# *Plunk* Thread Closed.



## WanderingMonster (Mar 29, 2003)

I hate to say it, but few things ique my interest more than fresh baked pumpkin pie, my lady beckoning me with that come-hither voice, and threads that have been closed...

I think the reason for the latter is obvious:  rubbernecking (or whatever the message board equivalent is).  We know we're not supposed to enjoy it, or find it entertaining, but that locked-thread icon is the forbidden fruit and I long for secret knowledge.

So being a fan of closed threads, I must say that I've become an afficianado of moderator shut-down technique.  PC's is my favorite.  Maybe it's the sheer volume of his thread closure, but it's at least partly due to the voice that I attribute to his closing posts.  Unlike the majority of ENworlders, I've had the luxury of meeting PC (albeit once...nearly three years ago...for, like, an hour or two).  Imagine the nicest person you know.  Now imagine how that person gets when irritated (or what it takes to irritate that person).  So to me, I read PC's closures as always followed by an exasperated sigh, followed by regret that everyone can't just play nicely.  

Sadly...this is entertaining to me.  Yes, yes.  I know--I have no life.

There's something to be said for other techniques.  I appreciate the "fireman" technique you sometimes see with Henry or DinkleDog.  Squelching individual offensive posts of their...er...offensiveness before extinguishing the whole thread.  You might also call this the "Nothing to see here" technique.

Eric's method just reminds me of the kind of firm response you'd give a dog for chewing your shoe: "Ah-ah-ah!  Hey now..."  Also entertaining.

So what's the best "thread closed" post you've seen?  Mods, what trade secrets can you share with us?  Who's the dreamiest thread-squashing mod?


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## Dinkeldog (Mar 29, 2003)

I think PC's got the best technique.  Poor Eric frets for days over whether or not he's too heavy-handed.  My secret is to close the thread and then write the thread-closing comment, then leave it open for about 10 minutes and browse pictures of puppies and kittens.  Then I come back and read it before I hit submit.  Helps to keep me from being too snippy.


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## Eosin the Red (Mar 29, 2003)

WM, maybe we should start a 12 step group. 


Hello, my name is Eosin and I am also addicted to closed threads.


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## Mathew_Freeman (Mar 29, 2003)

I have to admit that when I see a closed thread, I always find myself compelled to go and see what got it closed...and who. Just for entertainment, you understand


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## Horacio (Mar 29, 2003)

Tallarn said:
			
		

> *I have to admit that when I see a closed thread, I always find myself compelled to go and see what got it closed...and who. Just for entertainment, you understand  *




And I thought I was the only one with that vice...


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## orbitalfreak (Mar 29, 2003)

Horacio said:
			
		

> *
> 
> And I thought I was the only one with that vice... *




Nope, I'm another rubbernecking gawker at closed threads.


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## WanderingMonster (Mar 29, 2003)

I'd like to bring a couple of Coup de Graces up for critique.  Please be honest, it's for posterity.  First up is...






"Babes of Gencon Gallery" thread 


> *Bored now.
> 
> Thread closed.*





This has it all.  The use of terse sentence fragments  tells us that Morrus obviously doesn't think this thread is worth his time.  He takes the stance of a regent who has lost interest in the bufoons prancing about for his pleasure.  I expect a look of sheepish bewilderment from the entertainers as they pack up their puppets and juggling balls and slink out of their irate master's view lest he call the guard uopn them.  It's alliterative as well, almost like verse.  It's this kind of plunk that brings tears to my eyes.  I give it a solid *8*

Please comment on the above, add your thoughts, and finally rate it on a scale of 1-10 (One having the least flair, and ten having a plethora of panache).  Remember, we're not questioning _why_ they closed a thread...but their technique.


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## Dragongirl (Mar 29, 2003)

WanderingMonster said:
			
		

> *This has it all.  The use of terse sentence fragments  tells us that Morrus obviously doesn't think this thread is worth his time.  He takes the stance of a regent who has lost interest in the bufoons prancing about for his pleasure.  I expect a look of sheepish bewilderment from the entertainers as they pack up their puppets and juggling balls and slink out of their irate master's view lest he call the guard uopn them.  It's alliterative as well, almost like verse.  It's this kind of plunk that brings tears to my eyes.  I give it a solid 8
> 
> Please comment on the above, add your thoughts, and finally rate it on a scale of 1-10 (One having the least flair, and ten having a plethora of panache).  Remember, we're not questioning why they closed a thread...but their technique. *



ROFL, I dunno about Morrus' thread closure, but I give your post a 10.


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## CrazyMage (Mar 29, 2003)

> _Originally posted by Morrus_
> *Bored now.
> *




Excellent.
Brevity is, etc., etc.


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## Closed Threads (Mar 29, 2003)

What ever happened to the Support Group created for you people by Ysgarran
 back in August?

(I don't see the fascination, myself)


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## WanderingMonster (Mar 29, 2003)

Ah, but you see I'm not interested in continuing the topics.  I'm more interested in the mod that closed the thread, and how he closed it.  I want to help you understand the _artistry_ involved...let's take another, shall we?  Next up...





OT Polls and Polls about Polls 



> _From one poll/thread:_
> *Hey there. One of our rules is that off-topic polls are not allowed. We discourage off-topic polls because we had a huge rash of them a while back and people got fed up with them. If you have a poll that relates to one of our forums, feel free to post it there.*




And from its twin thread:



> *Hey there. One of our rules is that off-topic polls are not allowed. We discourage off-topic polls because we had a huge rash of them a while back and people got fed up with them. If you have a poll that relates to one of our forums, feel free to post it there.*




First off Eric opens with what might just be a greeting, as in, "Hey there! How ya doin'?"  But one might also read a bit of a correctional tone like in, "Heeeyyy...There.  No!  Hey!  Hey! Ah! Ah! Ah!"  I like the latter interpretation given the very nature of the post.  Of course, Eric is a nice guy, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt on that.

Now the rest of the plunk-post is lacking in style, but is very functional:  state the policy, tell why it's policy, and then help them to better adhere to policy in the future.  Of course, this plunk isn't about style (or policy for that matter)...it's about Feats.

Eric uses one mod post to Cleave one thread after killing the first.  He's the _Vorpal Admin +5_.  Of course every time he kills a thread...he dies a little inside.  So that makes him the _Undead Vorpal Admin +5_.

His post?  Leave it.  The threads?  CLEAVE IT!  I give it a *7*


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## Henry (Mar 30, 2003)

WanderingMonster said:
			
		

> *This has it all.  The use of terse sentence fragments  tells us that Morrus obviously doesn't think this thread is worth his time.  He takes the stance of a regent who has lost interest in the bufoons prancing about for his pleasure.*




Really? It tells ME that Russ has been watching Buffy Season 6 lately.


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## Horacio (Mar 30, 2003)

Henry said:
			
		

> *
> 
> Really? It tells ME that Russ has been watching Buffy Season 6 lately.  *




HEHEHE, I wondered if I was the only Buffy-addict that would catch the phrase...

Anyways, from now on I'll imagine Morrus with jet black eyes, energy glowing around his head, waving a hand against a thread, and saying causually "Bored now"... and the magical energies skinning the thread and compsuming it in primordial fire...

I still prefer Willow to Morrus, but that's only a personal preference...


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## Gez (Mar 30, 2003)

I think one of the mods should close this thread. For no particular reason. Just to close it. _That_ would be sheer artistry, and I'm sure Wandering Monster would take it as a hommage.


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## Staffan (Mar 30, 2003)

Horacio said:
			
		

> *Anyways, from now on I'll imagine Morrus with jet black eyes, energy glowing around his head, waving a hand against a thread, and saying causually "Bored now"... and the magical energies skinning the thread and compsuming it in primordial fire...*



Though the quote was originally from Vampire Willow back in season 3... that's one of the things that was so creepy about it.


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## Horacio (Mar 30, 2003)

Staffan said:
			
		

> *
> Though the quote was originally from Vampire Willow back in season 3... that's one of the things that was so creepy about it. *




The quote was from Season 6, when...

SPOILERS WARNING
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When Willow goes evil after Tara is killed, and catch the killer, tortures him nicely, and after a while says "Bored now" and flays him with a nasty spell...


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## WanderingMonster (Mar 30, 2003)

> *Buffy this...Buffy that...Willow...Willow...Willow.*




_FOCUS_ people...

Gez:  Indeed it would.


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## Dark Eternal (Mar 30, 2003)

I have to hand it to you people.  I never realized that there was an art form to the closing of threads.

Color me astounded.


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## Piratecat (Mar 30, 2003)

Gez said:
			
		

> *I think one of the mods should close this thread. For no particular reason. Just to close it. That would be sheer artistry, and I'm sure Wandering Monster would take it as a hommage. *




Alas. I gave it some serious consideration, as performance art _is_ a viable form of self expression, but now you've ruined it. If I do so now, I will appear to be your yapping lap dog, fetching and leaping to your every whim! Dang it all. Maybe next time.

I'm not sure that I close all that many threads, with the notable exception of OT polls and reposted internet spam, neither of which I can tolerate. I even surprised Teflon Billy the other day by not prematurely shutting down a few gender-related threads.


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## HellHound (Mar 30, 2003)

Not just Billy, but a bunch of us.

I know I didn't get into the thread in question at all on the basis that I expected it to get the PLUNK in short-order.


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## HellHound (Mar 30, 2003)

PS: PirateCat - thanks for the quote that has become my sig. It has gathered me many a brain in my eternal quest for the continued consumption of human cerebellums.


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## Staffan (Mar 30, 2003)

Horacio said:
			
		

> *
> 
> The quote was from Season 6, when...*



I know. But one of the reasons it's so creepy then is that Willow's vampire alter ego from a parallell universe (back in season 3, the episodes Doppelgängland and The Wish) said the exact same thing - it was a bit of her catch phrase.

/Staffan, ultra-geek


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## Dark Eternal (Mar 30, 2003)

HellHound said:
			
		

> *PS: PirateCat - thanks for the quote that has become my sig. It has gathered me many a brain in my eternal quest for the continued consumption of human cerebellums. *




Most recently, if I'm not mistaken, mine.

Good thing that ever since that chilling encounter with the mind flayers, I always keep a spare.


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## Timothy (Mar 30, 2003)

HellHound said:
			
		

> *PS: PirateCat - thanks for the quote that has become my sig. It has gathered me many a brain in my eternal quest for the continued consumption of human cerebellums. *




and ofcurse, after reading that, I just had to click that link.


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## Jeph (Mar 30, 2003)

Just wondring . . did PC ever actually say that?


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## La Bete (Mar 30, 2003)

veering back on topic....



Morrus "Bored now"

Elegant in its brevity,
Zen-like in its clarity.

Clearly an 8


Eric "Hey there - OT Polls"

Polite, informative, and by the re-use of text also taking care to prevent OOS. An example to us all. However, there is no "car-crash" feel to this closure, so I cannot give this more than:

A 6.


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## Piratecat (Mar 31, 2003)

Jeph said:
			
		

> *Just wondring . . did PC ever actually say that? *




He wrote prestige classes regarding flumphs. What the hell do YOU think?


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## HellHound (Mar 31, 2003)

Jeph said:
			
		

> *Just wondring . . did PC ever actually say that? *




Sure he did, Jeph...

In this thread

...

Or was it in this thread?


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## Henry (Mar 31, 2003)

Piratecat said:
			
		

> *Alas. I gave it some serious consideration, as performance art is a viable form of self expression, but now you've ruined it.*




I thought about it, dropped the combo box, hovered over the choice for a moment, thought about the feel of power it gave me, *well nigh unto a god,*  but then I said to myself, "bored now," and decided not to.


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## Horacio (Mar 31, 2003)

Staffan said:
			
		

> *
> I know. But one of the reasons it's so creepy then is that Willow's vampire alter ego from a parallell universe (back in season 3, the episodes Doppelgängland and The Wish) said the exact same thing - it was a bit of her catch phrase.
> 
> /Staffan, ultra-geek *




True, I had completly erased that from my  mind, thanks for reminding me that.

I liked vampire Willow, it was very cute in a disturbing way...


Sorry for hijacking the thread again, but BBufyness is an addictive illness


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## arwink (Mar 31, 2003)

I find myself strangely fixated on the fate of this thread.


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## HellHound (Mar 31, 2003)

This thread's fate would probably be in a LOT less jeopardy if I weren't hijacking it to chit chat about my sig.

Sorry Wandering Monster, my bad.


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## arwink (Mar 31, 2003)

HellHound said:
			
		

> *This thread's fate would probably be in a LOT less jeopardy if I weren't hijacking it to chit chat about my sig.
> 
> Sorry Wandering Monster, my bad. *




True, we need whole new threads to chit-chat about your sig 

To put this back on-topic, I agree that the initial thread closing post by is an 8 - a very abrupt exit but the summary says everything that's necessary.


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## coyote6 (Apr 2, 2003)

Quoting BtVS to close a thread, in a very appropriate and amusing way? A solid 9.

Henry's followup usage was also excellent, BTW. 

Eric's closings were quite workmanlike, but I've got to give bonus points for the cut 'n paste quality. It says, "I'm nice enough to explain why this thread is closed, but it's not worth my time to compose a unique explanation; you get boilerplate." Quality stuff. I give it a 7.


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## Gez (Apr 6, 2003)

Piratecat said:
			
		

> *
> 
> Alas. I gave it some serious consideration, as performance art is a viable form of self expression, but now you've ruined it. If I do so now, I will appear to be your yapping lap dog, fetching and leaping to your every whim! Dang it all. Maybe next time.*




And that would be a problem, how ?  My occult powers over these boards should be recognized one day, after all !

Now no, you would sure not appear as a my lap dog. Rather a lap cat. I prefer lap cats, they purr instead of drooling.


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## Horacio (Apr 6, 2003)

Why is this thread still open? 
Why don't Piratecat does his duty and close it, pleasing the audience that paciently awaits the closing of the thread to open a new one commenting the closing phrase?


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## Azlan (Apr 7, 2003)

WanderingMonster said:
			
		

> *The use of terse sentence fragments tells us that Morrus obviously doesn't think this thread is worth his time. He takes the stance of a regent who has lost interest in the bufoons prancing about for his pleasure. I expect a look of sheepish bewilderment from the entertainers as they pack up their puppets and juggling balls and slink out of their irate master's view lest he call the guard uopn them. It's alliterative as well, almost like verse. It's this kind of plunk that brings tears to my eyes.*






			
				WanderingMonster said:
			
		

> *Eric uses one mod post to Cleave one thread after killing the first.  He's the Vorpal Admin +5.  Of course every time he kills a thread...he dies a little inside.  So that makes him the Undead Vorpal Admin +5.*






			
				La Bete said:
			
		

> *Morrus "Bored now"
> Elegant in its brevity,
> Zen-like in its clarity.
> *






			
				coyote6 said:
			
		

> *Eric's closings were quite workmanlike, but I've got to give bonus points for the cut 'n paste quality. It says, "I'm nice enough to explain why this thread is closed, but it's not worth my time to compose a unique explanation; you get boilerplate." Quality stuff.*




Bah. You guys are just trying to score brownie points with the moderators, here. Myself, I think the EN World _Gestapo_ is just a bunch of biased, bossy, big-headed gaming nerds whose 15 minutes of fame is about halfway up...


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## Darrin Drader (Apr 9, 2003)

HellHound said:
			
		

> *This thread's fate would probably be in a LOT less jeopardy if I weren't hijacking it to chit chat about my sig.
> *




Bah! Nobody's sig is more narcissistic and self serving than mine.


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## Timothy (Apr 22, 2003)

here's a new one, from the dreaded p-kitty



> Talath, trolls make baby Piratecat cry. Don't repeat this, please.
> 
> Klunk.




what do you think?


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## Destil (Apr 22, 2003)

WanderingMonster said:
			
		

> *Ah, but you see I'm not interested in continuing the topics.  I'm more interested in the mod that closed the thread, and how he closed it.  I want to help you understand the artistry involved...let's take another, shall we?  Next up...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Ok... the idea of cleaving threads is brilliant, however...

I'm forced to give Wandering monster's meta-thread comments a mear 7. Only because I can hardly see eric as the type to use the exuberance of cleaving I see in my players, who will call out CLEAVE! the instant the first opponent is dropped, a hint of pure joy in their voices.

Given Eric's more polite & informitive aproach, not to mention his lore-master levels, I'd have to say that this is more of an application of a split-ray disentegrate, and perhaps also a nice use of weapon focus (ray) or improved critical (ray). Gesture, point, two threads reduced to dust.


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## Destil (Apr 22, 2003)

Timothy said:
			
		

> *here's a new one, from the dreaded p-kitty
> 
> 
> 
> what do you think? *



Ah! The dred pirate P-Cat in action, his acidic fiery-burst giant-bane cutlass cutting down the creature where it stands, regeneration be darned! Pure heroics. I'll give it an 8, and note that it also brings a tear to *my* eye.


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## Tom Cashel (Apr 22, 2003)

Hey, I posted a thread last night that just went *poof* into the aether.  No closure, no e-mail, just..._zap_.

And it is illegal, per board rules, to discuss the specific contents of a closed/deleted thread in any other thread.

Hmm.

Say it with me now...

*WE LOVE BIG BROTHER!*


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## Hypersmurf (May 6, 2003)

I think Eric is in a position to earn plenty of style points by Locking the "Lock-Happy" thread in innovative and original fashion.

G'wan, you know you want to...  

-Hyp.


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