# Insults for my goblin baddies to toss at the PCs



## NewJeffCT (Jun 4, 2010)

who are mostly human, with an elf and an eladrin in the mix as well.

What would goblins look to mock/make fun of?

Thanks


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## Nifft (Jun 4, 2010)

Call the tough-looking ones "stew".

Call the weak-looking ones "veal".

So, if one of the tough ones is a Ranger with a bow, the goblins would instruct their allies to "get the bow-stew!"

The Wizard would be called "wand-veal".

Cheers, -- N


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## Mark (Jun 4, 2010)

"You call _that_ a ten-foot pole?"


"Some girlfriend!  Oops.  I didn't mean to insult your mule."


"The Amazons stopped by.  They want their breastplates back."


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## Doug McCrae (Jun 4, 2010)

"Pigskin" - cause humans and elves have a similar color skin to pigs, at least from a goblin's PoV.
"Stickthin", "Pine tree" - Again, from a goblin's PoV, humans and elves are tall and skinny.

Smoothskin, softskin, paleface, scrubbers (goblins never wash), squeaky cleans.


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## Scribble (Jun 4, 2010)

Your teeth are so clean I can see myself in the shine!

Ick Your breath smells like roses!

You wash so much even a flea wouldn't live in your beard!


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## NewJeffCT (Jun 4, 2010)

Good ideas - "you humans stink of freshness"


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## haakon1 (Jun 5, 2010)

For geek silliness/lost in translation vibe:

"Your mother was no hamster, and your father never smelled of elderberries!"


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## ppaladin123 (Jun 5, 2010)

Doug McCrae said:


> "Pigskin" - cause humans and elves have a similar color skin to pigs, at least from a goblin's PoV.
> "Stickthin", "Pine tree" - Again, from a goblin's PoV, humans and elves are tall and skinny.
> 
> Smoothskin, softskin, paleface, scrubbers (goblins never wash), squeaky cleans.




Well, the humans are not necessarily Caucasian/Asian and thus might not have pale faces or "pig skin."

On the other hand, goblins appear to have glowing solid color eyes and sharp triangular teeth. They might find the human eye with its whites, colored ring and pupil to be hideous or disturbing (the same way we'd feel about a solid red or black eye). Human teeth might appear comically small and useless. Given our long legs and arms, we could also appear gangling to the squat goblins.


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## TheAuldGrump (Jun 5, 2010)

Food.

As in _We_ be goblins, you be _food!_

Alternate recording. 

Maggots also has a nice, gobliny ring to it....

The Auld Grump


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## ppaladin123 (Jun 5, 2010)

Of course you could just confuse them by having the goblins sing their song from the hobbit:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogTDa-vG2MQ]YouTube - The Hobbit (1977) Original Soundtrack (OST) - 08. Down, Down to Goblin Town[/ame]

Down, down to Goblin Town!


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## MatthewJHanson (Jun 5, 2010)

I made a random goblin insult generator at one point. You roll a d6, d8, d10, and d12, then combined them like this:

Your [1d10] [1d6] a [1d8] [1d12]

1d10
1 face
2 mother
3 sword
4 father
5 magic
6 breath
7 physical appearance
8 brain
9 courage
10 honor

1d6
1 reminds me of
2 looks like 
3 smells of
4 is worse than
5 is totally
6 conjures up terrible images of

1d8
1 stinky
2 dead
3 scaly
4 ugly
5 undead
6 less then auspicious
7 meddling
8 miniature giant space

1d12
1 fish
2 cheese
3 kobold
4 human
5 critical miss
6 vomit
7 ugly-head
8 kids
9 fungus
10 dung-heap
11 elderberries
12 hamster


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## NewJeffCT (Jun 5, 2010)

MatthewJHanson said:


> I made a random goblin insult generator at one point. You roll a d6, d8, d10, and d12, then combined them like this:
> 
> Your [1d10] [1d6] a [1d8] [1d12]
> 
> ...




Thanks - some good stuff there.


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## Silverblade The Ench (Jun 6, 2010)

_"Yer hung like a kobold!"_

"_Ooh, fat arse make good stew!"_

_"Man-sacks make good coin pouch!"_ *goblin jingles his purse made of...scrotes* 
makes retrieving their stash that much more fun for the DM...hehe

*to a dwarf* _"Beard make good merkin!" _*rubs his groin* (this is an intelligent goblin!)

*to a dwarf, wriggling fingers under chin* _"Yer daddy was a carrion crawler!"_

*point at the party* _"Lair been invaded by half-orcs! they all be fat n' ugly!"_

*to a PC with a big nose* _"Norker spawn!"_

*goblins drop their underwear, showing they are heavily...pierced..
_"You NEXT!"_ *they say, while jiggling their jewellery*

*goblin looks at PC, goblin makes a circle with thumb and index finger, grinning evilly, pokes his dagger through it...then jabs dagger up in air...*
menaing he's gonna shove it where the sun don't shine...

_"DINNER!"_

_"I bags the fat one!"_


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## TheAuldGrump (Jun 6, 2010)

Or the classics....
What?! You from Joisey or sumfin?
Ah, ya fadah was celibate all his life!
*Points at elf* Yo! Wishbone!
*Points at dwarf* Ya muddah has a beard!
*Points at paladin* Daddy?
*Points at halfling* Hey! Beautiful! You busy after woik?

The Auld Grump


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