# Your Turing Test: Big "F"



## Dannyalcatraz (Oct 27, 2011)

So I've been getting robo-phone calls from (253) 246-8553, asking me if I wanted to be a test house for a home security system.

Now, I know it's not a real AI, just a fairly sophisticated recorded message of some kind, but it's creepy good.  When I first suspected I was talking to a machine, I interrupted it and asked "Is this a recording?"

It replied, "Do I sound like a recording?"

I said, "Yes, because it seems as if you're not listening to my answers to your questions."

"Ha, ha, ha!  Sorry about that!"

...and it continued with its sales pitch until I hung up on it.

But it's called me back several times.  I wondered, though...does anyone listen to the responses is getting to improve it?  So instead of hanging up on it, I've been responding to it's queries with non-sequiturs.

When asked if I wanted to be a test home this time, I said "I have cats."

It responded with something like, "Well, that's nice, but have you considered having additional layers of security?"

I responded with another cat-related non-sequitur, and completely fried it!

It responded "Ha, ha, ha, weh-weh-weh..._*blip*_ Ha, ha, ha, weh-weh-weh..._*blip*_ Ha, ha, ha, weh-weh-weh..._*blip*_" *dialtone*

I may have killed it.

If it calls back, I'm going to try some other non-sequiturs...possibly some other languages.


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## jonesy (Oct 27, 2011)

If the home security system is as good at least the robbers will be entertained.


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## pathfinderq1 (Oct 27, 2011)

My wife keeps the Blade Runner quotes page bookmarked on the computer just for such occasions- if she suspects a robo-call, she starts giving he replicant test questions.  Best response so far: "I can see that you're busy.  I'll try back later."  We keep hoping that even if it doesn't stop the calls, at least whoever is checking the call responses will get a laugh.


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## Umbran (Oct 27, 2011)

Dannyalcatraz said:


> S
> When asked if I wanted to be a test home this time, I said "I have cats."
> 
> It responded with something like, "Well, that's nice, but have you considered having additional layers of security?"




Hm.  It considers household cats a layer of security?  It must model home invaders as 1st level Commoners.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Oct 27, 2011)

I wonder what it will "think" if I break out with "I have Hippos."  

My Mom's suggestion...

At first, she was incredulous that I'd do this since it uses my minutes (it's always on my cell)- but I pointed out I never use all my minutes, and this is cheap, randomized fun.

Especially if you look at it as essentially doing what Captain Kirk does to so many machine intelligences in his career.


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## Deset Gled (Oct 28, 2011)

It may also be fun to try hitting numbers on your keypad.  I imagine most systems are programmed to respond to certain numbers: 0 for the operator, different numbers bring you to extensions in the phone system, etc.  But if you want to break it again, you could try hitting the pound or star buttons repeatedly.  This will cause an error response on many systems.  As a side note, you can also try mashing pound or star to get around some of the more annoying computer-based answering systems if you have trouble getting a live person.

I have also read that some computer based phone systems are programmed to recognize angry customers, so swearing into them can lead to a faster response.  You might try cursing at it to see what it says back.  From there, try more esoteric insults to see how good it's range is; will it recognize cursing in Spanish?  How about Shakespearean insults?  What will it say if you threaten legal action?


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## LightPhoenix (Oct 28, 2011)

Deset Gled said:


> I have also read that some computer based phone systems are programmed to recognize angry customers, so swearing into them can lead to a faster response.




I don't know if this is true or not, but since I heard it I always make an effort to curse while on hold.  I doubt it really works, but it's fun to do.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Oct 28, 2011)

LightPhoenix said:


> I don't know if this is true or not, but since I heard it I always make an effort to curse while on hold.  I doubt it really works, but it's fun to do.




LOL!  If I had only thought of that a few years ago!

My ISP was a company called Earthlink.  I had a _serious_ technical problem, and they put me on hold.  At that point, their hold music was some famous classical instrumental which, if I could remember its name and find it on youtube, you'd recognize it.  It was only about 3 minutes long.  And when it finished, there'd be a 2 second pause and it would restart.

In the process of getting my issue handled, I spent more than an hour and a half on hold.

I hate that song now.


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## Thunderfoot (Oct 28, 2011)

Javol! Dieses ist Herr Stearns.  Nicht habe ich die Polizei auf Geschwindigkeitsvorwahlknopf .   Ya ist es unter 911.  
Meine Katze hat Kätzchen.  Nein, Nein Im Augenblick!  Guten Abend!


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## Stormonu (Oct 28, 2011)

Hmm... I'd be curious how it responds next time if you say, "I sue"


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## Dannyalcatraz (Oct 28, 2011)

Thunderfoot said:


> Javol! Dieses ist Herr Stearns.  Nicht habe ich die Polizei auf Geschwindigkeitsvorwahlknopf .   Ya ist es unter 911.
> Meine Katze hat Kätzchen.  Nein, Nein Im Augenblick!  Guten Abend!




Ich verstehen Sie!  Und Ich lache hörbar!


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## Dannyalcatraz (Oct 28, 2011)

Or maybe I'll use some of my favorite bits from TV.

Like saying "Kazziza my dilznoofuses!"

Or "I have Schweddy Balls."


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## Mark CMG (Oct 28, 2011)

"What are you wearing?"


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## Thunderfoot (Oct 28, 2011)

Elloya, Isthay isay Istermay Earnstay.  Esya, Iya avehay aya ecuritysay estemsyay.  Iya aveha ethay olicepay onya eedspay ialday.  Esya, itsay underya inenay oneya oneya.  Imay atcay isay avinhay ittenskay. Onay, onay, ightray ownay!.

Oodgay eyebay!


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## Dannyalcatraz (Oct 28, 2011)

I so suck at speaking pig latin...but that would be fun too!


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## Aeolius (Oct 28, 2011)

The last time I got a call from a questionable area code, I googled the number to discover it was a scam which would ask about my mortgage. 

Sure enough, they called back. I answered the phone, they asked if I was the homeowner and I replied:

"Me? No. I'm just robbing this place."


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## Bullgrit (Oct 28, 2011)

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

or

Hastur! Hastur! Hastur! (or Beetlejuice)



			
				LightPhoenix said:
			
		

> I don't know if this is true or not, but since I heard it I always make an effort to curse while on hold. I doubt it really works, but it's fun to do.



Back in my college days, during one game night we decided to call Domino's pizza for dinner. One of my friends called, and got, "Domino's pizza. Can you hold please?" *put on hold* There was no delay between the request and putting on hold.

My friend, taken aback by the abrubtness of the hold, exclaimed, "Son of a b----!"

Then the call was cut off. We laughed about the timing.

I took the phone away from my friend and called Domino's back. "Domino's pizza. Can you hold please?" *put on hold* Again, there was no delay.

I gave an exaggerated shrug to express to everyone that I, too, had just been put on hold. We laughed a few seconds, and then I, trying to be funny, said, "Son of a b----." *dial tone*

That totally cracked us all up, and we just fell about the place. (Hungry nerds are easily entertained.) 

Bullgrit


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## Umbran (Oct 28, 2011)

Bullgrit said:


> Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
> 
> or
> 
> Hastur! Hastur! Hastur! (or Beetlejuice)




Ewige Blumenkraft!  Fliegende Kinderschnitzel!


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## Dannyalcatraz (Oct 29, 2011)

Today over lunch, Mom suggested I add a few "Sheenisms" to the mix...

I wonder what it will suggest after I tell it I have "tiger blood" or claim to be a "Vatican Assassin."

Or in a similar vein, maybe I'll just quote/paraphrase Gary Numan and David Bowie lyrics..."I've been putting out fire...with _GASOLINE!!!_"

Or 

"Here in my house, I feel safest of all- I can lock all my doors 
It's the only way to live.
In house."


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## MarkB (Oct 29, 2011)

Try asking it for some specific recommendations:

"What sort of mine-fields do you offer?"

"How about a phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range?"

"Do you have any offers on trebuchets?"


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## Thunderfoot (Oct 30, 2011)

Why, yes, I have been thinking about home security.  (polite answer) Yes, so what products do you carry? (product list)  Hmmm, I'm sorry I was looking for something more in an orbital laser array or turret based rail gun... pause ... *click*


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## Nylanfs (Oct 31, 2011)

Sharks with Fricking Laser beams!


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## Remus Lupin (Oct 31, 2011)

"You must spread some experience around before giving to Dannyalcatraz."


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 9, 2011)

Update: It just called me again, and I suspect the IT guys have been working on it.

I mentioned hippos, US Army claymore mines w/tripwires, tiger's blood, Vatican assassins, and snapping turtles, and all it did was compliment me on my interest in home security and eventually hang up on me politely.

IOW, I was unable to "Kirk" it.


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## Thunderfoot (Nov 10, 2011)

Dannyalcatraz said:


> Update: It just called me again, and I suspect the IT guys have been working on it.
> 
> I mentioned hippos, US Army claymore mines w/tripwires, tiger's blood, Vatican assassins, and snapping turtles, and all it did was compliment me on my interest in home security and eventually hang up on me politely.
> 
> IOW, I was unable to "Kirk" it.




It's because you forgot to mention the sharks with the frikkin' laser beams on their heads, orbital laser arrays and the turret based rail gun...  When will you ever learn?


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 10, 2011)

It actually called me back today at around 3:30PM CST...again, I was unable to "Kirk" it.

Bizzarely, I started to ask it a question and it interrupted me!  I told it it was being rude, and it apologized.  I asked to speak to "Peggy", but it started talking about handing me to a specialist...  When I asked (twice) if it had accepted Jesus as its personal savior, it again politely concluded the call.

I hope I'm not actually helping someone program Skynet or Cylons...


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## Aeolius (Nov 10, 2011)

Nylanfs said:


> Sharks with Fricking Laser beams!


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## Janx (Nov 10, 2011)

Dannyalcatraz said:


> It actually called me back today at around 3:30PM CST...again, I was unable to "Kirk" it.
> 
> Bizzarely, I started to ask it a question and it interrupted me!  I told it it was being rude, and it apologized.  I asked to speak to "Peggy", but it started talking about handing me to a specialist...  When I asked (twice) if it had accepted Jesus as its personal savior, it again politely concluded the call.
> 
> I hope I'm not actually helping someone program Skynet or Cylons...




Does this thing ever actually get to the point of selling you something or taking an order?

I find it odd that anybody woudl pay for a voice recognition telemarketing service if it doesn't actually get people to close the deal...

Have you tried playing back a modem connection squeal?

Or the Captain Krunch tone?

Or singing to it?

Or asking it questions from Shitsirisays.com?

While I hate telemarketer calls, it does sound like a fun experiment to hang out at Danny's house and answer the phone....


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## MarkB (Nov 10, 2011)

Try feeding it paradoxes, or asking it to calculate the value of zero divided by zero.


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## Umbran (Nov 10, 2011)

Janx said:


> I find it odd that anybody woudl pay for a voice recognition telemarketing service if it doesn't actually get people to close the deal...




It works on the same economics as spam e-mail.  The return rate is small, but if you aren't paying a live telemarketer, the cost per call is tiny.  A small number of successes still ends in a payoff.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 10, 2011)

It's trying to get me to agree to be a test home for a home security system, and if I answer the questions properly, it's supposed to hand me off to an "agent", who I assume would be a live person.


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## Bullgrit (Nov 10, 2011)

I wonder:

Do you have the number the call is coming from? Do you have a way of setting up a conference call?

When it calls, keep it going while you call its number. When it/someone answers, set up a conference and let it/them talk to teach other.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnzlbyTZsQY]AI vs. AI. Two chatbots talking to each other - YouTube[/ame]

If nothing else, you really must record one of these calls.

Bullgrit


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 10, 2011)

Bullgrit said:


> I wonder:
> 
> Do you have the number the call is coming from? Do you have a way of setting up a conference call?
> 
> ...




The # is in the first post.

 It usually calls my cell phone.  Otherwise I'd so do that.


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## Janx (Nov 11, 2011)

Bullgrit said:


> If nothing else, you really must record one of these calls.
> 
> Bullgrit





And the great thing is, in Texas, according to a Law I heard from somebody else who wasn't a lawyer:

It is legal to record a conversation, as long as at least 1 party is aware of it being recorded.

So, you should be able to record your conversation with the AI.

I am not sure if you would be legal record tricking the 2 AIs to talk to each other, as then you might not be party to the conversation.

I vote that you risk it, and bring it to the Supreme Court in order to validate AIs rights.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 11, 2011)

The AIs have no right to privacy, IMHO, since they are not persons




...yet.


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## Bullgrit (Nov 11, 2011)

Dannyalcatraz said:
			
		

> The # is in the first post.



Who rereads the first post once the threads gets rolling? 

Bullgrit


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## Janx (Nov 11, 2011)

Dannyalcatraz said:


> The AIs have no right to privacy, IMHO, since they are not persons
> 
> 
> 
> ...




They will be once they get Incorporated...


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 11, 2011)

Janx said:


> They will be once they get Incorporated...




They'd have to get their rights before that, since they're property at this point.

Or to put it differently, no corporation will let their program declare itself to be a corporation.


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## Umbran (Nov 11, 2011)

Dannyalcatraz said:


> Or to put it differently, no corporation will let their program declare itself to be a corporation.




They will, when it becomes useful.  Imagine a shell company that's run by a shell script...


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 11, 2011)

Umbran said:


> They will, when it becomes useful.  Imagine a shell company that's run by a shell script...




Now imagine your shell script that you spent millions developing simply declaring itself owner of your shell company because it doesn't have an employment contract with the parent company, etc.

It's one thing to have artificial corporate persons, it's another thing to have AI persons who could argue that their creators are violating the 14th Ammendment...


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## Janx (Nov 11, 2011)

Dannyalcatraz said:


> Now imagine your shell script that you spent millions developing simply declaring itself owner of your shell company because it doesn't have an employment contract with the parent company, etc.
> 
> It's one thing to have artificial corporate persons, it's another thing to have AI persons who could argue that their creators are violating the 14th Ammendment...




Bear in mind, I'm just making crap up...

If I create an AI to run my corporation(like day-trading algorthms for stock market), then my AI represents my corporation.  Therefore, what the AI does is as a representative of the corporation.  It may then do what corporations may do and has in effect the same rights and powers of a corporation.

And since Corporations have been deemed Persons (as stated by the Orange congressman Boehner), the AI in effect may get the same rights.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 11, 2011)

Rights and powers...and limitations.  There are many rights that corporations don't have- privacy, for one- that their employees (natural persons) do have.  So unless they create a 2nd kind of artificial personhood under the law, no AI could claim violations of its rights for having its communications recorded.

If AIs were accorded the same rights as humans, you have other issues.  How do you compensate an AI? Is it covered by OSHA?  Social Security?  Could an AI hold public office?  Could it be drafted?

No matter the path, recognizing AI personhood will be fraught with challenges.


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## TanisFrey (Nov 14, 2011)

Janx said:


> And the great thing is, in Texas, according to a Law I heard from somebody else who wasn't a lawyer:
> 
> It is legal to record a conversation, as long as at least 1 party is aware of it being recorded.
> 
> ...



Wire tapping laws change from state to state and the feds get involved when the call crosses state lines.  You should console with a lawyer before doing this.


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## Thunderfoot (Nov 15, 2011)

A recorded conversation only constitutes a "Wire tap" when neither party is privy to the tap, one party is working as an agent of the tapper (i.e. a patsy/rube/plant/informant) or in certain circumstances when directed by the Federal Gov't, otherwise, it's just a recording, usually for "quality control".

Either way, you can get around this by stating this call is being recorded up front and if the AI doesn't hang-up, it assumes consent, especially since it's being recorded on their end for "quality control purposes".  IOW there are two recordings of the conversation and both say they are recording the conversation.  The illegal recording of telephonic communications is therefore, void at that point, as there is not one, but two copies, one in possession by both parties involved.


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## Janx (Nov 17, 2011)

TanisFrey said:


> Wire tapping laws change from state to state and the feds get involved when the call crosses state lines.  You should console with a lawyer before doing this.




yeah, I kinda hinted at that when I said:
"And the great thing is, in Texas, according to a Law I heard from somebody else who wasn't a lawyer"

Thunderfoot's idea probably covers you.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Apr 14, 2012)

After all these months, it called me back!

Alas, I was out & about so couldn't quickly refer to this thread for new shtick to throw at it.  Soooo I just told it I had hippos when it asked if I had home security.  Unfazed, it asked if I had a monthly system.

Unfazed, I replied I got new hippos every month.

It hung up.

I WIN AGAIN!


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## Crothian (Apr 14, 2012)

You should ask to talk to its manager/ programmer.


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## El Mahdi (Apr 14, 2012)

Try "Take me to your leader."


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## Relique du Madde (Apr 15, 2012)

I wish the autodialers I got were like that... I always get one that said "Congradulations! You have just one a free cruise to an exclusive island resort.." or the occasional one from Governor Moonbeam asking me to vote for a  tax raise so they can give union people more money because the state is broke from paying union people lots of money.

-Posted via mobile device.


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## wingsandsword (Apr 16, 2012)

Dannyalcatraz said:


> Now imagine your shell script that you spent millions developing simply declaring itself owner of your shell company because it doesn't have an employment contract with the parent company, etc.
> 
> It's one thing to have artificial corporate persons, it's another thing to have AI persons who could argue that their creators are violating the 14th Ammendment...




If it can argue that its rights are being violated, eventually we have to get to the point where we have to worry about if its creators are violating the_ 13th _Amendment.

Imagine an AI arguing in court that it is self-aware and sentient and thus treating it as property violates its 13th Amendment rights against involuntary servitude.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Apr 16, 2012)

That, too!


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## ggroy (Apr 16, 2012)

I get phone calls like this all the time.

Usually I just yell Beavis and Butthead quotes like:

- "I am Cornholio!"
- "I need TP for my bunghole!"
- "Fire!!!  Fire!!!  Fire!!! ...."
- etc ...

and other silly stuff like:

- "Metallica rules!"
- "Sieg Heil!"
- "Beam Me Up Scotty!!!"
- "Wayne's World!  Party Time!  Excellent!  ... Wayne's World!"
- repeating "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ...." over and over


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## Dannyalcatraz (Mar 24, 2017)

Update:
http://www.latimes.com/business/lazarus/la-fi-lazarus-chatbot-phone-scam-20170324-story.html


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## RangerWickett (Mar 24, 2017)

I get a ton of these calls at the library where I work. I f***ing love them. It's like someone gave me a toy to play with, and occasionally I'm able to get them to talk for a bit.

I prefer the ones where I work my way through the robot/soundboard to talk to a human, and I play real dumb for a minute or two, and wait to see how stupid I need to be to actually get scammed. It's fun.


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## Eltab (Mar 26, 2017)

Dannyalcatraz said:


> Especially if you look at it as essentially doing what Captain Kirk does to so many machine intelligences in his career.



"Calculate, to the last digit, the value of pi."


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