# IRON DM 2021 Tournament



## Rune (Aug 16, 2021)

It’s finally here, folk! The IRON DM 2021 Tournament begins. Herein, seven challengers will attempt to dethrone the current champion by testing their adventure-writing skills through three grueling rounds (if they can last that long!) of intense head-to-head matches.

*This year’s judges will be:

Iron Sky*, a competitor and judge of tournaments past and the IRON DM of 2009 and 2019.

*Radiating Gnome*, a competitor from the early days, a well-seasoned judge, and a gnome of wisdom and renown.

*Rune*, a once-frequent competitor, the IRON DM of SPRING 2002, and a not-infrequent judge of tournaments past.


*Our Contestants:

1: humble minion (IRON DM 2020)
2: Neurotic
3: Gradine (IRON DM 2017)
4: el-remmen (IRON DM SUMMER 2003)
5: Snarf Zagyg
6: Wicht (IRON DM FALL 2002, 2013)
7: loverdrive
8: Fenris-77*



Spoiler: The Rules



*The Basics:*

The tournament is set up in a single-elimination bracket style, with each match determined based on scheduling availability among the eligible contestants within the match’s tier.

Each match consists of two contestants given a single set of ingredients with which to construct a brief adventure or adventure synopsis in any game system or genre. You should waste neither time, nor words, on overly detailed stats, but you should also not assume familiarity with any given system or genre. Explain what you need to explain, and stop there!

These entries will be evaluated on their own merits and those evaluations will then be compared to determine the winner of a match, who will then proceed to the next round.

All matches will be given a time-frame to submit the entries within. An entry that is late will still be accepted, but with a penalty applied to its word-limit. Late entries that are less than 1 hour late will have their word-limits reduced by 10% (meaning, for example, a first-round entry would have its word-limit reduced from 750 to 675, which is harsher than it looks). Entries that are at least 1 hour late, but less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced by 30%. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced by 50%. Entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the other competitor and judges. Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; we will ignore everything after.

Obviously, you really want to avoid being late, especially in the first round, but life happens, and sometimes you just can't make it. In such cases, you should take the extra time (before your next threshold) to polish your entry with your new word-limit in mind. It won't be easy, but you might still win. Even if you don't win, you may at least find the judgement(s) enlightening for future IRON DM tournaments!

Entries are expected to make good use of all of the ingredients submitted. The ingredients should be creatively applied, well-integrated, and fundamentally necessary to the adventure that they are used in. This is the crux of the tournament, so don't think that maybe (for example) doing a good job with three ingredients will be enough, as long as you can craft a better adventure! I wouldn't count on it, if I were you.

Finally, each of the first-round matches will use six ingredients. After that, the list of required ingredients will get longer as the rounds progress.

*Formatting:*

All entries are to be submitted with the list of ingredients at the top and are not to be edited, once submitted. Let me repeat that last part: DO NOT EDIT YOUR POST, ONCE YOU HAVE SUBMITTED IT! Check your work before you send it in. Then check it again. We will not look favorably upon any entry that has been edited and may penalize the entry as we see fit, including, possibly, outright disqualification. Part of the challenge of IRON DM is in the development and use of discipline in editing and time-management.

Please do not expect us to follow links within your entry. You may include links for others to follow if you choose to do so, but understand that any information that is necessary to the entry must be in the actual entry. We will be reading each entry multiple times and, thus, unlikely to also be willing to go outside the entry to find context for it. More importantly, expecting outside sources to carry the load of exposition very much defeats the purpose of the word-limit.

Along those lines – If the author chooses to include a trigger warning in an entry, that warning _will not_ count against the word limit. Such a warning is being offered as a courtesy to readers (not necessarily the judges) in a context where the author can never know who those readers will be.

Further, the kind of information conveyed is not in a form that can be used to shortcut exposition in an entry. However, if an entry _does_ use a trigger warning to provide that kind of descriptive information, any such portion of a trigger warning _will_ count against the word-limit.

*Judgement:*

Each of the first-round matches will have a single judge. The second- and third-round matches will have the full panel of three. As I said before, each entry will be judged on its own merits and then the two competing entries' critiques will be compared for the final judgement. In the latter rounds, the majority opinion will determine the victor. Different judges have traditionally had different processes to arrive at such outcomes – for instance, some may use a point-based grading chart, while others may prefer a more abstract analysis.

We will endeavor to be _Nemmerelesque_ in our judgements – critical, but also fair and constructive in that criticism. It's tradition. Even so, please understand that not everybody will agree with every decision that we make – that's the nature of the game. Traditionally, trying to figure out what the judge will want to see is all part of the game (though not necessarily a recommended strategy) – and that can lead to some undesired outcomes. It can sting sometimes (believe me, I know!), but it is a game. Let's have some fun with it!

That said, those wishing to gain a little insight into the judges’ thinking will need to do a little research to do so, but the information is out there. Be warned, though! We may have changed our thinking on some of these things within the last couple of decades!



Spoiler: Tournament Structure



*Round 1: The Crucible*

All matches in the first round will have a 24 hour time-limit! All matches in the first round will have six ingredients, all of which are to be used in each entry. Entries in these matches will have a 750 word limit, not including the title and ingredients list. Any descriptions or definitions of ingredients included with the list will count against the limit! That may not seem like a lot, but I assure you, it's even less than you think! Contestants who win their Round 1 matches will proceed to Round 2.

*Round 2: The Refinement*

All matches in the second round will have a 48 hour time-limit. These matches will each have seven ingredients, all of which are to be used in each entry. Entries in these matches will have a 1500 word limit, not including the title and ingredients list. Any descriptions or definitions of ingredients included with the list will count against the limit! Contestants who win their Round 2 matches will proceed to Round 3.

*Round 3: The Tempering*

The third round match will also have a 48 hour time-limit. This match will use eight ingredients, all of which are to be used in each entry. Entries in this match will have a 2000 word limit, not including the title and ingredients list. Any descriptions or definitions of ingredients included with the list will count against the limit! The contestant who wins this match will become _the_ *IRON DM 2021!*



*Scheduling, Discussing, and Spectating:*

To keep down the clutter, scheduling for all matches will take place elsewhere, in the scheduling thread.

This tournament thread will be used to list the ingredients and the judgements for each match, as well as the entries, themselves. Commentary and good-natured trash-talking will also be welcome in this thread, but, please, if you are commenting on an entry that has not yet been judged, hide that commentary with spoiler tags,


Spoiler



like this,


so that the judges can view the entries with fresh eyes!

If spectators would like to play the home game, please feel free to do that in another thread.

*One final note:*

Once these tournaments have been completed, we try to archive them on these boards for posterity, and so that the adventures can be run or plundered by future Internet generations. We make no claim of ownership over the entries, but we do request that you do not remove or alter your entries once the tournament has concluded.



The challenge begins! Let’s get into it!



(As always, thanks to @Pbartender for photoshopping this pic of Chairman Kaga biting into a d20 back in the day.)

*Round 1: The Crucible

Match 1:* Fenris-77 vs. Gradine. Radiating Gnome’s judgement.
*Match 2:* Snarf Zagyg vs. el-remmen. Iron Sky’s judgement.
*Match 3:* Wicht vs. humble minion. Rune’s judgement.
*Match 4:* loverdrive vs. Neurotic. Radiating Gnome’s judgement.



Spoiler: Round 2



*Round 2: The Refinement*

*Match 1:* Wicht vs. el-remmen. Radiating Gnome’s judgement. Iron Sky’s judgement. Rune’s judgement.
*Match 2:* Gradine vs. Neurotic. Iron Sky’s judgement. Radiating Gnome’s judgement. Rune’s judgement.





Spoiler: Championship Match



*Round 3: The Tempering

Championship Match: *Wicht vs. Gradine. Radiating Gnome’s judgement. Iron Sky’s judgement. Rune’s judgement.



Spoiler: Congratulations to…



Congratulations to Wicht for securing the 2nd-Place title.

And congratulations to Gradine, the IRON DM 2021!








Spoiler: 3rd-place Exhibition Match:



el-remmen and Neurotic have agreed to participate in an exhibition match to determine a 3rd-place winner in this tournament. This match will be quick, using the oldest-of-skool rules:

1 hour. 6 ingredients. No word-limits. No editing after posting.

*3rd-Place Match: *Neurotic vs. el-remmen. Radiating Gnome’s judgement. Iron Sky’s judgement. Rune’s judgement.



Spoiler: 3rd-Place Victor



Congratulations to el-remmen!






For those who prefer to follow along with a visual bracket, el-remmen has provided one that includes all final standings in this post.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 16, 2021)

Is where the smack talk goes? Asking for a friend...


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## el-remmen (Aug 16, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> Is where the smack talk goes? Asking for a friend...




<smack>Don't worry if you don't get an answer, by the time your miserable showing in IRON DM 2021 is done you won't have anyone willing to admit to being your friend.  </smack>


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 16, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> <smack>Don't worry if you don't get an answer, by the time your miserable showing in IRON DM 2021 is done you won't have anyone willing to admit to being your friend.  </smack>




Yeah, well, I haven't taken a dump in three weeks coming into this competition. Three weeks!

Do you know why? Because I'm going to win Iron DM. That's right. No. 2 IS NOT AN OPTION.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 16, 2021)

So far the smack talk seems needlessly complicated.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 16, 2021)

Can someone find the Iron BM thread for Snarf so he's in the right place?


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 16, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> So far the smack talk seems needlessly complicated.




I think you meant constipated.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 16, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> Can someone find the Iron BM thread for Snarf so he's in the right place?




You don't scare me, Fenris-77. I got chunks of guys like you in my stool.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 16, 2021)

Snarf Zagyg said:


> I think you meant constipated.



Yes oshifer.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 16, 2021)

Snarf Zagyg said:


> You don't scare me, Fenris-77. I got chunks of guys like you in my stool.



You know, you left yourself so wide open with the use of stool there I don't even really feel like I need to work it.


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 16, 2021)

*Round 1, Match 1: Fenris-77 vs Gradine*

@Fenris-77 and @Gradine, you have 24 hours to post your entries to this thread. Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 750 additional words. Be aware: if you include descriptions of your ingredients with the ingredients list, those descriptions will count against your word-limit! Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; everything after will be ignored.

The judges will be using Wordcounter.net to ensure that our counts are consistent.

Please include your list of ingredients at the beginning of the entry and please do not edit your post once it is submitted. Please refrain from reading your opponent's entry until after you have posted your own. You are on your honor to do so.

Entries that are between 1 and 59 minutes late will have their word-limits reduced to 675. Later entries that are at less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 525. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 375. Entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the judge with consent from the match's opposing competitor.

*Your ingredients are:*

Swift Action
Tin Star
Waterlogged Sewers
Debt Collector
Hidden Knife
Underground Dance

Your 24 hours starts ........ now!


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## humble minion (Aug 17, 2021)

Radiating Gnome said:


> Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 750 additional words.




[makes mental note that the title is not included in the word count, plots to dodge the word count by writing an entry with a 300 word title...    ]


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## Rune (Aug 17, 2021)

humble minion said:


> [makes mental note that the title is not included in the word count, plots to dodge the word count by writing an entry with a 300 word title...    ]



So…your strategy is to give the judge a negative impression right at the outset? It’s a bold move, Cotton. Let’s see if it works out for them.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 17, 2021)

Rune said:


> So…your strategy is to give the judge a negative impression right at the outset? It’s a bold move, Cotton. Let’s see if it works out for them.




I mean, animated gifs and dank memes don’t count against the word limit, right?


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 17, 2021)

Maybe trash talk in the tournament thread counts against your next word limit, though.....


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## Gradine (Aug 17, 2021)

That is... not an easy set of ingredients! How fiendish


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## humble minion (Aug 17, 2021)

Snarf Zagyg said:


> I mean, animated gifs and dank memes don’t count against the word limit, right?



If a picture is worth a thousand words, what's the exchange rate for a dank meme?


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## Rune (Aug 17, 2021)

humble minion said:


> If a picture is worth a thousand words, what's the exchange rate for a dank meme?



Wouldn’t it be worth a thousand words for the picture part + 1 for each word used?


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 17, 2021)

humble minion said:


> If a picture is worth a thousand words, what's the exchange rate for a dank meme?




Depends on the dankness!

I mean, some are so dank they take words away from your competition.


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## Imaculata (Aug 17, 2021)

Good luck to the contestants. Not an easy list of ingredients to start with. Insert obligatory sewer level.


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## el-remmen (Aug 17, 2021)

I wish those were my ingredients.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 17, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> I wish those were my ingredients.




I was going to express my surprise, but then I realized that it's probably the case that people always prefer the ingredients other people get to the ones that they get stuck with!


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## Gradine (Aug 17, 2021)

*Spurloose*

Swift Action
Tin Star
Waterlogged Sewers
Debt Collector
Hidden Knife
Underground Dance

*The Job*
The players are mercenaries for hire operating out in the west. They are contacted by a magnate from Chicago, Kenneth Loggins, who needs help collecting a debt from a small western town by the name of Bomont. He loaned capital (in particular: sewing and textile tools and goods) to an ambitious young woman named Ariel Solomon, but she is overdue on the returns. The players must travel to Bomont to either collect Ariel’s debt or bring her to Chicago’s debtor’s prison.

*Bomont*
Bomont is a town rife with paranoia, guilt, and grief. The township’s leader is also their reverend, a grieving man named John Solomon. His youngest daughter, Dianne, had just been murdered. After going missing for a week, her waterlogged head, stinking of whisky, was found on the steps of the local saloon. Reverend Solomon has ordered the building locked, and has banned from the township not just alcohol but all activities he has long associated with the evil, including music and dancing.

The players arrive just over a month after this tragic event.

*Ariel*
Ariel, Dianne, and her friend Rusty have a dream: turning the saloon into a dance hall. Rusty has helped recruit several former prostitutes escaping nearby towns as performers. Ariel sold most of the larger equipment she acquired from Chicago and stocked away the money to seed their dream, keeping only enough supplies to sew their dancing outfits. By day they sew, and by night they practice their routines.

Ariel does not have enough money to pay Loggins back, but insists that if she is able to open the hall and put on a show she will easily be able to make the money back.

Shortly after the PCs arrive, Rusty disappears.

*Eggs*
Sheriff “Eggs” Benedict is deeply in love with Ariel, but she has not let him on her plans, as she knows how devoted he is to following the law. If he does learn the truth, he will in fact be torn over his love and his commitment to the law. He does what he can, however, to resist players who attempt to arrest her and bring her back to Chicago.

When Rusty disappears, Eggs approaches the PCs and asks if they would be willing to volunteer for the search.

*Search*
Eggs is convinced that the former saloon operators were behind the original deaths, though he can find no evidence to back it up. The saloon owners in turn have pointed fingers at the local group of teetotalers who, at the behest of Reverend Solomon, have repeatedly targeted the saloon for vandalism and theft. In the week before Dianne’s disappearance, a barrel of whisky went missing; the local cooper, a man named Chuck, says that he caught Dianne trying to steal alcohol once.

*Chuck*
In truth, he is a devout and zealous follower of Reverend Solomon who has attempted to destroy the saloon from the inside. He is also the one responsible for the deaths; he discovered the girls’ plan and grew convinced the three were evil witches, infected by Satan through dance. He kidnapped Dianne and drowned her in one of his barrels. In an effort to both close the saloon and discourage the other witches, he soaked the head in whisky and left it on the saloon’s doorstep. After learning that Rusty and Ariel were continuing their work, he kidnaps Rusty and brings him to his workshop.

*Confrontation*
If the players are quick enough, they’ll catch Chuck in the act of drowning Rusty in a barrel of whisky, and might save him with some quick first aid. Eggs and Ariel will also arrive on the scene. Perceptive characters will notice Ariel retrieving an item from her petticoats; a knife gifted to her from one of the former prostitutes for self-protection. If the players are not swift, Ariel will draw the knife and charge Chuck, stabbing him repeatedly.

*Conclusions
If Chuck is Arrested Peacefully:* Reverend Solomon comes to see the error in his zealousness, and can be convinced, albeit not easily, to support his daughter with her dream, provided alcohol and prostitution are both still banned. True to her word, after only a few nights Ariel is able to raise enough to pay off her debt.
*If Ariel kills Chuck: *Eggs arrests her for murder, and insists his jurisdiction supersedes they players’ debt collection, leaving them empty-handed. Frustrated, Kenneth Loggins turns to the Pinkertons to get his revenge on both the town and the players who failed him.


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## Rune (Aug 17, 2021)

Commentary on Gradine’s entry: 


Spoiler



That’s a remarkably complex set-up for what looks to be a short (one-shot?) session! It’s hard to do justice to a mystery adventure in a single session, but this looks like it would do the trick. Looks fun!


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 17, 2021)

Commentary on Gradine's Entry:


Spoiler: Includes Expletive



Damn you! I can't get Footloose out of my head now!

Also?


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 17, 2021)

*Hard Rain in Rosewood *(Monster of the Week/PbtA)

*Warning* – this adventure contains children in peril, and possible harm to children.

*Ingredients*
Swift Action
Tin Star
Waterlogged Sewers
Debt Collector
Hidden Knife
Underground Dance

*Concept*
The town of Rosewood is home to a cult worshipping Yg-Salla, the Great Serpent. They have been holding ecstatic rites in the caverns connected to the town’s sewers for years. Several weeks ago they actually managed to summon their scaly master, who appeared through a rift and promptly killed most of the revelling cultists and then disappeared into the sewer system. Since then the town has been subject to a series of disappearances and rumours of a giant reptile in local sewers and waterways. The cultists are desperate to control Yg-Salla but will need to find him first. In the meanwhile, townsfolk continue to disappear in alarming numbers.

*Hook*
Sometime this afternoon, a girl named Jessica Martin disappeared from her home in a southern suburb of Rosewood. She took a backpack and some supplies and left a note for her parents telling them she was going to find a monster she’d heard about and capture it, just like her hero Jack Colton from tv. Her backpack contained a flashlight, some nylon rope, a pen knife, some sandwiches, and her Jack Colton Adventurer’s Club pin, a cheap tin star, but one of her prized possessions. She hasn’t been seen for several hours. About an hour ago, the torrential rain that the weather-man had been promising started to fall with a vengeance. Investigators will have to act swiftly if they want to save Jesse before the sewers flood.

*Countdown*

*Day* – Yg-Salla awakens. The beast is seen in the river just north of town, close to the storm sewer outlet
*Shadows* – the rain intensifies, runoff becomes dangerous is spots. A Public Works employee is found torn apart at the pumping station north of town.
*Sunset* – Jessica’s uncle Chester assaults a police officer who ‘wasn’t doing enough’ and sets off into the sewers armed with a shotgun. Some roads become impassable due to water.
*Dusk *– Cultists slip into the sewers to search for Yg-Salla, armed with ritual knives dipped in snake blood. Some sewers in the downtown star overflowing.
*Nightfall* – running battles in the sewers as Chester, the Cultists, and Yg-Salla clash in the shadows.
*Midnight* – Yg-Salla will devour the town, one victim at a time. The sewers overflow.
*Yg-Salla, the Great Scaled One*
A Chthonic spirit that like a cross between a squid and an alligator. Eyeless and about 20’ long, with four legs, iridescent scales, a wicked beak, and a mane of tentacles sprouting from it’s shoulders.

Powers: _Tremor Sense_ - does not need light to see; _Natural Climber _– can climb walls and most ceilings with ease

Harm Capacity – 14
Attacks – Savage Fury – claws and beak (3-harm close)
Armour – Scaly Hide: 2-Armour
Weaknesses – 

vulnerable to silver (+1 Harm and pierces Armour)
True Name – calling out Yg-Salla’s true name while holding one of the Cultist’s ritual silver blades will allow you control the beast, or banish it back to it’s dimension.
*The Sewers * _Location_: maze (confuse and separate)
A bewildering mix of old and new construction, full of narrow passages and odd open areas. These tunnels fill steadily while it rains.

*The Cavern* _Location_: Crossroads (motivation: to bring people together)
Natural caves connect to the sewers. This is where the cult holds its rituals. Hidden here is a cache of silver ritual knives. A group of cultists will likely be performing a ecstatic ritual here when the hunters arrive, with loud drums, wild dancing and murmured incantations.

*Cult of the Great Serpent *_Minion_: Guardian (motivation: to bar the way or protect their master)
There are about 20 cultists that will slip into the tunnels over the course of the evening. Each is armed with a sliver ritual knife (Harm-2 close). They will either be searching for the beast, performing a ritual, or guarding the tunnels close the cavern

*Chester Martin *_Bystander:_ Helper (motivation: to join the hunt)
Jessica’s Uncle. He is a debt collector and enforcer for a local gang. Violent and headstrong, but he does truly want to save his niece.

*Jessica Martin* _Bystander_: Victim (motivation: to place herself in danger)
An adventurous girl who loves the outdoors and exploring. She is quite brave, but her over-confidence often leads her into danger.

*Police Chief Stan Burdock* _Bystander_: Sceptic (motivation: to deny supernatural explanations)
He’s been chief for years. He has no belief in the supernatural and doesn’t want ‘amateurs’ anywhere near his investigation. He will start sending officers into the tunnel shortly after the rain starts.


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## Rune (Aug 17, 2021)

Commentary on Fenris-77’s entry:


Spoiler



I do like to see a well-done Powered by the Apocalypse entry. They do such a good job of presenting clear stakes in a clean format. I’m not familiar with that _particular_ game, but your entry does a good job of giving me a sense of it. I might have to check it out.


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## Gradine (Aug 17, 2021)

Thoughts:


Spoiler



Western _Footloose_ vs. (even more) Cthulhu _It! _Very fun!


Also, @Rune:


Spoiler



Monster of the Week is probably my favorite PbtA game, which is saying quite a bit. You should definitely check it out!


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 17, 2021)

Gradine said:


> Thoughts:
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> ...





Spoiler: Yet more spoiler



MotW is definitely my favorite PbtA game. Supernatural, X-Files, whatever you need. WHee!  I was actually going to go Trophy first, but the ingredients mitigated for a different approach.


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## Gradine (Aug 17, 2021)

Deeper thoughts:


Spoiler



This was a tough set of ingredients for me. I was definitely feeling the rust trying to work all of these ingredients together. While it eventually all coalesced into a story that worked, I did realize how much of what I was putting together was ultimately backstory. While there's only the search/confrontation spelled out for the PCs in terms of codified encounters, I hoped that there would, implicitly, be more character interaction going on as the PCs reach the town, figure out what kind of situation they've just walked into, meet Ariel and try to decide whether or help her or to try to drag her back to Chicago in chains; and I tried to throw up enough obstacles and complications towards whichever goal they end up partaking. I might have made the stakes a bit clearer throughout the adventure, as well.

I also realize that I was getting a little too cute by half on some of the ingredients (Waterlogged *Sew*ers, anyone? Eh? Eh?)

As for my competition, I love Monster of the Week, and this is such a great example! I love the various levels of complications you introduce as the clock ticks down (I realize that clocks, as a game mechanic, is more of a Forged in the Dark thing, but I feel like they would work equally well in this circumstance). It's hard to top a great PbtA experience.

I'm anxiously awaiting the judgment!


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 17, 2021)

Spoiler: A spoiler in which Fenris says nice things



I really liked the Footloose thing. You worked it in but didn't push it too hard. The character of Eggs is a very nice touch too, with the whole torn between love and duty thing, and there is a some interesting room for PCs to approach the whole business in a couple of different ways, which can be tough to get done in short words count.

I struggled little with the clues to start too. Once I decided on cultists and sewer exploration it got easier though. I had a very different plan in mind to start, but the pieces just weren't falling into place so I binned the whole thing and went with MotW. 

Anyway, nicely done.


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## Gradine (Aug 18, 2021)

More spoilers, I guess


Spoiler



Come to think of it, all those Tombstone memes in the other thread had my brain stuck on westerns in the first place...


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## Rune (Aug 18, 2021)

*Round 1, Match 2: Snarf Zagyg vs el-remmen*

@Snarf Zagyg and @el-remmen, you have 24 hours to post your entries to this thread. Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 750 additional words. Be aware: if you include descriptions of your ingredients with the ingredients list, those descriptions will count against your word-limit! Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; everything after will be ignored.

The judges will be using Wordcounter.net to ensure that our counts are consistent.

Please include your list of ingredients at the beginning of the entry and please do not edit your post once it is submitted. Please refrain from reading your opponent's entry until after you have posted your own. You are on your honor to do so.

Entries that are between 1 and 59 minutes late will have their word-limits reduced to 675. Later entries that are at less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 525. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 375. Entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the judge with consent from the match's opposing competitor.

*Your ingredients are:*
*
Simple Plan
Credit Due
Dogs of War
Poor Reception
Last Knight
Reality Breach*


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## Imaculata (Aug 18, 2021)

My thoughts on Hardrain in Rosewood:



Spoiler



I really like how strong the flooding is part of the narrative in this adventure. But I'm a little surprised that the Tin Star doesn't reappear later as a clue to find Jessica, since she could easily have dropped it.

However, I really love the countdown. This adventure has some strong stakes and motivation for the players to hurry.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 18, 2021)

Gradine said:


> More spoilers, I guess
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> ...



I had that same thing to start.


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## el-remmen (Aug 18, 2021)

Stayed up last night and wrote a whole draft - now I just need to tweak it and cut about 135 words. So far, I have added 23.


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## el-remmen (Aug 18, 2021)

Oh and question, I know the title doesn't count for the word count but does the system/level description count?

So if the title was "Gingerbread Man's Revenge (An Epic Adventure for the Candyland RPG)" - would the parenthetical part go towards word count or not?

Thanks!


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## Wicht (Aug 18, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> Oh and question, I know the title doesn't count for the word count but does the system/level description count?
> 
> So if the title was "Gingerbread Man's Revenge (An Epic Adventure for the Candyland RPG)" - would the parenthetical part go towards word count or not?
> 
> Thanks!



The answer in prior years has been yes as you are conveying information regarding adventure content.


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## Rune (Aug 18, 2021)

Wicht said:


> The answer in prior years has been yes as you are conveying information regarding adventure content.



To elaborate: a well-crafted subtitle can take a lot of the expository load off of an entry in a very efficient few words. I personally encourage their use as such, but they really _do_ need to count against the word-limit. 

Of course, @Iron Sky will be the arbiter for the match in question. It may come down to an interpretation. For example, if given the title: _Steam Tunnels: An Adventure, _I see no meaningful information being conveyed in the subtitle. On the other hand, _Steam Tunnels: A Mazes and Monsters Adventure_ says quite a lot.


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 18, 2021)

*Round 1 Match 1:  Spurloose vs. Hard Rain in Rosewood *

Hey all, it's exciting to be back judging Iron DM, and it's especially fun to jump in with a pair of strong entries to kick things off.

In this match we have Spurloose (by Gradine), a western crime drama, and Hard Rain in Rosewood (by Fenris-77), a Cthulu-esque modern scenario.  My evaluations are based first on a study of the way the ingredients are used, and then a more subject sense of the general playability, writing, and presentation of the two entries.

*Ingredients:

Swift Action*
In Spurloose, we have a situation in which the players are sent with a timetable to collect a debt, and if they move quickly enough in the process of investigating the situation, it's possible that they will be able to save Rusty from Chuck -- if they are not swift in solving the murder, they will be left unable to collect on the debt, because Ariel has been arrested for murder.

In Hard Rain, the story is on a timeline -- when the PC's arrive they have until midnight that night to prevent Yg-Salla from devouring the town.  There is also the need to rescue Jessica before the sewers flood.

In comparison, I think that while they both have this ingredient, the "swift action" in Hard Rain is slightly less specific to this adventure -- it feels a lot like just a typical crescendo to a story climax, and not something that merits a special ingredient.  The need for swift action in Spurloose has some of that, too, but the ingredient feels more integral to this specific story.  It's a whisker of a difference, though, so we'll call this ingredient a draw unless I find I need a tiebreaker later.


*Tin Star*
In Hard Rain, the tin star is explicitly something that Jessica Martin carried into the sewers with her, in her backpack.  It’s a striking detail in such a short write up — and unfortunately we are not given a sense of the importance of that tin star — it doesn’t explicitly come up as an important clue or detail later in the adventure.  So, this is a bit weak.

In Spurloose,  the tin star is Sheriff Eggs Benedict.  It’s not an especially inspired use of the ingredient, but at least his role as Sheriff is established and appropriate to the ingredient. So, for this ingredient, Spurloose has an edge.


*Waterlogged Sewers*
So, in Hard Rain, the waterlogged sewers are a very literal expression of the ticking clock that drives the adventure.
In Spurloose, on the other hand, the word ‘sewers” is read as “sew-ers”, which is cute and made me groan, but has one small problem — the sew-ers have been drowned in whiskey, not water….so does that make them whiskey-logged?  Either way, Iron DM has a long transition of creative interpretation of ingredients, so we’ll call it good even while looking sideways at Spurloose for having conflated whiskey and water-logging.  So, this ingredient is another draw.

*Debt Collector*
In Spurloose,  the PCs are the debt collectors, trying to recover the investment of their boss, Kenny Loggins.  It’s solid, and they have to thread a pretty significant narrative needle to make sure they managed to achieve that goal.
In Hard Rain, the debt collector ingredient is tossed onto Chester, Jessica’s uncle, who charges into the sewer with a shotgun because the police are not doing enough.  I find this particular use of the ingredient, because it’s not really important to the character’s role in the story, is pretty weak, so this ingredient favors Spurloose.

*Hidden Knife*
In Spurloose, Ariel has a hidden knife she will use in the final confrontation with Chuck.  It's possible that the players won't even see the hidden knife, since the adventure holds out the possibility that Chuck will be arrested peacefully.

In Hard Rain, the ritual knives of the cultists appear to be the detail that is meant to cover this ingredient.  The knives are technically hidden because the whole nature of the cult and the ritual is a secret, but that feels a little weak to me.  The write up doesn’t help me see how the knives are important to the ritual, or why those would be the weapons of choice for a couple of dozen cultists trying to kill or control a monster in the sewers that they have released.  I find the ingredient pretty weak in both executions, so we’ll call it a draw.

*Underground Dance*
So, it appears to me that this ingredient is the source of the “Footloose” games that Spurloose is playing, and that is good fun. At the same time, the dance is a goal that is not quite achieved in the frame of the scenario.  Perhaps a write up with more room to breathe would describe a scene in the locked up saloon with Ariel, who presumes she’s alone, is dancing around like mad, but in this iteration it isn’t quite there.
In Hard Rain,  the ritual that the cultists are indulging in does include ecstatic dancing, which does cover it, but there’s nothing about the detail that this is a dance that really is integral to the story or other action.  I’m not totally pleased with either use of the ingredient, but I think that there is a slight edge for Hard Rain here. The dancing is actually happening in the story, after all.

*Overall*
So, the differences here are slight — I rated three ingredients as a draw, found that Spurloose managed two of them, better than Hard Rain, and Hard Rain had one ingredient where it has the edge.  So, as a package, Spurloose is marginally stronger than Hard Rain on the subject of ingredient use.

*Playability, Writing, Presentation*
So, looking past the ingredients, I think these are both quite strong entries, and they make good examples of the way a tight word limit can actually result in some tight, clear, well-written submissions.

Spurloose is charming, drawing a lot of strength from the touch of wit that it brings in with all the _Footloose_ references.  I’m amused that the name “Eggs Benedict” sent me off to the googles to look up when Eggs Benedict was invented — and it appears to have been served in New York starting in the 1860s, but wasn’t published in a cookbook until 1890. So, while it is maybe not likely to have been something that would be general enough knowledge in Bomont to be the Sheriff’s nickname, it makes me laugh reading it, it does a nice job of putting the “tin” in the tin star (making him a weak sheriff), and just fits in the overall flow of the entry.

In Hard Rain, the tone is a bit different, but it’s still a very tight, well-presented entry. I find that it doesn’t have quite as much personality going for it as Spurloose, but there is some.  Interestingly, one of the details that I find most charming and interesting is Jessica’s devotion to the Jack Colton tin star she carries.  The specific ness of a name like Jack Colton sent me off to the googles, too, looking for something I had never heard of, but my very brief search turned up some inspirational “wealth is good” speaker in Vegas.  I didn’t look to closely, I don’t want to get invited to anything …….  Anyway, it’s my sense that Jack Colton was just a name that has the right sound, and it works.  But the description spends a lot of very precious words explaining that tin star, and it never pays off.  Chekov’s gun, etc.

One thing that struck me about Hard Rain was the presence of some notes about the game mechanics for the knives, and for Yg-Salla.  Those are not necessary details for such a short write up, and the twenty or so words that could be saved could have been spent detailing some of the less satisfying elements of the current write up.  Why is it important that Chester is a debt collector for a gang? Why is the toy badge important? Why do the cultists use knives dipped in snake blood? Those details would matter a whole lot more than the PbtA stats, etc.

*Final Judgement*


Spoiler



I really like both entries, and I think the are kicking off Iron DM 2021 on a great note.  But I have to pick one, and in this case the ingredients and the overall presentation favor Spurloose.  Gradine, you’ll advance to round 2.  Congratulations.

Fenris-77, you faced off with a seasoned pro, and wrote an excellent entry.  Thanks for participating, and I hope to see you in future competitions.  You’ve got the chops, for sure.


Thanks everyone! 
-RG


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 18, 2021)

Ugh, I didn't think the parentheticals counted. My word count was pretty tight and that may throw it over by a word or two. That's disappointing.

Congrats Grandine. A great entry and a deserving win.


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 18, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> Ugh, I didn't think the parentheticals counted. My word count was pretty tight and that may throw it over by a word or two. That's disappointing.
> 
> Congrats Grandine. A great entry and a deserving win.



I didn't shave any words off either entry for my consideration, so that wasn't a factor.


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## el-remmen (Aug 18, 2021)

I have not updated it with the results of the first match - but will wait and see how the whole first round goes first. . .


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## Gradine (Aug 18, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> Ugh, I didn't think the parentheticals counted. My word count was pretty tight and that may throw it over by a word or two. That's disappointing.
> 
> Congrats Grandine. A great entry and a deserving win.



Congrats to you as well, for one of hell of a first entry. The first round can be incredibly tough, what with the extremely prohibitive word count, but you still managed to put together a tight, fun adventure that I think, on balance, is better than the one I presented. With as straightforward as these entries can sometimes be, it's always great fun to see an adventure with so many different complications presented throughout.

I'm looking forward to competing with you again, somewhere down the line!


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 18, 2021)

*Hail, Caesar!*

_An Adventure for Time Traveling RPGs (TimeZero, Continuum, GURPS Time Travel etc.)_

Ingredients

Simple Plan

Credit Due

Dogs of War

Poor Reception

Last Knight

Reality Breach



Spoiler



*THIS ADVENTURE REQUIRES KNOWLEDGE OF MOVIES.

Mission*
Timequakes are emanating from 1983 from a change in the timeline in Austin, Texas. If the timeline isn’t corrected, this breach will swallow up all of time and reality itself.


*Arrival*
Everyone in Austin knows about the talk of the town- a spectacular movie that just started filming. Arrival on the set occurs _in media res_, with Nicolas Cage cradling Arnold Schwarzenegger, shouting, “It’s all havoc, man! What’s with these dogs!!!!” As Cage screams this, four giant mechanical dogs prowl the set around him as an anachronistic Pink Floyd song plays and a humongous explosion occurs behind him. A person yells, “Cut! Great job as Antony!” and the film slate says, “Shakespeare’s Blood Simple Caesar.”


*Background*
Michael Bay was devastated by the critics’ poor reception of his magnum opus, _Transformers: The Last Knight_. So he hatched a simple plan. Bay would use his considerable fortune to build a time machine and Transformers and travel to 1983. He would enlist the Coens, his muse (Cage) and the biggest action star of the 80s to film the greatest-ever adaptation of Shakespeare and show the critics his brilliance.

What could go wrong?


*Top Cast*
_Michael Bay_
Bay craves respect and does not realize he is causing Armageddon. He is susceptible to flattery. Bay has control over the Knight and the Dogs, and can order them to stand down. If Bay can be convinced that his oeuvre is worthwhile, appreciated, and good, he and the Transformers will return to his time.

_Coen Brothers_
Joel and Ethan struggled to get financing for their film and happily accepted the money and props of Bay. But the Coens are concerned about getting the artistic credit that they believe they are due; they are worried that Bay’s version isn’t good, and that they will be saddled with this film.

_Nicolas Cage_
Cage is under contract and will need to be convinced to give up the contract for his first big action role as Antony. Cage is unsure whether he wants to be a serious actor or an action star. Both Bay and the Coens are happy with Cage.

_Arnold Schwarzenegger_
Arnold has been cast as Caesar. The script was changed so that Arnold would get revenge on Brutus in the final act (“You are Brutus, but Caesar is brutal”). Bay and the Coens are feuding over this change. Arnold is still negotiating his contract and can leave at any time.

_Frances McDormand_
Frances McDormand plays Brutus, and doesn’t understand why the Coens aren’t just shooting Blood Simple. Bay wants McDormand replaced with “someone hotter,” which is a major dispute with Joel Coen.

_Transformers_
Bay created five Transformers to bring with him; four are war dogs that can transform into Chevy Suburbans and report what they see back to Bay. The fifth is the Last Knight- a small metal chess piece that turns into a metal Mark Wahlberg. The Knight was created to be Bay’s friend but can only say, “Word to you mother.”


*Complications*
_Cannot tell anyone the future or the mission.
Direct combat with Dogs or Knight will be fatal.
Cast and crew believe Transformers to be advanced props. 
Flattery to Bay will negatively affect the Coen Brothers; stating film is bad to the Coen Brothers will negatively affect Bay.
There is a 48 hour period in 1984 before reality ends._


*Major Set Locations*
The main shooting locations are recreations of Rome. Most buildings, vehicles, and objects are rigged to explode.

All major cast members, Bay, and the Coens have trailers.

Bay’s trailer will have the Knight as chess piece, but will turn into Wahlberg upon any unauthorized entry. Bay’s trailer also has his diary, explaining that Knight is also Bay’s time machine, and that Bay’s plan is because the critics don’t like his movies.

Coens’ trailer has the original shooting script for _Blood Simple_, along with a draft of _Raising Arizona_ with a sticky that says, “Who Hi?”

Cage’s trailer has a phone number for “Uncle Frank.”

Arnold’s trailer has a number of futuristic weapons and equipment; they are all props for Terminator.

McDormand’s trailer has an extra-dimensional spaceship as the closet; McDormand is an alien and will assist if her identity is discovered, but McDormand has no technology to negate the Transformers.
* 

Conclusion*
Three goals must be accomplished to restore the timeline:

Bay and the Transformers return to their time.
The Coens get financing and shoot _Blood Simple_.
Cage agrees to nullify his contract.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 18, 2021)

Rune said:


> To elaborate: a well-crafted subtitle can take a lot of the expository load off of an entry in a very efficient few words. I personally encourage their use as such, but they really _do_ need to count against the word-limit.
> 
> Of course, @Iron Sky will be the arbiter for the match in question. It may come down to an interpretation. For example, if given the title: _Steam Tunnels: An Adventure, _I see no meaningful information being conveyed in the subtitle. On the other hand, _Steam Tunnels: A Mazes and Monsters Adventure_ says quite a lot.



Oh, snap. I just saw this.

FYI, I am under the total, but I considered anything in the spoiler block the "text" of the piece. The ingredient, title, and _system_ I didn't consider, and I put in that it was for a time traveling RPG with a few examples! Ugh.


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## Gradine (Aug 18, 2021)

Spoiler


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## Rune (Aug 18, 2021)

Commentary on Snarf Zagyg’s entry:



Spoiler



The social puzzle in this piece is very well done! I never expected to see a time-travel adventure condensed into 750 words!


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## el-remmen (Aug 19, 2021)

*Let Slip*… (A _Villains & Vigilantes_ Adventure)

Simple Plan
Credit Due
Dogs of War
Poor Reception
Last Knight
Reality Breach
The PCs (in their civilian identities) are at an annual charity event at a museum that brings low-income families in to mingle with the rich donors. They may be a wealthy donor, a journalist, a museum employee, a cater waiter, a social worker, etc. . Some PCs might be back at HQ and will be called to the scene by their companions.

Recently assistant curator Myron Cocks went viral for referring to the event as the “*Poor Reception*” in a backfired Twitter pun about the notoriously bad cell reception in the building. His subsequent “cancellation” got him fired and his boss took credit Cocks was due for the work compiling the show which the event will inaugurate. Cocks also sees his boss Taylor Makepeace as due credit for giving him the museum’s social media to handle without more pay and demanding “Quipy irreverent tweets for the youth market!”

The show is a collection of artifacts related to King Phillip of France and his persecution of the Knights Templar for devil-worship and treason (though historians agree it was to confiscate their wealth and property). Among the artifacts is the Sarcophagus of the *Last Knight*, supposedly the only templar to escape and later died under mysterious circumstances.

During the event, the PCs should witness head curator Makepeace arguing with Cocks and calling for security to kick him out—security does not come, a sign something is wrong. Almost immediately, the event is attacked by the supervillain group the *Dogs of War*.

These 13 rogue anthropomorphic super-soldier dogs are genetically enhanced and partially bionic. They refuse to submit to the government that experimented on them and have mixed feelings about humans. Cocks gave them information to bypass security and make sure the silent alarm is disconnected, so they might rob the event. The Dogs have promised not to reveal Cocks’s role, but if the robbery goes sideways one of the angrier dogs might let it slip. Cocks wants revenge but also gets a cut of the take.

The Dogs feel a kinship with the Knights Templar due to their betrayal and are named for their founders and early members.

The plan is to keep the four entrances to the gallery guarded, while two of the Dog soldiers gather valuables from guests, three gather the delicate artifacts, and the remaining four keep watch—surveillance from the roof, security office, walking the halls. They will then escape via the subway station at the basement level of the museum. The poor reception in the museum will keep victims from calling the police.

This *simple plan* is complicated by two things, the presence of the PCs and the accidental awakening of the last of the Knights Templar.

The robbery plays out like a hostage situation, with PCs having to figure out how to escape the gallery to clandestinely change into supersuits and (even if they don’t have secret identities) keep innocents from being hurt. The Dogs of War are a contentious lot, displaying the range of behaviors of a whipped dog—some seeking approval from their hostages, others ready to bite out a throat for some imagined slight or unpleasant scent.

During the robbery, Cocks will purposefully cause his former boss to stumble into Sir Archamband, the fiercest and most short-tempered of the Dogs, and the mercenary will savage him, causing his blood to splatter onto the inverted cross on the sarcophagus, awakening the spirit of Jacques de Molay, who possesses the curator. (If there is an occult power superhero in the group, include Makepeace as a ghost while his body is hijacked).

Molay is a mastermind and meant to fill the role of nemesis for the PCs. He has lived 11 lifetimes since his apparent death in 1314, and this, his 13th, will allow him to complete his goal of breaking open a *reality breach* and allowing Hell to reign on Earth. You see, bitterness at what happened to his order had him turn to evil.

Concealing his new identity, Molay/Makepeace observes both the PCs and the Dogs. In attempt to manipulate and gain allies, he uses his tactical acumen to help the PCs defeat/capture the Dogs, but later he will break them out of prison and recruit them (using the connection they feel to his knightly order) as his new knights to punish the fallen world and trigger the apocalypse - using them to complete the steps to accomplish that goal.

The PCs will have to try to stop them.


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## Rune (Aug 19, 2021)

Commentary on el-remmen’s entry:


Spoiler



That’s quite the chaotic set-up! I like that the PCs could choose a direct approach or go Die Hard.


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## Rune (Aug 19, 2021)

*Round 1, Match 3: Wicht vs humble minion*

@Wicht and @humble minion you have 24 hours to post your entries to this thread. Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 750 additional words. Be aware: if you include descriptions of your ingredients with the ingredients list, those descriptions will count against your word-limit! Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; everything after will be ignored.

The judges will be using Wordcounter.net to ensure that our counts are consistent.

Please include your list of ingredients at the beginning of the entry and please do not edit your post once it is submitted. Please refrain from reading your opponent's entry until after you have posted your own. You are on your honor to do so.

Entries that are between 1 and 59 minutes late will have their word-limits reduced to 675. Later entries that are at less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 525. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 375. Entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the judge with consent from the match's opposing competitor.

*Your ingredients are:*
*
Ghost Mushrooms
Rotting Utopia
Bear Necessities
Armored Lizard
Rootless Tree
Broken Angel*


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## Imaculata (Aug 19, 2021)

My thoughts on Hail Caesar!



Spoiler



Wow.. just... wow. Of all the adventures you expect to read, I still wasn't ready for something this wacky and original. Without going into the finer details of how ingredients were used, or the structure of the adventure itself, I'm just delighted by the variety in the types of adventures that this contest spawns. And I am so pleasantly surprised when one of the entries just totally subverts all expectations.


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## Gradine (Aug 19, 2021)

Speaking of ingredients that I wish were mine...


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## humble minion (Aug 19, 2021)

I'm having a legit terrible time with these ingredients, and I've competely thrown out two part-written entries already.  It's the bear necessities that are killing me, the simple bear necessities...


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 19, 2021)

humble minion said:


> I'm having a legit terrible time with these ingredients, and I've competely thrown out two part-written entries already.  It's the bear necessities that are killing me, the simple bear necessities...




Why let those ingredients order you about? Why let the bear necessities tell you to hurry and scurry like ants or maggots? 

Take your time! Saunter a while! Enjoy the sunshine, enjoy the breeze, let life carry you at your own pace! 

Don't be a slave of time, it's a helluva way to die, slowly, by degrees... down with the Ticktockman!


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 19, 2021)

Huh. With those I actually could have managed a pretty cool Trophy Incursion, which was my first choice for format. Good luck peeps. I'm looking forward to seeing what you come up with.


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## Rune (Aug 19, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> Huh. With those I actually could have managed a pretty cool Trophy Incursion, which was my first choice for format. Good luck peeps. I'm looking forward to seeing what you come up with.



Out of curiosity, what _is_ a Trophy Incursion?


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 19, 2021)

Rune said:


> Out of curiosity, what _is_ a Trophy Incursion?



Trophy Dark is a very rules-light fantasy horror game, usually played as a one-shot. It's like horror tinged deconstruction of wilderness adventure in more traditional games. Here's the SRD. It was my first choice because it's super-evocative when done well and there aren't many rules to actually deal with on the adventure writing side so it works well for low word-count projects. There's another version called Trophy Gold that's got some campaign elements built in and is to the Dungeon Crawl what Dark is to wilderness exploration. Trophy (both versions) has been where I've been spending my design time lately.

[Edit: sorry, the word Incursion is their word for adventure or module, or whatever.]


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## Rune (Aug 19, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> Trophy Dark is a very rules-light fantasy horror game, usually played as a one-shot. It's like horror tinged deconstruction of wilderness adventure in more traditional games. Here's the SRD. It was my first choice because it's super-evocative when done well and there aren't many rules to actually deal with on the adventure writing side so it works well for low word-count projects. There's another version called Trophy Gold that's got some campaign elements built in and is to the Dungeon Crawl what Dark is to wilderness exploration. Trophy (both versions) has been where I've been spending my design time lately.
> 
> [Edit: sorry, the word Incursion is their word for adventure or module, or whatever.]



Cool. Using an obscure system that the judge(s) might not be familiar with is always a risk in IRON DM (since the judges won’t follow links in an entry). That doesn’t mean it can’t be done and done well, of course. The trick is to make the shape of the adventure clear instead of focusing overmuch on the mechanics. Which should be the case, anyway.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 19, 2021)

Rune said:


> Cool. Using an obscure system that the judge(s) might not be familiar with is always a risk in IRON DM (since the judges won’t follow links in an entry). That doesn’t mean it can’t be done and done well, of course. *The trick is to make the shape of the adventure clear in stead of focusing overmuch on the mechanics.* Which should be the case, anyway.




Darn it!

I thought the trick was to make obscure references to 1980s movies. @Gradine !!!!!!! You Kevin Bacon'd me!


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 19, 2021)

Rune said:


> Cool. Using an obscure system that the judge(s) might not be familiar with is always a risk in IRON DM (since the judges won’t follow links in an entry). That doesn’t mean it can’t be done and done well, of course. The trick is to make the shape of the adventure clear in stead of focusing overmuch on the mechanics. Which should be the case, anyway.



One of the beauties of Trophy is how integral the shape and teleos of the adventure is to the format. It's an elegant little system that way. Incursion design focuses specifically on a central theme and evocative description, all hung on a super-simple framework. Anyway, I thought it would have worked very well. Next time perhaps.


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## Gradine (Aug 19, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> Trophy Dark is a very rules-light fantasy horror game, usually played as a one-shot. It's like horror tinged deconstruction of wilderness adventure in more traditional games. Here's the SRD. It was my first choice because it's super-evocative when done well and there aren't many rules to actually deal with on the adventure writing side so it works well for low word-count projects. There's another version called Trophy Gold that's got some campaign elements built in and is to the Dungeon Crawl what Dark is to wilderness exploration. Trophy (both versions) has been where I've been spending my design time lately.
> 
> [Edit: sorry, the word Incursion is their word for adventure or module, or whatever.]





Rune said:


> Cool. Using an obscure system that the judge(s) might not be familiar with is always a risk in IRON DM (since the judges won’t follow links in an entry). That doesn’t mean it can’t be done and done well, of course. The trick is to make the shape of the adventure clear in stead of focusing overmuch on the mechanics. Which should be the case, anyway.



It can also be a mistake to worry overmuch about system and rules; the judges typically are looking more for an adventure synopsis than everything. It can be a fine line to walk, though; I've had a generic fantasy (ostensibly D&D) adventure that was docked for overlooking how easy it is to deal with poison in even low-level D&D. I've also seen mechanics invented wholecloth; some of them add quite a bit to the adventure, but can just as easily detract from it if the rules don't quite make sense.


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## Gradine (Aug 19, 2021)

Snarf Zagyg said:


> Darn it!
> 
> I thought the trick was to make obscure references to 1980s movies. @Gradine !!!!!!! You Kevin Bacon'd me!



I have zero regrets, and apologize for nothing


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## Rune (Aug 19, 2021)

Gradine said:


> It can also be a mistake to worry overmuch about system and rules; the judges typically are looking more for an adventure synopsis than everything. It can be a fine line to walk, though; I've had a generic fantasy (ostensibly D&D) adventure that was docked for overlooking how easy it is to deal with poison in even low-level D&D. I've also seen mechanics invented wholecloth; some of them add quite a bit to the adventure, but can just as easily detract from it if the rules don't quite make sense.



In other words, mechanics don’t matter unless they do.

For example, it probably won’t matter that a hypothetical system considers healing potions mundane. But, if an adventure expects a dying NPC to be encountered inside a dead-magic area, the adventure needs to account for it. If the NPC is supposed to be beyond saving, that’s a potential problem. If, on the other hand, the NPC is meant to be saveable, the entry should point that out, so the GM can recognize and understand it.

Here’s another example, from one of my own entries: The PCs in a 5e D&D adventure might be traveling around with a rogue modron quadrodrone and need to enter an inverted tower that is the reflection of another tower across the surface of a lake. The modron _can’t_ go with them because it’s innate truesight prevents it from seeing metaphor. To the modron, it is only a reflection.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 19, 2021)

Is my walking speed and whatnot inside a metaphor the same, or do things get all ineffable as it were?


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## Wicht (Aug 19, 2021)

*Iron DM 2021 
Round 1, Match 3: *Wicht vs humble minion​
*Ingredients:
Ghost Mushrooms
Rotting Utopia
Bear Necessities
Armored Lizard
Rootless Tree
Broken Angel*

* 

Incident With A Lucky Angel*
_A down-under post-apocalyptic adventure _​
*Background*
Mago Island has long been a safe haven for peace-loving Koals, The small mountainous island, 8 km east from the coastal city of Townsville, off the Queen’s Coast, is covered with the Koal’s beloved ‘Lyptus trees, *a dietary necessity* for the bear-folk. Its plentiful food, distance from the coast, and proximity to the fortified Townsville, have allowed the Koals, for generations, to be left to themselves, living in lazy, idyllic bliss.

Atop the island’s central peak is the Shrine of the Lucky Angel. A forty-foot tall angelic statue, a key corner-point in an ancient techno-arcane defense sigil, stands facing the coast. Radiation from the statue has affected the nearby ‘Lyptus trees. Growing to massive proportions, these trees are covered with glowing, poisonous *ghost-shrooms *which inject psychedelic spores into their foliage. Koals consuming these infected leaves become lethargic addicts, able to see into the Dreaming, yet capable of little else. The largest of these massive trees, called The Old Man by the Koals, towers hundreds of feet over the Angel and is so massive as to be visible from Townsville. Traditionally, a cadre of dazed Koal prophets tend to the shrine and serve as oracles.

Five years ago, a huge branch, falling from the Old Man, *decapitated the statue*. The stone head rolled down the mountain slope, sinking into a pond. Since then, more and more of the island’s trees have begun to decay, ghost-shrooms blossoming abundantly on their trunks. Many of the Koals have grown addicted to leaves of these dying trees, and *the small society is starting to fall apart*. The elders fear that unless something is done, their race will be forced to leave the island or else eventually starve to death in a drug-fueled daze.

Meanwhile, Dragon Riders from the Central Waste have their eyes on the Queen’s Coast and a conquest of Townsville. A party of their scouts are making their way to Mago Island, to examine its potential as a strategic locale in the coming conflict.

*Possible Hooks: 
Military*: The PCs, allied with the Queen’s army, made aware of the scouts heading towards Mago Island, are sent to eliminate the scouts and make allies of the Koals.

*Techo-arcane*: The PCs are seeking to activate the ancient sigil. To activate the angel, the angel’s head will have to first be located and the statue repaired.

*A Plea for Help*: The elders of Mago Island in response to a vision from their mountain prophets have sent emissaries to Townsville, seeking allies who can cure their affliction and defend the island.

*Encounters and Complications
The Dazed and Confused: *Almost a third of the Koals are addicted to infected ‘Lyptus leaves. Most of these individuals are harmless, yet also hard to motivate. Given to uttering cryptic insights, they spend their days hunting leaves, with little regard for their own preservation.

*The Scouts: *The Dragon Rider scouts are a motley collection of savage mutants mounted on giant water-dragons, able to swiftly cross land and sea. Their leader, a cunning barbarian named Blood-Jack, rides a fire-breathing, bearded-water-dragon*, so massive as to be able to swim in heavy plate armor*. Blood Jack’s two lieutenants are Arul, a telekinetic witch, and Hugs, a gigantic feral Drope (a savage cousin of the peaceful Koals). The scouts quickly establish a base in ancient fortifications on the northwest end of the Island, and make forays across the island, enslaving and killing Koals.

*Giant Ghost Moths*: The infected ‘Lyptus trees affect the ghost moths which inhabit their branches, causing them to mutate and grow. These giant, glowing, psychic insects soon become violent and dangerous.

*Prophecy of Doom:* A Koal prophet proclaims the Death of the Old Man and the End of Luck. The *roots of the huge tree are completely rotted away*, and if something is not done, it will fall on the Angel, shattering the statue, releasing radiations, and killing all vegetation on the island within a month. The PCs must figure out how to fell the tree away from the Angel

*Finding and Repairing the Head:* The statue’s head is submerged in a mountain pond. The radiation from the head has produced voracious giant dragonflies, poisonous frogs and killer pond shrimp. If the PCs can reattach the head of the angel using some manner of adhesive, the radiation leak will be contained, and life can return to normal on the island.


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## Rune (Aug 19, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> Is my walking speed and whatnot inside a metaphor the same, or do things get all ineffable as it were?



Well, the tower in the example was submerged so…hey, what’s that over there?! [*runs away*]


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## Wicht (Aug 19, 2021)

Spoiler: Some notes... For what it's worth...




I would like to thank the makers of Izzy's Koala World for my inspiration for my adventure idea. I have been watching it here recently with the kiddos. Magnetic island, and the city of Townsville are real-world places in Queensland. There really are fortifications on the island from WW2, and there is currently a population of about 800 Koalas living there. The phrase, bear necessities, brought to mind the need for koala bears to eat Eucalyptus and the idea grew from there. Ghost Mushrooms are a real glowing fungus which can be found on some Eucalyptus trees, and so it all started to tie together. 
If I had had more words I would have liked to explore the techno-arcane angle of the angel a bit better, but 750 words is pretty tight for much exposition and exploration.
Also, in case it was not obvious, a Drope is an anthropomorphic drop bear, savage cousin to the koala, and the leaders of the dragon rider scouts is a callback to one of my childhood cartoons.


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## Gradine (Aug 19, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> Is my walking speed and whatnot inside a metaphor the same, or do things get all ineffable as it were?



As one of the judges of that particular entry, I can say with absolute confidence that I do not know the answer those, and in fact could not have cared less about them


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 19, 2021)

Rune said:


> Here’s another example, from one of my own entries: The PCs in a 5e D&D adventure might be traveling around with a rogue modron quadrodrone and need to enter an inverted tower that is the reflection of another tower across the surface of a lake. The modron _can’t_ go with them because it’s innate truesight prevents it from seeing metaphor. To the modron, it is only a reflection.




You dare to understand me?






Don't you mess with my metaphor.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 19, 2021)

_Fenris pauses to consider doubling down on the 'joking' aspect of his hot take. After a sip of tea and some beard stroking he decides against it._


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## Wicht (Aug 20, 2021)

_Eyes the time_


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## humble minion (Aug 20, 2021)

Ghost Mushrooms
Rotting Utopia
Bear Necessities
Armored Lizard
Rootless Tree
Broken Angel


*The Tree Of Dying*

A Deathwatch adventure

Killteam Argonaut recently disappeared on a mission to assassinate Rugluk Brainboila, a powerful ork weirdboy, on an impossibly lush jungle world called Hamith.  PC killteam is ordered to retrieve Argonaut and complete the mission.

One member of Argonaut is of the same chapter as a PC.  This PC (Secretbearer) should be one whose chapter has a secret to hide.  The Chapter issues secret orders to Secretbearer that the Argonaut Astartes (Target) must not survive lest this secret be revealed.  If Secretbearer is a Blood Angel, Target may have succumbed to the Black Rage; a Space Wolf might suffer the Wulfen curse, etc (*broken angel*).  

Hamith is entirely waterbound, and the 'ground' comprises vast drifts of overgrown floating vegetation. This vegetation is often fragile and PCs must travel light and only *bear necessities* because heavy PCs (jump packs, heavy weapons, terminator armour, carrying fallen comrades) risk falling through.  

Rugluk's ship disintegrated upon re-entry and fell in fragments.  Large pieces punched through the vegetation and sank immediately.  Only small craft, rokkit-pack troops, etc landed safely.  PCs in orbit can track that planetfall centred around a vast thousands-metres-tall tree drifting on the rich waters (*rootless tree*). Argonaut is incommunicado.

Orks swarm over Hamith. Observant PCs notice they are moving erratically and approximately towards the giant tree.  PCs fighting orks will quickly have many more to fight unless they are quiet.  If PCs are hard-pressed, something huge and fast will erupt from beneath the vegetation and eat some orks.  Perceptive PCs see it's a giant lizardy thing, VERY perceptive PCs see it wears Eldar-crafted armor.

PCs must go to the tree. They can discover this by

follwing the orks
a PC librarian can sense psychic activity around the tree
discovering Argonaut's last stand, piles of spent bolt casings and dead orks around a charred hole in the vegetation mat.  Large tracks lizard tracks, not ork) lead towards the tree.

PCs approaching the tree see Eldar wraithbone intertwines with living wood, now rotting with ork-fungus. It is impossible to burn all the fungus with the munitions PCs can carry, the tree is thoroughly infested. PCs must climb, fighting squigs and orks, to the Eldar outpost around which the tree was grown.

Climbing, Secretbearer PC hears a voice in his head. Hamith is a Maiden World, a long-ago-terraformed sanctuary and haven for the eldar race (*rotting utopia*). One warlock, Llifyr, riding a native giant water dragon (which the PCs saw earlier), guards Hamith. She mentally contacts Secretbearer and offers cooperation against Rugluk. She tells him his battle-brother (Target) accepted her offer, and might still survive.

High in the tree, in a wraithbone ampitheatre centred on a webway gate, Target fought Rugluk to a standstill and both lie near death. Rugluk's spores spawn eerie translucent fungus everywhere (*ghost mushrooms*), and through them his psychic ork genes taint eldar psychic circuitry and ghost warrior constructs.  Fungus-encrusted wraithguard obey Rugluk's will.  If left alone, Rugluk will recover.  

Target is occasionally lucid and suspects Secretbearer is here to kill him, but insists he can still serve. GM should engineer a situation where Target saves Secretbearer's life, to impose a debt of honour & make deciding harder.  If Secretbearer kills Target prematurely, Target will not be able to warn that Llifyr is untrustworthy, suggest the tree-toppling gambit to cleanse the ork infestation, or direct PCs to Argonaut's hidden transport.

Llifyr asks the PCs to delay the orks and Rugluk's ghost-mushroom constructs while she activates a psychic defense system she claims will wipe out the orks. She's lying, it'll wipe every mind within 50 miles. Llifyr intends to escape through the webway gate and let the mindbomb exterminate orks and Deathwatch alike.  Unless warned by Target, Librarian PCs sense this with 3 turns before activation, non-psychic PCs only 1. Once they do, Llifyr will dispatch her giant *armored lizard* to defend her while she completes activation.  If she is seriously wounded, activation aborts.  She flees into the webway and closes it behind her. 

PCs could simply kill Rugluk and escape, but his spores in the Eldar psychic node would spawn more Rugluks in future, armed with Eldar weaponry.  To prevent this, the tree and all in it must be destroyed.  Destabilisation is the best way to do this. The fungus-weakened tree has no roots, and will overturn catastrophically with sufficient lateral force, dumping orks, fungus, and wraithguard into the deep.  PCs will only have light equipment (*bearing necessities*...), so ingenuity (and maybe Argonaut's transport) will be required.


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## Rune (Aug 20, 2021)

That was close!


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## humble minion (Aug 20, 2021)

Wicht said:


> _Eyes the time_



Yeah, i ran this one a little close...



Spoiler



Going very heavy on the Warhammer 40K lore here, which could backfire on me big time.  Lots of assumed knowledge required to understand the whole thing, and someone who's not across that setting will miss a LOT of the connections.  But alae iacta est...



Edit: and AS SOON as i hit post, I immediately see a glaring typo, aaaarrrghhh...


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## Gradine (Aug 20, 2021)

@humble minion Don't forget to spoilify your comments!


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## Wicht (Aug 20, 2021)

humble minion said:


> Yeah, i ran this one a little close...



Glad you got it in.


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## humble minion (Aug 20, 2021)

Spoiler: Comments



I think the first round is always the hardest, to be honest, simply because of word count.  There simply isn't space to lay out much background or describe NPCs/setting etc.  By necessity, the limit pushes round 1 entries to be linear or very high-level and abstract.  I hinted last year that increasing the first round word limit to 1000 might be an rules change to consider, but obviously the judges have scoffed at my feeble weakness in the face of the true mercilessness of [ominous reverberating voice] IRON DM!

This was not my first-choice entry, but I just couldn't trim the other to fit in the words available and had to reluctantly discard it.  I used up 550 words in purely from setting the scene and the PCs had only just showed up.  That was never going to work.  Besides, the lizard didn't really fit.  It was a cool idea though....

So I went with a relatively linear plot with my final entry.  I suspect I will be thoroughly destroyed on 'bear necessities' - I seriously cannot BELIEVE there is no faction, vehicle, monster, or troop type in Warhammer with a name that references bears, so i had to play silly word games.  Oh well.





Spoiler: For academic interest, the part-complete one I discarded...



Ghost Mushrooms
Rotting Utopia
Bear Necessities
Armored Lizard
Rootless Tree
Broken Angel

While the Bear God Napped

A D&D Adventure

Hook: PCs travelling through a desolate wasteland stop at Hope Gulch as it is the only settlement and water on their route

Hope Gulch is a communal ranch founded about a decade ago by an obscure sect of an inoffensive faith, who intended it to be an idyllic holy settlement. Several dozen families live there. It sits on the only reliable water for many miles. 

Hope Gulch (rotting utopia) sits at the foot of a single large mountain.  At the base of the mountain a spring feeds a marshy bog. The townsfolk rely on this water and fertile land to survive.  A massive recently dead mulberry domiates the town (rootless tree), and like all wood, fabric, leather etc in town, it is crusted with mould, fungus, and rot.

NPCs:

Jeroab: once-charismatic sect leader, did something very bad 10 years ago, now careworn and second-guessing himself. 
Oonbulp: ghost myconid king, previous inhabitant of the marsh, murdered by Jeroab
Old Thunder: huge ancient awakened dire bear, hibernating on the mountain. Knows what happened to Oonbulp
Ifrael: angel who led Jeroab's sect here. Sect fanatic.  The driving force behind Oonbulp's murder.
Skaggerit: lizardfolk conquest paladin who has enslaved Ifrael (armored lizard).  Simple soul who just loves tormenting angels.

When the sect first arrived at Hope Gulch, Jeroab found it inhabited by Oonbulp's myconids, with an old druid living on the mountain. Under the druid's guidance the humans and myconids lived together for a while, but resources were tight. When the druid died matters worsened.  Jeroab and Ifrael decided the settlement must survive, and killed the myconids secretly, claiming to the settlers that the mushroom-people had faded with the druid's magic. 

Old Thunder, on next awakening, smelt the death-spores of the myconids on Jeroab and attacked the township in a rage. Ifrael only just drove him back. Thunder retired to sleep off his wounds.  Ifrael and Jeroab told the townsfolk the bear-god must be appeased.  Ever since, the townsfolk leave fish and a barrel of strong mulberry hooch outside Old Thunder's cave monthly.  Thunder rouses from hibernation, eats, drinks, and falls into a stupor again before waking enough to think clearly.  

Ifrael was cast out by his god for his actions. In his lowest moment, Skaggerit found him, and bound him with an enchanted bridle. Skaggerit now rides Ifrael like a pony, a bloody spiked bit in Ifrael's mouth and raw spur-wounds on his sides.  (broken (to the saddle) angel)

Oonbulp and his tribe are now ghosts. They cause the wild growth of fungus etc that taints the food and eats away wood and leather.  Most recently, they killed the mulberry tree with a fungal infection of the roots.  Jeroab is now out of the drink he uses to tranquilise Old Thunder.

When the PCs arrive, Jeroab will:

ask them to make a ritual offering at the Bear-God's cave. This is fish dusted with fungus spores, Jeroab is experimenting with replacing the spirits with soporifics.
ask rangers (he'll avoid druids) for advice on healing the mulberry tree.  No good, it's dead.  PCs who dig around its roots will find they've been eaten away by fungus


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## Gradine (Aug 20, 2021)

Spoilers


Spoiler



For what it's worth, my knowledge of Warhammer anything, let alone 40k, is extremely limited, but I still got a good sense of what was going on. The one thing I question is what relation orks have to fungi in this setting; as it stands it kind of comes of left field.

All told though, this is a pretty cool gonzo sci-fi adventure!


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## humble minion (Aug 20, 2021)

Gradine said:


> Spoilers
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> ...





Spoiler



In warhammer (since about ~10 real-life years back) orks have been canonically asexual fungal lifeforms.  They gestate beneath a toadstool, emerge full-grown and ready to fight, and when they die or are badly wounded they shed fungus spores everywhere to spawn new orks.  So even if you defeat the orks in an area, unless you burn the whole place, there'll be more showing up from beneath their toadstools soon.  It's GWs ... left-field but imaginative solution to the 'baby ork' moral dilemma I guess!


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## FitzTheRuke (Aug 20, 2021)

humble minion said:


> Spoiler: (Specific) Comments
> 
> 
> 
> So I went with a relatively linear plot with my final entry.  I suspect I will be thoroughly destroyed on 'bear necessities' - I seriously cannot BELIEVE there is no faction, vehicle, monster, or troop type in Warhammer with a name that references bears, so i had to play silly word games.  Oh well.





Spoiler: Quick take



I really liked your clever word game, myself. I can understand why you'd struggle with bear necessities spelled that way.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 20, 2021)

Spoiler



I wasn't expecting a 40K entry at all, never mind in the first round. So kudos for that. I'm a 40K nut from back in the day, so all thumbs are up. That's precisely two thumbs if the Inquisition is asking...


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 20, 2021)

Spoiler: Wicht Entry



So here are my brief thoughts on the entry of @Wicht

Love the post-apocalyptic Australian vibe. Also the whole druggy use of ghost mushrooms (when I saw that ingredient, that is totally the way I would've gone. Great use of the ingredients for the plot. I mean really great.

It's evocative- I also like the competing factions approach and that there are multiple issues that must be dealt with. Given the word limit, it's impressive that this feels more like the sketch to a mini-campaign or a post-apolcalyptic Isle of Dread than a one-shot.






Spoiler: humble minion Entry



So here are my brief thoughts on the entry of @humble minion

As others have said ... no one expects the  Spanish Inquisition  ... Warhammer 40k! Unfortunately, while I am knowledgeable about WFRPG, I long ago decided to spend my money on expensive booze instead of a 40k mini addiction, so I'm not as familiar with this lore. 

Now that I've read it, it seems really cool and the type of commando mission I'd love to be a part of! And the switch to bear (carry) necessities is nifty use of the term that is surprising and fits perfectly.

I do feel like I'm missing something because there are terms I'm not familiar with (the sentence, "If Secretbearer is a Blood Angel, Target may have succumbed to the Black Rage; a Space Wolf might suffer the Wulfen curse, etc (broken angel)" is nearly impenetrable to me). But I would totally play this and totally kill that ork weirdboy, Rugluk, all his spore minions, and the dang tree!






Spoiler: el-remmen Entry



So here are my brief thoughts on the entry of @el-remmen 

First ... bold choice with the Superhero adventure! Way back in the day, I used to love the occasional Superhero TTRPG (I was fond of TSR Marvel FASERIP), but the issue I usually had was that it was hard to find good adventures for it. And this isn't a good setup it's a great setup- I really like the "attack by villains, stuck in civilian clothes" approach. Creates a great complication from the beginning. And the use of ingredients is spot-on as well (I notice we both went with "reality breach" as ending the world .... too many Marvel Movies?).

Overall, this is a spectacular adventure. The only (slight) concern I might have is that you have this amazing and detailed adventure that feels like a setup to the actual campaign (Molay breaking the Dogs out of prison and becoming the PC's nemesis). But a nemesis has to start somewhere, and I love the way that the whole setup with the Dogs is just a subterfuge for the real Big Bad- very on point for a Superhero adventure!


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## Iron Sky (Aug 20, 2021)

*Judgment for Round 1, Match 2: Snarf Zagyg vs el-remmen*
First off, sorry for limited participation so far; love Iron DM and wanted to stay involved but heavy RL stuff has hit that's taking up much of my time (and devouring my sleep). I'm super punchy from the not sleeping much the last few weeks, so if I'm rambling or lose coherency, that's my excuse.

That said, a couple notes about how I'm going to try to judge: my goal is a series of readthroughs with different foci and metrics for success.

First, I'll skim it like a casual reader looking for basic comprehension and cool factors that would make me want to get it if it were a published adventure.

Second, I'll read through it as though I'm a GM planning to run it, focusing on how easy it would be to run, keep track of, and whether it would be fun for me to GM.

Last, I'll analyze it as an IronDM judge focusing on ingredient identification, strength, fit, irreplacability, and cleverness.

When I competing in IronDM I usually focus on originality, theme, and "coolness" over mechanism. I then get to see my "sweet" adventures lose to solidly playable, straightforward entries with less flash and more function. When judging, I see why I lose to playabilty-focused adventures. Make an economical vehicle with a fresh coat of paint, not a rocket-powered bicycle that will maybe blast moonwards but more likely blast a smoking crater. I.e. solid and playable trumps exciting and flashy. (Note to self for next year: remember this).

Let's start with @Snarf Zagyg and Hail Caesar.



Spoiler: Hail Caesar



Right off the bat, I ended up shaving 8 words off the end due to the adventure summary pushing it over the word limit. I copy-pasted into a .doc and deleted the last 8 words without reading them to avoid them effecting my judgment. Hopefully that doesn't hurt the conclusion too much.

Right off the bat, a gamble: knowledge of movies. Though I've seen a lot of movies, pop culture is probably my single weakest area of knowledge (intentionally). Hopefully pulling me as a judge doesn't shoot you in the foot.

*Dropped Thoughts During Skim*
Had me at "timequakes". Lost me quickly after.

I actually know these actors, but other references are lost on me.
That plan doesn't seem simple in almost any way, unless you mean "simple" as in "created by a simpleton". I'm guessing it's the latter.

"Bay has control over the Knight and the Dogs..." what Knight? Assuming this is a reference to the Transformers (whose movies I haven't watched after hearing they're terrible). And order them to stand down from what? Adapting Shakespeare?

"The Coen's struggled to get financing for their film..." What film? Isn't the movie Michael Bay's? Were they already making one but were coerced by Bay to do his version? Did Bay rewrite theirs? Losing the plot here...

Since I'm losing track of what the players are supposed to be doing, who they are, and how they got to 1983 in all the background and character motivations, I'm going to skim ahead to the end then circle back.

Chuckled at the few references I got. Wordcount ate the last thing they need to do to fix the timeline and what it is that the Coen brothers need to shoot. Michael Bay? Presumably they need to go back to shooting Blood Simple or the universe unravels? Sound pretty important for a movie I'd never heard of until I just googled it.

Really bad luck in pulling me for a judge. If my wife had anywhere greater than 0 interest in gaming, she'd have been a great judge for you (and rolled her eyes and sighed when I didn't get 90% of your references).

I'm pretty sure now the PCs are some sort of "Timewatch" sent on missions to fix broken timelines. Though it's often a primary theme of time travel RPGs, there are other things you can do with them.

Are they in 1983 or 1984? Did the players follow him from now, are they native to 1983/4, or from the future? Did the Coen brothers go with Bay from now or are they the 1983/4 Coen brothers? Why does he have to go to 1983/4 again?

Remembering that I'm supposed to be doing just a quick skim for cool, fun bits, it seems the PCs are trying to use their knowledge of Hollywood personalities to stop the movie using purely social skills. This means somehow convincing Bay to go home without telling him why, which seems like not so much a railroad as a single-scene adventure: they chuckle at the references, then try to convince Bay he's awesome and everyone else's just haters.

If they fail, there's not much recourse since he has unkillable bodyguards that will stomp them dead if (really _when_ since they are PCs) they try any funny business. Better hope you have a character with dope social abilities and/or everyone realizes this is their one shot at success so better spend whatever resources you have on this one roll...

*Already Second Pass*
I'm drifting into the second read it seems. I just got how poor judges must feel reading my entries: "look at all the clever references and over-the-top moving parts... how do I run this again?"

I just realized Blood Simple is a movie and am Googling it. Editing back above with some of my realization which might make this judgment make less sense, but yay sleep deprivation! Hoping the plot synopsis will help understand the adventure.

Nope.

Oh, Blood Simple (1984). Got it.

Switching formally to the second reading even though I've read it several times: how would I see this running and would I want to?

I see a bunch of chuckles at the movie/celebrity references (that I mostly don't get) then the PCs have fun but effectively meaningless interactions with action stars and Coens, before hopefully realizing they need to convince Bay to go home through epic sucking up.

They succeed and it's a wrap. They fail and TPK as they try to kidnap him resulting in direct combat and murdered by Markie Mark et. al.

Maybe I'm missing something critical, but that's my read. Would it be wacky fun? Probably. Would I want to run it? Probably not.

*Third Pass*
Let's move on to pass the third: ingredients.

*Simple Plan: *As a plan, this is anything but simple. In fact, it's about as convoluted and tortured as you could conceive of yet is exactly the sort of thing Hollywood produces so Bay might think it's simple. However, the "Bay is a simpleton" dig is clever so I'll give this one credit. Plus, it's hooked to the movie Blood Simple which, in retrospect, is probably what you actually meant not the stuff I read into it.

*Credit Due: *Bay thinks he's due credit for all his awesome movies and so launches into this whole misadventure. Since it's also the only way to solve the adventure makes the ingredient much stronger (and the adventure much weaker).

*Dogs of War:* Having not seen the Transformers (even as a kid; growing up in a cult where pop culture was evil nerfed my cartoon watching), I had to look up the dogs to see if they exist in Transformers. Answer is yes, which ties into the Last Knight. Even skimming Wikipedia's movie plot summary made me cringe. Ironically, I was the judge who added the Last Knight to our ingredient pool but didn't even know there was a Transformers movie with the same name. Tangents aside, these could be replaced with anything and even those things could be ignored. If the PCs succeed, the Dogs are window dressing. If the party fails, they are unkillable insta-death machines.

*Poor Reception: *An understated general consensus as to the Last Knight's quality. It's fairly integrally tied to Credit Due and the (only?) solution to the adventure.

*Last Knight: *Tied tightly to Dogs of War with the same limitation: if they players do well, they never have to interact with it while if they fail and do what players usually do when words fail, it's game over. Maybe literally.

*Reality Breach*: I'm not sure exactly why Bay's time travel will destroy everything, but it is at least central to the plot as it's the main thing they're trying to avoid. The PCs don't interact with the breach directly... and this just pushes harder on the "why time travel" question I had. This links to Blood Simple even if we don't know why time travel creates a breach.

If this is a time travel game then presumably time travel is safely reproducible? Though I don't think I'd trust a time machine created by Bay either. It would definitely end with a giant bang and people wanting their time back.

All in all, the ingredients are woven together surprisingly well even if some of the players won't tug on their threads at all.

In summary, this adventure is clever, funny (even pop-culture ignoramus I chuckled), the ingredients knit together tightly, and the whole adventure resolves in a single Charisma check. The entire critical path my sleep-deprived brain can derive: approach Bay → flatter him (roll) → pass=win, fail=get physical+die. The adventure grew on me more and more as I read yet I still wouldn't want to run it.



On to @el-remmen with *Let Slip*.



Spoiler: Let Slip



Starting the first skim:

*Stream of Consciousness as Read*
Looking up _Villains & Vigilantes_ as I've never heard of it. Superheroes, got it.

Who is "They" in the first paragraph? The players? Donors? Both are plural, but all the examples are singular.

"Recently assistant"? Usually a verb follows "Recently"...

Compiling a show? Did he debug it too?

Cocks sees his boss as "due credit?" So Cocks thinks the boss should get credit for giving Cocks more work without pay? What? This is also an ingredient but isn't bolded, so is it not meant to be the use?

The Last Templar thing is cool, the sort of thing I was hoping for when I poured that ingredient into the pool.

The PCs "should" witness Makepeace and Cocks arguing? What if they don't?

The dog's kinship with the Templar felt like a bit of a stretch, but having Super Dogs named Alfonso Henriques, Geoffroi de Charney, or Robert de Craon is pretty cool.

"The plan" = "their plan"? At first I thought that was suggested plan for PCs. I like how we get the dog's placement and motivation so don't have to figure out where all 13 dogs are and why.

PCs having to slip away to don supersuits is cool, as are the dogs' personality traits.

The twist of suddenly awakening Knight Ghost Satan is neat.

The occult superhero + ghost bit didn't make sense. Assuming that is a V&V system thing. Mechanical bits best left out of these.

First pass complete. Promising so far as I know who the bad guys/canines are, what they are doing, and why. Many adventures provide how the PCs must solve something but not why they should. This does the opposite by giving the why and leaving the how up to PCs. Exactly what you want for an RPG; you want scripted play a video game.

Having written a few of these things, I'm impressed you got that much in there in 750 words.

*Second pass*
A kid with a grudge working secretly with dog soldiers who identify as Templars rob the attendees at a posh gala and the museum hosting it. The dogs pack personality, motivation, and a plan that all help me run them and bring them to life. This would be plenty for a 2.5 page adventure, but we also get a re-awakened 700-year old ghost manipulating both sides to bring about the end times. Superhero games are my least favorite (Exalted excepted), but I could probably run this and enjoy it.

*Third pass*
Ingredientizing:

*Simple Plan:* The plan involves multiple placements, positions, and orders of operations, but it is relatively simple. It has the advantage of actually being a plan you might write down: functional, usable, and directly tied into the game.

*Credit Due:* the motivation for Cocks to launch the plan. The wording weakens this as it sounds like the opposite but I get it. Might be a bit stronger if his boss took credit for ALL their social media presence to justify masterminding a felony, but still works.

*Dogs of War:* literal war dogs who identify as Templar warriors. While cool, they could be replaced with almost any other enemy. If Cocks was secretly a weredog or something might have tied in better. Connected pretty well with the Plan and Credit Due at least.

*Poor Reception:* Clever double use that also puts more pressure/spotlight on the PCs since no help is coming and is also the setting for the whole adventure. About the best I could have hoped for with this ingredient even if it's present by what it keeps out.

*Last Knight: *The Templar who comes back for vengeance by (eventually, some day) creating the reality breach. His main feature is that he's a ghost though, not a knight. If the dogs were a strain originally bred by Templars or something instead of distantly sympathizing with them this would be stronger.

*Reality Breach: *Probably the weakest ingredient, especially since it doesn't even feature in this adventure except as the hinted climax of the story line that this adventure initiates.

Fairly well connected ingredients but many of them are individually arbitrary/replaceable or barely linked.

In summary, this adventure is fun, playable, has a great twist, and yet you could change several ingredients entirely without anyone noticing.





Spoiler: Conclusion



Interesting contrast:

*Hail Caesar* started off confusing, obscure, and somewhat frustrating to read through due to missed references. Yet as I read more, I became more impressed with how well tied together the ingredients were. *Let Slip*, however, started off as a far easier read, a great play, and left me comparatively disappointed reading the ingredients.

For pure ingredients, *Hail Caesar* wins via surprisingly tight intermeshing even if a couple ingredients are weak. For playability, however, no contest. Where *Hail Caesar* potentially boils down to a single interaction and maybe even a single dice roll to sway Bay, *Let Slip* starts with a gala, transitions to a violent heist wherein PCs must slip away to slip into their super suits then try to take out a group of disciplined, organized, and unpredictable supervillians while an ancient apocalyptic ghost manipulates both sides from behind the scenes.

In the end, playability and readability of decent ingredient use wins over a densely-packed, cleverly-constructed layer of ingredients supporting the shiny coin for flipping pass/fail. Maybe another judge more into movies would catch something I missed. Maybe that last sentence Wordcounter cut off would make more bits than Bay relevant. Maybe I'm just exhausted and I'm the problem not the adventure.

Whatever the case, *Hail Caesar* is wacky, clever, entertaining, and holds together about as well as a Michael Bay movie under close scrutiny.

*Let Slip* is solid, functional, and packs a cool twist. In spite of its decent vs excellent ingredient use, it and el-remmen advance to round 2.


----------



## el-remmen (Aug 21, 2021)

Spoiler: Responding to Iron Sky's Judgment



I was really worried when I read how wild Snarf Zagyg's entry was! It was so inventive and fun, I knew that some judges would really go for it. I look forward to seeing what you come up with in later tournaments.

Answering some of Iron Sky's questions:



Iron Sky said:


> *Round 1, Match 2: Snarf Zagyg vs el-remmen*
> 
> 
> On to @el-remmen with *Let Slip*.
> ...



The PCs in their civilian identities. They are the subject of the previous sentence and this one explains reasons why they might be there. The donors would not be "museum employees," so I thought that was clear - but I guess not. 



			
				Iron Sky said:
			
		

> "Recently assistant"? Usually a verb follows "Recently"...




Huh? "Recently assistant curator went viral" - "went viral" is the past tense verb.



			
				Iron Sky said:
			
		

> Compiling a show? Did he debug it too?




For the life of me I could not come up with another word for curating because I did not want to say the curator curated. I should have just used a thesaurus.



			
				Iron Sky said:
			
		

> Cocks sees his boss as "due credit?" So Cocks thinks the boss should get credit for giving Cocks more work without pay? What? This is also an ingredient but isn't bolded, so is it not meant to be the use?




This was definitely weak. I was trying to succinctly explain that Cocks was not being accountable for his twitter joke and saw his boss as responsible for his being "cancelled" since the boss gave him that job to do in the first place.



			
				Iron Sky said:
			
		

> The PCs "should" witness Makepeace and Cocks arguing? What if they don't?




In a longer version of this entry I did more to set this up and the timing of the party in general.  Setting the scene of the party made room for the argument to be witnessed.



			
				Iron Sky said:
			
		

> The dog's kinship with the Templar felt like a bit of a stretch, but having Super Dogs named Alfonso Henriques, Geoffroi de Charney, or Robert de Craon is pretty cool.




Again, a longer version gave a half-dozen specific dogs with their names and powers. All cut.



			
				Iron Sky said:
			
		

> The occult superhero + ghost bit didn't make sense. Assuming that is a V&V system thing. Mechanical bits best left out of these.



It seemed weird to add the element of a ghost version of the actual curator unless the campaign already had a space for occult adventures like Dr. Strange, Dr. Fate or even sometimes Power Man and Iron Fist would have..



			
				Iron Sky said:
			
		

> *Third pass*
> Ingredientizing:
> 
> *Simple Plan:* The plan involves multiple placements, positions, and orders of operations, but it is relatively simple. It has the advantage of actually being a plan you might write down: functional, usable, and directly tied into the game.
> ...




I can't really argue with most of this. I knew reality breach was a reach and I wanted more knightly intrigue but didn't have room. I will take issue with the idea that they are replaceable or barely linked - but I won, so I won't grouse.


----------



## Gradine (Aug 21, 2021)




----------



## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 21, 2021)

@el-remmen - First of all, congratulations! A well-deserved victory- if I had to lose, I'm glad it was to a well-written superhero adventure. Now go and win the whole thing. 

@Iron Sky - thank you so much for judging. I chose to go high concept and my entry depended on a pretty thorough knowledge of movies; unfortunately, I rolled a snake-eyes on that. But it's the writer's burden to make sure the reader understands, and I just didn't have enough words. 

So here's my annotate version of the adventure. First, the gist, then the meat in the spoilers:

The gist:
When I saw the ingredients, I immediately knew that I was going to do a Michael Bay time travel adventure. But I went to sleep thinking I was doing it with A Simple Plan (Raimi) and how it was going to stop the spread of superhero movies. 

...but then I woke up and realized ... TOO OBVIOUS! No, I had to go big, meta, and weird. So I went with four goals-

1. The adventure had to be meta; the overall adventure had to refer back to itself.
2. I was going hardcore into the ingredients, and would try to use them in multiple ways.
3. I was going to make an adventure that was combat-light, but provided a wealth of ways for the players to accomplish the tasks.
4. I would put in a bunch of jokes to amuse myself. 

I'm not going to spoil (4)- either you see them or not, but what about the other 3?



Spoiler



1. Go meta or go home.

The entire adventure is set up to appear to be about Michael Bay, but it isn't. The giveaway is in the title- it's named after a Coen Brothers movie. That's right- the entire adventure is, in fact, a Coen Brothers movie. The gist of most Coen Brothers movies is that they start with a Simple Plan, but because people are who they are ... it fails spectacularly. Here, we have Michael Bay with his own simple plan- he is going to have a do-over. He is going to re-do his career and get the respect that he thinks he is due, and since he has a time machine, he can do it right by working with true artists, and basing his movie off of Shakespeare, and not repeating his mistakes.

Except he can't. He's Michael Bay. He's going to do the exact same thing he always does. The irony of this adventure is that Bay hasn't enlisted the Coen Brothers to help him create his movie; instead, Bay has set in motion a real-life Coen Brothers movie. People who can't help but be what they are, and spinning that out to horrible consequences. 

2. Using the ingredients in multiple ways.

Simple plan- Michael Bay has a simple plan to be a great filmmaker. The film that he is wrecking (Blood Simple) is a canonical "simple plan" film. The Coen Brothers are considered the archetypal filmmakers of the simple plan trope (if you look up the trope on tvtropes, the Coen Brothers have their own section, and it's listed first). 

Credit Due/Poor Reception- Both Michael Bay and the Coen are struggling with this. Michael Bay is motivated by the poor reception of his films, and wants credit for the film that he is making as an artistic masterpiece; but the way to persuade him is to convince him that he receives credit for his non-artsy films. The Coen Brothers want the credit for their artistic ambition, and are worried about the poor reception for the film that they are making. 

Dogs of War- I had fun with this one! This is the canonical line from Julius Caesar referenced by Nic Cage when the party appears on set, albeit spoken in that peculiar way that Cage might choose to do so; it's also the name of the dogs/Transformers that report back to Bay, and it's the name of the Pink Floyd song (the anachronistic song, since Bay is using a 1987 song in a 1984 movie) that Bay has on the soundtrack to the movie, because Bay has never met a musical cue that was too obvious.

Last Knight- Okay, this was the one I really enjoyed, since it sent me on a whole tangent. In addition to a chess piece (knight), it's also the movie that set this whole thing in motion (The Last Knight) and the character that is the Last Knight in the Last Knight (Marky Mark).  Since it's the time machine that is necessary to resolve a major part of the adventure, it's also the most important piece, which loops back to the idea of the chess piece. Word to your mother.

Reality Breach- Yeah, I couldn't do much with this. Save the world. Something something glow-y timequakes. 


3. Try to give the players options.

Based on the feedback from Iron Sky, I'm guessing this didn't come through at all. The general idea was that there were three main goals for the players:
A. Get Bay to return to his time.
B. Get the Cohen Brothers to get back to shooting Blood Simple (which would require financing). 
C. Get Cage to agree to be released from his contract.

The issue in the adventure was that everything was in tension- a sort of equipoise. Flattery to Bay, if the Coens found out, would make it impossible to convince the Coens to do anything. On the other hand, acknowledging to the Coens that the movie they were making sucked would alienate Bay (and the dogs were always watching). Finally, even if that needle was threaded, there still would be the issue of getting Blood Simple back on track, and that would require financing. And even if that was done, what could be done with Cage?

That's why there were hints of what could be done throughout the adventure; the first thing is that I put in a MacGuffin- as in any "Simple Plan" movie, and Hail Caesar specifically, time spent with Arnold would always be a waste - he couldn't help with anything, and if the party tried to use his "advanced weapons" against the Transformers ... it would end badly. Instead, there were other ways for an enterprising party to solve issues (Uncle Frank is, of course, Francis Ford Coppola; Cage and the Coens could be convinced to cast Cage as Hi ... and so on). In short, there were a multitude of ways to solve any problem scattered throughout.

I even put in a Bay-esque solution. If the players really wanted to take out the Transformers, well, the whole set is rigged with explosives .... just set them off and walk away, slowly .....  

Anyway, this was tons of fun to write. Best of luck to everyone!


----------



## Rune (Aug 21, 2021)

*Judgement for Round 1, Match 3 Wicht vs. humble minion*

Structurally, these two entries are about as different as they could possibly be. Wicht’s _Incident With A Lucky Angel_ (“Incident”) is essentially a sandbox with stakes baked in. humble minion’s _The Tree Of Dying_ (“Tree”) is a mostly straight-forward, mostly linear mission handed to some military PCs. A simple, direct adventure. At least at first.

All other things being equal, I’d expect the sandbox to be a more satisfying play-experience, if handled well, but I will point out at the outset that linearity in an adventure is _not_ inherently a bad thing. Linear adventures probably run a greater risk of having problems pop up, but that isn’t _necessarily_ the case, either.

_How do these adventures compare?_

*Let’s start with Hooks and Stakes:*



Spoiler



A pretty large chunk of “Incident” is taken up with background, which is not normally a great sign in an entry, but this background does a very good job of including some strong (and varied) stakes in the adventure.

The potential hooks are also pretty good, although I’m not sure why or how the second listed hook would come up. _Who wants the PCs to fix the broken angel statue? Why?_

I note that these questions both have clear answers if the second hook is rolled into the third one. All in all, pretty good.

“Tree” gives us almost no background and a very early, _very_ simple and direct mission (with two very interesting complications that will pop up later, but I’ll get back to that). Given the military nature of the game, this kind of hook seems appropriate and effective.

One thing that this entry does to save itself from having to relate background is to rely very heavily on the established setting of the game. Since the GM is presumably going to be familiar with the system and setting, this makes the adventure quite efficient in conveying extra information.

Unfortunately, the extensive use of unexplained jargon works against the entry when it comes to making ingredients’ relationships to the adventure and to each other very clear. But we’ll get to that later. For the presentation of the adventure, the choice was a good one.



*Now, the Structure of the Adventure:*



Spoiler



As I said before, “Incident” is essentially a sandbox. Some sandboxes are better than others, however, and this entry does something very skillful in it’s presentation: it’s various factions and encounters all suggest relationships with each other and many of them introduce very compelling stakes, sometimes in ways that will necessarily change the direction of the adventure. This is all very good.

There are some things that might be a bit better with a little bit more information (for example, _how long have the dragon-riding mutants been raiding the Koals? Will they continue if things are returned to normal?_), but this is fundamentally a very strong structure.

There is one thing missing, though, and I think it’s lack is more apparent because of the sandbox-structure of the adventure: there aren’t really any rewards for the PCs in this entry. At least, no material rewards, as far as I can tell. “Tree” doesn’t really have any either, but the mostly linear set-up means that there’s going to be a more satisfying sense of pay-off at the end if they are successful (especially if they realize they would otherwise be killed).

Maybe this is a subjective thing, but my sense is that the sandbox structure is going to plant a seed in the players’ minds that they will want to find neat _things_, and there’s no help in the entry, here.

As for “Tree”, this entry is remarkably linear right up until the PCs find the Target, but it does some things to complicate the experience in satisfying ways and is presented flexibly enough that the linearity could mostly be masked pretty easily. If the GM is fairly skilled, at least.

One particular potential trouble-spot needs to be addressed, though. The adventure pretty much requires that Secretbearer survives through most of the early stuff, since both of the major complications that mark the transition out of the linear part are focused around that one PC. The fact that both hinge on only one player’s decisions might be a bit of an issue, too. The secret order to kill the Target _might_ work fine (as long as the Secretbearer is alive), because it creates conflict with the rest of the party and, hence, involves them.

The fact that Llifyr only contacts the Secretbearer is more of a problem. On the one hand, because the other PCs might soon not trust the Secretbearer it means they will likely also not trust Llifyr. If they even believe the communication happened in the first place.  That’s fun.  On the other hand, as written, the Secretbearer _has_ to survive, or the bad-faith deal will never be delivered to the party. This is easily fixed by having Llifyr contact each of them, in turn. Bonus points if she sows mistrust among the PCs along the way. Which I can totally see, if she views the Deathwatch as a threat equal to the orks.

Stepping back to take a wider view, I think “Tree” is serviceable until the PCs find Target, and at that point, the complicating factors start shaking things up and creating some very fun chaos. Add to that, I think the pay-off for success is very satisfying.

“Incident” is kind of the opposite. Most of it is excellent and engaging, but the pay-off for solving the various high-stakes that come up is going to be dependent on how invested the players are in reestablishing the Koal society. There isn’t really much else to motivate them.

I think, on the whole, “Incident” is a bit of a better adventure, but not so much that a better set of incorporated ingredients couldn’t tip the scales.



*Thus, Ingredients:*



Spoiler



Both entries come out strong with rotting incursions of *Ghost Mushrooms*. In both cases, the mushrooms play a pretty significant role in the adventure; in “Incident”, they are both the metaphorical representation of and the literal cause of the rotting society.

In “Tree”, they are tied to an incursion of orks (because Warhammer orks are fungi, if memory serves).

Unfortunately, I couldn’t see in either entry why it mattered that they were ghostly (or even _in what way_ they were really ghostly). I will concede that I may have missed some nuance in “Tree” due to a less-than-deep knowledge of the setting. Some explanation of the jargon may have cleared this up. Lacking that, though, both entries are about even on this ingredient.

Similarly, “Tree” introduces a *Rotting Utopia* that doesn’t really explain why it used to be a utopia, but, again, a more in-depth knowledge of the setting might. At any rate, the rotting is pervasive throughout the adventure. In a way, every single fight with an ork is tied into it.

“Incident” is a little better at presenting an actual utopia (although I’m not sure the adventure wouldn’t work as well if it was any small society at all). Where it really shines, however, is in doubling down on the rot, making a theme of the ingredient that supports and shapes the entire sandbox. This is the kind of thing I love to see in an ingredient, so I definitely have to lean toward “Incident”, here.

It’s use of *Bear Necessities*, on the other hand? Well, it’s clever, and it plays an important role in establishing the stakes and the major threat within the adventure. It’s good.

I kind of like the use in “Trees”, more. First of all, it is more directly attached to the PCs, since it is something they’re going to have to live with right from the start. In order to traverse this setting, they _can’t_ take all the gear they would want with them. This doesn’t mean much if it never comes back to them, but this scenario _does_ bring it back: the PCs are probably going to have to grapple with it again at the end, when they need to figure out a way to topple the massive tree. Good stuff.

In perhaps the most coincidental convergence of ingredient interpretations I’ve ever witnessed in these tournaments, both entries provide giant armored water-dragon mounts as their *Armored Lizards*! I can’t even begin to understand how that happened. Is there something in the zeitgeist that I’ve missed?

In neither case does the armor matter that much (except that combat with both is likely). Again, this might be less true if I knew more about the Eldar armor in “Tree”, but the entry doesn’t explain it, so I don’t.

I also don’t see why the dragons need to be dragons at all (or if I should even count them as lizards), but they work within the context of the adventures, at least. It may be a slightly better fit in “Tree” given the watery setting, but just a bit.

I will say, in “Incident”, they could just as well have been mechanized kangaroos, or anything at all. I know I’m just restating my point, but I wanted an excuse to type out “mechanized kangaroos.”

I’m calling this ingredient a wash.

The *Rootless Tree* is used well in both entries. In “Incident”, it is a reinforcement of the main theme explored in the entry, as well as the catalyst and a major threat that the PCs will need to deal with. If they find out about it.

I _am_ curious about something, though. _When the branch falls and breaks off the statue’s head, is it because there was already some rot before the breaking?_ The entry seems to imply, _no_, but I think it might be more interesting if the answer was _yes_. Noting that it would have some pretty significant (and possibly contradictory) thematic implications if it was, of course. Hmmm.

Anyway, “Tree” has a more clever implementation, although not necessarily stronger. The tree in question is literally rootless, but it also is figuratively rootless as it drifts upon the water. Clever. Even better, the fact that it is literally rootless means that the PCs can topple it (if they find a way) to solve some of the ork-infestation problem.

This ingredient is very strong in both entries, so no edge to either one, I think.

I’m a lot less impressed with the *Broken Angel* in “Tree”, though. It only comes up as a potential character choice (made before the start of the adventure, of course) and is about as relevant to the adventure as you could expect an ingredient to be when it might not actually show up at all.

In contrast, “Incident” does very well. Not only is it’s broken state a cause of much of the adventure’s tension, it also comes back again as a looming threat. It doesn’t _seem_ to matter much that it is an angel, but there is some thematic grounding for it. Presumably, it’s creators chose to represent it as an angel because it was part of a guarding ward. Guardian angel. Get it? It’s good.

Let’s do a quick check on how these ingredients stack up.

…Looks like “Incident” is slightly better, here.



*Which means…*



Spoiler



Add to that, “Incident” does an incredible job of tying its ingredients together. Everything but the *Armored Lizard* is tightly woven in with everything else. “Tree” is often quite clever with its ingredients, and they are generally well-integrated with each other and the adventure, but, where “Tree” is often excellent in this arena, “Incident” is transcendent.

And it’s adventure is very well-crafted, too.

@humble minion, I truly enjoyed your entry (more with each read) and I find your work impressive. I don’t think I have anything to suggest for improvement; you made some choices along the way and I have no doubt that you recognized the risks as you did so.

This entry shows why you are an IRON DM, but Wicht’s shows why it’s so hard to hold that title back to back in these tournaments.

Both are impressive works, but @Wicht advances to Round 2.


----------



## humble minion (Aug 21, 2021)

Spoiler: Response to judgement



Well, I knew going with a 40k adventure was a risk, I went into it with my eyes open, and sometimes risks just don't pay off.

Broken Angel: well, in-setting, 40k space marines are universally known as 'the Angels of Death' or 'the Emperor's Angels' and are frequently depicted as such in religious iconography etc.  So i got one of them, and broke him (twice in fact, once with his bloodline curse, and once in combat with Rugluk), and made him an objective for one PC's personal mission and conflictingly, an information source for the wider mission.  In retrospect I should have made it cleaner by specifying Target was a Blood Angel marine, and noting the adventure was intended for a party with a fellow Blood Angel in it, which would have saved some word count that I could have used to explain what the Black Rage was and why it was a big deal.  I'm not sure why the judgement says the broken angel only mattered at the start and might as well have not been there at all - in my estimation, he (and the Secretbearer's decision about what to do with him) was a crucial part of the climax of the adventure.  Perhaps I didn't make it clear enough that the NPC Target rather than the PC Secretbearer was the 'broken angel'?   I don't understand this bit of the judgement, to be honest.  However, @Rune is 100% correct in saying that I should have separated Llifyr's manipulation of the party from this whole dynamic, because it all just got a bit muddled, and confused two subplots (the secret mission, and Llifyr's duplicity) that didn't need to overlap.

Rotting Utopia: again, i was guilty of jargon shorthand and heavyhanded editing.  A Maiden World, like Hamith, is a verdant paradise world seeded and geoengineered by ancient Eldar for the use and enjoyment of their descendents.  I mentioned 'Maiden World' but i didn't explain what it was, and while i initially had some Eldar other than Llifyr living an idyllic life here pre-Rugluk, they fell to the word count cull in the last hour or so before deadline, alas, so the place unfortunately lost a bit of its utopianness in the editing process.

Ghost Mushroom: again, jargon and insufficient explanations of such.  Many Eldar war machines are golem-like constructs controlled by the psychic ghosts of dead eldar, and are accordingly known as 'ghost warriors' or 'wraithguard'.  My ghost mushrooms weren't themselves ghosts, they were mushrooms that extended into the psychic sphere, tainting or subverting these Eldar ghosts and allowing Rugluk to control the Eldar war constructs.  They were 'ghost mushrooms' in the same way that 'wood mushrooms' are mushrooms that grow on wood, not mushrooms that are made out of wood.

Armored Lizard: the Eldar who live on Maiden Worlds (known as Exodites, in a bit of jargon that DID get cut...) are known for riding large reptilian dragony creatures to war.  Just another tie-in to the setting lore - there was no more significance to the armour than that!

Writing an adventure that assumed lots of setting knowledge (especially in a setting like 40k where the lore is oceans deep) does let you save word count by shorthanding with setting-specific terms, but you risk a judge who's not a complete setting nerd missing some of what you're trying to do.  And the more deeply tied to setting details that your adventure is, the more there is to miss, especially in the first round where the tiny wordcount gives you no space to spare for explanations.  Iron DM is nominally setting-agnostic, but in the end this is primarily a D&D board and not a 40k board, and a competitor who wants to give themselves the best chance of winning should write their entries with that fact in mind.  I got through the first round last year with a Buffy entry, but with this one I probably went several steps too far into setting minutae unless I lucked out and got a judge who was a huge 40k fan.

Having said all that, take nothing away from @Wicht who wrote a fun, gonzo, vaguely TMNT-esque adventure and for bonus points, set it in a place (Magnetic Island) that I've visited and am very fond of!  Anything with drop bears gets a lot of bonus points from me.  Congratulations on the win, and best of luck in future rounds.


----------



## Rune (Aug 21, 2021)

humble minion said:


> Well, I knew going with a 40k adventure was a risk, I went into it with my eyes open, and sometimes risks just don't pay off.



I think it _did_ pay off in some ways. I’ll elaborate in a moment.


humble minion said:


> Broken Angel: well, in-setting, 40k space marines are universally known as 'the Angels of Death' or 'the Emperor's Angels' and are frequently depicted as such in religious iconography etc.  So i got one of them, and broke him (twice in fact, once with his bloodline curse, and once in combat with Rugluk), and made him an objective for one PC's personal mission and conflictingly, an information source for the wider mission.  In retrospect I should have made it cleaner by specifying Target was a Blood Angel marine, and noting the adventure was intended for a party with a fellow Blood Angel in it, which would have saved some word count that I could have used to explain what the Black Rage was and why it was a big deal.  I'm not sure why the judgement says the broken angel only mattered at the start and might as well have not been there at all - in my estimation, he (and the Secretbearer's decision about what to do with him) was a crucial part of the climax of the adventure.  Perhaps I didn't make it clear enough that the NPC Target rather than the PC Secretbearer was the 'broken angel'?   I don't understand this bit of the judgement, to be honest.



Allow me to clarify. The only mention of Blood Angel in the piece is this sentence: “If Secretbearer is a Blood Angel, Target may have succumbed to the Black Rage; a Space Wolf might suffer the Wulfen curse, etc (broken angel).”

And _that_ sentence begins with the word _if_. Given the context, my assumption was that the Blood Angels were a faction a PC might choose to be a part of at character creation. Or not. This is undoubtedly the ingredient that suffered the most from the assumption of setting knowledge.


humble minion said:


> Rotting Utopia: again, i was guilty of jargon shorthand and heavyhanded editing.  A Maiden World, like Hamith, is a verdant paradise world seeded and geoengineered by ancient Eldar for the use and enjoyment of their descendents.  I mentioned 'Maiden World' but i didn't explain what it was, and while i initially had some Eldar other than Llifyr living an idyllic life here pre-Rugluk, they fell to the word count cull in the last hour or so before deadline, alas, so the place unfortunately lost a bit of its utopianness in the editing process.
> 
> Ghost Mushroom: again, jargon and insufficient explanations of such.  Many Eldar war machines are golem-like constructs controlled by the psychic ghosts of dead eldar, and are accordingly known as 'ghost warriors' or 'wraithguard'.  My ghost mushrooms weren't themselves ghosts, they were mushrooms that extended into the psychic sphere, tainting or subverting these Eldar ghosts and allowing Rugluk to control the Eldar war constructs.  They were 'ghost mushrooms' in the same way that 'wood mushrooms' are mushrooms that grow on wood, not mushrooms that are made out of wood.
> 
> ...



That’s the rub, right there. What you saved in exposition, you lost in clarity. But the adventure itself was well-served by being intricately tied to its setting. Anyone running it would be knowledgeable about the setting already, after all.

But the ingredients aren’t for _them_. _They_ aren’t going to care about how well integrated they are. To be clear, what the ingredients needed wasn’t less jargon, though. They needed a little bit of explanation of how that jargon meant they fit.

I think there’s probably a balance between the two extremes that works, if you can find it.

Which is, of course, difficult to do while you are shaving words last minute, but that’s IRON DM for ya.


humble minion said:


> Iron DM is nominally setting-agnostic, but in the end this is primarily a D&D board and not a 40k board, and a competitor who wants to give themselves the best chance of winning should write their entries with that fact in mind.  I got through the first round last year with a Buffy entry, but with this one I probably went several steps too far into setting minutae unless I lucked out and got a judge who was a huge 40k fan.



Well, again, it wasn’t the setting lore that damaged my understanding of your ingredients; it was the lack of clarity around _how_ and _why_ the setting lore mattered.

It _was_ an exceptionally impressive first-round entry, though. Especially considering that you scrapped your first concept fairly deep into it’s development.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 21, 2021)

I've found all the first round entries quite good this time round. 750 words is quite the straightjacket set next to the ingredients and other other rules and I've been impressed with what people have come up with. Hugs for everyone.


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## Rune (Aug 21, 2021)

It seems @chaochou has started a thread with a Home Game version of this tourney. If any spectators out there want to try their hand at these ingredients in a less formal setting, you should check it out.


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## Wicht (Aug 21, 2021)

My thanks to the judge for his work. And condolences to my opponent. I had real mixed feelings at the initial draw, pitting us together, as I hate to lose in the first round, but also hated to immediately knock off the reigning champ with a win. I wish @humble minion all the best in future contests!

I will say, as a general critique of The Dying Tree, that while the adventure seems fun, as a player, if I was a player I would feel like the Ork spores were growing a bit too rapidly and behaving in a very unorky manner. I also, if I had a PC knowledgable of ork spores, would not worry about tipping over the tree. I would pull a strategic withdrawal and follow Imperium Protocol and nuke the entire alien-haunted planet from orbit. It is, after all, the only way to be sure. Ork infestation is understood to be generally uncontainable, and burning the whole planet is a small price to pay for peace, especially if the planet has no human settlements. Other than that though, the whole running battle with orks over aquatic forest terrain is a cool set-piece.  

*A couple of explanations/responses to some of the esteemed Judge's questions/observations regarding Incident with a Lucky Angel:*
1. The Ghost Mushrooms are called ghost mushrooms because that is their name; that is their name because they glow in the dark. These are a real-world mushroom which can be found on Eucalyptus trees. They only grow when the tree is dying, however, and are not to be found on healthy trees. These particular mushrooms have mutated obviously, but like everything else in the adventure, they are based on a real thing. One of the first things I did with Ghost Mushroom was google it to see if there was such a thing. As I had already settled on Koala bear humanoids for both the "Utopia," and the "bear necessities," I was pleasantly surprised to find that Ghost Mushrooms were a real thing, and that they were connected to Eucalyptus.

2.The Armored Lizard was definitely my weak link ingredient wise, though it did provide the Dragon Riders, and in many ways, the ability of their mounts to cross both land and water was important. Which means that Lizard became integral, but not armor. But if I only have one weak ingredient out of 6, I am going to be pretty happy. The background states that the riders were just beginning to scout out the island, so I had not considered the possibility of prior raids. The Island is 5 miles from land, on the other side of a settlement I was picturing as being a major player in the region. The foray to the island was meant to suggest a daring scouting mission, behind enemy lines, as it were.

3. The Utopia is a Utopia from the perspective of the humanoid koalas. They can lay around the island, picking food off the trees, enjoying the landscape and the weather, free from the worries plaguing the rest of the world.

4. It is my general opinion that the more you can tie ingredients together, the more integral they become, being less easily replaced. These ingredients just all seemed to do that, especially once I hit upon the angel being the source of radiation causing the mutation of the fungus and rotting the trees, thus rotting the society, and denying the Koala their necessary leaves. It even explained the rootless tree, the decay of which was what broke the angel thus creating the whole of the cycle. Its not often ingredients seem to fit together so well, but in this case they did for me.

5. I did realize, as I was editing and re-editing, that there was no actual conclusion provided for the scenario, and no suggested rewards beyond the possibility of saving a small slice of civilization from decay and pillaging. Word Count prevented much exploration there, but I also realized that the motivation of the PCs would determine their reward. Also, it struck me as something I had not much pondered before in relationship to the genre, but post-apocalyptic scenarios very seldom feature much in the way of reward beyond survival, saving a slice of civilization, or preventing the death of innocents. So genre-wise, the lack of clear reward was fitting for the setting.


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 21, 2021)

*Round 1, Match 4: @Neurotic  and @loverdrive *

Neurotic and Loverdrive, you have 24 hours to post your entries to this thread. Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 750 additional words. Be aware: if you include descriptions of your ingredients with the ingredients list, those descriptions will count against your word-limit! Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; everything after will be ignored.

The judges will be using Wordcounter.net to ensure that our counts are consistent.

Please include your list of ingredients at the beginning of the entry and please do not edit your post once it is submitted. Please refrain from reading your opponent's entry until after you have posted your own. You are on your honor to do so.

Entries that are between 1 and 59 minutes late will have their word-limits reduced to 675. Later entries that are at less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 525. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 375. Entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the judge with consent from the match's opposing competitor.

*Your ingredients are:*

Empty Treasury
Wonderful World
Terrible Bard
Historic Bridge
Uncivil War
Spectral Lion


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## Rune (Aug 21, 2021)

Wicht said:


> 1. The Ghost Mushrooms are called ghost mushrooms because that is their name; that is their name because they glow in the dark. These are a real-world mushroom which can be found on Eucalyptus trees. They only grow when the tree is dying, however, and are not to be found on healthy trees. These particular mushrooms have mutated obviously, but like everything else in the adventure, they are based on a real thing. One of the first things I did with Ghost Mushroom was google it to see if there was such a thing. As I had already settled on Koala bear humanoids for both the "Utopia," and the "bear necessities," I was pleasantly surprised to find that Ghost Mushrooms were a real thing, and that they were connected to Eucalyptus.



I really wish that hadn’t slipped past me. It only strengthens the already impressively strong ingredient-weave you had going on there!


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## loverdrive (Aug 22, 2021)

IRON DM 2021​Round 1, Alice Lovedrive vs Neurotic

The Ingredients:

Empty Treasury
Wonderful World
Terrible Bard
Historic Bridge
Uncivil War
Spectral Lion



Spoiler: The Entry




There’s a reason why elves never sleep.

The nightmares tap into the noosphere and bring forth doom. The horrifying concepts of all too earthly drives, raw and uncontained, sip into the world, thought by thought, word by word and take a physical form.

The true scale of the threat is beyond their comprehension. The living don’t think in concepts, they give them names and looks and desires, twisting them even more and creating a dark image of themselves.

*DROW*

they call these horrors. Twisted, vile, cruel, living in the darkness of the Agartha, that’s how they are painted in the minds of the men.


But they never stoped. Of course, the horrors must have their own ugly cannibal pantheon, horrifying and incomprehensible.

The Bitсh With Many Teeth, The One Who Hungers, The Spectral Lioness, they call her. She will eat the sun, they fear, she will swallow the stars, drink the seas, chew through the earth and will never vomit this world back to be reborn anew.

The Conqueror, The King, The Equalizer, they call him. He will burn and pillage, they tremble, he will rape and enslave everyone and everything who isn’t a spitting image of him.

The End, The Grim Reaper, The Empty Treasury, they call it. It will come for them, they dread, it will snuff out their fires, scatter the ashes of their “eternal empires” and erase all memories of them.

Over time, they even figured out that maybe they are makers of their own doom… And of course, it’s a terrifying idea. They gave it a name.

The Fifth Trumpet, The One Who Paints, The Terrible Bard.


Akhilesh, the mad scholar, has gazed upon the stars and discovered that they always match the astrological records. He has lost his own mind and shattered all too many others, experimenting, searching the truth.

One day, everything became clear and for the first time in millennia, he had a real plan.

He hooked the Machine of Machines (which does exist) to the Difference Engine (which doesn’t exist), applied some fine science of causality reversal and connected the whole world right to the noosphere, the only true god, blind, idiot, all powerful god, who actually answers the prayers.

He hoped that it will lead to the wonderful world. A magnificent heaven with no cauldrons of hell, an eternal peace with no uncivil war, a historical bridge between the men and their god.

He was wrong.



Screams. Hundreds and thousands of screams. Panic, horror, pain and fury, all fusing into a cacophonic crescendo, beyond rhythm, beyond structure, the magnum opus of a cosmic nu-jazz maestro dying in a joyful agony of a heroin overdose, thrashing around in a delirious nightmare of pure ungodly happiness.

This was the soundtrack of the end of the reality itself.


Countless terrified reality benders turned the world into their own twisted Sistine Chapel, the broken Adam with dozens of dozens of malformed limbs reached his hand towards the sky.

The sky with no God. The sky with a gaping God-shaped hole.


Character creation​Say, who you were before. Write that down. It’s irrelevant, anyway.

You have two stats: Control and Humanity, and both start at +0. When one goes up, the other always goes down.


Basic moves​To do it, do it​When you tap into the noosphere to reshape the reality, roll 2d6+Control. On 10+, you do it. On 7-9, choose one and on 6- the GM will choose for you:


The cacophony of the end of the world distracts you, you lose yourself in the unholy melody. Whatever you were trying to achieve backfires, but you are not in danger.
Something breaks inside you, you lose the touch with the human inside. -1 Humanity.
You are terrified of your own powers. -1 Control.

If you do it, you do it​When your actions reshape your personality as per reverse causality law, and you resist it, roll 2d6+Humanity. On 10+, you remain yourself. On 7-9, you still gain some characteristics of the new image. On 6-, the GM will tell you what happens, and you won’t like it.


Special moves​Standoff​When you face a man-made god, roll 2d6+nothing. On 10+, you make it bleed the concept of blood. On 7-9, you are alive and well, at least for now. On 6-, this is it.


The End​When you touch the Machine of Machines and try to erase it out of existence, the game ends. You get to narrate the consequences of the apocalypse.


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## Iron Sky (Aug 22, 2021)

@Snarf Zagyg , after reading your summary, your adventure is much deeper and nuanced than I saw when I was judging. I literally am about the worst judge you could have drawn for this; me having to go to a search engine to see who the Coen brothers were again probably doomed you more than anything you could have done on your end. Having the goals snipped also probably hurt you the most in playability as it left almost all the focus on Bay. It would have been much harder to judge with multiple objectives.

I've never run a time travel game because why not just go to the point in time when Bay is building a time machine and stop him before he has the capability of creating a reality breach?

Also, tvtropes is cool. I think I went down the rabbit hole on it when I first heard about it a decade-ish ago, then forgot it existed until you just mentioned it again. Wikis are like crack to me and I can only dip lightly lest I fall into them for hours straight.

@el-remmen my compare-contrast brain was functioning when I read your entry but I was trying to cover the adventures individually. Effectively replace "many of them are individually arbitrary/replaceable or barely linked" with "I found the ingredients somewhat tighter and less changeable than in* Let Slip*."


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## Rune (Aug 22, 2021)

Commentary on loverdrive’s entry:



Spoiler



The prose in this piece is very nice. It has a good rhythm and keeps pulling the reader along. 

The adventure itself might be the single most subtly ambitious entry I’ve ever seen in IRON DM. A whole PbtA system, scenario, and campaign (such as it it) packed into 750 words and an evening of play. A single story to tell in an evening and a new one tomorrow, perhaps. Impressive!


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## Neurotic (Aug 22, 2021)

What (could be) a beautiful world!​Round 1, Alice Lovedrive vs Neurotic
Ingredients:
•    Empty treasury
•    Wonderful world
•    Terrible bard
•    Historic bridge
•    Uncivil war
•    Spectral lion

*Synopsis:*
PCs need to stop the *Terrible Bard* and his cult in creating his *Wonderful World* fantasy in which only the beautiful survive and multiply. To that end he *emptied the treasury* of the kingdom, creating his personal cult,  organizing the most potent ritual in remembered history.

*Background:*
The bard spent decades preparing for this moment. Lion knight is kept sterile and now that everything is ready, he is poisoned. The king is convinced to make the best of the best his next Lion Guard.

The most beautiful girls of the seven kingdoms are invited to a beauty pageant to be held at Löwenan Crossing, mercantile center at the Four Rivers. The best dresses, the poise, the most beautiful face, alluring demeanor, if you have it, someone will sponsor you. 

The most handsome, bravest men, whose forms rival those of the heroes of old are invited to their own version of the event. The reward? The most beautiful woman in the world and noble title.

Nobility usually disdains such displays, but even they cannot deny the temporary prestige the position brings. 

And this year is promising to be incredible because the king and whole royal family will be there. Rumor is, the royal historian will sign the winners as the new nobles of the Löwenan family – recently extinct nobility of old – the inheritors of Marcelus Löwenan that held the Crossing at Crossings Bridge against the barbarian hordes, who kept the king alive until help arrived. Ever since, one of the family sons, a knight, guarded the king. And this is the first guard without children. The knight died from a mysterious illness before he could name an heir.

The historian arrives early to organize the event. The rumor is confirmed and the town goes into a frenzy.

The *bridge *is now a *historical monument*, a wide plaza connecting the town into a single unit. 

With the promise of nobility, more than one family, nobles, merchants and peasants alike encouraged their most precious daughters to apply. The possibility also sparked the war between mercantile and noble families ranging from displays of wealth, competition at the best craftsmen to create the clothing to rumor spreading and defamation. This *uncivil war* rages on even as the contestants make their speeches, each trying to outdo others or make them look bad.

Of all 800 contestants, only 20 of each will be presented…and only two will be chosen as winners. At that moment, the Royal Historian will come up, proclaim the man next Löwenan, and make him swear his loyalty to the king on the family sword. The marriage is concluded immediately after and the revelry can begin. 

Except…the bard concludes the ritual just as the newlyweds kiss and everyone outside the immediate area freezes in place lost to their own utopia,* wonderful world* of their inner desires. As the thought world moves faster than normal, many quickly show signs of deterioration. PCs need to find the solution quickly.

*Potential resolutions:*
Players need to stop the bard, the ritual, or evacuate everyone.

They can find out about the ritual from snippets of conversation between workers, observing cultists preparing for it, or hearing from the concerned librarian who helped with the research. 

By this time they should know enough to be protected from the spell or to be on the bridge.

If they prevent the ritual, the bard collapses, crying about his life work. Or attacks in a rage. DMs call.

Killing the bard will not be enough by this time; the cultists have everything they need to complete the ritual. Interrogating him can yield the locations of the cultists. PCs need to stop some groups from finishing the ritual. Once the ritual is complete, the people will die in a short time. All, but those protected by the circle around the bridge.

To end the spell once finished, the players need to know about Löwenan family, their motto: post mortem Regis protegat (protect the king beyond death), their family sword, and Löwenans deed some centuries past. If the new lord invokes the motto holding the sword point down on the bridge, all Löwenan lords from centuries past will come to their aid. These *spectral lions* can enter the dream world of each person and take them out. Or they can help with the cultists.

Taking the people physically out of the city will also wake them, but PCs might have to contend with the cultists.

*Rewards:*
Noble title, Money, Reputation


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## Rune (Aug 22, 2021)

Commentary on Neurotic’s entry:



Spoiler



Very interesting scenario! It has a real fairy-tale feel. If I were to run this in D&D, I’d probably place it in Faerie/Feywild. And bards should be used as villains more often!


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## loverdrive (Aug 22, 2021)

Though on Hail, Caesar:


Spoiler



I'm officially running this.


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 22, 2021)

Just for the sake of setting expectations -- I've got a home game this afternoon, so I won't be able to write my review of the match 4 entries until this evening. Sorry it can't be sooner.


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## FitzTheRuke (Aug 22, 2021)

Man, these entries are all great. I don't know if I could have found time to do one as good as these. I'm kind of mixed - on the one hand, I wish I was part of it; on the other I'm glad I don't have to be judged against any of these!


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## Rune (Aug 22, 2021)

FitzTheRuke said:


> Man, these entries are all great. I don't know if I could have found time to do one as good as these. I'm kind of mixed - on the one hand, I wish I was part of it; on the other I'm glad I don't have to be judged against any of these!



Then you shoud try your hand at it in @chaochou ’s home game thread! No pressure, just fun.


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 23, 2021)

*Iron DM 2021 Round 1 Match 4:  Neurotic vs Loverdrive*

Hey All -- I'm just sitting down to do my judgement of these two entries, after reading them over a few times (and letting them work at the edges of my mind all afternoon while saying "Sigh, yes, that's a hit" to my D&D group.....)

These are two very different entries -- in fact, about the only thing that seems to connect them is the ingredients, and practically nothing else.  And they're both cool as hell, in their own way.  So, you know, my job sucks.  Pity me, gentle reader.  

So, we have Loverdrive's entry, which doesn't have a name, and Neurotic's entry "What (could be) a Beautiful World". The lack of title is an inconvenience for me -- an important value in the writing of these responses is to rigorously refer to the entry specifically, and not the author. This is something I got in the habit of doing decades ago in my MFA writing program -- we always talk about the story, because the story is not the author, and any faults are it's own and are no reflection on the author.  So, I find myself needing to give a title to an untitled entry.  The big initial section heading, Drow, might be useful, but I feel like that's actually a lousy title for this entry. I'm going to go with "A Sky with a God-shaped Hole."  And, then I'll shorten them both for convenience to "God-shaped Hole" and "Beautiful World."  And those two nicknames for these entries feel representative of the tones of each piece. 

All that work, and I haven't even started yet.  

God-Shaped Hole is a setup for a whole game -- it is setting and rules (rules-light story game of some variety).  A setting where a mad scholar has connected two machines (one that exists and one that does not) to bridge the gap between the worlds of gods and men, and tied to it the "fine science of causality reversal" and out of that comes a connection to the noosphere (I had to look this up, it's the "highest stage of biosphereic development, its defining factor being the development of humankind's rational activities." This is philosophy and faith and science, all with a dice mechanic and entities that are trying to balance control and humanity to achieve some sort of success.  Inventive, crazy, and the sort of thing I'd scour Youtube for actual play videos of before I decided to talk anyone into trying to play it with me.  

Meanwhile, Beautiful World is coloring mostly within the lines of a coloring book.  The colors that BW uses are vibrant and unusual and interesting, the plot is open to a variety of creative solutions, and would clearly be fun to play.  The execution, especially given the word limits and format, is excellent.  

So, lets get started. 
*
Ingredient Use*
I like to start with a point by point examination of the ingredients, so I'll start there.  

*Empty Treasury*
In Beautiful World, the Empty Treasury is the starting point of the adventure -- the Terrible Bard has spent all of the kingdom's wealth to arrange for his beautiful-world-creating ritual.  I think this use of the ingredient is serviceable but not great -- it's a detail tacked onto the prologue to the piece, and it never presents a problem for the party or even a detail they're doing to deal with -- and if the reward for success includes money, then the treasury can't be all that drained.  

In God-Shaped Hole, on the other hand, the Empty treasury is one of the titles of one of the gods in the setup.  Also know as The End, or The Grim Reaper. This being will come in the end and erase all memories of those that dream of him.  This is an example of a thing that I tend to find frustrating in Iron DM entries -- the ingredient is being used as a label to cover a base, and the thing it's labeling would probably not make a natural choice for that label if it were not being pressed into service by the needs of the competition.  Giving this god the name "the empty treasury" does not appear to add anything to the portfolio of the god, or it's personality. It could have been, perhaps, if we were talking about a death god of a people who are devoted to wealth as a measure of a good life, but perhaps because of the sacrifices we make for word count, that doesn't appear here for me. 

In the end, I'm not excited about either use -- they're paying lip service, not much more. 
*
Wonderful World*
In God-shaped Hole, the wonderful world is the goal of Akhilesh, the mad scholar, when he cobbles together his machines and hooks everything up to the noosphere.  (Now that I know that word I'm going to wind up using it a lot for the next week, I can tell.) I could quibble that the wonderful world doesn't happen -- that it's there as the ideal that the scholar was working towards, but we are immediately told that he was wrong, and this world did not get created.  But, even as a motivation it works.  

In Beautiful World, the wonderful world is also the goal of the madman at the heart of things -- what does it say about us that we think that a wonderful world is necessarily the goal of a madman? Anyway, this is a world of beautiful people and beautiful things -- basically the perfect blend of the CW, the Bachelorette, and HGTV. And, of course, that way leads to madness.  

They're both good.  I don't think I have a preference for one's use over the other here.  

*Terrible Bard*
This one is going to score points for Beautiful World -- the terrible bard at the heart of that story is terrific, and terrible, and it matters that he's a bard -- it's important to both the kind of new world he's trying to build and the insanity of his methods. 

God-Shaped Hole, on the other hand, has a similar problem on this ingredient as it did with Empty Treasury.  It's a name given to a god.  The Fifth Trumpet. The one who paints. These are the names given to "their own doom" as created by the minds of the drow. In this case, I like that "Fifth trumpet" and "One Who Paints" are also bardic in nature -- they stick to the theme -- but I'm again left wondering what is it that makes this terrible? What makes this horror especially bard-like? 

So, advantage to Beautiful World on this one. 

*Historic Bridge*
In God-Shaped Hole, this is the bridge between the world of the drow to the noosphere (see, still using it) and it's labeled "historic".  I'm struggling with this one, too -- it's a problem for this entry that the setting that has been created feels very un-historic -- this is not a world that history matters in -- your character may have a backstory, but it doesn't matter.  How is the bridge historic in a world that is all causality reversal and void? It's a bridge, sure.  But... it's complicated.

In Beautiful World the Historic Bridge is exactly what it sets out to be -- a historic bridge, site of a heroic deed by a great knight whose family continues to protect the king, even beyond the grave.  It's solid.  

Advantage to Beautiful world on this one too.  

*Uncivil War*
In beautiful world, the uncivil war is the war fought by various families trying to position their daughters for the big event, the big reality show at the heart of this adventure. It's not the best-used ingredient in the Beautiful World entry, but it's serviceable. 

In God-Shaped Hole, on the other hand, uncivil war is another part of the mad scholar's goal for the wonderful world -- a world without uncivil war (civil wars being acceptable in our utopia?). It's weak, feels tacked on and not really baked into the whole entry.  I prefer Beautiful World's active uncivil war. 

*Spectral Lion*
In God-Shaped Hole, the spectral lioness is another name of the One Hungers, the Bitch With Many Teeth.  She who will eat the sun. Like many of the other ingredients, this one feels like it's been tacked onto an element that didn't need another name, and the use of "lioness" to describe this deity doesn't add anything to my understanding of the god's personality.  

Meanwhile, in Beautiful World, the Spectral Lion are the ghostly knights who protect the king beyond the grave. Are they lions? Even figuratively?  The name works in general, but there's nothing particularly leonine in the deed that the original knight did to protect the king from the horde.  The spectral part, in this usage, matters more than the lion part, and it would be better if both really connected, but this is serviceable.   

*Overall Ingredient Use*
Really focusing on the ingredients is always a fascinating discipline as I sit down to judge, because it draws a reader's attention to the central conceit of the contest -- it's about creative use of these ingredients.  In this case, I find that Beautiful World did more with the ingredients at almost every turn -- and there were no ingredients that I felt like God-Shaped Hole did a better job than Beautiful World.  So, based solely on ingredients, Beautiful world has a strong advantage. 
*
Writing, Presentation, and Playability*
On my first read, I can remember encountering the rich poetry of the opening of God-Shaped Hole.  I was knocked out by the writing, the creativity, the energy, and at the same time I worried that the luxury of that writing would end up meaning difficult sacrifices later. When word count is a part of the challenge, taking time out for this kind of writing is a risk.  A compelling, beautiful risk.  

Normally I would also think that the words spent on laying out the game mechanics would be a risk, too, but I find that the simple give and take of the system, the dichotomy of control pitted against humanity is perhaps the clearest thing about the game to come from this entry, and the thing that most makes me want to play it.  So, can't fault that at all.  

As I said earlier, setting off to run this I would want to watch others play first.  After several reads I still find that I don't clearly know who the PCs are or what their role is in the adventure. The players are there to try to reach and obliterate the machine of machines and bring on the apocalypse. Presumably, the gods will take turns standing in the way of the players, creating scenes from the stuff of creation to bedevil them, but that's not here.  The PCs are meant to be drow, and that's important because this story somehow explains the nightmares that forced all elves to develop meditation to avoid the need to sleep.  I find that I really need more to go on from the entry to help me scaffold the gameplay for my players. 

Beautiful World takes far fewer risks.  It's an entry that depends a lot on backstory, which is often a problem, but it manages the risk there well enough. It presents a playable, fun, interesting scenario, and I don't know that I would need a lot more to feel like I could sit down and play without needing to watch someone else do it first.  It's less poetic, less dangerous, less experimental. But it gets the job done, and does it well.  
*
Conclusion*


Spoiler



This is a tough one because the two entries are so different, and because there's baggage that goes with them.  Do I select the entry that shows the most daring and creativity with the form? Or the one that gave me something that looks a lot more like what I expected to be reading.  Do we want to discourage creativity, or say that creativity matters more than the expectations of the competition? 

In the end, for me, I come back to the ingredients. For me as a judge this is always the core of the question.  The competition is not for raw creativity, but for creativity with the challenge of working with the frustrating mix of ingredients the judges whip up.  

And there's where I lose it for God-Shaped Hole.  The creativity and the passion and the writing don't do enough to make those ingredients an integral part of the whole. The ingredients used as alternative names for the gods -- empty treasury, spectral lioness, terrible bard -- only the bard felt like it was a real expression of that divine being, not just a named added where it sort of fits.  Wonderful world, uncivil war -- these are brief concepts in the motivation of the mad scholar.  And the historic bridge -- well, there is at least a bridge, and I suppose if there is a new reality after the Apocalypse there might be someone who can record it for some sort of history.... but that's not the feeling I get from the entry.  

I've talked so much about God-Shaped Hole, and I am doing a disservice to the fine work that went into Beautiful World.  This is an entry that works, and the level of completeness and connection for ingredients makes it a textbook case in making the ingredients part of the story.  It wasn't perfect -- we can see, for example, that the empty treasury is weak, but others work very well, and connect to multiple parts of the story.  

In the end, as excited as I am at the potential of God-shaped hole -- and as much as I really want to play in that game -- _for this competition_ I feel like the best entry is Beautiful World -- also a game I very much want to play in, and I feel like I could also run for my table. And we would have a blast. 

So, that means that Neurotic, you will advance to Round 2.  

Both of you really kicked ass on this one, and you make me glad I'm not competing with you myself.



-rg


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## Rune (Aug 23, 2021)

On an unrelated note, @loverdrive, I notice your profile has the “publisher” tag. Is there anywhere I might be able to check out your work? Your creativity, skill, and writing style suggest I should.


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## loverdrive (Aug 23, 2021)

Rune said:


> On an unrelated note, @loverdrive, I notice your profile has the “publisher” tag. Is there anywhere I might be able to check out your work? Your creativity, skill, and writing style suggest I should.



The links are in my signature, under every post I make


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## Rune (Aug 23, 2021)

loverdrive said:


> The links are in my signature, under every post I make



Ah. Signatures don’t show up on mobile, as far as I can tell. And my phone is my computer. 

…But it looks like they can be found through your profile page, so I’ll check them out!


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## FitzTheRuke (Aug 23, 2021)

Rune said:


> Ah. Signatures don’t show up on mobile, as far as I can tell. And my phone is my computer.
> 
> …But it looks like they can be found through your profile page, so I’ll check them out!




You write full judgements... on your _phone_!? I'm impressed!


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## Rune (Aug 23, 2021)

I’ve got a bluetooth keyboard these days. I’ve done quite a few tournaments without. 

It’s especially tricky as a competitor. Trying to trim, edit, and format by finger-typing on a phone with mere minutes to go can be intense.


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## Neurotic (Aug 23, 2021)

@Rune what makes the knights leonine is their name, Löwe = Lion in german 


Spoiler: More lost details



The first knight is literaly named Leonidas  - which again is Lion in Greek - I guess the editing lost too much of the explanation in the background 

I originally had empty treasury contain the family sword (that one would family treasure,  not kingdoms) and PCs trying to get it find out that it is empty...again, a plot arc lost to the word limit. 


Last year I cut off details of a goddess used in the story and it made one ingredient confusing. It happens.

What I did same as the last year (intentional risk) is not include details about the cultists or the locations so DM can have any difficulty (level) of the encounters set up. While terrible bard needs to be mid- to high level, there is no reason why the rest of the adventure (cultists in particular) have to be. I would put this against the party of 7th or 8th level with cultists being weak on average (lvl 3-5l, but with each location having a higher level bard to motivate them and each witth different powers.



Congratulations to @loverdrive for the excellent idea and writing and good luck in the next year competition.


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## Imaculata (Aug 23, 2021)

Great ruling Radiating Gnome. This can't have been easy. Having to choose between beautiful poetry and a more straight forward adventure, but both great. I don't envy your job on these two.


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## Rune (Aug 23, 2021)

Neurotic said:


> @Rune what makes the knights leonine is their name, Löwe = Lion in german



I think maybe you meant to tag @Radiating Gnome?

I can only speak for myself here, as I wasn’t the judge for your match, but I think RG would agree with me when I say that the name might be a neat tag to include in an entry, but you still have to make it relevant as an ingredient. If you can change the name without changing the adventure, there’s still work to do.


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## Neurotic (Aug 23, 2021)

Rune said:


> I think maybe you meant to tag @Radiating Gnome?
> 
> I can only speak for myself here, as I wasn’t the judge for your match, but I think RG would agree with me when I say that the name might be a neat tag to include in an entry, but you still have to make it relevant as an ingredient. If you can change the name without changing the adventure, there’s still work to do.



Why, yes! Sorry about that. I scrolled up to check the name to mention and missed that I skipped some posts. My bad.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 23, 2021)

I was out for the weekend, so I am catching up now; I apologize if these comments are a little dated!

@loverdrive My only request for running the adventure is you let me know how it goes! When you write something out, you always wonder how players end up creatively overcoming the complications and obstacles. 

My thoughts on the last round's entries:

loverdrive's-


Spoiler



I admit, this is my favorite entry of the entire first round. From the mic drop opening line ("There's a reason why elves never sleep," to one of my all-time favorite entries (under character creation, "Say who you were before. Write that down. It's irrelevant, anyway.")

There is a repetition of words and a changing cadence of meaning that absolutely delights me when I read it. Even the simplest parts -
_The sky with no God . The sky with a gaping God-shaped hole._
I look at this and I marvel at the precision; not just no God, but the absence, the gaping and palpable absence of God.

I don't just want to play this; I want to luxuriate in this. I want to bathe in this entry. I want to return to it over and over again, marveling at the simplicity of the mechanics and the cleverness of them (control and humanity, inversely related). 

I want to face a man-made god and make it bleed the concept of blood. 

On the other hand, I do happen to think that the ingredients were just a throw-in. I'm not entirely sure that you couldn't have fit six other ingredients into that.

....but I don't care. I had way too much fun reading that. Multiple times. 



@Neurotic 


Spoiler



You've already won! So ... yeah, this is a day late and more than a dollar short. First, as should always be stated, I am in favor of any adventure that correctly paints bards to be the bad guy.

This seems like a fun and interesting adventure to run; I'd definitely place it in a feywild (or fey-adjacent) type of setting, and go heavy into the atmosphere. The tying of the history, the old and the new, definitely gives this adventure a feeling of a classic tale that you often don't find in D&D and other fantasy TTRPGs, which I think is pretty cool.

I think that the use of ingredients is really good, and you've integrated the ingredients really well into the adventure and theme.




General observation

I am so impressed with all of the entries in the first round. But I keep coming back to something @Iron Sky wrote at the beginning of his judgment:
_When I competing in IronDM I usually focus on originality, theme, and "coolness" over mechanism. I then get to see my "sweet" adventures lose to solidly playable, straightforward entries with less flash and more function. When judging, I see why I lose to playabilty-focused adventures. Make an economical vehicle with a fresh coat of paint, not a rocket-powered bicycle that will maybe blast moonwards but more likely blast a smoking crater. I.e. solid and playable trumps exciting and flashy. _

I have thoughts on that (I generally have thoughts on everything!), but I just wanted to reiterate that this is one heckuva group of writers.


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 23, 2021)

Neurotic said:


> @Rune what makes the knights leonine is their name, Löwe = Lion in german
> 
> 
> Spoiler: More lost details
> ...



JFC, I should have caught that.  Sigh.


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## Iron Sky (Aug 23, 2021)

I'm relieved I'm judging and not competing this tournament; collectively, these may be the strongest round 1 entries I've ever seen. Entries that are losing would have crushed most 1st round entries in past competitions. Even if you lost, know us judges are struggling with these entries in the best possible way: trying to pick the best of two great entries is so much harder than picking the least bad entry.


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## loverdrive (Aug 23, 2021)

Spoiler: Thoughts and stuff



Well, that was deserved.

I've got a bit caught up in creative writing and posted a prose piece instead of an adventure.

@Neurotic, good luck, I'm cheering for you!





Snarf Zagyg said:


> @loverdrive My only request for running the adventure is you let me know how it goes! When you write something out, you always wonder how players end up creatively overcoming the complications and obstacles



I've scheduled a session already.

Maybe I'll end up even writing a microgame based on your premise, but I don't know if I'll end up publishing it or publishing it in English.


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## el-remmen (Aug 23, 2021)

*CURRENT STANDINGS


*


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## loverdrive (Aug 23, 2021)

Spoiler: A bit more sober thoughts



I always forget that westerners have a very different cultural baggage. When I was discussing the stuff I write with my wife, we got into a heated debate about GSC's S.T.A.L.K.E.R. videogame series and Пикник на обочине (I don't have a single clue if it was translated to English and if it was, how it was called) which inevitably led to discussing Tarkovskiy's Stalker, which led to discussing Solaris and the original Lem's novel. The fact that someone had to Google what noosphere is reminded me about the differences 

And then there's a dichotomy between karamat and istidraj, but that's a whole other theological tangent I'm not wiiling to delve into drunk.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 23, 2021)

loverdrive said:


> Spoiler: A bit more sober thoughts
> 
> 
> 
> ...




You have to remember that the vast majority of us have no idea what Герой нашего времени is, let alone would be able to recognize an allusion to it.


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## FitzTheRuke (Aug 23, 2021)

Snarf Zagyg said:


> You have to remember that the vast majority of us have no idea what Герой нашего времени is, let alone would be able to recognize an allusion to it.




You also never know what we might catch, so don't let it stop you. (@loverdrive) Just keep it in mind.

I'm probably not as well educated as a lot of people here (I dropped out of college at 19 to own my own comic and game store). And I haven't actually done a lot of writing. But I _live and breathe_ *stories.* Telling stories is what I'm all about.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 23, 2021)

FitzTheRuke said:


> *You also never know what we might catch*, so don't let it stop you. (@loverdrive) Just keep it in mind.
> 
> I'm probably not as well educated as a lot of people here (I dropped out of college at 19 to own my own comic and game store). And I haven't actually done a lot of writing. But I _live and breathe_ *stories.* Telling stories is what I'm all about.




Don't feel bad. I'm so oblivious, I couldn't catch a cold.

To quote my mom, "Snarf, you couldn't spell cat if I spotted you the 'c' and the 'a.'"


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## FitzTheRuke (Aug 23, 2021)

Snarf Zagyg said:


> Don't feel bad. I'm so oblivious, I couldn't catch a cold.
> 
> To quote my mom, "Snarf, you couldn't spell cat if I spotted you the 'c' and the 'a.'"




On the other hand, my pop culture knowledge is very strong. I laughed my butt off reading your entry!


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## Neurotic (Aug 23, 2021)

I can read cirilic, but I don't get the meyning of every word. Picnic is obvious. Našeg vremena (our time) too.

And Lem has great stories


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## Iron Sky (Aug 23, 2021)

@loverdrive Finally found some time to read through the entries I wasn't judging. Your artistic prose style and evocative phrasing is phenomenal. I'm jaded on fiction to the point I barely read it anymore plus have written several novels myself, so when I say what you evoked in 750 words is remarkable I don't say it lightly.


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## FitzTheRuke (Aug 23, 2021)

It's one of the interesting things in Iron DM: The 'losing' entries are sometimes phenomenal. Usually it's down to use of the ingredients or how feasible the entry would be to run. Sometimes the better written (or at least better to read) entries lose out. Doesn't make them any less great.


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## el-remmen (Aug 25, 2021)

Waiting for my ingredients. . .


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## Wicht (Aug 25, 2021)

As he waited, he recited the old Iron DM mantra he had been taught. "I must not anticipate. Anticipation is the ingredient killer. Anticipation is the stifling death that hinders the creative process. I will accept the ingredients only as they are given. I will permit the ingredients to flow into me and through me. And when the ingredients have gone past, I will turn the creative eye to see their path. Where the ingredients have gone there will be an adventure. Only an adventure will remain."


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## Rune (Aug 25, 2021)

*Round 2, Match 1: Wicht vs el-remmen*

@Wicht and @el-remmen, you have 48 hours to post your entries to this thread. Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 1500 additional words. Be aware: if you include descriptions of your ingredients with the ingredients list, those descriptions will count against your word-limit! Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; everything after will be ignored.

The judges will be using Wordcounter.net to ensure that our counts are consistent.

Please include your list of ingredients at the beginning of the entry and please do not edit your post once it is submitted. Please refrain from reading your opponent's entry until after you have posted your own. You are on your honor to do so.

Entries that are between 1 and 59 minutes late will have their word-limits reduced to 1350. Later entries that are at less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 1050. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 750. Entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the judge with consent from the match's opposing competitor.

*Your ingredients are:*
*
Slippery Slope
Morale Check
Limbless Beast
Heavy Crown
Subpar Hero
Vanished Behemoth
Tomorrow’s Match*


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## Wicht (Aug 25, 2021)

Those ingredients are deceptively simple. Kudos.


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## el-remmen (Aug 25, 2021)

I think you gave us one ingredient too many.


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## el-remmen (Aug 25, 2021)

Wicht said:


> Those ingredients are deceptively simple. Kudos.



Wow. Now THAT'S some trash talk.


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## Rune (Aug 25, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> I think you gave us one ingredient too many.



Nope. 7 in round 2. 8 in round 3.

The extra time and word-limit come at a cost.


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## el-remmen (Aug 25, 2021)

For the first time in my history of playing IRON DM, I got nothing. . . Everything I have come up with is such garbage I can't even bring myself to finish writing it down. Can an alternate take my place or something?     What if I only do six ingredients and only take 24 hours? I'd prefer that.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 25, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> For the first time in my history of playing IRON DM, I got nothing. . . Everything I have come up with is such garbage I can't even bring myself to finish writing it down. Can an alternate take my place or something?     What if I only do six ingredients and only take 24 hours? I'd prefer that.




You got this! Just remember- when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.


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## Gradine (Aug 25, 2021)

Snarf Zagyg said:


> You got this! Just remember- when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.



And when the weird turn pro, the pros turn to 1980's film trivia?


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## Rune (Aug 25, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> For the first time in my history of playing IRON DM, I got nothing. . . Everything I have come up with is such garbage I can't even bring myself to finish writing it down. Can an alternate take my place or something?     What if I only do six ingredients and only take 24 hours? I'd prefer that.



Asuming this is serious – which is not clearly the case – it’s really too late for alternates (even if we had one ready to go).

But I have faith in your ability to come up with _something_. And, if you _really_ want to gamble, you can certainly ignore an ingredient.

Also, if you absolutely _need_ to take some extra time, the first penalty for being late isn’t _too_ extreme.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 25, 2021)

Gradine said:


> And when the weird turn pro, the pros turn to 1980's film trivia?




I knew I should've gone with the 90s.

If only ... I had done a deep dive into _Barton Fink_ instead!


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## Gradine (Aug 25, 2021)

Snarf Zagyg said:


> I knew I should've gone with the 90s.
> 
> If only ... I had done a deep dive into _Barton Fink_ instead!



Now see, I would've gone with _The Hudsucker Proxy_


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 25, 2021)

Gradine said:


> Now see, I would've gone with _The Hudsucker Proxy_




No! We are adults here.

_The Hudsucker Proxy_? It's, you know, for kids!


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 25, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> For the first time in my history of playing IRON DM, I got nothing. . . Everything I have come up with is such garbage I can't even bring myself to finish writing it down. Can an alternate take my place or something?     What if I only do six ingredients and only take 24 hours? I'd prefer that.



It's funny how different people respond to the ingredient lists. When I read that list I had an almost fully formed idea pop into my head. Some of the other ones we've had though, that other people seem to have just run with, I've looked at and drawn a complete blank. (extra points for the movie reference there)


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## el-remmen (Aug 25, 2021)

One 1386-word first draft later I feel confident that I will at least have _something _to submit. But now my brain is fried so I put it (the post? my brain?) away until tomorrow when I can look with fresh eyes.


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## Wicht (Aug 25, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> One 1386-word first draft later I feel confident that I will at least have _something _to submit. But now my brain is fried so I put it (the post? my brain?) away until tomorrow when I can look with fresh eyes.




An obvious ploy to make me overconfident and throw me off my game. I'm on to you.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 25, 2021)

It's a game within a game, a mystery wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in some nice phyllo with a tasty honey glaze.


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## FitzTheRuke (Aug 26, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> One 1386-word first draft later I feel confident that I will at least have _something _to submit. But now my brain is fried so I put it (the post? my brain?) away until tomorrow when I can look with fresh eyes.



I knew you'd pull it off!


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## Wicht (Aug 26, 2021)

The day begins with a rewrite. Those words need to fit together a bit tighter. I got to the word limit and hadn't even finished adding in all the ingredients. I suspect I have a 2000 word idea that needs smashed into a 1500 word bottle.


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## Wicht (Aug 26, 2021)

Smashing is done.   
I shall let it percolate a little bit longer before turning it in today. Just in case.


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## el-remmen (Aug 26, 2021)

I still need to smash 11 words to get to 1500 + title.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 26, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> I still need to smash 11 words to get to 1500 + title.




Protip: Use contractions. 
ex. I'm. Shouldn't. Etc.

Galaxy Brain: Make up your own, new, contractions.
ex.
Old boring English:  I still need to smash 11 words to get to 1500 + title
New Hotness:   I st'need t'smash 11 words t'get t'fifteenhundred.


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## Rune (Aug 26, 2021)

Snarf Zagyg said:


> Protip: Use contractions.
> ex. I'm. Shouldn't. Etc.
> 
> Galaxy Brain: Make up your own, new, contractions.
> ...



Pro tip: Making th’entry harder t’read s’not always th’bestapproach. 

Judges have to read these things multiple times. Making that a fatiguing process is not wise.


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## Gradine (Aug 26, 2021)

Rune said:


> Pro tip: Making th’entry harder t’read s’not always th’bestapproach.
> 
> Judges have to read these things multiple times. Making that a fatiguing process is not wise.



Take from it someone who learned that lesson the hard way!


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 26, 2021)

Rune said:


> Pro tip: Making th’entry harder t’read s’not always th’bestapproach.
> 
> Judges have to read these things multiple times. Making that a fatiguing process is not wise.




Ohyay onay! Erethay oesgay ymay erfectpay anplay otay oday ymay extnay ironyay mday entryyay entirelyyay inyay igpay atinlay.


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## Rune (Aug 26, 2021)

Gradine said:


> Take from it someone who learned that lesson the hard way!



I learn all of my lessons multiple times.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 26, 2021)

Rune said:


> I learn all of my lessons multiple times.




As my father used to say to me, "Son, I love how you're always laughing because you laugh at every joke three times. Once when I tell it. Once when I explain it to you. And once when you get it, one week later."


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## Rune (Aug 26, 2021)

Snarf Zagyg said:


> As my father used to say to me, "Son, I love how you're always laughing because you laugh at every joke three times. Once when I tell it. Once when I explain it to you. And once when you get it, one week later."



I’m beginning to suspect you’re a vaudevillian in real life.


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## Wicht (Aug 26, 2021)

Iron DM 2021: Round 2 Match 1, Wicht vs. El-Remmen​*Ingredients*
Slippery Slope
Morale Check
Limbless Beast
Heavy Crown
Subpar Hero
Vanished Behemoth
Tomorrow’s Match


*Diplomacy’s Cold Crown*​_A high-level diplomatic adventure of giant proportions featuring fast worms, icy paramours and cold steel for Pathfinder/D&D _

North of the kingdoms of men and elves, in mountainous lands perpetually covered by snow and ice, the ancient race of frost giants dreams of lost glory. It is a moment of historic decision for a nascent glacial kingdom, seeking parity with their southern neighbors, caught between a legacy of war and the possibilities of peace. Powerful heroes, individuals the giants might respect, are called to serve as diplomats urging the giants in the direction of peace and stability.

* Synopsis:* Drafted as diplomats by their respective nations, the PCs are sent to the court of the frost giant jarl, Ardrar Gudkol. The goal is a peace treaty the giants will honor, eliminating the constant threat of frost giant raids. The Jarl, desiring the best for his people, is open to such possibilities; not all within his court are as amiable. The PCs must win support for their cause, navigating the treacheries of the court through daring deeds and wise action. The PCs task coincides with an annual tournament, the centerpiece of which are worm-racing matches. The event offers both dangers and possibilities for the PCs and their mission.

*Notable Giant NPCs 
Ardrar Gudkol* The jarl; proud, with visions of a true kingdom; he desires his people to rise above their lawless ways, but is mindful of tradition.
*Henka Gudkol *The jarl’s wife; she has her husband’s ear and a keen grasp of court intrigue. Winning her good graces is vital.
*Arka Gudkol* A flirtatious young princess
*Shult Koltabl* Court champion; once honorable, now deeply in debt, after *a long slow decline into shame*. Fearful of his debts being brought before the court, he has agreed to lose the tournament.
*Monlan Isholter* A cunning wizard of no small ability, Isholter shares the Jarl’s dreams of a true kingdom, but desires to achieve it by conquest.
*Herre Hirokol* A nefarious tribal leader, an extortioner, collector of debt and encourager of vice.
*Shmular Kotabl* The champion’s son; shy by frost giant standards; deeply in love with the princess

*The Court of the Frost Giants*
From the moment the PCs enter the Jarl’s Hall, they are surrounded by danger and intrigue. The ancient stone edifice, built into the side of a massive snow covered mountain, is an impressive sight, all the more with white dragons basking on the mountain above the keep, and giant guards keeping vigil. It is a place where non-giants seldom dare to venture, and for good reason. Though powerful and well known in their own lands, here the PCs must win the approval of their hosts, a daunting task.

The frost giants are an evil collective, but the strength of their Jarl keeps them from openly attacking his diplomatic guests. It is expected that the PCs will likewise be on their best behavior.

Securing the treaty requires winning over the hearts and minds of various factions on the court. It is suggested that this effort be scored with Diplomatic Points (DPs). If the PCs can gain 20 DPs, they can convince the Jarl to make peace. If they ever reach -20 DPs, the Jarl declares war against the southern kingdoms. A final score somewhere along that scale will produce favorable or unfavorable results accordingly. PCs should use diplomacy, their skills, and their natural cunning in order to try and sway the Jarl and his people.

There are two factions within the court. The first, led by the jarl’s wife, favors peace. The second, led by the wizard Isholter, favors war. PCs will not immediately know which giants are on which side however, and savages though they may be, the giants are cunning enough to win through means other than violence.

One complication the PCs quickly encounter takes the shapely form of the Jarl’s daughter. In love with young Shmular Kotabl, the champion’s son, of whom her mother disapproves, the princess quickly and flirtatiously latches onto one of the PCs, in a conniving attempt to manipulate her mother into accepting Shmular. How the PCs navigate this situation affects both their standing with the Jarl, and with his wife. The princess’ perceived romantic interests in a member of the smaller races creates a brief fad in the court.

*The Ice Tournament*
When the PCs arrive, the giants are beginning an annual tournament. Various events include Ice Hauling, Boulder Tossing, Overland Racing, Mountain Climbing, and Ice Smashing. Participation is open to all, including the PCs. Participation improves their standing with the giants, even moreso if they win. PCs are encouraged by minions of Herre Hirokol to place wagers on various events with credit easily extended, in hope of placing the PCs in debt to the crooked tribal leader.

PCs should discern that the *court champion*, who won his place in the court through past victories, is the favored to win the tournament. Yet in each competition *something occurs to prevent his victory*. In the Ice Smashing, his club breaks prematurely; in the ice hauling, a sled runner snaps; in the mountain climbing loose rocks cause him to slip, etc.

Competing PCs face another challenge: court opponents use the games as an opportunity to make the PCs look foolish, even placing the PCs in danger via “accidents” and mishaps.

*The Worm Races*
The most popular event of the tournament is Worm Racing. Giants ride *atop trained frost worms*, sliding down vast *tubular ice covered courses* at break-neck speeds. Daily courses each have different obstacles, including chasm leaps, hair-pin turns, tunnels, spear throwers, falling rocks and the like. Competitors are scored daily according to their finishes; the last day of the tournament, the final course is twice as difficult and worth double the points.

Allies of Isholter offer the PCs a gift of a trained worm to compete in the races and the Jarl urges them to accept. The gifted worm is trained, but also sickly and near death. The PCs can use magical healing to revive it to full health but even so, competing has many challenges: the PCs must endure the worms icy aura, win its trust and affection, and learn how to actually race on it. No rule prevents more than one PC from riding the worm at a time, and its size is sufficient to bear at least four PCs per race. When the PCs race, their standing with the giants is enhanced.

*The Crown Incident*
The prize for the tournament is a coveted* fiery crown carved from solid stone*. This enchanted object is rather unusual, functioning as a _+3_ _flaming returning hand-ax_ which deals blunt damage. On the sixth day of the tournament, the crown is stolen. A search of the keep turns up the crown, in the rooms of one of the PCs, where it has been planted by Isholter’s henchmen in order to incriminate the PCs. Can the PCs prove their innocence?

*The Worm Theft*
The day before the last race, Koltabl arranges for his worm, a massive beast, to be “stolen.” The whole court is aghast at news of the *missing behemoth* and how it will affect *the race on the morrow*. There are some who look suspiciously at the PCs. PCs who attempt to “help” Kotabl can follow clues leading to the thieves’ hideout. The frost giants who took the worm are brutish thugs not connected to anybody important, but if adequately “questioned,” they identify the court champion as their employer. Canny PCs confronting Kotabl with this information, can use it to earn his trust (or alternatively they can lose his support by handling it badly). If they figure out a way to get him out from his debt without revealing his secret to the court they will win a solid ally. Ideally, they should convince Koltabl to *overcome his fears*, stand up to Herre Hirokol who owns the debt, and reclaim his honor.

*The Debt Collectors*
It is likely the PCs meander into conflict, one way or another, with Hirokol, a crooked tribal leader who uses blackmail and extortion to influence events. Outright fighting with Hirokol in public will hurt the PCs standing, but if they can surreptitiously break his hold on the court, *they will improve court morale*, and win a great deal of good-will, particularly from the Jarl’s wife, who is well aware of Hirokol’s machinations.

*The Final Race*
Isholter himself enters the last worm race, determined to use the occasion to show how weak the PCs truly are (assuming they are racing). His worm is a true monster, twice the size of the average frost worm. As the race commences, the PCs must not only navigate the course, but engage in high-speed combat with the wizard and his allies, with worms crashing into each other, spells flying, and combatants leaping from worm to worm. How they handle themselves during this fight foreshadows their triumph or failure in fulfilling their mission.


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## el-remmen (Aug 26, 2021)

*Iron DM 2021: Round 2 Match 1, Wicht vs. el-remmen*​*Ingredients*
Slippery Slope
Morale Check
Limbless Beast
Heavy Crown
Subpar Hero
Vanished Behemoth
Tomorrow’s Match


*“Don’t Have a Cow, Man?”* (A D&D3e mini-campaign of kaiju and politics)

Long ago the gods decreed that the City-States of the Continent of Plarnth would be ruled by the Beast Masters, men and women chosen by the gods to wear the heavy crown and control great guardian beasts that would do battle with each other for control of territory and resources. Each city has its own Guardian Behemoth—essentially a kaiju. The rules for these combats are obscurant, reinforced as religious doctrine, and to be respected without compromise, lest the world fall back into chaos, and men are forced to fight their own wars.

When the adventure begins, the Beastmaster Xovorax has been overthrown by his people. His city, Kopak, is now “free.” Despite generations of oppression, including the sacrifice of any promising young people to the city’s behemoth, the subpar heroes that remained, were finally able to rise up and lop off the head that wore the heavy crown. Unfortunately, with this flagrant violation of the will of the gods, the city’s *behemoth vanished*—as it was the manifestation of the favor of the gods for keeping to the system they devised.

Kopak’s behemoth is a gorgon-like aurochs with massive horns, iron-clad hooves that shake and crack the earth, and a petrifying breath. It normally exists in the ethereal plane and must be summoned by its Beast Master.

For the two weeks leading up to the coup, Xovorax had led the City-State into a fruitless war against the people of Chirops, whose *limbless beast* is feared throughout the continent. The ancient laws say that the behemoths must win two out of three falls (they can be hurt but cannot die permanently unless their city is destroyed), and so far, each side has won one match, tomorrow is the final match and without a guardian, the Limbless Beast is bound to destroy Kopak and everyone in it.

There are those among the rebels that welcome this. Throughout the centuries the poorest people—essentially a class of serfs and woodsmen—have borne the brunt of these immense monsters fighting at the whim of the Beast Masters. The cities have walls and the gods’ laws maintain they must remain inviolate while their Behemoths live, thus the privileged class are safe inside, while the breadbasket of all the realms is torn up and countless die. Of course, the gods aren’t completely heartless, in places where the monsters tear up the earth or burn down whole villages, nature’s bounty returns the next spring more bountiful than before, the land more fertile, the fruit more plentiful, the wildlife abundant. Nations thrive while common people suffer. And while some people see this as a necessary compromise to have children who are never hungry, “Let the cities burn” is a mantra among the scorched earth sects. This could lead to a conflict among the rebels.

The adventure begins at a crossroads for Kopak and this world. The PCs are part of the *subpar heroes* who helped to free the city (anyone who might’ve surpassed the bar for “hero” one day has been systematically sacrificed in youth).They now stand in the blood-drenched throne room of the dead Beast Master and are being looked to for guidance and leadership of what to do next since *tomorrow’s match* is eminent.

*Pre-Gens:* The characters for this adventure should be purposefully sub-optimal. They are all 4th level humans characters built using the substandard array: 13, 11, 10, 10, 9, 7 for stats and using only NPC classes (warrior, adept, commoner, or expert - none may be an aristocrat). Their first level starting hit points is average rounded down and they _must_ take this amount for the subsequent levels. Finally, each character should roll randomly for one magical item. If they roll an item worth over 25000 gps, they get a cursed item instead.

*Options:* While the PCs are free to choose whatever course of action they deem best, these are some of the basic options:

*#1 Sabotage:* The PCs may attempt to infiltrate Chirops and the lair of the Limbless Beast to deal with the monster before it is released. The limbless beast of Chirops is really a blue dragon who has had its wings and legs burned off. It is the last dragon - as in the ancient times all great monsters were destroyed by the gods or bound to service to the cities in punishment for hubris. Once a magnificent being of legendary renown, it offended the gods and was maimed and bound to the city-state as a punishment. Furthermore, since among the arcane rules binding the battle of the Behemoths is that none of them may have the power to fly (that kind of air superiority would leave the cities vulnerable to attack), this dragon crawls on its belly like a snake. In order to be transformed into a kaiju-sized beast, it must pass through a magical archway dedicated to the goddess of snakes and giants.

PCs might find a way to destroy the archway, thus ensuring that Chirops’ Behemoth cannot battle in the traditional way (though it would still be a challenge beyond the sub-par heroes in normal form).
They might find a way to circumvent the will of the gods and heal the dragon’s wings, disqualifying it and letting it escape. It could become their ally against the gods and other Beast Masters!
*#2 The Morale Heist*: As part of a network of rebels seeking to undermine the system of Beast Masters, the PCs are in contact with other cells of commoners working against _their_ City-State overlords. As such, it is known that the people who live outside of Chirops receive what many people refer to as “the Morale Check” before each of the great Behemoth battles. These are small runestones that can be turned in for cash should you survive the battle. Since most people survive (even if their homes are destroyed) they support the system, cashing their “checks” and keeping their morale up and even cheering on their local monster as wagering is also common.

The PCs could attempt to intercept the wagons of the runestones to be distributed and cause a lapse in the morale of Chirops in hopes of people rising up as they did in Kopak. This is much more in line of what the PCs might be able to accomplish, since while the wagons are guarded, they aren’t guarded by monsters. This would successful check the morale of the Chiropsians.

*Problems: *The problem with both of the above approaches is the *slippery slope* of undermining the current system. Chances are that if behemoths are freed or destroyed, old fashioned war will arise again, leading to as much (if not more) carnage and chaos. The first option would lead to a counter assault by hastily gathered forces of Chirops to systematically destroy Kopak territory (as opposed to the random acts of behemoth) burning crops and villages, killing people indiscriminately, and taking children into bondage as they once did for the giant snake goddess in ancient times. The second option might lead to an uprising by the people but will lead to other City-States potentially releasing their Behemoths to destroy both, as their Beast Masters see this as a threat to their control and an affront against the gods.

*Option #3:* One of the PCs could try to take the role of a Beast Master by putting on the *heavy crown *and re-summoning Kopak’s behemoth to finish up the fight against the Limbless Beast. The magical crown is designed so that whoever wears it needs to be strong of mind and body and spirit. It is so heavy that actually wearing it is exhausting. While subpar, the PCs might try to figure out who among their number might try to use it. It requires the wearer to make Strength-based FORT saves to keep it on, Con-based FORT saves to not get tired while keeping it on, Int-based reflex saves to force the behemoth to take specific actions (or Wisdom-based ones to refrain from specific actions) at other times it just “fights,” and Cha-based WILL saves to keep from being subsumed in the monster’s consciousness, their body becoming a husk and the monster goes on a mindless rampage before disappearing again.

As one or more PCs attempt to work the monster to defend the city (or violate the protocols and attack Chirops directly), others could be out in the field, working to save people in the path of the marauding monsters (having a sense of where the fight will happen).

*Problem: *While not the same kind of slippery political slope as the first two options, this option may lead to the dissolution of the rebellion, as one of the PCs will eventually become the new Beast Master with some reforms that probably do little to change the basic monster system without drawing the ire of the other leaders and their behemoths.

All the behemoths should be gargantuan monsters of recognizable type with addition tarrasque-like powers.


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 27, 2021)

This is a match of matches, old guard vs old guard, and it shows.  Great work, both of you. 

So, each judge is different, and the whole point to this is that everything is subjective. Off we go for "Cold Crown" vs. "Don't have a Cow (DhaC)." 

*Ingredients.  *Seven ingredients this time...


Spoiler



*Slippery Slope*
In Cold Crown, the slippery slope is the capstone competition in the big Ice Tournament -- the worm luge, as it were.  Wait, it can hold up to four humans, so not luge. Worm bobsleigh.  Wormboggans.  Something like that.  There are multiple days of competition, and there's a whole minigame implied in what's going on here that sounds like it could be fun. So, a pretty solid use of this ingredient.

In DhaC, the slippery slope is a bit more of a stretch. The term is used to describe the likely outcome of undermining the system of Kaiju city champions dueling to settle disputes between citystates.  I'm okay with the idea of using "slippery slope" as a type of argument in this challenge, rather than as a literal slope that is somehow slippery, but in this case I'm not sure that what we have presented here is a slippery slope.  After all, a slippery slope is meant to be a logical fallacy, a way of implying something is likely to happen when it isn't.  In this case, we're meant to believe that the destruction or release of the kaiju will absolutely lead to much more destructive war between city states.  Perhaps it's the former-english-comp-2 instructor in me rising up from the past, but this implementation of slippery slope feels a bit weak, and certainly weaker than what Cold Crown came up with, so advantage CC. 

*Morale Check*
These are coming in an order where I'm going to be coming down hard on DhaC, but I think that will just be an early anomaly in the ingredient analysis.  But here, again, we have ChaC making a less-than solid use of an ingredient.  The Moral Check is a stone runestone token that is given to the people who live out in the open between cities where Kaiju will soon battle. The stones can be turned in for cash if the bearer survives the destruction of the battle -- to "keep morale up". A sort of restitution for the destruction to come, paid in advance, which strikes me as an odd system, but this is an example of a sly use of the ingredient that doesn't quite work for me.  The rune stones are not a "check" in any sense of the term, for one thing, and the whole idea seems a big forced. 

For Cold Crown, the morale check is also not really a single check -- but the idea that breaking the hold of the debt collectors on the court will improve morale overall.  I like that the struggle with Hirokol must be carefully handled, and that outright battle is not a good idea -- and I like this part of the adventure, but improving morale and a morale check are not quite the same thing. 

So, Meh.  Neither really works for me.  Tough ingredient.

*Limbless Beast*
Cold Crown has worm-toboggans.  They're alive, they are dangerous and nasty, and the PCs have to figure out how to ride them.  This covers the based solidly.
Don't have a Cow has a limbless beast -- the Kaiju of the city of Chirops is a limbless beast, a god-maimed flightless blue dragon that is magically increased to Kaiju size for battle.  This appears to cover the ingredient, and it's interesting, but not quite as strong in my opinion as the worm-toboggans. It's not as integral to the story as the worms, since it is only the focus of one of the three possible solutions to the problem of the story, even if it's the most playable of the three (see below). I like it, but I like the worms more.  So, slight advantage to CC. 

*Heavy Crown*
So, in Don't have Cow, the heavy crown is the device that allows a mortal to summon and control the city's Kaiju -- and that's something the PCs have the option to try to do.  This feels solidly part of the adventure and setting to me, and the idea of it being a crown makes sense.  I like this one.
In Cold Crown -- despite being eponymous -- the crown is not quite as well used.  The crown in the story is actually not cold, it's fiery.  It's heavy because it's carved from solid stone, but the idea that it's heavy doesn't seem to be important to the story (unless we presume that part of the PC's defense for being framed in the crown's theft is that they can't lift it). So, it's there, sure, and in some places that might be good enough, but DhaC does it better, so advantage to the cows on this one. 

*Subpar Hero*
Cold Crown's subpar hero is a corrupt champion of the giants who sabotages his own performance in the tournament because he's being blackmailed over debts.  It works, in a b+ kind of way -- covers the base, but the use of "subpar isn't spot on, really.  He's corrupt more than subpar.  And that may be just me being pedantic. 
But Don't have a Cow does it a bit better, making the PC's themselves subpar heroes because the cream of the cities have been getting sacrificed to the Kaiju. It's a gimmick, maybe, but I liked it, and I'm imagining the warty, malformed, and homely band of heroes that the PCs would create for this adventure.  I think this might be the most fun element of the DhaC adventure.  So, advantage to Cows again. 

If you're keeping score at home, we have two advantages each for DhaC and Cold Crown, and one that was a dead heat.  Two left......

*Vanished Behemoth*
In Cold Crown, the vanished behemoth is the apparently stolen worm-toboggan that Koltabl arranges to have stolen from himself. It's a fairly convoluted way to try to throw his own tournament performance, and it seems like it might be pretty hard to hide a whole frost worm  -- and why are the nameless thugs who were hired to steal it keeping the thing around? It's just evidence waiting to be discovered as long as they sit with it in a cave.  So, it's there, but it could be stronger.
In Don't have Cow, on the other hand, the PC's city is out of sight -- essentially vanished, because the PCs have killed the beastmaster and he's the one who knows how to call the thing.  It's vanished, yes, but the PC's seem to have a pretty good idea of where it is, or at least what they need to do to get it back (put on the crown and try), so the vanishing of this behemoth is possibly quite temporary if the PCs jump right to solution #3, which seems likely to me. 
I have mixed feelings about both of these, so I'm going to call it a draw. Which means.....

*Tomorrow’s Match*
In Don't have a Cow, the next match is the upcoming tie breaker match between Kopak's missing behemoth and the Chirops Limbless horror.  The PCs have until the next dawn to try to figure out what the heck to do.  It's solid, important to the story, and makes sense.
In Cold Crown, tomorrow's match is a little tiny bit less "tomorrow-y" because the entire adventure takes place over many days.  So, at any point in the adventure Tomorrow's match is just the next match the PCs will have to take on in the ongoing efforts to win the favor of the giants.  I think it's sort of a tricky wicket to play, given the rest of the structure of the adventure, but just the idea of tomorrow here doesn't quite fit the story as well as it does for DhaC.  So, I'm going to give and edge to Don't have Cow here. But it's slight.

So, overall for the ingredients I think I've given a slight edge to Don't have a Cow, but I feel like they're actually very, very close.  The two each have some ingredients that work very well, and some that are a bit flat.  So, lets move on to the other, broader elements to evaluate.


*Writing, Presentation, and Playability. *


Spoiler



Both of these entries are clearly written by seasoned competitors, dynamite GMs and great writers.  They are presented clearly and cleanly, I have no trouble understanding what's going on (I think) and they both feel like they give me a great blueprint for running a game (or series of games) for my players. I think that the place where I can see some distinctions are in the playability of the two adventures. 

In Cold Crown, I _love_ the idea of the intrigue.  I love the idea of the players operating in a frost giant village where they are not supposed to kill anyone -- where killing anyone is likely to spoil their mission -- and they have to figure out and play the political games within the tribe while competing in the tournament to get the job done.  The idea of the worm-toboggan and the repeated races could be really fun, fleshed out, and that just seems awesome. 

If there's a flaw in the plot, though, it seems like it's Koltabl.  That "subpar" corrupt champion loses every single match leading up to the final match -- and I'm not sure how much suspense there is by the time things get to the end of the festival.  He starts to seem like a real sad sack, and that might play him as sympathetic -- and that MIGHT be a fun element to play around with, where the PCs are trying to help him win, but he's still working against it, and they have to figure that out. But as it stands, I have a little trouble with him.  It seems like the adventure is working to hard to make sure he remains "subpar". 

There's some natural fuzziness in the middle of this -- multiple challenges that there wordcount precludes detailing for this entry. Preparing this, I would want to try to make sure things build rather than get caught in some sort of rinse and repeat cycle, but that's neither here nor there.

The appearance of Isholter at the end certainly ramps up the energy and makes for a truly cinematic, awesome final sequence, but we haven't really seen it coming -- Isholter's massive worm should probably somehow be foreshadowed, etc.  But that does sound like a kickass final battle. 

In Don't have a Cow, I _love_ the way the adventure starts, with the PCs standing over the body of the dead beastmaster. They're commoners, warts and all, and they rose up against their opressors and they could start up a new, better state except for the problem of the other city and their big limbless deathsausage that is going to come and conquer them tomorrow. 

This setup seems fun.  The opening scene seems fun.  But the adventure that follows is not as strong.  The three possible solutions seem sort of wobbly to me. 

Solution 1 is perhaps the most playable -- destroy the other city's magic Kaiju-powerup arch. It's a good quest goal, but the timeline is super short for a band of nobodies that just entered mount doom killed the beastmaster of their own city. 

Solution 2 feels problematic to me -- of course, some PCs will jump at the idea of stealing vouchers from the poor to trick them into rising up against their own government -- but as a DM I would want to create some additional adventure around infiltrating Chirops to create that revolution, and a single night is not a lot of time for that. 

Solution 3 feels like a dead end -- first, it's likely to be the first thing they try (they're in the throne room with the crown, what could go wrong?) and if trying it on has a reasonable chance of just outright killing the first PC to try (CHA/Will save or have the PC's mind destroyed), it seems like we need to have an adventure where the rebellion can provide additional PC's as the initial party dies off, and if the PC who dons the crown actually pulls it off against the odds you've got the unfortunate endgame for the adventure of the PCs watching two Kaiju fight a massive battle -- with maybe one PC controlling one of the beasts.  That seems pretty anticlimactic.

So, they're both great, and both have some flaws.


*Conclusion*


Spoiler



I've gone back and forth on my judgement several times in the writing of this evaluation.  I've given a slight edge to Don't have a Cow for ingredients, but it was thin, and I find the playability of the two pretty much neck-and-neck.  Cold Crown gives us a right intrigue adventure, good thumbnails on a web of personalities and factions to deal with, and a very tight adventure with an awesome final battle.  Don't have a Cow starts off really strong, with a great premise that is fun and different and cool, but the adventure that follows is just not as tight and developed as that of Cold Crown. 

When I struggle with these judgments, I try to go back to the ingredients. They are the central conceit of this competition, and they're very concrete and specific as a tool for evaluation.  And in that I found that Don't have a Cow had slightly better use of the ingredients.  Cold Crown had better use of the limbless beasts and the slippery slope, but the subpar heroes, heavy crown and tomorrow's match in Don't have a Cow are just the tiniest bit better. So, I'm going to cast my one vote of three for Don't have a Cow, Man, and for *El-Remmen*. And I'll be super excited to be the minority voice, if that happens.  I wish both entries could win.

@Wicht  and @el-remmen, you've put together two very different adventures and I love both of them, want to play both of them, run both of them, tinker with both of them... Thank you for all this work.

-rg


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## FitzTheRuke (Aug 27, 2021)

That's gonna be a tight race!


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## Neurotic (Aug 27, 2021)

Spoiler: Judgement comment



Interesting, your comments seemed to build the other way, that Worm competition was more playable and solid. I expected it to win.
[/ooc]


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## Imaculata (Aug 27, 2021)

Spoiler



Wow, Cold Crown reads like it could be published. But both are amazing entries. It surprises me, given the tight word count and tricky ingredients, that both contestants are able to establish a whole setting and cast of characters.


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 27, 2021)

Neurotic said:


> Spoiler: Judgement comment
> 
> 
> 
> ...





Spoiler



I know. For long swathes of writing the response, that's where I thought it was going.  I was literally on the fence the whole time, and had a version of the final result section that went the other way, too.  These are both entries that should win.


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 27, 2021)

Spoiler






Imaculata said:


> Wow, Cold Crown reads like it could be published. But both are amazing entries. It surprises me, given the tight word count and tricky ingredients, that both contestants are able to establish a whole setting and cast of characters.



Having been around both of these creators through these competitions for a long time, I can say It's no surprise at all. Wicht and El-remmen are of the old magic, the deep magic. Even when el-remmen was gnashing his teeth over the struggle to come up with an entry, I knew his would be strong in the end.


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## Rune (Aug 27, 2021)

@Imaculata, spoiler tags, please! Two of the judgements aren’t in yet!


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 27, 2021)

Spoiler



Two great entries.

....Slightly disappointed that el-Remmen didn't work in some Simpsons references given the title. Did I miss them?

Both adventures:
10/10 for adventures.
0/10 for 80s movies references.

Final tally:
*Diplomacy's Cold Crown: 1999 Brosnans out of a fortnight of Calhamers
Don't Have a Cow, Man?: 419 Hemingways punchily reciting 140 Brannigans*


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## Wicht (Aug 27, 2021)

Snarf Zagyg said:


> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> ...





Spoiler



Word count forced me to cut out all the Cool Runnings allusions. 1993, but there you are.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Aug 27, 2021)

Wicht said:


> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> Word count forced me to cut out all the Cool Runnings allusions. 1993, but there you are.






Spoiler



In fairness ... eighties, nineities, naugties, whatevers ... THEY ARE ALL THE BEFORE TIMES!


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## Iron Sky (Aug 27, 2021)

Judging Round 2 Match 1, Wicht vs. El-Remmen
Three passes: casual reader looking for cool bits, GM looking at running it, Iron Judge weighing ingredient use, interlinkage, and creativity.

Vaguely stream of consciousness, hopefully more coherent as more sleep procured.

First up: @Wicht with



Spoiler: Diplomacy's Cold Crown



*Pass the first* (hopefully fast skim for cool bits and readability): 

Read the opening tagline a few times. Gigantic diplomacy and fast worms? Huh.

Extra commas in second sentence?

Phrasing here is slowing me down a bit. I get the "epic old times" feel you're going for, but lurching and rereading. I've totally done this before (more self-notes for next Iron DM).

The heroes are called by whom?

Daring deeds sound right up most PCs bailiwick; wise action though? A bit more dubious.

After stumbling a bit on the lead in, getting the giant cast with quirks, goals, and tidbits to bring them to life is awesome.

I'd rewrite "From the moment the PCs enter the Jarl’s Hall, they are surrounded by danger and intrigue" to "Danger and intrigue surround the PCs from the moment they enter the Jarl's Hall" since the next sentence describes the Hall not the danger and intrigue. Little bits like this slowing things down and driving re-reading.

White dragons basking in glacial sunlight is awesome.

Uncertain about DPs currently, but we'll see. Edit: giving a fixed number then no numbers for exactly how much each thing is worth is meh.

The princess using the PCs is great, as is PCs having to parse out each giant's motivations and faction.

Ice worm bobsleigh FTW. Sounds fun.

First skim through impressions: sounds like a great high-level adventure. Action, diplomacy, racing, back-room politicking, sabotage. Phrasing threw me here and there, but once I got the feel for it everything smoothed out. So far so good!

*Pass the second* (GMing this thing):
I have seven main personalities to track; would be helpful to have some sort of org chart with the relationships to get it all in one place. That they have distinct personalities, goals, and some personality traits is great. Amazing how a simple adjective can give so much leverage when grappling with how to run NPCs: "cunning wizard", "nefarious tribal elder", "flirtatious young princess" gives you a hint of bed to grow them from.

Still not sold on DPs, especially when given hard targets and no quantitative guidance on how to award them. 

I really like that the GM is given something immediate to launch off with: the princess starts flirting with somebody. Really helpful since it gives both players and GMs an "in" to the court without either side having to wing something. That the princess isn't directly aligned towards or against the PCs ultimate goal is even better IMO.

When throwing these names around, it would be helpful to tag them with reminders. "Frostmage Isholter" "Crooked Hirokol" or the like to keep track. Especially when you say "Koltabl arranges for his worm... to be stolen": Koltabl Sr. or Jr.?

The events also give a nice mix of activities - any characters into the court politics and deal-making have plenty to do while the more action-oriented PCs (this is D&D so probably most everyone) can still aid the ultimate goal but still compete, break things, race, etc. Excellent balance.

Throwing in little incidents like the crown and Hirokol pushing them debtwards with easy credit spice things up and can throw in some variety if PCs are stalling and/or things are going too well.

The final FightRace seems epic and an sweet climax for the adventure.

I don't D&D anymore, but if I did I could run this.

*Pass the third *(ingredients):
*Slippery Slope:* the ice chutes for wormsleighing. Straight-up literal slippery slopes. Solid.

*Morale Check: *multi-use with Koltabl senior overcoming his fears plus taking down Hirokol (probably inter-related). Uncertain about this ingredient since there's to check (unless you mean estimation?) rather PCs making good cases and successful CHA rolls to change morale.

*Limbless Beast: *Frost worms. They are plural, but that the PCs have their own makes it stronger.

*Heavy Crown:* Interesting incident even if heavy on the incidental rather than central. Crowns of some sort (usually wreathes) were often given in ancient times as race prizes, so ties in a bit more than I originally thought. 

*Subpar Hero:* Koltabl Sr., subpar both due to rival sabotage and his shame. He's less a hero than a champion which weakens it (heroes arguably about overcoming, not winning), but he is excellently subpar.

*Vanished Behemoth: *Koltabl Sr.'s self-stolen mount. Tied closely with Tomorrow's Match. Stolen more than vanished; a spell disappearing it might make it stronger, but still decent, especially since it's tied in with other ingredients so thoroughly.

*Tomorrow’s Match:* the final match when the above happens. Not terrible, but probably the weakest ingredient.

*Summary:* Another impressive entry in a tournament full of them. The neat ties between ingredients, NPCs, and character's objectives is among the best I've seen in an Iron DM entry even if a few ingredients themselves could be stronger.

The adventure promises all sorts of challenges mixed with plenty of open-endedness for players to navigate their own path through plus key events the DM can fall back on to keep things on the rails. That the PCs have other means to achieve diplomatic ends makes this one of the best diplomacy-based F20 adventures I've ever seen.

el-remmen, you've got your work cut out for you.



On to @el-remmen with



Spoiler: Don't Have a Cow, Man?



*Pass the first* (hopefully fast skim for cool bits and readability):
D&D 3e? Oddly specific and, nowadays, super niche. Edit: there's a reason.

Called out the heavy crown without saying why it's heavy.

"The rules for these combats are obscurant, reinforced as religious doctrine, and to be respected without compromise, lest the world fall back into chaos, and men are forced to fight their own wars." 5 commas? Also, obscurant is a new word for me. Cool.

More extraneous commas inserting themselves to chop up sentences.

Heavy crown again without why it's heavy.

Now a hyphen to weld another awkward sentence together.

Jumping to a description of the behemoth seems out of place here since we're just told it was vanished.

Limbless beast not capitalized, then capitalized. Here a description of it seems useful as to what it is, but we don't have one.

At this point the coolness of the kaiju city-state battles clicked with me. I have no idea yet what any of this has to do with the PCs (not a great thing this far through the adventure).

"Nations thrive while common people suffer." My favorite sentence so far summarizing how this works; paints the whole system with an epic, brutal brush. Imagining a continent full of city states like this who war with kaiju brawls instead of armies.

So, rebels split between city folk and country folk? Trying to figure out what the city folk's plan is since they're doomed.

Ah, the PCs are them. This is a cool campaign start: "You've overthrown and murdered Beastmaster Xovorax the Vile. His hot blood drips from your hands and splatters the Ivory Throne. As the palace guards flee, the cheers of the battered rebel remnant tatter to silence as the realization of the city's impending doom crushes down upon you. What do you do?"

Wanting to jump into ingredients here with the mechanical subparness but restraining myself.

Morale checks are awesome and tie nicely into the "Nations thrive while people suffer" bit: a ton of you are probably going to die, but if you live not only will your fields come back richer than ever, but here's a stimulus check to help get you going again. Cut off the stimmys, cut off any hope and good will of people being crushed by the system (no comment about any RL similarities).

The Sophie's Choice-nature of these options is also too real (hyperinflation vs deflationary collapse vs zombie economy anyone?) Anything they pick will result in somewhere between hardship to disaster with anything involving war and violence. This setting is about the most grim and brutal I've seen since Dark Sun.

That they have choices is helpful, even if they are pre-set. What if the PCs want to somehow unite the two city states into one then form cells to infiltrate all other city states to break this dystopic cycle or something else they come up with?

*Pass the second* (GMing this thing):
Here enters the big weakness of "choose one of these options" adventures: even with the disclaimer of "PCs are free to choose whatever course of action they deem best" that three options are then detailed will push most GMs towards one of the them.

If players channel into one, discard roughly two-thirds of the actual adventure you've just read and prepped. If they go their own way, now you're improvising. Having done this myself, another note to self for future competitions. If you've never judged and plan on playing again, I highly recommend slipping to this end of the contest to see everything in a different light.

This isn't any sort of put down on the options themselves: infiltrating and overthrowing a city, hijacking a wagon of runestone cash, or playing King of the Monsters with a tarrasque all sound great fun and any would provide an entertaining sub-adventure of its own.

#3 would be strengthened if the PCs were forced to pass the crown between them during the match; I think this may have been your intention but it's not clear. It also skews the adventure pretty highly for non-participants: you get to pilot Godzilla vs Manda while making save vs Death rolls while you get to herd peasants and maybe get crushed to death. Gritty and harsh, yes. Fun? Dunno.

*Pass the third* (ingredients):
*Slippery Slope*: the risks if the players take option 2; maybe things fall apart. That the slippery slope might not occur if the PCs take another option weakens this greatly even if the slippery slope itself is cool (and awful).

*Morale Check*: I love this ingredient for reasons given above. That said, it also suffers from the same big weakness of this adventure (choice-dependent content irrelevance).

*Limbless Beast*: The amputated rival kaiju. A huge threat looming over the entire adventure yet also an ally they could flip. Strong.

*Heavy Crown*: A crown heavy in reality and also crushing in what they must do with it. Also strong and cool (and terrible). And might be skipped; see big weakness.

*Subpar Hero*: The players. Subpar mechanically to make them actual commoners (the election of 3e makes sense now) yet they must try to save their city in spite of their frailty. Pretty cool.

*Vanished Behemoth*: Their Kaiju, to be summoned by the Heavy Crown. That the PCs could actually run it makes it better. That it's gone and all that's protecting them from the Limbless Beast better still.

*Tomorrow’s Match*: An inexorable pressure cooker of inevitable death and destruction lurking just over the horizon. Literally since it comes with the new day. Excellent use, best I could have hoped for with this ingredient.

*Summary*:
When watching Netflix or Prime with my wife, the highest praise I can give a move or show is "this makes me want to write." She sighs and goes to bed while I stay up until 2am scribbling down ideas, arcs, characters, and situations.

This setting is terrible in all the best ways. Life is cheap, overlords sacrifice the best-and-brightest to giant monsters keep the other monsters at bay, and the PCs best hope is to choose a path of destruction that might leave them alive atop the smoking rubble heap piled at the end. Though initially pretty skeptical due to grammars, this one grew on me, sparked my imagination, and makes me want to write.





Spoiler: Judgment Day



*Diplomacy's Cold Crown* is fantastic in both setting, premise, and execution. Giant politics, backstabbing, games, treachery, and action wrapped into a neat package. Ingredients are well used, well united, and generally integral and immutable. A few ingredients seem a bit weak or tertiary, the DP mechanic is unclear, but the whole ties together in a way some professionally published adventures might envy.

*Don't Have a Cow, Man? *rocks one of my favorite settings I've seen in an entry: a bleak world of sacrifice, war, and worship ruled by fickle gods and tyrannical beast masters. The ingredients individually are clever, spot-on thematically, and connect together in a web with few weak threads.

If I had to choose whether to run a game set in glacial giant land or a war-ravaged monster-haunt, I'd almost certainly choose the latter. Princess Mononoke meets Dark Sun plus Godzilla vs High Level D&D with level-appropriate foes. Not a dis on Wicht's A-grade adventure, just a recognition of how evocative, creative, and compelling I find the world el-remmen threw me into for the hour I spent brooding through it.

This tournament, however, isn't about the setting I like most. It's about writing badass adventures. 

Both of these qualify, but where *Diplomacy's Cold Crown* throws the PCs into an obstacle course packed clearly delineated opponents, potentially allies, key events, and options on how they want proceed towards the end goal while *Don't Have a Cow, Man?* drops PCs into a battlefield where PCs must do whatever it takes to survive, but their course will probably be one of the main exits the GM has prepped.

Almost every element of *Diplomacy's Cold Crown* is relevant and the PCs will interact with it directly, which can't be said of its opposition with any two of three ingredients left behind depending on pathing. Ultimately, this efficiency of content creation, presentation, and usage catapults *Diplomacy's Cold Crown* past *Don't Have A Cow, Man?* while the latter is busy ladling generous, evocative portions of potentially irrelevant action onto the GM's plate.

All that said, it was a pleasure to read and judge both these entries. I nominate both for the Iron DM anthology, but am only able to nominate one of you for advancement to the finals.

That one is Wicht.


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## Iron Sky (Aug 27, 2021)

Spoiler: Oh my



Just read Radiating Gnome's judgment. Looks like we're 1-1 so this one could go either way (which makes sense considering how good both are). Looking forward to seeing who moves on!


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## Radiating Gnome (Aug 27, 2021)

Spoiler






Iron Sky said:


> Spoiler: Oh my
> 
> 
> 
> Just read Radiating Gnome's judgment. Looks like we're 1-1 so this one could go either way (which makes sense considering how good both are). Looking forward to seeing who moves on!



Yes, I'm gratified and frankly relieved that we are split on this. Extra tension? that's a bonus.


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## Rune (Aug 27, 2021)

Still have at least one more pass at reading/note-taking to go before I begin writing my R2M1 judgement. If mine is the deciding vote, hang in there, folk. 

If not, well, it’s coming down the line, anyway.


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## Gradine (Aug 27, 2021)

Spoiler



Whoever wins, it looks like either Nuerotic or I are going to have a tall task ahead of us. 

Both of us, if we do the 3rd place match!


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 27, 2021)

All the entries this year have been stellar.


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## el-remmen (Aug 27, 2021)

Spoiler: Not for Judges (yet)



Honestly, given my woes writing my entry and its obvious weaknesses, and despite my coming around to actually quite liking it, once I read Wicht's entry, I was like, "If I get at least one judgement in my favor against that I will be satisfied." Having gotten that one judgement and reading how close it was for Iron Sky (who has a weird obsession with commas), I am satisfied. I would still like to win, of course but Wicht's entry really is fantastic and seems hecka fun."


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## Iron Sky (Aug 27, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> Spoiler: Not for Judges (yet)
> 
> 
> 
> Honestly, given my woes writing my entry and its obvious weaknesses, and despite my coming around to actually quite liking it, once I read Wicht's entry, I was like, "If I get at least one judgement in my favor against that I will be satisfied."






Spoiler: 5



commas in the quoted sentence


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## Rune (Aug 28, 2021)

*Judgement for Round 2, Match 1: Wicht vs el-remmen*

These are both _big_ adventures. And not just because of the giants and behemoths. The scope of both of these adventures is very ambitious. Moreso in el-remmen’s _“Don’t Have a Cow, Man?”_ (“Cow”) than in Wicht’s _Diplomacy’s Cold Crown_ (“Crown”). As one would expect from a mini-campaign, I suppose. Even so, there is at least as much going on in “Crown”, despite it’s adventure-scale format.

*Big Adventure, Small Campaign*



Spoiler



But what, exactly, does “Cow” mean by calling itself a mini-campaign, anyway? As things stand at the start, the time-pressure is already on; if the players don’t change things within the next day, consequences will be dire. Perhaps this is meant to act as the seed to a campaign that will play out based on the consequences of the PCs choices? Perhaps it is but an adventure within a setting meant to be a campaign? Like I said: ambitious.

As is my wont, I’m going to start with hooks and stakes, but these are tied in so tightly with their adventures that I’m going to need to look at each independently.

First, “Cow”. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a _campaign_ begin _in medias res_. This is an interesting approach, as it immediately puts the PCs into the midst of the social conflict that is the framework for this campaign. This is good. The lack of context that this creates can easily be filled in and all is well.

The stakes of the conflict are also tied in with that introduction, although the PCs aren’t likely to know it immediately. So far, good.

The entry is set up to be very open in allowing the PCs to follow their own goals and approaches to achieving them, despite the preordained origin of their involvement in events. This is also good.

And the setting itself is so _very_ rich. The caste-struggles that define it are manifest not only throughout the background, but also in the very systems of control that the PCs will interact with. All very good stuff.

But about that background…

A significant chunk of this entry is devoted to explaining it. And the players are going to have to know all of it to really get a sense of things. Or, at the very least, every time they want to do something that the elitist’s elitist gods have arbitrarily decreed is against the rules, someone is going to have to appear to inform them why they can’t or (shouldn’t). _That_ is a potential speed-bump. Or, more likely, a series of them.

That’s a challenge, but it’s not insurmountable. What _might_ be insurmountable would be the part that happens first: getting players to buy into a whole campaign played with underwhelming characters. It looks like it would be a _great _experience to my DM-eyes, but I sure don’t know how I’d sell it.



*Big Adventure, Small Ripples*



Spoiler



”Crown” gives us a pretty specific hook, too, but the trappings are generic enough to work with pretty much any setting that hasn’t deliberately been designed to avoid fantasy tropes.

Once inside the adventure, we get a dense web of NPCs and factions that form an interconnected series of complications and relationships. The PCs are turned loose into this precarious dynamic and must navigate various NPC shenanigans while furthering their own goals in whatever ways they see fit.

The stakes are clear right from the hook: war, peace, or something in between. The mechanics for achieving those stakes are clean, although it might help to have some guidance on how many diplomacy points could potentially be earned (or lost) per NPC and/or faction.

What really makes the structure of this adventure stand out, though, is the intricacy with which the PCs developing relationships and actions will affect all of the others. It’s complex, but cleanly presented.

I do wonder one thing, however. If Isholter enters the race on the last day, surely it’s evident to everybody that he can’t get enough points to win. It should be obvious he has an ulterior motive. Are the spectators hoping to see a fight, or what?



*Ingredients*



Spoiler



*Slippery Slope* is a tricky one. It has the potential to be an interesting thematic ingredient, or, most likely, an action set-piece.

We definitely get the set-piece in “Crown”. It certainly makes sense within the context of the adventure and it also certainly looks fun.

“Cow” provides us a slippery slope in the broadest sense: the actions of the PCs _will_ lead to bad consequences. I suppose this could be part of a theme, but it’s certainly not the theme of moral argument that the ingredient would suggest, because the actual choice doesn’t matter much. They _all_ lead to bad things happening (although, option 3 actually _does_ presumably lead to future moral degradation).

But it’s not quite nihilism, either, because it isn’t necessarily _entirely_ bad? I don’t know. Maybe the theme is: _Everything sucks when the gods are active — and suck._

If we didn’t have anything else, I think this would be better than the slope in “Crown”.

But “Crown” has more to give us here. It provides us at least one moral slope for the PCs to slip down in the form of betting (and their potential to influence related events after). In addition, in the more general sense, the interconnectedness of each of the NPCs and complications in this adventure are such that the entire structure is a series of PCs’ decisions that will necessarily influence _each_ of their future ones. When your ingredient provides the framework for the entire adventure, you know you’ve nailed it.

After that, things swing toward “Cow” a little bit. “Crown” has a couple of *Morale Checks* that come in the form of potential outcomes to the PCs’ relationship with Koltabl and with the court. Both depend on removing Hirokol’s influence over his debtors. It’s a good element in the adventure, but I’m not sure it fits the ingredient entirely well, especially the “check” part, since it seems automatic if conditions are met.

Meanwhile, “Cow” gives us some runestones that serve as checks in the sense that they are redeemable for money, and also in that the PCs can target them to check the morale of their recipients (as in stop it from spreading) by stealing them. What really works here is that this particular ingredient says a lot about the social structure of the setting simply by existing as a system of control. The ruling class uses these “rewards” as a means of making the oppressed accept and even desire the oppression. It’s disturbing, but entirely believable. It’s also kind of fun that this option is a perversion of the Robin Hood thing: Steal from the poor to stick it to the rich.

The *Limbless Beasts* of “Crown” work within the adventure slightly better than in “Cow”(in that they fit the context very well and also have a mechanical synergy with the frost giants (who are immune to cold) that the PCs probably won’t have.

The gods-punished dragon works, too (and it’s nice to see the possibility of wrecking things by healing its wings). I do wonder if this dragon is also a manifestation of the favor of the gods (like the aurochs) and, if so, could it likewise be vanished?

At any rate, the fact that this ingredient is singular counts for something. In the end, I find both entries about even on this one.

“Crown” is less impressive with it’s *Heavy Crown*. It’s role is as a Macguffin within the adventure, which inherently means it could take any form. It’s role plays a big part in complicating the PCs’ lives, to be sure (especially if it happens before the worm goes missing), but it could be anything. As an aside, why is it fiery? Is it meant to be uncomfortable for frost giants? That’s an extra _kind_ of heaviness, I suppose.

“Cow” has a *heavy crown* that actually makes the PCs using it fatigued (especially given how weak they are). It actually matters that it is a crown (since it controls the kaiju). It is strongly connected to the morally-degrading slippery-slope path and the practical consequences of the PCs being subpar heroes. This is superior.

Speaking of *Subpar Hero*, “Cow” sets this up before the adventure even begins. Dodging the potential buy-in difficulties I mentioned earlier, this is a very clever way to make sure the ingredient is always relevant.

“Crown” has a champion who is not a hero, but definitely does (intentionally) perform below expectations. He’s a very good character and an excellent portion of the adventure, but he’s not that great as an ingredient. But he is singular, so that counts for something.

The *Vanished Behemoth* that is Koltabl’s frost worm in “Crown” _is_ a good implementation, however. The tie-ins with the other complications are delicious (the stolen crown and the PCs’ potential bets against Kiltabl, in particular).

But this is only a part of the adventure, and “Cow” managed to make the absence of it’s behemoth loom over the entirety — even to the point of embodying the stakes of the scenario.

And the same is true of *Tomorrow’s Match*. The time-pressure is important to both entries, but it’s establishment at the very start of “Cow” makes it more integral to the whole. As with the *vanished behemoth*, it is ever-present.

Ironically, the strength of this ingredient might be a structural weakness for the adventure/campaign; a single day just doesn’t seem like enough time to do all of the things that this scenario promises. Be that as it may, however, it _is_ a strong ingredient.

So, that’s one excellently used ingredient in “Crown” over a good one in “Cow”, one tie between two pretty good ingredient usages, and five very good ingredients in “Cow” over four slightly-less-very good ingredients in “Crown”. And one that is replaceable.



*I really hope I’m not the tie-breaker*



Spoiler



I thought I knew which way this was going when I started writing.

Wicht’s entry is extraordinary. The adventure is elegant and, frankly, essentially flawless. The ingredients are, on the whole, strong. And one of them exemplifies everything I look for in an IRON DM ingredient’s implementation.

But el-remmen’s entry is also very strong. The adventure/campaign is not flawless, but is still very good and the slight edges on those ingredients really add up.

Do they add up enough? I guess I have to figure out how much better the adventure in “Crown” is vs. how much better the ingredients are in “Cow”.



…I’ve done some soul-searching and I’m going to have to side with excellence. “Cow” never fails to be good, but I don’t think it’s numerous slightly-better ingredients outweigh the excellence of the adventure presented in “Crown”, given that only one of its ingredients is actually not very good and another one is exceptionally excellent.

This is a _tough_ call. Part of me really hopes I’m the minority vote. But _my_ vote is for Wicht in this one.



…Alas, I am not fated to vote in irrelevance. @el-remmen, no one knows better than you what this is all about and your skills do not disappoint. I’d be equally happy to see further entries from you or to see you get back into the judge’s saddle again. It has been a pleasure.

For now, however, @Wicht advances to the championship round!


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## Wicht (Aug 28, 2021)

LOL. (literally)
I don't think that I have ever seen a round where two out of the three judges are so conflicted. RG votes for El-remmen's entry but voices a desire to be in the minority. Rune votes for mine but also voices a desire to be in the minority. I am glad the contest was that close. Even though Nemm had trouble with his, he did pretty well, I would say.

I am not sure I have ever seen another entry do quite as well on selling itself on pure world-building as "Cow." It made me think of The Reckoner series (norms vs. evil supes) and Attack on Titan both, and as Iron Sky said, while the adventure itself was admittedly a bit weak, the setting and set-up makes one want to write. I totally get that and agree. I wouldn't mind seeing an actual campaign in a world like that and I suspect if the adventure had been a bit more linear actually, mine wouldn't have won.

When I said these ingredients were deceptively simple, I was being serious. They all were kind of obvious, but not necessarily in a way that was easy to make the ingredients integral to the adventure. Why a limbless beast? Why a crown. A helm or a throne might work just as well in most cases. A vanished behemoth likewise is hard to incorporate as integral because its likely not actually there, and thus becomes a macguffin, which in most cases is pretty replaceable. So they were a challenge to try and work in together in a way that held together and where they could not be replaced with something else. And then the 1500 word limit made it even more tricky, naturally.

As far as the values of the DPs, for each thing, I simply did not have room to include them though I was thinking minor events would probably be 1 or 2 and more major events 4 or 5. Winning the whole race, without killing the jarls wizard, might have been 8. This is also the reason that I did not put titles before each name, such as Frost-wizard Isholter. My original draft did that and I simply ran out of words before I could include everything I wanted including the final fight and the bit with the crown. Going back to the DPs, I kept the point notation in because it conveyed the idea that the final outcome could fall somewhere on a scale of good to bad, which I thought was a good idea.

I don't disagree with much of the ingredient discussion, but I will say that I had a second use of heavy crown that might have got overlooked, and that was the responsibility of the Jarl to lead his people well, even when his people might not all want those things that would end up being for their good. It was subtle, but I was sorta hoping it would get more notice to make up for some of the weakness with the other. As for the fiery crown with frost giants, the fire of a flaming weapon does not harm the bearer, and I thought a big old stone crown you could hurl at your enemies would be the sort of traveling trophy that frost giants might like for their tournaments.

Also, I agree with RG that the kidnapping plot was a foolish sort of ploy, that could have been done better, but that was actually intended, as the champion was not supposed to necessarily be the brightest of giants.

Also, also, it struck me this afternoon that plot wise it would work pretty well to have the champions son be a second sub-par hero, by giving him an opportunity to take his father's place and win some glory in the games for the Jarl and for the hand of his princess.  If I was going to develop the scenario further, I would probably play with that aspect a bit.


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## Rune (Aug 28, 2021)

Wicht said:


> I don't generally disagree with much of the ingredient discussion, but I will say that I had a second use of heavy crown that might have got overlooked, and that was the responsibility of the Jarl to lead his people well, even when his people might not all want those things that would end up being for their good. It was subtle, but I was sorta hoping it would get more notice to make up for some of the weakness with the other.



That _would_ have been better. Unfortunately, its subtlety could not compete with the distraction of the Macguffin.


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## Rune (Aug 28, 2021)

Funny thing, @Iron Sky. 

I was getting serious Dark Sun vibes from @el-remmen ‘s entry, too. The _old_ Dark Sun, before the novels ruined it by introducing _hope_ into the setting.


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## FitzTheRuke (Aug 28, 2021)

That was a nail-biter!

(As an aside - I can't decide if I'm disappointed that I'm not competing this time or relieved. On the one hand, I'd be happy to be in this company. On the other... I'd probably be out by now. We'll  never know.)


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## Rune (Aug 28, 2021)

FitzTheRuke said:


> That was a nail-biter!
> 
> (As an aside - I can't decide if I'm disappointed that I'm not competing this time or relieved. On the one hand, I'd be happy to be in this company. On the other... I'd probably be out by now. We'll  never know.)



Well, I’m glad _I’m_ not competing.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 28, 2021)

Hope is for amateurs.


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## Gradine (Aug 28, 2021)

This might have been one of the closest Iron DM matches I've ever seen. It helps how great the judges are at keeping you in the edge of your seat... I was sweating bullets through each judgment, and it wasn't even my match!


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## Rune (Aug 28, 2021)

Gradine said:


> This might have been one of the closest Iron DM matches I've ever seen. It helps how great the judges are at keeping you in the edge of your seat... I was sweating bullets through each judgment, and it wasn't even my match!



The secret is to not know your conclusion until you get to it.


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## el-remmen (Aug 28, 2021)

Congrats, Wicht!

I was certain you would win when I read your entry but once the first two judgments came in I actually started to hope I could win. . .  But as a wise man once said, "Hope is for amateurs." 

As for the Dark Sun vibes, that was purposeful. . . and I am considering running my next game in this setting, though perhaps a bit earlier in the timeline.


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## Fenris-77 (Aug 28, 2021)

I love this game!


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## Imaculata (Aug 28, 2021)

Both were fantastic entries. I could see myself running or playing Cold Crown, which tipped the scales for me.


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## Wicht (Aug 29, 2021)

*Jim*_*: *Already the crowds are beginning to gather, eager anticipation on their faces for another exciting day of Iron DM. The energy is palpable. As we wait we cannot help but ask ourselves questions..._

*Bob: *_ Have you seen my sandwich Jim?_

*Jim: *_What kind of ingredients will we see today?_

*Bob: *_It was a goblin ear bacon sandwich with extra onions and horseradish. _

*Jim*: _What sort of mood will the judges be in as they consider the entries?_

*Bob*_: They're going to be in a pretty dead mood if one of them ate my sandwich. _

*Jim*_: What kind of energy and creativity should we expect from the contestants?_

*Bob*_: I wish they would show a little energivity and get up here to help me find my... Oh there it is. What do you know? I was sitting on it this whole time. Ah crumb, I hate flat sandwiches. Might as well be eating a tortilla. Do you want it, Jim? Maybe I'll order in a  pizza. Say Jim, isn't there a match today  that you should be telling the folks at home about?_

*Jim*_: Indeed there is Bob, indeed there is. _


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## Gradine (Aug 29, 2021)




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## Rune (Aug 29, 2021)

*Round 2, Match 2: Neurotic vs Gradine*

@Neurotic and @Gradine, you have 48 hours to post your entries to this thread. Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 1500 additional words. Be aware: if you include descriptions of your ingredients with the ingredients list, those descriptions will count against your word-limit! Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; everything after will be ignored.

The judges will be using Wordcounter.net to ensure that our counts are consistent.

Please include your list of ingredients at the beginning of the entry and please do not edit your post once it is submitted. Please refrain from reading your opponent's entry until after you have posted your own. You are on your honor to do so.

Entries that are between 1 and 59 minutes late will have their word-limits reduced to 1350. Later entries that are at less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 1050. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 750. Entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the judge with consent from the match's opposing competitor.

*Your ingredients are:*
*
Lost Boys
Buzzing Monastery
Wicked Grin
Winter Court
Salacious Homunculus
A Void
Innocence Gained*


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## Gradine (Aug 29, 2021)

Well now you're just baiting me


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## Gradine (Aug 30, 2021)

Spoiler: Spoilers:


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## Gradine (Aug 30, 2021)

*The Fairy & The Doll*
_A Big Adventure for Little Heroes_​
Lost Boys
Buzzing Monastery
Wicked Grin
Winter Court
Salacious Homunculus
A Void
Innocence Gained

*Neverland*
Our heroes are lost children. They live a free, adventurous life in Neverland with Peter Pan. After one particular misadventure, Captain Hook has kidnapped Tinker Bell and escaped Neverland entirely. Pan has left on a journey to rescue her, but has been gone for some time. The Lost Boys are starting to worry. Their fears are confirmed when they are greeted by a particularly strange talking cat.

*The Cheshire Cat*
The Cheshire Cat is a trickster who enjoys chaos, but will intervene whenever the story threatens to get less interesting. A wicked grin is always plastered on his face. He speaks in riddles, but is able to confirm that Pan is indeed in trouble, and that only our young heroes can save them. With this, the Cheshire Cat fades away piece by piece, his broad grin the last the heroes see of him.

Armed with nothing but their wits, a small bag of faerie dust, and the pluck of a team of orphans surviving and thriving in a dangerous world against all odds, our heroes fly into the night sky, following fifth star kitty-corner to the southnorthwest of Orion’s Belt, towards a magical realm of ice and snow, a mythical land spoken of only in whispers and known only by its most mysterious name: Norway.

*Arendelle*
The kingdom of Arendelle is in crisis. Queen Elsa left a week prior to resolve an issue with some nearby monks, but has not returned, and rumors swirl of only a single survivor, gone into hiding. In her absence her throne was usurped, her sister thrown in the dungeon, and the kingdom overtaken by a particularly tyrannous monarch known only as the Queen of Hearts. Her army of anthropomorphic playing cards surveil the realm, squashing all opposition and driving the citizenry to terror. They long for the return of the powerful Queen of Ice and Snow, and worry that something must have happened to her to prevent her from helping them in their time of need.

Our heroes will be questioned and possibly detained by these card soldiers, so they must take care while exploring the town and getting information from the scared townsfolk. Many villagers recall seeing a large ship docked at port just before the coup, bearing skull and crossbone flags. The Lost Boys of course know this to be the Jolly Roger; the nefarious pirate Captain Hook’s flagship.

A shell-shocked and wounded soldier by the name of Matthias is hiding out in a combination trading outpost and sauna. He is the only survivor of the Queen’s trip. He remembers standing outside the monastery, scanning the distance for threats, but when he turned around it was gone. All he could hear was the faint, distant voice of his Queen calling for help, and the terrible buzzing of wasps. The monastery that produces the mead is, or at least was, located in the nearby forest, colloquially known as the “Hundred Acre Woods”. 

*Hundred Acre Woods*
If our heroes journey towards the former site of the monastery, they will find no building in its place. Instead, multiple beehives surround the site, with hundreds of dangerous bees buzzing this way and that. The Cheshire Cat appears with a clue for our heroes:
_“In the center of these woods is a tree
In this tree lives a bear
Under the name Mr. Sanderz
Which is to say, 
He is a bear
Living in a tree, 
With a sign above the door
That says “Mr Sanderz”
He is a pooh bear
Fluff in place of delicate skin
With a great love of honey
A love that conquers fear.”_

If they follow the Cat’s advice, they will indeed find the bear, a friendly if somewhat befuddled sort, who will gladly follow any promise of honey. If returned to the monastery, this pooh bear will tear through the area, gathering and devouring as much honey as he can, while the entire colony of bees chases him away.

With the buzzing gone, Lost Boys with a talent for hearing will notice three distinct voices, as if they were far away, shouting for help. A woman’s voice and a man’s voice, both strange, but the third voice is as clear as day, if pitched quite a bit higher than usual: it is none other than Peter Pan.

As they approach the voices, they notice that the monastery has not disappeared at all; simply shrunk; no doubt by Hook, using some of Tink’s magic. It has since been taken over by bees as a nest. A table appears where once there was none, with naught but a potion labeled “Drink This”. Perceptive heroes will notice a disembodied grinning face briefly before it disappears. The potion shrinks the heroes down to the size of an insect, and there they find another bottle labeled “Drink This”; this potion will restore their normal size.

*A Bug’s Life*
Inside, Peter Pan and Queen Elsa have been trapped along with a third, elderly gentleman with a thick accent who calls himself Gepetto. He tells of an evil pirate who threw him inside the monastery and shrunk it. The pirate stole his boy, Pinocchio, luring him with the gift of a small fairy, and brought him to Pleasure Island, a nefarious land filled with every temptation under the sun. Hook has been intercepting the monks’ mead shipments and selling it to the children and donkeys of this land, the dastardly drink only worsening their behavior and limiting their inhibitions. 

Gepetto refuses to take the growth potion until they agree to rescue Jiminy, a cricket that serves as Pinocchio’s conscience, and the only one who can save him. Separated from his conscience, the poor puppet-child’s soul is left an empty void, bereft of care or concern for anyone or anything but his own selfish desires. Jiminy is held captive by a large colony of ants that mistook him for a grasshopper. Our heroes will have to negotiate for Jiminy’s release, perhaps by explaining the difference between crickets and grasshoppers.

Once freed and re-grown, Elsa will depart immediately to rescue her kingdom, and she is able to chase out the Queen of Hearts and her army with her powerful ice magic. Our heroes can join her, if they wish. Elsa alone will allow the Queen of Hearts to escape unscathed, but our heroes might help prevent that escape, capturing her and leaving her in the castle’s dungeon. This will stop her and her army from appearing at the final battle. In either case, Elsa rewards the party with a magical bag of neverending, nevermelting, icy marbles. She wishes them good luck on their adventure.

*Pleasure Island*
Pleasure Island is a horrible place where lost children lose their innocence to the lure of all of life’s most indulgent vices. Alcohol. Tobacco. Gambling. Onanism. Copyright Infringement. Once fully lost, the children become donkeys, and seek to corrupt other children as well. 

Captain Hook and his pirate crew defend the island from our heroes, with Hook keeping watch over Pinocchio himself. The puppet has painted Tinker Bell blue and keeps her captive, calling her his “blue fairy”. If she was allowed to escape Arendelle, the Queen of Hearts is here as well, with her army of card soldiers. If the Queen was captured, the Cheshire Cat instead decides to tip the scales. He’s worried that the pirates are now at a disadvantage, and so unleashes the Jabberwock on the island, leaving the Vorpal Blade in the island’s dead center, at the feet of a Tumtum tree.

Our heroes must avoid and/or confront the island’s many dangers and get Jiminy to Pinocchio in enough time to restore his conscience and his innocence.

Once the pirates and other dangers are chased off and Pinocchio restored, everyone finds Tinker Bell, gravely injured and nearly dying. The mood is somber. But our Lost Boys know the way to save her! The only way to revive a fairy is to believe in fairies, and the best way to show you believe in fairies is to clap. The heroes must convince the lost and corrupted children of the island to believe in fairies and clap for Tinker Bell. Of course, our players (and readers!) must believe in fairies too, and clap as well. If they do, she is revived and good as new, though she must then be talked down from wreaking her vengeance on the now remorseful Pinocchio.

Pinocchio, Gepetto, and Jiminy graciously depart for new adventures. A weary Gepetto expresses a desire for a vacation; maybe a cruise. He had always wanted to go whale watching.

*Conclusion*
Our heroes return to Neverland. As a victory feast, the Lost Boys (and perhaps some new friends!) enjoy a seemingly endless supply of ice cream. Tinker Bell, grateful for her rescue, even provides just enough of her magic fairy dust to make the ice cream look, smell, taste, and feel just as good as the real thing.

*Fin*​


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## Gradine (Aug 30, 2021)

Spoiler



If this is the end of the ride, at least I had a hell of a lot of fun. 

Also, if you don't clap for Tink, you're a monster.


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## Wicht (Aug 31, 2021)

Spoiler



I am a bit curious as to the system envisioned for the scenario. 

Also the inclusion of the vice of copyright infringement was a nice touch.


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## Gradine (Aug 31, 2021)

Wicht said:


> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> ...





Spoiler



I often have No Thank You, Evil in mind when designing for children, but that system also has a builtin setting of its own


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## Wicht (Aug 31, 2021)

Gradine said:


> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> I often have No Thank You, Evil in mind when designing for children, but that system also has a builtin setting of its own





Spoiler



I suppose NTY,E could be adapted for it. You'd probably have to play around a bit with the companion rules or else just be a bit more structured in what sort of characters and companions were allowed.


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## FitzTheRuke (Aug 31, 2021)

Spoiler: Quick Thoughts



I laughed out loud enough to annoy my wife! I especially liked the vice of copywrite infringement. And the rest.


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## Neurotic (Aug 31, 2021)

IRON DM 2021​Round 2, Gradine vs Neurotic

*Ingredients:*​
Lost Boys​
Buzzing Monastery​
Wicked Grin​
Winter Court​
Salacious Homunculus​
A Void​
Innocence Gained​
New beginnings​Adventure Synopsis:​PCs need to stop a mad sorcerer/fey warlock Atlantes and free the innocent friar. The sorcerer needs the children to rejuvenate and his…improper…urges were pushed out into minor construct he uses to spy on the city and lure his victims to their doom. He devoted his life to the Fey Court and their wicked queen, intending to sacrifice the city and gain immortality in the process.​Background story:​In the mountain kingdom of Velebit, a religious tradition is kept where the last week of the year is spent in preparation for the New Year festival. There are gifts, goodwill, and people trying to cleanse themselves from the sins of the past. People congregate in temples, pray, and in general act nicer than during the rest of the year.

At Knin, the capital, the city of kings, The Court prepares for the transition of the years. And in the nearby monastery, the friars prepare the rituals of cleansing. But this year…this year is different.

The acolytes in the monastery, the ministrants in the city temples, and the choir boys started disappearing. At first, it was minor, a boy fled the monastery for the wider world. The boy runs away from home. But as The Watch got more and more reports they started the investigation. The monks at the monastery assigned brother Matthias to investigate. At the same time, reports of the strange little creature started circulating around the city. Pink-red, small, with pointed ears and phallus-like appendage forever pointing forward, the creature was seen lurking around bathing pools, peeping through windows into the bedrooms and all over the House of Easy Virtue.

The apparition is said to grin constantly, *wicked grin* people from the court describe as vaguely familiar. This *salacious homunculus* was seen in more than one scene where *the boys* were *lost*, but no traces could be found of the creature or the boys. At least until the winter fell. In the snow, it was easier to track and one fortuituous night, a watchman happened to notice a boy, inadequately dressed for the winter, following the path through the snow.

He followed the boy to the monastery and into the side catacombs before losing them behind the closed doors. The watch stormed the sanctuary and in the room of brother Matthias, the very same investigator found the boy, shivering from the cold. Worse, they found traces of ritual components and few minor items from the *lost boys.*​The adventure​PCs are involved by blood relations orfriends to Matthias or employed by the abbot. They are charged with proving his innocence. Given that the bodies aren’t found, the case isn’t clear cut, as Matthias maintains he was returning from his duties in the catacombs and found a boy, dazed and half-frozen so he brought him up to help. The trial is set two days hence, on the very Eve of the Year at the monastery.

PCs need to interrogate Matthias who can point out the sexual fixation of the construct; the parents (most of whom want to see Matthias thrown down the mountain); talk to the friars (who can direct PCs into the catacombs where strange smells and sounds happen if one goes too deep); track the homunculus and sit on the trial as the evidence is presented. And all that in couple of days.

Parents can give little, but the thing that binds everything together is that the boys were out in the evening. Bathing. Cleaning the monastery. Helping the old sorcerer. Some of them know of the homunculus, some have seen it and some comment on its features being vaguely familiar. Some are noble, others common, oldest barely in midteens.

The homunculus can be captured fairly easily with some bait (young ladies in the pools) in the evening.

The *monastery is buzzing* with the activity, normaly subdued with only small number of friars inhabiting it, now there is an army of servants preparing for the arrival of the king and his *Winter Court. *PCs must navigate various functionaries and noble representatives or nobles themselves to have free access to the building. Same goes for

Investigating the catacombs yields some clues. Discarded clothes can be found in the alcoves with the dead monks. Tracks of wet feet, dried now. Clawed feet of the homunculus can be found in the dust in the deepest recesses of the monastery. One _arcane_ spell pouch is found as were traces of powdered black onyx and almost erased ritual circle.

Some clues point to the arcane caster, others to the divine.

Following the clues, they could deduce there is a connection to the sorcerers abode. Assuming they find the secret passage into Atlantes house, they have to contend with undead made from the friars bodies, soulless, yet still living bodies of the boys and weirdly, fey guardians.

If PCs prevail, they find the ritual circle with black flame burning in the center, black flames licking from the utter *Void* in the middle. Black gems, one for each boy missing, surround the circle and each flicker occasionally, the small flame joining the conflagration in the middle before being sucked into it. Careful examination will show the boys within gems, screaming in the darkness of their prisons, faces twisted in agony.

The boys, if not killed, can be returned to their bodies once the ritual is undone. For that the homunculus needs to be captured, doused in holy water and thrown into the black flames. If the circle is broken without homunculus, *the void *will expand suddenly engulfing all living in the room, trying to suck the life out of them (Con save to resist). With each attack it grows, threatening the city itself.

With the evidence gathered, PCs can crash into the trial, Atlantes being one of the judges of *The Winter Court. *If the homunculus is captured and presented, the old man grins wickedly and calls out. The fey of *The Winter Court*, cold and merciless attack those present, mostly nobles of the city. The sorcerer tries to free the homunculus by charming the captor(s). If he succeeds he runs away followed by the fey.

Vaguely recognizable features are obvious once homunculus and Atlantes are together. It is obviously twisted face of the sorcerer.

If the PCs capture the homunculus and free the boys, THEN appear at the court, the wizards sags in his seat. His eyes widen at something “No, no, no, nooo!!” he screams before the image of the queen of air and darkness appears seated in her Winter court appears in front of him. The Void between the worlds swells and engulfs him, leaving no trace of the former judge.

The court dismisses the charges against Matthias and *innocence regained* he joins his brothers in the ritual cleansing of the sin.

Assuming the *lost boys* are saved, the families are reunited, much joy is to be had. Otherwise, a somber ceremony for the lost is held, as the sins are forgiven and *innocence regained* for another year.

*The Void:*
attacks creatures within 10', does 1d10 necrotic damage (Con save for half)
for each 10hp thus gained its radius increases by 1square.
for each 2 squares radius, its reach increases by 5 feet​


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## Neurotic (Aug 31, 2021)

gah! no more time! I severely underestimated the amount of work that will be waiting for me after the vacation. Now to read my esteemed opponent's work!


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## Neurotic (Aug 31, 2021)

Spoiler: Not for the judges



@Gradine
My first idea was Petar Pan, but I wouldn't dare to do a medley as you did. Somehow, it works! 
I've never heard of No thank you, Evil though.

Mine is typical 'evil mage wants to live forever' adventure - the ingredients were difficult to incorporate and be relevant for the adventure.


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## Gradine (Sep 1, 2021)

Well this was an amusingly timed thread necro



Spoiler












						D&D 5E - Neverland: It's Peter Pan for D&D!
					

Andrews McMeel Publishing has released a D&D 5E setting based on the world of Peter Pan.    "Created by award-winning designer Andrew Kolb, endless escapades unfold – with a fascinating and mysterious cast featuring Mermaids, Crocodiles, Pirates and Fairies, but also Giants, Gnomes, and a Great...




					www.enworld.org


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## Iron Sky (Sep 1, 2021)

*Judging Round 2, Match 2: Neurotic vs Gradine*
Seven ingredients, three passes, two adventures, go!

@Gradine and


Spoiler: The Fairy & The Doll



*Pass the First: First Impressions, Highlights, and Cool Bits*
Players are the Lost Boys in Neverland? Cool.

The Cheshire Cat is here? Already hyped about the crossover potential.

The jump to Arendelle threw me until I looked it up. Fortunate enough to have not been subjected to Frozen. Some references pinging off of me; yet another contender potentially paying the price for my theatrical illiteracy?

Bit of a jump from "nearby monks" to "the monastery". Took a moment to connect it.

What mead? This is the first mention of mead.

Now we're in Winnie the Poo? Crazy.

Not getting a feel for what the PCs are really doing so far that's cool. So far it's evading some card soldiers and interviewing a survivor that doesn't really know anything.

"If our heroes journey towards the... monastery" - what happens if they don't?

ALL the bees chase Poo away? I guess we are in fairy-tale land.

What if none of my PCs has a talent for hearing?

Why do they care about rescuing Gepetto? What's in it for them? This sounds like a game for kids, but in my experiences actually running RPGs for kids, they're often far more impulsive and murderous than your most hardened band of D&D murderhobos. I get that this is fairy-tale stuff, but throwing in Alice definitely skews things towards deviance from "Alignment: X Good".

Peter et. al. have been trapped by what? Bees?

What's to stop Peter from become the OP GMPC? They still have Tink to rescue to keep them on the critical path, but now they're sidekicks. I suppose these are sidequests of a sort but I think Lost Boys gonna Lost, not necessarily rescue cricketnapped consciences or restore dethroned ice sorceresses. Hopefully none of this peripheral stuff is key ingredients (or they tie in tighter later).

Onanism required a lookup. Pretty significant tone shift now that we have an island of donkeys doing R-rated stuff (Taxass hold-em while drinking muleshine, puffing muleborros plus assturbation?)

Why do the PCs have to rescue Jiminy/Pinocchio? Aren't they here for Tink? With all that opposition, why not just sneak in and rescue her?

What happens if they aren't in time to restore Pinocchio?

Sudden tone shift back to believing in fairies.

As I finish the first pass, I find myself impressed by the clever weave of Disney movies but not, unfortunately, but the adventure itself. We'll see if further passes help.

*Pass the Second: How I GM?*
Let's follow the critical path: PC Lost Boys fly to Norway → sneak past some card guards → hopefully learn of the Jolly Roger → hopefully find Matthias  → get Poo to lead bees away → shrink and rescue Pan → get to Pleasure Island (how? where is it?) → deal with/avoid Pirates + cards or Jabberwock → start Tink Donkey Clap Party (most innocent thing about the adventure sounds the dirtiest) → win.

They may decide to help Elsa or not. They may decide to rescue Jiminy/Pinocchio or not. Presumably they do, but they aren't assential.

So what do the PCs really do? What are the fun things and interesting choices they get to make?
Sneak rolls and minimal clue hunting in town.

Walk to monastery, walk to Poo, (easily) talk him into helping, watch him solve the bees.
Level 2 lost boys free level 10 Peter Pan who presumably takes charge since that's what Peter does.

Maybe help Elsa play War with the Queen of Hearts. (Why should they?)

Maybe help Gepetto talk Jiminy back? (Why should they?)

Somehow (?) travel to Pleasure Island, however they know where it is. Would tie Gepetto in better if he knew the way but wouldn't help them go there without helping with Jiminy/Pinocchio.

Many sneak rolls past pirates + cards/Jabberwock. Failure and/or choice to fight instead = big battle instead.

Convince jaded donkeys to clap.

This sounds harsh even as I say it, but beyond the premise of Disney-movie mashup, what makes this adventure fun? A lot of it is skip-able or low-stakes social interactions plus some sneaking and maybe a fight at the end. Or do they have to fight? It says they can "avoid the island's many dangers" yet they don't find Tinker Bell until Pinocchio is restored and the Island is safe. What if they didn't help Pinocchio and/or chose to avoid rather than fight? They don't get Tink and lose?

This adventure seems like a railroad with one side loop and a parallel track that may or may not be necessary to ride with many false turnouts ("they mights" without real alternatives).

It's premise seems to hang on the Lost Boys being Lawful Good and wanting to help everyone, yet that "innocent" style of play is undercut by mixing in the madness of Alice in Wonderland and the vices of Pleasure Island. Calling out "A Big Adventure for Little Heroes" gives a weak support for PCs being The Goodest Guys at least.

I've tried something similar with mixing movies before (Alice and Wonderland crossover even) with similar results: too much focus on the tie-ins often ruins the movie adventure.

Also, did I mention NPC Peter Pan is following/leading them?

*Pass the Third: Ingredients
Lost Boys*: The PCs. Doesn't get much stronger than that, especially since their identity fuels the primary arc of the adventure.

*Buzzing Monastery*: Buzzing because of bees, monastery because... Norway makes mead? Historical monks made alcohol? But mead was made long before Norway was Christianized so the mead came first, monks came after. But now it's historical stuff in a Disney setting? Maybe having seen Frozen would help this make sense.

*Wicked Grin*: Cheshire Cat who drops hints and maybe Jabberwocks. Hints at the cards, but they could be replaceable with another Disney villain instead (Iago the Parrot while the Visier conquered Arendelle and used the djini to shrink the monastery). He could be replaced by notes left behind by Gepetto or Tink instead. Weakening it further, his grin doesn't really impact the adventure even if his wickedness _might_ if they haven't fought the cards.

*Winter Court*: The setting of the second (and relatively actionless) act of the story. Could have been pretty much anywhere.

*Salacious Homunculus*: Pinocchio who is corrupted by Pleasure Island. A clever use if not a strong one since this whole are is potentially skipable (or maybe not somehow?)

*A Void*: Pretty sure this is the vacant throne left by Elsa's disappearance. Bound tight with Winter Court but not really with anything else. Since the PCs can sneak past and forget about this part of it.

*Innocence Gained*: Restoring Pinocchio and Tink at the end. First part is (probably?) skippable, second part is the only way to save her. Both clever uses, even if one might not occur.

Lost Boys is fantastic. Winter Court + Void can be skipped; in fact the adventure even calls this out. Innocence gained is clever as is Homunculus and relevant if we assume the PCs will take on the Pinocchio side quest. Wicked Grin stands in for the Cheshire Cat who is the quest giver and could be dropped or replaced. Hm...

*Summary:* I'm realizing I'm being pretty hard on this adventure. Maybe it's a spillover of RL stress. Maybe it's that astounding quality of most of the entries so far in this tournament. Maybe it would all make sense if I'd suffered through Frozen. Maybe the adventure is relying on what many franchise tie-in and crossover movies do: rely on nostalgia and like for the brand to paper over any weaknesses in their presentation.

This is Iron DM, however, so hard is good. I could see this adventure being really cool with a few more drafts and more focus put into the PCs choice and action rather than movie references. As is, execution kills concept - for me at least.



@Neurotic with


Spoiler: New beginnings



Uh oh. Right of the bat, I had to hunt for the title. Not bolded, not capitalized. First impressions matter and the first impression this gives is something rushed.

*Pass the First: First Impressions, Highlights, and Cool Bits*
"free the innocent friar" what innocent friar? "The" implies we already know who it is. "An"?

Atlantes needs the children to rejuvenate what? His urges were pushed into a construct? Or are there plural constructs since there's no "a" before "minor construct". What city?

Read this first paragraph 3-4 times trying to figure it out and feel like there's a first paragraph I missed that would make it make sense. I'm assuming you write the synopsis after writing the rest of the adventure so all the references were clear in your mind without realizing the reader has no idea who, where, or what is going on.

Whew! Fortunately, the background is much clearer and things are making more sense now.

Why do both stories have a monk named Matthias? Is there some monk meme I'm missing?

The strange little creature? What strange little creature? The missing boy?

Oh, "a" strange little creature to be described in the next sentence. This is dropped in the synopsis, but that doesn't give much context.

"[a] wicked grin [that] people... describe as vaguely familiar"? Or are they "wicked grin people"

Following what path? You keep using "the" instead of "a" or "an" which is repeatedly stopping me dead mid-sentence trying to figure out if there's some creature or path that I missed somewhere above.

They are charged with proving Matthias' or the abbot's innocence? Assuming Matthias since the boy was found in his room, but now paranoid I've misread something previous.

What do the monks know about the construct? We know the monks assigned Matthias to investigate but it was the watchman who seemed to be doing all the investigating.

What old sorcerer? Here's another reference to a person we know nothing about. What's the sorcerer's relation to the monastery / town / anything? Do people know he's a warlock? Does he live at the monastery? He's referenced in the synopsis, but not enough to really know anything about him.

The boys were "noble, others common, oldest barely in midteens" or the parents were?

Why do they bait the hornymunculus with young ladies if the warlock is abducting boys?

The PCs have to navigate nobles and functionaries? What does that mean? "Same goes for..." what?

Okay, getting too caught up in the languaging and semantics, losing the adventure. Stepping back to re-read with a more casual eye to see if I'm just tripping down in the weeds.

That helped somewhat even if I still got caught up here and there. Undead fro m the friar's bodies? I thought the friars were still alive? Or did he steal them from the catacombs?

Con save? We're in D&D now?

Here we have the sorcerer's abode again but we have no idea how anyone is connected to the sorcerer. Is he just the city sorcerer? Is he tied to the monks some way?

"The boys, if not killed"... what kills them?

How the heck do they know they have to dunk the hornymunculus and throw it into the flame? With each attack from whom on what? The PCs on the house?

How can the PCs present the hornymunculus if they've thrown it into the void?

Oh, if they freed the boys then the void eats the sorcerer. Got it.

Void mechanics explain it a bit more about what "attacks" means. Usually mechanics make things better instead of worse, but this actually helps.

*Pass the Second: How I GM?*
Let's walk the critical path:

The PCs interrogate Matthias, parents, and friars → capture the hornymunculus (or don't) → navigate functionaries and do the same for → investigate catacombs → find secret door to sorcerer's abode and fight undead + fey (or don't) OR PCs deduce a connection to the sorcerer's place (or don't) → hopefully they find the Void circle, fight it → (maybe somehow) figure out how to kill it with holy hornymunculus → return to trial with boys = sorcerer eaten by void OR return to trial with hornymunculus = sorcerer + fey fights/runs OR return with neither = dunno (Matthias dead?) → Fin

There's a bunch of stuff to do, but much of it seems to rely on a players succeeding and finding/deducing something that I'm not certain they would with uncertain outcomes resulting.

What happens if they kill the hornymunculus right off instead of capturing it? What if they just don't think of setting a trap for it? How are they supposed to figure out to douse it in holy water to close the void? What if they never figure that out? What if they don't put together the connection with the sorcerer/find the secret tunnel? A lot of frayed bits on the rope marking the path to completing the adventure.

At least it's pretty simple to run and I don't have to keep track of much.

*Pass the Third: Ingredients
Lost Boys*: the boys missing from the monastery. The main thing the PCs are searching for and heart of the adventure. Strong.

*Buzzing Monastery*: Most of the adventure takes place in and around the monastery. We only get a fragmented reference to the business that makes it busy and an obscure mention they have to "navigate" the business. That it's busy is incidental.

*Wicked Grin*: The grin of the hornymunculus. Mentioned as a property of it but in no ways relevant to the rest of the adventure. It could have a maniacal stare, a protruding tongue, or a wild eyes.

*Winter Court*: The court arriving for winter absolution. Mostly incidental. The trial is a court case that happens to be happening in winter, but either are fairly weak.

*Salacious Homunculus*: Central to the adventure, gross, and excellent for both reasons combined. Weakened slightly since the bait is young ladies not young boys. It's foul either way, but would hove closer to Lost Boys if they were it's sole focus.

*A Void*: The place where the lost boys are taken to fuel the sorcerer's dreams of immortality. Ties closely with the  hornymunculus who (for some reason) is the only(?) way to close it and Lost Boys.

*Innocence Gained*: The innocent verdict for Matthias and the ultimate goal of the adventure. That it might not be gained if the PCs kill the hornymunculus and/or don't put things together weaken it slightly.

Overall 4 fairly solid, integrated ingredients, one window dressing on another ingredient, one incidental and/or double meaning that isn't super strong either way.

*Summary:* Writing style and presentation matters. So does thinking through how it will play objectively. This adventure was built around a solid investigative frame but fronted by an uneven and crumbling sidewalk, enclosing a wonky floor plan, and wearing a slapdash paint job that makes you wonder in places if it's worth even going inside.

Housing metaphor aside (trying to relocate my business so eating/sleeping/dreaming real estate ATM), this adventure is rough and seems incomplete down to unfinished sentences that cut off in the middle, a background that references things that haven't really been revealed yet, and some pathing issues.





Spoiler: Conclusion



This match is difficult to judge in the worst way: both entries carry serious structural flaws that would almost certainly hamper their quality in play.

*The Fairy and The Doll* is well-written and formatted, yet the adventure seems fairly hollow under the shiny wrapper. The PCs potentially don't interact with major parts of it then half-way through rescue an NPC who in the fiction not only gives them orders but is likely as competent as all of them combined. If we enforce the players being The Good Guys, they have more to do, yet still the meat of the adventure seems to be transitioning between locales, talking Disney characters into doing things they're inclined to do anyway, and potentially watching them do most of the heavy lifting: Poo and the bees, Peter and the rest of the adventure.

*New beginnings* starts with a synopsis that confused more than clarified, consistently confused me by using "the" instead of "a" when introducing new things, then obscures an otherwise decent adventure in a tangle of unanswered questions, assumptions, and "what ifs". The critical path - at least as best I can track it - seems to include a mix of talking, exploring, maybe fighting at least.

I'm finding I'm flat on which is the better adventure. I think *New beginnings* would play better, but *The Fairy and The Doll* doesn't trip over its own tongue telling you about itself.

This one comes down to ingredients then.

Skimming back over my notes *New beginnings* takes the ingredients category and, thus, my vote.

Not certain how satisfied I am with this judgment, but with no clearly better adventure (and me being out of time to work on this judgment), it'll have to do.

Neurotic advances by my vote but we'll see what the other judges think.


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## Gradine (Sep 1, 2021)

Spoiler



Can't argue with a lot of the criticism; I even thought to make sure Peter was otherwise occupied for the final battle, but I just plain forgot. A lot of the "cool stuff" the heroes get to do is social interaction (I like to get kids more opportunities to make friends than enact violence) but that's not gonna be everyone's cup of tea.


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## Wicht (Sep 1, 2021)

Gradine said:


> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> Can't argue with a lot of the criticism; I even thought to make sure Peter was otherwise occupied for the final battle, but I just plain forgot. A lot of the "cool stuff" the heroes get to do is social interaction (I like to get kids more opportunities to make friends than enact violence) but that's not gonna be everyone's cup of tea.





Spoiler



The one time I did a kid's adventure for Iron DM, I strove to capture the feel of a cartoon series, which I think I did but the judges weren't quite sure about various aspects of the adventure because I failed to state at the beginning what I was trying to evoke. You do things differently for a child's game and not everyone has run games for kids. That optional blurb at the beginning of an entry, _A Disnified Escape for the Young and the Young at Heart_, can do a lot of heavy lifting for you.


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## FitzTheRuke (Sep 1, 2021)

Spoiler: Thoughts On Judgement



It's amazing how sometimes the more fun an entry is to read, the more it falls apart when it's being judged. All the entries so far in this tourney that I've loved and laughed as I read them have struggled at judgement time. And yet, I've always had to nod and agree with the judges. It may have seemed tough, but it all rang true. Iron DM is a tough deal!


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## Neurotic (Sep 1, 2021)

I will comment the adventure after other judges give the verdict, just a short explanation for iron sky.


Spoiler: For IronSky, no other judges



Yes, I know it is unfinished, I wrote it in an hour so not much editing was done. Synopsis got written first, but I already had everything clear in my mind and didn't have time to edit. Real life issues


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## Imaculata (Sep 2, 2021)

My thoughts:



Spoiler



I have to agree with the first judgement, however harsh. I feel both entries are flawed for the reasons mentioned by the judge, and it would not surprise me if the other judges come to similar conclusions.

This is a hard competition and not every entry is going to be great.


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## Radiating Gnome (Sep 2, 2021)

*Round 2, Match 2: Neurotic vs Gradine*

Thanks to both of you for your entries, for all your work writing these entries -- this was an interesting, provocative batch of ingredients to work with, and it took you to very different places.

*So, for today we have The Fairy and the Doll (F&D) and New Beginnings (NB).  *


Spoiler



F&D is a romp through children's literature with an adult sense of humor (as a lot of these intellectual properties hide in the details), a story of lost children trying to rescue Tinkerbell, all very neatly done.  And NB is a darker, more adult tale of corrupt fey and an evil sorcerer preying on the young.  Very different expressions from the same batch of ingredients, which is awesome. 

I like to start with ingredients, so here goes.....

*Lost Boys*
In F&D, the Lost boys -- in this case, both literally the lost boys from neverland, but updated to be lost children instead, are the heroes in the story.  I did the usage, the update to modern gender inclusion, and the way that opens the door to everything else.

In NB, the lost boys are boys snatched by Atlantes. These boys are victims, lured away by a well-hung homunculus to be imprisoned forever. This is dark, creepy, and thematic. 

I think both entries are doing the lost boys well. 

*Buzzing Monastery*

in NB,  the monastery is "buzzing" because of all the extra activity related to the coronation.  This is a reasonable use of the ingredient -- certainly buzzing with activity is a decent interpretation of the ingredient. 

In F&D, on the other hand the buzzing monastery is buzzing because it's in an area of the hundred acres wood that is inundated with bees -- bees which Pooh leads off so the children can discover the shrunken monastery.  In this case, the monastery isn't buzzing -- it's small, and in an area that is buzzing, but the monastery isn't.  I think it works to meet the standards of the ingredient, and I'm enjoying where things are going at this point in the story, but from a strictly ingredient-use point of view, I think NB does it a little better. 

*Wicked Grin*
F&D again lands this one pretty solidly with the Cheshire cat, a living wicked grin that sometimes has a magical cat attached.  The Cheshire cat keeps the plot moving along -- and I imagine a finished version of this adventure, without word course, might have other verses of the cat's introduction to Pooh and the monastery. This is great stuff. 

In NB, the wicked grin is the creepy-ass permagrin on the face of the tumescent homunculus.  It's good, and I think the persona of this little monster is a very distinct, satisfyingly creepy part of the NB story. 

I find myself torn by which of the two uses I find better -- frankly, the use in NB makes me uncomfortable in ways the Cheshire Cat does not, but I don't think that discomfort is a problem -- that little bugger has the potential to be creepy AF, and the cat is more comfortable because it's safer.  But they're both good. 

*Winter Court*

NB jumps into this ingredient with the king's Winter Court, which is coming to stay at the monastery and provoking all of the buzzing activity.  And it's also the fey winter court that attacks the nobles of the city when the PCs bring evidence of Atlantes' crimes before the court.  I'm a little fuzzy about some of this, and it might be that I need to read the entry another time, but the winter court seems to be two things -- the king's winter court (presumably mortal) and the fey winter court, servants of the fey queen of winter and secret allies of Atlantes. 

In F&B, the winter court is the court of the kingdom of Arendelle, where once again Elsa has "let it go" to pot. She's AWOL, and the court has been taken over by the Queen of Hearts and her deck of card soldiers.  Elsa will eventually need to be freed to restore order in her kingdom as a sort of mid-point goal on the way to freeing Tinkerbell. 

In this one, I think I find F&B's use of the ingredient a bit clearer and more satisfying.

*Salacious Homunculus*

I've already mentioned the Homunculus in NB a few times in this review -- I find the little creature pretty disturbing and creepy, and absolutely works for this ingredient.  This is pretty damn good. 

Meanwhile, F&B has transmuted the ingredient into a corrupted version of Pinocchio, who is holding Tinkerbell captive and has painted her blue.  This is a wild left turn that I loved, and while I find that because of the tone of the rest of the piece it's hard to get Pinocchio all the way to salacious here, and that makes this use just a whisker weaker than the homunculus in NB.


*A Void*
In F&B, the void is the place in Pinocchio where his soul should be - the lack that makes him salacious.  In NB, it's the big bad at the end of the story, the insatiable void that will try to consume the party in the end.  Again, I think NB's got a little edge here, but it's tenuous.  The use in F&B is nominal, just a sort of word game -- and it's probably arguable that the whole process of becoming a "real boy" is very much the idea of gaining a soul and becoming a person, which sort of makes the idea that the puppet version of Pinocchio would have a lack there read as a little problematic to me.  But I'm probably working too hard at it. 

*Innocence Gained*
In NB, Matthias regains innocence by being found not guilty of the crimes truly committed by Atlantes and the homunculus.  I'm pretty unexcited about this one -- since Matthias was never guilt of it, he was always innocent, so there was nothing to gain. 

In F&B, Pinocchio has lost his innocence because of the influence of Pleasure Island. He feels guilt and feels remorse -- but does contrition really bring back innocence?  I'm going to say that while I have some misgivings here, I still think there's more going on here than there is in NB for this ingredient. 

So, overall, I think that the ingredients were slightly better used in NB, but that overall the two entries both did an excellent job of weaving seven ingredients into their narratives, and so the result is exceptionally close.



*Writing, Presentation, Playability*


Spoiler



I mean, let's just come right out and say it as an opening -- F&B is brilliant.  At every turn a new IP is dragged into the salad spinner.  Peter Pan/Neverland, Frozen, Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass, Pinocchio, Winnie the Pooh.  And in most cases multiple elements from each were brought into the storyline, making each clearly invested in the whole.  I was amused the whole way and laughed like a maniac at work when I read the "copyright infringement" line. 

NB is also excellent, in it's own, very different way.  It doesn't have the obvious virtuosity of F&B, but it's telling a dark story with a lot of flavor and tone, pulling together elements that by and large feel natural together despite being so random and diverse.  This is less flashy excellence, with a big throbbing boner.  It's very good.


*Conclusion*


Spoiler



In the end, though, F&B's circus act of weaving so many things together is my favorite entry.  NB's excellent entry is everything that it should be, and doesn't let us down at all, but F&B's medley of violated intellectual property is just exceptional.  I rated NB slightly better for pure ingredient use, but in this case I find that isn't enough of an advantage to overcome the zany brilliance I find in F&B.

So, one vote for The Fairy and the Doll.


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## Radiating Gnome (Sep 2, 2021)

Spoiler



Bwa-ha-ha, another split decision so far. That just says these are both strong entries again.  

-rg


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## Neurotic (Sep 2, 2021)

Spoiler: For Radiating Gnome



@Radiating Gnome I worked hard to make the homunculus creepy and weird, but fit for Eric's granma.
I'm glad it worked.


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## Radiating Gnome (Sep 2, 2021)

Spoiler






Neurotic said:


> @Radiating Gnome I worked hard to make the homunculus creepy and weird, but fit for Eric's granma.
> I'm glad it worked.



You walked the line really well -- you managed to evoke a lot without actually saying much. In it's dark, ugly, creepy way, it is a piece of lovely writing.


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## Iron Sky (Sep 2, 2021)

Radiating Gnome said:


> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> ...





Spoiler



They both look far better re-reading them without my ultra-critical judge hat on. The creativity and movie-meshing of Gradine's entry also stands out more and the rough-cut nature of Neurotic's admittedly rushed entry doesn't hit me as hard. Need to somehow get to this space for the initial read since that's what I'm going for.

I guess I'm the mean, cynical hard-to-please judge of this competition (doesn't every show like this need one?)  That said, I think I do 4 passes next time: one like the one I just did again that's what my first one is intended to do, second on presentation, third on playability, fourth on ingredients...


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## Snarf Zagyg (Sep 2, 2021)

Spoiler



_I guess I'm the mean, cynical hard-to-please judge of this competition..._

Ha! @Iron Sky just admitted that he's Simon Cowell!

I can't wait for his next judgment .....

You better hope that the next judge is blind and can't read what you turned in. I only have a limited number of words in my vocabulary, and not nearly enough to express how truly awful the experience of reading your entry was. If my judging criteria were to pass you on to the next round based on a failure to meaningfully use the ingredients, misuse the most basic words in the English language, and produce an adventure that not only doesn't engage the reader, but actively repulses them? Well, you'd be a winner.

But given that isn't the way I'm deciding this round, I have to let you know that at no point while reading your rambling and incoherent adventure did I find anything resembling a coherent thought, let alone a hook. Every person who accidentally stumbles across your submission is now dumber for having read it. I am not going to announce a winner, but simply state that you are the loser, and may God have mercy on your soul.


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## Gradine (Sep 2, 2021)

Spoiler



Wait, does that make me William Hung?

...I do perform a mean Ricky Martin karaoke


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## el-remmen (Sep 2, 2021)

Spoiler: Commentary on Judging Style



I mean, it is cute that Iron Sky thinks he's being mean, but maybe go back and read some of my earliest judgements when this competition was still young.


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## Rune (Sep 2, 2021)

I have to wonder:

How is it possible that both of these entries have a character named Matthias? Is this a glitch in the Matrix?


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## Neurotic (Sep 3, 2021)

Rune said:


> I have to wonder:
> 
> How is it possible that both of these entries have a character named Matthias? Is this a glitch in the Matrix?



I don't know of any specific meme, movie or series that would prompt that. Just a coincidence?


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## Gradine (Sep 3, 2021)

Matthias is a character from Frozen 2


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## Rune (Sep 3, 2021)

Gradine said:


> Matthias is a character from Frozen 2



I would probably have known that if I had kids.


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## Rune (Sep 3, 2021)

Whew. I’ve finally got a judgement typed up. But, since it turns out I’m the tiebreaker, I think I’ll sleep on it and give it a final editing pass when I’m awake again.

Hang in there, folk!


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## Neurotic (Sep 3, 2021)

Gradine said:


> Matthias is a character from Frozen 2



Didn't watch, so...no 
At least, not conciously, I do have kids and at some point there were all frozen, gru, madagascar and others of their ilk in the house


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## Gradine (Sep 3, 2021)

No I mean, the Matthias in my adventure is specifically the character from Frozen 2


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## Rune (Sep 3, 2021)

*Judgement for Round 2, Match 2: Gradine vs Neurotic*

I apologize for the delay in posting this judgement. I must confess, my initial impression of both entries was not especially good. When that happens, I have to take some time to clear my head of those impressions so that they won’t bias the readings that follow.

In this case, I found that those initial impressions — while grounded in very substantive issues — were not especially indicative of the quality of the entries. Which is to say, my opinions of the pieces improved as I dug in.

But I’ll get to all that later.

*First, the ingredients: 

Lost Boys*


Spoiler



Gradine’s entry, _The Fairy & The Doll_ (“Disney”) sets the PCs up as some of the Lost Boys of Neverland, which gives them a built-in hook for the events of the adventure. Also, given the assumed demographic of the players (probably quite young), it seems wise to give them a familiar context within which to include their characters.

Also, of interest: there are more lost children (morally lost) later in the adventure on Pleasure Island. This is a pretty strong thematic connection, because _Pinocchio_ (the film) is a morality play and we’ve already established that the PCs are themselves Lost Children. Thus, a subtle hint that this could also happen to _them_.

Meanwhile, Neurotic’s _New beginnings_ (“New”)  uses the missing choir boys as a main driver of the adventure. It’s good and it works well.

But the thematic use in “Disney” _really_ works, so I’ve got to lean in that direction.



*Buzzing Monastery*


Spoiler



”New” has a monastery that is central to the action — _all_ of the action. It is buzzing with activity because the impending winter cleansing ceremony draws in pilgrims. It is also preparing for a visit from a Fey court. And, of course, there are the disappearances, which have to be foremost in most conversations. Stacking all of this into one ingredient works well here, because all of the above are actually important to the events that will unfold.

First of all, the increased crowds will likely complicate the investigation by virtue of increasing the number of potential suspects. Second, the ceremony and the visit are both likely to increase tensions within the monastery (and the city). And, of course, the Fey Winter Court is an _actual_ threat to the city. This is only unveiled through the events of the adventure, but surely _someone_ in the monestary has some suspicions that could come out during the investigation.

“Disney” uses this ingredient as one of many important destinations within the adventure. The buzzing part is important because bees, which mean honey, which means Pooh, but also mead, which is important because of Hook’s plot, but also Norway. It works. But it doesn’t really _need_ to be a monastery (despite tradition). And, at any rate, it isn’t as important to the adventure as the one in “New”.



*Wicked Grin*


Spoiler



”Disney” has the Cheshire Cat, whose role in the adventure is mostly as a sign-post, but sometimes also an instigator. The grin itself? Not so important. Except…

It’s the _Cheshire Cat_. If it doesn’t have the wicked grin, _it isn’t actually the Cheshire Cat at all_. The grin tells you everything you need to know about the character and that kind of expositional efficiency seems especially important for running a game intended for very young players.

“New” has its homunculus fashioned with a wicked grin, which is a reflection of the master’s worst impulses (among only bad ones, it seems). Importantly, the physical similarity will become important evidence against him. The wicked grin fits the character very well, but it isn’t particularly necessary in the adventure, as far as I can tell (except inasmuch as it creeps everybody out — PCs likely included).

“Disney” definitely has the edge on this one.



*Winter Court*


Spoiler



”Disney” has Elsa’s court, within a wintery kingdom. But why? It makes sense, of course, because of Elsa, but the adventure could have used any Disney Princess just as well.

“New” has two winter courts. Both the visiting fey court and the criminal court that Matthias is being tried in are extremely central to the adventure. Or, maybe the two courts are actually just one court? It’s not entirely clear. At any rate, the double-interpretations of “court” support each other, especially given the dual goals of proving Matthias innocent and keeping the Fey from killing everybody. Good stuff.



*Salacious Homunculus*


Spoiler



”New” makes it’s homunculus a central figure of the adventure, the main antagonist through most of it, really. It’s salaciousness is probably not necessary to the adventure, but it definitely enhances the motivation to find and stop it.

I’m not so sure about “Disney”. By which I mean, the kid-friendly language is so vague (or obscure), I’m not even certain I can identify the ingredient. I assume it is Pinocchio (sans Jiminy Cricket), but I’m really having to read between the lines to see him as salacious. Which is good, of course. There’s really no room for a dirty puppet in this children-oriented game.

But it _does_ mean the ingredient isn’t really here.



*A Void*


Spoiler



”Disney” gives us a lack of empathy, morals, and goodness within the construct-who-is-Pinocchio. This is an important element of the theme of this adventure and really an interesting interpretation.

The entry reinforces that theme with the other children on Pleasure Island, all of whom have a similar lack, even if they aren’t constructs. This reinforcement is a good element for the adventure, but it also helps fit the wording of the ingredient better. It’s not “_the_ void.” It’s “_a_ void.” The void that matters most to the adventure is Pinocchio’s, but it isn’t the only one.

On the other hand, “New” has a ritual that is opening or creating a void that has the potential to destroy the entire city. It also, amusingly, may end up being Atlantes’ ultimate punishment. The whole ritual scene has a very pulpy feel that will undoubtedly make an awesome set-piece. It is, however, quite clearly more “_the_ void” than “_a_ void” within the context of the adventure.

Another edge for “Disney”.



*Innocence Gained*


Spoiler



”New” does a fascinating thing with this. Not only does proving the innocence of Matthias provide the initial stakes of the adventure, it also cleverly plays around with what innocence actually is.

Matthias is already innocent. He doesn’t have to _gain_ it; he _is_ it. But the PCs’ goal isn’t to recognize that. Their goal is to _prove_ it. Matthias is going on trial and there is a legal state of innocence at stake that Matthias very much _does _need to gain. This is very good.

“Disney” is also good with this ingredient. Redeeming Pinocchio is a major part of the adventure and a massive component of the entry’s theme. I am a sucker for a well-used thematic ingredient. This entry ties up _three_ into the same theme. It pleases me so much.

But, on an individual level, I think “New” has the better use by virtue of having more direct relevance to the PCs throughout the entire adventure.



*So, where do we stand?*


Spoiler



Very even, actually. But the edge goes to “New”, by a quite narrow margin.


*.
.
.
Adventure Stuff*


Spoiler



So, what threw me off in the first place?

“New” is _very_ unpolished. There are several parts where it looks like things were meant to be added, but never were. The word-count was not well-utilized; there was plenty of room for added clarity. But the time-limit will get you sometimes in IRON DM. And this time, it clearly did.

I think “New” would have been better served by being up to 59 minutes late. It clearly wasn’t struggling with the word-limit (even the reduced word-limit that being late would impose) and it could _really_ have used some polishing.

In contrast, “Disney” is very polished and quite fun to read. As a story. The problem is, I didn’t approach the entry as a story. I was looking for an adventure. What I got was an extremely linear tour of animated Disney properties.

Those were my first impressions. Was I wrong? Not really. But that doesn’t tell the full story.

“New” is actually a fundamentally strong adventure. It starts with some good investigation and ends with some good action. It certainly has some potential stumbling blocks that a DM will need to navigate and I have a _bunch_ of questions that would probably have been cleared up with more time, but some of them are actually buried in the text we got.

For instance, it took me three read-throughs to notice that Atlantes has built-in motivation to serve the Fey (and use them) because he has a warlock pact with them. I still don’t understand anything about how his ritual is supposed to grant him immortality, but the game-mechanic-rooted motivation goes a long way towards making things work. Frankly, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen another adventure that cared so much about a warlock’s pact, and that’s a shame.

And what about “Disney”?

There are some questions raised in this one as well. In particular, I can’t figure out the villains’ motivations — especially Hook. He wants to sell mead to kids, sure, but why does he need to kidnap Pinocchio? And why do the Queen of Hearts and Hook find themself allied?

I will concede, however, that I probably care more about those questions than the players will.

…Which brings me back to the initial point. “Disney” is _incredibly_ linear. But that’s _the point_. This adventure is for little kids with little attention spans. I can’t _imagine_ it would even work if it wasn’t this linear. And even within that linearity, there’s still plenty of leeway to suggest different approaches to problems.

This adventure is not for me. But I think it _would_ be a big hit with those for whom it is.



*So, who wins?*


Spoiler



I think “Disney” does what it’s trying to do, while “New” only _almost_ does. And I think that outweighs the slight edge that “New” has with its ingredients.

That said, I’m just one voice. Time to check the other judgements…

…And, oh boy, I’m the tie-breaker again. To be honest, I’m a little surprised about that.

Gradine’s entry _deliberately_ gives us an _extremely_ linear adventure. It definitely takes a big swing — and the thing about big swings is that they only hit when they connect.

@Neurotic, I’m sorry that real life evidently got in the way of your vision, because the draft we got was already pretty impressive. I don’t think I really have any advice to help you succeed in future tournaments; your works show that you have all of the skills you need.

I think this particular entry’s rough spots are the types of things that would get cleaned up if you had gotten the chance to. I expect it’s only a matter of time before you win one of these tournaments.

But this time, the big swing connected well enough. @Gradine advances to face Wicht in the Championship round.


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## el-remmen (Sep 3, 2021)

Spoiler: IRON DM 2021 STANDINGS


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## Neurotic (Sep 3, 2021)

Congratulations, @Gradine. And good luck!


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## Gradine (Sep 3, 2021)

So when @Rune said:


Rune said:


> Well, I’m glad _I’m_ not competing.



I felt that so hard, and I felt it even more hardly reading each and every one of these judgments, which, I have to say, were some of the three most wildly differing judgments I've ever read for a single match; let alone one involving _me_. To say it was nerve-wracking would be an understatement. Now,  I _am _glad that I'm competing, but my goodness has every adventure I've read this year been excellent and tough to beat. I feel fortunate and grateful to be returning to the final round, and I'm _very much _looking forward to getting to write one last full adventure for y'all. I'm pretty sure that it's not going to be all that great for my heart though 

Now all that's left is to take on.... oh. Ohh. Nuts. Well @Wicht, here's looking to a great final match!

Responding to the critiques:

This wasn't my first Iron DM adventure featuring children PCs; but it was the first that was specifically geared towards children _players. _I figured it would be risky; as Rune points out, none of our judges are really the target audience for this particular adventure. It paid off this time, but it very nearly didn't.
I was particularly worried about the "Salacious" ingredient. "Onanism" was a late addition to the Arson, Murder, Jaywalking list at the end particularly to hint a little more at that (without leaning into anything more decidedly icky and inappropriate), but on balance I think I was better off just leaving it out. I am glad that people appreciated the "Copyright Infringement" gag though.
The target audience is why I didn't sweat the linearity at all. I tried to put together a good excuse for why these disparate villains were working together, and what their end goal was, but ultimately nothing came to me. I decided that "how cool is it that we're fighting Hook and his pirates AND the Soldier Cards from Alice together? And with Peter Pan?!" was more important that putting together a cohesive, nuanced villainous plan. Not the best excuse, of course, but I'm fine with "the bad guys are bad because they're bad guys" being the extent of what these players have to confront at this point.
I'll also note that I specifically had my daughters and her friends in mind; 6-7 year-olds obsessed with Frozen and Winnie the Pooh and protecting nature from this imaginary "black rider" they all made up. The younger the kid, the more likely I am to err on "rule of cool" versus "nuanced and grounded". _Probably _not a tack I'm likely to take in the future, but we'll see how the ingredients of the future treat me.
But also "Lost Boys" "Winter Court" and "Salacious Homonculus"? Lost Boys, Frozen, and the Pleasure Island with Pinocchio on it just immediately sprang to mind. And what does "Wicked Grin" remind one more of than the Cheshire Cat? I don't think I could've gone in any other direction with it. Knowing that I was definitely going to get a lot of the criticism that I got in any case, I was ultimately happy with it.
@Iron Sky, one of these days I will thaw your frozen heart* and convince you that PCs that are good and that are motivated by doing the right thing actually exist and are indeed quite common. 





Spoiler: Spoiler*



As usual, the puns** are always intended 





Spoiler: Spoiler**



That was a Frozen reference, for the uninitiated.


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## Radiating Gnome (Sep 4, 2021)

Spoiler






Gradine said:


> I felt that so hard, and I felt it even more hardly reading each and every one of these judgments, which, I have to say, were some of the three most wildly differing judgments I've ever read for a single match; let alone one involving _me_. To say it was nerve-wracking would be an understatement.



If there were ever any doubt about the idea that the judges all do our evaluations without consulting with each other, I'm sure this round has put all of that to bed.  

The nature of this competition is deeply subjective, and that's inescapable. But I appreciate that, in the later rounds anyway, we have three of us judging, not one -- I think we get closer to the "right" response that way.  And, personally, I'm relieved not to have been the minority opinion both times -- I would have started to doubt myself more than the usual dose my imposter syndrome provides. 

-j


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## Iron Sky (Sep 4, 2021)

Gradine said:


> So when @Rune said:
> 
> Responding to the critiques:
> 
> ...



Maybe it's something about me, but I've don't think I've _ever_ had a group of players that played good guys... maybe because I run games where they don't have to be. I've had individuals that tried to be good guys, but they almost invariably ended up corrupted by their fellows or died vaingloriously. I also have never played a character that was good aside from Lord Exsixten on L4W who was Lawful Stupid. Played some deeply flawed characters that other PCs tricked or cajoled into doing the right thing, but never a good character.

The Pleasure Island bit is probably what broke it for me as a kids adventure, as carefully veiled as it was...

I've run a couple games for 6-10 year-olds and they pretty rapidly devolved into stealing from each other and/or PVP.

I believe you that such groups are out there in the same way I'm pretty sure penguins are real even if I've never seen one in the flesh (feathers?)


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## FitzTheRuke (Sep 4, 2021)

Iron Sky said:


> I believe you that such groups are out there in the same way I'm pretty sure penguins are real even if I've never seen one in the flesh (feathers?)




You've never seen a penguin? Cute little critters. Weird, too.


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## Gradine (Sep 4, 2021)

I've played/DMed a few morally grey/bankrupt games, but with the exception of a particularly uproarious and unscrupulous campaign of Star Wars D20 (a game that, amusingly, assumes heroics), they've never lasted too long and never felt particularly great. That Star Wars game was enough for me to understand the appeal of a mercenary campaign of skullsuggery, but even then our acts of genocide were _usually_ unintentional (in one particularly memorable adventure we ended up selling out Mara Jade (and incidentally, the entire populated planet we were stationed on) to the Ssi-Ruu to save our own skin... by the end of that campaign we did not have many friends left...)

When I DM though I almost always assume generally heroic PCs, and with my players they almost always don't require me to enforce that rule at all. Oh, they often have other, more personal (and sometimes selfish) motivations, but in the end I can usually count on them to at least try to do the right thing (though I will, at times, throw a good moral dilemma or three at them). We're all generally idealists in real life though, so that explains quite a bit of that. 

Oh, and I looked it up; penguins not only have feathers, they have* the most* feathers.


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## Wicht (Sep 4, 2021)

I'm not sure which I find more odd - the idea of never having played with heroic PCs, or not having ever seen a penguin....


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## Rune (Sep 4, 2021)

I don’t personally mandate that PCs be heroic (or at least not amoral) in games I run, but the world will gently steer them in that direction simply because selfish people tend to have a hard time finding friends when they _really_ need it.


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## Rune (Sep 4, 2021)

Wicht said:


> I'm not sure which I find more odd - the idea of never having played with heroic PCs, or not having ever seen a penguin....



Well, he _did_ say “in the flesh”.


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## Wicht (Sep 4, 2021)

Rune said:


> Well, he _did_ say “in the flesh”.



I feel like we should take up a collection to buy someone a zoo membership somewhere...  

True story... this year taking the kids to the zoo, three of them (ages 2 and 3 and 5 at the time) were noticeably more interested in the Penguins than the Lions. Granted, the lions were mostly just sleeping, and the penguins were waddling around somewhat comically, and swimming, but when I was a youngin, the African animals were always the most interesting for me to watch. Not sure why that is. But apparently the newest generation (Generation Alpha??? Who names these things?) is very pro-penguin.


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## FitzTheRuke (Sep 4, 2021)

Wicht said:


> I feel like we should take up a collection to buy someone a zoo membership somewhere...
> 
> True story... this year taking the kids to the zoo, three of them (ages 2 and 3 and 5 at the time) were noticeably more interested in the Penguins than the Lions. Granted, the lions were mostly just sleeping, and the penguins were waddling around somewhat comically, and swimming, but when I was a youngin, the African animals were always the most interesting for me to watch. Not sure why that is. But apparently the newest generation (Generation Alpha??? Who names these things?) is very pro-penguin.



I'd say it's from Penguins of Madagascar, but your kids are too _young_ for that by far! Mine are just right, and they are older teens now. My daughter's going into grade 12! Makes me feel sooooo old!


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## Wicht (Sep 4, 2021)

FitzTheRuke said:


> I'd say it's from Penguins of Madagascar, but your kids are too _young_ for that by far! Mine are just right, and they are older teens now. My daughter's going into grade 12! Makes me feel sooooo old!



My oldest is 25 this year. I have 21 yr old daughter engaged to be married. Wait till you have to start talking to your daughter about how she needs to be setting a wedding date so you can actually budget in her wedding. Anyway, I can sympathize with your sentiment.

But, after having four grow up and heading out to college and whatnot, and having an empty nest for a couple of years we bit the bullet and began fostering. We're waiting to adopt one (currently 6) but also have three in home younger than he, including one turning 1 in two weeks. As my sister observed, it's like my wife and I are starting all over again.

Which means, I am realizing once I think about it that I have been watching children's shows for six decades, counting my own childhood. I can knowledgeably pontificate on the joys and frustrations of trying to watch the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon pre-DVD, Joe vs Steve in Blues Clues, the foolishness of Paw Patrol and how Dino Ranch reminds me of Bonanza.


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## Iron Sky (Sep 4, 2021)

Wicht said:


> I'm not sure which I find more odd - the idea of never having played with heroic PCs, or not having ever seen a penguin....



Ironically, one of the most moral groups I've had was a crew of Blades drug dealers. When the creepy probably-a-vampire dude who hijacked a lightning tower wanted to sell them ghost drugs in exchange for virgins, I was surprised when they never once even brought up the possibility of actually complying and jumped straight into the heist to break in and mug him.


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## Rune (Sep 4, 2021)

Iron Sky said:


> Ironically, one of the most moral groups I've had was a crew of Blades drug dealers. When the creepy probably-a-vampire dude who hijacked a lightning tower wanted to sell them ghost drugs in exchange for virgins, I was surprised when they never once even brought up the possibility of actually complying and jumped straight into the heist to break in and mug him.



That sounds like a story worth elaborating on!


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## Iron Sky (Sep 4, 2021)

Rune said:


> That sounds like a story worth elaborating on!



I actually recorded the whole campaign (played online) via Roll20. I was only one with a camera and audio had some issues here-and-there, but think I have the videos somewhere on my backup hard drive; could dig it up and put it all up next week if anyone is interested. Whole campaign is 12ish sessions I think.


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## Neurotic (Sep 4, 2021)

So, finally, some time to write a commentary on my post. And I have several questions regarding the English language. I understand it may be weird to ask questions about it in literary competition, but I seem to have some misunderstanding about the use of some 'features'.

I quoted bits and pieces of IronSky judgment, I'll add others as I come to them.



Iron Sky said:


> Uh oh. Right of the bat, I had to hunt for the title. Not bolded, not capitalized. First impressions matter and the first impression this gives is something rushed.



I wrote it in about an hour, sorry about that. I guess my punishment is that I didn't pass into the finals. Monday evening I had 3 different scenarios, this one was most compelling.
1. Save the friar: The court in three meanings in this one: judicial court, fey winter court, and kingdoms court.
2. Fey warlock pretending to be a vampire
3. A wizard scholar so focused on his research he moves his urges and emotions into homunculi- so salacious comes just like in this one, but the one looking for help is "innocence". The real bad guy is female apprentice, the wizard doesn't really notice anything around himself including her and she wants power NOW.



Iron Sky said:


> "free the innocent friar" what innocent friar? "The" implies we already know who it is. "An"?



So, Question 1:
THE vs A(N) - my understanding is that "THE" represents a specific thing (not a specific KNOWN thing) - so I used it like THE sorcerer, THIS one, in this story. Not just any sorcerer. Why is that wrong? I mean, obviously, you don't know YET who it is, but it is THE sorcerer.



Iron Sky said:


> Atlantes needs the children to rejuvenate what? His urges were pushed into a construct? Or are there plural constructs since there's no "a" before "minor construct". What city?



The sorcerer rejuvenates HIMSELF. Why is this wrong? The sentence runs something like The sorcerer (the subject) does something (a verb) to the kids (objects) in order to rejuvenate (another verb) - but this one works without qualifier so it works on the subject...doesn't it?



Iron Sky said:


> "[a] wicked grin [that] people... describe as vaguely familiar"? Or are they "wicked grin people"



is [that] important within the context? Or it is just with your lexical hat on? In my native language, it is not needed (but can be added as you did)

*Explanation of all the things missing in the writing:*

trap for the salacious homunculus using young ladies because I'm straight and when thinking about lusting after someone it is female. With too little time, I couldn't re-read and recognize the error
the homunculus knows what sorcerer knows, thus he can be a source of information regarding the ritual
in the writeup, I mention that soulless bodies of boys fight against the PCs - NOT undead (yet) - if PCs subdue them, souls from the gems have functional bodies to return to
without holy-water-doused homunculus, the void will not destroy the sorcerer
without SOME kind of holy damage the void will start spreading
the ritual circle is the thing preventing the void from spreading and at the same time it channels stolen life force into the sorcerer
the information could be found in the books (research) in that same room - or through the homunculus
nobles and functionaries appearing in the monastery are from kingdoms court, in preparation for kings arrival


I think that is all. Someone commented I should have passed the deadline. I would...if that thought ever crossed my mind. But I think that way I would struggle with the word count since several things went unsaid.


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## Rune (Sep 4, 2021)

Neurotic said:


> Someone commented I should have passed the deadline. I would...if that thought ever crossed my mind. But I think that way I would struggle with the word count since several things went unsaid.



It’s worth pointing out that some past (and possibly future) judges (particularly those who use a point-based criteria for judgement) would impose an additional point-loss penalty.

But even so, it might be worth the risk in some cases.

Of course, the 1-hour match will have no such leniency.


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## prabe (Sep 4, 2021)

Spoiler: Grammar Talk






Neurotic said:


> So, finally, some time to write a commentary on my post. And I have several questions regarding the English language. I understand it may be weird to ask questions about it in literary competition, but I seem to have some misunderstanding about the use of some 'features'.



I've just been following the competition--it's not at all how I GM, but it's interesting because of that--but I can answer the grammar questions.


Neurotic said:


> So, Question 1:
> THE vs A(N) - my understanding is that "THE" represents a specific thing (not a specific KNOWN thing) - so I used it like THE sorcerer, THIS one, in this story. Not just any sorcerer. Why is that wrong? I mean, obviously, you don't know YET who it is, but it is THE sorcerer.



Yes. Definite article vs. indefinite article. I haven't re-read your entry (sorry) but the problem may be more that the person commenting hadn't seen the existence of any sorcerers established, let alone that there was exactly one.


Neurotic said:


> The sorcerer rejuvenates HIMSELF. Why is this wrong? The sentence runs something like The sorcerer (the subject) does something (a verb) to the kids (objects) in order to rejuvenate (another verb) - but this one works without qualifier so it works on the subject...doesn't it?



While _rejuvenate_ can be an intransitive verb--one that doesn't need or use an object--I think it is more commonly used as a transitive one--a verb that needs and uses a direct object. This might especially be the case if there are multiple plausible things to be rejuvenated in the sentence. English is a weird language.


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## Wicht (Sep 5, 2021)

Spoiler: Some thoughts on clarity in writing






Neurotic said:


> So, Question 1:
> THE vs A(N) - my understanding is that "THE" represents a specific thing (not a specific KNOWN thing) - so I used it like THE sorcerer, THIS one, in this story. Not just any sorcerer. Why is that wrong? I mean, obviously, you don't know YET who it is, but it is THE sorcerer.




The question here is not actually a grammar question, but rather concerns clarity in writing. Grammatically, there is nothing inherently wrong with the sentence that raised the comment, but presentation wise, it is jarring.

As well, the problem here is not an English specific problem, because if it was in Spanish, I would see the same jarring discordant note in the sentence.

The line, "_PCs need to stop a mad sorcerer/fey warlock Atlantes and free *the *innocent friar_," would read more clearly if it was, "*The *_PCs need to stop a mad sorcerer/fey warlock Atlantes and free *an *innocent friar_." The initial, "_the_," in the edited sentence makes it clear that we are not concerned with just any old PCs, but specifically the PCs who are running through the adventure. This is a minor point. The second edit is more important for the smooth flow of presentation. By having "_the friar_," when presenting an initial overview of the world, you make it sound like there is only one friar at all, or a least only one who is innocent. By replacing, "_the_," with "_an_," you make it clear that there is more than one friar in the world, but that there is one in particular that the PCs will be interested in, that he is falsely accused and needs to be free. 

Later, in the presentation, when the particular friar is introduced something like, "T_he monks at the monastery assigned one of their own,  brother Matthias to investigate._" After, he can then be, "friar Matthias," "Matthias," "the investigating monk," or even later, "the falsely accused friar."


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## Iron Sky (Sep 5, 2021)

What @Wicht and @prabe said.

Using "the" before you establish that there is an individual we should be focused on made me think I'd missed something since I knew of no specific individual. After they are introduced, referring to Matthias as "the monk" or Atlantes as "the sorcerer" makes sense in context.


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## Rune (Sep 5, 2021)

For what it’s worth, @Neurotic, I have found everything you’ve written prior to the round 2 entry very easy to understand – to the point that I can not tell if you do not speak English natively. 

The difficulty in parsing that entry seems to me obviously a byproduct of it’s hasty writing and the lack of time to edit, rather than a lack of understanding of how the language works. I’ve seen _many_ rushed entries from native speakers that presented similar difficulties.


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## el-remmen (Sep 5, 2021)

I'm with you @Neurotic. I had no problem reading your entry and given both the genre of writing and the medium, some of those criticisms come off as unnecessarily picky. But IRON DM judges also judge harshly, that is part of the schtick (I should know, I started the tradition!), and you have to accept whatever criteria an individual judge feels is important.


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## Neurotic (Sep 5, 2021)

I'm not complaining, I want to understand 
And grammarly helps with instant checking for typos, missed commas and such.


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## Rune (Sep 5, 2021)

*Round 3, 3rd-Place Match: el-remmen vs Neurotic*

@el-remmen and @Neurotic, you have 1 hour (until 5:30 PM EDT) to post your entries to this thread, using the ingredients provided. You do not have a word-count limit, but all ingredients must be used and judges are free to penalize late entries as they see fit. Please do not edit your post once you submit.

*Ingredients*
*Fools Rush In
Mecha
Weapon in Waiting
Fading Dreamscape
Feast of Fools
Magical Workshop*


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## el-remmen (Sep 5, 2021)

*Fools Rush In* (A D&D Scenario for a Party of Bards) - Dedicated to @Snarf Zagyg

When Barangajangle the Clown finally died of old age, most people of the Kingdom of Serri did not expect the notoriously humorless King Arduous to announce a contest to replace him. Barangajangle was Arduous’s father’s Court Jester, and rumor had it that the King only kept him around out of respect for his father’s memory, and no one expected for a new jester to be appointed. Called “The Feast of Fools,” the contest is a grand carnival that will draw scores of songsters, minstrels, jesters, and the like from the four corners of the known world, in hopes of winning the coveted prize of being the wealthy and powerful king’s Court Jester and having the right to say whatever they want without punishment and temper his tendency towards violent and unjust answers to national crises with the wisdom of the fool—a strong tradition of the otherwise oppressive regime. The contest was a surprise, given the king’s reputation, but sages and members of the court see this as evidence that as the once young king matures, he is embracing the customs of the lang and tempering his power.

Barangajangle was also, unknown to many, a spy who worked against the king’s more onerous policies and fed information to the King’s enemies and opponents. The PCs are summoned to the Feast by Barangajangle (sending a final message from his deathbed) in hopes that it will provide them with a way into the castle to foil the evil king’s latest plans of death and conquest.

The player characters could be bards, rogues, or a mix of classes - but chances are they will have to either all pretend to be bards or part of a bard’s entourage in order to enter the contest and be allowed onto the castle grounds.

Announced as a three-day event, on the first day after all the contestants and their helpers are registered and their weapons and obvious magical items confiscated (no dangerous anything is allowed near the king) there is an inaugural feast before the contests begin. (there will be a feast each night). It is here that the format is announced. The king explains that the person who survives the three-day event will be the new jester - assuming they can pass the final test. He says, “survive” because those who lose will be executed and the would-be jesters are encouraged to trick and harm their fellow competitors to get to the end. All the bards are locked into the castle grounds, and anyone who tries to leave forfeits their place in the contest and their lives.

This should be reinforced right away by several of the would-be contestants getting up as the announcement is made, to make a run for it and being dropped by a rain of arrows from the castle walls.


Loyal citizens and servants of Serri have also been invited and encouraged to throw things at the bards, respond to disliked performances with violence, and the like. The Feast of Fools is a carnival in terms of the dark underbelly of the carnival trope - with a community working out their frustrations and xenophobia on the visiting bards.

There should be plenty of evil bards and their retinue there because while some want to temper the king’s evil, others want to encourage it and profit from it.

The player characters have another reason to be here, however. The information from Barangajangle explained that the king was working on a powerful magical item with his equally evil court wizard, Azzafrance, and the weapon has been waiting for the proper time (an alignment of the music of the spheres and stars) and the blood of 100 bards to be finally ready to unleash on the world. This will also mark the end of the period time that the king and his court wizard can used a magical anti-music box they have access to, to transform the castle into a dreamscape that will make it difficult to for the bards to want to escape or work together to break free, because each day ends like a dream - making the events of the day seem foggy and unreal. Each morning any sign of the previous day’s carnage will be gone. But each day this dreamy feel fades, until the actual horror of what is happening is unavoidable when the magic mecha rises to kill everyone.

The weapon is an immense clockwork golem that the king or his loyal servants can _magic jar_ into, basically wearing it as a battle suit. Yes, it is a “*mecha.*”

As such, while the PCs are participating in the contest and trying to keep from being murdered by other contestants, they will be hunting for the *magical workshop *beneath the castle where the Court Wizard is working on the mecha-golem, getting it prepared for the festival finale, which the king plans to use to destroy any remaining bards and their retinues - including the supposed winner. Essentially King Arduous hates bards and music and plans for this to be a good start for banning all kinds of music and humor (esp. any that could be considered subversive) by killing as many friggin’ bards as he can.

To begin with one out every five plates at the opening feast is poisoned, doing an amount of damage that would kill most characters of the PCs level (half on a save). Each night the dinner feast will have an increasing rate of poisoned meals and/or drinks. 1 in 3 and then 1 in 2.

This adventure should require lots of sneaking around, making alliances, lying, acting, and singing. Oh and improvisation, as the PCs might not have access to some of their best gear while this is going on.

*Possible Bardic Contests:*

*Performance Marathon: *A musical jam that lasts until the second to last performer drops. It will last over 24 hours, with bards playing instruments and singing improvisationally (imagine like the D&D version of Phish). It will require both performance checks and Constitution saving throws to go on. Those who break the developing theme or play off key or fall behind the rhythm are shot by the king’s guards.
*Joke-Telling Contest:* In each round the would-be jester must tell a joke on the given theme for the round. Those who don’t get beyond a certain number of laughs from the audience are beaten (some to death). The final round is politics, required careful joke telling as the contestants do not have legal protection yet.
*Lore Test:* A grueling oral examine testing the bard’s ability to know relevant lore. This knowledge is tied to solving deadly puzzles.
*Battle Bards:* A knockdown drag-out brawl using nothing but musical instruments as weapons
*Agility Course:* Just what it sounds like, but deadly.


The player characters may gain the aid of other contestants who rushed to register for the contest for the power and prestige it would provide and now have second thought. They might also have allies in the form of those in the court who helped Barangajangle’s agenda and enemies in the form of those who would profit from the king’s wars of conquest and crushing draconian rule on the people.

If the player characters find the magical workshop, they will find it under the sway of the magical anti-music box. While it looks like a music box, the item really emanates a zone of _silence_ and absorbs sound, which feeds the power of the mecha until it is charged up, drenched in bard blood and ready to go. The box also causes _confusion_ - reinforcing the dreamlike sense of the scenario. This can make casting spells in the workshop difficult. The mecha will have a similar zone of silence around it. If the PCs do not stop the final ceremony, the mecha emerges from a secret trapdoor in the ground of the main courtyard and begins killing every bard and bardic ally it can find. It’s next stop will be accompanying the king’s mounting armies to a neighboring nation to conquer it.

*Ingredients:*

*Fools Rush In - *The title, but also the many bards and performers who cast aside doubts about the evil king’s motives in hopes gaining power and prestige.
*Mecha* - The enormous clockwork golem the king can _magic jar_ into.
*Weapon in Waiting:* The afore-mentioned mecha that needs the proper alignment and bardic blood to work.
*Fading Dreamscape*: Within the workshop is a music box that creates the cursed conditions for the contest.
*Feast of Fools:* The festival/carnival itself - and the increasing foolishness of anyone who eats at the poisoned feasts.
*Magical Workshop:* Where the clockwork mecha-golem is stored and where the magic music box is kept.


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## el-remmen (Sep 5, 2021)

Spoiler: Immediate feeling (not for judges)



*WHAT A MESS!*


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## Neurotic (Sep 5, 2021)

IRON DM 2021

el-remmen vs Neurotic, third-place match



*INGREDIENTS

Fools Rush In
Mecha
Weapon in Waiting
Fading Dreamscape
Feast of Fools
Magical Workshop*



The Great Dream​In The Great Dream anything is possible and Ayurin, the inhabitants live protected and peaceful lives. Each of them has power to change minor things of the dream so scraped knees, burned food or stubbed toes are non-existent. The carriages moved silent and soft over the cobblestones, light as feathers for horses to draw without effort. There were great buildings dreamed by the architects, weird ships on the waters that ran on their captains focus on the dream rather than the sails. There were street lamps whose light was dreamed into the world each evening as Daydreamers walked along the streets, lighting them, dreaming of the world enlightened.

Great Dream is ruled by The Dreamers; The Queen who defined the world and sleeps eternally. The King who rules the world, maintaining Queens dream with magical dream-gems. The making of those gems is a secret that came from Before The Dream, legendary time when Ayuring lived dangerous lives, constantly fending off monsters, famine and greedy neighbors.

Unknown to the most people, on the borders of the kingdom The Awoken sit, each holding a dream-gem and looking out over the Gray Mists. Each Awoken guards the border with its own contigent of guard, each guard raised from birth to be a guard.

The Mists are an unknown expanse that occasionally shows other worlds as the Mist swirls and a shows glimpses of lives in other dreamscapes. Or spits out weird monsters that threaten the peace of the kingdom.

The job of the Awoken and its guards is to prevent these monsters from reaching the inner kingdom where the populace lives.

Dream-gems enable The Awoken to partially control The Mist closest to them, to hide or reveal details when other worlds appear. But its most important function is instant communication with The King whose master gem projects the kingdoms map in its central room. And each of the dream-gems is a light on that map, drawing near perfect circle of the Great Dream.

The Dream went on, eternal and unchanging. Until one of dream-gems winked out. And The Mists moved in, the circle no longer perfect. Attuning to the master gem, The King tried to see the border, but only The Mist swirled in his mind-eye. He expected that guards will send a rider with some new information. But nothing happened for a week. And then...another gem winked out, the bulge of the Mist now obvious on the Great Dream. With the second gem silence, small tremor shook the kingdom and The Queen turned in her sleep.

The worry started to gnaw at The King of Dreams and the world got that much darker. One month later, four of the gems disapeared, tremors got stronger and The Queen tossed and groaned in her sleep. People started losing their dream-granted powers and the confusion and worry permeated the kingdom.

The Players​The King needs to send people to see what is going on, his magical sight blocked by The Mists. But the secret of the border needs to be kept as long as possible. To that effect he choses people he can afford to lose, he choses people who defied the rules, who used their powers for personal gain, for harming others and for perpetrating crimes.

The King goes into his *Magical Workshop*, dreaming about new king of dream-gems, one that will allow him to follow his 'suicide squad' and keep them in line.

The PCs are these prisoners, each should make up a reason to be in prison. The Dream powers are fading with Queens Dreamscape (so any game system can be used with powers only for minor, flavor stuff). Each is promised freedom if they can restore the border. They are briefed about The Awoken, geased not to talk about it with anyone, but themselves and given dream-gems by which The King can follow their adventures.

The Adventure​Players need to come near The Mists. Which is about two weeks of travel away. But after about 10 days, the terrain changes. They need to fight through ever more twisted terrain, normal animals rabidly attacking; trees twisting their branches in an attemt to harm them; food and water tasting foul – this should be game of attrition just as much as power.

They need to fight through, defeat (near The Mist border) strange human using some kind of *mecha*nical animated armor the size of a giant. The study of the giant reveals parts written in the language never seen, but parts are written in archaic Ayurin. The markings indicate there is a hidden stash of weapons prepared behind the Border Forts in case of organized attack from The Mists.

Brave (and unlikely) heroes need to track the giant footsteps into the Mists, find the stash of *Hidden Weapons *and return.

The stash is row after row of *Mecha* robots, their special glass cabin enabling the driver to see through the mists. In that instant, the danger to The Kingdom is apparent as a group of formians drive their mindless drones through the border of the kingdom.

Their complete lack of imagination is disturbing the World made of Queens imagining and the race to restore dream gems before the formians enter The Kingdom proper is on.

The stash contains notes from Before The Dreaming, unknown things are mentioned, plague, nuclear weapons and lasers among other things. But there are notes on making of dream gems and The King needs to return to *Magical Workshop* to create more of them to combat this new threat.

*The Fading Dreamscape* shakes ever harder as the formians advance, each soldier defeated and dominated simply turned against the unlikely heroes.

PCs will need to coordinate with the king, organizing his people to defend the kingdom, with The Awoken to coordinate and try to strenghten the borders, and finally, to defeat formian handlers among the hordes of lesser or dominated species.

The Formians don't really care about their drones, there are always more to be made, so like *fools* they *rush in* in whatever traps the players prepare making a *feast of fools *for the carrion eaters. With *mecha* powers (give them powerful ranged weapons, such as rays (lasers) or explosives (fireball) along with melee capabilities of giants) the PCs can lay waste in the horde, but it is by itself fools errand since they are essentially endless.


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## Neurotic (Sep 5, 2021)

Spoiler: Not for the judges



One hour is really soooo little time 
Good night to all, lets hope the judges are just as fast as we had to be...


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## Rune (Sep 5, 2021)

*Round 3, Championship Match: Gradine vs Wicht*

@Gradine and @Wicht, you have 48 hours to post your entries to this thread. Please limit your entry to a title, a list of the ingredients used and 2000 additional words. Be aware: if you include descriptions of your ingredients with the ingredients list, those descriptions will count against your word-limit! Entries that exceed their word-limits will be considered to end once they reach that limit; everything after will be ignored.

The judges will be using Wordcounter.net to ensure that our counts are consistent.

Please include your list of ingredients at the beginning of the entry and please do not edit your post once it is submitted. Please refrain from reading your opponent's entry until after you have posted your own. You are on your honor to do so.

Entries that are between 1 and 59 minutes late will have their word-limits reduced to 1800. Later entries that are at less than 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 1400. Entries that are at least 1 day late will have their word-limits reduced to 1000. Entries that are at least 2 days late may be disqualified at the discretion of the judge with consent from the match's opposing competitor.

*Your ingredients are:*
*Frozen Island
Last Chance
Shapeshifter Grifter
Professional Killer
Unidentified Wound
Illegal Speed
Secret Shop
Ethical Dilemma*


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## Radiating Gnome (Sep 6, 2021)

Once again I'm apparently able to get my judgement in first, which means I'm safe from being the tiebreaker again.

And that's pure cowardice on my part. But here goes:

*3rd Place Match: el-remmen vs Neurotic*


Spoiler



All right, you know my routines by now.  Fools Rush in vs. The Great Dream.

The high wire act of doing something in just an hour is especially fun, and there's a lot of good work going in to both entries.  I'm impressed with what you've been able to produce in so little time.  
*
Ingredients

Fools Rush In*
So, for Fools Rush In this is not just the eponymous ingredient, it's a core part of the setup for the adventure -- aspiring jesters, bards, and entertainers are rushing in to a situation where they're likely to be killed -- fools in both senses of the term. 

For The Great Dream, the formian giants (fomorian?) who blunder into traps set by the players are the fools who rush in -- this isn't anywhere near as tight a use of the ingredient. So, Advantage FRI.  

*Mecha*
For The Great Dream, we have animated armor and a stash of mecha robots that is apparently driven by the fomorians who are bringing their lack of imagination to the dream landscape.  

For Fools Rush In, the evil King has a special magical mecha suit that he can use to destroy music and kill all the terrible bards.  

Both cover this base. I think the explanation is written up a bit better in FRI, but that's not enough to be more than a whisker of an advantage, so call this one even for now.  

*Weapon in Waiting*
Again, this one appears to have been well used in both entries.  One Mecha or an army of them, they're waiting in the wings for the signal to attack.  If anything, the Mecha army in TGD doesn't really wait much, just marches across the border, but that may be a technicality.  

*Fading Dreamscape*
Much as Fools Rush In was the central conceit of FRI, the fading dreamscape is the central conceit of TGD, and I think that TGD has the clear advantage for this ingredient.  The dream in FRI is covered, but it's not as central to the overall plot. 

*Feast of Fools*
FRI combines the ingredient Fools Rush In with the Feast of Fools and the two essentially become a single core ingredient -- it's always lovely when things socket together like lego bricks in that way.  
For TGD, the feast is also closely related to the Fools Rush In ingredient, but because that ingredient was a bit weak, this one is also weak.  Frankly, the "of fools" could be removed from it's sentence in the entry and we would lose nothing in the story.  " ....so like fools they rush in in whatever traps the players prepare making a feast...for the carrion eaters." So, this one goes to FRI.

*Magical Workshop*
Both entries have adequate magical workshops, and I don't think one is inherently much better than the other. 

Overall,  then Fools Rush In has a bit of an edge on the ingredient part of this.


*Writing, Presentation, Playability*


Spoiler



Both entries are surprising solid and completely formed ideas given the time limit.  Time for polish would have helped both, but I think we can clearly see that there are great ideas here to work with.  

There's a manic joy that I love about the evil king's desire to kill all the bards and put an end to music in Fools Rush In.  There's a graceful simplicity in the use of silence to stop the music and make it easy to just stomp around and crush those annoying buskers with their guitars and juggling torches.  

And, at the same time, there's lovely world building that has started in The Great Dream -- a fey world where everyone has a little dream magic except the fomorian goons and their mechs who are going to come and bring their monstrous lack of imagination to the dreamscape.  

Writing-wise, though, there's an element that I thing gives Fools Rush In an edge.  There's a neatness to the way the ingredients are woven and socketed together as if they were not a random batch of crap, and it makes the whole thing feel like a planned story.  I've talked about how Fools Rush In and Feast for Fools connect, which is easily done, but the idea that the magical workshop holds the weapon on waiting, which is the king's music-ending mecha, and the whole thing is draped in the idea that the secret weapon that makes the real world feel like a dream. 

The Great Dream does plenty of this sort of connecting the dots, too, but the connections lack the feeling of inevitability and natural connection in some cases that the ingredient weave in Fools Rush In all have.  

So, for me, the better entry is *Fools Rush In*, and that makes this a vote for *El-Remmen*.  *Neurotic*, you've never disappointed at any stage of this competition, and this is no exception.  Thanks for an excellent entry.



-rg


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## Neurotic (Sep 6, 2021)

Spoiler: For Radiating Gnome



@Radiating Gnome 
Formians are ant-like expansionstic race


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## Wicht (Sep 6, 2021)

I have a basic plot, characters, and setting outlined in my head. Now I just have to find the time to type it all up sometime today...


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## Neurotic (Sep 6, 2021)

Wicht said:


> I have a basic plot, characters, and setting outlined in my head. Now I just have to find the time to type it all up sometime today...



I feel your pain


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## Radiating Gnome (Sep 6, 2021)

Spoiler: For Neurotic






Neurotic said:


> @Radiating Gnome
> Formians are ant-like expansionstic race



Well....sh!tballs.  I'm sorry I blew that.  I think the fey textures of your adventure made me expect fomorian giants.  I'm sorry. I don't think it changes my decision, but thanks for pointing it out.


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## Imaculata (Sep 7, 2021)

Regarding Fools Rush In:



Spoiler



I am really impressed by how well this entry makes all the ingredients fit together. Not a single one feels out of place.

I do wonder about the various competitions where success or death are the only outcomes. Surely when running this adventure as a DM, you have to account for the possibility of failure? A bad roll of the dice shouldn't immediately end in death, unless I misunderstood?


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## Wicht (Sep 7, 2021)

Iron DM 2021 – Round 3 Wicht vs. Gradine​
*Ingredients*
Frozen Island
Last Chance
Shape-shifting Grifter
Professional Killer
Unidentified Wound
Illegal Speed
Secret Shop
Ethical Dilemma


*Denouement of a Dying Hunter*​_A modern tale of the supernatural in a world of monster hunters. Suitable for a one-shot adventure or as a campaign introduction._

*Opening Scene: *A narrow road northwest of Winnipeg, Manitoba. It is January. A cold rain falls from gray skies. Ahead a single-lane steel drawbridge crosses Chaplain Lake. On the other side is Solus Island and the village of Solar, home to a dying monster hunter.

The PCs are each drawn to the Island by a connection to Thomas Middleton, according to each PC’s backstory. Each, aware that Middleton and his wife are monster hunters, received a letter similar to the following:

_Friend, I’m dying. I’ve had a good run. I’ve fought hard, but with mercy. Still, I have some things to set right. I need your help before I run out of time. I’ve arranged a room for you at the Lonely Roost Inn in Solar. My daughter will meet you. -Tom M._

A bridge keeper, huddled against the cold in his little booth, lowers the steel drawbridge for each car, waving them across the bridge. As the tires bump onto the road on the other side the bridge is raised behind them.

*Backdrop:*_ Solar possesses four streets, a dozen houses, a general store with a gas pump, a church, an Inn, and a two story brick building which was once a school. The entirety of the island belongs to the Middletons, who have converted the school into their own domicile. The village occupies a fourth of the island, the rest is comprised of craggy wooded hills. The drawbridge is the only egress from the island for cars. There is a small empty dock. The rain which falls on the first day turns to freezing rain overnight. By morning, the whole island is covered with an inch of ice. Six inches of snow falls the second night, covering the ice. The drawbridge is inoperable for three days due to the ice. _

*Cast of Characters*

*Thomas Middleton *A monster-hunter, dying of pancreatic cancer. A grateful leprechaun, a time-shifting haunt, and some wise stock-investments twenty years before Tom was born have made Tom quite wealthy. He and his wife intended for Solar to be a retirement community for hunters but an unfortunate encounter with a werewolf forced them into seclusion and an early retirement.
*Rachel Middleton *Tom’s wife and longtime hunting partner, now suffering from lycanthropy.
*Sara Middleton *Tom’s daughter; she lives above the general store, operating it and the Inn. She maintains a discreet webstore which sells weapons and equipment to active monster hunters.
*Alice Tyler *A medical doctor and a very old shapeshifter. Alice can sense when one of her patients is about to die. If such a patient has no family, hours before their death, Alice assumes their form and cleans out their bank accounts. Discovered by the Middletons during a hunt, they decided she was doing no harm to anyone and didn’t kill her. Now Thomas has requested a favor of her, in exchange for her continued safety. For a few days, she is going to pretend to be Tom Middleton.
*Romus *A professional assassin and a shapeshifting salt-eater. Romus is a monster who got away. Now he has been hired by Thomas to kill Alexander Dark. Romus does not know who has hired him, or realize the island is owned by monster hunters. Romus has the ability to take the form of someone known by his victims, killing them by sucking all the salts from their body. He is proficient with firearms and hand-to-hand combat.
*Alexander Dark *A meth-addicted hunter rightly suspected of nefarious deeds.
*George Dylan and Robbie Wright* Together, with Thomas and Jack Lincoln, they unearthed a dark power in Mexico. During that hunt, Jack and George were both hospitalized, and after, the team split up. Thomas believes either they or Jack Lincoln are actually the powerful demon which got away on the Mexico-hunt.
*Jack Lincoln (La Diabla Negra)* A powerful and blood-thirsty demon which has been wearing the form of Lincoln for the past twenty-five years, La Diabla Negra wants to eat Thomas Middleton’s heart, but is afraid to do it while Tom is alive as he has the power to hurt and even kill it.



*Act One: Hunters Bring Death
Setting:* _The Lonely Roost Inn. Set across the road from the Solar General Store, the three-story inn boasts ten suite-sized rooms on the second and third floors, a large dining room on the first floor, with seating for fifty, and a very modern and efficient kitchen _

*Scene One: A Gathering of Crows*
The PCs are cheerfully greeted at the Lonely Roost by Sara, and given rooms on the third floor. Already present are Dylan and Wright. Lincoln, Dark, and Romus each arrive later. Towards suppertime, Rachel arrives to help with the cooking. Tom arrives for supper, though it is not in fact Tom, but Alice Tyler in Tom’s form.

Romus drives a motorcycle and is wearing the form of deceased actor Alfred Ryder. He introduces himself as Alfred Rome. PCs might note that he is interested in the names of the other guests, but does not dine, instead going to his room, after greeting everyone present.

Alexander Dark spends some time talking to the other hunters, but the PCs get a very sleazy feel from him, it is clear none of the other hunters like him, and he soon exits for the solitude of his room on the second floor. Tom/Alice, Rachel, Dylan, Wright and Lincoln spend the evening reminiscing about old times, including their last hunt in Mexico.

If questioned as to why everyone is there, Tom/Alice assures them all that their questions will be answered tomorrow after everyone has a good night’s sleep.

*Scene Two: Death in the Night*
A horrendous scream of pain and agony awakens the various guests. As they gather in the hallways and stairwell, two individuals are missing: Alexander and Romus. Their doors, both on the second floor, are locked. Sara sleeps above the general store, but left a number by which she could be reached in case of emergencies. When the rooms are entered, Romus’ room is empty; Alexander’s room contains his corpse.

*Act Two: The Salt-Eater Trap
Setting: *_The Empty Houses of Solar. A dozen modern houses, with wide yards and picket fences, scattered over three different streets comprise the village of Solar. The houses are furnished, with running water, electricity, and even wifi. The entirety of the island is covered with ice: driving is impossible; even walking is treacherous. _

*Scene One: A Gathering of Clues*
Alexander’s body has a curious circular puncture wound on his neck, and the body appears partially desiccated. The room and luggage contain various drug paraphernalia, as well as enough Meth to kill a horse. There is also a laptop, which, if hacked into, contains videos which appear to show Alexander torturing and murdering women.

Sara proves surprisingly helpful. She has video footage showing Romus entering the room, and then a quarter of an hour later, a female figure wearing Romus’ clothes exits the room. Sara can also, after a couple of hours of research identify the killer as a shapeshifting salt-eater, a rather obscure and rare monster. It can killed by silver, but cannot cross through water. The drawbridge having been up all night (a fact the guests had not been told previously, means that the killer must still be on the island.

*Scene Two: Hunt in An Empty Village*
The older hunters let the PCs take a lead in hunting Romus if they desire (good practice). Initially, tracking across the ice is difficult, but later, as snow begins to fall, it becomes easier. Romus’ motorcycle is near the raised drawbridge. It is suggested by Lincoln that the PCs hunt through the houses, and the three friends will hunt through the woods behind the houses. Sara elects to go tell her parents as the ice knocked out cellular service.

The PCs will eventually discover Romus hiding in one of the houses, and once cornered, the monster begins a gun fight until he runs out of ammo, after which he tries to flee. If given the opportunity, he will attempt to pick off the PCs one by one, preferably by taking the form of Sara Middleton and catching them alone. The monster is not affected by the cold or ice, but a successful hit with a silver bullet will kill the monster.

Unbeknownst to the PCs, La Diabla Negra kills Wright and Dylan while they are searching the woods, eating their hearts and hiding the bodies.

*Act Three: The Glow of the Heart Gem
Setting: *_The Middleton domicile. Built as a school, this impressive stone building is architecturally reminiscent of a castle. The rooms have been modified and the interior looks very homey, though with lingering traces, especially in the layout, of the school it once was. The basement, entered via a door which only be unlocked by the handprint and voices of the Middletons (including Sara) was once a bomb-shelter, but has been repurposed to keep Rachel secure during full moons. There is a second room, heavily fortified, with a second such lock, which serves as a cell for the transformed Rachel who cannot open the locks in her werewolf form due to her hands and voice changing. A secret door, with a similar lock, on the first floor conceals the Middletons arsenal and weapons shop. This room is fully stocked with everything a monster hunter would need to make and arm weapons to kill a variety of supernatural beasties. _

*Scene One: A Gathering at A Deathbed*
Once Romus is dead, the PCs are summoned to Tom’s bed in his quarters in the old school building. PCs should be shocked to see him so ill when they saw a healthy form of him only the day before. He explains the ruse, telling them not only how he wanted to rid the world of both Dark and Romus but that there is another, more dangerous threat, one that he awoken in Mexico: La Diabla Negra, an evil which can only be killed by the possessor of the Heart Gem, which he alone discovered in Mexico during the same hunt. The Heart Gem’s power resides within him and will only be passed on to the one who kills him, or to any monster which eats his heart after he is dead. Tom knows one of the three who hunted with him is Diabla Negra, but not which one. Fear of the gem is what kept the demon from showing itself and Alice’s job was to make the monster fear he was still healthy. Tom wants the PC who killed Romus to kill him and absorb the power of the gem. If the PC kills him, an energy passes from Tom’s heart to the heart of the PC. If the PC refuses, Tom and Rachel are heartbroken: the back up plan is for Rachel to take Tom with her into her cell in the night, for it is a night of the full moon.

*Scene Two: The Devil Comes in the Night*
No matter the PC’s decision regarding Tom, they are encouraged to help fortify the building in anticipation of the demon’s arrival after sundown, for it is stronger at night. The PCs are shown the secret workshop and arsenal. Before night falls Rachel locks herself in her basement shelter.

The demon attacks with shapeshifting guile and savage fury but the possessor of the heart gem can defeat it. The question: is that person one of the PCs or is it the werewolf locked in the basement?

*Epilogue*
When the demon is killed, surviving PCs are each offered one of the houses on the Island. Alice, having quit her hospital job, also moves to the island and opens a clinic for injured hunters.


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## Wicht (Sep 7, 2021)

Spoiler: thoughts on my entry



I am not quite as happy with this entry as with my previous two, but of the three this is also the one I can most see myself as using in the future. 

The scenario is obviously most influenced by the television show Supernatural and the Cortex game of the same name could be used to run it. It would also work in a world such as the one from the Monster Hunter Inc. novels, or just in a modern urban fantasy world.


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## Wicht (Sep 7, 2021)

Spoiler: Another thought



I really wanted to do a scenario like the one above, but in a more fantasy setting and tried very hard to make it work in my head but just could not get Illegal Speed to work out in such a setting as an ingredient.


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## el-remmen (Sep 7, 2021)

Imaculata said:


> Regarding Fools Rush In:
> 
> 
> 
> ...




You are 100% right - but the time and space did not allow for me to include/develop more options in that area.


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## Fenris-77 (Sep 7, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> You are 100% right - but the time and space did not allow for me to include/develop more options in that area.



It's a poor craftsman that blames their tools...


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## Gradine (Sep 7, 2021)

Spoiler



Closing in on a final draft. Hard to organize, this one


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## Fenris-77 (Sep 7, 2021)

I pulling for you peeps. You Iron that DM!! Wait...


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## Snarf Zagyg (Sep 7, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> I pulling for you peeps. You Iron that DM!! Wait...




Ugh! I just realized why I didn't get past the first round.

I thought that this was the IRONY DM 2021 Tournament.

Reading..... not just FUN. FUNdamental.


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## Gradine (Sep 7, 2021)

*Eternity at Sea*
_A Solo One-Shot Supernatural Mystery_

Frozen Island
Last Chance
Shapeshifter Grifter
Professional Killer
Unidentified Wound
Illegal Speed
Secret Shop
Ethical Dilemma

*The Familiar Warmth of Blood on Your Hands*
You stand blankly, staring at a man who could be your twin. He clasps your left hand with his. In your right hand is a dagger, placed squarely between the ribs, buried deep in the meat beneath. His face is a vision of relief, as if you have lifted a heavy burden from him. “It’s up to you, now,” he says, then slides off your blade and slinks to the floor, dead. 

You open your left hand. In it is a pocketwatch, the “12” replaced with the image of an hourglass. In that moment, memory comes flooding back. The ship. The detective. The heavy lurch as it slammed to a stop, sending you flying. The pain and heat and void as all were swallowed by the explosion. And then you are back here, in your room, a dead body at your feet.

You are a doppelgänger, fleeing heat from the continent on a ship bound to the new world. A ship whose fate is now in your hands. 

*The Danger*
Rel, a murderous sea kelpie has snuck aboard. She has murdered the young socialite, Matilda Ravenswood, and has been masquerading as her she watches the end. Three hours prior to the beginning of the first loop, she murdered the ship’s captain with his own hakapik. She has set the ship on a high-speed collision course with an iceberg, and sealed the entrance to the bridge. 

There is also a quickling named Faoch. This situation amuses him, so he has chosen to interfere, leveling the playing field.
*
The Detective*
Matthijs Marsch is a famous detective, with a reputation for solving the unsolvable. Faoch slipped him a magic pocketwatch, which when the owner dies will continuously reverse the flow of time by up to an hour. The watch was set for the moment of the explosion (11:00p) and each loop begins no more than an hour before that.

*The Journal*
Marsch’s journal contains his notes, and he has narrowed down a list of suspicious individuals. These are:

Matilda Ravenswood - The young heiress, traveling alone
Garrett Spencer - journalist, hard to pin down. Involved?
Arthur Rider - An infamous gambler, keeps returning briefly to room
Tatiana Kamstra - A socialite known for cycling through husbands
Jan Kamstra - Tatiana’s current husband, a coal baron
Octavius - Last name unknown, keeps to himself
Herman Langley - The ship’s bosun, with a violent past
The journal also contains his notes on the watch, and a crude drawing of the captain’s body with markings indicating his wounds; a large, wide gash in his chest and throat, and a heavy fracture at the base of his skull. He does not appear to have identified a weapon, nor a way into the bridge,

*The CMS Eternity*
The large cruise ship was bound for the new world with roughly a thousand souls aboard; thanks to Rel’s interventions, it will never arrive. At 10:58p, the ship will strike an iceberg at full speed, rupturing the hull and causing fires in the engine room. Two minutes later, the fire reaches the fuel, causing the ship to explode, killing everyone still aboard.

Marsch was the first to discover the captain’s body, and hid it in his own room. Rel wanted to revel in the passengers’ panic; she now resolves to watch them all drown. She is unaware of the coming explosion, and is killed by it at the end of each loop.

*The Pocketwatch*
Appears, at first, to be a normal pocketwatch. As time moves forward, the minute hand moves with it,as expected. The red hour hand does not move at all. When a loop ends and restarts, the hour hand moves ahead by two hours.

*Faoch*
Faoch can be found in the captain’s room from 10pm to 11pm. He will not hide from the doppelgänger. Faoch will confirm details about the watch and the time loop. Faoch will explain that this powerful relic defies the laws of space-time, and cannot be used indefinitely. If the hour hand reaches 12, its power will end.

Faoch makes a proposal. Faoch will rewind the pocketwatch two hours (a single loop) every time the doppelgänger brings him a _*secret*_ about someone else on board. He can do this no more than 6 times; any more loops would break the laws of physics and causality entirely.

Faoch will not reveal any details about Rel,

*The Suspects

Matilda Ravenswood/Rel*
Matilda is the selkie Rel in disguise. A beautiful and richly dressed woman. At 7:00p she killed the captain with his own hakapik, a tool with a thick hammer head for clubbing seals, and a hook on the other end to carry their corpses. She has tossed the murder weapon overboard while cutting loose the life boats. Matilda wants to watch the land dwellers panic as they sense their end at hand.

In normal conversation, Matilda discusses the plight of seals. She’ll find a few sympathetic ears, including Tatiana and Jan. If questioned openly, Matilda acts incensed and storms away. She will spend the remainder of the night in her quarters, coming out only after the iceberg is struck.

Matilda is in the entertainment deck from 10:00 to 10:30. Matilda will dance with the doppelgänger in any form. She has knowledge of doppelgängers but does not immediately suspect the player unless it gives itself away. While cornered on the dance floor, Matilda can be questioned for the length of a song; the best bet is the tango the band performs from 10:12 to 10:16. The doppelgänger must still be cautious; Rel will relish the chance to match wits with a worthy opponent, but any direct accusation will cause her to smack the doppelgänger and storm off to her room, as above.

*Secret: *Matilda is a selkie in disguise
*Secret:* Matilda is responsible for the ship’s destruction

*Garrett Spencer*
A journalist from the mainland whose skin the doppelgänger was wearing when it boarded the ship

*Secret: *The real Garrett is dead, and the doppelgänger boarded the boat with his visage.

*Arthur Rider*
In addition to being a gambler, Rider is a prolific dealer in drugs of all kinds; from opiods to amphetamines. He spends most of the evening attempting to sell to others, leading buyers back to his room each time.

Arthur is cocky, and a solid liar. If he is caught by anyone he considers to be a figure of authority, he will play it off as no big deal. At the next opportunity he will race outside, toss his supply overboard, and try to find a lifeboat. When he finds none he panics, and returns to his room for the night.

*Secret: *Arthur is a drug dealer

*Tatiana & Jan Kamstra*
Tatiana is a beautiful but aging woman in her young 40’s; Jan a loud, boisterous, coal baron only a few years her senior. They appear happy together, but both are maintaining a facade. Tatiana has hired Octavius to kill her husband, as he has done for her several times in the past. Jan’s persona quickly changes when he believes himself to be alone. He is paranoid, and with good reason; he swindled his former business partner Gerald out of his share of their business; Gerald then died by suicide. The ghost of Gerald has been haunting him ever since, appearing only to him, but he is otherwise harmless.

If questioned together both are friendly, with both of them laughing off the deaths of Tatiana’s former husbands as mere coincidence. Tatiana can be pushed to storming off to her room if pressed, which Jan will not react kindly to. Separated, they will do their best to avoid company altogether, and will rush along any questioner. 

*Secret: *Tatiana has hired someone to kill her husband
*Secret: *Jan is haunted by the ghost of his business partner

*Octavius*
Called the Skullsmasher in the papers, Octavius is a murderer for hire who is very good at what he does. His signature is a single killing strike to the base of the victim’s head; quick, efficient, painless. His goal tonight is to kill Jan and dump his body overboard without causing any suspicion. He will tail Jan until he is sure they are alone and kill him with a single strike using the bosun’s club. 

Octavius will not answer questions, and will walk away from any questioner.
*
Secret:* Octavius is the Skullsmasher
*Secret: *Octavius has been hired to kill Jan

*Herman Langley*
Langley is the surly bosun of the Eternity. His job is to patrol the ship and resolve any maintenance or security issues. He normally carries a billy club with him, but it has been stolen by Octavius before the loop.

Langley has a sordid past; he spent the last fifteen years of his life in prison for murder. He has served his debt and is looking to put his past life behind him. 

Langley arrives at the bridge at 10:07p, he instructs a fellow crewmember to find the captain but not alert the passengers. The crewmember fails to find the captain and does not return. Langley remains guarding the bridge door until the end of the loop; it will take a lot to convince him to leave his post.

*Secret:* Langley has served prison time for murder in the past.

*The Bodies*
If the doppelgänger finds the captain’s corpse first (Marsch stowed it in his own room), it can determine the slash to the throat as the killing blow, and the blow to the back of the head was made post-mortem. Langley, if shown the corpse, will posit that the murder weapon was likely a hakapik. He can describe seal clubbing, and has heard stories of seal hunters being found dead with similar wounds.

At 10:45p, Jan’s body will be found with Langley’s billy club next to him. Passengers will track down and accuse Langley, mobbing and killing him and anyone else who tries to stop them. He will likewise be accused of the captain’s murder, if his body is found by Rel (10:35p) before the doppelgänger.

*Saving the Ship*
Langley knows the way into the bridge: an air vent. He will not reveal this information unless he is given permission by the captain. If the doppelgänger has seen the captain’s body, he can attempt to play the part, but it’s a difficult task to mimic a person you have only seen from a distance or dead, and Langley has a suspicious nature. Langley can be shown the captain’s corpse, to convince him of the captain’s death.

The air vent is too small for a normal human to fit. The doppelgänger will have to revert to its true form to squeeze through. If Langley’s trust has not been earned, Langley will immediately suspect the doppelgänger of being responsible and attack, overpowering the doppelgänger. To earn Langley’s trust, he must be helped in solving the captain’s murder. By gaining Langley’s trust, he will only grow hostile, not violent, upon learning the doppelgänger’s true nature. This is a major risk, as an angry Langley might reveal its nature to others.

*Deal with the Devil*
A doppelgänger not willing to put its own neck out for the people on the ship might seek another way. There is another: Rel, the selkie, can free them together. She must first be convinced that she is trapped in a time loop, and that if she stays she dies, and that if the doppelgänger stays she will still remain trapped forever (a lie). The doppelgänger must be very careful not to reveal too much information. If Rel learns that the watch is responsible for the time loop, she will attempt to steal the pocketwatch. If she succeeds, the doppelgänger will have one last chance to save the ship before the end.


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## Gradine (Sep 7, 2021)

Spoiler: Thoughts



I have a feeling I'm getting to get slammed for more than just one ingredient usage. Also, loathe as I am to dip into the same well twice, the "shapeshfter grifter" and "professional killer" clues got me back in that doppleganger murder mystery mindset. This time, on a boat! In a time loop! 

I had a lot of fun coming up with this, and ultimately I like it a lot. Is it a great Iron DM entry? I'm not so sure, but my gut tells me no. I got too stuck on several of the ingredients, and I worry I've de-centralized too many of them. My gut's been wrong before though. I haven't read my competition yet, but knowing who it is, I'm fairly certain I didn't do enough to win. 

I guess we'll have to see!


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## Fenris-77 (Sep 7, 2021)

Don't be sad @el-remmen I was making with the jokes. Word count sucks monkey balls.


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## el-remmen (Sep 7, 2021)

Fenris-77 said:


> Don't be sad @el-remmen I was making with the jokes. Word count sucks monkey balls.



There was no word count in the 3rd place match - but with only an hour you have to choose carefully how deep you go on any one portion because before you know it all your time is gone.


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## Fenris-77 (Sep 7, 2021)

el-remmen said:


> There was no word count in the 3rd place match - but with only an hour you have to choose carefully how deep you go on any one portion because before you know it all your time is gone.



You are speaking facts.


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## Iron Sky (Sep 8, 2021)

*Judgment for Round 3, 3rd-Place Match: el-remmen vs Neurotic*

Crazy busy week (brother's house burned down) so am setting a judging challenge: one hour to write? One hour to judge! _Edit:_ Posting this exactly 1 hour later. Go me!

Going to play this faster and looser than ever. Also going to be playtesting "Mean Judge" for this judgment; nothing against you, for entertainment purposes only.

Read-only first pass. Write after.

Go.



Spoiler: Fools Rush In



This sucked less than I expected.

Most of the worst grammar offenses seemed to be piled in early, an outer wall of anti-capitalization with spikes of extra commas and the longest sentence ever complete with a hyphen.

I expected to be disappointed by an adventure about bards and I was disappointed. Mostly because it's about killing bards which in most games I've played is the optimal use for them so you can re-roll something useful.

Let's sum up the adventure: "A group of PCs bards (or worse, bard-wanabees) enter a contest they think is about music but is really about feeding the magic blood box that powers the mecha that lets the king feed more blood to the blood box that will let him conquer his neighbors." And you thought the box caused confusion.

PCs consume poison, may be beaten to death if they aren't funny, and have to pretend like they know cool stuff or die. Like being an Iron DM judge. They also start practically naked and can't leave until the contest is over; more similarities to judging. 

Aside from someone having to play a bard, I don't hate this adventure so let's go to ingredients and see if that can be fixed.

Let's make it into an entirely straightforward and non-un-anticonvoluted sentence:
"Fools Rush In to the Feast of Fools, including the PCs and other rando bards engaged in a contest that's really about feeding a Weapon in Waiting Mecha sitting in a Magical Workshop holding the anti-music music box that creates a Fading Dreamscape." Got it? Good.

So the focus is on the contest and the box which none of the ingredients quite center on. Mecha in Waiting in the Magical Workshop that creates a Dreamscape... okay, why does it have to be any of those things? Unicorn to Be Summoned from the Enchanted Grove that creates a Drug Stupor could be swapped in without too much bending.

If the PCs figure out the Feast is poisoned, would see them doing whatever they can to skip it as would anyone else who's not an idiot. Oh wait, these people apparently chose to make bards...

Fools Rush In then wobbles like a drunk at a party full of narcoleptics as the sole "strong" ingredient.



With that butchered judgment, let's move on to



Spoiler: The Great Dream



Goody. "The Adventure" starts 60% of the way through the entry after the mini-novel about dream Queen gem Awoken King Mist urines. Just after the section where PCs find out they're imprisoned sucide-soldiers. Hey, at least they get to pick why they're prisoners! Hooray, player choice.

Wait, so they get to make up why they are evil, then they're promised freedom if they do good, then are set free? Why should these evil players help if they're already free? Why not use the nuclear laser robots to conquer Dreamplace? They can't talk about their mission but why not just march their Mist Mecha the direction the Formains came from and leave them to it?

Let's assume that the unlikely-to-be-heroic heroes go along with it. What do they do? Get mission, get geased (always a great way to ensure player compliance), then travel for 10 days through... why 10 days? Does anything happen? Anyway, they get power suits which don't matter because it's the gems needed to beat the  ̶T̶r̶a̶d̶e̶ ̶F̶e̶d̶e̶r̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶'s Formian's drone army. Is... is that it?

Maybe I'll be vaguely impressed by the ingredients:

Like the adventure, it looks like these ingredients were pretty much tacked on to the end of the story. We have Mecha as Weapons in Waiting to protect the Fading Dreamscape from Formain Fools that Rush In to become a Feast of Fools for each other while the PCs kill them on their way to bringing a crate full of McGuffins to the Magical Workshop to save the Snorefields.

Feast of Fools Rush in dangles by floss and duct tape. Weapons in Waiting/Mecha are probably made in a workshop, but these are called out as being technological with laser nukes not magical. Focus is also on them being hidden, not waiting (even called out as Hidden Weapons). Why do they have to be Mecha again? How does that tie to dreams?

Fading Dreamscape is the King of this nebulous realm of ingredients, central to and place of action for everything like a dance hall heavy on the dry ice with only a couple nerdy kids at the edge playing with their Transformers.





Spoiler: Judgment



Drunk guy vs empty dance hall. Fight!

To be fair to both these adventures, I didn't fall asleep and I'm really, really tired right now. Desires to gouge my eyes out never quite manifested into maiming myself into monocular vision either. Two points for both already!

So who wins? I could belabor the point and stretch it out here to build suspense, weighing strengths of this vs high points of that, but these adventures didn't burden me with any of those so it'll go faster.

Fools Rush In reduces the bardic population so it and @el-remmen win.





Spoiler: End Note



Dropping Evil Judge persona, some cool stuff in these adventures.

Fools Rush In's mayhem, murder, and backstabbing would make for a great low-level "funnel" style adventure with PCs dying in horrible, funny ways left-and-right then jumping in with one of the background NPCs. The subversion of the premise, the various challenges, suggestions for alliance/deal making, and twist that it's all about feeding the Karne Box is awesome.

Ingredients were a bit weak, but can't expect much more than the first coat on a quick idea for these 1-hour challenges. That you came up with an actual funny, multi-layered, playable adventure in that time is impressive.

The Great Dream suffered from backstoriosis. With the meat of the "adventure" tucked behind the PCs, there's not really that much left for them to do: get mechs, get gems, go home, maybe fight?

That said, I loved the setting with the Mists and guardians. I was hoping they'd be on the border fighting bizarre, horrible incursions from nightmare realms bordering the Kingdom or launching rescue missions to save people from dream invasions by sleep haunts or something. Could be a pretty cool game right there. Unfortunately, it didn't quite make it into the entry in time as cool as the concept is.

Judgment remains the same as above if for different reasons.

I've even played a bard once... because his stats were too godawful to play anything else, sure, but I've done it! Was hoping he'd catch a stray arrow and die, but somehow survived the whole campaign only to have his head cut off and kicked down a mile-deep hole in the final session. C'est la vie.


----------



## Neurotic (Sep 8, 2021)

Spoiler: for Iron Sky



You complained about lack of sleep on the last judgement. Good luck with the insomnia, whatever the cause. I know it can be debilitating. 
I hope your relatives are OK, the house can be rebuilt 



Iron Sky said:


> I expected to be disappointed by an adventure about bards and I was disappointed. Mostly because it's about killing bards which in most games I've played is the optimal use for them so you can re-roll something useful.




LOL  I actually like bards because you can make anything - and always be useful (but not THE BEST)
I tried in 3.5 (hard), PF (fairly easy with archetypes), 5e (super-easy, primary caster) and PF2 - easy to twist the expectations (CHA penalty dwarf bard? Sure!). Always fun.



Iron Sky said:


> Wait, so they get to make up why they are evil, then they're promised freedom if they do good, then are set free? Why should these evil players help if they're already free?
> Why not use the nuclear laser robots to conquer Dreamplace? They can't talk about their mission but why not just march their Mist Mecha the direction the Formains came from and leave them to it?




Obviously, because the gems will explode if they don't help. The King is desperate, not stupid 


These judgement is funnier than both entries


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## Wicht (Sep 8, 2021)

@Iron Sky  I sincerely hope your brother and his family is alright.


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## Rune (Sep 8, 2021)

*Judgement for the 3rd-Place Match: Neurotic vs. el-remmen*

Before I get into the critique of these entries, I want to emphasize for the authors and audience that I have had _much_ more time to analyze these entries than the contestants had to write them. That’s important to keep in mind, because the act of dissecting a work can often seem harsh when taken out of it’s context.

What these contestants were tasked with — and achieved — is something most of us have never even attempted. Myself included.

The very fact that we have two imaginative entries that inspire _and_ are coherently functional is in itself an impressive achievement on the part of both authors.

The critiques that follow are not indicative of a lack of quality. They are simply a necessary part of the process of judgement.

*Stakes on Hooks*



Spoiler



*To sleep, perchance to dream.*


Spoiler



Neurotic’s entry, _The Great Dream_, (“Dream”) gives us a serviceable hook in time-honored tradition of compelling PC prisoners to risk their lives. It works well, and obviously has a tied-in motivation (freedom), but I’m a little disappointed in the implementation.

Specifically, the non-criminal part of the qualifications that the King is looking for are so ubiquitous that I think they would apply to _most_ adventurers with any significant amount of experience behind them. The hook could have been just that and would be better for this adventure specifically, because it would make it easier for this adventure to be used as part of an on-going campaign. Which is something the setting _very much_ wants to be.

As for stakes, these are strong and their effects are felt early and often. This is good for the adventure and would be good for the continuing campaign, _if_ that were likely to happen. I’m not so sure it _is_, but I’ll revisit that assessment later on.



*You gotta fight for your right to bards be.*


Spoiler



On the other hand, el-remmen’s entry, _Fools Rush In_ (“Fools”), has a more applicable hook, because it doesn’t assume the PCs are specifically suited for the task they are given. They _may_ be, but if they _aren’t_, they will be faced with an even more interesting challenge.

Additionally, the hook assumes that the PCs have some helpful information up front (the existence of the magical workshop), which provides the players with a constant goal to work towards should they ever question their next step. And it does so in a non-linear kind of way.

Significantly, much of the necessary expositional underpinnings for the adventure are loaded into the hook. If the PCs know that their task is to thwart the King’s nefarious ambitions, they will also know that he likely doesn’t really intend to end up with a bard at all, particularly one with legal protection.

This means of delivering information is both efficient for the entry and for the DM attempting to run the adventure. Furthermore, the stakes of the adventure are introduced clearly from the very start with the hook and consistently reinforced as the violence of the event steadily increases.






*Wherein I’ll catch the un-conscience of two Kings.*



Spoiler



*Bard to the bone.*


Spoiler



”Fools” has a very compelling villain, whom we are given enough insight into to make his malevolent glee a constant presence during the event. This is fun. Add to that the insane reality-show environment that is being deliberately cultivated and the tensions will certainly be high.

The adventure’s structure is basically very solid. Survive a few events, make some alliances, survive some rivals, sneak off to find the workshop, and ultimately defeat the King’s golem. This is a very interesting scenario, strengthened by it’s non-linear presentation and emphasis on player-driven solutions.

Unfortunately, there are a few areas where this doesn’t work out as well. A few of the events very much want some examples to help the DM out. Especially the puzzle competition. As well, the contests that amount to succeeding on skill checks to avoid getting shot seem an ironic combination of lethally punitive and boringly implemented. And I have absolutely _no_ idea how the DM is meant to determine how many laughs a joke gets. Perform check, maybe?

I have more to say, specifically about the implementation of the feast, but it ties in to a couple of ingredients, so I’ll get back to that in due time.

On the whole, a well-conceived and impressively implemented scenario.



*Nothing really matters, anyone can see.*


Spoiler



“Dream” is less tight an adventure, and certainly has less going on within it. It does have the potential for so much more, but the meat of the adventure is essentially: travel to the border, find the weapon-mecha, fight the formians.

The simplicity of this scenario is not a knock against it. It is a solid structure, and does not expect any specific approach from the PCs, thus avoiding much of the linearity that would likely make such simplicity unsatisfying. I especially like that the travel portion is meant to be an exercise in attrition.

(Although, I note that, between the travel-attrition and the use of formians, this adventure is clearly not meant for 5e D&D, as neither are supported without some work on the DM’s part – which this entry has no help for. That might be important information to call out early on.)

That said: simple, but solid.

And the setting!

“Dream” has inadverdently hit upon a conceit that floods me with fond memories of my first 3e D&D campaign, which was also based around characters native to a Dream constructed by a dreaming deity. Of course, that is a pretty broad superficial similarity, but it turns out that the setting “Dream” gives us is specifically (yet surely coincidentally) tailored to set specifically _my_ imagination on fire!

Since this judgement isn’t about me, I’ll forgo providing details, but I did want to bring my old campaign into this for one specific purpose:

“Dream” has within it a solution to a problem I never was able to fully solve while running that game, lo those many years ago. Specifically, even with charts to help, the constant emphasis on shifting the surreal environment was a mounting improvisational burden on the DM as the campaign progressed.

“Dream” does not preclude such methods, but provides one simple — yet crucial — source of relief. “Dream” hands the power to make small changes within the environment over to the players. Which, while tiny, is also huge. Not only does that take pressure off of the DM’s creativity, it does so in a way that increases the players’ investment into the setting.

When I say that I find this to be elegantly brilliant, understand that I am speaking with the weight of over two decades behind the sentiment.

_This_ is the primary reason that I find the setting wants to be a campaign. The evocative and imaginative details that comprise the setting only reinforce that core truth.

But that’s where the disappointment sets in. Unless I’ve misread it, this adventure seems to nihilistically expect that the PCs will fail to prevent the formians from destroying The Dream. They are endless, and the PCs are not.

I can’t imagine this would be a satisfying conclusion for the players to play through, but besides that, it feels like a great waste of an opportunity to further explore the beautiful concepts and mechanics that the setting has to offer. Oh well.






*Ingredients*



Spoiler



*Fools Rush In*



Spoiler



I’m not convinced that the formians in “Dream” count as fools, being controlled by a hive-mind, and all. The dominated or charmed soldiers that fight for them might qualify quite a bit better, however. In either case, this isn’t really relative to the adventure until the very end.

In contrast, “Fools” uses this ingredient as the initial scenario and the multiple definitions of “fools” that are applicable are quite appreciated, as well. Bards hoping to be court jesters rush headlong into a perilous situation despite ample evidence that they should not. And, once they do, they spend much of that time in a hazy dream-state, fighting amongst themselves as their true peril gains in strength.

This is an exceptional ingredient usage.



*Mecha*



Spoiler



”Fools” has a very interesting golem which the King can store his soul in to wreak havoc on the bards he so hates and, eventually, the neighboring kingdoms he probably isn’t on great terms with, either.

For quite a while I couldn’t figure out why this was a mecha, though, when a remotely controlled golem would be far more practical. After all, the very act of placing his soul into the golem is twice-perilous. The body remains comatose, and the destruction of the golem can’t be good for the inhabiting soul.

Eventually, it occurred to me that this villain doesn’t care about practicality. He is sadistic, malicious, vindictive, and petty. He likely had the magic jar feature built in for the sole reason that he _wants_ to experience the carnage first-hand. He is a delightfully single-minded villain, whom the players will no doubt relish in defeating.

“Dream” provides a collection of mecha that are intended to be used in the upcoming war against the formians. Other than their ability to see into the Mists, I don’t know _why_ these weapons need to be in the form of mecha.

I _can_ think of one reason they could have. If the mecha could protect their operators from the domination and charm effects of their formian foes, this ingredient would make a lot more sense. But we know that they don’t, because our first introduction of one is an attack from a presumably-dominated soldier.

Another one for “Fools”.



*Weapon in Waiting*



Spoiler



”I also was not quite sure why the mecha in “Dream” have been hidden away for so long. At first. This was tied into my initial confusion as to why the border’s failing needed to be kept secret in the first place.

But it is actually _extremely_ important, because the malleable nature of the setting means that it’s frightened denizens will subtly shape the world with their fears. This effect will be cumulative, and, indeed, may be the _actual_ reason for the dream’s ultimate destruction.

“Fools” uses this ingredient very well. The charging golem is a looming threat for the entire adventure, and the PCs have a chance to find that out early enough to change their approach to defeating it.

Both adventures tie this ingredient in tightly to the stakes of the adventure and I would be inclined to give both equal weight, but for one thing. Ultimately, the weapons in “Dream” won’t matter, if the PCs are doomed to fail anyway.

Thus, this one goes to “Fools”, as well.



*Fading Dreamscape*



Spoiler



”Fool” uses the fading dreamscape as an interesting complication within the adventure. In particular, this ingredient keeps the fools confused in order to (among other results no doubt amusing to the spectators) ensure that the fools continue to eat after the first feast kills a bunch of them. This is pretty good. It is also tied into the protections around the golem in the workshop, which is also good. That it is fading because its source is charging the golem is also a fun detail to note.

Of course, this is the strongest ingredient in “Dream”, as it is, after all, the setting and stakes for the entire adventure. This ingredient provides the framework and the drive that moves the adventure and is, therefore, excellent.



*Feast of Fools*



Spoiler



”Dream” does far less well with this one, however. The carrion on the field, first of all, is only a feast of fools inasmuch as the “Fools Rush In” ingredient lived up to its name. Furthermore, the carrion doesn’t particularly seem to serve any purpose, other than scenery.

On the other hand, “Fools” makes the feast an important nightly event that is intended to both thin the crowd and instill an unhealthy (but appropriate) paranoia.

I think it could have been better if, in addition to the randomized lethal poison, all of the _other_ bards’ meals were drugged with hallucinogens. It just seems like that would make more sense than loading so many features into one magical music-box.

But that’s just an idea, and not even a mutually exclusive one. The implementation we have works and matters. Repeatedly. Indeed, the resulting paranoia may even be constant.



*Magical Workshop*



Spoiler



”Fools” gives us a magic workshop that is central to the action in a couple of ways. First, it is an actual place the PCs can find and encounter the golem (and its protecting music-box) in. Additionally, the PCs will be searching for it from the very start, so it’s existence will be be present in their minds, even before they locate it.

Superficially, the magical workshops in both entries serve a similar purpose for their Kings, but the one in “Dream” doesn’t really play into the actual adventure.

Even if the PCs can visit it (which seems unlikely or impossible), they don’t need to, as they will be given dream-gems by the king (which, by the way, can _they_ even use against the Mist?). And I don’t know what they would do there if they _did_ visit.

Another ingredient for “Fools.”





*.
.
.
…Which brings us to…*



Spoiler



As much as I love the setting “Dream” has given us, and as functional as the adventure within it is, I do think that “Fools” is a well-conceived adventure that has quite a lot for the players to do packed within it’s castle walls. The strong ingredient-use seals the deal.

Let’s see what the other judges have to say…



…The judges are fully aligned, for once!

@Neurotic, this time around, I do think maybe I have some advice for your future attempts. You have consistently shown in your works a skillful and imaginative mind. In _this_ very quick entry, you have also given us a glimpse of brilliance.

I would suggest that you embrace your strengths. When you have an idea that has the potential to be transcendent (as you did within this entry), _lean into it!_ Develop it. Build your entry around it. Give it a chance to flourish!

I very much look forward to seeing you compete in future tournaments.

This time, by unanimous decision, @el-remmen wins this 3rd-place match of The IRON DM 2021 Tournament!


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## Iron Sky (Sep 8, 2021)

Neurotic said:


> You complained about lack of sleep on the last judgement. Good luck with the insomnia, whatever the cause. I know it can be debilitating.
> I hope your relatives are OK, the house can be rebuilt



Sleep normally not a problem, just had a ton of balls in the air and stress (trying to find a new venue for my business when rents are now 60% more for 60% of the space in worse locations) before his place burned and tossed another couple balls in. Fortunately he lives alone and the firemen got him out before he died. Check your smoke alarms; his was dead and nearly so to was he.

Insurance set over a decade ago when homes were far, far cheaper and brother never thought to get it updated. Total value may not even be enough for down payment on a new place now. :/

Thanks for your concern. We'll get through and figure something out somehow!

Side note, will try to get to the final matches later this week.


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## Snarf Zagyg (Sep 8, 2021)

I'm just going to say this regarding the excellent entries we have been seeing-

When bards lose, everyone wins!

Now, I think I have to start work on my Bard/Paranoia mashup; I'm fairly certain that Bards will make excellent troubleshooters. 


PS- I saw your update as I was posting this. @Iron Sky ... that's a lot to deal with. I think we all forget that it's not just the pandemic, it's a lot of the knock-on effects that people are dealing with. Stress is high. Hope you (and your fam) keep doing well, and that you get some measure of solace, and not added stress, from this.


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## Rune (Sep 8, 2021)

Iron Sky said:


> Sleep normally not a problem, just had a ton of balls in the air and stress (trying to find a new venue for my business when rents are now 60% more for 60% of the space in worse locations) before his place burned and tossed another couple balls in. Fortunately he lives alone and the firemen got him out before he died. Check your smoke alarms; his was dead and nearly so to was he.
> 
> Insurance set over a decade ago when homes were far, far cheaper and brother never thought to get it updated. Total value may not even be enough for down payment on a new place now. :/
> 
> ...



Glad your brother’s okay! Hope all is well before long!


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## Neurotic (Sep 8, 2021)

@Rune I caught that the setting with endless formians on its borders is doomed only after I posted it. But the time constraints are harsh and full implementation dream gem technology brought back to the king and moving/restoring the border of the kingdom wasn't described.

Mecha are a tech from before the dream...and losing to formians simply wakes The Queen and the whole kingdom drops into the "real" world...which could be a campaign unto itself.

But in such a setting I would play with Queens waking as extra powers of the dream gems or extra PC/king power for altering the landscape. And only after they fail several times or insist on fighting would I wake her.

If you watched the pacific rim...that was the idea of formians...you cannot realistically fight without some other final solution

Thanks for the brilliance part


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## Rune (Sep 8, 2021)

Neurotic said:


> @Rune I caught that the setting with endless formians on its borders is doomed only after I posted it. But the time constraints are harsh and full implementation dream gem technology brought back to the king and moving/restoring the border of the kingdom wasn't described.
> 
> Mecha are a tech from before the dream...and losing to formians simply wakes The Queen and the whole kingdom drops into the "real" world...which could be a campaign unto itself.
> 
> ...



Interesting take, to be sure! 

In my campaign within The Dream, the question of whether or not to wake the Dreamer was the major philosophical divide. The Dream was gradually being consumed by a nightmare, but nobody could _really_ know what would happen if the Dreamer was wakened. 

Many believed that ending The Dream would end everything within. That is, the entire universe. 

Which is all to say, there was a nihilistic quality to that campaign as well.


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## FitzTheRuke (Sep 9, 2021)

Man, this has been really fun. Sad to have not been a part, but glad to have been a spectator. And we still don't have a winner quite yet, so I'll stop talking like it's over! Great entries everyone.


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## Wicht (Sep 9, 2021)

*Batman* (_reading a cryptic missive_) Riddle me this… Why is the army like Iron DM?

*Robin* Because in both you have to hurry up… and then you wait…

*Batman* Exactly old chum. And where else do you find war games and people waiting in lines?

*Robin* Holy Warhammer, Batman! The Riddler is going to rob Gen-Con!

*Batman* Right again. Let’s go!


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## Gradine (Sep 9, 2021)




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## Radiating Gnome (Sep 9, 2021)

All right, this is is, and if I move my ass I can be the first one with results in again.  So, lets start doing the brass tacks dance. 

We are here to judge the final match between Wicht's Denouement of a Dying Hunter  (DDH) and Gradine's Eternity at Sea (EAS). There are eight ingredients, there was a lot of time and a lot of words allowed, so I expect that we're going to see some rock-solid entries. 

*Ingredients*


Spoiler



*Frozen Island*
In DDH, this is Solus island, the setting for the story. It's wet, cold, and frozen.  Does the job.  
In EAS, this is less clearly used as an ingredient.  I think that this is meant to be covered by the Iceberg, which is not an island, and that feels like I'm missing something. Maybe it's the way everyone is frozen in an island of time because of the pocketwatch? I'm not sure.  I'm going to keep an eye out for something I've missed, but for the time being, this is a strong advantage for DDH. 
*
Last Chance*
For EAS, again I find myself having a hard time seeing this ingredient in explicit use.  The whole groundhog-day nature of the adventure presents a situation which presents multiple chances at the way things happen and play out -- there are six chances available to the party, each of those chances rolling time back two hours, letting them go over the same ground several times.  I found some of the time jump stuff confusing -- more on that later.  

Meanwhile, DDH presents a pretty clear last chance - Thomas Middleton, the dying monster hunter has one last scheme to try to use the players to finish off two final monsters that escaped him during his life.  Perfectly solid, so advantage to DDH. 


*Shape-shifting Grifter*
There's a LOT of shapeshifting and doppelganging going on in these two adventures.  In DDH, there is Alice Tyler who is a shapeshifter, Rachel is a werewolf, Romus is a shapeshifting salt-eater, and Diabla Negra is a shapeshifting demon in Jack Lincoln's form.  Of all of them, only Alice really fits the mold of a grifter -- her scam that cleans out the bank accounts of dying patients gives her that attribute and meets the standards of the ingredient, but it never really seems to matter for the story, so it's pretty weak.  

In EAS, the player is a shapeshifter, as is Rel, the sea kelpie. Again, it's hard to put the "grifter" label on either of them. The player character is fleeing "heat" on the continent, but that doesn't appear to be important to the story. And Rel is a murderer and avenger, but that's hardly grifting.  The best fit for grifter in the story is Jan Kamsra, but he's no shapeshifter. 

Since they're both weak, I'm going to call this one a wash.    

*Professional Killer*
EAS has a stated professional killer - Octavius the Skullsmasher.  DDH has Romus, the first monster, professional salt-eater and assassin.  They're both good.  

*Unidentified Wound*
This was clearly a difficult ingredient.  There are mysterious wounds in both entries, and both are eventually identified, but when they're first discovered they're a bit mysterious.  

In DDH, the circular wound created by the salt-eater attack is certainly unusual and mysterious. It's the more interesting of the two wounds, certainly -- but in the end, finding out the nature of the wound and what killed Alexander, but knowing about the salt-eater's special attack does not appear to help move the story along.  That's not strictly necessary, but stronger ingredient use will make that possibly important to the story.  

In EAS, the mysterious wounds are far less mystical -- the wounds created by the hakapik.  What I like about this is that the other murder going on -- that committed by the Skullsmasher -- makes a nice red herring, because of the heavy blow delivered with the hakapik to the captains skull.  So, while being killed with a hakapik isn't as sexy as having all your salt harvested through your neck, it's more important to the story, so I think EAS has the edge on this one.  

*Illegal Speed*
In EAS, Rider is a drug dealing with a load of drugs to sell -- until he dumps it overboard. 
In DDH, the first victim Alexander is a meth addict -- and while that gets illegal speed into the story -- and perhaps a red herring for the investigation with the load of drugs and paraphernalia in his room.  They are both minor factors in the adventure, so I don't think I prefer one to the other.  

*Secret Shop*
In DDH, Sara Middleton runs the secret store for monster hunters out of the island's general store., Later, it seems the store is in the old school building, which everyone is fortifying to try to deal with the Diabla Negra threat. 

In EAS, the secret shop stretches the "shop" idea a bit -- Faoch "sells" backwards time jumps so the players can try to figure out the mystery again, and the currency he accepts is the secrets of the other passengers.  That's pretty fun, and I think I like it a little better than the use in DDH, so we will call this one for EAS. 

*Ethical Dilemma*
In EAS, the ethical dilemma is not as clear to me as I would like it to be.  At the end of the entry, there's the description of the alternative solution -- the way Rel might be convinced to save herself by freeing everyone.  But that doesn't really feel like its a central ethical dilemma.  Perhaps the role of the doppelganger itself is meant to be an ethical dilemma, but I find it all weak for this ingredient.  
In DDH, the story ends with a choice put to the PCS -- they can kill their dying friend and absorb the power of the Heart, or they can refuse, which will force the NPCs to go with plan B, and give it to Rachel.  
So, that one is clearer and effective, so advantage to DDH.  

That gives DDH a one-ingredient edge over EAS.  Pretty thin, but it's there.


*
Writing, Presentation, Playability*


Spoiler



They're both great as standalone adventures.  I want to play both of them.  

EAS reads like the plot to a murder mystery weekend that would be a whole lot of fun to play. I like the NPCs, the various plotlines, the details of where clues can be found and what can play out, etc.  

I did find the write-up confusing in parts -- the time loop thing is ALWAYS going to be a challenge to present effectively.  One thing I found confusing is the idea that the clock rolls back two hours with each time jump -- but all of the action (except Rel killing the captain) that happens takes place between 10 and 11.  And the time jump goes back two hours from the moment that the player sells the secret to Faoch, and that might roll time back even further before 9 pm.  It's possible, I suppose, that the players might be able to prevent the captain's murder entirely by being on hand to stop Rel from killing the captain at 7 pm -- and that will require several jumps. 

It's always fun to think about these loops -- and the idea that this doppelgager PC is going to be able to move around in time and try to solve the murder -- that could be fun play.  And it's good that there are a lot of way to imagine saving the day -- stopping the captain's murder is one thing, but getting onto the bridge and diverting the ship is another etc.  

I think I might have understood more clearly that part of what the adventure is expecting the players to do is gradually step back to earlier timeframes is if there were more events detailed earlier than 10pm.  Word count may be the culprit there, but as it stands, everything the players need to figure out, and all of the things they will interact with are in that last hour. 

So, I think this one is daring, convoluted as any time-jumping adventure must be, and looks like a load of fun.  But the writeup has challenges.  

DDH, is a simpler story, even if that's just by virtue of not adding time travel to a cast of shapeshifters.  I like the gathering of old allies, the double monster nature of the story, the whole setup mostly works (although there's some stretches for the sake of ingredient use I could have done without -- again, why does it matter that Alice steals from dying patients?)

The adventure feels atmospheric, exciting, playable, and fun. While the name of the demon (diabla negra) might be read as a bit problematic, the reveal, the anticipation of the attack on the schoolhouse, everything just would be a lot of fun to play.



*Final Analysis*


Spoiler



EAS flies awfully close to the sun for an Iron DM entry -- shapeshifters, time travel, bargains with fey creatures, murder mysteries -- this is not the sort of thing that word limits mix well with.  And what has been presented is solid, playable, and fun.  

DDH takes fewer risks, and it shows -- the adventure is tighter without being too much of a railroad ride.  And, it did make somewhat better use of the ingredients, as I read the entries.  

So, for my selection, I pick Denouement of a Dying Hunter as the better entry, and that means one vote for Wicht as the 2021 Iron DM.


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## Iron Sky (Sep 10, 2021)

Been working on my judgment in chunks whenever I have time. 40% done. Hopefully get it done tomorrow.


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## Wicht (Sep 10, 2021)

Spoiler






Radiating Gnome said:


> While the name of the demon (diabla negra) might be read as a bit problematic,...




As I doubt you are worried about potential Copyright infringement with the song bearing a similar name by Cristiián Cardiz, nor the halloween costumes of the same name, I am assuming you are referring to the potential for English speakers to read the spanish word for black as meaning something besides black. I had considered that possibility, which is one reason I changed the demon to feminine from masculine so as to be able to change the adjective as well. Ebona (spanish for Ebony) just did not flow as well, and made the demon sound to my english ears like some sort of disease instead. The name however is not problematic in Spanish, and merely means the black she-devil. I just couldn't bring myself to have a blue devil (La Diabla Azul sounds like she is a star of a local futbol team), nor a pink devil (La Diabla Rosa conjures images of a cheap supernatural romance novel) as the villain. I suppose I could have got more creative and gone with something like _La Serpenta del Valle de Sombra de Muerte, _ but I really liked the simplicity of the original name and besides... Word Count.




Radiating Gnome said:


> DDH takes fewer risks, and it shows...



That's a fair cop.

Once I gave up on trying to craft a gritty fantasy nior spy drama homage to Mark Lucas' _Night of Fear _(Dungeon Magazine; issue 28), which was one of my go-to starter adventures for a long time and always a blast to run with new players, and realized I was going to do something modern, _shapeshifter_ made me think of Supernatural. But I was also thinking of something suitable for a starter adventure. So I leaned into both, making it the sort of plot you could use with new players, with memorable moments that would stick in the mind, but simple enough to follow without getting confused.  I also formatted it like a television episode, which is I believe how the Supernatural RPG formatted its adventures; but that also certainly affects the adventure style making it seem a bit tamer as regards "risks."


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## Iron Sky (Sep 10, 2021)

*Judging Iron DM 2021 – Round 3 Wicht vs. Gradine*

Slipping into Evil Judge persona:

Final round; this time for all the marbles. Actually, you don't even get marbles... why are we all doing this again?

@Wicht and


Spoiler: Denouement of a Dying Hunter



*Sick Burns After Reading*
Stuck on a frozen island with a bunch of shapeshifters and a demon. Sounds like holidays as a kid... barely joking.

Oh good, I get to remember nine NPCs, several of whom are shapeshifters and/or who lie about their names. Nice.

Good news, the NPCs start to die off like monster hunters on a demon-haunted frozen island, but until then I'm five hunters, a werewolf, a shapeshifting demon, and two types of shape shifters of which makes up a fake name for the guy he's impersonating. I'm going to change the names in Scene One to illustrate:

"The PCs are cheerfully greeted at the Lonely Roost by Jakwe, and given rooms on the third floor. Already present are Jimbo and Chuck. Joe Bob, Grumby, and Reeve each arrive later. Towards suppertime, Sally Joe arrives to help with the cooking. Wally arrives for supper, though it is not in fact Wally, but Easter McGale in Wally’s form.

Reeve drives a motorcycle and is wearing the form of deceased actor Sals Lamont. He introduces himself as Sals Italy. PCs might note that he is interested in the names of the other guests, but does not dine, instead going to his room, after greeting everyone present. "

Got all that? Yeah, me neither.

Romus has three different names to track just right there: him, who he's impersonating, then the pseudonym he uses. To help you struggle to keep track, they're often referenced by first or last name randomly. Alexander Dark = "Dark", "Alexander", or "Alexander Dark".

New scene? Jump back to the cast list to see who the hell everyone is again.

Speaking of, if George, Robbie, Jack, and Thomas split up after the demon hunt, why are they all together here? Hunter retirement community coming true?

*Second pass consumed*
Mostly figuring out who everyone is and what they are doing. Let's hazard another pass to see if the PCs actually get to do something fun.

Show up → "sup" → murder → corpse → Sara's got all the answers → old hunters let PCs search Island → one-shot no-scope Romus → Tom takes a plot dump on them → NPC murder? → demon gem crush.

And then we come to the "and then" plotting. The PCs arrive _and then_ someone dies _and then_ Sara gives them answers _and then_ the hunters tell them to fight the monster. They kill it. Tom drops the demon bit leading to the PCs making a difficult choice _and then_ the monster shows up.

Essentially one choice in the adventure assuming they don't choose to risk the river once everyone's getting salt-drained and heart-eaten. Rest of the time the PCs just happen to be there while things happen around/to them. At least when they switch to doing hunter stuff they get to... oh wait, the NPC hunters are helpful enough to drop the choice info and direct the hunting. The older hunters _let_ the PCs take the lead, from which we can infer that if the PCs don't the consequence is the old hunters step in and make sure it happens.

So the NPCs likely direct or supply key data for the investigative parts (people are so helpful probably don't even get to make my social rolls) but at least we get some epic monster fights, right?

Fight one:
*GM*: "Romus rams a mag into his M4 and chambers it loudly. Come get me you-"
*PC*: "I shoot him. Nice, got a 22 to hit. 11 damage minus ten since these silver bullets suck is 1."
*GM*: "Okay, with cover, I guess that's still a hit. You graze him, he laughs and-"
*PC*: "Wait, didn't she say a hit kills these things?"
*GM*: "Oh... yeah. Um, I guess it's dead then."

We have (gun)fight one where the PCs kill the baddie with one hit and (un)fight two against a demon one of the PCs can presumably slay readily especially with a National Guard armory worth of fighty bits plus an anti-demon gem while the other PCs are useless OR, worse, they are all useless and the NPC werewolf does the job while they just try not to get killed. Fun.

What happens here if the PCs don't show up? Same people die, Sara and fam probably kill the shapeshifter since they're experienced hunters with an arsenal then Werewife (next DC superhero movie) soaks herself in tears before killing her husband and soaking herself in demon blood. PCs are helpful/disposable to the NPCs at best and have front-row tickets to the s#!7show at worst.

*Ingredients
Frozen Island *setting. Frozen + Island keeps them from leaving. Solid, like ice.

*Last Chance *Tom/Thomas/Thomas Middleton's last chance to kill the demon. Ethical PCs/players might not take it, thus removing themselves from killing it.

*Shape-shifting Grifter *gets trickier. The above two were immediately obvious without even re-reading but we have three shapeshifters confusing things up here. Alice/Tom/Alice/Alice Tyler is maybe the grifter with "I see dead people's bank accounts". Romus/Alfred Ryder/Alfred Rome sucks the salt from his targets, but he's more of an assassin so probably not him. Jack/Lincoln/Jack Lincoln/La Diabla Negra is mostly a demon. Must be Alice/Tom/Alice/Alice Tyler then. That's she's a grifter is mostly backstory since no grifting goes on in sight of or involving the PCs.

*Professional Killer* Romus/Alfred Ryder/Alfred Rome vs Alex/Alexander/Dark/Alexander Dark, though I suppose both are professional killers just one kills people for a living the other kills monsters (with killing people as a hobby). A diverting mid-plot likely presumed to be the main story but turns out to be a surprisingly unrelated branch jutting off the dying tree of the adventure. A red herring salted extra heavy.

*Unidentified Wound *the strange puncture marks on Alex/Alexander/Dark/Alexander Dark's body where salt is sucked out. Nifty way to die, less nifty that Sara identifies it for them.

*Illegal Speed *Meth. Alex/Alexander/Dark/Alexander Dark's less grisly habit. If one of the monsters was super-fast and the Meth was magically-enhanced with the PCs having to decide "Do I take this drug and have a fighting chances against Methmonster but meth OR do I risk getting ripped apart by a literal speed demon without it." Instead, this just says "this is a bad guy" then goes on to have zero relation to the rest of the adventure.

*Secret Shop* Sara/Sara Middelton's shop that mostly serves as an arsenal since the PCs don't actually buy anything. Ties nicely into the mythos of hunters, less so as an ingredient especially when she just tells them about it and seems to just let them borrow stuff instead of buying it.

*Ethical Dilemma *being to kill Tom/Thomas/Thomas Middleton and kill the demon or be powerless against it. Unfortunately, if they kill him then they can kill the demon but if they don't Werewife kills him and does it. I'm sure in the moment any remotely scrupulous PCs will find the decision agonizing, but in hindsight the demon dies either way. This ties with Frozen Island as least sucky ingredient (with the salt-drinking shapeshifter obviously being the suckiest).

*Summary*
Premise stirred my excitement, execution mostly killed it.



Stumbling on, we come to @Gradine 's


Spoiler: Eternity at Sea



*First Loop*
The intro really sucked me in. Stumbled a bit on Matilda and haka... kapik... hakapik, then smoothed out. Things get faster even if exactly who is who slips away here and there. Fortunately, context clues help tune me back in. End fascinated and a bit bewildered.

*Second Loop*
Intro sucked me in but with questions. This is familiar, but who is it who dies on my blade? How does the detective relate to any of this and what do they do? I've found their journal with a bunch of notes... is Marsch the person I killed?

Also, why do I need to break into the bridge? Everything passes so fast trying to absorb this I missed it; mental note to figure out why the vent is necessary to get to the bridge next time through. Everyone has secrets, but are these all incidental and useful only to give me more time or are they directly related to the solution in some way?

*Third Loop*
The person is my twin, so presumably I'm killing the reporter I'm pretending to be as I come back through time an hour.

Don't know how I missed the "sealed entrance to the bridge" the first two loops. Sealed how? Is there any other way to break in? How about smashing one of the bridge windows? What happens if I go disable the engine or figure out a way to jam the rudder sideways instead?

I'm assuming the silkie bails before the ship blows up but haven't seen it.

Why am I questioning all these people when I know I need to get into the bridge? Would I maybe be better off improvising better battering rams or rope ladders or the like until I find something that works? If it was booby-trapped too then I'd probably give up faster and realize this is a social/investigative puzzle not an action/B&E one.

Wait, am I Marsch now? I'm getting the implication that's what's going on but haven't figured out for sure. Who am I? Why did Marsch hide that captain's body? Or was/is that me? Did I do that? I thought I was the reporter?

Ah, silkie goes boom. Amazing what you miss when you are reading quickly and not going back.

Does Faoch go boom too?

"Faoch will not reveal any details about Rel,"... why does this sentence end with a comma? Is there more there that I'll find on a later loop? Did I delete it somehow?

Wait, Reltilda chucked the hapi... hakapaka... hikipaki... murder weapon overboard? Don't they find it later? Ah, it's the bosun's billy club. Reading this fast is revealing inherent reading comprehension fails.

Final answer (assuming B&E is off the table) is solve the murder of the captain to get Langley's trust to get the vent info. What if I'd just spent the whole time searching the ship for other ways in instead of doing social deduction? If there's an air vent into the bridge, presumably there are other air vents I can observe elsewhere and make the deduction. I know I can fit inside one in my "natural" state after all.

Providing a second way out (seLkIE) helps and is nifty, but would have liked to see the "50 break the window rolls" or "100 search rolls" methods addressed.

*Fourth Loop*
Now that alternate approaches have failed (why not succeeded?), let's try social. Know we need to solve this murder and even failing can provide secrets to literally buy more time.

Why did I kill myself? Didn't I die in the explosion?

Going to assume I'm the detective now, not the reporter.

I start hitting people up for clues:
♦Faoch tells me about the watch: secrets for time.
♦I dance with Matilda, maybe learn she's a selkie and blows up the ship.
♦Somehow I learn I am (used to be) Garrett.
♦Arthur tries to sell me drugs.
♦Somehow I get Tatiana and Jan to spill their murder/ghost issues even though they won't talk separately.
♦In some way I learn Octavius is the skullsmasher who kills(ed) Jan.
♦Langley the ex-con bosun is the key; solve who killed the captain (Selktilda) and he gives me the vent. How do I do that since the weapon is gone and Rel/Matilda won't talk?

Assuming I somehow do this and get vent info I can die this time if it's too late and I'll go straight there next time around.

Or I somehow talk Rel into helping... wait how does she fix it? Does she know a way in or how to unseal the bridge?

Let's assume I've solved it so I can move on to

*Ingredients
Frozen Island *Iceberg deading ahead. Playing on the extra frozenness to make up for depreciated islandness (is that a word?)

*Last Chance *Eventually, the PC might run out of attempts (or Rel steals the watch) and have one last chance to fix things. Statistically, anyone who's going to win this adventure will win before their last chance which weakens this.

*Shapeshifter Grifter *I'm the shapeshifter and pretending to be someone else. Since the "pretending to be someone else" definition of grifter is already covered by shapeshifter, we need to focus on the grifting part... which we don't really do since we're mostly a detective. This one packs extra punch on the shapeshifter hand to compensate for the relative griftlesness (I feel like I've made up 5 words this judgment...).

*Professional Killer *being Octavius who is at best a red-herring and worse background since he doesn't kill anyone essential to the story. I guess he could use up a couple loops if the PC fingers them as the captains killer (or just pins it on them if that satisfies the bosun I suppose) and he does hold a time-refuel secret so he's not completely irrelevant.

*Unidentified Wound *the captain + clubbing + cutting. Sounds like the life of a troubled metropolitan 20-something. That aside aside, the captains wounds are the key pieces of info towards tracking the killer and ties in the bosun, Octavius, and Rel. Since Rel ditched the weapon, it doesn't help tie it to her but does supply a decent chunk of grist for the investigation mill.

*Illegal Speed *proves to be another relatively irrelevant bit unconnected to anyone else. Even in evil mode I have to give credit for how clever collecting secrets is proving as even seemingly irrelevant dead ends are rewarded mechanically with do-overs.

*Secret Shop *the quickling literally trading in secrets; a brilliant use of the ingredient that also ropes the game structure and even the most irrelevant-seeming ingredients to the adventure's mast. As hard as I'm trying to be snarky and critical here I'm at a dead end. This is genius.

*Ethical Dilemma* that I think lies with the alternate way out via selkie. It doesn't specify the way out so I assumed with my few loops she'd fix the ship but now realizing she'll just bail and take the PC with her. Adding to the dilemmaness (is that a thing?) there is a risk of Rel screwing the player if they take that route and get instant karma.

*Final Loop*
I'm finding I can't find enough bad things to say about this adventure so will wrap it up. Sure, I've heaped a pile of questions around the bridge/vent/sealing deal, but with a few clarifications (like a clever clockwork booby trap on the door or something) they could be pretty quickly swept away.





Spoiler: Final judgment



Dropping the cranky mien and squinty demeanor I'm both relieved and disappointed that I have so clear a winner in mind; you'd hope in the finals to have two brilliant pieces of GM-work going against one another and in this final it seems we only have one. Even the best Iron GMs (which both Gradine and Wicht certainly qualify among) can have RL time constraints, ingredients that don't mix, or just end up with judges that don't click with what they wrote.

I really loved the setting and premise of Denouement of a Dying Hunter; trapped on a frozen island with a salt-sucking shapeshifer and an ancient demon is just cool. This potential was hamstrung - in my potentially flawed opinion like everything I'm saying - by a strong sense that the end result would be the same with or without the PCs present. Helpful NPCs also make for boring investigations since it removes them as obstacles to be overcome on the way to solving the mystery and when they volunteer to jump in to do some investigating themselves plus will happily give the players the tools to win, it turns the spotlight firmly away from the players. Add in two gimmicky fights that seem (if I understood correctly) to be insta-wins if you have the right McGuffins of silver bullets and demon-slaying gems.

The ingredient use isn't terrible like I made it out to be while in evil mode either. Sure some could be stronger and/or tied into the adventure more securely, but against most entries it would still win. But it's not against most entries.

From its opening in media res start through my fifth looping read-through, Eternity at Sea grew on me more and more. With a little clarification on what "sealed" means plus methods of eliminating (or making equally interesting) other ways into the cabin plus a bit more thought on how exactly you "solve" the murder to the bosun's satisfaction, this adventure could be among the best Iron DM adventures I've ever read, judged, or competed against. Groundhog Murder on the Titanic as a game with every bit of info not only narratively but also mechanically important. Most investigations' red herrings or interesting-but-useless bits of NPC backstory are fascinating but irrelevant at best or frustrating at worst yet every bit really, really counts.

In play, I could see getting an actual watch and giving the PC one hour of real-time each loop, then manually adjusting the hands for each failure or secret spent as they restart. Just got a little chill thinking about how cool that would be.

I nominate Gradine for Iron DM 2021 Champion.





Spoiler



Final judges note]I'm really glad I chose to judge rather than compete this year. Taken as a whole, I'd say this years' entries were among the strongest I've ever seen, especially that killer batch of first-round entries. That round is brutal and yet even many of the losing entries this year would have dominated the first round of past tournaments. If you lost it doesn't mean your adventure or writing/GMing skills were bad, you just had killer competition this time around.

I also learned a ton while pulling everyone's adventures apart to figure out what made them tick; if you haven't judged I highly recommend it in future years!

Lastly, playing Evil Judge was fun and hopefully entertaining. I hope no one took offense. While I greatly over-exaggerated the degree of criticism I did try to keep most of it as constructive and on-point as possible. If I saw something that seemed questionable, I called it out, just via the mouthpiece of a pretentious jerkbag. My hope always while judging is to helping everyone's GMing, adventure writing, and writing get stronger (including my own), never to tear down or offend.

Congrats to whichever of you ends up as winner and everyone who competed!

-Evil Judge, out


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## Iron Sky (Sep 10, 2021)

Spoiler: One more time



Interesting how two judges can read things so differently. Here's why we have three judges. 

No pressure Rune.


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## Gradine (Sep 10, 2021)

Spoiler: Spoiler


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## Wicht (Sep 10, 2021)

Spoiler: An after-the-fact explanation for posterity



Two judges have read my piece the same way - that the shop run by the daughter is the same as the workshop in the school, so I must not have been as clear as I should have been. These are two distinct uses of the word shop - one is an online store, and the other is a workshop (suitable for altering guns, loading bullets, sharpening knifes, turning stakes on the lathe and that sort of thing. The former is a business and the latter is a private arsenal. When two individuals read it the same way, then there is a good chance the problem is in the presentation, so mea culpa.





Spoiler: Also Once Again



And so once again, Rune is the Tie-Breaker. I knew when I read Gradine's piece that the judging could go either way and would largely depend on the tastes of the individual judges, so not at all surprised here. Still... cue Tom Petty...   )


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## Gradine (Sep 10, 2021)

Spoiler: Iron Sky Says:






Iron Sky said:


> the ingredient that also ropes the game structure and even the most irrelevant-seeming ingredients to the *adventure's mast*.









Spoiler: My Question



Now, I know my Iron DM history enough to know that's a burn, but not enough to know to whom. In any case...





Spoiler: My Response


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## Gradine (Sep 10, 2021)

And my thoughts/responses



Spoiler



Ideally, this adventure would have 1000 more words to spend on a section that details what's happening in what room and at what time, as well as to add for clarity to other bits that I had to cut for space, including:
*Faoch knows what's going on and will bail if he senses failure
*At the beginning of each loop, you return to your (the reporter's) room, knife in hand, the detective dying in front of you, groaning "It's up to you, now." The best time loops always restart on a memorable moment; the ur-example being "I Got You Babe" in Groundhog Day
*Rel, being a Selkie, can just jump off the ship and swim away. The doppelgänger can convince her to leave and to take it with her. The player and the main villain escape, and everyone else on the ship still dies. This 
*There was also some folderol about the bridge locking from the inside and Rel being able to make it out through the vents.
*If I had even more room, I would elaborate on other solutions to the puzzle, such as pinning both murders on Octavius, finding the vent on your own (this tied into Rel leaving water around the vent she exited from). I decided to try to narrow the focus on the social/investigation puzzle instead, knowing that other solutions would be possible.

I'm sure I'll have more thoughts later, after the last judgment.


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## Neurotic (Sep 11, 2021)

New competition idea: we take a piece of history, an iron dm entry from the archives...and judges then compete in how bad can they trash-talk it.

Another set of judges then judges the trashing


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## Iron Sky (Sep 11, 2021)

2nd derivative meta-judging? ∂Iron/∂DM? Iron Judge?


Neurotic said:


> New competition idea: we take a piece of history, an iron dm entry from the archives...and judges then compete in how bad can they trash-talk it.
> 
> Another set of judges then judges the trashing




It could also be fun to have everyone take one of their own entries (especially the really early ones) and tear them apart. I've looked back at a couple that I even argued with judges over and don't know what I was thinking.


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## Rune (Sep 11, 2021)

*Judgement for the IRON DM 2021 Championship Match: Gradine vs. Wicht*


We come at last to the final showdown. Two seasoned veterans — each an experienced IRON DM — vie for this year’s title. As one could expect, given our contenders’ pedigrees, the adventures presented are both exceptional in quality.

Interestingly, both adventures have the trappings of a murder-mystery, although that isn’t really an adequate description of either entry.

*I’ll begin with the ingredients.*



Spoiler



*Frozen Island*


Spoiler



Both entries make this ingredient an important element of the adventure. In Wicht’s _Denouement of a Dying Hunter_ (“Denouement”), the island is the setting for the adventure, which is specifically important because it prevents Romus from leaving for supernatural-water-crossing-prohibition reasons.

The icing of the island (especially its drawbridge) also isolates and traps everyone else on the island, which adds an element of survival to the already strong stakes of this adventure.

Meanwhile, in Gradine’s _Eternity at Sea_ (“Eternity”), the frozen island is the iceberg that dooms the ship. And because it happens over and over again, it’s impending manifestation is a constant looming presence for the PC.

Does it need to be an iceberg? Maybe not specifically, but the fact that it is tells us something important about the adventure: the freezing waters ensure that escape by jumping overboard is not an option.

Both of these ingredients are very good.



*Last Chance*


Spoiler



”Eternity” provides a last chance for the PC to save ship or self in the final trip through the time-loop.

The entry specifically calls out the last time through that the PC will get if Rel gets the stopwatch. The stakes are certainly high at this point, but the ingredient works for other paths, as well.

The last chance in “Denouement” is Thomas’s attempt to use the PCs (and other NPCs) to kill Alexander, Romus, and the demon.

This forms the framework of the adventure and is therefore a better use.



*Shapeshifter Grifter*


Spoiler



Both entries provide a plurality of shapeshifters, though only one in each is a grifter. In “Denouement” this is Alice, who plays an interesting role in Thomas’s plan.

Her grifting does not seem particularly relevant, but for two things: she owes Thomas a favor and that favor manifests as a deception to lure the demon into action. This is pretty good.

Meanwhile, the shapeshifter grifter in “Eternity” is the PC. The shapeshifting is part of what makes the hook work. I’ll get more specific about the hook elsewhere, but the opening act of imitation plus murder is a convenient  entrance into an initially contextless scene.

The grifter part doesn’t really come up, except in the potential method utilized to investigate the mystery that surrounds any hope for survival. Langley or Rel, especially, are going to need a deft touch in exploiting their confidences.

This is inherently integral to the PC and is therefore superior.



*Professional Killer*


Spoiler



The professional killer in both entries serves a similar purpose: to complicate and misdirect the PCs’ investigations. In the case of “Eternity”, this is done by throwing suspicion and peril on an NPC whom the PC may need help from. In “Denouement”, the killer serves as a distracting bit of action while the demon kills off the other hunters.

These are both about even as ingredients.



*Unidentified Wound*


Spoiler



”Denouement” uses the unidentified wound as a clue to determine the nature of Romus, so that the PCs can effectively hunt him down and kill him. That it is not actually the PCs who will be doing this research is a little bit unfortunate. Rather, the research is done out of frame by Sara, presumably while the PCs are chasing other leads.

In “Eternity”, the unidentified nature of the captain’s mortal wound appears even less significant. However, the fact that it is mentioned in Marsch’s notebook means that the PC will learn of it almost immediately. This is good, because that means the unidentified nature of the wound becomes a mystery that the PC can pursue from the very beginning.

Thus, this ingredient serves a very important purpose within the adventure.



*Illegal Speed*


Spoiler



This ingredient seems to be nothing more than coloring of a sleazy character in both entries. In “Eternity”, the drugs don’t seem particularly relevant, except that they are a secret that can be obtained and bartered. Such as it is. I wonder, though, if they would even be illegal out at sea?

At any rate, the meth that Alexander is addicted to in “Denouement” at least helps paint a somewhat clearer dirtbag, but it is completely undercut by the serial killings.

The ingredient is unambiguously present in both entries. But that’s about as far as that goes.



*Secret Shop*


Spoiler



I’m not sure why Sara’s monster-hunter supply web store needs to be secretive in “Denouement”. I recognize that the shop itself is important, because where else are the PCs going to find silver bullets on this island?

In “Eternity”, the PC can uncover secrets in the course of investigation and sell them to the quickling in exchange for more attempts at saving self or ship. It is a bit of a stretch to call this a “secret shop” when what is really on sale is time. The secrets are just the currency.

Even so, the actual role in the adventure is potentially crucial to success and, at the very least, absolutely a huge part in driving home the supernatural nature of much of it.

Despite the stretch, I’ll have to lean toward “Eternity” on this one.



*Ethical Dilemma*


Spoiler



I had high hopes for this ingredient, because a good ethical dilemma enriches any adventure it is in. Are the ones we get here good?

“Eternity” has this for an ethical dilemma: The PC must choose between convincing Langley to help so that the bridge can be accessed and the ship saved (at considerable risk to the PC) or working with (and deceiving) Rel to save the PC (and Rel) at the expense of the rest of the ship.

This is a good dilemma, but it isn’t exactly an ethical one, because it doesn’t force the PC to choose between two equally problematic ethical decisions. It is clear that one of these is ethically right and the other is wrong. That’s the entire point of this kind of dilemma. The right choice is the harder one.

“Denouement” gives us this: In order to ensure that the demon is defeated, one of them must kill their friend, or make his werewolf wife do it.

That _is_ a fine ethical dilemma, but I’m not sure that the consequences of the decision will really be felt in the adventure. Except in that the PCs may not even be involved in the defeat of the demon at all. And even if they choose to kill Tom, only one of the PCs will be able to hurt the demon.

The dilemma seems good, but its fallout doesn’t seem satisfying to me. But that’s a structural issue. As far as the ingredient goes, “Denouement” has the edge with this one.






*Hooks, Stakes*


Spoiler



*We came. We saw. We kicked its ass!*


Spoiler



The PCs in “Denouement” are invited by a dying friend to socialize among some strangers and solve the inevitable murder that happens on the first night. It’s such a classic, it borders on cliché, but it has enough variation (and immediate intrigue) that I think it avoids that trap.

Having avoided it, the set-up immediately sets a tone appropriate to the genre(s). Furthermore, observant players will quickly note that they can not leave, which should create a note of unease that will persist throughout the adventure’s events, just beneath the trappings of mystery.

The stakes of the adventure are presented in the letter, as well. Tom needs to finish some business before he dies and he needs the PCs’ help. The details will emerge through play, but the stage is set for a good adventure right in the hook.



*We are not so different, you and I.*


Spoiler



The hook in “Eternity” was confusing to me at first. This, it turns out, is as it should be.

The doppelgänger begins play in a completely contextless act of murder. Almost immediately, the PC gains context with possession of the pocketwatch. Once that is established, the notebook fills in some of the gaps while also providing several leads to explore.

As with the other entry, the stakes are present from the very start: imminent destruction and only a few chances to set things right.

This hook is specifically tailored to the scenario. For this adventure, the initial lack of context and the subsequent rush of it really makes the whole thing catch on the player’s curiosity. I can’t really imagine the player who wouldn’t buy in. This is a very effective hook.






*Morph-monsters, mysteries, and murders most foul.*


Spoiler



*I’m on a boat.*


Spoiler



”Eternity” has a fairly complex structure, designed to be repeated multiple times as the player explores new avenues in the attempt to find a solution to the puzzle that dooms the entire ship before running out of attempts to do so.

This is a very interesting layer added to the time-loop genre (such as it is). Instead of presenting the time-loop as a trap that must be escaped, “Eternity” presents it as a tool for survival. Doing so — and limiting the uses of said tool — neatly bypasses one of the potential perils of a time-loop scenario. Specifically, a growing frustration as the failed attempts to escape accumulate.

This entry does something else that really helps to mitigate this. By providing a way to purchase more attempts with secrets that will be uncovered naturally during the course of play, the player is given tangible achievements along the way, each a minor goal within the larger framework.

This is one of those games that is meant to be an unforgettable experience, richer in the retelling than in the replaying. Probably an ideal convention game, or a good game to pull out and play with a friend on a rainy day.

Certainly, the presentation is a little confusing at first; the complex shape of this adventure is not made immediately clear for the GM any more than it is for the player. Somehow, that seems appropriate for a time-loop.

There is one area that I think would serve the adventure well if developed a little further, however. The only information we have that Marsch knew the PC (in some capacity) is a scant note in the notebook about the PC’s assumed persona.

This does nothing to suggest why the game begins with his murder, but I think things would be richer if the PC could discover that Marsch had been on to the doppelgänger and had confronted the PC, thus leading to his murder.

Of course, that could still be true, even if the notebook doesn’t suggest it.

More challenging is the air vent. I can’t figure out why Langley would even think of this as a helpful means of entry to the bridge if it is too small for human use.

Which means he isn’t really helpful to the PC. At least not intentionally.

Ultimately, though, that seems like a relatively minor fix. He could just casually mention it, after all, assuming his guard is lowered enough for casual conversation.

On the whole, this is a truly artful adventure that _wants_ to be played once. And remembered forever.



*Better run, better run, faster than my (silver) bullet.*


Spoiler



”Denouement” gives us a more traditional murder-mystery frame, although there is certainly some action that unfolds along the way. This is a layered and rewarding structure, that incrementally builds to an intense climax that ought to be quite fulfilling.

Unfortunately, I’m not so sure it really will, because it seems as if most of the PCs (if not all of them) will be relegated to minor roles within the climactic fight, at best distracting the demon while the one character capable of defeating it (a character who may be an NPC, by the way) does the actual work.

This could be handled deftly by a skillful GM who foresees the issue and provides satisfying challenges for the other characters to engage in during the fight. But this is a fine line to walk and this adventure doesn’t really give any help to a GM in doing so.

I don’t think this makes the adventure any less cool. What it _does_ is require just a little bit of preparation ahead of time, just to account for the lack.






*Last time through the loop.*


Spoiler



”Denouement” is an excellent adventure with ingredients that, overall, reflect the skills of a veteran. There is a lot of style in this adventure and that style is mostly presented subtly, which is my favorite kind. This is an impressive effort to cap off an impressive run through this 2021 tournament.

In this match, in my estimation, “Eternity” hits all of the right notes and does it with a slight ingredients-edge, as well.

But, I’m just one voice. Let’s just take a quick look…



…Tied again, huh? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

@Wicht, you know your business. No point in me trying to give you advice, or anything. I think you’ve had some particularly strong entries in this tournament, even for you. 

However, after a somewhat weaker second round, @Gradine really hit their stride in this final match. Sometimes it just works out that way.

By a 2:1 margin, *Wicht* claims the 2nd-place title.

…Which means that *Gradine* is _the_ *IRON DM 2021!*

Congratulations to both of you for exemplary showings.


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## Wicht (Sep 11, 2021)

Thanks to the judges and congratulations to Gradine!


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## Fenris-77 (Sep 11, 2021)

Well done by both finalists.


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## Rune (Sep 11, 2021)

Gradine said:


> Spoiler: My Question
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Coming from @el-remmen, I’d take it as a burn on @Wicht. Coming from Wicht, I’d take it as a burn on el-remmen. 

Coming from me, I would just be stirring the pot. 

Coming from @Iron Sky, it’s probably just a coincidence.


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## Wicht (Sep 11, 2021)

Interestingly enough, I think I am pretty sure that I have now lost more 3rd round Iron DM matches than anyone else. Which is a curious sort of consolation.


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## Rune (Sep 11, 2021)

Wicht said:


> Interestingly enough, I think I am pretty sure that I have now lost more 3rd round Iron DM matches than anyone else. Which is a curious sort of consolation.



It’s a step up from losing more second round matches than anyone else.

These things are bound to happen when you’ve been around as long as you have been.


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## Fenris-77 (Sep 11, 2021)

Well, I just have the one first round exit, so I don't feel bad for anyone.


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## Rune (Sep 11, 2021)

Wicht said:


> Interestingly enough, I think I am pretty sure that I have now lost more 3rd round Iron DM matches than anyone else. Which is a curious sort of consolation.



Out of curiosity, how many is it for you? I’ve lost at least two. Maybe three?


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## FitzTheRuke (Sep 11, 2021)

Whoot! Good entries everyone! This was a great Iron DM. Sad to have sidelined-it.

Congratulations, @Gradine ! Way to go.


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## Rune (Sep 11, 2021)

While this thread is still active, I want to remind everyone that there is now a newsletter (of sorts) you can subscribe to so you will be notified when the next IRON DM Tournament is recruiting. And maybe the spin-off, too, whenever that happens. 

If you’re interested, ask @el-remmen about it! And, if you do sign up for it, be sure to make sure it doesn’t get caught in your spam-filter!


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## Wicht (Sep 11, 2021)

Rune said:


> Out of curiosity, how many is it for you? I’ve lost at least two. Maybe three?




I started keeping a tally of the 3rd round matches, and since 2002, I believe I am 2 and 3 (2002, 2002, 2013, 2014, 2021). But I know I lost 1 or 2 before that in the forgotten days.

I have you down as 1 and 2 in the 3rd round (2002, 2016, 2019)

Deuce Traveler has the most wins and is 3 and 1 for competing in 3rd round matches (2012, 2015, 2016, 2017)

Iron Sky is also notable being 2 and 2 (2009, 2010, 2015, 2019)

Our Champion this year, Gradine, is 2 and 1 (2017, 2018, 2021)


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## Rune (Sep 12, 2021)

Wicht said:


> I started keeping a tally of the 3rd round matches, and since 2002, I believe I am 2 and 3 (2002, 2002, 2013, 2014, 2021). But I know I lost 1 or 2 before that in the forgotten days.
> 
> I have you down as 1 and 2 in the 3rd round (2002, 2016, 2019)
> 
> ...



Oof. Looks like I have the worst ratio in that list. Perhaps I’ll rectify that next year. It is, after all, my 20th anniversary. It would be kind of a shame to sit that one out.


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## Wicht (Sep 12, 2021)

Rune said:


> Oof. Looks like I have the worst ratio in that list. Perhaps I’ll rectify that next year. It is, after all, my 20th anniversary. It would be kind of a shame to sit that one out.



You are in good company. El-remmen and Seasong are also at 1 and 2.


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## Wicht (Sep 12, 2021)

Iron Sky said:


> Romus has three different names to track just right there: him, who he's impersonating, then the pseudonym he uses.




One final comment on my entry. Romus' impersonation of Alfred Ryder is something of an easter-egg and a potential clue for tv savy PCs. Word count didn't let me elaborate on the clue aspect, so I just left it as an easter egg. Ryder had a role in the first Star Trek episode, The Man Trap, where he was living with a salt-sucking monster wearing the form of his deceased wife, who also just happens to be an old flame of Dr McCoy. Word Count sucked out some of the relevant bits, such as more detail about the mysterious wound and how the PCs might investigate it on their own, or how it recalled to them something they might have seen once on TV. Cest la vie.


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## Rune (Sep 12, 2021)

Wicht said:


> You are in good company. El-remmen and Seasong are also at 1 and 2.



With statistics like these, one might get the impression that advancing in IRON DM is a challenge, or something.


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## el-remmen (Sep 12, 2021)

This go-round was so awesome, I kind of wanna do another one immediately.

But I promise that whenever the next time is, I will stand as judge.


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## Gradine (Sep 12, 2021)

I will admit to being a bit shocked. With as strong as the competition has been for the entire tournament, I was sure my goose was cooked, especially considering I lost the first judgment in both of the last two rounds. I was convinced I wasn't going to win this match. Shows what my gut knows after all. Stupid gut.

Thanks to everyone for the intense competition, great analysis and comments, and of course, our judges for putting in the incredibly difficult work of critiquing and judging. Hats off to everyone. 

The fact that none of these last few matches were unanimous makes me look at that phenomenal first round in a new light. Consider that, with as close as every one of those matches were, how many could have gone a different way with a different judge. There's always a measure of luck in advancing at all.

I'm looking forward to the next go round!


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## Gradine (Sep 12, 2021)

Wicht said:


> I started keeping a tally of the 3rd round matches, and since 2002, I believe I am 2 and 3 (2002, 2002, 2013, 2014, 2021). But I know I lost 1 or 2 before that in the forgotten days.
> 
> I have you down as 1 and 2 in the 3rd round (2002, 2016, 2019)
> 
> ...



There is also Mortal Plague, who to my knowledge is 2 and 0 (2014 & 2018), unless I've missed one


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## Wicht (Sep 12, 2021)

Gradine said:


> There is also Mortal Plague, who to my knowledge is 2 and 0 (2014 & 2018), unless I've missed one



No that seems right.

I was only listing those with at least three third round attempts. There are quite a few more who have had only one or two bites at the apple.



Spoiler: The full list as I have it




Deuce Traveler - 3 and 1
Wicht  - 2 and 3
Iron Sky - 2 and 2
Gradine - 2 and 1
Mortal Plague - 2 and 0
Seasong - 1 and 2
Nemm - 1 and 2
Rune - 1 and 2
Wulf - 1 and 1
Quickbeam - 1 and 1
Wayland - 1 and 1
Radiating Gnome - 0 and 2
1 and 0 - Enkhidu, Tinner, Ajanders, Zappo, Humble Minion
0 and 1 - Zenid, CareDavid, Stormborn, Invinoveritas, FitzTheRuke


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## Rune (Sep 12, 2021)

Wicht said:


> No that seems right.
> 
> I was only listing those with at least three third round attempts. There are quite a few more who have had only one or two bites at the apple.
> 
> ...



Which tournament did RG win the 3rd round match in? I don’t have him in my master list of champions and need to correct that if I somehow missed one. Or, it might have been in a round-robin tournament, I guess.


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## Wicht (Sep 12, 2021)

Rune said:


> Which tournament did RG win the 3rd round match in? I don’t have him in my master list of champions and need to correct that if I somehow missed one. Or, it might have been in a round-robin tournament, I guess.



Double-checking he should be 0 - 2. (2002 and 2013, losing once to you and once to me).

Not sure how I got that entered wrong. I have the matches marked right, but tallied it wrong. I fixed my list.


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## Rune (Sep 12, 2021)

Wicht said:


> Double-checking he should be 0 - 2. (2002 and 2013, losing once to you and once to me).
> 
> Not sure how I got that entered wrong. I have the matches marked right, but tallied it wrong. I fixed my list.



Oh _right_. I remember that 2013 tourney, now.  RG’s 2nd round entry was a lot of fun. In some ways similar to Gradine’s 3rd round entry in this one. What with the time travel shenanigans on a boat (the Titanic, in that one). Similar, but also very different. Pretty sure it’s in the anthology.


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## el-remmen (Sep 12, 2021)

Final standings!


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## Radiating Gnome (Sep 12, 2021)

Clearly I need to get back into the lists and out of the judging seats.    Next time around, perhaps.  

-rg


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## FitzTheRuke (Sep 12, 2021)

Wicht said:


> No that seems right.
> 
> I was only listing those with at least three third round attempts. There are quite a few more who have had only one or two bites at the apple.
> 
> ...



Didn't I lose round 3 in the only one I've been in?


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## Rune (Sep 12, 2021)

FitzTheRuke said:


> Didn't I lose round 3 in the only one I've been in?



Last year, right?


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## Wicht (Sep 12, 2021)

FitzTheRuke said:


> Didn't I lose round 3 in the only one I've been in?



Yep - I seemed not to have added either you or Humble Minion to the final list from last years contest. 

Fixing.


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## Wicht (Sep 12, 2021)

Thanks for the extra eyes. My actual saved file has each final round noted with each contestant and the winner bolded. I then went down and just tallied up the various names. Its easy to overlook someone in the tally, but the first part being done makes double checking of the tallies easy enough to do.

Also not on the list is Vaxalon who won in 2001 and then rather than compete in each contest simply challenged the winner. It was determined that this was not really completely fair as each champion had to produce three consistent entries before then producing the fourth and Vaxalon was only doing the one each time. But he did have a string of steady defenses of his overall title and if I was doing a more thorough presentation would probably asterick him in somehow.


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## FitzTheRuke (Sep 12, 2021)

Wicht said:


> Thanks for the extra eyes. My actual saved file has each final round noted with each contestant and the winner bolded. I then went down and just tallied up the various names. Its easy to overlook someone in the tally, but the first part being done makes double checking of the tallies easy enough to do.
> 
> Also not on the list is Vaxalon who won in 2001 and then rather than compete in each contest simply challenged the winner. It was determined that this was not really completely fair as each champion had to produce three consistent entries before then producing the fourth and Vaxalon was only doing the one each time. But he did have a string of steady defenses of his overall title and if I was doing a more thorough presentation would probably asterick him in somehow.




Yeah, I would think that would be a bit unfair. There's no reason to believe that anyone who lost round one this time (for example) wouldn't have turned in a winning round three, had they made it that far!


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## Rune (Sep 13, 2021)

FitzTheRuke said:


> Yeah, I would think that would be a bit unfair. There's no reason to believe that anyone who lost round one this time (for example) wouldn't have turned in a winning round three, had they made it that far!



Speaking as one of the two people who have lost to Vaxalon in such a match (before he retired with the only undefeated record in IRON DM history), I wouldn’t exactly say the experience was unfair; I agreed to do it, after all. Not unfair – as an _exhibition_ match. 

But I was drained by the time I began that fourth match. The tournaments were pretty quick in those days and I was young enough to pull all-nighters when I needed to write, so that’s what three of my nights pretty recently had been. Not including any all-nighters I might have also pulled for class papers (can’t remember).

To be clear, Vaxalon’s work _was_ legitemate and good (seriously, check out the surviving ones!). But there is no question in my mind that my own final entry was all the more strained as a result of my fatigue. I _felt_ it then and I can still _see_ it now when I reread it. 

I think Incognito is the one who recognized that a better form of recognition would be automatic entry in the next tourney (they filled up very quickly back then). 

I carried it over into the tournament my first time as a judge and it seems to be one innovation that has weathered the test of time.


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## FitzTheRuke (Sep 13, 2021)

Rune said:


> Speaking as one of the two people who have lost to Vaxalon in such a match (before he retired with the only undefeated record in IRON DM history), I wouldn’t exactly say the experience was unfair; I agreed to do it, after all. Not unfair – as an _exhibition_ match.
> 
> But I was drained by the time I began that fourth match. The tournaments were pretty quick in those days and I was young enough to pull all-nighters when I needed to write, so that’s what three of my nights pretty recently had been. Not including any all-nighters I might have also pulled for class papers (can’t remember).
> 
> ...



Yeah, I don't really mean _criminally_ unfair. I would have done it, but slightly less meaningful than a current victory. I'm sure they were good enough to win regularly! (But may not have won so many in a row, as they would have had to have won three times as many matches, any of which could have held a stumper of an ingredient, a bit that didn't jive with the judges, or so idea that just didn't fit the word count or time limit to be polished).


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## Rune (Sep 13, 2021)

FitzTheRuke said:


> Yeah, I don't really mean _criminally_ unfair. I would have done it, but slightly less meaningful than a current victory. I'm sure they were good enough to win regularly! (But may not have won so many in a row, as they would have had to have won three times as many matches, any of which could have held a stumper of an ingredient, a bit that didn't jive with the judges, or so idea that just didn't fit the word count or time limit to be polished).



There is that, too. Back then it was just the one judge, even: @el-remmen.


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## FitzTheRuke (Sep 13, 2021)

Rune said:


> There is that, too. Back then it was just the one judge, even: @el-remmen.



Oh right! And I hear that was brutal!


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## Iron Sky (Sep 13, 2021)

FitzTheRuke said:


> Oh right! And I hear that was brutal!



My god... I think by the second round I wouldn't have to fake Evil Judge anymore. My judgments generally take me 2-5 hours depending on the round so I can imagine soloing an entire tournament. Mad props @el-remmen!



Rune said:


> Coming from @el-remmen, I’d take it as a burn on @Wicht. Coming from Wicht, I’d take it as a burn on el-remmen.
> 
> Coming from me, I would just be stirring the pot.
> 
> Coming from @Iron Sky, it’s probably just a coincidence.



Indeed, coincidence in the form of stretching a metaphor. Maybe it's just the Asperger's talking, but I still don't get why it's a burn?


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## Wicht (Sep 13, 2021)

Iron Sky said:


> but I still don't get why it's a burn?



I will tell you a tale...

In the distant times, in the forgotten times that are not recorded, when Eric Noah still roamed the realms, and the boards were young and men were under the oversight of a one-legged-cat... in those days there was announced a tournament. The challengers assembled themselves for combat and were grouped. Warily they faced off against each other and there were ingredients given to them.

 In one competition, the competition which is still remembered when all else is forgotten from those long-ago times, three of the ingredients given in a certain round included a ghost, a dryad, and a mast. In that round, one of the contestants deftly combined the three ingredients to craft a tale focused on the ghost of a dryad which was haunting the mast made from her tree. When the onlookers saw this offering, they were stunned and awed. The opponent quaked, fearing his time had been cut short in the games. Here, said everyone, was a masterful bit of word-work. Surely, here was a winning performance. But it was not to be. The judge was hard and as he surveyed the arena, he awarded the victory to the opponent, casting aside the dryad-haunted-ship-mast. There was an uproar. Who was this judge? How could he so render a judgment?  With his head bowed, the vanquished-one waved the crowd to silence and accepted the verdict. Mostly gracefully. Only every now and then complaining that he was robbed. After all, the word of the Judge was Law, and could not be gainsayed. But still, many had doubts, and wondered whether the judge was right. 

When next the tournament was called, that contest was still remembered, still talked about. The judgment still in question. And so it continues thus to this day. As the years unfold, here is the one tale from the beginning of Iron DM still remembered and still told. Let it stand as both a lesson and a warning... to all who would enter or judge IRON DM.


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## Wicht (Sep 13, 2021)

There have been a few changes to Iron DM over the years... More structure demanded of the entries... More time... No more 12 entry matches. ...That sort of thing. 

One of the most significant adaptations, significant for the mental health of the Judge, is using a three judge panel for the second and third rounds. Whether the judges are all unanimous or are divided on their judgment, it allows the participants to get a better feel for how others see and rank their work and also mitigates the likelihood of a disgruntled fan-base.


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## humble minion (Sep 13, 2021)

Congratulations @Gradine - I haven't had time to read the final entries yet, but i caved in and spoiled myself on the last bit of the final judgements.  Iron DM is not an easy thing to do, and I think it probably gets harder as years go by as a higher and higher proportion of entrants are grizzled veterans or ex-champions.  You really can't make any mistakes against that level of competition.

Kudos to everyone, thanks to the judges, and I'll see you next year...


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## Gradine (Sep 13, 2021)

To be fair, I'm not that many years from being a fresh-faced newbie myself; several of these vets were competing over a decade before my first entry. This is, what, my sixth year competing?

And, these last two years, and _especially_ this year, you lot of newcomers have hit the ground running. Certainly faster than I did. I standby what I said earlier... run this competition eight times, same ingredients, same adventures, just mix up the 1st round judges, and you could very well end up with eight different outcomes.

I think the competition is only going to get to harder each year, both from the vets and the newbies (and as the newbies become vets in their own right). It's not for nothing that in the now 22 tournaments we have on record, the returning champion has successfully defended their title in a full tournament all of once.

I mean, at least until next year anyway...


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## Iron Sky (Sep 14, 2021)

Congrats to @Gradine and all the other competitors for an impressive tournament. Adopted persona not withstanding, I was really impressed with the quality of entries starting from the very get. Learned quite a bit and, with a bit of perspective, wanted to apologize if the way I exaggeratedly attacked some of your entries was too much. I really do get how much effort goes into these and how hard it is to take criticism for work you threw everything you had into.

I think in future judging I'll let the participants decide if they want (relatively) well adjusted judge or bombastic jerkwad evil judge before hand. That said, I'm planning on competing next year and hoping some of what I learned from you all sticks!


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## Neurotic (Sep 14, 2021)

Evil judge definitely 

Congratulations @Gradine! Well deserved!


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## Rune (Sep 18, 2021)

Iron Sky said:


> Congrats to @Gradine and all the other competitors for an impressive tournament. Adopted persona not withstanding, I was really impressed with the quality of entries starting from the very get. Learned quite a bit and, with a bit of perspective, wanted to apologize if the way I exaggeratedly attacked some of your entries was too much. I really do get how much effort goes into these and how hard it is to take criticism for work you threw everything you had into.
> 
> I think in future judging I'll let the participants decide if they want (relatively) well adjusted judge or bombastic jerkwad evil judge before hand. That said, I'm planning on competing next year and hoping some of what I learned from you all sticks!



I think, if I were the contestant (and, who knows – maybe I will be next year?), I’d prefer an honestly-presented critical assessment over one filtered through an entertaining persona. On the one hand, the obviously over-the-top presentation makes it harder to take personally, which isn’t a bad thing.

But the entertainment angle, ultimately, serves the audience more than the contestant, I think. Which is also not a bad thing, but as a contestant, I’m looking at the judgements to learn from them. The persona is necessarily going to get in the way of that (to some degree) because even the truths it tells are exaggerated.

But I don’t feel _all that_ strongly about it, either. I do think both goals are probably achievable for a judge who keeps them in mind.


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## Wicht (Sep 18, 2021)

I don't mind angry judge but it did make it harder to tell which criticisms to take as seriously.  I could also see a newbie getting burnt out faster if the first and only critique of their work was over the top harsh.


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## Iron Sky (Sep 18, 2021)

Wicht said:


> I don't mind angry judge but it did make it harder to tell which criticisms to take as seriously.  I could also see a newbie getting burnt out faster if the first and only critique of their work was over the top harsh.



That was my concern. I figured you guys were all veteran enough to handle the criticism. Definitely going to make it opt-in for the contestants whenever I judge in the future.


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