# Bard Quips, Jokes, Puns, and One Liners



## JBeatnik (Apr 6, 2009)

Playing a Gnome Bard, I've been trying to think up and make a list of various quips, jokes, puns, one liners, stories, limericks and quotations. Also included could be various Pranks he can pull on his party and/or enemies. I had this idea from a prank I pulled on my party this last week in our new 4e module:

PCs: Avenger, Bard, Sorcerer (I also DM)

PCs are walking through a tunnel in the dark underground, when they hear an arrow being fired (Cantrip Ghost Sound: "TWHIP!") and the gnome holding an arrow shaft lodged in his chest as he yelps out and falls. The Avenger jumps off to deal with the attacker, while the Sorcerer checks if I'm ok. (I'm faking it and holding a broken arrow shaft against myself, held in place with a spot of adhesive) I make some bluff checks against insight for lying, but neither of them have the wherewithal to sense motive. It ends up that both of them spend a few minutes scouring a passageway while I keep groaning in pain for the entire time. I then bust out laughing as they've ran all over this dank sewer getting all nasty for nothing.

I think I could also use this "prank" to fool enemies, either by 'playing possom' or them thinking I've had a mortal wound so I can crawl my way behind something and make a stealth check.

Anyways, the reason for this thread is to gather a good bit of bardic roleplaying for a list that I can draw from. Thinks like:

(after a coup de grace beheading) "I'm glad we're making some _head_way!"
(after the avenger recounted a particularly dark assassination in his past, upheaving a tyrant for his church of St. Cuthbert) "I'm sure he got the _point_ of your religious argument"

Anyways, gimme what ya got. Also, witty one liners to use for "Vicious Mockery" bard power.


----------



## chronoplasm (Apr 6, 2009)

"Orcus? MO' LIKE DORKUS! AMIRITE?!"


----------



## JBeatnik (Apr 6, 2009)

Awesome, keep em coming.


----------



## silverwhisper (Apr 6, 2009)

i like the concept of this thread.  :>

honestly, i find that snark is most readily found as an "opportunity attack", conversationally speaking.  therefore, i would think that you can get the most mileage and most opportunities for snark if you have chatty opponents with distinct personalities and ideally unique mannerisms: just something you might want to keep in mind.

vicious mockery:
"do you expect me take you seriously, wearing armor that shabby?"
"puh-lease...you call _that_ a power attack, you no-talent minion?"
"that lunge was so poor, here's a gold piece."


----------

