reference here are searches I made of posts by Angelsboi:

Posts made by Angelsboi

Threads started by Angelsboi


----------



## Carnifex (Jun 17, 2004)

Rest in peace, Angelsboi.


----------



## Li Shenron (Jun 17, 2004)

Poor guy... And even more sad to think of his mom, I remember he said she had been going through a lot in her life, but no parent should ever see her children die   

I want to... try post a smile here. Maybe it's a stupid thought, but I have the feeling he might have appreciated

See you


----------



## Nightfall (Jun 17, 2004)

May angels grace you, wing you up on high and carry you unto the Light of Heaven.

Angelboi, we'll all miss you.

And for myself, a great loss today, but hope that now he's beyond the pains, struggles, and toils of this world.

What dreams may come, may they be better than any can imagine.

God grant you his grace my friend.


----------



## diaglo (Jun 17, 2004)

Ryan,

i'm just glad i had the chance to know you.

David





(for those who never met or saw Angelsboi's posts visit the story hour in my sig pages 1 thru 19.)


----------



## JeffB (Jun 17, 2004)

Now he can begin his new journey without suffering and pain.

He will be sorely missed here, but not forgotten.

God Bless.


----------



## Mathew_Freeman (Jun 17, 2004)

Mouseferatu said:
			
		

> My own greatest memory of Angelsboi isn't a specific event. It was a general sense of him, back when I was new to the forums here.
> 
> It was, quite simply, this: He was so _open_ about who he was. In an online environment, where so many of the people you interact with are strangers, it must be so hard to be up-front and honest. And yet here was this person who was gay--and open about it, and happy about it--in a forum not specifically devoted to that topic.
> 
> ...



This echoes, pretty much, my experiences and thoughts of him. To meet someone who, by their enthusiasm and by the joy they have, makes something that can be so contentious uttelry irrelevant...it's rare.

Best wishes to his loved ones, and if it's possible to archive this thread once it's done I think it should be.


----------



## Belen (Jun 17, 2004)

I am very sorry to hear about Ryan.  He will be missed.

We should all try to do something for his family.  Do you think Morrus and crew could set up another EnWorld donation fund?

Dave


----------



## Mirth (Jun 17, 2004)

Ari,

Thanks for summing up exactly my feelings about Ryan.

Jon Semlak and David (diaglo),

Thanks for the links. Experiencing Ryan secondhand is the best way for anyone to get a sense of why he is missed so much.

Ryan,

Peace at last, brother. I'm sure you're having fun wherever you are 

Love and all that stuff,

Jay


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## johnsemlak (Jun 17, 2004)

> Jon Semlak and David (diaglo),
> 
> Thanks for the links. Experiencing Ryan secondhand is the best way for anyone to get a sense of why he is missed so much.




No problem.

Here are the links I posted, again, for people to click



			
				johnsemlak said:
			
		

> For reference here are searches I made of posts by Angelsboi:
> 
> Posts made by Angelsboi
> 
> Threads started by Angelsboi


----------



## JoeBlank (Jun 17, 2004)

As others have said, Ryan shaped my view of EN World as an open, accepting and friendly place. I lurked forever before starting to post actively, and I think seeing how he was treated, and how he treated others, helped draw me into this place, seeing it as more than just another messageboard.

I'm glad I got the chance to game with him, as gaming really defined his personalit. It was what he loved more than anything else, and it showed. He had a passion for the game, as he did for everything he choose to do.

Ryan, I'm glad to have known you.

My prayers go out to his friends and family now.


----------



## Knight Otu (Jun 17, 2004)

...


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## DaveMage (Jun 17, 2004)

A sad day indeed....


----------



## Rugger (Jun 17, 2004)

Mouseferatu said:
			
		

> My own greatest memory of Angelsboi isn't a specific event. It was a general sense of him, back when I was new to the forums here.
> 
> It was, quite simply, this: He was so _open_ about who he was. In an online environment, where so many of the people you interact with are strangers, it must be so hard to be up-front and honest. And yet here was this person who was gay--and open about it, and happy about it--in a forum not specifically devoted to that topic.
> 
> ...





I couldn't have summed up my thoughts any better...so I'll just quote yours.

Bye Angelsboi!!!! You'll be missed!!!  

-Matthew Pennington


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## Klaus (Jun 17, 2004)

Very sad news indeed.     

Ryan was very _alive_. And in our hearts, so he shall always remain.

Back when I first started posting to EN World (actually Eric's UN&R), he asked me if I could make a character out of his photograph. And so I did. Knowing his adoration for the vampire Angel, I put together the Grave Stalker, a half-elf rogue, which is still in my Oddballs gallery.

This is my tribute to Ryan, now truly an Angel Boy.

You'll live here always, buddy! 

Vá com Deus!


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## Twinswords (Jun 17, 2004)

Rest in peace.

My condonlances and thank you for brighting up ENworld,

Twinswords


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## Piratecat (Jun 17, 2004)

Joseph, I changed the thread title so that people who were quickly scanning the boards would know. Angelsboi is the second of our community (along with Chairman_Kaga) to pass while still tremendously young, and we'll miss him deeply.


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## Plane Sailing (Jun 17, 2004)

Very sorry to hear this sad news.


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## Kugar (Jun 17, 2004)

Angelsboi may you find peace, my thoughts and prayers go to those you leave behind.

It is truely a remarkable gift to touch so many lives in such a positive way in a handful of years.  He did truely shape this community and will be sorely missed by those of us who were inspired by his words.  

Kugar


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## Djeta Thernadier (Jun 17, 2004)

This is a sad day. Ryan was one of the nicest, sweetest people around. It just is not fair or right that any person should have to suffer the way he did. I hope he is at peace now. 

My heart goes out to his family and loved ones. He will be very missed.


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## GreyShadow (Jun 17, 2004)

Rest and game with angels.


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## Davelozzi (Jun 17, 2004)

I am very sad to hear this news, though at least it is comforting to hear that he passed peacefully.  Like most of you, I only knew him through his online prescence, but I have nothing but high opinions of him - he will be missed.


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## Darklone (Jun 17, 2004)

Enjoy the real wings now, you will be missed, AB.


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## Djeta Thernadier (Jun 17, 2004)

Does anyone still have those pictures of him from the old member gallery? The b&w ones where he has the angel wings on? I always thought those were great.

Maybe if someone has them, they could post them?


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## JPL (Jun 17, 2004)

Rest in peace, friend.


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## JoeBlank (Jun 17, 2004)

Djeta Thernadier said:
			
		

> Does anyone still have those pictures of him from the old member gallery? The b&w ones where he has the angel wings on? I always thought those were great.
> 
> Maybe if someone has them, they could post them?



Weren't they posted to his Livejournal? I don't know how to navigate in Livejournal very well, can't seem to get very far back in previous posts. Maybe someone else can find them:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/angelsboi/


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## threshel (Jun 17, 2004)

Like many, I didn't know him personally.  Heck, I don't even remember interacting with him on the boards, although it may have happened.

What I do remember is not being able to pass up a thread he started, whether here or at the Green Ronin site.  I found his unique perspective, imagination and unapologetic openness inspiring.  For that, AB, you have my gratitude and thanks.

I am saddened by our loss, but joyous that his suffering is at an end.
Peace and contentment in eternity,
J


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## Psion (Jun 17, 2004)

johnsemlak said:
			
		

> For reference here are searches I made of posts by Angelsboi:
> 
> Posts made by Angelsboi
> 
> Threads started by Angelsboi




Looking back at the thread entitled "not dead yet" sort of stings now.

Someone may want to plop the links into a thread if they want to share it with the community at large, for not all posters have access to the search feature.


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## dravot (Jun 17, 2004)

Angelsboi is in a better place.  We are better for having known him, and saddened at his passing.


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## Ghostwind (Jun 17, 2004)

This community has truly lost a member of their family. Ryan will be missed greatly. Our condolences to his loved ones.


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## Nikchick (Jun 17, 2004)

threshel said:
			
		

> What I do remember is not being able to pass up a thread he started, whether here or at the Green Ronin site.  I found his unique perspective, imagination and unapologetic openness inspiring.  For that, AB, you have my gratitude and thanks.





Would someone who knew Ryan's handle on our forums be so kind as to cross-post this news to the Green Ronin boards?

Like Threshel, I'm sad at our loss, but relieved for Ryan that he's released from his pain and struggle.

Nicole


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## Cog (Jun 17, 2004)

I'm sorry and saddened to hear that Ryan passed away. He will be missed by many, many people.


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## Psionicist (Jun 17, 2004)

Remember ... 

... his clockwork familiar.

... how he spelled dark as "darke".

... his mother, only 15 years older than him.

... his street-figher-esque signature image.

... his different view on halloween.

...


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## The_Gneech (Jun 17, 2004)

Farewell, Angelsboi, and best wishes to his survivors.

   -TG


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## Zappo (Jun 17, 2004)

At least, suffering is over.


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## The Cardinal (Jun 17, 2004)

bye...


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## thundershot (Jun 17, 2004)

He will be missed....


Chris


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## Mercule (Jun 17, 2004)

Djeta Thernadier said:
			
		

> This is a sad day. Ryan was one of the nicest, sweetest people around. It just is not fair or right that any person should have to suffer the way he did.



Someone (don't remember who) around here has a great quote in their .sig for this.  Something to the effect of:

"I used to be greatly upset at how unfair life was.  Then I started thinking, what if life really was fair and we deserved all the bad stuff that happenned to us.  Now I take great comfort in the unfairness of life."


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## JoeBlank (Jun 17, 2004)

Angelsboi


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## KB9JMQ (Jun 17, 2004)

I am sorry to hear he is gone.   
I really enjoyed his posts.
You will be missed.


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## Sniktch (Jun 17, 2004)

This is very sad  He was a warm, brave, and good person and I am grieved at his passing.

Good night, sweet prince.  May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.


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## dsfriii (Jun 17, 2004)

Sad day.....


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## diaglo (Jun 17, 2004)

Psionicist said:
			
		

> ... his different view on halloween...




his birthday (edit: oct 29th). he and JoeBlank share the same day (not year).


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## BlackMoria (Jun 17, 2004)

I do not greave.  Valhalla has gained another warrior Skald.  I will lift a cup to his memory.


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## Eye Tyrant (Jun 17, 2004)

I played in a very brief CoC, play-by-post game that Ryan set up. Though it ended up not lasting long due to his health (IIRC), it was a great game. I take comfort in knowing Ryan is gonna be rolling some dice again now, and feeling better doing it


----------



## Barendd Nobeard (Jun 17, 2004)

I am so bummed out by this news.    

I can take some solace in the memories Angelsboi left us.  He certainly brightened our world during his too-short stay.


----------



## dren (Jun 17, 2004)

It's truly amazing, that in this digital and sometimes uncaring world we can feel connected to another person despite the fact we never meet them in person. By simply sharing a common hobby, so many of us feel touched by the loss of one of our own. 

Angelsboi, good-bye and god bless. You will be remembered and missed; both by your loved ones and us, the gaming community.

dren


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## Breakdaddy (Jun 17, 2004)

In the next life, may he find the happiness and adventures that all of us here imagine and dream of! Rest in Peace, AB.


----------



## herald (Jun 17, 2004)

My thoughts are with him and his family.


----------



## WayneLigon (Jun 17, 2004)

Eye Tyrant said:
			
		

> I played in a very brief CoC, play-by-post game that Ryan set up. Though it ended up not lasting long due to his health (IIRC), it was a great game. I take comfort in knowing Ryan is gonna be rolling some dice again now, and feeling better doing it



I played in two of his Play-By-Post games, and they were very cool. I don't live all that far from Atlanta and planned on coming up to see him sometime, but by the time I was able he was already very ill. I wish I'd been able to at least stop in and say 'Hi'.


----------



## Pielorinho (Jun 17, 2004)

This is very sad to hear; my condolences to his loved ones.

Daniel


----------



## fett527 (Jun 17, 2004)

JoeBlank said:
			
		

> Angelsboi




This is the first thing I always thought about when I saw or heard Angelsboi.  This image will be etched in my memory forever, thank you for posting it.  He will be missed.


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## Deadguy (Jun 17, 2004)

Farewell

You are gone, but you are *not* forgotten. You will always be a member of this community.


----------



## Ed Cha (Jun 17, 2004)

I always liked that avatar. I'm going to miss it. 

Very sad news, indeed.


----------



## Cthulhu's Librarian (Jun 17, 2004)

Damn, Ryan. You always were good at making me laugh and tear up at the same time. Now you've gone and done it again. 

 Angelsboi sent me the first couple of chapters of the novel he was writing several months ago. He had alot to say about life, and though the writing was dark on the surface, he said alot about who he was, and he said alot to his mom and to his friends. He was a very caring soul, and when we wrote back and forth, he always said something funny or touching before he mentioned how bad he was feeling or how his health was not getting any better. He stopped writing the novel, saying he was going to come back to it someday, and that would try to write something else. We emailed a few times after that, but I could tell from the few emails that he wasn't getting any better. He still mentioned from time to time that he'd get to one of the big conventions, maybe GenCon, to meet a bunch of the people he knew online. I know that he'll be there in spirit this year, and I'll be raising a glass for him. 

  Rest in peace Ryan. You have earned it. You won't be forgotten. 
  Thanks for the smiles, and thanks for the tears.


----------



## Ankh-Morpork Guard (Jun 17, 2004)

I'll always remember that signature image he used...damn, this just sucks. But then again, at least he isn't suffering anymore. That's something no one should ever have to deal with. He will be sorely missed...


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## Altamont Ravenard (Jun 17, 2004)

"Now cracks a noble heart.
Good-night, sweet prince,
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!"

Farewell, AB.


----------



## John Crichton (Jun 17, 2004)

I'm at a bit of a loss but I need to comment.

I had limited conversation with Ryan over email about a few things about 18 months ago.  It was about an event in his D&D game that we were discussing.  I don't recall many of the specifics but it was a fun email chat and he was a nice guy with a large and creative heart.

I point to the sky and know that he is now at peace.


----------



## Crothian (Jun 17, 2004)

He was a good person, and a good gamer.  I mostly just interacted with him in talks about Buffy and Angel, but it was always good fun.


----------



## BOZ (Jun 17, 2004)

aww... damn.  

prayers and thoughts for his loved ones...


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## Krug (Jun 17, 2004)

Peace be with him.


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## der_kluge (Jun 17, 2004)

Well... crap.

Where's a 9th level cleric when you really need one?

I remember Angelsboi for his post about using Tarot cards to build adventure plots.  He posted a thread on it as if lots of other people had the same idea.  It was, frankly, the most bizarre thing I'd ever heard of.  

He truly had a different way at looking at life.

He'll be missed.


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## Buttercup (Jun 17, 2004)

Adieu, Ryan.

As P-Kitty said, the EN World community now has two members among the stars.  

Drink to Bjorn for the both of them, and for all gamers who have left us behind.


----------



## Flyspeck23 (Jun 17, 2004)

This really is a sad day.

And that's kind of strange, because I didn't really know him. Not in person, at least.


Rest in peace.


----------



## MichaelH (Jun 17, 2004)

I only knew him by a few threads in which he participated.  It is a great testament to his life that he affected so many in such a positive way.  My condolences to his family and friends.


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## Benben (Jun 17, 2004)

*Deeply missed.*

Angelsboi, was really inspiring to me when I first joined these boards.  I was addicted to his first story hours for the emotional intensity and creativity in it.

Does anybody have a link to his Rainbow Dice Gaymers logo?  Or to the cafepress storefront that was selling items with it?


----------



## Krieg (Jun 17, 2004)

Dylan Thomas said:
			
		

> Do not go gentle into that good night,
> Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
> Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
> 
> ...




Until then...


----------



## Hecatol (Jun 17, 2004)

I like Olgar Shiverstone's suggestion a few pages back; would it perhaps be possible to add a more permanent little "memorial area" for Angelsboi and Kaga?


----------



## Remathilis (Jun 17, 2004)

Glory To The Brave
Find this song on Sheet music, CD
_(by Dronjak/Stromblad/Cans)_
Snow is falling down on this glorious land
colors fading, turning into white again
To fallen heroes angels sting, they cry their winter tears
endless mourning days will turn to years

So this is goodbye, I take leave of you and
spread your wings and you will fly away now, fly away now

Nothing on earth stays forever
but none of your deeds were in vain
Deep in our hearts you will live again
you're gone to the home of the brave

Every solemn moment I will treasure inside
even though it's hard to understand
that a silent wind can blow that candle out
taking everything leaving the pain far behind

You call out my name, but your voice is fading
into the wind, embraced, you'll fly away now, fly away now

Nothing on earth stays forever
but none of your deeds were in vain
Deep in our hearts you will live again
you're gone to the home of the brave

My eyes are closed I feel you're faraway (so close)
far beyond that shining star
I know you'll find what you've been fighting for
far beyond that shining star

Down on bended knee I pray, bring courage to these souls
make'em live forever in the heart of the bold
So I say farewell my friends, I hope we'll meet again
when my time has come to fall from the grace

So this is goodbye, I take leave of you and
spread your wings and you will fly away now, fly away now

Nothing on earth stays forever
but none of your deeds were in vain
Deep in our hearts you will live again
you're gone to the home of the brave


----------



## Drago (Jun 17, 2004)

It was only last week I was thinking I hadn't seen a post from him in a while and wondering how he was doing ...
As a ancient lurker on these boards, since before 3ed was released, I have read many a post by Angelboi. So as many of you, I got to know him through this board. He was a character as unique as there is, an open and honest person who was unafraid of who he was.
When I checked the boards this morning this thread immediately caught my eye, 
it comes as a sad shock to discover one so young is gone...
My condolences to his family and friends, and may he have peace and eternal joy.

Dave


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## Dismas (Jun 17, 2004)

> So you know how pale & wanton thrillful
> comes death on a strange hour
> unannounced, unplanned for
> 
> ...




Jim Morrision, An American Prayer.


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## Claude Raines (Jun 17, 2004)

Most people on this board I just consider acquaintances. He was one of the few that I considered a friend.


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## Umbran (Jun 17, 2004)

It's a cryin' shame to lose good people so young. 

Peace to Ryan and his family.


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## Chunklets (Jun 17, 2004)

Sadness.  I remember Angelsboi fondly from when I used to lurk here quite a long time ago.  My deepest condolences to his family and friends.


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## Darkness (Jun 17, 2004)

This grieves me.

I still remember the times when Angelsboi was a prolific poster here, way back on the old boards. His story hour, the chats about Buffy, all these things.
He was a nice man.

Peace, Ryan and his family...


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## Impeesa (Jun 17, 2004)

You know, it was just a few days ago that I was telling my girlfriend about this guy I knew online and how hard he'd been hit by AIDS. I was wondering how he was doing, because I hadn't seen an update in months. When I first saw there was a new update on his health, I breathed a small sigh of relief - that meant he had to still be hanging on, right? 

It's a good thing my coworkers are nowhere to be found. I'm not the type to get too shaken up about the loss of anyone short of immediate family - at least, not in and of itself. But reading through so many pages, seeing how many lives he's touched without ever meeting any of them personally.. well, I may be getting a bit red-eyed here. Maybe I can pass it off as allergies.

A community like this is greater than the sum of its parts. We see it in the unique viewpoints of every post, the enthusiasm and creativity that feed off each other. It's not until such a great person disappears that you realize just how much an individual contributes to that wonderful atmosphere.

Ryan, you will be missed.

--Impeesa--


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## William Ronald (Jun 17, 2004)

Rest in peace, Ryan.

I remember Ryan's energy, his joy, his courage in the face of adversity, and his honesty.  I remember posts on Buffy and Angel that made me laugh on a grim day.  Let us remember Ryan's good qualities, and incorporate those traits in ourselves.

I remember that when thalmin gave Angelsboi a gift of EN World supporter status, how happy he was at this surprise.  I posted that I hope he could make it up to Games Plus to thank thalmin personally.  Sadly, he will not again be on these boards or at any convention.  Yet, I think his presence will still be felt here at EN World and in the larger world.

EN World is a very open and friendly place, and  I believe Ryan did his best to contribute to that aspect of the boards.  We commiserated with him and supported him during his illness.  Now, we mourn Ryan and think back to happier times.  May Ryan find the peace and happiness that at times seemed so elusive  to him.

May the Source of Peace send peace to those who mourn and comfort to those who are bereaved.


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## EricNoah (Jun 17, 2004)

This is a sad day for all of us, and all of our days will be the sadder for his passing.  I'm so glad we got to know him, and I'm glad he had the courage to come here and be who he was without fear.  Running the old forums and the old news site has put me in touch with a ton of awesome people over the years, and Ryan's presence here always stood out as a glittering beacon of enthusiasm for this hobby.  I will miss him.


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## MEG Hal (Jun 17, 2004)

Puter at home is on the fritz, work is crazy, but I have a few minutes, so I log real fast and I see this...

 


I knew AB only in some e-mails and post swapping but he always had ideas and was happy to tell you about them.  He truly *loved* this game and you could feel his energy.  

AB----you will be missed, godspeed and god bless, may you be happier now as an Angel.

Maybe we should say something at the ENnies?


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## Angcuru (Jun 17, 2004)

Damn.  I just hope wherever he's gone to, that it's a nice place.


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## Paladin (Jun 17, 2004)

As many of you know, I don't get a chance to post very often, or even read what's going on. I got on today to do something else entirely, I will put this off until tomorrow and think of AB today. We've heard almost nothing about AB since last summer's GenCon when one of our customers requested to pick up a bag for him to be autographed by all us gamer's on the boards. 
We, too, thought his illness was something he would be able to work through and live a much longer life. I, however will not mourn for him, but hope instead he mourns for us who will not be traveling with him to become part of God's service of angels. It is he who will mourn for us who cannot see God's face, be embraced by him and taken to Heaven on a chariot where he can fulfill his dreams and everything he wished to complete here and could not. 
We here have nothing to give him anymore but a fond farewell and prayers to help ease the suffering of his family. Paladin and I would like to help organize flowers and such to be sent on to the funeral and his family to honor his memory. It is they who will suffer most and we want them to know how many of us he touched in life and hope that knowledge will help them.
We will be glad to start a PayPal account, expressly for this purpose, or just use our own, whatever the Boardmen and women desire. Let us know right away, the funeral will probably be soon and we would want to have the collecting done at least the day before so everything can be ordered.
Again, we are saddened by this news and share the loss with our ENW family.  Paladinwife


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## francisca (Jun 17, 2004)

AB, I hope the wind is gently rising beneath your wings, wherever you may be.

There will be an empty chair for you at my table the next time my friends and I gather to game.

Peace be with you, your family, and circle of friends.


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## Henry (Jun 17, 2004)

Just last night I looked up his oldest threads on these forums (dated 1-20-2002), where he spoke about moving to Atlanta. The thing that struck me most, was his enthusiasm (like what Ari Marmell said) and his just "heart on his sleeve" demeanor. It was humorous to see, but refreshing at the same time. 

How many other people have you interacted with that would just walk up to you and say, _"Hi, I'm Ryan, I'm Gay, I'm Pagan, and I love the Angel TV Show. I just moved here. How are you doing?!?!"_  I never actually personally met him, but he made me feel like I had.

Reading his livejournal as the HIV kicked in was a really gut-wrenching thing - because just as he wore his heart on his sleeve in joy, it was no different in pain. Some really dark stuff in there.

Just too damn short.


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## Rel (Jun 17, 2004)

Piratecat said:
			
		

> Angelsboi is the second of our community (along with Chairman_Kaga) to pass while still tremendously young, and we'll miss him deeply.




For what it's worth, he's at least the third.  *The Lone Corndog*, a long time friend of mine, died last August at the age of 33.  I will quickly mention that TLC was not a very prolific poster and I don't want you to feel bad about forgeting, PC.

Now as then, this news is very upsetting.  I was in a terrible mood already today and popped in to ENWorld in order to cheer up a bit.  Seeing this thread right at the top of the page did little for my mood.

But then I began to read all the wonderful outpourings of sympathy and condolences.  They reminded me yet again of what a fantastic group of people that we have here at ENWorld.  

I remain sad at the loss of Angelsboi.  But he was exemplary of the reasons why this community is, hands down, the best one I've ever seen or been a part of.

Thank you for that, Angelsboi.  And peace be with you in your further travels.


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## Maxboy (Jun 17, 2004)

Writing anything about Ryan doesn't seem to do him Justice, 

I knew Ryan really well through Emails, over the past 3 years, as a young gay guy, Ryan was always so supportive to me and helped me come to terms with my Sexuality, this loving caring guy, gave of his time freely to answer any questions I posed to him, and was always Warm and loving to me.

at the moment, Iam Devastated at his passing 

I think this is one of those days, when we should gather our love ones , sons, daughters, wives, husbands, just a bit closer to us, and Remember how fleeting life can be, and how precious


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## Michael Morris (Jun 17, 2004)

The briefest candles have the brightest flames Henry.


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## tensen (Jun 17, 2004)

It had been a while since I was in touch with Ryan.
I was just thinking about the old campaign he ran over on goandroleplay.com.

As the titles of those d20 modern games went, they seem appropriate at this time.


Ryan was a light, a light that was fading.  The shadows have risen to overtake him.  But that light lives on within all of us that he had touched.

The light goes out, but the flames of his inspiration have touched us and spread.  He has gone beyond the veil, but will be never lost as long as one of us holds onto those memories.


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## xenoflare (Jun 17, 2004)

*haiku*

For one of Enworld's own:

home beckons for you/
moon's soft laughter/ we look up/
winds have new friend/ bye

Yours,
shao


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## Arravis (Jun 17, 2004)

I wish I knew what to say.


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## xenoflare (Jun 17, 2004)

*goodbye, and have fun now. -wave-*

Goodbye now Angelsboi,

   i've never talked to you before, but i've read your posts and your lj at times. I feel that you're a brave, brave man.  Enjoy the cosmic dance now... let your feathers bring some joy to this listless, strife-filled world of us mortals sometime, won't you? When i head to the video game arcade and see Rock Howard in the Mark of the Wolves, i'll remember your signature avatar. As Tizoc would say, "Let Your Fighting Spirit Shine! Let your rage burn red, kid!"

  For the rest of us here at Enworld - i found this old story about friendship and death from the Taoist philosopher, Zhuang Zi. Just would like to share, somehow it seems pertinent... we are all nameless friends who have no explanation why we are friends, and thus better friends for it. Let us be united now, and be heartened that despite our inability to express this in words, to express life and death...

  ... we have been friends, and will be friends, marked by this touchstone. This is the first feather of Angelsboi to descend for us from the heavens, and surely not the last...

Rest in peace, dance in joy
shao

**

3 Friends, by Zhuang Zi

There were three friends
Discussing life.
One said:
"Can we live together
and know nothing of it?
Work together
and produce nothing?
Can people fly around in space
and still forget to exist
In this world without end?"

The three friends looked at each other
and burst out laughing.
They had no explanation.
Thus they were better friends than before.

Then one friend died.
Confucius sent a disciple
to help the other two
Chant according to the traditional funeral ritual.

The disciple found upon arrival
that one of them had composed a song.
While the other played the lute,
They sang:

"Hey, Sung Hu!
Where'd you go?
You have gone
Where you were before.
And we are here--
Damn it! We are here!"

Then the disciple of Confucius burst in upon them and exclaimed:
"May I inquire where does it state in the funeral rituals, 
That you are allowed to sing so irreverently 
In the presence of the departed?"

The two friends looked at each other, smiled, and said:
"He's well-trained in liturgy,
but the poor fellow doesn't understand life and death!"

**


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## Bass Puppet (Jun 17, 2004)

R.I.P. 

Though I didn't know you personaly, you were part of this great family. After reading several pages of this thread, it's wonderful to see so many people touched by this special individual. May your spirit be filled with eternal happiness. 

-Cain


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## C. Baize (Jun 17, 2004)

I never corresponded with Angelsboi... 
I saw a lot of his posts, and was often entertained by them.
Go with the Gods, Angelsboi...

There are some song lyrics that I think would go well, here...


Hammer Heart
By Bathory.

Now that the wind called my name
And my star had faded now hardly a glimpse up in the empty space
And the wise one-eyed great father in the sky stilled my flame

For the ones who stood me near
And you few who were me dear
I ask of thee to have no doubts and no fears

For when the great clouds fills the air
And the thunder roars from o, so far away up in the sky
Then for sure you will know
that I have reached the joyous hall up high

With my bloodbrothers at side
All sons of father with one eye
We were all born in the land of the blood on ice

And now you all who might hear my song
Brought to you by the northern wind have no fear
Though the night may seem so everlasting and forever dark

There will come a golden dawn
At ends of nights for all yee on whom
Upon the northstar always shines

The vast gates to hall up high
Shall stand open wide and welcome you with all its within
And Odin shall hail us bearers of a pounding hammerheart


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## jester47 (Jun 17, 2004)

The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you have burned so very, very brightly... 

-Bladerunner

Another will be missed.

Aaron.


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## Viking Bastard (Jun 17, 2004)

.



.


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## ASH (Jun 17, 2004)

We are all strangers...strangers that inevitably have connections. Weather it be connected through god, family, spirit, hobbies or simply a messageboard. Let me just make this clear, i have never been more proud to be part of a community. I am not even a community suupporter, but the touching things that have been said, and felt in this thread; well it just makes me happy that there is such kindness in the world, and that I get to be part of it.

I did not know angelsboi. I read a few of his posts on enworld. I recently read most of his posts on his lj. He was a complete stranger to me as I was to him; at least on the level that we never conversed directly.
Some could say that him and I were not at all alike; after all i am a married with two kids, optimisitic, woman with an overnight job at walmart.

As different as we were, i felt a connection to him. In the end i think all he wanted is the same thing i strive for everyday, love, acceptance and joy, and in life, we are not all that different after all.

He was filled with a beautiful soul; a soul that even now I feel is present in all his poetry. He had an amazing spirit. He was struck down too early. 
Its better knowing that he is no longer in pain; that no matter what comes, he is now at peace. He has touched me deeply. His poetry, his struggle between the light and the dark places in his heart. 

May your soul find all it desires Ryan. I will remember you.

His husband and mother have put up posts and contact information here in his livejournal...
http://www.livejournal.com/users/angelsboi/

And just too add this, i know from his journal that he liked Sarah McLachlan. This song was written for a person that left the world too soon. Every time I hear it I will think of him...

Angel
By Sarah McLachlan
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------


spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here


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## Monte At Home (Jun 17, 2004)

Damn.


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## Macbeth (Jun 17, 2004)

Speechless.
_
"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints."
Psalm cxvi. 15.
_


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## Asmo (Jun 17, 2004)

Rest in Peace Ryan. 



Asmo


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## SSS-Druid (Jun 17, 2004)

Rest in Peace, Ryan.

(Photo-edit by Michael Nolan.)


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## shoplifter (Jun 17, 2004)

Godspeed.


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## Aulayan (Jun 17, 2004)

I used to lurk around here all the time, and then stopped a few months ago.  I still remember Angelsboi and the posts he made and fervent wishes he would pull through.

Damn.


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## Wombat (Jun 17, 2004)

Joseph, my thanks to you for all the efforts you have put in to keep us informed in this sad time.  

That is as fine of a service to a friend as any could ask for.


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## Stone Angel (Jun 17, 2004)

Ryan may the evening wind carry you home swiftly.

To all those close to him, peace I bid you come to them quickly.

The Seraph of Earth and Stone


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## Skullfyre (Jun 18, 2004)

May the gates at Valhalla open for you.


Peace.....


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## El_Gringo (Jun 18, 2004)

I've been a long time lurker here. Though I didn't speak with him much, I always enjoyed reading his posts. Goodbye Angelsboi. Thank you for showing us what courage really means.

Shalom


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## Holy Bovine (Jun 18, 2004)

a moment of silence
.
.
.
.
.


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## zorlag (Jun 18, 2004)

I'm saddened by his passing. He started posting here about the same time as I did and was active, bright part of the community. I remember hearing while back that he was sick and hoped that he'd get better but knowing how difficult his condition was... It was not meant to be.

Farewell, you'll be missed.

Z.


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## Richards (Jun 18, 2004)

Damn, Angelsboi...that's a hell of a way to gain the Celestial template...   

He'll be missed.

Johnathan


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## The Grumpy Celt (Jun 18, 2004)

And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead mean naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clen bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Through they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion. 

-Dylan Thomas


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## Valanthe the Sleepless (Jun 18, 2004)

This morning I heard the news about Ryan, and about the same time, my friend went into labor. A truly strange day. Sad and happy, endings and beginnings.

Ryan, I wish you peace on your journey home. You will be missed.


we are the stars which sing
we sing with our light;
we are the birds of fire,
we fly over the sky.
our light is a voice;
we make a road for the spirit to pass over


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## NiTessine (Jun 18, 2004)

It's a sad, sad day.


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## Alaric_Prympax (Jun 18, 2004)

Rest in peace Ryan, you will be missed.


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## Andrew D. Gable (Jun 18, 2004)

Well, dangit.  

Best wishes to his family and friends, and hopes that they'll deal with it in whatever way seems best.


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## Micar Sin (Jun 18, 2004)

Walk in green field AB...your struggles over...


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## Treebore (Jun 18, 2004)

Condolences to everyone. You are missed.


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## Elf Witch (Jun 18, 2004)

Ryan and I exchanged e-mails when he founded out that I practice the craft too. He had a great spirit and faced his illness with courage and dignity. I only knew him a very short time but I will miss him.

Ryan may your time in the Summerlands be joyous and filled with peace and love. May you next life be full of love and free from pain.


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## Navior (Jun 18, 2004)

I never corresponded directly with Angelsboi, but I read many, many of his posts. He was truly a shining star.

Rest in peace.


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## Qualidar (Jun 18, 2004)

Good luck, Ryan. We'll see you on the other side.

And a prayer for those he left behind.

~Qualidar~


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## Jamdin (Jun 18, 2004)

Goodnight, Angelsboi


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## Imhotepthewise (Jun 18, 2004)

Goodnight, Angelsboi.  I will miss you.


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## Theron (Jun 18, 2004)

Dammit.

I didn't know him, other than seeing him all over the place.  I've never been a very prolific poster here.  But he was memorable.  His stories were great.  I think the first time I saw the term "gaymer" was in one of his posts.

I work in the field of HIV health care.  Not that it has any bearing on things, but for some reason, when someone I'm familiar with loses the fight to ARC, it just makes me mad.

Peace, Ryan.


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## Kilmore (Jun 18, 2004)

Gods speed.


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## beta-ray (Jun 18, 2004)

I don't know him as well as most of the other posters, but I do remember him posting and that street fighrer-ish image he used... I am saddened by his passing, and reading just a few of his live journal postings is heart-wrenching.

My thoughts go out to those that survive him... and to this community. I hope we can all remember mroe what we gained from his presence, than focus on the loss.

Take care all.


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## Sidereal Knight (Jun 18, 2004)

I'm a dyed-in-the-wool lurker, and like so many of us I only knew him by his posts and blog.  That window into his life showed someone with rare courage and honesty, and a truely creative spirit.

I did correspond with him over email once, in August of last year when it turned out that he would not be able to make it to GenCon.  I got him to promise to come this year and have dinner with me and my partner.  I know he'll be there in spirit... I just wish that was enough.



> Into The West by Annie Lennox
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> _
> Lay Down
> ...


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## MavrickWeirdo (Jun 18, 2004)

_Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night

He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
I had to listen had no choice

I did not believe the information
Just had to trust imagination
My heart was going boom boom, boom
"Son," he said, "Grab your things, I`ve come to take you home."

To keeping silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut

So I went from day to day
Tho` my life was in a rut
`Till I thought of what I`d say
Which connection I should cut

I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart was going boom boom boom
"Hey," he said, "grab your things, I`ve come to take you home."
Yeah back home

When illusion spin her net
I`m never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I think that I am free

Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes, but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me

Today I don`t need a replacement
I`ll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart was going boom boom boom
"Hey," I said, "You can keep my things, they`ve come to take me home." _

Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel 


Another who borrows words, when I don't know what to say.

Merry meet,
Merry part,
and Merry meet again.


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## Eosin the Red (Jun 18, 2004)

I never spoke with Angelsboi but I admired him for his simple outspoken comfort in his own skin. Like Henry said, he wore his heart on his sleeve and that is a profoundly brave trait in todays world.

My sympathies to those who loved him.


Added: His winged street fighter avatar is iconic of him. I have seen it in other places on rare occassions and I always think of AB when I see it. I imagine I always will.


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## Sugarmouse (Jun 18, 2004)

*Many moons ago...*

Although I only recently registered, I've been lurking here on and off for a while.

I first came across Angelsboi back on Irony a few years back, and he accepted a character concept of mine into a shortlived game due to his health problems. 

I stayed in touch with him for a little while thereafter, even helped him a little bit in sorting out a Pantheon for a new game idea he had. 

I disappeared for a while thereafter, and never got into contact with him again. 

It is clear that he has managed to touch many people, and their lives have been enriched by his existence.

So, in memory as a brief aquaintance of mine, lo so many moons ago:

"Hail to the victorious dead!"


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## Alhazred (Jun 18, 2004)

A great loss of a great man.  My condolences to his family and friends.

Alhazred


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## Alzrius (Jun 18, 2004)

I wish I had seen this thread before. 

I didn't know AB very well. We just didn't post on many of the same topics. That said, I knew he was ill before, and it's sorrowful to hear that he's gone. He was part of us here at EN World, which I think of as my extended family. His loss is saddening, and he will be missed.


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## Steve Jung (Jun 18, 2004)

Goodbye Angelsboi. My condolences to your husband, your family and your friends.


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## jollyninja (Jun 18, 2004)

his posts always made me wish i was in the same group as him. this sucks.


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## Arc (Jun 18, 2004)

I only joined recently, and missed most of his postings and contributions to this community, but every post, every comment, in fact, every thing about angelsboi always seemed positive and energetic. I hardly knew him enough, and hate to speak of "him", instead of talking to "you."

You'll be missed


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## Beckett (Jun 18, 2004)

I should have been asleep, but decided to skim the boards (all I do of late).  I didn't know Angelsboi, hadn't been up on his health problems.  I don't know what to say, so can only hope he's found peace.


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## sword-dancer (Jun 18, 2004)

My Condolencies

Thorsten


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## Eccles (Jun 18, 2004)

Deepest sympathies to all who were touched by him.


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## Tonguez (Jun 18, 2004)

Moe mai e tama ki te ringa opeope a to tatou whaea ki te po, ma nga tupuna koe e manaaki tae noa ki te whakaotinga

_Sleep young man in the embrace of our eternal mother, may the ancestors protect you until the End._

I knew Ryan as a Enworlder and as a pbp DM, he was a brilliant light shining in the darkness and I will weep for him until we all meet.


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## Mustrum_Ridcully (Jun 18, 2004)

There are only a few poster whose names I can keep in my head, just because of the things the say. 
Angelsboi was one of them...


"Funny" coincidence: This sunday I drove home from my parents to my place here with my cousin. He told me a bit about a friend he lost last week, and whose funeral was this wednesday. It becomes imaginable how hard the death of a friend (or family member) is, even though I luckily did not have to face this myself - but unfortunately, it`s only a matter of time...


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## tetsujin28 (Jun 18, 2004)

I remember Ryan from way back when on the Buffy boards. The angels claim another one


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## Festy_Dog (Jun 18, 2004)

Its a painful thing when a good person passes away. I didn't know him very well, but he will be remembered. My condolences to his family and friends.


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## Mulkhoran (Jun 18, 2004)

Been away for a very long time, this is a big shock to see this first time back here.    

Another brilliant white star of our community has gone out.  Godspeed, Ryan, may better hands than these bear you to a better place than this.


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## dsfriii (Jun 18, 2004)

I think it would be nice if ENWorld did something...even is it is just a in Memory fornt page anouncement???


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## RSKennan (Jun 18, 2004)

I only just found out. I'm crushed. I'm with the others who think this should be on the front page. Could someone find the old gif from his sig? 

I guess I naively thought he'd be all right. Good night, Angelsboi.


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## Orias (Jun 18, 2004)

Through lurking on these boards for a long time, and posting every once and a while, I got to read a lot of AB's posts, and I always thought that he seemed like a great and creative person.  I wish the best for his family and friends through these times.


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## Ycore Rixle (Jun 18, 2004)

He will be missed. I never saw an Angelsboi thread that I didn't click on, just to read what he was saying and how he was saying it. I was sad when he stopped posting as much - and I am sadder still now. Rest in peace.


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## Scarogoth (Jun 18, 2004)

*Farewell Angelsboi*

Fare thee well, Angelsboi. I was very sorry to hear the news. You will be missed.

I have nothing much to add to the panegyric posts above, but felt I had to add my voice to their strains, as although I knew Angelsboi but remotely, what little communication we had between us was entirely responsible for persuading me that you could be yourself on the boards. In spite of the nicknames everyone adopts, not everyone was roleplaying all the time when they posted -- a revelation for which I will eternally be grateful.

Plus, of course, there was that seriously sexy little avatar thing going...


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## Azakiel (Jun 18, 2004)

*Goodbye*

Being a newb on this forum, I have not had the opportunity of interacting with AB, but after reading through all these posts I can see how much his actions impacted on everyone here. I offer my prayers for his family and friends, and know that he is looking down on us from heaven and is pleased that we all care.


 Rest in Peace AB

 Azakiel

 Also, I have noticed that some people would like apermanent memorial to him and Kaga, and I would like to say that I am willing to put aside a part of my site for this purpose if that is what people would like
 Hope this helps

 Azakiel


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## WayneLigon (Jun 18, 2004)

One of the people I game with in Atlanta knew Ryan, and writes of his last hours here.


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## Psion (Jun 18, 2004)

WayneLigon said:
			
		

> One of the people I game with in Atlanta knew Ryan, and writes of his last hours here.
> 
> http://www.livejournal.com/users/speaks/




Thank you for sharing.


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## Ace (Jun 18, 2004)

That very sad news   

We will miss him on the boards


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## CaptainCalico (Jun 18, 2004)

*Deepest sympathy*

Anglesboi was a very special person, I will miss his presence here.


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## Sialia (Jun 18, 2004)

Angelsboi will never be forgotten here, because even if we don't always know how we got here,we know where we are.

When I joined ENWorld, I hid behind my alias, as most of us did. I didn't want to expose any of my "real" life to the strangers here, and I did want any of my "real" life to be able to find out about my "private" life by Googling info about me here.

And then Angelsboi appeared, and he just was himself. He was so sharing, that everyone who chatted with him started sharing stuff too. It was as if he tested the waters for us. And we found out that these waters are both deep and warm. And it didn't matter about whether you posted under an alias or used your real name--there was a lot of stuff you could say about who you were that had nothing to do with what you did in real life or called yourself. 

And, as so many have mentioned, because Angelsboi made himself vulnerable to a whole crowd of strangers, and he trusted us to be decent people, we also found out that the comunity here _is_ good at being supportive, intelligent, questioning, respectful, creative, fun. Like Angelsboi himself. 

A lot of us started sharing more of our "real" selves after that. I still don't like to use my other names here, but now it's because I've shared more of who I really "am" here than I can in the office.

And when ENWorld was in trouble last year, and we rallied as a community, it was because we really see this forum as a community, and not just as a free online resource. There's lots of places I _use_ online, but very few where I _live_.

Anyway, thanks to Angelsboi and his memory, because I think that's a gift he gave to all of us. The strength to be ourselves and to trust each other to be ok with that, whatever we are, whoever we are. He was a courageous leader, and we're here because he led us up through a particularly tricky part of the path, and taught us things we needed to know about ourselves in order to survive.
I wish he were still here with us. I never told him any of that in person, and I should have.


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## Chupacabra (Jun 18, 2004)

A kind and kindred soul passes from this realm to the next.
May you find peace.


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## Anime Kidd (Jun 18, 2004)

I never knew him and never chatted with him on the boards, but I found myself thinking of him the last few days and how sad it is when something like this happens. He will be missed.


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## jaerdaph (Jun 19, 2004)

I lost two very good friends to AIDS in the early 80s. With the advances in drug therapy, I never thought I'd lose a third. It's been 20 years now. We still need to do more to erradicate this terrible disease. 

God Bless, Ryan. You will be greatly missed. All my love, thoughts and prayers are with your friends and family.


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## elaith19 (Jun 19, 2004)

*Sleep well....*

I never knew this user personally, being new around, but from all the reactions all over, it is evident that this person had a huge impact on this community that I am just discovering.

I offer my condolences to his family, friends and relatives.

Funny how unexpected things can sometimes affect you. I write these words with tears in my eyes.

The best is yet to come, Angelsboi. See you in another life, hopefully!

.....Elaith19


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## Mirth (Jun 19, 2004)

WayneLigon said:
			
		

> One of the people I game with in Atlanta knew Ryan, and writes of his last hours here.
> 
> http://www.livejournal.com/users/speaks/




Thanks so much for the link. That was very moving.


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## Krieg (Jun 19, 2004)

WayneLigon said:
			
		

> One of the people I game with in Atlanta knew Ryan, and writes of his last hours here.
> 
> http://www.livejournal.com/users/speaks/






> He would sneak over to White Wolf and go through their dumpsters for books.




That made me smile. Damn.


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## ConnorSB (Jun 19, 2004)

Goodbye, Angelsboi. You will be missed.


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## Vrylakos (Jun 19, 2004)

We spoke a couple of times here and there in threads across the boards.

I would wonder how he was doing, this person I barely knew. I would read the threads on his health, and keep my fingers crossed.

He will be missed, he seemed such a sweet person.

And thank you to the EN World boards for letting me know, however peripherally, this interesting person whose posts I would read and sometimes respond to.

Vrylakos


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## Estlor (Jun 19, 2004)

There are some universal truths in life.

 One is that nobody gets out of this life alive.

 The other is there are no goodbyes... just see you laters.

 Ryan will never truly die, because he will live on in the hearts and minds of the people he touched in his life.  He may no longer be physically with us, but he will *ALWAYS* be here.  Though he and I couldn't have been any more different in our lives, lifestyles, and beliefs, we share the bond and unity of this place and the spirit of friendship and community that surrounds it.  I never conversed with Ryan, but I followed his battle with AIDS with hope that he would find peace.  And, in the end, Ryan has found that peace.  He rests now in paradise in the caring and loving arms of our Lord and Savior.  His mission in life is over.  He touched dozens of people around the world with his earnest, uncompromising honesty.  His unconcerned openness was a refreshing thing.  It will be missed.

 In the end, it isn't how long we lived that is remembered, but how *well* we lived.  And judging by the support he had here, few have lived as well as Ryan.

 You're in the arms of the angels now, Angelsboi.  Fly with them like you lived your life - unapologetically your own way.


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## randomling (Jun 19, 2004)

Wow. I've been reading this thread for the last few days and it's nearly made me cry every time I've come back to it. I didn't know AB well - hardly at all, in fact - but it seems he made a lasting impression on so many people. I won't forget him.


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## Krael (Jun 20, 2004)

While I never talked to the guy, I can see he left a lasting impression on these boards, and for that, he will be missed...


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## barsoomcore (Jun 20, 2004)

Loss sucks. Pain hurts. Life is far, far too short.


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## LeapingShark (Jun 20, 2004)

WayneLigon said:
			
		

> One of the people I game with in Atlanta knew Ryan, and writes of his last hours here.
> 
> http://www.livejournal.com/users/speaks/




Wow.  That is really powerful stuff. 

Thank you.


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## BSF (Jun 20, 2004)

Sadly I just found this.  I've been on vacation a week, so I missed it.  I am sad, but I wouldn't trade that feeling for not having read any of Angelsboi's posts.  I wouldn't say I knew him, but I will miss him.

Be at Peace Ryan.


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## marketingman (Jun 20, 2004)

I believe we should attempt to have our own service for Ryan at Origins on Saturday night at Midnight in the Open gaming area. This would allow for everything he loved in his life to be represnted.

I would concider it an honer to organize and arrange for speakers, Just look for me around the Open Press Area during the convention.


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## sawbones (Jun 20, 2004)

I too just returned from holidays to find this sad news of Ryan's passing, he will be missed, but I am sure remembered by all that he touched here.

As a physician, I see patients who suffer and die all too frequently, and in 15 years, one never gets used to the heartbreak of a young vibrant person's death.

Godspeed Ryan

Grant


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## Upper_Krust (Jun 20, 2004)

Such loss. 

My sincerest condolences to Ryans family and friends. 



			
				JoeBlank said:
			
		

> Angelsboi




Thanks for posting that. Whenever and wherever I see that image I always think of Angelsboi.


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## Paul_Klein (Jun 20, 2004)

Even though we didn't know each other, I still feel compelled to say my farewells.

Godspeed Angelsboi. I know you will be missed by the ones who loved you, but you will forever live on in many hearts, minds, and souls.


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## Nifelhein (Jun 20, 2004)

I have first learned of him in a post about his situation, the very first on it here... and then, now I hear about this... it is a sad event and a sad day that which we loose those dear to us...

Whatever I do, I will never forget this event, and I know that like his posts are always going to be around his life and thoughts are never to be forgotten by those cared for, and by those who knew him.

May our prayers guide your way to where you shall look after us all.


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## Fenes (Jun 20, 2004)

My Condolences.


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## megamania (Jun 20, 2004)

Sorry to read first of his declined health but now ...the most recent news.  I will think and reflect of him and others in similiar position/transition of life.  I myself am a cancer survivor.  I knew how it affects family and friends.  My thoughts go to them also.


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## boxstop7 (Jun 20, 2004)

My goodness...  

Farewell, Ryan.  May you at last have the peace and serenity we all so desire...

- Jason


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## Cassander (Jun 20, 2004)

I remember him....


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## Yig (Jun 20, 2004)

Sad news.

My Condolences.


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## Arakon the Grey (Jun 20, 2004)

Hey all, an opinion here.

Don't be upset for him, be happy for him.

He is no longer suffering, or in pain.

He will be missed by many, but he is free of the pain that was in his life, he is at peace.

His purpose on this world was deemed met, so it was his time.

Well Rest in Peace man


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## UniversalMonster (Jun 20, 2004)

Man. Ryan was a really creative guy. I first ran into him right here talking about some of his (many) campaign ideas in like 2000 or 2001. We were never really friends- I guess about the same as any message board relationship is. I read his posts more than I replied to him, but I always thought he was really cool. It seems like he was always putting together something new, and he never limited himself to any one system. I didn't know he was sick, and I had dropped off of the Enworld boards for several months long periods before. 

So when I heard about all of this from Kronosoam, I went back and read his journal, from before he knew he was sick to the end. I read the whole thing, every day. At one point he posted a listing of his RPG collection and it was massive. I had most of the same stuff, but still it was cool to go through and look at all his collection. 

I'm conflicted because it's clear from reading his journal that he didn't take it easy enough after he was sick. And I think "maybe if he had taken care of himself better and slowed down a bit..  he'd still be here..". But then I think- maybe not, and I would have definitely wanted for him to enjoy his time here on the mortal plane with us. I guess I have nothing to say other than I wish he were still here, and he was a really creative cat with a lot of ideas. 

Ryan always talked about being an Angel. It was part of his personal mythology. But now, it's all true. 

Anyhow, roll a d20 for me, angelsboi. You were the best. Wish I had known you better. 

- Peter


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## Gargoyle (Jun 21, 2004)

My condolences to his friends here on the boards and elsewhere.  He had some great posts, and you could tell he was a good person.


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## Express (Jun 21, 2004)

Sad to hear this. Ive been wondering for a while AB's status. Ive lurked here for a long time and had handles on older versions of ENWorld. I played in a PbP with AB on another site-AB's PC was a tarot carrying sorceress. Though I never really knew him, I always read his posts.

I can only hope when I pass, I have such an outpouring as I see here for AB.

I can only think of a bit of Milton, thats a bit hopeful:

_When once our heav'nly-guided soul shall clime,
Then all this earthy grossness quit
Attir'd with Stars, we shall for ever sit,
Triumphing over Death, and Chance,
and thee O Time.  _


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## Veander (Jun 21, 2004)

Blind-sided me with this tonight, but I wanted to add my thoughts anyway.  I just haven't been paying enough attention to the community lately (namely the chat).  Anyway, I chatted with him and brat^witch quite a bit a long while back in the dnd3e chatroom on Psionics.  When he left the chatroom, I lost much of my contact with him, but I did still read a thing or two of his in messageboards.

He was one of the most creative sparks of light in a community filled with raging imaginations, imo.  

Good journeys, Angelsboi.  Good journeys.

Veander


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## LcKedovan (Jun 21, 2004)

Impeesa said:
			
		

> You know, it was just a few days ago that I was telling my girlfriend about this guy I knew online and how hard he'd been hit by AIDS. I was wondering how he was doing, because I hadn't seen an update in months. When I first saw there was a new update on his health, I breathed a small sigh of relief - that meant he had to still be hanging on, right?
> 
> It's a good thing my coworkers are nowhere to be found. I'm not the type to get too shaken up about the loss of anyone short of immediate family - at least, not in and of itself. But reading through so many pages, seeing how many lives he's touched without ever meeting any of them personally.. well, I may be getting a bit red-eyed here. Maybe I can pass it off as allergies.
> --Impeesa--




Funny.... I have been mostly AWOL with my job for the past Year and just the other day while in Dubai (where there is a large "underground" problem with AIDS) I started wondering how Angelsboi was doing.... I came on today during training at work only to see this...   

Like others, I have fond memories of Angelsboi from the early prolific days. He was an entertaining and upfront guy who's contributions to the board will live with us all. It isn't the first, or even second time where someone I have known online has passed away and it never gets easier to deal with. It is a tempting thing to be saddened and depressed, but I think we should all take a page from Angelsboi's attitude and instead celebrate what he brought to us all and the fact he is now free from the grips of pain. I will be hoisting a drink to him tonight... better late than never.

-Will.


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## TroyXavier (Jun 22, 2004)

Rest in Peace, AB.

And he will lift you up on angel's wings and make you to shine like the sun.
I know you have moved on to a better place.
(modified from On Angel's Wings)


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## Friadoc (Jun 22, 2004)

Oft it's the brightest fires that burn the hottest, but they are also the shortest lived.

Angelsboi was good people, even though I only knew of him, only interacting with him upon the boards, from EN World.

Above all else, even being a gamer, he was a good human being and he shall be missed by those he touched.


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## Azakiel (Jun 22, 2004)

*Memorial*

As I said in an earlier post, I am willing to create a memorial area on my site.

 I have created a board on my forum on the site so that people can post their memories/stories etc.

 The forum is located Here 

 Hope this helps
 Azakiel


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## Zander (Jun 22, 2004)

I only just found out that Ryan has passed away and am deeply moved by this very sad news.

I never met Ryan in person but I did send him a gift once, a Mongoose book on drow elves. I don't know if he ever got the book. I hope he did. I hope he knew how much he meant to us. 

Our Angelsboi. 

Our angel of the boards.


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## Arthur Tealeaf (Jun 22, 2004)

...


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## Paladin (Jun 23, 2004)

Okay, here is the address to sent flowers and such to since we haven't really been able to get everything together as a group:

Leia Boell
13605 n 20th st apt 1
pheonix az 85022

Bless Angelsboi...


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## SSS-Druid (Jun 24, 2004)

Hey, folks.

One last thing here: his family has asked me to post this link on EN World for them.

http://www.gordy.org/ryan/

It gives some information on the services, as well as a couple of other things.

"Yes, I'm a witch. I've stood before the Lord of Death and found him not unkind. I've practiced well the sacred hidden lore. The words of power and the spells that bind. The herbs that heal - But most of all have I danced naked, free and proud beneath the sky. Unto the Goddess, She who shines above."

Rest well, Ryan. We'll see you next time around.


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## welby (Jun 24, 2004)

my condolences to his family and to all of us, his friends


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## marketingman (Jun 26, 2004)

With it being the end of one day the gegining of another let us thing not of how he passed but the enrichment to the lives he touch.

For now is the time he would be enjoying a dance club or LARPing with friends or going through the dumpsters at White Wolf. Let us remember him for how he lived not for how short his stay was.


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## mythago (Jun 26, 2004)

Oh no.

 The last I read, he had been doing better on the meds....that seemed like such a short time ago.

 Rest in peace, Angelsboi.


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## BOZ (Jul 1, 2004)

i think this thread needs to head over to the archives.


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## Thief of Always (Jul 1, 2004)

I was saddened when I read about what happened...

I'm not sure what to say.

I hope his family and friends are all doing fine.

God Bless and Godspeed, Ryan Boell.


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## tennyson (Jul 1, 2004)

I've been a lurker for most of my days on these boards, and I remember Angelsboi's posts well.  

You will be missed, rest in peace.


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## diaglo (Jun 24, 2005)

a belated memorial

thank you, Ryan.

for helping me overcome some of my own ignorance.

although, it has been over a year you are still very much missed.


David


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## Truth Seeker (Jun 24, 2005)

*Sail the Yonder Blue...*

_"I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, 'There she goes!' __Gone where? Gone from my sight ... that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'There she goes!' there are other eyes watching her coming and their voices ready to take up the glad shouts 'Here she comes!' _

_-Henry Van Dyke, A Parable of Immortality- _


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## SHARK (Jul 28, 2005)

Greetings!

I remember working on adventures with Ryan. He was a very cool person. It is sad that he departed so young. Still, Ryan is now at peace, and at rest.

Semper Fidelis,

SHARK


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## Taloras (Jul 28, 2005)

I never knew what happened to him....i dissapeared from this site for a while while this post was around and never heard.....sad to hear about it a year later :/


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## diaglo (Jun 19, 2006)

Ryan,

it is hard to believe it has been 2 years.

still miss your smile, your laugh, and your imagination.

thanks for the time you spent with us.


David


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## freebfrost (Jun 19, 2006)

Wow - I was a super lurker back in these days, so I never got to know Angelsboi, but apparently he touched a lot of hearts.  

One suggestion, however - is it possible for one of the Mods to update this thread with a date instead of saying "Wed. night?"  It's very confusing, especially for those who didn't frequent the board back in those days.


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## Darkness (Jun 19, 2006)

freebfrost said:
			
		

> One suggestion, however - is it possible for one of the Mods to update this thread with a date instead of saying "Wed. night?"  It's very confusing, especially for those who didn't frequent the board back in those days.



 I'll take care of it. The date was June 16, 2004, right?


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## Barendd Nobeard (Jun 19, 2006)

Yes.  June 16, 2004 was a Wednesday.


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## jaerdaph (Jun 19, 2006)

Ryan, you are still in all our hearts and we miss you very much.


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## JoeBlank (Jun 19, 2006)

Good times and good memories.

You are still missed, Ryan.


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## Presto2112 (Jun 19, 2006)

I typically do not make a habit out of mourning people I've not met or barely know as avatars on a computer screen, but I will admit to letting tears freely flow at reading the many, many condolences and memories of this vibrant, virtuous young man.  It's further proof that no matter what form, a community always comes together during hard times.

Edit:  Well, perhaps I should pay closer attention to dates.  2004.  Well, it was still nice to read all the posts.


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## Buttercup (Jun 19, 2006)

It's time to raise a glass to Bjorn in the name of Anglesboi, Chairman Kaga and all the others who are lost to us.  While we remember, they live on.


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## Treebore (Jun 19, 2006)

In memorial, Angelsboi.

And to any others I did not hear about leaving us, such as Chairman Kaga, etc...


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## Olgar Shiverstone (Jun 20, 2006)

We celebrated his memory with a (near) TPK.  He would have been proud.


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## howandwhy99 (Jun 20, 2006)

I'm sorry I was never able to meet him in life, but his group is the finest I've known.  Last session a chair was left empty for him.  The softest, comfiest one in the whole room.


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## Zander (Jun 20, 2006)

To Ryan, Chairman Kaga, Dave Sutherland III, Keith Parkinson, Tim Hilderbrandt and all the others who contributed so much to gaming and the gaming community but are no longer with us,

May an evening star shine down upon you.

From lyrics to a song in the LotR:FotR film. 


We should dedicate a day every year to the memories of the gamers and professionals who touched our lives but have passed away, a Gamers' Memorial Day, if you will. 16 June seems fitting.


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## The Cardinal (Jun 20, 2006)

damn, two years...
...again - time to raise my glass in memory: Angelsboi, Chairman Kaga...

I hope there's good gaming where you are now!


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## Tsillanabor (Jun 20, 2006)

Wow-he seemed like a great person. Having lost two of my own gaming partners over the years, I hope they are all together playing a game and rolling many natural 20s.


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## William Ronald (Jun 21, 2006)

May the memories of Angelsboi, Chairman Kaga, the Lone Corndog, Dave Sutherland III, Keith Parkinson, Tim Hildebrandt and others who touched our lives and our hearts burn bright in our memories.  May they rest in peace and may those dearest to them be comforted.

It is hard to believe that it has been two years since Angelsboi died.  He was full of life and posted on the board with enthusiasm.


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## Mr. Draco (Jun 21, 2006)

Wow.  It's been a long time since I've been on the boards, but I still remember Angelsboi from threads years ago.  He is missed, but I'm sure he's in a better place now.


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## MavrickWeirdo (Jun 21, 2006)

Zander said:
			
		

> We should dedicate a day every year to the memories of the gamers and professionals who touched our lives but have passed away, a Gamers' Memorial Day, if you will. 16 June seems fitting.




Seconded


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## William Ronald (Jun 21, 2006)

MavrickWeirdo said:
			
		

> Seconded





I think this would be fitting as well.

Mr. Draco, good to see you on the boards again.


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## Darrin Drader (Jun 21, 2006)

Virtual flowers for a virtual grave site, but the loss is as real as ever.


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