# Jovar what is this weapon's point?



## Taneel BrightBlade (Aug 1, 2004)

I mean it's an exoitic greatsword with 18-20/2 crit what is the point?
(weapon from planar handbook)


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## Hypersmurf (Aug 1, 2004)

You mean apart from "to crit more often"?

-Hyp.


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## CyberSpyder (Aug 1, 2004)

Don't forget the additional critting.


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## sledged (Aug 1, 2004)

Did anyone mention the increased threat range?


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## Dirigible (Aug 1, 2004)

Don't neglect the [thesaurus]enhanced occurance rate of crittage.[/thesaurus]



> I mean it's an exoitic greatsword with 18-20/2 crit what is the point?




The bit you stab them with?


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## sledged (Aug 1, 2004)

This reminds me of an interview with John Cleese I saw, where talked about the Parrot Sketch.  He said they went through a thesaurus to find as many synonyms as they could for "dead."  And after having brought up the Dead Parrot Sketch:



'Ello, I wish to register a complaint...  'Ello, Miss?

 Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

C: ... I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

 O: We're closin' for lunch.

C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

 O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

 O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

 O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

 O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)

 O: There, he moved!

C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

 O: I never!!

C: Yes, you did!

 O: I never, never did anything...

C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! (Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)  Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

 O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

C: STUNNED?!?

 O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

 O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

C: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

 O: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

 O: ...  Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

 O: No no! 'E's pining!

C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

 O: ...  Well, I'd better replace it, then.

 (he takes a quick peek behind the counter)

 O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

C: I see. I see, I get the picture.

 O: ...  I got a slug.

C: ... (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

 O: Nnnnot really.

C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

 O: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace the parrot for you.

C: Bolton, eh? Very well.

 The customer leaves. The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.

C: This is Bolton, is it?

 O: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.

C: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.

 The customer goes to the train station. He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".

C: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.

Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!

C: I beg your pardon...?

A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!

C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?

A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 150 lines, you know.

C: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.

A: No, this is Bolton.

C: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!!

A: Can't blame British Rail for that.

C: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!

 He does.

C: I understand this IS Bolton.

 O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?

C: You told me it was Ipswitch!

 O: ...It was a pun.

C: ...  A PUN?!?

 O: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?

C: ...

 C: ... A palindrome...?

 O: Yeah, that's it!

C: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!! It don't work!!

 O: Well, what do you want?

C: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!

Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly... (takes customer by the arm) Come on, you, you've got to go do another sketch now! Come on...

 (he walks off stage left, followed by the director and cameramen, leaving the owner alone on the set)

 O: (to the audience) Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK! (he takes off his white lab coat to reveal a checkered shirt and suspenders under it) Floating down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! With my best girl by my side! etc. etc. etc.

 ( continued in LUMBERJK PYTHON )

 ************************ Alternative Ending: **************************

C: Pray, does it talk?

 O: Nnnnot really.

C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

 O: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

C: Well...

 O: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

C: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.


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## Sejs (Aug 1, 2004)

> what is the point?




That would be the pointy bit on the end that goes into the other guy.


Oh, and don't forget the expanded crit range.  That's a nice plus.


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## Krug (Aug 1, 2004)

"Cause heap big more damage," said Krosh the half-orc, waving the new weapon around enthusiastically.


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## Creamsteak (Aug 1, 2004)

Oooh... I bet it's elven too! Elven weapons are always better!

And so you can do double damage more often!


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## sledged (Aug 1, 2004)

Creamsteak said:
			
		

> Oooh... I bet it's elven too! Elven weapons are always better!
> 
> And so you can do double damage more often!



 No, if it were elven, it would be finessable.

 ...

 ...

 ...

 ...

 ...  and it's chance to do an extra weapon damage roll plus modifiers not include extra damage rolls over and above the weapon's normal damage, such as that dealt by a snead attack or the special ability of a flaming sword, would increase by 5%.


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## Creamsteak (Aug 1, 2004)

Ah, then it must be for half-elves! It isn't finessable (because only a GENUINE pure-blooded elf has the HONOR and GREATNESS to finesse such a weapon), but it still has that half-keen bonus because they are, afterall, half-elves.


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## Prince of Happiness (Aug 1, 2004)

Crap! Then I'm fearing an planar elven katana... Crit 2-20/ x4 1d12, finessable...and weighs 1/2 a pound. Oh, and is a double masterwork with +1 to hit/damage.


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## Len (Aug 1, 2004)

Taneel BrightBlade said:
			
		

> I mean it's an exoitic greatsword with 18-20/2 crit what is the point?



There's no point. Greatswords do slashing damage.


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## sledged (Aug 1, 2004)

What I want to know is why does the ripper and the jovar do the same damage as medium weapons (2d6), but do different damage as small weapons (1d10 and 2d4 respectively)?


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## Ferret (Aug 1, 2004)

Perhaps what the beginner of the post mean was that _why_ would it do more criticals? Thats a fairly obscure guess...oh what is the point!


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## Tarrasque Wrangler (Aug 1, 2004)

Everyone here has it all wrong.  You'll actually hit for normal damage _less often_.  It's an important distinction to make.


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## Taneel BrightBlade (Aug 1, 2004)

lots of people pointed out that it has better critical range, true, but is that worth a the exotic weapon proficiency feat?


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## cignus_pfaccari (Aug 1, 2004)

Taneel BrightBlade said:
			
		

> lots of people pointed out that it has better critical range, true, but is that worth a the exotic weapon proficiency feat?




It's effectively a Falchion, but does more damage.  Since the Jovar's damage is one size category larger than its nearest Martial Weapon equivalent, it becomes an Exotic Weapon, same as a Bastard Sword.

Now, for a two-handed weapon wielder, it's obviously worth more than a Bastard Sword; I'm half-tempted to ask my DM to allow me to switch my Kensai-variant fighter from Bastard Sword to Jovar.  It's also obviously worth more than a Falchion.  Of course, whether it's worth the precious, precious feat is up to the wielder.

Brad


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## (Psi)SeveredHead (Aug 1, 2004)

Ferret said:
			
		

> Perhaps what the beginner of the post mean was that _why_ would it do more criticals? Thats a fairly obscure guess...oh what is the point!




The point (read it with me, slowly) is to DO MORE DAMAGE!

Aka mild munchkinism.


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## sledged (Aug 1, 2004)

Taneel BrightBlade said:
			
		

> lots of people pointed out that it has better critical range...



 Really?  Who?


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## Staffan (Aug 2, 2004)

Taneel BrightBlade said:
			
		

> lots of people pointed out that it has better critical range, true, but is that worth a the exotic weapon proficiency feat?



In general, an exotic weapon gets better damage, better threat range, double-weapon-ness, or some nifty special ability compared to a martial weapon. The jovar could be considered either a greatsword with increased threat range or a falchion with increased damage.

So it's clearly a superior weapon to martial weapons, which makes it Exotic. Whether it's *worth* it, well, that's between you and your PC.


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## Piratecat (Aug 2, 2004)

Remember, it's called an increased threat range because you can stick the point up someone's nose and make your threat that much more believable.


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## Gez (Aug 2, 2004)

So, you're saying the point is a nose-plug?


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## Piratecat (Aug 2, 2004)

Well no, the point is that it has an increased threat range. That means that you shouldn't feel tethered to just the nose; you could use the spleen, the kidneys, the throat, even the armpit! It's an exotic weapon, so the range of your implied threats should be equally exotic. If they aren't, you're cheating and playing the game wrong and it means that you're a bad player. So there.


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## diaglo (Aug 2, 2004)

take the pearls of wisdom from the gerbil playing cat....  

oops exotic not erotic ...


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## Rodrigo Istalindir (Aug 2, 2004)

If it's planar, there are at least three points.  Maybe that's where the increased threat range comes from.


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## Gnarlo (Aug 2, 2004)

And if it has three points, someone on Star Trek has fought with it in an episode at least once, probably an elf or orc... I mean, Vulcan or Klingon. 

Of course, its name is actually the J'va'r.


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## Taneel BrightBlade (Aug 3, 2004)

I'll try it out an see just how good it is
I think its probebly A good fighter weapon but bad barbarian weapon


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## Malk (Aug 4, 2004)

Len said:
			
		

> There's no point. Greatswords do slashing damage.




I can see you've never been stabbed with a greatsword...


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