# The Heroes of Tanar (Triple Update!!! 7-17-02!!!)



## DM with a vengence (Apr 13, 2002)

The following have been edited for content, humor, dialogue, and general goodness.  It has been formatted to fit your message boards.

Any resemblance to persons real or fictional is entirely coincidental

All names are entirely original and if you've seen them before, the other people stole them from me .

Heroes of Tanar Introductory Flash Movie

The Heroes of Tanar

A New Friend

“Well, here we are,” Milo said as he folded his map and dismounted.  “Tanar.”

“Looks like a pleasant place.”  Ladinya said, surveying the large town of around 3000 souls.  “Very, idyllic.”

“I think it’s a bit on the civilized side.  Almost feels like I never left Crayvaenn.”  Kit chimed in.

“If the monsters are already dead, we can always go on into the hinterlands around Wyn.”  Nikki added.

Milo sniffed the air, “Tavern over that way.”

“How can you tell?” Kit asked, “I can’t see anything.”

“Halfling senses, if there is any beer within 100 feet, we’ll find it.  Now come on, let’s go get drunk.”

The inn was called the Golden Dragon, and was identified by a gilded dragon swinging from a pole above the door.  It was also identified by that indefinable mix of beer, companionship, and poor music that seemed to accompany all the bars in the world.  

_…Ooooohhhhh, This man had a notion
of sailing the ocean
and so he build a ship
with a sharp pointy tip…_

The crowd started to boo, slamming their hands on the tables in an unruly beat.  “Get, off,  the, stage!”

The middle-aged elven bard on the stage back off slowly, hand reaching inside his coat in a movement that Milo instantly recognized as going for a concealed dagger.  “Please, I am sure that we can come to a peaceful agreement, perhaps if I buy a round of drinks, you will let me continue to entertain you.”

	“Come on, let’s get him!”  Shouted a burly man.

	“I gots his ears!”  A large half-orc carrying a battleaxe roared, charging the hapless elf.

	The elf had the dagger out in seconds, He sent it spinning across the room, hamstringing the orc and drawing a second dagger in one swift movement.  “The next man who attacks me gets this one in the throat.”  His voice quavered.  “I swear this by Corelleon Larethian.” 

The orc lay squirming on the floor, clutching his wounded leg.  The men started to fan out, egging each other on.

	“We have to help him.”  Sir Jadael said.

	“Why?  What the loss of an elf, especially one that can’t even carry a tune, or for that matter, a sword.”  Nikki asked.

	“Please, let me handle this.”  Ladinya stepped forward, rasping a few words in Draconic, her arms moving in an arcane gesture.  A aura of brilliant colored light sprang into existence, tiny bolts of lightning dancing off the walls, a wind sprang up, swirling dust and loose clothing in a whirlwind around the room.  Her voice echoed through the hall. *“I am Ladinya of the arcane, unhand this bard, or prepare to be blasted into non-existence.”*  Balls of energy bounced through the room, crackling malevolently.

	The display faded, leaving the bar silent except for the sound of jaws hitting the floor.

“Yes…”  The shell-shocked man who had started the disruption gulped.  “We’ll unhand him.  In fact, he’s all yours.  Please don’t hurt me!”  The man ran screaming out of the tavern.

	“Barmaid! 4 ales and a glass of wine for the _artiste_ here.”  Milo shouted over the crowd.

	“I can’t thank you enough for saving my life.”  Zeebo “Farstrider”  Zanquil, elven bard told the party for the 500th time.

	“Please, it was nothing.”  Ladinya insisted.

	“It was not!  Anyway, you told me you were adventures, do you mind if I join your little group? I feel it’s about time to shake the dust of this town out of my clothes.”

	“Can you fight?”  Milo interjected.

	“Why good sir, not only am I trained in the performing arts, but among my family I was known as a master archer and swordsman.  I can work magic with my music, a simple tune can suggest your course of action for hours.”

	“Let him in.  We can always use another fighter.”  The usually silent Sir Jadael said.

	“Okay fine,” Ladinya concurred.

	“Good,”  Kit agreed

	“Well, why not?” Nikki added.

	“Okay then. Welcome to The Non-Gender Specific People in Tights.”  Milo finished.

	“But you aren’t wearing any tights.”  Zeebo said.

	“The tights are more of philosophy that a physical object.”  Milo answered.

	“And the philosophy would be?”

	“We don’t know.”

	“Aha!”

	“So, what can you tell us about Tanar…”

	“Way too much, my good halfling, way too much…”


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## SoulsFury (Apr 14, 2002)

Pretty good, don't get the tights part but I'm waiting for more  

Nik


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## DM with a vengence (Apr 14, 2002)

_The tights are an in joke referring to the movie Men in Tights, it makes no sense.

Now a question to my loyal reader, I have several pages of the story written up.  Should I post in little bits or everything at once.

Anyway, onwards and forwards with the story!_

Day on the Living Dead

Father Alhad licked his lips in a nervous gesture, “I don’t know if can trust you with this.”

	“You can.”  Milo chimed up, “We’re as trustworthy as an ogre is strong.”

	“As trustworthy as the sea is wide.”  Ladinya added.

	“As trustworthy as the local temple of Pelor’s treasury is valuable.”  Kit said with a smile.

	“We have ghouls in the graveyard.  I sent in a few of the town guard and a acolyte, and they disappeared.” Father Alhad warned.  “I just hope you’re holy enough to keep your souls intact.”

The graveyard was 40' by 80' and surrounded by a 10-foot high spiked iron fence.  At the rear was a large marble mausoleum.  After a brief discussion, the party decided to send in Milo Bookbender.  With his already high sneaking abilities enhanced by the magic of cloaks and books of Elvenkind, he made it to the door of the mausoleum like a ghost.  He twisted the doorknob; it was locked, and signaled back to the party for the sorceress. Compared to Milo, she sounded like a pottery shop falling from the sky in the silence, but she still made it to the door without waking the undead.  She pointed at the door, and spoke a few words, freezing the lock with a ray of frost.  Milo took one of his axes, and hit the frozen lock.  Nothing.  He tried a few more times.  Nothing.  Seeing the party’s trouble, the Paladin attempted to creep up to the door and batter it down.  He sounded like the top of the church tower at noon.

Five ghouls streaked out of shallow graves like lightening, jumping and leaping over graves.  A pair few over the mausoleum, and bounded to a stop in front of the Paladin.
“Wazzzzzzup!”  Milo screamed, his battle cry echoing off the graves, one axe already spinning towards of the ghouls.  It struck a ghoul in the back, but it shook the blow off.  The Ladinya, already had her Wand of Magic Missile up and waving, sending three bolts of energy at the Ghouls.  Jadael was swinging his long sword wildly, catching a ghoul across the leg.   The ghouls slashed at the Paladin, two claws hit, rendering the hero of light helpless.  With a shout, Zeebo was running across the graves, rapier held out like a spear.  He dove on a ghoul, stabbing it in the back.  The rogue, Kit followed his charge, and stabbed another ghoul with her rapier.  Nikki followed in with her mace, battering away at yet another ghoul.  Milo had three axes in the air faster than the eye could see, and two ghouls fell with the blows, while a third staggered back.  Ladinya hit and killed another ghoul with her magic missile.  Zeebo and Kit missed with their swords.  Nikki, remembering her training, dropped her mace and slipped her wand of cure serious wounds up, and touched the point against the ghoul.  A burst of positive energy bright enough to drown out the sun blasted for a moment, and the last ghoul was nowhere to be seen.  The party collected their weapons, waited for the rogue to pick the lock and Sir Jadael to regain movement, and then moved off into the crypt.

The stepped down the stairway into the crypt, it was lined with six alcoves containing caskets with the remains of dead heroes of the town.  At the opposite end was an alter dedicated to Pelor, heavily desecrated.  Ladinya whispered a few word, and cast detect undead.  She spun in a stately circle, and said.  “Undead in the second coffin on the left, third on the right, and a large group behind us, under the staircase.

The Paladin turned to look at the staircase they had walked down, and stated, “Undead behind the stairway, that’s not possible.”

“I do not lie about such matters, there are undead behind the staircase.”  She stated softly.

“Pah! I do not trust your arcane magic; true power comes from Lord Heironeous.  But enough, we must deal with the abominations we can reach.  I shall open a coffin, and Milo will kill the evil that lies within, then we will purify the remains with holy water.”

And so they did, destroying the undead.  After a few moments of searching, they found a ladderway going down into the catacombs.  The party dropped through, weapons at ready.

20 feet down they hit bottom, a small room with a single corridor leading off into a larger cavern with other corridors off to the sides.  They moved in, killing several more ghouls, and a ghast, but not taking any more hits.  Then, they entered into a dead end room. 

Sir Jadael glared about the room “I sense a great evil here.”  As he spoke the last words, a dozen ghouls and a ghast with a gem for an eye burst from the soft earthen floor, surrounding the party, and blocking off the exit.

The ghast hissed, “Adventures, you have sought to rid the world of evil.  Now you will become it!”  He threw something down to the floor, and disappeared in cloud of smoke.


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## Grifter86 (Apr 14, 2002)

*Nice*

I like it!
You say this was from a year ago? Is this campaign still active?


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## Breakstone (Apr 15, 2002)

I must say, I'm hooked. What level are the adventurers?


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## DM with a vengence (Apr 16, 2002)

*Wazzzzzzup!*

*The adventurers are about 6th level.  While this campaign has been temporarily discontinued, I've discussed restarting it with the players and they expressed some interest in continuing the game.  More updates on that front later.

Wazzzzzzzzup!

The party reacted with lightning speed.  Nikki drew forth her holy symbol and turned six of the foul creatures towards the side of the room.  Ladinya blasted two others with a lightning bolt.  Milo, Sir Jadael and Kit engaged the three near the door, killing two of them instantly.  The party retreated towards the doorway, Milo taking out the last guardian.  Ladinya coolly fired another bolt of lightning into three ghouls at point blank range, daring the undead to hit her.  Zeebo slipped past the party and jabbed the last ghoul with his rapier, finessing the blade in classic elven style.  The ghoul struck back, but Zeebo was immune to the paralysis effect.  Unfortunately, the ghast that had disappeared at the beginning of the encounter dropped from the ceiling and froze Zeebo like a statue.  Nikki dashed forward, her wand of cure serious wounds glowing with the forces of life, and touched it to the ghast.  A nimbus of light glowed around the ghast, blinding everybody for a second, before its body disintegrated dust.  Milo charged, his final axe at ready, and killed the last unturned ghoul.  The rest of the party made quick work of the ghouls, and after retrieving their weapons, curing their wounds and retrieving some treasure, they exited the room.

The made it to the main room before they were jumped, 30 ghouls and two ghasts darted in to form a circle around them, hissing with an unnatural glee.  Zeebo rapidly appraising the situation decided that cowardice was the only part of survival, cast Haste, Expeditious Retreat and ran for the door like every demon in the abyss was chasing him.

“Stupid elven coward!”  Milo screamed as he sent three axes spinning into a ghast, killing it in seconds.

“Agreed!”  Ladinya shouted over the ghouls as she moved and blasted a ghoul and a ghast with her second to last lightning bolt.

“We can take these joker on with our hands tied behind our backs!”  Kit yelled back as she hit a ghoul with her crossbow.

“For Honor” Sir Jadael roared as he charged forward, smiting the second ghoul into oblivion.

 Nikki held her holy symbol over her head, and blasted a half dozen ghouls with the power of Ehlonna.  They scampered away into a tunnel, cowering in fear.

8 of the ghouls jumped on Sir Jadael, paralyzing him and then proceeding to flay his flesh from the bones.  The other 15 ghouls charged at the rest of the party, but they all missed with their bites.  Ladinya stepped to the side and fired her final lightning bolt along a row of 7 ghouls, disintegrating the undead in wave of electricity.  Unfortunately, as its dying act, the nearest ghoul hit her and paralyzed her.  Nikki raised her holy symbol, and drove 5 away into one of the tunnels.  Milo slashed with his axe, separating a ghoul’s head from it torso.  Kit dove around the back of the party, and grabbed a scroll from the paralyzed Ladinya.  Milo and Nikki finished off the other two ghouls threatening the party as Kit held the scroll up, muttering, “I hope this works.”
It did.  A fireball burst in the center of the remaining ghouls, killing 5 and sending 3 staggering away heavily burned.  The party made quick work of the survivors, and waited for Ladinya to recover.  When she did, the party moved off down the tunnels they had cleared earlier, and made quick work of the few remaining ghouls.

After recovering the body of Sir Jadael, the party left the crypts, stopping only to destroy the desecrated alter of Pelor.  As they smashed the dark alter, they saw for a moment a hideous symbol of evil, three upside down pentagrams, inscribed in each other, surrounded by a circle.


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## DM with a vengence (Apr 17, 2002)

*The Eye of Vecna’s Little Brother.*

The Eye of Vecna’s Little Brother.

“Well, I really don’t know to make of this gem you took from the eye of the ghast.”  Father Alhad looked up from a large diamond to the party.  He held it up in a shaft of sunlight, and the symbol of three inscribed pentagrams inside of a circle was projected on the far wall.  “Obviously, this is an item of magic and evil, as our detection spells have revealed, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what it means.  I’ve tried holding it, looking through it, and wearing it around my neck, but there has been no effect.  There is one last experiment I’ve been meaning to try.”  He rummaged through his desk and pulled out a tightly wrapped scroll with a disturbing leathery texture, handing it to Ladinya.  “This is a scroll of Protection from Good, we took it from a necromancer that was here about 20 years ago.  He, having no use for it, donated it to the church after he died.  I have a feeling that if we channel evil forces through the gem something will happen.”

Ladinya gingerly unrolled the scroll, cleared her throat once or twice, and cast Protection from Good into the gem.  A blast of multicolored energy swirled in from the walls, causing everybody to clutch at their eyes.  When they open their eyes, the diamond was gone, replaced by a scintillating, scarlet eye.  Tiny flecks of light danced on the walls hypnotizing everybody.  As if in a trance, Milo reached for the eye.  Father Alhad’s stern arm slapped down on the halfling wrist, preventing him from taking the eye.  Slowly, the color faded into a single spark, and then as the spell ended, a burst of magic flashed out, blinding everybody again.  When they opened their eyes, the eye was gone, and the gem was back.

“Well, that was most interesting.  Oh yes, I’m very sorry about Sir Jadael, a man of honor is hard to find.  I’m afraid that we don’t have the resources to raise him, but I’ve sent away to the Temple in Crayvaenn for a scroll of Raise Dead, meanwhile, we will be glad to have him in our catacombs of eternal life, among the holiest of our order.  Good day, and may Pelor always be with you.”


_…The heroes charged
swords a glitter 
undead falling left and right
and Sir Jadael
mighty Sir Jadael
Sent the ghouls 
to their eternal night…_

“He sings with all the grace of those ghouls.”  Kit observed, taking another swig of her beer.

Milo looked away from Zeebo “singing” on stage. “But think of the upside.”

“Which is?”  Kit asked.

“We may never have to buy a drink in this place again.”  Milo stated happily, wiping foam off his upper lip and considering the growing pile of tankards in front of him.

“So I woke the innkeeper’s daughter,” Milo muttered, he lifted his head towards the ceiling, bellowed.  “Me axe was firs blooded in Crayvaenn”  He stamped on the table unsteadily.

“Milo, come down from there, you’re drunk.” Nikki said to him, face at the exact same level even though he was standing on a table.

“So what if I’m drunk?  Me axe was firs blooded in Crayvaenn!  I killed a… killed a…”

“Milo, get down here this very instant!” Ladinya yelled at him.

“I ain’t comin down until I’m comin down.  Me axe was firs blooded in Crayvaenn.  Killed a rat for me mum.  I ken still kill a rat.”  He peered around, eyes locking on a point in space three feet in front of his nose.  With blinding speed, he whipped an axe out of a sheath, and flung it through the empty space, skimming across the room to thud into the wall.  He stumbled unsteadily on the table, looking for his rat.  “Quick little bugger.  But I ken still kill a rat.”  He drew his axe, wound up, and fell backwards, overturning the table.  “Me axe was firs blooded in Crayvaenn,”  he mumbled.  “My… axe… was… firs… blooded….”

“My gods! He’s asleep.”  Kit declared.  “Quick let’s get him to his room before he wakes up again.”

“I told him he didn’t have to drink everything they bought him.”  Nikki acknowledged, “But he wouldn’t listen.  Halflings never turn down free beer.”

“So which one was it, the ogre or the dire bear.”  Milo grumbled into his food.

“Neither, it’s a hangover.”  Kit informed him.

“No it isn’t.  I know what being hungover is like, and what having something smack you in the head is like, and I can tell you that I was most certainly smacked in the head by something bigger and stronger than any human.”

“It’s hangover, you drank enough beer last night to drop a dozen men.”

“But it was free.”  Milo moaned.  “Halfling Rule Number 1:  If it’s free, it’s yours.  Halfling Rule Number  2:  If it’s yours, use it.  And Halfling Rule Number 3:  Rules Number 1 and 2 especially apply to foodstuffs.  I had no choice.”

“Fine. Whatever.  But get into a new change of clothing, we’re seeing the mayor at noon.”

“Which is?”

“In 30 minutes.”


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## Horacio (Apr 17, 2002)

*Re: The Eye of Vecna’s Little Brother.*

ROFLOL!

I love this story!


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## DM with a vengence (Apr 18, 2002)

*Investigate*

Investigate

“So may we please see the mayor now?”  Ladinya asked the woman in front of her in her most diplomatic tone of voice.
Lelanna Al’Veren glared at the party.  “No, you may not see the mayor.  He is a very important man, and he has better things to do than to meet with a bunch of rag-tag adventures who are barely able to kill rats.”

Milo reached down and slid an axe a few inches out of its loop.  “_I would like to see the mayor now, ma’am._”

Lelanna Al’Veren reappraised the situation.  “All right, you, and only you, Milo Bookbender, can see the mayor.  Go in through that door.  Now!  Don’t make me change my mind.”
Smiling sheepishly, Milo, dashed through the door.

The mayor office was well appointed; there was a wall of bookcases, and a large wall map of the Kingdom of Crayvaenn.  The room was dominated by a large mahogany desk, which itself was dominated by a three foot subway sandwich.  Behind all this finery, the small, thin, elderly mayor appeared almost insignificant.

“Hello.  Would you like a piece of my sandwich?”  The mayor smiled, and offered a good third of it to Milo.

“Well, um, sure.  Halfling Rule Number 1, ya’ know.”  Milo said, taking the sandwich.

“I am Rudiger Al’Veren, the mayor of this town.   So you wanted to talk with me.”

“Yes.”  Milo replied around a mouthful of sandwich.  “I was wondering if you had any problems in this town that maybe my party and I could solve.”

“No, no, not really. Ah-ha!” Rudiger’s creased face broke into a smile.  “I believe we have some ghouls in the graveyard.  Speaking of ghouls in the graveyard, have you ever heard the song?  
_I’ve got ghouls in the graveyard,
And I don’t know what to do.
They’ve eaten everyone I know,
Even the stupid bard.
I’ve got ghouls in the graveyard…_”

“We just solved that problem yesterday, sliced and diced, no survivors.”

“Hmm.  Just wondering what is Halfling Rule Number 1?”
“ If it’s free, it’s your’s.”

The mayor laughed, “That’s my Mayor’s Rule Number 2.”
“And what Number 1”

“Help my friends. So what can I do for you, my friend.”

“An ale, or two, or six.”
Both men laughed.

Lelanna Al’Veren glanced at the door, then back to the three remaining member’s of the party.  “Ladies, let’s get down to business.  Children have been disappearing.”

“And what do you want us to do about this?”  Ladinya asked.
“Find them.”

“Don’t you have your own people to do stuff like that that?”  Kit blurted.

“Yes.”  Lelanna stared down the rogue.  “However, I feel that this matter is too sensitive to be trusted to the town guard.  The louts would probably arrest a few random people, hold them in jail for a few days and then tell me that the children are gone for good, and the trail is too cold to continue pursuit.  I think that you can help track down the missing children and deal with the kidnappers with… extreme prejudice.  I don’t want to see those scum ever again.”

“Yes ma’am.” Kit answered sadly, “Back to law and order again.”


“So why do we have to talk to these people?”  Milo asked for the third time.

“Because the mayor’s wife, and the Forces of Good, have charged us to locate the lost children, and succor them from evil.  For it sayeht in Wilderness 4:27-29 ‘And thou shall look after all thine children as if they were thine most precious love, for the children are as the future, and as lambs, and deer, and mountain goats, and squid, and orangutans…” Nikki quoted from her holy texts.

“All right I get your point.” Milo grumbled. “But why can’t I go and get drunk until we have something to kill.”

“Because it would do you good to talk to real people instead of drunken louts for once.” Ladinya admonished.

“But drunken louts are people too.”  Milo whined.

“Yeah, party people have rights. Just because we like to live at night and lost items mysteriously wind up in our possession doesn’t mean we don’t play an important role in society.”

“Don’t go justifying his statements, we have to stick together and present a unified front or else peewee will catch on and our plans will be exposed.” Ladinya hissed.

“Huh?” Milo shrugged.

“Quiet, we’re almost there.  Let me do the talking.” Ladinya said as if nothing had happened.


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## DM with a vengence (Apr 19, 2002)

*Locate*

Locate

Ladinya knocked on the door, which was open by a ten-year-old girl.  “Hello, I’m here to speak to Mrs. Olina.”

The girl eyed the armored and beweaponed party.  Milo flipped a throwing ax up and caught it.  The girl swallowed and spoke.  “Okay, I’ll show you in, but she hasn’t been quite right since Jymmi disappeared.”

“We’ll see her anyway.”

They were escorted through a filthy and curiously empty hovel to a bedchamber where a shrunken woman clutched a blanket around herself.

“Hello, Mrs. Olina, I’m Ladinya and these are my associates Nikki, Milo, and Kit.  We’re here from Circle Mistress Al’Veren to talk about your son.”

The woman started sobbing.  “He’s gone! Dead!  He’s never coming back! She says she’ll find him, but she never will!”

Ladinya began stroking the destroyed woman’s cheek. “It’s okay, we’re here to help, it going to be okay, it’s going to be okay.”  Ladinya looked back to the rest of the party. “Drastic measures?”

 They all nodded.

Ladinya stepped back and began to swirl her arms around her in a mystic motion, the air flickering with arcane energy.  

_“Xul Path Tal Fer At
Nag Thul Xen Ar Tun
Rag Yub Uve Zal Xaw
Charm Person 
Wiz/Sor 1, Brd 1”_

The woman stopped crying, and smiled at everybody.

“Now there.” Ladinya said. “Where did Jymmi disappear?”

“He was playing down by the old mill with his friend Donnald, and he didn’t come back.”  Mrs. Olina smiled wanly.

“What about Donnald?”

“He’s gone too.”

Milo looked up brightly.  “What do you say? Time to kick some ass!”

The group stood looking at the ramshackle old mill, covered in mildew and leaning to one side like a man just kicked out of a tavern at closing hour.

“I say we toss in some Alchemist’s fire, them cut down whoever runs out of the building.” Milo said.

“The kids.” Nikki gently reprimanded.

“Then I say Kit and I scout it out and then call for you.”

“Sounds like a much better plan.”  Ladinya interjected.

“Good, lets move.” Milo said grimly, hefting an ax.


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## DM with a vengence (Apr 23, 2002)

*Kick Ass!*

Kick Ass!
(No donkeys were harmed in the writing of this segment)

Milo peeked round the doorframe into the darkened first floor.  The held up his hand and waved it forward.  He pointed at Kit, and then left, and pointed to himself and then right.  He held up one finger, then two, then three, and burst into the room rolling to the right behind a crate as Kit followed behind him and slunk off to the left, crossbow at ready.  The room was empty of life, with just rubbish to fill it. In the corner a dark hole with a ladder leading down lurked ominously.  Milo padded to the ladder and looked down, waving his hand horizontally over his head as he began to climb down.  Kit slid over to the hole and looked down as Milo crawled down the ladder and moved off into the darkness.  Suddenly, the whirring of throwing axes and the ululation of his battle cry broke the silence.  Kit looked back toward the doorway.  “Oh crap.  Backup, move in now!”  She jumped down the hole with a wordless scream as Nikki and Ladinya clanked into the room.
Milo lifted his shield just in time to deflect a black arrow as he sent another ax towards the drow elf crouching behind a pile of planks.  Kit landed behind him and rolled agilely, tracking the dark elf and firing the crossbow in one motion.  The bolt winged the Elf and he staggered back.  She flung the useless weapon aside and drew her rapier, charging and nimbly leaping over the elf and boxes in one motion as Milo threw his second to last ax and pulled out his melee combat axe, leaping after Kit with magically enhanced speed.  They struck as one, Milo slashing the elf’s arm as Kit drove her sword into his kidneys and hamstrung him on the backswing.  The drow slumped to the ground, lips in a grimace of agony as his life-blood flowed out onto the dirt floor of the cellar.  
Ladinya leapt off the bottom rung of the ladder and walked over to Kit and Milo.  “Nice job, quick and efficient.”
Nikki finally clanked down the ladder and instant flung herself between the party and a Dark elf that was leveling an arrow at them.  The arrow hit her in the shoulder plate and ricocheted away as she slammed sideways into the ground, grinding to a stop a few feet away.  She pulled herself up and shook her head, pointing at the drow with her right hand.  “In the name of my father’s people, I swear that I shall not suffer your blasphemy to exist a day longer.”  She looked back to the party.  “This one’s personal, mind if I handle it?”
Milo looked up from where he was collecting his axes.  “No problem with me.”
Nikki unstrapped her mace and smiled as the elf tremblingly nocked another arrow.

“I like that move where you smashed his arm with your mace, and then used _the same mace_ to bash in his scrawny ribcage.  And when you jumped on his head and stuffed the mace down the broken remnant of his throat.  That was just awesome.”  Milo said admiringly.
Ladinya looked up from organizing her collection of scrolls by level and use. “I may not know much about fighting, but that moment where you grabbed his head, and then cast Searing Light into his eyes, perfect use of magical firepower.  Let’s see how much he likes his super-duper elf vision now.”  She laughed the nervous chuckle of someone who knows she hasn’t told a very funny joke.
Kit looked up from the bit of wall she was searching for secret doors.  “Is anybody slightly concerned that our cleric just proceeded to brutally kill a more or less innocent Drow?”
“No.”  Milo said.  “The Elves and drow have had a thousand year history of mutual hatred and brutality.  It’s not senseless violence, it’s _cultural_.”
“Oh, okay”
They sat there in silence for several more minutes, and then Kit walked over to the rest of the group  “Uh, guys, I think I found something over there.”
“What is it?” Nikki asked.
“Secret door.  Watch this.”  Kit walked over to the wall she had indicated and slid her dagger into a gap between two stones.  With an agonizing rumble, the door ground open, revealing a long narrow passageway.  Milo Bookbender stood up, brushing dust off his armor.  He held up one finger and pointed at himself, added another and pointed at Kit, held up three fingers and pointed at Ladinya.
“Cut it out, Milo.  We all know where everybody goes.”  Nikki said, as she clattered over the portal and gestured everybody in.


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## Horacio (Apr 23, 2002)

Still ROFLOL  

Funniest. Story Hour. Ever.


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## Horacio (Apr 23, 2002)

Still ROFLOL  

Funniest. Story Hour. Ever.


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## DM with a vengence (Apr 25, 2002)

*Kick Ass! (con't)*

The bolt arced overhead as Milo threw himself to the slimy stones of the corridor.  “Everybody down!”  He screamed as another one bounced off the wall somewhere above and behind him.  “Ladinya, get a light spell down there, ASAP.”
Kit crawled up behind him, crossbow in hand.  “Ladinya’s down.”
Milo looked behind, where Nikki was crouched over Ladinya slumped body, praying to Ehlonna.  She turned towards, a black bolt grasped in her hand.  “Poisoned, looks like the standard unconsciousness poison.  She won’t be out of it for at least a minute.”
“Crap, we need magical firepower right now.”  Milo cursed.
“I think I can handle that.”  Kit pulled a slender stick out of her sleeve.  “Wand of Magic Missile.  Ladinya left it back at Mrs. Olina’s house.  If Nikki can get a light spell down there, I’ll fry whoever pops up.”
In answer, Nikki cast a light spell on the bolt loaded in her crossbow and fired it down the corridor.  The small pool of light sailed down, finally hitting a wall 100 feet away and dropping behind a table where a pair of drow were sheltering.  Kit waved the wand and sent a barrage of Magic Missiles down the corridor.  The party had enough time to see one of the drow drop before the other one panicked and cast a globe of darkness in the corridor.
Milo stood up, checking the positions of his axes.  “I’m going through that darkness, when I come out on the other side, that elf is going to be very sorry.  Let’s move.”
“What about the poison.”  Nikki asked.
“I’ll take my chances.  Besides, if I can get close enough, I can settle him for good.”  He pulled out  an ax, testing the edge on his finger tip before starting down the corridor at a silent jog.  Kit hesitated a moment and then followed.
“Suicidal halfling moron.”  Nikki mumbled under her breath as she hefted Ladinya’s body and followed them.

The slowed as they entered the area of the darkness spell, Nikki gently dropping Ladinya’s body to the floor and grabbing her mace.  Seconds later Milo exited first, with 30’ between him and the surprised drow.   The last thing the drow saw was a very angry halfling and very precisely aimed throwing axe.  Kit exited the darkness, followed closely by Nikki.
“I really wish you didn’t have to kill them all.” Nikki said, surveying the drow with an axe buried between its eyes.  “I mean, can’t I have a little fun once in a while.”
Milo looked up from where he was pulling the axe out of the drow’s skull.  “Okay, next time, you get to lead.  Deal?”
“Deal.”
Suddenly a burst of screams from within the darkness startled them all.  “I’m blind!  Gods almighty, they blinded me!”
“It’s okay, Ladinya, you’re in a darkness spell.”  Nikki consoled.  “Just move towards the sound of my voice.  This way, over here, come on, there you go.”
Ladinya stumbled out of the wall of darkness with her hands held in front of her, eyes blinking against the light.  “What the hell happened?  I thought I bit the big one.”
“We were fighting drow and they hit you with unconsciousness poison.” Nikki explained.  “We managed to take them out, but not before they dropped a darkness globe in this area.”
Kit came back from around the corner and held a finger up to her lips.  She padded over to the party and whispered.  “Drow behind a door around that corner, sounds like 3 or 4 of them talking. What do we do.”
“Excellent, we do a stealth infiltration.  Kit picks the lock, Ladinya hits them with a lightening bolt, and I mop up the survivors.  Plain vanilla assault, take out in seconds.” Milo plotted, he looked over a Nikki, who was pouting, and suddenly revised his plan.  “Damn, then we go for a smash and fry.  Nikki, you bash the door in and go right, engage the nearest drow, Ladinya, lightening as soon as Nikki clears the door, I move in to the left and attack anybody hiding that way while Kit follows closely and back stabs anybody who she can reach.  Problems? No.  Then lets go.”


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## Horacio (Apr 25, 2002)

*Re: Kick Ass! (con't)*

You use a post mine as signature! Wow! I'm flattered


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## The Furious Puffin (Apr 25, 2002)

Top story hour, love the players!

_Halfling senses, if there is any beer within 100 feet, we’ll find it_

Very funny


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## DM with a vengence (Apr 26, 2002)

*Breaking and Entering*

Breaking and Entering

Nikki threw herself at the door frame again. “Smashing down doors is harder than it seems.” She grunted.  She drew back and flung herself at the door.  The ancient timbers cracked under the stress and gave way, she burst in with a triumphant battle cry, darting to the right and smashing at something with her mace. 
 Ladinya coolly stepped up and sent a 10 foot wide bolt of lightening through the door and into a table with two drow hiding behind it.  She limbered her spear and followed Nikki to the right.

“Wazzzzzzup!” Milo whooped as he rushed  the door and rolled to the left.  A drow with a sword sent a blow down at Milo, but he caught it with the inside of his throwing axe and sent it back at him.  He feinted high, cut low, and finally sent the blade arcing up in a deadly move that orc warriors fighting halflings had termed “The Emorculator”.  The drow just managed to thrust his parts out of the way as the razor edged blade sliced up along his breastplate to bury itself in the ceiling.

“Behind you!”  Kit screamed, and Milo raised his shield over his head on instinct.  Kit vaulted onto the shield, staggering him for a moment before gracefully pushing off and spinning over the elf’s head to land behind him.  Before he could turn, a foot of deadly steel burst from his mouth.  He slid bonelessly off the rapier to crumple onto the floor, blood spurting from his mouth and a gaping wound in the back of his neck.  Kit looked down in disgust.  “Amateur.”

The drow battling Nikki and Ladinya feinted at the cleric before sending a snake of steel darting towards Ladinya.  The blade snuck past her warding spear and stopped on the invisible field of her mage armor just moments before it would have cut her from neck to groin.  Ladinya stepped back and cast a flaming spear right on top of the drow.  He nimbly ducked, rolled, and came up right into Nikki’s arms.  His arrogant grin faded as he realized he was trapped in the arms of an angry woman with a background of  thousands of years of intense hatred against anything even vaguely like him.

“He’s dead!” Milo screamed, trying to drag Nikki off the pulped corpse of the drow by the leg.

“You killed him!” Kit shouted as she tried to roll Nikki to one side.

“He does not represent a threat to you or your people.”  Ladinya said, using her spear to lever Nikki up and off.

Nikki looked up from trying to gouge the drow’s eyeballs out with her teeth.  “How can you tell.”

“The crushed bones, profuse bleeding, and lack of movement seem to indicate a non-living state of existence.” Kit said dryly.

“He could be faking.”

“Get up.”  Ladinya said.  As if under a spell, Nikki obeyed, blood encrusting her armor.

“Good.” Milo said.  “Now next time, Kit picks the lock, Ladinya hits them with the artillery, and I mop up.  Nikki is not allowed in the room until everybody is dead and burned.  Agreed.”

“Yes!” Both Ladinya and Kit said simultaneously

 “Then let’s do it now people.”  Milo said, pointed at the door in the far wall.

Kit gave the thumbs up sign, and pulled the door open.  Ladinya was already swirling her arms in an arcane pattern, then suddenly stopped short.  “Oh my Gods!” She burst out.
Milo peaked round the door jamb and looked into the horrific room.  4 mutilated children’s bodies hung upside down on the walls, throats cut.  Their blood ran down the wall and into a grate in the floor.  The vaulted ceiling arced into a darkness that seemed to permeate the room.  Shoved into one of the corners away from the blood a chest, bed and desk carved in black wood with a strange squid-like motif lurked ominously.  Standing incongruously in the center of the room was a young boy.  The party filed into the room, glancing around in horror.

The child spoke first.  “Hello, my name is Jymmi.  Master Udronualith told me to give you this.”  He opened his hand, exposing an amber glowing bead.

Kit was already asking questions. “Who is Master Udronuali-”

Ladinya looked at the bead, a dreadful expression of understanding spreading across her face.  “Get down!” She screamed, flinging herself at Nikki.


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## Horacio (Apr 26, 2002)

Funniest. Fantasy Story Hour. Ever.


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## DM with a vengence (Apr 27, 2002)

*Breaking and Entering (con't)*

The entire room blasted white hot as the party hit the stone floor.  A wave of heat rolled across them, picking up Milo and flinging him against the wall like a leaf in the autumn wind.  The heat died and they stood up, metal items glowing red hot on their armor and weapons.  The children and furnishing were nothing but blackened spots on the wall.  Above them, something laughed an evil, slippery laugh.
“Holy Feces!”  Ladinya screamed, “I’m getting that bastard right now!” She fired a lightening bolt towards the ceiling, sending a shower of rocks down on everybody and exposing a small hole in the roof.  “Everybody through that hole, Milo get over there so I can levitate you up and you can drop a rope for the rest of us.”
Nikki looked up from where she was repeatedly zapping Milo with her wand of cure serious wounds.  “Milo’s hurt.”
Ladinya didn’t pause a moment.  “Kit, get over there.”  Seconds later Kit was through the hole in the roof and lowering a rope down.  Ladinya skinned up followed by a rapidly resurrected Milo and a clumsy Nikki.  They were standing at the end of a long, twisting masonry corridor.
Ladinya pointed ahead.  “Move, let’s run him down.”

They jogged down the corridor, growing no closer to their mysterious enemy, who could be heard always one bend ahead.  Finally after around 5 minutes of running the tunnel ended in sunlight at a small grove of trees edging on a cultivated field.  About 40 feet from exit a man dressed in farm’s garb was lying on the ground.  Ladinya walked over and turned the man on his side.  She put a finger in the two inch hole in his empty head.

Ladinya looked up, a deadly blank look on her face.  She pointed at the dead man.  “Mindflayer.”


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## DM with a vengence (Apr 28, 2002)

*A Friendly Meeting*

A Friendly Meeting

“Leaders of Tanar.”  Ladinya addressed the four people sitting at the table before her.  “You have, as they say a serious problem.  Nikki, the body please.”  The cleric entered, carrying something wrapped in a large white sheet.  She placed it on the table and began to unwrap the shrouds.  Ladinya continued on.  “Mistriss Al’Veran”  She indicated the mayor’s wife.  “Charged myself and my associates to find and rescue several missing children.  We found traces of there disappearance at-”
“Why wasn’t the guard informed of this?” Commander Zimmer demanded.
“Because your group of drunken yahoos would have merely terrorized these poor old ladies and then concluded that there was no way to solve the case.”  Lelanna snapped back.
“Well _I_ don’t see any children here.”  Zimmer said, gesticulating around the room.  “I don’t see why this group of _adventurers_,”  He made the word sound like a curse. “Are more trustworthy than the watch.  In the past two days the halfling alone has been charged with over 32 counts of-”
“Ahem.”  Ladinya cleared her throat.  “As I was saying, we found traces of the disappearance at the old unused mill.  When we investigated the basement, we were attack by drow.  We killed these, and followed them through a conceal series of tunnels, where we fought two more groups of dark elves.  Then we arrived in a room that I will not trouble you with a description of. The children had been sacrificially killed, for what purpose we do not know.  In that room we were attacked by what is presumably the mastermind of the operation.  He gave a dangerous spell effect to the only surviving child, in the ensuing explosion, all evidence was destroyed and several of us were severely wounded.  We pursued the mastermind through a second maze, and at the exit, in one of the outlaying fields we found this.”
She gestured at the recently unwrapped body.
“He’s dead.”  Mayor Al’Veran said.
“Yes, but notice the cause of death.”  She indicated the hole in the side of his empty head. 
“He was so stupid he stopped breathing.”  The mayor said.  Everybody else in the room glared at him.
“Commander Zimmer, according to the information we were able to pick up, you were once part of the 3rd Spelunkers.  What type of subterranean monster bores a hole in someone’s head and then sucks their brain out?”  Ladinya asked.
Commander Zimmer went ashen faced, wheezing for breath.  “Holy crap!  Mindflayers!”
“What’s a mindflayer?” Lelanna asked.
“Nasty monster.  It stuns you, then sucks your brain out.  They have a bunch of freaky mental stuff. You know, charms, flying, this freaky thing where they shift to another plane and then come back with a fake body that can’t die.  Back in the 3rd, we heard rumors about a secret demi-plane where they kept a bunch of their important people, who only communicated with the real world through astral projection.  If something really bad is going on Down There.”  He pointed at the ground, “Then you can be sure they have their tentacles in it some where.”
“Situation assessment, Commander.”  Lelanna asked.
“If they attack now, we are screwed.” Zimmer stated frankly.  “Just one of those can rip our militia to shreds in minutes, and Heironeous forbid if they are working with Warlord Zahn.  I recommend we call in reinforcements, maybe the Spelunkers and the 2nd Hussars.”
“Warlord Zahn?” Milo asked.
“Some half-breed who set himself up about 10 miles out side of town.  He’s collected a good sized retinue of angry drunkards around him.  We’ve always been worried that he might do something rash.”  Lelanna said.
“Sounds like a guy I might want to pay a visit to, one way or the other.”  Milo mimed drinking, and then drew a finger horizontally across his throat.
“You and me both, brother.” Rudiger said, drawing angry stares from everybody a second time.
“Well then, we’ll be going, have a nice day.”  Milo said, edging out of the room.
“But be back tomorrow, we’ll have some letters for you.”  Lelanna said, smiling sweetly.
“Why?” Ladinya asked.
“Because who else to go and tell the Spelunkers than the people who found the problem.”
“Damn, we _always_ get pulled for every damn job anybody wants.  Remember those damn zombie-rats in the temple basement.” Kit said as they left


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## Horacio (Apr 28, 2002)

What can I add? Your signature already says everything I think...


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## DM with a vengence (Apr 30, 2002)

*Zahn the Barbarian*

Zahn the Barbarian

“I seriously think we should stay in town until they give us the letter.”  Nikki said as the party rode out of town in the direction of Zahn castle, morning sun glinting off their armor and weapons.
“Relax, we’re just going to see what Zahn has to say, we’ll be right back in town in an hour.”  Milo told her.
“According to the rumors I’ve picked up.”  Kit cut in, “We’ll be lucky if we get back at all.”
“Come on, those are all about farmers and townspeople, not a bunch of heavily armed and magicked badass adventurers.  If things go bad Ladinya will just blast a way out, right?”  Milo rebuked.
Ladinya looked over at him sourly.  “Just remember, I only have 5 lightening bolts, and they take a moment to cast.  If they decided to seriously take us, no regard for life and limb and whatnot, them we will be overwhelmed and destroyed.”
“Great, just great, thanks for brightening up my day.”  Kit said glumly.

Zahn’s war hall was a huge wood and stone building surrounded a crude wooden palisade.  Smoke was rising through holes in the roof of the hall and from the bailey between the walls and the hall.  The stout wooden gates flanked by watch towers were solidly close.
“Open up in there.”  Milo called out, knocking on the gate.  “Come on, open up.”  He turned to the rest of the party.  “I don’t think they’re awake yet.”
“Stupid barbarians.” Nikki grunted as she swung her mace into the gate with a mighty two handed blow. “Now open up or I’ll smash your gates in.”
“Right, all right, it’ll be a moment.”  A man called out from one of the towers.  A minute later, the gates swung inward revealing a small team of tired and hungover men dressed in tattered bits of armor.  The party filed in, looking at dismay at the squalid huts in the bailey.
Kit wrinkled her nose at the smell, a combination of poor ale, smoke and vomit.  “What a poo hole.”
“Diplomacy, please.”  Ladinya chided her.  “This is not a good place to get someone angry at us.”
“Yeah but what could _they_ do?”  Milo said, glancing over at the slumbering bodies sprawling in the mud around the huts.
“I count at least 50 that we can see, unless they line up nice and straight for a lightening bolt, they can swarm us.”
“Let’s see them swarm this.”  Milo challenged, flourishing an axe as they were ushered inside.

The great hall was a just a massive vaulted space filled with solid wooden tables and benches.  In the center ashes smoldered in no less than three firepits.  Half of an ox hung over one, the remains of last nights feasting.  At the far end, a throne and a few other chairs sat behind a long table on a raised dias.  To the left down at the far end a small wooden door broke the  crude planked walls.  Their guide from the gate slumped down to the door, and knocked, “Uh, Lord, we gots some visitors to see you.”
A voice boomed from behind the door, speaking with the slightest trace of an orcish accent.  “Well then send them in, don’t let them stand out there, you ----ing moron.  Now go get Kava and tell him to see me immediately.  Get the hell out of my hearing range!”  The guide pulled open the door and scampered off.


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## DM with a vengence (May 2, 2002)

*...And stay out!*

Zahn the barbarian was a tough looking half-orc with a shook of orange hair falling everywhere.  His fangs had been replaced with long diamonds, and his nose and ears were pierced with dozens of bronze and iron rings and studs.  Even at the early hour, he was dressed in the standard barbarian warlord accruements of a light breastplate and fur wrappings around his arms and legs.  A huge two-handed battle-axe hung from his side, handle and blade decorated with a black skull motif.  His long dark cloak looked like it was sewn from the scalps of at least  200 sentient beings, and a jarring array of amulets, chains, bracelets and torcs embellished with strange runes ornamented his neck and limbs.  He looked up from his breakfast of a deer haunch.  “You want some?” He put it in his mouth and tore, ripping the leg in two and sending grease splattering across the room.
“No thank you.” Ladinya said, wiping grease from her face.  “We ate before we left.”
“Oh well.  I’m Zahn the Barbarian, warlord and supreme ruler of this land.  And I know who you are, you’ve been most busy lately.  All of the talk has been about your group, the Non-Gender Specific People in Tights.  Clearing the graveyard of ghouls, doing something or another for Lelanna Al’Veren and what do I hear about some sort of covert council with all of the important people in town and you.”
“Did they say anything about my abilities?”  Ladinya warned, rolling up her sleeves in the universal arcane gesture of preparing to unleash some serious whomp-ass on a target.
“Yes they did.”  Zahn retorted, taking a bit of the venison.  “Ladinya, a most… electrifying woman according to all reports.  Frying ghouls and drow and mindflayers, oh my.”  He smiled, exposing a row of gold teeth behind his crystal fangs.  “And that man, excuse me, woman in the armor must be Nikki, faithful cleric of Ehlonna.  You’ll be glad to know that I consider proper treatment of the woodlands very essential.”
“That’s good.”  Nikki replied, slightly puzzled at the attack on her gender.
“After all without forests, where would we get this delicious deer!”  He roared, slapping his knee with a clangor of ornaments.
“And that small child accompanying you is who’s baby, you let him carry weapons, now isn’t that cute.” 
Milo Bookbender hopped up on the table, shaking with rage.  “Godammit, I’m tired of people thinking I’m a child, and the next person that implies so is going to get three axes where it _hurts!_  Hell, right now I’m thinking that maybe the last person who called me a baby might get those axes.  Let’s see how cute I am when your nuts are decorating my axes!”
“You won’t be decorating your axes anytime soon.  Kava, show them out.”  Suddenly large hands grabbed all of them and pulled them out of the room.

“And stay out.”  The barbarian said, dusting he hands off as the gate closed on the party.  
Ladinya stood up, shaking dirt off her robe.  “I’m am going to settle his sorry ass good.”
“Not before me, you don’t!”  Milo threatened.
“Too late for both of you, tonight I’m sneaking in here and I’m going to do some emergency surgery in his sleep.”  Kit added.
“Not necessary, I think he will have… a hunting accident.”  Nikki vowed.  “Besides, we have to go talk to the town council now, if you remember.”


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## Victim (May 2, 2002)

This is amazing stuff.


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## Horacio (May 2, 2002)

Amazingly amusing, I wouldd add


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## DM with a vengence (May 3, 2002)

Good News Bad News Time.

Good: It's great, amazing hilarious!  Whoot! 

Bad:  I've just run out of already written story (there's more, but I have to write it up) and because of a major school project, I may have trouble delivering more than two updates over the next few weeks, but rest assured, the Heroes of Tanar will continue.

(and we haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet.)


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## Horacio (May 3, 2002)

We will wait for those updates, and if you forget them, we will bump and bump the thread


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## DM with a vengence (May 5, 2002)

*On the Way*

On the Way

“Did you have any trouble on the way here?”  Lelanna Al’Veran asked with a raised eyebrow.
“We had a little run in with an enemy.”  Milo said flatly, “He will be dealt with.”
“Excellent. We have the letters here.  This is a letter to the commanding officer of the 3rd Spelunkers, asking him to help with our problems.”  She said, placing  letter with a red wax seal on the table.  “Included are letters from Father Alhad, Commander Zimmer, and Rudiger. I’m also giving you the skull of the farmer that was killed by it.  I’m authorizing you to do whatever you feel necessary to get a military force here.  If the Spelunkers won’t come, then get anybody who will.  Father Alhad.”
“Yes.”  The priest continued.  “You’ll remember I sent to the Sol in Crayvaenn for a scroll of Raise Dead.  They are waiting for a properly bonded messenger to take the scroll out to us.   Raise Dead is a very potent magic, and I fear that many are not able to resist the temptation that it brings.  But you have a vested interest in the scroll, and I feel that you are more than capable of dissuading any highwaymen who try to remove it from you.  Give this letter to the purser.”  He handed a letter sealed with yellow wax flecked with gold.”
“Thank you, see you back here as soon as possible.”  Lelanna said, ending the meeting.

As the party approached the gate to Crayvaenn, they saw Commander Zimmer and a squad of guards standing in front of the gate, blocking the road out.
Milo rode up to him, just at eye level sitting on his pony.  “Nice to see you Commander Zimmer.  Now would you please move your squad out of the way.”
“I don’t have time for your crap, Bookbender.” Zimmer said.  “I used to be in the Spelunkers, and what I’m telling you now could make or break your mission.  I haven’t kept up on the squad news, but last I heard, Colonel Lord Hardission commands the 3rd.  Back before I left the service, I used to be a platoon sergeant, he was my lieutenant .  I taught him everything I knew about underground warfare, showed him the pickaxe, as they say.  If he won’t come, tell him that ‘Nighteyes’ Zimmer would deem it a personal favor if he would help us.  Milo, I don’t much like your methods, your actions, or your criminal record, but in a battle I would mind having you on my flank.  If you had been a few feet taller, you would’ve been perfect for the 3rd.  Good luck, soldier.”  He stepped back and saluted, the squad mirroring his action.

As they rode off towards Crayvaenn, Milo said.  “Heightist bastard, being short is an advantage in a friggin cave.”
“Come on, he may be a bastard, but a at least he’s trying not to be one.  Besides, we should be touched at his deeply personal confession.” Kit said.
“More like smaltzy tearjerker confession.  Why can’t he just get drunk and kill monsters like a normal person?”
“Something called responsibility, Milo, something called responsibility.”


_*Intermission*
The Heroes traveled to Crayvaenn in two uneventful days.  No spells were cast, no monster slain, but much ale was consumed.  We will rejoin the heroes outside the Setting Gate of Crayvaenn, capital city of the Kingdom of Crayvaenn._


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## Horacio (May 5, 2002)

Each one of your posts means more ROFL for me 

I really like your stories!


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## DM with a vengence (May 6, 2002)

Crayvaenn[Size]

“Gee, you can still see the smoke.”  Milo said, as they stood on the side of the road leading into the western, or Setting, gate of Crayvaenn.
“I don’t know, a fire can keep going pretty long down in that rubble.”  Kit stated with the air of an expert.
“You don’t think that they still blame us for the incident?”  Milo asked.
“Probably not, besides how could we know that smoking was prohibited in the production rooms at the Alchemist’s Guild.  They’ve probably rebuilt already.”  Kit said, a bit unsteadily.
“How about the Assassin’s Guild?”  Milo continued.
“What? we didn’t do anything to get them angry, I hope.”  Kit inquired.
“They were next to the Alchemist’s Guild building.  Last I saw of them was their Guildhouse rapidly being expanded to cover the 4 blocks surrounding their location.”  Milo spoke.
“Good, they could probably use more room.”  Kit said, relief palable in her voice.
“In burning, melting splinters.”  Milo finished.
“Splinters?”
“Yes, splinters.”
“Crap!”

The Heroes successfully managed to navigate the roadblock of wagons, and arrived in Sator Square, one of the half-dozen hearts of Crayvaenn, and like many hearts, this one was crusted with a thick cholesterol of wagons, animals, and people.
“Get your maps, maps of the city!”  “Cabbage, brussel sprouts, and broccoli.”  “Sausage in a bun, sausage in a bun.”  “Bun on a stick, bun on a stick.”  “Orduvian delicacies, imported from Orduvia by boat this morning.”  “Fish, sharks, crayfish, and orangutans, get your orangutans.”
“I’m going to the Temple of Pelor, get that scroll of raise dead.”  Nikki said.
“I’m going to the Royal Barracks, see if I can’t find Colonel Hardisson.”  Ladinya added.
“I’m going to have a look around, see if I can’t pick something up.”  Kit told them.
“I’m going to go to that bar and get drunk.”  Milo said, already walking away.
“We’ll meet back here in two hours, and Milo, stay out of trouble or else we’ll cut off your ale for a month.”  Nikki yelled at his retreating figure.
“I’d like to see you try!”  Milo yelled back at her as he disappeared in the crowd.


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## Horacio (May 6, 2002)

DM with a vengence said:
			
		

> *
> “I’m going to the Temple of Pelor, get that scroll of raise dead.”  Nikki said.
> “I’m going to the Royal Barracks, see if I can’t find Colonel Hardisson.”  Ladinya added.
> “I’m going to have a look around, see if I can’t pick something up.”  Kit told them.
> “I’m going to go to that bar and get drunk.”  Milo said, already walking away.*




ROFLOL!!!!!! Milo is genial, really


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## DM with a vengence (May 7, 2002)

*Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?*

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Nikki walked through the open gateway of the impressive main temple of Pelor.  Marble spires topped with golden globes towered hundreds of feet above the gateway with its fifty feet wide and 75 feet tall bronze doors swung against the front of the building.  The nave stretched in front of her with its hundreds of gilded pews and bright red columns.  Showers of bright yellow, orange, and red light streamed in through the tinted windows, supplementing the light of thousands of holy candles and bright globes of permanent daylight spells.
“High-Church pomp.  Certainly impressive, and quite useless.  Think how many people could have been fed and healed for the price of this.”  Nikki declared, glaring at the finery.
“Hello, due you, ah, need anything.”  The acolyte at the door shuffled over, taking in the light green robes marking her as a cleric of Ehlonna, and the heavy mace hanging down her back marking her as a very dangerous cleric of Ehlonna.  “If your here for the weekly interfaith discussion and tea, it’s been moved to Thursday.  We’re having a guest speaker.  A cleric of Nerull, who said he would talk about his beliefs if we stopped shoving bamboo under his fingernails and setting it on fire.  Of course now he has to argue religion and the Paladins code with the seven greatest theologists in the city.  I’d rather take the bamboo myself.  Aheheheh.”
“I’m not here for the weekly interfaith tea.  I have a letter to deliver to the purser.”  She held out the letter, displaying the seal.
“That door, go up to the fifth landing and stand on the red and blue tiles.  Then knock ‘shave and a haircut. Two pence,’ on the door, don’t use the knocker, and then step back onto the rug.  The door will open, then wait five seconds and go through.  If you get injured in this process then we’ll give you a free healing spell. Good luck, and if you aren’t back in 45 minutes I’ll send someone to collect the piec… I mean find you.”
“Crazy sun worshippers.”  Nikki shook her head, and began the climb up to the fifth landing.

Standing on the red and blue tiles, she knocked ‘shave and a haircut.  Two pence.’ being very careful to bring to keep her hand well away from the gilded knocker.  She stepped back, and the door swung open.  A ruff grumbling voice spoke from inside.  “Put the mace by the door, and come in with your hands in the air.  Now!”
Nikki carefully laid her weapon on the carpet, and stepped in, hands in the air.

The interior of room was almost pitch black compared to the radience of the temple.  As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she saw a hunched grizzled old man standing near some large device with lots of springs and wood framework, points of light glinting threateningly in the interior, his hand hovering over a lever.
“Step in, you can put down your hands.”  He released a foot pedal, and the door slid closed.  “I’m am Deacon Waaaaashburn, and whaaaaaat do you waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…”  He growled.
“I would like a scroll of raise dead, as specified in this letter.”  Nikki said, brandishing the envelope.
Deacon Washburn ignored her, “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant.  Scroll of raise dead?  Let me see that.”  He took her letter and glanced it over.  “I’ll be right baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.”  He loped into the shadows with the sort of gate usually reserved for green-skinned hunchbacks who drooled “Mathter” a lot.
While he was gone Nikki examined the device he had been standing by, it was eight crossbows of varying power mounted on a wooden framework designed to all be fired at once by releasing the lever.  It was currently pointed right at the doorway.  Deacon Washburn loped back into the room and saw her looking at it.  “That’s the Waaaaaashburn X8.  My own invention.”  He said proudly, inflating his chest.  “Waaaaaaatch.”  He pulled the lever, and the door sprouted eight crossbow bolts at various levels.  “Quite effective, you’ll note how they’re grouped at chest, head, groin height aaaaaand haaaaalfling groin height.  Thieves don’t mess with this.  Here’s your scroll, haaaaaave a nice day and don’t let the attack baaaaaaats rip you to shreds on the way out.”  He darted around the corner, and then popped back out.  “Serious about thaaaaaaat last one, I’d better see if they’re in their cages.”
“Crazy sun worshippers.”  Nikki said, collecting her equipment and heading back towards Sator Square, “Sunstroke always gets them in the end.”


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## Horacio (May 7, 2002)

What can I say?

Crazy sun worshippers, I guess


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## DM with a vengence (May 8, 2002)

*Atten-hut!*

 Atten-hut!

Ladinya looked over the fifty foot high tower studded granite wall and solid gatehouse.  A squad of spearmen with crimson tunics and polished mail trotted out of the arched tunnel leading into the and charged through the streets.  Ladinya walked over to the sentry guarding the gate and asked.  “Where can I find Colonel Lord Hardisson, I have an important letter.  Official military business.”
“Access allowed only to designated personnel!  Please stand aside!”  The sentry barked.
“Listen, perhaps you didn’t understand me.”  She leaned forward, placing her fingertips on the man breastplate.  “I have very important dispatches for Colonel ‘Cave in’ Hardisson, and unless you want to spend the rest of your sorry life lugging dirt underground for the 3rd Spelunkers, then I suggest you let me in.”
The sentry gulped.  “I’m afraid I can’t do that, ma’am.  I have very specific orders.  Authorized personnel only.”
Ladinya put a little more weight on him.  “You must dumber than you are ugly.  I’m telling you I am authorized personnel.  I am a covert operative carrying ‘eyes only’ reports of drow activity around Tanar.  Now when the drow conquer us all because Colonel Hardission didn’t have the information necessary to break up their plans, what are you going to do?  I’ve heard that they enjoy torturing prisoners, especially male soldiers too dumb to allow people with access into a place they need to go.  Do I make myself clear?”
The sentry shrunk.  “Yes, ma’am, that way.  I believe the Colonel is at the firing range today testing out the new Kheckler Mageworks crossbows.”

Ladinya sauntered in, towards a long line of archery butts.  A group of tall, fat, senior officers in elaborate uniforms that glittered with dozens of medals and ribbons was watching a man in simple dark green fatigues was lying on the ground, firing a crossbow.  He pulled the trigger, and three bolts thudded into the center of the bullseye a hundred feet away. Nearly lost in the crush of officers was a thin, slight man in well used black chainmail with dozens of weapons hanging from belts, ankle sheaths, and bandoleers. Ladinya walked up behind him, and tapped him on the shoulder, “Colonel Hardisson, I have a letter for you.”
“And what is it to you.”  He said without looking at her.
“It’s from Sergeant ‘Nighteyes’ Zimmer.”  She added.
“Huh?  Give me that!”  He grabbed the letter and sliced open the end with a dagger.  He shook it out, and glanced over it.  “I’ll talk to you in my office in five minutes.  No, make that now.  Follow me.”  He marched off towards a small single story building across the dust training field, Ladinya scrambling to follow him.

The building held just a guard post and stairway down.  The guard saluted as Hardisson passed, went down the stairs into a dirt tunnel with wood bracing, down three doors, and entered his office.  The office was a stark room with unfinished masonry walls, a desk, a weapons rack filled with swords and axes, and several unorthodox trophies decorating the walls.
“So, according to this letter, you found a mindflayer and his drow servants in a system of corridors under Tanar.  You gave chase, but it escaped, leaving behind a dead man. Now how do I know that you adventurers aren’t lying?”
“One, note the seal on the letter.  If the letter is false, then I think that we’ll spend the rest of our lives in jail on charges of replicating the Royal Seal.  Two, this is the head of the man we found.”  She pulled the preserved head out of her pack by the ear and plunked it down on the desk.  Colonel Hardisson looked at, and nodded.
“That’s real, but why do they suggest bringing along a conventional unit?” He asked.
“We believe that there is a barbarian warlord working with the mindflayers.  If we were to go after the mindflayers, he might destroy Tanar in retaliation.”  Ladinya lied through her teeth.
“Sounds, good I’ll be moving with Alpha Squad in 24 hours, I’ll pull any string I can reach to get heavy infantry there.  This one looks serious enough that we will deploy in force.  Mindlflayers acting near the surface is quite unusual.  I guess that this one was spying, and decided to torture the children because it was bored.  Thank the gods for the foibles of our enemies, they know we need them.”  He stood up, and ushered Ladinya out the door.


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## Horacio (May 8, 2002)

> *“One, note the seal on the letter.  If the letter is false, then I think that we’ll spend the rest of our lives in jail on charges of replicating the Royal Seal.  Two, this is the head of the man we found.”  She pulled the preserved head out of her pack by the ear and plunked it down on the desk. *




You're players aren't only funny, they are clever. That was a very good move


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## DM with a vengence (May 10, 2002)

No update yet , but my report will be in Tuesday and I can start working on this again soon.

I've already posted this in a few places, but why not here as well.

Heroes of Tanar Introductory Flash Movie


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## Horacio (May 12, 2002)

Now you have even a film, whoow! 
But the Milo you've chosen doesn't look like the Milo I had imagined...


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## DM with a vengence (May 12, 2002)

He was the best looking Milo Claudio had. The real Milo would have a mithril shirt, large shield, and more axes than you could count.


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## DM with a vengence (May 14, 2002)

*When Halflings go Wild Wild Wild!*

When Halflings go Wild Wild Wild!

Nikki and Ladinya arrived in Sator square at the exact same time.  Remarkably, there was no screaming,  nothing was on fire, and a crowd of watchmen were most definitely not crowded around a group of chalk outlines.  “Whew, seems like he hasn’t gotten into any trouble.  Maybe we can start trusting him again.”
At that moment, a loud argument from a neighboring bar floated over the chaos of the square.  “To short to play darts?  I’ll dart you!”  There was a thud, and the sudden, animal scream of a man who had just had his balls kicked up between his ears by someone half his size.  There were the sounds of a struggle, and halfling covered in weapons was tossed out of a window, rolling to the sound of tinkling glass.  Ladinya looked at Nikki, “Oh crap, let’s go!”
Milo bounced up from the toss and looked into the laughing face of the man who had thrown him out of the window just when things were beginning to get fun.  He reached over to a stall and grabbed three rotten melons, dropping a silver on the counter.  Seconds later the man and the window were covered in rotten honeydew pulp.  The man screamed and jumped out of the ground floor window after Milo, who braced his feet shoulder width apart and stood ready to receive the man’s attack.  With the unstoppable ponderous momentum of a raging elephant, the man charged Milo with full intent of violence.  At the last moment Milo skipped to the side and spun, sending a well aimed blow into the back of the man’s knee.  The man’s leg spasmed, and he went down hard, crushing his nose on the cobbles.  Milo walked over to him and very deliberated planted a well aimed kick between his legs.  The man clutched his crotch and jackknifed as Milo strutted around him.  “Who’s the halfling?  I’m the halfling!  Who’s in the house?  Milo’s in the house!”
A crowd gathered around Milo and began to mutter.  “Upsy halflings.”  “What gives them the right to terrorize innocent people?”  “Why do you know what one of them said to my daughter?”  “I say they’re too short to enjoy life properly.”  “All that rage bottled up into such a small frame.”  “I think we aughta teach him a lesson…”
Milo held up his hands for silence.  “People of Crayvaenn, we can resolve this slight disagreement peacefully.  But that doesn’t seem too bloody likely now, does it?”  He flipped two axes out of their loops and grabbed them by the blade, handle forward.  “Wazzzzzzzzup!”  Milo screamed as he charged the crowd, pausing only to jab a kidney here or trip an old lady there.  He burst through the outer edge of the crowd, and ran towards the city gate. A pair of watchmen, a half-orc and a gnome stepped out from behind a corner, and Milo skidded to a stop.
Ladinya and Nikki heard Milo’s battle-cry, and watched the ripple of falling people pass through the crowd  as Milo burst through and ran smack into the two watchmen.  The half-orc pulled a giant crossbow off his back, pulled back the string with one hand, loaded what must have been at least 30 bolts and pointed the weapon at the crowd.  “Get cold.”
“Freeze.”  The gnome corrected.  “But I assure you, even if my partner’s grammar is not much, his aim most certainly is.  That is a customized riot Kheckler Wallsweeper 30 1000lbs crossbow.  You might recall its performance at the siege of Tuluk-Dom, where the dwarves used a similar, slightly less powerful model to prevent a goblin horde of over 3000 warriors from advancing more than 200 feet into a valley they were defending.”  At this, the entire crowd gave a little gurgle of fear and pants-wetting.  “So who started out this little incident?”
Milo turned, the entire crowd was pointing at him.


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## DM with a vengence (May 15, 2002)

*When Halflings go Wild (con't)*

Nikki and Ladinya turned and looked at each other.  “I cast sanctuary. You cast fly, I run in there and get him, then toss him to you, you fly him out.”  Nikki said, Ladinya nodded, and took off into the air as Nikki fixed her shield around her arm and ran at Milo in a crouch, screaming “Sanctuary! Sanctuary!”
The half-orc thought about the various people moving around for an agonizing moment.  He lifted the crossbow to the flying lady and then back down onto the armored one going after the short guy.  He really didn’t want to shoot her, but he pulled the trigger anyway.
Nikki saw the slight movement in the orc’s arm muscles, and started to dive for the ground.  “Oh sh---.”  The right arm of the crossbow snapped clean off the stock and snapped around, smashing the orc against the side of his head.  Even a thick orcish skull couldn’t deflect all of the strike’s power, and the orc fell to the ground, greenish blood leaking from his ear.  The gnome looked at his fallen partner’s body.  “Back to the drawing board with that one.  Maybe I better get there now.”  He darted off down an alley and over the wall at the end.
Nikki reached Milo and grabbed him before he could react, and tossed him to Ladinya hovering twenty feet overhead.  Ladinya grabbed him by the collar of his mithril shirt, and flew down the street, Nikki clanking behind and Milo shouting curses up at Ladinya.  They landed a block away.
“What the hell was that about?”  Milo demanded, rearranging his bandoleers of axes.  “Tossing me out of there just when things were about to get good.  I was ready to unleash some serious whoop-ass on them suckers.”
“Them suckers were about to spread you out all over Sator Square.”  Ladinya chided.
“No, I could see the fatal flaw in the bow.  I knew it would break.”
Nikki clanked up behind them and wheezed, “Lair. We saved. Your butt.  I really.  Have to. Practice.  Running. More.”  She leaned on her knees, and spat a long loogie onto the pavement.  “Gah.  Maybe we should get rooms here."  She pointed up at the sign of a pair of kidneys wearing a crown.  “The Kyngs Kidnies.  Sounds good.”

At about 7:00 in the evening, Kit walked into the room with a bag over her shoulder.  She spotted the Non-Gender Specific People in Tights sitting at a table pushed over into the corner, waved, and walked over.
“Hey folks.”  She said, plopping down in a chair and signaling the barmaid for another ale.  “How was your day.  I got presents for you, and a little something for me.”  She dumped four knobby wax objects on the table.
“Hey, wax noses, Neato.” Ladinya said, spinning hers around in her hands.  Milo stuck his on upside down, put his hands in his ears, and made faces at them.
“And look at this.”  Kit pulled a strange looking light crossbow out of her bag and held it up to her shoulder.  “It’s a Kheckler Mageworks R-15, thautamaurgical, semi-automatic, magazine feed, bayonet equipped, civilian version of the latest military crossbows that just came out two days ago.  This one was the last one in stock, and cost three times list price, but it was worth it.”
“Kit, how exactly did you find us?”  Nikki asked.
“Just followed the rumors.  Its not often a cleric and a flying woman pull an angry halfling out of a crowd.”
“But if you can find us, then the Watch probably will, and I don’t think that we’re real good friends right now.” Ladinya worried.
Kit smiled.  “Don’t worry about that, I gave the watch something-several other things to do tonight.”  She opened her vest and pulled a flask from a concealed pocket, tossing it in the air.
“You did what?  Nevermind, we leave now.  Get your cloaks and equipment, we’ll sleep under the stars tonight.”  Ladinya stood up, slammed a couple of gold on the table and rapidly gathered her stuff.  Milo and Nikki followed her lead, leaving Kit standing there bewildered.
“That was weird, all I did was put some Dwarfish spirits in their coffee urn.”  She gathered up the noses and the crossbow and followed them out into the street.


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## DM with a vengence (May 17, 2002)

*Special Double Feature*

I didn't give you an update yesterday, so tonight we have a special double feature.  It's also sorta tomorrow's update, mainly because I'm a total rat-bastard who just loves cliff-hangers (not literally, I don't think I've every left anyone hanging on the side of a cliff, although rock climbing is a lot of fun.)

On the Road, Again

Milo lead the NGSPiT (Non-Gender Specific People in Tights, aren’t acroynms fun?) down Short street, keeping close to the wall and the shadows.  He heard a ruckus up ahead, and dove into an alley, the rest of the party following him.  They took positions behind crates and rubbish, and Milo signaled to prepare for violence.
“Why?” Nikki hissed.
As if in answer, a song came to them on the wind.
_ A wizard’s staff has a knob on the end
Knob on the end
Knob on the end
A wizard’s staff has a knob a knob on the end
a big knobby knob!_
A trio of drunken watchmen stumbled by, signing and bumping into on another.  Milo waited for a moment, and then took the NGSPiT out onto the street again, jogging toward the Setting Gate.

“Halt! who wishes to exit the city of Crayvaenn?”  The guard shouted out from the top of the gatehouse.
The party looked around in a moment of confusion and terror before Ladinya called out:  “Just some women, and a half--- child.  Women and a child.  Sorry.” She whispered towards the glowering Milo.
“Do you require an escort?”  The guard asked.  “The road can be dangerous at night.”
“No, we cannot have an escort because we are inflicted with a terrible disease.”  Ladinya fumbled for words. “Leprosy, can’t go anybody because were all afflicted.”
“You know, the Temple of Pelor usually will do disease removal for free if you can’t afford it.”  The guard said conversationally.
“That’s nice, but we’re off to fight, ah infect the forces of evil. Can we go now?”  Nikki demanded.
“Sure, I’ll open a sally port.  Just a moment.”  The guard walked out of the gatehouse carrying a torch and keys.  He unlocked a smaller door inset in the main gate and walked over to the NGSPiT.  “Hey you don’t look very diseased. Oh!”  The guard crumpled to the ground as Kit slammed the butt of her crossbow into his chest.
“And for your information, I’m not a kid.”  Milo said, stepping heavily on the guard’s stomach as they walked out of Crayvaenn.

_Interlude_
And so, the NGSPiT left Crayvaenn, much to the relief of its honest citizens and police force.  We rejoin them in camp a day later.[/I]


Not an Ambush, Most Definitely not an Ambush.
 	“Hey, look on the upside.  At least the Spelunkers are coming.”  Ladinya said, organizing spell component.
“Probably with warrants for our arrest.”  Kit added gloomily.
“What!”  Milo argued indignantly.  “You’re the one who put the booze in their coffee, besides, that guard couldn’t recognize us.  Hey, I think the rabbit’s done.”  He took the clump of meat off of the spit and began to divide it up with an ax.  “One for me, and one for everybody else, one for me, and one for everybody else.  That’s fair.”
“No it’s not.”  Nikki said.  “Not to the cute little bunny, and not to the rest of us.  You have as much as everybody else combined.”
Milo waved his haunch in the air, already chewing a bite.  “Mwugle nuggle ftuggle.”
“Swallow, then make your moronic statement.”  Kit rebuked.
“I said that its your problem with the rabbit not mine.”  Milo added.  Suddenly an arrow flashed out of nothing and knocked the meat out of Milo’s hand.  “Bastards!”  He shouted at the scrub around the camp site.  “Who did that? Come out so I can kill you.”  A wave of arrows rained down on the camp, sending everyone running for shelter.
“Stay here.”  Kit called out as another salvo shredded the tent.  “I’m going scouting.  Lightening bolt where you see the fire.”  She held up a flask of alchemist’s fire and pointed at it, then scuttled off into the bush.  
Ladinya ran over to Milo in a crouch, muttered a few strange syllables, and touched him.  “Mage armor.”  She explained.  “Not as good as your regular stuff, but it will help.”  She dashed over to Nikki and repeated the procedure.
Ladinya hit the dirt next to Nikki, who fired off a bolt in the direction of the arrows.  “Can’t see them.”  She reported to Ladinya, who was digging in a pocket for something.
Ladinya pulled out a scroll and glanced at it, speaking a few more syllables in draconic.  She aimed her own crossbow and fired.  The arrow, aimed by more than human ability, darted unerringly into one of the archers, who yelped in pain. “Did you see that?”  She asked Nikki.
“Yup.”  Nikki reloaded her own crossbow and fired a bolt in the same place, but hit nothing but air.
“Kit, get clear.”  Ladinya called out, ducking under some arrows that found her position.  She sent a lightening bolt roaring in the direction of the archers, leaving nothing but the charred stumps off bushes in its path.  Two men took it full on, and were fried to a crisp before they could scream.  She aimed at a clump of bushes near her first strike, and sent a million volts into it.  The bandit hiding behind it screamed as his skin burst into flames.  He leaped out, fire leaping from his hair and pants, and stumbled towards Ladinya before falling.
The remaining bandits charged in a lose vee, lead by a man with a greatsword in studded leather with wild tattoos and spiked red hair tipped with white.  From a flanking position somewhere behind, Kit triggered a burst of bolts from her new crossbow that stitched up one of the bandit’s leg and side, sending him toppling to the ground.  Ladinya sent a lightening bolt at the remaining three, incinerating the two ordinary bandits, but leaving their leader little more than smoking.
Milo rushed from his hiding spot, an ax in either hand.  The barbarian sliced at Milo head, but Milo ducked under and cut at his feet.  The barbarian swung the blade around and parried the blade with a force that left Milo’s arm tingling.  Milo slashed again at the other leg, but the barbarian checked the momentum of his massive sword with chilling ease and parried that stroke, bring the blade up in a backhanding swing across Milo chest.
Milo rolled out of range and flung an ax at the barbarian, hitting him in the arm. The barbarian gave as much notice to the blow as he would have a flybite, and charge again, bringing the greatsword down with enough force to cut a tree in two.  Milo jumped right, spun, and flicked the ax at the barbarian’s Achilles tendon.  At the last moment the barbarian skipped out of the way, he lifted his sword and swung it in a flat arc across Milo chest.  Milo saw it coming, raised an ax, but the force of the blow simply sheared through the ax-head, ignored Ladinya’s mage armor and caught him at the bottom of his ribs.  With a sickening crunch the ax ripped out Milo’s guts and sent him flying into a tree, blood spurting from his massive wound.


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## Horacio (May 17, 2002)

Acroynms are fun! 

Still ROFL, as usual


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## The Furious Puffin (May 17, 2002)

I love this Story hour, this game, the characters and their players!

Huzzah!

Top stuff, the best one IMHO 

Great trailer as well!


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## DM with a vengence (May 29, 2002)

Nooooooooo!”  Kit, Ladinya and Nikki screamed as one.  Kit stood up and blazed away with her crossbow, catching the barbarian in a hail of bolts.  Her brutal attack left him looking more like a pincushion than a man, but amazingly he was still standing.  Ladinya fired a lightening bolt into him, but he just shook off the incredible deluge of power.  Nikki screamed a wordless battlecry and charged, swinging her mace in a deadly two handed blow.  The barbarian brought up his sword to parry, but it was too little too late.  Nikki’s blow slammed into his head, shattering his skull and sending his brains splattering out in a 15 foot cone.  He headless barbarian toppled to the ground, blood pouring out of his wounds.  Ehlonna forgive me!”  Nikki gasped.  “Milo!”  She dashed over and sent her most powerful blast of life into him, but it was too late, he was dead when he hit the ground.
	Nikki began to wrap the corpse up in a blanket.  “He was so short, I never thought that Milo would go this way.  I was always counting on alcohol poisoning or injures incurred in a bar game, but never battle.  It’s so sad.”
	“No, wait.”  Ladinya called out.  “There’s still hope.”
	“Who’s the cleric here?  He didn’t respond to a spell that would do everything but bring the dead back to life, ergo, he is dead.”  
	“What about that scroll of Raise Dead we got for Sir Jadael?”
	“I’ll try, but Ehlonna has not seen fit to grant me that spell yet.  It might be tricky.”  She unfurled the rool of parchment and began to read, the streams of celestial syllables hanging over Milo in a halo of light.
After about ten minutes the lights faded, and Milo opened his eyes.  “That was the worst hangover I’ve ever had, felt like I died.  Where the hell are we?”
“Somewhere between Crayvaenn and Tanar, at the site of a bandit ambush.”
“Aw poo on a stick.”  Milo groaned.  “It’s friggin real. Do you know those barbarian tales about how people who die in battle get carried to a big warhall in the sky by large breasted flying women.”  Ladinya and Nikki nodded their acknowledgment.  “They’re dead wrong.”
 	Kit joined them.  “I found this on our friend over there.”  She pointed backwards at the dead barbarian and uncrumpled a piece of paper, reading.  “’Non-Gender Specific People in Tights, I hope you had a good time in Crayvaenn, sorry about the way back. Signed, Z.’  A certain barbarian warlord will pay, very dearly, or not I’m Kit Farcis.”


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## Horacio (May 29, 2002)

Funniest. Raise Dead. Ever


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## DM with a vengence (May 30, 2002)

*Revenge*

Revenge 

It was nearing sunset as the NGSPiT topped the last ridge before Tanar.  As one the turned off the road and lead their horses along a small track to the east.  After about an hour of riding, they saw the torches topping the walls of Zahn’s fortress, they rode up to the gate.
	“Halt! Who goes there?”  A sentry called out.
“Guests to see Warlord Zahn.”  Kit answered.
“Okay, just let me open the gate.”  The sentry climbed down and pulled open one of the pair of massive wooden gates.  “Hey you guys look a little--”
Kit jammed the crossbow in the man’s stomach and pulled the trigger three times.  The man fell face down into the mud with the bolts protruding from his back, surronded by a spreading dark stain.  “Dangerous.”  Kit finished, reloading her crossbow up to its maximum of 5 bolts.
Nikki walked to the inner doors into the hall and pushed them open.

	The hall stretched away, at least 300 people were sitting at the long table, singing, laughing and joking.  Dogs fought over scraps as fat dripped from a whole cow turning over the central firepit.  At the head table at the far end, Warlord Zahn was laughing at something a thin man dressed in red and white robes was saying.  The Non-Gender Specific People in Tights formed up into a line abreast and walked down the pathway between the trestle tables, armor clinking, scabbards slapping against their legs. As they walked down, a wave of silence seemed to pass with them, the merriment fading out.  Ladinya whispered to the rest of the party.  “Remember, if things go wrong, I get Milo, and Nikki gets Kit, then up and away.”  The rest nodded as they pulled up before the head table.  Zahn took a swig of ale and said in a booming voice that echoed round the hall.  “Why, Milo Bookbender, I didn’t expect to see you. Ahehehehehe.”
	“Have you ever been dead?”  Milo said without pretense, pacing before the high table with his hands clasped behind him.  “I have, and it’s a pretty unpleasant place.  Unlike some bleeding hearts I know, I, however, would like to see my worst enemy there.  Do you see this?”  He lifted his mail shirt, exposing the long curving scar across his side where the barbarian had hit him.  “This was given to me on the road back from Crayvaenn by a bandit, a brigand, coward lurking in the shadows.  We killed him, but he is not the one I want dead.  You see, someone else sent him, someone who happens to lead a large number of barbarians.  Zahn, you are a coward! You fight through proxies!  You have no future and no past, you are a nothing!  I spit on you as I would spit on a cat!  Come and let me see the edge of your blade, master of assassins!”
	The challenge hung in the smoky air as the entire room registered their shock at seeing someone so brash as to challenge Zahn.  He frowned, and then smiled.  “Hohoho, Milo Bookbender, you do not become a leader simply by challenging and slaying.  The first rule of ruling is to plan.  Do you think I would not plan for this eventuality, how foolish you are.”  He lifted his hand and snapped his fingers.  There was a sudden rustling around the room as several dozen barbarians pulled crossbow, bow, and throwing knife from under their cloths and seat.
“Airborne!” Ladinya scream as she tackled Milo and shot up into the air, spinning to throw off the archer’s aim.  Kit grabbed onto Nikki’s arm as they rose off the ground at a slightly slower rate, arrows, bolts and knives bouncing off them, or missing and falling back into the crowd.  The screams of those unlucky enough to be caught in this hail rose past the NGSPiT as they smashed through the boards in the ceiling broke onto the roof.
	Milo jumped down, rolling lightly as everybody else settled themselves onto the thatch.  “Okay, we leave the horses and fly back to Tanar, there’s still enough time on the spells for that.”
	“That won’t be happen, warriors.”  The man in the red and white robes was hovering above the hole in the roof.  He kicked himself towards the party and dropped lightly.  “I am Kava, and you won’t be going anywhere.”


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## Horacio (May 30, 2002)

*Re: Revenge*



			
				DM with a vengence said:
			
		

> *“That won’t be happen, warriors.”  The man in the red and white robes was hovering above the hole in the roof.  He kicked himself towards the party and dropped lightly.  “I am Kava, and you won’t be going anywhere.” *




Great line... 

 “I am Kava, and you won’t be going anywhere.”

Almost as good as that famous "I'm Iñigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."


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## DM with a vengence (May 31, 2002)

*Playing with Matches on the Roof*

Playing with Matches on the Roof

Nikki took one look at him.  “I see by your dress that you are a cleric of Kord the wrestler.  How would you like to try me?”
	Kava ripped the robe off, he was wearing white shorts and nothing else.  He stretched him arms, wipecord muscles rippling.  “We shall see who’s god is stronger.”  Nikki dropped he shield and mace and held her hands out in front of her, slowly circling.  Kava darted forwards and grabbed her wrists, pulling her arms open, he bent his head forward and bit at her face, his mouth widening to cover half her face.
	“That just isn’t right.  I’m coming!”  Kit pulled a punching dagger from a boot sheath and charged, moonlight glittering off the blade.  Milo and whipped out a throwing ax and followed her in, screaming incoherently. 
	Ladinya turned, a group of barbarians had appeared on the roof towards the front of the hall, searing them in their tracks.  A barbarian closed and she dropped a flaming sphere in his path.  The body pushed through and toppled out, the burning corpse setting the roof on fire.  One reached her and swung, she flew upwards and moved the flaming sphere beneath his feet.  He screamed as he plummeted through the burning hole to the floor sixty feet below.  Another barbarian clambered onto the roof and she sent a lightening bolt at him, cutting a neat semi-circle out of the roof and sending his body splashing into the mud.  She landed and turned the grapplers.  They had Kava face down on the thatch, with Milo doing his best to decapitate someone with a small throwing ax.

	Milo slammed the ax down for the sixth time.  “Die bastard!”  He screamed, cutting through another inch of the cleric tough, almost rubbery flesh.  The man’s head seemed to flare and bulge alarmingly, as if each little piece of skin was trying to grab something and rip it off.  Milo felt something force its way into his mind, slowing him down, he tried to swing the ax, but fell backwards, his body slumping out across the roof.  His head flopped sideways and he saw Kit lying next to him, then everything went black.
	“Cheater.”  Nikki grunted, trying to keep the surprisingly strong cleric down.
“You cheated first.”  The man hissed.  “One on one, it was.”
“And I’ll cheat last.”  Nikki wrapped her arms around the man’s chest and took off, flying high over the ground.  She flew up until her ears hurt, and then dove towards the burning lights of the keep, Kava’s scream thin in her ears as she plunged downwards.

	“Milo, get up.”  Ladinya shook his arm, trying to wake him.
“You can’t help him, all that works is time.”  Warlord Zahn stood at the edge of the roof, arms crossed, cape blowing in the wind, his face a hellish color from the flames.  “I find myself that Kava is a being of many talents.  But now it’s just you and me, my dear Ladinya, and let’s see how well your spells fare against my blade.”  He pulled his two-handed greataxe off his back, and charged across the burning roof, his ax glowing red in the reflections.
Ladinya dropped to the thatch and fired a lightening bolt along the rooftop.  Zahn leapt the front of the blast of energy, ax raised high above his head. The lightening bolt faded into a crackle of static electricity as Zahn dropped down into the ten foot wide trench that the bolt had sliced out of the roof, his battlecry fading to a thin scream as he hit the floor of the hall with a meaty thump.  He stood up, and fled the burning hall, limping along through the flame rimmed door and out into the night.

As Ladinya turned back to Kit and Milo, something screamed out of the sky and smashed through the largest clump of burning thatch, sending sparks high into the night.  Almost instantly, wet splat was heard over the roaring of the flames, and Nikki burst through the roof with a grayish lump of flesh over her shoulder, green blood leaking from a crushed skull.  “Sorry about that, Kava.  All’s fair in love, war, and wrestling on burning roofs.  What now?”
“Listen, we have to get out of there, I’ll take Milo, you take Kava, whatever the hell he is, and we’ll both carry Kit.”  Ladinya said hurriedly as the roof shifted below them.  Nikki and Ladinya grabbed everybody else.  “All right.”  Ladinya said.  “On three. Hup… 2… 3… _Lift!_”

The roof collapsed in a avalanche of burning straw and timber that spewed burning rubble into the night sky.  The abused warhall trembled, and then fell with a force that shook the trees for miles around.


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## DM with a vengence (Jun 1, 2002)

*Homecoming*

Homecoming

The party walked into the Golden Dragon and slammed the door behind them.  Zeebo Farstrider cut off his elvish wailing and equally poorly played zither.  “What in the name of The Mother of Forests happened to you?”
The crowd took in their soot covered skin and burned clothing. “An accident at Warlord Zahn’s hall.” Milo said ladonically.
“Did anything happen to Zahn?” A well-meaning barfly asked.
“Yeah.”  Milo said, white teeth blazing across his black face.  “Us.  Give us three flagons of Gunthur’s Best, a cup of Bloodrose red, our rooms, and stabling for our horse.  And bring our stuff up to our room.”  He tossed a pouch of lose change across the bar.  “Make it fast.”  Terrified servant rushed to do what he said, and soon the NGSPiT were roasting their feet at the fire and their brains with alcohol.

“What the hell was Kava?”  Kit asked.
Nikki took a sip of her wine.  “I don’t know, and don’t really want to know.  Whatever he was, it scares the crap out of me.  He was all slimy and rubbery, and when he hit… I must have been going fast enough to pulp an ordinary human and he was mostly intact, it was like nothing we did could hurt him.”  She shivered involuntarily.  “I’m going to get some sleep.  I hope.  Goodnight.”  With that, the party dispersed to their room for the night.

“… And after destroying his warhall and possibly killing Zahn, we recovered the body of his right hand man, Kava.  Nikki, the body.”  Ladinya said, concluding the rather highly edited summary of their actions in Crayvaenn and beyond.
Rudiger chuckled.  “This almost becoming a tradition.”
Nikki put the corpse of Kava on the floor and unwrapped the blankets.  With a scream, Zimmer jumped up, pushing back the heavy table and drawing his sword.  Seeing the thing was already dead, he replaced his chair and sat down, apologizing for his actions.  “Sorry about that, ma’am, sir.  The sight of one of those _abominations_ before me just…”
“One of what?”  Lelanna Al’Veran demanded.
Zimmer paid no attention, his eyes closed as he lapsed back in reminiscence.  “We were on the 5 level of an abandoned Dwarven city, on a routine scouting mission, when we hit one of those thing.  Half of us were stunned before we could draw our weapons.  Warmage Sudiner hit it with a fireball, but the thing just laughed it off, it wasn’t even singed.  Major Bunner, he turned to us and said, ‘Why are you attacking my friend?’  Lieutenant Hardisson, it was his first mission, he was green as a leaf, he runs up to the Major and decks him cold.  Now Stonespeaker Tabrat, he charges it with his mace.  I’ll never forget what happened next.  The thing just reaches out and blam!  They’re both gone, we thought it was the end of that, but the next day we found Simpkins stretched out with a hole in his head and his brains gone.  The after that it showed up and Major Bunner went up and hugged it, that was the end of him. We were three days under, and by the time we hit surface it had got everybody but me and Hardisson.  That thing eliminated an entire squad of the King’s finest without trouble, it was just toying with us.  It could’ve gotten us if it wanted to, but it didn’t.  Those things are the worst creatures I’ve ever met.”  Zimmer shook himself.  “Mindflayers.”
“Thank god the Spelunker’s are coming.”  Lelanna said.  “They should be here today.”
“There is no should.”  Zimmer said, “Either we’re saved or doomed, the die is cast, but by who’s hands.”


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## DM with a vengence (Jun 1, 2002)

*Visitors*

Visitors 

The day had turned out to be a series of slowly progressing rain showers, concluding in the massive thunderstorm that currently drenched Tanar.  It was only early evening, but by the darkness of the sky, it could have been night for all anybody knew.  The Golden Dragon was mostly empty, as almost everybody had gone home before you would start needing a boat to navigate the muddy rivers that passed for streets.  Despite the storm outside, the Golden Dragon was warm and cozy, with a huge fire burning on the hearth.  Zeebo Farstrider, having given up on music with constant interruptions of thunder was telling stories supposedly from his youth.
“And so I told Flutter that we best avoid going into that cave, because it looked like the cave of the dread Dragon of Derath-Tiur, but we went in anyway.  It was the cave of the dread Dragon, and he ate the entire Free Company up in one gulp.  He was about to eat me, but I took out my lute and sang such a lay that he spared my life and gave me the choice of anything from his horde.  I got the Fabled Sword of Silver, but I lost it to the Yuan-Ti of the Emerald Jungle in a game of cards shortly after.  I would’ve won, but the snake-people kept cheating.”
“How were you with Flutter?”  Kit asked.  “From what I heard, he was a xenophobic dwarf who would just as well chop an elf into pieces as look at him.”
“And didn’t Flutter and his Free Company die in 556 AK in an accident involving a Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Mansion and an unidentified Portable Hole.”  Ladinya said.  “Now demons and dragon can be rather unpleasant, but the things that can come out of extra-dimensional rift just shouldn’t be.  It was lucky that the Arch-Chancellor of the University happened to have a Disjunction on him, because otherwise the things might have eaten the entire city of Crayvaenn.”
“And wasn’t the campaign against the Yuan-Ti of the Emerald Jungle completed by 518 AK.”  Milo said.  “I heard that the entire tribe was killed to the last man, woman, and snake-man.  I don’t think there was enough left to hold a deck of cards, much less play.”
“And the Fabled Sword of Silver,” Nikki elucidated.  “Was created by an Avatar of Heironeous for the Paladin Prator, and presumably it still lies in the Blasted Ground outside Dis, where none good enough to hold the sword may approach it, and none evil enough to approach it may hold it.  It would not be in the hands of a Dragon, even the dread one of Derath-Tiur.”
“Who are you going to believe, me, or several wise and learned sages.”  Zeebo demanded. “I may have embellished the truth a little on that one, but this one is real.  I had joined up with the Fangino expedition, when the planeshift went wrong and I got hurled into this strange plane.  I met a group known only as The Party and decided to join them for the time being.  These enigmatic heroes and I were raiding an orc encampment when we see tentacles rise out of the ground, one of then reached out and grabbed Cleric, that was his name and as Cleric was dragged into these things I saw an…”  As if on cue, the door slammed open and lightening flashed, silhouetting a short figure in a cloak.  A roll of thunder that shook the windows rattled through as he stepped inside, followed by eleven other humans and dwarves.  Deep hoods covered their faces, rain ran off their black cloaks, forming a sodden puddle on the floor, and a trained ear could here the clink of weapons and armor as they moved.
The leader stepped up to the bar and said in a low raspy voice, “I desire four of your rooms for a week, along with stabling for a dozen horses.  I would also find it conveinient if no questions were asked.”  He plunked down a heavy bag.  The innkeeper gingerly picked it up, and spilled out its contents onto the bar.  A dozen gold coins, of which only a few were the familiar Mark of Crayvaenn, clattered across the wood.  He studied an octagonal coin with a strange head.  “Yes, of course sir, I’ll see to it myself.”
“No need.”  The stranger intoned.  He turned to the group of humanoids. “Stable the horses and  bring the items up to our rooms.  Frenkel, Balderk, check the room the innkeeper has asigned us.  Go.”  He turned back to the innkeeper.  “Show these men to our rooms, and then return, I have some questions for you.”  For the next five minutes the cloaked men tramped through the common hall, carrying in several large wooden chests and strange things wrapped in oil cloth.  Their spokesperson and the innkeeper had disappeared into a backroom.  Soon, the innkeeper was back behind the bar and the strangers had taken up two tables, where they sat silently.  The party ceased talking, instead examining the strange group surreptitiously, but finding nothing new.
After a few more minutes, Zeebo Farstrider walked up to the stage.  “Hello, I’m the house entertainment, and tonight I’ll perform the first 500 stanzas of the great elvish epic, the…”
“No.”  The one of the cloaked strangers said.
Zeebo cocked his head inquisitively.
“We do not like elvish music.  We find its caterwauling annoying.”
Zeebo ignored him, and began to tune his lute, humming softly to himself.
“Perhaps you did not hear us.  Stop.  If you continue we will be forced to sing our own songs.  How do you like the dwarven epic Tale of Stone?”
Zeebo winced at the mention of the dwarven song.  “Have it your way sir.”  He slung his lute back over his shoulder, and returned to the NGSPiT.  “So where were we? Cleric had just gotten pulled into the tentacles, and I saw this blue skinned ogre.  I told Wizard, and I’ll never forget what he then said to me, mainly because it made no sense.  “Oh my God.  That’s an Ogre Mage, we have no chance against one of those things at our level.  Screw the loot, let’s get out of here before that things kills us and pick up a new Cleric back at The Tavern.”  That was another funny thing about that place.  There was only The Town and The Dungeon, and in The Town there was just this place called The Tavern where people told us to go to The Dungeon and kill stuff.  I finally got out of that place when Wizard III caught me in a bad fireball and I couldn’t dodge.  I went unconscious, and when I woke up, I was back where I belonged.”
After a bit, the cloaked people went up to their rooms, and the innkeeper joined them.  “They’re the oddest guests I’ve ever had here.  That one, the leader, he asked me the strangest things, like who ruled here and if there were any nearby caves.  I couldn’t see his face, but it felt like he was looking straight through me.  And look at this coin, is it like any other you’ve ever seen.”  He held out the strange octagonal coin.  The gold had odd greenish sheen, as if it was coated in a thing layer of slime.  On one side were three dots, each trailing four wiggly lines, and on the other an ellipse with four wiggly lines hanging from one of the long end.  There was an inscription around the edge of the second side in a script that no one can read.  “Strange people, don’t like them a bit myself.  As soon as this infernal rain lets up I’m going to see Commander Zimmer about getting them removed, money or no money.”


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## DM with a vengence (Jul 17, 2002)

I'm sorry I haven't been able to update in a while, but I've been on vacation for a while, then I was on sabbactical for a bit, and then I had other things to do.  i'll be leaving tomorrow for around two weeks, unfortunantly, but in the mean while enjoy my Triple Size Update.  It's extra crunchy, and but yet has all those fluffy bits you love, made specially by the elves.


The next morning when the Non-Gender specifics the inn was being run by Melissa, the innkeeper’s daughter, who was currently frying up a mess of eggs and peppers.  “Father’s out getting Commander Zimmer, he should be back soon.”  She sniffed.  “So, the breakfast special for everybody?”  She shoveled four mounds of eggs onto as many plates, poured mugs of black coffee, and tossed a pair of grapefruits to Milo, who cut them apart in the air. As the heroes settled down to their first meal of the day, Zimmer and the innkeeper walked in, the innkeeper talking excitedly.  “…and I could hear their weapons and armor clinking, and then their leader threatened me, and they strange money they paid with.  I bet that they’re cultists or bandits or even dopplegangers.”
Zimmer plunked down next to Milo and held up a hand for silence.  “I’ll deal with them when they come down. Good morning, Melissa, breakfast special please.”
“Yes sir.”  Melissa rapidly put together another special and passed it down.
After about five minutes, a dwarf and a man walked down the stairs.  The man was  about 5’ 4” and had short brown hair, he was wearing chainmail and studded leather, a pair of swords were slung at his hips and a brace of throwing knives crossed his chest. The dwarf appeared to be wearing leather, but that was hard to tell behind the mass of his red hair and beard, a massive two-handed axe was slung across his back.  The dwarf was speaking.  “… I’m not much of a historian, but I’m pretty certain that a few of the lost cities are around here.  Maybe Gr’daz Hruk or possibly Kov-N’tak.  They’re pretty well connected.”
“I don’t much like the old cities, too many traps and they just feel wrong.  Maybe there’s a natural path around here.”
Zimmer looked up.  “I don’t know, those old cities were put together pretty well.  If you try a natural route you could have another Cavery Collapse on your hands.”
“How do you know about Cavery?”  The dwarf demanded.
“Knew someone who was there.”  Zimmer said nonchalantly, “What’s it to you?”
“Cavery’s classified.”  The dwarf said, reaching for the haft of his ax.
“I’m cleared for it, double alpha.”  Zimmer replied.  “Name’s Zimmer, and I’m commander of the guard round here.”
The human and dwarf looked at each other, and then hastily saluted.  “Sir,”  The man barked. “Sergeant Bill Frenkel…”
“And Corporal Brahin Bloodaxe” The dwarf interjected.
“3rd Spelunkers.  It’s an honor to meet you sir.”  Frenkel continued.
“Wait, you’re the Spelunkers?”  Milo asked.  “The few, the short and dirty?”
Frenkel drew a black dagger from a sheath and picked at some grease under a fingernail.  “Yup.”





Not Again

Hardisson snapped the folding pointer closed.  “… In summary, we will enter the Underdark through the abandoned city at Gr’daz Hruk, then we will proceed on a routine search and destroy mission until we have located the agency responsible for the attacks on Tanar.  We will then remove that agency and extract to the nearest point.  Any questions?”
Lelanna Al’Veran raised her hand.  “How will the town be defended during your mission.”
Commander Zimmer answered.  “As captain of the guard I am also the commander of the militia.  With your permission, I will convene and equip all able-bodied men, as well as instituting additional patrols of the surrounding area.  I’ve also arranged with Father Alhad to have the Church do a preliminary search through the town with its holy power to root out all evil.  While not an inquisition, it will help secure us from any mind controlling effects.”
Father Alhad raised his wizened head.  “The Faith is always glad to help its children in their time of need.”
Colonel Hardisson continued.  “Meanwhile, before I left Crayvaenn, I talked with Colonel Strand of the 74th Hussars.  He promised that his unit would move to Tanar and assist you in defending yourselves from the threat.  But there is one more thing.  From what you have shown me, I think our squad would be hard pressed to fight against this threat.  Could you recommend a group of powerful civilians that could accompany the Spelunkers and provide additional support?”
Commander Zimmer stroked his chin sagely.  “I can think of no one more suited than a group of brave heroes who have been of inestimable value to us.”  The Non-Gender Specific People in Tights looked at each other nervously.  “They have solved several of the problems that have plagued this town, and more than proved their combat abilities.  Milo Bookbender, do you except this duty on behalf of your associates?”
“Er… Um… Yeah… I think that… uh…”  Milo muttered nervously to himself.
“He accepts.”  Lelanna said graciously.  “Meeting adjourned.”
The room was empty except for the party.  “I told you they keep screwing us over.”  Kit told the incredulous group.




Going Down 

Stonespeaker  Effgar Rumnaheim stared at the smooth rock face, tracing his fingers over the network of cracks.
“Are we ever going to actually go Under? it’s been six days since we’ve left Tanar and the closest I’ve gotten to being underground was walking through the creek two days ago.”  Milo asked Sergeant Frenkel, who had taken over the job of nursemaiding the party.
Frenkel answered without taking his eyes off the surrounding low hillocks.  “Half of the job is picking the right spot to start.  This are hasn’t been inhabited by allied people for over 300 years, and most of the entrances are warded and guarded.  If we go down the wrong way, we’ll be dead before we get to Gr’daz Hruk.”
A sudden grunt drew both their attention to Rumnaheim.  The dwarven priest was standing back from the stone he had be working on.  Now the random patterns of cracks and weathering had resolved themselves into a doorway.  “This way is good.”  The priest said in deep melodious tones.  “We begin.  May the spirits of stone and iron protect us.”  He drew his hand across his heart, fingers bent in a complex pattern, and Nikki was surprised to note that the rest of the Spelunkers copied his gesture, even Deacon Pratchett, a priest of Pelor.
“Down there, you worship any gods who won’t kill you.”  Frenkel explained as Colonel Hardisson slid a rod with Continual Flame on it into a pair of brackets on his shield and lead the way into the bowels of the earth.

The party was trading stories with several of the Spelunkers around a camp fire.  They had already been under for two days, and were midway through the massive network of tunnels and caverns that made up Gr’daz Hruk.  Right now they were resting for the night in an amphitheater that curved up and out of sight.  It was so big that a good portion of Tanar could have fit within it, and in fact several streets lined with tall buildings filled the cave. Kit was just finishing a story about how Nikki had taken on the drow beneath Tanar when Frenkel dashed up to the fire.  “We got visitors.  Looks like a drow patrol is coming up from the sub-levels thataway.”

Moments later the fire was out and all evidence of the meal they had been cooking gone but for a lingering smell.  The Spelunkers had scattered to firing positions in the doorways and windows of the abandoned houses.  They had spent the last two days discussing how the party’s abilities could best be used to further the Spelunker’s abilities, and it had been decided that Ladinya would be paired with Corporal Bloodaxe, to act as a third division of magical firepower.  Nikki would be in the middle of the line ready heal any wounded, and Milo and Kit and a young Spelunker called Hudson would be towards the front of the line to take on enemy warriors.  With the fire out and all lights hidden, it was pitch dark in the cavern, but the NGSPiT could still hear the sounds of a group of creatures moving towards them.  They passed Milo and Kit’s  position not seeing the hidden Spelunkers.  As the drow entered the center of the street, Colonel Hardisson open a Daylight latern and yelled “Open fire!”
A cone of brilliant white light so thick it seemed almost solid emanated from the window where Hardisson and his command team were placed.  It caught the drow straight on, transfixing them in its glare, and they tried to shield their sensative eyes from the hideous radiance.  Two fireballs and a lightening bolt ripped through the six members of the drow patrol, followed by twenty bolts from the Kheckler Magewoks MR-15 the Spelunkers were carrying.  Five drow were reduced to little more than grease marks on the stone under that incredible barrage, but the last one escaped all harm.  Hew turned and fled the way he had come.  Kit stood up, whirling a grappling hook over her head. The steel claw shot in front of the fleeing drow, and trapped his ankle.  The drow screamed as his legs was yanked out from under him and he went down tumbling onto the stone.  Milo Bookbender ran forward and jumped on his back, raising an ax for the killing strike. 
“Yield!”  The drow gasped.  “I surrender, heroes.  Please do not harm the poor creature of darkness.”
Hardisson appeared, as the Spelunker’s spread out to guard against any escape attempt.  Hardisson kneeled down next to drow.  “What were you doing here?”
The drow eyes widened in fear.  Heroes were one thing, heroes would probably just take everything valuable and let you wander home, where the matriarchs would then kill you for failure, but Hardisson was a soldier.  The Spelunkers had a reputation for not leaving any enemies alive, and that was much more certain than the matriarchs.  “I, we, were just conducting an ordinary scouting patrol, Colonel.”
Nikki reached forward, and pulled his sword of its scabbard.  “Of course.”  She held the glittering blade, turning it one way and another in the light.  “This is no drow weapon.  This blade was made in the city of Crayvaenn.  Why would a drow be carrying human weapons, I wonder?”
“Drow weapon lose their power in sunlight.”  Hardisson mused.  “You were scouting the surface right?”  The drow was silent.  “Answer me goddamnit!”  Hardisson screamed, slapping the drow.
The drow decided that he was dead anyway, and that in dying, he might at least perform one last service for the matriarchs.  “Die!” he screamed, drawing his dagger and leaping at Hardisson.
Hardisson dodged the blow easily and stepped back, swinging the waraxe off his back and across in one smooth motion.  The silver arc ripped across the drow’s neck, and his head leaped from his shoulders ar\s his body tumbled downwards.
Hardisson looked at the corpse for a moment. “I think we have problems. Move out.”


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