# Missoula Mad Dies Breaking into Hobby Store



## bento (Jan 13, 2007)

From an AP story appearing yesterday:

_MISSOULA, Mont. -- A 280-pound man who tried to break into a craft and hobby store by crawling in through a cooling duct got stuck and died, authorities said.

The Missoula County coroner's office identified the man as Kenneth Ellingson, 37, of Missoula, and said the cause of death was positional asphyxiation.

The owner of the Treasure Chest hobby store arrived for work around 8:30 a.m. and called 911 when he found the store had no electricity and the phone was out, said police Lt. Mike Brady.

"In the course of looking into what happened, officers found the phone lines had been cut and the power to the building had been tampered with," Brady said. "They also found a ladder leaning against the back of the business and used it to get access to the roof."

There, they found Ellingson wedged headfirst in a cooling duct, Brady said.

Authorities said the 6-foot-tall, 280 pound man got stuck in an L-shaped portion of the duct probably around 3 a.m. or 4 a.m. _​
I think we all learned an important lesson from this.  Skinny people can break in stores using air ducts, everyone else must use the front door!


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## jaerdaph (Jan 13, 2007)

Some people will do anything just to get those collectible minis one day early.


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## Darth K'Trava (Jan 13, 2007)

Or the latest game book. He coulda waited until summer and hit a bookstore to get his grubby paws on the newest (and last) Harry Potter novel....


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## Ranger REG (Jan 13, 2007)

bento said:
			
		

> I think we all learned an important lesson from this.  Skinny people can break in stores using air ducts, everyone else must use the front door!



That assumes there are skinny gamers.


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## Teflon Billy (Jan 13, 2007)

I'm not sure why I find this as funny as I do...

But I do!


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## jaerdaph (Jan 13, 2007)

Teflon Billy said:
			
		

> I'm not sure why I find this as funny as I do...
> 
> But I do!




I know - it does have that "Darwin Award" appeal, doesn't it?


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## the_myth (Jan 13, 2007)

Is this what happens when you fail an Escape Artist check?


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## Vraille Darkfang (Jan 14, 2007)

the_myth said:
			
		

> Is this what happens when you fail an Escape Artist check?




Maybe,

But there was definitly a Failed Intelligence Check first.


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## Darth K'Trava (Jan 14, 2007)

Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> Maybe,
> 
> But there was definitly a Failed Intelligence Check first.





With a penalty for the negative INT modifier.


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## BOZ (Jan 14, 2007)

wow, is this guy going to get a Darwin award or what?


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## Seonaid (Jan 14, 2007)

Teflon Billy said:
			
		

> I'm not sure why I find this as funny as I do...
> 
> But I do!



Ditto!


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## megamania (Jan 14, 2007)

Un-flipping believable.


Who would have thunk it-  fat big guy getting stuck in an air duct.....


Lesson for next time-   bring KY gel or something of the sort....


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## Ranger REG (Jan 14, 2007)

Teflon Billy said:
			
		

> I'm not sure why I find this as funny as I do...
> 
> But I do!



You know what they say: If you cannot find anything good about your life, look for the bad in others.


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## Henrix (Jan 14, 2007)

BOZ said:
			
		

> wow, is this guy going to get a Darwin award or what?



No, apparently he has wife and kids, which makes it all a bit sadder, and also disqualifies him from the awards (as he has not removed himself from the gene pool in time).


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## Jesus_marley (Jan 14, 2007)

Sounds to me like he failed his Will save on Power Word: Stupid.


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## Andor (Jan 15, 2007)

The lesson is: Just because you character is qualified for mission impossible, does not mean you are.


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## Angel Tarragon (Jan 15, 2007)

Yeesh!


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## awayfarer (Jan 15, 2007)

Henrix said:
			
		

> No, apparently he has wife and kids, which makes it all a bit sadder, and also disqualifies him from the awards (as he has not removed himself from the gene pool in time).




Not quite. There've been Darwins for folks who have had children. One in particular involved a kid stabbing his father to death after being goaded into the act by his father.


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## Mycanid (Jan 15, 2007)

To me this is just sad, sad, sad.    Especially as he had a wife and children....


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jan 15, 2007)

Jimmy Carter had Billy Carter for a relative.  George Bush had W.

I bet this guy is the Black Sheep in Santa Claus' family.


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## paradox42 (Jan 15, 2007)

Ranger REG said:
			
		

> That assumes there are skinny gamers.



I resemble that remark. 5'11" and 145 pounds here.

Not sure what that translates to in metric, for our non-US friends. But it does mean skinny. 



What? High metabolism. Won the genetic lottery.


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## werk (Jan 15, 2007)

megamania said:
			
		

> Un-flipping believable.
> 
> 
> Who would have thunk it-  fat big guy getting stuck in an air duct.....






S...S...Santa?


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## Olaf the Stout (Jan 15, 2007)

megamania said:
			
		

> Un-flipping believable.
> 
> 
> Who would have thunk it-  fat big guy getting stuck in an air duct.....
> ...




You are a bad person for making me think about fat men and KY Jelly!      

Olaf the Stout


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## Ranger REG (Jan 16, 2007)

Mycanid said:
			
		

> To me this is just sad, sad, sad.    Especially as he had a wife and children....



Somebody married him?  :\ 

Wow, some bachelor gamers here do have hope.


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## IcyCool (Jan 16, 2007)

*OMG!  Kenny killed himself!*

I ... I think I've met the guy at the local gaming convention.  If he's who I'm thinking of, I'm surprised he was married, because as far as I know, the guy still lived in his parent's basement.  Huh.


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## Tewligan (Jan 16, 2007)

"(Gasp)Worst...suffocation...ever! (Wheeze, die)"


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## Treebore (Jan 17, 2007)

megamania said:
			
		

> Un-flipping believable.
> 
> 
> Who would have thunk it-  fat big guy getting stuck in an air duct.....
> ...





I would hope the lesson for next time would be:






Don't do it.


If he does have a wife and kids I hope the kids aren't his.

Could you imagine having to go through life knowing you had a dad who asphyxiated himself trying to break into....

TaDaaaa!

A gaming/hobby store?

Do you think they will ever tell the truth about how their dad died?

I sure wouldn't.


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## Ranger REG (Jan 17, 2007)

paradox42 said:
			
		

> I resemble that remark. 5'11" and 145 pounds here.
> 
> Not sure what that translates to in metric, for our non-US friends. But it does mean skinny.
> 
> What? High metabolism. Won the genetic lottery.



And you're wasting that high metabolism playing _D&D_? That's sadder than the fat guy in their air duct.


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## paradox42 (Jan 17, 2007)

Ranger REG said:
			
		

> And you're wasting that high metabolism playing _D&D_? That's sadder than the fat guy in their air duct.



Who said anything about wasting it?  My high metabolism just means I don't need exercise the way most people do to stay thin. And in fact I am a rather fidgety individual, and I *have* been working for UPS for a year and a half... so, exercise can and does happen.

I could mention other types of exercise I get reasonably often (when I bother to go through the motions of initiating it), but it's not Grandma-friendly.


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## Ranger REG (Jan 17, 2007)

paradox42 said:
			
		

> Who said anything about wasting it?  My high metabolism just means I don't need exercise the way most people do to stay thin. And in fact I am a rather fidgety individual, and I *have* been working for UPS for a year and a half... so, exercise can and does happen.



I hope so, with so many big-screen HD TVs being ordered these days.




			
				paradox42 said:
			
		

> I could mention other types of exercise I get reasonably often (when I bother to go through the motions of initiating it), but it's not Grandma-friendly.



Well, I don't expect you to be friendly with your Grandma when you're doing it.


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## Goldmoon (Jan 17, 2007)

Ranger REG said:
			
		

> That assumes there are skinny gamers.




Um...6'3" and 150 here. I'm a bit heavy for a female but its the height.


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## paradox42 (Jan 17, 2007)

Ranger REG said:
			
		

> Well, I don't expect you to be friendly with your Grandma when you're doing it.



Quite right, since I'm gay and never do that with women anyway.


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## BOZ (Jan 17, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> Um...6'3" and 150 here. I'm a bit heavy for a female but its the height.




ya know... back in the day, my friend had a female fighter character, and back then we always rolled up the height and weight randomly.  she was about as tall as you, and weighed only like 120 pounds.  at some point, another guy was looking at the character sheet and commented that she would be a stick figure at that height.  the PC's player thought about it and promptly added 100 pounds to the character.    as a warrior with high Str and Con, that probably works.


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## Goldmoon (Jan 17, 2007)

BOZ said:
			
		

> ya know... back in the day, my friend had a female fighter character, and back then we always rolled up the height and weight randomly.  she was about as tall as you, and weighed only like 120 pounds.  at some point, another guy was looking at the character sheet and commented that she would be a stick figure at that height.  the PC's player thought about it and promptly added 100 pounds to the character.    as a warrior with high Str and Con, that probably works.




OMG, I cant imagine myself at 220. If I didnt have PT 3 times a week I'd probably be a slug. Im not sure about my Str and Con but I'd say both are above average for my gender. Plus I seem to have max ranks in Intimidate. At least most men think so.


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## BOZ (Jan 17, 2007)

what could i say - i think we were 15.    120 probably sounded as "right" to me as 220, for all i knew.


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## Goldmoon (Jan 17, 2007)

I think I may have been 120 at 15......


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## Ranger REG (Jan 18, 2007)

paradox42 said:
			
		

> Quite right, since I'm gay and never do that with women anyway.



So, you're "friendly" with grandpa. It's a free country.


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## Felix (Jan 18, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> I think I may have been 120 at 15......



I dated a gal on the national rowing team for a while; 6'1", 190lbs. Knowing how she looked (good) makes me think that 6'3" and 150 is _fit_.

I'm 5'10". You like short guys?


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## paradox42 (Jan 18, 2007)

Ranger REG said:
			
		

> So, you're "friendly" with grandpa. It's a free country.



Only if it's one of those families where the kids have kids at 16 and 17, or he looks especially young (and in-shape) for his age.


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## Infiniti2000 (Jan 18, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> Plus I seem to have max ranks in Intimidate. At least most men think so.



 It doesn't sound intimidating, it sounds _hot_.  Alas, I'm married and probably twice your age anyway.


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## Goldmoon (Jan 18, 2007)

Twice my age? I doubt it, I'm 31 and thank you for the complement. I'm having a good-ass day today and so I feel kinda hot.


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## Ambrus (Jan 18, 2007)

What I'd like to know is what the rest of the dead guy's game (heh heh) plan was. He sounds like he'd played one too many d20 modern games; cutting the phone and electricity lines to deprive the store's security system of power, bringing a ladder to climb up onto the roof, gaining access to the ventilation ducts up there. All he forgot was the 80's style physical-training montage (performed with the A-team theme song playing in the background) to get himself into shape for his stealthy entry. I'd be curious to know what else he had in mind once he got through the ducts.

The real question though is what was he after exactly? What items in a game store were, in his mind, worth breaking into the place and risking getting caught? Was he after sealed crates of Blood War minis? Perhaps an ultra rare Yu-gi-oh or Magic card that he'd been salivating over for months? The store owner's prized Wolverine #1 hanging behind the counter? What was the draw? 


			
				Goldmoon said:
			
		

> I'm having a good-ass day today and so I feel kinda hot.



You go girl! *effeminatly snaps fingers*


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## IcyCool (Jan 18, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> I'm having a good-ass day today and so I feel kinda hot.




So, what exactly is involved with a "good-ass" day.  Please describe in detail, and include pictures if possible.

_Edit - And what does it mean to have a "bad-ass" day?  Should that be taken doublespeak-wise?_


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## Goldmoon (Jan 18, 2007)

IcyCool said:
			
		

> So, what exactly is involved with a "good-ass" day.  Please describe in detail, and include pictures if possible.
> 
> _Edit - And what does it mean to have a "bad-ass" day?  Should that be taken doublespeak-wise?_




It means that it looks good today, even in BDU's and it's nice and springy today. Go ME!
A bad-ass day means it looks big and fat no matter what I'm wearing and to make a joke about it on that day may spell imminent doom for you.


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## IcyCool (Jan 18, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> It means that it looks good today, even in BDU's and it's nice and springy today. Go ME!




"Springy"?  Go you!


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## Goldmoon (Jan 18, 2007)

IcyCool said:
			
		

> "Springy"?  Go you!




As I get older, those days come fewer and far-between, so I rejoice when I get one!


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## werk (Jan 18, 2007)

Ambrus said:
			
		

> What I'd like to know is what the rest of the dead guy's game (heh heh) plan was. He sounds like he'd played one too many d20 modern games; cutting the phone and electricity lines to deprive the store's security system of power, bringing a ladder to climb up onto the roof, gaining access to the ventilation ducts up there. All he forgot was the 80's style physical-training montage (performed with the A-team theme song playing in the background) to get himself into shape for his stealthy entry. I'd be curious to know what else he had in mind once he got through the ducts.
> 
> The real question though is what was he after exactly? What items in a game store were, in his mind, worth breaking into the place and risking getting caught? Was he after sealed crates of Blood War minis? Perhaps an ultra rare Yu-gi-oh or Magic card that he'd been salivating over for months? The store owner's prized Wolverine #1 hanging behind the counter? What was the draw?




We should start calling the FLGS in Missoula...  "Hi, my name's Eric Noah, I'm a reporter for an online news source and I had some questions about the incident that happened there involving Kenneth Ellingson.  The story was picked up and distributed by Reuters, but our readers, would like to know more about what happened."

Think that could work?


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## Waldorf (Jan 18, 2007)

I too find this hilarious. The guy risked his freedom, not to mention his life, for a hobby. What a retard. His wife will most likely remarry and his kids will finally get a decent role-model for a father... so things ain't that bad.


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## Ambrus (Jan 18, 2007)

werk said:
			
		

> Think that could work?



Maybe, though I suspect it's just as likely to backfire since most hobby store owners may very well be familiar with ENworld.

You know, this leads me to want to treat life as if it were just some elaborate D20 Modern LARP. When the cops show up to arrest me for some illegal act I could just tell them "It's okay, I'm just playing my character; he's a 14th level ninja."


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## Goldmoon (Jan 18, 2007)

Waldorf said:
			
		

> I too find this hilarious. The guy risked his freedom, not to mention his life, for a hobby. What a retard. His wife will most likely remarry and his kids will finally get a decent role-model for a father... so things ain't that bad.




And perhaps a decient Role-_player_ for a father as well.


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## Aaron L (Jan 18, 2007)

IcyCool said:
			
		

> So, what exactly is involved with a "good-ass" day.  Please describe in detail, and include pictures if possible.






Is it comparable to a good hair day?


Pictures definitely  welcome 


(sorry)


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## Nine Hands (Jan 18, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> It means that it looks good today, even in BDU's and it's nice and springy today. Go ME!
> A bad-ass day means it looks big and fat no matter what I'm wearing and to make a joke about it on that day may spell imminent doom for you.




BDUs???  
Wooo Whoo

Gotta love a girl in uniform


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## Goldmoon (Jan 18, 2007)

Nine Hands said:
			
		

> BDUs???
> Wooo Whoo
> 
> Gotta love a girl in uniform




I thought you all knew I was in the Military....

Alas, not enough men feel that way....


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## IcyCool (Jan 18, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> Alas, not enough men feel that way....




Not alot of men like the idea of a girl being able to kick their butt.  Others think it's the bees knees.  For example, my wife is 6', shapely, has a fiery temper, and was on the college boxing team.  She must have been good too, because she's still pretty and doesn't hit like a girl (but I'll never tell her that).  Clearly, I'm a glutton for punishment.  But what sweet, sweet punishment it is.  

If she had a uniform, I'd have probably died of happiness by now.  Keep at it, and I doubt you'll have any trouble in that department.  It helps if you like D&D nerds, or the shy, silent type.  They're easy prey.

Sincerely,
Easy prey, er, IcyCool


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## Goldmoon (Jan 18, 2007)

IcyCool said:
			
		

> Not alot of men like the idea of a girl being able to kick their butt.  Others think it's the bees knees.  For example, my wife is 6', shapely, has a fiery temper, and was on the college boxing team.  She must have been good too, because she's still pretty and doesn't hit like a girl (but I'll never tell her that).  Clearly, I'm a glutton for punishment.  But what sweet, sweet punishment it is.
> 
> If she had a uniform, I'd have probably died of happiness by now.  Keep at it, and I doubt you'll have any trouble in that department.  It helps if you like D&D nerds, or the shy, silent type.  They're easy prey.
> 
> ...




Thanks Icy, all this attention has made my day!


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## Jesus_marley (Jan 18, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> I thought you all knew I was in the Military....
> 
> Alas, not enough men feel that way....




Tell me that you have had sniper training and I will marry you tomorrow.


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## IcyCool (Jan 18, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> Thanks Icy, all this attention has made my day!




Hey, no problem. 

And I'm still not sure why you are having difficulty in that department.  I know no less than three clean, non-socially inept, possibly attractive guys who would date you *sight unseen* simply because you like D&D.  I'm willing to bet a non-trivial number of the guys who come here would do the same.  Maybe you just need to look in other places for date-able guys.

Here's my list of places you could go to meet people for non one night stand relationships:
1. Laundromats.
2. Grocery Stores.
3. Coffee Shops/Open air cafes.


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## Nine Hands (Jan 18, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> I thought you all knew I was in the Military....
> 
> Alas, not enough men feel that way....




I could tell by your location but its much better to make cat calls on a D&D message board


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## Felix (Jan 19, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> I doubt it, I'm 31 and thank you for the complement. I'm having a good-ass day today and so I feel kinda hot.



Sweetness: taller and older.

If you like Tullamore Dew and pipesmoke I'm headed West.


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## BOZ (Jan 19, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> Twice my age? I doubt it, I'm 31 and thank you for the complement.




actually, he really is 62.


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## BOZ (Jan 19, 2007)

IcyCool said:
			
		

> So, what exactly is involved with a "good-ass" day.  Please describe in detail, and include pictures if possible.




and don't forget, there's a big difference between a good-ass day and a good ass-day (or... is there?)


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## BOZ (Jan 19, 2007)

werk said:
			
		

> We should start calling the FLGS in Missoula...  "Hi, my name's Eric Noah, I'm a reporter for an online news source and I had some questions about the incident that happened there involving Kenneth Ellingson.  The story was picked up and distributed by Reuters, but our readers, would like to know more about what happened."
> 
> Think that could work?




no.  impersonating Eric Noah is a federal crime.


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## Goldmoon (Jan 19, 2007)

Jesus_marley said:
			
		

> Tell me that you have had sniper training and I will marry you tomorrow.




M-16, M-4, M-9 and the M-240B but no sniper, sorry. I've tried to get into the school but its for Security Forces only.


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## Goldmoon (Jan 19, 2007)

IcyCool said:
			
		

> Hey, no problem.
> 
> And I'm still not sure why you are having difficulty in that department.  I know no less than three clean, non-socially inept, possibly attractive guys who would date you *sight unseen* simply because you like D&D.  I'm willing to bet a non-trivial number of the guys who come here would do the same.  Maybe you just need to look in other places for date-able guys.
> 
> ...




You know, it's amazing how many men give me bonus points for playing D&D. I've tried many other roleplaying games but I always come back to my favorite.

I'm not someone who goes looking for dates. If someone approaches me I consider it. I want someone who is not meek and shy. If you can't approach me, I'm not interested. I seem to be a a magnet for 18-20 year olds as well. I dont have the patience to train a boy...lol.


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## Infiniti2000 (Jan 20, 2007)

BOZ said:
			
		

> actually, he really is 62.



 Whoa, easy there, BOZ!


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## Felix (Jan 20, 2007)

Infiniti2000 said:
			
		

> Whoa, easy there, BOZ!



You do live in Florida, and are therefore retired. Congratulations on retiring early!


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## BOZ (Jan 20, 2007)

Lol!


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## megamania (Jan 20, 2007)

Felix said:
			
		

> You do live in Florida, and are therefore retired. Congratulations on retiring early!





If only that was the case.


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## Infiniti2000 (Jan 21, 2007)

Coincidentally, I lost my job last Friday.  So, retired isn't that far from the mark.


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## FCWesel (Jan 21, 2007)

Ranger REG said:
			
		

> That assumes there are skinny gamers.




True, 280 pounds is "Gamer Medium" in gamer T-Shirt Sizes, which translates to XXLrg in the real world.


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## paradox42 (Jan 21, 2007)

FCWesel said:
			
		

> True, 280 pounds is "Gamer Medium" in gamer T-Shirt Sizes, which translates to XXLrg in the real world.



Come on now. Did Goldmoon and I not just go over this last week? Skinny gamers do exist- we're just rare.


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## manginess (Jan 21, 2007)

> The owner of the Treasure Chest hobby store arrived for work around 8:30 a.m. and called 911 when he found the store had no electricity and the phone was out




so how did he call the police??


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## Seonaid (Jan 22, 2007)

Probably with his cell phone or a neighboring store's phone . . .?


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## Goldmoon (Jan 22, 2007)

I wondered that myself since I don't own a cell phone either.


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## Treebore (Jan 22, 2007)

Goldmoon said:
			
		

> You know, it's amazing how many men give me bonus points for playing D&D. I've tried many other roleplaying games but I always come back to my favorite.
> 
> I'm not someone who goes looking for dates. If someone approaches me I consider it. I want someone who is not meek and shy. If you can't approach me, I'm not interested. I seem to be a a magnet for 18-20 year olds as well. I dont have the patience to train a boy...lol.




My wife was in the Army until they broke her. WShe has been out approaching two years now. I was Navy from 84 to 94.  

Here is a pick of us about 3 years ago.


Treebore and his wife, circa 2003 

So I love a good woman in uniform.


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## grimwell (Jan 23, 2007)

Just a thought... the cited article calls the store a "_craft and hobby store_" which usually indicates something like a Micahels. Yarn, fabric, paint, etc. I haven't ever seen D&D in a 'craft store' myself. 

Re: Women in uniform. There is nothing finer than a woman in military shape. 31 isn't that old Goldmoon.


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## adwyn (Jan 23, 2007)

grimwell said:
			
		

> Just a thought... the cited article calls the store a "_craft and hobby store_" which usually indicates something like a Micahels. Yarn, fabric, paint, etc. I haven't ever seen D&D in a 'craft store' myself.




The store carried gaming stuff for twenty years but sold most of it off a few years back. Now all they have gaming wise is a few sporadic GW items and some board games.


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## Goldmoon (Jan 24, 2007)

grimwell said:
			
		

> Just a thought... the cited article calls the store a "_craft and hobby store_" which usually indicates something like a Micahels. Yarn, fabric, paint, etc. I haven't ever seen D&D in a 'craft store' myself.
> 
> Re: Women in uniform. There is nothing finer than a woman in military shape. 31 isn't that old Goldmoon.




Bah, I know I'm not _that_ old but running PT three times a week with 19-21 year olds can make me feel it. Maybe its just where I am. Uniforms are common in this community since theres a base here. I bet if I was not near a base I'd get more play. Then again, what would I be doing living away from a military base? Its a catch-22 my friends.


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## BOZ (Jan 24, 2007)

paradox42 said:
			
		

> Come on now. Did Goldmoon and I not just go over this last week? Skinny gamers do exist- we're just rare.




actually you're right - skinny (as in stick figure) gamers are plentiful.  why, there are 2 or 3 in my group alone.  average size?  one, but he's moved to ohio.  the rest of us are fat.


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## Relique du Madde (Jan 25, 2007)

So thats what happened to all the 2nd edition Hobits halflings


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## awayfarer (Jan 25, 2007)

Holy crap, I think I _AM_ the fat one in my MERP group. Since we play online I have not met two of the other (five) players. They're friends with my former roommate though, and I can easily see them being health/excercise oriented like he is.

Hmmm, wonder what the rest of my WLD group looks like.


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## Goldmoon (Jan 25, 2007)

Well, I know I am easily the skinniest in my group. Not for long though if I don't lay off the Guinness.


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