# Faux pas - putting your worst foot forward



## The Shaman (Aug 8, 2005)

_Faux pas_: An embarrassing blunder, especially a social blunder.

Yes, I really put my foot in it this morning: I walked in on my sister-in-law while she was taking a shower.

If my sister-in-law visits on the weekend, she showers and gets dressed in the master bedroom - we close the bedroom door while she's in there so she can have privacy. I heard the shower and saw that the bedroom door was open, so I thought it was my wife getting ready.

It wasn't. My wife forgot to close the door.  

Care to share one of your own missteps while I wait for the blushing to stop?


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## DarkSoldier (Aug 8, 2005)

Due to my crippling fear of rejection, I rarely enter any situation where I could commit a _faux pas_; nearly everytime I have, I did.


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## JamesDJarvis (Aug 8, 2005)

Sleeping over a girlfriends grandparents house I once got up in the middle of the night, couldn't find the bathroom light and being fearful of waking anyone I felt about in the dark, located the toilet and unknowingly urinated on the toilet lid.


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## The Grumpy Celt (Aug 8, 2005)

I once asked a fat lady when the baby was due.

I try to avoid a situation where I can make a food of myself.


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## Ankh-Morpork Guard (Aug 8, 2005)

The Grumpy Celt said:
			
		

> I try to avoid a situation where I can make a food of myself.




Not all that well though, eh?    

Sorry, it was too tempting.


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## Rel (Aug 8, 2005)

I'd say that I make an ass of myself on a fairly regular basis.  It's becoming less frequent as I grow older but I also feel that the sorts of people who take the most offense at my occasional off-color remarks are not people that I want to be friends with anyway.

But my real question for The Shaman is did you get a good look and did you like what you saw?

(For the record, this is a pretty good example of the sorts of off-color remarks that I tend to make.)


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## Scotley (Aug 8, 2005)

The Grumpy Celt said:
			
		

> I once asked a fat lady when the baby was due.
> 
> I try to avoid a situation where I can make a food of myself.





Are you suggesting that fat people might be cannibles? That could be a faux pas...


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## Rel (Aug 8, 2005)

The Grumpy Celt said:
			
		

> I once asked a fat lady when the baby was due.




My personal rule on this is that I never EVER speculate on whether a woman might be pregnant unless I see an actual baby coming out of her _at that very moment!_

I will also say however that you're generally safe from bodily harm (or consumption) as it isn't hard to outrun a woman fat enough to look pregnant.  Just start leading off while you're making the comment to be on the safe side.


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## Thunderfoot (Aug 8, 2005)

Since I actually left the military I have gotten better -

1) I was a non-Morse collector (Intelligence) who had to take a stupid Morse code proficiency test in order to get my job access back - during the testing the Sergeant First Class in charge noticed the hard time I was having and said "Come on kid this easy, don't you know how to copy code?"  I replied, "Sure, you hit play and record and give it to some hog(sort for 98H or Mosre code collector) who no other purpose in life."  The SFC looked me dead in the eye and said, "I'm a hog."  
Yoinks!
2) At an assembly to explian the new gov't travel card system that was being funded by American Express it was stated that we would be ultimately financially responsible for the bill ever 30 days.  I made the comment to the presenting officer, "Sir, you mean to tell me that if we don't pay the bill every 30 days, we are responsible?" "Yes, Specialist" "Ok, sir, so if finance doesn't pay me I still have to fork over my paycheck?" "Well, yes, but DFAS will have that money in your account right on time."  "Excusing me for saying sir, but I really don't have a lot of confidence in this system, I mean it's not like finance has never screwed up before!" (That last was said with extreme sarcasim"  *From behind me I hear * *Ermm koff*  
I turn around and the full bird Colonel behind me is wearing the officer isignia of a finance officer..  
I'm really glad I got out of the military - bullets I can handle, my mouth however...


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## Belen (Aug 8, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> But my real question for The Shaman is did you get a good look and did you like what you saw?




Yep.  This was my first thought too.


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## The Grumpy Celt (Aug 8, 2005)

The word is cannibal and yes that is what I’m suggesting. As for the fat lady, in my defense she was mostly fat in the front and the belly – in a man it would have been a beer belly.


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## The Shaman (Aug 8, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> But my real question for The Shaman is did you get a good look and did you like what you saw?







Spoiler



We have clear shower doors and my sister-in-law is a major hawttie....


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## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Aug 8, 2005)

Great thread!  

Keeping me entertained on this endlessly long Monday.

I don't think I've ever had any *major* _faux pas_.  I once had a 19 year old girl ask me to explain what exactly a "hand job" was, which was really her faux pas and just uncomfortable for me... and when I was 16 I accidentally farted while attempting to flirt with a guy that I very desperately wanted to be my boyfriend.  And he had to point it out (Hey Liz, did you just fart?)  I turn red just thinking about that!

Well - maybe this one is sort of major, but it's the mystery that makes it major.  Once upon a time, when The Universe and I had just started dating, he and I were making out in the hot tub at his parents house... well... things progressed and all of a sudden his Dad is standing near the hot tub and says, "What's going on out here?!"

He then laughs and walks away... to this day, I tell myself he didn't actually see anything thanks to the hot tub bubbles... but I don't really know... *turns red*


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## The_Universe (Aug 8, 2005)

Coming back from lunch late one day at a previous job, I loudly commented to my laughing co workers that it would be just like my paranoid, Big-Brother-like boss to be sitting in one of our cubicles, tapping his feet impatiently, waiting for us. 

He was in mine, and he heard me.


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## Rel (Aug 8, 2005)

I won't go into all the gory details, but I'll just say that if you are at a party and (loudly) end a reference to a television show with the sentence, "Them lesbians is EVERYWHERE these days!", the probability approaches certainty that there is an actual, real-live lesbian right there in the room with you (which I think rather proves the point).  The good news is that, while the hostess of the party was mortified, the lesbian was pretty cool about it.  I even helped her carry her pumpkin to the car.

Despite any wild fantasies I might have, that last sentence is not a euphimism for anything dirty.  Unfortunately.


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## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Aug 8, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I even helped her carry her pumpkin to the car.
> 
> Despite any wild fantasies I might have, that last sentence is not a euphimism for anything dirty.  Unfortunately.




*swipe*  From this day forward, "carrying a pumpkin to the car" shall be my favorite euphimism for sex!


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## Belen (Aug 8, 2005)

The Shaman said:
			
		

> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> We have clear shower doors and my sister-in-law is a major hawttie....




No worries then.  Just compliment her and continue on with the day.  

Actually, my boss once walked in on me while I was using the bathroom.  None of us knew that the lock was no longer working.

In an office of 4 people, the silence was deafening for the rest of that day.

And yes, I was the only male working there at the time.


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## The_Universe (Aug 8, 2005)

Another: 

Relatively early in my courtship of my wife (Queen Dopplepopolis to you), we were making out on her bed.  As things progressed around the bases (stand up double!) and the necking continued, my nose started bleeding (it does that alot). I didn't notice at first, so it got everywhere. EVERYWHERE. 

I ruined one of her favorite shirts!   Fortunately, she decided to keep seeing me.  

Now, I just tell her if she'd just gotten rid of the shirt sooner it wouldn't have been a problem.


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## Belen (Aug 8, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Despite any wild fantasies I might have, that last sentence is not a euphimism for anything dirty.  Unfortunately.




I am shocked, shocked!, that you, of all people, have wild fantasies.  

I would think that there was nothing left for you to do.


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## Belen (Aug 8, 2005)

The_Universe said:
			
		

> Another:
> 
> Relatively early in my courtship of my wife (Queen Dopplepopolis to you), we were making out on her bed.  As things progressed around the bases (stand up double!) and the necking continued, my nose started bleeding (it does that alot). I didn't notice at first, so it got everywhere. EVERYWHERE.
> 
> ...




How is it that I keep hearing about sexual escapades between ENWorlders and their significant others?  I think that there is a line (way over that way) that was crossed a long time ago.  I blame Rel.  It is definitely his fault.

Next thing we know, we're going to have Driddle start discussing strip D&D.

Oh..wait...


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## The_Universe (Aug 8, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> How is it that I keep hearing about sexual escapades between ENWorlders and their significant others?  I think that there is a line (way over that way) that was crossed a long time ago.  I blame Rel.  It is definitely his fault.
> 
> Next thing we know, we're going to have Driddle start discussing strip D&D.
> 
> Oh..wait...



 I don't think it counts as a "sexual escapade" until or unless it rounds "third base."

I do have *some* standards for what I'll share.


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## Rel (Aug 8, 2005)

The_Universe said:
			
		

> I do have *some* standards for what I'll share.




Could you bring an extra "standard" or two with you to GenCon for me?  It appears that I'm in need of some.

Now the ultimate faux pas will be tonight when The Shaman cries out the sister in law's name while he and Mrs. Shaman are carrying a pumpkin to the car.

Sadly, my wife is an only child and thus I am deprived of the simple pleasure that can result from making crude sexual remarks about her sister.  There's always her mother I suppose but it just isn't the same.


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## The_Universe (Aug 8, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Could you bring an extra "standard" or two with you to GenCon for me?  It appears that I'm in need of some.
> 
> Now the ultimate faux pas will be tonight when The Shaman cries out the sister in law's name while he and Mrs. Shaman are carrying a pumpkin to the car.
> 
> Sadly, my wife is an only child and thus I am deprived of the simple pleasure that can result from making crude sexual remarks about her sister.  There's always her mother I suppose but it just isn't the same.



 I'll see what I can do about those standards - if there's room in the suitcase, I'll bring them with, but I want to make sure I have room to bring back a lot of gaming goodnes...


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## The Grumpy Celt (Aug 8, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> And yes, I was the only male working there at the time.




Dude, you should have totally filed a sex-harassment charge.


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## devilbat (Aug 9, 2005)

> But my real question for The Shaman is did you get a good look and did you like what you saw?




I'm so glad I wasn't the the only one who thought that.


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## Rodrigo Istalindir (Aug 9, 2005)

In high school, my Spanish teacher was dating one of the chemistry teachers on the sly (it was against the rules).  I happened to know this, and honestly didn't care one way or the other.  But one day she was giving me a hard time in class, then snapped at one of the other students.  I whispered, or rather, I *thought* I whispered, 'Oh, she's just mad because <chem teacher> wouldn't <carry her pumpkin to the car>  this weekend."  

Dead silence in the classroom, and I look up to see her looking at me.  There's a standoff  for a few seconds (I think I heard Morricone music in the background) as she realizes she can't really send me to the office without telling them what I said.  We both took a metaphorical step back from the edge and pretended it didn't happen.


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## Psionicist (Aug 9, 2005)

I won't elaborate what the Rocco-style is, but make sure the door is locked so the girls grandmother can't walk in when you are practicing it.


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## Belen (Aug 9, 2005)

The_Universe said:
			
		

> I don't think it counts as a "sexual escapade" until or unless it rounds "third base."
> 
> I do have *some* standards for what I'll share.




No...it is the image of Space Ghost making out with a Unicorn that keeps me from going to sleep at night.

It's kind of like that nightmare I had last evening where I was being chased by a garden hose in a high school....  ok, maybe I should not have shared that one.....


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## Belen (Aug 9, 2005)

The Grumpy Celt said:
			
		

> Dude, you should have totally filed a sex-harassment charge.




You have no idea how many cases I could have filed against those women.  I was the only male in the office for 5 years.  We just now hired another guy.


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## The_Universe (Aug 9, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> No...it is the image of Space Ghost making out with a Unicorn that keeps me from going to sleep at night.
> 
> It's kind of like that nightmare I had last evening where I was being chased by a garden hose in a high school....  ok, maybe I should not have shared that one.....



 "That show had everything, Jerry! Magic...action...kung fu sex..."

--Space Ghost, _Space Ghost Coast to Coast_


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## Rel (Aug 9, 2005)

devilbat said:
			
		

> I'm so glad I wasn't the the only one who thought that.




Dirty minds think alike.


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## Wystan (Aug 9, 2005)

*Does the wife read these forums?*


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## The_Universe (Aug 9, 2005)

Wystan said:
			
		

> *Does the wife read these forums?*



 Yeah. She totally does. She even posted on this thread.


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## Rel (Aug 9, 2005)

Wystan said:
			
		

> *Does the wife read these forums?*




Bah!  What's the worst that could happen?  She reads this and informs The Shaman that she and her sister have always wanted to have a "pumpkin party" with him and a good time is had by all!  Right?!  Right?...


I've been watching too much porn again, haven't I?


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## The_Universe (Aug 9, 2005)

But I have remembered another good one!

When I was a freshman in college I moved in the dorms two doors down from one of my best friends from High School. I was sitting in his room, chatting with him and some other people on the floor when his phone rings. We've all been joking around, and (since this is before the age of widespread caller ID) someone quips, "It's probably his mother!" as I pick up the phone to answer, "Dave's house of porn and pain, how may I direct your call?"

His mother, after a stunned silence, answers "...is David there?"

I blushed and handed him the phone, muttering profuse apologies. 

A year passes, and we find ourselves in a similar situation, and my phone rings. Dave's lips quirk into a tiny smile as he scoops up the phone (still no caller ID). "Kennon's house of porn and pain, how may I direct your call?" he says. 

My mother, stunned for a second, asks, "...is Kennon there?"


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## Belen (Aug 9, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Bah!  What's the worst that could happen?  She reads this and informs The Shaman that she and her sister have always wanted to have a "pumpkin party" with him and a good time is had by all!  Right?!  Right?...




See...I had the same thought, but was too yellow to say it.


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## Rel (Aug 9, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> See...I had the same thought, but was too yellow to say it.




Well apparently you have this mythical thing called "restraint" or "decorum" in far greater quantities than I.


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## Belen (Aug 9, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Well apparently you have this mythical thing called "restraint" or "decorum" in far greater quantities than I.




Learned reaction in response to negative stimuli.


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## Samnell (Aug 9, 2005)

This is a linguistic faux pas, but I knew enough of the language to know better.

Summer of 1998. My mother, a friend of her's, and I are staying in the beautiful Swiss tourist trap of Lucerne. Everyone there speaks excellent English, which is good because my German is just good enough to earn me a long prison sentence. We're sitting down in this little place called the Cafe California and we want to know what comes on the hamburgers. We've heard horror stories about hamburgers with sauerkraut.

The host lists a set of ingredients and then pauses. He shrugs and says "Gorke." I've heard the word before and I'm trying desperately to remember what it means. I wasn't smart enough to just say "No gorke for us, thank you."

After about thirty seconds I realize what it and blurt out "Oh, pickles!" The water/owner recoils like I just dropped my pants and relieved myself right there on his table. I do not have the presence of mind to try to explain. I merely insist that that's relaly what gorke is.

I think he must have decided I wasn't trying to be an ass, but he looked at me funny all through the meal. In German, pickel is a term for a zit. I was implying that his hamburgers had acne. Whoops.


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## The Shaman (Aug 9, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Bah!  What's the worst that could happen?  She reads this and informs The Shaman that she and her sister have always wanted to have a "pumpkin party" with him and a good time is had by all!  Right?!  Right?...
> 
> I've been watching too much porn again, haven't I?



"Dear Penthouse Forum, you'll never believe what happened to me last weekend! My sister-in-law was taking a shower and..."


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## Belen (Aug 9, 2005)

The Shaman said:
			
		

> "Dear Penthouse Forum, you'll never believe what happened to me last weekend! My sister-in-law was taking a shower and..."




Score, dude, but you should write to maxim instead.


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## Joshua Randall (Aug 9, 2005)

The Shaman said:
			
		

> Yes, I really put my foot in it this morning: I walked in on my sister-in-law while she was taking a shower.



Dude, that's how many pornos start.


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## sniffles (Aug 9, 2005)

I can't think of any good stories to tell. I'm too busy imagining Mr. and Mrs. Universe wrestling over the keyboard to see who can tell the most embarrassing story first, and the next thing you know wrestling has progressed to pumpkin-carrying...  

Damn you, Rel!!!


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## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Aug 9, 2005)

sniffles said:
			
		

> I can't think of any good stories to tell. I'm too busy imagining Mr. and Mrs. Universe wrestling over the keyboard to see who can tell the most embarrassing story first, and the next thing you know wrestling has progressed to pumpkin-carrying...
> 
> Damn you, Rel!!!



 *laughing*

If it eases your mind - we've got two computers... no wrestling going on here!


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## diaglo (Aug 9, 2005)

sniffles said:
			
		

> ..and the next thing you know wrestling has progressed to pumpkin-carrying...
> 
> Damn you, Rel!!!




i'm never gonna be able to watch Linus in the Pumpkin Patch waiting for the Great Pumpkin EVAR again. and keep a straight face...


Rel must be Bargle in this world.


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## Rel (Aug 9, 2005)

sniffles said:
			
		

> Damn you, Rel!!!




You'd probably be surprised at how many times I hear that sentence each week.

Actually you might not be surprised so never mind.


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## billd91 (Aug 9, 2005)

I tend to get a little crude, mostly joking about things, to see what kinds of reactions I get. I was at a party one evening with my wife and daughter (who was still young enough to be breast-feeding). And for some reason or other, I was talking about my wife's pregnancy and her body returning to its normal dimensions... with one exeption. That's when I said, just as the music was shifting between songs, "Yeah, and she's got these enormous hooters."

Of course my wife heard that. I have yet to hear the last of it about 6 years on.


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## Belen (Aug 9, 2005)

billd91 said:
			
		

> I tend to get a little crude, mostly joking about things, to see what kinds of reactions I get. I was at a party one evening with my wife and daughter (who was still young enough to be breast-feeding). And for some reason or other, I was talking about my wife's pregnancy and her body returning to its normal dimensions... with one exeption. That's when I said, just as the music was shifting between songs, "Yeah, and she's got these enormous hooters."
> 
> Of course my wife heard that. I have yet to hear the last of it about 6 years on.




Ow...that one will be with you all the rest of your life.


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## The_Universe (Aug 9, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> *laughing*
> 
> If it eases your mind - we've got two computers... no wrestling going on here!



At the very least, none due to that precise cause.


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## billd91 (Aug 9, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> Ow...that one will be with you all the rest of your life.




Well, she does admit to my comment being generally truthful and she has the back pain to back that up. Besides, she has a tendency to stick her foot in her mouth from time to time as well.


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## Thunderfoot (Aug 9, 2005)

The_Universe said:
			
		

> But I have remembered another good one!
> 
> When I was a freshman in college I moved in the dorms two doors down from one of my best friends from High School. I was sitting in his room, chatting with him and some other people on the floor when his phone rings. We've all been joking around, and (since this is before the age of widespread caller ID) someone quips, "It's probably his mother!" as I pick up the phone to answer, "Dave's house of porn and pain, how may I direct your call?"
> 
> ...



Ah Karma...


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## Thunderfoot (Aug 9, 2005)

Samnell said:
			
		

> This is a linguistic faux pas, but I knew enough of the language to know better.
> 
> Summer of 1998. My mother, a friend of her's, and I are staying in the beautiful Swiss tourist trap of Lucerne. Everyone there speaks excellent English, which is good because my German is just good enough to earn me a long prison sentence. We're sitting down in this little place called the Cafe California and we want to know what comes on the hamburgers. We've heard horror stories about hamburgers with sauerkraut.
> 
> ...



It's okay, for the three years I was stationed in Augsburg courtesy of Unca Sam, I earned the nickname "Butcher".  It wasn't because I was handy with a meat cleaver.


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## Thunderfoot (Aug 9, 2005)

diaglo said:
			
		

> i'm never gonna be able to watch Linus in the Pumpkin Patch waiting for the Great Pumpkin EVAR again. and keep a straight face...
> 
> 
> Rel must be Bargle in this world.



Pumpkin Pie used to be my favorite dessert - I'll never be able to eat it again without laughing - you'll probably hear about it on the news, man dies choking on pumpkin pie.


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## Thunderfoot (Aug 9, 2005)

billd91 said:
			
		

> I tend to get a little crude, mostly joking about things, to see what kinds of reactions I get. I was at a party one evening with my wife and daughter (who was still young enough to be breast-feeding). And for some reason or other, I was talking about my wife's pregnancy and her body returning to its normal dimensions... with one exeption. That's when I said, just as the music was shifting between songs, "Yeah, and she's got these enormous hooters."
> 
> Of course my wife heard that. I have yet to hear the last of it about 6 years on.




The best part about kids is the boobie fairy!


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## Impeesa (Aug 9, 2005)

Thunderfoot said:
			
		

> The best part about kids is the boobie fairy!




Eh, more than a handfull's a waste. 

--Impeesa--


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## reveal (Aug 9, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I've been watching too much porn again, haven't I?




There's no such thing.


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## Darkness (Aug 9, 2005)

I'm not very good at accidentally embarrassing myself, but I think I'm slowly getting better at doing it on purpose.


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## Darth K'Trava (Aug 10, 2005)

diaglo said:
			
		

> i'm never gonna be able to watch Linus in the Pumpkin Patch waiting for the Great Pumpkin EVAR again. and keep a straight face...
> 
> 
> Rel must be Bargle in this world.




Don't feel bad. After a friend mangled the whole thing, I can never watch the smurfs again without thinking of the bit of Papa Smurf banging Smurfette and her begetting all those smurfs....


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## Darth K'Trava (Aug 10, 2005)

Thunderfoot said:
			
		

> Pumpkin Pie used to be my favorite dessert - I'll never be able to eat it again without laughing - you'll probably hear about it on the news, man dies choking on pumpkin pie.





Or: have you seen American Pie?


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## Rel (Aug 10, 2005)

Impeesa said:
			
		

> Eh, more than a handfull's a waste.
> 
> --Impeesa--




Among the vast array of wisdom that I have garnered from the proud Native Americans is that one should waste no part of the boobie.


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## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Aug 10, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Among the vast array of wisdom that I have garnered from the proud Native Americans is that one should waste no part of the boobie.



 Thanks, Rel.  You just made Crispix come out of my nose.


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## Rel (Aug 10, 2005)

Queen_Dopplepopolis said:
			
		

> Thanks, Rel.  You just made Crispix come out of my nose.




Least it wasn't bacon.


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## sniffles (Aug 10, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> Don't feel bad. After a friend mangled the whole thing, I can never watch the smurfs again without thinking of the bit of Papa Smurf banging Smurfette and her begetting all those smurfs....




Do you know my friends? I hate the Smurfs anyway, but now I can't look at them either for the same reason.


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## Darth K'Trava (Aug 11, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> Among the vast array of wisdom that I have garnered from the proud Native Americans is that one should waste no part of the boobie.




Or from the black man...


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## Darth K'Trava (Aug 11, 2005)

sniffles said:
			
		

> Do you know my friends? I hate the Smurfs anyway, but now I can't look at them either for the same reason.




I still like watching them, even though I haven't been able to since Cartoon Network only shows modern crap. But I do have a friend who totally loathes them. He cried out, "Arrrgh! Smuurrffs...!!" one time when HE told me to turn on Cartoon Network one time.....


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## Hypersmurf (Aug 11, 2005)

Darth K'Trava said:
			
		

> I still like watching them, even though I haven't been able to since Cartoon Network only shows modern crap. But I do have a friend who totally loathes them. He cried out, "Arrrgh! Smuurrffs...!!" one time when HE told me to turn on Cartoon Network one time.....




Hmmph.

-Hyp.


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## Algolei (Aug 11, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> Yep.  This was my first thought too.



Really?  Mine was, "Is Shaman the same poster as ThunderLeg over on the PlayBoy forums?"  




...there are no PlayBoy forums, I made them up just now....


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## Darth K'Trava (Aug 11, 2005)

Hypersmurf said:
			
		

> Hmmph.
> 
> -Hyp.




Face it, Hyp. He's no Smurfs fan like we are!


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## I'm A Banana (Aug 11, 2005)

Not liking the smurfs is a smurfing crime! That's like not liking giant fighting robots, or not liking the Muppets! It's Un-American!

As for social mistakes....I make them so often that I have gone well beyond the need to remember them. Hang around me for a day, you'll see seven. My sense of decency is about thirty seconds behind my mouth and my sense of mischief...

-- Kamikaze "Has shouted out the name of private parts in Church" Midget


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## Voadam (Aug 11, 2005)

So back in law school I come in at the middle of a conversation where one of my friends is telling this story about how this woman gave up doing lab research on animals and switched careers after having a dream where St. Francis of Assissi told her to stop and she took it as an actual visitation and message from the saint. I laughed thinking it was a funny story. I don't remember if I made a comment about my thoughts on such a belief but I think I said something about my amusement at the story. Dead silence and my friend looks at me hurt and angry. I didn't realize it was his wife who he had been talking about and that it was not intended as a story with any amusement aspects to it.


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## Belen (Aug 11, 2005)

Voadam said:
			
		

> So back in law school I come in at the middle of a conversation where one of my friends is telling this story about how this woman gave up doing lab research on animals and switched careers after having a dream where St. Francis of Assissi told her to stop and she took it as an actual visitation and message from the saint. I laughed thinking it was a funny story. I don't remember if I made a comment about my thoughts on such a belief but I think I said something about my amusement at the story. Dead silence and my friend looks at me hurt and angry. I didn't realize it was his wife who he had been talking about and that it was not intended as a story with any amusement aspects to it.




Ouch.....double ouch...


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## Belen (Aug 11, 2005)

In high school, this chick told me that a friend of mine was sleeping with his brother's fiance. (I did not know that he has just broken up with her.)  Like an idiot, I asked him about it in public with said fiance in the same American History class as us.

Silence.

The next day, I receive a call from her 8 foot tall troll-like fiance.

It was not pretty, not pretty at all.

Never listen to bitter chicks.


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## Joshua Randall (Aug 11, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> The next day, I receive a call from her 8 foot tall troll-like fiance.



Hmm, is that some kind of template? 'Cuz I've never fought one of those before.


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## sniffles (Aug 11, 2005)

Kamikaze Midget said:
			
		

> Not liking the smurfs is a smurfing crime! That's like not liking giant fighting robots, or not liking the Muppets! It's Un-American!




I guess I'm unAmerican then.  
But I love the Muppets.

I commit social faux pas all the time now. I had part of my lower intestine removed and then went through chemo, and now I burp all the time. Really loudly. No control whatsoever. 

"Hey, did you see CSI last night? I liked the part where 'braaaaaaaappp!' - Oh, sorry."


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## I'm A Banana (Aug 11, 2005)

> I guess I'm unAmerican then.
> But I love the Muppets.




There is hope for you yet!

Now, you're going to be visited by some men in suits, wearing sunglasses. Don't resist them. They're going to take you to a nice place, with good people, and you will learn to like the smurfs...yeeeessssss.....

BTW, I seem to remember the creator of the smurfs was some northern-european artist..


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## Voadam (Aug 11, 2005)

BelenUmeria said:
			
		

> Ouch.....double ouch...




Yeah, I felt really bad and apologized immediately when somebody (I can't remember if it was my wife or him) explained the situation to me. Going from having a good time with friends to realizing I had ignorantly kicked my friend in the gut emotionally and laughed in his face while insulting his wife was not my finest moment. Saying "What? Oh crap I'm sorry!" was pretty much all I could think of at the time.


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## Rel (Aug 11, 2005)

Voadam said:
			
		

> Yeah, I felt really bad and apologized immediately when somebody (I can't remember if it was my wife or him) explained the situation to me. Going from having a good time with friends to realizing I had ignorantly kicked my friend in the gut emotionally and laughed in his face while insulting his wife was not my finest moment. Saying "What? Oh crap I'm sorry!" was pretty much all I could think of at the time.




No, no.  See what you should have done is "rolled with it".  When he gives you that cold, hard stare, you just say...

"Hehe, well, you gotta admit man, that's pretty bizarre."

*more cold, hard stare*

"Chicks like that are k-razy man!" *laugh*

*more cold, hard stare*

"But those crazy chicks are hot in the sack dude!" *punch friend lightly in the shoulder* "You lucky dog!"

*coldest, hardest stare in history*

"Anyway...I gotta run.  So you guys have a great afternoon." *give wink & gun to friend* "And you and that crazy wife of yours have fun TONIGHT!"


Then run.  It's really quite simple.

Anybody who says you can't run from your problems just isn't running fast enough.


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## Warrior Poet (Aug 11, 2005)

Reminds me of an old joke:

A guest at a manor home in England was enjoying a nice dinner with the host and other gentry from neighboring areas.  After dinner, all repaired to the smoking room for cigars and libations.  Feeling a bit "confident" after the dinner wine and his second brandy, the guest decided to impress his host with his knowledge and recognition of British history.  He approached what he thought was a marble bust of Queen Victoria and remarked that "She was a stately and remarkable woman, if not particularly attractive."

To which the host replied, "That's my mother."

An uncomfortable silence followed.  Then the guest said, "Do you have a revolver in the house?"

Warrior Poet


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## billd91 (Aug 11, 2005)

Warrior Poet said:
			
		

> He approached what he thought was a marble bust of Queen Victoria and remarked that "She was a stately and remarkable woman, if not particularly attractive."
> 
> To which the host replied, "That's my mother."
> 
> ...




It's too bad more people aren't as witty as Oscar Wilde and Bernard Shaw as portrayed by the Monty Python gang.

"His Majesty is rather like a stream of bat piss."
"What!?!"
"One of Shaw's, sire."
"You bastards. Uh, Ahem... What I meant was His Majesty shines out like a shaft of gold when all around is in darkness."


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## reveal (Aug 12, 2005)

I was alwaya partial to Kids in the Hall.

Scene is inside of a bar at a golf club (the 19th hole).

Kevin McDonald walks in with a golf bag and puts it down. Dave Foley is sitting at a table drinking.

Dave: Nice day out today.

Kevin: Sure is.

Dave: How'd you shoot?

Kevin: 1 over. You?

Dave: Me? Oh no, I hate golf. Hate the people who play it even more.

Kevin: Then why did you just ask me how my game was?

Dave: Cuz I'm no good at small talk, ya prick.


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## Alenda (Aug 12, 2005)

I've got many embarassing moments (as Belen will gladly attest), but a funny one was a couple weeks ago. Belen and I were out at a restaurant eating dinner and discussing what we planned to do that evening when we got home: read, watch TV, etc... 

Well, I suddenly remembered something we needed to do. I had been absent from the last D&D session, and Belen (the DM) had told me that my character was kidnapped. We needed to do a short session to discuss how I planned to escape from my captors and rejoin the rest of the party.

So, remembering this, I blurt out loudly "I know! We can roleplay tonight!" The minute it was out of my mouth I realized how it must have sounded--especially to the couple in the next booth who started giving us odd looks. 

Needless to say I turned bright red while Belen snorted up half the soda he'd been drinking.


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## Timothy (Aug 12, 2005)

I probably had loads, but this happened to me last saturday.

I work with a lot of students and just a 3 guys who aren't (our bosses). Saturday is always a good day, because there's just a few of us and the work is slow. Our boss was reaaly in a good mood. Because work was slow (I work at a callcenter) we started talking a lot, also a bit about that boss, nothing bad, though. At that point, he comes out of his cubicle and jokingly says: You know, I just installed microfones at all your desks so I can hear whatever you say. Then he turns back to his desk. I pretend to be talking in "the microphone" and say: Let's see if the a--hole can hear this. Turns out he could...

Everybody went dead silent, he walks back and looks me straight in the eyes.
"Pack your things and leave, now" he says.

I just sit there, mortified.

after the longest thirty seconds In my life he starts laughing out loud.

Phew.....


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## DarkSoldier (Aug 12, 2005)

Timothy said:
			
		

> Everybody went dead silent, he walks back and looks me straight in the eyes.
> "Pack your things and leave, now" he says.



If that had happened to me, I wouldn't have hung around long enough to see him laugh. I would've been gone, assumed my career was over, and started looking for a new employer.


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## Warrior Poet (Aug 12, 2005)

billd91 said:
			
		

> It's too bad more people aren't as witty as Oscar Wilde and Bernard Shaw as portrayed by the Monty Python gang.



Or even as witty as Wilde and Shaw were in real life.

Warrior Poet


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