# FILK You, EN World!



## Mark CMG (Jun 26, 2011)

We haven’t had enough lighthearted threads around lately, and particularly haven’t had a filking thread for a long time.  So, c’mon, you creative EN Worlders!  Let’s make a little music while we make a little funny.  Here’s one from me –

*Sandbox 20 ™ - 3AM*

He’s says it’s cold outside and he hands me a “Twenty”
I’m always saving against things like that
He said he’s rolling low every time he checks the weather
And it always seems like it’s raining
And I roll and I’m just not saving

And he says, “Players,
It’s 3AM with no encounters.”
Yeah, he says, “Players,
Well, I can’t help if I can’t roll above a twelve.”
This rain’s gonna wash away our adventure

He’s our only GM and, God, it’s better than nothing
And with his new homebrew world he believes that he’s got it all
He’s swears he worked out the weather based on similar climates
But it always seems like it’s raining
And he screams that he’s rolled it again

And he says, “Players,
It’s 3AM still no encounters.”
Yeah, he says, “Players,
Well, I can’t help if I can’t roll above a twelve.”
This rain’s gonna wash away our adventure

This GM believes a game is made up of all of the details
But his random weather chart’s been saying it’s just rain, and rain
And now we notice he’s been only rolling a d12
But the chart goes up to twenty!

And the GM, he says, “Players,
It’s 3AM and no encounters.”
Hell, yeah, and he says, “Players,
Well, I can work on some new charts with some snow for next time.”
But I’m leaving . . .

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Naa1HXeDQ]YouTube - ‪Matchbox Twenty - 3AM (Video)‬‏[/ame]


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 26, 2011)

BEHOLD!  I filk the lyrical genius of Prodigy! (their _Smack My Bitch Up_)



> Grab my dice cup, stat my witch up
> Grab my dice cup, stat my witch up
> Grab my dice cup, stat my witch up
> Grab my dice cup, stat my witch up


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 26, 2011)

Or Black Sabbath (their _War Pigs_):



> CON PIGS
> 
> Grognards gathered in their masses
> Hating youngsters verbal sasses
> ...


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## Aberzanzorax (Jun 26, 2011)

See me sit down at the table
With my character sheet
Out for the loot I can get
From the monsters I beat
Kobolds to the left of me
And goblins to the right
It's gonna be fun
I got some dice
Time to start a fight

Cause I'm D.&.D I'm dynamite
D.N.D. and I'll win that fight
D.N.D. I'm a power load
D.N.D. watch me roll


[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pR30knJs4Xk[/ame]


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## Alzrius (Jun 26, 2011)

*Against the Rules (with apologies to Phil Collins)*

You think I’d just let you walk away
Let you _pass without a trace_
When I stand here, stand inside this dungeon room, ooh
You’re the only one who really fought me at all

How can you _wind walk_ away from me
Are you trying to take a reprieve?
‘Cause we’ve fought in melee and in ranged
And even cast the heals
You’re the only one who really fought me at all

So turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
That I used to have a face
Turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
If casting _raise dead_ on me
Is against the rules
That’s a DM’s call I’ll face

I _wish_ I could just make you cast _sunburst_
Cast _sunburst_ and see me die
‘Cause I turned your party into goo
That’s the main reason why
You’re the only one who really fought me at all

So turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me
That I used to have a face
Turn undead at me now
My skull’s full of empty space
But to fight with you
Well that’s what I must do
My alignment changed with race*
Use greater turn on me now
Use your domain power here
If casting _raise dead_ on me
Is against the rules
That’s a DM’s call I’ll face

Just turn undead at me now

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuvtoyVi7vY]YouTube - ‪Phil Collins - Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)‬‏[/ame]

*In other words, the undead template this character has changed their alignment to evil.


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## Alzrius (Jun 26, 2011)

*Gaming at Gen Con (with apologies to Marc Cohn)*

Put on my old dice bag 
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of books and swag
Started looking for a pick-up game

Old Nigel D. Findley
Won’t you look down over me
Yeah I got a VIG badge
But I feel like a complete newbie

When I’m gaming at Gen Con
I was playing there every single day
Gaming at Gen Con
But can I really play the way I play

Saw the ghost of Gary
Outside the auction room
Followed him up to an old-school tourney
Runnin’ his old S1 Tomb
Now all those gamers they did not see him
They just shook their heads in gloom
But it really put a smile
On his face awhile
When each one met their doom

When I’m gaming at Gen Con
I was playing there every single day
Gaming at Gen Con
But can I really play the way I play

They’ve got Magic on the table
Try True Dungeon if you’re brave
And Gregory Leeds be glad to see you
If you haven’t got a save
But boy you’ve got a save at Gen Con 

Now Tracy serves up breakfast
Early Friday and it tastes quite good
And they brought me down to see him
And he asked me if I would
Run a little one-shot
So I made one up to play
And he said, “tell me do you design games boy?”
And I said, “Man, I do today.”

When I’m gaming at Gen Con
I was playing there every single day
Gaming at Gen Con
But can I really play the way I play

Put on my old dice bag 
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of books and swag
Started looking for a pick-up game

Touched down in the land of books and swag
Started looking for a pick-up game

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq4lfW6TOoM]YouTube - ‪Marc Cohn - Walking in Memphis OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO w/lyrics in description‬‏[/ame]


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## Alzrius (Jun 26, 2011)

*Mr. D&D Guy (with apologies to Don McLean)*

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
How that boxed set used to make me smile
And I knew that when it was my chance
I could make those weird dice dance
And maybe I could DM for a while

But that GM’s Day made me shiver
When that email was delivered
And those threads on the forum
I just couldn’t ignore ‘em

I can’t remember if I cried
As my PCs hp declined
But somehow it hurt deep inside
The day that Gary died

So bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Did you write the PHB
And did you help bring about 1E
All those many years ago?
Do you believe in lucky rolls
Can minis make my PC whole
And can you teach me to play like a pro?

Well, I know that your game was so neat
When I saw that blank character sheet
So many things to choose
Man, I dig those alternate rules

I was a lonely teenage egghead nerd
Who was captivated by those written words
But I couldn’t believe what I heard
The day that Gary died

I started playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Now in 4E we’ll have all-new rules
And use virtual books and tools
But that’s not how it used to be
When we all adventured back in Greyhawk
All the things we did were all the talk
Of the world he wrote for you and me

Oh, and while Zagyg was looking down
He was kicked out of his hometown
The judge it seemed was blind
So he left them behind
The Journeys then seemed Dangerous
The fans all kicked up quite a fuss
Wondering “What’s this mean for us?”
The day that Gary died

I started playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Dissin’ tradition with a new edition
Not seein’ what we’d lost in transition
Campaign worlds all appearing fast
With desert worlds and demi-planes
The gamers thought there would be great gains
Never knowing that it simply couldn’t last

Now the late nineties were filled with gloom
And the game itself seemed to face its doom
We all looked up one day
Oh, TSR had gone away!
And then WotC came to take the wheel
And we felt like we’d never heal
Kinda like how we all would feel
The day that Gary died

I started playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

Oh, 2E’d been all over the place
Throughout the planes and wildspace
With no main point of reference
So come on Third Edition, OGL
And please bring Zagyg back as well
‘Cause, he has always been a gamer’s friend

Oh, and as I watched him take the stage
It seemed like it was a new age
We all then cheered his name
He was back in the game!
But when the fervor died down later on
I just blinked once and he was gone
Leaving me wondering what went wrong
The day that Gary died

I was playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

I met a guy who played LA
‘Cause he liked gaming Gary’s way
But his group had since all moved on
I went down to my gaming store
Where I’d bought Greyhawk years before
But the man there said that old books didn’t pay

And online, gamers felt bereaved
The newbies cried, the grognards grieved
But not a game was halted
Just like he would have wanted
Now the man that I admired most
Has gone and given up the ghost
But somehow he still felt so close
The day that Gary died

And I was playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die
Gaming itself will never die

I was playin’
Bye-bye Mr. D&D guy
Rolled aplenty for nat twenty
But I didn’t roll high
And even now a new edition is nigh
Provin’ gaming itself will never die

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lu7hxguhFfI]YouTube - ‪Don McLean - American Pie‬‏[/ame]


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## Alzrius (Jun 26, 2011)

I should mention that I've posted all of these before on other FILK threads. I just couldn't resist doing so again here.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 26, 2011)

Oddly enough, I've posted this filk in nearly a half dozen threads in response to others' statements (you wouldn't think it would have happened so often, but so be it):

(Carl Douglas' _Kung Fu Fighting_)



> Everybody was flung-poo fighting
> Those apes were fast as lightning
> In fact it was a little bit frightning
> But they fought with expert timing
> ...


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## ExploderWizard (Jun 26, 2011)

WAHOO STATE OF MIND
Some folks like to quest all day
Take a holiday from the silly mood
Go straight faced and be a hero
Or be dragon's food
But I'm taking a jouney
With the Moldvay Basic line
I'm in a wahoo state of mind

I've seen all the complex games
In their fancy rules with their scripted scenes
Rolled the bones, knew the tactics, did the tourney thing
But I know what I'm needing
And I don't want to waste more time
I'm in a wahoo state of mind

It was so boring playing day to day
Out of touch with the hexes and mules
But now I need  a little laugh and joke
The awful puns, the deadly ooze

It comes down to solemnity
And it's fine with me cause I've let it slide
Don't care it's Moldvay, or random harlot side
I don't have any reasons
I've left them all behind
I'm in a wahoo state of mind

It was so boring playing day to day
Out of touch with the hexes and mules
But now I need a little laugh and joke
The awful puns, the deadly ooze

It comes down to solemnity
And it's fine with me cause I've let it slide
Don't care it's Moldvay, or random harlot side
I don't have any reasons
I've left them all behind
I'm in a wahoo state of mind

But I'm taking a jouney With the Moldvay Basic line
Cause I'm in a wahoo state of mind


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 26, 2011)

Get your Bics & Zippos ready, 'cause it's time for:

_*FREEBARD* (Lynyrd Skynyrd Freebird)

When I leave here tomorrow
Remember me you surely will
For I must be travelling on, now,
'Cause there's too many creatures I've got to kill.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a Bard now,
And this Bard you can not change.
Kord knows, I can't change.

(slide lute solo)

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I can't change.
But please don't take it badly,
'Cause Kord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a Bard now,
And this Bard you'll never change.
And this Bard you can not change.
Kord knows, I can't change.
Kord help me, I can't change.

(rambling, Allegro lute outtro on multiple lutes with interwoven, brief solos)_


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 26, 2011)

Filking QotSA (their _Feel Good Hit of the Summer_:



> _*Best Tome Found in the Dungeon*
> 
> Scorching Ray, Teleport, Miracle, Magic Missile, Alter Self, and Fireball...
> Ohhhhhh
> ...


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## Lanefan (Jun 26, 2011)

Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time before I put this one up...not exactly lighthearted.

(to Ozzy Osbourne's "Mr. Crowley")

================================================
	KNOW WHAT YOU MEANT  (Nov. 22 2010)

Mr. Gygax
Can you see what they've done
Oh Mr. Gygax
Did their dice come up one

   They took all your words and opinions
   And ignored what they said
   Replaced 'em with tieflings and minions
   No wonder the wonder's dead

Mr. Mentor
It's a pity indeed
Mr. Inventor
They don't follow your lead

   No wandering harlots and minstrels
   Ah that flavour's gone stale
   The pack mules and henchmen are dead now
   Buried beside the trail

Mr. Gygax
Is there something to save
Mr. Gygax
Do you just turn in your grave

   The mysteries hiding the magic
   Became completely mundane
   Magnificence now becomes tragic
   Rationale they still won't explain

      Now all the goodwill's been spent
      They still don't know what you meant
      They'll never know
      They'll never know what you meant, no
===============================================

Lanefan


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 27, 2011)

WHERE THE DROW BOYS GO (Warrant _Where The Down Boys Go_)

Certain things you do
Really make me mad I must confess
The way the street light silhouettes
Your blades inside their sheaths
Wild child in the streets
I think I see you
but I really don't know
Just at the midnight hour
Headed out to where the Drow boys go

Whoah can we retreat
To where we've been
Ooh I wish you'd take a look
And see the shape I'm in
Where the Drow boys go (go)
Where the Drow boys go (go)
Where the Drow boys go
I wanna go where the Drow boys go

You comb your hair
Put on your cloak
You look real cool
Gimmie the runaround
Make me feel like your fool
You got a lot of nerve
To call me "thief"
Even though it's true
I don't care where we go tonight
Take me along with you

Whoah can we retreat
To where we've been
Ooh I wish you'd take a look
And see the shape I'm in
Where the Drow boys go (go)
Where the Drow boys go (go)
Where the Drow boys go
I wanna go where the Drow boys go


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 27, 2011)

DRIDER LOVE (Golden Earring _Radar Love_)

I’ve been huntin‘ all night my hand’s wet on my steel
There’s a voice in my head that drives my heel
And my baby calls that she needs me here
It’s half past four and I’m hauling rear

When she gets lonely and the longing gets too much
She sends a cable comin‘ in from above
We don’t need to talk at all

We got a thing that’s called drider love
We got a web in the air

Drider Love

I'm whistlin‘ some forgotten song
A dark sidhe coming on strong
Her web has got me hypnotized
And I’m spinning into a new sunrise

When I get lonely and I’m sure I’ve had enough
She sends her cable coming in from above
We don’t need a parchment at all

We got a thing that’s called drider love
We got a web in the air

Drider Love


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 27, 2011)

SUPER SNEAK (Rick James' _Super Freak_)

He's a very sneaky Drow 
The kind you don't take home to mother 
He will never let your spirits down 
Once you get him off the street, ow ow 

He likes the blades in his hand 
Scimitars his all-time favorite 
When he make his move in your room it's the right time 
He's very hard to see 

That drow is pretty wild now 
The drow's a super sneak 
The kind of drow you hear about 
In the seedy tavern scene 
That drow is pretty slinky 
The drow's a super sneak

I'd really love to duel him 
The next time that we meet 
He's all right, he's like night 
That drow's outta sight to me, yeah 
He's a super freak, super sneak 
He's super-sneaky, yow 
Super freak, super sneak 

He's a very special drow 
The kind of rogue you want to know 
From his head down to his daggers 
Out to his ears, yeah 
And he'll wait for you at backstage with some poison 
on his scimitars.

Going back Goblintown 
Three's not a crowd to him, he says 
"Behind the corner I'll be waiting" 
When I get there he's got incense, wine and candles 
It's such a freaky scene 


The driders sing! 
Ohhhhh 
Super freak, super sneak 
That drow's a super sneak 
Ohhhhh 
He's a very sneaky Drow 
The kind you don't take home to mother 
He will never let your spirits down 
Once you get him off the street, ow ow 

Blow, Danny!


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 27, 2011)

By
QUEEN OF THE DEMONWEB PITS (Queen's _Bohemian Rhapsody_)

Drowhemian Rhapsody
This is the dark life.
This is no fantasy.
Caught on a Drow raid 
Can't escape my reality 
Open my eyes 
Look up to night skies and see 
I'm just a poor Drow (Poor Drow) 
I need no sympathy 
Because I'm easy come, easy go 
Little high, little low 
Any way the wind blows 
Doesn't really matter to me, to me 

Captain...I killed a man 
Put a blade against his vein
Gentle pressure, let it drain
Captain, night had just begun 
But now I've gone and thrown it all away 
Captain, I
Know I cannot make you cry 
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow 
Carry on, carry on- you know nothing really matters 

Too late, my time has come 
Sends shivers down my spine 
Body's aching all the time 
Goodbye, everybody 
I've got to go 
Gotta leave you all behind and face the sun 
Mama, oooooooh (Anyway the wind blows) 
I don't want to die 
Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all 

[Guitar Solo] 

I put my poisoned steel stiletto in a man 
Agony, Agony, as he did the Fandango 
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me 
(Drizzt Do'Urden) Drizzt Do'Urden (Drizzt Do'Urden) Drizzt Do'Urden, Drizzt Do'Urden wouldn't know
My killing blow-o-o-o-o 
I'm just a poor Drow nobody loves me 
He's just a poor Drow from a poor family 
Spare him his life from this monstrosity 

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? 
Lolth-lover! No, we will not let you go 
Let him go 
Lolth-lover! We will not let you go 
Let him go 
Lolth-lover! We will not let you go 
Let me go (Will not let you go) 
Let me go (Will not let you go) (Never, never, never, never) 
Let me go, o, o, o, o 
No, no, no, no, no, no, no 
(Oh Eilistraee, Eilistraee) Eilistraee, let me go 
The Spider-Queen has a demon put aside for me, for me, for me! 

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye 
So you think you can bind me and leave me to die 
Oh, humans, can't do this to me, humans
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here 

[Guitar Solo] 
(Oooh yeah, Oooh yeah) 

Nothing really matters 
Anyone can see 
Nothing really matters 
Nothing really matters to me 

Any way the wind blows...


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 27, 2011)

By RAGE AGAINST THE DEMONWEB (Rage Against the Machine's _Bulls on Parade_)

Drow on a Raid

Here come the Drow!
Here come the Drow!

The Underdark explodes, scattering like rogues
You will drop the gold like crippled men as you fall on the High Road
With the sure shot, sure to make the bodies drop
Run and don't tary no, don't wander don't stop
Terror rains drenchin', quenchin' the thirst of the demon Lolth
That hard-charging drider host
That rotten sore from the depths of mother earth gets bigger
The triggers cold- Empty ya purse!

They gather round your family with their crossbows full of bolts
They gather round your family with their crossbows full of bolts
They gather round your family with their crossbows full of bolts
They gather round your family with their crossbows full of bolts

Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes
Not need, just feed the war cannibal animal
They stalk the darkness from the rubble that used to be a emerald mine
up to the town cemetery now
What we don't know keeps the shadows alive, unhallowed
They don't gotta slay us all to keep us harrowed
deadly shadows kill so quick with a jolt
They gather round your family with their crossbow full of bolts


They gather round your family with their crossbows full of bolts
They gather round your family with their crossbows full of bolts
They gather round your family with their crossbows full of bolts
They gather round your family with their crossbows full of bolts

Drow on a raid!
Drow on a raid!
Drow on a raid!
Drow on a raid!
Drow on a raid!


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## Scott DeWar (Jun 27, 2011)

Mr. d and d guy/american pie was a sad song.


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## Thanael (Jun 27, 2011)

Roll a D6!


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## catastrophic (Jun 27, 2011)

If you've got a total party kill I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a lich ain't one

I got the vorpal sword so i'm not ignored,
First to the chest for the best reward,
People say that my roleplaying's untoward
But the dungeonmaster knows it's aboveboard
Style is cavalier, not the way a minstrel's a bard
But the way I stand over the party and I ride them hard
They can whine about the treasure shares just make me bored
Because they know they wouldn't last without their overlord
I got the ranger on my back 'cause this sandbox abroad
Wizards bitch about the wayback when their robed asses soared
Clerics complaining, where did their buffs go
Now they gotta fight without a leg up and they don't know, suckers, 
And here comes the arch villain he's all bones and spells
He thinks it's the old days when fighters still ran for the hills
Drop a vs will on me and hell I ain't done
I got 99 problems but a lich ain't one


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## Mark CMG (Jun 27, 2011)

I suppose we should add a link to -

[highlight](Explicit Language Warning - NSFW)[/highlight]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2XGp5ix8HE]YouTube - ‪Baby Cakes - Role Play Tournament (Be Aggressive)‬‏[/ame]


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 27, 2011)

STUCK IN THE DUNGEON WITH YOU (Stealer's Wheel _Stuck in the middle with you_)

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I was scared as we entered the lair,
And I wondered how we'd get down the stairs,
Drow to the left of me,
Duergar to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the dungeon with you.

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,
And I'm wondering what it is I should do,
It's so hard to keep my grip on my mace,
Losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place,
Drow to the left of me, Duergar to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the dungeon with you.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Reaching from the grave to say,
Please.... Please.....

Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see that it makes no sense at all,
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor,
'Cause I don't think that I can take anymore
Drow to the left of me, Duergar to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the dungeon with you.

Well you started out with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Reaching from the grave to say,
Please.... Please.....

Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I had the feeling that something weren't right,
I'm still scared as we're fleeing the lair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get up the stairs,
Drow to the left of me,
Duergar to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the dungeon with you,
Yes I'm stuck in the dungeon with you,
Stuck in the dungeon with you.


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## Alzrius (Jun 27, 2011)

Scott DeWar said:


> Mr. d and d guy/american pie was a sad song.




I wrote that song in response to the news of Gary's death. On my computer, the file is labelled "Tribute to Gary."


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 28, 2011)

SLAYING STAR (Deep Purple's _Highway Star_)

Nobody gonna dodge my blade, I'm gonna swing it left and right
Nobody gonna dodge my blade, it's gonna take down all the knights
Oooh it's a 2-handed sword, it's got everything
Like a vorpal power, blackened runes and it sings

I love Her and I need Her
I feeeeeel Her!
Yeah She's a Wild Hurricane
All right hold tight
I'm A Slaying Star!

Nobody gonna break my helm, I'm gonna wear it 'till I fall
Nobody gonna break my helm until Valhalla calls
Oooh its a silvery helm, it's got everything
Like a fear aura, great big horns and True Seeing

I love it and I need it, I feeeeeel it!
Yeah it turns me on
All right hold tight
I'm A Slaying Star!

Nobody gonna make me run, Bear Totem rules my brain
Nobody gonna make me run, now that I'm in The Rage again
Oooh I'm in bloodthirst again, I'll kill everything
Like a tornado, all whirling steel while doom I sing

I'm charging and I'm screaming, I feeeeeel it!
The power of Death is mine
All right hold tight
I'm A Slaying Star!

Nobody gonna dodge my blade, I'm gonna swing it left and right
Nobody gonna dodge my blade, it's gonna take down all the knights
Oooh it's a 2-handed sword, it's got everything
Like a vorpal power, blackened runes and it sings

I love Her and I need Her
I’m Pleading
Yeah She's a Wild Hurricane
All right hold tight
I'm A Slaying Star!
I'm A Slaying Star!
I'm A Slaying Star!


----------



## Lanefan (Jun 28, 2011)

I used to think I was halfways good at this rewording stuff, but you lot are putting me to shame!

One request: please tell us what song you're using, for those of us who don't recognize the original from the rewording.

Lanefan


----------



## Gulla (Jun 28, 2011)

This one was easier than I had thought. Almost no rewording needed 
(No excuses to Village People as they have taken up residence in my ears now)

*F.L.G.S*
Gamer, there's no need to feel down.
I said, Gamer, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, Gamer, 'cause you're new in the town
There's no need to be unhappy.

Gamer, there's a place you can go.
I said, Gamer, when you're short on your dough.
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to play at your F-L-G-S.
It's fun to play at your F-L-G-S.

They have ev-e-ry game that you need to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...

It's fun to play at your F-L-G-S.
It's fun to play at your F-L-G-S.

You can find a DM, you can have a good time
You can play whatever you like ...

Gamer, are you listening to me?
I said, Gamer, what do you want to be?
I said, Gamer, you can live out your dreams.
But you've got to know this one thing!

No man does it all by himself.
I said, Gamer, put your pride on the shelf,
And just go there, to the F.L.G.S.
I'm sure they can help you today.

It's fun to play at your F-L-G-S.
It's fun to play at your F-L-G-S.

They have every game that you need to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...

It's fun to play at your F-L-G-S.
It's fun to play at your F-L-G-S.

You can find a DM, you can have a good time
You can play whatever you like ...

Gamer, I was once in your shoes.
I was lonely and had nothing to lose.
I felt no man cared if I had a game.
I felt the whole game slipping away

That's when someone came up to me,
And said, Gamer, take a walk up the street.
It's a place there, it's my F.L.G.S
You can get an other D-M ..

It's fun to play at your F-L-G-S.
It's fun to play at your F-L-G-S.

They have every game that you need to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...

F-L-G-S
It's fun to play at the F-L-G-S
Gamer, Gamer there's no need to feel down
Gamer, Gamer pick yourself off the ground

F-L-G-S
just go to play at your F-L-G-S
Gamer, Gamer I was once in your shoes
Gamer, Gamer I had nothing to lose.
F-L-G-S

*Original here:*
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS9OO0S5w2k]YouTube - ‪YMCA‬‏[/ame]


----------



## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 28, 2011)

I'M ALL OUT OF SURGES   (Tiffany's _I think we're alone now_)

"We'd go all day!"
That's how they say that they'd adventure
"And watch how you slay"
They don't understand
And so we're

Casting spells as fast as we can
Launch 'em all in the narrowest span
Tryin' to kill all the foes in the fight
And when we've fought just a little
And we tumble to the ground
And then you say

I'm all out of surges
I'm also out of powers I get once a day
I'm all out of courage
The 15 Minute Day is the only way

Look at the way
We gotta hide what we're doin'
'cause what would they say
If they ever knew
And so we're

Casting spells as fast as we can
Launch 'em all in the narrowest span
Tryin' to kill all the foes in the fight
And when we've fought just a little
And we tumble to the ground
And then you say

I'm all out of surges
I'm also out of powers I get once a day
I'm all out of courage
The 15 Minute Day is the only way


----------



## Gulla (Jun 28, 2011)

And I think Meepo also deserves a song. (This time I do apologize to Jerry Bock)

*If I were a Dragon*
_[Meepo sitting on a stone in front of a small Tiamat shrine. Looking down on his 2 Copper Coins]
"Dear Tiamat, you made many, many small, poor kobolds.
I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor. Or a kobold.
But it's no great honor either!
So, what would have been so terrible if I were big and mighty and had a small fortune?"
_
...

If I were a Dragon,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a big dragon!
Wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a very very rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-di Dragon.

I'd have a big deep lair with rooms by the dozen,
High in the summit of a cliff
a pile of gold with cells full of slaves below.
There would be one huge shaft for flight going up,
And one convoluted coming down,
And lots of dead ends filled with traps for show.

I'd fill my caves with kobolds, goblins and lizard-men
to protect my treasure pile.
Killing any adventure knight that came.
with poison traps and pits and ambush and bows
they'd slow them and put their heads on pikes
to tell the world don't mess with this Dragon.

If I were a Dragon,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a big dragon!
Wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a very very rich,
Yidle-diddle-didle-di Dragon.

I see my tribe, my Horde, looking like a dragon's slaves
With a proper humble stance.
Setting traps and worshiping me from fear
I see them bullying and bossing all the other tribes
through the power of my name
Bringing me the spoils that I hold dear!

The most important scholars seeking out my wisdom
would bow in the dust below
Crawling like worms for me
"If you please, oh! Meepo..."
"Pardon us, oh! Meepo..."
Posing problems that would cross a cleric's eyes!

And it won't make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong.
Everyone knows Dragons know it all!

As a Dragon, I'd have the time that I lack
to lay in my lair and count my coins
And maybe learn some spells or fly to see
If my domain was safe from wizards and trolls and make them pay tribute just to me
And that would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I were a Dragon,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a big dragon!
Wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

Tiamat! so mighty and so old
You made me a puny, small kobold
Think of all the heavy, shiny gold
you'd get if I were a Dragon!


*And the original (from the movie):*
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=244Str11YNA]YouTube - ‪If I Were a Rich Man - Fiddler on the Roof (1971)‬‏[/ame]


----------



## Wycen (Jun 28, 2011)

Huh.

I figured this was a thread about

*F*orums *I*'d *L*ike to *K*iss.

Or Kill?
Kegel?
Klepto?
Keep?
Considering what I found, maybe karaoke?


----------



## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 28, 2011)

Kegel, definitely kegel.


----------



## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 29, 2011)

USE YOUR ARCANE POWERS (Wild Cherry's "Play that funky music")

Hey, do it now
Yeah, hey

Hey, Once I was a funky Wizard
Part of an adventuring Band
I never had no problems, yeah
Burnin' down foes where they stand
And everything around me, yeah
Got to start to feelin' so fine
And we decided quickly (Yeah we did)
To wander down and check out the mines
Yeah, they was dancin' and singin' and movin' to C'thulhu
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Use your arcane powers Mage-boy
Use your arcane powers right
Use your arcane powers Mage-boy
Wiggle your fingers and use your arcane powers or we'll die
Or we'll die
Oh ya, ya

I tried to understand this
I thought that they were out of their minds
How could I be so foolish (How could I)
To not see I was the one behind
So still we kept on fighting
Well, losing every step of the way
I said, I must go back there (I got to go back)
And check to see if things still the same
Yeah, they was dancin' and singin' and movin' to C'thulhu
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Use your arcane powers Mage-boy
Use your arcane powers right
Use your arcane powers Mage-boy
Wiggle your fingers and use your arcane powers or we'll die
Or we'll die, ya
Or we'll die

(Gonna use that incredible arcane power, yeah)

(Hey, wait a minute)
Now first it wasn't easy
Castin' Rock to Mud and Haste
and things were getting shaky
I didn't have a moment to waste
But then it got so much better (it's so much better)
I cast my spells every which way
But I never lost that feelin' (no I won't)
Of how I learned my lesson that day
Yeah, they was dancin' and singin' and movin' to C'thulhu
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted
Use your arcane powers Mage-boy
Use your arcane powers right
Use your arcane powers Mage-boy
Wiggle your fingers and use your arcane powers or we'll die
Or we'll die
Oh or we'll die

They shouted Use your arcane powers
(Use your arcane powers)
Use your arcane powers
(You Gotta keep on usin' arcane powers)
Use your arcane powers
(Use your arcane powers)
Use your arcane powers
(Come and take you higher, ya)
Use your arcane powers Mage-boy
Use your arcane powers right, ya
Use your arcane powers Mage-boy
Use your arcane powers right
Use your arcane powers Mage-boy
Use your arcane powers right


----------



## Gulla (Jun 30, 2011)

I was trying to do one to Thriller, but that is a gaming song already. No FILKing needed.  So instead I bring you:

*Roll it!*
They say a knight should never come around here
Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear
There's fire in their eyes and their auras make it clear
So roll it, just roll It

You better run, you better leave while you can
you should have stayed a warrior, a simple man
but you would be a paladin, so do what you can 
and roll it, and you'll smite them all down!

Just roll it! Roll it! 
Smite the evil and control it!
Show them how funky strong is your Light
Smite them to pieces Show then who's Right!
Just roll it, roll it
Just roll it, roll it
Just roll it, roll it
Just roll it, roll it

They're out to get you, should have left while you could
Don't wanna be a wimp, you're a Champion of Good
You wanna  stay alive but the message from God
was roll it, just roll it.

Now you have shown them that you're really not scared
You're playing with your life, this ain't no truth or dare
They'll bite kick you and they beat you but your Light will shine Clear
so roll it, and you'll smite them all down!

Just roll it! Roll it! Roll it! Roll it! 
Smite the evil and control it!
Show them how funky strong is your Light
Smite them to pieces Show then who's Right!
Just roll it! Roll it! Roll it! Roll it! 
[Repeat chorus ad lib]

Original is here: [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym0hZG-zNOk[/ame]


----------



## Dannyalcatraz (Jun 30, 2011)

Good one!



> I was trying to do one to Thriller, but that is a gaming song already. No FILKing needed.




I ran into the same thing with Van Halen's "Mean Streets"


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## Mark CMG (Jun 30, 2011)

Is it ever possible to XP Danny enough?  Wish I could do so even more often . . .


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## tuxgeo (Jun 30, 2011)

Here's my filking of "Here We Come A-Wassailing," posted to cheer PC up at the time of the Reveille fiasco. 

I also made of couple of bardic filks for "Plastic Jesus" and "Blue Champagne" in my first blog entry.


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jul 1, 2011)

SMELLS LIKE AN AMBUSH (Nirvana "Smells Like Teen Spirit")

Sharpen your swords and bring your shields
We're good to draw and bloody steel
We're all well armed and self-assured
We will turn back the Orcish horde

Stay low, stay low, stay low, how low?
Stay low, stay low, stay low, how low?
Stay low, stay low, stay low, how low?
Stay low, stay low, stay low,

With no torches, it's less dangerous
Where we are now, they can't see us
We are hidden and courageous
Where we are now, they can't see us

Proud warriors and arcanists
And our archers who will not miss
Yeah, hey, yay

To lead men is what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end

Stay low, stay low, stay low, how low?
Stay low, stay low, stay low, how low?
Stay low, stay low, stay low, how low?
Stay low, stay low, stay low,

With no torches, it's less dangerous
Where we are now, they can't see us
We are hidden and courageous
Where we are now, they can't see us

Proud warriors and arcanists
And our archers who will not miss
Yeah, hey, yay

I bite my lip and blood I taste
It's saltiness, it makes me smile
I planned this trap, it's grand design
And now we just await the sign

Stay low, stay low, stay low, how low?
Stay low, stay low, stay low, how low?
Stay low, stay low, stay low, how low?
Stay low, stay low, stay low,

With no torches, it's less dangerous
Where we are now, they can't see us
We are hidden and courageous
Where we are now, they can't see us

Proud warriors and arcanists
And our archers who will not miss

Our survival, our survival
Our survival, our survival
Our survival, our survival
Our survival, our survival
Our survival


----------



## Lanefan (Jul 1, 2011)

"Smells Like an Ambush" - best one yet! 

Keep 'em coming, Danny! (I can't x.p. you for real yet so you'll have to imagine it)

Lanefan


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jul 1, 2011)

*C*O*D*ZILLA (Blue Öyster Cult "Godzilla")


With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound
He tears the DM' high-power foes down

Helpless players both left and right
See, bug-eyed, how he fights without them

He polymorphs, casts and he throws weight around
As he flies through adventures for the power-game crown

Oh, no, they say he's got to go
Go go CoDzilla
No, won't play him anymore
No more CoDzilla

Oh, no, they say he's got to go
Go go CoDzilla 
No, won't play him anymore
No more CoDzilla

Oh, no, they say he's got to go
Go go CoDzilla
No, won't play him anymore
No more CoDzilla

History shows again and again how munchkins point out the folly of man
CoDzilla!

History shows again and again how munchkins point out the folly of man
CoDzilla!

History shows again and again how munchkins point out the folly of man
CoDzilla!

History shows again and again how munchkins point out the folly of man
CoDzilla!


----------



## Charwoman Gene (Jul 1, 2011)

http://www.enworld.org/forum/general-rpg-discussion/253548-serious-business.html#post4736003


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## Dannyalcatraz (Jul 1, 2011)

DRACONIC MONK (Van Halen "Atomic Punk")

I'm no pacifist in this violent age, uh
A scaled ascetic, whoa yes
I can remember when I had your rage
For me, I say no more, no more
No one need fear these streets at night with me- the Draconic Monk!
Whoa yeah, wow

I'm bringing order to these nether worlds
The underground, whoa yes
In every shadowed place my fearsome name is heard
Just look around, whoa yes
No one need fear these streets at night with me- the Draconic Monk!
Ooo, ahhh

I'm bringing order to these nether worlds
The underground, oh, oh
In every shadowed place my fearsome name is heard
Look around, whoa yeah
No one need fear these streets at night with me, nobody, ah
The Draconic Monk!


----------



## Dannyalcatraz (Jul 2, 2011)

LET'S DANCE (David Bowie)

Let's dance
Put on your armor and draw your steel
Let's dance
To the song that's raging in our hearts and souls

Let's slay
While fury lights up your face
Let's slay
Slay all around 'till we clear a space

If you say charge, I'll charge with you
If you say ride, we'll ride
And lo, my love of Kord
Would drive my heart and sword
If you should fall
By force of arms
Before our foes in battle

Let's dance
No fear that I should fall
Let's dance
For fear tonight is all

Let's slay
you'll see no fear in my eyes
Let's slay
Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight

If you say charge, I'll charge with you
If you say ride, we'll ride
And lo, my love of Kord
Would drive my heart and sword
If you should fall
By force of arms
Before our foes in battle

Let's dance
Put on your armor and draw your steel
Let's dance
To the song that's raging in our hearts and souls

Let's slay
you'll see no fear in my eyes
Let's slay
Under the moonlight, this serious moonlight


----------



## ExploderWizard (Jul 2, 2011)

I have a few based on classic modules -previously posted earlier:

KEEP ON THE BORDERLANDS ( Close to the Borderline by Billy Joel)

Crossbow, polearm, possible PC homicide
the dwarf stands down and the elf gets mad
The thief shows his smooth side
Evil guy skulking in the yard looks like he's got his time to bide
He wants to case that bank
Cause the scrawny clerk, is his man on the inside

While the lizard men hide in thier dark place
The black widows throw a web in my face
I get attacked by a hermit thats stark raving mad
I don't want to fight him cause his life is so sad

Encounters' tough but its just enough
To earn me the level when its XP time

I survived, I'm still alive
But I'm getting close to the borderlands
Keep on the borderlands

A gold six silver
Won't buy you much lately in the keep these days
And when you can get plate
You know you can't run fast any more in the high caves
Rich man, poor man, and both are Karameikan
Bodies lying on the ground
The Bree-Yark yell we're gonna all go to hell
When the goblins charge down 

I got a sword plus one and some style you can see
I don't cast the spells they get cast on me
I got real stupid friends that will make me sigh
They don't know how to map and they ain't gonna try
I shouldn't bitch, I shouldn't cry

I'd get some new companions but I don't have time
I don't know why, I'm a lawful guy
But I'm getting close to the borderlands
Keep on the borderlands

I thought I'd hack n slash so many things
I thought I'd cleave them all away
I didn't think I looted everything
But you cant afford to plunder what you're not prepared to slay

I need a wizard for my messy kills
I need a cleric for my medical ills
I need a banker to finance my keep
 I need security to get some sleep
 It isn't new the caves I'm going through
But every player knows you got to play one time
Another night I fought the good fight
But I'm getting closer to the borderlands
The Keep on the Borderlands


----------



## ExploderWizard (Jul 2, 2011)

INVERNESS 
(To the tune of "China Grove" by the Doobie Brothers)

When the sun comes up on a haunted little keep
Down around Abbor- Alz
And the freaks are creeping down into the dark
with thier nasty pals

The creatures of the keep are strange
Trapped in time from whence they came

Well, youre talkin bout Inverness
Oh, Inverness

Well, the Duke of Urnst and the Seer
Lord, theyre a plotting
They are the talk of the town
With the Soul Gem up there lying
And they are trying
To find ways to get it down 
They say Galap-Dreidel's insane
And each corner entrance a game

Were talkin bout the Inverness
Oh, Inverness

But every day theres a new group comin
The ways of a railroaded view
The wizard and his buddies
With their shields and long swords
You can't even see the tower at night

And though its a part of a time gone by
People dont seem to care
They just keep on lookin to the past
Talkin bout the Inverness
Oh, Inverness


----------



## ExploderWizard (Jul 2, 2011)

SHRINE OF KUO TOA (Hotel California by The Eagles)

In a dark cavern temple, near where the drow lair
Cold stink of the fishmen,rising up through the air 
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a flickering light
My shield grew heavy and my sword was drawn
I had to prep for the fight

There they stood in the doorway
I heard the temple bell
And I was thinking to myself,
' I'm gonna send these fish freaks straight to hell

Then they lit up a huge torch, tried to scare me away
They were croaking down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to Shrine of Kuo toa
Such an awful place
wonder how you'd taste?
Plenty of loot at the Shrine of Kuo toa
Any type of gear, you can find it here

Thier minds are tortured and twisted driving them all to bad ends 
They got a goddess they call Blipdoolpoolp and she's got friends
How they kill on the altar....sweet blood to let
Some kill to remember, some kill to forget

So I called up the chieftain
’please release my guys
He said, ’we haven’t had any captives here since CY 609
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Slit your throat in the middle of the night
I can hear them say...
Welcome to Shrine of Kuo toa
Such an awful place
wonder how you'd taste?

They livin’ it up at the Shrine of Kuo toa
What a harsh surprise, bring your lucky die
Piercers on the ceiling,
The yellow mold so nice
And they  said ’we are all just worshippers here, of our own device’
And in the chief whip's chambers,
They melee'd as they wished
They slash it with their vorpal blades
But they just can’t kill the fish

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
’Ho-there’ said the fish man,
We are hatched here to believe
You can worship any time you like
But you can never leave!


----------



## Dannyalcatraz (Jul 2, 2011)

I wanted to XP ExploderWizard for the last two...but of course, you can't do that.  So I chose to XP EW for "Shrine of Kuo-Toa"

...only to find I must spread the XP around.  Good work, anyway!


----------



## Dannyalcatraz (Jul 2, 2011)

SUMMON A DEMON (Justin Timberlake "Cry Me A River")

You were my liege
You were my heart
But you didn't know all the ways I served you, no
What you did was chancy
Tried necromancy
But I bet you didn't think your plans would come crashing down, no

You don't have to say, what you did,
I already know, I learned from scrying
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
And don't it make you sad about it

You told me you loved me
Then why arrest me in my home
Now you tell me you need me
Through your herald, Garl the gnome
Queen I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other Mage
Your bridges were burned, and now it's my turn
To go...summon a demon
Summon a demon
Summon a demon
Summon a demon, yea yea

I know that they say
That some things are better left unsaid
It wasn't like you only talked to spirits, you know it
(Don't act like you don't know it)
All of these things omens told me
Keep messing with my head
(Messing with my head)
You should've read prophesy
Then you may not have blown it
(Yea..)

You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I learned from scrying
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it

You told me you loved me
Then why arrest me in my home
(In my home)
Now you tell me you need me
Through your herald, Garl the gnome
(Through your herald, Garl the gnome)
Queen I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other Mage
(I'm not like them Lady)
Your bridges were burned, and now it's my turn
(It's my turn)
To go...summon a demon
(Go on and just)
Summon a demon
(Go on and just)
Summon a demon
(Maybe I'll go and just)
Summon a demon, yea yea

Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving
Oh
(Oh)
The damage is done
So I guess I be... leaving

You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I learned from scrying
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it

Summon a demon
(Go on and just)
Summon a demon
(Maybe I'll go and just)
Summon a demon
(I can go on and just)
Summon a demon, yea yea

Summon a demon
(Lady, I'll go and just)
Summon a demon
(Go on and just)
Summon a demon
(Cause I'm already mad)
Summon a demon, yea yea
(What if it summons more, oh no)

Summon a demon
Summon a demon, oh
Summon a demon, oh
Summon a demon, oh

Summon a demon, oh
(Summon, summon)
Summon a demon, oh
(Summon, summon)
Summon a demon, oh
(Summon, summon)
Summon a demon, oh
(Summon, summon)
_x2_


----------



## Alzrius (Oct 31, 2014)

Necroing because these are too fun to stop writing.

*Combat From Afar (with apologies to Bruno Mars)*

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Start to glow when she's petrifying
Her hair, her hair
It bites, it hisses, and it's writhing
She's so horrible
And I have to stay away

Yeah I hope, I hope
That I'll roll for a crit and save my PC
Cause he so, he so
Could really use the solo XP
But every time the GM says she looks my way, I say

If I see her face
I don't think I can make my save
So I'm engaging
Combat from afar
This fighting style
It might just save my life for a while
And so I'm engaging
Combat from afar

Her bow, her bow
Fires poisoned arrows at my AC
Her stats, her stats
Must be advanced like an NPC
She's so horrible
And I have to stay away

Oh, I know, I know, I know I'm out at maximum range
If 20's what I need to hit, that wouldn't be strange
So don't even bother asking if I'll try melee
You know I'll say

If I see her face
I don't think I can make my save
So I'm engaging
Combat from afar
This fighting style
It might just save my life for a while
And so I'm engaging
Combat from afar

Just from afar
Just from afar
So I'm engaging
Combat from afar

If I see her face
I don't think I can make my save
So I'm engaging
Combat from afar
This fighting style
It might just save my life for a while
And so I'm engaging
Combat from afar

Yeah

[video=youtube;LjhCEhWiKXk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjhCEhWiKXk[/video]


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 1, 2014)

This is an example of using positive energy for necromancy!


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 1, 2014)

From another thread:



Dannyalcatraz said:


> "i kissed a Grell; aka: Charm Monster"
> 
> This was never the way I planned
> Not my intention
> ...








Dannyalcatraz said:


> FALCHION (David Bowie's "Fashion")
> 
> There's a brand new blade
> But I don't know it's name
> ...







Dannyalcatraz said:


> UP ON THE ROOFTOP (Bejamin Hanby's "Up on the Rooftop/Housetop")
> 
> Up on the rooftop snowflakes fall
> But you still hear Cthulhu's call
> ...


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## ExploderWizard (Nov 1, 2014)

(From a post in another thread recently)

*THE MONSTER MATH 
*I was working on my game, late one night
When my eyes beheld,a nagging sight
For my monster from the page began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the math, he did the monster math
The monster math, it was a campaign smash
He did the math, it caught on in a flash
He did the math, he did the monster math

From my module pages and the encounter keys
To my wandering charts,which are the bees knees
The monsters all came bringing Orcus with'em
To get a fix from my algorithim

They did the math, they did the monster math
The monster math, it was a campaign smash
They did the math, it caught on in a flash
They did the math, They did the monster math

The monsters were having fun
Calculations had just begun
The formulas were working
The testing had been done

The game was rockin all were diggin the fights
The orcs and goblins caused a dreadful fright
Bounded accuracy was about to arrive
With their special guest, the flat math jive.

They worked the math, they worked the monster math
The monster math, it was a campaign smash
They worked the math, it caught on in a flash
They worked the math, they worked the monster math

Out from its coffin 4th's voice did ring
Seems it was troubled by just one thing
Opened the lid and shook its fist and said
" Whatever happened to my inflated bonus twist?"

It's now the math, it's now the monster math
The monster math, it was a campaign smash
It's now the math, it caught on in a flash
It's now the math, it's now the monster math

Now everything's cool 4th is part of the band
And my monster math is the hit of the land
For you the player this math was meant too
When you open the door, tell them Gary sent you. 

Then you can math, then you can monster math
The monster math, and do my campain smash
Then you can math, you'll catch on in a flash
Then you can math, then you can monster math

* 
*


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 2, 2014)

*TAINTED BOB*




Right now I wish that I could run away
I want to get away
From the pain you drive into the heart of me
The hate we share seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light
For I walked and turned alone in the night
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I can't run from you
It's Tainted Bob you're nibblin'
I gave you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Oh, Tainted Bob....
Now I wish that I could run away
I've got to get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right, someone needs you in their gunsight
'Cause you think life is to prey
But I'm sorry I don't prey that way
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'd run from you
This Tainted Bob you're nibblin'
I gave you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Oh, Tainted Bob, Tainted Bob
Don't touch me please
You ate my leg below the knee
I hate you 'cause you hurt me so
I cannot pack my things and go (things and go....)
Tainted Bob (Tainted Bob...)
Run away (run away....)
I need someone (I need someone....)
Tainted Bob, Tainted Bob
Tainted Bob, Tainted Bob
Eat me Gareth, Tainted Bob
Eat me Gareth, Tainted Bob
Tainted Bob, Tainted Bob
Tainted Bob, Tainted Bob


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 2, 2014)

And after that new one, an oldie:



Dannyalcatraz said:


> Hero 1: "Anything you can kill, I can kill more of!
> I can slay anything better than you!"
> Hero 2: "No you can't"
> Hero 1:"Yes I can!
> ...


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 2, 2014)

This thread has some classic Drow Filks:

http://www.enworld.org/forum/showthread.php?300815-Where-did-all-the-drow-go


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 2, 2014)

Another oldie:



PCS WHO DIED
(Jim Carroll "People Who Died")

Teddy getting drunk in a dungeon crawl
Fell in a pit full of Green Slime
Cathy was out scouting when she pulled the plug
Found 26 orcs raging out of their minds
Bobby got lycanthropy, bit by a rat
He took a silver bolt when he died
They were PCs of mine

Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

G-berg and Georgie went to harlots so rotten
They died of diseases that left them blood sodden
Sly in Darkenwood took an arrow in the head
Bobby mixed his potions on the night that he was wed
They were two PCs of mine
Two more friends that died

Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Mary took a dry dive from a castle wall
Bobby was ambushed by a wight in the tombs
Judy jumped in front of a Floating Brain
Eddie got et jumpin' past a cave fisher
And Eddie, I miss you more than all the others
And I salute you brother

Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Herbie blew Tony from the starship lock
Tony thought his rage was just some crock
But Herbie sure gave Tony a real big shock
"Hey," Herbie said, "Tony, can you fly?"
But Tony couldn't fly, Tony died

Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Brian got busted on a smuggling rap
He beat the rap by rattin' out assassins
He said, "Hey, I know it's dangerous, but is sure beats prison."
But the next day he got offed by the same assassins

Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
Those are PCs who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 4, 2014)

Hopefully, one day you'll be able to click on an image like this:



And hear someone singing this:

Oooh

Aberrations don't love
You know the rules and so do I
A full intestine's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Really gonna search you out
Really gonna hunt you down
Really gonna look around and attack you
Really gonna make you cry
Then I'm gonna chomp your eye
Really gonna tell the truth- I'll eat you

We've stalked each other for so long
Your heart's been pounding, but
You're too scared to say it
Inside, we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Really gonna search you out
Really gonna hunt you down
Really gonna look around and attack you
Really gonna make you cry
Then I'm gonna chomp your eye
Really gonna tell the truth- I'll eat you

Really gonna search you out
Really gonna hunt you down
Really gonna look around and attack you
Really gonna make you cry
Then I'm gonna chomp your eye
Really gonna tell the truth- I'll eat you

(Ooh, eat you up)
(Ooh, eat you up)
Really gonna eat, really gonna bite
(Eat you up)
Really gonna eat, really gonna bite
(Eat you up)

We've stalked each other for so long
Your heart's been pounding, but
You're too scared to say it
Inside, we both know what's been going on
We know the game and we're gonna play it

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Really gonna search you out
Really gonna hunt you down
Really gonna look around and attack you
Really gonna make you cry
Then I'm gonna chomp your eye
Really gonna tell the truth- I'll eat you

Really gonna search you out
Really gonna hunt you down
Really gonna look around and attack you
Really gonna make you cry
Then I'm gonna chomp your eye
Really gonna tell the truth- I'll eat you

Really gonna search you out
Really gonna hunt you down
Really gonna look around and attack you
Really gonna make you cry
Then I'm gonna chomp your eye
Really gonna tell the truth- I'll eat you




I.O.W., Grick-rolling


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## Dannyalcatraz (Nov 7, 2014)

GOING BACK TO GENCON

I'm going back to Gen Con, Gen Con, Gen Con
I'm going back to Gen Con.. hmm, I don't think so
I'm going back to Gen Con, Gen Con, Gen Con
I'm going back to Gen Con.. I don't think so

Going back to Gen Con, stylin, profilin
Growlin, and smilin, while in the sun
The windows are down on the purple van
And it's fly, cause it's sittin on 20s
Chainlink steering wheel, shagged out, custom Gandalf paint
Plush dice air freshener
VRRRROOM engine's blowin, the tail, is smokin'
Passed by all the cars on the way
Movement of the wind, back wheels spin
Pop in a cassette and push play

I'm going back to Gen Con, Gen Con, Gen Con
I'm going back to Gen Con - yea y'all, I don't think so
I'm going back to Gen Con, Gen Con, Gen Con
I'm going back to Gen Con.. I don't think so

I'm going back to Gen Con, shakin 'em, bakin 'em
Takin 'em to spots they never before hung
Love the place, the Con- it's a trip
Where the drinks are cold, and some girls got whips
The LARPin's hip, and this girl kept dancin
Prancin, grindin, grinnin, romancin
I asked her to the barn, so we could hit the hay
I wanna do this, Xena, but I don't wanna pay

I'm going back to Gen Con, Gen Con, Gen Con
I'm going back to Gen Con - no man I don't think so
I'm going back to Gen Con, Gen Con, Gen Con
I'm going back to Gen Con.. I don't think so...

I'm going back to Gen Con, rising, surprising
Advising realizing, she's sizing me up
Her chainmail - small; heels - tall
She said...she liked...my swagger
She told me "Come by", gave me the eye
and took off her sword & dagger
Now I thought I was fast, but this girl was faster
She's lookin for a real good time
I said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise,"
and I ran away with the bottle of wine

I'm going back to Gen Con, Gen Con, Gen Con
I'm going back to Gen Con.. I don't think so
I'm going back to Gen Con, Gen Con, Gen Con
I'm going back to Gen Con.. I don't think so


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## Mark CMG (Jun 23, 2015)

Dannyalcatraz said:


> This thread has some classic Drow Filks:
> 
> http://www.enworld.org/forum/showthread.php?300815-Where-did-all-the-drow-go





Good link!  Thanks!


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## BIGGTeddybear (Dec 26, 2019)

catastrophic said:


> If you've got a total party kill I feel bad for you son
> I got 99 problems but a lich ain't one
> 
> I got the vorpal sword so i'm not ignored,
> ...


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