# Winter IrondDM (Winner)!



## incognito

Hello Folks,

As promised, this quarter's IronDM is now open for participants!

The rules for this contest, for those not familiar (and how could you _not_ be?) are here: 

http://enworld.cyberstreet.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=13851

If anyone would like a very small amount of insight as to what I like in a submission:

http://enworld.cyberstreet.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=28400

In short:  use of the ingredients, plausability (in DnD terms), playabilty, writing, and of course, that certain _je ne sais pas..._

Quickbeam, as winner of the Holiday Iron DM, has been guaranteed a slot


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## seasong

I'm in!


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## Quickbeam

I know that you've reserved a spot for me in this tournament, but I wanted to indicate my awareness of this thread.

For my part Incognito, I'm really swamped through lunchtime tomorrow, but then my schedule eases up considerably.  Please place me in a match that doesn't commence before then (if possible) once you've determined the combatants and pairings.


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## Greybar

I'd like to be in on this one!

John


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## Wicht

I'll join in again, though I won't be able to play until tomorrow.


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## mythago

Me please!

 *flex*


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## seasong

I'm available today or Wednesday, but not on Tuesday (tomorrow).

*Exposition:* An after-the-fact analysis of your own entry, with commentary on how you built it, where you drew inspiration, what you agreed/disagreed with regarding the judge's critique, and anything else you feel up to sharing.


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## seasong

Only three more slots. Who will it be?


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## incognito

seasong shoudl get a special award for fastest reply to a new post...ever.

3 slots + 3 alternates left.  I am hoping for a Wulf appearance, as well as an appearance by Nemmerle!


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## Psion

I so want to jump in, but I am going on vacation next week.


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## Nifft

I'd like to play.

 -- Nifft


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## seasong

incognito said:
			
		

> seasong shoudl get a special award for fastest reply to a new post...ever.



You don't want to know how long I sat there, hitting refresh, just in case you posted a bit early.


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## howandwhy99

I'd like to play too, if possible.


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## mythago

seasong, I am both impressed and appalled!


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## seasong

mythago said:
			
		

> seasong, I am both impressed and appalled!



No kidding . I, too, am impressed and appalled.

On the other hand, my current campaign owes its existence to the last IronDM ENWorld that I participated in. Those lovable orcs expanded into a setting, and from there into a campaign I had to run. So it's with no minor amount of evil glee that I look to this tournament!

Now I'm just hoping not to flub in the first round .


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## incognito

Recap:

1 slot left, and 3 alternates

_Quickbeam_ consideration for schedule noted!

....nemm better hurry up!


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## Mirth

I'm in


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## Tuerny

I guess I am the first alternate.


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## MerakSpielman

second alternate.


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## incognito

1. Quickbeam
2. seasong
3. Greybar
4. Wicht
5. mythago 
6. Nifft 
7. howandwhy99 
8. mirthcard 

Alternates:
Tuerny,  MerakSpielman,  Xarlen 

*Let's GO!*

seasong, and Quickbeam are not ready until later in the week.

how about Wicht, and Nifft?  Are you  guys ready?  Please chime in!


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## Nifft

My boss is away this week -- I'm ready  

 -- Nifft


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## mythago

*hums the Rocky training theme*


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## Xarlen

I'll take third alternative,


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## incognito

still waiting for Wicht.  If he has not pinged by 5 PM eastern Std time, then *mythago*, you want in?

Xarlen, you are 3rd alternate! - I'm editing the post listing now...


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## Nifft

I leave work in 45 minutes or so, and won't be home until 10-11M. Unless the current round starts SOON, let me beg out too.

 -- Nifft


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## Wicht

My game for this evening just got canceled so I guess I can go tonight.


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## Quickbeam

incognito said:
			
		

> *
> Let's GO!
> 
> seasong, and Quickbeam are not ready until later in the week.
> 
> how about Wicht, and Nifft?  Are you  guys ready?  Please chime in! *




I appreciate the consideration your judicial excellence .  I'll post tomorrow after lunch letting you know that I'm ready, and check on things intermittently until then.  Good luck to the other competitors, but I'm not ready to give up my title just yet!!


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## seasong

Quickbeam said:
			
		

> Good luck to the other competitors, but I'm not ready to give up my title just yet!!



IT MUST BE MINE!


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## incognito

How THAT for soon Nifft?  

Nifft ping in one more time, and in response to that reply I'll post the first round of ingredients (and boy-howdy are they good)!


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## Shadoe's Lady

Good luck to mirthcard and mythago!


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## Nifft

Ping!  

 -- Nifft


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## incognito

Round1, set 1

*Nifft vs. Wicht* (say that 3x fast...)

Ingredients
Smoke Filled room
Mercy Killing
Iron Bands of Billaro
Xill
Challenging riddle
Bright Llama

It is 4:40 EST, you have 24 hours.  Good luck!


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## incognito

> IT MUST BE MINE!




[smirk]
maybe you should stay away from high level adventure submissions, then, eh?
[/smirk]

...just practicing being mean, seasong, it doesn't always come easy...


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## howandwhy99

I stand up, shake off the dust and sit back down.

What are you doing?


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## incognito

> What are you doing?




I'm sorry HandW99, is that Q for me?  Can you clarify?


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## seasong

incognito said:
			
		

> [smirk]
> maybe you should stay away from high level adventure submissions, then, eh?
> [/smirk]



Geeze. You know you're in for it when the _judge_ is smack talking you.


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## Mirth

Shadoe's Lady said:
			
		

> *Good luck to mirthcard and mythago!  *




Thanks, SL! Just barely made it into the lists on time. My horse didn't even have his armor on yet and my main lance is broken, but at least I made it this time


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## howandwhy99

Um... far too vague, I guess.  "What are you doing" is a comedy game done by a lot of improv troupes.  Two members from each team stand on stage.  One mimes some weird, but recognizable action (picking his nose).  The other asks him:

"What are you doing?"

The first responds with something equally incredulous (painting cows) and the second proceeds to mime it.  Then of, of course, the original guy asks:

"What are you doing?"

and gets another bizarre response.  It proceeds from there with each member trying to stump the other.  (each needs to respond right away).

IOW, I'm Sorry.  It was not a question. 

*stretches arms*
"So... what are you doing?"


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## mythago

Thanks, SL!


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## incognito

Ladies and gentleman, we must strive to keep this most excellent contest on the front page by any (BUMP) means necessary!


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## Greybar

> Challenging riddle




I would this could be the scary one:  Come up with a good riddle in 24 hours.  Definitely time to break out the books and the web searches.

John


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## Wicht

*The Plight of Yddipess*
_In which the PCs must battle a Llama to save a town from interdimensional pirates._

*NOTE:* The adventure is written for characters of approximately 10th level.  It also has a bit of a greek flavor but should be easily alterable to fit into most campaign worlds.  Ferfinigu is a completely ficticious deity and can be replaced with just about any male deity with a penchant for llama’s. 

*Background:*  Ferfinigu is a minor god of wind, rain and mountaintops and is given to the opinion that the best work he ever did was the creation of the Llama way back in the beginning.  He says so often and loudly and as a result has come to be considered as something of a bore by his peers who have taken avoiding him.  This has caused him, as is often the case, to seek solace in the company of mortals.  One such recent quest for companionship resulted in the birth of a son, whom he named Fretch and of whom Ferfinigu was mighty proud.  He even gifted Fretch with a powerful shield and a mighty sword, both highly enchanted.

	Unfortunately, Fretch, being a warrior type, became involved in a battle between the cities of Yddipess and Antiguos and, despite his magical gear, he was badly injured.  Though Fretch could have eventually and easily overcame his injuries due to his semi-divine nature, he never had a chance.  A passing Yddipian soldier, thinking the young man’s injuries were fatal performed what he considered a *mercy killing*, cutting off the man’s head before looting his body (Fretch had been fighting for Antiguos).

	The death of his son made Ferfinigu mighty angry and he cursed the city.  He let it be known in certain unsavory corners of the multi-verse that there were great riches, easily plundered in Yddipess and then after a band of *Xill* pirates invaded the city, he set a powerful guardian before the gates of the city to prevent any ‘heroes’ from rescuing the unfortunate and once mighty city.

*Hooks:* PCs can be drawn into this adventure in at least three ways.  They can have important business in Yddipess and on their way there discover the city needs rescuing before their business can be finished.  Alternatively, someone else with business in Yddipess might hire the PCs to gain entrance for them into the city.

Or they could have heard about the great guardian forbidding people entrance into the city and killing those who incorrectly answer a riddle.  Curiousity alone might compel them to investigate.

Thirdly, someone from Yddipess might have gotten out a plea concerning the Xill plight and begged for rescue, promising great rewards.  The PCs hearing the plea and lured either by pity or greed can undertake to free the city

Regardless of the hook, PCs should be assumed to have gained entrance to Yddipess eighty-eight days after the Xill first invade.

*The guardian:*  Ferfinigu’s powerful guardian is an extraordinary creature.  It has the form of a Huge Dire Llama but is gifted with other powers (including DR 20/+2, SR 25, Fast healing 5 and the Clerical abilities of a 10th level cleric).  This particular Llama also shines like the sun resulting in the ability to use the flare spell or the daze spell as a free action.  The very *bright llama* will attack anyone who tries to enter the city without first answering what it considers to be a very *challenging riddle*.

	Those who do not immediatelly try and get by will find the llama to be a good conversationalist (permanant tongue ability).  It considers itself to be the most beautiful creature in the world and will even jokingly refer to a riddle it had considered using but thought too obvious (_The most noble of creatures, born to run, a coat of pure silk which shines like the sun._)  However, if PCs engage it in battle (or greatly insult it) it will fight until either they are dead or they run away.  PCs that ask for its riddle are given the following riddle, “Not fit to breathe, Not fit to drink, If you tried to walk on me, you would surely sink.  A fountain of life, An unending flow, From me comes all rain and to me all rain goes.” *NOTE:* DMs should feel free to throw in any riddle they think is harder.  Any PC giving an incorrect answer is immediately attacked by the Llama.  The answer to the riddle is of course the ocean. 

*Inside Yddipess:* If the PCs can sneak around, fight past or answer the Llama’s riddle, they can gain entrance to Yddipess.  They will find the city is in the midst of a depression and a panic.  People huddle inside their houses while Xill bandits roam their streets.  The wealth of Yddipess was built on grain (which grows around the city) and gems, which are mined out of the hills right behind the city.  The Xill are searching each house for gems, killing any that resist.  They are also kidnapping those that appear to be exceptionally healthy and strong.  The Xill have been at this for eighty-eight days and are almost ready to leave.  They are waiting for their eggs to hatch.

If the PCs question the people about their security, i.e. guards or the like.  They will be told that one of the first things the Xill captain did (Xill Ftr5) was capture the town’s chief warrior, Captain Grintho using some strange magical device (*Iron Bands of Billaro*)  The Xill are keeping the captain alive as a sign of their power atop a tower which once housed guardsmen.  Captain Grintho is a Ftr7 and will aid the PCs if they rescue him.  He is currently bound with the Iron Bands and barely alive.  He is also, unknownst to him, host to Xill Eggs which are due to hatch in about two days.  Another person of interest to the PCs is the queen.  She has disguised herself as one of the common folks and is hiding out from the Xill in one of the houses, guarded by her remaining bodyguards.  Many in the city know this but they would sooner die then reveal it to the Xill.

Though Grintho is being held atop a tower, the rest of the townsfolks being kidnapped have been taken to the keep in the middle of town.  The Xill captain and the Xill spiritual leader (Cle4) have made this their headquarters and the keep is populated not only with Xill, but with several Ethereal Marauders the Xill have trained for war and with giant beetles the Xill have been raising in the basement for food.  The townsfolks are kept barely alive and are each host to Xill eggs.  The eggs were implanted one day after the eggs in Grintho and are due to hatch in three days.

DMs should note that the Xill captain is currently in possession of Fretch's enchanted shield and sword.

The Xill cleric has also been experimenting with the summoning of fire elementals.  One *smoke filled room* (stone walls and floors) of the keep is currently housing several minor varieties of fire elementals and the Xills have been feeding them logs and straw on a regular basis.  They plan on unleashing the elementals into the town after their eggs hatch and then escaping with their loot and their young back to their home on the ethereal plane as the city burns.  

*Conclusion:* PCs who rescue the city completely are given a hefty reward and much glory and honor.  There may even be talk of building them a palace and giving one of them (a male) rule of the city (if one of them marries the current queen that is).  PCs who got rid of the Xills and bypassed the Llama will find the Llama does not move and will be quite upset if he finds out someone sneaked into the city around him.  PCs who conquer the Xill speedily and free the people within the span of two days will find their celebration cut short by the grisly hatching of the Xill eggs (provided of course the PCs did not heal the hundred or so people so afflicted.  PCs who save the people but only after the city burns down, will be thanked but grudgingly so and there certainly will not be any talk of the queen marrying any of the heroes.


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## Wicht

I suspect my riddle is really not all that challenging but for those who could not read it nor figure it out I put the answer in black in the text and higlighting it will reveal all.


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## incognito

Wicht:  I was able to see it even without the highlight, for what its worth! (Although my first guess was "pee"   )


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## Nifft

*Nifft vs. Wicht*

Ingredients:
_Smoke Filled room
Mercy Killing
Iron Bands of Billaro
Xill
Challenging riddle
Bright Llama_



*A Slaver's Red-Hot Blues*
An adventure for 10th level characters.

*Backstory:* On a large outcrop of rock in the center of the Burning Valley, which lies in the hottest part of the desert, sits an iron tower. The base of this tower is ringed with flame, and a cloud of greasy black smoke fills the bottom of the valley. The tower is the home of Nikret al-Hazmat, a very angry and frustrated Efreeti Prince.

Four months ago, Nikret met with an unsual *Xill*, with whom he felt an unusual emotion -- not kinship, but perhaps empathy. This Xill was the infamous Tchakrix (_CHAK-riks_, a Xill with the Half Elemental (Fire) template). Nikret and Tchakrix emerged from the (literal and proverbial) *smoke-filled room* and  informed their respective troops that they'd penned an agreement to work together for a period of one year gathering slaves.

Two months ago the first slave raids took place. The combined might of the Xill fighters and the Efreet spellcasters was more than any caravan could withstand, and soon each side  boasted ten new high-quality slaves.

One month ago, emboldened by the apparent power of their pact and tactics, a joint strike team composed of 8 Xill and 3 Efreet made a raid on the large town, Slivant, which guards the mountain pass leading into the burning desert. In this team were both Tchakrix and Nikret's eldest son, Archi al-Hazmat. The raid was for the  most part a success. Silvant was better defended than expected, though, for they had an unexpected ally: an awakened (and very *bright) llama* Paladin 5 / Lantern Disciple 5 (see below*), named (for some odd reason) Perlfive. The raiders did get away  with 10 new slaves, but in the confusion no-one noticed Archi  getting captured. The loss of his eldest son has infuriated Nikret.  Tchakrix publically executed the three Xill who were assigned to Archi, in the hopes of gaining a measure of Nikret's trust back. He suggests that the combined forces now raid the settlements on the other side of the desert, as the ones on this side are clearly too well defended.

In truth, Tchakrix had ordered his troops to capture one of the  Efreeti during the raid, and provided one of them with a set of *Iron Bands of Billaro* for that purpose. Unfortunately for his troops, the only Efreeti who separated himself from the view of the others was Archi. Tchakrix has implanted Archi with a Xill egg, in the hopes of creating another Half-Elemental (Fire) Xill like himself. Tchakrix killed the three Xill assigned to Archi because he knew that if he did not, he would have to hand them over to Nikret who might torture the truth out of them. Tchakrix would like to concentrate on the other side of the desert for the next two months, while his Xill larva matures within Archi, who is sequestered on the Ethereal plane in the mountains near  Silvant.

Nikret knows none of this. He has paid handsomly to _Commune_ with a power from the Plane of Elemental Fire, but all he got was this *challenging riddle*:

_
In taking, taken;
In making, unmade;
In granting, a wager;
In wisdom, repaid.
_

Nikret does not know what to make of this riddle, but his interpretation will aid the PCs.


*Hooks:*

1) The party hears of raids in the desert culminating with a raid on the settlement Silvant. They journey there, meet with Perlfive, and are implored to get to the bottom of the raids before the raiders return.

2) The party hears of a mysterious sponsor who is offering great power and wealth for a quest of the utmost discretion. (Nikret hires them directly to covertly investigate his son's disappearance.) Nikret offers them a Wish if they uncover the truth, two if they bring his son back alive.

3) The party is captured while traveling by a party of 10 Xill and 3 Efreet, who materialize around them (from the Ethereal plane). They are all given as gifts to Nikret, who decides to employ them to covertly investigate his son's disappearance, interpreting line 3 of the riddle as that he should risk granting someone their freedom. He offers the party a hefty reward (including their freedom).


*Present Situation:*

Tchakrix is now living on the Ethereal plane near Nikret's iron tower. He watches Nikret as closely as he can, visiting physically as often as is politically possible. Nikret does suspect foul play on Tchakrix's part, but without some sort of proof, he feels he cannot act against the Xill due to their contract. Of course, he also fears that the town of Silvant is to blame for his son's capture, and will exact a bloody retribution from them should he become convinced of the Xill's innocence.

Archi has two months left to live. He is guarded by six Xill who ensure that he is unable to escape the Iron Bands -- for without an active guard to discourage him, it's likely that he'd eventually be able to wriggle free. On the topic of wriggling, Archi is constantly nauseated as he feels the larval Xill slowly devouring his essence.

Perlfive has been tending to the wounded of Silvant. He will not leave the city while he thinks it may be in danger, and therefore asks for help from adventurers to ferret out the truth of the forces behind the recent attack. Perlfive has a celestial companion, a Lantern Archon named Yarephim, whom he will allow to accompany the party, to guard against the threat of ethereal attackers.



*Clues:*

Town Rumors (by Gather Info DC):
- DC 10: "A month ago we were attacked by Xill and Efreet!"
- DC 15: The raiders were here to capture slaves.
- DC 20: There's a nearby mountain where bandits once lived.
- DC 25: An evil aura is coming from somewhere near town.
- DC 30: Some of the Xill didn't seem to like the Efreet.
- DC 35: Goats seem to avoid a particular path they used to like.

The party, or the party with Yarephim, could Detect the Evil of the six Xill and one Efreeti on the Ethereal plane, if they pass near enough to their hiding place. (The hiding place is where the goats avoid -- the old cave is a red herring, but might hold some nasties unrelated to this plot.)

Perlfive is very bright, and will provide a very helpful interpretation of the riddle, if it is brought to his attention.
_In taking, taken;_ -- How Archi was captured
_In making, unmade;_ -- Archi's death will create another being 
_In granting, a wager;_ -- Nikret must risk trusting someone else 
_In wisdom, repaid._ -- ... this is a mystery (for now).

Some townspeople saw what passed between the Xill and Archi, but were killed by the Xill. The party might be able to contact them.



*Resolving the Adventure:*

Should the party manage to rescue Archi before he dies, he will speak to his father regarding the Xill's treachery, then beg to be killed -- he is too far gone for a simple Remove Disease to cure him of the Xill larva, or his Outsider nature made the Xill larva stronger sooner, or some other handwaving reason.

His father won't have the stomach for the *mercy killing*, and will ask the party to assist him in this distasteful matter. 

Should they ask Perlfive, he will tell them that he now sees the true meaning of the last line of the riddle -- both that the party can use one of Nikret's granted Wishes to Wish for Archi to be cured, and that Nikret risks much by granting a Wish, for the party could wish that he leave all that he took from the Material Plane forever, and he would be effectively banished from his current fortress, forever. In fact, Perlfive  asks that the party use their granted wish exactly thus.

Should the party find a way to cure Archi (which requires a Wish or Miracle), Nikret is grateful and will grant them the full three Wishes he is capable of granting.

Should the party find evidence against Tchakrix but not find Archi, Nikret will grant them one wish, and will not interpret it as liberally as possible.

Should the party find Archi and slay him (as he will keep requesting that they should), Nikret will grant them two Wishes, and will interpret them more liberally if he feels that his son died with honor.

If the party convinces Nikret to leave the Material Plane forever, Perlfive will reward them as best he can -- most likely with the promise of a celestial boon in the future, should the party find itself in great need -- basically, a Miracle postponed.

 -- Nifft


* Lantern Disciple: See my page of custom templates at
http://klimt.cns.nyu.edu/~fishman/DnD/templates.html
For a double entendre bonus, Perlfive's granted powers include the ability to shine like a lantern.


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## Nifft

Woah, we posted pretty close together in time!  

I'm going to eat some lunch, then look over my doom -- er, Wicht's entry.

 -- Nifft


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## Wicht

incognito said:
			
		

> *Wicht:  I was able to see it even without the highlight, for what its worth! (Although my first guess was "pee"   ) *




I can see it too if I get about two inches from my monitor.  I was not sure the color though to make it be exactly hidden.  A well, its a gimmick anyway 

Though I am glad to here you would have gotten the riddle wrong on your first guess.


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## Greybar

Even with the skill with which these two competitors have wielded the ingredients, I can't imagine my players greeting either llama without a snort and a total loss of composure.

Both entries have elements that I'm sure people will be yoinking left and right.  So thanks!

John


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## Rune

Aw, nuts.  I missed out on this round.  Why'd ya have to run this while this is going on?


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## incognito

> _originally posted by Rune_
> Aw, nuts. I missed out on this round. Why'd ya have to run this while this is going on?




I gave a warning, like TWO WEEKS before I ran the contest Rune!?!  It said "ALERT" and even advised the time I was going to start the contest!

Note to my two humble submitters: I have read your entries and am writing my rebuttal...err...judgement of these submissions!

Greybar: WRT the Llama...just.you.wait


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## Rune

incognito said:
			
		

> I gave a warning, like TWO WEEKS before I ran the contest Rune!?!  It said "ALERT" and even advised the time I was going to start the contest!




Yeah, yeah.  I guess I forgot about it.  Actually, with my poor performance in the last round (the Holliday IronDM Tournament), I figured I'd sit this one out, anyway.


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## Quickbeam

OK, I'll be ready to commence my battle anytime after 4:00 today.  In the meantime, I'm anxious to see the outcome of our tournament's first match!


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## Wicht

Quickbeam said:
			
		

> *In the meantime, I'm anxious to see the outcome of our tournament's first match! *




Youre not alone


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## Nifft

Yeah, what Wicht said... 

 -- Nifft


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## MerakSpielman

my money's on Wicht this round.


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## Greybar

> my money's on Wicht this round.




I don't know.  I like the rat b*strdly complexity of Nifft's.
Judgment coming any minute now, then the peanut gallery will (I'm sure) rush forward in all our crazy opinions.  

John


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## incognito

*Round , set 1*

Judging (* Nifft vs. Wicht*)

Ok, there will be a direct correlation between the rounds, and how harsh I am when the contestants under whelm me with submission.  Since this is the first round, first set, I am going to be positively benign.

I do have 1 general complaint – and Greybar guessed it right off the bat  - _Bright Llama._  Maybe I should have used an adjective besides bright – like unobtrusive, or dignified.  I might have gotten a less tacked on feel in both Wicht, and Nifft’s submissions.  It amazes me that posters can come up with their own _Challenging Riddle,_ but not use a Llama in anything but comic relief – and that is how this ingredient struck me in both submissions.

I’ll start with Wicht, because he submitted first…

Wicht has a tendency to craft scenario’s which are less than dark, even though their content is meant to be taken seriously --> the setting often belies this purpose.  Take for example, the deity used to set the scene; Ferfinigu, who is foppish enough that I might have thought one of the ingredients was _self indulgent deity._  The sphinx analogy Llama is another comical point, although I am not sure if this was intended.  Of course you can see a DM telling players “you see before you, a *Llama!* shining like the sun – it wants to ask you a riddle…”  and the subsequent south park laughter.

Ingredient weakness in Wicht’s adventure:  I have to say, at the risk of being over-critical, that they ALL seemed tacked on.  Why is the captain kept prisoner with _ Iron Bands of Billaro?_  because it is an ingredient, no other reason.  Why do _Xill_ attack the city?  Why not fiendish, Dire Llama’s or Awakened, Llama Wizards?    I am also not sure I like the implied sarcasm in Fretch’s _mercy killing._  I think that may be just a personal preference though, other times the use of ingredients in an unusual way has tickled my fancy.  Finally, what is the deal with the sword and shield – they were like an adventure thread that never materialized – perhaps Wicht meant to use them as a plot hook?  We’ll hopefully find out in his exposition…

So, what to like?  Well, we have three distinct, hooks, an unusual minor deity, the potential for some interesting combats at the PCs dash about the city, and a riddle that a person with a 100 (average) IQ might actually figure out – ‘cause other wise that Dire Llama might stomp the crap out of a party not well equiped with +3 weapons (and hey, that **would** be funny!)    I also do not find too many PC spell holes that ruin this adventure, a considerable risk, at the levels creep up (perhaps a reason that so many submission are for characters of 3-6th level.

Speaking of spells ruining you plot hooks, let’s more over to Niffts submission!

Nifft, nifft, nifft.  So many spells, so little time.  If the Efreeti has access to clerical magic, via the “commune” spell, why does he not cast “speak with dead” on Tchakrix’s followers.  Oh, and “commune” does not provide riddles, just yes or no, (up to five words as well) – but the 4th level spell “divination” does.  Looks like Nikret could saved some coin on that, eh?  Speaking of divinations, what savvy L9 cleric PC isn’t going to cast “Commune” and ask if Tchakrix did it?  Could be a short adventure.  Stupid divination magic!

Perlfive has to be some kind of computer humor as well…I can’t remember what the exact joke is though, and worse still, NIfft used his lantern disciple, custom PrC to flesh out this already unusual Llama.  Overkill, perhaps.

On the other hand, I found the ingredient use in this adventure quite wonderful!  _Xill_, and Efreet, are both Lawful Evil outsiders, and would respect a pact.  The _Challenging Riddle_ is exactly that, and I find it a great one to come up with in 24 hours (hat’s off to Nifft!), and the mercy killing “feels” genuine.  I buy into the fatherly efreet – he even willing to grant wishes that might screw himself over – esp. if the PCs have already talked with the Llama.  The smoke filled room, although perfectly sensical in the body of the story, probably should had more story impact, but it certainly was not contrived, just underused.

One thing that bothers me slightly is the first plot hook, I have a hard time seeing the body of this adventure getting played out (figuring out the mystery of Nikret’s son) if a party of L10 characters has contact with _the Llama_  first– god I hate Nifft’s Llama -  I do like the fact that there is the possibility of the conundrum with PCs possibly wishing Nikret to leave, but him needing to offer that as a gift in order to save him son.  Good stuff that!  
The potential for role-play: decent.  This adventure is certainly not all hack and slash.

Anyone who knows me might have guessed the victor.  I found Niffts entry to be exciting, AND interesting, with good use of several ingredients, and only one that really offended me (wink).  I found Wicht’s to be surprisingly average, with not enough thought given to making the ingredient use seem integrated, rather than superfluous. 

This round goes to 
*Nifft!*


----------



## Quickbeam

** Congrats to Nifft.

** I'm ready whenever someone else chimes in, and I'd love to start tonight if possible.

** And at the risk of upsetting our judge, I'm not surprised the bright llama was used "weakly" or as "comic relief" in the entires posted by Wicht and Nifft.  It's not exactly an inspiring ingredient, now is it?  I mean, when I first read the theme element list I thought, "What the heck does he mean by bright llama?  Is this some new creature from BoVD? or ToH?"  Incognito, I understand the challenge you (and nemmerle) face in coming up with unrelated and often unusual story ingredients for us to use.  But you must understand that some ingredients just beg to be used in silly ways, like kazoos from the Holiday Iron DM tourney.  It's damn hard to take llamas seriously .
I mean you no disrespect and I hope you don't penalize me for speaking my mind herein.  I take this tournament _very_ seriously, but that doesn't mean an odd ingredient can't be used to provide comedy in an otherwise thrilling adventure story.  You're saddled with the task of providing us with unique theme elements (and judging), while we're asked to employ them in a clever, cohesive, compelling manner.  Sometimes (like with llamas and kazoos) that's mighty hard to do without a silent wink wink, nudge nudge .


----------



## incognito

I am leaving work now, please post *exposition*

Round 1, set 2 begin's tomorrow, around 9:30 AM EST!

Who can make it (Quickbeam)?

Oh, and just to help out with the llama ingredient:  How about a llama statuette with bright, glittering diamond eyes?  Or, if you want to go the Llama_as_humor route, go all the way!  Create other funny animal references, or make all the bad guys wear dunce caps, of have the fighter NPCs wear red shirts (star trek).


3e does not have to be serious, but I do want internal consistency.

An no, Quickbeam, I will not hold it against, you  - I'll save that for Nifft


----------



## Quickbeam

I'll be ready tomorrow, although tonight would have been better for me.  C'est la vie and all that jazz.



			
				incognito said:
			
		

> *
> 
> Oh, and just to help out with the llama ingredient:  How about a llama statuette with bright, glittering diamond eyes?  Or, if you want to go the Llama_as_humor route, go all the way!  Create other funny animal references, or make all the bad guys wear dunce caps, of have the fighter NPCs wear red shirts (star trek).
> 
> 
> 3e does not have to be serious, but I do want internal consistency.
> 
> An no, Quickbeam, I will not hold it against, you  - I'll save that for Nifft  *




Fair enough, and point well taken.  I just wanted to make sure I could have a little fun with some of the ingredients given to me, if the urge hit .


----------



## Nifft

Wow, I thought I was dead! Good match, Wicht! I see some surface similarities -- both of us have towns threatened by the Xill, both of us have the Llama guarding the town, and both of us have the victim of the Iron Bands being implanted by the Xill -- hey, we even have the guy in the Iron Bands being someone important's son!

Anyway -- good match 

Now, to defend myself  : Okay, not _Commune_ but _Divination_. As to why there's no better answer forthcoming, and why the forces of Elemental Evil aren't being very helpful, it's because Tchakrix is part Fire Elemental, too, and has used what little influence he has to hide his tracks. Those Who Command the Flames are waiting to see who wins -- the old species or the new -- before helping one side or the other.

Secondly, I assumed that Tchakrix has about 30 Xill working for him, and that for a _Commune_ to work it would have to be phrased pretty precisely -- "Did Tchakrix kidnap Archi?" is a clear No.

(Though, to be honest, I don't have a ton of experience with high level Divinations...)

Finally, yes, Perlfive is a "computer" joke -- I tried to make the Llama as palpably comic relief as I could, then imagined the Xill scratching their heads, wondering how the hell THAT thing had them beat.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

 -- Nifft


----------



## Nifft

incognito said:
			
		

> *exposition
> [...]
> An no, Quickbeam, I will not hold it against, you  - I'll save that for Nifft  *




Could someone tell me what's wanted in *exposition*?

And ... _erp!_

 -- Nifft


----------



## Wicht

I can't help feeling that this one was entirely a matter of personal preference.  i thought my Llama was going to win me the round hands down 

Not to argue with the judge but how do you use a llama as a serious plot element ?      My first thought on reading it (well my second thought - my first was, "what is a bright llama?  I don't remeber seeing that in the Tome of Horrors") was Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail.  Maybe they just ruined Llamas for me as a serious plot element ever.  

So Llama equaled silly to me.  Light tone.  A bright llama could either be an intelligent llama, as in, "boy is he bright.  Wish I could learn as fast as that Llama."  The other was a llama that shone like the sun.  A llama that shone suggested something divine.  The riddle suggested the sphinx to me and so my mind leapt to the llama standing in for a sphinx at the wim of some silly deity.  My mind next leapt to the tale of Oedipus and thus was born the city in trouble because of a slight to the god in question.  The sword and shield was not really tacked on so much as intended to be illustrative of the favor the god bestowed on his son.  Then I needed something to do with it and perhaps could have carried it further as a plot point.  As I feel is normally the case, my weakness is in trying to be too brief when judges habitually favor detail. 

As to the Iron bands of Billaro, what else would they do but keep someone captive?  The only other real way to use them is to give them to an NPC as an attack option but in my mind that would be even more tacked on.  They either have to be in use or be about to be used.  There are few other options (and I notice my opponent chose to use them exactly as I did though with a more central figure).  If they are in use then someone has to be affected by the use.  I am interested in why a judge would give an ingredient and then complain that it was used in the story. 

Some ingredients IMO are hard to be central to an over-riding plot and must therefore be used as plot support.  I used the Xill, the riddle and the Llama as main points of the plot and the other three as support.  If the ingredient is used in an intelligent way then I guess I would disagree with the "tacked-on" description.  But thats just personal opinion.

Anyhow.  Perhaps part of my problem is that I deliver my humor too straight faced.  I have no idea why the honorable judge would imagine that I was trying to deliver a serious beginning.  Actually in the mind of the writer the beginning and introduction were supposed to be lighthearted and produce a good laugh from the players (until the Llama started stomping heads into the ground anyway).  The second part of the adventure was more serious and in fact had a rather gruesome ending arranged (shades of alien in the Xill eggs).  IMO the introduction of some rather gruesome images can sometimes be better delivered if the players are not expecting it.  The humor therefore, if played right lends itself to making the situation later that much more serious.  Again, though, this may just be a difference in personal style.  


Finally, congragulations Nifft.  I thought I had you there but fear not I shall return!


----------



## mythago

Saturday is not so swell for me. The rest of the week, I'm good to go.


----------



## Quickbeam

Nifft:
Exposition, is essentially a detailed description of how and why your story came together the way it did.  Incognito is looking for the thought process behind your use of the theme ingredients  within the adventure, and the evolution of the entry as it was ultimately posted.

Wicht:
I made a few of the same points you did above.  Tough break...I was looking forward to a rematch.  Perhaps we'll have one in the RBDM tourney or at some other point down the road.


----------



## howandwhy99

> Saturday is not so swell for me. The rest of the week, I'm good to go.




Ditto, for me.  This is my gaming Saturday.
If possible, later in the workday is better for me, too.  I imagine it's hard not to get ancy with 8 hours of work left after those ingredients post.

Also, I thought you guys got pretty tough ingredients for first round.  Here's how I read them:

Person: Xill
Place: Smoke Filled room
Thing: Bright Llama, Iron Bands of Billaro (possible persons, if awakened or intelligent)
Story Element: Mercy Killing, Challenging riddle

Tough not just because of their diversity, but because most lists in the past games have had at least 2 persons or groups.  For me these are the most dynamic parts in a game.  While you can interact with NPC's, objects rarely seem to lead to moral quandries without a lot of preplanning.

Congratulations to both of you.  Both entries were very well done and a good judgement, too.


----------



## Greybar

> It's damn hard to take llamas seriously




Absolutely.  Note to self: incognito seems open to a fully comedic entry, so if given lemons make lemonade!

I was drawn to the Xill/Effreet alliance, perhaps because I could begin to imagine using that in my own game.

Congrats to Nifft and condolences to Wicht.  It was a tough ingredient list.

John


----------



## mythago

Small clarification: these must be D&D scenarios, not just d20 scenarios, yes?


----------



## Nifft

*Exposition*

_Smoke Filled room
Mercy Killing
Iron Bands of Billaro
Xill
Challenging riddle
Bright Llama_

The first thing I did was to look up Xill. Lawful Evil Outsider simply screamed "SLAVER" to my inner ear. Then I looked at Smoke-Filled Room. This suggested two things: one, an illicit behind-the-scenes deal; two, creatures of elemental Fire. So I combined the two ideas into a contract between the Xill and the Efreet. To make the deal more viable, I gave the chief Xill the half-elemental (fire) template -- but didn't mention how exactly he got that template. The team-up of XIll and Efreet is powerful -- Efreet provide magic, Xill provide muscle. A very deadly combo.

Now I turned to the Bright Llama. For some reason, I pictured a wandering do-gooder -- but the thing was still very silly.

Next, I turned to the Iron Bands and the Mercy Killing. Since the Xill entry contained an item of alien horror -- the egg implantation -- the idea of confinement and Mercy Killing came together naturally. So, someone was going to end up in the Iron Bands with a Xill egg in him, begging for death.

Since the Efreet were the only other characters in the drama, they were the natural choice for victimhood. The idea of an efreeti implanted with a Xill egg got me thinking about the FireXill and how he got that template -- perhaps his egg was implanted in an efreeti!

There was the basic plot. Now I needed to throw in a Riddle and make the Llama less useless. So, a mystery was in order -- have the Xill grab not just some expendable efreeti, but the son of the Prince. A note in the SRD gave me inspiration: _Some djinn (1% of the total population) are "noble" and can grant three wishes to any being (nongenies only)._ I decided to extend this rule to efreet.

The mechanic of "grants wishes (nongenies only)" is interesting, since it involves a power exchange and either great trust or coersion. The PCs aren't nearly powerful enough to coerce a Noble Efreeti, so it's got to be a trust thing.

Now for the riddle -- I have a bit of an advantage, since I used to write quite a bit of poetry. I wanted the riddle to be one of a _very_ small number of clues, since the party has access to divination magic and two months to solve this case. Of course, the clues could prove to be too obscure, so I made the llama bright enough to help the party along -- should they stumble, he'll be there to nudge them back on track.

That's about it, except for deciding that the Prince would be more or less generous based on whether the party saves his son or not.

 -- Nifft


----------



## Majicthise

Congrats to Nifft!  I really enjoyed your entry.

Wicht. . . I agree with you about the subjective nature of these things. . . I think there should be more deities with silly character flaws (the standard deity bit of wanting to kill everyone or cover the world with ice or what-not are such serious mental problems. . .why can't a god just be annoyingly fond of llamas?).  

*Thanks for two cool entries.*


----------



## Steverooo




----------



## incognito

Wicht: Hey guy, not for nothing - in the last IronDM I judged, weren't you the winner of the standard rounds, losing only to VAX in overtime?  

The Judge understands _Bright Llama_ is not an easy story element.  He want to see how clever you are!  I like unusual ingredients.  Anyone remeber _Shadow Dagon_

If a more serious LLama is desired: did you get a chance to peek at my thought on the ingredient? ("How about a llama statuette with bright, glittering diamond eyes?" or a childs toy, a bright yellow, stuffed LLama)

And please folks, this IS IronDM - please contestents, expect the critisism.  I certainly did not spare Nifft, though he was the winner.  I meter out praise for well done elements as well!

mythago: only 3E DnD, not d20

And now I need two folks who are up early and want to compete!

Your ingredients are ready!


----------



## Quickbeam

Ready and waiting...


----------



## MerakSpielman

Strange. My brain read "Lamia" _every single time_ I saw the word "Llama." Even when reading the submissions. Weird. I liked them with Lamias better than with Llamas.


----------



## howandwhy99

Still hangin' around.


----------



## Nifft

MerakSpielman said:
			
		

> *Strange. My brain read "Lamia" every single time I saw the word "Llama." Even when reading the submissions. Weird. I liked them with Lamias better than with Llamas. *




Hey, I mis-read it as "Lamia" the first few times too! "What a cool arch-villian, a Bright Lamia!", thought I. Ah, well.

 -- Nifft


----------



## Greybar

[Greybar snaps to attention]

Ready, SIR!

John


----------



## incognito

*Round 1, Set 2*

*Quickbeam vs Howandwhy99*

ingredients
Obvious Snafu 
The Dolphin King
Keen Scythe
All-around vision
Ex-Patriots
Worg

let the ingredient whining begin!

(sorry Greybar, just missed it!)

It is 9:50AM EST, you have 24 hours.  Good luck!


----------



## Quickbeam

*Re: Round 1, Set 2*



			
				incognito said:
			
		

> *Quickbeam vs Howandwhy99
> 
> ingredients
> Obvious Snafu
> The Dolphin King
> Keen Scythe
> All-around vision
> Ex-Patriots
> Worg
> 
> let the ingredient whining begin!
> 
> *




No whining...just a quiet "yikes," followed by "interesting."  See ya later tonight or early tomorrow morning .


----------



## Wicht

Incognito, I'm sorry if my exposition came out sounding bitter or upset or something.  Rereading it I can see how you might get that.  On the other hand its full of smileys and I was smiling the whole time I was responding to your judgment.  I'm really easy going and not at all upset about losing in the first round.  Really.  I'm smiling right now. 

My only problem was that I just was a bit confused about some of your reactions to the use of ingredients as your comments about your perception of my intentions flew directly in the face of what I actually intended.  I did not intend to use the llama seriously.  I did not intend for the original set-up to be more than a bit of a farce on a classical greek tragedy, but as in most of my scenario's I tried to follow through with the consequences for the people caught up in the farce.  

specifically, some examples of what you said that puzzled me...


> *Wicht has a tendency to craft scenario’s which are less than dark, even though their content is meant to be taken seriously *



I have no idea why you would think I meant for anyone to take a huge llama seriously.  Or for that matter a god of wind, rain and mountain tops named Ferfinigu (say that five times fast without smiling.)  On the other hand I did mean for the xills to be taken seriously.  Again I think this is personal preference.  I personally like mixing the ridiculous in with the serious in the same story allowing the one to contrast with the other.



> *Of course you can see a DM telling players “you see before you, a Llama! shining like the sun – it wants to ask you a riddle…” and the subsequent south park laughter.*



Which is exactly what I would expect to happen.  You make it sound as if you thought I was failing in my purpose while stating that I would have accomplished what I thought my scenario would accomplish. 

That was my only real beef.  I didn't mind losing.  I just didn't understand being criticized for using comedy when I was trying to use a bit of comedy.  I seem to recall that my first entry in the last contest, in which I also was being funny (in my mind anyway) was not one of your favorites and so I am left with the conclusion that perhaps our styles of humor are just slightly out of kilter. 

I thank you for judging though, bear no hard feelings, will be cheering for Nifft and look forward eagerly to the rest of the rounds.


----------



## Greybar

> (sorry Greybar, just missed it!)




No problem, I'll enjoy watching this one as well.  Later in the week will be even better for me since my wife will be heading off to visit relatives.  Which means more time for either:
a) working on things for my campaign
or
b) making an IRON DM entry

or both if I'm lucky!

Good luck to Quickbeam and Howandwhy99, and may inspiration and perspiration bless you!

John


----------



## incognito

Wicht:  NO!  Please DO voice your opinions!  Especially if you did not understand my critique - it's incumbent upon me to be clear in my judgement

With regard to your specific question(s):  Your story genuinely had some good comedic elements to be sure: The God, the slightly lame (and invariably killed) son, and the LLama.  The meat of the adventure seemed pretty dire though.  A town captured, with Xill implanting an entire town with eggs - 88 days in!  The two concepts seemed in conflict to me.  So rather than appreciate the humor, I felt it slightly detracted.  

Perhaps you are right, part of the problem may be that our humor style is different.  That is definitely the risk of IronDM - if I don't get the joke, you don't win the round.  My style would have been to use the _iron bands of billaro_ as an amusing bondage toy, and have the PCs discover them _in flagrante delicto_ if you know what I mean (and I think you do)!

I am glad that your smileys were genuine, and is the springtime IronDM really that far away?


----------



## incognito

*Steverooo's entry*

Emial me privately and we can talk about it offline!


----------



## seasong

Just a note: I'm ready for a start time anytime between now and tomorrow morning.


----------



## incognito

seasong and greybar!

The next round should start sometime tomorrow morning, if the submissions are in early or on time!

do you two want to be the next pair?  Lock it in now, baby!


----------



## seasong

Q: If a submission is early, is it also on time? 

I'm good with tomorrow morning. Earlier is better, but as long as it's in before noon I should have time to write.


----------



## Greybar

> do you two want to be the next pair? Lock it in now, baby!




Tomorrow morning sounds great.

Ooh, paired up against seasong.  I'm a huge fan of seasong but that just means I need to rise to the challenge.

best of inspiration to you, seasong!

john


----------



## seasong

Best of inspiration to you, also, Greybar! I tend to mine these for ideas, so I'll be looking for your best!

As for rising to the challenge... one of the joys of IronDM is that upsets are quite easy. It's easy to win, but not very easy to _deliberately_ win. And I hear the judge hates me .


----------



## MerakSpielman

Hey, has somebody started one of those unofficial threads where anybody posts adventures based on ideas from the Iron DM ingredients yet?


----------



## Quickbeam

Quickbeam vs. Howandwhy99
False Impressions
An adventure for characters of 4th – 6th levels

Ingredients:
The Dolphin King
Expatriates
Keen Scythe
Obvious Snafu
All Around Vision
Worg

BACKGROUND:
Nearly two generations ago, a young man named Jaern left the village of Ashleigh Grove on the outskirts of the human city Corwyn to fight in a holy crusade across the Harwiss Sea.  Jaern was a simple farmer when he left, but during his many years of training in the field, he dedicated his life to Pelor (or any other god of light).  His great feats as a paladin brought him some degree of fame abroad, but few stories made their way back home.  This notoriety brought with it numerous enemies, and Jaern became very cautious.  He commissioned an enchanted weapon, which would aid him in his vigilance…an exceptionally effective blade that would allow him to see from every angle (providing a great advantage, because detect evil is by no means infallible or perfect as an early warning system).  Legend referred to this weapon as the Blade of Jaern.

Fifteen years ago, Jaern carried this weapon back to Ashleigh Grove, when old age had caught up to him and he could feel death approaching.  Accompanying him on this final journey was Ooldan, the wizard who enchanted the Blade of Jaern, and a close friend of the paladin.  Upon Jaern’s death, Ooldan had him entombed near the shores of the sea that had carried Jaern to greatness, somewhere to the northeast of Corwyn.  Ooldan set a permanent guard at the tomb’s entrance, to protect the sanctity of his friend’s burial ground, and to make certain that the Blade of Jaern did not fall into evil hands.  In the days and weeks subsequent to Jaern’s death, Ooldan spent many nights mourning the loss of his dear friend over huge tankards of ale in the many taverns around Corwyn.  

More recently, a Jackalwere* pirate named Faroun and his crew attacked a merchant ship under cover of darkness.  As fate would have it, an aged Ooldan happened to be among those on this vessel, and the long years of peaceful comfort left him lackadaisical about keeping protective spells in effect.  So it was, that Ooldan died with all of the other souls on board.  Among the loot the Faroun recovered, were many books and arcane scrolls possessed by Ooldan.  While the Jackalwere had little use for the scrolls and spellbooks beyond the price they might fetch, the wizard’s journal proved most to be a most interesting acquisition.  There was an entire section dedicated to the life and deeds of Jaern, the latter portion of which made mention of the magical blade Ooldan had enchanted for his friend.  There were also notes referencing Corwyn, and the burial tomb where Jaern was laid to rest with his possessions.

Believing that the blade, which Ooldan’s notes claimed gave one *all around vision*, would allow him to use his gaze attack in all directions simultaneously (an understandable misconception by the power-hungry pirate), Faroun and the rest of his crew set sail across the Harwiss Sea to find the coast of Corwyn.


GEOGRAPHY & THE REGION:
Corwyn sits at the inner coast of a small bay.  Following the coastline 20 miles to the southwest lies the human city of Pelfasse.  Roughly 30 miles northeast of Corwyn lies the dwarven settlement of Durbin-Ra.  About a dozen miles inland from the coast, a dense forest stretching miles in all directions, is home to numerous tribal enclaves of orcs.  Life along this stretch of coast is harsh, and relations between the various cities and peoples are tenuous at best.  Trade is limited, and there is a strong sense of isolation among the humans and dwarves, since they are surrounded on one side by water and separated from the inner continent by the orcs.


SET UP:
Having moored his ship along the coastline just outside of Corwyn, Faroun and his two Jackalwere lieutenants assume human form and investigate the region.  Faroun recognizes that the Bay of Corwyn would make an ideal location for a permanent base of operations, and conceives of a plan to overtake the entire city.

* First, Faroun and his crew capture a large Pelfasse whaling vessel, then sail up the coast to Corwyn.  From this captured ship – which plainly displays the flag of Pelfasse – they unleash an assault on the wharf district using ballista and large harpoons rigged with alchemic mixtures, which set the pier ablaze.
* Faroun and his crew then flee into the Harwiss Sea, returning a day later to the shores of Durbin-Ra, now flying a flag of Corwyn, which was previously stolen.  Once again a fiery volley of missiles is launched from the ship, this time directed at the dwarven scout posts and towers.
* Now Faroun begins his earnest attempts to locate the paladin’s resting place, hoping to locate the Blade of Jaern.  The Jackalwere’s thinking is that Corwyn is likely to find itself gearing up to wage war on two fronts given tensions in the area.  With the city’s militia and guardsmen spread so thin, Faroun incorrectly believes it will be easy for the pirates to conquer Corwyn since he’s thoroughly convinced the Blade will grant him the ability to use his gaze against potential foes in all directions simultaneously.
* Corwyn begins to prepare for war with Pelfasse within 24 hours of the pirate attack.  Meanwhile, Dwarven scouts see Corwyn’s military preparations, and report to Durbin-Ra that the humans are set for war.  The canvas is ready…


PC HOOKS:
1) Unbeknownst to Faroun, a small fishing boat was in the area when the pirates captured the Pelfasse whaler.  The whaler had been captained by a man named Hubson Tane, who was known for his excessive drinking.  Upon returning to Pelfasse, the fisherman, Linten, tells folks that from a distance he saw pirates engaging the whaler.  Grief-stricken families and other townsfolk are unwilling to believe Linten, assuming that he is trying to create some small measure of celebrity for himself out of the whaler’s disapperance.  Naturally, they assume Tane and his drinking were responsible for the loss of life.  Tane’s wife, Henara, is desperate to believe the fisherman, and wants to cling to any hope that her husband is still alive.  She offers a cash reward to anyone who can find the pirates and bring them to justice, or provide proof that her husband’s drinking was not responsible for the whaler’s disappearance.  She will seek out the party if they are in the area of Pelfasse, because their reputations precede them, or the party will hear of the reward (which folks generally believe is a wild goose chase). 

2) After the attack on the outposts, the dwarves of Durbin-Ra imprison human *expatriates* who have been living and working amongst the dwarves.  They fear that some of the humans may be spies, and do not want to risk any information leaks with war on the horizon.  These farmers, miners, loggers, etc. are all kept in a dwarven jail complex.  One *expatriate* Crattus Irvee has managed to escape and he returns to Corwyn to determine why his people have attacked the dwarves.  Upon questioning the authorities, Irvee is told that there was no attack.  Determined to avert war and free his family back in Durbin-Ra, he seeks help.  Irvee may know of one of the party members and sends word to him/her, or perhaps Irvee has heard of the party’s adventures and seeks them out.  He hopes that his appeals to the party’s collective conscience and good graces will be enough to motivate them.

Then…once the PCs start investigating the alleged pirates or the naval attacks, Faroun will come to them in human form.  His two lieutenants are stationed in the cities of Pelfasse and Corwyn and they will direct him to the PCs if they start snooping.  Faroun will approach the party alone.  He will appear to be a thin man of average height.  His hair is mottled and oily, and his fingernails are long and dirty.  Faroun wears a ring of mind shielding on his right hand.  He will introduce himself as Ferrin Todlow, and upon greeting the PCs he will say, “a pleasure to eat you” and cover this by saying, “meet you…meet you.”  This *obvious snafu* (as in slip of the tongue or faux pas) might put the party on guard.  Faroun tells the party that he has information for them. . .that he knows of a magical device which will allow them to see the truth by looking back through time.  He will offer to reveal the location of this item in exchange for something.  He wants them to subdue and retrieve a *worg* from a small orc encampment in the nearby woods, saying that he’s always wanted to train a *worg* himself. This is another *obvious snafu* (in the sense of the word’s true origin, which was army-speak for Situation Normal, All Fouled Up.), as the PCs clearly would have to move into orcish territory in order to accomplish this.  In truth, the device does not exist, but Faroun looks at things this way: either the party will be killed by the orcs and their mounts, putting an end to their snooping about…or they will return with the *worg*, potentially drawing the orcs into conflict with the humans of Corwyn and Pelfasse, making his conquest even easier.


ENCOUNTERS

The Worg:
Faroun details the location of a nearby orc encampment two miles into the woods, at a point roughly half way between Pelfasse and Corwyn.  12 orcs are camped here, and 6 more are on active patrol of the area (1/2 mile radius of the camp).  Near the center of the camp, a pen holds two adult *worgs* and their litter of four pups.  If the orc patrol spots the PCs, they will call for their comrades, who will abandon their camp for the fight.  If the orc patrol spots the PCs when they are leaving the camp, they will not engage immediately, but will report back to their base with the information (that humans have attacked the camp, potentially leading the orcs to take up arms against the human cities).

If the PCs return a worg or pup to Faroun, he will tell the party that a knight was entombed outside of Corwyn.  The knight was buried with his helm, which was enchanted so that the wearer could scry across time (as the spell scry across the ages (Divine grimoire)).  He describes to the PCs where Jaern’s tomb is located, and tells them that the helm is within (again, there is no helm).  Faroun has been to the tomb, and could not face its guardian; therefore, he hopes that either the PCs will be killed by the guardian, or that they will find a way to defeat it, and he will be able to take the Blade of Jaern.


Jaern’s Tomb Part 1:
The tomb is guarded by an iron golem constructed by Ooldan.  This unique golem wields an enchanted *keen scythe*, which gives its bearer *all around vision*, and it uses this weapon to defend the tomb along with its poison breath, dispensing with its standard slam attacks.  The scythe is the Blade of Jaern, which Faroun seeks.  However, Faroun has assumed the blade is a sword, and would not recognize the scythe as his prize.  The *keen scythe* also bears a magical glamer that makes it look like a weathered and damaged farming tool, not the glorious weapon it really is.

The tomb and golem stand in a clearing in an overgrown area about five miles northeast of Corwyn.  The golem stands a few feet in front of the tomb’s entrance.  It will not activate, unless someone crosses to within ten feet of the tomb.  If that happens, it will attack; however, it will not follow anyone retreating.  It will return to its dormant state after ten minutes without engagement.  The golem will not activate if the person passing speaks its command word (see below).  The tomb itself rests behind a heavy stone door (strength check DC 20 to open) placed beneath a carved archway, guarded only by the golem.

If the PCs interact with the golem, they will quickly learn that discretion is the better part of valor, and flea if they hope to survive.  It is quite unlikely that they would be able to beat the golem in combat; however, if they do, the tomb’s contents are described in some detail in the “Jaern’s Tomb part 2” section below.  The PCs may realize that they need to find another way around the golem, and may seek assistance (which may prove fruitful, see below).


The Dolphin King:
If the PCs have taken on Mrs. Tane’s task, and are actively looking for the pirates . . . or if the PCs are following the coastline about 11 miles northeast of Corwyn (and 19 miles southwest of Durbin-Ra), they will come along an area of dense overgrowth, and a substantial amount of driftwood.  Visibility is only clear to about 15 feet in any direction, while going through this area, because of all the plant-life.  If they trek through the area, a spot check (DC 15) will permit the PCs to notice a ship moored off the coast.  

This is Faroun’s ship, *the Dolphin King* one of his greatest conquests.  *The Dolphin King* currently carries a crew of 24 hobgoblins, as Faroun and his two jackalwere lieutenants are currently amidst the human settlements.  If the PCs move into sight along the shoreline, the hobgoblins on watch will likely notice them.  Two pairs of six hobgoblins will board rowboats, and attempt to close and engage the PCs (they have orders to kill anyone who stumbles upon the ship).  The rowboats will provide the PCs an easy access to the ship.

On board the ship, the PCs will face twelve more hobgoblins.  Of interest on board the ship is a journal in the captain’s cabin.  The journal of Ooldan lies open to an entry about the tomb of Jaern, near Corwyn.  It describes the mighty Blade of Corwyn (but does not explain that it is a scythe), and makes reference to the fact that a guardian stands sentry at the tomb.  A knowledge geography check (DC 15) or knowledge local check (DC 10) will allow the PCs to locate the tomb based upon the description in the journal.

Also of note on board are 1) human remains in the galley, 2) a locked door to a hold below, wherein there lie 20 gems valued at 30 GPE, 200 gold pieces, 450 silver pieces, and assorted pieces of jewelry -- total value of jewelry 100 gold pieces (a ring amongst this jewelry belonged to the whaler, Mr. Tane.  His widow would recognize it.), 3) on the bridge there are scattered piles of rubbish, a search check (DC 10) will uncover two flags (Corwyn’s and Pelfasse’s. . . the hobgoblins brought these back on board before they sank the whaler).  


Corwyn’s Sage:
In Corwyn, Elias Yost, a cooper, has the added distinction of being the town’s lore-master.  He has a small shop in which he makes and sells his barrels.  If the party asks around town about Jaern or any of the other relevant info pertaining to the paladin and his blade, folks will suggest that the PCs consult Elias.  Elias is a human male in his late sixties.  He is an avid reader and has a knack for picking up bits of information.  He is very sociable, and often plants himself in one of the city’s taverns.  If the PCs go to his shop, he will agree to speak with them after the shop closes, if they will pay his bar tab for the night.  If the party finds him in a tavern, he will offer a similar arrangement.

Elias happened to be sitting next to Ooldan one night long ago while the wizard was grieving over Jaern’s death.  He remembers hearing about Jaern’s successes abroad, and about a great weapon that he wielded (specifics he doesn’t quite remember).  If he is shown the journal, his memory will snap back, and he will be able to tell the PCs where the tomb is located based upon the description in the journal.  

Whether he is shown the journal or not, Elias remembers that Ooldan often said that rust will keep iron in check.  He remembers the wizard would laugh when he said it.  “No matter how strong the iron, rust can keep it in check.”  Elias does not realize it, but “rust” is the command word that will allow one passage by the iron golem guardian of Jaern’s tomb.  A wisdom/intelligence check (DC 20) will permit the PCs to identify the command word, if they have already been to the tomb.


Jaern’s Tomb part 2:
If the PCs have been to the tomb because of Faroun’s false scrying helm, they may have sought to report back to him with their findings and some questions of their own.  However, the party will be unable to locate Faroun, who no longer looks like he did when they met him.  He now has the appearance of a feeble old man, as do his lieutenants who have joined him.  If the PCs return to the tomb a second time, Faroun and his lieutenants are hiding in the surrounding brush, waiting to see if the party can now defeat or bypass the guardian.  If the PCs spot them, Faroun will explain that he and his cronies are there because a prophecy foretold that a band of noble adventurers were supposed to release a powerful magic from the crypt, and they just wanted to see for themselves.  Neither he nor his companions are armed.  If the party attacks the “old men,” the Jackalweres will revert to their natural form, and fight back. 

The tomb has a decorative, but empty antechamber, and an inner chamber wherein Jaern is laid to rest.  To get to Jaern, the PCs must pry off the top of his sarcophagus with a strength check (DC 25, although 4-8 people may be lifting at once).  The paladin is wearing masterwork plate mail armor, a great helm, and has a long sword in his hands.  None of the items are magical or remarkable beyond their masterwork craftsmanship.

When the PCs emerge from the tomb, Faroun and his lieutenants will attempt to use their gaze attacks to put the PCs to sleep.  Then they will revert to their natural form, and attack the PCs.  Faroun will attempt to get the sword at all costs, still laboring under the assumption it’s the Blade of Jaern.


RESOLUTION:
1) The PCs can show items recovered from the Dolphin King to Mrs. Tane, who will recognize her husband’s ring, and accept that he died at the hands of the pirates.  A fitting reward at  the DM’s discretion will be paid to the party.
2) The PCs can relate the story of the pirate ship, and show any flags recovered to the appropriate officials in Corwyn, Pelfasse, and Durbin-Ra.  It is possible that honorary titles and other gifts may be bestowed upon the party for helping to avoid war within the region, again at the DM’s discretion.
3) If the PCs kill Faroun at the tomb, they might use the journal as evidence that he was the pirate and likely perpetrator of the discourse throughout the area, and this may assist in resolving tensions amongst the cities.  The same possible rewards as mentioned in #2 apply here.
4) If the party uses detect magic or analyze dweomer to ascertain the scythe’s nature, they may wish to secure the item as their own.  The golem will not release the true Blade of Jaern, unless it is defeated in combat, which will be a hefty task.  DM’s may alter this Iron Golem to suit their needs, in an effort to keep the Blade of Jaern with the tomb guardian.  Furthermore, it is the hope herein, that a party of heroic adventurers would not want to rob the grave of a deceased paladin.

* Jackalweres are 1st Edition MM creatures of 4HD.  Their gaze causes sleep (on any unsuspecting creature that fails a will save…per sleep spell….however, a hostile creature is not unsuspecting; therefore, the jackalweres cannot do this once engaged in melee). They are chaotic evil humanoids of very high intelligence, and can assume human or biped jackal form as a standard action.  But most entertainingly, they can only be damaged by +1 or better weapons, or those made of iron...how scary would that make the iron golem to them?!?  I couldn't resist this old school inclusion .

_Edit: It should be noted, that this adventure can be dropped into any campaign where the PCs may be traveling near or along a coastline, with minor changes to the geography and town names.  I also noted the names of myself and H&W99 as combatants, which I forgot in my haste to turn in for the night several hours ago._


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## howandwhy99

*Quickbeam vs. Howandwhy99*
Obvious Snafu
The Dolphin King
Keen Scythe
All-Around Vision
Ex-Patriots
Worg

*The Legend of Rianna* 

*Setup:*  The players begin play with 1/2 level characters of themselves as school children of approximately the same age.  While on a field trip to the local museum of art, one of the artists shown (named Clive Staples) has number of fantastical paintings and statues displayed.  In an out of the way corner by a large painting (entitled *The Dolphin King*) sits a faun (satyr, no pipes) and two beavers (awakened).  These are: Mr Tumnus and Mr & Mrs Beaver.  Having mistaken them for statues, no one else has paid attention to these 3 other than the childhood PCs.  The faun is whimpering and will explain their story.  They are *Ex-Patriots* from their homeland of Rianna, having long ago come here to live with their late friend Jack.  Now they can no longer return because each is too old to see the lantern in the painting; the key to the portal back.  The canvas next to them is entirely filled by a dark and wintry forest.  Of course, when the children look they see a lantern on a post neatly hidden in the painting.  The faun will ask for the children to join hands, close their eyes and imagine the lantern, while he leads them on.

*Background:*  Rianna is a magical forest land enslaved in eternal winter by the Ice Witch (Sor5, substitute Witch Spell List DMG p26).  Through fear, trickery and with the help of *Worgs* and wolves she has ruled the forest and the fairie folk within.  Some time ago, she petrified the worg, Kraulng, husband and pair-mate to Rogna (Worg, per MM184).  The Ice Witch has now lost most of her wolf army to a rebellion led by Rogna.  The forest creatures (dryads, nymphs, pixies, awakened birds, mammals, etc.) are in a state of perpetual fear.  Blood and battle are a common site as the land grows ever colder.  The Ice Witch has just lead a failed attack on the base of the rebellious Worgs and wolves and in doing so has had her most powerful weapon destroyed: the wand of petrification (wand of flesh to stone & reverse).  There now seems no way to return any of the stone statues of creatures that litter the forest and the Witch's castle courtyard to normal.  Enter into this *obvious snafu*, the PCs.

*Events:*  After passing through the painting, the group will find no matching one on the other side.  (play up the cold & wind).  Tumnus & the beavers kindly lead them to the locations of their families' homes (cave & burrow) for tea, crumpets, warm clothes and homecoming festivities.  The fairie only know the location of their homes and the Ice Witch's castle and will not be able to lead the PC's back to the lantern.  Most of the forest is now treacherous and riddled with mysteries.  (Use geomorphic mapping a la 1E Dungeoneer's Survival Guide).  

From here on events can run according to the PCs actions, randomly or by DM fiat.  It is suggested that the DM allow as many scenes as practical.

The fairie folk urge the children to help them overcome the tyranny of the Ice Witch and the Worg rebels.  They will tell them the history of Rianna and how their king was overthrown by the Witch and how the Worg have rebelled.  If the PC's accept, the fairie will arm them with weapons, armor and supplies.

If the children show some success, the fairie will also tell them of a secret prophecy.  The Ice Witch has fooled Death by hiding his *keen scythe* (+1 keen).  None of the fairie can now die while in Rianna, so the Witch has started to petrify those she doesn't like.  It is believed that this scythe is the only weapon that can kill the Witch.

Wolves will most likely try hit and run tactics on the PC's when out in the forest during the day.

Other fairie folk will most likely run from the PC's (especially if they are armed) or will help them depending on their reputation with Tumnus and the Beavers and quickly it has had time to spread.

It is always possible that the PC's will find the lantern and a path leading back to their home world.  While there is no picture frame, picturing in your mind the lantern and the post while walking past them should do the trick.

In the forest, the PC's can meet Rogna who will have her wolves encircle the group before speaking.  For her, the PC's may either be one of the Witch's tricks, or some outsiders who found a way into the forest.  (The forest is believed to be unending)  Rogna would like to know a way to get out, but is not easily fooled, being smarter than the typical worg.  She will begin an alliance, if the PC's possess the scythe and mean to kill the Witch or are savvy enough to prove their worth.

The Ice Witch can be met in either her castle or the forest.  If outside, she will be guarded by worgs and in a sled pulled by wolves.  She has been very paranoid since Rogna began the rebellion.  She constantly wears her other powerful magical device: a tiara of *all-around vision* (works as a robe of eyes).  This tiara keeps her from being surprised or flanked while in combat.  It has been especially useful in circumventing worg attacks, because of their usual tactics [encircling].  She will be most intrigued by the PC's and try and trick them before attempting to capture them.  She is very devious and will attempt to split the party, charm all or some, even using drugged sweets, if necessary.  She would also like to know of a way out of the forest.  (If one of the PC's has the scythe, see below).

*Advancement:*  Depending on how the PC's behave they stand a good chance of beating the Ice Witch and freeing Rianna.  As they chose more heroic and quick-thinking methods of dealing with their predicament, they are rewarded.  

If PC's show acts of bravery in the face of danger: Advance their PC's into adulthood (1st level) before the actual fight begins.  This reflects the ability to face their fears, even when vastly overpowered.
If PC's attempt to resolve danger peacefully:[ Have the shy fairie folk stand alongside them when they face the Ice Queen.  This is indicative of the trust they have garnered.
If PC's perform some act of quick thinking: Reward them with a clue as to what their enemies' weaknesses are.  (The Witch's blindness, Rogna's grief)  An especially insightful fairie folk could pass this along.

If the PC's have successfully accomplished all three of these goals or somehow other story elements dictate it, continue on to the conclusion.

*Conclusion:* At some point (preferably twilight) the PC's will find a large treeless hill in the middle of the forest.  At its peak lies a huge stone table with deep engravings along the side.  On top of this table is the keen scythe.  It was here that the Witch killed the old king and it was also here where she lost the scythe many years later.  Because it is the means of her death, it has always been invisible to her, even while wearing the tiara of all-around seeing.  Hence her paranoia.

Once the scythe is in the PC's possession, the fairie folk will accompany them to the Witch's castle.  If Rogna and her pack are met on the way, they will attempt an alliance.  The Witch's wolves will also give way.  The Ice Witch will hide behind her door, lie, promise, and curse for anyway out.  Once confronted by someone with the scythe, however, a strange thing happens.  The scythe transforms into a being which obviously controls life and death.  Above the crowd hangs the floating glowing form of the old king: a dolphin.
[*this should actually be someone's golden lion.  Call it an obvious snafu*]
As he is the possessor of both life and death, the king's form was embodied in the instrument which traditionally could be used for both.  (harvesting food from fields, and well, death)

After this last episode, the snows melt and Rianna returns to its perennial summer.  The Dolphin King  will reward the PC's for their brave deeds and offers them royal titles.  The Witch will be banished and the statues returned to life.  If they wish, the PC's can even be shown the path to return to their original world.  However, if they leave, they will find that they are children once again and almost no time has passed.


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## Quickbeam

I can't believe you posted later into the night than I did Howandwhy99!!  A tip of the hat to you for a job well done.  Good luck, and here's hoping you got some sleep .  BTW, I rather enjoyed the fairy tale feel of your story.


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## Greybar

Uh guys, there's a Mr. Lewis on the phone.  He wants his story back...

John


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## mythago

Quickbeam, I think you melted your keyboard.


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## seasong

I'm around all morning to look at the ingredients when they're posted.


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## incognito

Top o' the morning Folks!

Both submisisons are in, and seasong and greybar are both in, so will be the next rounds contestants.

My judgement this time around will be brief, for reasons mentioned in this thread.

Sound off Greybar, if you are here (I KNOW seasong is!   )


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## incognito

*Round 1, Set 2*

* Quickbeam vs. Howandwhy99*

This round will be summarily judged to *Quickbeam*  with the reasoning explained now, rather than the usual entries being dissected.

IronDM is a contest about taking unusual story ingredients and combining them to creat a unique story.  We all draw heavily on works of fiction we might have read, or past adventures we have played in,  or films that inspired us.  This IronDM judge does not have a problem with a submission that references elements of another authors work.  To make a (probably poor) analaogy to the Iron Chef cooking competition, if the main ingredient was chicken – well – there are only so many ways to prepare chicken, before one dish resembles the next.  In a similar fashion, an elven archer will remind recent movie goers of Legolas.

But Howandwhy99 submission goes beyond borrowing from a the book “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”  - he created an adventure that was almost identical.  Sure, the children go through a wardrobe, rather than a painting – and there are was no opposed faction of Worgs, but for those who have read this book, it was FAR to liberally borrowed from to be considered an original work, and an IronDM submission candidate.

I do not wish to see Howandwhy99 vilified for this _obvious snafu,_  but I suspect he should have known better.  He is free to enter the next IronDM competition, and show us how brilliant he is creating his own adventure ideas.

Please post exposition.


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## howandwhy99

Thanks for the quick judgement and I will try and post an exposition soon.


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## incognito

*Round 1, Set 3*

*Greybar vs Seasong*

ingredients
Fogged window
City Captain
Simple lock
The Moaning Diamond 
Financial Coup
A brace of Gargoyles

it is 11:05AM EST by my count.  Good luck gentleman


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## seasong

Got it. I'll probably have this out sometime late this evening .


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## Greybar

and aaaaway we go!

John


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## Quickbeam

Incognito:
I appreciate the short explanation regarding my victory vs. Howandwhy99, but I'd like a little feedback please.  I realize that this competition will be judged in a manner similar to those previous, but I've only been critiqued by Nemmerle and there are differences bewteen you.  Hearing a few of your thoughts is vital to my chances at success in this tournament, so please post some remarks -- or email them to me if that's more preferable.

Mythago:
I really had no intention of creating a story that long or involved, but things got away from me somehow.  Then, once the initial draft was complete I was unable to effectively reduce the story's length through editing without ruining the overall product.  So I left it as my longest Iron DM entry to date.  I promise to be more mind to my keyboard in future rounds .

Exposition will follow later today!


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## incognito

Quickbeam: You are deserving of a critique.  Keep in mind that critiqing a story by itself, instead of opposed to another is an animal of a different species, but at least it's in the same family.

wait to post your exposition, I'll type mine up now.


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## Majicthise

Congratulations, Quickbeam!

I found your entry to be really cool, and enjoyed the use of jackalweres (hadn't thought of them since I was like 11 or something).  Good luck in the next round.


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## incognito

*Round1, Set 2 addendum:*

An individual analysis of Quickbeam’s  submission.

Quickbeam sets up not so much a mini adventure, but a chance for characters to become embroiled with 4 political factions: The 3 cities (2 human, 1 dwarven), and the Orc tribes separating the 3. His main NPC, Faroun, is a bright, evil, scheming conniver –he is by far Quickbeam’s best element in this submission.  Also, he gives us DM an alternate, to the to the Standard Doppelganger Plot.  I am all in favor of creatures, especially recurring enemies with high flavor, and the _JackalWere_ fits the bill…to bad it’s not an ingredient, eh?

Let’s talk about ingredient use.  Of the six, The two outstanding ingredients are _The Dolphin King_ (a fine name for a vessel), also a good place to have enoughter, and find clues to the root of the adventure,  Also, the clever use of _all around vision_ as a plot device to drive the gaze attacking villain’s quest – even if the villain id in error about it (especially because he is in error about it!). This, if you ask me, is a better _obvious snafu._  Faroun and his cronies have created all this mess to attain a magic item that won’t help them all that much.  

I’m less impressed with Quickbeam’s actual snafu.  It many NOT be obvious to players that raiding orcs for _Worgs_ may drive the orc bands into war with the towns, unless they are socio-politically aware.  And there are not enough pointers detailed in the story hour to indicate that they would be.  Also, I would’ve expected the tribes to be goblin, not orc – since goblins are the _Worgs_ traditional riders, but it’s just a personal preference.  The use of the keen scythe, does not impact me either way – I am neutral about it.  I like the fact that Quickbeam was clever enough to make it a scythe the paladin used, rather than a sword, confusing the issue further, but having an Iron Golem wielding it going to casue problems.  For those players who are not familiar with the Iron golem, it’s inclusion in the 4-6th level adventure, could spell instant, and ugly death (DC 17 Fort save or Die).  As long as Quickbeam was breaking out creatures not in the MM, or MM2 in 3E, he could’ve easily used some animated, Iron object, that was more CR appropriate.  I’m also a little bummed about the major _expatriate_ NPC, ‘Crattus Irvee’ – this plot hook struck me as weak.  Crattus was living in peace with the dwarves, was suddenly imprisoned, and then escapes – his first thought is to question the authorities in Corwyn?  I can see him hiring the PCs to free his family, but not to be motivated enough to try and end hostilities.  We are not given enough background detail on Crattus, to see that such a thing is in his character.

More positives, and negatives.  Quickbeam has given us a wealth of NPCs to play with, like shiny new toys.  They are detailed enough to breathe life into, but still open enough for use to customize to fit any game – I’m impressed.  Also, his mini-world is internally consistent, which id actually quite a difficult thing to do when you create multiple political factions.  And I’d be the first to jibe him about if, if there were holes.  The sheer number of NPCs means those of you who read these adventures can pull **something** out of this submission, and get value from it. 

There are a few remaining gripes.  The first, is meta-level.  Quickbeam, once you submit, your ARE NOT allowed to edit, for any reason, your submission.  Had the entries been close in this round, you’d have lost due to this.   Also, with a nod to mythago, your entry was over long.  While I love detail, and interesting NPCs, this beast could have been cut down by a 1/3 or ¼ quarter, and retained all of it’s value.  Keep it in mind for future rounds.

In short, although this submission was not brilliant about it’s incorporation of the ingredients, it was interesting, and well thought out.  It need length refinement, and some though about encounters to make it a master piece.

Your exposition is awaited by your fans, Quickbeam!


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## Greybar

incognito, typo in your judgement:


> As long as seasong was breaking out creatures not in the MM, or MM2 in 3E




You meant Quickbeam, not seasong, I assume.

Feel free to delete this post after correction

John


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## howandwhy99

The Legend of Rianna (Narnia anagram) IS The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Revisited.  It was never meant to be otherwise.  All of the characters were either masks of or directly taken from characters in the book to subtly hint at its nature.  [Mr. Tumnus the Faun and Mr & Mrs Beaver are actual characters, the Ice Witch is the Ice Queen or Witch, and the Dolphin King (to be named Lansa - another anagram) was the golden lion Aslan - king of kings.]  C.S. Lewis did this himself, laying subtle symbolism over the top of bible stories and characters.

Many other hints are also in the text.  Clive Staples is the C.S. of C.S. Lewis, Jack being his nickname.  The lantern is the lamppost.  Talking wolves (worgs) comprised much of the Ice Queen's army in the original story.  The petrification wand was in the original story.  Turkish Delight is alluded to as a drugged sweet.  The blade that killed Aslan became the scythe.  The table is taken directly from the book.  The Queen's crown became her all-around viewing tiara.  The children grow up as they learn life lessons.  The potential for a great battle at the end.  The rebirth of the king.  All of these are meant to feed the desires of those who liked the original series.

In fact, the only major difference in terms of flavor was the appearance of a Dolphin at the end of the story.  This was the obvious snafu.  While other parts of the storyline were rearranged in order to keep the players guessing, (the rebellion of Rogna, the means by which the characters grew up) the adventure was written to allow fans to relive the book.  It is not a retelling of the tale in the way many of the old Dragonlance adventures were.  It is open-ended and has definite differences that could allow for a lot of variety when gaming through the majority of the story.  While not for purists, it resembles more of a "Return to" adventure where the original was in novel form.  If I could have included all 6 ingredients without changing the original story, I would have done so.  (and maybe dispensed with the subtle allusions)

I really appreciate being able to compete in Iron DM.  It's one of my favorite things about ENWorld and I do respect those who run it.  I have read the linked-to rules for the contest by Nemmerle and, for the life of me, I cannot find where adventure scenarios are required to be original.  I'm sorry if this is an error on my part.  I worked pretty hard on this and (knowing I was up against the current reigning Iron DM) was mostly looking for critique of the work.  If anyone else has comments or critique, I do appreciate it.

I really would like to compete in another contest with more original material.  I hope those who are fans of Lewis can use this for their own adventures. Sorry for the mix up.


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## incognito

howandwhy99:   As I mentioned in my original judgement, I do not want to see you vilified.  In my mind, it was a mistake, and a costly one - and I ultimately feel that it was a mistake that should have been avoided, hence my decision.

You are certainly welcome to compete again.  As for critique.  It IS very close to the C.S. Lewis book.  Ingredient use, originality, and playability critique is meaningless, because the story is not yours, it's his. 

Others may disagree.  If they critique your submission, I ask that they email you privately with it.  

Love to hear your thoughts in this thread (likes and dislikes), as the story hour moves forward.  I assure you - no hard feelings.


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## Greybar

I'll throw in my two cents, since I made a snippy comment originally.  I really have no desire to argue much beyond this, much less vilify the author.

When I first started reading it and ran into Tumnus the Faun I had an emotional reaction.  I didn't like it one bit, no sir.  As to remember growing up on Narnia, there was no mistaking it.

Upon reflection (and clearing head) it was obvious that this is what howandwhy99 intended.  A tribute piece, if you will.  If there had been a line at the beginning that said "In fondest memory of CS Lewis" or somesuch, I would have been somewhat mollified to begin and would not have had the initial strong negative reaction.

I am reminded of a author I heard interviewed once on NPR, who realized half-way through writing his new book that he had turned out something remarkably similar to The Count of Monte Cristo.  In his horror he researched into it and found that Dumas had himself drawn on similar tales that had gone before.  Does that make Dumas' classic tale this less?

I agree whole-heartedly with incognito's judgement on the matter of the contest.  We all cannot help but draw upon all of our creative influences, but this was different.  At it's best a clever tribute, with the time-honored anagramming for the knowing reader to enjoy.

John
p.s. now back to my Iron DM entry.  I mean work, yes, I mean back to my work.  Dadgum reality.


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## Rune

Howandwhy, I for one, appreciate your tribute as something intended to be fun and a bit of a bit of a meta-game -- in this case, seeing how many allusions to Lewis' richly metaphorical work you can fit in, or that we can spot.

Fair enough.  But I can tell you (and everyone else) from personal experience, as all four of my losing Iron DM entrees to date have involved such indulgences, that most likely, your meta-game will cost you the round.

To clarify, I don't mean that my losses can be directly attributed to these types of games, but I certainly should have used the time to otherwise improve the entry.  Keep in mind that I may not know what I'm talking about, but, as I've done fairly well in previous Iron DM tournaments, I like to imagine that I have a fairly good idea about at least some of it 

Of course, armed with this knowledge, you'd think I'd stop, but, Hell.  It helps make the round more interesting, in my opinion, which is just as important, or more important, than winning.


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## mythago

Quickbeam, I didn't mean the smoking keyboard comment as a criticism. Just wowed by the amount of detail.


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## howandwhy99

Thanks for being honest, guys.  I recognize the problem now and won't make the same mistake in the future.  If any of you watching would like to post a comment, please email me directly.  I'd love to hear what you have to say. 

Otherwise...           Back to the game!!  

There's more than one player I'm rooting for!


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## Greybar

_Amidst the night's fog on the canal-docks of the City of Midrushing stands a lone figure.  He cuts a sharp figure dressed in the blue and white of the city guard, but his head hangs heavy.  His rapier dangles in his hand as he looks down upon the fog that rolls upon the canal's water.  He removes the feathered hat that is the symbol of his captaincy, and gravely tosses it to float upon the waters of the canal and be swallowed by the fog._

"O Captain, My Captain"
is an adventure for heroes of level 4-6.

*Ingredients:* Fogged window, City Captain, Simple lock, The Moaning Diamond, Financial Coup, and a brace of Gargoyles

*Background: The Rise of a City and it's Captain*
Captain Thomas Wrightson rose through the ranks of the city guard as a bold and incorrigible man.  The powerful in the City recognized him for one that could not be bought by any one of their number, and thus was a safe and wise choice for a prosperous city.  His reputation amongst the people was impeccable.  Women from every quarter of the city swooned at his heroic figure and flashing blue eyes.  Young boys took up old blankets to be their capes and fought river-reed sword duels to recreate his victories over the bandits that once preyed on the canal traffic that is the city's financial lifeblood.  In a climactic end to his first year as *City Captain*, he personally fought a duel with the leader of the bandits, Revyn Thorp.  If the tales be true, he crippled Thorp's good sword arm and then ran him through. Thorp's body fell into the Rushing River and was never seen again.

After the successes of the first year Captain Wrightson won for Midrushing a reputation for safe commerce it had never had before.  Midrushing gained a great *financial coup* as traffic surged on the canals that bypass the rapids that give the river its name.  The noble houses of the City drank to Wrightson's name (and their profits) and raised him to a Lordship in thanks.  In these heady days, Captain Wrightson took a wife, a beautiful young girl named Penelore who he met as she sang at the tavern that the guardsmen favored.  The bards of the city loved the tale: she a beautiful orphan and he a dashing commoner raised into the ranks of the powerful.  The entire city cheered their wedding.

But that was last year.  Tonight the Captain stands alone.  Tonight the great hall of the city has been burgled and the emblem and chief treasure stolen.  *The Moaning Diamond*, brought to the city by its founding nobility over two hundred years ago, is gone.  Fate leads Captain Wrightson to the unconscious watchman soon after the deed. Once woken the watchmen describes the figure he saw as he blacked out and points in the direction of the canal's city docks.

The captain rushes to the docks and through the fog sees a figure enter the cabin of a private home-barge.  Lightly stepping up from the docks to the barge's deck, he wipes away the mists from its *fogged window*, revealing to him the thief: his wife Penelore.  Reeling from the shock and betrayal, he falls back upon the docks, senseless.

*Act 1: To Action! or the fish take the hook*
Three hooks are provided in the challenger's entry...
*The Good Citizen Hook*: As his head clears the Captain thinks of one group, one band of heroes, that can recover the Moaning Diamond and bring justice to the city.  He does not trust in his own ability to act clearly and with justice, so in the dark of night he pounds upon their doors to hear his tale and perform this great boon for him.
*The Roguish Hook*: The local thieves guild has also prospered with the City.  The total wealth moving along the canals more than offsets the thinner pickings. But with this theft the entire guild will need to lie low, and so the guildmaster is motivated to set things right and quickly.  The PCs are offered the job of bringing the Moaning Diamond back so that the guild can placate the authorities by having it re-appear in a politically effective manner.  The PCs are instructed to spy out Captain Wrightson to gain information and then proceed.  (use hook below from there)
*The Four Heroes went into a Bar hook*: The PCs, enjoying the tavern at night between adventures, are surprised to have the captain of the guard crash through the doors.  In a daze, half-sane, he tells his sad tale to the wonderment of the assembled people.  Our heroes are motivated by the fame and reward that will obviously come to those who recover the Diamond.

The heroes can learn easily from Captain Wrightson that Penelore was on a barge on the canals. By logic or asking locals it will be obvious that the fastest way for her to escape would be down-canal and to the Rushing River.  Up-canal and then up-river is certainly possible with a reasonable barge-horse as well.  _Gather Information_ will lead to the knowledge that a barge has indeed slipped down-canal in the night, stiffed the dockmaster his fee, and taken one of his tow-horses.  He gladly offers a few remaining horses as steeds if needed to recapture the villain.  There are two locks between the city and the Rushing River.  Once the barge hits the river it will gain speed and quickly cross beyond easy capture. The hunt is on.

*Act 2: The Guarded Lock*
By horseback, rowboat, or sail the heroes will pass through or by one of the canal's locks prior to catching our thief.  This lock is guarded by ruffians of Penelore's employ to prevent pursuit.  The tow-road that runs along the canal switches banks at this lock via a wooden bridge.  The bridge crosses over the lock just after the downstream gates to give the most clearance possible.  These ruffians are just beginning to light fire to the bridge as the heroes approach in order to both destroy the land path and perhaps block the river path as well.
For the GM, this is also an opportunity to familiarize the players with what a *simple lock* is like and how it operates.  This will save distracting explanation at the final scene of the adventure.  The lock is 70 ft from gate to gate and 10 feet wide.  At each end are wheel-drive sluices that can let the water equalize between canal and lock.  After the water is equalized, the gates themselves can be opened by long counter-balanced beams.  Running across the top of gates themselves is possible, but their wet slippery tops will require a _Balance DC15_ check.
As the ruffians are vanquished, the heroes see two winged shapes observing the fight and then winging down-canal.  To a keen eye these can be distinguished as a *brace of gargoyles*.

*Act 3: The Final Lock*
The heroes catch sight of Penelore's barge as it enters the final lock.  Two ruffians have leaped out to open the sluices on the downstream gate.  The gargoyles dive upon the heroes with stony cries.  Penelore  comes to the deck of the barge, holding the Moaning Diamond.  True to its name, the diamond can be heard like a distant foghorn.  Penelore will reveal herself to be the daughter of Revyn Thorp, her vengeance upon the City of Midrushing now almost complete.  With the diamond she will score her own coup upon the city and field a force to equal her father's until the City begs for her mercy.
The GM is encouraged to keep the fight raging over the gates and banks of the lock, and finally up onto the barge.  When the heroes get to the barge to confront Penelore, the downstream gates buck free from the too-hasty opening off the sluices and the barge lurches down into the Rushing River.
Penelore is a Rogue and a Bard, and quite handy with a rapier or crossbow.  Match her to your heroes to give them a good final fight.
She will use charm person, claim she's carrying the Captain's unborn child, look past the heroes and shout "Now, Father!", or anything else to get an advantage on the PCs.

*Wrap-up:*
While persuasive heroes could certainly change the fate, here are some basic consequences to work from:
* If the heroes return victoriously with the Diamond before the city rouses with the dawn, then all can be put right save for the broken heart of the Captain.  The nobles of the city will convince him to remain, though he may never be the same again.  The new heroes of Midrushing will be accoladed by the nobles, but any celebration is dampened by the sad mood of the people and their fallen Captain.
* If the heroes return after early morning but successful, the city will be in an uproar and the nobles already moved to anger and betrayal.  They will have already condemned Captain Wrightson and be unable to back down without losing face, even if the heroes have accomplished their mission.
* If the Diamond is lost and/or Penelore escapes then the Captain will be held for trial.  Heart-broken and accused of betraying the city that he loves and once loved him, he will be found dead by his own hand in his cell, his heart pierced by a dagger begged from guard.

*Notes for the GM:*
* Primary theme elements here are the darkness and the fog.  The sounds of the canal and silence of the night are complementary to this.  The moans of the diamond are like a distant foghorn, seemingly directionless in the dark and fog.
* Urgency - the players must be driven to catch up to Penelore.  Remind them of this if they ever think of taking 20 on a check.
* The scenario is certainly written with a heroic swashbuckling feel in mind.  Bold proclamations by both hero and villain are encouraged.
* A simple lock:


----------



## Quickbeam

I apologize to our esteemed judge, my fellow competitors, and others who may browse this thread, but my expository remarks will have to wait until tomorrow.  A dear friend's mother passed away, and I've chosen to invest most of my time this eveing with his family.  Hopefully my post will not seem entirely misplaced in the flow of this tournament when it finally hits this thread.

I'm sure you all understand, and along with the exposition I will respond to any other comments pertaining to my round.  Thanks.


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## mythago

I'm very sorry, Quickbeam.


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## Steverooo

*Re: Steverooo's "entry"*



			
				incognito said:
			
		

> *Emial me privately and we can talk about it offline! *




I did...  Did you get it?


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## seasong

*Fool's Cold (targetted for level 5)*

*Ingredients*
_Fogged Window - an important tactical issue in the scenario
City Captain - Johannes
Simple Lock - of Johannes' hair
The Moaning Diamond - just that
Financial Coup - Johannes is attempting one to regain her political seat
A Brace of Gargoyles - Thrace & Lace are the Brace_

*Summary:* A diamond is unearthed, a foppish aristocrat (and the diamond) must be rescued, a Captain must be avenged (on the aristocrat), a gargoyle's home must be saved (along with some town or another), and the PCs may get all of the above done... or screw everyone and try for riches themselves.

*Background*

This scenario needs a mountainous/semi-volcanic coast and its corresponding bevy of islands; specifically, a diamond mine in a long-dead volcano. With some work (changing the ship to a caravan, and modifying subsequent descriptions), you could also do this adventure on the mainland. The PCs will be starting in a coastal trade city.

*The City:* The specifics of the city are not terribly important, so long as they have an aristocracy, captain of the watch roles, and docks. This scenario will add various NPCs to the city, some of them reasonably important, but otherwise it is left as undefined as possible, so you can insert this where you desire.

*The Vicious Tart:* This ship is well built, and very fast for a boat of any size, and it will be travelling comparatively light (further improving speed) as its cargo will consist of a single small box. The deck is built for transporting people, and has several rooms, each with a darkened window to watch the sea from.

Her crew is a bunch of roughnecks of varied ancestry, including quite a bit of half-orc. In general, they are unsavory looking thugs, big guys with mean, hard eyes, combat scars, and occasional deformities. They look like criminal dock workers, only better armed. If the PCs don't trust the crew to do the job they've been given, you've nailed it.

The captain, Uuhef, is a fierce, red-beared dwarf of harsh manner. Although pale of complexion, he spends most of his time reddened from shouting at his crew. That they put up with what he calls them is remarkable, and a possible testament to his brutal competence.

*Oxwater:* A port town for the mines, Oxwater is mostly docks, inns, and one tavern. The docks of Oxwater are made of tarred pine and creak and give alarmingly, with areas of warped, semi-rotted wood. The dock laborers look a lot like the crew of The Vicious Tart, just not as well armed.

There is one tavern in Oxwater, a murky affair named, appropriately enough, the Sotted Ox. The sign above the tavern's doorway is a faded woodcut of an ox leaning heavily in a doorway. Which might lead one to believe that 'Oxwater' doesn't refer to water so much as alcohol. Cheap cob pipe smoke wafts from the doorway, along with the scent of whiskey and rum. Inside, people hunch over their tables and talk quietly. The players might see a drunkard laid out on the floor near the door; ancient, wrinkled barmaids who smell of whiskey themselves; a largish miner holding the neck of a spindly sailor and talking too softly to hear, their faces only inches apart; the bartender facing out the backdoor, in the stance of a man relieving himself. It is an unpleasant place, and anyone of decent morals should want out as quickly as possible.

The proprietor (he wouldn't know the word if it bit him) is thick-handed, black-tongued half-orc who prides himself on his ignorance and lack of civilized manner. He'll serve any drink as long as it's whiskey or rum, and won't ask or answer questions about any person he may or may not have ever heard of or seen. His name is Rumy (pronounced like 'roomy').

*Captain Johannes:* A prominent captain of the city watch, she is an ax-faced older woman of fiery red hair and a brutally efficient manner. She has spent 25 years clawing her way to her current prestigious position, with the intent of entering politics with her years of service backing her. Unfortunately, she is a bastard, and while that would not ordinarily matter, this was publicized recently among the aristocrats who could most hinder her. She has accepted this harsh turn of events, and announced that she will finish her current year of service and then retire on her saved funds.

_Note: If being an illegitimate git doesn't disqualify one in your city, feel free to pick any sort of dark secret - perhaps she's a former felon who acquired a new identity, or her father was a necromancer of uncommon vileness. Whatever works for you. She's good at her job, but she doesn't have to be *nice*._

Captain Johannes knows about Rupert's recent find (the Moaning Diamond, below), and is considering ways to use that.

*Rupert:* That individual is Rupert, a very minor aristocrat of the city. Rupert is a foppish aristocrat - he publicized the data as a kind of "Oh, did you know? And she seemed so nice!". He's also fantastically wealthy, which is the primary social grease that lets him get away with stuff like this.

Rupert's family owns the island diamond mine, and (to protect him from possible retribution by Johannes) has sent him there to oversee operations until they are assured that Captain Johannes has retired. Naturally, Rupert wanted to see the mine himself... and naturally, he stumbled across the Moaning Diamond (see below). He immediately sent a letter to his family, and his friends, and now the family desperately needs to get him and the diamond out of the mine before the thieves hit it - Rupert has many 'friends' (he's a free spender), and at least some of them are likely to be thieves' guild members.

*Thrace & Lace:* A sister-and-brother gargoyle team of burglars and atrocity-specialists in the thieves' guild. Although not terribly bright, they are agile and very skilled. While most gargoyles are content to lurk in the worst parts of the city, Thrace and Lace wanted more. And so they hired on with the thieves' guild.

For the most part, they are extreme specialists - they lurk, hidden, in the stony mines and steal a diamond here and there to fly to the mainland. They make a fair living, they occasionally get to rip a miner apart, life is good. Thrace & Lace have 'cordoned off' a section of the natural caverns attached to the mine for themselves; the miners blocked it off with wooden slats, but the gargoyles have long since turned that into a secret door.

*The Moaning Diamond:* A 50-carat diamond that would be expensive even without its unusual properties, the Moaning Diamond was strongly affected by its proximity to the heart of the original volcano (indeed, the mine has penetrated to the very center of what was once a raging inferno). It is bitterly cold to the touch (1d6 cold damage per round held), and chills its immediate area to arctic temperatures. The effect on the diamond's structure causes it to creak in very low tones... a moan, if you will. The chill also causes a temperature differential between the diamond's room and any outside, leading to fogged windows (which will be important to Thrace & Lace, below).

As a result, it is fabulously valuable to collectors, who find merit in rarity and obscurity more than any actual quality.

What no one knows (although the gargoyles will soon suspect it) is that the Moaning Diamond is also part of what keeps the volcano dormant. It formed in the heart of the volcano, by unknown causes (perhaps the act of an epic wizard, millenia ago), and began to chill the inferno. With the diamond gone, magma will begin to slowly push its way upward again.

*Action*

*Hooks*

*Hook #1:* Rupert's family could hire the PCs to go to Oxwater, pick up Rupert, and return. This is reasonably straight-forward, and will result in a fairly standard quest scenario, with a few tough choices along the way. Rupert's family will not mention the diamond, or, if they suspect the PCs know about it, they will mention that if Rupert is safely returned, the PCs "might be offered a job to go back and get the diamond, but we wish to ensure Rupert's safety first."

*Hook #2:* Captain Johannes could hire the PCs to steal the diamond from Rupert. She doesn't want Rupert killed - she wants the political funding the diamond could represent. This can easily be combined with Hook #1 - she will assure the PCs that Rupert will, in fact, have it. She knows that family fairly well. As an alternate way into this, if you have time to build up to it, the PCs could know Johannes and be asked (as friends) to help her do this; she'll still pay them (perhaps even a cut), but instead of hire-and-fire, this will be the beginning of a long-standing alliance with a City Captain who may manage to worm her way into politics after all.

Note: If you don't use this hook, Johannes hired someone else. This could easily be the tavern thugs, in the Acts & Events section below.

*Hook #3:* The thieves' guild could hire the PCs to steal the diamond. In this case, the PCs might temporarily ally with the gargoyles (or may be a rival, no-killing faction). This can be combined with #1 or #2 above, or both, if you want it really complicated. The guild pays better than Johannes, but Johannes has better morality (although still shady).

*Twist to Hook #3:* The guild is offering very excellent pay! This is because the PCs are patsies that they suspect (rightly) are working with Johannes. The gargoyles have been instructed to kill the PCs as soon as the diamond is in their claws.

*Hook #4:* Heck, the PCs could be after the diamonds themselves. In this version, they may pretend to hire on with one of the aforementioned factions that want the diamond, and then make a break for it. If they seem inclined, have Ship's Captain Uuhef know what's what, and offer his services for escaping on the high seas, in return for a 30% cut (he's taking the biggest individual risk). This will end with a lot of enemies, of course.

*Hook #5:* If you have some time to build up to it, have them know Rupert. They get a letter from him when others do, begging them to come save him - he suspects (rightly) that his family is more concerned about the diamond's safety than his, and wants them to come get him instead. They can find Ship's Captain Uuhef (the only one willing to do it), and go to rescue Rupert. The diamond travels by itself on another ship... but everyone is convinced that the diamond is with Rupert, making for an interesting voyage.

*Acts & Events*

However you decide the PCs get involved (there is a fairly exhaustive list above), they eventually end up on _The Vicious Tart_, on the way to Oxwater. The trip is reasonably uneventful, although you may throw in two of the crew getting in a fight with each other, and Captain Uuhef standing by and participating in the betting going on. The fight will be subdual only, but vicious nonetheless - Uuhef wouldn't tolerate something that costs him a crew member, unless he did it himself.

When they arrive in Oxwater, what they do depends on who they're working for. Regardless, it is nightfall and they'll need to meet Rupert at the tavern - that's how he envisions all adventures starting, you see, and he still thinks this is a grand adventure. When they arrive, the tavern is a bit chillier inside than out, but not terribly so. After you've described the tavern and the louts in it, they will see Rupert. He stands out for his finery, but is nonetheless sequestered in a dark corner. He will wave them over covertly. And then he will proceed to open his mouth and explain how he found the Moaning Diamond (he tripped, and looked down), and how he doesn't have it on him, and that he needs to get out of town, fast.

He will also mention that he thinks there is a stone statue after the diamond. He saw it in the mines, although the miners dismissed it as a "weird rock formation". He's pretty adamant on the point, but at this point his imagination goes wild and he starts imagining what kinds of things a statue might want with a diamond.

Any PCs with a good Listen check might, at this point, notice the very, very, very faint moan emanating from Rupert's waist.

At this point, a small group of thugs (whatever you think the PCs can handle) will kind of lazily wander over, and act alpha male-y. They're going to try to intimidate the diamond out of someone; if the PCs simply attack, they will fight here; otherwise, they will wait until the PCs leave the tavern, and then attack in the unlit streets.

After the fight, and a run to _The Vicious Tart_, the PCs (and hopefully Rupert) will get away and on to the sea. Since they are easily the fastest ship in the harbor, they now have nothing to worry about.

Except... Thrace & Lace, on silent wings, attack. They've been hired by the thieves' guild to steal the diamond, kill Rupert, and frame Johannes (by dropping a _simple lock_ of her hair, as if cut by a sword, near Rupert's body) with the theft.

They still intend to frame Johannes, but have figured out what the gem does for their home (magma has begun seeping in one of their deeper caverns), and intend to return it to the volcano. Now it's a matter of saving their home.

They know exactly which cabin to attack. The luxurious windows of _The Vicious Tart_ are nice, but only one of them is fogged from the interior chill. Fortunately(?), Rupert is also in the room, and he will scream as soon as the gargoyles enter the room. Depending on the PCs' preparations, stopping the gargoyles may be easy or hard, but in any case, Rupert should hold them off long enough for the fight to start.

They will fight hard, killing whoever they have to in order to get to the diamond. If one of them is killed (or knocked unconscious or below 0), the other will surrender and beg for mercy, explaining what the diamond does. If allowed to talk, the gargoyle will explain that they are guardians of the stone, set there to prevent the volcano from unleashing a terrible magma elemental. All lies, naturally, and if caught at them, the gargoyle will admit the truth - they live there, and the diamond is holding back the lava.

At this point, everything depends on what hooks you used and the PCs.

If they return the diamond to the family, hand it over to the thieves' guild, steal it and run off with Uuhef, dump it overboard... they sentence Oxwater to volcanic death, and destroy the mine that provides Rupert's family with much of it's wealth. Evacuating Oxwater could be a good mini-adventure, however.

Note: If they dump it overboard, it might be fun to have this show up later as an iceberg for another sea adventure.

If they bring the diamond to Johannes and explain the situation, she will rehire them to evacuate Oxwater, and use the destroyed mine + diamond to achieve all of her goals at once. She may even make a private offer to the family to return the diamond to the mine in return for their helping her get into politics.

If they give the diamond to the gargoyles, only Johannes will be understanding. Everyone else will become enemies. A possibly better solution might be to go back with the gargoyles to witness the magma, and to bury the diamond themselves. Then the gargoyles really _will_ be guardians of the gem, as they don't want anyone taking out their home. Unfortunately, they'll also try to sink _The Vicious Tart_ after the PCs leave, just to be sure word of the gem's location (and their existence) isn't spread.

Note: If Rupert was killed, his family is an enemy regardless of the return of the diamond... although if the diamond is returned, they won't show it. They'll just quietly arrange some form of backstabbing later.

Finally, the PCs may or may not prevent or clear the frame-up of Captain Johannes. If they do, she will become a staunch ally, and (when she gets to political power) a forimdable ally as well.

*TWISTS*

The gargoyles might really BE guardians against some powerful fire elemental. After the volcano erupts, have it come out and start ravaging the mainland. If the gem is returned, now that it's known, simply delay the elemental's return a bit...

Rupert and Johannes are actually in cahoots. Johannes doesn't actually want into politics... she wants into the thieves' guild, and Rupert's her key to doing it. He arranged her disgrace to allow her to retire without question. The gargoyles were hired to add verisimilitude, and won't kill him on the boat, regardless. The PCs will be screwed whichever way they turn in this variant...

The family is trying to get Rupert killed. He's a major disgrace, and his aunt (who owns the mine) is in cahoots with the gargoyles, rather than the thieves' guild. She doesn't really care about the diamond, it just makes a singularly good excuse.


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## incognito

Steverooo: ran out of time yesterday - I'm doing it now

Seasong and Greybar: I have read both your submisison, and am reading them again (damn your creative minds!), before I can reasonably, instead of arbitrarily, pick a winner.


----------



## seasong

I'm now skimming the prior posts - QuickBeam, my condolences. I hope your friend is doing okay (read: surviving, I know it's not really 'okay' at this point).


----------



## Quickbeam

First things first.  Mythago, I didn't take your comment about burning up the keyboard poorly, so don't worry.  I knew it was a long, involved entry, and your levity was appreciated.  Also, thank you for the kind words regarding my friend's loss .

Now onto the exposition...
When I first saw the ingredient list, almost all of my attention became focused on *The Dolphin King*.  I knew immediately that I wanted this element to either become an NPC Merman akin to the superhero Submariner, or the name of a pirate ship.  After some thought, I decided to go with the pirate ship...but who/what was going to be the boat's captain, and what role would he play in the story?

Next, I moved on to the *Keen Scythe*, which I expected to give me trouble since I wasn't sure how to incorporate such an item without making it seem forced.  I decided that the scythe would become a very powerful magic weapon which granted its bearer *All Around Vision*, thereby providing a means of incorporating two ingredients in a very central manner.  I enjoy playing paladins who wield non-standard weaponry, and the idea of a farmboy become hero who wields a farming implement, struck home for me.  I then focused most of the backdrop around this now deceased paladin's awesome scythe, and made it the pirate's motivation for arriving on the scene.

Back to Faroun.  A buddy of mine _loves_ pulling monsters and foes out of the original MM, and in tribute to his habit the Jackalwere captain was born.  These creatures are very smart, cunning, evil and manipulative, plus they possess the added bonuses of likely being unremembered by most players.  Therefore, folks probably won't recall their shapeshifting ability or sleep gaze attack.  And the gaze made an amusing flaw in logic on Faroun's part, in that he wanted the Blade of Jaern so badly because he assumed the 360 degree vision would augment his natural sleep gaze .

To add an element of political intrigue -- not to mention the *Expatriate* ingredient -- I decided to craft the area as a region of tenuous peace.  This would allow Faroun to distract the general populace's attention; create several story arcs for the characters to chase; and provide several possible PC Hooks.  Add to this chaos a dense forest populated by orcs and worgs, which separates our three cities from the continent proper, and there's enough going on to satisfy any curious party or RBDM.

Faroun (in disguise) asking for a *Worg* from the party in exchange for information, helped mitigate a scenario that otherwise left the worgs irrelevant.  And the "nice to eat you/meet you" faux pas coming from a wolflike creature, was too perfect an *Obvious snafu* to pass up.  FWIW, the other snafu was included becasue I didn't now if our Judge wanted a misstep or obvious error as a snafu -- or if he wanted a true snafu in the literal sense (*S*ituation *N*ormal, *A*ll *F*ouled *U*p).  That meant placing the party in a screwed up circumstance quite common to adventurers, thus the raid on the orc camp.

Finally, the burial tomb and guardian.  I thought it would be hilarious to have the crypt guarded by an Iron Golem since Jackalweres can only be harmed by magical or iron weapons.  This meant Faroun would need help to reach Jaern's tomb, making his approach of the party more plausible, and almost necessary.  Allowing the Golem to wield the Blade of Jaern, was an interesting twist to the story IMO, and it provided a means for keeping such a powerful item out of the PC's hands.

More commentary and explanation will be in a brief reply to Incognito's analysis of my entry.


----------



## seasong

Greybar: Fantastic!!! <-- Three Exclamation Points, Even! I won't say more until after judgement, but I really liked yours. I really like mine, too, but I won't feel bad if I lose this round to you .

Also, I see we both went with an alternate meaning of the word 'lock' . Makes me wonder if that's what incognito intended...

As a side note: I'm really, really sorry about the length. 3,000 words is pushing it, even for me, but everything I put in 'felt' necessary . And this is cut down!


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## Quickbeam

seasong said:
			
		

> *I'm now skimming the prior posts - QuickBeam, my condolences. I hope your friend is doing okay (read: surviving, I know it's not really 'okay' at this point). *




Thank you seasong.  Fortunately, they've known she was quite ill with cancer for some time, and I believe he had the opportunity to make his peace with things.  It's never easy, but the end of her daily suffering provides some relief and solace to the family.

I just feel him leaning a bit more on me than others, because my father died of cancer just over two years ago.


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## Greybar

Seasong:

Thanks for your exclamation points.  Given the skill of your Story Hour and your own entry, I accept it as high praise indeed.

I think your entry is great as well, nice twists and I love the description of the ship's crew and the tavern.  However, if we keep backslapping like this, someone is bound to be nauseated out there.  



> Also, I see we both went with an alternate meaning of the word 'lock'




Yeah, I love that.  I was suspecting that a simple lock would be, well, too simple.

John


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## Greybar

Quickbeam:

*On exposition:* I would like to throw in that the paladin's use of a scythe was a beautiful image in my mind.  It really made a "I'm a paladin, not a noble" feel stick.  And of course we'd all like to think of a Smite Evil with a critical on a scythe...

*On reality, hard as it can fall:* Best wishes for endurance with the friend and family.  It feels terrible to feel that sometimes the end is what brings less suffering, but I agree it can carry truth.  I'm sure that this brings echos for you, but I hope it also brings strength for your friend.

John


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## Quickbeam

Reply to the Judge's analysis

Let me begin with the good:
I was thrilled that you enjoyed the political intrigue around which much of this entry centered.  It's the first time I've ever really crafted a tale with this much politics and in-fighting, but I thought it turned out well.  I was also encouraged by the fact that Faroun the Jackalwere was so well received -- using archaic game elements is not guaranteed to please the Judge, especially when they aren't even theme ingredients!!
I was marginally concerned about my use of *The Dolphin King* element as a boat's name, but it just seemed too plausible conceptually to ignore.  It's hard to say when use of a theme item in this fashion is _good_ and when it's _contrived_.  I couldn't have been happier with my use of the *All Around Vision* as an ingredient, especially given it's comical tie in to the gaze sleep attack.  And finally, I'm genuinely pleased that the wealth of detail and NPC options were applauded.

The not so good:
Let me begin by saying that your suggestion of using the misperceived effects of all around vision for Faroun as the *Obvious snafu*, never even occured to me.  It seems incredibly logical now...but I just overlooked this possibility.  I thoroughly agree that the story's length was a concern, but I just didn't see many ways to shorten things without losing some of the flavor or necessary background text.  Even you suggest that the *Expatriate* Crattus Irvee needed more development, or could have been used further .
Certainly goblins could have been used in lieu of orcs, and perhaps they even make more sense.  As I mentioned in my exposition, there were two snafus provided, but I'd agree that neither is particularly compelling.  They both fit the story well IMO, but don't so much in an additive sense.
The main area of disagreement with the assessment of my entry is with respect to the Iron Golem.  Since it wasn't a theme ingredient, I won't lose much sleep over this, but I did want to reply.  I'm firmly of the opinion, that every so often PC's _need_ to find themselves in situations they cannot overcome by might.  I agree that this foe is entirely too powerful for the party to defeat directly, but it could be bypassed in other ways...one of which was provided.  The DM does not have to use the breath weapon on the party; could fudge the saving throw DC; or choose to attack someone with a high Fortitude save.  This isn't a big deal, but I really felt it was important to have a potent guardian for the tomb, even moreso in that he wielded the Blade of Jaern which is too powerful an item for 4th-6th level characters.

Thanks for the very thorough and fair analysis Incognito.  And I promise to avoid ALL future edits to my entry posts going forward, even if they are not content related.  Sorry for this _obvious snafu_ on my part .


----------



## incognito

*Round 1, set 3*

*Greybar vs. Seasong*

Well, I knew it was going to happen – these entries are very difficult to pick between, due to, in a large part, to the cleverness, and excellent writing of both submissions. Any of you who think it’s hard to write an IronDM entry – you should try the judging!

Let’s start with what’s good, and see where we end up.  Both scenarios feature exceptional NPCs! The meat and drink of any good role-play adventure, Grey Bar’s tragic hero Captain, and Seasong’s dubious, competent Captian both have amazing flavor.  We understand why the Wrightson cannot undertake this chase, instead of it being some obtuse plot device.  In a similar fashion, we read about Johannes with a sort of horrified fascination.  She is a marvelously complex individual, who practically BEGS for the second plot twist.  It makes a more real character out of Rupert.  Outstanding use of the ingredient, both parties.

How about _simple lock?_  Seasong’s too sharp for his own good – this one was meant to be open to interpretation.  One the one hand, the PHB lists a “simple lock” as a std DC 20 open locks check.  But as we’ve read there are other uses of the word.  I’ll give the edge to Greybar here – using canal locks was particularly imaginative.  Plus I just like the incorporation of simple mechanical principles – like canal locks into a fantasy setting.  It maintains verisimilitude.

In the same way, I appreciated the _Financial Coup_ being incorporated into the story, instead of being tacked on as I had originally feared it would be.  It’s easy to see the relation between the _moaning diamond_, and using it’s potential wealth as a lever to advance this ingredient, so no one gets bonus points for incorporating those two together.

Another area where both submissions shine is hooks.  Many times, submission will have the same hook repeatedly, just from a slightly different angle.  Not so here: edge goes, of course, to seasong, who is even creating twists to his own hooks mid-stream!  I like ways of drawing a party into an adventure without railroading, and both submissions have multiple avenues in.

One thing I was surprised about, ingredient-wise.  _The Moaning Diamond_ is an out-of-the-box 3E artifact, but neither submission took the bait on that one.  Strictly speaking, there are no points taken off for liberal interpretation of this ingredient, but I would like to see someone make use of summoning an elder earth elemental with maximum hit points.  Ouch! 

So, how do I make a judgment?  Well there were a few weaknesses, in each post.  Greybar slaps on the ingredient _A Brace of Gargolyes_ there is not enough in-story reason for the gargoyles to be antagonists.  Also, I wonder if a party that was equipped with the spell “Fly” would serve to ruin the pacing of his adventure, as the speed of fly has got to be greater than barge travel. Really that’s it, though.  Although we all suspected that the former bandit might make an appearance in his adventure, I did not guess that Penelore was the thief until it was revealed.  The only other suggestion that I can make is to build surprise, the party spend time in the city before the theft takes place to establish the heroic character couple of Wrightson and Penelore.  Oh, and the feathered hat (on the captian) is silly!

Seasong, has a few weaknesses too.  For one – for the Love of Glub his submission is long.!  This was his single biggest deduction, though I  too tend to be verbose – the mantra is do as I SAY, not as I DO    The other issue is, without some judicious application of which twists to use, the plot in seasong’s submission can get over-convoluted.  The double, double cross is a great plot device, but a triple cross with a patsy can leave players with a sense of “oh, just kill everybody, they’re all guilty, I know it!”  Someone’s always gotta play the straight man.

I’ve yet to show a clear indication of the winner.  Well, I’ll just tell you straight out, and then say why.  It’s *Seasong*  and it’s for his triple-threat _moaning diamond_ as item that drive’s the _Fincial Coup_, motivates the _Brace of Gragolyes_ to preserve their home, acts as a MacGuffin to advance Rupert’s story line, and is the key to the _fogged windows._  It’s too good.  It’s the winner by a nose.

Gentlemen, please post exposition.

PS:  Quickbeam - let me add my sypathies - I did not before, and they are certainly there.

Mythago, and Mirthcard:  you are next, chime in when ready (becasue your ingredient's sure are!)


----------



## mythago

Fire when ready!


----------



## Quickbeam

Greybar said:
			
		

> *Quickbeam:
> 
> On exposition: I would like to throw in that the paladin's use of a scythe was a beautiful image in my mind.  It really made a "I'm a paladin, not a noble" feel stick.  And of course we'd all like to think of a Smite Evil with a critical on a scythe...
> 
> On reality, hard as it can fall: Best wishes for endurance with the friend and family.  It feels terrible to feel that sometimes the end is what brings less suffering, but I agree it can carry truth.  I'm sure that this brings echos for you, but I hope it also brings strength for your friend.
> 
> John *




In regards to the exposition: Thanks!!  I was rather fond of the farmboy turned paladin hero, and liked the nostagliac feel of his weapon being a tool he might have grown up using.  It just seemed to lend credibility to this character.  Besides, as you pointed out, who wouldn't want to see a critical Smite attack with one of these things?!?

As for reality: Thanks here also.  I promise to stop hijacking this thread with RL concerns, but I didn't want anyone to think I'd just ignored Incognito's analysis after asking him to complete one on my behalf.


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## Greybar

Congrats Seasong!
I bow to your marvelous twists.

Exposition to follow later,

John


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## incognito

mythago: until what time (EST) do you monitor these boards?

If I don't hear from mirthcard, I will go to an alternate, as I leave work in less that 3 hours, and I want the ingredients out before then.

Mirhtcard - hurry up!  Althernates, chime in if your out there!


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## Quickbeam

Greybar:
I've gotta tell you, that I genuinely enjoyed the simple, concise, direct feel of your entry.  Wrightson and Penelore were fantastic NPC's, and your use of the canal locks was brilliant!!  I live in a state where such things are not totally uncommon, and the thought never even dawned on me.  I'm not saying that seasong's entry was poor or in any way undeserving of victory, but I wanted you to know that IMO you did an admirable job!

seasong:
Congrats...and thanks for posting an entry even longer than mine .  It's one thing to include an array of PC hooks and plot twist devices, but your story takes the cake!  And for my part, I really enjoyed the potential volcanic disaster subsequent to the diamond's removal from the mines -- it made me recall the *frozen waterfall* element from one of my Holiday Iron DM entries.


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## Mirth

incognito said:
			
		

> *Mirthcard - hurry up! *




I'm here, sorry


----------



## incognito

*Round 1, Set 4*

*mythago vs. mirthcard*

ingredients
Tropical Island
Athletic Team
A Correct Paranoia
University
Gauntlets of Swimming and Climbing
Witch

The time is now 2:20PM EST, you have 24 hours.  I may end up judging on Sunday, tho

Good luck!


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## mythago

Gleep!

I'm a student right now, so I'm on periodically round the clock.

*scribbles furiously*


----------



## Mirth

Got it.


----------



## Nifft

That's quite a set of ingredients!

 -- Nifft, killing time until *Set 2*


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## seasong

Now that I've won , here's the reasons I thought I'd lost:

1. Greybar's format looked very much like mine... by which I mean that many of my strengths (a list of hooks, flavorful NPCs) were in the hands of the opponent. ARGH .

2. Ingredients: We were both pretty strong on the moaning diamond, fogged window and city captain, and decent on the financial coup. Greybar was decent on gargoyles, _strong_ on the simple lock, and I felt that I was only decent on both.

3. In the same way that I used the financial coup to frame the scenario, Greybar used the lock... and I felt that his frame was definitely cooler. Mine is more tailored to my tastes for politics, but who wouldn't want a dashing sword fight at the lock?

4. Which brings up the biggest point: style. I felt the swash in my blood buckling. I'm _going_ to run this scenario at some point, modified only enough that my players won't immediately recognize it. My scenario, while it is certainly complete and interesting, is nonetheless a pretty typical series of challenges and vicious political infighting... cool, but not necessarily stylish.

I won on the strength of a single ingredient (my triple-threat no-holds-barred diamond wu shu), but as judge I would have picked Greybar. Not that I'm going to relinquish my death grip on this win .


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## Isida Kep'Tukari

I've always enjoyed these threads, and I have loved the ideas presented in this particular competition especially.  The contestants do great work!  

[off topic hijack]  Nifft that is the cutest little penguin ever!  [/off topid hijack]


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## incognito

awaiting Greybar exposition, pretty please!

And seasong, old pal - not for nothing - you barely won.   Greybar's scenario was STRONG.  The "fly" spell loophole bugged me, somewhere deep in my DMs cap.


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## incognito

> The contestants do great work




Hey!  What about the Judge?!?  See if you win any o MY IronDM competitions!


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## Greybar

Iron DM Winter Exposition

I am very proud of my little swashbuckling in the fog creation and I make no excuses for that.  I think that seasong deserved the win primarily for the key thing that defines Iron DM: ingredients.  Here's how I handled my ingredients and why I think I lost.

The Captain - The captain formed in my mind quickly and never left the creation.  I originally started writing the scenario with the heroes being called to the Captain, he gives them the mission, and then commits suicide in front of them in shame.  Originally there was a city wall for him to leap from into the canal but that got discarded.

Fogged window - the fog element was certainly something I kept ahold off, though I wish I could have brought the fogged window in more.  It was a scene-setting element for the revelation of betrayal.  I don't know if I really could have made it much more than that without disrupting the story.

Simple lock - I immediately decided that the lock couldn't be a locking mechanism, the fog and the lock joined into the canal with docks idea, and away we went.

The Moaning Diamond - I never even thought to look for that in the DMG magic item list.  I guess that comes from the rarity of high-level play in my games.  One idea for this diamond is that it was responsible for the fog that shrouds the city of Midrushing, and that someone with sorcerous blood (Penelore or her father) could learn to activate it.  One idea for the final fight involved Penelore pleading that her father forced her to do this, that he would have exposed her to Wrightson and broken their love, all the while she is actually doing a full-round action to summon a fog elemental (treat as Air Elemental without Whirlwind power).  I regret not wrapping the diamond more into the story for the additional ingredient power.

Financial Coup - this was the backdrop to the Captain's tale, rather that a central plot element.  In all honesty I don't think a focused short adventure can have SIX central elements, and to be brusque I think seasong and quickbeam's entries earlier show this.  To make everything central is to make everything de-centralized and the plot stretched and plodding.

A Brace of Gargoyles - here was something I cut out to make it tighter that perhaps I should have kept.  I originally placed Penelore's father (Revyn Thorp) at the final lock.  Notice that in the backstory I had his arm crippled and his body lost and presumed dead.  Of course any reader knows that means he's really not dead.  I originally put him there, with a grotesque brace upon his crippled arm.  A brace made of two gargoyles stretching down his arm, moving it like a cybernetic piece.  +2 Strength to that arm for tohit/dmg and the like.  The gargoyles would shriek and spit at the heroes as they fought Revyn Thorp.  Yeah, I shouldn't have cut that.  I looked at my adventure and saw it was at 1600 words and thought it was too much.  Bad call on my side.  I fell back to the more conventional pair of gargoyles and then didn't tie in the ingredient.

whew, there you go!

Incognito: to the _fly_ concern.  My thought was that at 4-6th level the party probably couldn't muster the ability for the entire party to fly.  Two gargoyles (CR4) would effectively force anything less than the entire group back to the ground.  Probably more of a loophole would be numerous Boots of Striding and Springing or somesuch.  In short though, the name of the game for this one was style.  If the GM knows that the players have the potential to book, then they don't get brought in for an hour later or the canal is a mile shorter.  This style-base scenario is why they'll always meet the ruffians at the first gate just as they're starting to set the bridge on fire, and they'll always get to the final lock as Penelore is just entering it.  Sure, if the players really pull out a great thing the GM will alter that plan: _"Yes, really, I'm willing to burn the one wish in this item to teleport us to the Diamond."_

John


----------



## seasong

incognito said:
			
		

> And seasong, old pal - not for nothing - you barely won.   Greybar's scenario was STRONG.  The "fly" spell loophole bugged me, somewhere deep in my DMs cap.



Hey, I gave him three '!'s, didn't I? I thought I'd lost. I was preparing my "here's why I agree with the judgement" post, and I rewrote it slightly to accomodate the change in status.

Incidentally, here's my exposition. This one was painful.

The very first thing I did when I read these ingredients was thought "diamond heist". That's why I didn't use the artifact - it would have interefered with my heist idea.

I envisioned dark london fog, dirty docks and dock workers, unsavory sorts... exactly the sort of things my players wish I would run less often . Those dock workers, in fact, were _so_ good, I immediately knew I had another ingredient, them, and come hell or high water, I was going to involve them.

I started with Oxwater being a storm port on the way between coastal cities. Rupert had purchased the diamond, and was trying to hide it in an obscure place (Oxwater) while he found a seller. This version had a much more villainous Captain, who planned to out-and-out ruin Rupert... it also had a twist, which I was unfortunately only weakly able to work into this one, that Rupert was in fact a major member of the thieves' guild, and was setting the good Captain up for a major fall (the moaning diamond was a fake).

I worked in the foggy windows, but very weakly, and the lock of hair (originally Rupert's dastardly plan)... and then I started trying to figure out how to shift it from a good story to an adventure that the PCs were actually involved in.

Somewhere between then and writing up the actual scenario, I had several hours of very painful mental block. Then I hit upon the key - a volcano that would blow if the gem wasn't left in it. Suddenly, my diamond macguffin wasn't just a macguffin anymore! It had purpose! Reason! Value!

I refocused the entire adventure around the diamond and the financial coup tied up in it. I made up a couple of factions interested in the diamond NOT being on the island, threw hooks at the PCs from each faction's angle (including some freebie twists). The gargoyles wrote themselves, as did Rupert .

Then it was polish time. I put together _The Vicious Tart_ to help with the scenery (and to provide a boat battle with the gargoyles, which appealed to me for some reason). Once I had the boat, I wanted the gargoyles to really be a threat to Rupert's life, so I came up with a way for them to spot his cabin, instead of having to go door-to-door... and which very nicely used my diamond again!

Then I went back through the whole thing and editted where ever necessary to add windowed cabins, the frosting effect of the diamond, and Rupert's idiocy.

A few more signature bits - twists, another hook, Uuhef, a few bits of detail for the tavern to help DMs that want to make it evil.

Then I started cutting. Oh, it was painful. I took out a whole chunk of biography for Thrace & Lace, about 250 words. I chopped off _The Vicious Tart_'s history, including why it was named that (its original one-eyed captain was in love with the woman who'd taken his eye), another 200 words. I decided that the evil aunt who wanted Rupert dead didn't need more than a Twist Mention, another 200 words. And other bits of history were chopped, including Oxport, the wizard that set the Moaning Diamond in place, and Rupert, all for about 150 words.

Then I posted, went back, read Greybar's entry, and very nearly cried.


----------



## Isida Kep'Tukari

incognito said:
			
		

> *
> 
> Hey!  What about the Judge?!?  See if you win any o MY IronDM competitions!
> 
> *




And of course, the judges also do a great job.  Very tireless, those judges, and wickedly creative when it comes to ingredients.


----------



## mythago

*Mission to Sunreturn*
An adventure for 3-6 characters, levels 6-9

*Sunreturn Island*
  Sunreturn is a  beautiful tropical island, but it attracts few tourists. This is because, first, the archipelago of which is it a part is small and produces barely enough food for the locals; second, because it is the home of the School of the Purposeful Way, better known to outsiders as the "monks' university ." 

  The School is an elite boarding school, its unusual and powerful techniques taught by the most revered Masters of empty-handed combat in the world. Ambitious monks everywhere vie to be permitted to study here. (More traditional Masters frown at this sort of competitive foolishness, but as ever, the patient cousel of the old is drowned out by the eager clamoring of the young and energetic.) 

  To encourage the practical use of these skills, and to help burn off a bit of youthful energy and competitiveness, once a year there is a competition between athletic teams of 4-6 students. The winners get bragging rights and perhaps an extra helping of pickled fish in their evening rice meal.

*Where The PCs Come In*
  The party is going to be hastily sent to Sunreturn by their patron, or someone who is willing to pay them an extraordinary sum of money to go; work with your PCs' motivations.

  The patron works for the high priest of a powerful god who would not be anathema to the PCs. The god revealed,  in a vision, that a powerful and important minor artifact was hidden on Sunreturn. The monks of Sunreturn would hardly cooperate, so the priest hatched a plan: arrange for a group of travelling monks to "visit" and get the artifact back in the confusion of the Sunreturn festivities. A band of trustworthy monks was located and persuaded to help, but en route their ship hit a shoal, and went down with all hands.

  Desperate, the high priest conferred with the PCs' patron, who had an idea: why not disguise a trustworthy band of adventurers as monks and let them get the artifact? And so the plan was hatched....

  The PCs are taken to Sunreturn Island by ship. They must leave all their weapons, armor, mounts, large familiars, backpacks full of items, and "obvious" goodies (like rings) on the ship; monks don't wear these things. They will instead wear plain monks' robes marked with the sigil of Master Siu, who the PCs are assured is in on the whole plan. To signal the crew to come get them, one character is given an alchemist's flare.

*Arrival on Sunreturn*
  Master Siu turns out to be old, apparently blind and senile, but nobody will challenge the PCs beyond giving the "visiting students" some odd looks. The PCs will lead the spartan lives of monks for a few days until the festival itself begins. This will give them plenty of time to explore the island and find the Witch Tree. 

*Help in the Forest*
  Sunreturn was once home to several dryads. Bound to rainforest trees, not oaks, the dryads are unusual; at least six feet tall, their skin is mahogany-dark and their hair is brilliantly colored. The first monks to arrive got the idea that the dryads were "dark elves," that is, drow, and they proceeded to kill all they could find. Now, the one surviving dryad has a correct paranoia about monks. Her home tree, a coconut palm, is known as the Witch Tree for reasons that the monks no longer recall. 

  She will sense there is something unusual about the PCs and, curious, try to investigate them further. The PCs will do best parleying, but if they subdue, Charm or kill her, they will eventually find the gifts she has that can help them. She will be delighted to find out the group is putting one over on the monks, and will freely give them the gifts.

  The first gift is a Belt of Giant Strength +6. (It can be hidden under monks' robes.) The second item is a Periapt of Proof Against Poison. (These items are "cursed"; if taken more than 300' from the dryad's tree, they permanently lose all magic.) The third is an ancient map of the tunnels beneath Sunreturn. If told of their mission, the dryad will point to a cave marked at the end of the maze of tunnels, and suggest the item is probably there. 

*The Contests*
  The festival lasts three days. Each day is a mixture of tedious, but traditional,  rituals, and one contest. Each "team" of monks is the same size as the party (so if your group has 4 people, each team has 4 monks). The competitors should be a match for the characters.

  Day One: wrestling. The Girdle of Giant Strength should give an advantage.

  Day Two: a scavenger hunt for odd items in the forest, such as a coconut, three white-and-yellow flowers, and a living poisonous red snake. The Periapt will be invaluable in capturing the snake.

  Day Three: the tunnels. These are downhill tunnels worn through the volcanic rock of the island, wet with seawater and completely dark. The goal is to reach the cave at the bottom. Once in, the contestant zooms down the wet tunnel, trying not to miss left or right turns. Wrong turns open onto a cliff face 20' over the sea.

  Anyone who has carefully read the map will be able to reach the cave. There, in a shallow pool, is the plate-mail-clad corpse of a knight. His armor has rusted completely, except for his gauntlets, which are still bright. These are Gauntlets of Climbing and Swimming, once the property of a great paladin. (They are not Gauntlets of Proof Against Broken Necks, as the knight discovered.) A single upward-slanting tunnel (Climb check, DC 25) leads out of the cave and to victory.

  When the PC emerges with the obvious gauntlets, the monks will finally realize they are dealing with imposters. The group will have to flee for their lives down to the shore to try and signal the ship. Luckily, the ship's crew will have heard the roar of a hundred angry monks, and will be waiting to whisk the PCs off Sunreturn in the nick of time.


----------



## Gizzard

Greybar v. Seasong.  Wow, that was a strong round.  When I read Greybar's submission late last night I was sure that he would win - what are the chances that his opponent could top that story?  But when I read Seasong's this evening, well, I knew it was going to be close.  

Fortunately, I dont have to chose between them - as a matter of fact, I think I will grab both and store them away in my little DM folder of future ideas.  Great job to both!



> Then I started cutting. Oh, it was painful. I took out a whole chunk of biography for Thrace & Lace, about 250 words...




Maybe you can release a Boxed Set in a couple of months containing the Directors Cut of the story and some resin bookends of Thrace & Lace?  ;-)


----------



## Steverooo

*Summoning...*

Hey, Quickbeam?  What if the PCs summoned a Rust Monster?


----------



## Steverooo

*QB*



> *PS:  Quickbeam - let me add my sypathies - I did not before, and they are certainly there.*




Ditto.


----------



## Imhotepthewise

Wow! what great entries! I admire the talent and effort put into IRON DM.

Steverooo, sometimes a kind poster will run a Home Game of Iron DM concurrently with the main one.  It's a good time to hone your skill to possibly join the "big kids" someday.  Or you could run one.


----------



## Quickbeam

*Re: Summoning...*



			
				Steverooo said:
			
		

> *Hey, Quickbeam?  What if the PCs summoned a Rust Monster? *




That is certainly an option I'd considered, along with the PC's capturing a few Rust Monsters from the surrounding area and turning them loose.  Similarly, the group could solicit the aid of a 7th level (or higher) druid to cast _rusting grasp_ on the Golem for them.  I just wasn't sure what level summoning spell would be required to conjure a Rust Monster, and there's a fair chance that none of the party memebers would even have the necessary spell among their arsenal.   

The guardian wasn't intended to be an insurmountable foe...just surprisingly difficult at first glance for both the party and the Jackalwere pirates.  As I mentioned earlier, I would also hope that even if the PC's managed to defeat the Golem _and_ learned that the scythe was the real Blade of Jaern, they'd leave it with the tomb anyhow.  Most of the characters in my campaigns possess a fairly high degree of honor, and graverobbing a paladin's crypt falls well outside their collective code of ethics .

And thanks for the kind words of sympathy.


----------



## Mirth

I wasn't planning on this but I'm conceding this round to mythago. 

I was getting ready to write up my entry this morning and turned on the TV to see the news about the Space Shuttle. I was (still am) a little too bummed to work on my entry. 

Other than posting to some of my PbP games today, I think I'm gonna stay off the boards for the day. 

Good luck to everyone.


----------



## mythago

It's good I did mine last night, because I wouldn't have felt up to it either. 

If incognito's willing, I'd be happy to set aside the round and do a rematch.


----------



## Quickbeam

mirthcard & mythago:

It's people llike yourselves, behaving as you have today, that make me proud to be a part of EN World.  I'm sure your sentiments are shared by many.


----------



## Nifft

This thread seems to bring out the best in people.

Oh, and _*bump*_.

 -- Nifft


----------



## incognito

mirthcard: I hear you, pal.  

My first reaction was to give mythago the round, in deference to his hard work.  Due the the circumstances, and since he is willing to have a "do over,"  I am willing to create a new set of ingredients.  

Since it takes me a short while to prepare the ingredients (I was going to do the Round 2 ingredients tonight), and since I cannot be sure who is around on the boards,  we'll begin again on Monday.

If at that time, you are still feeling down, I will cede the Round to mythago

And of course, my sincere condolences go out to NASA, the families of the shuttle; I remember the shutle explosion 17 years ago like it was yesterday...


----------



## mythago

I'll be around Monday, so that's fine for me.


----------



## Mirth

Mythago, thanks for the gesture. It was very nice and I appreciate the sincerity.

However, I ceded the round to you. You did the work and you should take the round, no ifs ands or buts. I easily could have done my entry. I had it all laid out and organized. I simply didn't feel like working on it. It was my conscious choice to give you the round and I don't think I'm interested in a do-over. No ill will here, no regrets either. I'll have another chance in another Iron DM contest, don't worry. 

It's not like I became a basket case or anything either. I just felt bummed, that's all. That moment in 11th grade where I watched the Challenger blow up in real time on TV just came flooding back and I felt overwhelmed. I'm doing fine now, though

Mythago, QB, Nifft, incognito - all of you are what makes ENWorld such a great place. Go on with the competition and I'll root from the sidelines.

Thanks again for trying to bend over backwards for a guy.

Good luck everyone


----------



## mythago

I'd argue with you, but I have a feeling it would degenerate into one of those ludicrous "No, YOU go first!' "No, I insist, YOU go first!" fights......

Tell you what, can you at least post your entry when you get around to tidying it up? I'd like to see how badly you would have kicked my butt!


----------



## Shadoe's Lady

Oh my!  I spend a week actually working at work and look at what I miss!

I second Mythago's suggestion.  I would like to see mirthcard's entry also.


----------



## Gizzard

On a lighter note, I just printed out Seasong's entry for my secret DM idea folder and noticed something that he didnt cover in his exposition:

From the description of the Diamond:


> It is bitterly cold to the touch (1d6 cold damage per round held), and chills its immediate area to arctic temperatures.




and:


> Any PCs with a good Listen check might, at this point, notice the very, very, very faint moan emanating from Rupert's waist.




What to say about that except ->       :-0


----------



## seasong

Lots of cloth padding .

I probably should have described the safeguards that can allow one to carry it safely... Poor Rupert.


----------



## incognito

Well well well

Ok, so mirthcard is out of the running...buuuut, in fairness to mythago - who I'm sensing DOES want to compete against some one, would you like to duel with an alternate or simply advance?

No apsersions will be cast on you if you choose to advance, this is just an opportunity for you to compete, IF that's what I am reading in between the lines.

Mythago, chime in - please don't feel pressured in anyway not to simply advance --> You submitted, mirthcard did not, for whatever reason. You have been more than gracious already...

Lemme know!


----------



## mythago

Since mirthcard is insistent about forfeiting, I'll advance...I'm on and off during the day, so put me in a round whenever.


----------



## Quickbeam

Since it appears the second round matchups are set, I'd like to give our noble Judge some info on my availability for the next few days.

I an begin anytime today, the earlier the better.
Tomorrow is flat out impossible.
Wednesday might well be the most optimal day this week.

I'll keep watching to see what develops .


----------



## incognito

*WHOwant's some, then?!*

We are ready for Round 2!

Nifft,
Quickbeam
Seasong
Mythago

Remain...

I need two contestants to chime in! Since mythago just went, let's give him a break.  

C'mon boys, your ingredients are ready!

PS Mythago if you'd like a short critique, of your submission, you serve it, jus as Quickbeam did!


----------



## Quickbeam

As noted above, I'm ready to go early on today (before 3pm) if Nifft is...otherwise, I'm gonna have to wait until Wednesday.


----------



## incognito

Nifft or Seasong, ping in!  QB is at the ready!


----------



## seasong

I'm going to have to wait until Wednesday - I have _some_ time today, but not enough to really give my all to an IronDM entry.

Starting Wednesday 8am, however, I'm good for whenever.


----------



## Nifft

Ready and waiting!

Bring it on!  

 -- Nifft


----------



## incognito

*Round 2, set 1*

*Quickbeam vs Nifft*

ingredients
Blind dire ape(s)
Dwarven stone work
Vicious Circle
Rod of the python
Very lucky sorcerer
Mistaken Flag of Truce


----------



## mythago

BLIND DIRE APE?! Good grid!

And good luck, guys. 

(A critique anytime would be swell.)


----------



## Quickbeam

mythago said:
			
		

> *BLIND DIRE APE?! Good grid!
> 
> *




At least it's not a _bright_ dire ape.  Just kidding .
A most unusual array of theme ingredients to be sure...but I like 'em!!


----------



## Nifft

An interesting batch of ingredients... as usual.

_"We who are about to write salute you!"_

 -- Nifft


----------



## Sniktch

Wow, there's some great entries in here, as always.  I always seem to miss the start of these but one of these days I'll get into one...

Forgive me for a slight hijack, but I noticed the first round just ended and was wondering if any of the contestants who just got knocked out would be up for some further writing mayhem.  I've started a thread here but so far only have half the people I'd need for a full tourney, and I'd be honored to have any of you join in 

Hijack over, sorry again.  I can't wait to see what happens now in the second round!


----------



## incognito

> (A critique anytime would be swell.)





Crap: mythago, a short stack of work came it.  I WILL have it for you, but I'll have to write it tonight, on my laptop!


----------



## Nifft

*Quickbeam vs Nifft*

Ingredients:
_Blind dire ape(s)
Dwarven stone work
Vicious Circle
Rod of the python
Very lucky sorcerer
Mistaken Flag of Truce_



_an adventure for 4-6th level characters_


Ihaphron is a jagged island rising from a fickle sea. The land is  ringed by long beaches, sandy to the west and south, rocky to the 
north and east. The south-east meeting of sand and rock provides a natural harbor, and next to this harbor lies a ruin.

There is a natural lagoon to the east, where mangroves flourish.

Past the sand, rock, and mangroves, a jungle flourishes. The soil is very fertile, and trees and underbrush alike exhibit a riot of
growth. The morning mist, driven inland by the morning seabreeze, lasts long under the deep shade of the canopy.

Above the towering jungle can be seen two broken peaks, where the volcano behind this island's creation was last active. Most days, smoke can be seen rising from the shorter  southern peak.

The island is inhabited by a peaceful community of Elves, who exist in harmony with the island's natural order, due to their
dedication to Druidic lore. For the last 30 years they have been led by Imlaer, a neutral good 6th level Druid.



One month ago: A stout ship landed on the southern shore of  Ihaphron, near the old salt-crusted ruins. A large group of short, stout forms disembarked, then slapped each other heartily on the back  as they saw the condition of the ruins. "Good *Dwarven stone work*, 
lads! Set a hundred years by the sea, an'  good as the day she was hewn!"

The Kzrud-Arenk Clan began the first stage of their Reclaimation Project under the watchful eyes of Karstin Kzurd and Salkan Arenk. (Karstin and Salkan are a married couple. Karstin is a LG Cleric of Pelor and Salkan
is a Paladin of the same god. Either can be husband or wife -- with Dwarves, who can tell anyway? -- but I'll call Karstin "he". Both are
6th level. If not Pelor, any god which allows LG priests and has the Healing Domain.)


Two weeks ago: The Kzrud-Arenk Reclaimation Project (KARP for short) was proceeding as planned. Most of the interior doors and furniture needed replacing, but wood was easy enough to acquire.

Strangely, food stores seemed to be dwindling more quickly than the quartermaster's forecasts indicated. Hunting parties were sent out and return with decent game and much strange (but tasty) fruit.


One week ago: KARP scouts -- lightly armored fighters -- set  out into the jungle, to see if the old road was still intact. It was completely overgrown. Since the indoor work was mainly complete and the dwarves settled into their new quarters, a larger contingent of 
dwarves, armed with axes and fire, started to work at clearing the  underegrowth from the aged cobblestone road.


5 days ago: While most of the dwarves were working on cutting through the overgrowth around the path, something horrible occured. A guard shouted the alarm from near the clan's living quarters, and
simultaneously a conflagration erupted atop the north wall, burning new construction and sending confused guards running (and falling).

Luckily for the escaping figure, the guards didn't even look in the right direction -- and luckier yet, their attention was rivited on  someone else. For a scant minute before the alarm went up, a tall figure had stepped from the jungle, flanked by two enormous dire
apes, bearing a green flag (in fact, a large naturally square leaf). The strange figure was within 100 ft. of the wall when the fireball 
detonated.

The dwarves on the wall can be forgiven for having mistaken the green flag for a battle-standard. In fact, it was a *mistaken 
flag of truce* -- Imlaer had wanted to  discuss why the dwarves were burning and cutting away at her jungle.

The dwarves knew none of this. They knew only that an elf had come out of the woods and now fireballs were exploding. They jumped to the logical conclusion, and opened fire on the elf and her companions. Karstin, not wishing to unduly harm his unknown
foe, cast Blindness on each member of the trio -- only Imlaer resisted the effect.

Meanwhile, the *very lucky sorcerer* was only seen by two dwarves before he turned himself invisible and flew away with his ill-gotten loot.


4 days ago: The seige began. Karstin and Salkan had pulled their clansmen (and women) back within the walls of the former ruin, now known among them as New Fort Kzurd-Arenk, or  just "the Fort". Karstin can create enough food and water for 54  people each day. His clan numbers 50, so he will not begrudge a small party their daily rations.

Outside, Nature's fury had begun to manifest. Imlaer would  have prefered to buff and unleash her companions against the interlopers, but a pair of *blind dire apes* would be too at risk, and for too little chance of doing serious damage -- she quickly learned that no matter what she summoned, not even a small earth elemental could budge the mildly enchanted *dwarven stonework* of the Fort.

Most shocking of all, though, is the disappearence of Karstin's *Rod of the Python* -- a gift from his order, as the python is the symbol of the healer.


Now: Morale is low on both sides. Imlaer has been harrying the dwarves as best she can, while Karstin's troops have been taking pot-shots at anything which looks like it might move.

The *viscious circle* of mistrust, hostility and escalation  is about to set these two basically Good forces against each other in pitched battle.



What Really Happened: Karstin's ship had a stowaway. A  human named Vultar (NE Sorc7), who fancies himself quite an able thief, heard about the "expidition" and thought that where dwarves go digging up ruins, there's sure to be treasure a-plenty. He easily hid during the two day trip, flying out of the ship under cover of invisibility. He had been skulking around the Fort while it was under construction, but when the majority of the dwarves  left to work on the cobblestone road, he saw his chance and snuck into Karstin and Salkan's bedchamber. He stole what magic items he could find along with a small sack of gems.

When he was spotted, he paniced and hurled a Fireball at the most obvious group of guards he could see -- the ones on the wall -- hoping to kill (or at least scare away) most of the archers. The two dwarves who actually saw him were on the ground and not affected by his Fireball. They saw him holding the *Rod of the Python* and the other items, then they saw him disappear. Only one of the guards who saw him is convinced that he wasn't an elf ("I knows my big'uns, an' he was a human or I ain't four feet tall!").

When Vultar took to the air and saw what was going on, and realized  that the elf was going to take the fall for his theft, he nearly wet himself laughing. He followed Imlaer back to her village -- invisible and flying the whole while -- and decided to even the odds by lifting whatever magic she might possess as well. The next day when she left to harry the dwarves, he flew into her chamber and stole her Rod of Flame Extinguishing. (Her *blind dire ape* guards smelled the intruder, but could not describe him to her -- they didn't see him after all.)

Now Imlaer thinks that the dwarves a) have a way to strike at her village; and b) are planning on burning down significant parts of  the jungle.

Meanwhile, Vultar is desperately looking for a way off the island -- his ill-gotten gains do him little to no good here.



Enter the Party: Hooks
1) On day 5, Karstin sent an Animal Messanger back to the  mainland requesting help. His message is scrawled quickly and is somewhat vague as to the exact nature of the threat: "SEND HELP -- giant beasts attacking from jungle -- spell casters among them -- may The Shining One grant you speed!"

2) The party heard about the expedition and joined in as "hired help" -- or more, if one of the party members is either dwarven or a member of the correct Church.

3) The party has a Druid or Bard who learns of an interesting people, full of lost lore both musical and magical, who live on an island merely two day's journey from the coast. They are on the island when the Dwarves arrive and the trouble begins.

4) The party is caught in a storm while traveling near the island by sea -- very likely, given what Imlaer has been doing to the weather around the island -- and are washed up on shore  near the Fort. The Fort offers obvious shelter, but the jungle  is nearby as well. Whichever way they go, they are greeted with  caution by the appropriate faction.



Diplomacy: 

Imlaer is unfriendly to Dwarves, Clerics and Paladins.
She is friendly towards Elves, Druids, Rangers and Bards.
If the party is more than half Dwarves, she will attack.
(Friendly trumps unfriendly -- she will be friendly to a dwarven Druid or elven Cleric of Pelor. Surprised at first, then friendly.)
She is otherwise indifferent.

Karstin is friendly towards Dwarves, Clerics and Paladins.
He is unfriendly towards Druids, Barbarians, Rangers and Elves.
If the party is more than half elves or half-elves, he will attack.
(Friendly trumps unfriendly -- he will be friendly to a dwarven Druid or elven Cleric of Pelor. Surprised at first, then friendly.)
He is otherwise indifferent.

Imlaer can be made friendlier by:
 - a Druid, Ranger or Elf with a successful Diplomacy check [DC 20]
 - restoring her *blind dire apes*' sight
 - bringing her proof of who stole her Rod of Flame Extinguishing
 - bringing her the Rod itself

Karstin can be made friendlier by:
 - a Cleric (of the same god), Paladin (any) or Dwarf with a successful
   Diplomacy check [DC 20]
 - calming the weather
 - bringing him proof of who stole his Rod of the Python
 - bringing him the Rod itself

If the party can make Imlaer Helpful, they can get her to stop making the weather nasty.

If the party interviews both of the dwarves who saw the thief on day 5 they can determine that one of them is full of BS (Sense Motive, DC 15) -- he barely saw an outline, and filled in his "memories" based on what he heard others say afterwards ("Elf attack!"). This will only become noticeable if he's pressed for details.

If the party can make both sides Helpful, they can get them to parlay.


Vultar's Lair:

Vultar has set up for himself a decent little lean-to atop the smoking volcano. He figures that it gives him a good view, while it covers his own campfire's smoke. He's mostly right -- but his fire is visible from the north side of the island (past the smoking peak). Neither of the  warring factions is currently there, as their conflict takes place on the southern coast. The party might see it, though. (Spot check in the early evening, DC 20.)

When the party discovers him, he uses Change Self to appear as an  Efreeti, after casting Resist Elements (Cold) on himself. He will always keep a 3rd level spell slot open for Fly, and a 2nd level  spell slot open for Invisibility. He prefers to open combat with
a Fireball.

However, he need not be fought. All he wants is a way off of the island. He'll bargain with the party -- always trying to keep the Rods, which he hasn't yet identified, for himself.

If the party came on their own boat, he'll try to trade them items  for safe passage to the mainland. This could be trouble, for the party's boat may be docked in or near the dwarven Fort.

It is NOT going to be easy to get him to surrender willingly -- the party will have to hunt him for three days, while he throws everything he's got at them, trying to kill them. Of course, the party will soon learn the extent of his spells, so preparing for his tactics won't be hard after the first fight. After three days, he's pretty much starving, since wilderness survival isn't his strong suit.




Conclusion:

If the party returns both sides' items AND get them to parlay, they can arrange a novel solution: the druids help dwarves clear the old road; "eco-friendly" and builds respect between the races. The dwarves re-start the mine at the end of the old road, and share the wealth with the elves. (Imlaer feels that such metal weapons are unnecessary, but her lover is a Ranger and he lets it be known that he wouldn't mind a nice adamantine longsword.)


Reward:

The party either gets (some of) the items Vultar stole if they behave evilly, or they get IOUs which they can redeem for new enchanted darkwood or adamantine weapons or armor if they behave in accordance with good.

A very evil party could kill Vultar and take everything, but escaping the island might not be simple.




**** NPCs and Forces ****

** Clan Kzurd-Arenk **
20 Expert 3
3 Expert 5
20 Fighter 2
2 Fighter 3
2 Paladin 2
1 Paladin 4
Karstin Kzurd
Salkan Arenk


** Thorp of Ihaphron **
10 Expert 2
9 Children
1 Expert 4
1 Expert 6
24 Ranger 2
5 Ranger 3
2 Ranger 4
1 Ranger 6
8 Druid 1
4 Druid 2
2 Druid 3
1 Druid 4
Imlaer



** Vultar ** Human Sor7, Neutral Evil
Str: 11, Dex: 16, Con: 11, Int: 12, Wis: 13, Cha: 17

Skills:
Concentration: 10
Move Silently: 8 (5)
Hide: 8 (5)
Bluff: 8 (5)


Feats:
Improved Initiative
Silent Spell
Still Spell
Weapon Finesse (Rapier)


Vultar's Spells:
1- Change Self
1- Unseen Servant
1- Identify
1- Magic Missile
1- Shield

2- Invisibility
2- Knock (or Aganazzar's Scortcher)
2- Resist Element

3- Fireball
3- Fly


Posessions: (will not trade)
+1 Flaming Rapier
Karstin's *Rod of the Python*
Imlaer's Rod of Flame Extinguishing
5 pearls (110 gp each)

Loot (will trade)
Imlaer's potion box (6 Cure Moderate Wounds, 2 Barkskin, 2 Remove Disease)
Imlaer's darkwood shortspear +1
Karstin's bag of gems (6 rubies, 350 gp each)
Salkan's large shield +1
Salkan's adamantine dagger


----------



## Nifft

_erp!_ -- my formatting is all bleep'd up.
Can I re-post and delete this one?

Thanks, -- Nifft


----------



## seasong

I can read it just fine. If incognito thinks it's ugly, he can always cut-n-paste into a text editor.

Not to be harsh, I just think there have been too many edits in this game already!


----------



## incognito

Nifft: Nah - let it stand, the formating is not particularly abrasive

Mythago: editing my analysis of your story, right.this.second!


----------



## mmu1

Nifft said:
			
		

> *Quickbeam vs Nifft
> 
> Ingredients:
> Blind dire ape(s)
> Dwarven stone work
> Vicious Circle
> Rod of the python
> Very lucky sorcerer
> Mistaken Flag of Truce
> 
> *




Blind (with fright, but still) Dire Ape
Rod of the Python
Very Lucky Sorcerer

I am strangely reminded of our Sunday session.


----------



## incognito

Round 1, set 4

Mythago’s critique:

Mythago lays out his adventure in a style that is known to me as “story telling” – and like a story taking place – the action is directed and flows along of it’s own accord; the wheels are in motion, rather than having points of interest, or planned combats for the PCs.  This is not a good or a bad thing, it must be called out because conventional critiques would write this off as railroading, which is not the case.

An initial weakness in this scenario, is asking a set of players to give up their gear to go on this adventure – since “story telling” style tends to abandon most plot hooks, it is very difficult to persuade me that adventurers would want to part with their beloved equipment – heck, many say 3E is BASED off equipment!

His island school of monks is an interesting setting & believable – incorporating the ingredients _university_ and _athletic teams_ which forms the core of this adventure. – the fact that it is on a _tropical isle_ comes into play later, with an NPC dryad.

A few ingredients used not as well here. _Witch_ and _a correct paranoia._ – the base set up is brilliant.  Mahogany dryads look like dark elves, and  dark elves = bad, so the monks kill them!  Grrrreat! But calling a tree the WITCH tree for “reasons that the monks no longer recall” is not consistent, as is the dryad having powerful magic “gifts” for the PCs.  What’s with the items loosing power if they move more than 300’ from the tree?  The island may be small, but 300’ means those items are near useless! Also, There need to be **some** detail about the dryad interacting with the PCs, because if she sees a bunch of Monks coming, of course she is going to hide – she’s paranoid, remember!? Also, I imagine the PCs, not eager to blow their cover, would NOT go out and about exploring the island, and so would miss the dryad encounter all together. 

The contests are neat, and fun, and left for the DM to detail, which I am fine with.  The last day of the contest though, leaves me with a bit of a “what just happened?” feeling.  At the beginning of the story, we are told the PCs are seeking a powerful and important minor artifact.  I assume this is the gauntlets?!?  And I guess because they are shiny, the monks notice them – buy why would that make them realize they were dealing with imposters, except as a plot device to finish the adventure?  

An excellent story telling style adventure, but one that needs a lot of fine tuning.  Give me a ROCK SOLID reason for giving up my gear, more motivations for exploring the island, a better plan for interaction with the dryad, including reasons why she would have a horde of pricy magic items (belt alone is worth $36,000 gp),  the _gauntlets of swimming and climbing_ need to be identified as the artifact (if, in fact, they are – this is not totally clear to me) – and woven in the story better, and the monks need reasons to ‘wake up” after seeing he party with the gauntlets that maintain verisimilitude.

exposition time!


----------



## Quickbeam

Round 2, Set 1

Ingredients:
_Blind dire ape
Dwarven stonework
Rod of the Python
Vicious circle
A very lucky sorcerer
Mistaken flag of truce_

An Undelivered Message
This adventure is designed for characters levels 5-7, but can be easily adjusted to suit parties several levels lower or higher by adjusting the encounters and NPC’s.

HISTORY:
Nearly half a millennia ago, the dwarves of the great city Thoren-Bor managed to withstand the onslaught of an invading troll army.  At that time, a druid named Auger Oakenhelm was one of his people’s primary scouts, delving into the dark reaches of the subterranean world.  Auger’s only partner on these recon missions was his animal companion, an awakened dire ape called Vakri.  Before any scouting foray Auger would cast foresight on himself, and on one occasion decided to do the same with Vakri.  Far beyond the usual effects of the spell, though, the ape was inundated with an array of divergent visions surrounding events still to come, including many atrocities and the future death of Auger.  As literally hundreds of images flashed through Vakri’s mind simultaneously, panic overwhelmed the ape and he gouged out his own eyes in an effort to block the visions.  Miraculously, the flow of images subsided -- probably because Vakri’s brain was now occupied almost entirely with pain.  Later, the *blind dire ape* relayed some of his visions to Auger, and in the subsequent days both were able to bear witness as many of the events Vakri had “seen” came to pass.  The druid realized that his spell must have triggered a very special gift possessed by his companion…the gift of prophecy.  Auger convinced Vakri to practice controlling and interpreting his visions through foresight, but no amount of reasoning could convince the ape to accept magical restoration of his eyesight.

For a time, there were those who doubted the ape’s ability.  Then one autumn afternoon, Vakri was overcome by the strength and vivid detail present in a vision, which depicted dozens of trolls assaulting Thoren-Bor.  Fearing that they were not capable of surviving such an attack on their own, the dwarves sought aid from the nearby gnomish city of Summerbaugh.  The trolls did indeed arrive, but the allied forces of the dwarves and gnomes were well-prepared, and the battle quickly turned in their favor.  The gnomish Field General (Onkyn) fought alongside the dwarven Commander (Haldur) throughout, using a giant constrictor to help protect them.  In the waning moments of the fight, a mighty troll charged through the chaos and slew the gnome Field General and his snake.  The dwarven Commander was stunned to see the huge serpent transform into a four-foot long wooden staff, and bent over to examine the object.  A nearby gnome warrior saw Haldur standing over the prostrate figure of Onkyn, wielding the General’s powerful *Rod of the Python*, and screamed bloody murder.  Within moments, the two armies were fully engaged, neither side fully aware of why.  After a great deal of bloodshed, the dwarves and gnomes both had fortified positions of defense, and found themselves in a virtual standoff.  The ranking gnome officer ordered that an ultimatum be sent to Haldur by animal messenger.  Hastily, a large white kerchief was enchanted with a magic mouth spell, and placed in the talons of a falcon, which was sent flying across the battlefield.  The magic mouth was set to trigger at the sight of Haldur’s mithril shirt, and speak, “Return the Rod or there can be no peace.”  Alas the falcon’s kerchief never reached the dwarven Commander.  As the animal circled the dwarves from above it dropped its cargo and word was sent to Haldur that a white “flag” had been delivered.  With news of this *mistaken flag of truce*, Haldur and his men began to move back onto the battlefield with the intentions of claiming their dead.  The gnomes waited for any sign that the dwarven Commander was going to act in accordance with their ultimatum, and with none forthcoming, a volley of arrows and alchemist fires was launched.  Haldur fell dead with this onslaught, and once again both sides were seized in the throws of bloodlust and rage.

The aftereffects of that day still linger in Thoren-Bor and Summerbaugh.  In most civilized parts of the world, gnomes and dwarves share a peaceful co-existence, but such is not (and may never be) the case herein.  Skirmishes still break out between the two races, and a loathing that has been cultivated for several generations burns strong.  For their part, the gnomes of Summerbaugh left the battlefield with Haldur’s helm and armor in their possession.  These items have become the epitome of their hatred and distrust of the dwarves, and they are guarded like relics of great power.  The dwarves returned home with somewhat more than their gnomish counterparts.  Not only did they carry back the Rod of the Python, but they also kept the “flag” which had falsely offered peace.  Being akin to a large scepter, the Rod was given to Thoren-Bor’s King, and came to signify dwarven might.  Meanwhile, the flag was mounted behind the throne as an enduring reminder of hostility against the gnomes.  Most importantly, though, all the dwarves of Thoren-Bor now knew that Vakri truly did possess the gift of precognition.

In the years that followed, Auger helped Vakri hone his ability so that he was able to “see” without the aid of foresight.  They were moved into an isolated cave and given every luxury.  The dwarves revered the ape, and soon they simply began calling him the Oracle.  Many of the events the Oracle foretold came to pass and time marched on.  Auger died in a terrible rockslide, just as Vakri had seen years earlier and the dwarves realized something: the ape was getting quite old, and despite his gift he was mortal.  In response, the dwarves decided to employ the power of a wish spell to grant Vakri incredibly long life.  Unfortunately, as is often the case with wish spells, there was a price.  The Oracle did seem to stop aging and he could still predict the future, but now he only did so by uttering cryptic riddles in the druidic tongue.  Two druids were appointed to always attend the Oracle going forward.  They took turns, with one recording Vakri’s bizarre predictions by using stone shape to etch runes in a chronological pattern across the cave walls, while the other spent countless hours trying to interpret the meaning hidden within this hieroglyphic *dwarven stonework*.

SET UP:
Today, enmity still reigns in the small expanse of land which houses Thorn-Bor and Summerbaugh.  The gnomes have not let their quarrel with the dwarves interfere with their relationships among the other people of the region.  As is the case with gnomes elsewhere, these folk produce many fine jewelers, alchemists, engineers and scholars.  The dwarves, however, have grown more reclusive as their society finds itself bound to the almost incoherent musings of a creature they no longer understand.  There are those outside the walls of Thoren-Bor who spread rumors of a mysterious Oracle living among the dwarves, but none who can actually claim to have seen this being.

With the birth of this generation, the druids attending to Vakri have taken to only speaking druidic themselves.  Wholly devoted to their charge, they believe the key to his visions lay hidden in their unique form of speech…that perhaps something is lost in translating the riddles.  Therefore, King Urick Stoutfist has appointed a sorcerer to act as interpreter between the Oracle’s druids and the city’s populace.  Quite obviously, this position entails a great deal of importance and responsibility…but even moreso, it provides control.  As fate would have it, there is only one sorcerer who’s lucky enough to have a knack for languages (he just happens to know comprehend languages and tongues), an otherwise unpleasant fellow named Kragen.  And while there are priests in Thoren-Bor who could serve this task, King Urick believed it was the best use for Kragen’s innate abilities.  Over the past 20 years, as his power and influence have grown, Kragen has come to realize that he’s not content just controlling the flow of information for his people – he wants to rule them.  Fortune has recently provided the means to this end for Kragen, making him a *very lucky sorcerer indeed*.  First, Kragen has managed to correctly guess the meaning of several visions lending credibility to his words.  Second, the health of Urick has begun to decline quite rapidly.  Finally, the Oracle’s most recent prophecy has suggested a method of removing the King’s only heir to the throne, Prince Gren.

Kragen is perhaps the third most powerful dwarf in Thoren-Bor, and its citizens already look to him for guidance, even if only because he translates the Oracle’s precognitive visions.  If no heir were to be available upon the King’s death, Kragen would likely be able to assume the throne without much direct opposition.  Kragen has been afraid of creating an outright false prophecy to remove or harm the reputation of either the King or Prince.  He fears that others with the power to magically translate the druidic mumblings or the runic dwarven stonework in Vakri’s chamber, may elect to do so in such instances, crippling his credibility and possibly costing him his lofty status.  It is with this knowledge, that Kragen intentionally twists the Oracle’s prophecy of the Prince undertaking a dangerous quest to bring change to Thoren-Bor.  Upon hearing the cryptic vision pertaining to Gren, the sorcerer tells all of the assembled dwarves that unless the Prince leaves, the mountain city will endure an end to its way of life.  And so it is, that Prince Gren and his two most trusted guards, leave Thoren-Bor with heavy hearts to avert the predicted downfall of their home.


PC HOOKS:
1) It is not uncommon for characters to seek information or clues which might lead them to an item or artifact they desire/need.  Similarly, a party member may need to acquire information that only someone with the true gift of divination can provide.  In either case, the party might have heard rumors surrounding an alleged dwarven Oracle, and seek out Thoren-Bor.
2) Prince Gren has traveled for several sorrowful days, before being overcome with doubt about his current path.  He has decided to make a valiant attempt to circumvent his own fate (or at least the one Kragen falsely revealed) by bringing an end to the hostilities between his people and the gnomes of Summerbaugh.  Gren happens to be near the PC’s location at this points (or even in the same town) and sends one of his two guards, Liamar, to hire a capable group of adventurers.  They will be asked to steal the mistaken flag of truce from Thoren-Bor, in exchange for a fair sum of gold and one magical weapon or suit of armor each.  If any of the characters are gnomish, Gren warns them to stay behind or adopt a very convincing disguise.  The Prince plans to approach Summerbaugh alone, carrying only the “flag” as an offering of peace.
3) King Urick has decided that his dying wish is to establish a lasting legacy of pride for his people, by recovering Haldur’s armor and helm from the gnomes.  He sends his emissaries into the neighboring cities and towns, seeking to hire adventurers that might be able to successfully complete this task.  If the party is unfamiliar with the events which transpired 500 years ago (Knowledge Local check DC 15), the dwarf approaching the PC’s portrays an entirely one-sided narrative of the history, painting the Summerbaugh gnomes in a very poor light.  If any of the characters are dwarven, he will particularly appeal to this PC, referring to his King’s failing health repeatedly.  The PC’s are offered much the same price as they are in Hook #2 for their efforts.

RUNNING THE ADVENTURE:
A great deal depends on the initial Hook pursued by the PC’s.  
** If the party arrives at Thoren-Bor of their own accord seeking an audience with the Oracle, they will be directed to Kragen is relatively short order.  Any attempts to gather information or converse with the citizenry, will reveal that King Urick is gravely ill and not expected to survive much longer.  Also, there is much concern over the recent departure of Prince Gren, who left the dwarven city to avoid bringing about the downfall of Thoren-Bor as foretold by the Oracle.  Regardless of what information the party seeks, Kragen will agree to ask the Oracle on their behalf after some measure of coercion or bribe.  This should not be made easy, and the sorcerer will hem and haw before acquiescing.  Under no circumstances should the PC’s be permitted to enter the Oracle’s chamber at this point.  DM’s can play up the angle that for centuries only the dwarves have been allowed direct access to the Oracle, or use any reason that seems suitable.  After 10-15 minutes, Kragen will emerge from the Oracle’s cave and tell the party that the information/item they seek lies several days away in the midst of the marshes.  This is just a ruse to eliminate the PC’s.  DM’s can handle subsequent events by choosing to have the party coincidentally meet Prince Gren along the road (see next bullet point), or by fighting their way through a few of days travel before they become suspicious that they were misled.

** If the party is hired by Prince Gren, they must begin by going to Thoren-Bor.  The Prince will have told them that the “flag” is kept in a guarded chamber just off the throne room, where visitors and curiosity seekers may view it.  When the party manages to reach this room, they will find that the flag has been moved.  If the party questions any of the royal guards, successful Diplomacy, Bluff or Intimidate checks (DC 20) will reveal that the sorcerer Kragen has taken the flag.  The PC’s will be forced to locate Kragen (not tough to do) and obtain the flag from him.  Having correctly interpreted another recent vision from the Oracle, Kragen expects that someone will come for the flag and he wishes to question them himself.  Regardless of what is said between the sorcerer and PC’s, Kragen will eventually yield a phony flag to the party claiming that he wishes to help the vanquished Prince.  He claims that the Oracle indicated doom lay along the road they traveled hence, and suggests another path back to Gren.  Of course, this path is leads through any area known for rockslides and cave-ins since Kragen wants anything but success for the Prince, and hopes the party will never reach him even though they carry a fake flag.  The party should realize they’ve been lied to by the sorcerer and return to confront him.  If the PC’s began on Hook #1, but meet the Prince, he may convince them to undertake this mission, and the above events unfold.
** If the party is hired by King Urick, he suggests an audience with the Oracle to reveal the location of Haldur’s armor and helm within Summerbaugh, and the best means of reaching it safely.  Here again, Kragen will steer the PC’s awry because he fears that success may invigorate the dying King, and his patience has grown thin.  Once again, the party may suspect an intentional lie on the sorcerer’s part and return to face him.

All of these scenarios and lies center around two *vicious circles*: those that Kragen has created for himself, and the cycle of hatred and distrust between the dwarves and gnomes.  His authority is only respected as the interpreter of the Oracle’s prophecies, meaning that he cannot issue any statement of value without first meeting with the Oracle.  Additionally, his lies begin to necessitate other lies, and all of these untruths must be marginally focused around recorded riddles, should anyone seek to question his word.

CONCLUSIONS:
At some point, the party should seek to meet the Oracle directly.  Any use of comprehend languages will reveal that much of Kragen’s statements have been lies, for the runic dwarven stonework holds the true prophecies.  If Gren succeeds in bringing the flag to Summerbaugh, he is escorted into the Council Chamber (where Haldur's armor happens to reside) and the magic mouth spell finally triggers, ending centuries of debate over what happened.  The PC's are heroes and rewarded admirably by both races.

ENCOUNTERS:
These will vary beyond the rockslide to suit the party level.


----------



## mythago

Thanks, incognito! A lot of the problems at the end are, I think, the result of Too Much Editing on my part. (You're right--300' is way too short. I don't know *what* I was thinking.)

I was also unclear that the party was going to be told to leave their items on the ship _when they arrived_. You know:

"Great! Put all your stuff in this chest, and you can wear these robes."

"WHAT?!"

"Uh...weren't you told? You can't go over there flashing swords and bracers. They'll know you're not monks in an instant."

I admit I also like the idea of a dwarf grumpily stomping around in ill-fitting monk's robes. "Quit starin'! You lot never seen a dwarven monk before?"


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## Quickbeam

_Unnecessary personal griping removed._

BTW, is anyone else having site issues or delays?


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## Nifft

mmu1 said:
			
		

> *I am strangely reminded of our Sunday session.  *




Yeah, I was --> <-- this close to making the dire ape a PsiWarrior.

 -- Nifft


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## mythago

Wow! Great entries!


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## incognito

Sorry for the delay, folks.  I know who the winner is, but I want to give constructive critism, and show a clear reason for my judgement, and it's difficult in this case.

both entries were decent, not outstanding, but decent.


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## Majicthise

I enjoyed both entries for this round.  From the looks of it, I enjoyed them more than the judge (I found them to be better than decent, but then again, I don't have to pick a winner).

In response to your question, Quickbeam, I know that all of the boards were shut down for a while today, because of "log-offs."  I came on after the problems, but it might explain any lags or delays.


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## Quickbeam

Majicthise said:
			
		

> *I enjoyed both entries for this round.  From the looks of it, I enjoyed them more than the judge (I found them to be better than decent, but then again, I don't have to pick a winner).
> 
> In response to your question, Quickbeam, I know that all of the boards were shut down for a while today, because of "log-offs."  I came on after the problems, but it might explain any lags or delays. *




Thanks on both counts.  It was pretty frustrating earlier this morning, when I ran into login and posting problems.


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## Nifft

Majicthise said:
			
		

> *I enjoyed both entries for this round. *




Thank you!

I wish I could tell Quickbeam that I loved his entry -- but I'm too tired to read through it.  ( <-- me at work, sleeping behind sunglasses)

I didn't really get much sleep last night.

 -- Nifft, tired little penguin

PS: Quickbeam, I noticed a "Database Error" in place of the boards around 10:AM. Perfect timing, eh?


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## Quickbeam

Nifft:
I'm right there with you.  I've read your entry, and was impressed at how thorough and detailed you were.  Best of luck!!

And with regards to the "Database Error" I'll just say that timing is everything .


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## incognito

*Round 2, set 1*

*Quickbeam vs Nifft*

Quickbeam and Nifft have submitted similar adventures – which is to be expected as several of the ingredients (_Mistaken flag of truce_) point to an adventure where our heroes, the PCs, must set to rights a misunderstanding.

First pass: Quickbeam’s web of deceit is more devious, and has more imaginative resolution – the White flag with the magic mouth, triggered to speak when the armor was present is a very tidy wrap up.  I like tidy! I also like the Gnomes vs. the dwarves angle, and how the _Blind Dire Ape_ is a central figure in the story.  BUt why not have the Ape's tearing out of his own eye's distort the predictions? Quickbeam’s use of _Dwarven stone work_ is an unusual stretch of the ingredient – I liked it for its creativity – but  I can’t help but feeling that it was too much of a stretch.  

I liked Nifft’s timeline approach better – the PCs can be inserted into his proposed adventure at various times using Nifft’s various hooks.  His _mistaken flag of truce_ is quite a bit more believable than Quickbeam’s – even if it is less ingenious. _Dwarven stone work_ is incorporated into the story, in a good, if straightforward manner.  I also like the scenery of the island, although it has nothing to do with the ingredient s,  it IS pretty (and the 2 tribes are  “survivor”- esque)!

I’m not so sure that either sorcerer is _*very*_ lucky. One is stranded on an island with magical loot of questionable value, with the possibility to two tribes hunting for him, and no wilderness survival skills.  The other is a walking a fine line -> creatively interpreting divinations from a temporal oracle, who could reveal him at any time.

Both _rods of the python_ were plot devices, pure and simple – neither added much directly (ie WHY a rod of the python – IronDM hopefuls should always ask themselves that question).  If I had to pick, I’d pick Nifft’s because at least his stays a rod – Quickbeams is a staff for a brief moment  

A quick mention of the good use of NPCs  - particularly Niffts.  Not only are their motivations clear as a result of back story, but also because Nifft spells out explicitly how they will react to individuals. good job Nifft!

I didn’t like either stories _viscous circle_ – I was looking for a CLEAR: “chain of events in which the response to one difficulty creates a new problem that aggravates the original difficulty”  Nifft's got a conflict that becomes more thorny as the result of both sides losing magic items.  Not especially viscious. Quickbeam’s got the sorcerer’s liberally interpreted visions, which if the party overcomes obstacles he’s set in their way, causes him to craft increasingly desperate interpretations to preserve his original lie.  I guess I like Quickbeam’s a bit better...but not much.

I don’t like a semi-powerful dwarven sorcerer without a great in-story reason, because of the racial CHA penalty.  And a flock of dwarven druids, although druids have a decent amount of stone affecting spells, is somewhat of a reach.  Also, it feels like Quickbeam could've gone higher level with this one, and gotten away with it.

I HATE Quickbeam’s conclusion paragraph: “Any use of comprehend languages will reveal that much of Kragen’s statements have been lies, for the runic dwarven stonework holds the true prophecies.” Don’t have it be this easy Quickbeam!  That's a L1 spell! After all that set up – have the party figure it out – or have the ape give an odd  divination to the party directly (a Dwarf, or a Druid/Ranger – the DM can make the fit!) .  And his encounters section seems unneeded (all 11 words of it).  I’m not really fond of Nifft’s conclusions either, though.  I suspect in all likelihood the party will be fire balled to death before they find the Sorcerer (flying/invisible), or just team up with one side or the other and take out the opposing tribe (survivor style – and probably earn a nice chunk of XP too  )


So, what are left with? Well...I was left with my first pass impression: *Quickbeam’s*   plot is more cleverly devious –and is more likely to run true to intent, and so I award the round to him.  Funny, because for a full 4 hours, I had sided with Nifft. Oh, and length – guys, seriously.  Do what you have to do to get it down, but get it down.  My eyes  glazed over on both entries.  If one had been 500 words shorter, it was so close, they shorter entry would’ve won.

Please post exposition


----------



## Nifft

Congradulations, Quickbeam!

Exposition will come tonight.

 -- Nifft


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## incognito

mythago and seasong:  

Can you both go tomorow?? Your ingredients are still brewing.


On the "decent, not outstanding" comment: Both entires were better than decent, I'll 'fess up!


----------



## mythago

I don't envy having to have made THAT judgement. You guys both rocked. Congrats, Quickbeam!

incognito: ready when you are.


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## seasong

Wednesday morning, 8:00am CST, I will be ready anytime from that point forward. As long as we start after that, when ever is most convenient for mythago (8am, noon, whatever) is good for me.


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## mythago

Any time is fine for me.


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## Majicthise

Congrats to both Quickbeam and Nifft.  From Incognito's remarks it's pretty clear that this was a really close one.  Good luck in the next round, Quickbeam.


----------



## Quickbeam

I'm going to combine my exposition with some brief replies to our honorable judge in this post...but first, let me just say *WOW!!*  It was a very close contest, and I feel genuinely fortunate to have prevailed against Nifft in this battle.  Incidentally, I think he may have had the single best entry overall in the opening round.  I look forward to meeting either seasong or mythago in the Finals, and can't wait to see their list of ingredients tomorrow morning !

EXPOSITION:
Among all the ingredient lists given to me in the two Iron DM tournaments in which I've participated, this was my second favorite group of theme elements.  The *blind dire ape* practically jumped off the page and screamed O-R-A-C-L-E to me, and I loved the idea of recording the ape's prophecies in rune form as a neat tie in to the *dwarven stonework*.  Right off the bat two ingredients had become integral parts of my story.  I spent more time detailing the development of these items than I should have, but the images were too clear for me to skimp. 

As Incognito mentions in the critique of our round, the *mistaken flag of truce* forces part of the plot design by dictating that somewhere along the line a misunderstanding has occurred.  I decided to have some fun here.  First by pitting traditional allies in dwarves and gnomes against each other, and second by having the flag fail to deliver its _magic mouth_ message to create the mistaken peace offering.  Also, the gnomes made sense IMO, because as a people they favor snakes and burrowing mammals, and equipping their Field General with the *Rod of the Python* fit nicely.  It also offered a fantastic means of creating the initial battlefield confusion.  So I had the ape predict an invasion which would force the dwarves to seek assistance from their gnomish neighbors.

Now I had a clear foundation for my adventure.  The dwarves and gnomes hate and distrust one another; both sides possess a key to solving the years of confusion; the dwarves have become reliant on a blind ape Oracle who can only speak in cryptic riddles; the precitions are recorded by druids through _stone shape_ creating a cave filled with runes.  So I crafted Kragen as the dwarves go-between with the Oracle, granting him a position of power and influence...and a desire for more.  I felt he worked well as both the adventure's primary villain, and the *very lucky sorcerer*.  The *vicious circle/cycle* then became Kragen bringing false prophecies to increase his power; raising questions among the dwarves; which leads to more meetings with the Oracle; forcing more lies to keep the house of cards intact.


JUDGMENT:
As I stated above, I'll be brief.
** I appreciate all of the positive feedback with regards to the _magic mouth_ flag and armor scenario; the gnomes vs. the dwarves backdrop; and blind Oracle ape.  The idea that the physical act of blinding might distort the visions never occurred to me...but I like it now .
** I'm glad you found the runes to be a clever use of the dwarven stonework element, but I'm not sure why you feel it was a stretch.  Perhaps you can elaborate at some point?
** I thought my sorcerer was _very_ lucky to find himself in the perfect position to assume leadership of Thoren-Bor.  However, I would agree that placing him in the party's crosshairs and forcing him to creatively interpret divinations make him somewhat less lucky.
** My mention of the Rod of the Python as a staff at one point was intentional -- foolish, but intentional nonetheless.  I just wanted to use a descriptive synonym for the item.  Nothing more, nothing less.  Sorry for the confusion.
** I agree that Nifft made better use of a couple elements; had a better flow/pace to his entry; and presented more vivid scenery at the outset.  And I agree to HATE my concluding paragraph with you!!  This was an unintended snafu, the result of a late rush to post my adventure during site issues.  There _was_ more to this paragraph, but I guess that doesn't matter now.

Thanks for the constructive criticism and feedback !!


----------



## Quickbeam

Nifft, mythago & Majikthise:

Thank you for the kind congratulatory wishes.  That round was a nailbiter to say the very least!!  In fact, this tournament has played out like a mirror image of the last one for me thus far.  A pretty solid First Round entry with a story that I really liked, followed by a shaky Second Round entry, which left me feeling lucky to have advanced.  Now I just have to hope for a repeat performance of the Holiday tournament in the Finals, where I did my best work to date.

And when the next competition rolls around, I'll be looking to skip the Second Round of battles (without losing or forfeiting) somehow.  Do they make "Get Out of This Battle Free" or "Go Directly to the Finals" cards ?


----------



## seasong

I'll be ready for the ingredients any time today.


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## Nifft

So, no exposition from me last night. I crashed hard and slept until pretty much now.

Anyway, here's my EXPO:

It seemed to me that the _mistaken flag of truce_ and the _viscious circle_ went well together. A quote from a Stephen R. Donaldson book sprung to mind: "Mistrust justifies itself" (spoken by Lord Mohram). So I needed a couple of forces whose misunderstanding would lead to an escalating conflict.

I didn't have to worry about one of the forces: it was going to be tied to the _dwarven stonework_, so in came a troop of dwarves. Who canonically misunderstands dwarves? Elves! There was the seed for my political setup. To add another layer to the conflict, the dwarves became religious industrialists, while the elves became druids -- which helped me incorporate another element, the _blind dire ape(s)_, as druidic animal companions.

The conflict had to be fairly young if the PCs were going to be able to do anything about it -- including exploit it. This let me exploit another aspect of the _dwarven stonework_, that it lasts a long time. The dwarves would be returning to a place which had long forgotten them.

Now I had everything worked in except the rod and the sorcerer. Every conflict needs its seed, and these two ingredients would provide that seed. The _rod of the python_ is nifty because it can be used to restrain (grapple) as well as kill, so it's a good item for the priest of a god of healing -- and the fact that the snake has been a symbol of healing since the Greeks is icing.

The _very lucky sorcerer_ I decided would be the instigator. He would be the one who stole the rod yet escaped both blame and detection -- by luck alone.

I considered briefly having the sorcerer be a member of an evil cabal of mages called the Viscious Circle, but decided against it.

That's it for the ingredients. Next time I think I'll make a separate section for mechanics (DCs for Gather Info, Spot, etc. and NPC reaction tables, not to mention force structure analysis and NPC Feats, Skills and spell lists) so as to cut down on space used for the formal entry. That way, anyone wishing to acutally use the entry to play with will have a "mini-module", but the judge won't have to slog through all those details.

 -- Nifft


----------



## incognito

*Round 2, Set 2*

ingredients
Unfortunate coincidence
Mirror of surpassing beauty
Blackguard(s)
Deflect arrows
Contemplative kraken
Serene battlefield


The time here is 10:20AM EST, good luck gentlemen


----------



## Isida Kep'Tukari

Holy moly!!!!        Good luck guys!


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## mythago

On it!


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## incognito

Serendipity = fortunate coincidence = happy, huggy, love-fest sumbissions

??? = unfortunate coincidence  = hacking, assasination, and Intrigue filled submissions.

Which would you choose, as an Iron DM judge?





> . A quote from a Stephen R. Donaldson book sprung to mind: "Mistrust justifies itself" (spoken by Lord Mohram).




Best series ever.  Leper-rapist as anti-hero, christ figure, and lots of kung-fu goodness via a race of mountain poepl called _Haruchai_


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## seasong

Got 'em.

Contemplative kraken, indeed. Are you trying to tempt me?

(just kidding, of course)


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## incognito

Having given seasong enough rope to hang himself with, Incognito sits back to watch the fireworks, already in progress.


----------



## mythago

*Serpents in Grasmere*

An adventure for levels 12-14

*15 Years Ago:*
Calistan, eldest son of the Baron of Grasmere, journeyed to the Kingsport  temple of St. Cuthbert. There he took vows as a cleric. In the unheard-of span of three years, he gained his Magistrate's Seal. His only burden was worry for his beloved younger brother: Yrdas, ever as wild and heedless as Calistan had been calm and thoughtful. At last, the Baron had his disobedient son shanghaied by the King's privateers, thinking time as a sailor might make the wild boy into a man.

*11 Years Ago:*
	The night of Yrdas's shore leave in Kingsport, he drunkenly decided that he could make good coin pick-pocketing a priest. It was an unfortunate coincidence that the first priest he found in Docksides was his older brother.

	Only after Calistan subdued the attacker did he recognize his younger brother. But, as a Magistrate, he could show his brother no special mercy. Thieves could choose between hanging or exile to the Gaol-Isle, where he would live and die with its other inmates. Yrdas chose exile.

Tormented by guilt, Calistan sought appointment as of Warden of Gaol-Isle, hoping thus he might help his brother. But the seas around the Isle are guarded by a  contemplative kraken who, in his old age, prefers learning and accumulating lore to hunting ships. Ship captains in those waters know they must pay tribute, in the form of items of lore, to pass. The bosun of the ship transporting Yrdas stole and sold the intended tribute (a waterproofed _stone shape_ scroll) back in Kingsport; the ship was torn apart by the insulted kraken. 

*Four Years Ago:*
	The King was sent a message that the Baron of Grasmere had retired and appointed a steward. 

*One Year Ago:*
	Concerned by the lack of news from Grasmere, the King sent an armed delegation to investigate. It never returned. 

*Now:*
The PCs will be sent to Grasmere to find out what is going on. How depends on your group; they may be agents of the King or a friendly church, or just known to be the adventurers to hire when only the best will do. The King or at least a very high-ranked Court official will speak to them. The PCs will be told to secure Grasmere in the King's name, then return to Kingsport.

*The Story:*
Thukrasios was once a medusa and a powerful wizard who found the formula to turn himself into a lich. He came to Grasmere because of an item the Baron was rumored to possess: the mirror of surpassing beauty. Anyone gazing into the mirror sees an ideal "reflection": youthful, intelligent, of surpassing beauty or handsomeness. Since it is not a true mirror, it does not reflect gaze attacks.  Thukrasios quickly killed the old Baron and established his rule of terror over Grasmere. Now the reptilian, horribly decayed creature spends hours every day staring at his "reflection." 

The road into Grasmere is guarded by wild animals that Thukrasios encourages to roam; make encounter checks for ordinary bears, feral dog packs, and so forth. The peasants are too frightened to leave their homes or speak to the PCs.

Castle Grasmere is a small stone fortress. The parade grounds are visible from far away. At first, the PCs see a battle; soldiers in formation with spears, archers drawing bows, knights brandishing swords, corpses on the ground, and so forth. But as they draw nearer, they find it is an oddly serene battlefield. Nothing moves. No arrows fly; warriors stand their ground. No ravens wheel overhead. Soon, they will see that the combatants are all statutes; very lifelike statutes, to be sure, but the "battlefield" is simply a huge tableau. 

This is Thukrasios's collection. He immoblizes his victims, poses them, then uses _flesh to stone_ or his own gaze to prepare them for his grotesque diorama. 

*Saving Grasmere:*
The lich is unlikely to be caught by surprise, or taken down easily. He has an entire fort for defense, plus 6-8 soldiers who have been _charmed_ so often that they are mindlessly obedient. Thukrasios is a medusa with the lich template and 12 levels of Wizard. Avoiding his eyes helps against his gaze attack, but not against his _flesh to stone_ spell. Unless the PCs are amazingly crafty, he will have time to prepare himself for battle, always using _protection from arrows_ to deflect arrows, a _minor globe of invulnerability_ to stop magic, and a _protection from elements_ against fire. 

*Return to Kingsport:*
Upon returning triumphant, the players will be ushered into a meeting with the King and Calistan, who has just arrived from Gaol-Isle. If they were expecting the noble young Baron described to them by the King, they are in for a shock. Full of guilt over Yrdas's death, Calistan was vulnerable to the evil he saw daily in Gaol-Isle. In fact, he is so far turned from his old self that he has become a blackguard, ruling Gaol-Isle with no more mercy than Thukrasios showed Grasmere. Rejected by St. Cuthbert, he now draws power from darker beings.


The PCs should be rewarded well by the King, and grudgingly by Calistan. The King will hear no ill of him—even though _detect evil_ and _Sense Motive_ will reveal Calistan to be sly, evil, and manipulative of his liege. And the King wants Calistan to take up his father's barony....perhaps the adventurers, some day, need to return to Grasmere.


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## seasong

*A Fiend In Need*

I may lose for brevity, but I think it stands well at this length .

*Ingredients*
_Unfortunate coincidence - the fiend's planning all looks coincidental
Mirror of surpassing beauty - a method of dispatching the kraken
Blackguard(s) - it is their vileness that brought the fiend in to set up the coincidences
Deflect arrows - the flying fiend's best defense
Contemplative kraken - the kraken at sea, the mirror makes it contemplative
Serene battlefield - fighting on a becalmed ocean_

Note: the fiend should be tailored to the GM's campaign, so I haven't detailed him. Assume a CR 10 fiend. The PCs should be about level 8, and the scenario should seem impossible unless they are clever.

*Summary:* 

*Background*

This can be inserted into any reasonably flexible city locale that has a nearby ally/demi-ally across a short stretch of sea or ocean. I've left the city within fairly generic, and added two bits of essential history to it, which should fit nicely into most regional histories.

*A few hundred years ago*, a fiend of uncommon talent and ambition managed to break four paladins of their oaths and bind them to His will. Known as the Scourge, the blackguards managed to raise quite a bit of hell before they were finally caught an brought to justice. A powerful wizard of the time suggested that their punishment should be commensurate to their crime, and his suggestion was followed. Each was taken to a small room and told to kneel if they wished to live. All but one did, and as they kneeled, the wizard used a more powerful variant of the _flesh to stone_ spell to trap them in that form, still alive (and aware!) of their surroundings, but unable to act. The fourth one did not kneel, but instead expressed regret and asked that his sorry life be ended.

Of the three, they have come to be known as Deceit, Fear and Malice for the expressions on their faces, hidden from the one they were kneeling before. Deceit's face is almost alive with planning and plotting, his eyes frozen in the act of darting over the possibilities. Fear's face is stricken, frozen with anguish - almost as if he knows his fate already. Malice's face is the most frightening, for even in stone, his hatred for his captors burns in his eyes.

The fourth was killed by a swift decapitation, re-dressed in his paladin's armor (with the head re-attached) and turned to stone in a position of repose. His face is peaceful, and he has come to be called Forgiveness.

*More recently*, the fiend has begun setting about to recovering His lost blackguards. His first step is merely to get them out from under the city's guard, so He can more leisurely pursue getting them restored. To that end, he has (in the guise of a wealthy, irritating, and somewhat foppish merchant) set up a set of beneficial trade agreements between this city and one just across the sea and, over the last century or two, established cultural festivals in each of the two cities. As each 'merchant' identity has aged, a new spokesperson for a better tomorrow has stepped up to the plate. It's almost traditional now.

That may seem like a lot of good work for a fiend to do, just to get his blackguards back, but He figures He can break things down again later.

Recently, He made a few suggestions into the right ears, and part of this year's festival will be a parade of each city's history in the other. In order to abridge trust issues, each will have the others' historic items at the same time, much like kingdoms would sometimes temporarily trade sons.

The two big ticket items coming from our city are the blackguard statues, and a magical mirror that shows you, not as you are, but as you want to be. The mirror's tie to the city's history was a powerful but hideous sorcerer who was seemingly unstoppable... until a wizard enchanted the mirror so, and sent it to him as a gift. The sorcerer became quite enamored of it, and ceased his programs of destruction... and, according to legend, lived to quite a ripe old age with naught but the mirror as a companion.

*The fiend's plan* is simple: He has employed a kraken to sink both ships as they pass out of sight of each of the cities, while He flits about and prevents magical communication with their respective home cities. The statues will tumble into the depths, where He can rescue and restore them. He then plans to sow misinformation and anger, and frame each of the cities as the criminals... thus breaking down the relations he's spent the past century or so building up.

*Both of the cities* are cautious, and our city has employed a two-fold method of ensuring the survival of its statues and mirror. Firstly, it is sending counterfeits on the big, public, showy boat, and sending the real items (the parade can't have counterfeits, lest relations with their sister-city be strained) along with a reasonably trustworthy smuggler, a ship's captain named Uuhef (a fierce, unsavory, red-headed dwarf). Secondly, it has hired some powerful adventurers to guard the decoy, and some not-so-well-known adventurers to guard the real mccoy.

Unfortunately, it was the fiend who suggested this tactic.

*Hooks*

Regardless of the hooks you use, make sure the PCs know all of the above history EXCEPT the fiend's part in all of it. They should know about the mirror, the blackguards, etc. They can learn this from shipmates on the cruise, or be citizens of the city, etc. The information is necessary to survive.

*Hook #1:* The heroes are hired and on Captain Uuhef's ship. As events unfold, they will have to deal with the kraken and an invisible fiend in the background who is ruining communication, scrying, and other forms of spell casting.

*Hook #2:* The heroes are on the decoy ship. Have the decoys be poorly made, so they know what's up (sort of). When the other ship is attacked, the wizard on board Uuhef's ship is almost clever - when he finds out he can't get a communication off to the city, he sends one to the other ship instead, begging for help.

*Alternatives:* The heroes could be members of Captain Uuhef's crew. If they played through the Fool's Cold scenario earlier in the Iron DM competition, they could have run off with Uuhef there and joined up with him. In this case, have the adventurers that come on board be incompetent louts who couldn't protect a pickle jar. You could also have the PCs working for the fiend. In this case, you might even have them pretend to fight off the kraken, and substitute counterfeits on board the ship. Then, when the other city's boat disappears, and only counterfeits arrive, the other city will KNOW the first city was playing them for fools.

[color-orange]*Actions*[/color]

Everything starts, for the PCs, when the kraken attacks. It will start by calming the seas with its daily weather control, to stop the ships. Then, from the silent, serene waters, tentacles will reach up and wrap around the ship. The fight is on.

The kraken will not be attacking people initially - its job is to sink the boat itself, and then it can focus on munchies. If anyone starts really hurting it, it will lash out at them, but otherwise, simply describe the horrendous damage it is doing to their boat... and the fact that fly spells keep getting dispelled.

The solution to the kraken is the mirror. Creative PCs may find another way to handle things, but the mirror will _captivate_ the kraken more or less automatically, allowing the party to deal with the scary fiend in true Big Bad Guy style.

Note: the fiend will continue flying far from the PCs, and should have the deflect arrows feat to help reduce the damage they can do to him. He focuses primarily on counterspells, dispels, anti-scrying and so on. His real goal was to prevent action while the kraken attacked, so he's not really intent on fighting. He will likely run if he can't put a dent in the PCs, and they will have to wonder where he might show up again.

This scenario can go a lot of ways, and lead to a lot of politics further down the line, depending on how well the PCs do. Repairing the resulting mistrust between the cities would be a MAJOR coup, as it would essentially alter the fiend's plot into a very, very good thing for the region. That will make a serious enemy out of the fiend, and lead to even more dastardly goodness down the line.


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## seasong

AAAAGH! I forgot to write in the summary... and I left the summary in place to point that fact out. I'll just go cry in a corner now... Especially in light of Mythago's _even more brief_ scenario, which looks really good.

Oh well. I have a ton of comments about mine, but they'll have to wait until incognito's ripped me a new one.


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## incognito

mythago AND seasong: prepare for the afore mentioned ripping.

After the VERY stong submissions by Nifft, and Quickbeam last round, these two are a little wan by comparison.

expect the write up by 1 PM, EST.


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## mythago

I can handle being thought a little wan by comparison to Nifft and Quickbeam.


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## Quickbeam

Stop it you guys -- you're making me blush !!

Good luck to both mythago and seasong, I'm going to have my hands full competing against either one of you.  Speaking of which, is there any preference as to when the Finals going to begin?


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## incognito

*Round 2, set 2*

Round 2, set 2

Mythago vs. seasong.

Well, folks, I have to say, I’m disappointed.  Both submissions, though containing strengths, were ultimately weak.  The judging was difficult, but only because both sides were riddled with holes.

The bummer is mythago starts SO well.  The errant brother getting shanghaied – I liked that a lot! Then, trying to liberate a few coins from his strict, Cuthbert worshiping brother –who later sends him off to his death is indeed an _unfortunate coincidence_.  The concept of a Gaol Island is appealing to me in this fantasy setting, and the brother getting killed by the Contemplative Kraken (who could’ve been a fascinating NPC, had mythago detailed him a bit more), never arriving left me hoping we’d see the Kraken’s return later on in the story.  The timeline, was consistent, and well thought out…

Up until “The Story” that is.  12th Level Wizard Medusa, Lich?  WHAT?!? Completely tangential to the back-story, and a horrifying misuse of an encounter. This adventure was set up for characters whose maximum level is 14 –so MAYBE they could handle a CR17 creature… Thukrasios (and by the way, I’m pretty sure all Medusae are female, not male) is CR 21 by my count and an even higher EL, because mythago *specifically* states he has a fortress, guards, AND he has time to prepare himself for battle.  It would be an _unfortunate coincidence_ if the Lich even noticed the PCs passing through, let alone saw them as a threat.  

So, what really happens is that the PCs are all killed or retreat back to Kingsport, and there we meet the _Blackguard_ that Calistan, the eldest son, has become – a neat idea that was.  Too bad it’s not incorporated into the story at all, except maybe in a later adventure.  Then adventures over.  Again: What?!

Ingredient-wise: I like the _unfortunate coincidence_, this starts a chain of poop which drives the story forward.  Great use of the ingredient.  I like the Kraken too – too bad he was strictly a single use plot device.  He needs incorporation.  By now even Eric’s grandmother should know that you don’t tack on ingredients.  You just don’t do it. The mirror is exactly the same, and worse, it wasn’t even mentioned in the back-story.  Big oversight.  The _serene battlefield_ was meant as a clue to the type of foes the PCs would face, and the answer to the riddle of what happened to the King’s armed delegation.  I actually liked this one – too bad it was spoiled by the off-CR opponent.  Hated the _deflect arrows_ use, “protection from arrows” does NOT deflect arrows.  “Windwall” does though – see I’m not totally unreasonable    Finally, though the NPC Calistan was a very interesting, mythago did squat with him, rendering him usless.  To me, the obvious thing to do is have _The Blackguard_ be the one who sacked the city, with a troop of convicts from the Gaol island.  

On to seasong.

Seasong is all set-up, little or no adventure. The back-story is quite good, on par with mythago’s but the the punch line is brief, and it’s a sucker punch. It’s also riddled odd expectations, and mechanics problems, and major missing plot info.  Too ambitions maybe?  I can’t believe it’s *SEA*song we’re talking about here! Here are few highlights.

mechaincs: somehow there is a “fiend” (demon or devil) that is going to fly around, deflecting arrows, and somehow dispel multiple attempts at communication and flying from TWO ships, each with a contingent of guards, including spell casters.  Err – how is this exactly?  How does he spot a scry attempt when he is flying overhead? This fiend was brilliant enough to plan for A CENTURY to set up this little shindig, and yet this is his best plan?    

Also, why is the CR 12 Kraken buddy, buddy with the CR 10 Fiend.  What – the fiend speaks Aquan? More importantly, it’s VERY ambitious of seasong to assume the PCs will give the mirror to the kraken when he has stated EXPLICITY, this is a city treasure the PCs are trying to protect – throwing it to some sea beastie is the last thing they’d do.  It sets the PCs up for failure, which I’m against.

And what about the other cities ships and national treasures?  We get zero information and back-story about them, an oversight, I think  - and that’s only because seasong's story is SO focused on the politics, and precautions, and the trust between the two cities.  

Seasong alludes to the _unfortunate coincidence_ quite a few times in his submission, yet it never really materializes.  The fiends plot is NOT going to look coincidental, by seasongs own admission.  It is going to look like a deliberate act of war by one city on the other.  And it is unfortunate, but  NOT coincidental at all, that  it was the field who suggested the 'two boats' tactic. The one place the ingredient would occur, is if we use the PCs as part of Uuhef’s crew – in seasong’s “alternatives” section. Oh, and by a 'fortunate coincidence', it is also the one situation in which the PCs might actually toss the mirror.

I should add, I loved the sentence “. In this case, have the adventurers that come on board [should] be incompetent louts who couldn't protect a pickle jar.”  Loved it, seasong. I did like the serene, aquatic battle field, a decent touch to an otherwise flawed submission.  


Sooo, my “least poor” judgement goes to *Seasong.*  Why?  Well, at least he has a single, semi-viable combat.  Tough, but at least possible!  Mythago didn’t even give us that. 

I would like lengthy (and possibly apologetic) exposition, please.


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## Nifft

incognito said:
			
		

> *After the VERY stong submissions by Nifft, and Quickbeam last round*




My, my. From "decent" to "VERY strong" in just 24 hours! Charles Atlas, eat your steroid-shriveled heart out!

 -- Nifft

PS:


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## incognito

> My, my. From "decent" to "VERY strong" in just 24 hours! Charles Atlas, eat your steroid-shriveled heart out!




Whoops! I'd edit it, but you quoted me, so it's too late.

Ok, let say instead, that Nifft, and Quickbeam looked "very strong" by comparison to our most recent contestents.

Wise guy


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## seasong

So, here's my apology: I apologize. I sucked on this one. I sucked harder than incognito said - if I was planning a game session and this was what I'd come up with by the deadline, I would have cancelled.

But I had to submit something, and at the deadline, that's what I had... and I would rather get ripped up than quit just because I had a bad day.

I feel rotten about this win, too, because I think mythago should have won. His kraken wasn't terribly detailed, but I think that's at least partly because he was trying to keep his word count down. And while both entries were incomplete, mythago's wouldn't require a _complete rewrite_ to make it good.

I would like to make one point: _for its length_, it's good. I hate to say it, but for the level of detail that our fair and honest judge _demands_ on NPCs, background, and motivation, I am not going to be able to keep it under 2,000 words. This one was an experiment, and I think it failed - the competitors have to play to the judge, and the judge likes detail.

Now, let's get down to the brass tacks I'm sitting on.

1. I should have simply written this as an extension of the last one. Assume that the PCs are on Uuhef's boat, and write up hooks for various reasons why Uuhef's crew would be interested in this job. If I treated it as a module, in fact, I could have drawn the fiend into the earlier scenario, as being involved in the thieves' guild that was trying to frame Johannsen. I would have, but I ran out of time when it occurred to me this morning and I had to leave it as an alternate.

2. Summary, summary, summary! ARGH!

3. The structure was weak. I built this around a single encounter, and while that may be good for some GMs, I prefer to stage multiple encounters in a scenario - I'm not sure why I went the opposite way with this one.

4. Using the mirror on the kraken isn't obvious. It's a last ditch, desperate measure in a fight where there are few items on hand, and the history of the item will come back up. I should have made this more obvious (perhaps giving some flavor text the GM could read to the PCs that would seed the idea in their heads).

5. I really should have had a list of "ways this could go" and the politics they would lead to. The fiend could become friend or foe, as could the cities, for example. I've been trying, with these IronDMs, to get better at writing scenarios for _other people's use_, and that means explaining more than I'm accustomed to.

6. I should have explained this more: why is the kraken helping him? Because he has arranged for an easy meal for it! Simple as that, really - no one is expecting a kraken to happen by.

A defense in my favor:

I stand by not detailing the fiend. However, I should have explained his methods for preventing communication better. I tend to think of _haste_, counterspelling and _dispel magic_ as almost standard villain affairs, and a few preparatory spells (anti-divination magics placed in the right areas) as good add-ons. In practice, he's unlikely to have to stop more than one or two attempts at a time. And as for why he wouldn't be joining the fight... well, that's WHY he enlisted the aid of the kraken.


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## incognito

Seasong: I may like detail, but mythago could won this one with _the exact same wordcount._  Mythago has the knack for brevity.  If you continue to doubt, go back and read Vaxalon's submisisons.  He has a similar talent.

All my contestents:  Keep in mind I have to critisize **something.** Many times it a lack of detail, because posters include an incredible amount in some areas, and forget to include any on an ingredient!

I still can't get over the gross CR 21 issue.  Whoa!


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## seasong

Brevity is the soul of wit, and of wit I've none.

Personally, if you think a submission is overly long and want to encourage shorter ones, instead of commenting "it's long" and then heaping praise on the details, perhaps you could rip on "details that are unnecessary"? I'd certainly appreciate it for my submissions .







> _Originally posted by incognito_
> I still can't get over the gross CR 21 issue.  Whoa!



Good thing I didn't do my level 1-3 version of the kraken encounter, then. Don't think I didn't consider it.


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## Quickbeam

Congrats to seasong.  I bet you're feeling every bit as fortunate to have advanced, as I did against Nifft!!

mythago, I pretty much agree with Incognito's judgment on this one, except that I'm not sure the high CR (nigh impossible) encounter should have cost you the battle.  As noted in the critique, you do have the gift of brevity -- or perhaps I should say clearly succinct descriptiveness.  Hopefully you'll return for the next tournament to further stake your claim as a formidable foe!

So, any thoughts on the timing of the Final Round?  I'm good to go for a starting time tomorrow (whenever); Saturday (until 5pm); not at all on Sunday; and back to whenever on Monday.


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## Greybar

To give Seasong some kudos:

The enstoned (is that a word?) blackguards are very nice.  The sound you hear in Texas all the way from Masschusetts is the YOINK of me grabbing that idea.  Of course, in my campaign it's an evil tyrant who commonly uses a variant flesh-to-stone on those who oppose her, but still.

John


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## seasong

Quickbeam: Saturday looks best to me. How about Saturday AM, to maximize your time? That will also give me some extra time to prep for my Friday session.


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## mythago

1. Medusae can be male--or at least, when I double-checked the MM, it didn't indicate that they must be female. (Of course the historical Medusa was female, but then she didn't do many of the things ascribed to the MM versions either...)

2. Really, I didn't think the medusa/lich with mook guards was out of line. I used the D&D party I'm usually in--about 4 to 5 12-13 level characters--and judged whether we would have been able to take out the monster. A challenge? Sure, but having seen our dwarven warrior (who is a fighter with some levels of barbarian) chew through high CL encounters, I wasn't that worried about the numbers being imperfect. With the statues as a clue, the PCs should know that they're at least dealing with a powerful sorceror, and plan accordingly.

3. I am, again, a victim of overzealous self-editing. Originally the PCs were going to return in triumph to Gaol-Isle to fetch Calistan personally, having to negotiate with the kraken en route. But with fear of the wordcount running over, I snipped that.

Good luck, seasong and Quickbeam!


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## incognito

Seasong and Quickbeam:  I can post the ingredients, 6 PM on Friday, if this would help your timelines.  Is that ok?

Mythago: While I am happy your Dwarven barbarian and current party are so effective, I have to say IronDM submissions are judged for their general playability, not one particular party.  

I myself DM a campaign which at one time contained 3 rogues; this made anything that could be 'sneak attacked' vunerable, but that does not mean I should write a scenario with an EL +8 encounter for the IronDM contest and expect parties to live through it.

I consider you a brilliant writer who needs to take just a bit more time to fine tune, and you are going to start sweeping these things.


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## seasong

Friday 5pm is fine with me. The later on Friday the better .


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## Quickbeam

Tomorrow night it is then.  Good luck seasong...this should be fun !!


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## mythago

> While I am happy your Dwarven barbarian and current party are so effective, I have to say IronDM submissions are judged for their general playability, not one particular party.




Absolutely. I was just explaining why I used a high-CL creature for a mid-level party--I didn't just pull it out of the air. Of course it would depend a great deal on the character classes, players, dice rolls and what have you.



> I consider you a brilliant writer who needs to take just a bit more time to fine tune, and you are going to start sweeping these things.




Well shucks. Thanks.


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## incognito

*B* to the *u* the *m* to the *p*


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## incognito

*Final Round!*

Quickbeam vs. Seasong

ingredients
Single combat
Cycle of life
Brass ring
Frenzied, elven monk
Hidden agenda
Lernaean Hydra


The time is now 5:50 EST.  Good luck quickbeam and seasong.

Note: extra ingreidents were always for the Grand IronDM Final Round.  Since we are not using this, for this round, there are no extra ingredients.


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## seasong

Got 'em. Like 'em. I'll try to do better than last time .


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## Quickbeam

Alrighty then .  I'll miss the bonus ingredients for this Final Round battle, but hope to craft a prize-winning story nonetheless!!


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## mythago

Good luck, guys!


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## seasong

*Save Our Hydras! (level 7-9)*

*Ingredients*
*Single Combat:* Luan Ti's driving desire, and a situation the PCs may find themselves in.

*Cycle of Life:* The locale for the scenario; part of the basic conflict.

*Brass Ring:* Both a ring from the City of Brass, and from its definition, "A person or thing worth catching"; as a prize.

*Frenzied Elven Monk:* Luan Ti, one of the motivating forces for the action, combined with his ring.

*Hidden Agenda:* Luan Ti's reason for being at the Manaen Academy; Wolfwood's reasons, period; possibly the PC's reasons for being at the zoo; every reason for the action that ensues is a hidden agenda.

*Lernaean Hydra:* The _real_ brass ring for Luan Ti, and possibly a second (or first) really nasty fight.

*Summary:* Rescuing a hydra from murderous intent, with a few fights, a possible chase scene, and a few lying scumbags. This is a _minor scenario_, meant to be inserted into the cracks in a larger campaign, but still creating some of the alliances, enemies and loose ends that are the hallmark of an adventurer's career.

Note: I typically enjoy having very political situations, and most of my scenarios involve hidden agendas for _someone_. Heck, I hardly call something an agenda iffen it ain't hidden . So when I saw "hidden agendas" as an ingredient, I decided that I had to go with a fairly straight-forward pair of fight encounters, with hidden agendas driving the action instead of _being_ the action. The actual "action" is fairly straightforward, if unusual (subduing a hydra rather than killing it; a three-way battle between party, monk and hydra; possibly chasing down a ranger through "planned wilderness").

*Background*

*The Manaen Zoo*

Just outside the city limits, where ordinances against magical beasts and their ilk do not apply as strongly, the Manaen Academy rests its ancient foundations. Equal parts scholars, naturalists and followers of Obad-Hai (or insert your neutral nature diety of choice), the academy is a bastion of knowledge about the natural world, its methods and uses. As a niche academy, it tends to attract individuals from a variety of fields, so long as they are nature oriented.

The Manaen Zoo is less of a zoo and more of a guided preserve, but most folks refer to it as a zoo due to its "caged" nature. Covering a 5 mile radius, the zoo has been carefully rebuilt with a variety of spells (_move earth_ and _stone shape_ high among them) and manual labor to produce a series of micro-ecologies that are somewhat, but not entirely, walled off from each other. Each ecology ranges from a few acres to a few square miles, depending on what they contain, and is maintained constantly by wary wardens. The stated purpose of the zoo is to provide an area where the cycle of life can be rigorously studied, and also to provide non-followers of Obad-Hai with some of the majesty of nature in a more acceptable manner than simply tossing them into the wilderness.

Roughly five years ago, a 5 headed lerneaen hydra baby was found orphaned by a company of mercenaries working for the city to "clear out the wilderness". The academy helped raise it and rebuilt an area of the preserve to house it, where it is now the prize "exhibit" of the Manaen Zoo. It's been a monster for upkeep, and is easily the deadliest predator in the preserve, but has also provided fascinating insights into the nature of specialized regeneration... and has brought the academy a lot of money from nobles who want a glimpse of the beast.

For the most part, the hydra is mild-mannered and, since it is rarely starving, actually safe to be around. Many of its visitors affectionately call it Mouth for a charming tendency to open its mouth as wide as possible and stretch its neck when it's hungry... which is almost all the time for at least one of its heads.

*Efreet's Wrath*

A ring from the City of Brass, this unassuming brass ring provides its wearer with the ability to _frenzy_ once per day for 5 rounds. A _frenzy_ works just like the barbarian _rage_ ability, but also has the effect of altering half of the wearer's melee damage to fire damage. The ring is worth about 10,000 GP. It is owned by Luan Ti, below, and is how he intends to fight the hydra.

*Luan Ti*

Luan Ti is a LE elven monk/11 (CR 9), and a "great white hunter". To prove his innate superiority, and to hone his formidable abilities, he seeks out challenging creatures to defeat in single combat... and he's not above taking on adventurers of various stripes to prove himself, either. In short, he's an adrenaline junkie, seeking ever-greater challenges.

Luan Ti should have normal equipment for a monk of his level, but his prize possession is _Efreet's Wrath_, a brass ring which allows him to _rage_ and simultaneously alters half of his damage to fire damage.

His favored saying, oddly, is "It is not enough to reach for the brass ring; you must also enjoy the carousel", usually said in regards to living a full life and testing his own limits.

Luan Ti recently heard of the lernaean hydra, and has decided that it will be his next foe in single combat. To that end, he has entered the academy in the guise of a nature lover, using his excellent knowledge of monsters and beasts of all kinds for admittance. He has been at the Manaen Academy for a month now, plotting his route to provoke the hydra into battle with him, without arousing suspicion; his plans for afterward are to pretend great grief over the hydra's death and "leave in shame".

*A Hidden Agenda*

Luan Ti has a secret ally... a ranger/6 named Wolfwood who (unknown to the monastery) has hydras as one of his favored enemies. It is known that he is not fond of Mouth, but he has studiously avoided the creature and does not otherwise seem impassioned about the matter. He justifies his hatred of the creature by the cost of upkeeping it, and the danger it presents to the surrounding countryside.

Wolfwood is the one who made Luan Ti aware of the hydra, while on a business trip for the academy, and has arranged for an event during one of the big "visitor days". He's arranged for Luan Ti to be on 'hydra duty' for that day, and spiked the meat with foul-tasting herbs so the hydra won't eat it... when the visitors come, he's hoping it will go mad with hunger (he's right) while Luan Ti is on duty.

Luan Ti is unaware of this, and is still trying to work out a way to provoke the hydra. He'll be fairly relaxed on the day of the event.

_Note: the reason for the deviousness is that Wolfwood knows he can't take the hydra himself, and he can't convince the others that the hydra would be a threat. Luan Ti is a fortunate happenstance who is both willing and capable of killing the monster._

*A Kink in the Plans*

Unfortunately, some members of the academy noticed Mouth's lack of interest in his food, and discovered the herbs in the meat. They don't yet know how did it, so they intend to try to find out.

To achieve this, they have hired some adventurers to pose as tourists (who can defend themselves). They will then sit back and observe events carefully, to find out who behaves in a way that implicates them. They have no reason to suspect Yuan Ti, but they will when he first uses lethal force on the hydra (Manaen handlers always try subdual damage first).

Once they are fairly certain of who it is, they will come down hard.

*Hooks/Setup*

The key with this scenario is to get the PCs hooked early into the action, so they have some background before going in. Setup items:

- Luan Ti should be known to them from earlier encounters, and they might find themselves wondering what a beast hunter like him is doing in a nature-lovey place like the Manaen Academy (he will pretend, however briefly, to have "changed his ways", and will then try to get them out of the academy before they can talk).

- Wolfwood should have met them while they were on their way to the academy (for whatever reason, see below). Depending on how that meeting went, he may even offer to hire them to help provoke the hydra! In this case, they will likely know why Luan Ti is there - this could be an interesting, different encounter, in which the PCs _provoke_ a monster with the express purpose of getting someone else to draw a bead on it (however, see the Action section below).

- If at all possible, having the party be the ones who killed the hydra's parents (by having had them fight a weaker lerneaen hydra years before) could make for an interesting "reunion". In this case, Wolfwood doesn't need to hire them, as the hydra will berserk as soon as it scents them. Luan Ti will try to get them to run away while he takes care of it (see Action, below).

- Don't kill the beasts, even the hydra! This should be emphasized throughout their visit by the people operating the academy. The animals are valued, and killing them really puts the hurt on the academy... to the point that the academy's enmity will be very near terminal hatred. Not all PCs will listen, of course, in which case you may have an additional fight/chase as the PCs try to get out of the zoo alive.

*Hook #1:* One good motivator for the PCs to be heading to the zoo is to simply hear about it. Mention that a lot of adventurers visit the zoo to get an idea of the kinds of things they might face, and mention the tame hydra as a behavioral study.

*Hook #2:* The PCs are hired by Wolfwood. See above for some detail on this one.

*Hook #3:* The PCs are after Luan Ti. He can be a real bastard when he's looking for a fight, so they may have a grudge to settle with him... or maybe he acquired the brass ring by taking it out of a horde they "earned". They've heard he's come this way, and someone matching his description has been seen wearing the ruddy robes of the Obad-Hai worshippers. In this case, have the hydra attack Luan Ti as they arrive, and if they help kill him, then it turns on them.

*Hook #4:* The academy has hired the PCs to pose as tourists (see Kink in the Plans, above). They are to be obnoxious, nosy, tourist-y. Wolfwood, having seen them in non-tourist garb, will have some idea of what they are doing, and will try to keep them away from the hydra pen. The meeting with Luan Ti will be interesting... as they will likely realize immediately why he is there, and he'll know why they are. See #3 for how the battle might go.

*Action*

As mentioned above, this scenario is meant to be blended with earlier events. Some roleplaying with Luan Ti and Wolfwood, some background on the academy inserted into everyday events, and then visiting the hydra should help this blend into the campaign as a whole and not seem like a contrived situation where the PCs have to try to subdue a big cuisinart lizard. Once it gets into motion, however, several fights can and should break out...

The fight with Luan Ti and the hydra should be a 3-way. Luan Ti will be trying to kill the PCs (so he can fight the hydra himself), the hydra will be trying to kill everyone, and the PCs will likely be trying to kill Luan Ti and subdue the hydra... or even subdue both, if they don't really hate Luan Ti.

In all likelihood, Luan Ti will go down first, in which case the hydra will focus its attention on them. At this point, various low-level members of the academy will have arrived and will be shouting/begging them not to kill it; if they do kill it, there will likely be yet another fight, and the PCs should be severely reduced in resources at this point.

When this seems to be getting stale, have a higher-power member of the academy come in and call a stop to the fighting: "There is a bigger issue. Wolfwood was the source of the problem, and he has escaped into the zoo. We can't afford any more loss of life - can you capture or kill him?" A few quick negotiations on the exact amount of gold, and the chase is on.

Wolfwood is fast, stealthy and cunning. He should make a good chase scene, and the beatdown should be cathartic enough to make up for having to subdue the hydra.


----------



## Quickbeam

Seasong vs. Quickbeam
Iron DM Finals

_Smuggler's Blues_
This adventure is suitable for characters levels 7-10.  The city of Trumbull can be replaced by any large city with access to a waterway used for transport.

Ingredients:
Single Combat
Cycle of Life
Brass Ring
Frenzied, Elven Monk
Hidden Agenda
Lernaean Hydra


BACKGROUND:
Lucien Nightbreeze is an elven monk who trained for years with the Order of the Golden Phoenix in the renowned monastery at Othah.  He was banished from the monastery for straying from the monk’s path by studying the arcane arts.  An ambitious elf, Lucien resolved to start his own academy, one that he could shape to match his image of the perfect being.  Having studied legendary tales and ancient myths while in Othah, Lucien was fascinated with the *Lernaean Hydra*.  This creature was said to have had nine heads, the centermost being immortal.  Each of the heads is believed to have possessed the ability to breathe venom, and could regenerate if severed from the whole.

So it came to pass that Lucien established the Hydra Clan, recruiting promising humans to he personally trained in the ways of the monk.  Lucien limited his clan to eight students.  He instructed each pupil in a different style of combat, and taught them specialized arcane spells to augment their individual powers.  These combat styles (and the students themselves) were named after different venomous snakes to reflect the eight distinct mortal serpent heads of the Lernaean Hydra; whereas, Lucien symbolized the immortal central entity (as an elf, Lucien would outlive countless generations of his pupils).  Whenever one of the clan members died, Lucien would select and train another pupil to take his place, thereby regenerating the severed head.  The elf intended to use his clan to covertly infiltrate all walks of life within the city of Trumbull and from these positions manipulate commerce and politics to their will. 


SET UP:
It is now nearly a century after the founding of the Hydra Clan.  Lucien and his pupils are firmly ensconced in Trumbull.  The townspeople have no idea that the Clan exists, yet the monks quietly wield great influence over the city through their various positions of authority* (see subsequent post for NPC’s).  In recent months, the Hydra Clan has begun to dabble in several new lucrative ventures including the smuggling and distribution of opium.  Trumbull’s Wharf Boss is a man named Cyrn Po – a grizzled individual who happens to be one of the Clan members.  Two weeks ago, Cyrn and some dockworkers were caught unloading the contraband one evening by the Sheriff (Brann Durmak), and convinced him to take weekly payoffs in exchange for his silence and inaction.  While Brann now knows that Cyrn is part of a larger smuggling ring, he has no idea of the Clan’s existence.

The Hydra Clan meets only once a month at Lucien’s manor, in order to protect their secrecy.  During the most recent meeting (three days ago), several of the clan members were enraged at Cyrn’s carelessness in being discovered and in forming an ongoing agreement with the Sheriff.  Some even suggested that Master Lucien would be within his rights to banish Cyrn, and find a replacement.  Lucien told his pupils that there did not appear to be a serious risk of the Clan’s discovery, and insisted that they maintain their composure and return to their normal activities, hiding his own serious concerns.  He told his students that he would consider a way to deal with the meddling Sheriff.

Last night, Cyrn went into the woods about a half mile outside of the city in order to meet with Sheriff Durmak, to give him his second scheduled payoff.   Durmak left a formal banquet in order to meet Cyrn at the designated clearing.  He was wearing his ceremonial brass chain shirt at the time.  The Sheriff had a *hidden agenda* in meeting with the monk.  Durmak had a halfling rogue named Zandi, an informer who owed the Sheriff some favors, hide up in the branches of a tree near the clearing.  The Sheriff had decided to double-cross Cyrn by killing him (and taking the money, of course), in order to personally take control of the incoming contraband by confiscating it in order to sell the opium himself.

When the signal was given, Zandi fired a crossbow bolt into the monk’s back, at which point Durmak administered a killing blow with his mace.  Cyrn grasped at the Sheriff as he fell, tearing at the ceremonial armor.  As the Sheriff looked down at his victim, he heard the snapping of a branch behind him.  Both Durmak and Zandi scoured the woods for the unseen intruder, before attributing the noise to a passing animal.  In actuality, a small boy named Jasper had been playing nearby and was drawn to the sound of voices.  Jasper recognized Sheriff Durmak from his ceremonial chain shirt, and fled in horror at the sight of the monk’s murder.  Not knowing where else to go for safety and solace, Jasper ran to the church of St. Cuthbert (or suitable deity of retribution) where his family were parishioners.  Nearly in shock, Jasper relayed his tale to Brother Horace.  The cleric knew that Jasper was no liar, but also understood that such a story told by a small boy, would not hold up to public scrutiny against the word of Sheriff Brann Durmak.

After giving up their chase for the unseen watcher in the woods, Durmak sends Zandi back to Trumbull to listen for any reports pertaining to the murder.  For his part, the Sheriff goes back to find Cyrn’s body with the intention of hiding the corpse.  To his dismay, Brann hears the feral sounds of something feeding as he approaches the clearing, and is startled to see a twisted humanoid figure hunched over Cyrn’s body.  In the light of the full moon, Durmak can see the dark skin of the creature glistening with Cyrn’s blood, and the being rips into the dead monk’s flesh with its greedy maw.  His eyes fixed on the face of the feeding beast, Durmak unsheathes and throws a dagger at the creature, striking it in the shoulder.   As the creature turns to flee, a cloud passes overhead, and the Sheriff loses sight of the beast.  He does not see that the creature is winged.

The beast is a Berbalang (Fiend Folio), which feeds upon dead humans during the three nights surrounding the full moon every month.  The creature’s *cycle of life* is tied directly to the lunar cycle, and its body lies dormant except for these short feeding periods.  The Sheriff has disturbed the Berbalang’s cycle of life by interrupting its feeding, and the creature will seek to feed again after it has healed from the attack.

Durmak, seeing the damage done to the corpse, realizes that he now has a cover story for the wharf boss’s untimely demise.  He brings the body back to town and sounds a general alarm.  He tells those who gather that some monster is on the loose, and is responsible for the death of Cyrn Po.  He offers a reward on behalf of the city for anyone who can locate and slay the beast.


PC HOOKS:
1)  The party is in Trumbull during the general alarm, and is drawn to the city center, where they hear Sheriff Durmak’s tale.  The party may wish to seek out the creature in the hopes of collecting the reward, or increasing their reputations as heroic adventurers.
2)  If the party is not drawn into the adventure on their own, Brother Horace approaches the party after the general alarm or the next morning.  He explains that the church does not have the resources to investigate Jasper’s story, and believes that nobody else in the city would consider questioning the Sheriff’s motives.  As a priest of St. Cuthbert, he believes that no crime should go unpunished, and the Sheriff has already made his intentions to conceal the murder plain with his lies.
3)  Upon learning of Cyrn Po’s death, Lucien panics.  The *frenzied, elven monk* does not believe that Po fell victim to some mystery creature in the woods, knowing his pupil to be too powerful.  He suspects that either the Sheriff or even one of the other members of the Hydra Clan has murdered Po: the Sheriff because of the illicit arrangement, and another clan member because of the harsh remarks and high tempers at the last meeting.  He will approach the party and offer to hire them at a hefty price to investigate Po’s death.  His story to the PC’s will be that he fears someone is trying to hurt his business interests.  Killing the wharf boss will put things on the waterfront in disarray, while blaming a monster in the countryside may hurt caravan trade.


RUNNING THE ADVENTURE:
** If the PC’s choose to pursue the monster alleged to have killed Cyrn Po, it is likely that they will want to speak with Sheriff Durmak for more details.  He will tell the party that he saw some creature feeding on the body by moonlight, and wounded the beast with a thrown dagger.  He says that the monster then fled towards the east moving with eerie silence (it flew), but he can say no more since the moon ducked behind some clouds.  Durmak will also describe the location of the clearing where he saw this “attack.”  Sense Motive and Bluff checks will reveal nothing useful, since none of these statements are false.  If the PC’s move to investigate the clearing, a Search check (DC 15) will allow party members to see several *brass rings* lying partially buried in the dirt.  These are actually loose pieces of the Sheriff’s chain shirt, which tore free when Po fell on Durmak during the encounter.  Clever PC’s may comprehend the significance of these rings based on their description, or the DM may allow an Intelligence check to make the connection.  A Wilderness Lore check (DC 20) will also reveal two small sets of footprints at the scene (one belonging to Zandi, the other Jasper), and several broken branches in a nearby tree indicating that others were present.  If the characters choose to confront Sheriff Durmak with the brass rings, he will become quite flustered before regaining his composure and explaining that they must have come loose while he was picking up the body.

Should the party continue looking for the Berbalang, PC’s with tracking skills will conclude that the beast left no trace of its departure, and may well have flown off.  Following the Sheriff’s directions, the party will come upon a series of small caves, and in one of these rests the Berbalang’s physical form.  If the PC’s engage the creature in combat, they will almost certainly strike it dead with one blow…perhaps another signal that the grizzled Wharf Boss was not slain by this beast.

** If the PC’s follow the Hook provided by Brother Horace, they are likely to head straight for the clearing using Jasper’s directions.  The same Search, Wilderness Lore, and Tracking checks noted above apply here.  Armed with the brass mail rings and Jasper’s story, the PC’s will likely seek to confront Sheriff Durmak.  Once again, he will attempt to explain the rings away – quite poorly in the face of the PC’s strong suspicions.  However, without conclusive evidence of his crime the Sheriff isn’t about to confess, and further questions will be of no use.  If the characters choose to collect information on Po in an attempt to learn who would want him dead, they will likely encounter several members of the Hydra Clan – albeit unknowingly.  With a Gather Information check (DC 20) the PC’s may learn any/all of the following:
> Cyrn Po had previous meetings with the Sheriff.
> The Wharf Boss was considered to be extremely tough and hearty, and those along the docks do not believe some boogeyman monster killed him in the woods.
> He was seen leaving the manor of Lucien Nightbreeze on several occasions.
> Po was involved in illegal activites.

The other Hydra Clan members* (see subsequent post) are certain to be present in some of the areas where the party is attempting to gather information.  Fearing that the party will inevitably discover their group and/or expose their lucrative opium trade, the Clan members will seek to eliminate the PC’s.  The Innkeeper may lure one character into a backroom with pressing private information; the Guard may approach the party leader and claim that he has vital knowledge about Sheriff Durmak; the Merchant may catch the attention of one PC and offer to share a secret with them; etc.  The point is, they will attempt to divide and conquer the party, engaging only in *single combat* encounters.  The DM may choose when and how to employ these single combat ambushes, but under no circumstance will the Hydra Clan members attack the party en masse.

If any of the Hydra Clan monks are defeated and thoroughly searched, the party will notice a peculiar tattoo just below the neckline of each monk.  This tattoo is the elvish character for “hydra” and should indicate that the assailant was not some random thug.  Unfortunately, almost no one in Trumbull knows anything about the Hydra Clan, and only a Bardic Knowledge check (DC 25) will help explain the significance of this symbol.

** If hired by Lucien, the party will either want to begin by exploring the clearing (which they will have to find by either asking the Sheriff, or dumb luck) or by heading to the wharf for information of Cyrn Po.  Exploring the clearing will be handled as previously noted.  If the PC’s choose to head for the waterfront use the Gather Information checks listed above, and begin the single combat encounters thereafter as the Hydra Clan moves to protect their existence and drug smuggling.

At some point – and especially after enduring several surprise individual battles – the party should want to physically see Cyrn’s body with their own eyes.  They may wish to examine the “monster” bite marks; they may be looking for signs of foul play; they may be looking for clues pertaining to the strange elven tattoos.  In any event, a close examination of Po’s corpse will reveal:
> a severely damaged skull from the Sheriff’s mace
> a small penetration wound in the back from Zandi’s crossbow
> the elven hydra tattoo
> and two brass rings from Durmak’s chain shirt still clutched in one hand.


Additional Encounters and Conclusions:
All of the subversive elements and scheming within Trumbull begin to unravel as the party explores the different aspects of Po’s life and death.  With the various clues, rumors, attacks, and obvious lies, two final destinations of the mind will be reached.  First the party will conclude that Sheriff Durmak was responsible for Po’s death – the brass rings clutched in the dead man’s hand should seal the deal!  Instead of facing the gallows, Durmak and Zandi will fight the PC’s to the death.  Second, the party should conclude that some secret group or society has taken root in Trumbull.  The various rumors learned by the party (in particular the one which brings Lucien into play) or information obtained from defeated Clan members, will lead to a final confrontation at Lucien’s manor.  Lucien and any surviving Hydra Clan members will battle the group viscously…but the DM may choose to have one Lucien escape to re-establish the Hydra Clan elsewhere.  Regardless of the initial Hook, the party will be amply rewarded by the Trumbull City Council, and may even receive titles and lands depending on your campaign.

Final note: If the party’s investigation takes more than four days without significant progress, or if the Berbalang is not discovered in its lair, the creature returns to Trumbull seeking revenge on the Sheriff…and of course food.  This will throw a huge curveball at the party, by providing some small measure of credence to the Sheriff’s story.

_The subsequent post contains NPC information not crucial to the judging process, but nice for actually running the campaign as it was devised._


----------



## Quickbeam

NPC’s for *Smuggler's Blues*:

The Hydra Clan
Each of these NPC’s is a LE Monk 7/Wizard 3
Provide equipment & magical items to suit your campaign 
They all know the following 1st levels spells:
_Endure Elements, Mage Armor, Shield, Charm Person, True Strike_
They also have two of the following three 2nd level spells at DM’s discretion:
_Cat’s Grace, Bull’s Strength, Endurance_
Feats: Dodge, Mobility, Weapon Focus - Unarmed, Spring Attack, Combat Reflexes
Skills: All have max ranks in the monk skills Tumble, Balance, Climb, Jump, Listen; and the Wizard skills Concentration, Spellcraft.  Four of the Clan have max ranks in Hide, the other four in Move Silently.
Attributes (approximately): STR 14; DEX 16; CON 12; INT 12; WIS 16; CHA 10
HP 62 each; AC 17; You're on your own for BAB, saves, etc.  

They are:
Ghanir Ward (Mamba) – Thieves guild member; specialty spell _Spider Climb_
Ichil Raines (Cottonmouth) – Popular Innkeeper; specialty spell _Shocking Grasp_
Leishan Park (Asp) – Head of Merchant Association; specialty spell _Jump_
Elmin Barre (Copperhead) – City Guard; specialty spell _Expeditious Retreat_
Sulat Chin (Cobra) – Plantation Owner; specialty spell _Burning Hands_
Amar Xiang (Adder) – Banker/Jeweler; specialty spell _Chill Touch_
Cyrn Po (Sidewinder) – Wharf Boss [deceased]; specialty spell _Magic Missile_
Restam Yount (Viper) – Influential Councilman; specialty spell _Obscuring Mist_

Master Lucien Nightbreeze LE Monk 10/Wizard 5
Provide equipment & magical items at your discretion
Wealthy Businessman/Aristocrat; specialty 1st level spell _Color Spray_
Lucien has access to _Lightning Bolt, Haste, Gaseous Form_ as his 3rd level spells
Feats: Same as above, plus Improved Initiative
Skills: Same as above (with more higher ranks), plus Diplomacy  
Attributes: STR 14; DEX 18; CON 10; INT 12; WIS 18; CHA 14
HP 75; AC 20; You are still flying solo for BAB, saves, etc. 


_edited to provide additional DM info for NPC's...have fun!!_

This story was inspired by The Five Deadly Venoms


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## Quickbeam

Well, I'm up early with the kids this morning and managed to squeeze a few minutes away to read my opponent's entry.  I liked the animal preserve/zoo (used one myself in a prior tourney ), and always appreciate new magical items and recurring NPC villains.  It's a clever take on the ingredients provided...and I wish you good luck, seasong!!

Our two entries could not have been more different, and it's going to leave our noble judge weighing vastly contrasting material.  I don't envy his task in this battle!

_P.S.  I want to reiterate, that my NPC post (which has been editied) should not be part of the Final Round judging process.  I expect the previous entry to stand on its own, and the NPC material was simply included for those interested in running the adventure.  Thanks._


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## seasong

Quickbeam, very nice entry! Stronger than your round 2, which was pretty good itself .


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## Majicthise

However this ends up...it was an inspiring tournament. Thanks to the participants for their hard work and creativity.   As someone fairly new to EnWorld, I think what you all are doing here is great, and I am glad that I've been able to watch this tournament from the first round until this - the end.
While not every idea had been a winner, there have definitely been some really interesting NPCs and scenarios.
Not wanting to say too much about this round until it has been judged, let me just say that I really clicked with one of the entries this time around.  I think that you both came up with creative _modules_ , and I wish you luck.


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## seasong

A bump for great JUSTICE!... er, judgement. Whatever. Uh, just wanna know who won, don't mind me...


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## Quickbeam

seasong said:
			
		

> *A bump for great JUSTICE!... er, judgement. Whatever. Uh, just wanna know who won, don't mind me... *




Yeah...what he said .

And thanks for the encouraging words Majicthise.  I know the first time I saw Iron DM here at EN World I was completely taken with the idea.


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## incognito

Sorry for the HUGE delay folks.  Some work issues consipired against me getting a chance to give this the attention it deserves!

I'll have your judgement by 1:00 PM, EST

edit: I have gone over both entries (one 2x, one 3x), and have picked a winner - am writing up the judgement...still)

Thanks again!


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## seasong

No rush. I'm only refreshing every five minutes.


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## Rune

*Re: Final Round!*



			
				incognito said:
			
		

> Note: extra ingreidents were always for the Grand IronDM Final Round.  Since we are not using this, for this round, there are no extra ingredients. [/B]




For the record, in the first Iron DM Tournament to use the optional ingredients variant rule, they were used in both the final round and the championship round.  I know; I was in both rounds.  And _man_, they were a real mind-game!


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## incognito

*Final Round*

*Quickbeam vs. Seasong*

Tough, this one was, so tough.  Both Quickbeam and Seasong DID come up with the goods this time.  Each entry had it’s own strengths, and where they were strong, they were really strong.  So the question came to I posed to myself was: who should be the winner, the person with the out-and out best submission for a short adventure, or the persona with the best adventure who stayed closest within the guidelines of the letter and the spirit of the IronDM.

I chose the latter, can you guess who it is?

First, let’s get down to ingredients.  I loved Quickbeam’s entry for his metaphorical use of  the _Lernaean Hydra_  - Hydrea are not poisonous, and “Lernaean” grow back TWO heads, not one, but still it was excellent.  I also liked Quickbeam’s _Brass rings_ – he did not take EITHER bits of bait (a finger ring, or pursing a worthwhile object) – good originality, while still satisfying the ingredient AND incorporating it fully into the story.  Seasong’s is pretty excellent too – this one was all about personal preference.  Quickbeam’s monk is more ‘believably’ _frenzied_  - though seasong frenzy is imaginative, Quickbeam’s frenzy is inherent.  However, EVERYONE in seasongs adventure has a hidden agenda.  I love that!  Quickbeam’s is fine, don’t get be wrong, but seasong’s agendas are believable, everywhere, and well incorporated.  Neither poster’s _single combat_ pulled at my heart strings.  Seasong’s was kinda plot devicy, can you have an “honarable, or agreed upon combat between two persons” with an INT 2 beast?  Yeah, technically, I guess.  And Quickbeans isn’t even that, it’s more like a “one-on-one” ambush.    _Cycle of life_ was simply done better by seasong – which I’ll talk about in setting…

So, let’s talk setting.  I have to say again: I loved Quickbeam’s  his hydra clan, and small fishing town, and opium drug smuggling, fit better in my mind that Seasong’s magical zoo.  Magical zoo: good, Clan of the Hydrae controlling drug trade: great.  It wasn’t that seasong’s could have been done, it’s just that it fits into fewer campaigns, due to it’s “high magic nature”

Backstory/plot development: Here is where Quickbeam starts to fall down.  I warned people that running long was a risk, and Quickbeam adds SO MANY plot hooks and NPCs he lost my interest.  The sheriff, and the opium smuggler: great!  The Fiend Folio “Berbalang” is completely extraneous, adds nothing, and confuses the issue, all to use the  ingredient “cycle of life” – not as impressed with this one.  Also, the trite little kid witnessing the whole things, and the Clerics of Cuthbert getting involved, as yet another loop, and whorl in this submission, which I felt needed some major belt tightening.  Seasong’s has the one issue of the adventure being all backstory, and less in the way of actual adventure, unless we include those ‘oh so handy’ plot spin offs/hooks.  To stae it specifically, it’s a much better adventure, if the PCs either know the Monk, or the ranger, or were the ones who had killed the Hydea’s parents.  I would give serious consideration to thinking about what needs to be spin, and what needs to be core adventure.  I also thing seasong omitted something in the spinoffs/hooks.  The party is there for reasons there, own, but the owners of the zoo have hired a team of adventurers, per the standard hooks, to defend themselves.  Unfortunately, that group of adventurers are…what was it?... ”incompetent louts who couldn't protect a pickle jar”

Metagame considerations: Both posters picked the same range of level.  With seasong's, it does not much matter.  All the hooks are hidden enough that a commune (yes or no), or a divination is not going to spoil the fun too much.  Spells like teleport are not going to hinder the pacing , because all the action is local, and a ranger can “hide” from scrying – and the PCs are meant to find him – it’s almost a ‘conclusion.’.  Seasong should note that a L11 monk is CR11, not CR 9, but given the combat setup, this should not be too much of a stretch for many parties.  Quickbeam’s set up is a little more sensitive to divinations, which is why he threw in the “Berbalang” in the first place – but by golly, I disliked that red herring. Toooo contrived.  He needs to take steps to more closely ward his coven of monks from higher level PCs. None of Quickbeams level stuff was included in the body, so he is fine in this respect.

Length: Words Quickbeam 2,600ish  Seasong 2,000ish.  Big advantage to seasong, since, as I stated that the plot/development ran long, Quickbeam did not have to get everything extra, extra, extra, convoluted.  He could’ve turned the entire Monks backgrounds into “Once there was an order of monks, led by an elf, that was symbolically linked to the hydra” and saved ~100 words!  

Playability: both scenario’s are playable and have enough hooks, and areas of interest what a wide variety of characters could enjoy them.  Great job to both.  No edge.

Originality: While Quickbeam’s was more imaginative, in my mind –this one line worries me: “This story was inspired by The Five Deadly Venoms” especially when we have had one issue with borrowing from an author.  I have not read the book, but I can almost guarantee seasong’s is 100% seasong. And this is really important to me as IronDM judge.

So, If you can’t guess by now – I’ll lay it out.  Qucikbeam’s adventure, out of the confines of IronDM, is the better adventure.  His setting is excellent, and you can tighten up his NPCs  or edit them out without too much of a loss.  I find his NPCs to be more believable in their aspirations as well.  But within the confines of IronDM, it’s simply  too long, with some possible problems of originality, possible meta-game holes, and he misses on one ingredient (_cycle of life_) because that berblang is such a red herring. 

Winner of Winter IronDM 
*SEASONG*

gentlemen, please post exposition.


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## Greybar

Whew.  Congrats Seasong!

Now I can say that I may have lost in the first round, but I lost to the guy who won the crown!

Quickbeam - I agree that I loved the hydra image for the secret society.  While it may not have been the specific MM creature called out, it's a great monster and a great image.

I can't wait for the exposition.

John


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## Quickbeam

I have to say, I thought there was a fair chance that I'd be undefeated through two Iron DM tournaments when the ingredients for this Final Round battle were posted.  Alas, it was not to be.  Congrat's seasong on a fine performance!

I'm massively under the weather; there's a lot to cover in the exposition; and I want to reply to some of the judge's remarks.  Look for my post later tonight or sometime tomorrow.


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## seasong

First: total agreement on the "better adventure" aspect. Over in my story hour, incognito lured one of my players over here to read through the stuff and her first comment on the final round was "Good entry, Thomas... but, I kinda like Quickbeam's better".

She's a pretty finicky player, and that's pretty high praise.

So, exposition on ingredients first:

Brass Ring & Frenzy: I took BOTH bits of bait, naturally. Generally, kind of weak, but I do like how I mixed this ingredient with the frenzy. And incognito's snipe aside , I like how I mixed it with the monk! Still, I can see how the ingredients were not seen as particularly strong.

Zoo: Monks have shown up in a LOT of IronDMs as an ingredient, in one form or another. And every time they have, the setting has morphed to include a monastery. Even QuickBeam's. Just once, I wanted something different... and so instead of a monastery, I got a zoo. Once I had the zoo, much of the rest of the plot resolved itself, including the Great White Hunter monk (taking a liberty with the "constantly testing oneself" description in the PHB) and the ranger with a conflict of interest (I shoulda had him in that IronDM home game instead of Muriel, long ago).

Hydra & Cycle of Life: As mentioned, the zoo fit everything together. Mouth just sort of popped out as a good monk target, and zoos are all about cycles of life.

Hidden Agenda: I'll quote myself here.







> Note: I typically enjoy having very political situations, and most of my scenarios involve hidden agendas for someone. Heck, I hardly call something an agenda iffen it ain't hidden.



My first entry (Fool's Cold) was actually a better example of hidden agendas, with some agendas that could really bite the players in the butt. Even my second entry, as rotten as it was, had a hidden agenda! So I honestly considered this to be a weak use of the ingredient (somewhat deliberately - I rebelled by making the scenario itself fairly straightforward).

Single Combat: Yeah, weak, I know. It was more in how the monk viewed the situation, than in the actual situation .

With that covered, designer's notes!

I knew as soon as I saw the ingredients that I wanted to write a straight-forward set of encounters/combats with maybe a chase scene... And I also knew that there would be no monastery. Call me a curmudgeon if you must .

Since I didn't have any idea how to achieve that immediately, I went and read the flavor text for the monk and hydra, skimmed through the rings in the DMG for one that was made out of brass (answer: _ring of warmth_), and generally killed time while my muse thought things through.

The first thing that jumped out at me was the fact that the hydra was neutral... an oddity, since it is so often presented as a MONSTER, yet here it is, a simple animal cursed with a healthy appetite. That gave me the idea for a zoo, and I immediately knew that, win or lose, I HAD to have a zoo where others would put a monastery.

So then I tried to figure out why a monk would be at a zoo, and the Great White Hunter with a Hidden Agenda was born. Cycle of Life just fit right in. The ranger just grew out of the interaction, and when I read back through for new hidden agendas, so did poisoning the food and the academy's hiring of adventurers... and then, as I was taking notes on hooks, I worked out hidden agendas the PCs might have.

I still needed a frenzy and a brass ring, and as I was staring at the two of them, and thinking about rings of warmth, my muse summoned up the city of brass, fire, rings, and the fact that the lernaean hydra has to be burned to be killed... the only way a monk is likely to kill a hydra by himself!

Once my _writing frenzy_ subsided, I worked on details of the zoo, fleshed out a few niggling details, and checked to make sure incognito wasn't going to nail me on divination/teleport spells a 7-8 level caster could throw.

Then I cut out about 500 words that weren't strictly necessary, and still ended up at 2000+.


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## seasong

Now, fully 2 hours after the judgement has been posted, and even after having written the exposition... seasong realizes that he won.

*dances in a little circle*

WOO HOO! CHECK MY SIG! MWUAHAHAHA!

Ahem, I'm better now.


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## incognito

*by the way...*

I will be running a "winner circle" IronDM contest in the not too distant future.

You have to have WON a 'typical' IronDM run by me or nemmerle (so losing against VAX in a sudden death round would not disqualify you).

Proof of the win is a link to the thread, so archive if possible. 

That IronDM will be round robin too (not single elimination)

SEASONG, YOU ARE IRON DM WINTER, NOT SPRING!


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## mythago

Congratulations, seasong! (And to Quickbeam, too, for a great entry.)

Uh...so when is Spring Iron DM?


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## Greybar

Yar, you'll have to earn that Spring Iron DM.
[cracks knuckles]

Great job everyone.  This was a lot of fun to read all the way through.  A big hearty thanks to incognito for judging it.

Oh, and thanks to his Amazing Ingredient Machine as well...

John


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## incognito

*FYI*

Spring IronDM will be in May, probably early May.

I predict new strategies


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## seasong

Fixed.


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## seasong

So what format is "round robin" as regards an IronDM?

And what do you mean by "strategies"?


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## incognito

> And what do you mean by "strategies"?




I belive the "mythagoes" of ,EN World, once they fine tune, will rule the roost.  The "old guns" in an effort to out do themslelves, either get too wordy, or psyche themselves out.

How do you think VAX was able to win 3 in a row?


Round robin (_I think_) it means everyone plays everyone.
Sometimes the best record wins, sometimes it's a points thing.  This would be a bonus IronDM anyway


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## Indigo Veil

> She's a pretty finicky player, and that's pretty high praise.




<gives a grin that the Cheshire would be proud of> ...Mreow?  =^o.o^= (<---- that's a kitty. ^.^)

I'm glad that seasong won, since he really is a good DM who deserves some attention and appreciation, but I have a few other things to say (and I hope no one minds):

Quickbeam, your use of the hydra ingredient simply captured my heart as a player, fickle though I may be. ^_^;; I read that, and my jaw dropped open at the creative use of the ingredient.

Greybar, your first round was really awesome, too--I totally didn't envy incognito his job of judging the round.

I was really impressed with a lot of the writing, especially since the contest has some pretty harsh rules on word count. Some of you did such a good job of imparting the flavor and feel of your worlds, and I actually became so immersed in them, that I actually felt somewhat saddened when the entry ended. (Greybar, you're one of the people in this category)

I'm new to EN World (I'm only here because seasong alerted me to its existence), and I'm usually here only to read seasong's story hour, but I will definitely read through the entries of the IronDM stuff from now on. Thanks, everyone, for exposing me to something new, and for sharing with me some really amazing reading material. 

Lastly, incognito, great job on judging...you don't seem to cut anyone any slack, and I can't believe how incredibly *thorough* you are. I'm sure you must devote a lot of time to each and every entry you receive, and *god*, the detail you put into your rationale! Good job. ^_^

Thanks again, everyone!


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## seasong

> _Originally posted by incognito_
> I belive the "mythagoes" of ,EN World, once they fine tune, will rule the roost. The "old guns" in an effort to out do themslelves, either get too wordy, or psyche themselves out.



Ah... yes, I agree. Absolutely.

I can do succinct, but it takes me too long to compress. Give me a week, and I can put together a 500 word thing of beauty, but when I'm just concentrating on getting it all down, expansion is the name of the game.

People with a natural talent for clarity at short lengths are going to eat my cake. And, if you'll read my posts earlier, I thought they should have done so this time.

On the other hand, the size of my entries has wavered up and down, but has stayed pretty close to a range of 1700-2300 words, so I wouldn't say I'm outdoing myself in length.


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## MerakSpielman

A quick idea for an alternative way to select Iron DM contestents...

This is designed so that people who check the message boards only three or four times a day still have a chance to get in and play.

Instead of automatically letting the first 8 interested people play, you could take the first 12 "I want in!" folks and _randomly select_ the 8 players and 4 alternates. This might get a little fresh blood in the game.

You could call it "Roulette Style Iron DM" or something.

Just a thought, from somebody who's wanted to give it a shot several times and only just now gotten as far as "alternate..."


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## seasong

Actually, incognito already did something for this: he posted, a few weeks prior, exactly when he was going to open the IronDM to contestants. It took an hour and a half to fill, so there was plenty of time for occasional checkers there, if they set their calendars and checked somewhere between 12:00 noon to 1:00 pm EST.

Of course, I say this and I'm one of the worst compulsive checkers out there .


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## snownoir

*It's over?*

Does this mean I can have my DM back now?


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## incognito

Contrary to poplular belief, this is not the "seasong groupie" thread, although you'd be hard pressed to convince a stranger of that.

Yes, Hank, you can have your DM back! 

I  am really looking forward to Quickbeams exposition!

MerakSpielman: As seasong mentioned, I did have an announcement a week earlier.  It depended on interested parties to keep it on the front page, though.  

I am having a hard time thinking of a time that would allow both sides of the glode a 'convienent' time to sign up. So maybe your suggestion has merit.  What I like about the current format is the users who check the webpage all the time can be counted on to stay in the contest, and post commentary, and react quickly to say they are ready for a round to begin.


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## seasong

incognito said:
			
		

> Contrary to poplular belief, this is not the "seasong groupie" thread, although you'd be hard pressed to convince a stranger of that.



Yeah, this is the "mythago groupies-to-be" thread. The "seasong groupie" thread is out back, being shot.







> I am having a hard time thinking of a time that would allow both sides of the glode a 'convienent' time to sign up. So maybe your suggestion has merit.  What I like about the current format is the users who check the webpage all the time can be counted on to stay in the contest, and post commentary, and react quickly to say they are ready for a round to begin.



Personally, I think a week's warning should suffice for anyone. If we get too antsy about making sure absolutely everyone has an equal and fair chance to play in IronDM, it starts to feel more like Sunday school and less like the vicious beast of competition it should be. Think of devoted attention to the boards is the "qualifying round" .


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## Quickbeam

Well, here it goes...

One of my favorite Kung Fu movies of all time is _Five Deadly Venoms_ -- a cult classic that includes the phrase "poison clan rocks the world."  How can you not like a movie with dialogue like that?!?  Anyway, after seeing the list of ingredients, I really didn't want to create a story around the hydra as a monster...it just seemed too obvious and boring.  So I went online and did a little reading about the *Lernaean Hydra*, and found a variety of stories connected to this mythical beast.

**sidebar** FWIW, I need to take issue with some of the Judge's remarks here.  Incognito says that hydrae are not poisonous and that the Lernaean version grew back TWO heads for every ONE that was severed.  In many of the renditions of this tale, the hydra's heads were indeed venomous.  Also, some versions had one head growing back, while others had two.  The point is, we did not get a MM hydra, but rather the beast of mythical lore as I read things.  _That_ hydra fit my story's metaphorical use depending on which version you chose. **/sidebar**

It was the venomous heads that inspired my version of the "poison clan" for this adventure.  The *frenzied, elven monk* was perfect as the clan's (nearly) immortal leader and central figure, and finding a way to make him frenzied wouldn't be tough.

I wanted my clan to have insidiously worked their way into positions of control and power within the setting's city, and the idea that they might have begun smuggling sounded plausible and deviously fun.  To create another layer of intrigue, I designed a noble Sheriff, basically above suspicion within Trumbull, who has stumbled onto this lucrative illicit venture.  He becomes my primary vehicle for someone with a *hidden agenda*, although it would not be unreasonable to say that everything about the hydra clan's existence and motives were part of Lucien's hidden agenda.

I loved the idea that the Sheriff's ceremonial chain mail could provide an excellent clue for the party, while seemlessly incorporating the *brass ring* element.  And once drawn into the mix, I thought it was pretty reasonable that my hydra clan monks would seek to deal with the snooping PC's in *single combat* by way of ambush and misdirection.  Remember, they don't communicate frequently with one another, so a concerted attack wouldn't fit logically.  Add to that, their various position's within Trumbull, and luring the party members into private meetings made the story appear dark and mysterious to my mind.

That left the *cycle of life* which leads me to another...

**sidebar** If we are to suffer the scrutiny of our estemeed Judge's (Nemmerle and Incognito), then they need to answer ours on occasion -- fair is fair .  During this tournament I was left confused by the misuse of several phrases.  The common sayings are _circle of life_ and _viscious cycle_, not the other way around.  Truth be told, in my Round 2 entry, I was sorely tempted to create a cursed bracelet as my *viscious circle* that animated once worn and would then attempt to bite clean through its wearer's limb !! **/sidebar**

Back to my expo, this ingredient stumped me for awhile, until I pulled a "Quickbeam" by going old school and digging up another bizarre monster of yesteryear, in the Berbalang.  At the time, I thought this was a cool use of the ingredient because this beast actually has a unique life cycle.  Furthermore, its attack on Cyrn Po's corpse would help the Sheriff cover his tracks and perhaps mislead the PC's for a short while -- both good things IMO.  On reflection, though, I should have used this ingredient as a tie in to Lucien's recruitment of new clan members based on his human pupil's shorter cycles of life.  This theme element was poorly used, and Incognito was totally justified in slamming me here.

In reviewing the Judge's remarks and criticisms at length, I want to respond directly to a few more.
> I disagree that Jasper and Brother Horace were unnecessary.  Without an eyewitness, I would have been completely relying on the PC's investigative skills and luck to solve the mystery.  Additionally, Nemmerle and Phoamslinger taught me a valuable lesson in other tournaments: You need several compelling Hooks when crafting an adventure.  Otherwise, why would the party care to participate?  In my scenario, if the PC's don't bite after the general alarm, Brother Horace approaches and appeals to their sense of justice.  If that doesn't work, Lucien can seek to hire the PC's at a hefty price to allegedly protect his trade routes and business interests.
> I agree the entry was too long, but of late these tales have just gotten away from me.  It's the fun of creating an interesting story, and I like details !
>Finally, I'm not sure how much you counted the fact that I used a movie for base inspiration against me (if at all), but since you've never seen the film I hope it wasn't very much.  I volunteered this info _because_ of the problems in my opponent's Round 1 entry.  Almost every story in every one of these contests draws on elements of books we've read; movies we've scene; or adventures we've played.  That doesn't make them unoriginal IMO, and Nemmerle voices the same thoughts on more than one occasion in judging earlier tournaments.

Incognito: I think that I made several key mistakes in this Final Round, not the least of which was appealing to the preferences (or my perception thereof) of a different Judge.  I also ignored your request to keep the story length down, and failed to inspire you like my opponent did, even though you liked the way I utilized several ingredients.  My job is to win the heart and mind of the Judge, and it appears I came up just short this time out.  Thanks for taking the time to review all of these entries.


Parting thoughts
1) As I stated yesterday, I thought I had a legit shot at winning back-to-back Iron DM's once the Final Round ingredients were posted.  That's why I waited to alter my sig to include any reference to Iron DM competition.
2) Truth be told, though, I felt fortunate to be in the Finals this time around.  My efforts in the Holiday tournament were more inspired...and succinct .  If I'd been judging, Mythago and Nifft would have been in the Finals.  I think they both presented more polished entries than either Seasong or I did.
3) Thanks to everyone who followed this tournament, and for all of the kind words posted in recent days.  I love this place !!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot -- I'll be back!!


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## seasong

I'm glad I forgot you were a winner in the Holiday IronDM. I'd have choked .


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## incognito

While I don't, in general, want to start up the practice of competitors questioning the judges decision -I'm happy to explain my comments to contestants who post them in exposition.  

I'll say this, for clarity: Part of the fun of IronDM is the subjective nature of the judging. I try to be objective, but I do have personal preferences.  And this is the IronDM  - with certain rules (spoken or unspoken). Flout them at your own risk.

Quickbeam: I loved your Hydra analogy.  "Lernaean" has a very specific 3E definition.  I expected that definition would be given a nod.  Your monk as the 'immortal' head of the clan was still superior. 

Your second comment is less well recived.  From _Meridian Webster:_



> Main Entry: vicious circle
> Function: noun
> Date: circa 1792
> 1 : a chain of events in which the response to one difficulty creates a new problem that aggravates the original difficulty
> 2 : an argument or definition that begs the question




_cycle of life_ is an interpretation of _life cycle:_



> Main Entry: life cycle
> Function: noun
> Date: 1873
> 1 : the series of stages in form and functional activity through which an organism passes between successive recurrences of a specified primary stage
> 2 : LIFE HISTORY 2
> 3 : a series of stages through which something (as an individual, culture, or manufactured product) passes during its lifetime




So, take it with a grain of salt, if you are used to a different phrasing.



> Finally, I'm not sure how much you counted the fact that I used a movie for base inspiration against me (if at all),




I did not discount your entry much for this, and I recognised that you probably did this the reasons you state.  It did raise the question - and we did have an actual problem earlier in this very contest. My analogy is akin to speeding by a cop at 10 m.ph. over the speed limit on the highway.  Everyone does it, and no one really gets pulled over for it, but the cop DOES, at least, notice.

In closing: plot hooks are a great idea!  Including another loop or whorl in a lenghty Iron DM submission...not as good.  I can think of 3 other plot hooks, just using the sherif, the opium dealer, and the halfling.

all of us DO aniously await your return Quickbean, and as I've said -> Outside the IronDM confines, yours is the better adventure.


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## Quickbeam

Seasong:
Next time, I'll be sure to remind you of my prior achievements beforehand .  Once again congrats!!

Incognito:
Thank you for the reply to my exposition.  Perhaps my jibe about the less commonly used phrasing of those theme elements was inappropriate.  However, I did want you to know that your choice of words left me _wanting_ to go in other directions with those ingredients.  Out of curiousity, how would you have reacted to my cursed bracelet use of the *vicious circle*?  I ask because you seemed pretty darn receptive to some of my other offbeat ingredient uses, but it's hard to say where the invisible threshhold of acceptance resides.

I'm glad to know that you didn't heavily weigh my story's inspiration against me in the judging process.  I fully understand the adventures crafted for Iron DM are supposed to be original (and mine was), but I wanted others to know where the concept behind the Hydra Clan came from.

Finally, I genuinely appreciate all of the kudos you bestowed upon my entries throughout this tournament, including the statement that mine was the better adventure outside the confines of Iron DM.  As I've said before, judging is hard, subjective, and oftentimes thankless, work.  I believe you applied your principles consistently and fairly, and deemed my opponent more deserving of victory.  No worries .

I look forward to the next Iron DM tournament, whether it be in May or sometime sooner.


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## Quickbeam

Seasong:

One other thing I've been meaning to say.  Your group of players is mighty supportive of you, which speaks volumes about their opinions of your abilities as a DM.

My players only frequent EN World occasionally (the heathens ), which means that any support I get in these competitions is handsomely paid for on a per post basis .


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## mythago

> Yar, you'll have to earn that Spring Iron DM.




Is that a...challenge? 

Hey, I'll take my groupies any way I can get 'em. But I do like the "round robin" Iron DM idea--let more people jump in, by all means!


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## Nifft

*A CHALLENGE!*

Take up the gauntlet! Slap that other contestant silly! Put on your thinking pants, because tomorrow you can sign up to participate in *IronNPC*!!!

Details can be found here: http://enworld.cyberstreet.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=40730

 -- Nifft


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## incognito

> Out of curiousity, how would you have reacted to my cursed bracelet use of the *vicious circle?* I ask because you seemed pretty darn receptive to some of my other offbeat ingredient uses, but it's hard to say where the invisible threshhold of acceptance resides.




Well quickbeam, if the ingredient was central in the story, or if it was a pertinent clue that a man without his hand might run afoul of the _circle_ then by all means, extrapolate away.

The only time I take away points for ingreient use is when they are tacked on, or if the author uses the "obvious" definition of an ingredient yet incorrectly interprets  that meaning.  This was a subject of some debate for _magic ring of irony_ 

Nifft: you thread stealer!  Awww, ok, I'll go check it out now.

See eyeryone in a month or two for Spring IronDM.


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## Quickbeam

Incognito:
Thanks for the reply.  Hopefully you (and everyone else herein) understands that none of my remarks were meant to sound like a spoilsport complaining.  I prefer making direct replies to your comments in my expositions in an attempt to explain how I saw things while drafting the story, in comparison to how things were received by you (the reader).  There is no intent to argue, but if I'm going to compose expository posts, I do want folks to see where I was coming from...and why my interpretation rang truw to me.  Nonetheless, _YOU_ are the Judge, and _YOUR_ interpretation of each entry is what ultimately determines who moves on and who goes home.
I look forward to the next contest this spring, and will attempt to rediscover my ability to craft succinct adventures that catch the Judge's fancy from the onset and never lets go !!

Nifft:
Iron NPC sounds awesome, but I'm gonna just watch from the wings.  My poor little Entish brain is exhausted from the last two Iron DM tournaments!!


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