# Hey



## Mystery Man (Apr 11, 2005)

'Sup?


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## Crothian (Apr 11, 2005)

Watching the market report drinking an import.


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## Ankh-Morpork Guard (Apr 11, 2005)

Listening to the leaked Revenge of the Sith soundtrack and trying to sketch something that doesn't look like crap.


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## mojo1701 (Apr 11, 2005)

Passed out.


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## Mystery Man (Apr 11, 2005)

mojo1701 said:
			
		

> Passed out.




I think I know how you feel. I'm in Exchange 2003 training, and I have 4 more days of this.


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## Jdvn1 (Apr 11, 2005)

Wishing I was passed out.

You?


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## Desdichado (Apr 11, 2005)

Eh, nothing much.  Just got back into town again today -- went to Lancaster OH for the weekend to see my new niece.  I can confidently say that I don't want to travel anywhere -- at least not with the kids -- for several months to come.


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## Krieg (Apr 11, 2005)

Watching my marriage crumble into dust.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 11, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Watching my marriage crumble into dust.





Ouch!   That's not good.....


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## Rystil Arden (Apr 11, 2005)

Working on Fourier Transforms, lurking around ENWorld, watching TV, and eating, as simultaneously as possible.


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## Darkness (Apr 11, 2005)

Taking a break from training my Warcraft 3 skills by beating up, drunk, the computer set on 'Insane'.

What I _should_ be doing: Reading Lords of Madness or otherwise preparing for the next gaming session I'm going to GM.


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## Mystery Man (Apr 11, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> Ouch!   That's not good.....




Totally not good!


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## Krieg (Apr 12, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> Ouch!   That's not good.....




Unfortunately at this point there's nothing really I can do about it so I'm rapidly approaching the "pulling away to protect myself phase".

 :\


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## DonAdam (Apr 12, 2005)

Just got offered a summer research position.

I'll keep ya in my prayers, Krieg.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 12, 2005)

As for what I'm doing: posting and listening to 106.5 WEND Radio Station online.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 12, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Unfortunately at this point there's nothing really I can do about it so I'm rapidly approaching the "pulling away to protect myself phase".
> 
> :\




Maybe some time apart may smooth things over.... ::crosses fingers and hopes::


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## Jdvn1 (Apr 12, 2005)

DonAdam said:
			
		

> I'll keep ya in my prayers, Krieg.



Ditto.  Hope things turn out non-sucky.


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## Henry (Apr 12, 2005)

Damn, Krieg. I wish you my best.


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## der_kluge (Apr 12, 2005)

Well, Krieg totally put a damper on the thread.  

That's ok, Krieg.  You vent all you need too. Don't let us stop you.  I wish you the best.

As for me, I'm looking for a new job. It started out as kind of a "let's see what's out there", and I kind of like what I'm seeing so far. Talked to someone this afternoon with CapGemini that sounded promising.  So, we'll see what develops...

I need to do my state taxes. Been putting them off. I need the form for Virginia.  Oh, and I got my new personalized plates today!  That's a topic for another thread...


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## IronWolf (Apr 12, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Eh, nothing much.  Just got back into town again today -- went to Lancaster OH for the weekend to see my new niece.




Hey, hey - Lancaster!  You were only about 35-40 minutes from me!

I'm just here checking the boards, working on this weeks game and getting said to grab a cold one out of the fridge.


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## Angel Tarragon (Apr 12, 2005)

Posting like regular poster and drinking a Fat Tire.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 12, 2005)

die_kluge said:
			
		

> I need to do my state taxes. Been putting them off. I need the form for Virginia.  Oh, and I got my new personalized plates today!  That's a topic for another thread...




Long since gotten my taxes done and the refund back.   

Personalized plates rock!   I've got one as well.


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## Angel Tarragon (Apr 12, 2005)

I don't have to worry about taxes - I have no job. Meh.


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## Desdichado (Apr 12, 2005)

IronWolf said:
			
		

> Hey, hey - Lancaster!  You were only about 35-40 minutes from me!



Cool!  We saw the world-famous tourist attraction "The Tree of Peace" while we were in Lancaster.  Quite the inspiring site.   :\ 

Hey, Krieg, sorry man.  That's gotta be miserable.  We wish you the best in our neck of the woods.


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## Krieg (Apr 12, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> We wish you the best in our neck of the woods.




Franklin County?


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## Angel Tarragon (Apr 12, 2005)

I thought it was Tumbleweed Country.


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## Steve Jung (Apr 12, 2005)

I'm so sorry about your marriage, Krieg. I hope things get better soon.

As for me, I'm trying to e-file my taxes. But TaxCut crashes when I hit "Send." I'm in a chat with a TaxCut rep to try to get this straightened out.


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## Impeesa (Apr 12, 2005)

Killing time by installing FreeBSD on a scavenged machine, having finished one take-home exam and one regular exam today. Wee...

--Impeesa--


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## Bloodstone Press (Apr 12, 2005)

about to eat breakfast and plan my day...


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## Lady_Acoma (Apr 12, 2005)

Stalling finishing packing for a family trip *grumbles* "I hate family trips with a passion", talking to friends, playing pool, solitare, and chewing gum.....all while being nuts!  Yay!


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## Aris Dragonborn (Apr 12, 2005)

Wondering why I'm up this late, and waiting for the post office to open so I can pick up my copy of _Races of Eberron_. Then maybe play some Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. Listen to Iced Earth, and again wonder why I'm up this late.  



.....maybe it's the coffee? _Naaaah._

Krieg: Best wishes, buddy. Hang in there.


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## Hand of Evil (Apr 12, 2005)

Hello, not too much.  Been having strange dreams, not feeling all that well.


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## Desdichado (Apr 12, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Franklin County?



Occasionally it feels like Hazard county.


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## diaglo (Apr 12, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Occasionally it feels like Hazard county.




they got rid of Hazard county, GA.


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## GlassJaw (Apr 12, 2005)

At work right now but only a half-day today: I have an interview this afternoon.


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## diaglo (Apr 12, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Watching my marriage crumble into dust.




dang, sorry to hear it.

here's hoping the break is amicable.


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## fett527 (Apr 12, 2005)

Working.


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## Tom Cashel (Apr 12, 2005)

Oh, not much. Just editing "Yggsburgh" by Gary Gygax.

(That's right. I'm freelancing for Troll Lord Games. 20 years in the hobby and finally--! A job in the industry!)


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## Mystery Man (Apr 12, 2005)

Tom Cashel said:
			
		

> Oh, not much. Just editing "Yggsburgh" by Gary Gygax.
> 
> (That's right. I'm freelancing for Troll Lord Games. 20 years in the hobby and finally--! A job in the industry!)




Sweet! Congrats.


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## Tom Cashel (Apr 12, 2005)

Thanks, Man!


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## der_kluge (Apr 12, 2005)

Tom Cashel said:
			
		

> Thanks, Man!




So, what's it like editing for Gygax?


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## Thornir Alekeg (Apr 12, 2005)

Working, well procrastinating actually, preparing documents to send to our Korean affiliate laboratory and waiting to have my weekly meeting with my boss.  Time to meet, gotta go.

I wonder what project code EN World should be listed under...


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## Tom Cashel (Apr 12, 2005)

die_kluge said:
			
		

> So, what's it like editing for Gygax?




Archaic usage galore. Huge amounts of useful detail in only two or three sentences. A city so well described I didn't need the map to know what he's getting at.

Quite fun, actually. It's like reading the 1st ed. _DMG_.


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## EricNoah (Apr 12, 2005)

Drafting out my notes for my lecture on doublespeak.  It's not much of a lecture, just enough to get my 8th graders ready to watch a short video on the topic.  I basically introduce them to _1984_ and to concepts like "euphemism" and "denotation/connotation" and let the video take it from there.


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## GentleGiant (Apr 12, 2005)

Procrastinating... should really start packing since I'm moving on Friday.
Blowing off football practice too, just not enough energy.

Fred (Krieg), some happy thoughts from across the pond.
Hope it isn't because you've played too much Delta Green... :\
Semper Fi man, Semper Fi


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## the Jester (Apr 12, 2005)

Just sittin' here breakin' the law.


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## Crothian (Apr 12, 2005)

Watching Ed


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## Darkness (Apr 12, 2005)

Aris Dragonborn said:
			
		

> Wondering why I'm up this late, and waiting for the post office to open so I can pick up my copy of _Races of Eberron_. Then maybe play some Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. Listen to Iced Earth, and again wonder why I'm up this late.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



 That's very similar to me. Well, except for the coffee.


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## diaglo (Apr 12, 2005)

the Jester said:
			
		

> Just sittin' here breakin' the law.





how come i hear Judas Priest inside my head now?


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## Tom Cashel (Apr 12, 2005)

diaglo said:
			
		

> how come i hear Judas Priest inside my head now?




This puts me in the mind of a grinder that is, currently, searching for meat.


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## Angel Tarragon (Apr 12, 2005)

Tom Cashel said:
			
		

> This puts me in the mind of a grinder that is, currently, searching for meat.



raw meat?


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 12, 2005)

Frukathka said:
			
		

> raw meat?





What else kind of meat to put into a grinder is there?


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## Desdichado (Apr 12, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> What else kind of meat to put into a grinder is there?



It's best not to ask...


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## Angel Tarragon (Apr 12, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> What else kind of meat to put into a grinder is there?



A fleshy hand perhaps?  :\


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## Krieg (Apr 13, 2005)

GentleGiant said:
			
		

> Fred (Krieg), some happy thoughts from across the pond.
> Hope it isn't because you've played too much Delta Green... :\
> Semper Fi man, Semper Fi




lol Nah, gaming has never been the problem.

Just two people in different places, heading in opposing directions, looking at each other and trying to figure out how in hell the shore got so far away...


Anyways, we have a date on Friday which is an oddly terrifying experience. 

BTW thanks for the concern everyone!


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## jgbrowning (Apr 13, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> lol Nah, gaming has never been the problem.
> 
> Just two people in different places, heading in opposing directions, looking at each other and trying to figure out how in the the shore got so far away...
> 
> ...





If it doesn't work remember that things can get better eventually. My first marriage =

"and these bitter hands
cradle the broken glass
of what was everything..."


but my second has been 


"In the village there's a house,
and In that house there's a woman.
And in that woman is a heart that I love,
I'm going to take it with me when I go."


Sometimes ya gotta go to hell to get to heaven. Wishing you well and I hope you don't have to walk the same way many of us have had to,

joe b.


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## Krieg (Apr 13, 2005)

jgbrowning said:
			
		

> Wishing you well and I hope you don't have to walk the same way many of us have had to




My first marriage ended in 1994.


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## jgbrowning (Apr 13, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> My first marriage ended in 1994.





Ah crap. Best of luck man, best of luck. I don't know if I could go through two divorces. One just about damn killed me.

joe b.


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## Krieg (Apr 13, 2005)

jgbrowning said:
			
		

> Ah crap. Best of luck man, best of luck. I don't know if I could go through two divorces. One just about damn killed me.
> 
> joe b.




The second time around is almost surreal. I know exactly what she is going to say before she says it, and I think that is starting to creep her out.


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## Crothian (Apr 13, 2005)

sorry to hear about this Krieg...hope the date goes well


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## Krieg (Apr 13, 2005)

Crothian said:
			
		

> sorry to hear about this Krieg...hope the date goes well




I'm actually looking forward to it. It will be kind of nice to step back a bit and see each other from a fresh perspective.

Hmm, wonder if I'll get lucky.


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## Mystery Man (Apr 13, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Hmm, wonder if I'll get lucky.




Show her who's the boss, man.


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## Krieg (Apr 13, 2005)

Mystery Man said:
			
		

> Show her who's the boss, man.




If you are married you already know the answer to that question. lol


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## Krieg (Apr 24, 2005)

Well it is officially over. 

The wife came over to pick up some of her stuff today.

I don't see any chance of reconcilliation at this point, she has made up her mind and that is that.


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## Crothian (Apr 24, 2005)

Ugh, I'm so sorry Krieg.....


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## Krieg (Apr 24, 2005)

Yeah I'm not real thrilled about it either, but not a damn thing I can do.


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## Angel Tarragon (Apr 24, 2005)

Sorry to hear Krieg. You're in my prayers.


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## Steve Jung (Apr 24, 2005)

I'm so sorry for you, Krieg. How are you doing?


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## Krieg (Apr 24, 2005)

Steve Jung said:
			
		

> How are you doing?




Up and down right now. 

Can't eat or sleep consistently right now.

Pretty continous case of nausea.

Just generally sad and hurting.

I know everything will work out OK in the end, just hurt and betrayed and upset at the moment.


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## Mystery Man (Apr 24, 2005)

My sister is being retarded right now. She thinks she's going to be happy by throwing her marriage away for another man who cheated on his own wife to be with her. I'm so shocked and dismayed at her behavior I want to shake her. How can you stop someone who isn't thinking straight from making perhaps the stupidest mistake of their life?


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## Mystery Man (Apr 24, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Up and down right now.
> 
> Can't eat or sleep consistently right now.
> 
> ...




When I was having serious marriage problems (still married though) I went out and bought an X-Box. I felt a little better.


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## Krieg (Apr 24, 2005)

Mystery Man said:
			
		

> How can you stop someone who isn't thinking straight from making perhaps the stupidest mistake of their life?




Not much you can do, when folks get their mind set on things like that spouses/friends/family trying to talk them out of it just tend to push them further.

Let her know you disagree with her decision but that you still love her and will be there if she needs you. 

If you can get her into counseling of some type that might help.

My wife's family are all telling her that she needs to come home and work things out, that just makes her more stubborn on the issue...and she blames me for turning her family "against her" to boot! *sigh*



			
				Mystery Man said:
			
		

> When I was having serious marriage problems (still married though) I went out and bought an X-Box. I felt a little better.




I'm to paranoid about money right now to get on a spending spree. lol

However I have been keeping busy, and am hitting the gym again pretty hard.

Staying busy and being around other people is by far the best medicine.


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## Mystery Man (Apr 24, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> My wife's family are all telling her that she needs to come home and work things out, that just makes her more stubborn on the issue...and she blames me for turning her family "against her" to boot! *sigh*




Hm. That sounds oddly familiar.  Thing is, if she wasn't screwing up so badly (my wife) then her family wouldn't have been "against her". The paranoia wore off though eventually and she came around. Perhaps it will be so for you as well.


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## Krieg (Apr 24, 2005)

Mystery Man said:
			
		

> The paranoia wore off though eventually and she came around. Perhaps it will be so for you as well.




I'm not betting on it at this point.

In the past two weeks she has gone to staying the night at a "friends" to "needing some time to herself" to "I'm not sure what I want" to "I'll stop by later this week to pick up the rest of my stuff".

It has been quite the downward roller coaster.


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## Joker (Apr 24, 2005)

Listening to "Lollie Pop" from the Dixie Cups.

Woohoo.


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## Steve Jung (Apr 24, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> However I have been keeping busy, and am hitting the gym again pretty hard.
> 
> Staying busy and being around other people is by far the best medicine.



That's good. We're with you, man. I hope things get better soon.


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## Krieg (Apr 24, 2005)

Steve Jung said:
			
		

> That's good. We're with you, man. I hope things get better soon.




I appreciate the thoughts.

I hope they get better as well, but not getting my hopes up.

It's going to take awhile to get past all of us, not to mention still being concerned about her and her welfare.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 24, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Yeah I'm not real thrilled about it either, but not a damn thing I can do.




Don't give up. But you can explore other options and see what's out there....

Who knows.... a few months down the road, she may change her mind. Ya never know....


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 24, 2005)

Mystery Man said:
			
		

> My sister is being retarded right now. She thinks she's going to be happy by throwing her marriage away for another man who cheated on his own wife to be with her. I'm so shocked and dismayed at her behavior I want to shake her. How can you stop someone who isn't thinking straight from making perhaps the stupidest mistake of their life?





I doubt you can.... sometimes people, even those you love, need to learn the hard way... She's being stupid but there's no way you can tell her that, without making a big fuss out of it. And she'd be moreso wanting to go for Mr. Cheat after that.


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## Krieg (Apr 25, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> But you can explore other options and see what's out there....




Far, far too soon for that.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 25, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Far, far too soon for that.




I didn't say right away. Wait until you can sort your feelings out.... last thing you want to do is get a date and then burden her down with all the negative stuff about your ex....   Let things settle down first and then see what happens....


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## Krieg (Apr 25, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> I didn't say right away.




Oh I know, I meant that it is just too early for me to even think about getting to that point right now.

She wants to come by one day this week and pick up the cats...and I'm going to miss the annoying little furballs something fierce too.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 25, 2005)

If you actually like cats, maybe you should go down to the local shelter and get one or two.   I'd miss not having any cats as I've had cats just about all my life.


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## megamania (Apr 25, 2005)

Hey Krieg-  sorry to read about it.  I was nearly there a year ago.  Wife was doing her own gaming if everyone understands me.  It's been 10 months and I still worry about it at times.  Anyway- hang in there.  A new kitten might not be the worst thing either.  It'll help keep your mind focused.


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## Krieg (Apr 25, 2005)

With the break-up and all I'm not sure how much I will be home for awhile and I don't want to put another creature through all of that stress.

Plus unfortunately in the back of mind there is still that tiny bit of me that isn't willing to give up hope of reconcilliation.  :\


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 25, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> With the break-up and all I'm not sure how much I will be home for awhile and I don't want to put another creature through all of that stress.
> 
> Plus unfortunately in the back of mind there is still that tiny bit of me that isn't willing to give up hope of reconcilliation.  :\




And who knows? Maybe after some time apart, she may feel the same way.... keep yer fingers crossed!


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## Krieg (Apr 26, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> And who knows? Maybe after some time apart, she may feel the same way.... keep yer fingers crossed!




The way she is acting right now I see virtually no hope of that.

I had a doctor's apointment after work today, and then went and spent some time with my dad who is leaving for about a month tomorrow. When I got home, the cats were gone and the only  communication to me was a message on the answering machine that she was coming down to take the cats.

So much for a "couple of days" and "letting me know ahead of time". *sigh*

I just don't know who this person is and how my wife turned into her.


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## Krieg (Apr 26, 2005)

Anyone care to give me some feedback on the following letter before I send it to my wife?



> After my doctor's apointment yesterday I went down to my dad's to try
> and spend some time with him before he leaves today. I was a bit
> shocked when I left to find a message on my cell phone saying you were
> picking up the cats.
> ...


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 26, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> The way she is acting right now I see virtually no hope of that.
> 
> I had a doctor's apointment after work today, and then went and spent some time with my dad who is leaving for about a month tomorrow. When I got home, the cats were gone and the only  communication to me was a message on the answering machine that she was coming down to take the cats.
> 
> ...




I don't know.... I'm saying that it'll take time for her to sort out whatever's going through her mind right now and let things settle. There may be more to this, as we only have your side.... she may call you several forms of "idiot" or something. We don't know... A woman's mind is different from a guy's. We can hold "grudges" of things that happened months, even years ago. Stuff most guys have long since forgotten... 

Blame it on the full moon! People seem to be acting like jerks since the moon went full a few days ago..... Acting like a major PMS trip or something....   

Just take things slow and hang out with your dad for awhile. Maybe the two of you can have a "father/son" talk and he can give advice...


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 26, 2005)

Your letter seems fine to me. Maybe start of with something friendly before launching into what you've written so far. The beginning seems a bit harsh, try to soften it up a bit. I know it's hard for you after all this happening all at once. But she's gotta be feeling similar, going through alot of pain too.


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## Krieg (Apr 27, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> I don't know.... I'm saying that it'll take time for her to sort out whatever's going through her mind right now and let things settle.




I agree 100%. The problem is that she wants to get everything done as soon as possible and fast track the divorce. She is becoming increasingly angry about everything and I'm going to have to start moving to protect myself. I have absolutely no desire to put her in a bad position, but I also don't want to come home one day and find everything gone...



> _There may be more to this, as we only have your side.... she may call you several forms of "idiot" or something. We don't know..._




Not much name calling believe it or not. 



> _A woman's mind is different from a guy's. We can hold "grudges" of things that happened months, even years ago. Stuff most guys have long since forgotten..._




Oh yes. One of her major complaints is regarding something that happened five years ago.



> _Blame it on the full moon! People seem to be acting like jerks since the moon went full a few days ago..... Acting like a major PMS trip or something....  _




I've talked to her a family a bit as well and they are equally concerned about her behavior. Unfortunately the things she is doing right now are only a short term band-aid and are very likely to be emotionally unhealthy for her down the road.

I don't really like her that much right now, but I do still love her and worry about her well being. It absolutley kills me that I can't be there as a friend to offer her advice through all of this or to help protect her. 



> Just take things slow and hang out with your dad for awhile. Maybe the two of you can have a "father/son" talk and he can give advice...




Spent the day with dad & his wife. They are leaving for Cali tomorrow for two weeks. It is going to be especially stressfull without having my dad around. Ironically enough my wife's older brother is probably my main support system right now.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 27, 2005)

Ouch! 

Whatever happened five years ago must've been one doozy..... and for her to escalate it beyond what it probably was.....


Just make sure she doesn't leave you standing on the road in your skivvies with only a comb and toothbrush to your name....


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## Steve Jung (Apr 27, 2005)

Is there anyone who could act as a neutral party, other than the therapist? Someone to act as go-between?


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## I'm A Banana (Apr 27, 2005)

> I've talked to her a family a bit as well and they are equally concerned about her behavior. Unfortunately the things she is doing right now are only a short term band-aid and are very likely to be emotionally unhealthy for her down the road.
> 
> I don't really like her that much right now, but I do still love her and worry about her well being. It absolutley kills me that I can't be there as a friend to offer her advice through all of this or to help protect her.




As far as I can tell, the best thing you can do is let her do what she feels she needs to do, and you do the same. Tell her that. "I know you're trying to do the best with everything that you can, and I want you to know that what you're doing isn't going to stop me from loving you. I won't stand in your way. I just want you to know that no matter how far down that path you run, all you need to do is turn around and take one step back, and I'll be there. I don't like this, but I respect your descisions."

And then figure out if your mind is the kind that says "stay dedicated and wait and see what happens to her" or the kind that says "this book is closed, I'll digest it and maybe open a new one."


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## Krieg (Apr 27, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> _Ouch!
> 
> Whatever happened five years ago must've been one doozy..... and for her to escalate it beyond what it probably was....._




I was out of work for almost a year when we first moved in together, and the first couple of months I stayed in contact with a female friend. There was nothing going on with the friend (although in reality she was probably the backup plan) but my wife (gf at the time) had a lot of problems with it. She is also upset that she didn't meet my parents for the first year or so we were together and that she never met some of my old friends from the bar I used to work at. She is unwilling to accept that when I quit the bar I felt that I needed to make a clean break with everyone there as well so I could move forward in my life.

So therefore I am ashamed of her etc etc

Obviously it all goes much deeper than that but she honestly doesn't seem to have forgiven me for the old transgressions and it is all coming out again now.



> _Just make sure she doesn't leave you standing on the road in your skivvies with only a comb and toothbrush to your name....  _




Yep that is what I am making sure of right now, hence my concerns over her showing up at the house unannounced right now. Unfortunately I am seriously considering changing the locks.



			
				Steve Jung said:
			
		

> Is there anyone who could act as a neutral party, other than the therapist? Someone to act as go-between?




Unfortunately we are beyond that. She is completely unwilling to work on anything at this point. She was scheduled to see the therapist yesterday (which would be her first appointment) and I am not quite sure that she went. When we talked about it she said that she would "see that b**** today and then never go back again" when I asked who she was referring to she replied "the therapist you are _forcing_ me to go see"! 

I have no power to force her to do anything, I originally asked her to go to try and work things out between us. Now I just hope she goes because things aren't going to get better for her until she works through some of her issues.



			
				Kamikaze Midget said:
			
		

> _As far as I can tell, the best thing you can do is let her do what she feels she needs to do, and you do the same. Tell her that. "I know you're trying to do the best with everything that you can, and I want you to know that what you're doing isn't going to stop me from loving you. I won't stand in your way. I just want you to know that no matter how far down that path you run, all you need to do is turn around and take one step back, and I'll be there. I don't like this, but I respect your descisions."_




That's pretty much how I am trying to handle it. 

Even though we may be over, I am concerned about her well being and hope that maybe someday I will be able to help her through all of this. 



> _And then figure out if your mind is the kind that says "stay dedicated and wait and see what happens to her" or the kind that says "this book is closed, I'll digest it and maybe open a new one."_




Oh I am definitely the former but realistic enough to know that eventually I'm going to have to head on and become the latter.

The toughest part for me now isn't so much losing her (as hard as that is), but the fact that someone I care for very deeply is putting herself in an emotionally unhealthy position and is completely unwilling to deal with her problems. 

I never thought it would get to where I was feeling sorry for her.


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## Krieg (Apr 28, 2005)

Update:

Well my wife cancelled her appointment with the therapist on tuesday, although she did reschedule for next wednesday. The therapist isn't very optimistic that she will actually show for that one either.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 28, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Update:
> 
> Well my wife cancelled her appointment with the therapist on tuesday, although she did reschedule for next wednesday. The therapist isn't very optimistic that she will actually show for that one either.





Right now, she probably figures that she doesn't need help. Just you. She thinks you're the epitome of evil right now....  :\ Maybe it might be best if she does do her own thing and let the dust "settle" before trying to talk things over with the therapist. The "wounds" are just too fresh, too raw right now for her, or you for that matter, to think straight.


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## Warrior Poet (Apr 28, 2005)

Sorry to hear about your troubles, and I wish you the best going forward.  Read your letter draft:  sounds like one of the most mature, reasoned, respectful approaches to a chaotic and confusing situation I've heard about in a long time.  I respect Darth K'Trava's suggestion to add something friendly and make it less harsh, but, frankly, I'd leave it like it is: honest and up front, not decorated with anything, just put the cards on the table.  You got wounded about the cats, you're letting her know how you feel without couching it in any terms other than what it is.  Being friendly is important in life, but friendly isn't going to suddenly change everything around, as if that's the thing it all hinges on.  As you've said, the issues are deeper than that.  Time to be honest, my opinion only, and worth what you paid for it.

Good luck, hang in there, get some time and space for yourself.  The gym is good:  nothing like a little physical exertion to help push through some of the mental and emotional gymnastics that goes on at a time like this.  Those gymnastics are important, but it helps to have the balance of simple muscular development and cardio work to remind you of some of the most basic things:  water, sun, sleep, food, and you're alive.

Take care, and thanks for serving.

Warrior Poet


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## Krieg (Apr 28, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> _Right now, she probably figures that she doesn't need help. Just you._



_

Yep




She thinks you're the epitome of evil right now....  :\

Click to expand...



Ain't that the truth.




Maybe it might be best if she does do her own thing and let the dust "settle" before trying to talk things over with the therapist. The "wounds" are just too fresh, too raw right now for her, or you for that matter, to think straight.

Click to expand...




I agree with all of this 100%, the main issue for me is that she has moved in with a man that she works with. While that of course hurts me, I am more concerned about him taking advantage of her emotional state right now.

That's what is the hardest part for me to deal with. 

Losing her I can live with, but knowing that she is making poor decisions that are going to cause her even more pain in the long run just tears me up inside._


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## Krieg (Apr 28, 2005)

Warrior Poet said:
			
		

> The gym is good:  nothing like a little physical exertion to help push through some of the mental and emotional gymnastics that goes on at a time like this.  Those gymnastics are important, but it helps to have the balance of simple muscular development and cardio work to remind you of some of the most basic things:  water, sun, sleep, food, and you're alive.





Yes it is definitely time to get big again. 

I have an open invitation to subcontract for Blackwater Security. Depending on how I feel in 3 months or so I may seriously considering picking up that option. Getting away from here for awhile & going someplace where I can focus on more immediate concerns has always been good for me.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Apr 28, 2005)

Krieg...terribly sorry to hear about your marriage.  Try to hang onto positive things and not get drawn into depression.

As for what I'm doing, I'm at work and trying to be productive, as well as ducking management.  I'm on a new and VERY potent painkiller, and during a strategic planning retreat yesterday, I was the one voted to give my group's presentation.  I don't recall much of it, but according to my coworkers, I was damned funny and scathingly frank in presenting our group's grievances.  I guess now I'll really see how "open" our policy is toward criticism.


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## Krieg (Apr 28, 2005)

DungeonmasterCal said:
			
		

> _Krieg...terribly sorry to hear about your marriage.  Try to hang onto positive things and not get drawn into depression._




Thanks Cal. I went ahead and put myself on lexapro just as a precaution.



> _As for what I'm doing, I'm at work and trying to be productive, as well as ducking management.  I'm on a new and VERY potent painkiller, and during a strategic planning retreat yesterday, I was the one voted to give my group's presentation.  I don't recall much of it, but according to my coworkers, I was damned funny and scathingly frank in presenting our group's grievances.  I guess now I'll really see how "open" our policy is toward criticism._




I hope you don't catch any flak for it, but damn that is pretty funny!


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## DungeonmasterCal (Apr 28, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Thanks Cal. I went ahead and put myself on lexapro just as a precaution.




I know some folks who take it, and it's helped them immensely.



			
				Krieg said:
			
		

> I hope you don't catch any flak for it, but damn that is pretty funny!




You won't believe this, but just as I posted my last entry, one of the vice-presidents at the session yesterday sent me a note.  Here is an excerpt:

[/QUOTE]
"Calvin,

Thanks for this message.  I thought your comments were funny and appreciated your humor throughout your presentation. You presented some very heavy stuff and the way you handled it really lightened the tone, but kept it serious.  Thanks for your leadership on that.  I really appreciate that you all were willing to give me time to talk openly and frankly with the group."[/QUOTE]


I should've gotten this painkiller sooner!


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## Mystery Man (Apr 28, 2005)

Now you have to keep taking them.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Apr 28, 2005)

Mystery Man said:
			
		

> Now you have to keep taking them.




If I must. Sigh...the things I do for the organization!  *staggers away batting at imaginary flying fish*

Without naming the painkiller I've been prescribed, here are some of its side effects:

Dizziness, lightheadedness, hallucinations, sedation, euphoria, headache, confusion, disorientation; infrequently weakness, disturbed dreams, insomnia, syncope, visual blurring and focusing difficulty, depression; and rarely tremor, irritability, excitement, tinnitus.

So yes, I was the hit of the strategic planning retreat.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 28, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> Yep
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Stay out of it. Because if you say *anything*, she's gonna see you as "meddling in her affairs" and things will just get uglier. I think she's doing this as a "knee-jerk" reaction to the marriage falling apart... All you can hope is that this guy isn't taking advantage of her but if you get in the middle of this, then she's *really* gonna unload on you and make the separation bit even worse, or even the divorce proceedings... I know it's hard for you to do this but you're gonna have to let her go her own way; let her make her own choices. And if this guy ends up being a prick, who knows? She might not think you're so bad anymore.... (it's a stretch but possible).


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## Krieg (Apr 29, 2005)

I definitely know to stay out of it all, it's just difficult for me. 

I'm the proactive type and used to be the one that "fixes" everything for everyone.

Being in a position where I am absolutely powerless to help is frustrating to say the least.

Oh well, she's eventually going to have to reap what she's sown I suppose.


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## Krieg (Apr 29, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> She thinks you're the epitome of evil right now....  :\




A follow up on that:

Just got off of the phone with her.

Everything is my fault, I'm turning her family against her (because I talked to them), I'm an a'hole, etc etc

It just boggles my mind that there is so much anger there. I guess she has to villify me right now to make herself feel better, but still....

Wow.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 29, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> A follow up on that:
> 
> Just got off of the phone with her.
> 
> ...




I have a friend who's now ex-gf get an abortion and then got HIS family against him. Even when he was the one begging her not to do it.... Women can be so vindictive.... and I just happen to be female....   

I don't know why people have to hurt others just to prop themselves back up.... I just don't know.


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## Krieg (Apr 29, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> Women can be so vindictive.... and I just happen to be female....
> 
> I don't know why people have to hurt others just to prop themselves back up.... I just don't know.





She's going to be like this forever towards me now isn't she?


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 29, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> She's going to be like this forever towards me know isn't she?





Hopefully not. Maybe it'll end when this emotional rollercoaster is over. Or a while longer if she's around the age to hit menopause...


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## megamania (Apr 29, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> She's going to be like this forever towards me know isn't she?




A year ago I finally had proof that my wife was messing around.  It was an ugly time complete with divorce being brought up.  I remember sleeping in the furnace room one night.

In time she saw what I had to offer and what the other guy said he could but would not.  

We are together and still contently married.  

Be constructive.  Don't speak or act in anger.  If she is true, she will return.   If not, there are other fish in the sea.


Sorry to hear of your troubles


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## Desdichado (Apr 29, 2005)

DungeonmasterCal said:
			
		

> Dizziness, lightheadedness, hallucinations, sedation, euphoria, headache, confusion, disorientation; infrequently weakness, disturbed dreams, insomnia, syncope, visual blurring and focusing difficulty, depression; and rarely tremor, irritability, excitement, tinnitus.



Yeah, but you didn't have "sexual side effects" which is a plus.

What the heck are sexual side effects anyway?  I don't really like the vagueness there.  It could be anything from problems with erection to spontanously changing gender!


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## Goblyn (Apr 29, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Yeah, but you didn't have "sexual side effects" which is a plus.
> 
> What the heck are sexual side effects anyway?  I don't really like the vagueness there.  It could be anything from problems with erection to spontanously changing gender!




It's probably best not too dwell on it.

...

However, the term does remind me of a DnD mini of a giant that has, on his card, a single missile weapon attack but nothing on the figure itself he could throw ... except for a pig tied to his belt.

If you can think of how the vagueness of the term 'sexula side effects' makes me think of this miniature, then you're as sick as I am.

Anyway, Krieg, I've never had an experience like what you are having, so I dare not attempt dole out any advice. I wish you good luck in the resolution of this, though.


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## Darth K'Trava (Apr 29, 2005)

Goblyn: I don't have any experience there either.... But I did what I could....   

And you've got one strange, SICK analogy....


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## DungeonmasterCal (Apr 30, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Yeah, but you didn't have "sexual side effects" which is a plus.
> 
> What the heck are sexual side effects anyway?  I don't really like the vagueness there.  It could be anything from problems with erection to spontanously changing gender!




Or I become a howling, testosterone-fueled sexual juggernaut.  **sits...waits...**  Sigh... nothing.


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## Krieg (May 4, 2005)

A cheerful update on my so called life:

She's pregnant.

She hasn't told me yet.

She doesn't know I know.

Wee hee


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## diaglo (May 4, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> A cheerful update on my so called life:
> 
> She's pregnant.
> 
> ...




Congrats Krieg


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## Desdichado (May 4, 2005)

DungeonmasterCal said:
			
		

> Or I become a howling, testosterone-fueled sexual juggernaut.  **sits...waits...**  Sigh... nothing.



Just make sure you've got someone around willing to indulge, or that sounds kinda lame...


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## DungeonmasterCal (May 4, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> Just make sure you've got someone around willing to indulge, or that sounds kinda lame...




It was wishful thinking.


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## Desdichado (May 4, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> A cheerful update on my so called life:
> 
> She's pregnant.
> 
> ...



With yours, or this new guy's?

Either way, ouch, that bites.  Sorry, mang.


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## Krieg (May 5, 2005)

diaglo said:
			
		

> Congrats Krieg




That wasn't necessarily a good thing there D!



			
				Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> With yours, or this new guy's?




I have no idea. I'm guessing she at least believes it is his, but there is no way to be sure.



> Either way, ouch, that bites.  Sorry, mang.




Yeah, didn't exactly make things less complicated.


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## Darth K'Trava (May 5, 2005)

That's an "ouchie" situation either way.... depends on how far she is along or if she was seeing this guy behind your back while you two were together... (not stuff you'd want to hear/know about but has to be a possibility..)

Hope things work out somehow. It'd be nice if the kid was yours...


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## diaglo (May 5, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> That wasn't necessarily a good thing there D!




life is always a good thing.  

diaglo "can't have kids" Ooi


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## Mystery Man (May 5, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> I have no idea. I'm guessing she at least believes it is his, but there is no way to be sure.




D
N
A


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## Krieg (May 5, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> That's an "ouchie" situation either way.... depends on how far she is along or if she was seeing this guy behind your back while you two were together... (not stuff you'd want to hear/know about but has to be a possibility..)




I honestly don't think it was going on before I knew about it, but the point is pretty much moot now anyways.



> Hope things work out somehow. It'd be nice if the kid was yours...




Me too on both accounts, although in the latter case it would make things even more complicated.



			
				Mystery Man said:
			
		

> D
> N
> A




In Ohio you cannot divorce a pregnant woman, and when the kid is born it is mine until proven otherwise. So the burden will be on her to prove it is not mine. If it is mine I will be fighting for custody.


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## Darth K'Trava (May 5, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> I honestly don't think it was going on before I knew about it, but the point is pretty much moot now anyways.




Yup... sad that it is...





> Me too on both accounts, although in the latter case it would make things even more complicated.




I agree.





> In Ohio you cannot divorce a pregnant woman, and when the kid is born it is mine until proven otherwise. So the burden will be on her to prove it is not mine. If it is mine I will be fighting for custody.




Ouch! I don't know how it is here..... But if it's yours, then hell yes! Fight for custody. And if you can prove she's a totally unfit mother (without making it look like you're out for revenge...), then they'd award you with total custody.


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## Steve Jung (May 6, 2005)

Krieg said:
			
		

> In Ohio you cannot divorce a pregnant woman, and when the kid is born it is mine until proven otherwise. So the burden will be on her to prove it is not mine. If it is mine I will be fighting for custody.



Keep up the fight. I'm sorry that she's hiding this from you.


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## Desdichado (May 6, 2005)

I don't know which is worse:  do you want the baby to be yours, or would you rather simply wash your hands of that whole complication?


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## Krieg (May 6, 2005)

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> I don't know which is worse:  do you want the baby to be yours, or would you rather simply wash your hands of that whole complication?




I want it to be mine, even if it does raise the difficulty level several orders of magnitude.


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## Krieg (May 8, 2005)

Confronted her about it yesterday. She vehemently denied being pregnant. She seemed sincere. I've usually been a pretty good judge of when she is telling the truth, but now I just don't know.  :\

We talked a bit. She started crying because she doesn't want anything to happen to me (because of my cancer). Said that if she had known before that she would not have left me. Said she was going to come back until the night I grabbed her arm. Admitted she still loved me (as a friend according to her). Said she loves the new guy and that they had talked about marriage. Said she feels so horrible about leaving me when I need her the most. etc etc

It would be so much easier if she was just the psycho b**** all of the time rather than opening up to me now and again. Damn it is a pain to love/hate/feel sorry for someone all at the same time.

Anyways, I am just going to do my best to avoid her until this entire mess is over with.


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## Darth K'Trava (May 9, 2005)

Yeah. 'cause it's now sounding like she's using the "Pity Factor" on you....  :\ 

She should find out for sure if she's pregnant or not. That way, it can ease THAT burden... Obviously she's worried more about whether she's preggers or not moreso than you having cancer, which is a more looming thing. Personally, I think she should be worried more about what the effect of the cancer is having on your overall health than screwing around and being a psycho-b****...


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## Krieg (May 9, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> Yeah. 'cause it's now sounding like she's using the "Pity Factor" on you....  :\




I honestly don't think that is it. The problem is that part of her truly does still love me (whether she can admit it or not). She doesn't realize that she can't have it both ways. She doesn't have the right to care about me anymore.

I wrote her a letter today telling her exactly how I feel. My love, my anger, my pain...all of it. In short I let her know that she needs to go ahead and get the rest of her stuff as soon as possible as it is just too painful for me to deal with her anymore. 

While I still love her desperately, I am realizing more and more that she isn't a person that I like very much.

She's made her bed, she can sleep in it...


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