# My first story hour entry, lemme know what you think



## punkorange (Apr 7, 2005)

The chill of the wind bit their faces, and the thick white snow obscured their visions.  Their legs all ached from the journey up the sheer mountain side.  They had traveled for weeks to even find the trail that seemed to have been forgotten long ago.  

               On more than one occasion Dulgon had to catch the young elf as he drained his mental stamina casting minor spells of warmth on the group.  Dulgon never slowed his steady pace though, and never caused him to complain.  He never said much of anything.  Constantly in silent prayer to his god, Dulgon often seemed as if his mind was in another place.

               The group stopped as Thorogg raised his gray hand motioning for a stand still.  He knelt to one knee, his thick bearskin cloak coming to rest on the snow.  The trail had come to an end between a cavern and a cliff.  Thorogg looked over the group who seemed mismatched, and pathetic in their current situation.  Thorogg had no doubt that he and the dwarf could make the climb, and had a feeling Bastion, the older of the elves, was agile enough to make the climb.  Thorogg once saw the golden eyed elf climb a keep wall and lift a ring from the finger of a sleeping noble… No, Thorogg had no doubt Sabastion could make the climb.  It was the smooth talking gnome and the young arcane student that Thorogg worried about.

               “Gnome, crawl on my back and hold tight,” Thorogg said calmly in a gruff voice to the gnome as he stood up.  “The only way from here is up.”

               Following the gaze of the overly large man Vaarlax realized he was about to be forced to climb a thirty foot cliff in the snow.  The thought of such a task caused him to shudder visibly.

               “Don’t worry Vaar, you will be secured to Dulgon and Bastian by rope.”

               Afraid of the climb, but more afraid of Thorogg’s blade, Vaarlax secured the ropes to his belt.  Thorogg climbed the cliff face first to hold onto a rope for the others.  With no ropes to secure him, using sheer strength Thorogg had no problem climbing the cliff despite the sting of the wind and the added weight of Ishmar.  Bastian and Dulgon made the climb next, using the rope that Thorogg held secure for support the two pulled the dead weight of the horrified elven arcanist up the mountain side.

               When the five reached the top they were glad to find that Thorogg was correct and the trail picked up as he claimed, leading deeper into the mountains to the north.  They adjusted their cloaks, pulled their hoods tight and traveled the barely visible trail.

               The loud crack of thunder halted the group, even Dulgon.  As rain begin fall amongst the snow the groups pace increased as they began to look for shelter.  Soon after the rain they came upon a strangely odd site.  In a flatter spot of the mountain, deep within areas unseen by civilized folk for ages, there was the corpse of a man the size of a galleon ship.  His belongings were untouched and a centuries worth of scribbling covered many, many large sheets of papers.


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## megamania (Apr 7, 2005)

Pretty good thus far.  In a short time we have a sense of the party and a good starting point for a mystery / adventure.

Keep it up.


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## Bryon_Soulweaver (Apr 7, 2005)

I like it, put more up.


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## Lazybones (Apr 8, 2005)

This is just a side comment on the title of your thread, and it may just reflect my personal issues rather than a broader sentiment on the board. 

When I see a thread title with a glaring spelling or grammatical error (in this case, "lemme" instead of "let me"), it suggests to me that the quality of the writing in the thread itself will be poor, and not worth my time. Whether justified or not, such glaring mistakes suggest an immature writer (I was a teacher in a former life). In this case, it is misleading in fact since the excerpt itself is written well for the most part. 

You might also want to be more specific about the content of your story hour. "D&D" doesn't really give much away in terms of content. Remember that unless people know who you are, it is the title of your thread that will draw someone to click upon it. 

If you like, toss me in with the ranks of the grammar-nazis. But that's what my first thought was.


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## punkorange (Apr 8, 2005)

no, it's cool.  I appreciate your comments, and as I post my next section I will change the title to something like PunkOrange's World's Largest Dungeon Story Hour


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## megamania (Apr 20, 2005)

any more?


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