# song parodies



## dragonhead (May 17, 2006)

I love song parodies and i want to hear some of the ones that ENworlders have created, post your ORIGINAL creations and enjoy.


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## MojoGM (May 18, 2006)

*Ok, I have this one...*

I just found this on my hard drive here at work.  According to the file, I wrote it in 2004.  I seem to remember cranking it out for a thread very much like this back then, and I'm glad I saved it.

Not great, but ok I guess...

Specialist Wizard
(Sung to the tune of "pinball wizard" by the Who)

Ever since I was a young mage,
I’ve heard the magic call.
From Waterdeep down to Suzail,
I’ve adventured with them all.
But I ain’t seen nothing like him
In any Arcane Meeting Hall…
That specialist Wizard
Sure throws a mean Fireball!

He stands like a statue,
Becomes part of the Weave.
Casting incantations
While his fighter buddies cleave
Always gets initiative,
Crisp opponents fall.
That specialist Wizard
Sure throws a mean fireball! 

He’s a powerful Wizard
There has to be a twist
A powerful wizard
With bracers on his wrist

“How do you think he does it?  I don’t know! What makes him so good?”

He ain’t got no distractions,
Concentration is high as hell.
He knows the orcs are a coming
Senses them by their smell.
Always gets his spells off
No disrupts at all
That specialist Wizard
Sure throws a mean fireball! 

I thought I was
The evocation king
But I just handed
My collection of scrolls to him.

Even in a wild magic area
He can beat my best
His mercenaries clear an area
And he just does the rest
He’s got crazy casting fingers
More opponents fall
That specialist Wizard
Sure throws a mean fireball!


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## Thunderfoot (May 18, 2006)

I love you man!  - I have about 20 under my belt and was going to start my own post as well.  Will start deluging you all VERY shortly.

Love from the bard - T-foot


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## Thunderfoot (May 18, 2006)

*DWARF WITH NO NAME*
_To the tune of “Horse With No Name”
(and apologies to AMERICA)_
On the first part of the journey I was lucky to have my life. 
We lost a cleric and the paladin when they failed to turn that wight.
The rogue ended up as a spot on the floor when a trap he didn’t find; 
it triggered with a deafening sound and it left the mage flash blind.

CHORUS
Now I’m stuck in a dungeon with a dwarf with no name,
it felt good to be out of the pain. 
In the dungeon you can’t remember your name, 
'cause there might be a dragon there to roast ya in flames.
La, la, la, la-la la-la la, la-la la, la la ... 

After two days in the dungeon’s dark 
we lost the sorcerer to a goblin horde. 
After three days in the dungeons’ dank
the fighter died by a bugbear sword.
And the rest of the group well we started to droop when we counted up our reward

CHORUS

After nine days the ranger died
when we stumbled on a hydra’s den
And the mage, blew himself to bits
when he mixed up his components again.
And if I get out of here one thing is perfectly clear 
I’m gonna settle down and run an inn.

CHORUS​


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## Thunderfoot (May 18, 2006)

*HOWL OF SCREAMS*_To the tune of Street of Dreams
(with apologies to Rainbow)_
I heard the sound of voices in the crawl
Spells bounce there was someone fighting
I looked around but no one’s in the hall
Stepped out, almost got fried by lightning
I've been like this before
My arms were dangling by my side
I've screamed in pain before I died

BRIDGE
Resurrection spell is what I will need
It’s time to go and see the priest

CHORUS
Monster dismembered me 
in a howl of screams
Leaving just a bloody stream
In a howl of screams

Now I’m just a distant memory
No good to my dying comrades
Hope they win so they can rescue me
Otherwise I might fit inside a Glad bag
Something is eating me
And I don't want to be its meal
So glad this fantasy ain’t real

BRIDGE
CHORUS

SOLO

Something is eating me
And I don't want to be its meal
So glad this fantasy ain’t real
BRIDGE
CHORUS
Tell me do you always bleed (In a Howl of screams)
Every time you meet a fiend (I a H o S)
Do you know how to use a shield (I a H o S)
Fighter’s union card has been repealed (I a H o S)
Intestine lay in gooey strings, oh yeah (I a H o S)
I can hear you mauling me (I a H o S)
I can feel you gnawing me (I a H o S)
Eating me (I a H o S)


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## Thunderfoot (May 18, 2006)

*IT'S A DRAGON, THINK I’LL RUN.*
_To the Tune of Its Friday I’m in Love 
(With Apologies to R. Smyth and The Cure)_
I don't care if it’s a blue,
his teeth are sharp and his claws are too.
And he can always breathe on you,
it's a dragon, think I’ll run.
I’ve had armies fall apart,
watched one eat a mage’s heart
ever smell a dragon fart?
it's a dragon, think I’ll run.
Ogres are great
a troll I’ll even contemplate
but dragons make me hesitate...
I don't care if it’s a black
even whites have breath attacks.
I see one there’s no looking back
it's a dragon, think I’ll run.
Have you finally lost your head?
I’ll stay home and stay in bed,
or polish up my sword instead.
it's a dragon, think I’ll run.
Ogres are great
a troll I’ll even contemplate
but dragons make me hesitate...
Armored up to the eyes,
don’t want a nasty surprise,
where’s the cleric, I see those red wings rise.
Throwing out gouts of flame,
this attack was lame,
see a streak hear a shriek, I won’t be held to blame.
The halfling’s not a big bite,
it's such a gory sight,
he’s eaten in the middle of the fight.
I think I’ve had enough,
and I drop my stuff,
It's a dragon, 
I think I’ll run. (AAAHHHHH!!!!!!)


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## Thunderfoot (May 18, 2006)

*OGRES, TROLLS AND MUMMIES*
_To the tune of Lawyers, Guns and Money
(With appologies to the late W. Zevon)_
I was DMing in my campaign
the way I always do.
The players beat the wyvern
and the undead army, too

The 20 orcs I rolled up
should have been a risk
I’ll need ogres, trolls and mummies
to get me out of this

The bullette and the roper
and the horrors with their hooks
I watched the party hack apart,
every monster in the book
every monster in the book
every monster in the book

Now I'm looking at my MM
and I’m wondering what to do
They killed ogres, trolls and mummies
guess I'll use Chtuhlu  

Ogres, trolls and mummies…


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## Thunderfoot (May 18, 2006)

This should be a good start - several odd generes in rock.
And by the way - they're all copyrighted, so don't get any ideas.


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## sydbar (May 18, 2006)

Please keep it up, these are great, especially dwarf with no name.


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## Thunderfoot (May 19, 2006)

sydbar said:
			
		

> Please keep it up, these are great, especially dwarf with no name.



Thank you very much.  It was a classic that just lended itself to parody.  The one by the Cure is inspired by a "real life" role-playing event.  Let's just say that long life and valor don't mix.  My personal fav though is Howl of Screams, but then I've always liked Rainbow during the mid-80s era, after Dio left the group and Joe Lynn Turner took over - but then I'm in the minority for that one.

I have some other generes coming up in the next day or two, including a really bad early 90s rap song that I think is better than the original (but then, that wouldn't be too hard for this song.)  Any guesses?


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## WayneLigon (May 19, 2006)

*We Didn't Start the Fire (The Comic Geeks Version)*
Green Lantern, Harlequin, Golden Age, Remember when? 
Talky Tawny, Billy Batson, Marvel Family 

Ol' Ma Hunkle, Shield and Dusty, Captain Fury, Fox and Rusty 
Planet Mongo, Congorilla, Sivana Villainy 

Green martians, sidekicks, Phantom Lady, Joker's tricks 
Batman, Zombie Baseball, And Betty Page on the wall 

Wonder Woman, Ken Keen, Sandman's got a new scene 
Dynaman, Rocketman, Bucky Barnes goodbye 

[Chorus] 

Barry Allen, Iris West, Wally and all the rest 
New Green Arrow, no more Speedy, Communist Plots. 

Atom II, Snapper Carr, Red Tornado, Rita Farr 
Penquin, Ivy, Batman on TV 

Stan Lee, New Scene, Marvel's got a winning team 
Silver Surfer, Spider-Man, Green Goblin, Savage Land 

Kingpin, Doctor Doom, Baxter Building, Danger Room 
Comics Code, Wertham raves, Trouble in the Batcave 

[Chorus] 

Cerebus, Turtles four, DNAgents, Power Corps 
Eclipse, Aztec Ace, John Sable in your face 

The Crisis, Secret Wars, Crossovers by the score 
Stark's a drunk, Regicide, Children of Atomicide 
Kandor City, Lucy Lane, Giant monkeys, not again! 
Cypher dies, Jean Grey too, Robin on pay-per-view. 

Nova, Harbinger, Apocalypse And Abin Sur 
Phoenix reborn again, Image in the Quarter Bin 

[Chorus] 


Vertigo, Sandman, Doctor Strange and the Hand 
Toxxin, Venom, Symbiotes begin again 
Nicholson with hair so green, Batman on the silver screen 
Dark Age, Luke Cage, Doomsday Beats Superman 

Dark Knight, Mutant X, Superheroes having sex 
Superman, Dead Today, what else do I have to say? 

[Chorus] 

Mind Control, Villains Win, Superman is back again 
Moon Base, Zatanna-gate, OMAC, Checkmate 
Kraven, Raven, Thanagar, Donna is a Darkstar 
Cheshire in Quracistan, Black Adam in Khandaqistan 

Speculators, Variants, Chromed Covers, retail rants 
Jason Todd, Gorilla Grodd, Jack Knight's Cosmic Rod 
One Year Later's in the stores, Bucky barnes is back for more 

Super Secret Crisis Wars, I can't take it anymore! 

[Chorus]


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## dragonhead (May 19, 2006)

Thunderfoot, It seems that You have too much 'clap clap' time on your hands.   Those parodys are gold. you should think about making a cd and selling it on the web, i would buy one. got any more? if so, bring it on. and WanyeLigon, nice job, keep it coming


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## Thunderfoot (May 19, 2006)

Thanks - I'm a professional musician, and I have always wondered what the market for something like that would be.  Just may have to do that.  

Love the parody of B Joel, too.  Very inventive.


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## Thunderfoot (May 19, 2006)

Ok, don't say I didn't warn you.

*DICE DICE BABY*
_(Do I hafta apologize to Vanilla Ice?)_

Dice Dice Baby, Dice Dice Baby
Listen, all RPGers relate
It’s the one thing we love or maybe its hate
Drop your bones, perk your ears up clearly
Roll the dice but make sure you hear me
Will they ever stop? Yo--I don't know
they bounce off the table; on the floor they go
You curse, whine and scream
Act like a baby and make scene…

Chill
Makin’ that serious roll
That fatal attack or a saving throw
Curses
You stare in shock
You wait for the answer but the dice is cocked
Your luck’s been spent but ya toss again
That’s when you roll a “1” my friend 
If you gotta a problem, anger don’t solve it
Check out the book while my DM resolves it

Dice Dice Baby (Rollin) (4X)

Now that the party is fighting
With the door kicked in, the mages throw lighting
Bolts to the point, to the point no faking
Their cooking up monsters like a pound of bacon
Burning them if they're not quick and lithe
They light them up and watch them writhe
And boil; see them bake
My thief drops back cause he’s on the make
Rollin my big 20
I’m making the ‘sneak’ cause they just don’t know
Back step, I think I’m slick
That when I hear a deafening click
That trap that, I did not see
Drops a fireball, right on top of me
Now my thief is dead and I can’t continue

Just a hunk-a-hunk-a burnin’ sinew
Players were hot cause we lose the fight
DM’s lovin’ it, man this bites
Jealous, 'cause he’s rolling hot
He’s on a streak and man I’m not
Smacking my head up against the wall
This chump DM is havin’ a ball
Voices, ring out like a bell
I grabbed my head—They’re from the nine hells
Rollin’ like crap, get put to SLEEP
I don’t think this new set’s one I’ll keep
Grab my hammer give the dice a whack
Wouldn’t you know it the hammer cracked
Lighter on the scene, You know what I mean
The dice don’t melt, this must be a dream
Think I gotta problem and I can’t solve it
Battery acid can’t even dissolve it

Dice Dice Baby (Rollin) (4X)

Take heed, I think I need a priest
These dice are possessed by some unholy beast
My God, who created these things
Take my two sixes and give ‘em a fling
They ricochet and to no one’s surprise
Land on the table showin’ snake eyes
Forged and formed in some pit of hell
Shoulda known by the slick smile during the sell
the sign said no refunds…Oh well
Decide to give them one last cast, 
My DM stops
I look at the faces and they’re all on top
Keep my composure then I start to snicker
DM cringes and the party’s eyes flicker
If there was a problem Yo--that solved it!
6 18’s by the book while the DM he saw it.

Dice Dice Baby (Rollin) (4X)

Yo man—I’m headin’ to GEN CON with these babies!
Word to E Gary!

Dice Dice Baby (We Rollin) (4X)
Dice Dice Baby (We Rollin Rollin) (3X)
/fades to Rollin’, Rollin’, Rollin’ keep them bones a goin’/


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## dragonhead (May 19, 2006)

Thunderfoot said:
			
		

> Thanks - I'm a professional musician, and I have always wondered what the market for something like that would be.  Just may have to do that.




People like wierd al made it alright. so your a pro-musician, huh?  what band do you play for? and do you guys have a tour going? if so, let me know when you'er stoping by st.louis mo.


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## Thunderfoot (May 19, 2006)

dragonhead said:
			
		

> People like wierd al made it alright. so your a pro-musician, huh?  what band do you play for? and do you guys have a tour going? if so, let me know when you'er stoping by st.louis mo.



DUDE! I grew up in Southern Illinois.  St Louis is in my backyard! (Go Cards!)
Actually I'm not in a touring group at the moment, I've gone back to school to finish my certification and open a recording studio.  I can think of only two musicians that made it doing parodies, the aforementioned Wierd Al and Ray Stevens, its hard enough to make it in the business as is, a gimmick like that needs proper nourishment (ie right place at the right time).  A lot of people see the buisness as all gitz and glamour, but its more work than anything.  Personally, I'm happy being able to sustain myself doing something I love, not a lot of people have that kind of job satisfaction. 

Ok - enough thread hi-jacking - SRY PEPL.


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## Lord Mhoram (May 19, 2006)

Thunderfoot said:
			
		

> Ok, don't say I didn't warn you.
> 
> *DICE DICE BABY*
> _(Do I hafta apologize to Vanilla Ice?)_




No, just to Queen and David Bowie.


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## Vraille Darkfang (May 19, 2006)

(Here's my entry from CMG's Story contest from a few month's ago).

(Assuming that said contest, did, in fact, take place & was not just a figment of my imagination).

(Similar to how I could have Sworn I was well over 1,000 posts).

(Go on vacation for a week & look what I come back to).

(PS.  This is, for better or worse, totally mine, along with Arlo I suppose).

______________________________________________________________

I'm afraid this song isn't really mine.

I'm not sure whose it is. It just sort of cropped up all by itself in response to those trying times around 2000. When TSR went under, when WoTC came in to save (or sink) our beloved hobby. There was a lot of fear & uncertainty during those trying times.

But, this little number helped get us all through it. And maybe, just maybe, it had a little influence on the direction of Third Edition.

So here it is: The greatest (perhaps only) RPG Protest song of all time:


Thalmin’s Gaming Shop 
By Vraille Darkfang (with deepest apologies to Arlo Guthrie & Alice's Restaurant) 


This song is called Thalmin’s Gaming Shop, and it's about Thalmin, and the Gaming Shop, but Thalmin’s Gaming Shop is not the name of the Gaming Shop, that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Thalmin’s Gaming Shop.

You can play anything you want at Thalmin’s Gaming Shop
You can play anything you want at Thalmin’s Gaming Shop
Walk right in it's around the back
Just one block from the railroad track
You can play anything you want at Thalmin’s Gaming Shop

Now it all started two Gencons ago, was on - two years ago on Thursday, when Diaglo and I went up to visit Thalmin at the Gaming Shop, but Thalmin doesn't live in the Gaming Shop, he lives in Owen Park nearby the Gaming Shop, in the dug-out, with his wife Mialee and Bilbo the dog. And livin' in the dug-out like that, they got a lot of room outside where the infield used to be. Havin' all that room, seein' as how they took out all the bases, they decided that they didn't have to take out old gaming garbage for a long time.

We got up there, we found all the gaming garbage in there, and we decided it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the gaming garbage down to the county dump. So we took the half a ton of gaming garbage, put it in the back of a red GM truck, took those CCG’s and Dragon Dice and supplements of financial destruction and headed on toward the county dump.

Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across the dump saying, "Closed for Gencon." And we had never heard of a dump closed for Gencon before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another place to put the gaming garbage.

We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road and off the side of the side road there was another fifteen-foot cliff and at the bottom of the cliff there was another pile of gaming garbage. And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we decided to throw our's down.

That's what we did, and drove back to the dug-out, had a Gencon dinner of overpriced unknown meat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obi. He said, "Geek, we found your name on a Spellfire Booster at the bottom of a half a ton of Dragon Dice, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obi, I cannot tell a lie, I put that Spellfire Booster under that gaming garbage."

After speaking to Obi for about forty-five minutes on the telephone we finally arrived at the truth of the matter and he said that we had to go down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the police officers' station. So we got in the red GM truck to retake the CCG’s and Dragon Dice and supplements of financial destruction and headed on toward the police officers' station.

Now posters, there was only one or two things that Obi could'a done at the police station, and the first was he could have given us an XP bonus for being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out and told us never to be see driving gaming garbage around the vicinity again, which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officers' station there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Obi, I don't think I can pick up gaming garbage with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up, Geek. Get in the back of the patrol car."

And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want to tell you about the town of Mt Prospect, Illinois, where this happened here, they got thirty-three stop signs, twenty-two police officers, and ten police cars, but when we got to the Scene of the Crime there was seventy-five police officers and thirty-three police cars, being the biggest crime of the last fifty seconds, and everybody wanted to get in and online blog about it. And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officers' station. They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot tracks, dog smelling prints, and they took twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy digital photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner, the southwest corner and that's not to mention the satellite imagery.

After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obi said he was going to put us in the cell. Said, "Geek, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your pencils and your dice." And I said, "Obi, I can understand you wanting my pencils so I don't have anyway to stab in the cell, but what do you want my dice for?" And he said, "Geek, we don't want any gaming." I said, "Obi, did you think I was going to game by myself lacking any rules?" Obi said he was making sure, and friends Obi was, cause he took out the toilet seat so I couldn't have a little table to sit and make stats, and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn't pluck out a nose hair, roll out the toilet paper roll along the floor, slice open a vein and write out the DMG, PHB, MM, and a module or two. Obi was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Thalmin (remember Thalmin? It's a song about Thalmin), Thalmin came by and with a few nasty words to Obi on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the dug-out, had a another Gencon dinner of overpriced unknown meat, and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.

We walked in, sat down, Obi came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy digital photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up, and Obi stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy digital photos, and the judge walked in, sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he sat down, we sat down. Obi looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy digital photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog. And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy digital photos with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry, 'cause Obi came to the realization that it was a typical case of American blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy digital photos with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And we was fined $150 and had to pick up the gaming garbage in the heat, but that’s not what I came to tell you about.

Came to talk about a new edition.

They got a building down on Lake Geneva, up along Sheridan Springs Road, where you opt-in, you get inspected, interrogated, dejected, infuriated, neglected and selected. I went down to get my playtester certification one day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and Dew’d up the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to look like the all-gamer geek from Lake Geneva, man I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all Gamer Geek from Lake Genva, and I walked in, sat down, I was talked down, brung down, ripped up, and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Geek, see Mr. Williams, room 304."

And I went up there, I said, "Skipper, I want to play. I mean, I wanna, I wanna play. Play. I wanna, I wanna roll, I wanna see dice and paper and pens and minis in my sleep. Eat dead PC Sheets. I mean play, Play, PLAY, PLAY." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "PLAY, PLAY," and he started jumpin' up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down yelling, "PLAY, PLAY." And then Monte came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, "You're our geek."

Felt pretty good about it.

Proceeded on down the hall gettin more implications, interrogations, dejections, negotiations and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly NDA's and I was just having a tough time there, and they was inspecting, inflecting every single part of my resume, and they was leaving no reference uncalled. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the head man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there, and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Geek, we only got one question. Have you ever been arrested?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Thalmin’s Gaming Shop Restriction, with full cos-play and five part harmony and stuff like that and all the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Geek, did you ever go to court?"

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy digital photos with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Geek, I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group WW .... NOW geek!!"

And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group WW where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join TSR after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking players on the bench there. Power Gamers. Rules Lawyers. Power Lawyers! Power Lawyers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And they was fat and smelly and ugly and horrible larp-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the fattest, smelliest, ugliest one, the meanest Power Lawyer of them all, was coming over to me and he was fat 'n' smelly 'n' ugly 'n' larpy and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Geek, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $150 and pick up the gaming garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, geek?" And I said, "Dragon Dice Collectin'" And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the evil eyeball and all kinds of mean gamer things, till I said, "And destroy'n Spellfire packs." And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about larpin', power gaming, rules lawyering, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And everything was fine, we was chugging Mountain Dew and all kinds of sweets, until Monte came over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said.

"Geeks, this - piece - of - paper's - got - 47 - words - 37 - sentences - 58 - words - we- wanna - know - details - of - the - crime - time - of - the - crime - and - any - other - kind - of - thing - you - gotta - say - pertaining - to - and - about - the - crime - I - want - to - know - arresting - officer's - name - and - any - other - kind - of - thing - you - gotta - say", and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the dice on the bench there, and I filled out the mission with the four dee-sixes, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the following words:

("GEEK, HAVE YOU ROLEPLAYED YOURSELF?")

I went over to Monte, said, "Cookie, you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've roleplayed myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group WW bench 'cause you want to know if I'm gamer enough to join the company, burn goblins, orcs, taverns and villages after tossin' ole'Torg RPG's." He looked at me and said, "Geek, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you credentials off to Washington."

And posters, somewhere in Renton enshrined in some little folder, is a study in black and white of my gamer credentials. And the only reason I'm singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar simulation, or you may be in a similar simulation, and if your in a simulation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into the skipper wherever you are ,just walk in say "Skipper, You can play anything you want, at Thalmin’s Gaming Shop.". And walk out. You know, if one gamer, just one gamer does it they may think he's really sick and they won't game with him. And if two gamers, two gamers do it, in harmony, they may think they're both wargamers and they won't take either of them. And three gamers do it, three, can you imagine, three gamers walking in singin' a bar of Thalmin’s Gaming Shop and walking out. They may think it's marketable. And can you, can you imagine fifty gamers a day, I said fifty gamers a day walkin' in singin' a bar of Thalmin’s Gaming Shop and walking out. And posters they may thinks it's a movement.

And that's what it is , the Thalmin’s Gaming Shop Anti-Restriction Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the lute.

With feeling. So we'll hold actions for the top of the round and the lute here and sing it when it does. Here it comes.

You can play anything you want, at Thalmin’s Gaming Shop
You can play anything you want, at Thalmin’s Gaming Shop
Walk right in it's around the back
Just one block from the railroad track
You can play anything you want, at Thalmin’s Gaming Shop

That was horrible. If you want to end level limits and stuff you got to sing loud. I've been singing this song now for twenty five 2nd ed rounds. I could sing it for another twenty five 3rd ed rounds. I'm not proud... or tired.

So we'll wait till the round begins again, and this time with four dee-sixers and +2 morale bonus.

We're just holdin' for it to come around is what we're doing.

All right now.

You can play anything you want, at Thalmin’s Gaming Shop
Excepting Kender
You can play anything you want, at Thalmin’s Gaming Shop
Walk right in it's around the back
Just one block from the railroad track
You can play anything you want, at Thalmin’s Gaming Shop

Dee dee dee dee dee dump
At Thalmin’s Gaming Shop


----------



## MavrickWeirdo (May 20, 2006)

Thunderfoot said:
			
		

> DUDE! I grew up in Southern Illinois.  St Louis is in my backyard! (Go Cards!)
> Actually I'm not in a touring group at the moment, I've gone back to school to finish my certification and open a recording studio.  I can think of only two musicians that made it doing parodies, the aforementioned Wierd Al and Ray Stevens, its hard enough to make it in the business as is, a gimmick like that needs proper nourishment (ie right place at the right time).  A lot of people see the buisness as all gitz and glamour, but its more work than anything.  Personally, I'm happy being able to sustain myself doing something I love, not a lot of people have that kind of job satisfaction.
> 
> Ok - enough thread hi-jacking - SRY PEPL.




It depends what you mean by "made it"

I know of a few people who make a living as filkers 

Leslie Fish, Tom Smith, Mercedes Lackey (an editor was impressed by her songs so offered to publish her short stories.)

I am looking forward to the NorthEast Filk convention June 14th thru 16th


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## MavrickWeirdo (May 20, 2006)

Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> (Here's my entry from CMG's Story contest from a few month's ago).
> 
> (Assuming that said contest, did, in fact, take place & was not just a figment of my imagination).
> 
> ...




I was going to repost this for you, but you beat me to it.

Because I subscribed to the origional thread, I still have copies of most of the entries (except my own of course    )


----------



## Thunderfoot (May 20, 2006)

MavrickWeirdo said:
			
		

> It depends what you mean by "made it"
> 
> I know of a few people who make a living as filkers
> 
> ...



Yes, a similar beast, but a little different.  I always forget to think of filkng as true parody, but frankly, it is.    Usually filking is done more to traditional folk melodies (hence the term filk) and parody is an outright rip-off of a popular or modern song.  Some day I'll come up with a classody - and entire Opera with re-written lyrics to ape some subject of some sort, but that project is WAAAAAY in the future.  I don't have _that_ much time on my hands.

I never imagined ANYONE would parody *Alice's Resturant*, I mean, that's just sick, but extremely funny.  Very good job and I feel sorry for the carpal tunnel syndrome you must now be feeling.  We should probably start a charity or something.


----------



## MavrickWeirdo (May 20, 2006)

Thunderfoot said:
			
		

> Yes, a similar beast, but a little different.  I always forget to think of filkng as true parody, but frankly, it is.    Usually filking is done more to traditional folk melodies (hence the term filk) and parody is an outright rip-off of a popular or modern song.  Some day I'll come up with a classody - and entire Opera with re-written lyrics to ape some subject of some sort, but that project is WAAAAAY in the future.  I don't have _that_ much time on my hands.
> 
> I never imagined ANYONE would parody *Alice's Resturant*, I mean, that's just sick, but extremely funny.  Very good job and I feel sorry for the carpal tunnel syndrome you must now be feeling.  We should probably start a charity or something.




Here is an example of Filk music (this is not an origional work)

Divine Irregularity
Words: © 1987 by Tom Smith
Music: "The Good Ship Calabar" (Irish trad.)

"I used to run role-playing games. My system of choice was not the ubiquitous Dungeons & Dragons, but Chaosium's RuneQuest. In this game, characters are not restricted to narrow classes (fighter, mage, etc.); a warrior might know several utilitarian magic spells, be a fair hand at lockpicking and other thiefly skills, and perhaps might even advance in the church of his or her choice -- indeed, become able to appeal to the gods through Divine Intervention, abbreviated throughout the rules as D.I. Unfortunately for this band of stalwarts, D.I. is also the abbreviation for Gordon Dickson's Dorsai Irregulars, a band of intergalactic mercenaries who will kick anybody's ass if the price is right. Their mortal enemies are the Friendlies." 

Come gather, lads and lasses, and a tale will be told,
Of noble young adventurers in search of a dragon's gold.
Well... maybe not that noble, maybe not that bold,
And as my song will soon relate, they didn't get that old.

Their leader was Delphine the Black, she fought with double swords,
She wiped her feet on noble fops and humbled mighty lords.
There was also a dwarf named Bristol, quite a strong and ugly lump,
So short and wide and thick of hide he was called the Bristol Stump.

Now, Biff the Drunken Druid was the party's magic power.
He spent his days in a bourbon haze through every waking hour,
And, for Delphine's affections, fought with Varicose the Vain,
A pretty-boy elf with a damn big axe and a thing for causing pain.

Their battle plan was simple: They would all have lengths of wire,
And Biff, disguised as an ice cream man, would quench the dragon's fire,
They'd garrote off its arms and legs in a daring frontal raid,
And if that didn't work, well, they always had the Holy Hand Grenade.

So, they started off for the dragon's cave, its treasures for to take,
But halfway there the birds flew off and the ground began to shake,
They heard a roar and a terrible crash and they all turned round to see
The dragon, right behind them, cleaning its nails on a tree.

(tune: "The Battle of New Orleans")
And they ran through the brambles, and they ran through the briars,
And they ran through the bushes where the rabbit couldn't go.
Ran so fast that the hounds couldn't catch 'em...
Sorry, wrong song.

Then Biff said, "Divine Intervention! Hey, that's always worth a try.
O Mother Goddess, save our hides! We beg you for D.I.!"
Now, Druid gods have always had a wit that's rather dry,
So a dozen guys in green and black fell out of a clear blue sky.

They landed with a mighty yell, 'cause landing hurts a lot,
But when they saw the dragon all their pain was quite forgot.
They hollered "WHAT A CHALLENGE!" and they hid behind some trees,
And they all whipped out their laser guns and blew away its knees.

Now, our heroes were in front of it, as you may well recall,
And when its legs were vaporized, they knew where it would fall.
Now, Biff had a chance to save just one, and it caused him awful pain
To choose who lived -- whether Bristol, whether Delphine, or whether Vain.

Then he pushed Delphine to safety and knocked Varicose to the turf,
And when the dragon hit the elf, he was shorter than a Smurf.
Now, Bristol the Dwarf was weighted down with all that stupid wire,
And he got crushed to dwarven slime, so now he's Bristol-Mire.

Delphine and Biff the Drunken Druid sent up a thankful prayer,
And thought of all the dragon gold the two of them would share,
Till they remembered all those warriors wondering what to do,
Until that balmy Druid said, "We're friendly! Who are you?"

So if you ask adventurers, they'll always say the same:
"Don't ever bother dragons -- nothing adventured, nothing gamed,
And never trust the Druid gods, nor beg them for D.I.,
'Cause you might get Intervention, and you just might get Dorsai."


----------



## Old Fart (May 20, 2006)

I can only remember a snippet of this from a gaming session back college way to many years ago.

Based on "Losing My Religion" with heartfelt apologies to REM

That's me in the corner
That's me with the Cure Light
Using My Religion
Trying to stay alive
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh, no, I pray too much
I haven't prayed enough
I thought I heard a demon laughing
I thought I heard a banshee cry
I'm pretty sure we're gonna die!


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## dragonhead (May 23, 2006)

Thunderfoot said:
			
		

> DUDE! I grew up in Southern Illinois.  St Louis is in my backyard! (Go Cards!)




Where at? I currently live west of st. louis in a town called Mckittrick. It sucks about the non touring thing, but oh well.

And I dont like the cards that much, im more of a blues and rams man. It sucks that the blues did crap this year.

(To All)My computers internet at home is acting funny so I am posting at the school i Work for. plz keep the porodys coming, and everyone enjoy.


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## frankthedm (May 24, 2006)

I'll post it once more since this thread is perfect for this.

*Die, die, die my game store!*
_with apologies to 'Die, die, die my darling'_

Die, die, die my game store
Never refunded a single sale
Die, die, die my game store
Your god damn store smells stale

I'll be seeing you again
Yeah, I'll be seeing you in hell

So don't cry to me weird peter
Your future's in an oblong box
Don't cry to me oh Game store
Your patrons reek like week old socks

Don't cry to me comic guy
Had to know the future was on-line
Don't cry to me oh fatbeard
I’m sick of that ‘Not out yet’ line
Don't cry to me El stink-o
And now your buyers run out the door
Don't cry to me old gamer

Die, die, die my game store
You won’t rip me off any more
Die, die, die my game store
And bathe your smelly help​


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## cybertalus (May 24, 2006)

I lack the talent to write it, but Don McLean's _American Pie_ is absolutely begging to be turned into a song parody about Karsus's Folly and the Day the Magic Died.


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## sydbar (May 25, 2006)

A guy named Steven Bost submitted a parody of American Pie called Bye Bye Miss American Die, that was published in issue 58 of Knights of the Dinner Table.


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## Thunderfoot (May 25, 2006)

I did a parody of _American Pie _ for the death of the Karaoke Bar on the Castle of Fun boards at the WotC website.    I have a lot of Castle specific stuff that if I posted here wouldn't make any sense, but it really works over there.

Other songs I've parodied at the Castle
_Copacabana
Rock the Casbah
Cult of Personality
Walking in a Winter Wonderland
Deutchland Deutchland Uber Alles
Oh Sherrie_
and _The Theme to Cheers_


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## dragonhead (May 26, 2006)

I made a parody myself. My daughter likes britney spears, and her favorite song was _Opps, I did it Again_. After listenign to that song, i could just feel the dirt all over me by the hidden meaning of the song. I was outraged that little kids were listening to this crap. so as a joke to take my mind off this, i did a didy along the lines of this:


Opps i pissed in my pants.
i ruined my clothes
left a puddle on the stage,
oh baby, baby,
Opps you think it was a joke,
but i drank to much coooooooooooooooooke,
and im not that ashamed of it.


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## Thunderfoot (Jun 3, 2006)

Not bad, with a little tweaking, I think you might actually have something. 
The local rock station here has a morning show that has a parody based on the called Oops, I farted again.  I won;t go into any details because Eric's grandma would have a coronary and die straight up.


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## dragonhead (Jun 5, 2006)

Thanks thunderfoot. Anyway, These are great parodies. Keep the parodys coming and others might post their original work. I heard a parody of american pie called wiskey guy. again i have a terible memory and this is all i can remeber.


My, My, Mr. wiskey guy.
always drinking, never thinking
of how your liver has died.
blow your money on some vodka and rye 
slurin "this will be the day that I buy, this will be the day that i buy."

Again i have a bad memory so this is most likely wrong.


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## Vraille Darkfang (Jun 6, 2006)

Here's what I think was my personal best from the 1st ENWorld Parady Contest.

Karaoke Night at the Morrus Household
(Eric is Isaac Hayes & his Grandmother sings back up).

Here it is: the Theme from ENWorld, one night only, with all apologies to the Funk.


[Eric]
Who's the white gamer tech that's a sex machine to all the gamer chicks?
Morrus!

[Grandma]
Ya… Oh, I can’t say that word. Who uses language like that in a song? (It’s all right grandma, just say something else, OK?). Well, OK. Ummm, Ya dang right!

[Eric]
Who is the gamer that would risk his dice for his brother gamer?
Morrus! 

[Grandma]
Can you dig it? Dig what? Were his dice buried? (It just a saying grandma, let’s keep going). Ok, if that’s what the kids are saying nowdays, but it still doesn’t make any sense.

[Eric]
Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's viruses all about?
Morrus!

[Grandma]
Right On! Morrus is such a hardworking young man. (Stick to the script, please Grandma).

[Eric]
They say this cat Morrus is a bad mother . . . Bad mother…. Ummm, line grandma.

[Grandma]
Oh, sorry, I was just confused. Morrus is such a nice young man. He’ll make a wonderful father. Why, he couldn’t even be a mother anyway. Let alone a bad one. This song just doesn’t make any sense.

[Eric]
Grandma, you’re supposed to cut in with ‘Shut Your Mouth” before I finish saying ‘Bad mother *BLEEP*’. Oops.

[Grandma]
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" I’m going to wash your mouth out with soap for that young man!

[Eric]
But, I'm talkin' 'bout Morrus.

[Grandma]
Then we can dig it, but you’re still sitting in a corner with soap young man!

[Eric]
He's a complicated man, but no one understands him but his server
Admin Morrus! 

[Grandma]
This is why I keep a Irish Spring bar in my purse. Now come over here young man! What is a sex machine anyway? Is that like the woman doctor? I had no idea Morrus was a doctor. Now that's a career! Why can't you be more like your doctor friend Morrus? 



Umm, Sorry Folks. American Idol it ain't (Actually, it's a lot better than 90% of AI Contestants).


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## Thunderfoot (Jun 6, 2006)

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

The mental picture just won't go away.


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## Stone Angel (Jun 6, 2006)

I just thought of one today actually based for gencon but imagine....

It's august in Indiana, downtown Indy burnt from the sun above roasted from the pavement below, there it is the convention center you walk through a pair of double doors then 

(To Welcome to the Jungle by GnR)

Welcome to our Gen-Con
We've got fun and games
we've got anything you want
we know your here to play....


Just a funny notion that struck me at work and then I saw this thread.


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## Raven Crowking (Jun 6, 2006)

Here's one, although it hasn't been officially approved yet for some reason:

http://www.enworld.org/article.php?a=157


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## Thunderfoot (Jun 7, 2006)

*BRAVO!!! ENCORE!!! AUTHOR AUTHOR!!!*

(Must be the avatar or something.  )


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## Thunderfoot (Jun 7, 2006)

*THE WIZARDS OF THAY * 
_To the tune of Take Hold of The Flame_
_(With appologies to Queensryche)_

We see the other magic using types, A bit blaise'
Our group is just a bit more bold
If Rashemen and Aglarond would bend to we from Thay
Our plan of domination would then unfold
Oh... oh, unfold 

From the lands of the Mulhorand
We emigrated looking for a better way
Now the cries of the slaves and demons
Split the night in the land that we call THAY!!!!

We're the Wizards of Thay /From Thay/
We use spells to slay /From Thay/
The Red Wizards of Thay /From Thay/ /From Thay/
Don't wait for the rush, just give up today

Heat, from the fire that we cast
Boom, hear the report of our blasts, and the dead
Lay, all around when we walk by
'Cause we love watching people fry, watch 'em fry

/solo - interspersed with screams of terror and hideous laughter/

We'll chain you up, with oppression we'll bind you
Szass-Tam will bring you quick defeat
All we want is the land united 
Aber-Toril sitting at our feet

We're the Wizards of Thay /From Thay/
We use spells to slay /From Thay/
The Red Wizards of Thay /From Thay/ /From Thay/
Don't wait for the rush, just give up today /From Thay/

oo-ooh-ooh oh /From Thay//From Thay/
Yeah, The Wizards of Thay /From Thay//From Thay/
gonna take on the world /From Thay/ 
o -o -o-o /From Thay/
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!   THAY!


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## Vraille Darkfang (Jun 7, 2006)

I suppose I should apologize to somebody for this.

Perhaps the English for translating the song into French before further desecrating it.

Perhaps the French for Desecrating the language via an English Song.

I'll tell Herman I'm sorry, but screw the Hermits (Not like I'll see them around- They're HERMITS!).

I don't give a rat's behind about the halflings, either.  You get swallowed whole by a Troll Stripper... You get what you pay for (literally in this case).

In order to properly enjoy this song 2 things must be done.

1.It must be sung by the Frenchmen of Monty Python's Holy Grail.
2.Consume 1 bottle of Rum beforehand (It improves the Acoustics of any room).

Based on 'I'm Henry the VIII I am' (Herman's Hermits Version).



*Je suis Henri l'huitième Je suis*
By the Frenchmen of the Grail.

Je suis Henri l'huitième Je suis
Henri l'huitième Je suis, Je suis
Sept a obtenu écrasé par le piège avant la porte
Il est fait à  sept PC's avant
Et chaque Rogue était un Rogue (Rogue)
Il ne créerait pas le Cleric ou la Bard (Bard non)
Je suis son huitième Hin Rogue, Je suis Henri
Henri l'huitième Je suis

Une autre morte apres la premiere

Je suis Henri le neuvième Je suis
Henri le neuvième Je suis, Je suis
Huit a obtenu électrocuté par le glyph sur la porte
Il est fait à huit PC's avant
Et chaque Hin était un Hin (Hin)
Il ne créerait pas le Dwarf ou l'Elf (Elf non)
Je suis son neuvième Hin Rogue, Je suis Henri
Henri le neuvième Je suis

------ lead lute ------

Je suis Henri le dix Je suis
Henri le dix Je suis, Je suis
Neuf a obtenu mange par la troll derrière la porte
Il est fait à neuf PC's avant
Et chaque Hin était un Henri (Henri)
Il ne m'appellerait pas le Frodo ou le Sam (Sam non)
Je suis son dix Hin Rogue, Je suis Henri
Henri le dix Je suis

H-E-N-R-I
Henri (Henri)
Henri (Henri)
Henri le dix Je suis, Je suis
Henri le dix Je suis

Oui!



If people ask nicely...
I might post an English Translation.
(No French isn't my native tongue, Any real French speaker will go into fits of apoplexy upon reading this).


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## Thunderfoot (Jun 8, 2006)

I don't speak French - I understood most of that... :/
Maybe there is something to the rogue's decipher script ability.   

FUNNY!!! I can't wait for the x-late to see how close I was. 
(Why do I have the feeling that sometime during GenCon we'll be singing this in the Canadindiana suite.)


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## Vraille Darkfang (Jun 8, 2006)

And now,

The English Version
(Why yes, I did play some of those 'Old-School' modules where you went through 10-20 characters a night).


* I am Henri the 8th I am*
By the Knights of the Grail.

I am Henri the 8th I am
Henri the 8th  I am, I am
Seven was mashed by the trap before the door
He has made seven PC's before
And each Rogue was a Rogue (Rogue)
He wouldn't make a Cleric or a Bard (No Bard)
I am his 8th Hin Rogue, I am Henri
Henri the 8th I am

Another death right after the first!

I am Henri the 9th I am
Henri the 9th I am, I am
Eight was electrocuted by the glyph on the door
He has made eight PC's before
And each Hin was a Hin (Hin)
He wouldn't make a Dwarf or an Elf (No Elf)
I am his 9th Hin Rogue, I am Henri
Henri the 9th I am

------ lead lute ------

I am Henri the 10th I am
Henri the 10th I am, I am
Nine was eaten by the troll behind the door
He has made eight PC's before
And each Hin was a Henri (Henri)
He wouldn't name him a Frodo or a Sam (No Sam)
I am his 10th Hin Rogue, I am Henri
Henri the 10th I am

H-E-N-R-I
Henri (Henri)
Henri (Henri)
Henri the 10th I am, I am
Henri the 10th I am

Yeah!


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## Thunderfoot (Jun 9, 2006)

I can't believe I'm saying this - it loses something in the translation - I actually like the French version better.  Oy!


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Jun 11, 2006)

Thunderfoot said:
			
		

> I can't believe I'm saying this - it loses something in the translation - I actually like the French version better.  Oy!




I know,

It worked better in French.  I suppose I could go back & try to re-work it from the ground up, but the French Version of a 60's British Gimmick song about D&D as sung by a bunch of 60's British Comedians pretending to be Medievel French Soldiers just works so well.

Anyway, since Ms.  (Actually, Mrs.) Spears wondrous displays of talent were mentioned earlier: Here is a Parady of one of her best works (That'd be the VIDEO rather than the song).

Orginally from the ENWorld Parody Contest:

_____________________________________________________

Eric; Call me. There's been some mix-up about a restraining order.    


P.S. I have a copy of Ms. Spear's outfit & I look Migghtty fine in it, hairy beer gut & all. Though the crotch is a bit tight.


Vraille Darkfang's

Slave 4 Noah


I know I may be new, but I’ve got threads started too.
And I need to post what I feel like posting.
So let me go and just read.

All u posters look at me like I’m a little lurker.
Well did ya ever think it’d be okay for me to step into this
ENworld?
****always saying little man don’t step into the 1k club.
Well I’m just trying to find out why
Cause Noah is what I love

Post it, Post it, Post it, Post it what
Post it, Post it, Post it, Post it, what

I know I may post on line, may post off line
But I feel like postin’ feel like elopin’
When I read this Noah guy.
What’s practical, what’s logical, what the hell, who cares!
All I know is I’m so happy when you’re postin’ here.

I’m a slaaaaave for Noah
I can not hold it, I cannot control it
I’m a slaaaaave for Noah
I can’t deny it, I’m not trying to hide it.

Eric don’t you wanna post up on me?
To another forum and post
Oh Noah don’t you wanna post up on me?
Won’t you holler my name, my name

Post it Post it Post it Post it what
Post it Post it Post it Post it what

I really wanna post tonight with you.
I really want to post what you want me to.

Noah don’t you wanna post up on me?
To another Forum and post
Oh Noah don’t you wanna post up on me?
Won’t ya holler my name my name

I’m a slaaaave for Noah
I can’t deny it, I’m not trying to hide it.
Post it Post it Post it Post it what
I’m a slaaaave for Noah

I can’t control it, I’m not trying to hide it

Like that


----------



## Thunderfoot (Jun 11, 2006)

That was horrible, not the parody, the fact that its based on a Brittney Spears song.


----------



## Kormydigar (Jun 13, 2006)

dragonhead said:
			
		

> I love song parodies and i want to hear some of the ones that ENworlders have created, post your ORIGINAL creations and enjoy.




I am no musician (can't sing either) but do enjoy writing lyrics. I have been thinking about song parodies that pay tribute to the classic adventures of old. I have finished the first one, and am working on others. Enjoy:

SHRINE OF KUO TOA
(To the tune of "Hotel California" with sincere apologies to The Eagles)


In a dark cavern temple, near where the drow lair

Cold stink of the fishmen,rising up through the air 

Up ahead in the distance, I saw a flickering light

My shield grew heavy and my sword was drawn

I had to prep for the fight

There they stood in the doorway

I heard the temple bell

And I was thinking to myself,

' I'm gonna send these fish freaks straight to hell

Then they lit up a huge torch, tried to scare me away

They were croaking down the corridor,

I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to Shrine of Kuo toa

Such an awful place

wonder how you'd taste?

Plenty of loot at the Shrine of Kuo toa

Any type of gear, you can find it here

Thier minds are tortured and twisted driving them all to bad ends 

They got a goddess they call Blipdoolpoolp and she's got friends

How they kill on the altar....sweet blood to let

Some kill to remember, some kill to forget


So I called up the chieftain

’please release my guys

He said, ’we haven’t had any captives here since CY 609

And still those voices are calling from far away,

Slit your throat in the middle of the night

I can hear them say...

Welcome to Shrine of Kuo toa

Such an awful place

wonder how you'd taste?


They livin’ it up at the Shrine of Kuo toa

What a harsh surprise, bring your lucky die

Piercers on the ceiling,

The yellow mold so nice

And they  said ’we are all just worshippers here, of our own device’

And in the chief whip's chambers,

They melee'd as they wished

They slash it with their vorpal blades

But they just can’t kill the fish


Last thing I remember, I was

Running for the door

I had to find the passage back

To the place I was before

’Ho-there’ said the fish man,

We are hatched here to believe

You can worship any time you like

But you can never leave!


----------



## FireLance (Jun 14, 2006)

Wrote this some time ago and posted it in another thread. Here it is again.

*It's Still D&D To Me*
(with apologies to Billy Joel)

What's the matter with the sword I'm swinging?
Can't you tell that it's too mundane?
Maybe I should buy some leather armor.
How much gold don't you have anyway?
Where have you been hidin' out lately, honey?
You can't fight monsters 'til you spend a lot of money.
Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new game
Funny, but it's still D&D to me.

What's the matter with the horse I'm riding?
Can't you tell that it's out of style?
Should I try to raise a baby griffon?
Yes you can, but it'll take a while.
Nowadays you can't be too sentimental,
Your best bet's a half-dragon half-elemental.
Pokemount, riding dog, half-celestial dire frog,
It's still D&D to me.

Oh, it doesn't matter what they say in the papers,
'Cause it's always been the same old scene.
There's a new game in town but you can't get the sound 
From a story in a magazine
Aimed at your average teen.

How about a suite of stat boosting items
And a keen holy flaming burst lance?
You could be a really great hero baby,
If you just give it half a chance.
Don't waste your money on a rod of negation,
You get more mileage from a ring of protection.
Heavy shield, animated, heavy fort, mithril plate,
It's still D&D to me.

What's the matter with the class I'm playing?
Don't you know that it got the shaft?
Should I try to play a cleric/wizard?
If you do then you must be daft.
Don't you know about the new options honey?
You get to stack your saves and your base attack bonii.
It's the next phase, new wave, balanced play, anyways
It's still D&D to me.
Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new game
Funny, but it's still D&D to me.​


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Jun 14, 2006)

Remember this little ditty?

You know “A little bit of Rita is all I need, A little bit of....”

Lou Bega's Mambo #5?  You know it.  Got the tune running through your head now?  Good.  Now you can correctly place the melody to these new lyrics.
______________________________________

*Level #6*
By Lotsa Beggin

DM's and gamers....this is Level #6


One,two,three, four, five
Every level in the game so come let's read
From the DMG to the Fiend Folio
The guys say they wanna stay single and base
But I don't really wanna

Battlerager like I had last week
I must say weak that class is now weak
I like the Alienist, Primeval, Shifter, and Ravager
and I as I continue you know the features get sweeter
So what can I do I really beg you Dungeon Lord
To me level'n is just like pork
Everything is all good let me try it
Please send in the d20 Content

   A little level of Mindspy for my elf
    A little level of Duelist for my bard
    A little level of Ronin is all I need
    A little level of Skylord helps me flee
    A little level of Wild Mage for the fun
    A little level of Bow Initiate to shoot long
    A little level of Justicar here I go
    A little level of em' all is my master plan
    Level #6

Jump up and down and beg the DM all around
Shake your hands to his sound
Stomp your feet on the ground
Take one player left and one player right
One ally for the book and one ally for the class
Cite the rules once and cite the rules in mass
and if DM looks like this then you doin' it right

   A little level of Mindspy for my elf
    A little level of Duelist for my bard
    A little level of Ronin is all I need
    A little level of Skylord helps me flee
    A little level of Wild Mage for the fun
    A little level of Bow Initiate to shoot long
    A little level of Justicar here I go
    A little level of em' all is my master plan
    Level #6

Read it and allow it Level #6

   A little level of Mindspy for my elf
    A little level of Duelist for my bard
    A little level of Ronin is all I need
    A little level of Skylord helps me flee
    A little level of Wild Mage for the fun
    A little level of Bow Initiate to shoot long
    A little level of Justicar here I go
    A little level of em' all is my master plan
    Level #6

I do all to fall in love with a class like you
Cause it can fight and it can thrive
It and me are gonna advance real high
____________________________________________

PS.  I believe the Surgeon General recommends a pneumatic hammer to drive that Balor- Spawned tune out of your head once it's stuck in there.


----------



## Thunderfoot (Jun 14, 2006)

Kormydigar said:
			
		

> I am no musician (can't sing either) but do enjoy writing lyrics. I have been thinking about song parodies that pay tribute to the classic adventures of old. I have finished the first one, and am working on others. Enjoy:
> 
> SHRINE OF KUO TOA
> (To the tune of "Hotel California" with sincere apologies to The Eagles)




I think I just wet myself...  BWAHAHAHAHA! I *LOVE* this one!

[sings]..Welcome to the shrine of Kuo Toa...


----------



## Kormydigar (Jun 15, 2006)

Thunderfoot said:
			
		

> I think I just wet myself...  BWAHAHAHAHA! I *LOVE* this one!
> 
> [sings]..Welcome to the shrine of Kuo Toa...




Glad you enjoyed it.     I am currently working on " Inverness". I will post when it's done.


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Jun 18, 2006)

Here's the deal:

Whenever your DM starts a new game, be sure to have every player sing this song together when he first comes in.  

(Bonus if everyone has a Kender/Halfling Miniature).

(Double Bonus if you all actually have Kender Characters made).

If so, please present the Coupon at the bottom of this song to your DM. 

Nods to Dr. Pepper's Advertising firm and one of the greatest actors of our time, David Noughton

____________________________________________________________________________

*I'm a Kender*
by Dazzletop Noonetopknot

I made a Handler Kender and I'm proud;
I'm part of our gaming crowd.
If you look around these days,
there seems to be a Handler Kender craze.
I'm a Kender, he's a Kender, she's a Kender, we're all Kender; wouldn't you like to play a Kender, too?
I'm a Kender, he's a Kender, she's a Kender.
If you'll make a Handler Kender, you'll be a Kender, too.
Be a Kender, play a Handler Kender.
Be a Kender, play a Handler Kender.
Be a Kender.

_________________________________________________________________________

*Vraille's Potion Potpourri Paradise*

Coupon good for 1 Potion of Cure Moderate wounds when redeemed with a 1st level Kender Player Character Record Sheet.

(Offer not Valid on Kyrnn, Canada, or the US Virgin Islands).

(Limit One Coupon per Campaign per Player).

gold piece value 1/10000th cp


----------



## Thunderfoot (Jun 19, 2006)

So far all of your stuff has been good....until now. 

What is the best thing about kender?

























They taste good if roasted on an open flame.


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Jun 26, 2006)

Thunderfoot said:
			
		

> So far all of your stuff has been good....until now.
> 
> What is the best thing about kender?




I belive you said funny.  The look on the DM's face when everyone shows up with a Kender (maybe a Tinker Gnome too) is quite humorous (unless he's got some sort of firearm nearby).

Anyway,  on the flip side of the DM/Player releationship....
__________________________________________________

(Based on Thunderstruck by AC/DC)

Consider this song a warning.

A warning to those who use loopholes and poorly written rules to make the 'Super-PC'.

No, you aren't fooling the DM.  It's just that much more satisfying when we lay the Fiendish, Legendary, Vampiric, Celestial, 20th Level barbarian/Sorcerer/Cleric Great Wyrm chosne of Tiamat on your Abomination of the Rules.

Whatever you can twink.  We can twink better.  Remember that.

And now a Classic from 2nd Ed days.
______________________________________________

Dragon-Stomped by BS/BR (aka Bladesinger/Battlerager)

(Roar) (x10)
I was caught
In the middle of a desert track (Roar) [...of a breath attack]
I looked round
And I knew there was no cleric at my back (Roar)
My dice flew
And I saw no number over two (Roar)
And I knew
This was no good, a no good plan by You (Roar)

Sounds like beating drums
Bitin' into my heart
The teeth in his gums
Tore me apart
I've been - Dragon-Stomped

Hit points down in single digits
Broken in seconds, by a wyrm, a great wyrm
Went down his gullet, yeah his gullet
And You had some fun
I'd met some D20 Rules
Some rules who gave me power unfair
Abused all the rules, played You for a fool
Yeah, yeah, then drakes, drakes blew their lightnin' breath

Could I make a new PC please?
Yeah You were sooo kind
I've been - Dragon-Stomped, Dragon-Stomped
Yeah yeah yeah, Dragon-Stomped

Yeah
Oh, Dragon-Stomped, yeah

Now that I've been bitten off at the knees
Could I make a new PC please?

Dragon-Stomped, Dragon-Stomped
Yeah yeah yeah, Dragon-Stomped
Dragon-Stomped, yeah, yeah, yeah

Said yeah, I'm all gone
You're doing fine
Yeah, I'm all gone
You're doing fine
(So fine)

Dragon-Stomped, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Dragon-Stomped, Dragon-Stomped, Dragon-Stomped
Whoa whiny, whimpy, Dragon-Stomped
I've been Dragon-Stomped, Dragon-Stomped
Dragon-Stomped, Dragon-Stomped, Dragon-Stomped
I've been Dragon-Stomped


----------



## Thunderfoot (Jun 27, 2006)

See, if you pay attention to my dragon song you won't end up like this dragon song. 

I love it.


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Jun 28, 2006)

I'm tired.

It's Late.

So here it is:

The shortest Filk I can imagine:

(Thanks to Mason Williams for his great hit “Classical Gas”.
_____________________________________________________

Classical Geas by the Bardic All Stars

(Begin all bardic instrumentals)








(End all-bardic instrumentals).

__________________________________________________

I got a few other things brewing.

This was just a way to boost my boost count up to 2nd level.  Again.


----------



## Allandaros (Jun 28, 2006)

A few Paranoia-related songs I did over at Paranoia-Live.net. Tombking is a member there, who (for reasons too lengthy to discuss here) my parodies centered on.
*
Bad, Bad, Tombking-O* (to the tune of Bad Bad Leroy Brown)

Oh, the north side of SWE Sector
It's the baddest part of town
And if you go down there
You better just beware
Of a clone named Tombking-O

And it’s bad, bad Tombking-O
The baddest clone in the whole damn town
Badder than old Annihilator
And meaner than a junkyard dog(bot)

Now Tombking, he's a gambler
And he likes his fancy clothes
And he likes to wave his Tella-O stuff
In front of everybody’s nose
He got a custom autocar
He got an walkerbot too
He got a laser pistol in his pocket for fun
He got a razor in his shoe

And it’s bad, bad Tombking-O
The baddest clone in the whole damn town
Badder than old Annihilator
And meaner than a junkyard dog(bot)

Well friday bout a weekcycle ago
Tombking shootin’ dice
And at the edge of the autobar
Sat a jackobot named Doris
And ooh that bot looked nice
Well he cast his eyes upon it
And the trouble soon began
And Tombking learned a lesson
’bout takin' the bot of a jealous clone

And it’s bad, bad Tombking-O
The baddest clone in the whole damned town
Badder than old king kong
And meaner than a junkyard dog(bot)

Well the two clones took to fightin’
And when they pulled them from the floor
Tombking looked like a batch of Hot Fun
With a couple of pieces gone

And it’s bad, bad Tombking-O
The baddest clone in the whole damn town
Badder than old Annihilator
And meaner than a junkyard dog(bot)

*Tombking, PLC Man* (to the tune of Secret Agent Man)
 There's a man who leads a life of danger
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger
With every move he makes another chance he takes
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow

Tombking PLC man, Tombking PLC man
He's given you a number and taken down your name

Beware of smiling faces that you find
A happy face can hide a traitor's mind
Ah, be careful what you say
Or you'll give yourself away
Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow

Tombking PLC man, Tombking PLC man
He's given you a number and taken down your name

Tombking PLC man, Tombking PLC man
He's given you a number and taken down your name

Swingin' at HPD&MC one day
And then layin' HEL Sector next day
Oh no, you let the wrong word slip
While taking credits slips
The odds are you won't live to see tomorrow

Tombking PLC man, Tombking PLC man
He's given you a number and taken down your name

Tombking PLC man...

*Troubleshooter Call* (to the tune of Hammer to Fall)

Here we stand or here we fall
IntSec won’t care at all
Make the bed light the light
Tella-O won’t be on tonight yeah

You don’t waste no time at all
Don’t hear the bell but you answer the call
It comes to you as to us all
We’re just waiting
For the Troubleshooter call

Oh ev’ry night and every day
A little piece of you is falling away
But get more cash the FE way
Rise in clearance as your body decays yeah

Toe your line and play their game yeah
Let the Wakey-wake cover it all
Till one day they call your name
You know it’s time for the Troubleshooter call

Rich or tough or famous
For your truth it’s all the same (oh no oh no)
Lock your door the Vulture's knocking
Through your window pane (oh no)
Baby now your struggle’s all in vain

For we who grew up loyal and
In the shadow of the big FC
Convinced our voices can be heard
We just wanna sing loyalty songs louder and louder

What the HEL we fighting for?
Just surrender and it won’t hurt at all
You just got time to say your prayers
While your waiting for Troubleshooter - Troubleshooter's call

They're gonna call
Troubleshooter...Troubleshooter call
Waiting for FC to call now baby
While you’re waiting for the Troubleshooter call

Give it to Tomb one more time!

_________
...and one of Tombking's responses:

*Allandaros* (to the tune of Goldeneye)

See the cambot moving towards your face
See the docbot that have no real ace
See his goons all around you
And you'll know you've met your match

Allandaros, with just one weakness
Allandaros, the leades of the army
Allandaros, the clone of the slugthrowers
But a flybot will bring him to his knees

You'll never know
How your second hand took control after the fight
You'll never know
How she killed commies left and right
You'll never know the plots, the tricks, the schemes
The schemes she schemed
But soon her time will come
And time, time is not on her side

See him shoot, with this great big slugthrower
He's the boss, they do what he says
See the commies fall before him
If I were him I wouldn't spare that girl

Allandaros, not bot or vendomachine
Allandaros, watch out for Tassa-DAR!
Allandaros, you're in a whole lot of trouble!
Did you really think two squads would be enough?

You'll never know
How the commies ran away from AUR
You'll never know
You were so close, and now you've been denied
If you'd set some kind of trap,
You might still be alive
Revenge, it's a flybot
Here's my little tip
Next time send warbots to blast them blind
Poor Allandaaaaaarrrrrrooooooos!


----------



## sydbar (Jun 29, 2006)

Excellent paranoia song parodies.


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Jun 30, 2006)

OK.......

It seems my latest post was eaten by the Server Crash Gnomes.

This time I'll try neutering an old mouse and offering it up for sacrifice.

"Please spare my humble post from your limitless wrath."

______________________________________________-

And now, from the Biggest Thing to hit the Sword Coast since Elminster's Booty Call List.....


Paladin Man by They are Indeed Giants

Paladin man, Paladin man
Doing the things a paladin can
What's he like? No one knows
Paladin man

Is he a prick, or is he a jerk? 
When he's under threat does he get crit? 
Or does his mount get crit instead? 
Nobody likes Paladin man

Adventurer man, Adventurer man
Adventurer man hates Paladin man
They have a fight, Adventurer wins
Adventurer man

DM man, DM man
Creator of the entire universe man
Unusually cruel to Adventurer man
DM man

He's got encounters for his master plan,
Monster bands in evil lands
When the party all flees he's a happy man
Powerful man, DM man

Commoner man, Commoner man
Weapon Focus frying pan
Lives his life as a follower man
Commoner man

Is he worthless or is he less? 
Does he feel totally helpless? 
Who rolled up Commoner man? 
Useless man, Commoner man

Adventurer man, Adventurer man
Adventurer man hits Commoner man
They have a fight, Adventurer wins
Adventurer man


Credit Here:

Based on “Particle Man” by They Might be Giants.......

Am I getting obscure enough now?


----------



## cybertalus (Jul 1, 2006)

Not too obscure for me Vraille.  In fact I liked it so much it inspired me to finish one I've been working on.

----

Blackguard killing in the dead of night,
Take this bastard sword and learn to fight.
All your life,
You were only waiting for this moment to arrive.

Blackguard killing in the dead of night,
Sink your sword in victim number three,
All your life,
You were only waiting for this moment to feel free.

Blackguard fight, blackguard fight
Under the light of a dark black sky.

Blackguard fight, blackguard fight,
Under the light of a dark black sky.

Blackguard killing in the dead of night,
Take this bastard sword and learn to fight.
All your life,
You were only waiting for this moment to arrive.
You were only waiting for this moment to arrive.
You were only waiting for this moment to arrive.


----------



## Thunderfoot (Jul 3, 2006)

Neither obscure and both very good.  I'm working on a rather old one myself about a Pally I have the chors done, but am suffereing through the timing on the verses.

To the tune of The Mighty Quinn by B. Dylan (as popularized by the Birds)

He doesn't drink,
That'd be a sin.
He don't do nothin',
He's a paladin.
He's good in a fight,
Against evil he wins.
He's a holy roller, 
He's a paladin.


----------



## cybertalus (Jul 4, 2006)

Ooh, I like what you've got so far Thunderfoot.  That's a good song, though I've only ever heard Dylan's own version, not the Byrds' cover.


----------



## Kormydigar (Jul 5, 2006)

Ok. I have finally completed "Inverness" the 2nd in a string of parodies paying tribute to classic adventures. Keep on the Borderlands is next up. Enjoy   

INVERNESS 
(To the tune of "China Grove" with apologies to the Doobie Brothers)

When the sun comes up on a haunted little keep
Down around Abbor- Alz
And the freaks are creeping down into the dark
with thier nasty pals

The creatures of the keep are strange
Trapped in time from whence they came
Well, youre talkin bout Inverness
Oh, Inverness

Well, the Duke of Urnst and the Seer
Lord, theyre a plotting
They are the talk of the town
With the Soul Gem up there lying
And they are trying
To find ways to get it down 

They say Galap-Dreidel's insane
And each corner entrance a game
Were talkin bout the Inverness
Oh, Inverness

But every day theres a new group comin
The ways of a railroaded view
The wizard and his buddies
With their shields and long swords
You can't even see the tower at night

And though its a part of a time gone by
People dont seem to care
They just keep on lookin to the past
Talkin bout the Inverness
Oh, Inverness


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Jul 11, 2006)

If you happen to meet Diaglo in person, you can try to get him to sing this.

If he refuses, just treat him to a liter of Mountain Dew or three and all the Krispy-Kreme he can eat.

If you then keep him up past his bedtime (say 8:30 or so), He'll jump up on the table and begin to shout his anthem out.

*O.D.D. by Diaglo*

Ernie with Bigby
Gary dropped a load in '74 

O.D.D, how can I explain it
I'll take you booklet by booklet
To have y'all playin' I shall be singin' it
O is for Original, D is for Dungeon delvin' venture
The last D...well...that's not that creature
WotC's gone the way to turn a lion 'to kitten
It's seven little letters that are missin' here
You get on occasion I'm DM'in' the party
As a game 'n it seems I gotta start to explainin'

D02 Hate it!

You ever had a PC and set the stats all in a nice row?
You get a sheet and 3d6 numbers and then you feelin' real mellow
You get done in under an hour, the playin's all you need'ta know 
When you roll up and there's no place there for feats or class features
It's tha GAME, G to the A to the M to the E
It's just your dwarf at a tavern house (Boy, their women *IS * hairy)
It's O.D.D time, other people's games don't get it
There's no rules for sissy-bits there's just rooms wit critters to hit in it
How many gamers out there know just what I'm gettin' at?
Who thinks it's wrong 'cos all I do is killin' and co-killin' em' all? 
Well if you do, that's O.D.D. and you're not down with it
But if you don't, here's your ol'skool membership

You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
Who's down with O.D.D? (Every last homie)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
Who's down with O.D.D? (All my homies) 

As for Watzee, O.D.D. means something lesser
The last two letters are the same but the first is something different
It's the useless, ugliest, mean-- I call it the meanest
It's another eight letter word rhymin' with banal and awful
I won't get into that, I'll do it...ah...sorta properly
I say the first O...hmmm...stands for property
Now Watzee here comes wit a 'game', shows da' game run to me, now tell me exactly...
Have you ever known a maker who have another like, ah game wit dice
And you just had to stop and play 'cos it look just as nice
You looked at it, the look hooked at you and you knew right away
That it had nothin' but you was gonna buy it anyway
It couldn't be as clean and honestly you didn't care
'Cos in a room behind a door no one but y'all are there
When y'all are finished, y'all can leave and y'all would know
And then y'all could throw the inferior books right in the closet do'
Now don't be shocked 'cos if you're down I want your heads up high
Say O.D.D. (O.D.D) I like to say with pride
Now when you play it, play it well and make sure all XP mounts
You're now down with playin' for stakes that counts


You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
Who's down with O.D.D? (Every last gamer)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
Who's down with O.D.D? (All the gamers)

This GM, ah tried to A.D.D. me
I had a GM and he knew that matter-of-fact my group and how we rolled wit it
We had a fall out, disagreement, yeah an argument
He tried to run so we did run in my basement, darn it
How he wasn't running IT must have been why we hit the ceiling
'Cos after that he kept on coming back and preachin' non-weaps.
I said, "Let's go my game is da' original so you gotta leave"
He said, "Oh no, You'll love your Class Kit" I said, "Now wannabe please"
You gots to leave, come grab your DMG, right now you gotta go
I then took you up the stairs and through the stair-window
That was a game, a stupid game, he shouldn't have even tried to start
'Cos he knew I was O.D.D, hell from the very start
Come on, come on, now let me tell you what it's all about
When you go down, you can't go underground runnin' off to the south
That's rule number one in this O.D.D. rules-set
You roll your stats 3d6 and you place them back to back
Exciting isn't it, a special kinda Role-Play to it
Many of you will play the same sorta O.D.D. I'm with
Him or her for sure is going to admit it
When O.D.D. comes, damn-- skippy I'm with it


You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
Who's down with O.D.D? (Our whole party)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
You down with O.D.D. (Yeah you know me)
Who's down with O.D.D? (Our whole party)

Break it down!



You kids are all a bunch of (Deleted) (Deleted)!!!  In my day we had to go HOME to use the phone, none of that (Deleted) CELL PHONE (Deleted)!  We had to WALK to our conventions UPHILL, BOTH WAYS.  The balor is a pathetic piece of (Deleted) that a REAL VI Demon would eat for BREAKFAST if Type VI Demons ate (Deleted) for Breakfast!

I love Showtunes!!!

I feel Pretty, 
So Pretty, Witty, and Wise!

(About now is when the sugar and caffeine high wears off & the sleep deprivation kicks in.  You can usually talk him down with a 'Best of Streisand CD', but keep him away from any S.C.A. weapons). 


Except for the Sugar Induced rant at the end, Diaglo took all his Inspiration from his Hate of the New Millennium (almost anything past 1983 in fact), and his love of hard-core rap music.

This tune is him just representin' his peeps Naughty by Nature and their hit O.P.P.

(I think he's working on an all Gygax inspired version of 50's newest album).


----------



## Dannyalcatraz (Jul 14, 2006)

One night of gaming, our party had the option of continuing on a particular path in the dungeon, or crossing an underground chasm.  We couldn't really see what was on the other ledge- too many interposed stalagtites.  "Fast Eddie" Edylrith, my CN gnome Ill/Th volunteered to be tossed across by the barbarian, with a rope attached, in order to start the process of crossing.

At the apogee of her arc across the chasm, she was snagged in mid-flight by a cave fisher, which slurped her paralyzed body up like spaghetti.

Which inspired the following brief (incomplete parody):

"It was a caaaaaaaaave fisher- one way ticket, yeah!
It took a FLUUUUNG GNOME to find out...and she found out!"


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Jul 15, 2006)

I could have sworn I've heard something similar to this before.

(Maybe one of those 'Bard on the Run' Articles from April Dragons, or the old FR list Serve).

If anybody knows if this has been done before, let me know (or any of the others I've posted for that matter).


Now to a tune that would probably make a better video than a song,
(To the Charlie Daniel's Band's Devil Went Down to Georgia) He got routed through Atlanta I'm guessing.


*Balor Went Down to Faerun*
by Volothamp Geddarm

A Balor went down to Faerun, he was looking for a soul to steal.
He was in a bind 'cos he was way behind: he was willin' to make a deal.
When he came across this old man smokin' on a pipe and castin' a lot.
And the balor landed upon a shadowtop stump and said: "Wizard let me tell you what: 
"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a spellslinger too. 
"And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you.
"Now you cast a pretty good spell, gramp, but give a balor his due:
"I bet a pipe of gold against your soul, 'cos I think I'm better than you."
The man said: "My name's Aumar and it might be a sin,
"But I'll take your bet, your gonna regret, 'cos I'm the best that's ever been."

Aumar you guano up your fingers and bend the Weave hard.
'Cos the Abyss broke loose in Faerun and the balor deals it hard.
And if you win you get this shiny pipe made of gold.
But if you lose, the balor gets your soul. 

The balor lifted up his sheath and he said: "I'll start this wimp."
And fire flew from his fingertips as he loosened up his whip. 
And he pulled a sword across his thighs and it made an evil hiss. 
Then a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this.


(Sounds of Massive Explosions, Concussive Blasts, and Lightning Crackling)


When the balor finished, Aumar said: "Well you're pretty good ol' son.
"But if you'll sit down in that chair, right there, and let me show you how its done." 

Fireball o'er the moun, run orcs, run.
The Cyricists' in the House of the Dark Sun.
Thayan in the grave-yard, raisin' up thralls.
"Ashemmi, does your gnoll bite?"
"No, goblin, no."


(Stock A-Bomb Blast Test Footage) 


The balor bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat.
He laid that golden pipe on the ground at Aumar's feet.
Elminster said: "Balor just come on back if you ever want to try again.
"I told you once, you son of the Abyss, I'm the best that's ever been."

And he cast fireball o'er the mount, run orcs, run.
The Cyricists' in the House of the Dark Sun.
Thayan in the grave-yard, raisin' up thralls.
"Ashemmi, does your gnoll bite?"
"No, goblin, no.”


----------



## baudbard (Jul 15, 2006)

Incomplete, but feel free to make em groan at the table with this assault on the Eurythmics

Great Cleaves are made of these
Who am I to use Expertise?
Traveled the world by level 17
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to confuse you
Some of them want to be confused

5 foot step up, Full Attack
5 foot step up, Full Attack.

and I have to share this crazy guy with you, he may not exactly be straight parody, but some of it is amazingly good.


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Jul 19, 2006)

As time passes, things change.
Those that sit at our gaming tables aren't all the same ones from the beginning.
Gamers drift, move, or just get too busy.
They just don't show up at the game anymore.  Sometimes, you have warning.  Sometimes you don't.
The get a new job, move, run out of free time, or any of a number of other reasons.
There is always the chance they might just walk in, take their seat, and start rolling dice.
A chance, there is always that chance, no matter how unlikely.
This is kind of a tribute to all those groups who have a chair or two set aside...
Just in case, you know; there's always a chance.

Based on Fire & Rain by James Taylor


*Magi & Hin*

Just yesterday evening the group let me know you were gone
Someone's plans may put an end to games with you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just can't remember who to send it to

I've been magi and I've been hin
I've seen campaigns that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not make it in
But I always thought that I'd game with you again

Won't you look down upon me, gamers
You've got to help me make my games grand
You've just got to aid me through our next play
My mind's aching and my dice are in hand
And I won't be gaming any other way

Oh, I've been magi and I've been hin
I've seen campaigns that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not make it in
But I always thought that I'd game with you again

Been playing in my mind to easy times, my thoughts towards the fun
Who knows when combat goes down how it'll go when you're not around
Well, there's hours of time on the computer line to find friends to come
Plot schemes and adventuring leads in pieces on the ground

Oh, I've been magi and I've been hin
I've seen campaigns that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not make it in
But I always thought that I'd game with you, one last time again, now

Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just so many things coming in our way this time around, now
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see your magi and hin, now


----------



## cybertalus (Aug 3, 2006)

Maybe's it all the Floyd I've been listening to since Syd Barrett died, but this one came to me pretty much all at once.

Comfortably Dumb

(with apologies to Roger Waters)

Hello
It's an enemy spellcaster
I think he wants to kill me.
Man I hate that little gnome.
Come on now,
I'd better take him down,
Scramble up his brain,
Knock him off his feet again.
Relax.
I'll just _Feeblemind_ him first.
It's a classic spell attack,
That'll hit him where it hurts.

I have no brain, it is receding
No rational thoughts on my horizon
I am only speaking now in raves
My lips move, but you cannot figure out what I'm saying
When I was a child, I was _Feebleminded_
My brain felt just like a baboon's
Now I've got that feeling once again,
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably dumb.

O.K.
It's just a little spell cast
There'll be no more aaaaah
But you may feel a little thick
Can you cast spells?
I do believe it's working, good
That'll stop you casting in the fight
Oh yeah, it serves you right. 

I have no brain, it is receding
No rational thoughts on my horizon
I am only speaking now in raves
My lips move, but you cannot figure out what I'm saying
When I was a child, I was _Feebleminded_
My brain felt just like a baboon's
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably dumb.


----------



## Thunderfoot (Aug 4, 2006)

Good one's guys.
I think I might actually start recording soon, I'll keep y'all posted.


----------



## dragonhead (Aug 9, 2006)

I finally got the internet hooked up in my new house, sorry i was gone, but you all know how moving is. im surprised to see my tread still going. but hey its kick a** to see some many funny song. i got to give props to level #6. that was sweet. and thunderfoot. record. im sure you can seel some copys


----------



## Dannyalcatraz (Aug 12, 2006)

I just found this old dwarven marching song... originally performed by the Bard, Fearless Sapphire-Eyes the Steady  

Start spearing the gnolls
I'm leaving today
I want to be a part of it, Greyhawk, Greyhawk
These orc-ripper boots
Are longing to stray
And make a brand new start of it
Greyhawk, Greyhawk!
I want to wake up in the city where danger don't sleep
To find I'm king of the hill, top of the heap
These Hommlet blues
Are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it
In old Greyhawk
If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you, Greyhawk, Greyhawk! 

I want to wake up in the city where danger don't sleep
To find I'm king of the hill, top of the heap
These Hommlet blues
Are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it
In old Greyhawk
If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you, Greyhawk, Greyhawk!


----------



## Goldmoon (Aug 17, 2006)

If anyone is familiar with Showtunes, this is a parody of Master of the house from "Les Miserables"

"Master of the Harp"

Welcome, good sir
Sit yourself down
And meet the best
Minstrel in town
As for the rest,
Lying to folks
Stealing their songs
And missing their notes
Seldom do you see
True talent like me
A Bard of good intent
Who's content to be 

Master of the harp
Doling out the charm
Ready with a sonnet
Or an Elvin poem
Tell a saucy tale
Make a little rhyme
My patrons all appreciate a little of my time
Glad to sing a song of love
Doesn't cost me to be nice
I’ll even play at weddings
But that will just incur a little price! 

Master of the harp
Keeper of the tune
Entertaining, fascinating
All in the room
Making all the rounds
Rhyming on the fly
Making husbands jealous
When I catch their ladies eye
Everybody loves a Troubadour
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
But please save your applause for the end!


----------



## dragonhead (Sep 7, 2006)

hey guys, 

just wondering if anyone has any new songs. plus im going to open up the thread to all parodies to keep the songs coming. so even if it is non gamer and rated at least pg-13, post it


----------



## Chimera (Sep 10, 2006)

Now I wish that I could find the words I wrote about six years ago.  Based on Alan Parson's Project "Can't Take It With You", but changed to be about our HelpDesk.

And this morning I was thinking of a parody of "A Man of Constant Sorrow" (from the movie "O Brother..."), changed to "A Man of Constant Jihad".


----------



## Agamon (Sep 11, 2006)

Imagine Gwen Stefani doing a Thriller-type video... (to the tune of "Hollaback Girl", apologies to Miss Stefani)

"Notadumb Ghoul"

Uh huh, this is my stench
All you ghasts claw their faces like this

A few times they've tried to turn me back
But it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul
I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul

A few times they've tried to turn me back
But it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul
I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul

Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench
Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench
Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench
Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench

That cleric there's trying to turn my ass
And he thought that I was going to beat it
But I had more hit dice than he thought, so it's only firing me up
So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack
Gonna rip your face off an' eat your spleen
That's right, put the silly symbol down, cause it's only firing me up

A few times they've tried to turn me back
But it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul
I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul

A few times they've tried to turn me back
But it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul
I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul

Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench
Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench
Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench
Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench

So that's right cleric, meet me in the graveyard
No paladins, no fighter/druid/bards
Both of us want to be the winner, but there can only be one
So I'm gonna fight, gonna claw ya in the groin
Gonna make you fall, gonna paralyze you
That's right I'm the last one standing, and now it's time for lunch

A few times they've tried to turn me back
But it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul
I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul

A few times they've tried to turn me back
But it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul
I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul

Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench
Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench
Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench
Ooooh ooh, this my stench, this my stench

And now you've got ghoul fever
D-I-S-E-A-S-E
(Yeah, you've ghoul fever)
(D-I-S-E-A-S-E)

Too bad you've got ghoul fever
D-I-S-E-A-S-E
(Yeah, you've ghoul fever)
(D-I-S-E-A-S-E)

A few times they've tried to turn me back
But it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul
I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul

A few times they've tried to turn me back
But it's not just gonna happen like that
Cause I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul
I'm a ghast, notadumb ghoul


----------



## dragonhead (Sep 13, 2006)

To the song above...

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha


----------



## Goldmoon (Sep 14, 2006)

This thread inspired me to write this. Let me apologize to the BeeGees in advance. If you cant tell its a parody of "Stayin Alive".


Well you can tell by the way my armor shines,  
I'm a Paladin, I’m so divine. 
Sword is sharp and shield is strong, I've been ready to fight  
Since I was born. 
now if you lie, or if you cheat,  
I might turn the other cheek 
But if you try, to kill or mame  
Ill take you down in my God’s name 

Whether you're a cloaker or whether you're a roper, 
I’m ready to smite, ready to smite. 
Undead bones are breakin' and evil clerics’ shakin’,  
And I’m ready to smite, ready to smite 
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ready to smite, ready to smite. 
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ready to smite, ready to smite. 

Well now, I get spells, my skills are broad,  
And if I fall in battle, I’m with my God. 
I’m in gleaming plate down to my shoes. 
I'm a holy man and I just can't lose. 
now if you lie, or if you cheat,  
I might turn the other cheek 
But if you try, to kill or mame  
Ill take you down in my God’s name 

Whether you're a cloaker or whether you're a roper, 
I’m ready to smite, ready to smite. 
Undead bones are breakin' and evil clerics’ shakin’,  
And I’m ready to smite, ready to smite 
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ready to smite, ready to smite. 
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ready to smite, ready to smite. 

I’m holy rolling. Somebody blessed me. 
Somebody blessed me yeah. 
I’m holy rolling. Somebody blessed me. 
Somebody blessed me yeah. Ready to smite

Well you can tell by the way my armor shines,  
I'm a Paladin, I’m so divine. 
Sword is sharp and shield is strong, I've been ready to fight  
Since I was born. 
now if you lie, or if you cheat,  
I might turn the other cheek 
But if you try, to kill or mame  
Ill take you down in my God’s name 

Whether you're a cloaker or whether you're a roper, 
I’m ready to smite, ready to smite. 
Undead bones are breakin' and evil clerics’ shakin’,  
And I’m ready to smite, ready to smite 
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ready to smite, ready to smite. 
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ready to smite, ready to smite. 

I’m holy rolling. Somebody blessed me. 
Somebody blessed me yeah. 
I’m holy rolling. Somebody blessed me. 
Somebody blessed me yeah. Ready to smite


----------



## Hawkeye (Sep 15, 2006)

Some of these are really great.  If I may add one that I wrote a few years back:

Light Fingered Rogue
By
Hawkeye
(Sung to the tune of Blue Collar by Styx)

I’ve got a job with lots of security
It gives me a chance to survive
I’ll steal from the poor soul in the bread line
I may not leave them alive

My mother and father, my wife and my friends
I’ve stolen from them all equally
But I’ve got the talent and I have the skill
Without an ounce of grief

I’ll take those 
Gold Crowns, some Silver doubloons
Keeping my pouch ever full
I’ll take all that isn’t nailed down
Just to be a light fingered rouge

I’ll make you an offer that you can’t refuse
It’s your money or your life
This is the last time before you feel my knife,
So ready or not

Chorus

Keeping my mind on a better life
Where happiness is only a dagger thrust away
Perhaps one day I’ll give up my larcenous ways
Open a shop or sell trinkets by the sea

(Pause) 

Nah!!

Chorus


----------



## Thunderfoot (Sep 16, 2006)

Good ones guys!  Goldmoon, THAT was AWESOME!!!!!
I have been neglecting my own song writing to focus on my schoolwork.  I see that I have had my priorities wrong.  I willl get back to work pronto!.


----------



## Servitor of Wrath (Sep 18, 2006)

*To the tune of "Hey, Mr. Tally Man"*

Come on, Wulfgar, let’s go kill some giants.
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Drizzt and Wulfgar, hiking to the mountains.
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Day-o to slay-o!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Day-o to slay-o!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Six brute, seven brute, eight brute, bunch!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Six brute, seven brute, eight brute, bunch!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)


Come, Mr. Tally Man, tally up me bodies.
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Drizzt and Wulfgar, racking up the bodies.
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Day-o to slay-o!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Day-o to slay-o!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Six brute, seven brute, eight brute, bunch!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Six brute, seven brute, eight brute, bunch!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)


Come, Mr. Tally Man, tally up me bodies.
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Thanks to Aegis-Fang, Wulfgar is the winner.
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Day-o to slay-o!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Day-o to slay-o!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Six brute, seven brute, eight brute, bunch!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Six brute, seven brute, eight brute, bunch!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)


Next day Wulfgar cleaning off his hammer.
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Drizzt say, Wulfgar, let’s go kill some ogres.
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Day-o to slay-o!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Day-o to slay-o!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Six brute, seven brute, eight brute, bunch!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)
Six brute, seven brute, eight brute, bunch!
(Aegis-Fang come and it shatter your bones.)


----------



## dragonhead (Sep 25, 2006)

These are pure gold. Thunderfoot, as a teacher im suppose to tell you that your school work is the most important, but as a poster, keep those song coming. if you dont mind me askin, what are you studing?


----------



## Thunderfoot (Sep 26, 2006)

dragonhead said:
			
		

> These are pure gold. Thunderfoot, as a teacher im suppose to tell you that your school work is the most important, but as a poster, keep those song coming. if you dont mind me askin, what are you studing?




Audio Engineering... The classes aren't bad but this six hours of homework a night is killing me.


----------



## dragonhead (Sep 26, 2006)

ouch! my roomie at my dorm dropedout because of the homework. he wanted to become an electrical engineer.


----------



## dragonhead (Oct 3, 2006)

um, trying to keep this thread alive, so if there are any more parodies, then lets hear them.


----------



## dragonhead (Oct 6, 2006)

the new wierd al cd came out and i got it yesterday. I thought it was ok, not his best, but hey. anyone else got it?


----------



## Thunderfoot (Oct 10, 2006)

Yep, I saw the video for "White and Nerdy" before the CD came out and got it just for that.  I agree, the CD is not his best, but then, there aren't a lot of great "new" songs to parody out there right now.


----------



## dragonhead (Oct 10, 2006)

i only liked the white and nerdy and candian idiot songs. i thought the rest were crap.


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Oct 14, 2006)

I've got more songs on the way.

Maybe.

About 2 months ago, my boss at my Part Time job (3 days a week) came to me and told me they might, maybe, possibly, sorta, kinda, be able to get me on Full Time sometime after the first of the Year.

The First of the Year turned out to be that Monday.

Needless to say, my free time to come up with silly lyrics has been drastically slashed.

I'll keep working on them here and there, but no real time-table as to when they will be done.


----------



## cnath.rm (Oct 14, 2006)

Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> I've got more songs on the way.
> 
> Maybe.
> 
> ...



Work takes precidence, no question there.  Congrats on the job upgrade however.


----------



## dragonhead (Oct 17, 2006)

cnath.rm said:
			
		

> Congrats on the job upgrade.




Ditto, though we shale miss you songs.


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Nov 3, 2006)

I have RETURNED!

Not even bouts of Explosive Diarrhea can keep me away forever.  (I'm never eating a Italian Sub followed by Bacon Covered Potato Skins again)

With Special thanks to Jim Croce and his song Operator (That's Not the Way it Feels) 

________________________________________________

Celestial Deva (That's not the way level draining feels) 

by:  Jim Croakeed, III (and IV, and V, and VII); VI got killed during Background Creation.

Celestial Deva, well could you help me place this prayer?
See, the organs in my ribcage are cold and blooded
The unliving in a cave was my best old ex-friend Ray
A rogue I knew well and sometimes hated

Isn't that the way level draining goes?
Well, I've forgot spell slots
And give me the components if you can find em
So I can cast just to level nine and those below
I've succumbed to the blow, I’ve unlearned what I knew well 
I only wish my spells could just restore myself
That it just wasn't real
But that's not the way level draining feels

Celestial Deva, well could you help me place this prayer?
Well, I can't read the scroll that the druid gave me
That something took my eyes, I think it happened last time
I built around a class that I thought would save me

Isn't that the way level draining goes?
Well, I've forgot spell slots
And give me the components if you can find em
So I can cast just to level nine and those below
I've succumbed to the blow, I’ve unlearned what I knew well 
I only wish my spells could just restore myself
That it just wasn't real
But that's not the way level draining feels

Celestial Deva, let's forget about this prayer
You see there's no more negative hit points I can fall to
Thank you for your time, though I'll rise as one more of their kind
And you can't turn me this time

Isn't that the way level draining goes?
Well, I've forgot spell slots
And give me the components if you can find em
So I can cast just to level nine and those below
I've succumbed to the blow, I’ve unlearned what I knew well 
I only wish my spells could just restore myself
That it just wasn't real
But that's not the way level draining feels


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Nov 5, 2006)

This one wrote itself way too easily.

Thanks to Mick, Keith and the Boys.  (You know this is a song I've hummed along to 100's of times, and never, never, never, really understood the actual lyrics to Brown Sugar.)

What follows is the Bardic “Dwarf-Chant” that got one of the Founding Groups of the Dwarven Balladeer Style later know as 'Rock' Exiled from the World's Edge Mountains and every Dwarf-Den between the Great Glacier to the Great Rift.  

Indeed, despite mounting fame in such locations as Waterdeep, Silverymoon, and Arabel, they remained pariahs in their home Thanedoms.  Even their (later) contention this song exalted the Taste of Caramelized, Roasted Orc Flesh, and not, well... Ummm...  Orc _Flesh_.

And despite a recent failed Climb check by their lead lutest, the Group continues to perform around Faeurn to this day.

____________________________________________

*Orc Sugar* by the Immobile Boulders

Sword Coast slave ship bound for Luskan Mines,
Sold in a market down in Ne'erwinter.
Scarred old Zhentarim know hes doin' alright.
Hear him whip the orcs just around midnight.
Ah orc sugar how come you taste so good
(a-ha) orc sugar, just like a young orc should
A-huh.

Anvils beating, cold dwarven blood runs hot,
Thane of the house wondrin' where its gonna stop.
Dwarf boy knows that he's doin alright.
You should a heard him just around midnight.
Ah orc sugar how come you taste so good
(a-ha) orc sugar, just like a orc girl should
A-huh.

I bet your mama was a barbarian queen, and 
all her dwarf friends were level eighteen.
I'm no paladin-boy but I know what I like,
You should have heard me just around midnight.

Ah orc sugar how come you taste so good
(a-ha) orc sugar, just like a young orc should.

I said yeah, I said yeah, I said yeah, I said
Oh just like a, just like a orc girl should.

I said yeah, I said yeah, I said yeah, I said
Oh just like, just like a orc girl should.


----------



## dragonhead (Nov 8, 2006)

Funny!!!!


----------



## Thunderfoot (Aug 30, 2007)

In light of recent events I post the following:  As a public service announcement, please note that this post is for humor's sake, if you believe anything contained within, please get your head examined. - Thank You.

*THE 4TH EDITION SONG*
_(To the tune of “The Phantom of the Opera (Extended Version))_

*GAMERS*
At GenCon gaming fair, WotC they came … 
And in a voice so clear, they did proclaim … 
The game you love so dear is out of date,
The new edition rules have finally come, to our planning slate … 
*WotC*
Come once again with us, both far and near … 
We bring a rules update, to shrink and clear …
All forms of mass debate, these work real fine
The 4th Edition’s finally on its way, so get in line …
*GAMERS*
But WotC can’t you see, it’s way too soon …
Don’t you fear the fan hate?
*WotC*
No you will swoon… 
*BOTH*
These rules are simplified, you will be floored
The 4th Edition’s finally on its way, so get on board.
*OFFSTAGE VOICES*
It's here, the long awaited 4th Edition … 
So go and buy the newer 4th Edition … 
*WotC*
So clean your bank accounts, it’s time again,
To buy a whole new line
*GAMERS*
We’re off to spend
*BOTH*
And as the time draws near, prepare again
Because the 4.5 Edition comes, in twenty-ten.
*WotC*
Buy my minions of gaming!
*GAMERS & OFFSTAGE VOICES*
It's here, the long awaited 4th Edition … 
So go and buy the newer 4th Edition …


----------



## Goldmoon (Sep 8, 2007)

My apologies to Sandi Thom for butchering her beautiful song.

To the tune of "Oh I wish I was a Punk Rocker (With flowers in my hair)"


Oh I wish I was a first ed. guy when T.H.A.C.0 was still there
From ’77 to ’79 the name Gygax filled the air
I wasn’t even rolled, a mouse click and I had hair
Oh I wish I was a first ed. guy when T.H.A.C.0 was still there

When there was no such thing as a “build”
Not everybody could dual wield
When Rangers didn’t suck and elves could still be cool.
When munchkins didn't have control
And magic items couldn't buy your soul
And Dragons were still scary and we didn't know every rule

[Chorus]

When playing Bards remained a myth
And Monks started with 2d6
And if you saved the queen it was a truly epic thing
At 9th my fighter was a lord
My wizards couldn’t use a sword
And the only way to stay alive were tactics and a team

[Chorus]

When gaming stores were still on top
And RPG’s were all that they stocked
And the thought of getting books online was still so far away
Games were only books and dice
And a good game still ran through the night
And DM’s didn’t have to ban a new feat every day.

[Chorus]

I wasn’t even rolled, a mouse click and I had hair
Oh I wish I was a first ed. guy when T.H.A.C.0 was still there


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## Thunderfoot (Sep 8, 2007)

*Sniff* Beautiful!  I need to be alone now.


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## Goldmoon (Sep 10, 2007)

*Sigh* I miss the good ole days.


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## Goldmoon (Sep 12, 2007)

Come on, someone has to take a stab at some of these. I love this thread.


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## Stormborn (Oct 11, 2007)

Some of the rhymes and rthyms are forced, but they are on the original as well:

Sung to the tune of Cowboy by Kid Rock:


DWARFBOY

Dwarfboy...Dwarfboy... 
Well I'm ready for the game and I'm gonna be the best 
Where real dwarves come with beards and the dungeons filled with chests
Find a cave in the hills, pray to Mordain
Turn undead with the cry “Here comes the pain!” 
And I'm a Dwarfboy all around the mine
With big nasty axe and a bottle of spacebrine 
When it comes to XP well I’m getting’ the most 
Cause my foes are dead and I gotta right to boast
Got me a couple of friends and a couple of scars 
Got some in the dungeon but most of ‘em in bars
Skip the exposition!…I wanna fight
Got racial darkvision and I’m ready to smite! 
Start an holy order when I get to the right level  
’Cause we are headed to hell to hunt us a devil 
Born under rock, a hammer for my first toy
And I’m at home underground sucker...cause I was born to be a 
Dwarfboy baby 
With my Con maxed out and my fullplate shinin’ 
Dwarfboy baby 
Axe is swingin’ and spells are flyin’
I gotta be a Dwarfboy baby 
Sleep at night so I get my spells next day 
Dwarfboy (baby) 
I can smell an orc from a mile away 

I bet you'll hear them all crying when the rolls come in 
Cause I got an 18 Strength and I’m ready to win 
Stone cuttin’, steel slinging,  son of the hills
When I get hungy adventurin’ pays the bills 
Corset and buckler, axe and sword 
Gems and statues, coins laid in hoard 
And when the time is right I'm gonna make my bid boy 

And let the ta-nar-ri’i know why they call me 
Dwarfboy baby 
With my Con maxed out and my fullplate shinin’  
Dwarfboy baby 
Axe is swingin’ and spells are flyin’  
I gotta be a Dwarfboy baby 
Sleep at night so I get my spells next day  
Dwarfboy baby 
I can smell an orc from a mile away 


Yeah...Son of the Rock...but you can call me Ulgar 
Got a long quest ahead of me, guess we will see how far
Raid the goblin lair and make for the pass 
Meet up with a giant show him my axe 
No kiddin', spell slingin', foes hittin' the floor 
Call me Hoss, I'm the Boss, soakin’ up the damage of course 
No remorse for the zombie, skeleton, or wight 
I'm turnin’ undead, and I can do it all night HUH 
Fight all chaos, every cultist and deus 
If the DM doesn’t like it she can find new players 
Call out a challenge, see if we have any takers 
They told us to leave, but bet they can't make us 
Just cause I’m short you think you can pick on me...roll initiative and then we’ll see 
But I ain't no munchkin, I’m a regular player
Drink Mountain Dew and quote from the Vampire Slayer
Talk like a Scot, take my turn, get in my lick 
My only words of wisdom are just “Grandma Edit” 
I'm send my cash to that Coast and 
Keep on keep on playing until 8th edition! 

Dwarfboy baby 
With my Con maxed out and my fullplate shinin’  
Dwarfboy baby 
Axe is swingin’ and spells are flyin’  
I gotta be a Dwarfboy baby 
Sleep at night so I get my spells next day  
Dwarfboy baby 
I can smell an orc from a mile away 
Dwarfboy baby 
With my Con maxed out and my fullplate shinin’    
Dwarfboy baby 
With my Con maxed out and my fullplate shinin’  
Dwarfboy 
”It must be mine!”


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## Winding Road (Oct 16, 2007)

*Still D&D To Me*

I posted this filk based off Billy Joel's "It's Still Rock and Roll To Me" over in the 4E forum. Firelance and RedShirtNo5 also have their own versions. The thread can be found here.

"Still D&D To Me"

_What's the matter with the rules I'm using?
Can't you tell that it‘s time for 4E?
Are my books going be obsoleted?
Welcome back to 2003.
Where have you been hidin' out lately, honey?
You can't update ‘till you spend a lot of money.
Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new game
Funny, but it's still D&D to me

What's the matter with my campaign setting?
Can't you tell that it's out of print?
Should I try and play some Living Greyhawk?
It‘s gonna end; can‘t you take the hint?
Nowadays you can't be too sentimental
Go all “Points of Light”, with no planes elemental
Eberron, Dark Sun, even revamped Faerun
It's still D&D to me

Oh, it doesn't matter what they say on the forums
'Cause it's always been the same old scene.
There's a new game in town
But you can't get the rules from a printed _Dragon_ magazine...
Aimed at your average PC

How about playing a tiefling warlock
Or an eladrin warlord too?
If you wanna be a gnome bard, baby
Gotta wait for the PHB 2
Don't wait around for a new SRD,
You’ll get it all at Gleemax (for a small monthly fee)
Bad move? Who‘s to say? In the end, anyways
It's still D&D to me

What's the matter with the crowd I play with?
Don't you know that they're out of touch?
Shouldn't try to be a old-school grognard?
If you are then you think too much.
Don't you know about the new edition, honey?
All you need are dice and a whole lotta money.
Goodbye, 3E, say hello to 4E,
It's still D&D to me.
Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new game
Funny, but it's still D&D to me_


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## Lanefan (Oct 16, 2007)

OK, now you guys are talking *my* language!  I've been doing these rewordings since before I ever heard of D+D (in other words, a very long time), and the game has crept in to a few here and there...

This one came after a string of rather acrimonious sessions...

===============================================================
*Dungeonmasters' Theme *  (rewords _All the Fools Sailed Away_, by Dio - Aug 27 87)

There is no harmony
Tune or rhythm in the game of fantasy
To our eternal shame
I never fail to be astounded by the tings we do so serious
For a game

We are the innocent
We are the damned
We are caught in the middle of their madness
Trying to do the best job that we can, ah, ah
We bring them fantasy
We bring them pain
We're their one escape from reality
Until we disappear, never to be seen again
*   All these fools, came to play
*   All these fools, came to play
*   All these fools, came to play
*   Came to play
We show you beautiful
We teach you sin
Just when you think you're a piece of our universe
Then we disappear, never to be seen again
*
To our eternal shame
I never fail to be astounded by the things we do so serious
For a GAME!

We are the innocent
We only bleed
Stuill we're your one great chance for a miracle
When a miracle is something that you need
We give you diamonds
Enchanted steel
And we're caught in the middle of the madness
The pain begins
When fantasy becomes too real, yeah
*
Not worth nothing, one thing more to say
('bout) All those fools came to play

They say they're tolerant
And they'll always let you in
But doors are never open
To the ones who came to play to win
Fantasy,
Fantasy...
=============================================================

Lanefan


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## Lanefan (Oct 16, 2007)

Another one from the same era....

This one hails to the red-shirts - now called mooks - who go in to the dungeon and for some reason just never come out.

=============================================================
*Cannon Fodder  * (rewords _Double Trouble_, by The Cars - Oct 24 87)

They got a line on you
Send you forward two by two
You got your hopes and dreams
Disappear insidious screams

Don't give no trouble
Just do what you're told
Cannon fodder
You're in trouble
But they promised gold
Cannon fodder

So much for hopes and dreams
Dead companion's armour gleams
Sure got the short sharp end
All your experience waste expend

Don't be no trouble
Just do what you're told
Cannon fodder
There ain't no trouble
Doing what you're told
Cannon fodder

You give all you have to give
Give your life so the boss can live

You weren't no trouble
You did what you're told
Cannon fodder
Death's no trouble
And they promised gold
Cannon fodder
It ain't no trouble
Doing what you're told
Cannon fodder
But get in trouble
And you might get old
Cannon fodder
=========================================================

Lanefan


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## Thunderfoot (May 7, 2008)

I hate how your muse wakes up to the strangest things - but I have a new one.

*The Game Must Go On *_- A tribute to E. G. Gygax _
(to the tune of The Show Must Go On by Queen)
Empty table – where a man once played,
Mocked by many – For making silly games…
But in the end
He changed the way we think about the world!

Constructed heroes – another ponderous crawl,
Inside the statue, a great destructive ball.
Genius shows
Does anybody play that way anymore?
The Game must go on!
The Game must go on!
Inside my heart is breaking
My minis may be flaking
But I smile, and I play on!

Whatever happened, to all those wondrous days?
When he was hatching – a great cerebral craze.
D and D!
Why can’t it be the 70’s once again?
I guess I'm yearning
I must be older now…
Remember learning, all the whys and how’s.
Outside the dawn was breaking,
But inside in the dark I was playing D&D!

The Game must go on!
The Game must go on! Yeah!
Inside my heart is breaking
My minis may be flaking
But I smile, and I play on!
Yeah! oh oh oh

My heart is crying like a cold Wisconsin rain,
And all the years of laughter, just can’t take away the pain,
Why did you die, my friend!

The Game must go on! Yeah!
The Game must go on!
He’s gone on to Paradise!
So pass my bag of dice!
On with the game!

When Gary died,
We all cried,
We had to find the will to carry on!
On with the game,
On with the game! Game!
The Game must go on.


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