# The Friendly Travels of Kamakawiwo, Native of the Islands (Updated November 25, 2006)



## Altalazar (May 11, 2006)

Kamakawiwo Character Background

	E komo mai hale, fellow islanders!  Welcome to my home!  Let me tell you a tale of wonder!  For my name is Kamakawiwo, and my tongue can not lie.  Don’t let my size fool you, I’m as gentle as an evening breeze.  
	I grew up here, in the islands, in our great nation of Pae ‘Aina.  My island, Luihi, may be small, but my smile is large, as is my girth, as my mother always kept me well fed on the bounties that the sea has provided us.  My size is a blessing, she told me, for it allows others to see just how wonderful I am from quite a distance across the water.  I was always sad to watch my father leave for the sea, to fish, because I could never go with him.  Whenever I stepped on his raft, my great weight would first tip it, then sink it.  The sea life was not for me.  But my mother never let it get me down.  She always fed me, and kept a smile on my face.  She called me her ikaika keiki, her strong child.  
I stayed on the shore and watched the boats all depart at dawn and return at dusk.  I’d carve tikis, great and small, for me to use.  I’d carve great staffs to help support my girth when I went for my many walks upon our rock-ash shores.  And when the boats returned at night, I would help bring in the fish, pulling in whole loads by myself, dragging whole rafts, laden with fish, onto the shore.  The smaller children would play with me, dangling from my massive arms, seeing who could reach around and touch their fingertips around my massive legs.  Most could not.  
Before I was there, they would tell me, bullies would rule the docks, pushing and shoving and spreading meanness instead of smiles to all of the children.  But not with me.  No one shoved me.  No one could.  And so all we children lived in harmony, on the docks.  Everyone was happy and life was good.  No one bullied anyone else because they knew I would come and swing my great tiki club to knock some kindness back into their silly bones.  
Life was good.  I was happy.  But life on the docks was not for me, either.  One day, the fishing boats went out from our small village at dawn and when the sun returned to the water, no boats came back.  I paced up and down those docks, sick with worry, my massive footsteps shaking the docks with every movement, until finally they could take no more and half of the docks collapsed into the sea.  All I could do was sit down on the shore and wait, always facing makai, toward the ocean.  Some day.  Some day those boats will come back.  I know they will.  And life will be happy again.  Life will be good.  Life on the islands, as it should be.  No more bullies.  


Book I

Kamakawiwo – Chapter One – Dressed up, somewhere to go

	There are only so many sunsets I can watch on the water before I must stand up and do something to find my father.  As I watched one more lovely sunset melt into the waves, I heard news whispered by my aunt from afar.  There was a wedding celebration in Kalo, mauka (inland), upriver.  Celebrating life.  Life can still be good.  I told my mother I would go and not to worry about me.  I donned my big suit of coral I wore to keep off the bullies, picked up my large tiki stick and trusty tiki-carving knife, and began the long walk up alongside the river.  I kept my eyes open for the larger craft that would support my massive weight without sinking, but did not find one for several days.  I also kept my eyes open for bullies.  They can be found everywhere, for I have only removed them from my docks, not the rest of the island.  
	As night fell, after several days walk, I found the celebration at Kalo, where the Keahua and Kealia rivers met and parted ways.  The smell of the feast greeted me, great bonfires, roasted pig, and juicy mangos, as did smiling revelers, and I grinned back, ear to ear, in celebration.  
	I could not believe the bounty of food I saw that day.  My mother fed me well on the offerings of the sea, but never had she given me so many foods at once.  Such a hoolaulea it was!  
	I saw many places to sit, but I did not sit, because I did not wish to spoil anything as the overly large malihini who destroys furniture and fun.  The gracious wahine found me a sturdy log to place my large frame upon and I found myself at a table with four other wonderful malihini, whom I shall now describe.  
	To my left sat Hiapo Pua, short of stature, like the gnomes who often visited my village.  He did not sit for long, standing up to join the hoolaulea with a hooponono mele from his wonderous ukulele.  We all stood in awe and wonder, watching his performance.  It brought me great joy, joy I have not felt since I saw my father’s fishing boat return from makai.  
	To my right sat Talar, an elf of the makai, blue in skin, long in breath each step he is further from the soothing deep.  The makai elves seldom came out of the depths, but when they did, they were always courteous traders and my mother always treated them with me ke aloha pumehana.  Talar must have carved many tikis for himself, for he bore clothing of leather of a stiffness I had never seen and many sharp implements of metal, from axes to very long knives, of the sort I had never seen used by the fishermen.  
	Across from me sat another elf, blue in tint, yet not fully makai.  She seemed more at ease this far mauka.  Her name was Kai’lei, and she wore a simple outfit of cloth and carried a tiki like my own, only plain and skinny.  I imagined it quickly breaking had I used it for walking.  A piece of driftwood tied around her neck completed her dress.  She had a simple beauty that reminded me of my days sitting out on the docks at sunset.  
	Sitting on the end of the table was an older man wearing the rough skins of our native animals as his dress, a small, round block of wood, and a hefty stick with a metal end.  His name was Akowa-Ke, and he had a strange manner about him.  He did not talk much.  I gazed in puzzlement at the many small rolls of paper in his pack that he thumbed when he thought no one was watching him.  
	The meal was ono, a fantastic delight for the tongue.  I ate much, always sure to pass around the bounty for all to share.  All of my table-friends seemed half-starved with their skinny frames and I wondered if they were orphaned, for no mother would allow such starvation in her beloved ohana.  
	As I watched the hoolaulea and listened to the mele, I wished my own wedding to my own kuuipo, whomever she may be, would be half as sweet as the lovely melons gnashing between my teeth.  What a lovely aina we live in!

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Two – Hoolaulea pau – the party is done for us 

	I was enjoying the soft, sweet juices of a poloanga fruit when Hiapo Pua stopped playing his ukulele and looked behind my massive girth.  I finished the fruit and then turned my large head, shifting the log underneath me and almost knocking Talar to the ground.  I felt horribly.  I stopped the log with my thick thigh and stood up to see what stopped Hiapo Pua’s mele.  Standing at the edge of the hoolaulea was a man looking very pale and ill-fed.  He was two-hundred and fifty pounds skinny if he was a pound.  He also looked exhausted.  He asked us for kokua.  I immediately grabbed some food for him.  
	He gave us a terrible tale of small bullies descending upon his farm in the mountains and taking all of the farmers hostage.  I immediately jumped to my feet, sending the ground shaking, and shouted that we must stop these bullies.  I grabbed a net from Kai’lei and began to fill it with food to take to those unfortunates the man described.  They only let me take a small amount, thirty pounds or so, so I earnestly hoped it was enough.  
	My table-companions all agreed to go with me, Akowa-Ke with some prodding.  He suggested that it could wait until tomorrow.  But I know that bullies must always be dealt with swiftly, lest they spread further the error of their ways.  My mother taught me well!  
	I began walking up the mountain, my massive girth swaying back and forth with every step, leaving large tracks in my wake.  Hiapo Pua, the little one, asked for a ride, so I picked him up and carried him on one of my massive forearms as I dragged the food behind me, the net bouncing off the backs of my large, fleshy thighs.  He sang for me as we traveled, meles about his island home of wannabaiaduk, a colony of gnomes like himself.  It made me smile to hear it, keeping my worries about the starving farmers and the bullies out of my mind for a lovely interlude.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Three – I make a path and find the bullies, all twenty of them

	After our travel across the beautiful countryside, up the mountain, we reached a path we knew would lead to the farm.  I had never before been up so high on the island.  I could see the edges of the sea off in the distance, the long blue line of the rivers below us.  I could see the towering Mona Ulu above us to the west, his firey furnace growing forth the island in plumes of gray smoke and ash.  It was stunning and it warmed my big heart to drink in our island’s beauty.  The fresh, crisp, moist air filled my lungs with every step as the food bounced off my thighs and as Hiapo Pua bounced on my shoulders, singing his merry meles.  
	The path grew very narrow, the brush very thick.  I went first, my bulk clearing a wide path for the others as my thighs crashed forward, taking us toward the farm.  We finally reached the farm’s clearing, a very large opening in the thick vegetation occupied by many huts, large and small, and what appeared to be a crack into the mountain some hundred feet into the clearing, near its center.  
	I heard someone behind me suggest a quiet approach, to “scout out the monsters,” whatever that may mean, but I knew there were bullies ahead, and bullies do not stop unless you show them the true way to peaceful happiness.  I rushed forward, and my table-companions followed behind.  I reached the crack in aina, and found it covered like a cage, large doors in the middle, with a  gnome dangling over those open doors.  Peering down, I saw many thick webs, and sensed danger from nature-bullies my mother called spiders.  I quickly swung him back over me, and freed him.  Gali was his name, and he was truly grateful.  He said something about goblins, goblins all around, but I was smart and I knew he was talking about bullies.  
	I quickly swung shut half of the door to the webs below, while Kai’lei ran across the cage above the crack to close the door’s other half.  As he did, the bullies appeared.  They ran from the buildings all around us.  Five ran with bows, ten with long knives, five more with long knives or robes and hands dancing with magic.  I had never seen so many bullies all at once, all so sharp and mean and unwilling to listen to my gentle persuasion.  I hefted my tiki stick and sought to bolster my argument with a few solid swings.  Bullies usually did not take long to understand its meaning if they mistook my words.  
	Arrows went forth, some sticking into my massive bulk as some of my table-companions took cover behind me.  They felt sharp, but did not harm me much, as mere pointed sticks never did.  I ambled up to the long-knive-bullies and introduced them to my tiki.  One swing two swings three swings more.  Three fanged bullies fell on the floor.  But my swings were too slow to save Akowa-Ke or Kai’lei.  Kai’lei made a mist and ran back, only to feel the sting of the long-knives and fall.  Akowa-Ke made a rainbow and made the bullies stare in wonder before he, too, fell.  
	Our small friends send many an arrow at the bullies, but they kept on their bully ways.  We were surrounded, Talar and I, with very little hope, but I knew the bullies could not last.  Bullies never propser, my mother always told me, and trusting in that, I held my ground and kept my tiki well swung.  Two of the bullies made strange symbols and sent forth bully magic against us.  One of them pointed at me and said “drop” and I felt my massive bulk fall down to the ground.  This was just after I found his other magic bully seemed to have protections out of the air itself, and my first swing at him went wide instead of persuading him as intended.  
	I quickly rose my bulk back into the air and swung true, this time my massive tiki persuading him despite his bully-magic, and squashing him to a tiny pulp.  I quickly turned to his bully-magic friend and chased him down as well, but he ran faster than my bulk would allow pursuit.  I tried picking up a bow, but found little understanding in its workings.  Then my table-companion Talar shot true, and the last bully-magic bully fell to meet aina.  One last bully of the bows turned and ran into the brush.  We could not reach him, but I felt good that we had taught him not to bully.  I knew he was off to meet his own village, to teach them against the ways of the bully because there is no profit in it.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Four – We free the farmers, rescue the farmers daughter, kill the farmers crop

	I ran to the hut with the bullied and freed them.  They were very grateful.  They were also grateful that Hiapo Pua and I pulled, with rope and Hiapo Pua’s magic, his daughter from the silk below.  We pulled up another farmer from the pit, but he was long gone.  We killed two spiders below with arrows to find him, but did not do more, not wanting to damage what we found was their crop of silk.  
	On the bullies, we found many long knives and cutters, many bows and arrows, and coins.  So many coins!  Coins of gold!  Forty-seven!  I had never seen so many coins in my short life!  I asked to hold them and feel them in my palm.  I had seen a few coppers in my village, heard of silvers, but never gold!  It was so pretty, like the sunset, and I wondered now how any could part with such beauty.  But then I wondered where the bullies got them.  They must have bullied them from someone.  
	Ohi’a Oahi was very grateful for saving his daughter.  He ran the Lanalana farm, and apparently he had many gold coins of his own.  He offered us 250 of them for rescuing his daughter.  I was unsure about taking it.  He seemed well enough, he was certainly well fed, four hundred pounds of flesh on him, about the same as my own, but I had to ask him, “are you sure you can spare so many coins?  We do not want to leave your farm poor and your family skinny.”  My table-companions looked upon me strangely – perhaps they too were surprised to see him offer so much and were ashamed not to have asked him that question first.  But he insisted on giving it to us for his daughter, so we could not refuse.  
	We gathered the many weapons of the bullies and sold them, I hope, to those who would put them to non-bully uses.  I ended up with over one hundred and forty of those gold coins, something I never thought I would see.  I was almost ashamed to have so much, but I knew my table-companions held coins of their own, so I felt ok.  Perhaps we could stop other bullies with these coins.  I had to find a way.  
	I gave all of the food I brought to the farmers.  I know they all must have been very hungry after two days of bullies and no chance to eat as their mothers would have liked.  
	Hiapo Pua gave another wonderful performance for them all and we stayed several days to enjoy their thanks for our kokua.  Hiapo Pua gave a great oration on how it was we all came together while others at the wedding sat and stared and did not come to kokua the farmers.  I felt warm listening to it as I shared a large melon with Ohi’a Oahi’s daughter.  

	One last thing we found was an amulet and a mask on the bullies, both in a magical way.  Akowa-Ke wore the mask and said it helped him with his tasks and Kai’lei took the amulet, claiming it helped her with her healing ways.  Healing so amazing that the many wounds I suffered from the bullies vanished in a single morning’s prayer to the god of storms.  Another stick also was magic, something I did not understand, but was able to help tell Akowa-Ke what the mask and amulet really were.  
	So many strange things happened to me, this first time I left my village.  I wondered where else the island paths would take me.  I have much to learn.  And I have many places to look to find my father’s fishing boats.  Perhaps if I remove all of the bullies from the island, he will feel safe to come home.  


Book II

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Five – We return to lovely Kalo and discover another wedding that does not exist

	Back down the mountain we strode, enjoying the beauty of the land around us.  Such a lovely journey, short and sweet, and full of fond memories of the smiling farmers we saved from the bullies.  What a beautiful day that was!
	And yet once we returned to the lovely town of Kalo, site of the bountiful wedding, we discovered the beauty of the sun was unable to shine on all in its wake.  A bully in town, of the most insidious kind.  A bully of the shadows.  A bully who strikes in the night.  Keleni Kana Hele, half owner of the Cahuna Crown Inn, was found dead in his stables.  Curse you, bully!  If only someone could have shown this bully the error of his or her ways.  
	Unfortunately, most of the Constable’s deputies were out of town and there was no one else available to investigate, so she asked us to investigate.  Of course, we volunteered immediately, because we cannot allow the bullies to go unmended in their ways.  
	The Constable laid out the suspects for us – everyone she knew was in the inn’s tavern that night:
	Nala Haloa, town blacksmith. 
	Kauake’e, a seamstress.
	Ho’i’o Kalo, owner of the main general provisions store.
	Hau Ko and Kelona Ko, a jeweler and his cosmeticist wife.
	Mai’a ‘Olena, a beekeeper.  
	And saddest of all, there was his sister, Lena Kana Hele, half owner of the inn, she had the misfortune to find her brother’s body in the stable.  What a sad day.  Kamakawiwo offered her his warm smile to chase away the tears.  It worked its wonders and she shed nary a one.  

	My friends spent the next day talking to all of the wonderful town people from the tavern, where I’m sure they learned everything they could about who may have been a bully in the dark.  I made sure to scour the streets, looking for the children (keiki) who may be bullied.  I know one bully leads to others, and maybe I could have found a bully Keiki who would lead me to the bully-man or woman who did this horrible thing.  But I had no luck.  When I returned to my friends, I discovered they had had similar luck.  Perhaps the Keiki-bullies are hidden as well.

	One thing my friends did find was a short bladed sword in the loft above the stables, along with a certificate of marriage and bonding between Keleni Kana Hele and someone named Pale Piliwale.  They also discovered that there were only two sets of boots at the scene of the bullying.  One was Keleni’s, the other was from someone of lesser size and weight, someone whose mother must not have had enough food for a happy Keiki.  

	They also discovered the beekeeper had desired to buy land from Keleni and his sister, Lena, but that while Lena desired to sell, Keleni did not.  And she had been seen arguing with Lena the night of the bullying.  Interesting.  Whatever she was up to, it was none of our beeswax – but perhaps it was hers.  She sold honey to the tavern for mead.  

	And finally, someone new was found outside the tavern that night.  Ulu Piliwale, the apparent father of the bride.  We needed to find him and tell him about his family!  I knew he must have been worried! 

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Six – Ulu and his vision of beauty

	We found Ulu at his home, and discovered he was partly of orcish disposition.  I knew that made him different, feared, perhaps hated, in that quiet way bullies fester inside of all too many.  He must have been bullied.  And if he were bullied, then his daughter must have been bullied even more.
	He was shocked to find the certificate.  He had no idea his family had both grown and shrunk all in the space of one fateful night.  That bully must pay!  
	His daughter finally came out, and she was a vision of beauty.  Part orc, part human, part crippled, but her good, non-bully self shone through.  She would never let herself be a victim, but I knew that bullies don’t let that stop them.  I made it my mission to protect her and be hers.  She was fourteen summers old, three summers less than me, and her father told me she had never had a friend like me.  I asked his permission to take her, as would be my honor, for dinner.  He agreed.  For the three of them.  But bullies must be dealt with first, so I asked him if we could meet after we had found the bully in the dark.  
	Our explorations next led us to the sailors, whom Pale had often written for, her sharp mind put to good use.  I wish my mind were as sharp as hers.  I smiled broader every time I thought of her.  And I felt a deep sympathy for any unfortunate soul who ever bullied her.  I carved her a small tiki of her and gave it to her, which she seemed to enjoy.

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Seven – A bump in the night

	By evening, we returned to the tavern and brought Keleni’s sister Lena up to date on our investigation.  We had narrowed the source of the short sword.  Similar blades had been sold to Keleni himself, and to the Constable’s deputies.  We began to suspect the Constable, but I could not accept that such a bully hunter could really bully.  That is just not the nature of the bully hunter.  
	We looked for Keleni’s sword behind his bar, but it was not there.  We now wondered if the blade we found was his own.  We asked Lena to look for it, and then we did, but soon after, it was Lena whom required finding.  She was gone.
	The evening grew late and Talar grew restless, looking for water to sleep in.  He was also hungry.  Hiapo Pua offered him some fish.  Talar became indignant.  “Why do landers always assume we only eat fish” he asked, to Kai’lei.  The response was, “how much cheese do you have in the ocean?”  
	“Whatever I take with me,” Talar replied.  
	“That would be none,” was Hiapo Pua’s only response.  

	We found Lena’s room locked, and so I ran to the Constable, my large frame wobbling back and forth with each step of my thick legs, and asked her to open the door so we could search.  This she gladly did, with the assistance of a friend of her own.  Inside we found another sword, a sword with a short blade that matched that which ended the life of Keleni Kana Hele.  

	So now, my friends determined that Lena was the bully.  Her own ohana!  What horrid thoughts would lead her to bully her own brother!  I was determined to find out what would make her do such a thing.  
	My friends asked the Constable for coin for our task, and she replied that she would, though I told her it was unnecessary.  Bullies must be stopped.  And the only way we can do it is one bully at a time.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Eight – Goats for all but Kamakawiwo

	Morning brought Talar back from the water and goats from the stables for us to ride up the mountain.  Talar found Lena’s goat’s tracks out of the village, heading north.  He tracked her well, leading us up into the beautiful mountain trails.  I drank the beauty as eagerly as my water skins as the rivers of sweat rolled down the fatty folds of my large frame.  No goat for me, no goat could handle my mother’s cooking as represented in my disposition.  
	It was almost dark again when we found six figures ahead.  They were orcs.  Akowa-ke shouted out to them, “ho, fellow travelers, we’re looking for a woman!”
	They demanded tribute.  Orcs and half-orcs, now thirty feet away.  I asked them how much tribute, to which they replied “30 gold kala tribute.”  Bullies, then.  I know how to handle bullies.  I hefted my tiki trunk and prepared another bully lesson.  
	Kai’lei held aloft her symbol of her kahuna and suddenly we all felt blessed.  The bullies surged forward, nearly knocking Hiapo Pua to the ground.  He began to play his wonderful mele, inspiring us all even as he fell toward the soft, sweet ground.  
	I ran to his side, and with one swing of my tiki, smashed a bully into the ground.  The bullies came forward, arrows flew forth from Kai’lei.  Akowa-ke read his strange papers.  The bullies advanced.  They nearly cut Akowa-Ke and Kai’lei to pieces.  I smashed two more into the ground.  One threatened Talar, and I lumbered forth, swinging my tiki in a strong, wide arc.  It smashed own into the half-orc, exploding his body into a shower of bones, blood, and fleshy paste, which struck my eyes.  When I wiped his bully flesh from my lids, I could see nothing remained of him but a stain upon the ground.  My tiki was clogged with him.  
	Four smashed bullies from my tiki, one sliced from Talar’s blade and axe, and one remained, sleeping from Akowa-ke’s strange papers.  We asked him if he saw a woman, and he did not.  My friends wished to send him from this world, but I knew better.  I smiled my big smile at him and told him he now had learned the error of his ways, which he had.  He had seen that bullying leads only to despair, and now he would return to his people and teach them the folly of the way of the bully.  Each such messenger I send forth will bring forth a dozen more blossoms on the island.  The orc, my second blossom, after the goblin blossom I had sent forth from the farmer’s vale, went off into the night.  The world looked a little brighter.  My father would be home before I knew it.  

	After my smiling reverie, I looked at the splattered bodies on the ground, the bullies vanquished, and longed for my Pale, my Kuuipo.  We needed to find the hidden beauty and be pau, so we could return for my dinner with my Kuuipo.  Night fell.  My smile rose.  I could not wait to introduce my father to my Kuuipo.


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## Altalazar (May 27, 2006)

Kamakawiwo – Chapter Nine – Night streams – No screams 

	I greeted Pukana la with a smile as I sat on a small pohaku, 'a, 'ala, watching its bright rays slip up from the ocean and through the mountains before shining down on me on my rock, my knife in hand, carving four more visages into my tiki stick to commemorate and honor the lessons learned by the bullies the night before.  A few more weeks, and perhaps it would be finished, or at least, it would achieve balance.  It still felt slightly off when I swung it at bullies’ heads.  
	Talar spent his evening under the flowing waters of an unnamed kahawai, and he too rose to meet the face of rising Pukana.  The soft gurgling of the warm waters gave the waking birds and insects in the lush vegetation a softer, soothing beat that lulled Akowa-ke, Hiapo Pua, and Kai’lei from their peaceful slumbers. They also, perhaps, heard the warm sizzle of bacon on my early-morning cooking fire, which I had kept well tended since the first rays of light pierced the cool blue waters.  I briefly worried that there would not be enough bacon for all if our journey from town lasted much longer, but my worries, as always, turned out to be unfounded.  
Akowa-ke looked particularly red-eyed, having spent much of the night scribbling those strange symbols on his scrolls.  
After a warm breakfast, we set out to resume our search.  Talar quickly found the trail again of our poor, misguided bully on the run.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Ten – Providence smiles down upon the bacon-less

	Walking through the green ferns and purple morning flowers, Talar suddenly paused and motioned for us to stop and listen.  Akowa-ke asked, “did you hear that?”  I stopped and listened and heard grunting and shuffling noises off the trail I blazed and then I raised my nose in query.  “I smell bacon,” I said optimistically, and broke into a wide grin.
	Then three large, wild boars ran forth from the underbrush and toward us.  Kai’lei let loose an arrow, careful, I hoped, not to damage too much the source of our future breakfasts.  
	The boars threatened to harm my friends, and so I stood in front, my massive bulk absorbing great punishment as their sharp tusks and razored fangs attempted to rend my flesh.  I swung my large tiki trunk into their thick skulls again and again, tenderizing the meat for our future consumption.  In my haste and concern for my friends, I smashed a few too hard, making a bloody, greasy mess out of several of the boars.  But I still smiled at the result – my friends were safe and now I had ample stock to grease my pan for the next great meal.  
	We continued on the trail, finally coming to a small hut hidden beneath the lush foliage, its roof home to several brightly colored birds and their tiny families of chicks, learning their way in the world.  Akowa-ke motioned for caution and crept around its outer edges, looking for signs of life or ambush.  I admired the birds on the roof and looked around for any suitable snacks for my friends, finding several lovely, thick kalusha fruits, ripe and ready to burst with each juicy bite in my mouth.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Eleven – Huts and bugs and parts, oh my

	Akowa-ke found nothing outside, and so he fiddled with the lock in that way of his, opening the door to our inspection.  I looked through the open door for any signs of our bully.  No one was there. 
	Inside, we found a ledger of some sort, detailing activities only a bully would revel in, and eventually finding a trapdoor in the floor leading to rooms below.  I wondered if that was where they kept all of their food, because I saw scant evidence of enough for a healthy, growing lass to live on in the rooms above.  I did find a large bed, which creaked when I sat upon it, but did not break.  I wondered what wonderous materials it must have been constructed from to hold my girth and mass so easily.  
	The room below had many strange “expery-ments” and tests, from what my friends told me.  I did not and do not know what that means, but it did not sound good.  Crawling all over the floor, amidst many jars of food, were tiny bug-like creations with multiple eyes and limbs.  We took great care not to disturb them, searching the room for clues of recent bullying.  Someone found another hidden door.  Apparently bullies, in their mistreatment of others, assume they will be mistreated as well, so they feel the need to hide.  I added another important lesson to teach the bullies of the island.  When you are not a bully, you need not fear those around you.  They will have nothing but warm smiles and shared bacon for you.
	We also found many small and large worms living on the floor of the room beyond.  I found a spatula and a frying pan that Kai’lei informed me was of a magical nature.  I could have told her that.  I think there is a little big of magic in all frying pans, especially when they are sizzling with the sweet smell of bacon.  
	Through yet another hidden door, we found more trouble.  This room was truly disturbing to me.  Bullies of ages past, all in pieces, all still moving, groaning, clawing their way across the dirt floor.  Hiapo Pua shouted “zombie pieces” and I made not of that in my bully log.  We formed a ring of protection for our weak and I proceeded to bash and smash the poor remains of the bully pieces until hardly one remained.  Kai’lei turned several away with the power of her faith, something I watched in wonder.  
	What was most wonderous and sad of all was the bully that greeted us, a misshapen man, deformed, hunched over on his own bad-tiki staff, slinging strange bully magic at us as we fought off the pieces all around us.  And suddenly I understood.  This deformed man, he was bullied for his strange appearance.  And this bullying of him led to his bullying of others.  The chain of bullying must be stopped!  I swung my tiki down hard upon his head, snapping the chain with a sickening crunch of flesh and bone marrow.  Which reminded me of just how sweet and tasty marrow can be, though of course, one should never eat the marrow of a person.  But it is an important part of any diet.  One can never stress enough the importance of food.  It is how one shows love.  I vowed to bring food back to my Kuuipo.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Twelve – Bully behind the alter

	Through the door of yet another cellar room, we found a place dedicated to a bully altar.  And, appropriately enough, behind the bully altar was the bully of our search, Lena, huddling and hiding.  I explained to her that she would not have needed to hide had she not been a bully.  I asked her, “why are you a bully?”  She said it was because of her brother – not the one she bullied to death, but the one I bashed in the room next door.  She did not take responsibility for her bullying, and that made me sad.  
	We found a few other scrolls of interest to my friends, and of course, we had the frying pan, which I found could cook as the best frying pan ever could, only without having to build a fire.  We could have bacon within short moments, or even while we walked!  I could make bacon in a tree, on the trail, or even swimming in the water.  I contemplated what great new, fresh sea-food meals I could conjure while wading out into the surf.  
	We brought Lena back to justice, for which the constable was grateful.  She paid us 500 pieces of gold for finding her and another 500 for bringing her back for trial.  They said she was the first bully/murderer on the island in 50 years.  And I wondered – is this recent surge in bullying, is this what led to my father’s disappearance?  It simply could not be unrelated.  I knew there was more to it.  I would find out.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Thirteen – Justice by Pele, An Inn for us

	Because we had found Lena and returned her, we were granted all of her former property, including her inn.  We quickly found a man named Makai, of middle years, who would run it for us, leaving enough rooms for our use when we needed them.  For Talar, there were three rooms that had the river diverted through their lower tiers, leaving him and his sea-elf kind a place to sleep and rejuvenate.  
	Lena was tried and found guilty of bullying her brother to his end,a nd she was led to the slopes of Pele, to be cast into its swirling lava as a sacrifice to keep Jorami quiet and justice well fed.  
	As the days of those events unfolded, I made the final touches of work on my tiki stick, what my friends called a tree-trunk, and what I called my masterpiece, or masterwork, the symbol of my life’s quest to end the bullying on the island.  I held it up proudly in front of me and showed it off to my Kuuipo and her father.  He seemed cool to me, but she did join me for a private dinner at the inn and I told her all about the adventures of the previous days.  I smiled broadly at them both and bade them to enjoy the goodness in life as I sizzled up some bacon for them at our table with my pan of magic frying.  Ola, life, was good to me.  Two less bullies on the island tonight.


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## Altalazar (Jun 4, 2006)

Book III

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Fourteen – Tiki Magic

	Over the next few weeks, I enjoyed many beautiful sunsets and N’Gausiki fruits with my Kuuipo.  I told her about my adventures and she told me about her Obadhai religion and her mentor, Mistress MaeNae, who lived at the Shrine of the Oracle up on the slopes of Mauna Mauna.  
	I showed her all of the many coins I had been paid from our previous adventure, coins that seemed to multiply each time I saw Akowa-ke.  I had no idea what to do with so many coins.  I had all that I needed.  A sturdy tiki-stick, my coral vestment of protection, and my frying pan.  Akowa-Ke suggested I add a bit of magic to my tiki stick, to better persuade bullies on the errors of their ways.  I talked to our blacksmith, but found that even with all of my shiny coins, I did not have enough for her to sprinkle magic upon it.  Akowa-Ke graciously offered to add coins of his own to make up the difference.  I was and am in his debt.  It made it easy for me to deal with newfound coins.  Now they just go to Akowa-Ke.  Though he did suggest I improve my protection as well.  I will have a hard time giving up my coral shell – it took many moons to grow and it fits me so well.  Wearing a hot vestment of metal seems so unnatural, but if it is what is required to face the bullies of our island, I will wear it with a smile.  But that is not something I have to worry about just yet.  
	After a short while, my tiki-trunk was returned to me, a new sheen on it from the workings of magic.  Or so I imagined.  It felt good to have it back in my hands.  I showed it to my Kuuipo.  I did not show her another little surprise I had been working on, but I would very soon!  I hoped to see her smile light up my day like the sun lights up the slopes of Pele at the crisp early dawn.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Fifteen – Dark storms, bright spirits!

	A storm brewed, a storm that was not normal, filling the sky with grey clouds that seemed to dull the normally brightly colored landscape of flowers, fruits, and birds.  But it did not darken or dull my spirits.  With each passing moment of darkness, my smile brightened upon the many patrons at our inn who came in from the grey to see the light of good friends and warm smiles.  
	Just in time for the occasion, I unveiled my new creation, a drink of rum and fruit spirits, fresh fruit mixed in, served in a cup shaped like the slopes of Pele and stirred with a tiny replica of my very own tiki stick, made by my hands in idle moments, and sent as a keepsake home to the happy reveler, so that when he or she meets the next dawn, there is a reminder of my warm smile and their even warmer tummy from my fruit spirits.  I called the drink the Kamakawiwo, and it seemed to go down well.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Sixteen – MaeNae asks and we go

	The storm continued, the sky darkened, but my smile continued as well.  Not even the shaking of the ground of 'Ola'i naueue dampened my mood, though it did shake many a cup of Kamakawiwo.  And it actually brightened my mood when it brought Pale, my Kuuipo, to my side, to inform me that her Mistress, MaeNae, was both pleased with our efforts against the bullies of Kalo and also in need of our further services.  She led us up the mountain paths to the Shrine of the Oracle, where MaeNae met us and thanked us with more coin and warm words.  As we walked, I presented my Kuuipo with my surprise – a holy symbol of her Akua, Obadhai, carved from native woods by my own hand.  Her warm smile was all the coin I needed in payment, and I felt obliged to offer her change, had I had any to speak of.  Her topic of conversation immediately changed to become dominated by her new present, and I basked in the delight.  I also asked her about what I needed to do to properly worship her Akua, and found that it involved many small steps over a full day, steps I wished to take immediately, but my pilialoha’s insisted we complete the task set out for us first.  
	For MaeNae had informed us that another band of anti-bullying friends met with her in recent weeks before setting out on a quest to rid the mountain of bullies.  They had not returned, and she had grown worried as the days grew to a week.  She explained that there were bully-goblins in the area.  I was shocked.  I thought that I had sent off the bully-goblin to educate his mates.  Apparently it will require me to try again, but I will do so with a smile.  I will never give up on bullies.  If only the right person doesn’t give up, there would be no more bullies.  And I had my improved, magical tiki-stick now for their encouragement.  Akowa-Ke suggested I use it to kill all of one sex, but I could not fathom what he meant by way of education.  
	We all agreed to help MaeNae, me most enthusiastically of all, for I wished to stop the bullies and please my Kuuipo’s mistress.  My Kuuipo stayed behind, where it was safe, and we went off on the trail of the fledgling adventurers.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Seventeen – Bully Statutes and Shrieking Birds

	It did not take long on the path for us to find an unusual find.  Amongst the ferns and bright, ripening fruit that lined our way, we found five small statues of stone shaped like goblin-bullies some thirty paces from the well-trod path.  Akowa-Ke speculated that they were once living bullies, now stoned by magic, but he did not say how such a wondrous thing was possible.  I felt saddened by the path that must have led to their downfall.  If only they had heard from the goblin-prophet I had let go previously about the error of the bully way, perhaps they would be with their families now.  But perhaps their stone forms could act as a monument against bullies everywhere.  I think we’ll need to come back to them when our task is done.  
	The path soon led to cliffs, above us on the right, below us on the left, winding between upper and lower ledges lined with green, ripe plants and tall, lush trees.  I did my best to keep moving despite the allure of the ripening Bakua fruits up in the tall trees.  Fortunately, our path should take us past them again when our task is complete.  While gazing at a particularly juicy-looking bakua, I noticed something in the sky buzzing down toward us, an ugly hag-bully, likely ostracized incessantly despite her skyward twin’s similar visage.  They both flew down past us, swinging clubs as they went past.  I tried my best to bat them from the sky with my tiki-stick, but the magic must not have fully set for my swings were wide of the mark.  
	After several such passes, arrows and bolts fired into their bully-bodies by my pilialoha’s, they flew to the edge of the lower cliffs and first one and the other began to sing in a shrill, ugly voice.  At first I found the singing of one beyond repulsive, but then the other began to sing and I could not help but walk out of the path to the ledge.  As I neared the drop off, I hesitated, but could not move away.  Damn those bullies and their bully ways.  I could do nothing but stand there and listen as she attempted to club me.  My massive bulk reverberated with the tiny blows she dealt, barely making a mark on my girth, but annoying me greatly.  Finally, Kai’Lei let forth a clap of thunder, ending the shrieking song in my ears and bringing me back to my senses.  I quickly brought up my tiki-trunk and, with one broad motion, smashed the flying bully down from the sky into the rocks below, where she made a bright stain beneath the leafy conifer fruits.  
	Kai’Lei likewise downed her sister with an arrow of her own, and we returned to the path, pausing briefly to ponder the many large boulders that dotted the edge of the cliffs.  

	Kamakwiwo – Chapter Eighteen – Cliff-borne metal doors to mysteries beyond

	Our path ended with large, rusty metal doors leading into the cliffs ahead of us.  They appeared very impressive, but sad, because they looked to have been abandoned for so long.  Perhaps bullies drove them away, like they drove away my makua kane.  We cautiously entered, finding a large, damp room shrouded in darkness.  My smile brightened it up quickly, or perhaps it was the magics placed on my tiki stick by Kai’Lei that did that.  
	Stairs led down into the room, which had four doors, two on each wall, one of which was marked with a warning not to enter.  
	The first door led to a pile of debris that seemed to move.  Sensing bully-danger, I quickly charged in, smashing four large centipedes to pulp with my magic tiki-stick as my pilialoha’s dealt with the rest. 
The second door held vermin of a different sort, slowly consuming the body of some unfortunate visitor from long ago.  It also held a chest of ancient lineage, holding treasures long since lost.  My smiling tiki illuminated it all for my pilialoha’s to see and for Akowa-Ke to carefully open, though he did complain of a sharp needle in his finger.  At his request, I picked up the large chest and added its weight to the many fruits and strips of bacon I carried.  
	The third door led to a giant, empty carcass of a beetle, picked clean by vermin.  We found the vermin beyond yet another door there, many rats, many squeaks, whom we quickly silenced, until but a handful of the monstrously large rodents survived.  Hiapo Pua chose to parley with his new furry friends, offering then shiny new coins of copper in exchange for their dirty old coins of platinum, which they happily accepted.  
	Further doors led from there, leading to further mysteries beyond.  I stopped and ate a large, luscious, juicy bite of one of my bakua fruits and wondered what bullies lay behind them.


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## notker biloba (Jun 26, 2006)

*Lawyers and bullies and THANGS -- oh, my!*

Just wanted to put my $0.02 in favor of your story hours.  Very, very enjoyable.  I like the different perspective that each story hour brings, and I like the first person accounts; they provide a richness that is a welcome substitute for the flowery verbosity some authors use.  (Nothing against verbosity; I'm just a slow reader and I don't have time to wade through a screenful of scene description and an explanation of all the characters' feelings and motives.)  I also get bogged down with bad grammar, improper word usage, typos, etc., so thanks for keeping those to the absolute bare minimum.  

In short, well done, and keep 'em coming!


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## Altalazar (Jun 30, 2006)

notker biloba said:
			
		

> Just wanted to put my $0.02 in favor of your story hours.  Very, very enjoyable.  I like the different perspective that each story hour brings, and I like the first person accounts; they provide a richness that is a welcome substitute for the flowery verbosity some authors use.  (Nothing against verbosity; I'm just a slow reader and I don't have time to wade through a screenful of scene description and an explanation of all the characters' feelings and motives.)  I also get bogged down with bad grammar, improper word usage, typos, etc., so thanks for keeping those to the absolute bare minimum.
> 
> In short, well done, and keep 'em coming!





Why thank you!  It is nice to see someone appreciates my efforts.  I am also in favor of shorter accounts, mostly because between work and my 10 month old baby and everything else, it often takes a great effort to get the writing done after each session before the next session begins.   

I also enjoy the different first-person perspectives - I've found keeping a journal like this for every character I play helps me get inside my character's heads and really flesh them out much more than if I did not do it.   And now, without further ado, yet another entry...


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## Altalazar (Jun 30, 2006)

Kamakawiwo – Chapter Nineteen – Rooms, and Doors, and Monsters, Oh Maki!

	I so miss the sparkling light of the sun through the lush green trees and the fresh, crisp air wafted inland from the kai beyond.  This dark, dank, wet place has nothing to offer but death, but my Kuipo would want me to press on, so I do.  Kamakawiwo knows the path to heaven is not lined with green trees and juicy bakua fruits.  
	So many turns blend together into a mash, like a good bakua-floyt salad at the summer festival.  Akowa-Ke would look at a door, open it, and then either we would find the remains of slain beasts or we would create them as they came out and foolishly threw themselves against Kamakawiwo’s great bulk.  
	On the bakua side, we did find a single, lonely survivor of the group we were sent to find.  He was alone and afraid in the dark and I gave him a big hug after I pried him off of my massive leg, which he somehow managed to get his tiny, skinny arms around when we entered his chamber.  But I was sad to find that two of his friends had passed on to the next island world and two others were missing.  The missing two sunk into some morass in the floor that reminded me of one of my more favorite desserts my mother used to make for me.  Oh how I missed my makuahine’s cooking.  And my makuahine.  It was apparent the gnome’s makuahine never fed him well.  I offered him half of my bakua fruit.  He eagerly ate it down.  
	One of his fallen companions had something incredible I had never seen before.  A shell of pure metal that covered him from head to toe!  My makuahine taught me never to pass up a chance to better myself or help others.  I doffed my shell of coral and squeezed into this shell of metal, silently vowing to honor the fallen one’s memory by vanquishing bullies in his name whilst I wore his shell.  His name would be added to mine in the hall of anti-bullies up on the slopes of Mana Ulu.  
	Some more rooms and doors of little import later, we came upon a strange room, chilly like the kai makani after a storm, containing two creatures who were cold themselves.  They said they could not leave, it was too hot for them.  We offered to help find their former master, with the hopes that they could be returned to their chilly home.  I hoped that they would last until we found this man.  It seemed so unjust for him to take them from their home and put them here.  What if they had little ones of their own?  What if those little ones watched them leave in a small, chilly fishing boat one day and then never saw them return?  We had to find a way to help them.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Twenty – Corridor of Undeath

	More turns and twists and we found a long hall filled with small cells, built just for bullies to contemplate their bullying.  A skeletal former-bully occupied each cell while four more fleshy former bully-guards occupied the hall outside the cells.  Akowa-ke stepped forward, found keys on the former bully-guards and opened a cell, only to find all of them, fleshy and non-fleshy alike to spring to their bony, decaying feet and face us in one last combat.  Akowa-ke, thinking fast, as he often does, filled the long hall and cells with sticky webs, holding them all fast.  Kai’lei held forth her symbol of holiness and several of the skeletal bullies returned to dust while the fleshy ones ran.  
	I stepped forward and introduced my bully-stick to the land of the dead, sending them back into the bully-abyss from which they sprang, aided in my lesson by the burning of the webs and the further dusting of the corpses by Kai’lei.  
	Our duty done, we returned to the cares of the living, and headed further down a hallway that seemed to go on without end.  Akowa-ke found a large pit by falling into it, and then spiked it open so we could all pass safely over it.  That is where we ran into even bigger bullies.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Twenty-One – Bully Barricades and Bashed Brains

	Around the corner of this hall we found a large room with barricades of tables and debris built up to hide the bully-goblins I remembered so well from the farm.  Except these bully-goblins seemed not to have met the goblin I freed to dissuade them from their bully ways.  They took many many swings of my bully-stick to clear them from their bullying ways.  Talar and I stepped into the room and found ourselves nearly surrounded by them all, seven in total, I think there were, and Talar was slowly whittled down until he lay at my feet, leaving me surrounded by the remaining four bullies.  
	I would have been worried, but I can never let bullies get away with their bullying ways, or else who would stop them from harming others?  I thought of my makua kane, missing so long.  I thought of my makuahine, her cooking still fresh in the flesh on my bones, and then wound up my arm wide.  With one long, sweeping swing, I smashed my tiki-stick into the jaw of one bully, picking him up and smashing his head into the head of the bully standing next to him, and then smashing both of their heads into the hard stone wall beside me, caving in both of their skulls and popping out their brains like a too-fresh bakua fruit that has been left sitting in the sun too long and then is accidentally stepped on by Kamakawiwo’s large foot.  The remaining two bullies took one look at the nearly headless corpses as they slid down the wall, then they took a look at my tiki-stick, still dripping with their meaty flesh, and then turned and ran away as fast as their little goblin feet could take them.  
	My friends were in disarray behind me, healing and mending their various wounds, picking themselves up from the dank floor while I charged forward, around another corner into another room, this one with six collared large rats waiting.  The goblin-bullies ran through the doors and left the rats to Kamakawiwo.  I had no trouble smashing their large rat-skulls one by one, with Kai’lei’s bow aiding me where she could.  
	I looked at the door of the goblin-bullies ahead, but then paused.  I should wait for my companions.  Now was the time to write down all that had happened and when I was done, my friends would be ready to go forward to continue our bully-lessons.  With any luck, the two bullies who ran were already educating any other bully-friends of the errors of their ways.  My Kuipo would be proud!


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## Altalazar (Jun 30, 2006)

I just had to comment - yes, that one massive swing that caved in two heads was a critical hit followed by a cleave that was also a critical hit, which on a great club (his tiki-tree-trunk) requires a '20' - given the AC involved, I calculated that the odds of getting a double critical like that with a cleave was somewhere around 1 in 800, so it was particularly spectacular, especially when things were looking grim - surrounded by these big goblins that had a fair number of hit points, I think two characters were down, and the other two were not very effective and were holding back - it turned the whole combat around - a hit to each doing nearly 30 points per hit.  (The characters were all 3rd level at the time, now after that last session, they are all 4th or close to it).


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## Altalazar (Aug 4, 2006)

Kamakawiwo – Chapter Twenty-Two – Swarms!  Rats!  

	After a brief wait for my friends, I strode toward the door of the bullies’ escape.  Akowa-ke stopped me and said he would make sure it was safe.  He also took my tiki-stick and said, “let me make it better.”  He pulled out a scroll with funny symbols on it, read it to himself, and then my tiki-stick was engulfed in a flame of bully-slaying.  He then walked toward the door, and then nearly fell down into a pit in front of it.  He then unlocked the door and I ran past him, around the edges of the pit, and into the next dank, dark room.
	Inside was a swarm of rats, bullies to the poor mice of the land.  Strangely, their tails were tied together.  We quickly pounded them into the ground, my tiki stick making flaming rat corpses.  The cooked meat smelled sweet in the moist air of the room.  My stomach rumbled.  
There were no other doors we could see in the room.  What a strange place this is!  But the two goblin bullies were also nowhere to be found, so we knew they must have had another way out of this dank, dark room.  Talar soon found their secret – a door.  It was in the far wall.  It led to a passageway only three feet high and two feet wide.  And it seemed to continue some distance into the dark. 

Kamakawiwo – Chapter Twenty-Three – Greased Kamakawiwo

	I did not want to enter such a small space.  No wonder they were all bullies.  None of them could eat a proper meal and live in such a place.  My friends greased me up and helped me slide my great bulk into the crack, but I could hardly move.  Akowa-Ke and Hiapo Pua went on ahead, Hiapo Pua finding the easiest purchase as the tunnels were larger than him.  Gali, our often-rescued gnome, also found the going easy in the narrow tunnels.  
	My friends ran into some trouble further in, and then came running back, complaining off all of the bully-goblins that were hiding in the tunnels, waiting to bully us in the dark.  
	Kamakawiwo did not like being squeezed in so tight.  We backed out and looked for another way around.  Oh how I missed the warm light of the sunlight.  Oh how I missed the smell of fresh bakua fruit on the trees.  This dark place was no place to get a good meal.  Even the rats looked starved, as if their rat- makuahines could not take care of them as makuahine’s should.  
	Akowa-ke said we had only one door left unopened elsewhere in this dark hovel, the one with the warnings at the front.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Twenty-Four – Bad Bullies Need to be Killed Twice

	Akowa-ke took us back to that scary door.  He opened it for us.  Inside, came out a large, scary bully dressed fully in plate armor, carrying a long sword.  Akowa-ke said, “This is a room where they keep bullies that can’t be killed.”  I thought it looked like the bully had already been killed once.  But to really fight the bullies, you have to be prepared to kill them as many times as it takes.  I readied my tiki stick.
	The dead bully came out at us, slamming into Akowa-ke and then me, sending a cold chill down my thick, rubbery spine.  Kai’lei later explained to me that it was the negative bully energy of the plane of bullies that caused it, but I did not understand what she meant.  I did understand we needed to stop this bully.  
	Unfortunately, while we fought it long and hard, the dead bully escaped, leaving the room, out into the cold night.  And Kai’lei then told us we had to hurry back to the temple, almost a day away, to make sure our afflictions would not last.  I did not understand what she meant, and I started to feel fine, but she still insisted we run back.  Talar ran ahead, to warn the clerics before dawn that we were coming.  
	We made it back just past dawn, and were taken care of, though I felt no different before the healing magic than after.  
	Akowa-ke took two days to make more of his strange scrolls while we all returned to the cold, dark place to retrieve the two bodies we had found, that of Sethrena and Toran Mulekick.  We also vowed to the high priestess that we would then return to look for the last two others, Kaenu and Keilea, who may still have been held by the bullies there.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Twenty-Five – Squeezing into Bully-ville

	With no other options, we sent Hiapo Pua to scout the small tunnels invisibly, looking where they went and where the bullies were hiding.  He came back several minutes later with a rough map of what was there and where the bullies were.  Akowa-ke decided the best option was to use his strange scrolls to make us all small, like Gali and Hiapo Pua, and then to send Talar and Hiapo Pua with his healing wand to the stairs to hold off the bully-hordes while the rest of us came up behind them to take care of the bully sentries before them.  
	It worked well.  Talar held them off, even as some tumbled past him.  Hiapo Pua kept him standing with his magic wand of healing, singing his songs to inspire us.  I handled the two bullies in the main-squeeze hall and then dealt with the other bullies as they slipped past Talar.  
	Things became somewhat desperate when Talar was surrounded, as he told me later while we ate a nice large meal of fresh meat and juicy Ululu fruits, but my other friends went to their aid.  
	I was accosted by a user of bully magic, who tried to use his bully ways to alter me, but my anti-bully ways were no match for him.  Not wanting to let him use his bully magic on me, I waited until my smallness wore off, and then, with my massive frame towering over him, I dropped my tiki stick, and wrapped my massive arms around him, squeezing his bully ways out of his small body until he finally squirmed free.  As he tried to run, I smashed him one last time, ending his bully magic.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Twenty-Six – Rescued Home!

	The last bullies vanquished (and tough bullies they were!) we found a sinkhole leading to a cage where poor Keanu and Keilea had been kept by the bully goblins.  We freed them and took them home.  We also found bully booty.  What was most amazing was a large set of full plate armor, inlaid with art that set my tiki-stick to shame, and that was, according to Akowa-ke, enchanted with anti-bully magic.  I just had to have it, and quickly put it on.  My friends were happy to see me take it.  They also gave me a cloak they said would help protect me against bully magic.  It did not quite cover my entire back, but Akowa-ke assured me it would work.  
	We also found enough coins that I no longer owed them to Akowa-ke, but I was then even more unsure of what to do with all of the gold.  I had never seen so many coins before.  I counted nearly three thousand of them, just for me.  I will have to talk more to Akowa-ke and see what he says I should do with them.  I’m sure he’ll know best how to use them to stop bullies.  
	I ran all the way back to see my Kuipo.  What tales and mystical things I had to share with her!  I hoped she would be proud of me.  So many bullies in the world!  I will turn them good or slay them all – for my father and now also, for my Kuipo!


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## Altalazar (Aug 27, 2006)

Book IV 

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Twenty-Seven – Home Sweet Kalo

	My makamakas and I returned home to Kalo to spend many fine weeks relaxing, eating Kuava Fruits, drinking Bakua punch, and spending lazy afternoons out in hammocks by our Inn, watching villagers pass by and enjoying the view of the lush tropical greenery and the sounds of the many birds and animals that thrive in our fertile land.  
	Akowe-Ke provided his wisdom again, taking my many coins and promising to return with something to help me against the bullies of the Island.  He would disappear for days at a time, working his strange magics in his room, emerging only after completing another one of his trinkets for his friends.  For me, Akowe-Ke transformed my pile of coins into a belt he said would make me stronger and an amulet he said would protect my skin from the sharp bully barbs of the Island.  I asked him if he could make my tiki-stick even stronger, and he said he could, but not just yet.  I could hardly contain my excitement.  Bullies beware!  Kamakawiwo is coming!

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Twenty-Eight – Friends on the Kapakai Need Help with Bullies

	Our blacksmith makamaka told us of another makamaka of hers who needed our help with bullies.  This friend was named Keanu Kahlua and lived on the kapakai in Kulana.  We traveled down the river to Kulana, taking the waters almost right to the kapakai and into the kai.  We met Keanu and found him to be a great kalepa, owning many great ships selling many wondrous goods to the good people of the Island.  
	Keanu informed us that his great ships were being raided by sea bullies in ships of their own.  He provided us with a map of where he thought the sea bullies resided, some distance away to the west, along the kapakai on the northern side of the Island.  
	I was particularly excited.  Sea bullies!  They might be the ones responsible for my missing makua kane’s fishing boat!  Of course we agreed to help!

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Twenty-Nine – Traveling on the water, no bullies in sight!

	I spent all my days on deck of the great ship we traveled on, my eyes looking out into the vastness of the kai, looking for any sign of the sea bullies or of my makua kane.  Much to my sorrow, I never saw either, but my heart grew bigger with each passing day as we grew closer to the sea bulllies’ cove, which they called ‘Dead Man’s Cove.’  Our ship captain told us we could not approach by kai, because the reefs were dangerous and they would spot us.  Our map, instead, showed a land route into their cove.
	I asked the captain if he ever saw my makua kane’s fishing boat, but he never did.  I asked him to keep a lookout for it from then on.  He must be out there!  Or perhaps the sea bullies will know!
	The captain dropped us on a small beach and departed, wishing us luck.  Kai’lei and Talar quickly leapt into the water and scouted on ahead, Talar’s gills providing him much utility in the kai.  Elves of the kai, they were called, and they put their name to the test that day.  
	While they were gone, I gathered many of the bounties of the kai, from the large T’Nana fish of the shallows to the tiny Seek’Kai fish that provide little nourishment, but much flavor to the dishes of the kai.  By the time they returned with news, I had a full meal prepared for us all, though my makamakas, as usual, did not partake of it as much as I, no doubt their way of showing appreciation to me for my cooking, letting me eat most of its fruits.  
	Talaar told a tale of a crescent-shaped cove guarded by sea bullies toward the kai on cliffs at each end, and by many sea bullies on land, in small buildings.  Their ship was not to be seen, a boon for us, for that would reduce the bullies we would fight at first.  But I worried that the sea bullies who would know of my makua kane would be out on the kai.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Thirty – We approach the sea bullies, take sentries, then all!

	We walked for a day on a broken trail through the very lush, and sometimes nearly impassible, undergrowth.  In an effort to aid my makamakas, I cleared a path with my great girth as we walked, and when we stopped, I cleared more of a path by helpfully removing everything in our path that was edible and preparing it for a trail-snack.  The path to Dead Man’s Cove was delicious!
	Once the cove was in sight, Akowe-Ke said we should take care of the sentry bullies first, so they could not warn the others.  And so we crept out onto the cliff to the east, moving quietly, trying not to stir the sea bully who sat at his fire-post, ready to warn his sea bully makamakas about us.  
	Somehow, even in my large metal shell, he never heard me approach.  Something inside me told me it was wrong to simply dispatch him, bully though he was, when he was so helpless.  But if we did not, he would warn the other sea bullies.  If he warned the other sea bullies, they might stop us, they might get away.  If they got away, I’d never see my makua kane again!  They took my makua kane!  My wonderful makua kane, out on the kai, getting the fish to feed his family.  That is wrong!  Bullies are wrong!  Bullies must be taught!  Sea bullies took my makua kane!  Before I knew it, I found myself standing right over the sea bully sentry.  I discovered that my tiki-stick was buried deeply into his shoulders, his head and brains squashed beneath my tiki stick.  He would never harm my makua kane again!  
	We quickly did the same with the other sentry at the other end of the cliffs above the cove, and then we moved toward the sentries below.  We moved quietly.  We moved slowly.  Akowe-Ke made my tiki-stick cold with the bite of frost.  He did the same for Talar.  But our stealth was not to be.  The sentry saw us as we approached him above the beach in the cove, just outside the longhouse.  He yelled “intruders! Intruders!” at the top of his lungs and then charged us.  Before I could take a step myself, Akowe-ke touched me and made me eight times my normal size, increasing my tiki-stick to the size of the greatest trees of the jungle, the ancient ones.  
	I charged.  Sea bullies who took my father would feel the wrath of my bully-stick!  
	So many sea bullies came out of the long house, I lost track of how many I felled.  At least a dozen sea bullies felt the lessons of my tiki-stick that day.  Talar, Akowe-Ke, and Gali dealt with a dozen more.  Several ran and several surrendered at our feet.  When the fog cast by Kai’lei cleared, their bodies filled my sight.  My vision was almost red with the lessons I gave them.  The roar in my head from the frenzy of the bully-fight gave way to the loud roar of the kai below us.  I looked down at our two prisoners and hefted my tiki-stick.  
	“WHERE IS MY MAKUA KANE!” I shouted at them, tiki-stick swinging wide…


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## Altalazar (Sep 16, 2006)

Kamakawiwo – Chapter Thirty-One – Sea bullies claim ignorance – Sulking and Spices Galore

	No matter how much I shouted, the sea bullies answer stayed the same.  They did not know my makua kane.  They did not hear of who might have taken him.  I wanted to bash their skulls in like too-ripe Bakua fruits, but I simply could not.  Instead, I held my despair inwards and went up and sat on the rocks by the water while my makamakas searched the sea bullies’ sleeping hall.  
	I overheard talk of their captain, who had strange colored hair (red!) and was named a name in some strange tongue that sounded like “shay-mus.”  They also said there were 80 more sea bullies on the ship, far more than we could fight on this narrow strip of beach.   And they were due back by the third hour of the morning!
	My sulking done, I joined my makamakas in the search of the buildings.  The next building was much more interesting – the dining hall!  Never one to find anything easily, I quickly found the best of the food, including some wondrous spices, seldom seen!  Pepper!  Saffron!  Alongside my table-side makamaka, salt!  And a cookbook, with sea bully recipes.  Various coins and gems were also found, but I spent my time carefully cataloging the new treats!  I already knew a few well-liked roots that would taste so much better boiled and sprinkled with this Saffron!  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Thirty-Two – Captain’s Quarters – deuce and an ace

	The last building we checked as the third hour approached was the Captain’s Quarters.  Two of the captain’s loko ‘ino makamakas met us in the foyer, sending arrows our way from behind soft sofas.  Talar and I charged in to engage them, slowly bashing them into submission.  
	A second door opened, sending forth a mage into our midst.  I never have trusted the ways of the arcane.  Bully magic can turn even the most well-fed ohana into horrible bullies!  I quickly charged the spell-weaver, crushing him into a bag of bones soon after he sent forth a bolt of lightning against my makamakas.  
	When there was only one bully left, he twisted, tumbled, and ran out the door.  I chased after him, but my large bulk and metal shell slowed me down greatly, and he nearly escaped.  Were it not for the arrows fired true by Kai’lei, this bully would not have learned his lesson of the day.  
	Amidst more coin and sea bully booty, we found papers that Akowe-ke said showed a Lelani was a secret bully with the trader’s company.  We will have to deal with him when we return!

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Thirty-Three – Bullies on the rocks

	Talar went out to the channel and searched for the most dangerous part of the passage.  In so doing, he discovered a man dead, yet not, under a rock in the channel for ships to the cove.  Talar quickly dispatched it, having solved the mystery of Dead Man’s Cove name.  He also discovered the most treacherous part of the passage.  
	Akowe-ke set his plan in motion.  Just before the bully-ship returned, he moved their signal fires at the mouth of Dead Man’s Cove to the west a distance corresponding to the difference between the safe passage and the deadly rocks.  Then Kai’lai stood on the cliffs above, fire bottles in hand, while Talar waited in the water and Akowe-Ke and I waited on the roof of the dining hall on the beach.  
	As the morning hit its third hour, the bully ship returned, heading into the channel, following our false fires to its doom.  The ship crashed on the rocks, sending bullies everywhere.  As they tried to right themselves, bottles of flame fell upon their deck from above.  The bullies foundered.  The bullies drowned.  Unfamiliar with arrows, and unwilling to let bullies escape, I jumped from the roof and walked the beach, looking for any wet bullies to come from the dark waters.  Finally, one did, barely able to pull himself onto the beach.  I greeted him with my tiki-stick, sending him into a deep slumber.  None of the others made it so far.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Thirty-Four – Dead Water and Trade Goods

	We rested until morning.  I found the sight of the wrecked ship illuminated by the first rays of dawn a strangely beautiful sight.  The calls of the jungle behind us, beyond the cliffs, greeted the grisly sight before us with a shout of “aloha kakahiaka” that seemed oblivious to the death and destruction.  
	I was glad to see the bullies gone, but I was sad that I was no closer to my makua kane.  I looked out at the rolling waters of the kai, wondering still, “where are you?”  
	Then my makamakas arose, eager to explore the Captain’s caves for his bully-loot.  
	Kai’lei warned us of walking dead within the walls and she went in first, her neck guarded by an amulet of the Captain’s said to repel those who had died yet not passed from this world.  We soon followed her, heading deeper and deeper into the rock, until we came upon a short waterway and a smaller boat.  
	Kai’lei warned of loko ‘ino in the water, and granted us all the divine gift of waterbreathing before we gathered in the boat and started to row across.  Halfway there, the boat was tipped and we were all standing on the bottom before we realized we were surrounded by the dead-yet-not.  
	Blood, old and new, quickly filled the water, as we fought them off.  Akowa-ke nearly met his akua, saved from this fate only by the small vial of precious healing I slipped into his still mouth.  
	Thus dispatched, we emerged from the water on the other shore and found in a cave deep and vast the scores of trade goods the sea bullies had plundered.  We took stock of it all while Talar swam back down the coast to meet our ship and bring them back to the cove to retrieve what was rightfully theirs.  
	As I again wondered what I could do with so many coins, Akowe-ke took me aside and whispered in my ear what wondrous things he could do for my tiki-stick.  This brightened my spirits, but did not distract me from my ultimate quest.  Somewhere, out there on the kai is my makua kane.  I will find him.  I will take him home to my makuahine and then we will all be together when I wed my kuuipo!  Such plans!  My bakua fruit again tasted sweet in my mouth!


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## Altalazar (Nov 26, 2006)

Book V

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Thirty-Five – Emergency of Epic Proportions – Food Shipments Stopped in Hapapa!

	Over the past few months, we’ve all done well.  My makamakas and I have run our humble inn well, serving many bakua fruits.  I took the time to woo my kuuipo, making for her many small carvings.  I admire her independence.  She does not worry about my frequent absences to teach the bullies of the world and I know she does the same, in the name of her akua.  I learned more about the ways of her akua, and also pledged to dedicate my bully instruction to him.  
	I also took the time to have Nala create for me more clothing of metal, like what I found underground, only out of a much lighter and joyous metal called “mithral” that Akowe-Ke has assured me would be much friendlier to wear over long travels.  It weight half as much and even was soft enough that I could sleep in it, saving myself the long task of putting it on and off each day.  That made much more time for cooking!  
	I had only enough coins for her to start it, but I hoped to find more coins soon, and Akowe-ke assured me he could transfer some of the magic from one to the other.  I was counting the days!  Though I did not know how many to count.  
	Akowe-ke showed me his two new makamakas.  One was a small fellow made of sharp metal parts he called razor.  He reminded me of a dog, only heavier, like he was well-fed.  His other makamaka was short and had a small hammer.  He seemed to make and fix things for Akowe-ke.  I wondered if he could cook.  He was kind enough to make my shiny amulet of scales even stronger and he gave me a fresh pair of boots that made my meandering bulk move just a bit faster.  I was very grateful and I picked him up and gave him a great big hug.  He was cold to my touch, but still cuddly.  
	One day, I went in to see Nala to see her progress, and she told me that she had disturbing news.  Hapapa, on the coast, was no longer receiving its much-needed shipments of food from Nawiliwili up river, and so food was expensive and scarce!  I immediately ran to my makamakas and informed them of the emergency!  We had to save them!  I gathered as many bakua fruits as I could hold, 40 in all, and jumped up on the nearest boat, waiting patiently for my makamakas to come join me for the kai voyage along the coast.  
	“Come come, my makamakas!  Hungry kamaainas await us!  We must hurry!” I said patiently, holding the bakua fruits in a big pile on my chest, stomping my feet on the deck, causing the ship to rock back and forth violently.  The captain asked me to stop my thumping, so I did.  I knew I needed to be more patient.  But hunger is insistent!  
	Eventually my makamakas joined me, and I was glad to see Akowe-ke was generous enough to bring an entire wagonload of food, enough for a hoolaulea table.  The kamaaina of Hapapa will be most happy with his gifts!
	“You are so generous, Akowe-ke,” I said to him.  
	“Of course I am,” he replied.  “I will charge not a copper over fair market!”  
	I did not know what he meant, but I knew his words must be generous!  
	Thus on board, we departed on a days journey up the river to the kai for a further day’s journey north along the coast.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Thirty-Six – Fisherman!  Fisherman!  Fisherman on the kai!

	I spent the journey above deck, there not being sufficiently large accommodations for my 400 pounds to fit below decks.  It amazes me so many boats are made for the malnourished!  
	While on top, I watched the kai for signs of my makua kane.  I saw nothing for hours, until I saw something!  There he was!  Or could be!  Boats!  Fisherman!  On the kai!  I shouted for the captain to see, running back and forth along the deck.  The captain asked me to stop, as the sailors on board were getting green and kai-sick, and he then promised me to look through his spyglass at the boats.  I jumped up and down with excitement, until he told me I had to stop for him to hold the glass steady.  
	The captain looked out on the water and told me the boats looked like they came from another island.  I was disappointed, but I thought that maybe my makua kane went to that island and just got lost!  I watched it for the rest of our voyage, and determined that it was headed in the same direction.  
	After all of my jumping, I saw Akowe-ke’s new little friend up on deck, walking behind me, his tools in hand.  The captain was very impressed with the repairs he made to the boat, and inquired about purchasing him.  Akowe-ke replied, “he’s not for sale, he’s a part of me!”  
	“How sweet of him to see his new friend as part of the ohana,” I thought.  
	We soon made port, and there was quite a bit of excitement on the docks.  So many ships coming in laden with food.  So many generous people!  And the hungry citizens were so grateful they donated large amounts of coins to the merchants with the food!  They found Akowe-ke particularly helpful!  He said he more than doubled the money he spent on the food before we left.  “See,” I told him, “if you are generous, people will be generous with you in turn!  I learned that from my kuuipo’s akua.”  
	I stood on the dock and started to hand out my bakua fruits to the skinniest of the villagers on the dock.  They must be hungriest!  At first a few came, but then they all surrounded me.  They asked me how much coin, and I told them none, and then they all tried to give me a great big hug as they hugged each other around me.  Some hugged so tight they almost fell off of the dock trying to hug me.  Some were really aggressive with their hugs.  So much good spirit!  
	Soon my bakuas were gone, but the villagers were all happily singing my name.  I only wished I could carry more bakuas in my two small arms!  
	Kai’lei was also generous, sitting up on a box and preaching about his akua, the akua of storms and shipwrecks.  My kuuipo once explained to me that her akua was only worshipped out of fear, but I knew this could not be true because Kai’lei was not a fearful elf!  See how he created water and food from his prayer and gave it out freely!  At first the villagers could not believe they were seeing such generosity from a cleric of that akua, but eventually a few did take it to heart.  They would not be bullies!  As his food appeared, mostly fish, I cooked it up in my magic frying pan for all to share.  
	Later, I went to the docks of the fishermen and asked until I found one who actually knew my makua kane and met my makahine!  He knew her well!  His name was kalalau and he was a fisherman from the same island of the boat on the akua on the way over!  He said he had not seen my makua kane in some time, but that he would look out for him.  He said he did see something strange six months ago, and promised to tell me what he could the next time I saw him.  I was so happy I sang bakua songs for the rest of the day.  
	Thus done on the docks, we began our long inland hike along the river to Nawiliwili.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Thirty-Seven – The Island Land of Plenty Grows Lusher with Every Step

	For the first half day we saw nothing and no one on the road.  I did notice that the land was very fertile and seemed to grow lusher and greener with every step.  I found so many ripe, juicy, yummy bakua fruits along the way I almost stopped to harvest them all, but we had to press onward!  It was strange that there was no one on the road!  
	That soon changed when we heard something ahead on the path.  Then it ran out in the middle.  A large boar, larger than any natural beast, started to run across the path.  Akowe-ke’s Razor jumped into action, charging forward to rip into the beast with his metal claws.  The boar turned to him in turn and attempted to feast on metal.  
	I saw an arrow sail past my ear as I ran forward, my tiki stick at the ready.  One second later I smashed the boar, knocking it senseless and caving in its skull into a small crater in the path.  The meat was well tenderized!  We feasted for days as we traveled on boar meat, Kai’lei freshening it with her divine favor before each meal!
	Soon we came within sight of the village of Nawiliwili, nestled in a valley ahead.  From what we could see, it was deserted, all of the buildings covered in thick green tangles of plants and vines.  Nothing was harvested!  All that food going to waste!  
	I was ready to charge forward to the center of the village, but Akowe-ke cautioned me and sent Razor ahead, telling me that he could be our advance eyes and ears to see what was there.  I sat down on the path and started to cook us all a large meal while Razor looked and listened.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Thirty-Eight – Razor returns – he found villagers!  We go!

	We went down to the village, searching house by house for villagers.  At first, we found only corpses, stinking and rotten, like food left out too long.  It saddened me to think of what bullies would both kill them and leave them to rot in the lush tropical heat.  
Akowe-ke found in two separate huts loose bricks in the fireplaces where things were stored.  I knew the villagers would want us to do what we could to help them.  Perhaps he found something there they could donate for the food!  One of the houses had a large library with over a dozen books!  Including three cookbooks!  I knew the generous souls in that house would gladly donate the cooking materials for the sake of the starving people on the coast!  If only we could reach them in time! 
We finally found some villagers alive when we opened the doors to an inn, the Hanale River Inn.  What we saw inside was horror!

Kamakawiwo – Chapter Thirty-Nine – Villagers and Bully vines!

The villagers all shouted to us to help them, or to run, even as their bodies surged forward to attack us all.  One even screamed for us to kill him!  The horror!  The horror!  As gently as I could, I hefted my tiki stick to knock them unconscious.  They were not themselves!  
They quickly surrounded me.  I swung my tiki stick around me in a large arc and knocked down three of the villagers to the ground, sending them to soft slumber.  I took a quick step inside the inn and then swung a second time, knocking out two more of them, but not the sixth and final villager, when my tiki stick’s second swing hit the frame of the door.  Then more horror!  As we checked their condition, out of their backs jumped long green bully vines.  And more bully vines came from the back door and around the other buildings, surrounding us, 11 vines in all!  
There was something about the vines that was strange.  As they neared me I could hear strange voices calling out to me, trying to get inside my head.  Fearing they would penetrate me like the penetrated the villagers, I swung my tiki stick in a wide arc around me, knocking down two vines with each swing.  I soon was alone in the inn.  
I looked outside and saw other vines reach up and grab the bully vines, holding some of them in place.  It must be Akowe-ke!  See, bully vines!  Not all vines are bullies!  Some vines want to help us!  Just listen to them!  
I ran around the back and toward my makamakas, my tiki stick helping to clear a path through the bully vines.  We were soon triumphant!
Kai’lei channeled her healing kala into one of the villagers, waking him up from his tiki-induced slumber.  The villager told us the last thing he remembered.  
“I remember everything,” he said.  “I woke up in the middle of the night feeling horrible pain everywhere!  I couldn’t move, but I could hear people shouting and screaming.  It was horrible!  I couldn’t get up, but then the pain slowly faded and I couldn’t feel anything at all.  The next thing I remember was being up and moving around but I was not doing it!  I could talk and see and hear but I could not control my own body!  Then I saw that they took over the children!  The horror!”  
He told us that they had him feed sheep, horses, even people who visited the village to this horrid plant bully mistress who took over the village.  He said eh did not know where Olokele was, but that he had not seen him since before it happened.  
The villagers asked us to please save their children, but I told them we would kill the central bully, and then the other bullies would learn their lesson.  I did not tell them that I did not have the heart to bash in small children with my tiki stick, plant bullies or no plant bullies.  
We headed toward the large stone building at the end of town that the villagers told us led to the source.  

Kamakawiwo – Chapter Forty – Empty House, Full Garden  

	As we neared the large brick home, Akowe-ke touched me with his magic.  I saw acid begin to drip from my tiki stick and the world became smaller as I became larger again.  He also touched my head and said it would protect my mind from the bully vines.  I hoped I would not need it.  
	Razor led the way into the house, but I was close behind, opening doors for him so we did not wait for him to figure out how door knobs function over and over.  But he was so cute when he tried to open doors.  
	We quickly determined that the house was empty, though there was another decaying body in the library.  There was also a book of some importance, but Akowe-ke said he would read it later.  He said it was magical research and it was in a laboratory.  I wondered, looking at the strange glass containers full of even stranger smelling substances if any of them would make good seasonings.  
	It was what was out back that caught our attention.  A garden, with walls of plants so large and thick they made rooms, and with a maze of passageways between them.  I knew I would get lost.  I left it to Razor to find us the way.  
	The way was winding and twisting.  We ran into several more villagers and vines, and quickly dealt with them all, until finally we reached Olokele.  He was wearing chainmail and carrying a large blade and he yelled at Razor to run away, even as he chased Razor toward us.  We stood at the ready, waiting for his approach.  
	As soon as Olokele broke into our small clearing, I swung my enlarged tiki stick from my enlarged arm and smashed him as he approached me.  He was slowed, but not stopped, but just before his blade hit my flesh, I swung my tiki stick again in a reverse arc and sent his helm flying from his head, knocking him unconscious.  We dispatched his vine shortly thereafter, then revived him.  
	We sent him off to tend the villagers after he told us about Alaka’I, our bully vine mistress antagonist, who was somewhere in the center of the garden.  We searched for her for some time, until my size went down and my mind was left unguarded.  And then she shambled out as us.  

	Kamakawiwo – Chapter Forty-One – Alaka’I Shambles Into Us

	Alaka’I was as large as I used to be, a wall of thickly tangled plants.  She was quite strong and smart, and she swung her vined bully fists at Akowe-ke and Kai’lei, ignoring me, even after Akowe-ke made me large again.  
	She deftly stepped out of the path of my tiki stick, dodging two full swings, until finally a third connected.  She then walked back into the thick walls of vines that defined our path and vanished for quite some time.  
	We stood at the center of the central clearing and waited for her, hearing the sounds of her moving through the hedgerows around us.  Finally, she stepped out and dealt another serious blow against Akowe-ke.  Both Akowe-ke and Kai’lei were in serious need of help.  Gali, singing his inspirational songs, stepped up and healed them with his wand while they tried to keep themselves alive.  
	I could take no more of this plant bullying, and I put everything I had into my tiki swings, finally connecting with the large wall of a plant mound.  Alaka’I shrieked her last and then collapsed, the bully vines collapsing with her, stunned but not dead.  Akowe-ke soon remedied that situation.  
	We returned through the maze of plants and found several trinkets of magic, several of great value, if limited use.  The villagers were most grateful, and we helped them get started with the harvest so we could return the food flow to market.  I was correct and the villagers with the library were most generous, donating their cookbooks to me, as well as the rest of their books to Akowe-ke.  
	After several days we returned to the city on the coast and sold what we did not keep.  We gained enough coins for me to finally get my armor!  I was so happy!  I sang all the way home.  It was not only finished, but I had enough to get it enchanted even stronger than my old armor, though just barely.  And it was so light I could really sleep in it and play in it and cook in it to my heart’s content!  I could not wait to show it to my kuuipo!  
	Akowe-ke read the book from the lab and informed us all that Alaka’I was a wizard of some power who decided that since her strength lay in gardening,, her method to immortality lay in the plant realm, rather than being a “lich” or anything else icky and dead.  Well, she learned her lesson.  No bully ever lives forever!


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