# Let's Write a Bad Module



## Insight (Sep 15, 2005)

This is from an idea based on this thread.  I proposed that we could collectively write a _bad_ OD&D module that was worse than the one we were examining.  It doesn't have to be OD&D actually, but it kinda gives it that nostalgic feel that we all love (1st edition feel indeed!)

So here is my proposal.  Each poster contributes one encounter.  Here are the rules, any of which can be broken to make your encounter more enjoyable (to us) if need be.

0. There is no plot.  Well, there is a plot, but it doesn't make any sense.  You have no obligation to fix any plot holes created by yourself or others.

1.  The encounter does not need to make any sense, either internally or externally, to the rest of the adventure.  In fact, it's probably better if it makes little sense at all.

2.  Make liberal use of inconsistent stats, characters, names, places, etc.  It still needs to be _funny_, so if we have no clue at all what's going on, it may just be utterly confusing and not funny.  Use your best judgment here.  Or don't.

3.  You may refer to prior encounters and/or confuse your encounter with a prior encounter if you like.

4.  Make sure to number your encounter in sequence.

That's it.  I'll post the DM's Background to get everyone started.  I'll let someone else post the Players' Introduction, and then we'll get straight into the encounters (1, 2, 3, etc).


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## Insight (Sep 15, 2005)

*DM's Introduction*

*THE TIDES OF WAR*
DM'S INTRODUCTION

There is a war brewing between the forces of Good and Evil.  To the west are the armies of the Kingdom of Tuman, who are good.  They would not think of doing evil.  To the north are the armies of the Kingdom of Hant, who are evil.  They are neither good nor neutral, and are generally thought to be evil and despicable.  These kingdoms have a long-standing dislike for one another, and are not on diplomatic terms.  They are at war, but are not currently fighting and not at peace.

The people of Tuman are known as the Goodfolk and are warm and generous.  They wear pointy hats to brunch and have apples on occasion.  They like clowns and barbecue, which is hated by the Hant.  All of their cities on the southern coast are ruled by minor nobles, all of whom are fishermen.  There is a lake in the southwest which is thought to be haunted.  There is a great deal of logging in the north.  The King of Tuman, Sheldeon, is gracious and would never send his people into battle except against their hated enemies or anyone invading their kingdom, or those who would insult the throne.

On the contrary, the people of Hant are evil.  They do not wear pointy hats.  The armies of Hant are known to ride horses into battle and stick their enemies with spears.  Hantish armies burn down villages and kill women and children.  Their footmen wield axes and do not wear heavy armor.  Only footmen kill the women and children, while the horsemen are always in charge of burning down villages.  King Daid of Hant likes to watch prisoners die, often torturing them to gain information.  He especially likes to do this to prisoners from Tuman.  Along the southern coast, Hantish cities are fortified and walled, and do not allow those from Tuman to enter.

Despite the tentative peace between Hant and Tuman, there is trouble brewing.  King Daid of Hant has captured a Tumanish visitor to the city of Crumblepost, and taken her to Shardblood Castle, where all such prisoners are taken.  This visitor just happens to be Lady Orvela, who is betrothed to Prince Shanor of Tuman.  King Sheldeon of Tuman is worried that Lady Orvela may not be returned to Tuman or may be killed.  Thus, King Sheldeon wants to convince adventurers to sneak into Crumblepost and rescue his future daughter-in-law.  But the king doesn't want word to get out that Lady Orvela may be killed, so he won't tell the adventurers exactly what has transpired until after they have agreed.

There is considerable concern that if Lady Orvela is killed, King Sheldeon might start a war with Hant.  This would interrupt the fishing season as well as the apple crop.  There is also the matter of the Great Holiday Festival, which starts any day now.  The people of Tuman look forward to this festival, and the king does not want it delayed.

The PCs, of course, are the adventurers who answer the call to duty.  They must appear before Prince Nagle of Tuman and accept his quest to rescue Lady Orvela from the clutches of the evil Hant and King Daid.

EDIT: Initially, this plot made too much sense.  This has been corrected.


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## Turanil (Sep 15, 2005)

*PLAYERS' INTRODUCTION*

You are all sitting in an otherwise empty tavern when you notice a dark and hooded figure looking at you from a dark corner of the inn. Note that his face is kept hidden under the hood. The barmaid pretends to not see anyone there, but you know better. 

Then, as you cast a Detect Evil spell or paladin ability to scan the mysterious stranger, and don't detect anything, a scroll magically appears in his hands and slowly flies toward you. It opens while levitating 3 feet away from you. As you tentatively cast a fireball to avoid the curse it may bear, the inn is set afire, but the scroll remains intact. Then, you cannot but read it, and this is a summon spell from a well known wizard.

So, as you stuggle to get free from the magic and fail your saves*, you cannot do anything and are suddenly teleported in front of a very powerful wizard, seemingly miles away in a room with only thee doors. The place reeks of power, and the guy has a blue robe full of seemingly living eyes. He also has a wand in his left hand and a cristal ball in the other. Beyond his desk you notice a statue exquisitely crafted like it was a living creature made of stone (black obsidian).

(*: and no, I am not railroading anything)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*(now to encounter #1)*


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## EvilBen (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 1.

Read the boxed text aloud to the players:
[box]You are in a 12 foot by twelve foot square room.  There is a desk in the middle of the room with an old wizard sitting behind it.  He says his name is Gomezatron.  He has tasked you with finding the prince of the Hant and the princess of the the goodpeople.

He tells you that there are two doors befor you and that you must choose which door to go through.  One will bring you to the path to the prince the other to the path to the princess.

He wishes you good luck and disappears in a cloud of smoke.[/box]

There are two doors leading out of the room.  If the players investigate the desk they will find that the center drawer has a false bottom and underneith is a map of the kingdom.  On the back of the map is a list of adventuring gear and groceries.

The drawer on the left is traped.  If opened the character opening the drawer mus make a save vs poision or take 3d4 points of damage from the cloud of dust released from the drawer.  Otherwise the drawer is empty.

The left door opens to a dark smelly cave.  The door to the right opens to a pleasent alpine medow.  Once a door is opened all the characters are teleported to that location.

Edit: The statue is worth 500gp and weighs 200lbs


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## Turanil (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 2:

Whatever exit do the players choose lead them in fact to the same place. 

*1) Dark Smelly Cave:* While you get attuned to the obscurity, you notice three skeletons of dogs ahead of you in this 9 feet large by 15 feet long by 5 feet high room. Behind them is a door. The skeletons are of course undead who attack you when you have moved 4 feet ahead. Since the ceiling is so low, all those who are not small sized suffer a -2 penalty to all their attack rolls. A natural 1 means you just hit your nearest ally for half damage. 

Once you've slain the skeletons, if you get the idea of crushing their skulls, dog #2 has a dagger +1 in it. This was the dagger of Grandugh the Thief, and is very important later in the story. The door is locked but can otherwise be broken albeit at a -2 penalty. Failing to break the door provokes a cave-in that deals 3d12 of damage to the PCs. Opening the lock (DC 17) does not provoke a cave-in.

Behind that door is another room just described in the following post. Then, once you leave that other room (the one with orcs and hobgoblins), you finally reach the same Alpine Meadow as below.

*2) Pleasant Alpine Meadow:* All around you are very high mountains covered in snow. Then, to the right is a crow who speaks English and says "The daaager of Graaandugh" three times. He then flies away. If you follow him you come by a tunnel that lead into the cave described above. If you came from there in the first place, you cannot go back in it since there was a cave-in after you left (it it didn't already happened when trying to bash the door).

Other than that, there is a track heading to the north. If you succeed a Spot check at DC 32, you notice a small hut to the west. entering the hut is a staircase that goes below. See description of encounter 4 for more info).


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## Wystan (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 2 - Left Door - Dark Smelly Cave

Read the boxed text aloud to the players:


> [box] You appear in a dark smelly cave and there is no sign of the door you came through. The cave appears to be 36 feet wide (north to south) and about 3 times as long. There is one opening at the far west end of the cave. Standing before you are some orcs and a few Hobgolbins.[/box]




In this room are 2d4 Orcs and 1d4 Hobgoblins, they will attack with a surprise round as soon as the players enter. 

Stats:
Orcs Str12, Dex 12, Con 12, Int 4, Wis 4, Cha 12; Dam 1d8+1 (longsword); AC: 14 Leather armor;To Hit +4; Treasure 1d4 Pearls 10gp, 1d2 gold, 1d4+1 silver, 10 copper; Longsword, leather armor.

Hobgoblins Str 14, Dex 10, Con 14, Int 8, Wis 8, Cha 16; Dam 2d6 +2 (Sharp Pointy Stick); AC 13 Leather Armor; To Hit +6; Treasure 1d4 Opals 25gp, 1d4+1 gold, 1d6+2 silver, 25 copper, Sharp Pointy Stick, Leather Armor.

If the players defeat the orcs and hobgoblins they will find a chest in the cave that contains a silver goblet and 2 matched copper rings. None of the treasure radiates magic.
A search check DC 1 will reveal a dagger stuck in a large rock at the back of the cave. It is a Dagger +1 of Stonecutting. (Will not cut anything but stone, only usable to do 1d4+1 to stone. Worth 500gp to a skilled jeweler.)
A second search check DC 25 will find a bed hidden behind another rock, under that bed is a very small (2 inches long) axe (AXE OF MORGOSH) on a necklace. Value 2gp.
The cave is otherwise empty.


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## lukelightning (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 3: Attack of the Imp:

The party has an unexpected encounter with a surprising imp. Roll 1d12 to determine who has the imp on his shoulder. 1: A fighter, 2: a Wizard, 3: a Rogue and so on. Roll until a character is chosen. If there is more than one character of the same class the character with the earliest birthday has the imp. If two characters have the same birthday then the character who says "not it" first is it.  The other characters see the imp, and so does the first character, unless he can't see. Read the following:


> You see an unexpected imp appear suddenly on your shoulder unless you can't see. The imp is red and has bat-like wings and a long tail that is also red but not as red as you would expect a red imp to be.  The imp smells like peanut butter, and is holding a quill pen




The imp is not hostile but will attack immediately.  Use the standard stats for an imp; if you don't have the stats for an imp use the stats for a dragon and divide by four.

When the party kills the imp, it will die.  It has no treasure aside from the pen, which is worthless unless it is touched. The pen will then turn into a magic pen of scribing, worth 1000 gold.


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 4: Room of Peril
If the PCs listen at the door, they hear a rhythmic beat, as if music was playing behind the door. Which, in fact it is. The music that is, not the door. The door plays nothing and is otherwise a normal mundane door, designed solely for the purposes of opening and closing, allowing and/or denying egress and ingress. The door has no musical talent, magical or otherwise. This should come as no surprise, as many are of the belief that the Doors have no musical talent anyway, and the organ solos are way too long. The door is not locked, although there is a lock. The lock simply isn’t engaged. Nor is the lock married. PCs can check it out if they wish. But it’s not locked. And not married. Or engaged. In fact, the lock has decided to sort of lay low for a while and just see various people as friends.

When the PCs’ enter, read the following allowed:

“You enter a 30’x30’ room, and all of your jaws drop collectively as your eyes and ears are treated to a site you haven’t ever heard before. Deployed about the room are nine badgers, standing up right, and appearing to be dancing. There’s a door opposite the door you came in, on the north wall. That is, the door’s on the north wall. You came in through the south door.

"The floor is made of dressed stone, which means that the stones have been worked into blocks by human hands, or demi-human hands. The hard stone floor is ideal for walking on, though it may hurt if a character falls down on it. The floor is rather clean.

“In the northeast corner are two myconid (mushroom men), who are playing musical instruments. The dancing badgers are dancing to the musical tunes played by the performing myconid mushroom men. The beat is catchy…”

Each PC must now make a saving throw versus Otto’s Irresistable Dance, or commence dancing along with the badgers. This continues for 1d6 hours, as the mushroom men can play a lot, since they’re really good musicians.

Unfortunately, the first five foot square beyond the door is a trap pressure plate. If anyone steps on it without first deactivating it, a trap door opens in the ceiling and a large poisonous hungry venomous snake drops on top of the stepping victims. This is a trap.

If the PCs can talk to the badgers by means of a Speak With Animals spell, that is fine. The badgers are otherwise friendly; but they just gotta dance. Little do the PCs know that the badgers are actually the devoted followers of the half-drow, half-dragon werebadger psionic monk/assassin divine champion of Lolth, encountered later on in the adventure. And the badgers won’t let on about their allegiance.

The mushroom men offer know clues as well, but they sautee nicely with some butter and garlic, if the PCs feel so inclined. Everyone in the room is a non-combatant, and won’t fight.

There’s no treasure in this room, unless youre PCs really like mushrooms.

However, if anyone checks the empty trap area where the poisonous hungry venomous snake dropped out from, they find a small 5’x5’ air-tight cubby hole with an old orc skull inside it. Inside the orc skull is a +2 longswrod and a riddle on a parchment. The riddle is as follows:

Adventurers brave, stop and hear
There’s no time to drink your beer
This dungeon’s only for the brave
If the princess you want to save
But before this room you all will pass
This note will proceed to fry your…

Then the Explosive Runes spell goes off.

Sammy the Snake: Str 14, Dex 17, Con 14, Int 1, Wis 8, Cha 12; Dam 1d4 (Fangs, plus 1d20 poison); AC 14; To Hit +4; Treasure None.


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## Krypter (Sep 15, 2005)

Oh God, this is so *authentic*.  I'm getting that "1E feel" all over me!


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## lukelightning (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 5: The magic pool.

This room features a magic pool or fountain.  







> The room is 20x20 with a sandy floor covered in sand, and the walls are of stone with carvings of nymphs and wererats but no dragons. In the middle of the room is a fountain or perhaps a pool, 10 feet across and it is circular all the way around and only 2 feet deep.  In the pool is a clear, colorless liquid that appears to be water.  Scattered in the water are gold coins. Some are gold and some are silver.  You hear no sound other than the sounds that are typical in the dungeon, such as rats, bats, and goats.




The fountain is guarded by a huge monstrous scorpion which attacks the party as soon as they get within reach of the pool. *GIANT STAG BEETLE* Large Vermin Hit Dice: 7d8+21 (52 hp) Initiative: +0 Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares) Armor Class: 19 (–1 size, +10 natural), touch 9, flat-footed 19 Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+15 Attack: Bite +10 melee (4d6+9) Full Attack: Bite +10 melee (4d6+9) Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft. Special Attacks: Trample 2d8+3 Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., vermin traits Saves: Fort +8, Ref +2, Will +2 Abilities: Str 23, Dex 10, Con 17, Int —, Wis 10, Cha 9 Challenge Rating: 4 Alignment: Always neutral. Trample (Ex): Reflex half DC 19. The save DC is Strength-based.

When the party has killed the scorpion they can examine the pool and the water. The gold coins are all gold, silver, and copper coins, 100 each for a total of 700 coins.  The water of the pool is magical but only while it is in the round circular pool, not if it is taken out of the pool.  Any water taken out will lose its magical effects immediately, 1d4 hours later.

The door to this room is trapped with a spear trap, DC 27 to find. Roll 1d6 for the number of spears and they strike a random character and do 1d8 damage unless they miss.


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## Mark CMG (Sep 15, 2005)

Sidebar:  Due to strong magical incantations set up along the borders by mages in the service of the nobility, light spells of any kind do not work in the Kingdom of Hant.  Likewise, darkness spells of any kind do not work in the Kingdom of Tuman.  Also, detection spells of any kind do not work in either kingdom, but no one knows why.


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 15, 2005)

And what would a module like this be without...

Dungeon Random Encounter Table
There is a 1 in 6 chance every turn for exploring characters to encounter a random wandering monster encounter.

If there’s more than 8 characters, the chance goes up to 2 in 6.

If any of the characters had beans for dinner several hours before, the chance goes up to 3 in 6.

Roll a d20 and consult the Random Wandering Monster Chart

1-	2d4 orcs
2-	Gelatinous cube
3-	3d4 goblins
4-	Green Slime
5-	Protein Polymorph
6-	A rock
7-	A roc
8-	2 Flumphs locked in passionate embrace
9-	Balrog
10-	Ancient Huge Red Dragon
11-	Githyanki
12-	NewYork Yankee
13-	Red Slaad
14-	Green Slaad
15-	Tuna Slaad
16-	 1d4 Space Hamsters
17-	 Shambling Mound
18-	 10d20 Small Spiders
19-	 Lich*
20-	A small gnome clutching a golden idol runs by, pursued by 34 hand crossbow-wielding kobolds, each wearing an armband with a crooked cross on it. As the gnome dashes by, he winks at you and gives you a “Thumbs up” signal.

*If the PCs have indeed eaten beans several hours ago, replace with a Stinking Cloud spell.


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## Zander (Sep 15, 2005)

Ecounter 6: Orc and Pie

Read the boxed text aloud:


> On the far side of the magic pool, there's a sturdy door. It opens to reveal a 10' x 10' x 10' room. There's an angry-looking orc in the middle of the room. He is armed with a hand axe. On a plate in the far right corner of the room, there is a hot pie. The room is otherwise empty.




The orc attacks as the characters enter the room. If they defeat the orc and search his body, they find 4SP and 1 GP in his pockets. They can take his hand axe as well.

The pie is a chicken and vegetable one in a creamy sauce. If the party casts _detect magic_, the pie radiates slightly as it has been baked with a potion of healing as one of its ingredients. If a character eats the pie, he regains up to d8 hit points that he may have previously lost. The plate is worth 12GP.

There is no oven, fire-pit or other mundane means of heating a pie in this room.


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## Maggan (Sep 15, 2005)

*Typo*



			
				StupidSmurf said:
			
		

> And what would a module like this be without...
> 
> Dungeon Random Encounter Table
> 
> 1-	2d4 orcs




I think this is a typo. Shouldn't that read:

1- 2d4 Orcus

???
 

/M


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## Wystan (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 7 - Opposite side of the orc and pie room, Locked door appears after the pie is taken - Dark Smelly Cave

Read the boxed text aloud to the players:


> [box] You appear in a dark smelly cave and there is no sign of the door you came through. The cave appears to be 34 feet wide (north to south) and about 2 and 1/2 times as long. There is one opening at the far west end of the cave. Standing before you are some orcs and a few Hobgolbins.[/box]




In this room are 2d4 Orcs and 1d4 Hobgoblins, they will attack with a surprise round as soon as the players enter. 

Stats:
Orcs Str12, Dex 12, Con 12, Int 4, Wis 4, Cha 12; Dam 1d8+1 (longsword); AC: 14 Leather armor;To Hit +4; Treasure 1d4 Pearls 10gp, 1d2 gold, 1d4+1 silver, 10 copper; Longsword, leather armor.

Hobgoblins Str 14, Dex 10, Con 14, Int 8, Wis 8, Cha 16; Dam 2d6 +2 (Sharp Pointy Stick); AC 13 Leather Armor; To Hit +6; Treasure 1d4 Opals 25gp, 1d4+1 gold, 1d6+2 silver, 25 copper, Sharp Pointy Stick, Leather Armor.

If the players defeat the orcs and hobgoblins they will find a chest in the cave that contains a 2 silver Rings and a small butter knife.
The cave is otherwise empty.


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## carpedavid (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 8

[box]After stepping through the cave opening, you see a huge chasm that is filled with lava. The lava radiates evil. If you look at the lava, you must make a save vs. breath weapon or take 1d6 points of Wisdom damage. On the far side of the lava is a cryohydra, and behind the cryohydra is a giant axe on the wall.[/box]

The cryohyrda speaks and offers you the chance to escape with your lives. If the PCs attack, he will attack back, laughing the whole time.

"Foolish mortals! I cannot be killed by any blade other than the AXE OF MORGOSH!" he will say, as every blow landed by the PCs glances off him.

If a PC tries to take the axe off the wall behind him, roll 1d12. This is how many rounds it will take to pry it off. When the PC does get the axe off the wall, he will find out that it is a cursed vorpal axe, and he will turn against his party, unless he makes a save vs. petrification. Even if he does make the save, the axe will not hurt the cryohydra, for it is not the AXE OF MORGOSH.

The only way for the PCs to beat the cryohyrda is to have picked up the AXE OF MORGOSH that was hidden under the bed in encounter 2 or the bat in encounter 27.

If they did pick up the axe, they simply have to hold it aloft and shout, "AXE OF MORGOSH! Defeat mine enemies!" Then the axe will fly out of their hands and slice off each of the hydra's heads, which are worth 1000gp ea.

Once the cryohydra is dead, the lava will drain out of the room, revealing a long staircase that descends into darkness.


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## Nomad4life (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 9: The six sided die

As the party escapes from the toothless hag, they enter this frigid area.  Read the following text:



> I can’t frigging believe you smucks are still playing this adventure.  In the cold room is a wooden table with a single six-sided die resting upon it.  Also, there is a doorknob in the room.





The doorknob is in the secret compartment beneath the stack of Sears catalogs, and would not think of stealing from or cheating a character.    

If the players examine the six-sided-die, they notice that is contains exactly six sides.  The die is unarmed, and thus it is impossible to determine if it is a pilgrim or wayfarer. Encourage the players to roll the die to see what it does.  One good way to do this is to tell them that they cannot leave the room until they all roll the die (this is not true.)  Another method is to threaten the players with castration unless they roll the die (this is true.)

When the players roll the die, the characters are affected in specific ways;

-On a 1 or 5, the character’s maximum carrying capacity is reduced by half.
-On a 2 or 6, the character’s charisma is doubled while his intelligence is reduced to 3.
-On a 3 or 4, the character may never again joke or sing loudly, and a random character somewhere in the world loses his favorite pet.
-On a 5 or 2, the character falls asleep, but his gold is not stolen.
-On a 7, this entire module is destroyed.

Regardless of whether the players decide to roll or become castrated, the six-sided-die attacks them after the last character has rolled.  

Dice (AC 1-6 [random]; MV 1-6; HD 1-6; hp 1-6; #AT 1-6; Dmg 1-6 [randomness]; % Lair 1-6%)  The die will attack until slain, but will NOT stop attacking if the party is slain.  It will find the next party the players roll up and immediately attack them as well.

After the battle, the party may leave, not leave, or take the doorknob which deals 4d10 damage against anything that escapes into secret passages.

A gnome who has watched this encounter from the shadows reveals himself as the party leaves.  He warns them about the existence of weredice, then dramatically gives himself a mortal paper cut with a Sears catalog.


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## lukelightning (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 10: Orc and Pie (note: yes, this is cut and pasted from the illustrious Zander's post.... this in an intentional repeat).

Read the boxed text aloud:


> On the far side of the magic pool, there's a sturdy door. It opens to reveal a 10' x 10' x 10' room. There's an angry-looking orc in the middle of the room. He is armed with a hand axe. On a plate in the far right corner of the room, there is a hot pie. The room is otherwise empty.




The orc attacks as the characters enter the room. If they defeat the orc and search his body, they find 4SP and 1 GP in his pockets. They can take his hand axe as well.

The pie is a chicken and vegetable one in a creamy sauce. If the party casts detect magic, the pie radiates slightly as it has been baked with a potion of healing as one of its ingredients. If a character eats the pie, he regains up to d8 hit points that he may have previously lost. The plate is worth 12GP.

There is no oven, fire-pit or other mundane means of heating a pie in this room.


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## dougmander (Sep 15, 2005)

11. North of the badgers' room is a corridor connected to the badger's room by the door in the north wall of the badger's room which is also the door at the southern end of the corridor. If PCs stop to listen to this door, the door will not say anything but will feel it is among friends.

The corridor is 2" wide (that's 25mm figure scale; the actual width of the corridor is 2 meters). The ceiling is directly above the floor and parallel to it but this is of no significance to the adventure.

Read the following text to the players:
"You see a remarkably clean corridor receding to the north with no features whatsoever." (Show the players Illustration A from Appendix B of this module to help clarify what they see).

If the PCs advance beyond the spot marked X on the map, they will incur the wrath of a very large carrion crawler that has made a liar out of the area. The crawler is not hungry but not completely full, despite the fact that it has recently eaten the gelatinous cube that used to patrol this area.

*Crawler, Carrion* 3 HD, 40 hp, AC 4; Attacks: 8 tenticles d1 + paralysis; jaws 1d4+1.

If the carrion crawler is defeated, the gelatinous cube will escape through the largest wound (see "Comparitive Wound Sizes of Weapons", Dragon Magazine #7) and attack the party. Vaguely visible within the cube is a skeletal humanoid figure grasping some sort of edged weapon, possibly a scimitar, tulwar, falchion, or saber. Roll 1d4 on the following table to see how each PC interprets the weapon:

1 = scimitar
2 = tulwar
3 = falchion
4 = katana


*Cube, Gelatinous* 4 HD, 45 hp, AC9; Attacks: corrosive gelatin 1d6/round.

If the carrion crawler is defeated, the skeleton within it will come to life and attack the party.

*Skeleton, Animated* 1 HD, 7 hp, AC 7; Attacks: rapier 1d6. Edged weapons and arrows only do 1/2 damage.

The bastard sword carried by the skeleton is a  _+1 longsword_. Hidden in the pommel is a secret compartment that contains a tiny scroll with the words "GAR-YGY-GAX-RUL-ES!". If these words are spoken while the PC is standing on the coruscating dais in Area 78, a great cheer will arise from the surrounding air, having no other effect than to contribute to the atmosphere of mystery so essential to a successful adventure.

When the characters reach the spot marked Y, they will trigger a _teleport_ that places them in Hant's giant ant gladiatorial arena (Area 104). The corridor soon ends at an iron-bound door with neither an air of menace or friendliness about it.


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## Wystan (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 12 - Toothless Hag



> [Text Box]You have defeated the dreaded were-die, and the carrion-Gelatinous-Skeleton of doom, and the orc and pie, and now you see before you a glowing door. The door sighs with satisfaction and opens to allow you entrance. It sighs with satisfaction again upon closing. In your mind you hear a slightly annoyed voice say 'Bloody satisfied doors'. When you gain enough sense to actively look at the room behind the door you feel a wind at your back and notice that the door is going up into the ceiling. There is now no discernable way out of the room. As you again gain the insight to look at the room ahead of you an old woman comes and starts to gnaw on the leg of (Insert a random character name here). Due to her having no teeth there is no damage inflicted. However she has the grip of a 25 year old Mr. Universe winner and feels like she is stuck there or the long haul.
> 
> The old woman looks up at the person on whom's leg she is gnawing and he/she/it hears in their mind the following 'When is a door not a light?'. The correct answer is 'Alternating tuesdays in march'. The old woman will not let go until the players figure out her riddle.....Bloody hell Am I still in textbox mode....the hag dies and you are teleported to encounter 13[/Text Box]


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 15, 2005)

Maggan said:
			
		

> I think this is a typo. Shouldn't that read:
> 
> 1- 2d4 Orcus
> 
> ...




Bwahahahahahah! I sit corrected!


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## lukelightning (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 13:  The Duck of Many Things.

The next door out of the hag's room leads to a winding passageway that winds up north around the path that it winds along.  Once it was the lair of the carrion crawler who left for a new lair. The % chance of the carrion crawler relocating back to this lair is equal to the number of turns after it was first encountered, along with half the number of hours before it was encountered. If the carrion crawler has not yet been encountered, sent the party to the carrion crawler encounter unless it is no longer there but is in fact here. If the carrion crawler is dead reduce the chance it is in this lair by 15%.

Because the walls are only 4 feet across any character wider than 4 feet can't enter. Once the party, except for the wider-than-4-foot characters, reaches the end they see a desk with a skeleton behind it. The skeleton is of a human with no clothes. It is holding a magical duck that can produce a variety of effects (see table 13A for effects). To activate the duck you must squeeze it. If the skeleton is damaged or attacked it will not fight back, but will squeeze the duck. The skeleton has no hit points because it is dead.


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## Wystan (Sep 15, 2005)

Table 13A Duck of many Things

```
1 Blind the holder
2 Deafen the holder
3 Duck changes color
4 Color changes duck
5 Elephant appears in holder pajama's
6 All party members get 1d2 inches shorter
7 All party members gain 5d1000 copper coins (recalculate weight immediately)
8 All gold in parties possession shifts 1 foot to the left
9 All female party members undergarments shift 1 foot to the left
10 All males in the party suddenly lose all body hair
11 All skeletons in a 20 foot radius gain 1d20 hp and skin
12 Polymorph holder into a duck of many things
13 1d20 random gnomes appear, and start to pose as scenery
14 All characters gain 1d4 random clothing items
15 All characters lose 1d4 random clothing items
16 Wielder becomes a Gnome
17 1d4 waiters appear and serve the party lunch
18 A carrion crawler appears
19 Roll 1d20 3 times
20 All of the above
```


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## kenobi65 (Sep 15, 2005)

*Encounter 14 - The Red Lobster*

The party finds itself at one end of a large chamber.  The ceiling and walls of this chamber appear to be some sort of a membrane, holding back a bubbling, pale yellow liquid.  The floor of this chamber is stone, with a lapis lazuli mosaic depicting long-forgotten gods rolling non-Euclidian dice.

On the opposite side of this chamber there is a monstrously large lobster.  The lobster is mindless, but will immediately attack the party.

*Monstrously large lobster* HD 20, HP 110, AC 34, Attack 2 claws +25 (1d4+35 damage each), immune to every spell that the party's magic-user knows except for _erase_, which will make this entire lame encounter disappear.

The lobster will attempt to overbear any party member wielding a sharp weapon, wearing armor spikes, or even having a sharp wit, and maneuver that party member into the membranous wall.  The membrane is holding back an underground lake of melted butter, and any contact with a sharp object (or even someone speaking in a loud voice), will cause the membrane to tear, releasing a torrent of hot melted butter into the chamber.  This will do 10d6 fire damage and 10d6 acid damage to all creatures in the chamber each round.  The lobster wears an enormous lobster-sized copper band on one pincer, the magic of which makes it immune to fire and acid damage.

Upon defeating the lobster, the party will find a treasure chest, holdling 300d10 cp, 1525d4 ep, 1d3 gp, and a +1 glaive-guisarme (+3 vs. xvarts).

If the party thinks to cut up the lobster's body, they find a key buried in the lobster's brain, which fits a keyhole in the center of the floor.


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## Alenda (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 14 - The Pudding

You approach a door which has no lock, hinges, knob, or any other door attributes. In fact, it looks very much like the floor, but it is, in fact, a door. You must speak the Common word for "friend" to open it. 

Once opened, read the following boxed text:

[Text Box] The room is large with a round spinning ball of light casting strange colors around the room. Atonal thumping music fills the room. Scantily clad Drow dance provocatively as a large jelly-like substance with facial features watches nearby. It claps its sticky hand-like protuberances together in appreciation. [/Text Box] 

The mass of jelly is, in fact, an awakened black pudding with a harem of Drow. It enjoys listened to bad disco music and watching movies starring John Agar. It does not like long walks on the beach since salt causes fine lines and wrinkles.

The Black Pudding introduces itself as Sir Blorpalot and will invite you to join it in watching the Drow harem dance. If you speak to the Black Pudding, it will attack. If you do not speak to the Black Pudding, it will be offended and begin to cry. It's tears heal 1d10-9 points of ability damage. 

Black Pudding: 20HD, 190 HP, AC -1 Attacks: Noogie of Death, Round House Punch Special Abilities: +15 Charisma bonus against all Drow disco dancers, Tears of Healing


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 16
Cavern of Immense Riches

Read the following to the party:
”You stand at the entrance threshold to a humongous cavern. There are stalagmites on the ceiling and stalactites all over the floor. Some of the stalagmites seem to have tiny eyes on them. The cavern ceiling is 350’ high. The cavern is oval shaped, and is 300’ wide at its widest width, and 400’ long at its largest length.

“The cavern is a nature-made natural cavern, as opposed to a man-made or dwarf made natural cavern. Illumination is achieved by glowing phosphorescent fungi that cling to the cavern walls, giving off light of purple, green, blue, and violet. The air feels cold and damp, like when someone licks their palm and presses it on your cheek.

“The cavern is filled with a deep roaring silence, and there’s absolutely no sound except for the sound of your footfalls falling on the floor. No matter how experienced adventure you are, you are absolutely amazed and astounded at this cavern, and practically sink to your knees in profound admiration for the sheer natural beauty of nature’s handiwork in spending millennia, even centuries, in naturally carving this cave out of the unyielding stony subterranean underground rocks. (DM Note: Dwarf players should make a saving throw or wet their pants in sheer admiration. People who play dwarven player characters should do the same).

“You all know that you’d like nothing more than to walk in an explore this lovely beauty cave, but unfortunately your path is blocked by a statue of a swineosphinx (half sow, half sphinx). ‘Halt!’ she grunts.’Who dares enter the cavern of immense riches?’”

At this point, the PCs need to talk with the sentient talking statue. Eventually the statue called “Mizpigee”, will ask them a riddle. If they get it right, they can pass. If not, she will sit on them, crushing them all.

The riddle:

From all over, many cooks gather
To create something stupid, with lots of blather
It’s just for fun, so please don’t fight it
But if people like it too much, we’ll copyright it.

Answer: This adventure.

Finally, if the players answer the riddle, Mizpigee allows them by, and they can move into the latter half of the cavern, where lie the immense riches.

“Your eyes settled eagerly on the prize. Well, they would if not for the gigantic humanoids you see. They might be giants, and in fact they are, and each one is 35’ tall and has arms like huge smoked hams. Each of the six giants wears a backwards turned baseball cap and a t-shirt that bears the words “Waterdeep University”. They are congregated around a large metal keg of beer. Yes, it’s a gathering of dreaded Dorm Giants.

Dorm Giants (6): Str 34, Dex 7, Con 25, Int 1, Wis -2, Cha 2; Dam 5d20 (Smack with baseball cap); AC 24; To Hit +24; Treasure: That keg has 456 gallons of beer.

Oh yeah…each giant has a nametag that reads “Hi, my name is Rich”.

Oh, and there’s a way out on the wall opposite where the players came in. If they survive.


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## lukelightning (Sep 15, 2005)

(first: Thanks Wystan! I knew a righteous dude (-ette?) like you would provide a table for the duck).

Handout 17: The dragon.  When the party sees a dragon, hand out this handout.
   |\___/|
  (,\  /,)\
 /     /  \
(@_^_@)
W//W_/


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## dougmander (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 17

*Elevatory Chamber*

This area is accessible only for characters who have found the key in the brain of the giant lobster in Encounter 14. Upon placing the key in the lock and turning the key clockwise as seen from above (see "Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey" in _Alarums and Excursions_ #2), the PCs will hear a roaring sound that seems to come from the very stone around them, and, in fact, does. The floor of the entire chamber will descend at a rate of 10 feet per round. After four rounds, the entrance to a passageway will appear on the east wall. Turning the key counterclockwise will interrupt the descent of the floor and allow PCs to enter the passageway; otherwise, PCs wishing to enter the passageway must jump before the floor descends beyond the passageway. Roll 4d6 five times and take the best two dice from each roll. Record the total on a piece of scrap paper, throw it away, and allow the PCs to enter the passageway. They will think they just did something risky and heroic. This is essential to maintaining the air of suspense crucial to a successful adventure.
The passageway leads to Encounter 104, Owlbear Trench Latrine.
Should the PCs continue to ride the floor downward, they will plunge into a pool of flaming lava acid that leaves behind only a general impression of an unpleasant event.

WARNING: This adventure is only valid with official World's Stupidest Dungeon miniature game figurines. We cannot guarantee that relative sizes, number of limbs, terrifying aspect, weaponry &c. will be accurate unless you use WORLD'S STUPIDEST DUNGEON miniatures. These precision sculpted miniature game pieces are made with pure lead for durable play. Suggested figures for this adventure:

WSD 0104: Bloated Carrion Crawler
WSD 0345: Assorted Baked Goods (includes pie, tarts, muffins, pasties)
WSD 0107: Toothless Hag


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## Wystan (Sep 15, 2005)

lukelightning said:
			
		

> (first: Thanks Wystan! I knew a righteous dude (-ette?) like you would provide a table for the duck).
> 
> Handout 17: The dragon.  When the party sees a dragon, hand out this handout.
> |\___/|
> ...





Mr Wystan it is, not Mrs. or Ms.... 

Table 13b Duck of many Things mishaps:
If a player rolls a 13 number on table 13a roll 2 times on table 13 b

```
1 All hair tuns blue
2 All skin turns purple
3 Character gains 1d4 strength and loses 2d6 Int
4 Character loses 2 wisdom
5 All characters in a 10 foot radius become drunk 
[SIZE=1]            (-4 to hit,  -4 AC, -4 Wisdom) lasts 1d4 hours[/SIZE]
6 All players lose 1d4 dollars (give them to the DM RIGHT NOW!)
7 Roll 1d6, all players with a birthdate that contain that number must buy snacks
8 1d100 kobolds appear and attack the party
9 Character loses all body hair and starts to grow feathers
10 Character gains 1 gold piece
11 Nothing happens
12 Roll 2 more times on table 13a
13 Character is polymorphed into a Black Cat
14 Character gains 1d100 pounds
15 Character becomes an elf
16 All Elves in the party gain Pointed Eye-brows and lose all emotion
17 All characters lose 2d20 hitpoints and gain 1d20 gold
18 Roll 2 more times
19 Roll 3 more times
20 Character Dies and must Roll a Gnome Illusionist
```


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## smilinggm (Sep 15, 2005)

A long hallway
(10'w x 10'h x 120'l)
*This long hallway gently slopes to the south.  The floor is made of smooth cooble stone. The walls are hand carved rock.  The ceiling is covered with a green glowing algee.  Every 10' there is a flaming torch hanging from the wall.    There is a single iron bound door at the end of the hall.  Otherwise there are no exits.* 

I the center of the hallway there is a 10'x10' wide pittrap.  The pittrap is activated by any Pc passing above it.  Even if the PC is Jumping, flying or levitating.  Any Pc that activates the trap will fall 120' to the bottom of the pit taking 14d6 falling damage and and additional 5d4+9 damage from the poisend spikes at the bottom of the pit.  The bottom of the pit is covered with 1d4pp, 2d6gp, 4d8ep, 6d12sp and 10d100cp.  There is also 4d6 various gems.  If the PC rolls a 85-100 there are 1d6 magical items from table III.e and 1d10+2 items form talbe III.g


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## Thornir Alekeg (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 18.

Beyond the solid iron door is a circular room 30 feet in diameter.  In the center of the room is a large pile of treasure, otherwise the room is empty. There is a single door on the opposite side of the room. 

Once the party enters the room, the door slams shut behind them and the room begins to spin rapidly.  After one round all characters are pinned to the walls, unable to move.  The following round the pile of treasure, full of sharp weapons and coins with sharpened edges is also spun towards the walls striking each character for 4d6 points worth of piercing and slashing damage.  On the third round the room stops spinning and all treasure from the room falls to the floor.  

Treasure: 120 rusty daggers, 32 morningstars, 7180 copper pieces (with sharpened edges), one Tooth of Dahlvar'Nar.

The door on the opposite side of the room now leads back to the Long Hallway (encounter #18).  The door the party entered opens to area #19.  When the party exits the room, the door closes behind them and the spinning trap resets.


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## dougmander (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 19

*Concession Stand*

After defeating the dorm giants in Encounter 16 and passing through the door that provides egress from the cavernous chamber, the PCs will find a 10' passageway impregnated with the smell of some kind of tasty food. On a roll of 1-2 on a d6, sizzling noises and a faint orange glow shall be noticed by the PCs.

Thirty feet along the passageway, on the left as you face north, is a window cut into the stone that reveals a small area expressly designed for the preparation and serving of food. Behind the window are 4d100+1 kobolds (double this number for adventuring parties above 1st level). The small goblinoids are cooking and selling hamburgers for 10 gp each. Although tempting, these small round patties of meat placed between two half-oblate spheroids of ground wheat flour are actually a trap.

An enterprising troll has quaffed a _protection from fire_ potion and hurled itself into a meat grinder after hiring the kobolds to cook its flesh and sell it to passing adventurers. 1d2 half-hours after ingesting a hamburger, a PC will begin to feel abdominal pain as the troll regenerates inside his stomach and bursts out through his chest 2d6 rounds later, inflicting 1d6 damage. The troll then steals a random magic item and 200 gp from the PC and returns to the meat grinder by the shortest route.

*Troll* 3 HD, 28 hp AC 6, 1-4/1-4/2-8 damage
*Kobolds* 1/16 HD, 0.5 hp, AC 10, 1 damage


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 15, 2005)

dougmander said:
			
		

> Encounter 19
> 
> *Concession Stand*
> 
> ...





This is without question one of the freakin' coolest encounters in this "bad dungeon."


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## Wystan (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 20 - Hall of rooms

read the following to the players


> [Text Box]
> You see before you a 50 foot long hall, on each wall there are 5 doors, they start at 3 1/2 feet from you and are 3 feet wide as follows
> 
> ___-DDD_______DDD_______DDD_______DDD_______DDD-___
> ...




None of the doors are locked, and behind each door is a 10'x10' room. In each of these rooms is an orc sitting on a cot picking his toes with a dagger. None of them are armored and they are all dressed exactly the same.

All of them except door #2 on the right are illusion copies of the orc behind door #2 on the right. He is actually a shapeshifted Mature Red Dragon.

R ___-D1D_______D2D_______D3D_______D4D_______D5D-___


L  ___-D1D_______D2D_______D3D_______D4D_______D5D-___

Orcs: Hp 8, AC 14, Treasure Dagger
Dragon: See Monster Manual

There is also a door at the end of the hall, but it is not important until the dragon is found. Then it is locked and the thief/rogue needs to pick it or a fighter/barbarian to smash it. Pick DC 20, Smash DC 15

_Errata: 
This is the exact requirements, the character must have trained as a thief and then a rogue to pick the lock, or as a fighter and then a barbarian to smash it.

There is one other option. A gnome can open the door just by turning the handle. But since no-one ever plays gnomes this is a useless option._


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## kenobi65 (Sep 15, 2005)

StupidSmurf said:
			
		

> This is without question one of the freakin' coolest encounters in this "bad dungeon."




Absolutely.   Might even be too cool to leave in here.


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## Samuel Leming (Sep 15, 2005)

*Map?*

You know, a module such as this isn't complete until somebody maps it. 



Sam


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## Henry (Sep 15, 2005)

Samuel Leming said:
			
		

> You know, a module such as this isn't complete until somebody maps it.




And the map should be mirror-imaged, as if it the plate was accidentally reversed during the print run.


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## VirgilCaine (Sep 15, 2005)

Wystan said:
			
		

> Then it is locked and the thief/rogue needs to pick it or a fighter/barbarian to smash it. Pick DC 20, Smash DC 15




Is the determination of the first class made by number of class levels or order of training? I.E. is a Bbn1/Ftr5/Bbn2/Ftr2 a Barbarian/Fighter or a Fighter/Barbarian? 

Could I subsitute rouge levels for the rogue level requirement or _must_ the character be a thief/rogue and not a thief/rouge?


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## Wystan (Sep 15, 2005)

VirgilCaine said:
			
		

> Is the determination of the first class made by number of class levels or order of training? I.E. is a Bbn1/Ftr5/Bbn2/Ftr2 a Barbarian/Fighter or a Fighter/Barbarian?
> 
> Could I subsitute rouge levels for the rogue level requirement or _must_ the character be a thief/rogue and not a thief/rouge?





This is the exact requirements, the character must have trained as a thief and then a rogue to pick the lock, or as a fighter and then a barbarian to smash it.

I have added this as errata and another option that was found on the floor.


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## dougmander (Sep 15, 2005)

StupidSmurf said:
			
		

> This is without question one of the freakin' coolest encounters in this "bad dungeon."



Thanks! I'm home this week recovering from pericarditis _and_ my baby girl was throwing up all night (now sleeping comfortably). This thread has been a real tonic for me; I've been laughing (painfully) all afternoon. And now, back to the task at hand:

Encounter 21

*Enter the Dragon*

Characters with an INT score of 16 or higher will notice an iron collar around the neck of the dragon from Encounter 20. Pendant from the collar is a small container, shaped roughly like a loaf of bread, but nothing like bread in taste, texture, Mohs scale, or carb points. A small red metal flag is attached to the side of this metal container; the flag can be placed in a vertical or horizontal position. Currently it is set to the vertical position. The DM should ask all players if their PCs speak Gnomish; those who can will be able to read the handpainted letters on the side of the container. If no PCs can read Gnomish, tell them you were just curious, pretend to write down each person's answer, then say, "Who's up for pizza?" (See Appendix G).
The letters on the container seem to spell out a gnomish name: S. E. Timbers. Inside the container, accessed by a gate at one of the flat ends of the container, are one or more pieces of correspondance. Roll 1d6, 1d3 times.

1 = Complimentary _cure light wounds_ scroll from Church of Pelor
2 = Hant's secret plans for world domination, which he mailed to himself for copyright reasons but have been misdelivered
3 = "You have won second prize in a beauty contest. Collect 100 gp"
4 = Junk mail (equivalent to _–1 chainmail_)
5 = Issue of _Size S: the Magazine for Small Humanoids_
6 = note from dragon addressed to "Super",  concerning "blocked sinus"

In case the same result is obtained twice, reveal nothing. This is essential for maintaining the level of verisimilitude crucial to a successful adventure.

Characters who roll a 1-2 on a d6 will smell pipe smoke emanating from the dragon's nostrils. Looking closer, they will see a tiny porch rocker in the right nostril, still swinging _as if it had been recently vacated!_. Characters of Small size may choose to explore either nostril. It is highly recommended that players keep a map from this point on.

Each nostril leads independently along a parallel course to the anterior sinus of the dragon's skull. An exit at the back of the sinus is blocked by an invasive species of ochre jelly. A rapidly closing outline of a small figure in a peaked cap is visible in the jelly. PCs can either plunge through the ochre jelly, receiving 1d8 damage, or fight the jelly fair and square.

*OCHRE JELLY* 6 HD, 28 hp, AC 9, 1-6 damage

Beyond the jelly is the posterior sinus. Read the following description to the players: "You enter a comfortably appointed body cavity, with a handwoven rug upon the floor, a hookah, an ottoman, a divan, a samovar, a portmanteau, a bidet, and a papasan. Perched upon one of these items (roll randomly) is a pale gnome with a proud white beard. 'I am Smirk E. Timbers,' he intones. "And I'm dying... ...to tell you anything you'd like to know about this area.'"

If questioned, Smirk (gnome cleric lvl 7) will inform the party that he has been in the dragon's employ for many years as a custodian, battling various parasites and generally keeping the great beast in working condition. He knows the dragon literally inside and out; but he won't tell the party that the major arteries of the dragon have been infested with kuo-toa, and have stolen most of the treasure items that the dragon had given Smirk in payment over the years.

PCs will notice a trap door in the floor of the sinus that, if opened, leads directly into the dragon's arterial system. See Encounter 22 for more details.


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## Evilhalfling (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 21: Obligitory Bar fight. 

after opening this door the players all fall asleep and wake up in the tavern the Pleasent Haddock in the town of Lum, in west Hayt.
the tavern is apparently empty, containing only 2 elven women and four peasents drinking at a table.  The Bartender will over a variety of excellent beers and paastries. When the peasnts hear the characters speak they will know them for eniemies and attack immediatly- One peasents is actually a Ninja! The other for are noncombatants and will not fight unless they are attacked. If they fight or are killed, use the stats for hobgoblins from *encounter 2: a dark smellty cave*, except that they each have 10hp, are not wearing armour, but do use tables as shields and they must each spend 1d4 rounds to get weapons from among those haning on the walls. 

Ninja - lvl 8 hp 40, AC  22 (+6 armor, +6 dex) BAB +6/+1, sword +12(1d10) or Shuriken +12/+7(1) 

Skills and Feats - Hide +17, Move silently +17, Spot +11, Listen +11, Search +11, Tumble +17, Jump +13
Climb +17 Weapon finess, improved iniative, Doge, Mobility, Spring Attack;
Class abilities:  Sudden strike +4d6, ki power, ki dodge, great leap, Acrobatics +2, Gost step (invisibility) Ghost strike.  

Equipment: +1 Katana, +2 Ninja Armor, 100 gp 

The Inn keeper will allow the players to spend the night, and he is honest. 
players may level up and regain spells before being teleported back to the dungeon the next morning.


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## diaglo (Sep 15, 2005)

convert it to 3.11ed for WOrkgroups.


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## Numion (Sep 15, 2005)

#22

*Ride to the "Pool"* 



> You are forced through the dragons innards into its belly, landing in a pool of stomach acids!




PCs take 5d4 acid damage each round in the acid. Within 1d4 rounds a white orb lands to the belly, a wisdom check allows to notice it says "laxatives". Now PCs have hard time remaining in the belly and must save each round versus bowel movements or be drawn under the acid level, into the dragons intestines. When they fail the saves, read aloud, but not too loud:



> The dragons bowel movements are nasty fast! Before you know, you've gone through the dragon, into a white room shaped as a bowl, with some water in it, and an underwater tunnel seemingly going downwards. Bad news is, you're not alone, even if you had no party companions left. You land in the water pool with the dragons dookie! A neo-otyugh attacks.




The dragon poops more into the 'chamber' each round, and PCs must save vs. death each round or suffer nausea and 1d4 damage. Each round there is a 37% probability that the dragon will flush the toilet, leading characters to encounter #23.

edit: revised a bit, I'll have the stats for otyugh later


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## nethervoid (Sep 15, 2005)

Encounter 36 (Encounter 35 is missing from the manual)

When the PCs enter the room, read the text in the box:

[box]Upon entering the room, you see an ant carrying an amazing longsword, but the longsword is really too long for the ant to be swinging it like that, so it must be an ant of amazing strength, but what you realize is the ant is also dancing like the badgers, but it then turns into a badger like a werebadger might, but you also see the sword is dripping jello, which you find odd for a sword.

Roll a 1d4 to see if the PCs see the ant/badger's special shoes.[/box]

The PCs will attack the badger, and if they can kill it, he's a really mean badger, they get the sword, which is a sword of jellow turning*.  They can swing the sword around until they find out its power of turning anything it touches into jellow, which but only not the hilt does or the warrior swinging it would already be turned into jellow.

ANT/BADGER - WEREBADGER ANTKIN - 1 HD, 7 hp, AC 7; Attacks: rapier 1d6. Edged weapons and arrows only do 1/2 damage.

The badger's skull turns into a door after it dies.  The door is just a diversion from the chandelier decending over the skull to crush the PCs like a trap.  The PCs cannot first detect this chandelier trap cause the DC is 78.

If they survive, the chandelier is really a portal to the next room to the east, after turning left once.  Roll a 1d6.

*This sword is much too powerful, but we couldn't remove it as it's needed to kill the main bad guy's assistant in Encounter 92.

(the sword thing actually happened to me in a game - lol)


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## Slife (Sep 15, 2005)

#24
After the disturbing encounter #23 the characters will be in a pond/lake.  There's a huge rusty pipe dumping sewage into the pond/lake.  If the party has a druid, (or they picked up the one from room 72c) he must make a DC 25 will save, or wax poetically about how humans are destroying the enviroment for 3d10 rounds.  For this time, no spells with verbal components may be cast.  Not just by the druid, by the whole party.  It's _that_ loud.  

The water is the exact colours of the legendary crimson emerald the Eye Of Argon (In the special Bonus Module when you buy The World's Most Tedious Railroad Dungeon)  In it are swimming several (7d9) dace 







			
				Vertical centerbar the text goes around said:
			
		

> Dace - A small, freshwater fish commonly used as a weapon.  Lives in iron and fertilizer rich waters.  Can be used exactly like a dagger for 1d6 attacks before it disintigrates, except it does 1d3 damage, requires the Exotic Weapon: Fish feat to use without a penality of 3 to AC, and has 15 hp and 20 int.



.  They attack using Stirge stats, but instead of flying make them swim, and instead of draining HP they drain constitution.  Because they're part of the natural ecology, all druids must deal subdual damage to the fish.  

Also, because of the very thick marsh gasses and smell, flight and levitation spells are right out.  

If successful, the party will be able to choose to continue to what you should say is room 300, but is actully room 1 again, but with enemies from room 48, (Stats specified in Encounter 35), or they can choose to go on to room 25.  Also, the party can't go back into the pipe (although they certainly shouldn't want to, given what's in there).  If they try, they will find a DC 45.4 pit trap that's full of black pudding.  Real black pudding.  It's rotton.


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## Eluvan (Sep 16, 2005)

#25

Read this text to the players:



> You enter a room. It is neither a small nor a very small room, but a room of dimensions that might properly be called large. In the centre is a lecturn that stands in the centre. Steps are leading up to it.




 PCs may climb each step with a DC 12 Climb Check. They may not take 10 on these checks as they are being pelted from above by rotten fruit that goblins are throwing from above. The goblins cannot be killed because they just run away if the party tries to kill them and then come back and throw more fruit from above. There are 12 steps. If a check is failed then the character falls back down to the bottom and takes 3d6 damage and must make a will save or start crying. If they reach the top of the steps they encounter a vision.

 Read the following text to the playrs:



> A woman appears before you shimmering ephemrally (but she't not actually in the ephemeral plane she's in this plane). She is a very nice woman, with pretty hair. She says in a voice that is quiet: "I am Lady Orvela who your questing to save. I am betrothed to Prince Shanor of Tuman. Please save me before they execute me, or they will kill me. The Tumanish solders would come to save me on the orders of the Tumanite King, but theyll never get here in time to save me and anyway they can't because the Tumanarian King doesn't want to ruin the Holiday Festival and if the soldiers invade Hant then they will do so verily. So you have to rescue me first or my father the King of Hant won't give you your just reward. Hurry! Hurry to Tuman and save me!"




 The woman is actually secretly working for the King of Tuman, because he said that otherwise he would torture her and sell her to King Sheldeon as a slave. She is neither happy nor jubilant to be used in this manner most foul, but she has no recurse so she does it under duress. Duress is the torture master, and he is neither pleasant nor handsome but very smelly and unpleasant and she doesn't like him. So when he sits on her she does whatever he says, under Duress. She is luring the players into a trap. While she was talking she cast a Geas on them, so they have to do what she said or suffer 4d12 Con damage every minute until they do what she says. 

 For getting down the other side of the steps see the rules for the first steps, but instead of falling to the bottom when they fail players fall back to the top and have to try to go back down again. On the other side of the room is a door that leads to the next room.


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## Olgar Shiverstone (Sep 16, 2005)

#26

This 10 x 10 chamber has no doors or windows.  It is inhabited by Tytherandathraxiotus, a huge ancient white wyrm.  He is ravenously hungry and attacks on sight 80% of the time.  There is a 25% chance he will parley with the party if offered food.  There is a 35% chance he will parley if offered all of the party's treasure.

The dragon guards 2 gold pieces and a small piece of charcoal.  If the charcoal is smeared over the floor, a limerick involving the King of Tuman and a pair of milkmaids is revealed.

Edit: If the dragon is killed and cut open, the AXE OF MORGOSH can be found in its stomach contents along with 12 large pepperoni pizzas and a case of Mountain Dew.


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## Eluvan (Sep 16, 2005)

#27

 Beyond the 10' by 100' chamber with no doors or windows is a long, slender hall, 20' by 20'. 

 read the following text to your players:



> This is a long slender hall




 There are bats in the hall. They attack the players unless one of them is wearing pink. The bats that is, not the players. 

Bat: Small Humanoid (Goblin); Warrior 1; CR 1/3; HD 1d8+1; HP 5; Init +1; Spd 30ft.; AC 15, touch 12, flat-footed 14; Base Atk +1; Grp -3; Atk +2 melee (1d6, Morningstar) or +3 ranged (1d4, javelin); Full Atk +2 melee (1d6, Morningstar) or +3 ranged (1d4, javelin); SQ Darkvision 60ft.; AL Neutral Evil; SV Fort +3, Ref +1, Will -1; Str 11, Dex 13, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 9, Cha 6.
 Skills and Feats: Hide +5, Listen +2, Move Silently +5, Ride +4, Spot +2; Alertness.
Languages: Common, Goblin. 
 Treasure: Standard

 If the bats do not attack then do not use these stats. If the goblins do not attack use these stats. If the Purple Worm does not attack then roll a d4. On a 1-4 the players each earn 500xp. On a 4-1 the players each lose 500xp. 

 At the end of the pit is a trap. Search DC 42, Disable Device DC 12, Fort Save vs. Death DC 2 every round for the rest of the adventure or until a player casts _Animate Rope_. The sauce of the trap is not visible. If the players do not find the trap do not use it on a roll of 10 or more on a d6, unless one of the bats succeeds on a Decipher Script roll DC 15 or one of the Purple Worms succeeds on a Ranged Attack roll on a bat or the sum total of your characters levels multiplied by 4 and square rooted, then integrated, comes to less than the number of bats they have fought. Beyond the trap is a locked door to the next room. It does not open unless one of the players speaks the word _Cyrrlqin_, which means to open in ancient Slaaadish. Bardic Knowledge check DC 45 to know this. Otherwise the players cannot continue and lose all XP and treasure so far acquiesced during the adventure.


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## Qlippoth (Sep 16, 2005)

Samuel Leming said:
			
		

> You know, a module such as this isn't complete until somebody maps it.




*Map 2A: The Uppermost Levels*


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## Zander (Sep 16, 2005)

Olgar Shiverstone said:
			
		

> #26
> 
> This 10 x 10 chamber... is inhabited by... a huge... wyrm.



LOL


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## Insight (Sep 16, 2005)

*28. The Winding Path*



			
				Boxed Text said:
			
		

> You are all surprised to discover that the cave collapses in on itself.  There are no gnomes to hold up the walls, and so there is a cave-in.  Even twelve monkeybirds cannot do it.  They have no chance.
> 
> Escaping the collapse, you find yourselves in an odd meadow.  The grass is neither tall nor short, and there are no flamenco dancers anywhere to be seen.  You spend quite a long time looking for flamenco dancers and a mariachi band (just to be sure) and after doing so, you are fairly certain there are none.
> 
> While searching, you are shocked to learn that a dirt path winds its way through the area, leading from west to west.  Other than the path and dearth of flamenco dancers (or a mariachi band), there is little else to see here.  There are no trees, giant lizards, shrubs, or pandas anywhere in the area.  It is essentially a flat meadow.




As soon as the characters breathe or sniff the air or inhale or exhale in any way, or don't, they are surprised by a *Tarrasque*.  

*Tarrasque*.  AC 49, HD 13d8+13.  HP 19.  Bite +13, 1d6+47 Dmg.  SD Indeterminant Expressions.  AL N.

It is a baby Tarrasque that's lost its mother and wants to find her.  The Tarrasque is neither joking nor tarrying in any way.  It also does not wear tap dance shoes nor does it think it can win a trip to Paris.  The Tarrasque does have an expression, but the characters may not interpret it correctly.  Roll a d6.  1-2 Sad, 3 Grumpy, 3-4 Angry, 5-6 Needs to be Changed.  If the characters are surprised, they have no chance to determine the Tarrasque's expression until it has been defeated.

If the characters attack the Tarrasque, it will cry out for its mother.  Make a Sense Motive check DC 25 to determine that the baby is actually not violent, but looking for its mother.  The DC is _exactly_ 25.  Rolling higher or lower than 25 fails the check.  If the characters all fail the Sense Motive check, they think the baby Tarrasque is trying to sing "The Girl from Ipenema" and must make a Will Save DC 15 or sing along.  Note that any characters who fail their save can do nothing but sing until dead.

When the characters defeat the baby Tarrasque, or they have died, they can continue along the winding path to the next encounter.  They cannot go back into the cave due to the collapse, not even if they have union laborers to help clear debris.


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## BiggusGeekus (Sep 16, 2005)

*#29b*

Read the following out loud to your players:



> You see a gargantuan white dragon.




Great wyrm fiendish half-celestial white dragon: CR 23; Gargantuan Outsider (Cold, Chaotic, Evil); HD 36d12+360; hp 594; Init +5; Spd 60 ft, fly 200 ft (poor), swim 60 ft, burrow 30 ft; AC 43 (+1 Dex, -4 size, +36 natural); Melee bite +47 (4d6+15), 2 claws +42 (2d8+7), 2 wings +42 (2d6+7), tail slap +42 (2d8+22); SA breath weapon, frightful presence, freezing fog, other spell-like ablities, smite good, half-celestial spell-like abilities; SQ +4 save vs. poison, icewalking, immunities, fire resistance 20, DR 20/+3, blindsight, keen senses; Face/Reach 20 ft by 40 ft / 15 ft; SR 27; AL CE; SV Fort +30, Ref +21, Will +26; Str 41, Dex 12, Con 31, Int 20, Wis 23, Cha 22.
Skills and Feats: Bluff +42, Concentration +46, Diplomacy +42, Escape Artist +37, Knowledge (arcana, geography, history, religion) +41, Listen +44, Scry +41, Search +41, Sense Motive +42, Spellcraft +41, Spot +44; Hover, Flyby Attack, Power Attack, Cleave, Snatch, Improved Initiative, Spell Focus (Evocation), Alertness, Wingover, Quicken Spell-Like Ability.
SA–Breath Weapon (Su): Cone of cold, 60 feet long, every 1d4 rounds; damage 12d6, Reflex half DC 38.
SA–Frightful Presence (Ex): Dragons can unsettle foes with their mere presence. This ability takes effect automatically (radius 360 ft) whenever the dragon attacks, charges, or flies overhead. A potentially affected creature (one with less than 36 HD) that succeeds at a Will save (DC 34) remains immune to that dragon's frightful presence for one day. On a failure, creatures with 4 or fewer HD become panicked for 4d6 rounds and those with more than 5 HD become shaken for 4d6 rounds. Dragons ignore the frightful presence of other dragons.
SA–Freezing Fog (Sp): Similar to solid fog, this ability also causes a rime of slippery ice to form on any surface the fog touches, creating the effect of a grease spell. The dragon is immune to the grease effect because of its icewalking ability.
SA–Other Spell-Like Abilities: 3/day - fog cloud, gust of wind, wall of ice; 1/day - control weather.
SA–Smite Good (Su): 1/day, deal an additional +20 damage against a good foe.
SA–Half-Celestial Spell-Like Abilities: 3/day-protection from evil, holy aura; 1/day-bless, aid, detect evil, cure serious wounds, neutralize poison, holy smite, remove disease, dispel evil, holy word, hallow, symbol, summon monster IX (celestials only), resurrection.
SQ–Icewalking (Ex): This ability works like the spider climb spell, but the surfaces must be icy. It is always in effect.
SQ–Immunities (Ex): Immune to acid, cold, disease, electricity, sleep, paralysis.
SQ–Blindsight (Ex): Dragons can ascertain creatures by nonvisual means (mostly hearing and scent, but also by noticing vibrations and other environmental clues); this dragon's range is 360 feet.
SQ–Keen Senses (Ex): Dragons can see four times as well as humans in low-light conditions and twice as well in normal light. They also have darkvision (range 1200 feet).
Spells Known (cast 6/8/8/7/7/7/5; as a level 13 sorcerer): 0–detect magic, resistance, detect poison, read magic, dancing lights, ghost sound, mage hand, open/close, mending; 1–endure elements, mage armor, shield, true strike, charm person; 2–bull's strength, cat's grace, blur, endurance, fog cloud; 3–haste, dispel magic, protection from elements, slow; 4–dimension door, improved invisibility, detect scrying, confusion; 5–cloudkill, dominate person, summon monster V; 6–greater dispelling, disintegrate.



This is a role-play encounter.


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## Eridanis (Sep 16, 2005)

This is freakin' brilliant. You need to be careful, though - the module's only 32 pages long, and you're probably getting to the end.


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## Thornir Alekeg (Sep 16, 2005)

Eridanis said:
			
		

> This is freakin' brilliant. You need to be careful, though - the module's only 32 pages long, and you're probably getting to the end.



Don't worry about it, anything that is missing will be published as a web-based erratta some time next year.


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 16, 2005)

Thornir Alekeg said:
			
		

> Don't worry about it, anything that is missing will be published as a web-based erratta some time next year.




We COULD go to a 64-page format.


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## Thornir Alekeg (Sep 16, 2005)

StupidSmurf said:
			
		

> We COULD go to a 64-page format.



Heck, let's go for 144 pages and hardcover.  We can include a 5 1/4" floppy with the map on it.


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## Insight (Sep 16, 2005)

I vote for a 3-D map, complete with glasses for the DM.  Of course, the glasses don't work properly, making the map nearly illegible.


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## Evilhalfling (Sep 16, 2005)

* 30. Ladies bedroom *



> This is easily discernible as a room beloning to the mistress of this place.  Its furniture is all of good quality, unusual design, and superior workmanship.




Describe this room as you wish. The elaborate bedroom has a huge bed, dressers, a wardrobe, an an ottoman.  The ward robe has all sorts of modern, period and wizard clothing. A few garmets seem to be gone for there are about a dozen empty wooden hangers *Detect Magic* will show a faint aura clinging to the empty hangers.  There is no real treasure here. 


-27-​
oh wait we are supposed to be writing our own modual not quoting existing bad moduals 
can anyone name this? here is a hint it is one of 5 pages of room description, + 2 maps which contains 1 encounter, and has nothing to do with the rest of the adventure.
our adventure is 27 pages so far when converted to word (whee! watch me procrastinate)


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## Thornir Alekeg (Sep 16, 2005)

Evilhalfling said:
			
		

> oh wait we are supposed to be writing our own modual not quoting existing bad moduals
> can anyone name this? here is a hint it is one of 5 pages of room description, + 2 maps which contains 1 encounter, and has nothing to do with the rest of the adventure.



Well, I don't really know, but is this a Wheel of Time module?  It sure sounds like Robert Jordan's style


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## Evilhalfling (Sep 16, 2005)

Thornir Alekeg said:
			
		

> Well, I don't really know, but is this a Wheel of Time module?  It sure sounds like Robert Jordan's style




Nope, not RJ. I did find a second monster - but it is obviously trapped, and it would take a pigheaded player to release it.


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 16, 2005)

Room 31: Latrine of Doom (subtitled: "Oh, crap!")

Read to players:
"Your adventuring party enters this 3' x 3' room. The smelly odors forcibly remind you of the potty at Big Al's Discount Ale House and Shoe Repair. No, really. Even if you were thinking of something grand and sweeping and metaphysical, such as how many devas can dance on the head of a pin, you aren't anymore. Nope. Definitely thinking of the potty at Big Al's. No choice in the matter.

"So anyways. Yeah. It smells. Bad. There's a white porcelain bowl with a small metal handle. Inside the bowl is some water. At the bottom of the bowl is an odd white lozenge. There is what appears to be a roll of white parchment on the wall right next to the bowl.

"That's all that's in the room. Oh, except for a small sink. The sink is dripping water. Drip, drip, drip. It's dripping so much, that the power of suggestion takes over and you all have to go. Real bad. No choice. Even if you went before you left. Even if the last encounter made you wet your pants. Nope. Too bad. You gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now."

The toilet bowl is a mimic. The water in the bowl is a water weird. The toilet paper is actually one long scroll with Explosive Diahrrea Runes cast on it. The white lozenge at the bottom of the bowl is actually a Urinal Cake of Vecna. Heck, the entire 3' x 3' room is actually a hollowed-out (but very much alive and very much pissed) gelatinous cube with cheap panelling.

This room can be used to kill the player characters who hate you. If you've been running this adventure for more than one encounter, that should mean "Everyone". If the party kills the mimic, the water weird, and the gelatinous cube, there's a water pipe that is somehow big enough for everyone to fit through, to get them to the next encounter.


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## kenobi65 (Sep 16, 2005)

StupidSmurf said:
			
		

> Room 31: Latrine of Doom (subtitled: "Oh, crap!")




((Ahhh, our second toilet encounter of the module already.  Surely a sign that every aspiring 12-year-old dungeon writer puts a WC in their modules.  Or, perhaps a sign that the entire dungeon is just one big latrine.))


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## kenobi65 (Sep 16, 2005)

Eluvan said:
			
		

> #27
> 
> Beyond the 10' by 100' chamber with no doors or windows is a long, slender hall, 20' by 20'.




_Erratta: Ooops, we forgot.  One of the bats is using the AXE OF MORGOSH.  Really._


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## BiggusGeekus (Sep 16, 2005)

kenobi65 said:
			
		

> ((Ahhh, our second toilet encounter of the module already.  Surely a sign that every aspiring 12-year-old dungeon writer puts a WC in their modules.  Or, perhaps a sign that the entire dungeon is just one big latrine.))




The toilets are right after an encounter with a tarresque and an encounter with a dragon.  Somehow, I think they are well placed.


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## kenobi65 (Sep 16, 2005)

BiggusGeekus said:
			
		

> The toilets are right after an encounter with a tarresque and an encounter with a dragon.  Somehow, I think they are well placed.




TPK followed by TPF (Total Party Flush).


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## Wystan (Sep 16, 2005)

kenobi65 said:
			
		

> _Erratta: Ooops, we forgot.  One of the bats is using the AXE OF MORGOSH.  Really._



Check the edit on the cave room....


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 16, 2005)

BiggusGeekus said:
			
		

> The toilets are right after an encounter with a tarresque and an encounter with a dragon.  Somehow, I think they are well placed.




Well spotted, Biggus!


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## Insight (Sep 16, 2005)

*32. Send in the Clowns*



			
				Boxed Text said:
			
		

> Princess Aravaine, known to be the naughty sister to Prince Maug, who is cousin to the guy who cleans toilets in the Royal Castle, who once caught sight of the King, waits in a lonely passage that leads from here into a larger chamber.
> 
> Once she sees you, Princess Aravaine is suprised and lets out a minor yelp.  Minor in that the yelp itself is not old enough to drink.  She turns and looks into the larger chamber and shouts "Intruders!" and then runs, not walks, into the larger chamber.
> 
> ...




Princess Aravaine has as her guardians 12 Clown Elementals.  They attack from all sides.  Roll 1d6 to see if the party is surprised.  1-2 party is surprised.  4-6 clowns are surprised.

*Clown Elemental*.  AC 13, HD 3d8+3.  HP 24.  Honking noises +3.  2d4+2 Wis dmg.  AL Nutso.

The Clown Elementals, while outrageously silly, are neither taciturn nor dour.  They do not possess any sort of nuclear devices nor soda crackers.  They will attack the party unless Princess Aravaine tells them to stop.  

The princess might be persuaded to help the party find their quarry if they succeed on a DC 20 Diplomacy check.  The party can also try a DC 20 Forgery check to see if they can fake her out with a note from the King letting them pass.  Princess Aravaine does not have any secret compartments that can be mentioned in polite company.

When the Clown Elementals are defeated, or Princess Aravaine lets the characters pass, there is a door on the far side of the very large (but not the largest the characters have ever seen) chamber.  The door is not made of cheese.  It is not locked and not trapped, but if any of the characters insults the door in any way, it will attack.  The door is actually a polymorphed Wood Elf, so use those stats if the door attacks.


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## carpedavid (Sep 16, 2005)

kenobi65 said:
			
		

> _Erratta: Ooops, we forgot.  One of the bats is using the AXE OF MORGOSH.  Really._




I made the appropriate correction, as the original was obviously a typo. It now reads "...under the bed bat in encounter 27."


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## lukelightning (Sep 16, 2005)

Thornir Alekeg said:
			
		

> Well, I don't really know, but is this a Wheel of Time module?  It sure sounds like Robert Jordan's style




Only if it mentions embroidery, and has princesses bathing together while guarded by their sh'amal'amara'madingd'ongs.


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## Gundark (Sep 16, 2005)

What ever the story it would have to start in a tavern....


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## Simplicity (Sep 16, 2005)

33. A Fistful of 100 gp



> As you open the door, if you do, you see an expressionless stone face carved into the opposite wall from the door.  That is, obviously a wall is the opposite of a door, but this wall is across from the door.  The room is L-shaped, but only if you were reading the inside of a castle from above.  The face's eyes stare at you menacingly and seem to follow you wherever you go.  You can walk right past the face to get to a door to the west.




The face is magical, and it will show up as such if Detect Magic is cast.  The statue was originally the castle architect, and it has various amounts of insight into why the castle was made the way it was.  The players are unlikely to discover this, however.  Discourage the players from interacting with the statue, as it may reveal key portions of the story.

If the players happen to talk to the statue, the statue will be so grateful that it will give the players 100 gp.  If the players do not talk to the face, they will anger it enough to recite poetry.  Read the following aloud.



> Talk to me?
> Will you?  Won't?
> Talk to anyone?
> Now, you don't!




The statue will curse a player with a horrible curse.  The player will no longer be able to speak without speaking in rhyme.  If the player fails to speak in rhyme, the player must Save vs. Rods/Staffs/Wands or suffer 2 Cha damage (for each spoken line).  If the 
player reaches 0 charisma, then they become a stone face in a wall, like the architect.


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 16, 2005)

34. Dread Chamber of Ewscray Ethay Ayersplay

Read the following description allowed to the players. DMs are well-warned in advance that they should know the shortest route out of the playing area, and be wearing sneakers or track shoes.

“You see a massive stone/iron/mithril/adamantium/titanium steel door with a lock manufactured by the Gordian Lock Company on it. Because of the physics of the dungeon, you can’t turn back. You can only go forward. You must deal with the door. Tough noogies…suck up and deal, dice-freaks.”

 The lock is trapped. Whoa boy is it trapped. Attempts at finding the trap are penalized at -10/-50% penalty (depending on what system you use, including gaming with cards, colored beads, or assorted cheeses).

When the trap is sprung, it sprays a spray of Inanimate Acid spray at everything in a 30’ arc. Inanimate Acid doesn’t affect living tissue, but it eats right through stuff like armor, shields, swords, helmets, bracers, and underwear. The Acid works particularly well on magic items. Oh heck yeah. The Acid likes-a da magic. So, everyone has to make as saving throw versus Breath Weapon or they each lose 2d4 magic items, or 10 magic items, whichever is greater. If any character is carrying around Rolaids or Tums (acquired no doubt thanks to the Ulcer Acquisition Table 2A), they take no damage.

Once the group suffers this indignity, gleefully point out that the door wasn’t even locked, and had they just pulled on it, they wouldn’t have triggered the trap. Ha ha, stupid adventurers!

Of course, pulling on the door causes it to fall forward, since the stupid thing was not mounted on its hinges. It topples forward, doing 10d100 crushing damage to anyone whose name has letters in it. Ha Ha, stupid flat adventurers. Save for half.

Once inside, read the text in quotes to the players.

”You are in a 30 x 30 room, with a 20’ high ceiling. There’s a door on the opposite side of the room. That’s it. The room is completely empty. And it’s safe.”

When the party enters the room, panels on the wall open up and automated crossbows fire a barrage of 38 Explosive Incendiary Groin-Seeking Crossbow Bolts Dipped In Alcohol. The bolts are +20 to hit.

Then the ceiling opens up like a big opening thing overhead, deploying the air cannon that fires a salvo of panicky airsick potbelly pigs with large sacks of flaming oil tied to their flanks. The air cannon fires at +30. There are 30 pigs.

When the party gets halfway into the room, the floor opens up with amazing speed, dropping everyone into a trench filled with orc whiz, ogre barf, worg poo, and lime Jell-O. Oh, and the area has an Increase Gravity spells cast on it, so everyone begins sinking like a proverbial rock (or stone).

The entire trench is an anti-magic zone, so no spells or items will work.

Ditto for psionics. Psionics are for psissies.

Anybody doing a Spot check on the bottom will find one of those nifty escape hatches with a round wheel lock type door knob. Written on it are the words “Escape Hatch”. Opening it up reveals a pitch black tunnel 3’ wide. It goes in about, oh, 5 feet, and it’s lined with razor wire. At the end of the 5’ is a Sphere of Annihilation.

Should the party manage to evade the trench and make it to the other side, a door opens up, disgorging three members of the Spanish Inquisition. Since no one expects them, they gain automatic surprise on the party. The party is subjected to being tied to a dish rack, poked with a soft cushion, and forced to sit on a comfy chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven.

Once this is done, the Inquisition goes away. The party sees a large dumpster with the word “Treshure” scrawled on it in crayon. Inside are 10,000 gold coins and a beautiful hammer. Checking out the coins, the players realize that the gold is just paint, and that each coin is a slug. No, not as in those base metal disks used to cheat vending machines. We’re talking REAL slugs, baby. We’re talking about the fact that each of those coins is actually a polymorphed Giant Slug, and the only way to revert them back to their true angry form is to, oh, let’s see…touch one? Find the stats for Slug, Giant in the Monster Manual, because frankly I have better things to do than write down something you can perfectly well look up yourself, you lazy so and so. 

The hammer radiates extreme eldritch magical enchanted dweomer power. That’s because the hammer is Mjolnir, the favored hammer weapon hammer of Thor, god of Thunder and big hammers. As soon as someone touches the hammer, Thor appears, enraged and mad. He wants his hammer back. He yells out “You can’t touch this!” and he kills the entire party (no save), resurrects them, kills them again, lather rinse repeat.

Finally he gets tired of this, raises them one last time, gives them all a divine wedgie, and flings them through the door. Unfortunately, it’s a 500’ drop. Roll 50d6 of falling damage. Well, actually, it’s not falling damage, it’s landing damage. Save for half.

Note: The publishers of World’s Stupidest Dungeon take no responsibility for beatings, lynchings and/or decapitating of Dungeon Masters at the hands of wrathful players.


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## Wystan (Sep 16, 2005)

35 - The guards bedroom



> [Text Box]
> Upon landing you are healed to full and see before you a shiny gem encrusted door with solid titanium hinges, next to that is a plain wooden door. Since you are not quite that stupid a second time you open the wooden door. In the room behind the door are 12 occupied beds. They are all covered with nice down comforters, fluffy pillows and nice silk sheets. On the floor at the foot of each bed is a chest of Cedar, they have a silver band around the lower part of the lid, and have handles carved of marble. The floor is of polished stone and has a nice marbleized finish. The lighting in the room is subdued and appears to issue from the sconces in the corners of the room which are slightly covered so as to provide indirect lighting. There appear to be some shelves on the far side of the room which hold uniforms. They are all neatly pressed and have the perfect crease down the pants leg. There is also a full length mirror in the room opposite the door. You would say from the look of it the people who sleep here must do well monetarily. [/Text Box]




The guards attack, 1-6 the party is surprised - The guards are never surprised. 

Stats: Human Guards: HD 3d8+12; 31,31,32,32,33,33,34,34,35,35,36,36: Attack: +8; Weapons: Longsword 1d8+4: AC 19 (all in full Plate); Treasure:  24 Pairs of new Knitted Socks, 1d2 gold each, 1d4 silver each, 2d4 electrum each, dagger each, +5 Crossbow of Paladin Bane, +5 Longsword of Lawful Good Monk Bane, 156 Iron Rations (Spoiled), 124 Water Skins (old and cracked), 24 copies of 'Dungeon Babes', 13 copies of 'Wizard's Tower Top', Initiative +9.
Feats: Power Attack, Cleave, Great Cleave, Weapon Proficiency-Longsword, Weapon Specialization-Longsword, Point Blank Shot

Other Treasure in the room: None, it is all an illusion to cover 12 dirty cots.

There are 3 other doors, 2 in the far corners, and one in the ceiling


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## kenobi65 (Sep 16, 2005)

Wystan said:
			
		

> Check the edit on the cave room....




Ya know, it's just like this crappy module to put the same magic item in two places.


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## carpedavid (Sep 16, 2005)

Wystan said:
			
		

> Check the edit on the cave room....




Ah, that's brilliant! I wonder how many encounters I can get people to stick the AXE OF MORGOSH in.


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## Slife (Sep 16, 2005)

Just to help the creativity...

What do you think?


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## Truth Seeker (Sep 16, 2005)

*35a.* The Reverse Play Switch.

Standing at a longgggggggggggggggg, passage way. There is a simple switch at the end, with a notation hanging on the 3 foot pedstal And it says...Dungeon Reverse. The motion to move it if wanted, goes in a up & down fashion, and for the moment, it is in the middle.

[sblock]If switch is thrown down, restart from the very beginning of the dungeon. If thrown up, everyone is return to their homes, with the most simplest of clothing...a sack.  [/sblock]


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## Conaill (Sep 17, 2005)

36. The Dagger Thief

The Dagger Thief may show up at any time during any of the previous 35 encounters. Roll a d20 die before each encounter. On a 1 the Dagger Thief steals the Dagger of Grundag from whomever was holding it. The Dagger Thief is invisible, but very clumsy. Nobody will notice the theft, nor the fact that the dagger was stolen. The Thief will leave behind a note written in ancient aramaic (DC 42) that reads "Hah - I stole the dagger from you, now you will never find her!"


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## Mark CMG (Sep 17, 2005)

(Be sure to misnumber the pages, off by one, so that the odd numbers are on the left and the evens are on the right.  Skip an encounter number but include it in the Table of Contents with the title of an encounter that was never written.  The text in the footer or header that is supposed to correspond to the encounter being described on any given page should refer to the enounter that came on the previous page.)


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## Samuel Leming (Sep 17, 2005)

Insight said:
			
		

> I vote for a 3-D map, complete with glasses for the DM.  Of course, the glasses don't work properly, making the map nearly illegible.




The map would be illegible even without the 3-D.  

Sam


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## Evilhalfling (Sep 17, 2005)

carpedavid said:
			
		

> Ah, that's brilliant! I wonder how many encounters I can get people to stick the AXE OF MORGOSH in.




well I had a bed in a room on page 27. I could errata in the axe of MORGOSH under it. - 
but that negates the last line and provides some interest in a terribly dull room.  The description was from Dungeonland by e.G.G.  Just outside the really pointless house are 3hd bees and ants.  Then you get into the rocs and iron golems, I think he was going for a false sense of security.


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## Ralts Bloodthorne (Sep 17, 2005)

*#37: The Double Doors*


> Before are a large set of double doors, cast of bronze and covered with scenes of evil and depravity. The doors glow purple and radiate a tangible evil. The doors have rings to pull them open and are warm to the touch.



These ordinary double doors lead to the room beyond.

*#39: Trapped Pit*
A 10x10 pit 30 feet down to spikes. 3d6 falling damage, 1d4 spikes for 1d6 each. A skeleton is at the bottom, clutching a rusty short sword in one hand, and a golden key with an egg inscribed on it in the other.






(#38 is marked on the map as a fairly large room with furniture and statues, but is not detailed inside. #39 is missing from the map, although several pits do appear on the map)


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## Turanil (Sep 17, 2005)

*Encounter #39 bis. The Wise Merchant*

Read boxed text aloud:







> You notice an old merchant with a white beard obviously waiting for customers. He rather looks like a wizard with his pointy hat, but his scale and assortment of various items designates him as a wise merchant.
> 
> The merchant greets you warmly: "Good day isn't it? Maybe you would be interested in some magic item of mine?"



With a Spot check at DC38, it obvious that only the +2 bill-guisarme is magical, while everything else is bathed in Nystul's Magical Aura. A Detect Magic spell doesn't reveal it though. 

Price for each item is (1d8+4) X 250 gp. A successful Diplomacy check for haggling reduces the cost by 7.5% or 9.2% depending on the PC's gender. If cornered, the merchant is a 18th level polymorphed warlock (if you don't like warlocks, use the stats of a 16th level cleric). In any case, he doesn't want to bargain.

Behind the merchant you notice (DC Spot check 28) a corpse lying on the floor. If asked politely, the merchant will reveal this is the Dagger Thief (from a encounter #36) who was killed by a stirge. Anyone searching his cadaver will discover the Dagger of Grundhag. It is very important later in the adventure, nonetheless the merchant will offer two daggers +2 to get it then vanish without a warning using a Teleport Without Error spell. With a Sense Motive check at DC 3 though, the PCs should sense something is wrong and not give him the Dagger of Grundhag.

If the party doesn't lose at least 23% of its total cumulated hit-points, check twice for wandering monsters: 
1-4: a half-celestial stirge of doom
5-8: two lepidopteres +1
7-11: three orcs wielding exact non-magical replicas of the Axe of Morghosh.


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## Orius (Sep 18, 2005)

Eridanis said:
			
		

> This is freakin' brilliant. You need to be careful, though - the module's only 32 pages long, and you're probably getting to the end.




So?


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## Orius (Sep 18, 2005)

Ok, just to cleaer things up, what version of the game are stat blocks supposed to be in?  I'm seeing mostly 3.5 blocks here in the first few encounters, so are we going with current standards?  Or should we just present a horrid mis-mash of Basic, 1e, 2e, and 3.x e blocks all nilly-willy (which would probably work for this idea anyway).


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## ssampier (Sep 18, 2005)

*Room 45: Can I get wings with that?*

Room 45: Buffalo Staircase



> You climb a long spiral staircase set with stone. At the end of the staircase, you see a large stone door. The door is plain without any handle, ornamentation, or any obvious way to open the door. As you approach, a Buffalo head on the door. The lips begin to speak, "thginot nekcihc thginot nekcihc ekil leef I". The lips repeat the strange nonsensical phrase, " thginot nekcihc thginot nekcihc ekil leef I."




Any attempt to touch or otherwise damage the door results in 2d4 hit point damage. To successfully pass beyond the door, the players must one of two things: (1) Flap their arms like a chicken and say, "I feel like chicken tonight, chicken tonight", (2) Offer the Buffalo the magical item _Incredible Hotsauce of Doom_ found in Room 42 a (not shown on map).

After uttering the last notes of the song or giving the magical item tribute, the doors automatically open leading to rooms 64.

_(Room 41-44 are empty)_

(errors are intentional)


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## Sledge (Sep 18, 2005)

Yes


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## Turanil (Sep 18, 2005)

*Room 46: Maze of Sorrow*

Read this aloud if your players let you do so:







> You enter a maze. Once entered behind door vanishes.



Each 10x10 room roll 1d4 tunnels 3d4 feet long. Every third tunnel has a minotaur. After 7 rooms the PCs escape the Maze of Sorrow. Once exited behind door vanishes.


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## Nomad4life (Sep 19, 2005)

Man, I want this module.  Only if it has the artwork to fit, though.


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## Mighty Veil (Sep 19, 2005)

*Encounter #40 - The Groundhog's day trap*

Read text aloud to the players:

"You go to bed so you can wake up early and complete your adventure."

DM's note:

The characters did not complete the first 39+ encounters correctly, so they are forced to re-live the day. Just like the movie!!

Read text aloud to the players:

"You wake up. A bard is singing "I've got you babe".

You are in a 12 foot by twelve foot square room. There is a desk in the middle of the room with an old wizard sitting behind it. He says his name is Gomezatron. He has tasked you with finding the prince of the Hant and the princess of the the goodpeople.

He tells you that there are two doors befor you and that you must choose which door to go through. One will bring you to the path to the prince the other to the path to the princess.

He wishes you good luck and disappears in a cloud of smoke."


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 19, 2005)

Room 47: Time to Re-Equip!

Read to the players:
"You enter a brightly lit room that's 500' x 500'. At the door you are met by a zombie that used to be an elderly peasant. The zombie wears a blue vest, and, slack-jawed, pushes a cart towards you and goes 'mmm-BUH!' as you reach for the cart.

"Inside the room are aisles and aisles of things. Wow. So many things. A plethora of things. There's rations, there's armor, there's clothing, weapons, spell components. Anything you need. It's here.  The staff of the establishment appears to be composed of blue vest-wearing slack-jawed zombies that shuffle by you with a glassy-eyed expression. Don't ask any of them where anything is. They do not know. Many of them do, however, congregate around a shrine that bears this symbol:   

"The only thing disturbing about the place is the clientele. You've never seen so many peasants, mutants, dregs of society, inbred humanoids, and many more otherwise best left unidentifiable things."

Any equipment from any 3.5 DD book can be found here, so long as it's not magical and not offensive to good old fashioned values. There IS a Book of Vile Darkness here, but it's been edited and is now called the Book of Relatively Unpleasant Dimness.


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## Muaythaidaddy (Sep 19, 2005)

*THE BAD NOVICE DM ROOM*.

*Read to players*:

"_The door leads into a small, dimly lit room.  The room is twenty feet by twenty feet and ten feet tall.  A lone orc, wearing studded leather armor brandishes a falchion menacingly at the far end of the room, seemingly guarding the five foot tall wooden chest behind it.  Behind both the orc and the chest, a single door stands closed, locked and barred from this side_."

The orc is a typical orc, as found in the _Monster Manual_.  He guards a chest that is both unlocked and untrapped.  Inside the chest is a suit of _platemail +5, a holy avenger longsword +5, a book of infinite spells, a staff of life_ and a _bag of holding _ (type V) which contains 750,000 platinum coins.

If the words "Spankweezle Nimblenut" are not spoken aloud, three times in a silly voice, then all of the contents of the chest will disappear in a flash of smoke and bright lights, leaving behind only a small scrap of parchment which reads:

"It was all a dream."


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## ssampier (Sep 19, 2005)

Nomad4life said:
			
		

> Man, I want this module.  Only if it has the artwork to fit, though.




It's only missing one thing: an iconic character that has drinks with the PCs but is too busy to help them save the world.


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## Truth Seeker (Sep 19, 2005)

ssampier said:
			
		

> It's only missing one thing: an iconic character that has drinks with the PCs but is too busy to help them save the world.




In the voice of *Lee Marvin* "Now se yer ya young adven-turds, therssse a plenty of booze...the fune stuff, worth tat much as...goolddd! Git me one"  *HIC*


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## Zander (Sep 19, 2005)

Nomad4life said:
			
		

> Only if it has the artwork to fit, though.



No! It should have art that _doesn't_ fit.   Like I6 Ravenloft, the cover art should be of somewhere that doesn't appear in the module.


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## Turanil (Sep 19, 2005)

*Encounter 49 - The Princess' Head*

The PC enter a room with no door, meaning that the entrance is not closed by wood/iron/stone/whatever panels of any sort. So it's easy to enter the room. Now read this aloud:







> This otherwise empty 15'x15' room has a cage hanging from the seiling 12 feet above your head (more if you're small size). You don't see what's in the cage.



Due to an Anti-Magic shell cast into the room up to the cage's bottom (but not over it), you cannot fly or what, unless having natural wings. Nonetheless, if the party reach the cage by conventional means, they discover this (read aloud):







> Inside the cage is a crystal globe (obviously magical) in which is kept alive the princess' head (cut from the rest of her body nowhere to be seen here).



Use a pennagalan's stats for the head, although it is friendly and contained in the globe and otherwise doesn't do anything but speak and slowly move inside the strange liquid that fills the globe (around the head).

The problem to get the globe are several: 
1) PCs hanging from the chain breaks it, suddenly bringing everything crashing down and killing the head.
2) Removing the globe is okay, but as soon as it reaches the anti-magic area below, it dissolves immediately killing the head.
3) It is impossible to hear what the head says because of the liquid and the globe itself. However, A Read Lips check could be useful, but only if you use 3.0 not 3.5, in which case all hope is lost (although a psionicist could contact her telepathically).

Anyway, an enterprising party can climb up the walls (DC 15), then walk upside down the ceiling (DC 55), and find the invisible exit (DC 35, unless having Detect Invisibility active from the third round onward). If they do they could drag up the chain with the cage and the globe (Strength check required).

Thereafter the party is going for much disappointment as the head is not from the princess but from an impostor impersonating her (Sense Motive check at DC 38). So the mystery remains total.


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## Turanil (Sep 19, 2005)

*Encounter 50 - The Princess' Body*

Emerging from the ceiling, the PCs find a spiral staircase to the left, and a tunnel to the right. Going to the right are another set of inane encounters that don't make sense but get XP. Climbing the staircase to the left goes up the tower's level (huh? Which tower? Dunno...). So they reach a door entirely made of gold, weighing 1 ton and costing as much. In front of the door is a skeleton which attack on sight (although it has no eyes in the sockets).

Skeleton: Special: has a BAB and number of d12 hit-dice equal to the total party levels; AC 10; Immune to non-wood and non-good weapons; his attacks deal 1d20 of dmg and 1 point of Charisma drain per hit. Special weakness: a Command spell with the word "Die!" (but not "Dye!") destroys it instantly. It is otherwise a mundane skeleton.

Once the party open the door (requires a strength check for a one ton door on oiled hinges), read the following.







> You enter a very nice chamber full of flowers and rich tapestries and other nice decorum. On the large bed is a coffin.



This is in fact a crystal coffin, just like that of a vampire but painted white. Inside you see (once you remove the paint), the headless body of the princess, in the same liquid as in the globe. The coffin is unbreakable by any mean.


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## Paragon Kobold (Sep 19, 2005)

Note For the GM:

While the players are exploring the dungeon the heroic general Valor heroically leads an 
attack on an outpost of the evil kingdom, out-flanking an army of mind-controlled storm giants.

HOWEVER! He is secretly allied with the evil princess, and this is all a ruse to gain him the 
trust and admiration of the Gnomes of the South, for future manipulation. The mastermind 
behind this is the Spider Queen, who is allied with the Red Wizards.

The characters have no way of knowing about, or affecting, these events.


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## Turanil (Sep 19, 2005)

*Encounter 51 - Things get difficult!*

So, the coffin is unbreakable? So what?! Enterprising and cunning PCs should think about the obvious: bring back the coffin right back into the chamber where was the cage and globe (i.e.: encounter #49). It requires five Strength checks at DC 28 in a row otherwise the coffin slips from the PCs' hands and goes back rolling until it crashes into the room #49 far below. Since the coffin is unbreakable it doesn't break though, but could break through the floor instead (Hardness 12, hit-points 42) crashing below in a room full of angry kuo-toa (the kuo-toa have no treasure).

But lets say the PCs eventually bring the coffin into the anti-magic room: once the coffin is there, it dissolves in 2d4 rounds. Then, the PCs have 1d6 rounds to put a head (any head!!!) on the headless body:

1) True Princess' Head: The party has completed the quest and all return teleported into Gomazetron's room. Each PC is given a nobility title, real estate, and a magical item of his choice (but only one, whether it is a vorpal sword or potion of healing). UNFORTUNATELY the PCs have yet to come across the true princess' head, and have no clue where it is. As such, you still have another gaming session or two beforehand of this marvellous adventure to enliven your players, you lucky DM.   

2) False Princess' Head: The one in the globe (room 49) fits indeed perfectly. Now the princess looks like it's the real one. However nobody is teleported (Sense Motive check DC32 to detect that something is wrong here), and the party will have to bring back the princess by conventional means (Teleport spells don't work). Note that the false princess is charming and also generous with her charms. Although she is not a succubus and thus doesn't radiate evil, her appearance will be a portent of disaster. The false princess will sow discord and unhappiness in the kingdom, and everyone will die unless a party of brave adventurers (PLOT DEVICE HERE!!!) do something about it.

3) Orc Head: Since there are plenty of orcs to kill around, the PCs could have kept one and want to try to put it on the headless corpse. The result is to obtain an extremely vulgar prostitute that you could sell for 50 gp to a slaver.

4) A Skull. Putting any skull on the headless corpse transforms it into a 25th level lich that attacks on sight (although it has no eyes in the sockets).

5) An Owl's Head. You obtain an owlbear's variant that attacks for 1d8 rounds then die. Use the owlbear's stats +2.

6) Any other head simply doesn't fit (especially insects' head which _really_ don't fit - period).


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## Turanil (Sep 19, 2005)

*Encounter 52 - Princess' Head Bis*

This is a totally optional encounter that takes place only if the PCs go back to room with white coffin (which is probably not there anymore), see encounter #50.

So if the PCs go back here and search under the bed, they find a globe exactly like the one in room #49, except this is the real princess' head. Note that for sake of coherence that this globe was previously not there, and was later hidden under the bed by a wandering monster. Otherwise, the PCs are just plain stupid to not have searched under the bed in the first place.

There is no way to tell which of the two globes contain the real princess' head, which are otherwise identical. If the PCs try to determine randomly which it is the true one, the first globe has 50% to be the good one, bu the other has only 37% of being the wrong one. In any case, if you have now the false princess alive (see encounter 51) she will try to destroy that globe found under the bed. THIS IS A CLUE!! Cut the false princess' head and replace it by this one. Once cut, the false princess' head turns into a Vargouille that is not friendly. She attacks on sight (and has eyes in her sockets too!!!!).

Side note: once you put the right head on the body, everybody is teleported into Gomezatron's room, INCLUDING the vargouille! If it happens, the Vargouille immediately attacks Gomezatron. Everything else is up to the PCs (i.e.: if they try to kill the true princess, a 7th level bard, they are free to do so; if they do so the vargouille kills Gomazetron who has been shocked by the PCs' evil action, then returns to the body and once again becomes the charming false princess she was before).


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## Paragon Kobold (Sep 19, 2005)

Encounter 53



This small side room is currently the lair of a group of orcs. Roll 1d6 for the number of orcs,
if the die comes up 6, roll 1d8 and add that number of orcs. If the d8 comes up 8 add 1d4 
orcs. If this die comes up 4 do not add any more orcs, but have them be led by a half-orc 
3. level Hexblade-Psion. (Remember to stat him up in advance!) 

The room is pentagonal with each side being 55 feet long.

The Orcs are guarding a chest containing 5d6 Platinum Pieces, 6d4 electrum coins, and
1d12 potions of Cure Light Wounds.


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## Turanil (Sep 19, 2005)

I decided to copypaste most of this thread and turn it into a nice PDF module available to everyone to download for free. Work is on the way. Note however that I haven't respected the thread, instead altering and mixing the various posts to suit my whims. I will then draws some maps, add black and white pics (some of them shamelessly scanned here and there), and will do a nice layout using the latest software available. It should look great in the end. However, there will be no credit except than a "Collective Work Written by the ENworld Community". Those who don't want their posts being included / altered into this PDF please tell me so (and tell me which post it is).


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## Wystan (Sep 19, 2005)

I very much look forward to handing this module to my DM to run.... 

Or maybe I will try to run it....


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## Insight (Sep 19, 2005)

Paizo should publish this in the April Fools Day issue of Dungeon.


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## kenobi65 (Sep 19, 2005)

Turanil said:
			
		

> and will do a nice layout using the latest software available. It should look great in the end.




I dunno, Turanil.  Somehow, I think this one is *meant* to look like bantha poodoo.  Typsetting straight out of 1980, crooked paragraphs, missing lines, missing or inaccurate punctuation, etc.


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 19, 2005)

Harrow Hot Hall of High Heat

Place this hallway as any sort of connection between two encounters. Read the words in quotes to the players. Don't read the words out of quotes to the players. Don't let the players see this module. Don't let the players see your bank card password or your social security number. Sit up straight. Don't fidget. Don't mumble when you talk (unless you're relaying crucial descriptive information to players).

"As the soles of your adventurers' footgear slaps down on the hard basalt floor with a sickening thud, you cannot help but notice how hot it is in this hallway. Man, is it hot. We're talking Africa-kind of hot here. Grimly, you decide to keep going, which is a good thing, considering you're only about, oh, one foot into the hallway as it is.

"You trudge down the hallway, the oppressive heat oppressing you hotly, weighing down on you, suffocating you like a gigantic sweaty fat person sitting on your head. You raise your head, beads of sweat dripping off your face like greased pigs sliding down the noses of the presidents depicted on Mount Rushmore. Your vision is blurry from the heat, but you squint and grunt, and finally you can make out the fact that the hallway extends 60 heat-filled feet.

"Unfortunately, all of the squinting and grunting also made you wet your pants (-2 to group honor). But you can hardly notice it, for your clothes are absolutely water-logged from all of the sweat poring out of every pour in, on, and around your heat-ravaged body.

"Did I happen to mention that it's hot?

"Anyways, all of that sweat cascades down your sweat-slicked body and collects in your shoes, so that it feels like you're walking in large buckets of warm salty water, like Chicken Noodle soup, only without the chicken. Or noodles. The only sounds you hear as you trek hotly down this hot corridor is the 'goosh-goosh-goosh' squishy sound of your feet in your sweat-logged boots. You hear no other noise.

"You suddenly hear another noise....a hair-raising, blood-curdling, spine-tingling, pancreas-twisting death howl, sounding for all the world like the death cries of a wounded dirigible, desperately protecting its young."

"Halfway down the corridor you turn that huge, bloated, sweat-producing watermelon-like thing you call your head, turning it towards the gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, colon-ravaging screams. Your sweat-stung eyes, which are with you in this hot corridor of great heat, go wide with terror at the terrifying sight that your sight sights.

"You see a flabby middle-aged woman with her hair in curlers. She's wearing a sweat-stained pink mumu. She's sitting in a wicker chair, which creaks, groans and mutters at its sweaty burden. She's barefoot, and her ugly feet have more corns than Iowa. The woman's fanning herself, sending nauseating waves of flabby middle-aged woman B.O. at your disbelieving nose, which seems ready to walk off your face and seek someplace less foul, like an otyugh's outhouse, or Newark New Jersey at low tide. She looks up at you (the woman, not the otyugh) with her fat eyes and says 'Oy, can you believe this heat? It's hot here, I tell you. My son was supposed to come over and install air conditioning. He's a doctor, you know. This heat! Such heat! I'm verklempt, talk amongst yourselves!"

"You take your leave of the woman as your heat-assailed body continues onward, ever onward, like some big sweaty ever-onward-moving thing. Finally, just when the hot heat has beaten you down like a child's hammer in a whack-a-mole game, and you think you simply can't go on, and you wish you were in Hell since it's clearly cooler there than here, just when you're ready to throw in the towel, kick the bucket, sell the farm, give up the ghost, eviscerate the ferret, your heat-delirium eyes see a door, a portal, a way out, a means of salvation.

"The door is the Wizard locked at 30th level, and has a lead sheet in its middle. But that doesn't stop you from feeling that there's air-conditioning beyond the door. Good luck."


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## Imperialus (Sep 19, 2005)

StupidSmurf said:
			
		

> 20-	A small gnome clutching a golden idol runs by, pursued by 34 hand crossbow-wielding kobolds, each wearing an armband with a crooked cross on it. As the gnome dashes by, he winks at you and gives you a “Thumbs up” signal.




*spits coke across monitor* that are all shouting "MINE LIBAN! MINE LIBAN!"  classic.


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 19, 2005)

Imperialus said:
			
		

> *spits coke across monitor* that are all shouting "MINE LIBAN! MINE LIBAN!"  classic.




  Bwahaha...couldn't resist!


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## Turanil (Sep 19, 2005)

kenobi65 said:
			
		

> I dunno, Turanil.  Somehow, I think this one is *meant* to look like bantha poodoo.  Typsetting straight out of 1980, crooked paragraphs, missing lines, missing or inaccurate punctuation, etc.



So I won't waste time proofreading for typos. And the layout won't be so nice anyway.


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## Wystan (Sep 19, 2005)

We should donate it to the Hurricane PDF....


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## lukelightning (Sep 19, 2005)

Oops, I think we forgot to include an epic or near-epic level wizard at the beginning who send the party off to risk getting killed even though he could take care of all the problems (bandits, monsters, threat to the universe, whatever) in about 15 minutes of work.


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## kenobi65 (Sep 19, 2005)

lukelightning said:
			
		

> Oops, I think we forgot to include an epic or near-epic level wizard at the beginning who send the party off to risk getting killed even though he could take care of all the problems (bandits, monsters, threat to the universe, whatever) in about 15 minutes of work.




See post #95.


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## Conaill (Sep 19, 2005)

Turanil said:
			
		

> I decided to copypaste most of this thread and turn it into a nice PDF module available to everyone to download for free. Work is on the way. Note however that I haven't respected the thread, instead altering and mixing the various posts to suit my whims. I will then draws some maps, add black and white pics (some of them shamelessly scanned here and there), and will do a nice layout using the latest software available. It should look great in the end. However, there will be no credit except than a "Collective Work Written by the ENworld Community". Those who don't want their posts being included / altered into this PDF please tell me so (and tell me which post it is).



Ooh... we're gonna need some _playtesters_!


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## Nomad4life (Sep 19, 2005)

Conaill said:
			
		

> Ooh... we're gonna need some _playtesters_!





…To ENSURE the lack of quality of the product!


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## Qlippoth (Sep 19, 2005)

StupidSmurf said:
			
		

> Harrow Hot Hall of High Heat



Was GenCon *that* hot?


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## ssampier (Sep 20, 2005)

Turanil said:
			
		

> I decided to copypaste most of this thread and turn it into a nice PDF module available to everyone to download for free. Work is on the way. Note however that I haven't respected the thread, instead altering and mixing the various posts to suit my whims. I will then draws some maps, add black and white pics (some of them shamelessly scanned here and there), and will do a nice layout using the latest software available. It should look great in the end. However, there will be no credit except than a "Collective Work Written by the ENworld Community". Those who don't want their posts being included / altered into this PDF please tell me so (and tell me which post it is).




Sounds great. You are welcome to USE my post, just keep the original errors. I think it would be the spirit of the thread to have the wrong page numbering. Would you mind including some irrelevant French phrases at random intervals?


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## ssampier (Sep 20, 2005)

Nomad4life said:
			
		

> …To ENSURE the lack of quality of the product!




I have a feeling the PCs won't survive. I'd probably need some strong alcohol to have fun.*

Game on!

[size=-2]*count me in if you have Captain Morgan Spiced Rum[/size]


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 20, 2005)

Qlippoth said:
			
		

> Was GenCon *that* hot?




Hahaha...nice! Alas it's not an allusion to Gen Con, but it IS a good-natured takeoff on something from TSR. Just not sayin' what...kind of obscure, and may simply be my own perspective!


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## Wraith Form (Sep 20, 2005)

*The Temple-ish Churchlike Fane of the Synogogue Inside the Fane of the Terrible Fanekeeper*

This encounter is meant to be a challenge for the players, so be sure to carefully describe every detail.  Linger seductively, passionately--obsessively--on the great amount of difficulty they'll be experiencing completing this horrifically complex encounter.  It's tough.

I'm not kidding.



[boxed text]
_Before you stands a church.  Well, it's more like a temple.  OK, maybe a cathedral.  Anyway, it's big.  

Really big.  

Dangerously big, for a temple.  

But it's not a temple, it's a fane, so don't even think about describing it as a mosque.  Or a church.  Or anything like a chapel or chantry.  This is a fane, dammit, and not a tabernacle or basilica.

Anyway, this fane is big and scary and has a fanekeeper inside.  What's a "fanekeeper"?  It's kinda like a priest.  'Cept different.  His name is Mohnte.  And he guards this churc...see?  There you go, making me all confused.  I almost said church, which this structure is most definitely NOT.  It's a fane.  Not a vestry.  But a fane.

Spell it with me.  F-A-N-E.  Eff, ay, enn, ee.  Fane.

Well, Mohnte gurards this dangerously, ridiculously huge building.  Did I mention it's black?  Yeah, the blocks of stone it's built of are black.  Not "ebon" or "dusky" or even "obsidian".  It's a black sacristry...NO!  FANE!  Man, you get me all mixed up.  It's a black fane, and Mohnte guards it menacingly in his menacing kinda way.  And it's scary.  Don't you feel scared?  All, like, oooOOOOooooOOOOOooooooo and stuff._
[end boxed text]



If the characters approach Mohnte, he'll glare loomingly over them and his fanbo--err, followers will begin chanting "Mohn-te, Mohn-te" in the background.  

(Did I fail to mention the fanb....ahh, followers?  Yeah, they're behind him in the halls of the temple.  Uh, fane, I mean.  And they're all, like, "Mohnte?  Yeah, he's the d00d."  But when they say it, it's scary and all, like, "grr" and stuff.)

Their chanting rises to a fevered pitch, getting louder and louder until the characters are forced to roll _Will vs. Death Magic_ at a -19 penalty or suffer the effects of a _charm_ that makes them go out and buy every Malhavoc Press book to be found.

*Mohnte, Epic 34th level gestalt half-demon/half-pixie ECL 4 polymorphed dire owlbear (with "Xeq" PrC), THAC0 44, weilding legacy Intelligent flaming riding crop of corruption +3.14159

And he loves BBQ.*

*....And don't get me started on the Orc & Pi room.*


----------



## Mark CMG (Sep 20, 2005)

(Sprinkle in references to an insert that, of course, won't be included.)


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 20, 2005)

Suggested back cover copy:

The Best-Loved, Finest Plot Elements Characteristic of Classic D&D Adventures!!!!!!!!

...will not be found between these covers.

The Only Adventure To Truly Evoke Images of Tolkein, Lewis, and LeGuin!

...if they all had gone on a drug-crazed drinking binge and decided that they hated the world.

This Adventure Can Truly Be Called 'Unforgettable'!

...as can the Black Death, the Spanish Inquisition, the sinking of the Titanic, and "Gigli".

Your Players Will Be Challenged!

...to not beat the DM to death and/or get violently and copiously ill.

A Scenario That United The Top Names In The Industry!

...for the purpose of issuing a press release stating their intent to take legal action if this thing ever sees the light of day.

Truly A Special Work...

...if we're using the "short bus and hockey equipement despite lack of sports participation" definition of "special."

Summary: Two kingdoms, one good and one bad, are somehow involved in this adventure. Rescue a princess. Go into a lot of rooms. Do things. Try not to get killed. Get stuff. Repeat as necessary.

_Disclaimer: The producers of this adventure take no legal responsibility for any harm inflicted on the DM, his family, and/or his household pets, nor any damage sustained to the host's residence. This product is sold "as is", and not to be taken internally. May cause widespread lynchings and mass resignations from gaming._


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## kenobi65 (Sep 20, 2005)

*The Hall of Mirrors*



> You enter a square room, 70 feet on a side.  Mirrors line all of the walls.




The mirrors closest to the entry door are all _mirrors of opposition_.  The mirrors do not function until the last party member enters the room, at which point the door slams shut, and the mirrors immediately produce an "evil twin" of each PC (even if the PCs are specifically trying to not look at the mirrors).  These "evil twins" all have goatees, signifying their evil status.  The "evil twin" of the party's leader wears a gold vest and a sash around his waist, in addition to duplicates of all that PC's equipment.  All female "evil twins" wear short skirts, exposed midriffs, and thigh-high boots concealing daggers...and they have goatees, too.  If a PC has an evil alignment, his "evil twin" has an even eviller alignment.

Oh, and each "evil twin" is two levels higher than the PC it's a copy of, just to make this a challenge.

The "evil twins" will immediately attack the PCs.

As the combat begins, the PCs will be able to hear disembodied voices, excitedly commenting on the melee, and placing bets with one another ("Fifty quatloos on the goateed fighter!").

The only way to escape this room is to defeat all of the "evil twins".  At that point, read the following to the players:



> The mirrors all shatter, but even then, there's only featureless stone walls behind them.  You hear one of the disembodied voices:
> "Well, damn, that didn't work like I hoped.  Get rid of this group, and get us a new set, Igor."
> 
> Another voice answers: "Yes, master!"
> ...




Treasure: None, unless a PC decides to kill a fellow party member.


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## StupidSmurf (Sep 20, 2005)

kenobi65 said:
			
		

> The mirrors closest to the entry door are all _mirrors of opposition_.  The mirrors do not function until the last party member enters the room, at which point the door slams shut, and the mirrors immediately produce an "evil twin" of each PC (even if the PCs are specifically trying to not look at the mirrors).  These "evil twins" all have goatees, signifying their evil status.  If a PC has an evil alignment, his "evil twin" has an even eviller alignment.
> 
> Oh, and each "evil twin" is two levels higher than the PC it's a copy of, just to make this a challenge.
> 
> ...




QUESTION: I like the goatee thing, but are there any other classic symptoms of evil? For instance, does the evil version of the party leader now wear a sash around his waist and a gold vest? And do all of the women now have short skirts, exposed midriffs, and thigh-high boots with a dagger in them? Do all the "evils" get black hats?


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## Nomad4life (Sep 20, 2005)

StupidSmurf said:
			
		

> QUESTION: I like the goatee thing, but are there any other classic symptoms of evil? For instance, does the evil version of the party leader now wear a sash around his waist and a gold vest? And do all of the women now have short skirts, exposed midriffs, and thigh-high boots with a dagger in them? Do all the "evils" get black hats?




Well yeah…  But that’s like saying “the NPC has two arms and two legs.”  The players would just automatically assume that these elements are there, along with the “Thug Life” tattoos and insurance agency business cards.


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## moritheil (Sep 20, 2005)

69. Charimain Mao

Charimain Mao sits here, on a broad red bench.  He has a book and a calligraphy kit opened on the bench next to him.  The bench is not surprised.

Upon seeing you, he looks up and fixes you with a piercing gaze. (SA: Piercing gaze, 3d6 damage, Ref DC 29 for half.)  Charimain Mao will insist that you address him in his native tongue as "Charimain."  Roll 1d6 for any player that accidentally refers to him as "Chairman" instead; on a 1, 2, 3, 4, or 6, he fixes you with a piercing gaze, and insists that you refer to him properly.  Lightning crackles overhead as this occurs (even if the group is inside.)

The calligraphy kit is actually a pet mimic (see the mimic stats in Appendix 8).  It will not attack Charimain Mao, but it attacks the players if they attempt to handle it.  If any of the group have 500 or more ranks in Knowledge (esoteric), are wearing white, facing south, and are under three feet tall, they identify the mimic's Secret Name, "Rofl."  Pronunciation of this secret name causes the mimic's allegiance to shift.  It will accompany the group until they enter Area 54.

Charimain Mao loves BBQ.


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## kenobi65 (Sep 20, 2005)

StupidSmurf said:
			
		

> QUESTION: I like the goatee thing, but are there any other classic symptoms of evil? For instance, does the evil version of the party leader now wear a sash around his waist and a gold vest? And do all of the women now have short skirts, exposed midriffs, and thigh-high boots with a dagger in them? Do all the "evils" get black hats?




Sure, why not?  The more tired plot devices, the better.   Encounter has been edited to "make it so."


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## Turanil (Sep 20, 2005)

Just you are not taken by surprise: I am stopping here collecting encounter descriptions. And I didn't collect all the thread. Also, I will modify almost everything at my whims. So, those who want the real thing should do it on their own... 

Then, I have begun to draw inane pics to put into the PDF. I already have a nice (   ) cover illustration that I did when I was a student and got me a bad notation. Next I draw maps. Then, I do the layout with Indesign. And then... In a couple of months... in 2007... Oh well.

Sorry, I didn't respect the thread.


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## Tharen the Damned (Sep 21, 2005)

Insight said:
			
		

> *THE TIDES OF WAR*
> DM'S INTRODUCTION
> 
> There is a war brewing between the forces of Good and Evil.  To the west are the armies of the Kingdom of Tuman, who are good.  They would not think of doing evil.  To the north are the armies of the Kingdom of Hant, who are evil.  They are neither good nor neutral, and are generally thought to be evil and despicable.  These kingdoms have a long-standing dislike for one another, and are not on diplomatic terms.  They are at war, but are not currently fighting and not at peace.
> ...





Isn´t that the Blue Rose Setting?


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## Yair (Sep 21, 2005)

Insight said:
			
		

> These kingdoms have a long-standing dislike for one another, and are not on diplomatic terms.  They are at war, but are not currently fighting and not at peace.



The sad thing is, this actually describes precisely the relations between my country and several other "kingdoms"...   

I'm looking forward to seeing the completed adventure  Good stuff.


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## Insight (Sep 21, 2005)

Yair said:
			
		

> The sad thing is, this actually describes precisely the relations between my country and several other "kingdoms"...
> 
> I'm looking forward to seeing the completed adventure  Good stuff.




What I am essentially doing here is to confuse whether they are at war or not, by stating that they ARE at war, but not FIGHTING.  This makes sense in the modern world, since there is the concept of diplomatic war, but I also state that they are not on diplomatic terms.  Not _good_ terms or _bad_ terms, but not on "terms" at all, as if they have never met.

In the final analysis, I still think the intro makes too much sense, and actually sort of gives the DM some background.  There's only so much I can do!


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## Yair (Sep 21, 2005)

Insight said:
			
		

> What I am essentially doing here is to confuse whether they are at war or not, by stating that they ARE at war, but not FIGHTING.  This makes sense in the modern world, since there is the concept of diplomatic war, but I also state that they are not on diplomatic terms.  Not _good_ terms or _bad_ terms, but not on "terms" at all, as if they have never met.



Again, this actually correctly protrayes my country.

There are several countries with which we were once at war, having declared war on each other and sometimes - but not always - actually fought. These proclamations were never recinded. No agreement of cease fire or other kind was ever reached, and no diplomatic or other relations were ever established. The countries are still at war, officially, but in practice haven't fought in half a century, in some cases ever.
Reality sometimes does rise up to the challenge 
I leave it to you whether to laugh or cry.


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## Insight (Sep 21, 2005)

Yair said:
			
		

> Again, this actually correctly protrayes my country.
> 
> There are several countries with which we were once at war, having declared war on each other and sometimes - but not always - actually fought. These proclamations were never recinded. No agreement of cease fire or other kind was ever reached, and no diplomatic or other relations were ever established. The countries are still at war, officially, but in practice haven't fought in half a century, in some cases ever.
> Reality sometimes does rise up to the challenge
> I leave it to you whether to laugh or cry.




This is a tad OT, but I agree with you.  The situation over there would be ridiculous if it wasn't so sad.

Any chance these 'other kingdoms' will ever get out of the Crusades-era mentality and get with the modern era?  Sheesh...


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## lukelightning (Sep 21, 2005)

Wait! I think we forgot to mention that the DM should put their own favorite characters into the adventure, perhaps to lead the party!


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## Yair (Sep 21, 2005)

Insight said:
			
		

> This is a tad OT, but I agree with you.  The situation over there would be ridiculous if it wasn't so sad.



Nahh, it's rediculous AND sad... 
but we are getting political, so I'll stop.



			
				lukelightning said:
			
		

> Wait! I think we forgot to mention that the DM should put their own favorite characters into the adventure, perhaps to lead the party!



So very, very true; and perhaps the module should feature a fight between Mordenkainen and Elminister so the PCs could watch it. It would be a blast!


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## Conaill (Sep 21, 2005)

Insight said:
			
		

> What I am essentially doing here is to confuse whether they are at war or not, by stating that they ARE at war, but not FIGHTING.  This makes sense in the modern world, since there is the concept of diplomatic war, but I also state that they are not on diplomatic terms.  Not _good_ terms or _bad_ terms, but not on "terms" at all, as if they have never met.
> 
> In the final analysis, I still think the intro makes too much sense, and actually sort of gives the DM some background.  There's only so much I can do!



To further disclarify the situation, you could "accidentally" use the wrong country name every now and then. Plus, the geography and family relations make entirely too much sense.


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## ssampier (Sep 21, 2005)

lukelightning said:
			
		

> Wait! I think we forgot to mention that the DM should put their own favorite characters into the adventure, perhaps to lead the party!




Good idea. And no matter what happens this character(s) cannot be killed, poisoned, tricked, or anywised harmed in any way. The NPC will always find the out of any situation, even though they could not possibly know about.

I suggest we call him "Tim."


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## Nomad4life (Sep 21, 2005)

Yair said:
			
		

> So very, very true; and perhaps the module should feature a fight between Mordenkainen and Elminister so the PCs could watch it. It would be a blast!




Wait!  It would be better if one hired the PCs to kill the other…  Who then offers them a better price to turn on their employer, so forth, and so on.  You know, despite the players being low level no-namers who pose absolutely no threat to either.


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## Insight (Aug 9, 2006)

[casting Thread Resurrection]

Someone asked about the Bad Module Project recently, so here it is!  I live to serve!


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## Olgar Shiverstone (Aug 9, 2006)

Somewhere around here, we had a thread with the title of this module ... the title that was itself about 32 pages long.  It was something like "Return to the Fane of the Tower of ..."

Anyone have that thread handy?  This adventure needs a title!

And I'm still awaiting my PDF copy.


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## Slife (Aug 9, 2006)

But wait!  We don't have a way for the party to get into the room!  Here's the introductory snare.

Errataed in!  A bonus encounter to excite and delight!

Encounter 0
[boxed]
The next day, you continue down the road until you see 3d6 bandits.  They are all armed with greataxes and their armor is made of gold.  They are singing a merry tune and dragging a butchered pig behind them.  Roll a d6.  On a 1, 4, 5, or 1 the bandits are suprised.  On a 2, 3, 6 or 1 the party is suprised.  On a critical success, the pig is suprised.

3d6 first 1 level 1 bandits (Ftr1)
THACO: 6
HP: 2d7
Saves: all 18
Damage: with short sword or bow.
% Liar 30
Treasure - None

Butchered Pig
THACO -10
HP: 0
MP: 0
Gold: 145
%Liar 100%
Treasure - BBQ

 the ground falls in around you and you fall into a teleportation trap [/boxed text]

Roll a d6.  
On a score from 1-3 the party is _teleported_ to Encounter 1
On a result from 3-4, the DM scraps the current campaign and starts one in planescape
On a roll from 5-7, Pun-Pun finishes his ascension.  This result is otherwise as if the party had roled a 3.  Note that in this case there's a 3d2 in 7d5 chance that Gomezatron is punpun at DM's descriction.  There is nothing the players can do about this.


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## Tuzenbach (Aug 10, 2006)

Skeletons........































.....on a hill.......









































.....with swords.....









































......eating walnuts!


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## ssampier (Aug 10, 2006)

nevermind. Looking good!

Thanks for the thread necromancer. It'd be interesting seeing this PDF.

*wipes a tear*

to think of all the hours (minutes?) we didn't work on this.


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## Zapak Vim (Aug 10, 2006)

OK, now we need some pre rolled sample characters to include with the adventure . . .


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## Tharen the Damned (Aug 10, 2006)

Insight said:
			
		

> *THE TIDES OF WAR*
> DM'S INTRODUCTION
> 
> There is a war brewing between the forces of Good and Evil.  To the west are the armies of the Kingdom of Tuman, who are good.  They would not think of doing evil.  To the north are the armies of the Kingdom of Hant, who are evil.  They are neither good nor neutral, and are generally thought to be evil and despicable.  These kingdoms have a long-standing dislike for one another, and are not on diplomatic terms.  They are at war, but are not currently fighting and not at peace.




Isn´t this the Blue Rose Campaign Setting?


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## Chaldfont (Aug 10, 2006)

Temple of Thorglaak

The temple is hidden by a section of collapsed corridor. It will take 125 man hours to clear a path large enough for a human to crawl through. Diggers have a 1 in 6 chance to fall victim to a rock slide or collapse. Victims should save versus Breath Weapons or take 2d4-1 damage and be trapped until freed by a companion (1d4 rounds of digging, half that if a dwarf is digging).
	Once the PCs find a way past the rock pile, read the following:


> You enter a 30’x60’ rectangular chamber. The ceiling is vaulted and reaches a height of 20’ in the center. Black granite columns shot through with viridian and vermillion veins line both sides of the chamber. At one end is cyclopean altar made of cerulean gemstone, its lines and angles seem to shift in and out as though its geometry does not follow natural laws. Twisted runes are carved into its surface in a long-dead language that, for some reason, you find yourself able to read. The runes say, “Offerings to Thorglaak will not go unrewarded”.



	If any character places a magic item of no less than 1,000 gp value on the altar, the item will disappear and the chamber will be filled with the gurgling sounds of the deep and the smell of rotten fish. A great eyeball will appear in the altar and fix its gaze upon the character who made the offering. All who witness this unspeakable horror must Save vs Death Magic or run fleeing from the room. The character who made the offering must make the same save and if he fails will die only to return as a wraith in 1d10 hours. If he makes the save, roll on the following table:

1: A Deck of Many things appears on the altar.
2: The offerer gains 1 point of Strength.
3: The offerer gains 1,000 xp but goes blind.
4: The offerer changes gender.
5: The eye turns into a sphere of annihilation.
6: 2d12 X 100 copper pieces appear on the altar. They are stamped with the Eye on one side and the offerer’s face on the other.
7: An Imp appears on the altar. The Imp becomes the offerer’s henchmen but will tempt him to damnation at every opportunity.
8: DM’s choice.

	In any case, if the eye is caused to appear, one of the columns will turn into a purple worm, the others will turn into purple trolls (which attack as a stone giant). The trolls and the worm will attack the party immediately.


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## Herzog (Aug 11, 2006)

So your not putting anymore encounters in the module.

Why should that stop us adding new ones to the thread? ;-)


*Room 101: The dining hall*
Read the following to the players:


> You enter a large hall. The center of the hall is dominated by a large table, containing expensive silverware and china plates. Along the walls hang several expensive looking tapestries, as well as hunting trophies, some of which of animals you have never seen before. The table is set for 14 people, and the center of the table contains various foodstuffs normally reserved for the very rich. Each plate is accompanied by a glass filled with an excuisite whine, filled to the rim. On the opposite wall of you there are two bookcases and a fireplace. The bookcases contain books on hunting, fishing, and several scrolls containing 0 level wizard spells. There are four doors in this room, one in each wall.
> Your vision of the room is blocked by a Gargantuan red dragon which seems to be disturbed by the fact that you interrupted his meal.




Stats red dragon: see appendix 14Ca section 4

<Accompanied by image of pseudodragon>

(NB:note that the various items in this room are not accompanied by prices. )


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## Simm (Aug 11, 2006)

*Additional area: The Railroad station*

[Box] 
Following the secret passage you come to a railroad station. You get on the train that is waiting there and are immidiatly teleported to an area of your DM's choosing.
[/Box]

This is an ordinary railroad station. In one corner is a passage that leads to area 19.


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## WarlockLord (Aug 11, 2006)

*Room 102: It's art!*

As the players enter the next room, they see a random pile of junk.  If any player says the obvious (it's junk or something similar), 100,000,000,000,000 screaming morons (use kobold stats)n come in, screaming "It's ABSTRACT art!"  They are immune to diplomacy, bluff, or intimidate.  They immediately attack.


Designer's note: This is supposed to be a roleplaying encounter.

Treasure: the "art" (worthless)


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## Sykopup (Aug 11, 2006)

I'm still reading through this, but did anybody remember to add the rule that on a natural 20, everyone at the table must move 2 seats to the right unless they are seated on the opposite side of the table? If they did and I have missed it, I apologize.


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## Ulrick (Aug 11, 2006)

Encounter XX

The PCs are on a ship sailing to find treasure on an island somewhere and suddenly they she a ship and its burning and a they see a green lizard thing jump into the lake and when get go on the ship (the burning one, not the one the PCs are on) they find nothing except way down in the bilge a lizard man attacks them.

Lizard man
AC: 5
HD: 1+1 hp 3 (wounded)
Damage: 2d10 (two-handed greatsword)
Treasure: The lizard man has a bunch of stuff from the burning ship that's worth 10,000gp. Also, if the PCs save the ship from burning (which they can't its too far gone) the ship is worth 30,000gp. 

Encounter XX

The PCs are still on their ship after the fight with the lizard man and they are sailing. Suddenly there is a cave and statues come out of the cave to attack them. 

Living Statues
AC 0 (Stone) 
HD 4, hp 30 can only be hit by +1 or better weapons) 
Damage: 1d40 (fists)
------

These encounters actually happened in a campaign I was in way back in high school. 
Seriously. The cave just "appeared." The DM said, "Ok, so your sailing away from the burning ship and suddenly there's a cave..."

All the players: What??? We didn't land on the island. 

DM: huh? Oh...


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## Olgar Shiverstone (May 8, 2010)

Ba-da-bump.

So, who's up for a 4E conversion PDF?


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## Dannyalcatraz (May 9, 2010)

No need to do a conversion.  Make this thing truly,_* EPIC*_ bad and just use whatever stats from whatever game you want.


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## Olgar Shiverstone (Jan 15, 2011)

This adventure needs a few more encounters ... like:

*Interlude*

As the players are resting after their recent exertions, read the following text aloud:



> The air suddenly hums with electricity and you are thrown from your bunks by the shaking of the earth.  The light in the night sky suddenly turns a bright blue -- not a soothing, calming cerulean blue with just a touch of green, but instead a frightening, menacing shade of royal blue that is visually indistinguishable from black.
> 
> There is a sudden flash of light, and standing before you is a stooped man in red robes and a pointed hat, leaning on a staff.  His face is lined and wrinkled, with long white mustaches and a lengthy white beard.  An intricately carved pipe hangs from his mouth with just a wisp of smoke curling up.
> 
> ...




The cloaked figure is Tzzird, a neutral good 12th level drow fighter/barbarian/rogue/ranger who wields two silver scimitars (see NPC stats at the end of the module).  Tzzird does not speak or otherwise communicate with the party, but knows the route to the Paths of Fire and the people of Ixt as well as the resting place of the idol of Nonesuch and its guardians.  He will lead the party there but stops daily to mope and recite internal monologues.

If attacked Tzzird cannot be defeated, nor can he be captured, tied up, ditched, or otherwise separated from the party, as he will always return with unerring accuracy within four hours.


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## Olgar Shiverstone (Nov 11, 2013)

Thread, you are dead.  Attempting resurrection ... resurrection successful!



> You are standing in a clearing.  You are neither tarrying nor running.  Nor are you eating an apple pie, because an orc stole it from you.  A winter wolf eyes you suspiciously, as it suspects you stole his apples to make pies.
> 
> You suddenly realize that you are in the middle of a tavern.  A wizened, cloaked man approaches you and offers you 100 gp plus the AXE OF MORGOSH if you will travel to the city of Sigil and save the multiverse.
> 
> ...


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## evilbob (Nov 11, 2013)

So let's see:  started in 2005, necro'd in 2006, 2010, 2011, and now 2013?  Still, the first page is so awesome, you can't help but be a part of this legacy...

*Encouter 203*

DM read:


> Fade to black.  Then back to the players.  You are standing with Tzzird in a perfectly circular stone room, 40 feet on a side.  Around the room are several mirrors, each of which shows you in slightly different angles.  There is a young man sitting at the table, reading a book from the bookshelf.  Behind him are two orcs.  They are also playing cards.  Finally, under the bed, there appear to be 14 different and perfectly unique spoons of various models and craftsmanship, made from several dozen types of materials, intricately carved with fine details covering their every surface.




The spoons and mirrors have no value and are not magical.  The young man (level 5, 3 HP, AC 10, attacks include greatsword, 2d6+3, +15 to hit, but the greatsword is currently in another part of the tower) is under a spell placed by the king of the orcs, who cursed him to forever sit there and read a book until someone comes up to him and asks him a question or otherwise distracts him in any way.  Do not encourage the players to speak to him.  The orcs are uninterested in the players and try to ignore them, unless they are spoken to, in which case they will attack.  The orcs have +9 to hiding and will attack from the shadows in the corner of the room.  (Orcs:  level 9, 13 HP, wearing leather armor, with daggers that are poisoned, 2d4, they both have a deck of cards and thirty three thousand copper pieces.)  There are six pieces of art around the room (vases, painting, stencils, etc.) worth exactly 6 gold pieces each.  If the young man tells the players about his bookshelf, they must roll (DC 8, 45% chance of failure, spell resistance 10) to disbelieve or be sentenced to the same spell that holds the young man, or a sleep spell (10% chance, rolled on a percentage die only).  The young man was placed in this tower by the same wizard that the players met earlier, and unbeknownst to the wizard or the players or the young man, the orcs have also been placed here by the same wizard.  He was angry at the young man for following him into the tower in which he currently sits.  If the players haven't met the wizard yet, see encounter 68 for more information.

Assuming the players leave the room through the only door without interacting with the man or the orcs, the king of the orcs will appear and force them back into the room with his orcen army, made entirely of kobolds.  Two of the kobolds have spears.  When they return to the room, the door will be magically locked and unbreakable until the players speak to the young man.  After telling them his name, he will leave and then the players will be trapped until they can correctly bargain with the orcs in a game of cards (use real poker cards if you can for effect).  The door on the opposite side of the room will open and lead to secret passage J.  It is also trapped.


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## MJS (Nov 11, 2013)

I guess its too late for this, but what the hell:

MODULAR ENCOUNTER #47: HOT DOG STAND

You see a shining, metallic cart with an umbrella over the top of it. A portly, somewhat unkempt man in greasy clothes and a paper hat appears to be selling sausages for two coppers apiece. 

The hotdog vendor is actually a trickster demi-god. Detect alignment type spells will mirror the caster's alignment. The entire cart radiates magic. Adventurers so bold as to try his wares must roll on the following table:

d6
1: Save vs. Poison or die
2: Save vs. Poison or experience persistent flatulence for 2d10 hours 
3: Save vs. Spell or be Geased into becoming a hot dog franchisee 
4: Gain 2d4 hitpoints to your base permanently
5: Gain 1 point of Constitution
6: Save vs. Paralysis or choke on hot dog; a companion must perform the Heimlich maneuver or the character dies. The vendor laughs hysterically in either case.


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## Olgar Shiverstone (Nov 12, 2013)

Since we lost the compilation somewhere along the way ... here for the first (second?) time is the entire compilation pdf, fully illustrated in full color, offered for free only to EN World members:

Adventure Module WSD 1: The Axe of Morgosh

Subsequent encounters posted here will populate the sequel ...WSD 2!


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 12, 2013)

MJS said:


> I guess its too late for this, but what the hell:
> 
> MODULAR ENCOUNTER #47: HOT DOG STAND
> 
> ...



I rolled a 2...


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## evilbob (Nov 19, 2013)

It's just too much fun to not keep going!    (This is based on something I read recently...)

*Encounter 205b*

While exploring the hallway, the PCs happen upon the second room on the left with a giant web.  Once they enter the room, a huge spider pounces on them and stings 1d6 of the PCs (at least one PC gets stung).  It's a special type of magical spider that cannot be detected or defended against before the first sting, nor can they resist the poison, or avoid it.  The poison is impervious to magic or healing and even works on dwarves, constructs, undead, and other creatures normally immune to poison.  It does not work on Tzzird, although he falls into a coma for 1d4 months.  The poison is slow-acting, and once stung, any PCs affected have exactly two weeks before they will die.  Once the spider has finished stinging (hopefully most) of the PCs, it disappears and cannot be followed, traced, scried upon, or otherwise detected ever again, as it has phased into another dimension of which the PCs are forever unaware.


> PLEASE NOTE:  this is NOT railroading.  If you think it is, you're wrong.  This is how to instill dramatic purpose in your players.  It's an exciting race against time that creates dramatic tension.  It's called GOOD ROLE PLAYING, you should look it up.  If you think about it as railroading then you're robbing your players of this amazing experience and you're bad at what you're doing.



The rest of the doors in this room are locked and trapped, and covered in more of the same web.  There is also a hidden door (level 21, DC 35, resists magical detection, 5% chance to detect) which is also trapped with a dimensional teleport spell that teleports the first 5 people through the hidden door to outside the castle.  Behind this room is an invisible wall that cannot be detected with magic, and then above this room is a special extra-dimensional space that can only be accessed from the room below through 8 feet of solid stone that cannot be magically changed or altered.  In this room is an old woman sitting in a stool with three legs.  She tells the PCs she can give them the antidote to the poison, since she is an old spellcaster.  However, first they must collect the following items for her spell:

 3 tears from a magical owlbear that lives on top of a mountain 150 miles due east
 twelve pieces of a fungus that only grows at the bottom of a special cave 400 miles west of here
 17 dead orc ears
 the left shoe of the lord of all dragons, Henry MacGuffen, who sleeps at the top of Whispy Mountain (see Map AA)

See encounters 306, 128, and 167 for more information about these locations.  Note that the PCs are not allowed any magical transportation since all of these locations are warded against them.  Also they can't be scried or flown to, or use horses.  Teleporting is right out.

Additionally, after 1d3 days, each infected PC starts to lose 1 point of Strength, permanently.  After that they lose 1 point of Dex, and so forth.  If the PCs die from the poison, their bodies disintegrate and then their ashes turn into another one of those spiders and they infect 1d6 more PCs before phasing away again, just like before.

Additionally, the wizard at the end of the tower has two doses of antivenom that can protect a PC from being infected in the first place.


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## evilbob (Nov 19, 2013)

*Encounter 206:  The Magical House on the Hill*

Two kingdoms over, there is a magical mountain range called the Roaring Mountains.  No one alive today remembers why they are called that.  The mountains are full of natural caves, most of which are magical, and at the top of the highest mountain, called Mount Roar, a magical owlbear lives in one of these caves.
*Cave*:  complete darkness, 800 ft x 5 ft, all light sources are extinguished upon entering the cave, also it's trapped​The magical owlbear's name is Steve.  He has been trapped in this cave for hundreds of years.  He is always hungry and attacks on sight.
*Magical Owlbear*:  level 15, darkvision, tremorsense, claw attack 4d6+4, Str 13, CON 12, INT 22, WIS 22, CHA 18, has 4 9th level meteor storm spells prepared due to levels in sorcerer, 36d6+1 fire and piercing, impervious to magic, DC 22, SR 31, AC 25, 3 HP, cannot be subdued, immune to mind effects, immune to sneak attack and critical hits, does not need to eat sleep or breath​If the party manages to convince Steve to leave the cave, he will travel with them for 1d20 days before returning to the cave.  In the cave, there's an old boot with 857 copper pieces and three paintings.  It also contains a statue of a demon worth 2 gold.


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## evilbob (Nov 19, 2013)

Encounter 11a

At the base of the tower is an Inn called the Drunken Boot.  The innkeeper's wife's cousin's name is Freda, and she lives 30 miles away in Davenport, and died 3 years ago.  The inn has a problem with rats.  The innkeepers will ask the party to kill all the rats in the basement.  The basement contains 107 rats (1 HP, 10 AC, 1d4-3 damage, immune to area-of-effect spells and attacks).  The last rat is also invisible.  The party must kill every single rat, however, or the innkeeper won't pay.  The basement also contains two trunks full of noble clothes, and some dried meat that is quite salty to the taste.

Later that night, a bard strikes a cord, and after a draft of bier, tells the torturous storey of the amoral prince and the evil alter he worships, full of grizzly murder and discreet rendezvous, ending with a climatic rooftop dual.  The patrons faun over the bard with rapped attention as he pores out his heart, afterward complementing him on the creditable storey.  To commensurate, they by him another round.

The next morning the bard leaves and all the rats are back in the basement, except they have 2 HP and so on, etc.


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## Jhaelen (Nov 20, 2013)

evilbob said:


> It's just too much fun to not keep going!    (This is based on something I read recently...)
> 
> *Encounter 205b*
> [...]



Funny, this reads almost exactly like a room description from the Tomb of Horrors...


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## Zhaleskra (Nov 22, 2013)

Tuzenbach said:


> Skeletons........
> .....on a hill.......
> .....with swords.....
> ......eating walnuts!




Clarification request: is it the skeletons or their swords that are eating the walnuts?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 22, 2013)

They're swords-eating walnuts.


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## Jhaelen (Nov 25, 2013)

Zhaleskra said:


> Clarification request: is it the skeletons or their swords that are eating the walnuts?



It's clearly the hill.


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## Olgar Shiverstone (Nov 10, 2017)

This is overdue to be shared with a new generation.


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## Olgar Shiverstone (Nov 27, 2020)

... and this is is what reading nostalgia leads to.

Be warned, kids.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Dec 3, 2020)

Zapak Vim said:


> OK, now we need some pre rolled sample characters to include with the adventure . . .



Unnamed Gnome ranger (use Paladin stat array, but swap Dex and Str) who uses twin repeating hand crossbows, only uses silver-headed bolts.  Favored enemy lycanthropes.  Rides a giant space hamster named Mithril.

Nagol, halfling Barbarian who does twin-weapon fighting with bladed gauntlets.

Brother Quandry, a Kender monk.  Has strapped squeak & fart bladders to his body in such a way that they make noise when he strikes someone in combat.

Pliskin the Kobold, the bagpipe playing bard.  Has a rapier, and hides throwing stars under his kilt.

Maxwell Thunkus III, Dwarf cleric who likes to hit things hard.  He carries a maul.

D’Void, Svirfneblin sorcerer with a knack for forbidden magics...

MoonThistle the pseudodragon-riding Pixie Paladin.  Uses a lance.

Lady Winterfall, Human Druid who focuses on summoning spells, with an especially strong preference for avians.


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## Jd Smith1 (Dec 3, 2020)

This brings bad so many Judges Guild memories....


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## Emirikol (Dec 14, 2020)

BANDITS!!!!
From seemingly out of nowhere, the most pointless, useless, lazy-crap-writer's cliche surprises the group. There is no warning and no plot purpose whatsoever for these fellows to jump the party and fight to the death in the face of a supremely overpowered, magic-enhanced party all just to demand a few coppers. 

Bandits (3)
AC 12, hp 4, 3, 3,1; Damage by weapon 1d6,  Morale: fights to the death because its better than a life of honorless, stereotyped banditry. Treasure: a sack of moldy apples and drawings of their loved ones.


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