# (HiJinx) The Funky Gibbons in "The Khorjar Castle Caper"



## arwink (Aug 19, 2003)

You settle down on the couch, munching on popcorn.  Partially, you blame Arwink for being here - that hyperactive enthusiasm for old cartoons is easily one of his more annoying qualities and you should never trust anyone who remembers Jem with any kind of fondness.

Still, it could be interesting.  A Funky Gibbon's movie.  It'll be interesting to see how it stands up to your memory of the show, whether it can capture the feel of the cheesy sets, the crummy dialogue and bad jokes that clunked along from episode to episode.  

"You have to approach it with irony," Arwink reminds you.  "Keep in mind that it's not done by the original team.  A couple of fans put it together a couple of years ago, and the original studio picked it up rather than letting it go for free."

"Right," you think.  "It's gonna suck."

The commercial break ends, the last few seconds of the Barbie commercial fading to black.  For a few moments it seems like nothing's going to happen, then the familiar music starts up.  The mix of synthesized drumbeats, cheesy pop guitar and over the top singing.  

"Do, do, do, the Funky Gibbon
We are here to show you how,"

You smile despite yourself, the lazy afternoons of your childhood brought back by the first few bars alone.

As the music goes on, the black screen is suddenly cut in two by twin spots of light.  The light travels forwards, getting larger and larger, until they suddenly turn and the screen freezes.  A badly animated purple van sits on the screen, the green writing emblazoned on its side proudly proclaiming

*The Funky Gibbons in*

The camera pans, following the headlights of the van until the light up on four words that fill the screen.

*The Khorjar Castle Caper * 

Then the purple gibbon's band drives into the words and shatters them, spilling a rainbow of colors across the screen as the theme song starts going all seventies psychadelic.

Arwink hands you a coke and grins.

"So, you in?" he asks. "Or do we go back to the movie with the kobold and the dwarf in it?"


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## arwink (Aug 19, 2003)

*Notes* 

For those of you not familiar with HiJinx, it's the D20 minigame that appeared in Dungeon/Polyhedron #99.  A game based around old cartoons like Josie and the Pussycats and Scooby Do, where people get to run around like maniacs and chase ghosts.

How could anyone not play this?

I ran a HiJinx one-off game a week ago with Capellan, the guy who plays Geoffrey in my Copperheads game, and at least one of the more animated players from Capellan's _Company of the Random Encounter_ storyhour.  It was a hell of a lot of fun, easily as chaotic and silly as you'd expect from the genre and the style of the game.  WHile I'm not entirely sure I can adequately write a SH, I'm attempting to do so because:

a) Capellan dared me, and I intend to dare him right back when he runs his 50's pulp sci-fi game with the same group of people.

b)  HiJinx deserves more recognition than it got.

The Gibbons are a fictional group, but the themesong is very real and stolen from the cult British commedy "The Goodies."


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## Fajitas (Aug 19, 2003)

Rock on!

I laughed myself silly reading the HiJinks rules.  Can't wait for the wackiness to ensue.


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## Capellan (Aug 19, 2003)

arwink said:
			
		

> *I'm attempting to do so because:
> 
> a) Capellan dared me, and I intend to dare him right back when he runs his 50's pulp sci-fi game with the same group of people.
> *




*picks up the sequined, purple velvet glove Arwink has thrown down and mentally wills it to transform into an oversized silver space-age number *

Your challenge is accepted, you diabolical fiend!


PS: Playing _HiJinx_?  So.  Much.  Fun.


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## Mathew_Freeman (Aug 19, 2003)

I'm in!

*settles down with a large glass of something alcoholic, an even larger bag of potato chips, and a big cushion to cuddle/hide behind*

Bring it on! Anything that uses the Funky Gibbon as a theme song can't be all bad!


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## arwink (Aug 20, 2003)

*Part Two: In which the DVD breaks down and we meet our Key Players*

The music starts to reach it's climax, the psychedelic swirl of colours getting darker and darker as the camera plunges forward into the screen.  The van is back, driving up a windy mountain road.  As the music suddenly dies...

...everything freezes.  The screen flickering blue for a few seconds, then returning to a freeze-frame of the van interior.  

"Crap*," Arwink says. "Lousy cheap DVD player.  Umm.  Look, I can fix this.  Honest.  Just give me a couple of seconds."

He looks desperately around the cluttered mess of comic books, dice and kids toys that blanket his coffee table.

"ah, here," he says.  "Look through this while I get it working."

He pulls out a few sheets of paper, clipped together with a rusting paperclip that leaves orange stains on the paper.

*The Khorjar Castle Caper: The Cartoon Central Cheats and Trainspotters Guide.*

Hi.  So you've been lured into watching the Khorjar Castle Caper, the last of the stories told about a mythical rock-band and their experiences solving mysteries.  For those of you who have never seen the original series (or those who are so unhip to have forgotten the details), sit back while we give you all the goss you need to know to fake being an obsessive expert.

For the truly forgetful, here's a quick rundown of the key players in the gibbon Saga.

*Kid O.B.One (Vocalist, the Brainy One):* if you've ever wondered why the Gibbons cartoon was such a popular phenomenon among geeks around the world, look no further than their vocalist, Kid O.B.One.  In a bold move, the writers of the series introduced this character so they could include pop-cultural in-jokes in varying degrees of subtlety.  At least one star-wars crack per episode for five seasons may seem like a bold choice to hook a character on, but it worked.  Elsewhere in the FAQ, we've got  a comprehensive listing of every joke that was made.  

Kid is the character that comes up with plans at the drop of a hat, and largely gets the title of brainy one despite the fact that Mary Jane Angerkitten and the short-lived Mystic keyboardist Bruce Key (see his link under sadly departed characters) both proved to be founts of obscure lore that Kid could never hope to understand or comprehend.  a strange mix of glam and sixties idealism, Kid appears on screen as a long-haired guy in a blue-spangled nike sweat-suit.  He wears a giant, sparkling silver peace symbol and glasses.

In the Movie, Kid O.B.One was voiced by Capellan.

*Alex Van Dyne & Jackson (Guitarist, the Ditzy One):* Someone on the original creative team for this show was doing drugs, and Alex is the proof.  Mixing equal parts Keith Richards and a stoned white rastafarian, Alex's main role in the show seems to be looking good in dreadlocks and having an unnatural relationship with Jackson - the trained Gibbon that serves as the bands mascot.

Alex is the guy in the rhinestone jump-suit.  He's also the only guy in the entire show that's allowed to have facial hair - and admittedly he does look pretty good with the pointy devil's goatee.  Realistically Jackson does most of the work in this partnership, but Alex's interpretative abilities are barely capable of meeting the highs standards of the gibbon's intellect.

*Mary Jane Angerkitten (Bassists, the Angry One):*  One of the most confused characters in the history of children's cartoons - one part punk idealism, one party angry young woman, one part soul diva on steroids.  In theory Mary Jane exists to give young girls a positive role-model.  In practice, she probably did more to destroy young minds than drugs and Barney the dinosaur combined.  She's also the only band member who is ever allowed to reference being in another band prior to the Gibbons (See Howling at the Moon under Rivals)

Often dressed in black, with spiked hair and high heels, Mary Jane is cheerfully aggressive to nearly everything she encounters.  She is usually the first of the Gibbons to offer the threat of violence (despite the fact that no band member has physically harmed anyone since the backlash against the events of the Great Gibbon Banana Caper), but there is no doubt that she’ll has a heart of gold.  Mary Jane is usually the one who snarls at the witnesses and executes Kid's plans to trap the bad guy.  

*Billy Ray (Drummer, the Sexy One):* Billy Rays specialities are girls, pep-talks and leather jackets, an unholy mix that's equal parts Fonzie, Elvis and Fabio.  He's the groups drummer, despite the fact that every drumbeat that's ever appeared in a gibbons episode is obviously synthesised.  Billy Ray exist to get captured by bad-buys, twirl drumsticks in the air and chat up women while playing a drum-solo with his feet.

*Why* they picked a drummer for this role is beyond us, but obviously they have their reasons.  The most popular theory is that there was at least one frustrated drummer among the animators who pushed really hard to make his choice of instrument sexy, and certainly the sheer quality of animation that surrounds Billy Ray during music scenes would bear this argument out.  
 

"hey, I fixed it," Arwink yells.  There's a muffled thud as he flops back into the couch beside you, remote in hand.  You put down the paper and look towards the screen again.  It's still paused, but Arwink hits a button on the remote and the screen springs to life again.  

The last few seconds of the intro, zooming in to the interior of the van.  Kid in the front seat, looking at a map.  Alex driving, Jackson on his head.  Mary Jane and Billy Ray leaning over from the back, watching through the windshield.

"Gibbons Rock On," Arwink says.

*edited for the sake of Eric's Grandma.


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## arwink (Aug 29, 2003)

*Part Three: Rolling into the Castle*

You turn your attention to the screen once more, the purple minibus running up the twisting mountain road towards a spooky castle.  Lightening flares in the sky above, the van creaks ominously as it takes the sharp corners, and spooky organ music plays as a wolf howls in the distance.

All in all, a pretty standard start to any gibbon's cartoon.

Things cut to the interior of the Gibbon's van.  Kid's driving, the sparkling tracksuit gleaming softly in the lights of the dashboard.  Next to him, Alex and Jackson are reading a map, their heads buried behind the creased paper*.  Billy Ray and Mary Jane are both looking on from the back seat, watching the road rolling through the headlights and the castle on the hill.

"That's it," Kid O.B. says cheerfully.  "Khorjar Castle.  Home to one of Europe's biggest music festivals.  I can't believe they invited us to headline."

"Compete, smart guy, not headline," Mary Jane snarls.  "We have to win the band comp. before we're headlining."

"Piece a cake," Kid says.  "Since when have we ever lost a competition?**"

"Since when have we needed too?" Alex murmurs, still not looking up from the map.

The van crests the top of the hill, Khorjar castle appearing in view.  On either side of the road are vast fields filled with tents and wandering music fans, all looking rather glum.  As the van gets closer to the front gates, a car goes hurtling past in the other direction.  It's got the name "Kathleen Turner Overdrive" scrawled on the doors, and there's a quick cut of the four teenage youths inside screaming as they drive.

Thunder howls.  Lightening flashes over Khorjar castle.

"I dunno," Billy Ray drawls.  "It looks kinda....homey."

"Relax," Kid assures everyone.  "Nothing to worry about.  This competition attracts the best in the world, and that's us.  We've got nothing to worry about."

the Cheat Sheet notes
*Careful viewers will note that the map is upside down, and for a small town where one of the animators grew up.

**Long time viewers will note that the Gibbon's have never actually performed in a band competition - they always headline because some monster always shows up to drive the competition away.


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## arwink (Aug 29, 2003)

Sorry this took so long.  Server crashes and work wierdness ate my last week or so - should be back on track for the next couple of days though


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## Welverin (Aug 30, 2003)

arwink said:
			
		

> "Kathleen Turner Overdrive"




Good one, any particular reason or explanation?


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## randomling (Aug 30, 2003)

FUNKY GIBBONS ROCK ON!!!

OK, Story Hour just got itself another convert. This rules!


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## arwink (Aug 30, 2003)

Welverin said:
			
		

> Good one, any particular reason or explanation?




One of my favorite films/books is High Fidelity.  The name is shamelessly stolen from Jack Blacks band in the film 

next time i run the game, they're going to encounter Sonic Death Monkey.


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## arwink (Aug 30, 2003)

*Part Four: Gates and Groundskeepers*

The Van pulls up in front of the gates, lights shining through the psuedo-gothic wrought iron and illuminating a large garden beyond.  Stone walls rise up on either side, the black stone patched with lichen and weeds.  The engine idles quietly as everyone stares that the castle, wathing it's shadowy bulk suddenly light up as lightening flashes.

"Wow," Alex says.  "Spooky."
"How do we get in?" Mary Jane asks.  
Billy Ray leans over the seat and points at a heavy chain to the side of the gate.
"I'm thinkin' we ring the bell," he drawls.  "'Less somone got a better plan?"

Everyone looks expectantly at Kid O.B.One.

"What?" he asks.  "We ring the bell.  What else would we do?"

"Jackson, go ring the bell," Alex murmers.  Jackson looks dubiously at the castle, then at Alex, then back to the castle.  he shakes his head vigorously, his monkey squeak approximating "uh-uh."  Alex digs around in the glove box of the car.
"Would you do it for..."
He pulls out something lean, curved and yellow.
"A banana?"

Jackson is on the job in a shot, his eyes suddenly bulging with cartoon lovehearts.  He scampers up the chain and struggles to loop it over his shoulder.  The chain is thick, one linke easily the size of the small gibbon, and it takes a few moments of straining before it starts to move.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOgggg-aaaaaaaaahhhhhggg 

The doorbell of Khorjar castle is deep enough that you feel it in your teeth, a dangerously low sound that rumbles around inside your skull.  Jackson leaps three feet into the air and scampers back to the van, disappearing to become a quivering lump in the belly of Alex's jacket.

A few minute later, the groundskeeper arrives.  He's unbelievably old, his stooped form withered and wrinkled beneath his butlers outfit.  Long, stringy hair hangs down from his balding head, and there are deep black circles under his eyes.

"Hello," he wheezes.

"Hey man, we're the Funky Gibbons," Kid yells through the window of the van.  "We're here for the festival."

"Quite," the groundsman wheezes.  He rumages through his jacket for a golden key, then opens the heavy gates.

"Drive through the gardens until you reach the main house.  Lord Christopher will meet you there."

"Wahoo!" Kid yells, and the Van roars into life.

"Don't hurt the gardens," the groundskeeper mutters, spitting on the Gibbon's dust."


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## Welverin (Aug 31, 2003)

arwink said:
			
		

> One of my favorite films/books is High Fidelity.  The name is shamelessly stolen from Jack Blacks band in the film
> 
> next time i run the game, they're going to encounter Sonic Death Monkey.




And here I thought you just had a weird fascination with Kathleen Turner and BTO.


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## arwink (Sep 14, 2003)

*Part Five: Young Lords and Angry Women*

As the dust of the Gibbon van fills the screen, it suddenly lurches and spins in the manner of an old Batman show (complete with the horn section playing the obligatory nah-Nah-nah-nah-Nah].  The word *GIBBON* appears and disappears in the midst of the screen, and when it spins into the difference you can see the van pulling up in front of the palatial Khorjar Castle.  

Christian Khorjar is on the steps, a young aryan with a leather jacket and retro-bellbottoms.  The camera pulls in for a close-up, and there's the faintest tinge of sorrow in his features.  When the camera pulls back, the van is parked three steps down and the Gibbon's pour out.  Christian offers everyone the faintest hint of a smile.

"You came," he says, but he sounds slightly nervous about the proposition.

"Sure man," Kid grins, taking his place at the front of the assembled Gibbon's.  "The Gibbon's never give up on a gig."
"Really?  You mean you're not leaving?  Great!" Christian actually breaks out in a smile.  "I'm Christian, I run the festival.  Glad you've decided to stick around."
"Why wouldn't we?" Alex wonders blissfully, his glazed eyes staring up at the eleven stories of stonework that make up the castle.
"No reason, no reason," Christian says quickly, perhaps too quickly.  "There's just been a few people to pull out of the Music Competition."
"Really?  How many people we competing with?" Mary Jane demands.

"At the moment, just you," Alexander says.  "Although another band is due tomorrow morning."
"Who??"
"Howls at the moon, from memory."
"Right."

There's a stony silence as everyone considers this for a few moments.  Mary Jane actually scowls deeper as she hears the name of her former band.

"Did I say something wrong?" Christian asks.
"Of course not," Billy Ray drawls.  "But d'ya think you could show us to our room."
"Of course, where are my manners" Alexander says.  "I'll just call Wither's for your bags.  WITHERS!"

The balding, elderly gentlemen from the gate suddenly lopes onscreen.  His tattered suit is badly creased, the long tails dragging in the dirt.  When the camera zooms in for a close-up, you can see the faintest tinge of a yellow wash in his skin-tone and hair.

"You hollered, my lord?"
"Could you take the gibbon's bags?  They'll be staying in the upstairs guest room."
"The one we gave to those Overdrive people, Milord?"
Alexander looks panicked at the question, but none of the Gibbon's seems to register.  They're all staring out over the castle's expansive courtyard.
"Why not?" Alexander says.  "It's not like this could get any worse."

He takes a step and catches the Gibbon's attention.

"This way folks," Christian calls.  "Best room in the house, to show how thankful we are that you're staying for the festival."

Everyone disappears into the house, Wither's following along behind with a mound of luggage and drum-kits in his aging arms.


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