# Silly Putty Comic Summer 2005 - (Winner posted!)



## reveal (Aug 23, 2005)

I've been mulling an idea for a non-serious contest. Basically, you and your opponent are given a sentence. The object is to come up with the best joke using said sentence as a punchline. Contestants will be judged on originality, wit, and simple "laughability." The only caveat is that it would have to be Eric's Grandma-friendly. Beyond that, you can pretty much do whatever you want.

Would anyone be interested in something like this? If enough people are interested, I was going to invite some folks to judge along with myself.

Anyway, just been in my brain lately. 

Judges:
reveal
Rel
JD

Contestants
Round 1:
FireLance v. Bront - Judgement
warlord v. DungeonmasterCal - Judgement
diaglo v. Renton - Judgement
demiurge1138 v. DaveMage - Judgement

Round 2
FireLance v. Renton - Judgement
demiurge1138 v. DungeonmasterCal - Judgement

Final round
FireLance v. DungeonmasterCal - Judgement

*Rules*
1. This will work like current Iron DM and Ceramic DM contests.
2. Each contestant will be paired off.
3. When both contestants are good for it, a punchline will be posted.
4. The contestants will have 72 hours from the time of posting to put up their joke.
5. Once posted, do NOT edit your joke in any way. We're not looking for English majors here, but if things are spelled wrong and/or grammar is poor, the joke may suffer.
6. If you want to post critiques of others jokes, use the spoiler tags.
7. Judgements will be posted soon after the deadline.
8. Plaguerism will *not* be tolerated. This is a contest for creative, original people, not people who can google for funny stuff.
9. Judgements will be posted within 72 hours of each deadline.
10. Have fun! Think about it this way: You may end up writing a joke that gets passed around the Internet for years to come.


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## Rel (Aug 23, 2005)

I'll give it a try but I'm sure that the fact that I'm willing to do so will virtually guarantee that I'm un-funny when I do it.


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## STARP_JVP (Aug 23, 2005)

Sounds like fun. Count me in.


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## I'm A Banana (Aug 23, 2005)

No, THEY think I'm funny. But what they don't understand is that I'm being COMPLETELY SERIOUS when I tell them there is a penguin on top of my television set....

Er....anyway, no thanks.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Aug 23, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I'll give it a try but I'm sure that the fact that I'm willing to do so will virtually guarantee that I'm un-funny when I do it.




Me, as well.  Same caveat.


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## Dakkareth (Aug 23, 2005)

Says one zombie to another: "Hey, what d'ya think, do maggots have souls, too?"

Grumbles the other: "Don't have a job or something? How in the rotting pit do you come up with this stuff?"

Replies the first, sulking: "I knew you wouldn't be interested in capital philosophy ..." It shrugs. "Anyway, just been in my brain lately."


/first thing I thought of


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## reveal (Aug 24, 2005)

Cool. Actually, Rel, I was going to ask you and JD to judge with me.


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## warlord (Aug 24, 2005)

Ok here's my entry: Frukathka's a sexy beast!


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## diaglo (Aug 24, 2005)

cool idea, reveal.

i think i'll even subscribe to this thread just so i don't lose it.


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## reveal (Aug 24, 2005)

diaglo said:
			
		

> cool idea, reveal.
> 
> i think i'll even subscribe to this thread just so i don't lose it.




Thanks. 

If I can get a few more people to do it, we'll try it out and see how it works. So far we have 6 people, 5 if Rel agrees to judge. I would like to have at least 8.


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## Renton (Aug 24, 2005)

Iron comic?  I like it.  I'll have a go.


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## demiurge1138 (Aug 24, 2005)

I'd be willing to give it a try.

Demiurge out.


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## DaveMage (Aug 24, 2005)

Count me in too...


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## reveal (Aug 24, 2005)

Renton said:
			
		

> Iron comic?  I like it.  I'll have a go.




My wife suggested "Silly Putty Comic - Summer 2005." I like it.


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## FireLance (Aug 24, 2005)

Room for one more?


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## reveal (Aug 24, 2005)

FireLance said:
			
		

> Room for one more?




If we can get 3 more people, sure. Otherwise, we'll go with 8 to have an even number for rounds. I'll put you down for first alternate.


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## Desdichado (Aug 24, 2005)

OK, I'll judge.  Sounds fun!


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## reveal (Aug 24, 2005)

Great!

Contestants, the first post has been updated with rules and pairings. Please let us know when you will be good to go for us to post the punchline.

JD, what is your e-mail addy? I'll need it to communicate for this thang. You can send it to me at reveal at cox dot net.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Aug 24, 2005)

I guess I'm ready!


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## Desdichado (Aug 24, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> JD, what is your e-mail addy? I'll need it to communicate for this thang. You can send it to me at reveal at cox dot net.



Done!  Is Rel confirmed, then?  Do we need to have a special "Judges Chat" to figure out what we're doing?


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## reveal (Aug 24, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Done!  Is Rel confirmed, then?  Do we need to have a special "Judges Chat" to figure out what we're doing?




Rel is in. I figured a flurry of e-mails cluttering up inboxes was the way to go.


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## Desdichado (Aug 24, 2005)

Ah, cool.  I always like those.


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## reveal (Aug 24, 2005)

I don't have Rel's e-mail here at work. I'll send out an e-mail later tonight to come up with the first batch of punchlines.


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## Rel (Aug 24, 2005)

Just one question:  What's the prize for the winner?  Sure they've got bragging rights as "The Funniest Person on ENWorld" but I think they should get something more tangible.

I propose that the winner gets to give reveal the "Dopple Purple Nurple" when he shows up for GenCon next year.


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## reveal (Aug 24, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Just one question:  What's the prize for the winner?  Sure they've got bragging rights as "The Funniest Person on ENWorld" but I think they should get something more tangible.
> 
> I propose that the winner gets to give reveal the "Dopple Purple Nurple" when he shows up for GenCon next year.




Considering, if this goes well, it will be a quarterly contest like Iron and Ceramic DMs, no. 

How about we buy them a drink at GenCon AND they get bragging rights?


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## DaveMage (Aug 24, 2005)

Ready here....


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## demiurge1138 (Aug 24, 2005)

All ready.


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## Renton (Aug 24, 2005)

Up against Diaglo.    I guess he'll have cornered the market on the 2000 year old man routine.  

Ready to go though.


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## diaglo (Aug 25, 2005)

i tried to burn down Renton my last visit to Washington state, but i never did find the WotC HQs. looks like i'll get my chance this time.


ready, willing, and abel... cain better hide.


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## reveal (Aug 25, 2005)

*demiurge1138 v. DaveMage*

demiurge1138 v. DaveMage

Punchline = *I thought you said "Beaver Swap"?!*

You have 72 hours. Take your time and good luck!


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## reveal (Aug 25, 2005)

*diaglo v. Renton*

diaglo v. Renton

Punchline = *And that was the best use of the enlarge spell I've ever seen.*

You've got 72 hours. Take your time and good luck!


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## warlord (Aug 25, 2005)

Bring it.


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## reveal (Aug 25, 2005)

Still waiting on STARP_JVP and Dakkareth.


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## DaveMage (Aug 25, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> demiurge1138 v. DaveMage
> 
> Punchline = *I thought you said "Beaver Swap"?!*
> 
> You have 72 hours. Take your time and good luck!


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## demiurge1138 (Aug 25, 2005)

DaveMage said:
			
		

>



My thoughts exactly.

Demiurge out.


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## reveal (Aug 25, 2005)

If we don't hear from the folks we're waiting on, *FireLance *would you be ready to go?


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## DungeonmasterCal (Aug 25, 2005)

Sigh.... *shuffles feet, twiddles thumbs*


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## FireLance (Aug 25, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> If we don't hear from the folks we're waiting on, *FireLance *would you be ready to go?



Ready and waiting.


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## reveal (Aug 26, 2005)

If we don't here from either, or both, by tomorrow at noon, we'll go with FireLance v. DungeonmasterCal.


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## reveal (Aug 26, 2005)

Whoops! I missed that *warlord* posted. Ok, sorry *FireLance* but the next contestants will be warlord v. DungeonmasterCal. Hopefully STARP_JVP will be on soon.


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## reveal (Aug 26, 2005)

*warlord v. DungeonmasterCal*

warlord v. DungeonmasterCal

Punchline = *Yeah but since Trolls regenerate, is this really an alignment violation?*

You have 72 hours. Take your time and good luck!


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## FireLance (Aug 26, 2005)

Wait, wait, wait, wait for the next contestant...


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## DaveMage (Aug 26, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> demiurge1138 v. DaveMage
> Punchline = *I thought you said "Beaver Swap"?!*
> You have 72 hours. Take your time and good luck!




Ok, I realize this will probably cause me to lose my first ever competition for “Silly Putty Comic”, but this is all I’ve got:

Top Ten Reasons Why “I thought you said "Beaver Swap"?!” Just Ain’t a Funny Punchline

10. The only way to make it funny would be a violation of Eric’s Grandmother, er, a violation of Eric’s Grandmother’s rules.
9. Beavers build dams.  And I can’t think of one damn joke.
8. The only “play on words” term I could come up for “beaver” is “weaver”.  Have you ever heard anything funny – ever – about a weaver?  Me neither.  (Though I’ve heard that they can be a bit loomy, er loony…*ahem*)
7. Of course, I could get cliché, you know: “you brought her, you beaver” or “beaver? I don’t even know her – ha!”  These options, however, are extremely unfunny.
6. BiggusGeekus  (This has nothing to do with beavers or swaps, I just think BG is hilarious, so I figured putting his name in here would make this post funnier.)
5. In a series of unpublished articles, “Swap” has been identified as the least-funny term in this entire sentence.
4. Chickenbutt.  This is another unfunny (and unrelated) term, but once you’ve had too much to drink, saying “chickenbutt” over and over becomes hilarious.  Just ask my old college buddies…
3. Did you notice that the words “Beaver Swap” begin with “B” and “S”.   BS is flying high here!
2. Reveal, Joshua Dyal, and Rel walk into a bar…(oof!)  Hopefully this knocked them unconscious and thus spared them from reading this.

And the number one reason why “I thought you said "Beaver Swap"?!” Just Ain’t a Funny Punchline…

#1. It turns out "Beaver Swap" is a euphamism for "driving naked down the highway in a convertable at full speed in the middle of the night with your headlights off while shouting "Otters Suck!"


EN World: Unfortunately, you heard it here first...


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## demiurge1138 (Aug 26, 2005)

An attempt to create a joke with the punchline "I thought you said 'beaver swap'". Quite likely a failed one:

A man has poured his life savings into his dream career, building a store he calls Knives Etc. He invites all his friends to attend the grand opening, and on the fateful day, one friend after another comes in, admires the store, buys a cleaver, bread knife, filletting knife, whatever they need. 

Towards the end of the day, the guy's friend Bob comes in. He looks a bit nervous, and asks his friend aside. "What's going on?" asks the owner of the store. 

"Well, you see, I did like you said. I got Jerry Mathers tied up in my trunk. What'll you give me for him?" asks Bob.

"What are you talking about? This is a store where people buy knives! This isn't some sort of kidnapping ring!"

"Cleaver shop? I thought you said 'Beaver swap'!"

I humbly submit this unto you, the judges, knowing that it is an abysmal joke.

Demiurge out.


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## reveal (Aug 26, 2005)

Just updated the rules with this:

9. Judgements will be posted within 72 hours of each deadline.


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## DaveMage (Aug 26, 2005)

demiurge1138 said:
			
		

> "Cleaver shop? I thought you said 'Beaver swap'!"




You know, irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.

Especially since Beaver's last name was, in fact, Cleaver.  

So I think you should get bonus points.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Aug 27, 2005)

Wow...this is hard.  I've never tried to be funny on command.  Stay tuned for further developments.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Aug 27, 2005)

A paladin and his somewhat dimwitted cohort, after fighting their way through the troll guardians of an evil temple, are taking stock of the situation before making their final assault on the priests within.

The paladin, somewhat of a glory hound in spite of his calling, says to his sidekick, "One day, when they speak of this in tavern tales, they'll say it sure took a lot of balls to bring down the Temple of Horror."

His companion, looking at the bleeding and wounded trolls lying scattered around the entrance, says, "Yeah but since Trolls regenerate, is this really an alignment violation?"

Ok... My hat's in the ring!


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## reveal (Aug 27, 2005)

DungeonmasterCal said:
			
		

> *snip*




I said 72 hours, not 72 minutes.


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## warlord (Aug 27, 2005)

Ok so one day a group of lawful good Enworlder Tolkien fanboys come across a certain anti-Tolkien thread. "Only a dick would make this thread." said an Enworlder. "Then" concluded another "a dickless person couldn't make one therefore the thread null and void." The rabid fanboys then completed their plan and rendered the thread nulll and void. Overcome with grief they all cried "What have we done we're lawful good!" then the dimwitted yet loveable fanboy says "Yeah but since Trolls regenerate, is this really an alignment violation?"


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## Bront (Aug 27, 2005)

How do we sign up for this?


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## reveal (Aug 27, 2005)

Bront said:
			
		

> How do we sign up for this?




You're in. I'll put you in the last slot against FireLance.


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## reveal (Aug 27, 2005)

*FireLance v. Bront*

FireLance v. Bront

Punchline = *There's nothing worse than a room full of monkeys.*

You have 72 hours. Good luck!


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## Berandor (Aug 27, 2005)

[sblock]If you'd just change the punchline...


			
				DungeonmasterCal said:
			
		

> A paladin and his somewhat dimwitted cohort, after fighting their way through the troll guardians of an evil temple, are taking stock of the situation before making their final assault on the priests within.
> 
> The paladin, somewhat of a glory hound in spite of his calling, says to his sidekick, "One day, when they speak of this in tavern tales, they'll say _it sure took a lot of balls_ to bring down the Temple of Horror."
> 
> His companion, looking at the bleeding and wounded trolls lying scattered around the entrance, says, "*That was the best use on an enlarge spell I've ever seen*."



[/sblock]


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## reveal (Aug 28, 2005)

Well, crap. Neither Renton or diaglo have posted theirs and they're time was up last night.


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## diaglo (Aug 28, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Well, crap. Neither Renton or diaglo have posted theirs and they're time was up last night.



sorry mang,

you stumped me. i couldn't even get a raised eyebrow from my wife with any of my attempts.


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## reveal (Aug 28, 2005)

diaglo said:
			
		

> sorry mang,
> 
> you stumped me. i couldn't even get a raised eyebrow from my wife with any of my attempts.






Oh well, this'll probably go down as one of those cool ideas that never comes to fruition.


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## DaveMage (Aug 28, 2005)

It's not easy to do (at least for me, obviously, as my attempt above would indicate).

Though I think that's the first "top ten" list I've done since about 1994.


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## reveal (Aug 28, 2005)

DaveMage said:
			
		

> It's not easy to do (at least for me, obviously, as my attempt above would indicate).
> 
> Though I think that's the first "top ten" list I've done since about 1994.




If comedy were easy, there'd be a lot more Mel Brooks' out there. 

We've got one more set of contestants going and then we'll move on to the next round. I might change up the rules a bit if I ever do this again. Not sure how though...


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## Bront (Aug 28, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> FireLance v. Bront
> 
> Punchline = *There's nothing worse than a room full of monkeys.*
> 
> You have 72 hours. Good luck!



Um, this *should* be easy... monkeys are funny... right?


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## DaveMage (Aug 28, 2005)

Bront said:
			
		

> Um, this *should* be easy... monkeys are funny... right?




It seemed to work for BJ and the Bear...


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## Renton (Aug 28, 2005)

Yes, very tough.  And that punchline... every thing I came up with was gramma non friendly.  

here was my least lame attempt:

A rather civilised ogre wanders into town and goes into the the bar.  he walks up to the bar and politely greets the serving wench.  

"Oh my", she replies "You're huge.  Are you a giant?"

The ogre replies "No'm"

"Well I never.  I thought you guys all had beards.  And that's the best use of the Enlarge spell I've ever seen."


 :\ 
Please do not read this joke while operating heavy machinery.


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## Rel (Aug 28, 2005)

Post deleted to keep all judgements in one posts.


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## Berandor (Aug 29, 2005)

If you need a fill-in for round 2, I'd like to give it a try.

If not, then I'll continue reading and - hopefully - laughing


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## reveal (Aug 29, 2005)

demiurge1138 v. DaveMage - Judgement



			
				Rel said:
			
		

> *DaveMage* - I feel your pain, DaveMage. I disagree with your premise that "I thought you said 'Beaver Swap'?!" is not a funny punchline but I couldn't think of a joke for it either. Fortunately that wasn't my job.
> 
> I like the "Top 10 List" format but the individual items were a bit hit and miss for me. Some I found funny and some not so much. I do give you credit for trying to make a silk fannypack from a sow's ear.
> 
> ...






			
				Joshua_Dyal said:
			
		

> *DaveMage* - gotta give him credit for the top ten list; that was a clever way *around* the point of the exercise, though.
> 
> *demiurge1138* - Jerry Mathers tied up in the trunk of a car was a funny image to me.  Not only that, it very cleverly used the punchline.
> 
> Judgement - I give *demiurge* the win.






			
				reveal said:
			
		

> *DaveMage* - A good try with a hard punchline. Like Rel, I disagree that it's not a funny punchline. There are many ways to make something that seems to only fit a dirty joke into a clean joke. A play on words, Beaver Swap rhymes with X, is usually the safest route. I really like the idea of a top ten list and some of your lines are great but, overall, there are more chances for non-funny material. Definitely a strong first effort.
> 
> *demiurge1138* - This is a very funny joke. Great play on words and the image of Jerry Mathers tied up in the trunk struck me as really silly. The only problem I had with it was that it required the audience to know who Jerry Mathers actually is. For example, I told it to my wife and she had no idea who he was. I told her he was the Beaver on Leave it to Beaver and she thought it was funny. A good use of a punchline that could have made a great dirty joke.
> 
> Judgement - Gotta go with *demiurge1138* on this one.




demiurge1138 wins 3 - 0 and advances to the next round. DaveMage, don't let this discourage you from trying this again for the next Silly Putty DM.


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## reveal (Aug 29, 2005)

Since this is the first time this has ever been done, I'm going to be a little lenient. Renton, since you posted a joke I will put you into the next round.


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## DaveMage (Aug 29, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> demiurge1138 v. DaveMage - Judgement
> 
> demiurge1138 wins 3 - 0 and advances to the next round. DaveMage, don't let this discourage you from trying this again for the next Silly Putty DM.




Actually, considering how hard it was - I may be the real winner.    

demiurge1138 - best of luck - go out and win the whole thing so I can say I lost to the best!


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## Renton (Aug 29, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Since this is the first time this has ever been done, I'm going to be a little lenient. Renton, since you posted a joke I will put you into the next round.




Dee-fault.  The two sweetest words in the English language!


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## demiurge1138 (Aug 29, 2005)

Didn't really expect to win this one; the judges liked that joke a lot more than I did. 

Demiurge out.


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## Bront (Aug 29, 2005)

Well, if one monkey is funny, and more monkeys is funnier, I figured I'd aim my sights high.
Anyway, it's a try.  Here goes nothing:

Once there was a great wizard.  He was getting on in years, and was growing tired of copying down his spells on his scroll.  Fortunately during his travels, he had come across a magic lamp that had 3 wishes.  Deciding that now was better than never, he rubbed the lamp, and the genie appeared.

*“Greetings my master, I can grant you any three wishes you desire,”* said the genie. The wizard says *“Well, I’m tired of copying all my spells down on scrolls.  I wish I could find a way to scribe a lot of scrolls without actually doing it myself.”*

*“Your wish is my command,”* said the genie, who waved his hand and a door appeared in the wizard’s study.  The wizard opened the door and saw a vast room filled with monkeys writing things on parchment.  The wizard asked *“What is this?” *   The genie replied *“It’s a room of infinite monkeys writing scrolls.  Not everyone will be a gem, but you should get plenty of magical scrolls from this.” * *“Wow, thanks genie”* said the wizard and the genie returned to the magical lamp.

After a while, the wizard had piles of scrolls, but he didn’t have time to sort out the good from the worthless, so he called on the genie again.  *“Master, you have two more wishes left,”* said the genie.  The wizard says *“I wish I had a way to sort through all these scrolls easily.”*  The genie replied *“Your wish is my command”*  and another door appeared.  Behind that door was another room filled with monkeys, each had a wand.  They began grabbing piles of scrolls, and sorting them using the wand.  The wizard examined one of the smaller piles and said *“wow, this great.  It’s a scroll of polymorph.”*

*”Thanks genie, but I have to ask, what’s with the monkeys?”* asked the wizard.  The genie replied, *“Well, the gods think that wishes are so powerful, that they want them twisted in some foul way.  I don’t like that, so I try to do it as simply as possible.  There’s nothing worse than a room full of monkeys, so I like to use them.”*  The wizard nodded and said *“Interesting.  I wish I could find an easy way to experiment with wishes, this is fascinating.” *  The genie grimaced and waved his hands.  

A third door appeared in the wizard’s study and the lamp and the genie disappeared.  The wizard opened it to find a bunch of monkeys waiting in line.  The first one in line had the lamp, and was rubbing it, made 3 wishes with the genie, and then moved on, letting the next one in line do the same. As the monkeys continued, the constant wishing tore at the fabric of reality till it was ripped apart, and everything swirled into the wizard’s tower in a huge implosion of all things.  When the blast had settled, the wizard was left in the room with the genie and all the monkeys they’d summoned.

*“What happened?”* asked the wizard. The genie replied *“To fulfill your wish, I made a room full of an infinite number of monkeys to make three wishes each.  Unfortunately, it was too much for the world to take, so it looks like it destroyed everything.”* *“So we’re stuck here forever now?”* Asked the wizard, and the genie nodded.  The wizard sighed and said *“Well, you were right about one thing.  There’s nothing worse than a room full of monkeys.”*


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## FireLance (Aug 30, 2005)

A ninja clan was hired to assassinate an evil daimyo, so the clan leader sent his three best ninjas to do the job. Several hours later, one of the ninjas returned.

"Honorable master, I have failed," he said, "I made my way through the fortress, and evaded all his traps and guards, until I entered a room full of flunkies."

"Flunkies? How did they manage to stop you?" the clan leader asked.

"They had some strange power, honorable master. Everything I tried to do, I failed. I tried to attack them, and failed. I tried to get past them and failed. Eventually, I got frustrated and returned here to report."

The clan leader wondered at the strange power of the flunkies, but decided to wait for the other two ninjas to return before making other plans. Shortly after, another ninja returned, with a big bruise on his forehead.

"Honorable master, I have failed," he said, "I made my way through the fortress, and evaded all his traps and guards, until I entered a room full of donkeys."

"Donkeys? How did they manage to stop you?" the clan leader asked.

"They had some strange power, honorable master. They could speak with human voices, but in such monotonous and boring tones that I felt sleepy and collapsed. Fortunately, I hit my head on the floor and woke up. Fearful of being caught, I quickly left the room and returned here to report."

The clan leader wondered at the strange power of the donkeys, but decided to wait for the last ninja to return before making other plans. Shortly after, the third ninja staggered in and collapsed on the floor in front of the clan leader. 

"What happened to you?" the clan leader asked, "Your clanmates encountered rooms full of flunkies and donkeys with strange powers, but managed to escape with little injury. Did you encounter something worse?"

"Yes, honorable master," the last ninja gasped. He raised his head, and the clan leader saw that it was covered with the marks of tiny fists and feet. "There's nothing worse than a room full of monkeys."


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## Berandor (Aug 30, 2005)

Wow. Two excellent jokes!

Must be the monkeys.


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## Bront (Aug 30, 2005)

I'm impressed.  Mine came out much better than I thought it would, and Firelances is good as well.  Who would have thought Monkeys made for such intricate jokes though?


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## demiurge1138 (Aug 30, 2005)

Everyone loves monkeys. They must drive people to excel. 

Demiurge out.


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## reveal (Sep 1, 2005)

*DungeonmasterCal v. warlord*

DungeonmasterCal v. warlord



			
				Joshua_Dyal said:
			
		

> DungeonmasterCal gets nice use of D&Disms for the joke, while warlord attempting to use Netspeak for the pun.  However, I'm not sure I'm seeing what alignment has to do with warlord's scenario; it felt a bit forced into it just to arrive at the punchline. I'll give the edge to DungeonmasterCal.






			
				Rel said:
			
		

> The alignment issue portion of the punchline flowed better for me with DMCal's joke than with Warlord's.  And most of the Tolkien Fanboys I've met were neither Lawful nor Good.   I gotta give the nod to DMCal on this one.






			
				reveal said:
			
		

> Both entries are relatively weak. DMCal has a good setup, but it's relatively short and is to open to interpritation. warlord's on the other hand, really only appeals to "fanboys" of which I am not, nor are a lot of people I know. My vote goes to DungeonmasterCal.




Judgement - DungeonmasterCal wins 3-0 and moves on to Round 2.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Sep 1, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> DungeonmasterCal v. warlord
> Judgement - DungeonmasterCal wins 3-0 and moves on to Round 2.




Wow.  Thanks!


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## reveal (Sep 1, 2005)

*Bront v. FireLance*

Bront v. FireLance



			
				Rel said:
			
		

> These both gave me a smile.  I liked Bront's internal references to D&D within the joke.  But the ending was a bit shaky for me as I grew lost in the concept of the fabric of the universe being torn apart but leaving the Genie and Wizard intact.  I think it would have worked better for me if the Genie was sharing the punchline with another "Outsider" and saying, "Well that Wizard was right about one thing..."
> 
> Firelance immediately grabbed my attention with the ninjas who, as we all know are (a) Mammals and (2) Flip out and kill "stuff".  I liked the rhyming scheme of guardians culminating with the monkeys and the image of the ninja with his face covered in tiny bruises was amusing enough to get my vote on this one.






			
				Joshua_Dyal said:
			
		

> Both Bront and Firelance fit their jokes to the punchline very seamlessly, and neither felt forced at all.  Both actually seemed like jokes someone might tell!    I think the only weakness I could really spot in either was with Firelance's -- you don't expect either flunkies or donkeys to cause trouble to a ninja, but their special powers do.  The monkeys, on the other hand, are the worst of the bunch, but why?  It seems like it's missing a little piece to pull the whole picture together.
> 
> All in all, two very excellent entries, but by a hair, my favorite of the two is Bront's.






			
				reveal said:
			
		

> Both of these jokes made me laugh out loud. There truly is nothing worse than a room full of monkeys. In the end, the image of a ninja with "marks of tiny fists and feet" put this one oer the top for me. FireLance gets my vote.




Judgement - FireLance pulls it out 2-1 and advanced to Round 2.


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## warlord (Sep 1, 2005)

Fair enough I liked Cal's joke better anyway. I just couldn't resist taking a shot at everyone who went crazy over my infamous first post.


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## reveal (Sep 1, 2005)

Congrats to everyone who made it to Round 2. 

I'm not going to post the next set of punchlines until sometime next Tuesday. With everything that's going on right now with Katrina and the fact that it's Labor Day weekend, it'll just be better for everyone involved.

Is there anyone in Round 2 who will not be able to check in next Tuesday?


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## Bront (Sep 1, 2005)

Congrats Firelance.  I'm impressed mine turned out as well as it did, but then, when you're writing it, it's kind of hard to tell sometimes.

I'm up for a consolation round if anyone wants, just for fun, but I think after labor day is a good idea.


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## demiurge1138 (Sep 1, 2005)

I'll still be around come next Tuesday.

Demiurge out


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## FireLance (Sep 1, 2005)

Bront said:
			
		

> Congrats Firelance.  I'm impressed mine turned out as well as it did, but then, when you're writing it, it's kind of hard to tell sometimes.



Thanks, Bront. Your joke was pretty good too, and it was close.

I'll be able to check in next Tuesday.


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## reveal (Sep 6, 2005)

*bump*

New punchlines will be posted tonight.


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## reveal (Sep 7, 2005)

*FireLance v. Renton*

Round 2
FireLance v. Renton

Punchline - "*And that's to say nothing of the chickens!*"

You have 72 hours to post teh funny. Good luck!


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## reveal (Sep 7, 2005)

*demiurge1138 v. DungeonmasterCal*

Round 2
demiurge1138 v. DungeonmasterCal

Punchline - "*Twelve, if you count the last one twice.*"

You have 72 hours to post teh funny. Good luck!


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## DaveMage (Sep 7, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Round 2
> demiurge1138 v. DungeonmasterCal
> 
> Punchline - "*Twelve, if you count the last one twice.*"
> ...




Good luck is right!  Wow!

Next time this contest is run, rather than give a punchline, maybe just giving a subject would be easier....


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## reveal (Sep 7, 2005)

DaveMage said:
			
		

> Good luck is right!  Wow!
> 
> Next time this contest is run, rather than give a punchline, maybe just giving a subject would be easier....




That's a good idea. 

I think that would be easier. I was trying to do something like Ceramic DM or Iron DM where you're given ingredients and then you make a story or adventure. Perhaps giving a subject or a couple of ingredients to have in the joke would be best. Oh well, it's almost fall, so the next contest isn't too far off.


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## Desdichado (Sep 7, 2005)

DaveMage said:
			
		

> Next time this contest is run, rather than give a punchline, maybe just giving a subject would be easier....



This thread is the Beta testing version.  We thank you for your feedback!


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## DungeonmasterCal (Sep 7, 2005)

Gack... this one will be tough.  Chickens are almost as easy as monkeys... I'm jealous!


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## DaveMage (Sep 7, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> That's a good idea.
> 
> I think that would be easier. I was trying to do something like Ceramic DM or Iron DM where you're given ingredients and then you make a story or adventure. Perhaps giving a subject or a couple of ingredients to have in the joke would be best. Oh well, it's almost fall, so the next contest isn't too far off.




Well, I'll say this - the way it is now is certainly tough.

My hat's off to the eventual winner - it will definitely be earned!


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## demiurge1138 (Sep 8, 2005)

DaveMage said:
			
		

> Good luck is right!  Wow!
> 
> Next time this contest is run, rather than give a punchline, maybe just giving a subject would be easier....




I agree. It'd be much easier for both judges and participants if you just said "make up a joke about ninjas in Paris" or whatever than to give us a punchline. And you'd probably get better jokes, too.

Demiurge out.


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## reveal (Sep 8, 2005)

demiurge1138 said:
			
		

> I agree. It'd be much easier for both judges and participants if you just said "make up a joke about ninjas in Paris" or whatever than to give us a punchline. And you'd probably get better jokes, too.
> 
> Demiurge out.




Your suggestion has been noted and will be passed along to the appropriate personnel.


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## Bront (Sep 8, 2005)

Yes, Chickens and monkeys are fairly easy.  Counting on the other hand is hard.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Sep 9, 2005)

Ugh...I got nothin'.  I still have a day, right?


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## reveal (Sep 9, 2005)

DungeonmasterCal said:
			
		

> Ugh...I got nothin'.  I still have a day, right?




You have until 8:05 (CST) tonight.


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## FireLance (Sep 9, 2005)

One day, a farmer went to see the local wizard.

"O wise one," he said, "I encountered something truly weird today, and I hope you will be able to tell me if some evil magic is afoot. When I went to the orchard, all the oranges I picked yesterday were back on the branches of the trees. When I went to the field, all the wheat I harvested yesterday had grown back again. And when I went to the sty, the pig that I slaughtered yesterday had come back to life and was inside again."

The wizard looked embarrassed. "I have a confession to make," he said, "I was experimenting with a spell to move things around in time this morning, and I accidentally cast it on my breakfast of milk, juice, bread, ham and eggs."

"Ah," the farmer said, "That would explain why the cows were looking very uncomfortable, too. And that's to say nothing of the chickens!"


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## Bront (Sep 9, 2005)

I want to know how the poor pig felt


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## demiurge1138 (Sep 10, 2005)

The royal snakecharmer had been absent for more than a week, and the king sent his herald to the snakecharmer's house to fetch him, for the king was very fond of snakes and wished to see more of them. When the herald reached the snakecharmer's house, he found the snakecharmer lying in bed, clearly very ill. 

"I apologize for my absence in the royal palace, good herald, but you see, I have been bitted most severely by one of my serpents," said the snakecharmer. "I caught a beautiful blue mamba a few days ago, and in my capture the snake bit my boot, breaking off its fang. I was uninjured, but the next day when I put on the boot, the fang had sunk through and scratched me. I've been recovering ever since."

"How dreadful!" exclaimed the herald. "How many times have you been bitten by one of your snakes?"

"Twelve, if you count the last one twice."

Demiurge out.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Sep 10, 2005)

Long ago, all the great tribes of the giants came together for the trial of one particularly heinous criminal.  Even among giants, he was phenomenally  wicked.  Most called for for his immediate execution, but cooler heads prevailed and it was agreed he would be judged by a jury of his peers.  So, the long process of choosing jurors began, and finally,  one by one, they were selected.  

On the day of the trial, the jurors filed into the great cavernous courtroom.  Frost giants, cloud giants, storm giants all took their seats.  However, one seat remained empty.  The accused giant's defense attorney immediately called for a mistrial, because the rules of the court were clearly not being observed.  "A jury of twelve!" He thundered.  "My client must be judged by a jury of twelve of his peers!"  He folded his arms, confident that his client would now go free.

The prosecuting attorney stood and adjusted his dragonhide tie.  "Your honor, how many jurors do you see?"  

The judge, a venerable old Stone Giant known for his impartiality and fairness, looked and said, "Sir, I see only eleven there."

"You are in error, Your Honor."  He dramatically pointed to an ettin, who by chance had been the last to enter and take his seat.  "How many are there sitting in judgement? Twelve, if you count the last one twice." 

Whew.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Sep 12, 2005)

**Ahem**

taps foot impatiently.


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## reveal (Sep 13, 2005)

*FireLance v. Renton - Judgement*

FireLance v. Renton

FireLance advances by default since Renton didn't post a joke. Next tournament will definitely be something "easier" as this is the second time this has happened.


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## reveal (Sep 13, 2005)

*demiurge1138 v. DungeonmasterCal*



			
				Rel said:
			
		

> I like both demiurge1138's and DungeonmasterCal's jokes.  I mulled them both over for a while and what I came to was this:  DMC's felt like more "joke-like" whereas demiurge's seemed more like a parable.  Sort of a "bit me once, shame on you.  bit me twice, shame on me" homage.  In this instance I must give the nod to DMC.
> 
> But you can bet I'll be thinking of demiurge the next time I spot the elusive "blue mamba"!






			
				Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Both demiurge1138 and DungeonmasterCal used the punchline very cleverly, I thought, and their jokes were fairly subtle rather than laugh-out-loud.
> Since I read them both at work, that's much appreciated!  Knowing the punchline ahead of time worked against demiurge1138's entry, because it telegraphed very strongly where it was going early on.  DungeonmasterCal's entry, on the other hand, managed to surprise me at the end.  I'll give the vote to him by a very thin margin.






			
				reveal said:
			
		

> Both were good uses of the punchline. demiurge1138's joke felt more like a parable than a joke, though. It was clever but not "ha ha" funny. DungeonmasterCal's, OTOH, made me laugh out loud. The thought of an ettin on jury duty cracked me up. DMC gets my vote.




Judgement - DungeonmasterCal advances by a margin of 3-0.


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## reveal (Sep 13, 2005)

FireLance and DMC. Please post when would be a good time for you and I'll put up the punchline.


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## demiurge1138 (Sep 13, 2005)

Congrats, DMC. I liked your joke better too.

Demiurge out.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Sep 13, 2005)

Thanks Demiurge, and thank you judges.  I was at a complete loss when I wrote it.  I suddenly realized my deadline was coming up, and I was in full panic mode, because I thought Demiurge's was pretty dang good.  

I'm ready for my next punch line, I reckon.


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## Berandor (Sep 13, 2005)

Yeah, ettin jurors for the win!

I imagine "Twelve Angry Men" (I think that's the original title) with the ettin arguing both for and against the verdict


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## FireLance (Sep 13, 2005)

I'm ready.

*Salutes judges*

*Salutes DungeonmasterCal*

_En gaffe!_


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## reveal (Sep 13, 2005)

I'll post the next punchline at noon (CST) today.


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## reveal (Sep 13, 2005)

*FireLance v. DungeonmasterCal*

FireLance v. DungeonmasterCal

Punchline - "*The monkey learned to aim better.*"

You've got 72 hours. Good luck!


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## demiurge1138 (Sep 13, 2005)

Monkeys and violence? This one has the makings of a classic. Good luck!

Demiurge out.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Sep 16, 2005)

A drill seargent in the army of a powerful warlord had had enough of his completely lackluster archery squads.  "Six weeks ago, I welcomed you maggots into the most feared archery unit in the kingdom, the Farley's Fighting Baboons!  I broke you down and built you up, but to what end?  You are the sorriest lot of archers I've ever seen!  You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!  You are completely unteachable!  I'm surprised any of you even know which end of the arrow points to the enemy!! Even our mascot, Mr. Snickers, can shoot better than you!!!"

As he paused to catch his breath, one of the privates raised his hand.  "WHAT!?!" the drill seargent screamed.

"Seargent, how can you say we're so awful?  We've practiced and practiced.  I know we're not that great, but how can you compare us to the monkey?"

Taking a deep breath, the seargent looked the private straight in the eye and barked, "The monkey learned to aim better!!!"

Well, that's the best I got.  Comedy is not pretty.


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## FireLance (Sep 16, 2005)

The spirits of four adventurers walked into the Blessed Halls of Reincarnation, looking rather disgruntled. 

"What happened to you?" asked the celestial clerk on duty.

"The four of us were camping in the wilderness one night, and when we woke up the next morning, we discovered that a monkey had stolen all our weapons and was sitting with them on a tree," explained the monk. "I threw a stone at it to scare it away, and when I did that, it dropped my _dancing quarterstaff_. The samurai did the same, and the monkey threw down his _katana of speed_. The sohei also tossed a stone, and got back his _brilliant energy naginata_."

"So how did you end up here?" the celestial clerk asked.

"We should have left then, but the ninja decided to get back his _vorpal shuriken_. The monkey learned to aim better."


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## DungeonmasterCal (Sep 16, 2005)

Bravo, Firelance, Bravo!!  Your laugh-fu is superior to mine in all ways!


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## FireLance (Sep 16, 2005)

Thanks for the compliment! Naturally, I hope the judges feel the same .


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## DaveMage (Sep 16, 2005)

FireLance said:
			
		

> Thanks for the compliment! Naturally, I hope the judges feel the same .





If not, I'm sure a $20 bill would do the trick...


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## reveal (Sep 16, 2005)

DaveMage said:
			
		

> If not, I'm sure a $20 bill would do the trick...





we are not amused


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## Desdichado (Sep 16, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> we are not amused



Well, just a bit anyway.

[size=-2](Psst... want my PayPal info?)[/size]


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## Rel (Sep 16, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> we are not amused




SYHWIT:  I'm totally below reproach.


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## reveal (Sep 16, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Well, just a bit anyway.
> 
> [size=-2](Psst... want my PayPal info?)[/size]






			
				Rel said:
			
		

> SYHWIT: I'm totally below reproach.




[whiney voice]

Guuuuuuuuuys! You're making me look baaaaaaaad.

[/whiney voice]


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## Rel (Sep 16, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> [whiney voice]
> 
> Guuuuuuuuuys! You're making me look baaaaaaaad.
> 
> [/whiney voice]




As if you needed any help.


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## Desdichado (Sep 16, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> [whiney voice]
> 
> Guuuuuuuuuys! You're making me look baaaaaaaad.
> 
> [/whiney voice]



Well, pull up your pants!


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## DaveMage (Sep 16, 2005)

TODAY'S SCOREBOARD

Dyal:01
Law:   00


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## reveal (Sep 20, 2005)

*FireLance v. DungeonmasterCal*

FireLance v. DungeonmasterCal



			
				Rel the pirate said:
			
		

> So I set me boots up in me hammock and took a look at DungeonmasteCal's bonnie joke.  And it be a right fine stab at a tough foe I tell ye.  But when I got ter the end it seemed that the punchline was more along the lines o' statin' the obvious.  And the lack o' what we pirate types call "Ye-Olde-Not-So-Grandma-Friendly-Colourful-Language" put the hurt ter yer Drill Instructors credibility .  Still and all, not a bad effort and I salute yer makin' it this far!  I meself would not a' fared so well as ye.
> 
> Now as for this Firelance laddie, that were a fine joke!  A fine joke indeed!  I think maybe 'twas the best o' the competition entirely.  The way ye kept to the OA theme was grand!  And any joke where a Ninja dies and a pirate does not is a helluva fine thing!  I must admit that the joke woulda been sharp as a cutlass even without the last line, but yer carried it off anyway.  Me hat is of to yer!
> 
> My vote is fer Firelance!






			
				Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Both are solid entries, yet again.  As we should expect by now from these two.
> 
> However, DungeonmasterCal's suffers from being "obvious" when you already know the punchline.  Firelance'e entry felt a bit more spontaneous, and caught me a bit off guard, in a good way.
> 
> It's a photo finish, but I give a tiny edge to Firelance.






			
				reveal said:
			
		

> Two words: Ninja monkey. FireLance gets my vote.




Judgement - And the first Silly Putty DM is *FireLance*!

Congrats! Thanks to everyone for participating. I will definitely take into consideration the suggestions given about next seasons competition. I will probably start this up again sometime near the end of next month.


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## DaveMage (Sep 20, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> FireLance v. DungeonmasterCal
> 
> Judgement - And the first Silly Putty DM is *FireLance*!
> 
> Congrats! Thanks to everyone for participating. I will definitely take into consideration the suggestions given about next seasons competition. I will probably start this up again sometime near the end of next month.




I think the official trophy should be an eggshell.

(In tribute to Silly Putty, of course.      )


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## DungeonmasterCal (Sep 20, 2005)

ARRRH...I be bested by ye, Firelance.  But don't rest on ye laurels, 'cause I'll be back to cross steel w'ye again!


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## FireLance (Sep 20, 2005)

Oh dear, it's 20 September here and it seems that I've missed Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Oh well, a vast "Thank you" to the judges, and to all of my opponents. Gosh, I've really enjoyed this contest, and I'm eagerly looking forward to the next one, so much that I'm berserk with anticipation.

I dedicate this award to the monkeys, ninjas and chickens that made it possible.


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## Rel (Sep 20, 2005)

FireLance said:
			
		

> I dedicate this award to the monkeys, ninjas and chickens that made it possible.




I deem this .sigworthy.


----------

