# Worst movies ever....



## TracerBullet42 (Dec 10, 2003)

Ok, most of us will agree that the LOTR movies are the greatest ever, and we all love them...but I'm curious to hear what movies people hate.  I don't just mean movies that you didn't like, I'm talking about the movies that really upset you.  The kind of movies that your friends are probably sick and tired of hearing you complain about.  Those movies...so what are they, and why do you hate them so?

(And yes, this was inspired by the Event Horizon thread...I just hated that movie!  It was probably ruined by my unreasonable expectations, but I hated it nonetheless)

But my list begins with Waterworld.  This 3 hour epic is utterly forgettable.  It's not just bad, but it's sooooo long.  You think to yourself, "It's got to get better."  So you wait and watch...and wait...and wait.  It never does.  Kevin Costner also just rubs me the wrong way...

Gone Fishin' is another one.  I think this one must've been riding the Lethal Weapon bandwagon.  Danny Glover and Joe Pesci....awful.  Did any of you see this one?  I'd give it a 9.  Maybe a 10....borderline 11.... (perhaps you remember that line...)

But the worst, most awful movie that I've ever seen is easily Bio-Dome.  Ordinarilly, I'll watch almost any movie.  I figure if I'm paying for it, I might as well finish it.  Surely there will be at least one redeeming scene.  I didn't make it past the first 20 minutes of this stinker...it was just too stupid.

What are your worst?


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## Darrin Drader (Dec 10, 2003)

Incredible Hulk. They have no business reimagining the Hulk as long as Bill Bixby remains in the grave.


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## Mog Elffoe (Dec 10, 2003)

Worst movie that I've seen this year was Bad Boys 2.  I even got to see it for free at an advance screening and I still thought it was a waste of time.  Even more than that--it was painful viewing.  A more mean-spirited incoherent mess I have yet to see this year.

Worst movie that I have EVER seen is easily Freddy Got Fingered.  Nothing else even comes close.  I think that if I ever met Tom Green I'd still want to punch him the mouth for this one.


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## Tallok (Dec 10, 2003)

I saw the last 10 minutes or so of the core. and just that was enough to show me just how horrific this movie is. It was illogical, inconsistent, stupid plot, etc. don't see it, unless you go into it just to laugh at it, then it might be fun, who knows.


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## thalmin (Dec 10, 2003)

My worst that I actually sat through was *Dungeons & Dragons*. I just kept sinking lower into my seat, hoping nobody would see me there. It made me afraid to even hope for a decent treatment of LotR. Only way I'll ever watch it again is if I'm forced to watch it, Clockwork Orange style; strapped in a chair, head in a vice, eyes propped open.

Worst movie I walked out on was *George of the Jungle*, jumbo coke and popcorn in hand after 8 minutes. I prefer something more entertaining, like the ads on slides before the movie.


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## EricNoah (Dec 10, 2003)

Combine Mark Hamil, science fiction, Ben Kingsley, and F. Murray Abraham and what do you get?  A giant stinker called Slipstream.  What a crapfest that was.


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## demiurge1138 (Dec 10, 2003)

Wow. I must be calloused and hardened. I've seen and survived several of these without ill effect (not _Freddy Got Fingered_, though. There are places I fear to tread.) _The Core_ was like Armageddon meets Star Trek: TOS, only silly as opposed to either teeth-clenchingly awful or minorly classic, respectively. I thik it says something about me that the thing that bothered me most about it was that the "hacker genius" uses prime numbers *including 1* to send his code. Twitch. _Dungeons and Dragons_ was a slap in the face to both gamers and cinema, but it's hardly indicative of the really, really bad movies. Besides, it's more laughable than painful.

I, for one, think that _Howard the Duck_ should be placed in solitary film confinement. It's a terribly unfuny comedy that somehow becomes a terrible action movie in mid-stream. I hates that movie beyond all logic and reason. 

Another excremental film is _Red Zone Cuba_. My exposure to this film was through Mystery Science Theater, but unlike some other worthy entries from that show (_Manos: Hands of Fate_ and _Monster A-GoGo_ leap to mind), nobody ever brings it up as a bad movie. Because it isn't even entertainingly bad. The movie (it has something to do with an escaped con going to take over Cuba, or something) just sits on your head, like an elephant, and crushes. It hurts.

Speaking of pain, _The Lord of the Rings_ hurts bad. Not the Jackson one, of course, but Ralph Bashki's rendition. There are about 10 different types of animation in the movie, all of which suck, and its marked by such classics as the Nazgul-as-leperous-Jawas, the fuzzy-slipper-butterfly-winged balrog, and the -four-toothed-noxious-little-troll-Samwise. And the fact that nobody in that movie _could ever stay still for any length of time at all_ also bothered me. Just a bit, mind you.

Demiurge out.


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## Mouseferatu (Dec 10, 2003)

Ahem.

Crow: City of Angels.

Need I say more?


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 10, 2003)

I can't believe nobody has mentioned Highlander 2 yet.

How can you have a "Worst Movies" thread and _not_ mention Highlander 2?


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## KChagga (Dec 10, 2003)

I would like to second the nomination of Freddy Got Fingered.
I used to like Tom Greene before this movie.  Now if I ever see him I am going to personally demand my money back.  If that doesn't work i'll just kick him in the nuts.


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 10, 2003)

Well, according the the IMDB's Bottom 100 Movies list, the three worst movies ever are _Manos, the Hands of Fate_, _From Justin to Kelly,_ and _Gigli_.


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## Look_a_Unicorn (Dec 10, 2003)

I've seen a few so-bad-they're-funny movies in my time, two spring to mind:
Soccerdog & Dollman vs Demonic Toys

Actually, they were bad without being funny, my friends & I just made observations that were funny as a form of self-defence mechanism.

Just straight out bad movies though?? 
I found Freddy Got Fingered disgusting & unfunny. Ditto Tomcats, to a lesser extent. Meet The Parents was fairly painful too, now I recall- in that "wanting to scream at the characters to do something intelligent" kinda way.


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## Enforcer (Dec 10, 2003)

In the vein of Kevin Costner doing the post-apocalyptic thang: The Postman. I don't know how it ended (if it ever did), because I had to turn it off when it was running on cable.

Also, Contact. In the approximate words of Mr. Garrison of South Park fame, "It takes you three whole hours to find out that the alien is her      ing father?!?"

Let's see...I also hated Blade Runner. I got the director's cut on DVD because everyone said it was a "must own" for the new format. That movie was soooo stupid. Maybe I'm just pissed that I spent money on it, who knows?

Oh, and Highlander 2 is a gimme in the worst movie ever category. The other sequels also uniformly suck. Hell, even the original doesn't touch the series as far as I'm concerned. "Let's get some pseudo-French guy to play the Scot!" At least Adrian Paul did a halfway decent accent... But, the moral of the Highlander story is that nothing was worse than Highlander 2.


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## Darrin Drader (Dec 10, 2003)

Enforcer said:
			
		

> Let's see...I also hated Blade Runner. I got the director's cut on DVD because everyone said it was a "must own" for the new format. That movie was soooo stupid. Maybe I'm just pissed that I spent money on it, who knows?




Sacrilege! Heretic! Someone get the tar and feathers!

Seriously, I think you really need to put that film in context in order to appreciate it. First of all it was a loose interpretation (Dare I say reimagining? It even had Edward James Olmose in it. Curious.) of Phillip K. Dick's _Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep_. This was really the first and best representation of the cyberpunk genre on the big screen. It was also the first time that we see the vision of this Japanese future that was prevalent in Scifi during the '80s and occasionally resurfaces. Aside from that, it asks fundamental questions about the nature of life, the possibility of biotechnological life, and the rights that such life would have. In addition to that, there's the subtle questions of whether or not Deckard was really a replicant and whether replicants would even know whether or not they themselves are. Its a fascinating look at a future that could be.

Rather than being near the bottom, this one rates near the top as an intellectual film that you simply can't sit through and watch if you want to enjoy all the layers of meaning stacked within. Its a film that begs to be deconstructed, thought about, and discussed in order to get the real enjoyment out of it. If you just watch it for what's on the surface, you're bound to be disappointed and you'll miss the true meaning of the movie.


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 10, 2003)

Enforcer said:
			
		

> In the vein of Kevin Costner doing the post-apocalyptic thang: The Postman. I don't know how it ended (if it ever did), because I had to turn it off when it was running on cable.




I don't mind the Postman... and my parents think it's a great film.

We've got it on DVD.



> Oh, and Highlander 2 is a gimme in the worst movie ever category.




People keep talking about Highlander 2.

There was Highlander, which was good.

And then there was the sequel, Highlander 3: The Sorcerer, which wasn't.

_There was no Highlander 2_.  (And I'll have words with anyone who says otherwise!)

-Hyp.


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## Tarrasque Wrangler (Dec 10, 2003)

Manos is the most incompetently-made film ever.


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## reapersaurus (Dec 10, 2003)

Enforcer said:
			
		

> Also, Contact. In the approximate words of Mr. Garrison of South Park fame, "It takes you three whole hours to find out that the alien is her      ing father?!?"
> 
> Let's see...I also hated Blade Runner. I got the director's cut on DVD because everyone said it was a "must own" for the new format. That movie was soooo stupid.



Dude, you do realize you just lost all credibility, right?


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## Berandor (Dec 10, 2003)

Highlander 2? I've never heard of that one.

But "Shepherd" ist probably the most incompetent one I've ever seen. It's not bad, it's not so bad it's good again - it's even worse. It is kind of a B movie, though, so I don't know if that counts.

I was offended this year by "Bruce Almighty"'s preaching. "Naked Weapon" was very bad.

But to me, the worst top-list movie I've ever seen is "Battlefield Earth". It's like a trainwreck watching a trainwreck: you know it's as bad as it can get, and still, every single frame pushes the film farther down. It gets worse, and worse, and worse. It's almost as if the filmmakers deliberately tried to outdo the previous scene in sheer stupidity and stomach-turning camera positions.

Berandor


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 10, 2003)

Berandor said:
			
		

> But to me, the worst top-list movie I've ever seen is "Battlefield Earth". It's like a trainwreck watching a trainwreck: you know it's as bad as it can get, and still, every single frame pushes the film farther down. It gets worse, and worse, and worse. It's almost as if the filmmakers deliberately tried to outdo the previous scene in sheer stupidity and stomach-turning camera positions.
> 
> Berandor




And don't forget John Travolta going for the Rob Zombie look.


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## Aaron L (Dec 10, 2003)

Battlefield Earth


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## TiQuinn (Dec 10, 2003)

Worst movie of all time?

Any Dolph Lundgren movie.

Actually, I'd have to go with "The Avengers".  Given the cast, the budget, and the built-in fan interest, there was no reason that the movie had to suck THAT badly.  It was after that movie that I decided to really, really pay attention to whoever is directing the movie.  If he's never made a good movie before, he isn't going to now.  Otherwise known as the Paul W.S. Anderson theory.


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## Maraxle (Dec 10, 2003)

Mog Elffoe said:
			
		

> Worst movie that I have EVER seen is easily Freddy Got Fingered.  Nothing else even comes close.  I think that if I ever met Tom Gren I'd still want to punch him the mouth for this one.



I can't disagree with any of that.


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## Piratecat (Dec 10, 2003)

Even more than the D&D movie, I hated Batman and Robin; I watched it on a plane, and was honestly embarrassed to have purchased the headphones. Joel Schumacher must die.


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## diaglo (Dec 10, 2003)

Kids ( my wife and i took my niece to see this. she was just starting college.)


D&D the Movie (i waited 20+ years for this one. i camped out the night before with my wife to be the first to see it. i still owe my wife. one of those forever curses)


Titanic (i fell asleep. i already knew the darn ship was gonna sink. they didn't need 3 hours of drivel to get the point across)


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## MrFilthyIke (Dec 10, 2003)

I will defend Howard the Duck and Battlefield Earth, at least.  I enjoyed them as mind fluff, and don't feel ripped off at having paid to see them.  What I thought was bad of the films I've seen in the past few years (and I don't see too many)
was:

Ice Age - boring and unfunny, not even cute.
Dungeons and Dragons - the audience damn near demanded a refund.

Most others were ok, or good.

And Manos: Hands of Fate was a great film...with Joel and crew sitting
at the bottom of the screen.


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## Gnarlo (Dec 10, 2003)

_Batman and Robin_ and _The Avengers_, both of them for the same three offenses: 1) Having so many "stars" that should have been able to realize what drek they were producing, 2) Producing such utter garbage out of favored childhood memories, and 3) making movies with Uma Thurman that I can't stand to watch, no matter how much I stalk....errrr...... like her.


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## Brown Jenkin (Dec 10, 2003)

Most of the movies mentioned are certainly bad, but worst ever? Yeah highlander 2 was bad, but I still will watch it if there is nothing better on.  I have seen many bad, bad, bad sci-fi/fantasy movies but none rate as worst ever. For worst ever you have to go to things that make you regret wasting the last 2 hours of your life which you know you will never get back. Things that make you want to kill yourself before EVER watching again. For this I have 2 selections.

The Scarlet Letter w/Demi Moore. As the New York Times Magazine review said, it was loosely based on Hawthornes book much like methane is loosely based on cows. I saw it with the lowest expectations possible thinking it couldn't realy be that bad. Now my life is two hours shorter and that time could have been spent more pleasurably being drawn and quartered. If you read this and think maybe I will rent it to see how bad it is you will be making the largest mistake of your life.

The Wild Racers. Maybe not as bad as the Scarlet Letter but equaly pointless. 2 hours of F-1 race scenes intersperced with couples wandering around European cites looking at the landmarks to realy bad love songs. No really, there was no plot at all that I could discearn. Probably the most pointless movie I have ever seen.


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## Gnarlo (Dec 10, 2003)

Brown Jenkin said:
			
		

> For worst ever you have to go to things that make you regret wasting the last 2 hours of your life which you know you will never get back. Things that make you want to kill yourself before EVER watching again.




Oh, if this is your criteria, then it's the porn movie _Sumo Sue and the Fat Ladies of Wrestling_ my roommate the Spud Ninja rented in college. Bad in the "I'd like to claw my memory of it out of my mind with an icepick" kind of way.


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## thalmin (Dec 10, 2003)

Brown Jenkin said:
			
		

> Most of the movies mentioned are certainly bad, but worst ever? Yeah highlander 2 was bad, but I still will watch it if there is nothing better on.



What, you don't get infomercials, the Home Shopping Network, or snow on your TV?


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## Brown Jenkin (Dec 10, 2003)

Gnarlo said:
			
		

> Oh, if this is your criteria, then it's the porn movie _Sumo Sue and the Fat Ladies of Wrestling_ my roommate the Spud Ninja rented in college. Bad in the "I'd like to claw my memory of it out of my mind with an icepick" kind of way.




Exactly


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## Qlippoth (Dec 10, 2003)

KChagga said:
			
		

> I would like to second the nomination of Freddy Got Fingered.
> I used to like Tom Greene before this movie.  Now if I ever see him I am going to personally demand my money back.  If that doesn't work i'll just kick him in the nuts.



What, and give him enough material for a sequel?   

One movie I got suckered into watching: the "reimagined" _Planet of the Apes_ (aka _Marky Mark and the Monkey Bunch_). Mr. Wahlberg projecting all the screen presence of a rock in the Forbidden Zone. The human female love interest stricken with perma-pout. And the final scene, which I took as a slap in the face to anyone still watching.


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## Brown Jenkin (Dec 10, 2003)

Gnarlo said:
			
		

> _Batman and Robin_ and _The Avengers_, both of them for the same three offenses: 1) Having so many "stars" that should have been able to realize what drek they were producing, 2) Producing such utter garbage out of favored childhood memories, and 3) making movies with Uma Thurman that I can't stand to watch, no matter how much I stalk....errrr...... like her.




The Avengers at least had the one memorable and funny scene of the table of bad guys plotting to take over the world while wearing giant teddy bear suits.


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## TracerBullet42 (Dec 10, 2003)

Brown Jenkin said:
			
		

> The Avengers at least had the one memorable and funny scene of the table of bad guys plotting to take over the world while wearing giant teddy bear suits.




That is so true!  I laughed at that scene.  I guess that's one way to keep anonymity...

And I had completely forgotten about Tom Green.  You could nominate any of his movies...he's so annoying!  I don't understand why people think he's funny.  All he does is say something stupid, and then say it louder.  Why is that funny?  I must've missed the part where that was funny...


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## WayneLigon (Dec 10, 2003)

_Batman and Robin_, without a doubt. It's actually physically painful to attempt watching this thing. 
_Screamers_, mainly because of knowing the story it's taken from. You want to bag on a PKD adaptation, pick this one. 
_Mortal Kombat II_. After the first turned out to be surprisingly entertaining, we have this .. thing. 

Those are still my top all time bad movies, even after seeing more recent stinkers such as _House of the Dead_. That came close to making #4.


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## BiggusGeekus (Dec 10, 2003)

_Salo: 120 Days of Sodom_

No, this is not pr0n.  This was directed by Itallian director Paolo Pasolini in 1975 and was a retelling of the Marqi de Sade's exploits only set in 1944 facsist Italy.  There are some who regard Pasolini as an artistic genius.  A common praise I've heard of Pasoloini:  "he was a poet at age 19!"  My response: "who wasn't?"

The story starts off with four Italian facist leaders who -- sensing the demise of their government -- kidnap 16 teenagers and take them to an isolated manor.  There they commit horrible deprivations and torture, all lovingly captured by the camera.  Between the tortures, they sip congiac and philosophize on the virtues of facism.  An aged prostitute eggs them on and relates stories of lusty torture from her childhood.

Its completely horrible.  At one point I had to leave the room to dryheave over the commode.  The movie ended and I was numb.  Unenlighted, unchanlleged, and desperately in need of several very strong drinks.

Commonly I pique the interest of someone when I talk about this movie.  They imagine themselves to be arty or dark or something I don't know what.  All I can tell you is that a buddy of mine saw this in an arthouse theater filled with people wearing black and by the end of the movie he was one of about five people remaining in the theater.  It isn't artsy.  It's bad.


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## TiQuinn (Dec 10, 2003)

Brown Jenkin said:
			
		

> The Avengers at least had the one memorable and funny scene of the table of bad guys plotting to take over the world while wearing giant teddy bear suits.




GACK!

Memorable....unfortunately, yes.

Funny?  In a "I just paid $7 to watch this so I might as well laugh" kind of way.

Oh that movie was just so painful.  I also lost a modicum of respect for Sean for that one.


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## Particle_Man (Dec 10, 2003)

I have luckily avoided most of the candidates here.  Of the movies I have seen.

I most regretted seeing "Spawn".  The one redeeming feature was an african-american superhero.  Other than that, I want my 2 hours back (and my friend made me see it on an expensive night (not tuesday) too!)

I walked away from "Hell comes to Frogtown" (Rowdy Roddy Piper impregnates female america in a world where most men are sterile and mutant frog-men kidnap women...no this is not a dream...)

A scary movie (not bad but unexpected) was Mee Pok Man, which I thought would be a love story, and sort of was, except it began to involve necrophilia (and not in a good way).  From this experience I learn to avoid foreign movies when I am dating someone, unless I have already seen the movie in question.


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## trilobite (Dec 10, 2003)

Humm let me see,

_Showgirls_, I walked out of that movie and demanded my money back, which I got. Even the T&A in it was terrible.

_Hudson Hawk_, Ack!! A horrendous movie with Bruce Willis! Bad acting, bad story, bad everything.


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## TracerBullet42 (Dec 10, 2003)

Particle_Man said:
			
		

> I walked away from "Hell comes to Frogtown" (Rowdy Roddy Piper impregnates female america in a world where most men are sterile and mutant frog-men kidnap women...no this is not a dream...)




That is the craziest thing I have ever heard...


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## Particle_Man (Dec 10, 2003)

TiQuinn said:
			
		

> GACK!
> 
> Memorable....unfortunately, yes.
> 
> ...




I heard that Sean gave his agents instructions to never allow contact with the producer, director or writer in "The Avengers".  So even HE agrees that it was a bad movie.


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## Tyler Do'Urden (Dec 10, 2003)

Oh, let's see... positively abhorrent movies?

Battlefield Earth

Mission Impossible 2

Pearl Harbor

Roland Emmerich's "Godzilla"

Of course, none of these are quite as bad as Dracula 2000, which has to be the worst piece of dreck I've ever seen in a theater.  It's bad by vampire-movie standards, even...


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## Joshua Randall (Dec 10, 2003)

I can't believe it hasn't been mentioned yet:

Stomp Tokyo

No, it's not a movie; it's a web site about bad movies.


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## Pants (Dec 10, 2003)

_Freddy Got Fingered_ is the only movie that has ever caused me physical pain.
_How High_ shows off Method Man and Redman's impressive acting skills as they coke up Harvard Universty.  Oh yeah 



Spoiler



Benjamin Franklin created the first bong. sdahkjfshdkjhkahfsafdhsdah.


.  PAIN.
_Dungeons and Dragons_ gets a nomination from me for being 'so bad it's stupid.'


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## Caliber (Dec 10, 2003)

Particle_Man said:
			
		

> I have luckily avoided most of the candidates here.  Of the movies I have seen.
> 
> I most regretted seeing "Spawn".  The one redeeming feature was an african-american superhero.  Other than that, I want my 2 hours back (and my friend made me see it on an expensive night (not tuesday) too!)
> 
> ...




I LOVE Hell Comes to Frogtown (in a purely platonic way, I assure you. Wasn't he in another post-apocalyptic movie where his only friend was a dog? (or maybe that was Frogtown ...)

If we're dropping links for sites about bad movies, you can't beat Bad Movies.org 

Its where I found out about Meet the Feebles, the horrible movie that still haunts me and my friends dreams at night.


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## Asmo (Dec 10, 2003)

I´m surprised that no one mentioned the productions with Jean-Claude Van Damme such as Street Fighter or Knock Off. These are really -and I mean it-really bad movies.
From a review:
"In case I haven't yet made it clear enough, Knock Off is the worst movie of Van Damme's career and possibly the worst movie of the decade."

Asmo


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## tetsujin28 (Dec 10, 2003)

None of you know bad movies. Most of the ones you've mentioned are in the category of A) So bad they're a hoot (Manos), or B) What else did you expect? It's Hollywood (The Core, Batman and Robin &c.)

I'll tell you bad. I'll show you horror. _At Long Last Love_, once-talented Peter Bogdanovich's mess of a Cole Porter musical starring...Cybil Shephard and Burt Reynolds. And it's nearly two hours long.

Suffer, kids...suffer...


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## tetsujin28 (Dec 10, 2003)

Gnarlo said:
			
		

> making movies with Uma Thurman that I can't stand to watch, no matter how much I stalk....errrr...... like her.



That, sir, is the real crime


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## Kahuna Burger (Dec 10, 2003)

trilobite said:
			
		

> _Hudson Hawk_, Ack!! A horrendous movie with Bruce Willis! Bad acting, bad story, bad everything.




I liked Hudson hawk... it was just silly and fun...

while agree with many of the others, I'll try to throw out some new blood...

"Fargo." Yes, fargo. Yes it was nominated for best picture. and becaue of that nomination, my bf and I just kept watching the movie, saying to each other "It has to get better, it was a nominee... right?" And it DIDN'T GET BETTER! it got worse... and worse... ugh.

Kahuna Burger


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## trilobite (Dec 10, 2003)

Kahuna Burger said:
			
		

> "Fargo." Yes, fargo. Yes it was nominated for best picture. and becaue of that nomination, my bf and I just kept watching the movie, saying to each other "It has to get better, it was a nominee... right?" And it DIDN'T GET BETTER! it got worse... and worse... ugh.
> 
> Kahuna Burger




Oh man! I really liked Fargo! Well I guess to each their own.


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## Pseudonym (Dec 10, 2003)

Ah, memories.  I once took a date to see the _Postman_, because the alternative was _Titanic_, and we didn't want to sit through a movie that long.  Funny in hindsight...

Most of my personal "Worst Movie" list has been mentioned already; _Dungeons and Dragons_, _Contact_, _Highlander 2_, _Waterworld_ et al.  I'll had a special nomination for _Wild Wild West_; another movie I mistakenly took a date too.  Oh my my my, was that movie horrible.


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## Taren Seeker (Dec 10, 2003)

I can't imagine any stretch where Fargo is your worst EVER. I can see not liking it, but worst ever? 

Many Van Damme movies, but Street Fighter is probably the worst of his that I've seen.

Rollerball, the one with LL Cool J (at least I didn't pay for it)

Dumb and Dumber

Batman & Robin

Batman Forever

Pretty much anything with Steven Segal in it.

My list would be longer but I've managed to avoid a lot of the flicks already mentioned. I'm sure Battlefield Earth, Waterworld or the Postman would head up my list otherwise, just from what I've heard.

_edit: Changed Returns to Forever...they all get mixed up in my mind. I didn't really like any of the Batman movies aside from Michelle Pfeifer as Catwoman and pieces of Batman 1, but those 2 stuck out as truly vile._


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## Kesh (Dec 10, 2003)

_Battlefield Earth_, without question. The acting was bad, the story made little sense, the aliens were laughable... and cavement flying Harriers? WTF?

As someone once said, "I can't believe in an alien race whose homeworld would've blown up the first time someone tried to microwave a burrito."

_Batman Forever_ One sentence: "Holy rusted metal, Batman!"

Please, kill me. At least I didn't bother with _Batman & Robin_.

Then there was the 'comedy' with Sandra Bulloch in an alchohol rehab center. Filled with the most horrific cliche steretypes, unfunny jokes and poor attempts to tug on the heartstrings. It's so bad, I don't even remember what it was called.


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## Maraxle (Dec 10, 2003)

I know this one has a cult following (for reasons that I can't fathom), but another one I hated was Bad Taste.  Peter Jackson, how could you?


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## Mallus (Dec 10, 2003)

trilobite said:
			
		

> _Hudson Hawk_, Ack!! A horrendous movie with Bruce Willis! Bad acting, bad story, bad everything.



Grrrrr....

A film the contains the quote -- "History, tradition, culture... These are not concepts, they are trophies I keep in me den as paperweights!" --cannot, in my own supersubjective opinion, be all bad. As a matter of fact, a line like that pretty much guarantees the film a top spot on the "Its all good" list...


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## Kahuna Burger (Dec 10, 2003)

Taren Seeker said:
			
		

> I can't imagine any stretch where Fargo is your worst EVER. I can see not liking it, but worst ever?




its a matter of expectations, as should be clear in this thread. I expected... I don't know, something to happen? A plot? A character who didn't make me annoyed, just one? The majority of scenes or actions to have a point? Mostly I expected to maintain some respect for the academy, considering that the year before I had watched and enjoyed every film up for best picture...

hmmm.... this is kind of like the "zaphod plays it safe" short story. Really psycho people are safe because they give off signals a mile away that tell people their psycho. the ones who can fake normalacy are the dangerous ones. Fargo is high on the list of my worst movies ever because it faked being good and didn't give the obvious signals which would have made me skip it entirely (as I did for the majority of films on this list...)

Kids for example... I knew kids was gonna suck... all the signs were there. Unfortunately I had the responsibility of running the film in college and had to duck in and out once in a while to check the projector... But I mostly managed to miss it.   

kahuna Burger


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## MEG Hal (Dec 10, 2003)

Well....
Freddy was piss poor, but on my list of worst movies ever is--_Bringing out Your Dead_ starring Nick Cage and Ving Rhames and some big director directed it, maybe DiPalma?

It was a piece of manure and I have stated that I would rather watch my kids dirty diapers then that movie again.

Another crappy title is The _Fantastic Four_, the budget was equal to my family getting happy meals at McDonalds, it was real bad....

Some of the ones you mention, are not good by anyones imagination but I would not say worst movie list ever--_Howard the Duck_ as an example. Now I liked _Hudson Hawk_, and would love a sequel.


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## Claude Raines (Dec 10, 2003)

_Lost in Space_ was the worst movie I saw. The fact it was in japanese with english subtitles actually improved it.


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## Psion (Dec 10, 2003)

Lessee...

Brazil - I just sat there saying "End, damn you! End!" And it just wouldn't.

Jacob's Ladder - probably because it reminded me too much of Brazil.

Spanking the Monkey - when the contemptable worm of a lead character was about to commit suicide I was like "Jump! Damn you! Jump!"

The Cube - It SOUNDED cool. Little did I know it was like a demented cross between Flowers in the Attic and a Gore Fest.

(On a side note, I find it richly ironic to trip upon the words "they have no place reimagining" emerging from Darrin's keyboard after he gave me a lecture in the BSG thread about how the holders of a title have NO OBLIGATION WHATSOEVER to the fans.)


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 10, 2003)

Gnarlo said:
			
		

> ... and 3) making movies with Uma Thurman that I can't stand to watch, no matter how much I stalk....errrr...... like her.




I'm almost the opposite, actually... I can't stand Uma Thurman, but I like most of the movies she's been in.

_Batman and Robin_ and _The Avengers_ are, however, exceptions to that rule.

-Hyp.


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## barsoomcore (Dec 10, 2003)

Alright, alright, you've all gotten it off your chests.

I saw _Dungeons and Dragons_ twice in the theatre. And I own the DVD. I also own _The Avengers_.

At least those films appear to have been made by individuals. Sure, they're messy and incoherent and occasionally fall flat on their faces, but at least they reflect some personality. In sharp contrast to dreck like _Pirates of the Caribbean_, or _Attack of the Clones_, where effects, big stars and bigger budgets overwhelm any personality whatsoever.

Sometimes I think Peter Jackson's greatest accomplishment is making a $300 million dollar picture that still feels like a Peter Jackson film.

What makes me angry in films is lack of vision, lack of imagination and lack of respect for the audience. I'll forgive incompetence, I'll forgive mistakes, I'll forgive limited resources, if I feel like the film-makers are _trying_ to give me something from their hearts.

I get that from both _Dungeons and Dragons_ and _The Avengers_. I don't get it from very many big-budget Hollywood films.

But frankly, there is no "worst film ever". There are offensive films (PotC, for example), incompetent films (_Plan 9 From Outer Space_) and just plain pathetic films (_Tomb Raider_) -- which is REALLY the worst ever?

Talk about a plethora of choices.


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## Brown Jenkin (Dec 10, 2003)

Kesh said:
			
		

> Then there was the 'comedy' with Sandra Bulloch in an alchohol rehab center. Filled with the most horrific cliche steretypes, unfunny jokes and poor attempts to tug on the heartstrings. It's so bad, I don't even remember what it was called.




That movie was _28 Days_. I didn't mind it to much but then Sandra is on list of actresses who I don't care what movie they are in as long as I can watch her. 

Then of course there is the sequal _28 Days Later_.


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 10, 2003)

barsoomcore said:
			
		

> There are offensive films (PotC, for example)...




Curious - offensive to whom?  And why?

-Hyp.


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## trilobite (Dec 10, 2003)

barsoomcore said:
			
		

> In sharp contrast to dreck like _Pirates of the Caribbean_




Now thats just crazy man's crazy talk!!!


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## reapersaurus (Dec 10, 2003)

It's always amazing to me how people can fool themselves into saying (with any shred or pretense of objectivity) that films like Pirates of the Carribean and Contact could be some of the worst movies ever made.

I mean, it's like saying that Iman is one of the ugliest people who's ever lived. 
You CAN say "I don't like the way she looks" or "I can't stand this one feature of her", but objectively, there's NO WAY that you can say she's ugly with any shred of objectivity.

Similarly, some of the movies listed here are not nearly a "worst movie ever", simply they are a movie that you hate, or a movie that many people like that you harbor a dark spot in your heart for (Fargo, Contact, PotC, etc).

There's a big difference.


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## Barendd Nobeard (Dec 10, 2003)

Worst movie ever?  _Siesta_.  Unfortunately, I bought the popcorn and missed the first minute of the film--Ellen Barkin's nude 



Spoiler



(and dead)


 body.  That was the highlight of the film, and the friend who suggested we go apologized for years for that picking that one.  Who else was in it?  Martin Sheen, Isabella Rosselini, Jodie Foster, Grace Jones, Gabriel Byrne, Julian Sands, and uh, a few others I can't remember.  It was the first film directed by Mary Lambert, who had directed Madonna vidoes and went on to direct _Pet Sematary_.

I am feeling the sudden urge to own _Siesta_ on DVD.  I can put it on my shelf next to _Bluebeard_ (starring Richard Burton and Joey Heatherton), _Satan's Cheerleaders_ (starring, uh, Yvonne DeCarlo and John Ireland), _Plan 9 From Outer Space_ and _The D&D Movie_.


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## Silver Moon (Dec 10, 2003)

I couldn't stand "Natural Born Killers"


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 10, 2003)

Barendd Nobeard said:
			
		

> Who else was in it?  Martin Sheen, Isabella Rosselini, Jodie Foster, Grace Jones, Gabriel Byrne, Julian Sands, and uh, a few others I can't remember.




Wait, Gabriel Byrne and Julian Sands, and it was bad?

That must have taken some effort!

-Hyp.


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## Kahuna Burger (Dec 10, 2003)

Hypersmurf said:
			
		

> Wait, Gabriel Byrne and Julian Sands, and it was bad?
> 
> That must have taken some effort!
> 
> -Hyp.




I'm more impresse that it was bad with jodie foster. I [heart] Jodie...   

Kahuna Burger


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 10, 2003)

Kahuna Burger said:
			
		

> I'm more impresse that it was bad with jodie foster.




Well, admittedly, Julian Sands was in Warlock 2, so he's not an absolute guarantee 

-Hyp.


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## Skade (Dec 10, 2003)

Brown Jenkin said:
			
		

> That movie was _28 Days_. I didn't mind it to much but then Sandra is on list of actresses who I don't care what movie they are in as long as I can watch her.
> 
> Then of course there is the sequal _28 Days Later_.



I have to agree with you on Sandra Bullock,I can't tell you why but I'll watch whatever romantic comedy she churns out.

I'm going to nominate the Fearless Vampire Hunters, starring and directed by Roman Polanski as one of the worst movies ever made. It never fully became either a horror movie, a comedy, a campy T&A movie or anything else. It just meandered around for an hour and a half. Yet, I never turned it off. I was transfixed.


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## Villano (Dec 11, 2003)

Okay, I raided my vote history on the IMDB and clipped out most of those that I gave a 3 (out of 10) or lower:


   Half Past Dead (2002) 3 - Yes, it's a Steven Seagal film.  Old Stevie plays a Russian (his accent's about as good as Jean-Claude Van Damme's Russian accent   ) and it's set in a prison on Bizarro world where nothing makes sense whatsoever.

   Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003) 3 - God, this movie was uninteresting and bland.  No excitement, no anything.  Why was it made?

   Planet of the Apes (2001) 3 - Again, why was this made?  The only interesting character was the chimp girl.

   Scorpion King, The (2002) 3 - I just spent money to watch Hercules, The Legendary Journey, the Movie?!  Did we need the sidekick, kid, and inventor charactors?  And why couldn't Michael Clarke Duncan be the villain?  We could have at least had a good climactic fight.  

Of course, Kelly Hu running around nearly naked didn't hurt.   

   Sheena (1984) 3 - Who told Tanya Roberts she could act?  And, if she was raised by the natives, why do they speak English and she speaks "Tarzan"?

   Batman Forever (1995) 2 - Stop Joel Schummacher!

   Halloween: Resurrection (2002) 2 - Busta Rhymes' kung-fu beat down of Michael Meyers?  Aargh!

   Matrix Reloaded, The (2003) 2 - I want my money back!

   Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997) 2 -  A sequel that should not have been.

   "Sole Survivor" (2000) (mini) 1 - A mini-series based on a novel by Dean Koontz.  The villain doesn't want his men to kill some paintballers in the woods because he doesn't want to attract attention.  Later, he lands a helicopter at a horse ranch, mutilates the horses, shoots the rancher and his wife, and then runs through a restaurant waving a gun around.  

And then the movie gets worse...

   Ancient Evil: Scream of the Mummy (2000) 1 -  The movie starring the shortest, fattest mummy captured on film.  It also features 2 of the worst shots in history:  In the first, two characters walk to a door and exit.  Immediately thereafter, the mummy steps into frame.  The problem is that they would have had to walk past the mummy to get to the door.  Seriously, for the mummy to have stepped into frame so quickly, he would have had to have been standing one foot off camera, right next to the door.

A friend and I joked around coming up with explanations as to why they didn't see the mummy:  He was standing in a pot, holding a branch in front of himself.  He was hiding behind a mop.  He had a lampshade on his head.  He was wearing a bowler hat and a huge, fake, handlebar mustache ("I am just a harmless, German tourist.  Pay no attention to me.").   

In the next terrible shot, a professor is reading at her desk.  Even though it's night, she only has a two watt desk lamp on.  Apparently, she hears a noise and calls out someone's name (I say "apparently" because they didn't have the money to foley in a noise).  

Now, here's the thing, she doesn't wait even a microsecond for a response, instead, she picks up the flashlight on her desk and walks out of her office and into an outer room, calling out the person's name.

Okay, she sits in her office in near total darkness, reading, and when she hears a noise, she picks up a convienent flashlight to go and investigate?  Me, I would have turned on the office light and then the lights in the other room.  But then again, what do I know, I'm not a professor?    

It's no surprise she is immediately killed.  And, just to rub it in, she was the first one killed and the only one who could act in the damn thing.

   Batman & Robin (1997) 1 - I'm serious.  We've got to stop Schummacher!

   Dungeons & Dragons (2000) 1 - You can find vhs copies for $3 at Wal-Mart along with Maria Carey's Glitter.

   Expériences érotiques de Frankenstein, Les (1972) 1 - "The Erotic Rites Of Frankenstein".  It's directed by Jess Franco.  For those that have seen his films, that's enough of a description.

   Fountainhead, The (1949) 1 - I couldn't get past the first few minutes.  

   Gosford Park (2001) 1 - Directed by Rober Altman.  To quote one reviewer, "There's a reason the British stopped making these movies years ago."

   Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988) (V) 1 - A remake of the original Howling, but closer to the novel (the script is by its author).  Watch it and you'll understand why the director of the original, Joe Dante, said that his biggest regret isn't that they changed so much from the novel for the film but that they kept anything from the book at all.

   Howling: New Moon Rising (1995) (V) 1 - Made for $12 and starring a cast of non-actors (they are just people who lived in the town in which they filmed).  

I have no idea who said, "Hey, let's make a werewolf movie starring senior citizens!  First, make sure that not only are none actors, but none can act!  Yeah, we'll show them line dancing over and over again!  And, to break that up, we'll include fart jokes!  Slap the 'Howling' name on it and it's guarenteed to make money!  Just toss in a muppet and call it a werewolf, the fans are too stupid to care!  And it doesn't matter that the werewolf looks like Big Bird because it's only on screen for three second at the end!"

   Prêt-à-Porter (1994) 1 - So, Robert Altman's directing style is that he doesn't have a style?  Is "bland" a style?

   Some Nudity Required (1998) 1 - Okay, this is a documentary made by a woman who wrote music for low-budget producer Roger Corman.  It's all about how his movies and others like them are terrible, horrible things that degrade women and lead men to violence and women to seek out humiliation.  She proves it by showing how she's into S&M and gets turned on watching women get murdered in movies.   

Oh, and we are also treated to home movies that her grandparents shot.  In it, she's a toddler and is dancing around totally naked.   It's really creepy watching these scenes and all I could think was that it looked like kiddie p0rn.  Later, she reveals that she was molested by her grandparents and that the home movies were basically filmed as kiddie p0rn.

Man, this woman is really screwed up.  She blasts movies, yet shows the audience all this godawful, degrading stuff about herself which is 1,000 times worse than any film.  

What's truely amazing is, first, that she still blames Roger Corman for her messed up life, and second, that this film can be found in major video stores (do they usually carry movies with naked, little kids?).  

   Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999) 1 - It's supposed to be bad on purpose?

   Tank Girl (1995) 1 - I couldn't make it to the end of this.

   Teenage Caveman (2002) (TV) 1 - A remake of the Roger Corman film by the director of Kids and Bully.  I haven't seen either of those, but people who have seen all three say it's basically the same movie:  (Very) young teens taking drugs and having sex.  There's a monster at the end for about 5 minutes and that's about it.  

Clarke, the director, seems like a pretty creepy guy.  Even though everyone is naturally over 18, none look it.  Lots of close-ups of the boys' underwear, if you know what I mean.  From what I understand, Clarke also did a nude photography book featuring very young teens.

Really, really creepy guy.   

   World Is Not Enough, The (1999) 1 - Worst Bond film ever.

So, stay away from Some Nudity Required and Teenage Caveman.   They fall into the "horrible and creepy" area of bad.


----------



## JRRNeiklot (Dec 11, 2003)

Let's see, here are three very crappy movies right off the top of my head.



Highlander 2
The Two Towers
Highlander 4


----------



## Mog Elffoe (Dec 11, 2003)

Berandor said:
			
		

> But to me, the worst top-list movie I've ever seen is "Battlefield Earth". It's like a trainwreck watching a trainwreck: you know it's as bad as it can get, and still, every single frame pushes the film farther down. It gets worse, and worse, and worse. It's almost as if the filmmakers deliberately tried to outdo the previous scene in sheer stupidity and stomach-turning camera positions.
> 
> Berandor




You guys remember the old _Kamandi_ comics by Jack Kirby?  If you watch _Battlefield Earth_ and think _Kamandi_ it's kind of fun.  Not a lot, granted, but kind of.


----------



## Atridis (Dec 11, 2003)

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen


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## Barendd Nobeard (Dec 11, 2003)

Hypersmurf said:
			
		

> Wait, Gabriel Byrne and Julian Sands, and it was bad?
> 
> That must have taken some effort!
> 
> -Hyp.



Yup, that surprised us at the time, because Julian was in "A Room With A View" which he was o.k. in.  Plus a few of the other actors we liked....




			
				Kahuna Burger said:
			
		

> I'm more impresse that it was bad with jodie foster. I [heart] Jodie...
> 
> Kahuna Burger



Well, I've liked her since "Paper Moon" (she was in the t.v. series) and "The Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane" (with--omigod--Martin Sheen!).  So that was a surprise as well.




			
				Hypersmurf said:
			
		

> Well, admittedly, Julian Sands was in Warlock 2, so he's not an absolute guarantee
> 
> -Hyp.



Well, this was before "Warlock 2".  "Warlock" was kind of fun, but the second one--I think I turned it off once on cable.


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 11, 2003)

Barendd Nobeard said:
			
		

> Yup, that surprised us at the time, because Julian was in "A Room With A View" which he was o.k. in.  Plus a few of the other actors we liked....
> 
> Well, this was before "Warlock 2".  "Warlock" was kind of fun, but the second one--I think I turned it off once on cable.




I really like Warlock.  It was after that that I saw Room with a View, in 6th form English class (we were reading the book at the time)... so having the Warlock show up in it was pretty cool 

But Warlock 2?  Yeech.

-Hyp.


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 11, 2003)

A few more of my pics.

*Beowulf:*  A little-known straight-to-video flick starring Cristopher Lambert and very loosely based on the epic poem.  Bad acting, bad special effects, and bad script.

*Tomcats:*  This movie tried to be a Something About Mary/American Pie-style "gross-out" comedy.  It was definately gross, but where was the funny?

*The American President:*  A two-hour-long infomercial for the political party of the writer and director disguised as a drama/romance/comedy.  Please note that I really don't want to drag politics into this thread, I'm just stating my feelings on the movie.

*The English Patient:*  This movie was longer and more painful than root canal surgery.  The fact that it won Best Picture is one of the major reasons that I have no faith in the Academy anymore.

*Alien 3:*  Need I explain?

*The Thin Red Line:*  I went into the theater expecting to see a gritty World War II movie in the vein of _Saving Private Ryan_.  Instead, I got to listen to some angsty loser spout poetry for a few hours.  Argh!


----------



## Brown Jenkin (Dec 11, 2003)

I thought of another one. I'm not sure if it is awful or I just don't comprehend it.

_Eraserhead_ (1978) Directed by David Lynch [I know this explains part of it]. I was confused from begining to end. I'm sure David Lynch was trying to get something across but it was completely beyond me.


----------



## Aeolius (Dec 11, 2003)

Villano said:
			
		

> Sheena (1984) 3 - Who told Tanya Roberts she could act?  And, if she was raised by the natives, why do they speak English and she speaks "Tarzan"?




   No one went to that one, to watch her "acting".  

   As for worst movies, I'd vote for anything that begins "Andy Warhol's..."


----------



## Tarrasque Wrangler (Dec 11, 2003)

Anyone ever see Passenger 57?  Laughably bad.  A bunch of Eurotrash terrorists (are there any other kind?) take over a plane, and anti-terrorist expert Wesley Snipes just happens to be there.  They fly around for a while, and then land for some reason at a county fair.  One of the guys gets out and shoots a rodeo bull for what I'm sure were very personal reasons.  It featured such great dialogue as" 

 "Did you and your friend enjoy yourselves down in the lower gallery? Down in that tight, little place? Tell me something, Marti. Did the hero get into your tight, little place?" 

 And this famous bon mot:

 "Charlie, ever play roulette?"
 "On occasion."
 "Well, let me give you a word of advice. Always bet on black!"

 Get it?  It's funny because he actually IS black!  Ha ha, that Snipes, what a wit.

 Although you do have to give the movie some props: Tom Sizemore's character has the coolest name this side of a porno shoot: Sly Delvecchio.  I'd give anything to have a name like that.  Damn you, mom and dad!

 And to bring this back around to Battlefield: Earth (forgot about the colon, didn't you?), that film has my favorite plot hole ever.  When I mention the term "plot hole" at a party (as I am prone to do) and somebody asks me what that term means, here's what I tell them:

 The Psychlos (ugh) are obsessed with money, and especially gold.  They even have these high-tech scanners that can see the gold inside a mountain of rock!  So when the humans mount their brilliant scheme, they swipe bars of gold from Fort Knox to make it look like they've been hard at work mining.  Question: with their aforementioned high-tech scanners, how did they miss the largest concentration of gold ON EARTH?  Now you may defend the film by saying "Maybe they didn't point their scanners at Tennessee and thus didn't know about Fort Knox or Elvis's impressive collection of gold records."  But then, how did the humans find out about it?  WITH THE PSYCHLO'S OWN COMPUTER!


----------



## Numion (Dec 11, 2003)

Kesh said:
			
		

> Then there was the 'comedy' with Sandra Bulloch in an alchohol rehab center. Filled with the most horrific cliche steretypes, unfunny jokes and poor attempts to tug on the heartstrings. It's so bad, I don't even remember what it was called.




28 days

I heard of a dude that tried to get 28 days _later_ (the british zombie flick, not half bad) and somehow ended up with bollocks 28 days. Dude was pissed  That was crap. Crap crap crap. I dunno if if bullock tried to define crap or something. 

So was her movie 2 weeks notice. Utter totally predictable crap.


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## demiurge1138 (Dec 11, 2003)

If there was justice in this world, _28 Days Later_ should have been about Sandra Bullock being attacked by flesh-hungry zombies.

Why, exactly, is _Highlander 2_ (or lack thereof, Hypersmurf) the worst movie ever, according to some? I've never seen it, and the only word-of-mouth I've heard has been vitriolic hatred on this board.

Demiurge out.


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 11, 2003)

Numion said:
			
		

> So was her movie 2 weeks notice. Utter totally predictable crap.




I haven't seen it, so I'll take your word for it... but the snippets I've seen in trailers etc made it look like Hugh Grant got to deliver a few amusing lines...?



			
				demiurge1138 said:
			
		

> Why, exactly, is _Highlander 2_ (or lack thereof, Hypersmurf) the worst movie ever, according to some? I've never seen it, and the only word-of-mouth I've heard has been vitriolic hatred on this board.




If such a movie existed, I'm sure it would actually have been considered a forgettable B-grade SF movie, no worse than hundreds of others, if it had retained exactly the same plot, but not attempted any overt connection to The Highlander.

If it had featured immortals who could only be killed by decapitation, people might have noted a touch of Highlander rip-off in there, but obviously, a plotline focused around aliens from a parallel dimension crossing over to 21st century semi-apocalyptic Earth to assassinate an exiled rebel alien-from-a-parallel-dimension would overwhelm any minor details like that.

But if such a movie existed, and actually called itself Highlander 2, and included characters named MacLeod and Ramirez, and somehow brought the aforementioned Ramirez (decapitated four or five hundred years earlier) back to life... fans might get a little put out.

If such a movie existed.

-Hyp.


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## theburningman (Dec 11, 2003)

I don't know if I can pick out a worst movie ever.  I've seen a lot of e to be sure, but worst ever?

Well. . .

Movies I saw at the theater and wished I could get my money back:

*_Weekend at Bernie's 2_ (I still hold my wife responsible)
*_Body of Evidence_ (with Madonna and Willem Defoe, during the late 80s/early 90s "erotic thriller" heyday)
*_Highlander 2_ (seriously, why?)
*_Natural Born Killers_ (no redeeming value whatsoever; contributed to my continuing distaste for the post-"Cheers" Woody Woody Harrelson)


A lot of the movies on this thread I think would go better under the category of movies that got a lot of critical praise/box office receipts but you just don't know why.  A few of my least favorites that fall into this category:

*_The English Patient_
*_Gosford Park_ (this one really ticked me off because the trailers for it made it look like an actual comedy, like _Cold Comfort Farm_ [which is well worth a rental, btw]; trust me, it ain't a comedy, not if you measure it by laughs anyway)
*_Traffic_
*_Armageddon_ (disappointing to me after Bay's _The Rock_)
*_Home Alone_ (it's funny, but it's not _that_ funny)
*_How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ (the doctor had to have rolled over in his grave; how can anyone who enjoyed the book/cartoon as a child watch this movie without feeling dirty?)
*_Men in Black 2_ (just not that great, still made a buttload of money)
*_My Big Fat Greek Wedding_ (again, funny, but not that funny)
*_The Mummy Returns_ (this movie was NOT as good as the first one)
*_Scary Movie_ (hey kids, try _Young Frankenstein_, _Blazing Saddles_, or _Airplane_ for a few lessons in the fine art of parody)

The list goes on, but I won't.


BTW, why is _Pirates of the Caribbean_ offensive?


----------



## Look_a_Unicorn (Dec 11, 2003)

I posted some stinkers earlier, but I had forgotten just how repulsively bad "Spanking the Monkey" is, till another post mentioned it.

I've seen more than half of the bad movies mentioned here, and in most cases I'd agree- but none of them can compare to the pure nausea that this movie induces.
Don't watch it. Punch anyone who recommends it- they are trying to destroy your mind.


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 11, 2003)

theburningman said:
			
		

> Movies I saw at the theater and wished I could get my money back:
> 
> *_Highlander 2_ (seriously, why?)




You didn't see it at the theatre.  There is no Highlander 2 

Maybe you're thinking of Highlander 3?  You could perhaps have asked for your money back on that one.



> *_How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ (the doctor had to have rolled over in his grave; how can anyone who enjoyed the book/cartoon as a child watch this movie without feeling dirty?)




I've got a copy of the book translated into Latin at home 

The translators managed to keep a "Seussian" feel to the language, too, with rhyme, alliteration, etc...

Fantastic gift.

-Hyp.


----------



## Pseudonym (Dec 11, 2003)

theburningman said:
			
		

> *_The Mummy Returns_ (this movie was NOT as good as the first one)



Oh yeah, I had forgotten about that one. Probably some sort of defense mechanism on my part. The mousy librarian turned reincarnated Egyptian ninja and the undead pygmy, Jurassic Park rippoff scene were bad enough, but the kid was the worse. I don't often go through a film praying for a small child to take a bullet, preferably in a slow motion close-up, but I was pretty disapointed that the kid lived through to the end.


----------



## ConnorSB (Dec 11, 2003)

Here's my nominee:

_Hyperspace_ This is a movie I bought on DVD for $2. Thats right. not twenty, not ten, but TWO. And actually bought it, from the shelves of a real store (Fry's Electronics). Here's how to describe this movie: Take Soldier, only the movie is about the garbage scow, not the guy who falls out of it. Then add a bit of event horizon, for the waking up from hypersleep. Mix in some "Angry ex-marine," "horny old man who keeps a shotgun onboard an extremely thin-hulled ship," and "girl who freaks out a lot." Then make the ship break, and add in the tension of that other movie, "The Cube," where there is only room for one person on the exit ship. Then add in an alien crab, some cyborgs, and a murderer or four. Oh, and some backstory cyborgs that like decapiation. Oh, and it was filmed by college students... or looks like it.


----------



## Villano (Dec 11, 2003)

demiurge1138 said:
			
		

> Why, exactly, is _Highlander 2_ (or lack thereof, Hypersmurf) the worst movie ever, according to some? I've never seen it, and the only word-of-mouth I've heard has been vitriolic hatred on this board?




I honestly can't believe that I forgot H2 on my list.  

If you want to know why it's one of the worst films of all time, it commits a double crime of not only being full of terrible dialogue and a nonsensical plot, but it totally ignores everything established in the first film.  In Highlander, the characters were immortal humans battling for a mythic "prize".  In H2, they are now aliens, and everyone who met each other in the 1st are now really old friends from another planet.  

Oh, and they are mortal on their homeworld, Ziest, but immortal on Earth.  Or as one character puts it:



> You will live forever here, until you return to Zeist, where you can die, or, under certain circumstances, you can die here, but not on Zeist.




Isn't that perfectly clear?  Now imagine an entire movie filled with this dialogue.   

Oh, and Zeist is a barren wasteland of a world where everyone is mortal, so they banish their criminal rebels to beautiful Earth where they will live forever.  See, they are being punished by being forced to live forever in a place a million times better then they were. 

Go ahead and read that over and over again.  It won't make any more sense.  

EDIT:  Oh yeah, doesn't it also begin with some weird title cards that read some thing like, "1999" (it was made in 1991), followed immediately by "25 years ago" and then "500 years ago"?


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 11, 2003)

Villano said:
			
		

> In H2, they are now aliens, and everyone who met each other in the 1st are now really old friends from another planet.




Ugh... wouldn't that be a horrible movie?

Let's hope they never make it.

-Hyp.


----------



## Brown Jenkin (Dec 11, 2003)

ConnorSB said:
			
		

> Here's my nominee:
> 
> _Hyperspace_ This is a movie I bought on DVD for $2. Thats right. not twenty, not ten, but TWO. And actually bought it, from the shelves of a real store (Fry's Electronics). Here's how to describe this movie: Take Soldier, only the movie is about the garbage scow, not the guy who falls out of it. Then add a bit of event horizon, for the waking up from hypersleep. Mix in some "Angry ex-marine," "horny old man who keeps a shotgun onboard an extremely thin-hulled ship," and "girl who freaks out a lot." Then make the ship break, and add in the tension of that other movie, "The Cube," where there is only room for one person on the exit ship. Then add in an alien crab, some cyborgs, and a murderer or four. Oh, and some backstory cyborgs that like decapiation. Oh, and it was filmed by college students... or looks like it.




You managed to awaked another repressed memmory. This reminds me somewhat of _Space Truckers_ with Dennis Hopper. Somewhere somehow someone thought that this was worth spending money on.


----------



## Caliber (Dec 11, 2003)

Brown Jenkin said:
			
		

> You managed to awaked another repressed memmory. This reminds me somewhat of _Space Truckers_ with Dennis Hopper. Somewhere somehow someone thought that this was worth spending money on.




Hehe. I liked Space Truckers!

Now Gummo ... 

If I ever want to see a young boy sitting in a bathroom stall in his boxer shorts while wearing bunny eaars and playing the accordian at least I know where to go. 

If I ever want to see two kids who make their money by catching cats and killing them, then selling them as meat to the local chinese restaurant, I know where to go. 

Gummo ... ::shudder::

Cabin Fever was horrible in so many ways. It was the type of horrible that made you want to laugh to simply escape the pain. I won't go into detail but I walked out threating to stab my friend who brought me there to see it. 'Nuff said.


----------



## Piratecat (Dec 11, 2003)

Brown Jenkin said:
			
		

> This reminds me somewhat of _Space Truckers_ with Dennis Hopper. Somewhere somehow someone thought that this was worth spending money on.




Dennis is technically family; he's married to my cousin. Go figure.


----------



## Hypersmurf (Dec 11, 2003)

Piratecat said:
			
		

> Dennis is technically family; he's married to my cousin. Go figure.




So... if we gave you a "This is for Waterworld and Super Mario Bros!" package, you could deliver it to him?

Just need to figure out how to get it past airport security...

Say... so Galen Grier Hopper is your second cousin?  Did they name her after Peter MacNicol's character from _Dragonslayer_, or the Technomage in _Crusade_?

-Hyp.


----------



## Krieg (Dec 11, 2003)

Four pages and no mention of the follwing?!?!
_Ator: The Fighting Eagle_

_Can't stop the music_ -w/ The Village people no less

_Gymkata_ - "Starring" (and I use that term loosely) Gymnist Kurt Thomas 

_Heartbeeps_ - Andy Kaufman & Bernadette Peters as escaped "domestic robots" on a quest to find their creator (think Bicentennial man on qualudes).

_Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band_ - w/the BeeGees in the title role!

_The Apple_ - A musical about the seemy side of the Rock & Roll industry in a "future" 1994 (the film came out in '80).

The worst part? I actually was the (dis)pleasure of seeing all of these in the theater. *shudder*

Oops, I forgot an honorable mention for _Popeye_ with Robin Williams and the worst Octopus special effects ever to make it on screen.



			
				Caliber said:
			
		

> Wasn't there another post apocalyptic movie where his only friend was a dog? (or maybe that was Frogtown ...)




That would be A Boy and His Dog with Don Johnson.









			
				Hypersmurf said:
			
		

> Curious - offensive to whom?  And why?
> 
> -Hyp.




My guess is either actual pirates or fans of the ride. 


			
				Caliber said:
			
		

> Hehe. I liked Space Truckers!
> 
> Now Gummo ...
> 
> ...




Gummo was certainly garbage. It was one of the few films I couldn't finish.

For me it was personally offensive as Korinee chose to locate it in an actual Ohio town that was devestated by a Tornado (in '74). He then goes on to paint said town in as negative a light as possible, despite the fact that he has never actually visited there. Of course when pressed on the issue he responds that it is a "fictional" town. 

Did I mention that I was born & raised in Xenia Ohio?

Strangely enough Steven King mentions Xenia at least two of his novels. The Stand & The Talisman.


----------



## Brown Jenkin (Dec 11, 2003)

Piratecat said:
			
		

> Dennis is technically family; he's married to my cousin. Go figure.




I have nothing against him as a person or actor. I just question his judgement sometimes in choosing to participate in certain movies.


----------



## Hammerhead (Dec 11, 2003)

Ghosts of Mars
Dreamcatcher
The Hulk
Some Like It Hot


----------



## Barendd Nobeard (Dec 11, 2003)

Brown Jenkin said:
			
		

> I thought of another one. I'm not sure if it is awful or I just don't comprehend it.
> 
> _Eraserhead_ (1978) Directed by David Lynch [I know this explains part of it]. I was confused from begining to end. I'm sure David Lynch was trying to get something across but it was completely beyond me.



I don't think it's awful _per se_, but I don't think it is supposed to mean anything.  It's just a bad dream put on film.  Period.  Try to analyze it, and you'll go crazy.

If you decide you hate it, blame Sissy Spacek.  After Lynch's grant money ran out, she gave her salary from _Carrie_ to Lynch so he could finish the film.  Her husband (Jack Fisk) is in _Eraserhead_--he plays the man (with the oatmeal face) who sits by a window a pulls the lever.  I am laughing as I type this, but I can not describe his part any other way.  His credit (at least in the IMDB) is "Man in the Planet"


----------



## Barendd Nobeard (Dec 11, 2003)

Krieg said:
			
		

> That would be A Boy and His Dog with Don Johnson.



The dog was "Tiger" from "The Brady Bunch".  A planned sequel called "A Girl and Her Dog" was cancelled when the dog died.  





			
				Krieg said:
			
		

> (re: who would be offended by _Pirates of the Carribean_)
> My guess is either actual pirates or fans of the ride.



OK, almost spewed soda on the monitor.  Thanks, Kreig!


----------



## TracerBullet42 (Dec 11, 2003)

Krieg said:
			
		

> _Gymkata_ - "Starring" (and I use that term loosely) Gymnist Kurt Thomas




Oh my...I had forgotten about this one...isn't this the one where he stumbles across a "pommel horse" in the middle of the woods and manages to fight bad guys on it?  That's some quality film....


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## Dagger75 (Dec 11, 2003)

Here is my list...

 Phantoms- Ben Afflek, Vasaline monsters, ringing any bells.  It sucked.  I saw this for free for a sneak peek.  I kid you not I had a reporter ask me what I thought, my quote "It was free and I paid to much."   Never got quoted in the paper though 

 Freddy Got Fingered-- Free also, I was luckier than most; there was a person talking on his cell phone durning the movie and I listened to him.

 Nutty Professor 2, The Klumps-- My brother wanted to see a movie and paid for this one.  He apologized afterwards and bought me a drink at a bar afterwards.

 And as for the Dungeons and Dragons movie, I didn't hate it.  Hell I bought it on DVD.  I want to believe he really wanted to do it justice but the studio wouldn't him.  At least he killed Snails. Give him that.


----------



## Krieg (Dec 11, 2003)

Barendd Nobeard said:
			
		

> The dog was "Tiger" from "The Brady Bunch".  A planned sequel called "A Girl and Her Dog" was cancelled when the dog died.




Now that would have been an odd sequel. Wonder what Harlan Ellison thought of that! lol

(Kinda cool that Tiger made it onto the big screen, better him than Cousin Oliver!)



			
				TracerBullet42 said:
			
		

> Oh my...I had forgotten about this one...isn't this the one where he stumbles across a "pommel horse" in the middle of the woods and manages to fight bad guys on it?  That's some quality film....










Doesn't every eastern european village have a medieval pommel-horse sitting in the town square?!


----------



## Steve Jung (Dec 11, 2003)

How's about_ King Solomon's Mines_? The one with Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone. The movie felt like a rip-off of Indiana Jones. I remember a scene that looked like a direct rip-off, but I can't recall what it was.


----------



## Krieg (Dec 11, 2003)

Steve Jung said:
			
		

> How's about_ King Solomon's Mines_? The one with Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone. The movie felt like a rip-off of Indiana Jones. I remember a scene that looked like a direct rip-off, but I can't recall what it was.




Hey don't forget Firewalker w/Chuck Norris & Louis Gossett Jr!


----------



## CCamfield (Dec 11, 2003)

I _try_ to make it a point not to go see movies I know will be bad.  Highlander sequels?  Nope.  The Mummy Returns?  Nope.  And so on.

However one "memorable" New Year's Eve I was over at a friend's house watching some movies.  And they all turned out to be stinkers.  The ones I can remember were Jurassic Park 3 ("Hey look!  Token black guy bought it!") and a Dolph Lundgren movie called Army of One.  Gaaaah.  

Ok, now that I think about him, I recall seeing far too many Muscles from Brussels films for my own mental health.  They pretty much all sucked. 

Another film that comes to mind was just a bad comedy that ... was just not funny, called And God Spoke.


----------



## WayneLigon (Dec 11, 2003)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Doesn't every eastern european village have a medieval pommel-horse sitting in the town square?!



I've seen that film. I can just see executives and a scriptwriter barricaded in a board room. "OK, somehow in this film he has to use the Thomas Flair at some point. Bernie, your job is to write that in there!" "But...but..."


----------



## s/LaSH (Dec 11, 2003)

Let's see...

Mortal Kombat: Anihilation - I was first able to see this when it screened at 2am one Saturday morning on TV. It's so utterly nonsensical. I still make jokes about Liu Kang's hair. "Space! Infinite empty vastness, the dust of millenia undisturbed by atmospheric motion. Life cannot survive in this barren place, nor would it want to be subjected to such eternal stasis. And Liu's hair spontaneously goes 'wooshbounce' like on a shampoo commercial."

Howard the Duck - I saw this on TV a while back. Well, when I say "I saw" I mean it was on, and I can remember bits of it, but I must have left the room; and when I say "a while back" I mean the most interesting part of the movie was when I came back in and a news update came up on the bottom of the screen announcing Princess Diana's sudden death. Then the movie ended.

Scream - ironic postmodern comment or whatever, I hated it. Only movie I've ever walked out of. It says something about the state of psychology in filmmaking when there's an entire genre dedicated to teen slashing, and what it says isn't good. (On the plus side, it's certainly given me a unique piece of demonology...)

This Island Earth - more famous (presumably) as the basis for a MST3K. If it hadn't had the wisecracks it'd have been utterly pointless. And nonsensical. As it is, it's an enduring classic for the ages. Doubly so, because of an unfortunate incident with a faulty VCR and episodes of Digimon. You had to be there, but it was awesome. I should burn it to DVD or something...

Any number of Dolph Lundgren or Jean Claude Van Damme movies, where you look at characters or scenery and wonder how long until they get broken, because that's all they're there for.

Roger Moore's Bond movies. Some were merely passable, some were completely absurd. I hope to never see Bond jump a bridge in a fire engine again. That was stupid. Cool, but still stupid, was Moonraker, where astronauts all have laser guns _because it's in space_. Not implausible for Bond, but why didn't anyone on the ground have laser guns? It makes no sense.

The D&D movie wasn't too bad, but it would have been a million times better if the dragons had been D&D dragons. Y'know, talking instead of roaring mindlessly. And let's not get into the beholder thing.

Now, on the list of movies that some people hated but I liked, I have to mention Final Fantasy. That was a great movie, but apparently people didn't have the right mindset to 'get' it. Spawn was an OK movie too; but I like the TV series much better (they made a major character white in the movie, don't know why; at least The Matrix universe has a realistic cross-section of humanity).


----------



## Dark Jezter (Dec 11, 2003)

s/LaSH said:
			
		

> The D&D movie wasn't too bad, but it would have been a million times better if the dragons had been D&D dragons. Y'know, talking instead of roaring mindlessly. And let's not get into the beholder thing.




I'll have you know that in my campaign, beholders always serve as watchdogs.  And yes, they can be distracted by a thrown rock.


----------



## Abraxas (Dec 11, 2003)

Lets see - worst movies (IMO) in alphabetical order, because depending on the day these change position in my worst movie list.

Ones I haven't seen here already . . .
Alien Ressurection
Cape Fear (remake) - I actually walked out of the theatre during this one.
Congo - the monkey suits were so bad as was the "this set of paw motions forms an infinite vocabulary" schtick.
Deep Blue Sea - It would take a long time to list everything that was bad about this movie.
What about Bob

Ones already listed that I agree with . . .
Natural Born Killers - A friend of mine ranks this as the top 3 of the 5 worst movies ever - I have to agree.
Nothing but Trouble
Titanic


----------



## Hypersmurf (Dec 11, 2003)

CCamfield said:
			
		

> ... and a Dolph Lundgren movie called Army of One.  Gaaaah.
> 
> Ok, now that I think about him, I recall seeing far too many Muscles from Brussels films for my own mental health.  They pretty much all sucked.




The Muscles from Brussels is van Damme, by the way - Lundgren's Swedish, not Belgian 

But what about Masters of the Universe?  I mean, sure, it had nothing much to do with the cartoon (I _love_ the story about the origins of the Masters of the Universe concept, by the way), but it was still fun 

And I enjoyed Dark Angel (the film with Lundgren, not the series with Jessica Alba).




			
				Abraxas said:
			
		

> Alien Ressurection




You know, I actually enjoyed that film up until the last fifteen minutes or so... the point where Ripley fell through the floor.  After that, it sucked.  Badly enough to ruin the first hour and a half.



> Deep Blue Sea - It would take a long time to list everything that was bad about this movie.




But it had Saffwon Buwwowes!  [giggle]

-Hyp.


----------



## talinthas (Dec 11, 2003)

bulletproof monk.  the mind reels at the horrid script.  who the hell thought that hot dog bun philosophy was cool?

Man, chow yun fat must have been hurting for cash...


----------



## Krieg (Dec 11, 2003)

s/LaSH said:
			
		

> Spawn was an OK movie too; but I like the TV series much better




The theatrical release of Spawn was pretty bad, but the director's cut was far more watchable.

Oops, almost forgot about Megaforce! Now there was glimpse into future conflict if ever I saw one! lol


----------



## Brown Jenkin (Dec 11, 2003)

Abraxas said:
			
		

> Ones I haven't seen here already . . .
> 
> What about Bob




Thats because it a a great comedy. I love that film.


----------



## Atridis (Dec 11, 2003)

s/LaSH said:
			
		

> [...]at least The Matrix universe has a realistic cross-section of humanity.




I'm sorry, I know it's off-topic, but that comment made me laugh so hard I almost puked. 

Back to the topic, sort of, I'd nominate "The Matrix Revolutions" in the sub-category of "Most Disappointing Movies Ever." It wasn't exactly _bad_ but, as with "Highlander 2", it made me wonder whether the writers had even seen the previous movie.


----------



## Mallus (Dec 11, 2003)

Hammerhead said:
			
		

> Some Like It Hot



???!?!?!?!?

With Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis [and Tony Curtis's crackerjack Cary Grant imperssion in the middle??!].

With lines like "You see the way she moves, its like jello on springs" and 
"But I'm a man!"
"Nobody's perfect."

Surely you jest.


----------



## trilobite (Dec 11, 2003)

Mallus said:
			
		

> ???!?!?!?!?
> 
> With Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis [and Tony Curtis's crackerjack Cary Grant imperssion in the middle??!].
> 
> ...




I would like to second that! _Some Like It Hot_ is a GREAT movie!

more lines from the movie:

Joe: [apologizing because the motor boat will only move backwards] I'm afraid it may take a little longer. 
Sugar: It's not how long it takes, it's who's taking you.


----------



## trilobite (Dec 11, 2003)

Does anyone remember a british alien vampire movie called _Lifeforce_? Yuck what a bad movie. The only reason to watch it would be the the girl/alien/vampire who walks around naked for the first 15 minutes of the film.


----------



## tetsujin28 (Dec 11, 2003)

Maraxle said:
			
		

> I know this one has a cult following (for reasons that I can't fathom), but another one I hated was Bad Taste.  Peter Jackson, how could you?



What do you mean, how could he? Haven't you seen _Meet the Feebles_ or _Dead Alive_? Those movies rule.

And again: none of you know pain. I've sat through every movie that's been mentioned so far. None of them are _At Long Last Love_.


----------



## Villano (Dec 11, 2003)

reapersaurus said:
			
		

> It's always amazing to me how people can fool themselves into saying (with any shred or pretense of objectivity) that films like Pirates of the Carribean and Contact could be some of the worst movies ever made.
> 
> Similarly, some of the movies listed here are not nearly a "worst movie ever", simply they are a movie that you hate, or a movie that many people like that you harbor a dark spot in your heart for (Fargo, Contact, PotC, etc).
> 
> There's a big difference.




Good and bad is subjective.  The English Patient, Gosford Park, Gladiator, and Titanic all simulaneously landed on both best and worst of the year lists by major film critics.  Hell, Gladiator, TEP, and Titanic won Oscars and GP was nominated for one.

Ebert even said before Gladiator won that if it did it would be the worst film to ever win an Oscar.  And he _loved_ Speed 2.   

For me, I can't understand why people think Peter Jackson is such a great director.  Fellowship of the Rings was okay, imo, and I actually kind of liked Two Towers, but I don't think he shot either film all that well.   The first one was nearly as bad as the "wipe, 45 degree camera angle, blue filter" style of Battlefield: Earth with it's sweeping helicopter shots for practically every establishing shot.

And TT had more than a few scenes that were downright laughable, like the heroes standing at the top of a hill, looking down it, and then running and hiding while an army rides past them, unawares.  Um, how did the army miss them if they were standing on the top of the hill and, judging from the time it took for the soldiers to reach them, they must have only been 30 feet away?


----------



## buzzard (Dec 11, 2003)

Enforcer said:
			
		

> In the vein of Kevin Costner doing the post-apocalyptic thang: The Postman. I don't know how it ended (if it ever did), because I had to turn it off when it was running on cable.




The Postman deserves to be reviled because it does such disservice to such a good book. Costner really has a gift for making horrific movies. 

buzzard


----------



## Mallus (Dec 11, 2003)

*And another thing...*

...I'll never forgive the MST3K crew for choosing This Island Earth for their one and only feature film.

Granted, TIE is no Forbidden Planet [which for my money is one of the 5 greatest films of all time; both grandly pretentious --paging Prospero, err Dr. Morbius-- and wildy pulpy  --Robbie the Robot and his internal hooch factory, the Id monster].

But This Island Earth is such a great example of roots-SF; with its noble, handsome scientist hero [who flies jet fighters for fun], wonderous gadgets [the Interociter --I still want one in my living room], bug-eyed monsters, essentially decorative female characters [hey, at least she was a fellow scientist], and anxious and conflicting message about the salvific power of technology].

Plus, the shot of Exeters lovely ovoid starship gliding to rest atop that luminescent green slanted stalk beneath the ruined surface of Metaluna is one of the most beautiful and effective shots in all visual SF, IMHO...


----------



## Pants (Dec 11, 2003)

Brown Jenkin said:
			
		

> You managed to awaked another repressed memmory. This reminds me somewhat of _Space Truckers_ with Dennis Hopper. Somewhere somehow someone thought that this was worth spending money on.



Ah, pain!  I had forgotten about that one... _Space Truckers_ was bad... It was even worse when the chick started commenting on the cyborg guy's 'love pole' *ehem*.
Although, watching George Wendt get sucked into space butt first was surprisingly funny.   



			
				talinthas said:
			
		

> bulletproof monk.  the mind reels at the horrid script.  who the hell thought that hot dog bun philosophy was cool?
> 
> Man, chow yun fat must have been hurting for cash...



I wouldn't call _Bulletproof Monk_ the worst, but it ranks up there...

Here's how every scene goes in the movie...

Chow: You must do somering spirirual and you wir become better..
Stifler: Hah, I said something sarcastic that managed to be surprisingly funny.  I am the only entertaining part in this movie. GIVE ME MONEY!
Chow: Get down, evir nazis are attacking us with a hericopter in the middleof the city!
*insert Matrix bullet effects here*


----------



## Joshua Randall (Dec 11, 2003)

Hypersmurf said:
			
		

> Well, admittedly, Julian Sands was in Warlock 2, so he's not an absolute guarantee



Hey man, don't be dissin' Warlock 2!!! 

The one movie I cannot stand is Local Hero. I know this is supposed to be a great movie (IMDB gives it 7.6/10) but I just... don't... like it. So there.

In the category of so bad it's funny is Alienator. Everything about this movie is horribly, horribly sucky, yet it's amusing to watch. The best - oh my god, I am laughing as I type this - is at the end when Jan-Michael Vincent's character (he of the Airwolf TV show fame) gets into a light sabre duel with another guy. But the light sabre look like the Schwartz rings from Spaceballs. I mean... I can't do justice to this scene... it's so, so bad.

*wipes away tears of laughter*


----------



## Kesh (Dec 11, 2003)

Skade said:
			
		

> I have to agree with you on Sandra Bullock,I can't tell you why but I'll watch whatever romantic comedy she churns out.




I hate romcoms. And since that's 90% of what she stars in, I don't care for her that much.


----------



## Kesh (Dec 11, 2003)

Steve Jung said:
			
		

> How's about_ King Solomon's Mines_? The one with Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone. The movie felt like a rip-off of Indiana Jones. I remember a scene that looked like a direct rip-off, but I can't recall what it was.




Well, it's hard to call it a rip-off. Considering the lead character was Allan Quatermain. Yeah, same one that got used in _League of Extraordinary Gentlemen_. The book this movie is based on was written in 1885.


----------



## Michael Morris (Dec 11, 2003)

I hate a great many movies, but few as badly as the _Dungeons & Dragons_ movie.  Mr. Cranky sums it in a most hilarious manner.


-----
In the review that ran in my local newspaper, Bob Thomas of the Associated Press describes _Dungeons & Dragons_ as a board game. This sort of comment should give people pause in thinking of film critics as journalists, which is a word I consider an insult in the first place. Journalists are basically the scum who couldn't make it in the real writing classes. However, imagining that couchbound, donut-inhaling Bob couldn't even lift up his hand to spend all of five seconds to find out that D&D isn't a board game really brings new meaning to the words "lazy, fat, haven't seen my genitals without a handheld mirror in the last twenty years, bastard." You know, if you're going to belittle something, get your facts straight. As we all know, _Dungeons & Dragons_ is played with life-size dolls by participants wearing adult diapers.

Apparently, the director of this film, Courtney Solomon, has spent the last ten years of his life trying to get this film made. Given the timelines of his little crusade, one wonders whether his next project, _Pet Rock: The Movie_ will ever get off the ground. This movie contains writing so bad that it forces normal people to curse God for allowing human communication to even exist. The acting is so bad that one assumes that the actors were all separated from each other and forced to stand in front of a green screen and pretend there was stuff going on. This combination is the Hollywood equivalent of farting into an open flame -- it all seems kind of harmless until you realize the effect feels exactly like being sodomized by the Heat Miser.

Do actors even read scripts anymore? How did Jeremy Irons end up in this thing? He plays the evil Profion, who's trying to take over Empress Savina's (Thora Birch) kingdom by getting control of dragons. Almost every emotional scene Irons does is accompanied by putting both hands up in the air and waving them around for dramatic effect. Thora Birch is so bad that I actually felt glad for her having taken off her shirt in "American Beauty", else this would certainly spell the end of her career. She runs around cooing about making everybody in her kingdom equal and then, when she wins the fight in the end (big surprise), she pronounces everybody equal. "You're all equal," she says. For his part, Justin Whalin, who plays the hero-thief Ridley, uses the dramatic head turn to simulate despair as well as any porno actor who has ever walked the planet. When things get really bad for him, he drops to his knees and screams "Noooooo!" at the top of his lungs, as though he'd just discovered that somebody had taken a dump in his Chalupa.

Funny, that was exactly the same reaction I had when I heard this movie was coming out.

---
More reviews like this are at www.mrcranky.com.  BTW, the language gets far worse than this particular review - You've been warned.


----------



## Brown Jenkin (Dec 11, 2003)

If you make a movie and nobody watches can it be the worst ever? I haven't seen it and aparently nobody else did either but I keep hearing that _Gigli_ is now the worst movie ever made. Even Tom Green made jokes about it complaining that his _Freddy Got Fingered_ no longer had the title of worst ever.


----------



## barsoomcore (Dec 11, 2003)

Mr Cranky rules. I would not argue with a word of that review -- except that he inexplicably fails to mention the girl playing the elf ranger, who not only manages to stand out as a bad actor in the midst of this film, but is handicapped by a costume so idiotic that I spent the latter half of the film yelling, "What the %&$! are you wearing?" at the screen and giggling madly.

I repeat again: I love the D&D movie because it was so clearly made by somebody who played in campaigns just like the ones I used to play in. If I'd made a D&D movie twenty years ago, it would have turned out very much like this one. It just warms my heart every time I think about it.

But, seriously, _Some Like It Hot_?

Marilyn Monroe: "I used to sell kisses for the Milk Fund."
Tony Curtis: "Write a check to the Milk Fund."

Possibly the funniest movie ever made.

And yes, I consider PotC one of the worst. Unfunny, with stars of such low wattage and minimal talent that they make my nerves grate, a story that makes NO sense whatsoever, clunky, heavy-handed direction that manages to make Johnny Depp and Jeffrey Rush flat and lifeless -- that was a seriously BAD film.

Okay, biggest film of the year, biggest DVD launch of all time, clearly my tastes do not very well accord with those of the masses... I'll live with that.


----------



## Hypersmurf (Dec 11, 2003)

barsoomcore said:
			
		

> And yes, I consider PotC one of the worst. Unfunny, with stars of such low wattage and minimal talent that they make my nerves grate, a story that makes NO sense whatsoever, clunky, heavy-handed direction that manages to make Johnny Depp and Jeffrey Rush flat and lifeless -- that was a seriously BAD film.




I walked out of that movie thinking "Johnny Depp is God."

Bizarre 

-Hyp.


----------



## barsoomcore (Dec 11, 2003)

Note that I certainly don't consider PotC a candidate for _Worst Film Ever_. It was bad, but it wasn't legendarily bad. _Worst Film Ever_ is too grandiose a title for something so contrived and bland.


----------



## barsoomcore (Dec 11, 2003)

Johnny Depp is God. Er, no John Malkovitch is God. No, wait, Viggo Mortensen is God. No, I mean...


----------



## dagger (Dec 11, 2003)

*Basic* and *[size=+1]Escape from L.A.[/size]*


Enough said....


----------



## Hypersmurf (Dec 11, 2003)

barsoomcore said:
			
		

> Johnny Depp is God. Er, no John Malkovitch is God. No, wait, Viggo Mortensen is God. No, I mean...




I've never understood how they could take John Malkovich, Jeremy Irons, Gabriel Byrne, and (to a lesser extent) Gerard Depardieu, put them all in the same movie...

... and then cast _Leonardo diCaprio_ in _two_ roles!

I mean, sure, Jeremy Irons did the D&D Movie, but if we forgive him that, I think he's great.  And my opinion of Malkovich and Byrne is well-documented.

I loved all three of them - and Depardieu - in Man in the Iron Mask.  And I thought the kid playing Athos Jr did a wonderful son-of-Malkovich.  But _why_ diCaprio?

?!

-Hyp.


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## barsoomcore (Dec 11, 2003)

Actually, I'm okay with Leo. Boy's got chops. He was wrong for that role, no question -- though nobody else springs to mind.

But he can act. I just wish he'd choose better films. Though I never saw _Catch Me If You Can_ and heard it was pretty good, so maybe he's heading for better times.


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## KenM (Dec 11, 2003)

Dark Jezter said:
			
		

> I'll have you know that in my campaign, beholders always serve as watchdogs.  And yes, they can be distracted by a thrown rock.





  If i'm going into a castle and I see beholders as the guards, I leave. I don't care what level I am. If the have beholders as guards, what the heck is on the inside?   
  Back on topic, no one mentioned Gigli? I heard it was BAD. Glad i never saw it.


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## KnowTheToe (Dec 11, 2003)

I am proud I have seen only 3 of the top 100 worst movies from the link earlier in the thread.  My life has more value now that I know I have not wasted it watching those movies.


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## SnowDog (Dec 11, 2003)

Glad to see Gymkata getting some mentions here.

I usually hate to see "worst movie ever" discussions because they usually end up meaning "most overrated movie ever."  I mean, who goes into Gymkata thinking it's good?  Can you really say Batman and Robin is a worse movie than Gymkata?  I mean, I'm much more angry at Batman and Robin than I am Gymkata, because I wanted B&R to be good ... but I hold no illusions about which movie is actually worse.

Funny, though, how the brain works.  My best buddy was over my house, it was late.  There may have been booze involved.  We sat on the couch and flipped channels, in some kind of exhausted daze.  We stumbled onto Gymkata.  We were powerless to change the channel.  The climactic pommel-horse combat ... wow.

As a result, we have this great amazing shared memory of an evening that otherwise would have been forgotten, of an event that is iconic of a time in our lives we'll never return to.  Would that memory have been formed if we had stumbled onto Batman and Robin?  Alien 3?  Highlander 2?  Dick Tracy (my personal vote for most overrated movie)?

No.

Gymkata wins my personal "worst movie ever" award, but I'm thrilled to have seen it .


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## KnowTheToe (Dec 11, 2003)

I would ad Dark City to that list.


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## Barendd Nobeard (Dec 11, 2003)

SnowDog said:
			
		

> Glad to see Gymkata getting some mentions here.
> 
> I usually hate to see "worst movie ever" discussions because they usually end up meaning "most overrated movie ever."  I mean, who goes into Gymkata thinking it's good?  Can you really say Batman and Robin is a worse movie than Gymkata?  I mean, I'm much more angry at Batman and Robin than I am Gymkata, because I wanted B&R to be good ... but I hold no illusions about which movie is actually worse.
> 
> ...



Great story, Snow Dog.

I feel the same way about some of the bad ones I've stumbled onto, especially _Bluebeard_ starring Richard Burton.  I can't say _Masters of the Universe_, because we went to the theater and paid full price, knowing it would be bad.  My two best friends and I kept saying, "Good journey" (with badly mangled versions of the accompanying hand gesture) for weeks after that one.

I am now *stoked* to see _Gymkata_!  I can't believe there is a movie starring an American Olympic gymnast worse than _American Anthem_, starring Mitch Gaylord.  At least his "gymnastic apparatus in the woods" had a reason for being there (his character practiced there).  But I will not rent _Gymkata_.  No, I will wait and stumble on to it, late one night, and force myself to watch it, in all of its horrid glory--as I, too, will be powerless to change the channel.  

This happened a few weeks ago.  We were in a hotel room, on our way to a con, and the ending of Star Trek V was on.  We could not stop watching (there were three of us, and we'd all seen it before)....finally, someone made the Will save, turned off the t.v., and we were free.


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## MarauderX (Dec 11, 2003)

Hope floats.  My wife still owes me big for making me see that piece o' crap.  Sandra Bullock went from the 'hot' list to the 'not' list faster than anyone, ever.  >Shiver<


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## Jhamin (Dec 11, 2003)

Dark Jezter said:
			
		

> *The Thin Red Line:*  I went into the theater expecting to see a gritty World War II movie in the vein of _Saving Private Ryan_.  Instead, I got to listen to some angsty loser spout poetry for a few hours.  Argh!




Good God this was awful!

I almost developed ulcers during one of (not _the_, _one of_) the scenes where soldiers shoot at eachother in slow motion while the camera pans up into the trees and does a closeup of fruitbats hainging from the branches while classical music plays.

And it just wouldn't end!

You know the part at the end when the finally take the hill?  Guess what, the movie lasts another 45 min!

I'm angry now just thinking about it.


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## Jhamin (Dec 11, 2003)

And the Grinch!

How much do you have to muck up the story for a viewer to be able to step back, observe the plot, and decide that the Grinch is justified and the Whos down in Whoville have it coming?  

And did the Grinch really need a love interest in the form of the mayor's blond spandex wearing wife?

I mean WTF?  The _Grinch_ had a _love interest_???


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## barsoomcore (Dec 11, 2003)

Just to yet again establish myself as clueless, I love love love _The Thin Red Line_. One of my favourite movies.

As long as you stop trying to insist it be a war film, it's got so much going on. Well, I watch it over and over.


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 12, 2003)

Barendd Nobeard said:
			
		

> I can't say _Masters of the Universe_, because we went to the theater and paid full price, knowing it would be bad.  My two best friends and I kept saying, "Good journey" (with badly mangled versions of the accompanying hand gesture) for weeks after that one.




I have a lot of fondness for that movie 

I don't claim it's _good_, but it's _fun_.

And I think Dolph Lundgren actually makes a really good He-Man.

-Hyp.


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## Steve Jung (Dec 12, 2003)

Kesh said:
			
		

> Well, it's hard to call it a rip-off. Considering the lead character was Allan Quatermain. Yeah, same one that got used in _League of Extraordinary Gentlemen_. The book this movie is based on was written in 1885.



Well, I didn't know that when I saw it in the theater.  I haven't read the books either.


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## tetsujin28 (Dec 12, 2003)

Joshua Randall said:
			
		

> The one movie I cannot stand is Local Hero. I know this is supposed to be a great movie (IMDB gives it 7.6/10) but I just... don't... like it. So there.



It's a great movie. Bill Forsyth was a really talented writer/director before he came to the States. Then his career went down the toilet.


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## Villano (Dec 13, 2003)

I'll add *Black Mask 2* to the list.  This one might even give H2 a run for its money in the "kill me to make the pain stop" department.

Also, any movie with the words "Starring Madonna" will certainly qualify for worst film ever.


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## JediSoth (Dec 13, 2003)

I'm going to have to say "Manos: Hands of Fate" is THE worst movie ever made, followed closely by "The Incredible Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies!!?" (not even Mike and the 'bots could help me view that all the way through the first time). "The Creeping Terror" must get a nod here too, it's a horror movie with a NARRATOR! Apparently the director accidentally knocked all the sound recording equipment into a lake early in the production and couldn't afford to replace it. Plus, the monster looks like a giant shag carpet that moves so slowly, its victims have to crawl into its mouth to be devoured.

God Bless MST3K for enriching my life with terrible movies!

JediSoth


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## BluWolf (Dec 13, 2003)

Mallus said:
			
		

> Grrrrr....
> 
> A film the contains the quote -- "History, tradition, culture... These are not concepts, they are trophies I keep in me den as paperweights!" --cannot, in my own supersubjective opinion, be all bad. As a matter of fact, a line like that pretty much guarantees the film a top spot on the "Its all good" list...





I'm sorry. I have been outed.

I giggle my fool A$$ off everytime I watch this movie. 

I have the collector's edition (Your welcome Bruce).

This one makes it as one of my desert island top ten.


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## Barendd Nobeard (Dec 13, 2003)

JediSoth said:
			
		

> followed closely by "The Incredible Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies!!?"



 OK, actually, it's "...Incredibly...."

Yes, I've seen it in all it's horrible glory.  You mean you didn't like the big musical numbers (star/director Ray Dennis Steckler's wife at the time, Carolyn Brandt, was a dancer, so there's often musical numbers in his films).  If I recall correctly, another character's musical number had lyrics along the lines of:

_Choo choo chi-boochie
I love you baby
Oh so much
Uh ooh wow wow

Choo chooooo
Choo chi-boochie
kisses drive me wild
(drive me wild!)
choo chooooo
I am weaker than a little child
wow wow WOW!
_

And the MST3K couldn't make it all the way through this film?  Wimps!


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## ConnorSB (Dec 13, 2003)

Ahh... Gymkata. 

I'll have you know, _Hyperspace_ was hyped as having Richard Norton as the main character. Note that he not only played a minor role in Gymkata, but was also the star of not just Carnasaurs, but Carasaurs 2 as well. Personally, not only is he an awful actor, but he is so consistantly bad and yet dedicated to continuing his career that Richard Norton is actually the Worst Actor Ever. And hyperspace is just, well, awful.

Here's its entry on IMDB, so you can sample the filmographys of its "illustrious" cast... and director.

http://us.imdb.com/name/nm0636280/


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 13, 2003)

ConnorSB said:
			
		

> Personally, not only is he an awful actor, but he is so consistantly bad and yet dedicated to continuing his career that Richard Norton is actually the Worst Actor Ever.




Heh.

I'm mostly familiar with Richard Norton from his appearances in Cynthia Rothrock films.

And even in those, he stands out as an Awful Actor 

_That_ takes talent.

-Hyp.


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## Richards (Dec 13, 2003)

Here's another one I'll throw onto the list, only because it hasn't been mentioned yet...

Hmm, it must have been around 1983 or 1984, I went to the movies with a friend of mine from high school who ended up at the same university as I did.  Not knowing most of the movies that were playing at the time (nothing particularly caught our eyes), I suggested we try "Timewalker," since I had seen an ad for it on TV and it was supposed ot be some kind of horror movie.

Ugh.  Not only was it a cheesy mummy movie, but it looked like it had been made by high schoolers in their spare time.  Bad acting, poor special effects, sucky mummies, and then, to top it off, apparently they ran out of money to make this stinker, so they ended the movie with a "To Be Continued" right in the middle of what little action there was.

"To Be Continued" -- yeah, right.  It's been two decades now, and there hasn't been a public outcry of "so what happened next?" that I'm aware of.

Johnathan


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## Sharraunna (Dec 13, 2003)

Even Cowgirls Get the Blues  *cringe*


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## Sir Osis of Liver (Dec 14, 2003)

What no mention of Hardware, or Metalstorm: the wrath of jarad synn?(not sure on the jarad synn spelling btw)

Highlander 2 was of course just as hugh a pile o' crap.

Although Gymkata and megaforce are on my so bad i can't help liking them list.

A loose it everytime i see the pommel horse seen.


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## noretoc (Dec 14, 2003)

Fist of the northstar.  The live version.  'Nuff said.


Though I have to give D&D movie a nod.  uhg.


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## 2d6 (Dec 15, 2003)

JediSoth said:
			
		

> I'm going to have to say "Manos: Hands of Fate" is THE worst movie ever made, followed closely by "The Incredible Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies!!?" (not even Mike and the 'bots could help me view that all the way through the first time). "The Creeping Terror" must get a nod here too, it's a horror movie with a NARRATOR! Apparently the director accidentally knocked all the sound recording equipment into a lake early in the production and couldn't afford to replace it. Plus, the monster looks like a giant shag carpet that moves so slowly, its victims have to crawl into its mouth to be devoured.
> 
> God Bless MST3K for enriching my life with terrible movies!
> 
> JediSoth




I can't beleive it took six pages before Manos was mentioned. It's horrable, it defies description how aweful this film is.


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## ShinHakkaider (Dec 15, 2003)

Enforcer said:
			
		

> Let's see...I also hated Blade Runner. I got the director's cut on DVD because everyone said it was a "must own" for the new format. That movie was soooo stupid. Maybe I'm just pissed that I spent money on it, who knows?





I don't think it's a terrible movie, but I definitely think that it's waaaaaaay overrated. 

I was about 12 when I saw Blade Runner back in 82. I thought Deckards gun was cool. I thought Pris was cool when she was kicking Deckards ass in that building, I though the lying cars were cool.

When I was older I appreciated the noir aspects of the film more than the Sci-Fi elements, but my fellow geeks at the time swore up and down that this was one of the best movies ever. I told them that they REALLY needed to see more movies. It's a good movie with the voice over and IMHO the directors cut hurts the film abit, but yeah it's not the end all be all the everyone (except for you) seems to think it is. 

As for me I try to avoid things that I know that I'm not going to like. Every now and then however I get caught out there, case in point Highlander 2, House on Haunted Hill and Spider Man. 

Yes I said Spider-Man. I liked when I first saw it and even got the DVD. THen Iwatched it again and realized just how bad this movie was. Ugh.


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## reapersaurus (Dec 15, 2003)

ShinHakk - again, you're getting confused between a "Movie that disappointed you" or a "Movie that other people like and you don't" with "The Worst Movie Ever."

I now will give props to ENWorld for actually having a very entertaining, informative Worst Movies Ever thread that actually targets some BAD movies.

So many message boards miss the boat in their "Worst Movies Ever" threads - this one has nailed some REALLY bad movies. And is a lot of fun - I'm laughing hard at the screencap of the Gymkata pommel horse and the like.

:thumbsup:, ENWorld.

Now what the heck is "At Long Last Love", and why does it sound somewhat familiar?


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## cybermonkey (Dec 15, 2003)

*HELL SQUAD (not the 1958 one)*

Back in the early 90's, just about any movie that came on USA's Up All Night would qualify as being bad movies.

There was one "Hell Squad"... It involved a group of women trained as commandos. However, their uniforms were nothing more than a bikini and thong (camoflauged of course) and some wore bandoliers with bullets that wouldn't even fit into their guns or rifles.

The female commandos (about a dozen of them) were once Vegas showgirls and they would train to rescue some diplomat's son. In between training and missions all would take a bath together. (remember this, it becomes important later).

There was all kinds of continuity problems with the film. This was my favorite: After rescuing some men there was a wide shot of the women helping the men onto the shore. Two women were assisting a guy and they drop him on the shore and exit the screen. My roommate and I started to yell at the TV "Go back for him. Go back." And without editing anything out. The two women came back picked up the guy and walked off the screen.

With the main mission accomplished the women were back in the hot tub/bath tub (yes it was a big tub) and it was learned that there might have been a traitor among the commados. They cornered one girl, pulled her wig off and it was a guy....

All this time in the bath tub and no one noticed that someone was bring extra equipment to the party???

Another horrible film: Day of the Dead. I watched about an hour of it, but between the stereotype characters portrayed by individuals that may have flunked out of acting school, a piss-poor script and thinning plot line, I could only take so much.


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## pezagent (Dec 16, 2003)

Enforcer said:
			
		

> Let's see...I also hated Blade Runner. I got the director's cut on DVD because everyone said it was a "must own" for the new format. That movie was soooo stupid. Maybe I'm just pissed that I spent money on it, who knows?




Oh no! Blade Runner is _the_ quintessential sci-fi movie! 

The special effects--All shot with models and matte paintings, composited with optical printers! No computers used at all. If you ever get a chance to see pictures of the model of Los Angeles, it's quite intense.

The editing is incredible. All done before non-linear editing was available. What a chore! 

The Vangelis (that's a hard G, by the way) soundtrack is  beautiful--composed with analog synths at the time. He didn't release it until the DVD came out. Before that, fans were faced to listen to the "New Light Orchestra."

The quotes pulled from that movie are great... _Did you get your precious... photos?_ _I want more life, er._

Rutger Hauer gives the performance of his lifetime as Roy Batty... Daryl Hannah will always be Pris, and Harrison Ford in his first and only role with a crew cut.

Yes, the script has flaws, but that's what gives it charm. There's a lot more _soul_ in Blade Runner than there ever will be in movies to come. Computers make everything so simple these days--take the new Star Wars films, which I consider to be amongst the worst ever made--nothing but CGI! I could have killed Lucas for ruining the original Star Wars movies with his digital "remakes". Ruins the whole thing.

Blade Runner represents a moment in sci-fi history that was captured by a very talented and imaginative crew. You'll never see that caliber of work done on a movie ever again. Not even in LOTR.

I believe one must watch BR for what it achieved at the time it was made, not in the context of the films being made today. It's age is certainly starting to show, but one must also remember how much Blade Runner influenced almost every sci-fi movie ever made after it's release.

/johnny


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## TracerBullet42 (Dec 16, 2003)

reapersaurus said:
			
		

> I now will give props to ENWorld for actually having a very entertaining, informative Worst Movies Ever thread that actually targets some BAD movies.




Yeah...that's right...go me.  I started this thread...

(Pats self on back...)


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## Bloodstone Press (Dec 16, 2003)

Don't know if its been mentioned yet, but there is a movie called "Druids" with Christopher Lambert. I actually rented it, and couldn't watch more than the first half hour. It might have gotten better later, but I'll never know. 


 I'd also vote for the DnD movie. When walking out of the theater, one of our group even said "Ok. That is now the worst movie I've ever seen."


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## pezagent (Dec 16, 2003)

Well, after discussing it at work this evening, I have decided to put the following on this list:

*Matrix: Revolutions* <-- the biggest letdown since New Coke.
*All new Star Wars movies* <-- George Lucas forgets how lucky he was with the original, once thinking it would bomb...
*Signs* <-- craptacular, I'd rather read Alan Moore's toilet journal.
*Waterworld* <-- one of the worst movies ever made by man at that price.
*Anything with the word "Police Academy" in the title* <-- this should be obvious...
*Evolution*<-- honestly, why did they waste their money making this?
*Vanilla Sky* <-- Cruise Crap. Take some LSD instead, you'll thank me.
*Minority Report* <-- Speilberg should have stopped at the 3rd Kind and thanked us for loving ET.
*Murder by Numbers* <-- I was bored, I'm in New Zealand, there's not much choice, I rented it, I barely watched it, amen.

and finally

*What about Bob?* <-- suddenly this pops to mind as one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I think this movie helped break up my first marriage...

/johnny


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## Null Boundry (Dec 16, 2003)

cybermonkey said:
			
		

> Another horrible film: Day of the Dead. I watched about an hour of it, but between the stereotype characters portrayed by individuals that may have flunked out of acting school, a piss-poor script and thinning plot line, I could only take so much.




There is a secret to watching this film. 

Watch it on fast forward.

It actually comes across quite well and will save you a few hours of your life. Fair enough you lose the spoken parts but hey some prices are worth paying.


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## WizarDru (Dec 16, 2003)

reapersaurus said:
			
		

> Now what the heck is "At Long Last Love", and why does it sound somewhat familiar?



Well, here's the IMDB entry for said movie.

A musical with Burt Reynolds and Cybil Sheppard, doing Cole Porter tunes directed by Peter Bogdanavich.  Yeah, that looks like a recipe for a train wreck, all right.  Never seen it, myself, but IMDB reviewers make it clear that a musical with dancing should have people who can sing and dance in the lead roles.  Apparently Madeline Khan is the only saving grace to it.

Personally, I agree that many folks are confusing "disappointing" and "I didn't like it" with genuinely bad movies, of which many are made every year.  I mean, "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" is abysmally bad....but did anyone actually think it was meant to be anything but?  The problem may be one with defining what a bad movie actually is. 

Clearly, a film like "Highlander II" is bad in a wholly different way than, say "The Guardian".  And both of these are not nearly the howlers that "MetalStorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn (in 3D!)" or "Cherry 2000" or "Demon Island" are...in completely different ways.  In the case of "The Guardian", I got a free preview ticket to go see it...and I felt like I had been cheated out of my valuable time.  If I had realized at the time that it was directed by William Friedkin, I would have been doubly irritated that it was so awful.

Picking a Worst Movie Ever to me is like choosing maggoty bread over black, rotten fruit....I can't tell you which is worse, just that they all revile me.


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## Dirigible (Dec 16, 2003)

Ahh, this thread has dug up so many wonderful supressed memories. Gems of utter, utter awfulness.



> Can't stop the music -w/ The Village people no less




Ugh. Every millisecond of that movie felt like a concerted attack on my heterosexuality.

_Halloween III _ was pretty bad. As far as I know, it was the only one in the series not to feature Michael Myers. Or be related to the others in any way. No, instead we get some druids with a pointless plot to make kids heads explode into swarms of scoprions and snakes.

Oooh, ooh! _Hydrosphere_! Malcolm McDowell on a sci-fi (aquatic) ship that works like an 1800's ship, and has a feotus-in-a-bottle for a computer!


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## pezagent (Dec 16, 2003)

WizarDru said:
			
		

> Well, here's the IMDB entry for said movie.
> 
> Personally, I agree that many folks are confusing "disappointing" and "I didn't like it" with genuinely bad movies, of which many are made every year.




What's the confusion?

I agree with you--there are obviously _bad_ movies, some of which are _so_ bad they're good, i.e. cult classics like _Plan 9_, of course. So are we talking about movies that are _supposed_ to be good or made to go straight to video--or worse yet, shot straight _in_ video? My idea of a bad movie is a movie that has spent too much money on itself, too much time on itself, wasted other people's time and money, and shouldn't have been made in the first place. However, I think movies that are made with a sort of "we know this is going to suck but we _have_ to make it anyway" deserve some merit and usually end up, as has been mentioned, on the USA network (boy do I miss that channel). 

Should there be a "new" criteria for "worst movie" selection? There are bad movies, some movies are just absurd, and some are campy or silly. Some are serious efforts that result in garbage. I think anything that has A-list actors in it that hypes itself 'til Tuesday should be slammed at all costs--and the producers strung up by their Gucci shoelaces. Indy productions should be thrown a bone or laughed at if necessary.

Of course, I'm just making this up as I go along, but you may catch my drift...

/johnny


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## pezagent (Dec 16, 2003)

Oh wait a minute, after all that rambling, I forgot that *all they play* on the *Sky* network in New Zealand is bad. There was this movie with Donald Sutherland and Jamie Lee Curtis about a ship that finds an abandoned science vessel and some robot crap takes over or something really super-bad. See, in the States, they would probably show that once on USA. Here, in New Zealand, Sky actually promoted the movie and showed it daily. _This is why I don't subscribe to New Zealand digital TV._

/johnny


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## Dirigible (Dec 16, 2003)

> There was this movie with Donald Sutherland and Jamie Lee Curtis about a ship that finds an abandoned science vessel and some robot crap takes over or something really super-bad.




_Virus_. Another stake hammered into Mr Sutherland's blackened, withered heart.

It depresses me I can remember the name of that atrocsious drekheap.


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## WizarDru (Dec 16, 2003)

pezagent said:
			
		

> There was this movie with Donald Sutherland and Jamie Lee Curtis about a ship that finds an abandoned science vessel and some robot crap takes over or something really super-bad. See, in the States, they would probably show that once on USA.



The movie in question, Virus, was shown pretty heavily in the US on the basic cable channels for a while.  It's an example of what I'm talking about.  It's not a good movie, but it's not even close to the worst I've seen.  It's extremely derivative, poorly scripted and not terribly coherent...but it's all just an exercise in typical monster-horror.  Having had the misfortune of seeing it on the big screen, I can tell you for a fact that it's not nearly as bad as say, "House of the Dead".  I mean, there's bad, and then there's BAD.  Virus is a silly way to pass the time, but when it was over, I didn't feel like I had been robbed of my time and grey matter.  I've seen some truly terrible flicks in my time, and that doesn't even make the short list.  With some corrective work, Virus could have been a passable, competent horror film.  House of the Dead would have required open-heart surgery, by comparison.


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## pezagent (Dec 16, 2003)

WizarDru said:
			
		

> I can tell you for a fact that it's not nearly as bad as say, "House of the Dead".  I mean, there's bad, and then there's BAD.  Virus is a silly way to pass the time, but when it was over, I didn't feel like I had been robbed of my time and grey matter.




Okay wait a minute... this is off-topic because I'm not sure if this movie was "bad" or not (I didn't see enough of it to make up my mind) but I recall seeing some flick over here with massive amounts of bloody zombie-mashing... the scene I'm thinking of in particular is when this dude has a lawnmower and he's in the foyer of a house, just blending zombies one after the other and leaving a massive blood pool... I'm sorry I can't remember many details but it certainly had me watching... there was something about a giant zombie monster who was actually this guy's _mother_ or something like that... there was a girl lead who wore glasses and was rather nerdy. Not an American film I don't think. 

???

/johnny


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## Caliber (Dec 16, 2003)

pezagent said:
			
		

> Okay wait a minute... this is off-topic because I'm not sure if this movie was "bad" or not (I didn't see enough of it to make up my mind) but I recall seeing some flick over here with massive amounts of bloody zombie-mashing... the scene I'm thinking of in particular is when this dude has a lawnmower and he's in the foyer of a house, just blending zombies one after the other and leaving a massive blood pool... I'm sorry I can't remember many details but it certainly had me watching... there was something about a giant zombie monster who was actually this guy's _mother_ or something like that... there was a girl lead who wore glasses and was rather nerdy. Not an American film I don't think.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Kesh (Dec 16, 2003)

Yeah, _Virus_ was a bit of a hack, but not a *bad* movie. I'd rank it with the _Mummy_ movies: a decent popcorn flick, nothing to write home about, but not a complete waste of time either.

Oh, and I picked up the _Dungeons & Dragons_ movie for $8 this weekend. That's _bad_, but in an MST3K way.  I mean, they had to have told Jeremy Irons to *overact* for him to do Profion like that...


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## Isida Kep'Tukari (Dec 16, 2003)

I think I got a few that haven't been mentioned yet:

*The Four Feathers* - Heath Ledger won't go to war with his buddies (back in the British empire days) so they all give him feathers to tell him he's a coward.  He goes to Africa, where his buddies are stationed, and helps them out of some binds.  Then he gets captured.  And the movie goes on for another 45 minutes.  Pure, mind-numbing drek.

*Boxing Helena* - A boy feels rejected by his promiscuous mother.  So when he's an adult doctor and his beautiful but bitchy co-worker Helena gets hit by a car right outside of his house, what does he do?  Takes her into his house _operates on her to remove her legs_ (because they damaged, or something), then promises her he'll love and care for her forever.  She, of course isn't grateful, so he removes her arms.  And then she instructs him how to have sex with a whore in a dream sequence because she actually really does learn to love him.  Oh, and Bill Paxton is Helena's rock-and-roll boyfriend.  And to top it all of _the entire damn movie was a freaking dream sequence!_

*Election* - All the critics said this film with Matthew Broderik and Reese Whitherspoon was the best thing since sliced bread.  I just wanted to gouge out my eyes.


----------



## Hypersmurf (Dec 16, 2003)

WizarDru said:
			
		

> And both of these are not nearly the howlers that "MetalStorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn (in 3D!)" or "Cherry 2000" or "Demon Island" are...in completely different ways.




Ooh, I should put _Cherry 2000_ over in the "Guilty Pleasures" thread.

I _love_ that movie 

"Cherry?  I want you to get me a Pepsi."
"Okay!"

-Hyp.


----------



## reapersaurus (Dec 16, 2003)

How could someone stumble upon Dead Alive and not remember it, or learn more about it?  
Classic movie.

Four Feathers was probably the most beautiful piece of crap ever filmed. Breathtakingly bad story behind some wonderful frames of film.

And here's an example of a REALLY badly-done A-movie, but not an example of one of the "Worst Films Ever":
*Sphere*
I just wanted to slap the director for doing what he did to it. One of the more frustrating movies I've ever viewed.


----------



## s/LaSH (Dec 16, 2003)

Just for the record, I believe that Dead Alive is known as Brain Dead in its native New Zealand. And I want to see it - I've only seen Bad Taste from Jackson's early years. That's pretty classic.

Now to make this post worthwhile, they actually made a stage play out of that film a couple of years ago. Apparently they included the lawnmower scene. The mind boggles. Anybody know if it got overseas? (I doubt it, somehow.)


----------



## Isida Kep'Tukari (Dec 17, 2003)

But seriously guys, for Dead Alive, any film that has a kung-fu Catholic priest declaring, "I kick ass for the Lord!" has got to be a worthwhile film...


----------



## Barendd Nobeard (Dec 17, 2003)

WizarDru said:
			
		

> Well, here's the IMDB entry for said movie.
> 
> A musical with Burt Reynolds and Cybil Sheppard, doing Cole Porter tunes directed by Peter Bogdanavich.  Yeah, that looks like a recipe for a train wreck, all right.  Never seen it, myself, but IMDB reviewers make it clear that a musical with dancing should have people who can sing and dance in the lead roles.  Apparently Madeline Khan is the only saving grace to it.



The reasons it's even worse than you can possibly imagine, is that Peter Bogdonavich decided the musical numbers should be filmed live.  That right--no post-production dubbing of songs, which almost every musical does.  What you hear is Burt, Cybil, Madeline, Eileen Brennan, & company belting out tunes as the cameras actually cranked.

The title is also based on a song that is supposedly cursed.  Apparently, Cole Porter wrote the song when he broke his leg on a golf course and had to wait 20 minutes for an ambulance to show up.  To take his mind off the pain, he wrote the song "At Long Last Love."  Anything ever associated with that song has done poorly.


----------



## Goodsport (Dec 17, 2003)

Hands down, the worst movie I've ever seen was one from 18 years ago (was 1985 really _that_ long ago?  )...

*Transylvania 6-5000*

I've seen some films that were so bad that they were funny (usually unintentionally) - _Transylvania 6-5000_ both stunk _and_ wasn't funny at all (and it was _meant_ to be a comedy). 


-G


----------



## Scarbonac (Dec 17, 2003)

Bad movies?

*Quick Change*: First 15 or so minutes are pretty damn funny, with Bill Murray robbing a bank in a clown costume...then it turns into a festering heap of feces. I was watching it with my wife and our flatmate, and felt the horror crawling over me as the movie progressed. I furtively glanced around me and caught my wife and out friend doing the same thing, with the same pained expression on their faces.

"Do we _have_ to watch this?"

That was all it took. *click* 

The first movie that I willingly shut off without watching it all the way through.


*Desperate Teenage Lovedolls*: Sub-bad "movie" about bad-girl band wannabees who run away and get involved in the sleazy world of the recording industry. One girl gets broken out of the looney bin by the others, and they then kill her mother...who is played by the same actor (moustache and all) who was her _male_ doctor in the bughouse. Said "actor" shrieks incoherently in a _Monty Python_-esque way while trying to cover his 'stache with one or two fingers (IIRC).


It's s'posed to be all indie and satirical and punk and guerilla film-making and junk like that.


"Wow, guys, thanks for helping me kill my mom."


----------



## Skade (Dec 17, 2003)

Alright, this falls into the bad movie category, but I love it for all its insanity.

Doom Generation http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0112887/

This was shot badly, written badly, features some barely acceptable actors under the best of circumstances and in general made no sense.  There are tons of indie movie cameos, some whacked out situations, and is possibly the most %^%$ed up movie I have ever seen.


----------



## Ace (Dec 17, 2003)

trilobite said:
			
		

> Humm let me see,
> 
> 
> 
> _Hudson Hawk_, Ack!! A horrendous movie with Bruce Willis! Bad acting, bad story, bad everything.




Well MMV I guess but I liked Hudson Hawk, The D&D movie (it was exactly what I was expecting actually) Antitrust and that movie what was it called, with Sean Connery and Christopher Lambert and those flying platforms, They Came from Planet Zeist or something, heck I even loved Masters of the Universe 

The Worst movie I ever watched, without a doubt "Exit to Eden" the turned perfectly (kinky) book  into a caper film with Dan Acroyd and Rosie ODonnel 

What were they thinking? The only redeming feature in that whole peice of dreck was Dana Delaney in a leather outfit -- yum


----------



## Dagger75 (Dec 17, 2003)

Ace said:
			
		

> Dana Delaney in a leather outfit -- yum




 Add this to any of the movies mentioned and I would watch it


----------



## tetsujin28 (Dec 17, 2003)

s/LaSH said:
			
		

> Just for the record, I believe that Dead Alive is known as Brain Dead in its native New Zealand. And I want to see it - I've only seen Bad Taste from Jackson's early years. That's pretty classic.
> 
> Now to make this post worthwhile, they actually made a stage play out of that film a couple of years ago. Apparently they included the lawnmower scene. The mind boggles. Anybody know if it got overseas? (I doubt it, somehow.)



Meet the Feebles! Meet the Feebles!


----------



## tetsujin28 (Dec 17, 2003)

Dagger75 said:
			
		

> Add this to any of the movies mentioned and I would watch it



Damn skippy.


----------



## tetsujin28 (Dec 17, 2003)

Ace said:
			
		

> Well MMV I guess but I liked Hudson Hawk



It's a favourite in the Guilty Pleasures thread.


----------



## Dirigible (Dec 17, 2003)

> Just for the record, I believe that Dead Alive is known as Brain Dead in its native New Zealand. And I want to see it - I've only seen Bad Taste from Jackson's early years. That's pretty classic.




That they changed it's name for overseas release was news to me.

Just like The Irreffutable Truth About Demons.


----------



## Krug (Dec 18, 2003)

Charlie's Angels 2 hit the bottom of the barrel for me.
So much money, so unwatchable.


----------



## tetsujin28 (Dec 18, 2003)

Krug said:
			
		

> Charlie's Angels 2 hit the bottom of the barrel for me.
> So much money, so unwatchable.



I dunno, man. Lucy Liu is always watchable, in my book. I even used to watch Ally McBeal with the sound off until she would show up ;-)


----------



## danzig138 (Dec 18, 2003)

Skade said:
			
		

> Doom Generation



I was wondering if this movie was ever going to be mentioned. Never have I regretted seeing a movie as much as I regret having watched DG. Almost as painful was The Turning, with Gillian Anderson. Naked Lunch might be bad or it might not be; I wouldn't know. Both times I've tried to watch, I've ended up with a migraine within 15 minutes and been unable to finish.


----------



## Mog Elffoe (Dec 18, 2003)

Scarbonac said:
			
		

> Bad movies?
> 
> *Quick Change*: First 15 or so minutes are pretty damn funny, with Bill Murray robbing a bank in a clown costume...then it turns into a festering heap of feces. I was watching it with my wife and our flatmate, and felt the horror crawling over me as the movie progressed. I furtively glanced around me and caught my wife and out friend doing the same thing, with the same pained expression on their faces.
> 
> ...





Amazing.  *Quick Change* is one of my all-time favorite comedies.  My friends and I quote this movie pretty often, despite the fact that it's been a while since any of us have seen it, and we long for the day when it will finally be put out on DVD.  Different strokes, and all that, I guess.


----------



## tetsujin28 (Dec 18, 2003)

Quick Change is hilarious! The part where they're lost in the Mexican neighborhood, and the lady's chanting, "Flores para los muertos! Los Muertos", and Bill Murray goes, "Well...that was odd." I nearly spit my beer out at that.


----------



## tetsujin28 (Dec 18, 2003)

Oh, man. Doom Generation. Rose McGowan or no, Greg Araki movies suck.


----------



## Ancient Pariah (Dec 19, 2003)

What I can't watch is the David Hasselhoff vehicle called "Yor, savior of the future".  A worse piece of dreck I can't recall.  The only saving grace of that production was the background visuals in the region of Cappadocia, Turkey.  Too bad the fairytale columns of sandstone could not add character to this characterless movie!


----------



## johnsemlak (Dec 19, 2003)

Dont' have time to go thru this thread, but has anyone mentioned Pearl Harbor?  OK, it wouldn't be the worst movie of all time, but it's easily one of the worst I've watched.  

And I quote Roger Ebert---







> Pearl Harbor" is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours, about how on Dec. 7, 1941, the Japanese staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle. Its centerpiece is 40 minutes of redundant special effects, surrounded by a love story of stunning banality. The film has been directed without grace, vision, or originality, and although you may walk out quoting lines of dialog, it will not be because you admire them.




I might add that the movie has a horrible lack of historical context.


----------



## Villano (Dec 19, 2003)

Ancient Pariah said:
			
		

> What I can't watch is the David Hasselhoff vehicle called "Yor, savior of the future".  A worse piece of dreck I can't recall.  The only saving grace of that production was the background visuals in the region of Cappadocia, Turkey.  Too bad the fairytale columns of sandstone could not add character to this characterless movie!




That's Yor, Hunter From The Future, and it starred Reb Brown.  That's the same Reb Brown from such classics as the 2 made for tv Captain America movies, Howling 2, and Space Mutiny (one of the best MST3K episodes ever).  In case you can't guess from those examples, he has no acting ablity whatsoever.

And how can you not like a movie in which a future caveman kills a giant bat and uses it as a hang glider?


----------



## TracerBullet42 (Dec 19, 2003)

tetsujin28 said:
			
		

> Quick Change is hilarious! The part where they're lost in the Mexican neighborhood, and the lady's chanting, "Flores para los muertos! Los Muertos", and Bill Murray goes, "Well...that was odd." I nearly spit my beer out at that.




"It's bad luck just seein' something like that..."


----------



## diaglo (Dec 19, 2003)

Ace said:
			
		

> What were they thinking? The only redeming feature in that whole peice of dreck was Dana Delaney in a leather outfit -- yum




no the best scene was her not wearing the outfit while in the pool. yum, yum.


----------



## tetsujin28 (Dec 19, 2003)

Well, yeah. But remember: we also had to endure _Rosie O'Donnel_ in the same outfit *shudder*


----------



## MojoGM (Dec 19, 2003)

Mallus said:
			
		

> ???!?!?!?!?
> 
> With Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis [and Tony Curtis's crackerjack Cary Grant imperssion in the middle??!].
> 
> ...




I have to agree with Mallus.

Every top 10 list of the funniest movies of all time always lists it as #1. 

I watched it.  Didn't so much as chuckle.  It was quite painful actually.

I suppose it is due to a change in times.  When it was made I'm sure men in drag was hilarious.  All you needed was a guy in a skirt to get a laugh.  

Not anymore.  You need to actually be funny.

Matter of taste I suppose...


----------



## johnsemlak (Dec 19, 2003)

diaglo said:
			
		

> no the best scene was her not wearing the outfit while in the pool. yum, yum.



 Uh, what movie is that?


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## reapersaurus (Dec 19, 2003)

I thought about including Quick Change here, but repented at the last minute.

It IS hideous, though - from a nice heist in the bank to utter moron-o-thon once they get in the car.

I have probably never detested a character in a movie as much as Dennis Quaid's character in Quick Change.
Probably the worst character ever to be portrayed in a film - drug everything down into the more of "this doesn;t work."


----------



## Ancient Pariah (Dec 20, 2003)

Thanks for the correction Villano!  Perhaps you or someone else can help me remember another late seventies movie.  I think it is titled "Message from Space".  I tried my google-fu, but my search kata came up with religious messages.  "Message...  was a schloky mix of sci-fi and fantasy with a opening scene that had a druidic type send a flying acorn for help.  I remember it being released directly to the cheap theatres.  It was truly terrible.  The best parts were what my friends and I contributed as a alternate dialogue.


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## Caliber (Dec 20, 2003)

I am not Villano but a quick look around netted me this http://www.badmovies.org/movies/messagespace/index.html


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## Krieg (Dec 20, 2003)

MojoGM said:
			
		

> I suppose it is due to a change in times.  When it was made I'm sure men in drag was hilarious.  All you needed was a guy in a skirt to get a laugh.
> 
> Not anymore.  You need to actually be funny.




Strange since there doesn't seem to be anything out there today that is "actually funny".


----------



## Villano (Dec 20, 2003)

Ancient Pariah said:
			
		

> Thanks for the correction Villano!  Perhaps you or someone else can help me remember another late seventies movie.  I think it is titled "Message from Space".  I tried my google-fu, but my search kata came up with religious messages.  "Message...  was a schloky mix of sci-fi and fantasy with a opening scene that had a druidic type send a flying acorn for help.  I remember it being released directly to the cheap theatres.  It was truly terrible.  The best parts were what my friends and I contributed as a alternate dialogue.




You're welcome.   

I love the old, schlocky films like Message From Space, but I can't take Yor.  I even had a tape of it once.  I eventually sold it.  Yor is just bad in a bad way.


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## Bass Puppet (Dec 21, 2003)

ok, here's a couple of Real Bad Movies...






PSYCHO FROM TEXAS (1974/78)





EVIL SPAWN (1987)

Now for a Bad Movie that's worth watching...





The Black Samurai starring Jim Kelly (1977)   Classic


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## tetsujin28 (Dec 21, 2003)

Yeah, but those movies are enjoyable. Try saying the same thing about _At Long Last Love_. I tell you, people, you have no idea of the world of pain you must endure.


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## tetsujin28 (Dec 21, 2003)

MojoGM said:
			
		

> I have to agree with Mallus.
> 
> Every top 10 list of the funniest movies of all time always lists it as #1.
> 
> ...



OMG, you have got to be kidding me. Like _Friends_ is funny? Gimme a break. *Some Like it Hot* is a classic.


----------



## tetsujin28 (Dec 23, 2003)

I just noticed that Bass Puppet's sig is from Oscar Levant. Dude, you rock.


----------



## Klaatu B. Nikto (Dec 24, 2003)

Villano said:
			
		

> That's Yor, Hunter From The Future, and it starred Reb Brown.
> And how can you not like a movie in which a future caveman kills a giant bat and uses it as a hang glider?




Was the music by Queen or sounded very close? If this is the one I'm thinking of, the background music reminded me of the "FLASH! Ah ah! He will save every one of us!" Queen stuff from the early 80's Flash Gordon movie (with Timothy Dalton).


----------



## Hypersmurf (Dec 24, 2003)

Klaatu B. Nikto said:
			
		

> Queen stuff from the early 80's Flash Gordon movie (with Timothy Dalton).




And Brian Blessed!  And Max von Sydow!  And Topol!  And Sam Jones!  And Ornella Muti!  And Melody Anderson!

Don't you trivialise Flash Gordon, hmm?  

-Hyp.


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## Klaatu B. Nikto (Dec 24, 2003)

Hypersmurf said:
			
		

> And Brian Blessed!  And Max von Sydow!  And Topol!  And Sam Jones!  And Ornella Muti!  And Melody Anderson!
> 
> Don't you trivialise Flash Gordon, hmm?
> 
> -Hyp.




Yeah, them too. But isn't Topol the Vulcan from the Enterprise series? 

I think I saw Yor on one of those late night shows kinda like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark's show.

I'm really tempted to add in a Godzilla movie, especially Godzilla's Revenge which excessively used stock footage to make a movie about a kid meeting Godzilla's son. However there's another one where Godzilla flies using his atomic breath, which I can't remember the name of. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Ferris Bueller?

As a Godzilla movie, the version made by the ID4 guys sucked. Why would the giant iguana swim across the Pacific, stomp across Central America just to lay eggs in NYC? Is LA not good enough? 

Godzilla movies are all about one of 2 things: protest against nuclear weapons (the original) or 2+ guys dressed up in rubber monster suits duking it out for world domination by stomping all over a miniature city (everything else).


----------



## Bass Puppet (Dec 24, 2003)

tetsujin28 said:
			
		

> I just noticed that Bass Puppet's sig is from Oscar Levant. Dude, you rock.




Thank you   

Atleast somebody has good taste around here. hahaha!


----------



## Richards (Dec 24, 2003)

Originally posted by Klaatu B. Nikto:







> However there's another one where Godzilla flies using his atomic breath, which I can't remember the name of. Anyone?



Ah, I can help you there: that was _Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster_, one of the stranger of the Toho Godzilla movies.  Oddly enough, it's the movie I have seen more times than any other.

Johnathan


----------



## Qlippoth (Dec 24, 2003)

Richards said:
			
		

> Originally posted by Klaatu B. Nikto:Ah, I can help you there: that was _Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster_, one of the stranger of the Toho Godzilla movies.  Oddly enough, it's the movie I have seen more times than any other.



Save the Earth!


----------



## Villano (Dec 24, 2003)

Klaatu B. Nikto said:
			
		

> Was the music by Queen or sounded very close? If this is the one I'm thinking of, the background music reminded me of the "FLASH! Ah ah! He will save every one of us!" Queen stuff from the early 80's Flash Gordon movie (with Timothy Dalton).




The song was "Yor's World" (and, yes, it is sad that I know that   ).  It does sound a bit like Queen, but it isn't.  According to the IMDB, the music was provided by Guido De Angelis, Maurizio De Angelis, and John Scott.

I kind of doubted that they could have afforded Queen anyway.   

Also, I never notice what an international effort this movie was.  It's a British, French, Turkish co-production, starring Americans and directed by an Italian.  So, people, next time someone talks to you about the wonders of globalization, drag this film out and force them to watch it.  



			
				Klaatu B. Nikto said:
			
		

> As a Godzilla movie, the version made by the ID4 guys sucked. Why would the giant iguana swim across the Pacific, stomp across Central America just to lay eggs in NYC? Is LA not good enough?




I remember reading that the script was literally written over a weekend (or it might have been a week) and they basically filmed the first draft of it.   

Also, when the film came out, there was a review of it that pointed out that none of the lizards that appeared during the opening montage (the ones that supposedly mutate into Godzilla) are actually from the area where he was supposedly created.  Some were from Africa, others from America.  

Sheesh!


----------



## The Mirrorball Man (Dec 24, 2003)

Well, I've read the whole thread and I think that all the movies I consider the worst ever committed to celluloid have already been mentioned. Ironically enough, most of my favorite movies have been mentioned as well.


----------



## Shoon (Dec 26, 2003)

A lot of you people are saying Waterworld is the worst movie ever. It isn't. It could, indeed, be a very entertaining movie...































... if it hadn't costed 170 million dollars.

Really, Waterworld's agonizing because you think someone put as much money into it as PJ put into the LotR trilogy, for example.


----------



## Altalazar (Dec 26, 2003)

I love the threads about "worst movie ever" - you all sound like high-minded critics to me.  Comparing films that, in the great scope of cinema history rank between 5-10 out of 10 and calling the '5's as the worst movie ever, perhaps even completely ignorant of the vast collection of movies in the 1-4 range.  

Calling Waterworld the worst movie of all time?  Give me a break.  How about "Surf Nazis Must Die"?  

I went to film school.  I saw what REALLY bad movies were like.  Seeing all of these competently done, A-list movies listed in the list of "worst" is just silly.


----------



## Altalazar (Dec 26, 2003)

Shoon said:
			
		

> A lot of you people are saying Waterworld is the worst movie ever. It isn't. It could, indeed, be a very entertaining movie...
> 
> ... if it hadn't costed 170 million dollars.
> 
> Really, Waterworld's agonizing because you think someone put as much money into it as PJ put into the LotR trilogy, for example.




Oh, and don't even GET me started on that - let me ask you - did you have to pay extra to see it?  I HATE with a PASSION critics who complain about a movie because of the COST.  Last I checked, the ticket price was the SAME for the 1 million dollar budget indie produced picture and the 250 million dollar produced blockbuster.  So cost is IRRELEVANT and has NOTHING to do with quality because the cost to the consumer is the same.  

As far as I'm concerned, critics ought to be kept in a media blackout, not allowed to know ANYTHING about the production (or meta-information about the movie) - they should just be blindfolded, kidnapped, and taken to a random location where they will sit with an audience of other kidnappees, then the film rolls, not even knowing the TITLE of the film in advance, and perhaps blanking out the titles as well, so they don't know who is in it, who produced it or directed it, all they have are the images and sounds projected and thus they can form a review based on the actual MOVIE instead of all of the other irrelevant things around it - the hype, the advertising, the trailer, the actors personal lives, the reputation of the actors or director, the amount of money spent, problems in production, etc.  As soon as I see ANY of those things mentioned in a review, I discount it entirely as it is no longer talking about the movie, it is talking about crap completely irrelevent.


----------



## reapersaurus (Dec 26, 2003)

Altalazar said:
			
		

> I went to film school.  I saw what REALLY bad movies were like.  Seeing all of these competently done, A-list movies listed in the list of "worst" is just silly.



I'm not sure if you read the whole thread.
There have been many non-A list movies that have been mentioned, AFAIK.

But I totally agree with you, that too many people actually believe that competently made Hollywood movies CAN NOT  be the Worst movie of all time.
See my earlier comment on page 3:







			
				reapersaurus said:
			
		

> Similarly, some of the movies listed here are not nearly a "worst movie ever", simply they are a movie that you hate, or a movie that many people like that you harbor a dark spot in your heart for (Fargo, Contact, PotC, etc).
> 
> There's a big difference.



I can't stand it when people make those same tired supposedly-bad-movie-rants, but this thread has been much better than most of the others I've seen.


----------



## Villano (Dec 27, 2003)

Altalazar said:
			
		

> I love the threads about "worst movie ever" - you all sound like high-minded critics to me.  Comparing films that, in the great scope of cinema history rank between 5-10 out of 10 and calling the '5's as the worst movie ever, perhaps even completely ignorant of the vast collection of movies in the 1-4 range.
> 
> Calling Waterworld the worst movie of all time?  Give me a break.  How about "Surf Nazis Must Die"?
> 
> I went to film school.  I saw what REALLY bad movies were like.  Seeing all of these competently done, A-list movies listed in the list of "worst" is just silly.




When a person watches a '50s drive-in film with a script written over the weekend, directed by a first time director, and starring the director's girlfriend who can't act, they cut it some slack.

When a person watches a modern, $100 million dollar film with a script written and rewritten by 5 people (but still reads as if it was written over the weekend), directed by an award-winning director (who can barely keep the camera straight), and it stars well know actors (who, for some reason overact or sleepwalk through it), they aren't so forgiving.

For me, a low-budget movie has to be obscenely terrible for me to completely hate it (Howling: New Moon Rising, Ancient Evil: Scream Of The Mummy).  I expect more of a film which actually has talent and money behind it.  

To put it bluntly, there's no reason that Batman & Robin should have been what it was.  Nothing works in it.  The acting is on par with a high school play, the script is mind-numbingly bad, there are simple editing mistakes, and the director could barely keep the shots in frame.  There was a lot of talent and money involved (the writers later won an Oscar for writing A Beautiful Mind, for God's sake) and, yes, it is one of the worst films of all time.


----------



## DarkSoldier (Dec 27, 2003)

Cold Fusion Video has a review of a film called _I Stand Alone_. Its IMDb rating is around 7, and IMDb "reviewers" have called it "visionary," but when Nathan (the CFV reviewer) watched it, he gave it _five_ beakers. He has never given any other offence to celluloid more than _one_ beaker, it's _that_ bad.

Basically, _I Stand Alone_ is about a misanthropic, mysoginistic, nihilistic sociopathic butcher's really bad day. Written and directed by Gasper Noe, he apparently doesn't know that to have a motion picture, your actors have to _move_; there are long sequences of people just sitting there, or walking, while the butcher monologues about how much he hates his life and everyone around him. There's even a scene where he beats his common-law wife until she spontaneously aborts.

In short, never allow yourself or anyone you know to see this tripe. It could probably be considered torture under the Geneva Convention.


----------



## Altalazar (Dec 27, 2003)

Villano said:
			
		

> When a person watches a '50s drive-in film with a script written over the weekend, directed by a first time director, and starring the director's girlfriend who can't act, they cut it some slack.
> 
> When a person watches a modern, $100 million dollar film with a script written and rewritten by 5 people (but still reads as if it was written over the weekend), directed by an award-winning director (who can barely keep the camera straight), and it stars well know actors (who, for some reason overact or sleepwalk through it), they aren't so forgiving.
> 
> ...




No, it wasn't.  I'm sorry.  Not even close.  I bet I could screen for you 100 movies you would agree are far worse - movies you probably couldn't make it through the first 15 minutes, or perhaps even 5 minutes without wanting to claw your eyeballs out.  You see, this isn't a thread about the "worst A-list, professionally done, high-budget movies with A-list actors and talented crews", it is about the worst films of all time, which means you CANNOT give "points" to a film for having a low budget or take points away for a high one.  As I indicated above, you should not be allowed to even know what the budget was, because that is irrelevant - you should only judge a movie by what you see projected onto the screen - not meta-movie information that does not come from there - because then you are not judging the movie, you are judging other things that have nothing to do with the experience in the theater.


----------



## tsadkiel (Dec 27, 2003)

DarkSoldier said:
			
		

> Cold Fusion Video has a review of a film called _I Stand Alone_. Its IMDb rating is around 7, and IMDb "reviewers" have called it "visionary," but when Nathan (the CFV reviewer) watched it, he gave it _five_ beakers. He has never given any other offence to celluloid more than _one_ beaker, it's _that_ bad.




Nathan is my hombre.  We went to college together (I am the friend who was present the night we began the "breast count" tradition to save ourselves from the mind-numbing boredom of the film we were watching) and have been in near daily contact ever since.  Over the years, we've each subjected the other to some truly, truly bad cinema*.  And he has never, ever tried to get me to watch "I Stand Alone."  He hates it that much.

Even mentioning the film to him makes him twitch.

*_My personal best:  *Alicja*, AKA *Alice*_

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083537/

_Not a good movie by any means, but I've always been strangely fond of it._


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## Villano (Dec 27, 2003)

Altalazar said:
			
		

> You see, this isn't a thread about the "worst A-list, professionally done, high-budget movies with A-list actors and talented crews", it is about the worst films of all time, which means you CANNOT give "points" to a film for having a low budget or take points away for a high one.  As I indicated above, you should not be allowed to even know what the budget was, because that is irrelevant - you should only judge a movie by what you see projected onto the screen - not meta-movie information that does not come from there - because then you are not judging the movie, you are judging other things that have nothing to do with the experience in the theater.




I "cannot" judge what makes a movie bad by my own standards but have to use your's?   Oookay...   

I had no idea there were "rules" for what this thread is supposed to be about, anyway.  Oh, wait, there they are, written by the guy who actually started this thread!



			
				TracerBullet42 said:
			
		

> I don't just mean movies that you didn't like, I'm talking about the movies that really upset you.  The kind of movies that your friends are probably sick and tired of hearing you complain about.  Those movies...so what are they, and why do you hate them so?
> 
> What are your worst?




Okay, so we are supposed to list the worst films we've seen (I'm kind of wondering how you seem to expect us to list the worst we've *never* seen, but...), and films that "really upset" us and we constantly complain about.  

Nope, those rules don't look anything like the ones you want us to use...

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm not some snob elitist who only watches big Hollywood films and judges everything by Citizen Kane.  Hell, my favorite movies are the low-budget cheapies that most people can't tolerate.  I've seen 1000s upon 1000s of films, stuff that would shrivel a normal man's soul, but a little part of me died as I sat through drek like Batman & Robin.  And that certainly qualifies by the "rules" of this thread.


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## pezagent (Dec 28, 2003)

OMG...

I just watched about 20 minutes of the Dungeons & Dragons movie on TV... following, a brief review:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Who put up the money for that thing? There are people starving in this world, ya know?

I have to say, it certainly is one of the worst films I've ever seen--a very bad "made for TV" that shouldn't even be shown as an afterschool special. I think Power Rangers has more going for it. Very embarrassing--certainly doesn't make me want to play D&D at all. The game itself is melodramatic because it's a *game*, who the hell thought that would translate to a _movie?_ Somebody definitely blew a rich old lady to get this movie made. Ug. And somebody was asking how Jeremy Irons ended up in this? He must owe money. 

/johnny


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 28, 2003)

pezagent said:
			
		

> I just watched about 20 minutes of the Dungeons & Dragons movie on TV...




Yeah... I've been yelling at the television for the last forty-five minutes.

God, it's awful.

Edit - Eek!  Why is Ridley dressed like the Fonz?

Edit - Wait... isn't that the Imperial March?  :-\

-Hyp.


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## MrFilthyIke (Dec 29, 2003)

Hypersmurf said:
			
		

> Yeah... I've been yelling at the television for the last forty-five minutes.
> 
> God, it's awful.
> 
> ...




I wonder how quickly the enworld people got "fundraise" a Bump Off The Director Before Number 2 Is Made fund.


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## pezagent (Dec 29, 2003)

Hypersmurf said:
			
		

> Yeah... I've been yelling at the television for the last forty-five minutes.




I'm surprised you lasted 45 minutes. After posting I returned to the television, only to find Thora Birch in a very bad costume that made her head look about ten times bigger than it probably is.

I remember a thread in here about Howard Stern giving D&D a bad rep--however, I think this movie does far more damage. I think any concerned D&D player should petition Blockbuster Video to have it removed permanently from the shelves. Just say it has devil-worshiping in it and the Bible-Belt will act immediately.

The thing is--not only did I not like what I saw--but it actually made me feel _violent_. Honestly, I wanted to punch somebody for making that movie. For any young, eager directors out there wanting to make a fantasy picture, I have a few tips:

1. Fantasy illustration does not always translate well to the big screen. Blue lipstick may look cool in a graphic novel, but on a real person it's Southpark gay.

2. If you don't have the budget to make fantasy weapons, please don't attempt to make them using leftover parts from the local salvage yard.

3. Having your actors make facial expressions in every shot every two minutes is really annoying. (I think this is where I got annoyed--it was like watching kids on speed that had been up all night drinking Red Bull.)

4. Whatever you may think, any Wayans brother is not a good choice for a fantasy picture--especially when they wear pajamas. And especially pajamas with the little feet attached.

4.5 If one must use a Wayans brother in a fantasy picture, waiting more than twenty minutes to kill him off is far too much time. Dedicating a boom crane shot to his death scene could have been budgeted more wisely--like using the extra funds to hire a better writer. Or at the very least, better craft services for the crew. 

5. If your characters are standing around posing a lot, you should probably produce a graphic novel, not a movie.

6. Hiring costume designers who used to be club-kids isn't a good idea. The cheese-factor is doubled and we end up with foam-inserts, sparkly things, and--blue lipstick. 

/johnny


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 29, 2003)

pezagent said:
			
		

> I'm surprised you lasted 45 minutes.




I watched the whole thing.

The dragon scenes are actually quite cool.

Unfortunately, they're interspersed with scenes with the actors 

-Hyp.


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## ConnorSB (Dec 29, 2003)

I have it on DVD, so I got to watch all the "extras."

My number one rule of all time ever: never, ever, ever name a main character Snails.

Rule number two: Never, ever, ever ever ever, if your character is named snails, should you let him die.

Rule number three: Never let anyone morn snails.

"SNNNNAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLSSS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


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## Kesh (Dec 30, 2003)

If you have the DVD, be sure to watch the 'Alternate Ending' on the extras.

_That's_ how the film should have ended!


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## Altalazar (Dec 30, 2003)

Kesh said:
			
		

> If you have the DVD, be sure to watch the 'Alternate Ending' on the extras.
> 
> _That's_ how the film should have ended!




Just how did it end?


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## pezagent (Dec 31, 2003)

lol...

snails...

Honestly, I think the D&D movie is a great argument for kids _to_ take drugs so that they may be released from the hell that binds them and commands them to participate in this sort of... _thing..._

snails... now every time I hear that I'm going to crack up...

/johnny


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## Klaatu B. Nikto (Dec 31, 2003)

I'm sure someone has mentioned this before but another really BAD movie is the blockbuster bomb Battlefield Earth. Some parts were okay but I just can't think of what they were. The end credits?

Oh. How about The Cabin Boy? Ditto for that Tom Green movie, Freddie Got Fingered. Ugh.


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## Altalazar (Dec 31, 2003)

Klaatu B. Nikto said:
			
		

> I'm sure someone has mentioned this before but another really BAD movie is the blockbuster bomb Battlefield Earth. Some parts were okay but I just can't think of what they were. The end credits?
> 
> Oh. How about The Cabin Boy? Ditto for that Tom Green movie, Freddie Got Fingered. Ugh.




Oh come now!  Battlefield Earth was HILARIOUS - I couldn't stop laughing at Travolta - what a looney for doing that movie!  And so implausible, all the way across... hilarious.  Would make a great film for MST3K.


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## Villano (Dec 31, 2003)

Altalazar said:
			
		

> Oh come now!  Battlefield Earth was HILARIOUS - I couldn't stop laughing at Travolta - what a looney for doing that movie!  And so implausible, all the way across... hilarious.  Would make a great film for MST3K.




Silence, man-animal!  Are you out of your skull-bone, rat-brain!   

That movie cracks me up.  From the fact that the aliens are in search of gold but have never heard of Fort Knox, to the cavemen flying jets, to the planet with the combustible atmosphere, to the glass and plaster that survived a thousand years, to, well, everything else that survived for 1,000 years after a nuclear war (lightbulbs, wiring, generators, etc.).

I think that that movie could have been saved with three, little words at the beginning of the title:  Mel Brooks Presents.  

Hey, if everyone is already laughing at it, may as well bill it as a comedy.


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## Kesh (Dec 31, 2003)

Altalazar said:
			
		

> Just how did it end?




Ripley goes to Snails' grave and gives a slightly longer speech. Places the gem on the gravestone. Then walks away into the distance, presumably to be rewarded by the princess.

_That's it._ No one else is there. No sappy magical faerie dust with people vanishing to 'join their friend'. Just a man saying his last goodbye to a friend. It would've been a saving grace to the rest of the film. 

Oh, and _Battlefield Earth_ is the only movie I apologized to my friends for, after asking them to go see it with me in the theater.


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