# DarkMatter D20: Drunk Southern Girls with Guns ... UPDATED - 8/18/05!



## jonrog1

Finally dug up the activation code and rejoined the forums.  As we're once again taking a one-night foray into Dark*Matter Monday night, I was inspired to start updating again.

I'll begin by reposting the original chapters, one ever couple days, to sort  of ease in and give me some time to work up the new stuff.  The Dark*Matter D20 system is now a cobbled together Alternity conversion with a fine overlay of the d20 Modern preview in the last Polyhedron, with some cooler stuff lifted from the Pulp adaptation the issue before.

Now, cast your memories back, baaaack ...


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## jonrog1

Like I don't have enough work ... recently for a break I ran my D&D group through the Alternity Dark*Matter intro adventure. They loved it -- and well they should, it's possibly one of the best written expansions ever. 

I hacked together a rough d20 conversion and now have done the second adventure in the book and two originals. The tone of play in these adventures has been great -- in particular due to one specific character generation choice I made early on, which we'll deal with in the storyline. 

I figure a change of pace might be enjoyable. Two warnings: there are spoilers in here for those who wish to use the adventures in the Dark*Matter sourcebook. And second: things get very weird -- and VERY horror oriented. Nothing you wouldn't see on a particularly intense episode of X-Files, but I'm throwing up the flag now. 

I'm just going to launch into the story without any explanation of what Dark*Matter is. They didn't know, and if you don't know hopefully you'll enjoy finding out with them. DM comments will be in parentheses and italics. 

Hope you enjoy. 

JonRog1


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## jonrog1

EXIT 23 -- Pt. 1 
Andy slogged through the knee deep snow, grateful he'd found the rest-stop off ramp before his car had quit completely. He hadn't seen another off ramp on this stretch of Oregon highway for half an hour. 

Exit 23 had a small rest area with a parking lot and a combination food court/gas station. The bright lights of the gas station glittered in the thick snow, set against a velvet black sky. Andy had to walk with his head down to keep from being blinded by the blowing snow. 

He stepped through the double glass doors into a small foyer area, shook the snow from his hair. The storm had thundered in out of nowhere, just before nine at night. By nine-fifteen he was in a white-out. Now, at ten, three foot drifts of snow blocked the highway. 

Once past the two payphones, Andy looked around, got the layout of the place. It was rectangular, and he was entering through the doors on the long south side. The foyer led into a little information area with a counter. Sodden "VISIT BEAUTIFUL KLAMATH FALLS" pamphlets littered the floor. To his right were the doors to the McDonald's, dark and shut tight. To his left a corridor with restroom signs and glowing lights at the end. Dead ahead, two glass doors. One to the gas station, the other to a coffee shop. The flourescent lights were on in the coffee shop, frizzing wildly. He stepped in. 

"Well, Lordy, didn't think anybody else would get through THAT." The heavyset counterwoman, Mabel, set out a coffe cup without asking. "This'll be one for the books." 

"A COMIC BOOK CONVENTION of all things ..." Andy turned saw a couple having a "discussion" at a nearby table. 

Johanna was shaking her head, but smiling tolerantly. Her shoulder-length dark hair was wet from the snow. Her thin frame disappeared in an oversized parka. Her boyfriend, Ross, was over six-feet of half-back Texan who spoke with an oddly academic lilt. He was trying to convince her that a Marvel Team-Up #3 was worth the drive up from LA. 

Andy shrugged off his jacket, revealing a fair number of tattoos on his arms. Mabel looked at those, his short, bleached blonde hair and her face shifted to "damn weirdo" mode. She grumbled as she poured his coffee. Andy did what he always did -- pissed her off by smiling at her. 

A guy about his age on the next stool, Stephen, peered over his wire rims. "A little while ago she asked me 'why I was reading'. Not 'what'. Why." 

Andy chuckled, extended his hand. "Andy. Was driving across country to LA, took the Northern route, was heading down." 

"Stephen. Was visiting my brother in San Francisco, wanted to see Crater Lake." 

"It's a lake. In a crater." 

"Now you tell me." Stephen gestured to the half-dozen other people in the coffee shop. Two truckers, an Indian teenage boy with the gas station logo on his shirt, a cheerleader type girl he was chatting up. "There's a state trooper around here someplace --" 

"Saw the cruiser outside." 

"She said we'll be stuck for a couple hours." 

Andy was about to respond when three things happened: 

1.) The lights went out. Pitch dark. A SMASH came from the doors out front, and a wind, a freezing, FREEZING cold wind ripped through the little coffee shop... 

2.) Everyone's stomach suddenly tightened, pitched. Vertigo, and a whispering in their heads, a grating voice of obscenities and shame and bad dreams ... 

3.) Somebody started shooting.


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## jonrog1

DARK*MATTER NOTES: 

The players walked in blind and were assigned their characters. And they found their characters were ... them. That's their descriptions up there, roughly, although Jo will probably kick me in the head for not telling everyone in ALL CAPS that she's pretty. She is, but she's got Charisma issues ... 

All the reasons the players had for being in Oregon made sense if this adventure were based a few years ago, before they all met and became friends. 

I was hoping for exactly what I got -- a sudden, overwhelming surge of self-preservation. It's great, all these players have at some point had their Elven wizards and holy Paladins kick in doors and charge courageously into battle. 

When it's their necks on the line -- literally -- the reactions are a lot more fun. 

95% of the dialog quoted is from in-game. This group is made up of professional writers and actors, so the role-play is very, very intense and funny. 

Hope you enjoy. Now, back to the beginning of a very bad night...


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## Lazybones

Great!  I never got a chance to read the thread on the old boards, so I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes. 
Lazybones


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## KidCthulhu

I was just thinking about sending out an APB on you, JR.  I really missed my drunk southern girl, and all the rest of the crew.  Thank you for coming back!


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## Breakstone

Hooray!

I was sad when the last thread died...


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## Horacio

Great!

At last you've found your way to the new forum!
I will be re-reading all the story, but I wait rerally eagerly the new chapters...

BTW, could you explain a bit more the whole D20 modern + Alternity system you use now?


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## jonrog1

EXIT 23 -- Pt. 2 

Vertigo, their heads spinning like a night on Jagermeister, the people in the coffee shop tumbled from their chairs and stools. Andy found himself on his knees, gripping his head. Lingering foul whispers faded, just on the edge of comprehension. Someone in the darkness puked. This was no blackout -- 

"What the hell was that!" Andy yelled, spitting out bile. 
Ross pulled it together first, flipping over his table for cover. "Gunshots. Three of them!" He pulled a still stunned Johanna down beside him. 

"No, the other thing ..." Andrew and Stephen stayed crouched. Animal insincts had kicked in. They couldnt see anything, couldn't hear anything ... their primal brains froze them in place, waiting. 
Long seconds passed. The teenage girl was weeping quietly, being comforted by the gas station attendant. Stephen heard the names "Ahmend" and "Annie" pass between them. No sound or movement came from where the truck drivers had been. 

Stephen rose cautiously. "We should check it out." 

"Have fun," whispered Andy. 

"Mabel, do you have a flashlight?" Stephen didn't wait for the answer, he reached over, rummaged around among the clutter. "Somebody could be hurt." 

"And somebody could be waiting out there to shoot whoever steps through the door," Ross answered. But he, too, stood, straining to see what lay outside the glass door. Everyone spoke in hushed voices, trying not to draw the attention of whoever ... whatever waited outside. 

Johanna cunningly judged the stopping power of her thin diner table. In a blink she'd scooched around behind the diner counter. Mabel looked up -- the old waitress was huddled behind her counter, and had popped open a bottle of Vodka from under the counter. "Sorry," she mumbled. 

"Sorry hell, pass it over," Johanna whispered back. Joahnna took a long swig -- and neglected to return the bottle. 

Ross gestured to the other men. "Let's get some weapons,check it out." 

"What have you got back there, Mabel?" Andy asked. 

"A ... a spatula." 

"Greeaaaat." 

Stephen produced a relatively sharp bread knife and a flashlight. "Here we go." 

"Oh yeah," Andy whispered. "We're ready to storm Normandy."

Ross crept forward to the door. "Mabel, the other doors in the rest stop, the gas station, the McDonald's, who's got the keys." 

"Here!" Ahmed piped up. A soft JANGLE as the gas station keys slid across the floor. 

"Danny Wood, that boy's got the McDonald's keys," hissed Mabel. "But he ain't in here. He's ... out there." Mabel reached for the vodka. Johanna was busy working on it, so she relented. 

Ross stayed close to the wall, cracked the door open. No gunshots. He turned to find Stephen next to him. "Let's sneak out there without the light first." 

"Right." Stepehn and Ross, moving in a crouch, stepped out into the foyer. 

Andy rolled his eyes. "Aw hell." A second later he stepped out the door -- 

-- and almost slammed into the two other men. They all froze, staring at the front doors of the rest stop. 

The big steel and glass doors were shattered, twisted like pipe cleaners. One hung from a single hinge, the other lay splayed across the floor, crumpled. The storm still howled, blowing snow in from the dark sky outside. 

"A bomb?" guessed Ross. 

"We would have heard that," answered Stephen. "Those things were TORN apart by something. RIPPED DOWN." 

They considered this a moment. "Oh good," whispered Andy. "At least that probably means nobody's waiting to shoot us." 

The three men edged forward into the darkness. Ross slid the key into the Gas Station door. It was indeed still locked. He opened the door. Stephen, over his shoulder, played the flashlight beam around. Nothing but racks of junk food, magazines and road supplies. He clicked the light off, Ross relocked the door. 

They jerked as Johanna joined them. In her left hand she held a broom. In the other she clutched the vodka bottle. "Couldn't stand the wait." 

Andy had an idea. He took a roll of duct tape from the tourist info counter in the foyer, duct-taped the knife to the broom, making a spear. Satisfied, the four agreed on a plan. Test the McDonald's doors, make sure no one was going to surprise them from that angle. Then head down the narrow corridor to the restrooms and whatever lay beyond. Ross and Andy would be in the lead, Ross with the spear. Stephen would use the flashlight from over their shoulder when necessary, confusing any assailants as to where exactly to shoot if he were going for light sources. Johanna would watch the rear and drink. 

They hooked fingers in each others belt loops so they could operate in the dark. The McDonalds proved secure. They started silently down the corridor to the restrooms. Quietly, no lights, feeling their way, lest they betray themselves to whatever lurked -- 

"HEY! THERE'S ANOTHER FLASHLIGHT BY THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER OUT THERE! IF YOU'RE OUT BY THE RESTROOMS, IT SHOULD BE ON YOUR LEFT!" Mabel bellowed. 

A long pause. "Why, thanks Mabel," Andy hissed. Another moment of waiting, the only sound the air bubbles hitting the bottom of Johanna's vodka bottle as she took another hit. 
Fearing an ambush, Stephen pointed the flashlight beam down the corridor. 

That's when they saw the torso.


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## jonrog1

In answer to your question, the ever -evolving-when-I-have-time Dark*Matter system is a mish-mash of Star Wars combat rules and the modern skill set recently postulated in the d20 modern rules in Polyhedron alng with some cool feats from the Pulp Heroes adaptation in the previous issue.  I was also heavily influenced by Dragonstar, a surprisingly, REALLY nicely done piece of work.

Although I realize that d20 Modern set in Polyhedron was geared specifically for Shadowchasers, I don't much care for it.  Ironically there are TOO many classes, and all they're too narrowly focused.  I want to be a Soldier, so I have to take "Strong Hero" levels?  What if I want to be the Fast Chow Yun Fat gunman?  I want to be a Mage so I have to take Smart Hero levels?  What if I don't want to be a particularly GOOD mage, just a dabbler?

From the looks of it, Monte Cook's CoC adaptation will be the new highwater mark for non-medieval d20.

Some day I'll do all this in Conversions board, but in general, I use the Combat Spec, the Tech Op, the Free Agent and the Diplomat classes from Alternity.  I do use, however the customization style of the d20 modern Shadowchasers -- each class gets access to certain bonus feats rather than more hard and fast level advancements. 

For example, my Sneak Attack is called "Cheap Shot +1d6", and is available only for the Free Agent.  If a Free Agent wants to focus on scamming or breaking into computers rather than sneak attack stuff, he can instead take those feats.  

 The Diplomat and Tech Op are pretty much the Charismatic and Smart heros from d20 Modern with some Star Wars thrown in where I didn't agree.

I believe more in this approach: a LOT of flexibility, but in a few very CLEARLY defined classes.

Psionics is a feat to access.  You gain two powers, and you can burn another feat to gain another power.  Psionics are skill-based powers like Star Wars and the original Dark*Matter

I'm using the Mage prestige class from the Polyhedron issue for arcane powers.

Clerical powers haven't been addressed, but odds are it will become the same as Mage, a prestige class.

Still working on vehicle combat, I'm liking what I see in Series Archer -- although the rest of Series Archer is a little so-so.  Dragonstar handles ranged weapon combat better and cleaner, I think.

For money and resources, the Pulp Heroes (Polyhedron) system is remarkably clean.  The Shadowforce Archer system is nice, too, but meant for people specifically working for some heavily equipped organization.  I may strip it down to a more general version.

I am insanely busy  IRL right now, so I won't be posting a lot, but I may try to get the rudiments of the system up on the Conversions board soon.

Thanks, all for your interest and encouragement.


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## Doc_Souark

*Another Cat !*

Like the twist of the PCs being the players themselves, as for your rules it's cut and paste DMing at it's finest  keep it up. 

    I missed the last thread somehow, is there anyway I can get back there and read it moderator ?

 Where's the Zombie Toddlers ? sounds great !


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## Horacio

Wow! Thanks for the info, it looks like a very complete conversion!
I will try some of these rules...


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## jonrog1

Zombie Toddlers are coming. 

I suppose this calls for an explanation for those who never saw the first thread (and this is a complete reprint, you won't miss anything.)  In our regular D&D game, Johanna mentioned that one of her greatest fears were undead children.

Actually, I remember now what happened.  We were trying to stop an ambush at the presentation of a Duke's infant son.  We in the ensuing carnage the child died.  The DM rightly ruled that toddlers didn't have enough CON to be raised, and how creepy would that be anyway?

So Andy, playing our Gnome Tinkerer, planned for weeks to pleasantly surprise all of us by robotically re-animating the toddler's corpse.  The image of a stiffly shuffling child raising its little arms up to Jo and murmuring "ma-ma... so ... cold ..." creeped her out so much it became a running joke.

When I presented Dark*Matter, then, she knew - I knew, we all knew -- a zombie toddler was coming with her name on it.  She just didn't know WHEN.  As a result, in every adventure, she was incredibly, incredibly paranoid when dealing with children.

Just to let you know, this thread will eventually cover:

-- Exit 23: the introductory mission in the Dark*MAtter sourcebook

-- NEW RECRUITS:  the supplemental adventure in the sourcebook

-- NIGHT OF THE CATTLE MUTILATORS: a home-brew about, well, cattle mutilations near a small Arizona town..

-- GONE MISSING: another home-brew, where the Agents investigate the disappearance of three local teens in Oregon after a UFO sighting, and run into two very familiar faces ...

-- and tonight's new one, DARK CANADA, EH?; the Agents are on vacation in Toronto, which is rudely interrupted by Some Who Tinker with That Which They Don't Understand.


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## jonrog1

EXIT 23 -- PT. 3 
Down the dark corridor, a body lay half-in, half out of one of the restrooms. It was the female state trooper. 
Swearing vigorously, still attached by the belt loops, the rushed to the body. 

"WHOA!" Johanna slipped, almost bringing them all down. "I tripped in ... no wait, this isn't all blood..." 
They noticed the floor was soaked with blood AND water. Then they saw the reason. The tall, blonde state tropper was dead -- but not of gunshot wounds. She'd been stabbed. 

With icicles. 

Two foot long icicles. That were still embedded in her. 

The group stared at the grotesque, pincushioned corpse. The only light they had was the tiny pool from their flashlight. The wind still howled, high, whistling, outside. The trooper's body wedged the Men's room door open. 

"Gun in her hand, " noticed Ross.  "She must have been the one to get three shots off." 

"DIBS!" Johanna lurched forward, seized the Nine mil. She now had a bottle of vodka in one hand and a loaded gun in the other.

_(DM's NOTE: Jo was the only one with pistol proficiency. This little armament distribution was not universally beloved by the rest of the group... nothing like a drunk Southern girl with a firearm.) _ 

Andy pushed open the Men's room door, Stephen and Ross doing their light-spear trick. Jo covered them with the gun, or at least waved it at the inside of the restroom. They were all freaked to find another traveller, a young sketch-artist who'd been in the coffee shop earlier, similarly slain with the icicles. Then -- a MOAN!

They threw open the stall door, found a man in a business suit with one of the icicles embedded in his thigh -- but still alive! 

Stephen tried to stabilize the man. Blood surged everywhere. Despite all Stephen could do with his first aid skills, the man convulsed once, twice ... and died in their arms. 

_("all Stephen could do with his first aid skills" was roll a spectacular series of 1's, unfortunately) _ 

"Let's get back to the others, now!" Ross started to back out, put his hand on the wall. He yanked it away. Every surface of this restroom, the walls, the stalls, all were covered with a thick layer of frost. 

Andrew had other ideas. There was a wastebasket in the restroom, and just to be safe, he flipped it, checking for any clues. The clue turned out to be a large leather briefcase. 
Stephen looked up from the dead man's wallet. "His name's Jonas Riley." 

"Matches the monogram on the briefcase." Andrew jimmied the case open. "Papers, a bunch of memos from something called the Hoffman Institute." Andy's brow furrowed. "Some of these papers have occult notation on them." They all stared at him. "I dabbled." He then pulled a glass sphere out of the case, whistled. "A snow globe ..." He looked closer at it. "Oh $#@%#$%@$$f*cker." 

As the others clambered to see, he held the show globe up to their flashlight. It looked perfectly ordinary. About the size of a softball, snow whirling around in it, with a little building ... that's when they all got it. It wasn't just any building. It was the rest stop. A perfect replica of the Exit 23 Rest Stop was inside the snow globe. 

Something banged down the dark corridor. 

Something was still inside with them.


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## jonrog1

UPDATE:

It had been a while since Dark*Matter, and we had a new guy (Flynn, from the EVIL campaign, actually, a friend of mine from University), so I was worried last night's adventure would take a while to get back into the Dark*Matter swing o'things.

Wrong.  Although it was interesting to see how incredibly paranoid my Hoffman Agents had become compared to civilians.

Highlights and previews:

-- mad bomber in a museum with a ticking clock ("What's a minute on a timer?  About ten rounds, right?  Good luck.")

-- "Sure, Ross is the a$$h%#%e for tackling a homeless guy.  But when it turns out the homeless guy has a bomb strapped to his chest, do I get a 'Thank You'?  No."

-- "BEHOLD!  THE GRAIL!"  (beat) "Hey!  Grail!  It's over here, bud!"

-- "When you peer into the dark upstairs bedroom, you see two young boys.  They're kneeling, facing away from you, heads bowed in prayer.  They're totally silent.  Totally still.  Just ... kneeling there. "

-- Cosby: "How old is the language of those inscriptions?  Okay, imagine some guy named Lovecraft wrote about these Elder Gods, and these Elder Gods actually wrotes a series of novels about their Elder Gods -- OLDER. "

-- "It opens its mouth to scream, and set INSIDE its mouth you see the head of a kitten.  Upside down.  The kitten head meows at you."

-- "You see the incredibly slippery slope Deepak Chopra can send you on?"

-- "And I've got two words for you: Desert.  Eagle."


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## jonrog1

EXIT 23 - PT. 4

The group moved down the hallway toward the sound. Ross held the knife-spear high, Johanna aimed over his crouched shoulder. An unearthly glow lit up the end of the corridor ... 

.. which turned out to be video games. The arcade electrical system was plugged into the trunk line because of the heavy load, so some games still glowed. 

A sudden MOVEMENT lurched toward them. Johanna raised the gun, but Andy stopped her. "It's a kid!" 

A teenage boy tried to sprint past them. Ross easily corraled one shoulder, hauled him back. After a bit of convincing -- Ross banging him against a wall and saying "SNAP OUT OF IT, BOY!" -- they got his name. He was Danny Woods, the McDonald's kid. He was playing a game in the arcade when "it" had happened. 

"The lights went down ... and those voices started ... and then, the THING came through the door." Danny sniffled, paused, and Ross once again called on his crisis counseling training and banged the kid against the wall again. "It was seven, eight feet tall, all white, had a giant wolf's head and glowing red eyes. It looked at me, then went into the men's room. There were some flashes then --" 

"The trooper firing," Stephen surmised. 

"-- and I dived under the pinball machine. Then the wolf-monster came out and DISAPPEARED in this cloud of snow. Just ... whoosh." 

There was a long moment of silence. Ross shoved the boy down the corridor. "Go to the coffee shop, everybody's hunkered down in there." 

Danny scurried away. Ross rubbed his chin. "Okay, we need to get some more weapons, and figure out what the snow globe --" 

"WAS I THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARD 'GIANT WOLF THING'? GIANT SUPERNATURAL FANGED ICICLE THROWING KILLING MACHINE!?" Andy shouted. "WE DON'T NEED WEAPONS, WE NEED TO GET THE F$#* OUT OF HERE!" 

_(DM's Note: Andy actually did have this meltdown, a nice grounding moment for the group. His character evolved as the 'practical' one over the course of the mini-campaign) _ 

"Okay, supernatural snow globe? What makes you think we can get out of here?" 

"Smash it," Johanna called from the corridor. They looked to her, double-taked. She was strapping the dead state trooper's bullet-proof vest on. She stared back. "What? It fits." 

"Why does she get the gun and the vest?" asked Stephen. 

"I don't want to smash it and then have us suddenly find out we're in the snow globe and we all die like some twisted Twilight Zone episode," Andy argued. "let me go through these notes, study what we've got." 

"Stay or go, we need weapons. And you know what that means ..." They'd reached the twisted doors again. Each shivered as they considered what could bend steel like that. Ross pointed out into the snow. "The trooper's patrol car. She'll have a shotgun and ammo in it." 

The group peered out into the blinding snowstorm. They could just make out the image of the patrol car across the empty parking lot. Andy took a tentative step out, sunk to his knees in white powder. "Who's going for the cruiser?" 

Johanna jacked the slide on the nine mil. "I'll go." 

"Only a few of us should be exposed, that way the other can come in as back-up," said Stephen. Andy nodded. Together, Stephen, he and Jo stepped out into the blizzard. Ross stayed behind, ready with the knife-spear. 

Jo, Stephen and Andy CRUNCHED along, their footsteps echoing far into the night. The snow was an insulating blanket, muffling all sight and sound. They all had their heads down. Only Stephen looked up in time to see the glowing red eyes in the whirling snow -- 

"LOOK OUT!" Stephen jumped back. Something ROARED past him, howling, like a freight train with fangs and claws --

-- and those claws SLAMMED into Jo, sending her spinning high into the air like she'd been hit by a car. She arced up into the air and then slammed down onto the parking lot with a sickening CRUNCH. 

Stephen was struggling back to the doorway. Andy turned and saw it just for a second: eight feet of walking wolf, sheer white, red eyes, huge fangs and claws the size of steak knives. 

And then it hit him ...


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## Piratecat

Hurrah! One of my favorite story hours is back. Post more often!


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## Doc_Souark

Yes YES post more often like every frilling DAY ! 

 Ok I'm calm now  good story BTW , do you have the Dungeon with the Aftermath adventure in it ? It involves a swamp, mutants and a Gray doing experments


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## jonrog1

EXIT 23 -- PT. 5
or
"Relax while I pour lye on your wound ..."  

The Unholy Giant Wolf With Red Glowing Eyes (TM) brought one massive claw back and SLAMMED it into Andy's chest, lifting him ten feet into the air.  Andy's leather jacket shredded, long talons ripped through his flesh.  Andy hissed involuntarily as the feeling of claws was followed by cold, like shards of ice shoved deep into the wound -- 

Ross charged into the snow, but he was too far away, the knee-deep powder slowing him down --

And poor Johanna, the first victim of the Winter Demon, lay sprawled face-down in the parking lot -- 

-- completely unhurt. 

The State Trooper's vest was sheared away, but it had sucked up that first brutal hit. Jo lay face down, playing dead, watching the beast tear into Andy. The Trooper's Glock Nine Mil was icy in her hand. She had the only firearm ... but she couldn't bring herself to use it! 

_(DM's Note: one of my favorite role-playing moments ever. Jo wasn't stunned -- there was just no way she was going to attract the Bad Thing's attention. She just lay there waiting for it to go away.)_

The Winter Demon clawed Andy again in mid-air as he fell. Andy crumpled into the snow. The Demon whirled -- and charged Jo again! Jo lay there, paralyzed with fear as the horror thundered closer to her ... let out an unholy ROAR ... reached her ... 
... and disappeared in a whirlwind of snow. 

"F&@#*$$&!" Andy rose to one knee. Stephen lifted him, eased him inside, a long scarlet trail on the white behind them. Ross reached Johanna. He quickly discovered she was unhurt. Hoping that the Demon was occupied elsewhere, they dashed for the Trooper's cruiser. They recovered a 12 guage and spare ammo for the pistol and shotgun. Not wishing to press their luck, they dashed back to the rest stop. 

"How is he?" asked Ross as they returned. 

"AAAGGGHHHHH!" Andy convulsed. Stephen looked up, a little embarassed, his hands covered with bloody bandages. "Err, he's been better." 

_(the second time Stephen rolled all 1's on his healing checks. His legendary inability to heal the living actually became a plot point in a later adventure...)_

They managed to stabilize Andy. Faint pools of golden glow from the flashlights allowed Andy to study the papers from the dead man's briefcase. As the most heavily wounded, he was given the bulletproof vest as protection. Johanna objected. Or at least they think she objected. She was pretty far into the vodka bottle now. 

Finally Andy gathered the others around. "Okay, this is what I've got. Jonas Riley works for a place called the Hoffman Institute. It seems like a paranormal research center, but other documents imply government connections ... Anyway, after a well-known occultist died, Riley was sent up to scope out his house. The place was cleaned out -- Riely figured this guy was a low-rent Crowley, had a little cult going. But he did find a secret compartment containing that ... snowglobe." 

They all threw a nervous look at the bizarre artifact. Stephen gulped when he saw that now, in front of the tiny rest stop, there was a smudge of red. Exactly where Andy had bled outside the real rest stop. 

"So using some test -- doesn't say what -- Riley discovers the globe is supernatural. He's heading up to the Seattle office of this Hoffman Institute when --" Andy gestured around them. "Next thing you know, dead in the men's room." 

"He goes to the men's room, the thing comes after him for the globe," Stephen theorized, "the Trooper stalls it a second by shooting, Riley takes the moment to hide the briefcase." 

"Here's an idea. Monster wants globe, give monster globe." Andy was once again being "practical". 

"And it eats us anyway, but now it has more power because it has its little Snowglobe o' Evil. Don't think so." Ross chambered a round in the 12 gauge. "Got any idea what it is?" 

"Nope -- but when it appeared, did you notice an orange glow?" 

Ross, Stephen and Jo looked at each other. "No." 

"Good, that means something else is in here with us." Andy pointed. Orange light and shadows flickered in the foyer area outside the donut shop. 

Leading with the 12 gauge, Ross rushed out. "FIRE!" 

The gas station next door was on fire! The group scattered for extinguishers, anything they could find. Thanks to some quick thinking Stephen and Ross managed to contain the blaze withing mintues. Ross noticed, though, that the fire had started from a pile of magazines in the center of the room. 

"What kind of monster sets fires?" asked Ross. 

BANG! Wood splintered past Jo's head. One of the truckers, the man, suddenly dove from the donut shop door. He came up in a crouch, aimed carefully. "YOU WILL ALL DIE!" 

He fired three more times as the group scattered ...


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## Dinkeldog

Wow.  Thanks P-Kitty for pointing this gem out.  Very cool, jonrog1


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## Dawn

Yes!  Found this story hour again.

Keep the goods coming!


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## Doc_Souark

Great action keep it up

 Dawn like the sig. BTW


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## jonrog1

Dinkeldog, thanks for the compliment, but get your butt back here so I get more Wulf!


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## dreadnought

*BUMP*
I've played with these guys. And now I can't sleep. Must paint kitchen green...
-Flynn


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## fenzer

Jonrog1, thanks for the posts, again.  I followed you like a homeless puppy on the old boards and now I am back.  Can't wait for the next post.


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## Fade

Great story!


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## jonrog1

EXIT 23: PT. 6
or
"Back, Unholy Hellspawn -- I have a WASTEBASKET!" 

Jacob Dumont, the trucker, probably thought he had the drop on our intrepid yet terrified heroes. But he'd forgotten the wounded Martial Artist in the donut shop -- Andy.

Andy hit Dumont broadside, hammered him to the head. Dumont dropped to one knee. Ross finished him off with the shotgun butt to the head. 

In a minute flat the trucker was tied to a chair. The party debated about what to do before he awoke. Andy remembered from his occult education (a bad translation of the Necromonicon, a Goth girlfriend and too many Hellblazer comics) that snow demons were probably vulnerable to fire or silver. 

"No," said Ross dryly, "I thought maybe fine china or crystal." 

Ignoring him, Stephen guessed there was oil for the fryolators in the McDonald's next door. _(DM's Note: Not in the adventure description, but hell yeah, you gotta give that one to him.)_ Stephen gathered fire-making materials: flares, two gallons of oil, a wastebasket to set a burning flame in, paper and magazines for fuel. Jo whimpered slightly when she realized her vodka had bottomed out, but she immediately converted it into an ad hoc Molotov Cocktail. Now she was a drunk Southern girl with a gun and explosives. 

Ross slapped Dumont awake. The trucker awoke with a snarl. "You defilers! You will pay! You will suffer the WRTHMMPHMMM..." Dumont trailed off. Swallowed. Carefully considered his next move. A pistol crammed between your teeth will do that to you. 

CLICK! Dumont shuddered as Ross pulled the trigger. "Now, either there's one bullet in here," Ross smiled. "Start talking." A beat. "Not gonna talk, huh? Well, let's pull the --" 

"Ross, man, take the gun out of his mouth." Andy was still being practical. 

"Ah." 

Dumont snarled again, but with more respect. "You have crossed the Treize Corbins, fools. Even if you survive tonight, we will track you down!" With repeated "encouragement" from Ross _(DM's Note: Alignment? We don't need no stinkin' alignment in Dark*Matter ...)_ Dumont spilled the beans. The Treize Corbins were "The Thirteen Crows", the acolytes of the Wizard who'd owned the Snow Globe. They'd thought all their Master's works lost. Dumont got wind that the Hoffman Institute was at the old house and swung by. He spotted Riley with the Snow Globe, recognized it for its power, and set off in pursuit. The other members of the cult had summoned ... what lay outside, focused through the snow globe.

"Give me the Snow Globe, and I promise you all quick, painless deaths." Dumont tried to look friendly. 

"Smash the frikkin' Snow Globe," said Andy, Ross, and Stephen at the same time. 

Jo raised the Snow Globe above her head. At that moment the wind HOWLED again. Stephen rushed to the door. A Dark shape coalesced outside the shattered front entrance -- 

"SMASH THE SNOW GLOBE!" Ahmed, Annie, Danny and the female trucker screamed. Mabel babbled incoherently. With a cry Jo HURLED the glass vessel of evil to the floor! 

Clinkita. Bounce. Bounce. 

Jo stared at the intact Snow Globe. She stepped on it. She SHOT it. An inhuman HOWL mixed with the obscene otherworldy whispers, building. Dumont cackled insanely. 

The Winter Demon appeared in the doorway. The only way out. 

"Back, Unholy Beast!" Stephen stepped forward brandishing a lit flare. The Seven foot killing machine actually jerked back a moment, its red eyes narrowing. Stephen dropped the flare into his wastebasket of fuel, which stood in the door. The flames LEAPED UP -- 

-- about seven inches. More of a pleasant kindling fire than the inferno he'd hoped for. Kind of ... cheery. 

The Winter Demon kicked the wastebasket aside, in the same move raking his claws across Stephen, knocking him away. The Demon did hesitate when Jo's Molotov Cocktail burst into flames around it. Burning, screaming, it extended its full six inch claws and fangs, roared into the room. 

"Fire? ... FIRE!" Andy dove for the Snow Globe. The stove behind the counter was on, they'd left a gas burner lit so they could light their explosives. "Catch!" 

In one smooth move Andy underhanded the Globe to Ross. Ross caught the Globe in one hand, emptied a silver-packed shotgun blast into the beast. It ROARED with pain, and for once an actual wound appeared. Ross then turned, ignoring his girlfriend's screamed obcscenities and rapid firing, and SMACKED the Globe onto the burner. 

Instantly, cracks appeared in the Snow Globe. The Demon SWATTED Andy away, a fine mist of blood shooting up as his wound reopened. It CRASHED past Johanna, the young woman falling in a heap with broken ribs. It reached for Ross -- 

-- as he brought the shotgun butt down on the Globe. The Snow Globe cracked again .. and SHATTERED! 

The Demon convulsed, screaming. Blood trickled from Dumont's shattered eardrums. In a blur of snow and ice and inhuman wailing -- the Demon vanished. 

An uneathly still settled on the room. Most of the bystanders were crying. Mabel rocked gently back and forth. Outside the wind softened. From his viewpoint on the floor, Andy could look all the way out the foyer to the outside; the snow stopped. The heavy grey sky broke up, revealing the black mountain sky and twinkling stars. Stephen and Ross helped Jo to her feet. They tried to get the nine mil away from her, but she kept her death grip on it. Something in her eyes told them that Jo had been ... "pushed" a little far tonight. She'd need some time. "Now what?" asked Stephen. 

"Now," said Andy, practical even as he pushed his guts back inside himself, "we frame that trucker motherf#@*&er for all this carnage." 

****************************************** 

At the news of a dead Trooper, the State Police arrived like an invasion force. Dumont was unconscious and unable to give his side of the story _(DM's Note: Thanks Ross.)_ so they listened as Andy spun out a tale of horror and violence, about how the crazed cultist had taken them all hostage, had killed some of them in some sick ritual, and finally had tried to burn the place down, only to be overcome by our intrepid heroes at the last moment. 

A little thin, but Andy had made a point of putting Dumont's fingerprints on all the guns, the Trooper, and Riley's cornea. Some of the others were disturbed by the ease with which he covered up a violent crime scene, but they let it slide.

Jo waved to a now totally-snapped Mabel as she was eased into an ambulance. She was the first to spot the black Ford Taurus pulling up to the Rest Stop. "Guys?" 

The party formed up as a trim, imposing woman in a business suit stepped from the Taurus. She seemd to know exactly who to talk to, walked right up to them. 

"Mary Carter. Riley's papers?" 

Andy handed them over. When the others looked at him he confessed, "I called the Hoffman Institute to tell them Riley was dead. Told them the whole story. Seemed the right thing to do." 

Agent Carter took in the scene, the shattered doors, the deep drifts of snow, Her voice was a whisper, more from a habitual sense of discretion rather than any need to actually be quiet. "A Winter Demon. And you people walked out. Damn. Now I have seen everything. If I had a nickel for every time we showed up and there was nothing more than a series of blood smears..." 

"Pardon the interruption but could you PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT THE F#&K HAPPENED?" The others quickly calmed Andy before he attracted the Troopers' notice again. 

"You've figured most of it out. You fought a Winter Demon. The world isn't what you think it is. The only thing unexplained is why you people are alive, and I'm as puzzled as you. Come on then." She led them to her car. "The Hoffman Institute will pay for your treatment at the nearest Emergency Room plus any follow-up you need. I noticed some of the cars in the parking lot are destroyed. We'll reimburse you Blue Book plus a bonus to replace them if they're yours." 

Stephen pulled up short. "Wait. You're trying to bribe us!" 

Agent Carter was amused. "Bribe you? Why?" 

"So we won't go to the press!" 

"No one will believe you." 

"There must be organizations that know these things exist." 

Carter shrugged. "Yes. There's us, and the forty others who will kill you just to shut you up. Now, you acted as de facto agents of the Hoffman institute when you took over Riley's case. So I'm compensating you as such. End of story. You want to walk away without medical attention, you go right ahead. But stop trying to play me. I've run higher stakes with things that make that Winter Demon look like an Elmo doll."

With a look, the group made a silent agreement, climbed into the car. Agent Carter started the engine, turned to them. "Here. My card. The fact you're alive means you all have at least the potential to work with the Hoffman Agency. Give us a call if you're interested."

The group snorted almost as one. They all had lives, careers ahead of them in LA. They'd put this nightmare behind them, get on with their lives.

Sure, the world wasn't what they thought. It was different. Dangerous. Stranger. Terrifying. But they could live with that. 

Sure.


----------



## KidCthulhu

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *The group snorted almost as one. They all had lives, careers ahead of them in LA. They'd put this nightmare behind them, get on with their lives.
> *




Yeah.  Right.  Sure they will.


----------



## Horacio

I loved this Story the first time, and now I'm enjoying it ever more!
Please, more soon!


----------



## jonrog1

RAW RECRUITS: Pt. 1 

_"Reality is not only stranger than you imagine, it's stranger than you CAN imagine."_

It was only a few weeks later, during orientation training for the Hoffman Institute, when Andy, Ross and Jo, and Stephen saw each other again. A few terse nods, a few nervous words ... although all four had individually coped with the quantum weirdness of the incidents at Exit 23, somehow seeing the other survivors rattled them, made it tangible. All had to admit, though, that after that night, they had to see what the Hoffman Institute had to offer. 

The public face of the Hoffman Institute was of a think tank/research center, sort of a paranormal National Geographic Society. That was also the first twelve layers of their private face. But despite the "need to know" attitute the Institute takes with recruits, they learned enough in a few days -- and saw the evidence to back it up -- to set every conspiracy freak in the world into permanent blissful catatonia. 

All four did well -- better than most of the recruits, actually, as they didn't need to make the conceptual leap the others did. They already knew the world was strange, while the rest were just learning this. All four showed certain aptitudes. Ross picked up on strategy, interrogation, and general small arms tactics. Johanna wasn't much one for strategy, but she could get anyone to open up to her and she trained obsessively with her Sig Sauer pistol.

Obsessively. 

And she still drank. 

Also, she developed a nascent interest in legitimate psychic research.

She didn't let it interfere with her drinking.

Andy found that what other people called "con man" the Institute called "Agent", and his surface knowledge of the occult was deepened by exposure to real phenomena. Stephen also proved an excellent interviewer and investigator. Despite his training, though, he seemed unable to bandage a wound without eliciting even more serious bleeding. 

After several weeks of training, they were called before Richard Patterson, the LA Section Chief for the Hoffman Institute. 

"I'm Patterson. You can call me 'sir.' Sit." The foursome looked at each other nervously, took their seats. "Congratulations. You've been fast-tracked. Read your file on the Exit 23 incident, helluva thing. You should all be dead." 

"I really wish people would stop saying that," muttered Jo. 

"Got a training mission for you, a straight fact-finding job. As you know, the Hoffman Institute keeps a website open for people to submit claims of the paranormal or supernatural. Got an interesting report from a Desmond family in Kenosha right out Route 10. Poltergeists. We'd like you to check it out." Patterson dropped a stack of files on his desk for them to plow through. "Take notes -- none of this is cleared to leave this room." 

"You don't trust us?" asked Ross. 

"Well, no. But that's besides the point. Many of our raw data sources come into our hands through rather .. unorthodox means. We can't have that traced back. Anyway, this pile is what archives spat out in the search, you'll have to make sense of it." 

"What about a cover?" asked Andy. 

"Soft, level 1." Patterson threw them car keys. "Passenger van out front loaded with video recording equipment, seats nine plus the cargo. You should be able to figure out everything, at least well enough to fake it. The father of the family, Peter Desmond, thinks you're a documentary crew. Get footage for real, if you can." Patterson then produced the Agent standard equipment pack. A Sig Sauer 9 mil with an extra clip -- "Leave it in the van unless you need it" -- ID Badges and state-of-the-art cell phones. Each of the phones came with earpiece plug-ins, and at the flick of a switch they became communicators tuned to a private frequency, like walkie-talkie headsets. 

Patterson left the group to their research, with the caveat that they had to be on the road in two hours. After some careful collating, the group pulled the following useful information from the massive stack: 

-- The Desmond home is a single story ranch house in a quiet suburban neighborhood. Peter Desmond, his 17 year old son Jerry from his first marriage, his wife Susan and their 4 year old daughter Eliza. Desmond is a local police officer. 

-- the house was previously occupied by Daniel and Sarah Moorehouse. During their time at the house, over 14 insurance claims for broken objects were filed, without adequate explanation. The year before the Desmond family moved in, Daniel Moorehouse was found dead of a gunshot wound to the face. Sarah Moorehouse disappeared and hasn't been seen since. 

-- From various police reports collected over ten years, they found that Peter Desmond's first wife, Heidi, the mother of Jerry, suffered multiple breakdowns, multiple disappearances, once abducted infant Jerry, and was eventually committed. She escaped her institution, never to be seen again. 

-- Peter Desmond is actually the grandson of one of the great spiritualist researchers of the early 20th century, although he appears ignorant of the fact. 

Checking their watches, the four climbed into the van and set off for a pleasant afternoon in the suburbs ...


----------



## Doc_Souark

Bump For Goodness !!  

You changed some details from what was in the core book, I hope you got some more surprises for the team as well  

 O there were 2 Alternity adventures published in the Dungeon, one was the swamp one I told you about. And the other was London Calling set in , you guessed it London  you got them ?


----------



## jonrog1

Don't _think_ I tweaked anything appreciatively, may just have left out a few of the little details that the crew themselves didn't focus on.

This one and the first sample adventure played out pretty much as planned, except for Andy's innovative solution for the end of RAW RECUITS.  It makes me doubt my adventure design skills, as they thoroughly confounded me on my three homebrews.  I comfort myself with the knowledge that by this point they were experienced enough to handle Dark*Matter game style a little more comfortably, and because I gave them totally open choices.

I actually used a phrase which has come back to haunt my gaming group. "That is a perfecty valid story path."  Now our rotating DM's delight in laying out meandering side roads which can easily lead impressionable players astray.

The price on Dark*Matter is that this very talented crew of writers (ALL of them are writers) will come up with perfectly valid yet totally out of the blue choices in handling individual crises.  I have to scramble constantly.

Example?

Let's just say I didn't anticipate them Fed-Exing the undead.

A little more time must pass before the next update, but I'll leave you with several game quotes from different sessions, all in character because, as we know, they play themselves:

"Wait, didn't we KEEP that anal corer?!  I know we did!" 

"Ow.  Apparently clerics can't turn the undead in the real world." 

"Slinging my arm around the shapely teenage girl mechanic, I spray the flames with the gasoline hose." 

"I think this geek-boy went Harry Potter on his brother's a$$." 

"Everybody get in the van.  We're leaving and letting Little Miss Majestic 12 talk her way out of this ..."


----------



## jonrog1

Oh, and I don't have those adventures.  Thanks for the heads up,  I may hunt them down on EBay.

Ooo, almost forgot one of my favorite moments (although as I said it, I don't know if it counts):

"No, no, those are zombies.  This is a zombie _horde_.  Totally different set of rules."


----------



## fenzer

lol.  Jonrog1, I love this stuff.  Thanks for making my day.


----------



## dreadnought

Hey, what happened to the Scarred Lands/Angry Monkey story hour, huh?
Wasn't Jo doing that one?


----------



## jonrog1

Unfortunately, I think that story was a true casualty of the board shift -- I don't know if she had it all in a file or not.  I'll ask.  We were neck deep in angry monkeys, and we hadn't even gotten to the shapeshifters, sewer gibbering mouthers, Vampire Vigils, or drug-crazed priapic priests of Corean ...


----------



## Fade

I know the old boards are closed to the public at the moment, but the information is still there, so I wonder if it would be possible to ask Morrus very nicely to copy/paste the posts to a text file?


----------



## Piratecat

Once the new server memory gets installed, there's a good chance that they'll come back up as read-only, albeit temporarily. When they do, we'll try to grab it.

Now more story, dammit!


----------



## Doc_Souark

PC let me sweeten the deal for you, C&P the old thread and I'll send you a picante recipe that'll knock you out of your Penny loafers !!  I'll have some new ones for you manana PC, Grilled Shimp anyone ?


----------



## Welverin

*This is a bump.*

It's just wrong for this to not be on the first page.


----------



## jonrog1

*RAW RECRUITS: Pt.2*

The party arrived at the Desmond house at around three in the afternoon. A bright blue California sky shone over a Brady Bunch neighborhood. Which was appropriate, as Andy and Ross spent the entire drive arguing which Brady girl was prettier, Jan or Marsha. Stephen voted for Sam the Butcher. 

It was an odd ride. 

Peter Desmond welcomed them into his home eagerly. He was the very picture of suburban cop, and his wife Susan a perfect suburban Mom. Jo noticed a few twitches, though, and tight lines indicating that Susan wasn't getting too much sleep, and maybe helping herself to the "special pills" a little too often. Eliza glommed right onto the "pretty lady" Jo, which for some reason made Jo nervous, but she put up with the attention.

"Want to come to my room and see my pretty dollies?" Eliza asked innocently. 

"Why, sure ..." smiled Jo, thumbing off the safety of her gun beneath her leather jacket... 

_(DM's Note: Already suspicious of a toddler, Jo nearly shot the little girl on sight. Would have been a bit awkward running the adventure after that...)_

Desmond told them about the moving objects as the camera equipment was set up. Ross played director, while Andy kept his shoulder cam running the entire time. The incidents had been going on a year, and Susan had witnessed the first ones. After a while, they didn't seem keyed to any particular family member. At one point a heavy dinner table levitated straight up and dropped, smashing its legs. 

Jerry, and his friend Nick arrived home. Jerry was the football team quarterback, Nick his thick-headed but loyal blocker. "Are you the Hoffman guys? This is so cool!" Jerry was ecstatic. "I never thought you'd come out here!" 

Jerry and Peter gushed, describing the poltergeist incidents and Jerry's all-star quarterback career while Susan made hot chocolate. Stephen, Ross, Andy and Jo huddled up for a moment. "Is it me, or are they ... disturbingly normal?" whispered Jo. 

"Aliens," whispered Andy back. "They don't know human families are supposed to be dysfunctional." 

"They want our vital fluids," muttered Ross. 

"I'm flattered," said Stephen. They all stared at him. "What? I am." 

They were discussing whether to continue with this charade or attempt to, Scooby-do-like, tear the faces off the Desmond family when a red-headed woman came in. 

"Oh, dudes, this is Ms. Jernigan, the coolest teacher we have at McKinley High." 

"Amanda Jernigan." Amanda shook all their hands, pleasant and forthright. But when Ross said "Hoffman Institute", her face tightened. 

"Problem?" asked Jo. 

"No, no, just a bit of a skeptic, that's all. Well, Jerry, I swung by to drop off your history book, you left it behind." Amanda handed over the text, then with another odd look at the party exited through the front door. 

"I hope something happens while you're heere," said Peter Desmond. Stephen caught Susan blinking rapidly, tensing at her pot of boiling water. 

Jerry's face suddenly fell. "Uh oh, here comes Coach." Everyone turned to see a heavyset, white-haired man in a football jacket outside the picture window. He was just about to knock at the door. 

"Man, he looks pissed," said Nick. "I hope --" 

Nick didn't get to finish the sentence. 

Because that's when the furniture lifted off the floor. 

All of it. 

Andy turned as the now levitating pot of boiling water flew at his face -- 

-- and Johanna flew by in the other direction.


----------



## Doc_Souark

Yeah baby, Levating female rednecks you gotta love it !


----------



## jonrog1

Now, now, Jo is a proper Southern girl, not a redneck.  Redneckage density is why she came to LA.

She's a delicate little flower of a thing,really, who just happens to be able to drink the rest of us under the table and has a mean right hook.  So be nice.


----------



## fenzer

*This is a bump.*



			
				Welverin said:
			
		

> *It's just wrong for this to not be on the first page. *




Agreed.


----------



## jonrog1

*RAW RECRUITS: PT. 3*

... Andy ducked as the boiling water splashed over the wall by his head. "Damn!" he thought. "That could have caused 1d6 of damage!" 

_(DM's NOTE: That is not a game joke. Andy's mind works like that. He's hard-wired for D&D.) _

Johanna thudded into the wall, slid to the floor next to a now-screaming Eliza. Jo's constant stream of imaginative invectives told the others she was all right. Ross tried to calm Susan Desmond, but in a flash she attacked him, beating his chest with her fists. Jerry, his Dad and Nick ducked as lamps went flying, chairs spun in mid-air. Stephen barely dodged as the coffee table soared past -- and CRASHED through the front window! 

An instant later, the very second Eliza's screams stopped, the floating furniture hit the floor. Quickly checking for casualties, the group found only one -- Jerry and Nick's high-school football Coach was unconscious, winged by the flying coffee table. 

The Hoffman agents took control. An ambulance took the Coach. Neighbors were shooed away with the story of an "earthquake tremor" and how the Desmond's house had a floating foundation. Soon, the group could begin its exhaustive, logical investigation of the situation. 

"It's the little girl," said Jo. "She's a channel for the evil spirits, we've all seen the movies. We need to kill her, now." 

"Perhaps we should start by reviewing the ... reviewing the ..." Stephen paused. "Where did you get the vodka?" 

"I brought an emergency bottle." Jo took a swig, stuffed the bottle back into a camera bag. "What? I don't have a problem. Shut up." 

Stephen and Andy decided to review the tape from Andy's shoulder-cam back in the van. Jo would talk to little Eliza. Ross would chat up Peter Desmond, Jerry and Nick, who were all sitting in the kitchen. Susan Desmond had collapsed immediately after the incident, and was resting in her bedroom. 

Eliza was a bit discomfited by the "pretty lady" standing in the corner of her room, staring at her. And why did Eliza have to sit in a chair with her hands on her lap? Jo did manage to discover that Eliza felt uncomfortable around Jerry, her older brother -- but that seemed to be picked up from the tension between Jerry and his Stepmom Susan. 

Ross talked football with the men. Ross was from Texas -- football chat came easy. It turned out that the Coach had been riding Jerry, the quarterback, hard. The Coach's lead-footed son was second string, and if not for Jerry would be QB. Jerry was slated to start in the big game that night, starting in just a few hours. 

"I've got a big math test, so I was thinking of bailing," explained Jerry. "Coach heard, and even though he hates me, it gave him an excuse to come over and chew me out." 

Along the way Ross subtly discovered that Jerry knew nothing of his pyschotic birth mother, and that Peter believed she was either dead or living in an alley somewhere. 

In the Van, Stephen and Andy reviewed the video. "Furniture flying ... Eliza and Susan both freaking out in different ways..." Andy muttered. It was like a tornado was inside the house. 

"STOP!" Stephen's eagle eyes had picked out something.  "Rewind. There. See that vase flying through the air?" 

"Heading right for Jerry Desmond's head," said Andy. He then hit play frame-by-frame. The vase zoomed at the back of the teenage boy's head -- 

-- and dropped to the floor a moment before braining him. 

"The poltergeist is focused on Jerry," said Stephen. 

"But why did it manifest at night, in front of Susan, the mother? And did you notice the Coach was wearing a Masonic ring? Ah-ha!" Andy was triumphant. He didn't quite know why, but for conspiracy buffs, the presence of Freemasonry is a gift from the gods. 

Stephen glanced back at the tape. "Holy crap. Get the others in here RIGHT NOW!" Andy summoned them, and when Jo and Ross arrived, Stephen led them through an earlier loop in tape. "Here, just before all hell breaks loose. What is that?" 

"Black SUV parked on the opposite corner." Ross squinted. "Some woman with red hair is getting in -- didn't that teacher have red hair?" 

"But she just lives across the street -- that's a BOOM MIKE!" Andy circled the frozen frame on the screen with a marker. 

"No, no, like a boom mike but not one, and definitely pointed at the house by the driver of the SUV ..." Jo leaned forward as, on the tape, the poltergeist incident began. "I can just make out the driver ... dark glasses. Pale. dark suit ... a hat..." 

They all turned at the metallic THUNK as Andy slammed backward against the wall of the van. He'd jerked back instinctively when he realized what was on film. Without warning he palmed his gun, threw open the van doors, scanned the streets. "Not here anymore, they've moved on!"

"What? What's with the freaking out?" yelled Stephen. 

"Dark hats and suits, pale, dark glasses, black car!" Andy waited for them to guess, then finished it. "We just met the *MEN IN BLACK!*"


----------



## Welverin

*Yeah! An update!*



			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *
> "It's the little girl," said Jo. "She's a channel for the evil spirits, we've all seen the movies. We need to kill her, now." *



*

I love this line. She'd make a good dwarf.




"I brought an emergency bottle." Jo took a swig, stuffed the bottle back into a camera bag. "What? I don't have a problem. Shut up."

Click to expand...



This ones pretty good too.*


----------



## Davelozzi

This is a great story hour.  I just might have to pull out my Dark Matter books and put them into action one of these days.


----------



## Nebin

Dwarf ? No my man Jo's pure Gnome !


----------



## Welverin

Nebin said:
			
		

> *Dwarf ? No my man Jo's pure Gnome ! *




She's to blunt to be a gnome. I thinking just saying that because you have a thing for her and prefer gnomes (naturally).


----------



## Horacio

I see her more like a wild kender...


----------



## Doc_Souark

Jo sounds like one of my In-Laws


----------



## jonrog1

Funny you should mention the kender. In our D&D arc Jo delighted in tormenting us with a kender.  And "torment" is exactly the right word.

Simply imitating a high-pitched flute sound at our table (the sound of the approaching sprite) will initiate a series of initiative rolls and brutal attacks.

And just when you thought Dragonlance was dead and we were through with them forever, they go and license it out.

Ugh.


----------



## Horacio

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *Funny you should mention the kender. In our D&D arc Jo delighted in tormenting us with a kender.  And "torment" is exactly the right word.
> 
> Simply imitating a high-pitched flute sound at our table (the sound of the approaching sprite) will initiate a series of initiative rolls and brutal attacks.
> 
> And just when you thought Dragonlance was dead and we were through with them forever, they go and license it out.
> 
> Ugh. *




I was sure! 

Jo acts like a wild kender. I was sure her player was a kender loving one...

Yes, now you will have official 3e kenders to pester your games forever. Mwahahahahahaha!!!!


----------



## fenzer

*Bump*

None of this page two crap!


----------



## jonrog1

*RAW RECRUITS PT. 4*

Jo leaned against the open van door as Andy scanned the streets. "Men in Black? Who are they?" 

"They ... they ... well if you know who a Man in Black is, he's not a Man in Black!" Andy was losing a little ground here. 

"And they were in an SUV," pointed out Stephen. "Not the most sinister of vehicles." 

"Maybe they're the Soccer Moms in Black..." said Ross. 

"All right, all right." Andy slid his gun back up against the small of his back. "But the fact remains -- that teacher got into an SUV, the SUV aimed something at the Cleaver House over there, and bingo whammo bad mojo. We need to search that house." 

The group headed back into the Desmond Home. Peter Desmond was making sure his wife Susan was all right, so he quickly aquiesced to a search. The party scored first in the basement. Stephen opened the fusebox, did a double-take. "That's not made for amps and volts." 

He drew out a strange, glittering cylinder, a thumb-sized weird mix of crystals and circuitry. "Guesses, thoughts, wild-ass hunches?" 

"Psychic booster circuit." They all turned to stare at Jo. "What? While you guys were boning up on demons and first aid, I was working with some of the psychic research guys. That looks like circuitry used to boost psychic energy." 

"There's wiring leading from that breaker into the wall ..." Ross tugged at it with the point from the carbon-steel hunting knife he kept under his jacket. "It runs into the walls." 

"So wait, what's it boosting -- some ghost's psychic abilities, or one of the members of the house?" asked Stephen. 

They debated for a while -- several of them noted that the phenomena had manifested when Susan was alone at first, but then the flying vase/Jerry footage was brought up. As they went upstairs, Andy called the Hoffman Institute and requested a background check on the teacher, Amanda Jernigan. 

Stephen saw Jerry sprawled on the coach, strangely exhausted. With a nod to the others, he broke away to see what he could pry from the boy. 

Quickly the rest of the group uncovered wires leading along baseboard heaters, near outlets, and a few smaller psychic-boosters in the rest of the house. As they entered Jerry's room, Stephen had finally gotten the boy to a trusting place. 

_(DM's Note: How often do you get to crack open the Diplomacy table in the DM's Guide? Mock it not in Dark*Matter...)_

"So, you think you now what this is all about?" Stephen asked sympathetically. 

"I ... I think I do." Jerry looked around to make sure no one could hear him. "I think the stuff's focused on me." With a gulp, he went further. "No, I ... I think I'm making it happen." 

In Jerry's room, Ross peeled back the binding on a history book to reveal a wafer of more circuitry. Jo ID'd it as psychic booster material. "But how'd it get in the schoolbook?" asked Andy. But he and the other two Investigators answered simultaneously: "The teacher."

Stephen stepped in. "Jerry's sure he's making this happen --" 

"With some help." Ross opened up the bottom of a football trophy, matched the circuitry within to more found in some academic awards. "Jerry said he was forgetting things at school, and that Jernigan woman brought them over. She packed them with some extra loving." 

Andy checked on how far the Hoffman Institute had gotten on ID'ing the teacher. Her surface records seemed fine. Ross suddenly thought of using Peter Desmond to run the woman's fingerprints -- after all, they had her prints on all the books she'd brought over. 

With a quick bit of charm and bluster, they got Peter Desmond to run the prints. Unfortunately, it would take a few hours to get results, if any. That's when the group hit a new wrinkle. It was time for Jerry to leave for his football game. Peter was going to the game, and Susan and Eliza were staying behind. Susan was "resting" in the bedroom. Resting heavily. Vulnerable family members smelled like trouble. 

Jo and Ross convinced Peter Desmond to let them stay behind. With Susan out of sorts, it made sense for someone to watch over her and Eliza in case any more phenomena occurred. Stephen and Andy would take video cameras and go to the football game to get "coverage." The van would stay behind with Ross and Jo. 

After synchronizing watches for no other reason than it was *so frikkin' cool* they went their separate ways.

AT THE HOUSE: Ross and Jo searched the premises again, but found nothing new. The crotchety neighbor lady across the street was Amanda Jernigan's landlord, but other than mentioning the presence of the SUV's -- which she assumed were drug dealers -- she was no help.

AT THE GAME: Stephen and Andy dutifully filmed Jerry running up and down the field. "Human interest stuff," Stephen told the father. As Andy panned around the stands, he zoomed in on Amanda Jernigan, sitting with students. She looked back at him through the lens. She seemed annoyed to see Hoffman Institute people present. Almost alarmed. But in a second she was making chit-chat again and cheering.

Andy kept panning ... stopped. Zoomed. In a blur he was up and moving. Stephen quickly fell into step behind him. "What, what did you see --" 

"Remember to bring your gun?" Andy pointed. 

Two men. Six-and-a-half feet tall. Black suits, black topcoats, hollowed out thin features with sallow skin. Sunglasses at eight o'clock at night. Fedoras. 

"Those would be ..." 

"Men-in-f&%$*ing-Black." Andy and Stephen cut left to flank the mysterious strangers when -- 

"AHHHHHH!" Stephen jumped as Peter Desmond grabbed his shoulder. "Don't DO that!" 

Peter Desmond was deadly pale. "You've got to come with me..." 

"Little busy here ..." Andy looked up. The Men in Black were in motion. They stood, began to drift off in the crowd. 

"No, you don't understand. The fingerprints. Amanda Jernigan --" Desmond looked as if he were about to collapse. "They came back with a positive ID ... they belong to Heidi Rammock! *Amanda Jernigan is Jerry's missing biological mother!"*


----------



## fenzer

> After synchronizing watches for no other reason than it was *so frikkin' cool* they went their separate ways.




Lol   Man, I love this stuff!


----------



## Doc_Souark

Great keep it coming.............


----------



## Fade




----------



## Welverin

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *RAW RECRUITS PT. 4
> Two men. Six-and-a-half feet tall. Black suits, black topcoats, hollowed out thin features with sallow skin. Sunglasses at eight o'clock at night. Fedoras.
> 
> "Those would be ..."
> 
> "Men-in-f&%$*ing-Black."* [/B]




Or the Blues Brothers.


----------



## Horacio

Still re-reading, still liking it


----------



## evileeyore

Welverin said:
			
		

> *
> 
> Or the Blues Brothers. *




No Defenitely Men In Black... they didn't have a half a pack of chewing gum...


----------



## Welverin

evileeyore said:
			
		

> *
> No Defenitely Men In Black... they didn't have a half a pack of chewing gum... *




Good point and possibly more significantly there were no police chasing them.


----------



## dreadnought

BUMP  for goodness sake. Get on with it Johnny Boy!


----------



## fenzer

*bump*

Here.  Let me help you up and dust you off.  We need to get you to the front page.


----------



## Piratecat

Look, buddy, I hate to pull admin rank and all, but... post the update!


----------



## Doc_Souark

OOOOOOOO  PC is pulling rank guy , if Mister Calm is upset you better do an update like SOON !!!!!!

 It's ok PC calm down, it'll be alright, here's a cookie _Hey I'm running out of prozac laced cookies so you better hurry !_


----------



## jonrog1

All right, all right.  Off my A$$, dreadnought, I finally got C-woman clear so I can catch up on my other projects -- nice to be writing again si I can get some actual work done rather than endless hand-holding phone calls ...

Update Monday, possibly a double.


----------



## dreadnought

Duuuuuuuuuuude
It's Monday and you pro-o-o-mised...


----------



## Horacio

For me, in Europe, Monday is finishing (23h39) so I think I won't see a Monday update 

I hope I will se a Tuesday one


----------



## fenzer

*Bump.  Again*

Jonrog, I am about at my wits end.  I can't sleep.  I mumble.  And my hair is turning gray.  Please, for the love of your god and mine, update this story hour.

...weeks.  It's been weeks.  Nothing, nothing, NOTHING!  I can't take it, need to get away - lousy story hour - no good-for-nothing...must find help...need help...


----------



## Horacio

Horacio said:
			
		

> *For me, in Europe, Monday is finishing (23h39) so I think I won't see a Monday update
> 
> I hope I will se a Tuesday one  *




Auto-quoting myself 

Today is Wednesday, still waiting  

Please, more!


----------



## Welverin

WE'RE DYING HERE!


----------



## Horacio

Friday morning, still waiting


----------



## rootbeergnome

Aww man, I just finished this storyhour, and now im another hopeless addict.  Please update soon, we are all dying to read this!  Your players are great, I especially like the line about "they are aliens, they don't know human families are supposed to be disfunctional" and "they want to drink our vital fluids, im flattered"
Great stuff guys.


----------



## Carnifex

I thinkl jonrog1 has been abducted by aliens, for revealing too many of their secrets - this story hour is really a coded message to us all, trying to tell us the truth!

Hey, a big black car's just pulled up outside my house, and guys in black suits and shades got out. Just off to see what they want...


----------



## Horacio

Carnifex said:
			
		

> *I thinkl jonrog1 has been abducted by aliens, for revealing too many of their secrets - this story hour is really a coded message to us all, trying to tell us the truth!
> 
> Hey, a big black car's just pulled up outside my house, and guys in black suits and shades got out. Just off to see what they want...
> 
> *





NO!

Chris, don't go!

You must flee! They will hurt you!

Quickly, go to the rear door!


----------



## Lazarus Long

I cry everytime I come to this forum and see that it isn't updated.

boo hoo


----------



## Horacio

Lazarus Long said:
			
		

> *I cry everytime I come to this forum and see that it isn't updated.
> 
> boo hoo
> *




My cry joins yours 

boo² hoo²


----------



## jonrog1

RAW RECRUITS PT. 5

Andy and Stephen, trailed by a quivering Peter Desmond, climbed the bleachers.  A ROAR erupted as young Jerry Desmond passed for another touchdown -- unaware that his long-missing, supposedly insane biological mother Heidi Rammock was now his attractive red-headed history teacher Amanda Jernigan.

Amanda smiled at the trio as they approached.  "Well, if it's not our ghost-hunters!" she yelled over the babble around them.

"Heidi?" Peter Desmond muttered weakly.  At that second, Amanda's face fell -- she knew.  Andy and Stephen pressed forward through the cluster of students surrounding the teacher.

"Why don't you come with us, Miss Jernigan?" asked Stephen.  He reached forward -- only to be roughly grabbed by a student.  He pulled back.  Andy and Stephen realized that suddenly, a dozen students were glaring at them.  "What the hell --"

"Get away from me!" Amanda screamed. "I don't know what you want!"  And with a triumphant glare she DROPPED between the bleachers.  Andy caught a glimpse of her disappearing in the shadows.  Within moments the Agents were wrestling with the students, shoving back as the high-schoolers grappled them.

"They're not themselves!" yelled Andy.  "I think I know where Jerry gets his 'talents' from!"  The Agents and Peter Desmond managed to stumble away from the hostile crowd.  They raced around the edge of the bleachers, searching.

"What 'talents'? asked Peter Desmond.

"We'll explain later!" Stephen hit the speed dial on his cell phone.  "We need help here!"

****************************************************

Ross and Johanna received the call and were on the road within seconds.  Their lonely sentry duty back at the Desmond house had produced no new clues.  They'd passed the time chatting with the cranky old woman across the street.

_ DM's NOTE: The cranky old woman who was Amanda Jernigan's LANDLORD, who had the key to her apartment where every detail of her conspiracy lay bare.  But no, they STEADFASTLY ignored every hint that this was a clue path. _

Back at the game, Andy and Stephen were frantic.  Because within seconds --

BRRAHHHHHHH!  The horn sounding the end of the game blared.  The Agents and Peter Desmond were instantly adrift in a mob of departing students and parents.  What had been a crowd before was now an impassable forest of people.  They jostled back and forth, heading for the parking lot.

"There!"  Stephen pointed.  Amanda Jernigan hopped into a black SUV that was already at the texit to the parking lot.  They caught a glimpse of a pale face under a dark hat in the driver's seat.

"And there's our ride!" Andy answered.  Ross and Jo pulled up in their van within seconds.  The Agents piled in, and with hurried explanations let Ross know to follow the SUV.  Soon both vehicles were out on the open highway.  Jo thumbed the safety off her nine mil as they weaved among the traffic.  Headlights flashed across their windshield.  Andy leaned forward. "Now that Rammock's cover is blown, she'll probably make her move."

"What move?" asked Ross.

"Her ... move.  Keep driving."

Jo rolled down her window.  "Ross, get closer!"

"Close enough for you to shoot them?  No problem --"

KRACK! KRACK-KRACK!  Ross swerved wildly as his windshield cobwebbed.  An MiB leaned out from the SUV, a .45 BOOMING in his hand.  Jo returned fire gleefully.  "Of course, close enough for me to shoot them is close enough for them to shoot us.  Sorry!" 

Horns blared and tires squealed.  Ross slid back and forth across the USV's rear, blocking the Man in Black's firing arc.  Jo's rounds PINGED off the back of the SUV.  Ross tried to close the gap, but the SUV was modified for speed.  Ross jinked left again when suddenly a car in front of them SWERVED to cut him off.  He jammed on the brakes, the van slewing hard sideways, fishtailing at 60 mph!  Miraculously, Ross wrestled the skidding van down the same offramp the SUV took.  But as the van SLAMMED into the guardrail on the outer curve of the exit, the SUV's tail-lights disappeared in the dark.

The Agents disembarked.  The exit led off into a forested lake resort area.  The road itself was nearly invisible in the dark, overgrown with trees.  "We've lost them, and we have no damn idea where they're going!" yelled Stephen.

Andy stared off into the shadows as Ross jammed a jack under the van.  "We've got a flat here, you want to help out?"

"This thing I'm doing, staring off into space, it's called 'thinking'." Andy dialed the Hoffman Institute on his cell phone.  "Hey, I need an address on a piece of property.  It's owned by Susan Desmond ..." He turned back to the others while he waited.  "The party out by the lake.  We're in the area Susan Desmond mentioned her cabin was in.  I bet Heidi Rammock's going to pick up her son."

Andy got the address as Ross managed to fix the flat.  In a flash they tore off down the dark road.  A light fog rolled in from the nearby lake, smearing their headlights, reducing all their vision to a disorienting tunnel.  They slowed as they passed each lonely mailbox.  Finally they spotted the correct number, pulled hard left onto a gravel driveway.

Within just twenty yards they reached the summer house.  Ross jammed on the brakes.  Andy swore.  There, stage-lit in the headlights, was a gruesome sight.  Silently, the Agents drew their weapons, stepped from their van.   The lakeside around them was dead silent.  The summer house was set almost to the shore.  On both sides of the property the forest walled them up in darkness.

They'd found the football party.

There, on the lawn, lay _ thirty dead teenagers ... _


----------



## Horacio

He updated! He updated! He updated!

Woooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhoooooooo!!


----------



## jonrog1

Yes, sorry about the delay.  I just moved and lost the DSL connection, plus an old project that SHOULD be off my desk  dropped back on (Flynn, you'll be getting an annoyed phone call tomorrow). I'll endeavour to stay on track now.

As a quick reminder, the next one ought to wrap up RAW RECRUITS.  We then dive into three homebrews: NIGHT OF THE CATTLE MUTILATORS, GONE MISSING, and DARK CANADA.

Bought CoC d20.  I love it, although the single Investigator class doesn't quite fit the pulpy feel we kind of evolved into over these few sessions.  And I'm not sure about the Sanity rules -- they work great, but I would have very dead PC's on a regular basis if they kept fainting ...

It has reminded me of one thing -- my PC's have faced surmountable odds lately.  They were practically old hands in DARK CANADA, I think I only _ really _ creeped them out three times during that one.  Time to throw them some stuff that there's no damn way they can survive.  (I rather thought the unpleasant ending of NIGHT OF THE CATTLE MUTILATORS was going to be it, but they are a resourceful lot.)

Oh, and might I say -- Ross is DM'ing our Scarred Lands campaign and is running a scaled-up version of OF SOUND MIND.  Very, VERY Dark*Matter in tone, one of the few creepy, true mystery-feel published modules I've played.  Big kudos to the author, whoever he may be ...


----------



## Piratecat

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *Oh, and might I say -- Ross is DM'ing our Scarred Lands campaign and is running a scaled-up version of OF SOUND MIND.  Very, VERY Dark*Matter in tone, one of the few creepy, true mystery-feel published modules I've played.  Big kudos to the author, whoever he may be ... *




Flatterer.    That's high praise indeed, coming from you; these game logs are consistently amongst my favorites to read. You'd think you were a professional writer, or something.  If Ross wants any scaling ideas for OSM, have him drop me an email.


----------



## evileeyore

I vote both more anal probing and more Cthulu.  Hmmm, perhaps a combination of both...  Evard's Black Tenticles maybe?


----------



## jonrog1

evileeyore said:
			
		

> *I vote both more anal probing and more Cthulu.  Hmmm, perhaps a combination of both...  Evard's Black Tenticles maybe? *




Banned.  You sir, are banned. Eeeuuuughhh.

Oh, and we're using the Star Wars firearms rules for now -- although Dragonstar is, well, frikkin' _fantastic_, and will probably take over the adaptation.  Everything in SPYCRAFT is great except the somewhat overly complicated firearms rules, and the excess of skills.  Why do you need Surveillance skill? Why not just outline how Hide, Spot, and Search apply to modern surveillance techniques?  Too many skills means too thin a spread of skill points and too much difficulty building an effective character in my book.  That chase system is grand, and wotrth the price of admission, and the logical assembly of feat chains is nice.

Oh, and anyone thinking of using the Monte Cook GHAST template, it is _seriously_ overpowered.  Ross just spanked us hard in A SOUND MIND with an allegedly ECL 9 encounter of six ogre ghasts.

Now, back to work.  And somebody give Wulf a shout, I want to see what he thinks.  It was his story that got me writing this one.

Take care all,

jonrog1


----------



## evileeyore

Damn...

Does that mean I can't read anymore of your story hour, 'cause this is the only one I enjoy.

Nothing against the rest of you, but I just like jonrog's style.  Pesky 1st person journals annoy the snot out of me.  And if it isn't a journal its a dry 3rd person disertation on how to complete a quest.

Jonrog I really like the fact that you include (what sounds to me) actual dialog from the game, and the asides just rip me up.  If I wrote that well I'd put up my own story hour...  but I hate my writting (its only good for character backgrounds).

Anyway, I think I've said enuff for a banned man...

TTFN

Editted to add:  You forgot Gather Information.  It would do wonders for Intelligence Analysis, after all the skill also allows for the weeding out of all the useless rumors picked up with the good... Oh, and Sense Motive...


----------



## jonrog1

Bum-bum-bum-bum-bumdadum ...
Bum-bum-bum-bum-bumdadum ...

"I think it's time we get everybody together and blow this place -- Three, two, one -- _ let's jam_

"One eye sees the present, and one eye sees the past ..."

Ahem.  Sorry.


----------



## jonrog1

*RAW RECRUITS PT. 6*

The teenagers were sprawled out like sacks of meat.  Their limbs were twisted under them, some of their arms broken from being in the wrong position as the kids fell.  They'd dropped in mid-stride, mid-breath.  Some still clutched plastic beer cups.

"Is Jerry here?" asked Jo.  "Did Rammock beat us here?"

The Agents moved forward slowly.  Their breath fogged in the cool air.  The only sound was the low rumble of their idling van.  Stephen reached down to check one of the kids.  "What did this?"

"Nerve gas?" guessed Ross.  "And you said she had psychic powers --"

"I've got a pulse!" Johanna yelled.  She gripped the throat of one of the cheerleaders.  "Low and slow, like she's --"

"Sleeping.  They all are." Stephen moved from victim to victim.  "Something knocked them all out simultaneously."

"That's actually weirder than if they were dead."  Andy and Ross circled the vacation house.  The back lot stretched down to a small dock.  A fishing boat thumped quietly against the pilings.  The lake spread out beyond them, pitch black.  It was strange -- they were maybe half an hour from the highway, but forests have a way of quickly swallowing you.

A RUSTLE came from the road.  Andy and Ross ran back just in time to see  another car pull up.  The Agents palmed their guns.  Jerry's friend, Nick, stepped out from his car shouldering a case of beer.  He stared at the Agents ...  at his friends ... at the Agents.  Nick wasn't exactly a rocket scientist at the best of times.

"What happened?"  He jerked as some of the teens stirred. One cried out in pain, discovering her broken ankle.  "Man, first Jerry wrecks his car, now this --"

"What did you say?"  yelled Jo.

Nick jerked his head toward the dark road. "Yeah, Jerry's car is smashed against the fencepost a couple houses down.  Figured he walked over ..."

Andy and Ross took off at a run for the woods.  "Each of these houses has a backlot onto the lake, we'll cut across!"

"We'll drive, cover the front!"  Jo and Stephen raced away in the van, spraying Nick with gravel. 

Ross and Andy dodged through the trees, branches slamming at them.  Ross looked up, did a double-take.  "You see the --"

"Yeah, keep running!"  Andy hissed back.

Jo and Stephen spotted Jerry's wrecked car against the stone fence of another vacaton house.  They killed the lights and costed to a silent stop.  Pulling their weapons they raced for the open front door.

Leading with their guns, Jo and Stephen performed a perfect split-wedge entry.  The house was empty for the season.  A white light FLASHED from somewhere beyond the back door.  As they sprinted through the dining room, Stephen spotted an odd device on the table.  It was some sort of digital readout with symbols intead of numbers.  It had an antenna.  And the lights on it were flashing green-white-green-white ...

... GREEN-WHITE-GREEN-WHITE ... Andy and Ross shielded their eyes as they broke from the treeline.  The lights were strobing, blinding.

It was to be expected.

After all, it was a pretty big UFO.


----------



## fenzer

*It's all a ruse*

Jonrog1 is a writer and we all know what that means.  I think that somewhere in his dark mind he thinks he is doing us a favor by posting so infrequently.  

We know he has these storys already written out; I have read them!  By delaying his posts he is creating interest in his strory and you know what, I am on to you jonrog1!  You can't fool this old fool.  I am keeping an eye on you.  And if you insist on delaying posts like this, well, I'll just have to...get...do...sit here and wait.


----------



## jonrog1

Actually, finding the teens on the lawn was the last of the already-written installments from the old board.  It's just that there's a finite number of these adventures completed, so I wanted to pace myself.

We'll wrap up RAW RECRUITS this weekend.


----------



## Zarthon

Great story jonrog1, keep it up.


----------



## Horacio

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *Actually, finding the teens on the lawn was the last of the already-written installments from the old board.  It's just that there's a finite number of these adventures completed, so I wanted to pace myself.
> 
> We'll wrap up RAW RECRUITS this weekend. *




That means that the new adventures are arriving! Whooooohooo!!!


----------



## Wulf Ratbane

<sigh>

Ok, I'm here, I'm hooked. 

You might as well update, now.


Wulf


----------



## Horacio

Wulf, the ol' Dwarven Living Legend has arrived!
Give him an update! 

(Lame excuse for bumping and asking for an update )


----------



## Wulf Ratbane

Horacio, I *love* your custom title!

I couldn't think of anything good so I left mine blank... I was not feeling creative.  =(


benjamin


----------



## fenzer

*bump*

and more bumps.


----------



## Zarthon

Waiting in anticipation


----------



## jonrog1

Ahh!  This is the first time I've been able to _get on_ the boards in a week.  I've got to go get the story form my WORD file on another computer, be back in a bit.


----------



## Carnifex

Great! Awaiting the update eagerly, then!


----------



## Horacio

Wulf Ratbane said:
			
		

> *Horacio, I *love* your custom title!
> *



Well, I thought it was the most accurate title for me in these forums  



> *
> I couldn't think of anything good so I left mine blank... I was not feeling creative.  =(
> 
> 
> benjamin *




What about _Dwarven Living Legend_ or _Kicker of Bad Guys' Butts_? 

And yes, this is a bump


----------



## Dinkeldog

I thought I'd misplaced this one somewhere.

Any updates coming soon?


----------



## Horacio

That's a very good question. A really good question.


----------



## machine

Alright, darnit!

I'm now hooked on this story.

Post more updates!

I love the MiB, those faceless, nameless, sinister, bastards!


----------



## dreadnought

thread ... slipping ... lower...must...bump


----------



## fenzer

*Missing You*

Just wanting to catch up.  It's been a while.  I hope we can chat soon.

Yours truely,

Fenzer


----------



## Horacio

When will we have an update? When?


----------



## Dinkeldog

I think jonrog has stolen Piratecat's playbook.  All this not posting.  Ugh.


----------



## Horacio

Why? Why when they become stars they delay the updates?
Jonrog, Piratecat, and that other guy, Robert Jordan...
All the same behavoiur...


----------



## Malin Genie

Not to mention George RR Martin.

OK, I admit it - that was just a mediocre excuse to 

BUMP


----------



## fenzer

*Bump.*


----------



## Horacio

So long without drunk Southern girls with guns... 
So long without zombie toddlers...
So long without bad aliens...


----------



## jonrog1

Once again, I couldn't get on the d*mned website for the few days I had off.  Annnnd, I was busy shooting a show -- which I will now shamelessly plug.  "The Enforcers", a TV Movie/backdoor pilot, August 7 or 14 on USA.  Any D&D buds with a Nielsen box, do a d20 brother a favor ...


----------



## Horacio

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *Once again, I couldn't get on the d*mned website for the few days I had off.  Annnnd, I was busy shooting a show -- which I will now shamelessly plug.  "The Enforcers", a TV Movie/backdoor pilot, August 7 or 14 on USA.  Any D&D buds with a Nielsen box, do a d20 brother a favor ... *




And the show is about what? Occult conspiracies?


----------



## fenzer

*Good to hear from you.*

Sorry Jonrog1, no box.  What is the show about?  The Enforcers - good guys, bad guys, drunk southern girls with guns?  Did you help write it?  I wouldn't mind checking out more of your handy work.


----------



## jonrog1

*RAW RECRUITS PT.7*

At the backdoor to the house, Jo and Stephen froze.  Shielding their eyes against the flashing laights, Andy and Ross advanced from the treeline into the summer home's back yard.

The UFO was forty yards in diameter.  Its inky surface absorbed the light around it.  It hovered silently at the edge of the lake, yet some vibration _thrummed_ inside their skulls.  Suddenly, as they watched, a WAVE of energy washed over them, and a beam of light STABBED downward, anchoring the vessel to the ground.  The light illuminated the rest of the yard.

"THERE!"  Jo pointed, then ran, Stephen in pursuit.

For there, in the backyard, walking towards the light, were Jerry Desmond and Heidi Rammock.  What was weird was that Jerry was actually _carrying_ his long-lost insane mother in his arms.  Andy and Ross were closer, so as they ran they could hear Jerry muttering.

The voice was in a much higher register than Jerry's.  It repeated again and again: _"Mommy's friends will help you, baby.  No one will take you away from Mommy again ..."_

"Possession," said Andy.

"Check that," answered Ross.  Ross dropped a shoulder and charged.  He figured to knock Heidi from Jerry's gras, somehow break their momentum.  They were only a few yards from the light beam --

ZZAPPP!  Ross impacted the pair and _slid_ off of them.  He hit the ground hard.

"DON'T LET THEM REACH THE LIGHT!" Stephen yelled.

Jo and Stephen were still too far away to do anything.  Ross was down on one knee, shaking off his fall.  Andy watched Jerry and Heidi cross the last few feet toward the UFO beam, and did the only logical thing.  He raised his gun, aimed, and FIRED ...

... blowing Jerry Desmond's left kneecap clean off the front of his leg.

Possessed or not, Jerry's leg could no longer support his weight.  As he fell, a heartbeat in he SCREAMED in agony.  Heidi Rammock hit the ground, rolled upright, suddenly alert.

But she was inside the circle of light.

Helplessly, she began to RISE toward the UFO.  She thrashed, screaming insanely, but continued to rise steadily.

Jo reached the wounded boy.  "It's okay, we'll --" *BAM!*

Jo's head snapped back, a trail of blood arcing in its wake.  In the beam, Heidi Rammock took aim with her weapon again.

Ross and Andy framed up on either side of their friends, guns in classic two hand grips, FIRING up at the woman.  They missed as she twisted and dodged in mid-air.  A second later, still screaming insanely, she disappeared into the belly of the UFO.

Ross and Andy kept firing.  With what was almost a shrug, the UFO cantilevered hard and DISAPPEARED into the night sky.

The heavy silence of a country lake fell over the group.  Jerry was in shock, moaning.  Jo drifted in and out of coherence.  In the distance, sirens sounded.

Andy dialed the Hoffman Institute on his cell phone.  He got a Situation Director, on the line for Agent emergencies.  Quickly Andy filled him in on the situation.

"Is the UFO still there?" the Director asked.

"No."

"Good luck then.  Call us if you need to be bailed out." CLICK.

"Welcome to Conspiracy Nation," muttered Ross.

Andy knelt by Jerry, grabbing the boy by the chin.  They could hear police cars crunching down the road nearby.  "Jerry, can you hear me?"

"... you ... shot ... UFO ..."

"_Jerry._  If you tell them what you saw, they'll think you're crazy.  Thjey'll lock you up, just like they did with your crazy mother!"  Stephen looked up at Andy sharply, but the Agent plowed on.  "We can help you, Jerry.  No one needs to know you're different.  Just say what I tell you."

After a long pause, Jerry -- tears streaming down his cheeks -- nodded.  "Good boy.  Now, this is what you say ..."

"Ever notice," Jo whispered blearily, "how good he is at covering up felonies?"

********************************************

"This Desmond boy is doing well in physical therapy, and has been quite receptive to the idea of 'honing' his skills with us."  Superintendent Richardson dropped the file on his desk.  "Good work."

"It's natural.  He wants to excel at something ..." Ross threw a look at Andy. "... seeing as he'll never play football again."

Andy expressed his sentiments with one finger of his right hand.  "He'd have blown the knee out in freshman year anyway.  Did the police buy everything?"

"Heidi Rammock went insane, kidnapped her son.  You followed, she shot you and disappeared.  With the medication we're giving Jerry Desmond, he's no longer manifesting his powers uncontrollably, so even the family's happy."

Jo adjusted the heavy gauze pad on her hairline. "So .... ummm ... the UFO?"

The Superintendent  shrugged thoughtfully.  "Could have been one of a few different factions."

A long silence followed that.

UFOs weren't just real.

There were a _bunch_ of them.

* END of RAW RECRUITS...*


----------



## jonrog1

* DM's Breakdown: RAW RECRUITS*

Just worth mentioning -- there's not a lick of combat in this adventure all night, until Andy decides to ... ahem ... limit Jerry's mobility.

The barrier which threw off Ross was a psionic _Mage Armor_. He simply failed his attack, but only by the value of the psionic effect, so I ruled for a flashy interaction.  When Andy shot Jerry, I figured Jerry, his system so brutally shocked by the bulletwound, would get a second Will Save vs. Heidi's domination.  He made it, and what happened happened.

So after 5 straight hours of talking, Jo runs up to Jerry, Heidi takes a wild shot -- and rolls a crit.  Jo almost died in the last two minutes of the adventure.

Next:  NIGHT OF THE CATTLE MUTILATORS


----------



## Horacio

Wow!

Great ending!

Witing for next adventure...


----------



## Fade

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *RAW RECRUITS PT.7
> Jo adjusted the heavy gauze pad on her hairline. "So .... ummm ... the UFO?"
> 
> The Superintendent  shrugged thoughtfully.  "Could have been one of a few different factions."
> 
> A long silence followed that.
> 
> UFOs weren't just real.
> 
> There were a bunch of them.
> 
> *



*

I love it!*


----------



## fenzer

*Excellent*

Thanks for the update Jonrog1.


----------



## KidCthulhu

Yay.  I love closure.  Especially when it opens six more doors.


----------



## Rune

jonrog1 and group:

I love you guys!


----------



## fenzer

*Just checking in.*

Anybody home?


----------



## jonrog1

Just on vacation in Sedona after finishing a bunch of assignments.  I'm going to do some fun writing this weekend -- which means an update. 

And two things:  first, my MOW is now called "RED SKIES" (damn title clearance) and will be on the fine USA Network on August 7th.  But I can hardly pimp my stuff without mentioning the real triumph -- "Andy" from this story hour is the writer/creator of "HAUNTED" the new UPN show on after Buffy this fall.  All must watch!


----------



## Jodo Kast

I think its terrific that talents from these Story Hour threads are going to be put on display for the world to see, Jonrog and Andy.  We can say "we knew him when...."  Good luck, and please keep up the great story hours.


----------



## fenzer

Excellent.  I plan on watching them both.  I look forward to your next update jonrog1.  I have missed this story hour.


----------



## jonrog1

* CATTLE MUTILATORS *
*PT.1*

“It’s a milk run, really.  Simply show up, do the interviews, take the pictures.”  Superintendent Richardson spread the map out in front of his local Agents.  “Little place called Fairview, Arizona.”

“Don’t we have a field office out there?”  Ross flipped through the files as Stephen, Andy and Jo looked at the map.

“Only in major cities.”

“Which, despite its cruel lack of culture, Los Angles is considered.”  Stephen looked at the others.  “What? We get the road company of _ The Lion King _ and everybody plotzes.  It’s pitiful.”

Andy pointed to green circles on the map.  “What are these?”

“Those are your UFO sightings,” answered a new voice.  They turned to see a new Agent enter the room, arms filled with files.  He had the intense look of an academic researcher, but he moved as if he’d had recent field training.

“This is Denis, he’s an expert on UFO lore.  He’s done excellent statistical analysis, and you folks get to break him in on his first field mission.”  Superintendent Richardson stepped out through his doorway.  “Try not to give him any of your bad habits,” he said as he left.

“What bad habits?” asked Denis.

The other agents looked at Andy.  “What, I shouldn’t have framed innocent people for murder?  I don’t tell you how to do your jobs.”

The rest introduced each other, then went straight to work.  Denis cross-referenced his files with the map.  “In the last year, Fairview, Arizona has suffered from a statistically significant number of cattle mutilations.  In the last six months, they’ve suddenly started reporting UFO’s.”

“Who’s ‘they’?” asked Jo.

“Local ranchers, mostly.  There’s barely a town there.  Used to be a big place –there was a factory nearby that shut down about five, six years ago.  All we have to do is go out there and …” Denis paused. “What’s in that flask?”

“Nerve medicine, rookie.  It keeps Mommy from pointing her guns at people.”  Jo pulled back her jacket to show she was now carrying two Glock 9’s at all times.

“… ah.  Anyway, we got a fresh cattle mutilation, a rancher named Claremont.  We’ll start with him, see if the pattern of injuries matches classic mutilation, then nail down the exact locations of the previous mutilations and the UFO sightings.  Just interview stuff.”

Stephen jangled his keys. “They gave us the big travel van, got a trailer on it with our equipment.  Cover story?”

“Hoffman Institute stuff.  Same story you used in the Desmond Case.”

“… and that went so well …” Ross muttered to himself.  “My shotgun packed?”

Stephen nodded.  “Fresh clips for everyone, too.”  The Agents moved as a group toward the door.  

Denis hesitated. “Ummm, shotgun?  Aren’t we just supposed to be asking questions?”  When the others didn’t answer, he quietly fell into step behind them.

********************************************

They drove for seven hours, finally closing in on Fairview at 11 at night.  They’d turned off the main interstate hours before.  It was dead desert dark, an unlit two-lane rocketing straight out into the dry plateau.  In the distance mountains loomed, black against the starry night.  The Agents had exhausted small talk hours before and rode in silence, their faces illuminated by the soft glow from the van’s dashboard.   Stephen still drove.  Denis rode shotgun, Ross and Jo were on the seat behind them, and Andy stretched out dozing on the last long seat in the rear of the van.   It had been two hours since they saw another vehicle, three since they left the last sign of any civilization whatsoever.

Stephen squinted ahead. “Hey, a hundred yards up.”

Denis looked.  “Don’t see it.”

“Be in the headlights soon.”

Stephen slowed.  He swore, which brought Ross and Jo forward.  Andy sat up, slid forward, crouching between the first seat and the van’s side door.  “Okay.  That’s … odd.”

The van slowly approached what they saw.  It was walking stiffly, uncertainly, along the side of the asphalt.  It didn’t turn as the headlights lit it up, nor as the van pulled up behind it.  Just kept walking.

They parked the van.  Andy slid open the door, stepped out.  Jo drew one of her Glocks.  Denis was about to object, but Ross warned him with a tiny head shake.  The Agents filed out of the van, moving slowly.  They didn’t really have to chase it, as it didn’t exactly have a long stride.
“Hey,” said Stephen softly.

It stopped.  Turned around.  Stared at them, confused and innocent.

It was a three year old boy.

The Agents stood frozen for a moment, the low hum of the van engine echoing out into the night.  They were hundreds of miles from _ anything _, and here was a three year old boy, wearing a soccer t-shirt, leans and little Nike sneakers.  Jo approached, bent down.  “He’s … he’s covered in some sort of goo.”

While Stephen checked to make sure the boy was all right physically, Andy and Ross squatted next to Jo.  “What’s your name, buddy?”

The boy looked from one to the other.  “He’s fine.  Body temp’s a little low, probably onset of hypothermia, being out here in the desert,” explained Stephen.  There was another awkward silence as the Agents and the little boy stared at each other.

The boy said simply: “The Bad Men are coming.”

There was a long pause.  Finally Andy said,  “Wow.  I was just thinking ‘What’s the last thing I ever, ever want to hear somebody say?’, and the kid said it.”

Denis looked over his shoulder instinctively.  He turned back, then double-taked.  “Guys?”  They all turned.  Far, far behind them on the highway, silver dots appeared.  They resolved into matched sets.  Three matches sets of two.  Headlights.  Moving very, very fast.

“Guess what, folks –“ Ross began.

“—the Bad Men are coming,” finished Jo.


----------



## Dinkeldog

Woohoo!

Thanks, Jonrog!


----------



## Piratecat

Yes! *does a happy dance*


----------



## fenzer

*Yes!*



			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> “Nerve medicine, rookie.  It keeps Mommy from pointing her guns at people.”  Jo pulled back her jacket to show she was now carrying two Glock 9’s at all times.



I love you man!  LOL



			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> It was a three year old boy.




See, this is why I wait around for this stuff.  I can't wait for the next one.


----------



## KidCthulhu

Lights a cigarette and slumps back, contented.


----------



## Victim

Is Dennis a new player or simply an NPC expert they brought along to torment?

I love this story. Do you use classes in this game, or is more like CoC?


----------



## jonrog1

Denis is one of our regular D&D players who'd missed our two other DarkMatter one-offs.  He plays Roscoe Tosscobble, the mild-mannered halfling cleric who likes making muffins, but will occasionally flash-fry something when Corean tells him it needs smiting.  Then, back to the muffins.

And hey, I take no credit for Jo's "Nerve medicine" crack.  Actually, I think it may have come from the next adventure, as Jo wasn't _quite_ so disturbed yet.

Then the very, very bad things happened in this adventure, and her sanity skated out into the middle of the thin ice.  And stayed there.  So if I moved the quote early, my bad.

My conversion uses classes -- four converted ones from Alternity.  I've been tweaking them according to what comes out and I like.  Actually, CoC doesn't QUITE fit the tone of this campaign.  Low level Spycraft mixed with the Shadowchasers system in Polyhedron is what I'm hacking together now.

Spycraft is just magnificent by the way, both it and its campaign world are insanely well written.  That Chase system is lovely.

Thanks for all the feedback.  And a warning.  Things start getting real grim next chapter and stay that way.  All kids out of the pool.


----------



## Lazybones

Another great thing about ENWorld: there are so many great threads here that you can "discover" one on a lazy Friday at work (when the boss is on vacation ) and whittle away a few hours in glorious distraction.  

Anyway, finally moseyed over here, enjoyed the story a lot.  I like the mix of horror and humor that everyone else who's posted here have already commented on.  I'll definitely put this one on my "check back every few months and collect updates list."


----------



## Horacio

Really wonderful, of course... 

Bad men are coming...

I like that phrase


----------



## LightPhoenix

Um, jonrog, about Raw Recruits...

It's been a while since I've played it, but did you alter the ending at all?  It seems like the group missed a very big point which led to a different ending (sorry, trying not to spoil...)


----------



## jonrog1

I wouldn't worry about spoiling the sample adventure from a discontinued sub-system in a discontinued gaming system  ...

They did miss the across-the-street-neighbor.  They didn't arrive in time to see the "doctor" leave -- who wasn't all that crucial anyway, was he? Hmm, as I was pretty much playing the thing with the book open, I can't think of any way they went askew -- or at the very least, this was one of the major endings.

By the way, if I wanted to try posting some of this conversion, what forum would it go under?


----------



## fenzer

bump...


----------



## fenzer

I would like to see what you have put together, conversion wise that is.  I think the Conversions or d20 Systems Games would be reasonable places to put your ideas, though I think Conversions would be your best bet.

Let me know where they end up.  

Hey Jonrog1, just a quick question.  Did you submit anything to WotC this last week?


----------



## jonrog1

fenzer said:
			
		

> *Hey Jonrog1, just a quick question.  Did you submit anything to WotC this last week? *




Nah, was busy finishing up an assigment or two -- and to tell the truth, world-building is a little less interesting to me than sytem-building.  Who cares what my King Fendrick the 3rd is up to?

To me Scarred lands is the perfect setting -- detailed enough so that if I want to know what the official setting NPC's are up to I can make a quick guess, vague enough that I can impose my own agendas on them.  

For the update to this -- going to write it now.  It's a tricky one, so I wanted to take my time.


----------



## fenzer

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *For the update to this -- going to write it now.  It's a tricky one, so I wanted to take my time. *




I guess that's good news.  It gives poor suckers like me a chance.



			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *For the update to this -- going to write it now. It's a tricky one, so I wanted to take my time. *




Sorry, I didn't quite catch that.  Are you referring to your conversion data or are you continuing your story hour?


----------



## psychognome

Just discovered this one, and I gotta  tell ya, it's a beauty. It's easy to see that your group is all writers from the dialog. Keep it coming!


----------



## fenzer

The boards are working again!  I had to stop by and see what I missed.  It looks like things have been a little slow.  Here's a push to the front page and hope for an update.


----------



## jonrog1

Update's typed. just needs to be transferred hither.  Just checking to see if I can post or not ...


----------



## Piratecat

You can - hooray!


----------



## Hatchling Dragon

*ROFLMAO*

Ack, hurry up 'n post before I have to go to work (in about 45 minutes).  Gonna take my shower now while I'm waiting, hope to have something to read while I'm puttin on my shoes 'n such-like 

Lord almighty but your group's got some of the best lines I've ever read, of any sorta media I can think of.  Of course my all time favorite has to be:



> "Perhaps we should start by reviewing the ... reviewing the ..." Stephen paused. "Where did you get the vodka?"
> 
> "I brought an emergency bottle." Jo took a swig, stuffed the bottle back into a camera bag. "What? I don't have a problem. Shut up."




Any line that so easily conjurs up such a vivid mental 'movie clip' as that deserves praise.

And I don't think that 'It keeps Mommy from pointing guns at people.' line was poorly placed, at least it seemed to fit perfectly right where it is.   We'll just have to wait for even more great dialog in future updates.


----------



## jonrog1

* CATTLE MUTILATORS *
* Pt. 2 *

The approaching headlights blurred in the distance, they were coming so fast.  Stephen looked around them.  Nothing but straight highway and empty desert for at least another thirty minutes in every direction.  Nowhere to run.

As the Agents leapt back in the van, the little boy reached his hands up for Jo.  She hesitated just a beat, then swept him up in her arms and jumped in.  The van was already in motion as the door slid home and SLAMMED shut.

Ross and Andy crawled over the last bench seat so they could snug up against the rear doors of the van.  Stephen floored the accelerator.  Jo cradled the boy against one shoulder,  Denis alternated between nervous glances back and forward – this wasn’t how field research was supposed to go …

The three pursuing vehicles were on them in a heartbeat.  Two up front, one in back.  Heavy, black four-door sedans.

“See, _that’s_ what Men in Black should drive,” Ross pointed out to Andy.  "Not like those SUV’s  --“

BANG!  The rear door window SMASHED out, and something SPARKED on the inner roof of the van.  Andy peeked out.  He couldn’t make out the men’s features, but they were all in dark suits.  With big guns.  The passengers of each car were leaning out and taking aim.  Andy snapped his head back down as two heavy-caliber slugs PUNCHED against the reinforced door.

“Stephen!  Feel free to speed up!”  Ross called.

“We’re in a frikkin’ VAN hauling a TRAILER!”  Stephen swerved back and forth.  

Ross looked back – the trailer swayed behind them, keeping the Black Cars a few yards farther back, buying them some extra room.  Two more FLASHES from the guns.  Pieces of their camea equipment on the trailer SMASHED away.  Ross looked back at Andy.  “Now?”

“Now.”

The two men cracked open the rear doors of the van.  Using them as cover, they fired back at the approaching cars.  SPARKS shot off the grill of the left car, and two shots spiderwebbed the windshield of the right.

“Hold on, guys,” Jo called back. “I’ll be right – AAAAA!”

Warm blood surged over her shirt. She grappled with her young charge, and as she pulled him away his teeth gnashed at the flesh where her neck met her collarbone. “SONOV*B#TCH!”

Denis’ eyes widened when he turned back to see what was wrong.

The three year old boy thrashed wildly in Jo’s awkward grip.  He snapped his jaws at her throat, his little hands clawed at her shirt.  His eyes were wide and bright.  He was screaming something, one word over and over again.

“YUMMY! YUMMY-YUMMY-YUMMY-YUMMY!”

He was hard to understand, because in his flesh-crazed feeding frenzy ...

... the child was chewing up his own tongue.

Stephen wrestled to control the car as the tyke’s kicking feet struck the back of his head.  Denis instinctively drew his gun.  A BURST of submachinegun fire sparked over their trailer – Ross leaned out, returned fire. Jo tried to get her knees up to push the vicious child-creature away from her.

Andy just stared as the three-year-old bared his teeth.

_(DM’s NOTE:  the absolute proudest moment I’ve ever had as a DM.  Everyone was acting on their initiative.  When we got to Andy, for his action he said: “Nothing.  I’m just going to sit here and be f*cked up.”)_

Denis took aim at the thrashing boy.  “HEY!  You could hit Jo!” Ross yelled back. He ducked as more submachinegun fire from the MiB’s raked their vehicles.  The battered trailer groaned, then SNAPPED away.  The three MiB vehicles swerved around it.  Their maneuver let both Ross and Andy draw a bead on them. Both scored against the grill of the lead car.  Steam and smoke erupted from under the hood,  The car dropped back, the other two closing ranks. 

Jo pinned the screeching child against the seatback.  In one fluid move she shrugged off her shirt, wrapping it as in improvised straight jacket around the boy.  It held him enough so that she could drop him to the floor and pin him there with one foot.

“Uh, guys …” Stephen yelled over the gunfire.

“Not now!”  Ross took one last shot at the wounded MiB car.  He scored – flames ERUPTED from under the hood.  A beat later something EXPLODED, twisting the car end over end at sixty miles an hour.  The flaming wreckage dropped behind the two remaining pursuers.

“GUYS!”  Stephen yelled.

“WHAT!?”  They yelled back.

Stephen pointed.  There, dead ahead, in the sky above the dark highway, were lights.

Green and white flashing lights.  Moving really fast, diving at an impossible speed to strafe low along the highway, straight at them.

MiB behind.

UFO ahead.


----------



## psychognome

That's some scary stuff man. I wonder how our "heroes" are going to get out of that situation. The MiB, a UFO, and a zombie toddler, I wonder...


----------



## Fade

Hope their van has better off-road capability than a black cadillac?


----------



## Hammerhead

Wow, another great update. So now we have a) Drunk Southern Girls with Guns, and b) Zombie Toddlers, now we only need c) Bad Aliens.

Looking forward to the next update.


----------



## fenzer

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *“See, that’s what Men in Black should drive,” Ross pointed out to Andy.  "Not like those SUV’s  --“*




Yes!




> *“Hold on, guys,” Jo called back. “I’ll be right – AAAAA!”
> 
> Warm blood surged over her shirt. She grappled with her young charge, and as she pulled him away his teeth gnashed at the flesh where her neck met her collarbone. “SONOV*B#TCH!”
> 
> Denis’ eyes widened when he turned back to see what was wrong.
> 
> The three year old boy thrashed wildly in Jo’s awkward grip.  He snapped his jaws at her throat, his little hands clawed at her shirt.  His eyes were wide and bright.  He was screaming something, one word over and over again.
> 
> “YUMMY! YUMMY-YUMMY-YUMMY-YUMMY!”
> 
> He was hard to understand, because in his flesh-crazed feeding frenzy ...
> 
> ... the child was chewing up his own tongue.*




Yes, yes!

*



			Andy just stared as the three-year-old bared his teeth.

(DM’s NOTE:  the absolute proudest moment I’ve ever had as a DM.  Everyone was acting on their initiative.  When we got to Andy, for his action he said: “Nothing.  I’m just going to sit here and be f*cked up.”)

Click to expand...


*
The sign of an excellent story teller.  

*



			MiB behind.

UFO ahead.
		
Click to expand...


*Does it get any better?


Great update.  Thanks jonrog1.


----------



## Carnifex

Wow, great stuff!


----------



## Friadoc

psychognome said:
			
		

> * That's some scary stuff man. I wonder how our "heroes" are going to get out of that situation. The MiB, a UFO, and a zombie toddler, I wonder...  *




Hehe,

...very, very nice tale - I found it (yeap, textual equivilant of Columbus 'discovering' the new world) and I'm pleased with the story, thus far.

If this was my last 'Dark*Matter' group, I'd probably be the guy looking for a gas can, a flare, and some duct tape so as to give the lil' f'er back to his 'bad men'.

Then again, I was also witht he group who felt that flaming dwarf bombs made a lot more sense then a frontal assault.


----------



## fenzer

Jonrog1, are any of your players members of the boards here?  It would be fun to get their input as well.  I would imagine that things get pretty energized around the table.  I for one would love a little first person commentary.


----------



## jonrog1

Friadoc said:
			
		

> *
> If this was my last 'Dark*Matter' group, I'd probably be the guy looking for a gas can, a flare, and some duct tape so as to give the lil' f'er back to his 'bad men'. *




Who says the kid belongs to the bad men?

And Fenzer, Jo was writing and posting our Scarred Lands D&D Campaign "Angry Monkey's SL Story", but that got lost in the great board shift. (Famous for the line: "We're surrounded by monkeys.  That's rarely good.")

She and Ross would swing by occasionally.  As this is where I paid off her fear of zombie toddlers, I'll ask her to check in. Although the _next_ one was when I really, really drove her nuts.

Literally.


----------



## fenzer

Great.  I would love to hear their side of the story.


----------



## KidCthulhu

Sigh.  Drool.  Flesh eating toddlers.   I think I love you.


----------



## Breakstone

Say, jonrog, I was a regular of your old story hour, but I never really picked up here until today.

I must admit, I'm speechless.

That toddler will keep me from sleeping tonight.

I can't wait to see what really drives Jo nuts!


----------



## Friadoc

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *
> 
> Who says the kid belongs to the bad men?
> *




Oh I wasn't saying the kid does, but if some blathering lil' screw job is trying to eat my neck, I'm always going to assume it belongs to someone else, who I 'think' is bad and withint range of a flesh-eating ghoul child strapped to a gas can with a ignited flare taped to it's flailing hand of cribual doom.



> *As this is where I paid off her fear of zombie toddlers, I'll ask her to check in. Although the next one was when I really, really drove her nuts.
> 
> Literally. *




You know, is it just me or is the 'flesh eating zombie trying to eat/suck the life out of a young woman in her prime' an unusual, albeit apropo, metaphore for motherhood and childbirth?

Hehe...


----------



## Hatchling Dragon

Friadoc said:
			
		

> *You know, is it just me or is the 'flesh eating zombie trying to eat/suck the life out of a young woman in her prime' an unusual, albeit apropo, metaphore for motherhood and childbirth?*




Ok, who left the thread unlocked and let the Psychobabalist in here?  *Friadoc*, you should be ashamed of yourself for talking like that around a delicate (, liqured-up, freshly bitten, _heavily armed_,) Southern Flower like Jo! 

Soo... Let's all go gang up on Wulf 'n force him to update.  *jonrog1* promiced he'd update only after Wulf did, and I need my fix of *both* Story Hours dangnabbit!

Hatchling Dragon

[Edit:  Rushed, forgot the "I'm not serious" smily!!]


----------



## Breakstone

Bump!

No page 2!


----------



## Hatchling Dragon

Um... Ok, you promiced that once Wulf updated his story you'd follow suit.   He posted yesterday, so where's our fix, er... Update I mean!

Hatchling Dragon


----------



## jonrog1

*CATTLE MUTILATORS*
*PT. 3*

"PULL OFF THE ROAD!" half the Agents screamed.

"STAY ON THE ROAD!" the other half screamed.

"HIT THE BRAKES! the other half screamed.

"Little late --" Stephen yelled back as the white lights from the UFO flooded the van.

A low WHIRIIRIRIRR whined from the van's dashboard as every electrical light and circuit burbled in the grasp of a mysterious EM Field.  A subsonic RUMBLE tickled the back of everyone's neck, some low thudding vibration --

-- and with that the two MiB cars EXPLODED.

Andy and Ross instinctively shielded their eyes as the two cars fireballed, metal sheeting and flaming engine parts corscrewing through the air. 

The UFO banked back around.  For one long, awful moment, it looked as if the Agents were next.  But then, the lights FLASHED, arced skyward and disappeared among the stars.

At the speed they were going, the van was a good half-mile from the burning wreckage by the time it came to a stop.  The Agents piled out.  Behind them, a low orange glow on the highway was all that remained of the incident.

That and the frothing zombie toddler.

Denis slumped against the side of the van.  "Now I know why you guys have the reputation you do."

Ross shrugged.  "Hey, we sometimes -- wait.  What reputation?"

The feral SNARLING of the child echoed out from his perch on the van floor.  "What do we do about ... that?" Stephen asked.

"Why don't you _check it again_, considering you said it was _fine_ just before it started gnawing on my f*#@ing neck!"  Jo glared at Stephen as she pulled a sweatshirt on.

"He _was_ fine," Stephen objected.  "Pulse, eye dilation ..."

 Andy nodded to the others.  "Get the duct tape out of my bag."

"You have duct tape?"

"I always have duct tape."  Andy snapped open his cell phone. In an instant he was on a scrambled line with MacGruder, the Hoffman Institute's "Crisis Manager." 

As always, MacGruder was incredibly annoyed at the call.  "I thought we went through this with the Desmond case, you only call when you have a real emergency."

"Can you guys pick something up?"

"Is it worth our while?"

Andy looked over at the thrashing zombie toddler, now thoroughly wrapped in  several feet of duct tape.  "Hoo yeah."  

The Hoffman Institute agreed to send a Hazmat team to pick up their "discovery."  They'd meet at the hotel in Fairview where the group was scheduled to stay.

_(DM's NOTE:  At this point I spit out my soda and asked, "You're going to drive into a small southwestern town with a shot-up van and a duct-taped three year old?"  The players looked at each other and nodded.  At at this point, we were so, SO far off where I'd planned this night to go ...)_

The Agents pulled into the little motel just fifteen minutes later.  They smuggled "Zombie Timmy" as he was dubbed into the room and dumped him in the tub. In doing so they noticed that he was now incredibly fevered.  Jo and Ross raided the ice machine in the parking lot.  Soon, the zombie toddler was almost totally submerged in ice, only his eyes above the surface.  Those eyes darted back and forth, back and forth ceaselessly.  He watched the Agents every move.  Waiting to feed again.

In two hours a van showed up.  The Agents were looking forward to rattling some cages, but when the two orange-suited drivers saw the toddler they looked at each other and immediately withdrew from the van several wire loops and metal slats.  The slats became a sealed refrigerated box.  Using the loops, they lowered the zombie toddler into the containment vessel, then locked it off.  No more than fifteen minutes passed, and the HazMat team was back on the road with their grim cargo.

Exhausted, the Agents fell asleep wherever they could, on the floor, the beds, in chairs - except for Jo.  She paced for a while, constantly rechecked the van, the door, the windows ...  she kept checking the dressing where the kid had bitten her.  Was it infected?  Was it swelling?  Was she about to become ... one of those?

Finally, she took two of the pills the nice people at the Hoffman Institute had given her, downed them with a hit from her flask.  In moments she fell into deep, dreamless slumber.

And at that moment everyone else in the room took their hands off their guns and fell asleep too.


----------



## fenzer

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> _(DM's NOTE:  At this point I spit out my soda and asked, "You're going to drive into a small southwestern town with a shot-up van and a duct-taped three year old?"  The players looked at each other and nodded.  At thsi point we were so, SO far off where I'd planned this night to go ...)_




Man, aint this the truth.  How many times does this happen?  I wish I had a nickle for every time my group goes left when they were supposed to go right.

Thanks for the update jonrog1.


----------



## Hatchling Dragon

> _Originally posted by jonrog1_
> *(DM's NOTE: At this point I spit out my soda and asked, "You're going to drive into a small southwestern town with a shot-up van and a duct-taped three year old?" The players looked at each other and nodded. At thsi point we were so, SO far off where I'd planned this night to go ...)*




Er... you acutally bother to _plan_?  Don't you know that no plan of action ever survives contact with the Player Characters?  

I think I see what has Jo pulling her hair out, between slugs from her flask of course, the not knowing if she'll turn into a Zombie Redneck.  And of course the rest of the group's reaction doesn't really inspire a lotta hope either.

Hatchling Dragon


----------



## Breakstone

Gotta love those mysterious aliens...

I can't wait for more, Jonrog!


----------



## paulewaug

Excellent!!
This just may have been the best segment yet IMHO!

You guys must have a Really Good Time!
Thanks sharing!! 

Hey look its an Mib Smilie }   {

aahhhh...Zombie toddlers
Now thats just good clean fun!


----------



## jonrog1

Hatchling Dragon said:
			
		

> *I think I see what has Jo pulling her hair out, between slugs from her flask of course, the not knowing if she'll turn into a Zombie Redneck.  And of course the rest of the group's reaction doesn't really inspire a lotta hope either. *




Sadly, Jo is so, so far away from how truly evil this night of gaming wound up at this point in the narrative.  This was in the _first half hour_.

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone.  This is the one thing I work on without a deadline, and hence one of the things I enjoy most.


----------



## jonrog1

Hatchling Dragon said:
			
		

> *Er... you acutally bother to plan?  Don't you know that no plan of action ever survives contact with the Player Characters?*




That was the amazing bit -- I DIDN'T plan.  I merely had a sequence of events, and whether the Agents were present for them or not depended on their actions.  They could and did miss big tracts of plot.  

What was amazing was their own abiltiy to create obstacles for themselves without my help.

That's a tendency with this group, though.  While DM'ing, Andy once remarked that all he needed for a night's adventure was a door, a twenty foot corridor with traps, and an empty room, and we'd argue, debate, and strategize for four hours.


----------



## KidCthulhu

Speaking of Jo, tell her that I miss the Angry Monkey story hour, and she should bring it on back.   This story hour is almost enough to make me want to live in LA.


----------



## Hatchling Dragon

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *Thanks for the encouragement, everyone.  This is the one thing I work on without a deadline, and hence one of the things I enjoy most. *




Encouragement hell, we're all *adicts* and speeking of deadlines... _I need another fix, *now*!_ 

Ok, so I'm only partly kidding...

Hatchling Dragon - Scaley Red-Neck Junky


----------



## Elph

Jo from JonRog Dark Matter fame here. 

First let me say that southern girls learn to shoot while intoxicated so trying to shoot while sober throws their aim way off. 

“Damnit! I don’t know where to point when there’s only one of you!” 

Secondly, I wanted to clarify something with Hatchling Dragon. Not everyone from the South is a redneck just as not everyone from the mid-west is a Swedish insurance salesman. The differences may be subtle but important, I assure you. 

Thirdly, our ritualistic weekly gathering consisting of small talk / business chat / Invader Zim episodes and a dinner of peanuts and beer amidst dice rolling and smack talking is the absolute highlight of my week. Envy me mortals for I dwell among the gods. (Chthulu gods but gods none the less.) They are a group of truly brilliant and talented guys. 

And finally, they really, really frighten me. Baby boy flesh puppets chewing at my neck! WHO THINKS OF THESE THINGS??? 

And FYI, it really does get much, much worse very, very soon. I don’t want to give anything away but certain things happen which have my character 100% completely insistent on a shower. 

“Shower. Now. Shower.” (shudder)

“But people need our help.”

“F’ them. Shower now.”

“But Jojo…”

“LOOK AT ME! I’m covered in the snot and feces of the undead. This isn’t frickin Ghostbusters where the heroes get slimed by some cutesy Casper! This is uber icky alien goop! Now I’m not your average squeamish chick but this stuff is in my ears. It’s in my eyes. It is in places you _men_ can’t even imagine…”

Both guns drawn and pointing at the ground.

“…I need a shower. A _long_ one. And a drink. A _tall_ one. Now…”

Pull back the hammers.

“…who’s going to stop me?”

Others: “We should probably get her a shower.” 
		“Makes sense.”
			“We’ve got plenty of time.” 

Reading these posts has me salivating like Pavlov’s pet for more updates and another Dark Matter adventure because, after all, can you ever really have too many nightmares? 

Enjoy the posts and keep supporting our favorite storyteller - JonRog1.


----------



## drunkadelic

You know, it's like the absolute highlight of my day, when I'm at work, with no real agenda, the boss is in meetings for the rest of the afternoon and I get to sit down and read a new story hour. 

But then it makes me sad when I finish, because I now know that I have become addicted to yet another story hour, and worse yet, that I can't get another hit until my dealers update.

In any case, JonRog1, this story hour is awesome. You rock.

Drunkadelic


----------



## Piratecat

Elph said:
			
		

> *WHO THINKS OF THESE THINGS???
> *




Err.... John. God bless him.    It's so cool to see you here!


----------



## Friadoc

Elph said:
			
		

> *Secondly, I wanted to clarify something with Hatchling Dragon. Not everyone from the South is a redneck just as not everyone from the mid-west is a Swedish insurance salesman. The differences may be subtle but important, I assure you. *





Ok,

...I'll concur with her on this once, as I've an attachment to just such a lady, or ladies in this case, while growing up.

My hometown is in southern Oregon, yes this is not a story of the true south, in an old lumber town grown-up called Klamath Falls.

It sits upon a nice lake, albeit artificial as it was made to help with farm irrigation, that grows an unusual algea that we charge an arm-and-a-leg for to the yuppie-folk.

Loads of hunting, fishing, gravel pits, swimming holes, and hidden nudie farms to boot - a nice, rural culture.

Oh, we do have the weirdness of being home to the Oregon Institute of Technology - Oregon's seat of higher learning for engineers, nurses, and other such fields (it's also home to some nice computer geeks too).

Anyhow, you will see a large variance of 'necks in this area, with a fair amount of white trash thrown in to be safe, with a few local tribes of Native American (recently joining the 'We have a Casino' trend, that allows them fiscal revenge on the 'white man') such as the Modoc (of Modoc Wars fame), the Klamath, and a third tribe that slips my mind.

One thing I can tell you is that technically a redneck can come from any, and I do mean, any ethnic grouping/race - it's hilarious as I think Klamath Falls tends to be a weird place of equality (we allow anyone to put trucks on blocks in their front yards  ).

But, to the topic of shooting and drink from the gentler sex - both my momma and my gramma could easily out shoot a fair number of people. Heck, when my gramma ran one of the local apartment complexes she had a .357 Mag. Six-shooter under the counter that she could take out, kock (man, the c-word is a proper word in gun usage) it, and have it under an idiots chin way too quickly.

My gentle mother (hehehe) is just as bad, one time a boyfriend of hers called her that nice word that rhymes with witch, but starts with a 'B', well she knocked him flat out with one punch - funny part thing with that though, he was an Army Ranger.

Oh yeah, I don't live in my home town - I like my friends to think I'm the scary one, not the matriarchs of the family.  

Hence, this is why 'Jo' is my favorite character inthis story hour - she reminds me of home.

Oh, one last thing my family came to Oregon, via Illinois, from Louisiana - I don't know my Great Gramma Delaney's maiden name, but my gramma's first husband (father of five of her nine kids) had the last name of Downs and they use to live a bit east of Shrevesport.

Anyhow, enough of my disgressing - as well as given out information that could be used against me, should I become a famous, or infamous, writer.


----------



## fenzer

*Hurrah!*

Jo is here!  Thanks for posting Elph.  I was hopin we would get some of the players to post here.  Thanks for stopping by and nice to meet you.


----------



## Horacio

I'm back 

Great updates! And it was great seeing Jo posting here too


----------



## jonrog1

* CATTLE MUTILATORS
Pt. 4*

The Agents woke up early.  They decided talk to the man who’d called in the latest cattle mutilation.

They called the rancher, Claremont, who gave them terse direction from the motel they were staying at.  Soon they were back out on the highway, lackluster brown dirt stretching flatly away to distant steppes all around them.  

The Agents were a good half-hour out of the town before they realized they were on the same two-lane highway where they’d had the previous night’s encounter.  They spotted the flashing lights of the two cop cars from a mile away.  

“Dodge them,” advised Stephen.  Denis was driving for this leg of the journey.

“Can’t,” Denis answered. “The turn-off’s past them.”

They stopped the van beside the two cop cars.  Both cruisers had seen better days, and both were local, from Fairview.  Just past them the still-smoking husks of the two devastated MiB cars smoldered, scattered all over the pavement and roadside as if they’d been crashing airplanes rather then cars.  The police were just two men – a fat-muscled older sheriff, and his deputy who looked no more then twenty years old.

“Hold up there,” the Sheriff drawled.   He flashed a badge – _“Sheriff Glick”_ – and rested his hand on his gun.  “This here’s an accident site.”

The Agents unloaded from the van, casually circled the area like gawkers.  Andy quietly flipped his video camera to *ON*.  “Gosh, what happened here?” Johanna asked in her most disarming drawl.

“Looks like some kids were drag-racing, and got blowed up.  Luckily everybody survived, but they ran off – no bodies.”  Sheriff Glick nodded sagely, then turned back to the wreck.  

Ross looked at the others incredulously.  They’d hoped that they would escape scrutiny for the wrecks, but this level of idiocy had to have some ulterior motive.  “So.  Some kids in late-model sedans were drag-racing, and then they both exploded next to each other.  Along this empty stretch of road.” 

“Yep.”  Sheriff Glick turned back to them.  “And you are?”

Ross and Andy spun out their cover story of the Hoffman Institute and its documentary on cattle mutilations.  Sheriff Gick merely stared and grunted at intervals.  At the same time, Denis and Stephen circled the crash site.  They’d both spotted something they wanted to get a closer look at.  Johanna attempted to distract the young Deputy with cleavage and small talk, as Stephen crouched to pick something up.  That’s when she received two surprises:

First, her usually reliable cleavage and small talk had not distracted the Deputy.  He saw Stephen pocket what he’d found.  Second, the Deputy kept his mouth shut. “Deputy Tom Murphy, miss,” he smiled, passing her his card.  “If you need me for anything, care to … _share some information_ … I’d appreciate a call.”

“Why thank you, sir,” Johanna smiled, discretely pocketing the number.

In a moment the Agents were back in the van and guided around the wreck.  Only once the cop cars were well behind them did they compare notes.  “The Deputy’s smarter than the Sheriff,” Johanna said.

“As are mollusks.”  Andy rechecked their map for the Claremont Ranch turn-off. “What did you two find?”

Denis held up a tattered scrap of papers.  “A burned passport.  The Men in Black carried ID. And here’s what’s weird –“ he tossed it on the seat.  The passport’s scorched cover was in Russian.

Andy studied the picture. “_Ilya Sergerov_, hmmm, with the name and pic, maybe the Hoffman Institute can find out something about him.  What else?”  At that, Stephen handed him a long sliver of metal.  Ross interecepted it – he’d taken advanced firearms training at the Hoffman Institute. 

“This is a shell casing,” Ross said, squinting through it.

“It’s huge,” Jo answered.

“Yep.  Seventy millimeter, the kind you fire from a Vulcan Heavy Autocannon as you, say, devastate a Vietnamese village in order to save it.  Now, here’s what’s weird – our suited friends last night weren’t packing this sort of firepower, nor were we, which leaves –“

“The UFO,” Denis finished.  “But what sort of UFO is strapped out with Earth-manufactured heavy metal?”

The Agents interrupted their discussion when they finally reached the gates of the Claremont Ranch.  Jack Claremont, lean and sunburnt, waved to them wordlessly, then hopped in his waiting pick-up truck and led them out into his open range.

*************************************************

“How often has this happened?”  Jo asked, clutching the handkerchief to her nose.  Andy and Ross busied themselves with the mikes and video cameras.  They’d rather do that than stand where Stephen and Denis were: hip-deep in mutilated cow.  Day-old-sitting-in-the-desert-sun mutilated cow.  The smell was vomitous at thirty feet out.  Everyone else was fighting to keep from losing their lunches.  Claremont just spit an extra two times a minute, that seemed to do the job for him.

“Ayyup, thehd tahme this month.  Used to not happ’n so much, but lately – and as always, the lights in the sky come at the same time.”

“As always?” Jo asked.

Over by the cow, Denis happily passed Stephen a plastic container. “Quick, bag the cow anus.”  Stephen glared at him, but Denis just returned to his note-taking, humming cheerfully.

“Way-ull, not as always.  Cattle mutilations been hapn’in to all us locals for the last three yeahs.   Ra-yah, so we chalked it up to cay-otes.   Then real bad for the last six months. Then, a month ago, the lights started showin’ up.  Sometimes alone, but mostly when the cattle wind up dead.”

“Can we talk to the other ranchers?”  Jo glanced over at the cow, then quickly turned away when Denis held some brain matter up to the sun to take a closer look.  Claremont told them that most of the local ranchers would congregate in the local diner for lunch.  

As quick as they could, they finished the interview, got in their van and drove from the charnel-house stench.  They expectantly looked to Denis, their expert in all things UFO.  “That,” he said authoritatively, “was no mutilated cow.  It was just mutilated.”  When the others stared blankly, he continued. “UFO mutilations follow a very distinct pattern.  That cow – if it’s like the others – didn’t have that pattern.  It was not clinically dispatched, it was killed, then the soft parts were eaten away by small carnivores.  But not the ones you’d think.”  He produced an evidence baggie.  Within it was a small tooth. “I recovered this from within the brain matter remaining in the skull.”

“Doesn’t look like an animal,” Ross said.

“It’s not.”  Denis held it up for all to see. “It’s got a silver filling.  This is a *human* tooth.”


----------



## paulewaug

*yay!*

oooohh..
could it have been  (looks around)
Zombie Toddlers?!  bwahaha!
ahem...

Thanks for the update!!
Keep 'em coming!!


----------



## Horacio

Braaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnsss
I waaaaaannnnttt braaaaaaaaaiiiiiinnnnsssss...


----------



## KidCthulhu

Mmmm.  Tasty brains. 

Makes sense that they had to kill the cattle first.  Very hard for a toddler, even a zombie toddler, to climb up a cow to its brains.

[The mental image of a zombie toddler putting a ladder up against the side of a wide eyed, very nervous cow just won't leave my mind.]


----------



## jonrog1

As Jake Johannsen said: "A cow is the only animal you can hunt with a hammer."


----------



## fenzer

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *Day-old-sitting-in-the-desert-sun mutilated cow.*




LOL.  Great visuals in this scene, thanks for the update.


----------



## Hammerhead

*Re: yay!*



			
				paulewaug said:
			
		

> *oooohh..
> could it have been  (looks around)
> Zombie Toddlers?!  bwahaha!
> ahem...
> 
> Thanks for the update!!
> Keep 'em coming!! *




Most toddlers probably won't have fillings.  There must be adult zombies around as well.


----------



## paulewaug

ahhh!!
Yes that is a good point!
Although Zombie Adults are not that much fun...

maybe there are some  pre-pubescent zombies?!

Old enough to have cavities..er, uh..fillings..
 (guess I should be careful of the word 'cavity' in a Story Hour that mentions Anal Probes!, eh?!)
But still young enough to be kid-creepy!

keep em coming jonrog!!


----------



## Breakstone

Oh no!

It's the... INVASION (not) FROM SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!


----------



## jonrog1

Don't be silly.  That's the next story.


----------



## fenzer

*Inspiration*

Jonrog1, you have inspired me.  If I may take the liberty of plagiarizing your novel idea, I will have my group create themselves as characters and play through a little Call of Cthulu.  I wont have them roll anything, just assign values to each ability that seem accurate to the real world player.  Using the Cthulu system, I will also have them pick core skills appropriate to the real world person.

I just saw _Signs_ by M. Night and the idea of regular people being thrust into irregular circumstances appealed to me.  Good show by the way, go see it. 

Anyway, I just wanted to check with you and make sure you didn't mind my plagiarism.  

Thanks for the inspiration.


----------



## Rune

*Re: Inspiration*



			
				fenzer said:
			
		

> Jonrog1, you have inspired me.  If I may take the liberty of plagiarizing your novel idea, I will have my group create themselves as characters and play through a little Call of Cthulu.  I wont have them roll anything, just assign values to each ability that seem accurate to the real world player.  Using the Cthulu system, I will also have them pick core skills appropriate to the real world person.




Hey, what a coincidence!  I did this too (including the part about being inspired by Jonrog1)!

I even have a story hour dedicated to it.

It worked out well (my players hate me, though).  Good luck with your game and I hope we get to read about it!


----------



## fenzer

Hey Rune,  I hate to say it but this is easier said than done in my group.  Since we get together so infrequently, when we do the majority of the group wants to play D&D.  This is not a bad thing mind you, but from time to time I get an itch to try something else.

I have enjoyed jonrog1's story hour so much that the idea of doing a "real world" adventure just keeps picking at me.  I think I will just spring it on them, I have said this before and have chickened out.  I am becoming more bold as time goes on, however.

Wish me luck and if this does happen, I may get up the gumption to write a story.  I warn you, my writing leaves a lot to be desired.


----------



## jonrog1

*Re: Inspiration*



			
				fenzer said:
			
		

> *Jonrog1, you have inspired me.  If I may take the liberty of plagiarizing your novel idea, I will have my group create themselves as characters and play through a little Call of Cthulu.  *




That's what the boards are for.  Go ahead, and I look forward to reading about it.

A good thing to do is let them idealize a bit -- give them the skill numbers to plug in where they want 16, 14, 12, 12, 10, 10, where they can make a 12 a 10 to convert the 14 to a 16, or knock a 10 down to an 8 to pick up two points on any other number but the 16.  The survival factor will go up.

Break a leg!


----------



## fenzer

*Re: Re: Inspiration*



			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *
> 
> That's what the boards are for.  Go ahead, and I look forward to reading about it.
> 
> A good thing to do is let them idealize a bit -- give them the skill numbers to plug in where they want 16, 14, 12, 12, 10, 10, where they can make a 12 a 10 to convert the 14 to a 16, or knock a 10 down to an 8 to pick up two points on any other number but the 16.  The survival factor will go up.
> 
> Break a leg! *




Thanks man.  We get together only about once a month so it may be a while before I can post anything.

Ya, I figured I would let them use whatever value they think appropriate.  If this means moving things around and padding some numbers, that is just fine.  From what I have read CoC is already pretty deadly.

Oh, just a quick question jonrog, are you using CoC, Darkmatter, and/or Star Wars for your vehicle rules? In CoC they seem a little sprace.


----------



## jonrog1

Vehicle rules: at the time, Star Wars.   Now, I'd use Spycraft chase rules.


----------



## Clumsy Bob

> Ok I'm calm now  good story BTW , do you have the Dungeon with the Aftermath adventure in it ? It involves a swamp, mutants and a Gray doing experments




All of the Dark Matter dungeon adventures and a couple of others are available at www.alternity.net


----------



## fenzer

*I pulled it off*

Well, I sprung my "play as yourself" Call of Cthulu idea on my players last night.  I told them nothing until we sat down to play.  They had no idea and when I told them to create themselves on paper, I had responces ranging from "Cool!" to rolling of the eyes.  I let them assign whatever values and skills they thought appropraite.  And in no time at all we were off.  I have to say, going classless was pretty cool.

I had a really good time and I think my players did as well.  I had a real rush watching them squirm and make "safe" decisions based on how they would have reacted to the situation, surrendering to police, telling the police everything, handing over key evidence, etc.  

I will not ruin Jonrog's thread with nasty details, and no I have not mustered up the courage to put together a story hour,  but the best part of the game came when Jen, the only female player in the group, had to choose between saving two innocents from death or fleeing with her life.  Jen, the player, was actually torn and the desicion seemed to weigh on her heavily.  She finally fled, crying.  It was great!  Thanks for the inspiration John.

By the way, CoC is great.  I had a blast.  This was my first CoC game.  The only complaint I have is that while the book goes out of its way detailing weapons, there is not so much as a single vehicle templet anywhere.  Yes, it gives simple hit points and hardness numbers but these are generic.  I had no idea what modifiers their poor Nissan pickup truck had.  I basically had to wing it.  This didn't hurt gameplay but it would have been nice to have some kind of reference for small pickups.  I might have to take a look at Spy Craft as per your recomendation, John.

Thanks again.


----------



## Breakstone

Come on, Fenzer, everybody's doing it!

(peer pressure! peer pressure!)


----------



## fenzer

*I hate you all.*

Man, you guys make it tough to be lazy.  Okay, Okay, I will see what I can put together.  But remember, it was just one session, not much there really.  I don't know how long it will be before we come back to this game.

So, if you want a poorly written short shory hour I'm your man.  I will post the first bit soon.  Thanks for the interest people.  I appreciate it.


----------



## fenzer

Jonrog please excuse this shameless plug.  I don't wish to muddle up your story hour with my own drivle but since Horacio asked so nicely, here it is for those who are interested.


----------



## Evil Gnome

but no cow zombies?

well, if there's a mommy zomie and a daddy zombie for our baby zombie, they must be very worried.

I wonder if the mommy zombie has protective instincts for her baby zombie?  If mommy has friends in the sky maybe the ufo wasn't there to save YOU but there to save baby, who you just sent back to the institute.  Bye bye institute.  Plus these inteliigent "true zombies"  sound like PirateCat's true ghouls, in a sense.  Great minds think alike, maybe there is a true zombie colony out there where they just try to liven in peace and decay.

well if any of this portents the story to come PLEASE EDIT.  these are just some misguided ramblings NOT intended to ruin anyone's fun

BTW fenzer good story


----------



## Elph

It has been almost a month since the last update. The zombies are hungry, John. Feed them.

Don't make me use Southern Charm or Drunken Pout. Both of which are 10th level hot chic spells.

Sure, if you make your Will Save you can save for half but in the end... you're gonna take some damage.


----------



## Piratecat

Elph, I knew I respected you for a reason. Use all your resources in getting him to update! 

Sheesh, guy gets a cool TV show, next thing you know he thinks he can leave us on a cliff hanger.


----------



## Desdichado

Hey, Angelsboi, why'd you get a new screen name?

Oh, and uh, still here looking for an update or sumfink...


----------



## Jarval

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> *Hey, Angelsboi, why'd you get a new screen name? *




That's odd, I didn't know AB could use 10th level spells...


----------



## jonrog1

*CATTLE MUTILATORS
Pt. 5*

Ross took the tooth baggie.   “Does it belong to our little friend from last night?”

“Hey, why don’t we just check my &*&#in’ NECK where the little *$%#&# BIT ME!” snapped Jo.

Denis shook his head.  “No.  It has a filling – it’s an adult tooth.  I suggest we drive into town, see if we can glean any more data from the locals.”

The Agents pulled in to Fairview just as the ranchers were congregating for lunch.  Fairview itself was barely more than a town square.  The desert was visible past the first row of buildings. A few desultory side streets pretended as if they went somewhere, but the square _was_ the town.  To the west side of the square was a convenience store, a small Christian bookstore, and the diner.  The north side of the square was dominated by a large white church.  A dour Reverend in his forties was touching up the paint on the door.  Next to the church was a picturesque white house somewhat larger than expected.  Some sort of business was based out of it, and out on the front lawn –

-- children.  Running, skipping, happy children, about two dozen of them.  *”Fairview Day Care”* the sign read.  Refereeing the group was a young, strawberry blonde mother with a big smile.  Next to her was a laughing man in a wheelchair.

Jo stared at the seething scrum of pre-school menace.  Her hands fluttered by her guns.  If those kids made a move … she was ready.  Oh, she was ready.

Nervously, Stephen circled the van past the tattered K-Mart and supermarket on the east side, then past the municipal offices on the south edge of the square.   They noted that the Sheriff’s office lay open, a single receptionist waiting at the desk.

They parked the van and entered the diner.  Expecting a chilly reception, they were surprised at how happy the ranchers were to vent.  They were feeling hard done by, and all of them had different conspiracy theories as to the mysterious lights and cattle deaths.

“Ever since the plant closed down,” one muttered, the others darkly nodding.

“The industrial plant, just north of town –“ began Stephen.

“DAMN STRAIGHT!  We was doing fine, ‘til them, ah, chemicals things leaked into the water and everybody who weren’t a rancher moved away.”  The rancher spittled chaw all over Denis’s glasses.  Denis casually took them off, sprayed hypoallergenic astringent on the lenses, and began chammying them.

“What chemicals?” asked Andy.

“’Like in that movie, where Julia Roberts had her bosoms all taped up.”

“_Dying Young_?” guessed Stephen.  “No, wait, maybe _Mystic Pizza_…”

“It’s _Erin Brockovitch_, for God’s sake,” snapped Ross.  “Remember, hexachromium tetrachlorides, yadda yadda.”

The lanky, cowboyish owner of the diner appeared, refilling coffee mugs.  “Yep, they manufactured huge tanks of the stuff for other industries, still big swimmin’ pool-sized tanks out there full of God knows what.  Course, a’fore that, was the copper mine …”

The locals laid out how the mine had been Fairview’s main industry from the 1800’s through the 1950’s; huge tracks of played-out tunnel criss-crossed the region, many passing with just a few hundred yards of town.  Fairview had it rough until the plant opened in the ‘70’s, only to have Fate kick it in the pants – the old tunnels were the channels through which the contamination had spread through the groundwater.

Andy laid out a military map of the area.  “Do you mind pointing out your ranches, and where the mutilations have been happening?”

After another hour of arguing and cajoling, the Agents had a decent map of the occurrences and a rough correlative timeline.  When the locals broke up for lunch, the Hoffman Investigators spread the map out on the hood of their van.

“I like the mine,” Andy said.  “Dark, plenty of tunnels for things that don’t like the light to travel by.”

Ross disagreed.  “Look at the timeline – the incidents nearest the old plant were the first.”  He rolled up the map.  “Plant’s on the way to the mine, anyway, let’s stop there.”

***********************************************
Two hours later, the van rumbled along the barest trace of a dirt road stretching out across the rocky desert.  The van was a hotbox.  The Agents squinted off into the distance, wiping stinging sweat from their eyes every few second.  Finally, Denis called out: “THERE!”

The plant was bigger than they’d expected.  Four-story pipe complexes wove around massive metal and concrete walls.  Few dusty windows reflected the afternoon sun from high atop the bunkers.  The buildings themselves stretched back a few hundred yards.  The entire thing was surrounded by a ten-foot high chain-link fence topped by razor wire.

The Agents climbed out, checked the main gate.  Padlocked, with multiple chains and locks, all of which looked aged but solid.  “Let’s circle around once, then continue up to the mine,” Ross called out.

They’d covered one whole side of the plant, moving slow, using binoculars to scan the windows and doors, when Jo pointed. “Somebody’s been here.”  The rest saw what she’d spotted: a section of the fence, far in the back so it wasn’t visible from the approach, was surgically cut away.

The Agents stopped the van.  They approached cautiously.  Andy ran his fingers along the edges of the missing fence. “Aged but not corroded.  Clean cuts.”

“Look, there’s a door directly opposite.”  Jo drew just one of her nine mils and moved in.  The others flanked her, approaching the door from either side.  Andy bent down by the lock.  “Door’s old – but  this was replaced recently.”  He produced a lockpick set and went to work.  Within moments, a CLANG echoed out in the eerie desert silence.

Jo looked out around them – nothing for fifty miles in any direction, total isolation.  “I’m calling that Deputy for back-up.”  She managed to make a shaky connection, and through static explained where they were.  The Deputy agreed to meet them as soon as he could get out there.  “Do we wait?” she asked after the connection was broken.

“Just getting hotter,” muttered Ross.  With nods from the others, he shouldered in the door.

The office inside was some sort of accounting pit.  Payroll records were still scattered over the shelves.  The Agents moved quietly to the next inner door.  This one was unlocked.  It swung open easily.  Jo and Denis stepped into the corridor beyond.  It stretched into the vast, crypt-like interior of the refinery.  The darkness within was as complete as if the entire factory were underground.  Denis flicked on a penlight –

-- and the beam reflected off the very new security camera set high on the wall.  It turned toward them, the lens _whirrrring_ as it locked on.

“DAMMIT!’  The rest stepped into the corridor.  Jo aimed at the camera.  “Shall I?”

“No, let’s see what we find.  Maybe we got lucky and it’s just videotaping.”  Andy pushed ahead.  He and Ross lifted their guns and flashlights in cross grips, pointing them down the corridor.  Like adventuring parties of old, they crept forward into the darkness, until the shadows consumed them.

And in the distance, something _skittered_ across metal.


----------



## Welverin

*What's this story hour about? I forgot.*

Yeah an update!

ps any news on Red Skies?


----------



## Zarthon

I can't wait to see what the group finds


----------



## Piratecat

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> * “Yep, they manufactured huge tanks of the stuff for other industries, still pig swimmin’ pool-sized tanks out there full of God knows what. *




Lucky pigs.


----------



## Breakstone

> Like adventuring parties of old




Heh heh heh.

Very nice update, Jonrog! I can't wait to see what's in there...


----------



## jonrog1

P-Cat, you mind doing some pruning?  Just the batch of Red Skies posts -- as much as I appreciate them -- between the two updates ought to get the narrative flowing again.

For everyone who asked about the show -- definitely up in the air.  Unfortunately,we may have been a little _too_ original for the suits.  If you liked it, please feel free to go to the USA Network website and drop them an e-mail asking where your butt-kicking two guns-blazing action show is.

Thanks again all.

John


----------



## fenzer

Cool!

Thanks Jonrog.


----------



## jonrog1

To answer the e-mails I got, if our US-based friends want write to ask where the heck their two-guns-blazing chick-fu show RED SKIES is, drop a line at series@usanetwork.com.  Any little bit helps.

Thanks all,

John


----------



## Horacio

Is there anything we not-US based can do?

BTW, the update was GREAT!


----------



## Jarval

Horacio said:
			
		

> *Is there anything we not-US based can do?
> 
> BTW, the update was GREAT! *




I'll second both the comment and the question.


----------



## Welverin

Jarval said:
			
		

> *
> I'll second both the comment and the question. *




The same things those of us in the US can do, except you have to lie about where you live.


----------



## Piratecat

Hey Elph, Jonrog - it turns out that I have an archived copy of Angry Monkey's story hour, if you guys want it.


----------



## Jarval

Welverin said:
			
		

> *The same things those of us in the US can do, except you have to lie about where you live. *




I can work with that


----------



## dreadnought

Now, being on Story Hour page two just won't do.
So consider this a BUMP


----------



## jonrog1

Hey, Dreadnought, which monsters in the Monsternomicon were yours?


----------



## Piratecat

Less questions, more story!  I just posted a massive update. Where's yours, darn it?


----------



## dreadnought

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *Hey, Dreadnought, which monsters in the Monsternomicon were yours? *



Umm, let's see (been a while). Skigg, Screecher, Old Man of the Swamp, Guardian Giant, Dread, Disembodied and Dolomite. You have the book? Dammit, I still haven't had my copy in the mail. Nice art, huh?
Cheers, 
dread


----------



## Elph

*Angry Monkey Story Hour*

Hey Piratecat - 

If you can e-mail the story hour directly to me I would really appreciate it. If not, don't worry about posting it again. And thanks for digging it up!

-Elph


----------



## threshel

*I'll bump it, but...*

I swear to god I won't beg.

Really...

I won't....

Please?



J


----------



## Horacio

I'm an addict, I can beg...

Plllllllleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeee


----------



## Hatchling Dragon

Over 2 weeks 'n not even a peep outta the author?  Please tell me this Story Hour will continue!

More intoxicated Southern Bells with excessive firepower!

Hatchling Dragon


----------



## jonrog1

Sorry all, I got buried working on a script.  Its co-written with Andy from the Story Hour, actually, which was the problem; couldn't let him come online and see an update when I didn't have my pages done.

Once I catch up, update soon-ish.  Take care, all.


----------



## Desdichado

You could always check out my d20 modernish story hour while you wait!  
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





  Link in sig.


----------



## fenzer

Joshua Dyal said:
			
		

> *You could always check out my d20 modernish story hour while you wait!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Link in sig.
> *




Shameless Josh, just shameless.   By the by, where are you getting the cool emoticons?


----------



## DanMcS

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *Sorry all, I got buried working on a script.  Its co-written with Andy from the Story Hour, actually, which was the problem; couldn't let him come online and see an update when I didn't have my pages done.
> 
> Once I catch up, update soon-ish.  Take care, all. *




Would that be Andrew, co-producer of Haunted, that I just saw talking about his show on a UPN promo for it?  Slavedriver.    At least I can put a face to one of the people from this board now.

Take all the time you need, but come back, these story hours are like heroin- not that I've ever done heroin.


----------



## Horacio

DanMcS said:
			
		

> *Take all the time you need, but come back, these story hours are like heroin- not that I've ever done heroin.   *




Oh, people, I know it well, Story Hours are MORE addictive than any other drug...


----------



## jonrog1

DanMcS said:
			
		

> *
> 
> Would that be Andrew, co-producer of Haunted, that I just saw talking about his show on a UPN promo for it?  Slavedriver.    At least I can put a face to one of the people from this board now.*




Damn straight -- and now I'll have to tease him mercilessly.


----------



## Desdichado

fenzer said:
			
		

> *Shameless Josh, just shameless.   By the by, where are you getting the cool emoticons? *



I've got them stored in a secret vault where I can link to them as needed!

EDIT:  As a special one-time offer, I'll give up the link where all my smilies are stored.  If you look at the source code, you'll have all the locations for all the smilies, and then you can use them yourself as you please by just typing in the add image code as you post.  

But to get them, you'll have to look in my Shadowlight Chronicles storyhour, 'coz that's where the link is!  How's that for shameless?


----------



## Aurora

*BUMP*

Found this story hour last night and read through page 4 but by 3 am was too tired to continue so I went to bed and laid there thinking about how I wanted to go back downstairs and finish reading the rest. So here I am (after gaming for 4 hours) finished reading it all finally and I am in agony. I WANT MORE! MUST HAVE MORE! ...... I'll be quiet now


----------



## Evil Gnome

Is there a place we could see the work that has been delaying you from this thread?

What is the script for and when will it be shown?

Regards


----------



## dreadnought

If you want to go see some of jonrog's fine work, try getting out to see The Core this fall.


----------



## Piratecat

The Core:  http://us.imdb.com/Title?0298814


----------



## Horacio

Click here for a list of his works 
http://us.imdb.com/Name?Rogers, John (X)


----------



## ForceUser

He's doing CATWOMAN!!

Hey Jonrog, who's the snarkiest star you've ever met?


----------



## jonrog1

Funny, I never looked up my IMDB entry before ... and what the hell is that _Aidyn the First Mage_?  I never worked on that.  Weird.

I've been off _Catwoman_ for a while.  Right now it's in someone else's capable hands, to hold it while the studio bludgeons it to death.

Actually, Andy and I are working on a movie not on that list.  And thanks to the long development cycle on movies, if it gets made, it's at least two years out.  You can all catch Andy's work next Tuesday, when HAUNTED premieres.

ForceUser: what's more surprising is how nice most actors are.  Oh, they're nuts, but nice.

The person to ask that question is to Dreadnought -- he's the one who hangs out with rock stars, not me.


----------



## dreadnought

Don't look at me, I don't do that any more. Much. But I will add "mmm, Sheryl Crow."


----------



## dreadnought

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *Funny, I never looked up my IMDB entry before ... and what the hell is that Aidyn the First Mage?  I never worked on that.  Weird. *




Uh, say John, wasn't that the one you did early in your career with the funky amateur music and starring Nancy Knockers and Big Jim McHung?


----------



## Evil Gnome

BUMP!!!!

Please post!!


----------



## WDS

*DM adventures from Dungeon*



			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *Oh, and I don't have those adventures.  Thanks for the heads up,  I may hunt them down on EBay.
> 
> There are 3 D*M adventures printed in Dungeon that I know of.  One is called "A Head for Business", another is "London Calling" and the third is "A Kindness of Strangers."  These 3 excellent adventures are available for free download from www.alternity.net under Adventures.  I think the maps from these adventures are also still available from WotC's Dungeon web site.
> 
> Hope we see write-ups of how your PCs fared in these 3 adventures someday.  Those write-ups make for great reading.*


----------



## Elph

*Watch this Show!*

Hey friends! This is yet another call for your support and since it is for our friend Andy, I'm sure John won't mind the plug in the middle of his DarkMatter link. Andy's show is premiering tomorrow night and I want all of ya'll to tune in. It's called Haunted and comes on UPN after Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's uber creepy and lots of fun. Spread the word and check it out! Thanks, Elph


----------



## Friadoc

Haunted,

...was pretty d@mn good.

I enjoyed the former cop, turned PI, his ex-wife (or seperated, as it didn't specify), his friend/former partner, his interesting neighbor lady, and the blind chess player.

Overall, very solid show.

Although it's more of the director's choice, I'm sure, the cinematography reminded me of 'Brimstone', as well as 'Seven' in that it was gritty, dark, and very wet. 

Anyhow, all in all solid show for an opener.


----------



## DanMcS

Friadoc said:
			
		

> *Although it's more of the director's choice, I'm sure, the cinematography reminded me of 'Brimstone', as well as 'Seven' in that it was gritty, dark, and very wet. *




My favorite shot was at the beginning, when he tossed Simon off the roof, and he fell at NORMAL SPEED.  They didn't go for the gratuitous slow-mo death fall, and I was so surprised that it made me happy.  Overall good start for this show.  And it's more likely to survive than Firefly, which is in the Fox Friday Night Death Slot.


----------



## d19

Friadoc said:
			
		

> *Haunted,
> 
> ...was pretty d@mn good.
> 
> 
> 
> Although it's more of the director's choice, I'm sure, the cinematography reminded me of 'Brimstone', as well as 'Seven' in that it was gritty, dark, and very wet.
> 
> Anyhow, all in all solid show for an opener. *




It reminded me more of Millennium, but I'm sure part of that is the Mark Snow music and the rain.


----------



## fenzer

Good Show Anthony.  I watched it in the dark and there were a couple of moments that made me jump.

I had a good time and really related to the lead character.  As a father, I have wondered what I would do in just such a situation. How would I live with myself after having the oportuninty to save my child and not taking it.  I liked the ray of hope you left at the end, that maybe his son is out there somewhere still alive.

I will be watching next week for sure.


----------



## Aurora

*Aaaaurgh!*

It's been a month. We need an update!!!


----------



## Evil Gnome

BUMP!!!


UPDATE!!!


----------



## Doc_Souark

Just read all of the cattle Mutalations stories for the first time, the librarian is looking at me wierd. Good stories Jonrog hope y'all keep on keeping on . I haven't caught Haunted as of yet but if it like the story hour I'm sure it's great.


----------



## jonrog1

*NIGHT OF THE CATTLE MUTILATORS
Pt. 6*

It was stunning how quickly the light disappeared.   The huge production facilities of the plant were like concrete bunkers – they may as well have been miles underground.

After a brief series of corridors, the party found themselves at a huge set of double sliding doors.  “Let’s try to be quiet about this,” Jo whispered.

Ross put his shoulder to the handle, slid the door back.  It rolled smoothly enough – but soon the track beneath groaned, and the sound of a half-ton of steel rumbling on concrete THUNDERED through the expanse beyond.  They actually heard the echo bounce for a few seconds.  With a mixture of annoyance and resignation, they pointed their flashlights inside.

The reason for the echo was clear.  The next room was cavernous, almost the size of an aircraft hangar.  The roof was far higher than they could see.  Their flashlight beams ghosted along distant roof struts.  They advanced, constantly searching the darkness, guns and flashlights held in overlapping grips.

Andy stopped them suddenly.  “Watch your step.”

A vast PIT the size of an Olympic swimming pool yawed out before them.  It was a good thrirty feet deep to the bottom, and crossed the entire room, cutting them off from the far wall.  Denis scanned the room with his flashlight – there was a slender metal catwalk extending across the gap, dead center.

“Any ideas?” Stephen whispered.

“They refined chromium hexachloride here, remember what the ranchers said.” Denis took the first tentative steps across the catwalk.  “They told us, they’d store millions of gallons of the stuff in these tanks.”  The rest of the Agents followed Denis’ lead, spacing themselves so their weight _(DM’s NOTE: or some rat-bastard DM)_ wouldn’t collapse the walkway.

Three-quarters of the way across, Denis stopped.  He pointed his flashlight straight up.  “You hear that?”  The other Agents paused.  Denis voice echoed slightly in the room, but beyond that, there _was_ a noise.  A faint scratching sound high above.

“Off the catwalk,” Ross barked, “now.”

They  reached the other side intact, only to find yet another set of metal sliding doors..  The scratching above them was definitely more pronounced.  Someone – or something – was moving in the rafters.  The Agents waited at the doors.  The sound passed above them … and was gone.

“Just keep watching,” said Andy.  He and Ross pulled open the next set of doors.  Beyond was an identical empty refining pool.  Keeping all angles covered, the Agents quickly sprinted across the catwalk and to the other side.  Jo pointed her flashlight back and shuddered.  The way in was already lost in dust and shadow.

Andy and Ross grabbed the handles to the next set of doors.  “What happens if we just keep finding these empty rooms?”

“I’m all for empty rooms,” said Stephen.  He and Jo pointed their guns and flashlights dead ahead, waiting as Andy and Ross slid open the doors –

-- only to be BLINDED momentarily by hanging ARCLIGHTS set around the room.  At the same time, a smell of _indescribable_ death, rot and filth SLAMMED into them.

Andy, Ross, Johanna and Stephen were facing forward, so they all saw the same thing.  This refining hangar had been converted somehow.  Lights and generators hummed.  The place was too big to be properly lit, but bright pools of light through everything into high shadowy relief.  The Agents were too far back from the pool to see what was inside.

Visible across the catwalk was not another set of doors, but a control room of some sort.  It had one big window looking out over the refining pool, and behind that window high-tech computers and instruments glowed.  

Also behind the window was a man in a white labcoat.  He was plainly startled at the arrival of the Agents.  Jo could just make out that he’d picked up some sort of small box and was pressing buttons on it. 

Denis was facing the other way, covering their backs.  That’s why he saw the mutated  "Lizard-man" land behind them.

The creature dropped from the rafters, spinning rapidly them SLAMMING into the concrete on all fours.  Before Denis could react, the powerful muscles on the Lizardman’s back bunched and it unfurled to its full seven foot height.  It HISSED angrily, popping out razor-sharp claws on its “hands.”   

The others were still turning around as Denis unloaded three shots from his nine-mil into the thing.  The bullets glanced off the thing’s scales – it screamed and CHARGED.  It locked Denis in a death-grip and DROVE him toward the pool’s edge.

Ross and Stephen were too spread out to do anything; they didn’t want to fire and risk hitting Denis.  Jo grabbed the thing’s arm, found herself dragged along with it.  She raised her gun to its neck and fired point-blank.  The bullet LODGED in the Lizardman’s scales, hurting it but not wounding it.

Andy, meanwhile, had decided to go for the tactical wildcard.  He SPRINTED across the catwalk toward the control room.  He was there in seconds, KICKING in the door.

The Lizardman was smart enough to understand that guns hurt him.  It focused on keeping Denis’ gun-hand away from its face, all the while SNAPPING at Denis’ throat with its powerful jaws.  It was all Denis could do to keep alive.  Stephen and Ross closed up enough to risk firing.  Their shots THUDDED into the abomination’s scales, barely distracting it.  Jo clung to the thing’s shoulder like a toddler grabbing an NFL receiver’s pads, pressed her pistol against it and unloaded three shots.  The creature HOWLED in agony, but stayed focused on Denis.

Andy was through the control room door.  The scientist within was a frail man in his 50’s.  Before he could react, Andy drop-kicked him against his machinery.  The scientist slumped to the floor, the electronic control box in his hand tumbling to the floor.  Andy picked up the box: it had un-labeled buttons all over it, with one large red one in the center.

“What the hell,” he muttered to himself.  And then he pressed the red button.

Across the room, the Lizardman ROARED as electric shocks suddenly lanced through it.  Jo spotted some sort of control collar lodged around its throat as the creature convulsed.  In agony the creature BOLTED for the edge of the refining pool, and dove in -- bringing Jo and Denis with him!

Stephen and Ross ran to the edge, expecting the sickening _crunch_ of bodies hitting cement.  

What they saw was much, much worse.

Jo, Denis and the Lizardman hit with a gooey SPLASH.  Some … fluid filled the pool waist-high.  It was dense enough to break their falls.  In a second, the Agents above saw a ripple as the Lizardman swam off beneath the surface.

Jo and Denis broke the surface, gasping for air.  The stench here was almost strong enough to knock them out.  The slick concrete pool walls around them offered no handholds.  Both of them were both soaked and coated with the filthy goo.  It was everywhere, in their hair, on and _in_ their clothing.  Jo raised her hand, squinted at the slime on her fingers.  Something was moving …

Maggots.  The goo was chock-full of maggots, like a rice soup.  The fluid itself was some horrible soup of maggots, oozing bodily fluids, meat so rotted it had gone liquid.  They were at the bottom of an Olympic-sized swimming pool of corpse-soup.  
Before they could even form the first screams of disgust, something moved near them. Jo and Denis stared as something – _someone_ stood up near them.  It turned, slowly, faced them.  It was a man – or what was left of one, in shredded clothes, his muscle and skin hanging from him in long tatters.  He turned toward the Agents in the pool and stretched his jaws wide.  Sharp, tearing teeth filled his mouth as he groaned horribly.  

Behind him, another zombie stood up.  Then another.  Then two more.

The Agents watched in horror as zombie after zombie rose silently from the soupy rot, completely surrounding them.  Within seconds over forty of the undead beasts, with broken necks, missing limbs -- but all with gnashing jaws intact -- surrounded the Agents.

With a hungry moan, the zombie horde lurched forward ...


----------



## jonrog1

Sorry there's not a lot of snappy dialog in this chapter, but the players themselves were fairly terse and professional during this little sequence.  Except of course for Andy deciding to press the red button.

The red button is not our friend.  And yet, invariably, Andy will press it when encountered.

This is where Jo's mental health really begins to slide.  The weird thing was -- if there was a "bad thing" to happen in any of the adventures, she stumbled into it.

She's been attacked by a winter demon, shot in the face by a levitating psychotic mom being raised into a UFO, had a zombie toddler try to rip out her windpipe with its teeth while babbling  "Yummyyummyyummy..." (okay, that one was just for her), and now she's covered in rotted-meat soup and maggots, which are squirming away in her hair, eyes, mouth, and underwear with a zombie horde closing in.  Never mind the apocalyptic ending to come ...

On the other hand, her stability was really just _starting_ to slide here.  The next mission through is when both Jo the character and Jo the player start having serious problems.  When you find out what we did to her, I will ask for review of my Rat-Bastard DM status from D-Dog and the others.  I want a t-shirt.

The mutated Lizard-man is, indeed, a cut-and-paste Lizardman who fully appreciates the power of Bull Rush.  When he was electroshocked and decided to seek refuge in his gooey nest, I gave Jo a chance to let go (Reflex Save) and then opposed Strength checks for them to not get dragged in.

There are separate rules for this "Zombie Horde" as opposed to the standard 3E zombies, somewhat like the "Faceless Horde" Rules from FENG SUI's crossover module _Burning Shaolin_.  Essentially, for every turn you're moving through the horde, you must make a Reflex save to avoid getting grabbed.  Every time you get grabbed, your speed decreases by 10', and the save DC is +2 -- trying to represent the "overbearing" nature of most zombie films.

You can take a full round to "break free" -- not move, but decrease the Save DC by 2, or line up a "head shot" with a firearm, which will clear out the nearest zombie and decrease the DC by another 2 

Sounds clunky, but saves on endless combat rolls, and gives you that minty fresh "Dawn of the Dead" feeling.

*Next chapter:* Ross and Stephen play sniper, Denis and Jo try to find a ladder, Andy reads Russian, and everybody goes back to town ... _everybody_.


----------



## Wulf Ratbane

What, you think you can throw us an olympic sized pool full of maggot-ridden corpse-goo and an endless horde of zombies, and somehow we're all just supposed to _forget_ how long we waited for this update?

Err... Ok.


----------



## Horacio

Wulf Ratbane said:
			
		

> *What, you think you can throw us an olympic sized pool full of maggot-ridden corpse-goo and an endless horde of zombies, and somehow we're all just supposed to forget how long we waited for this update? *




It worked, at least for me...


----------



## fenzer

Damn it Jonrog!  You do this to me everytime.  Just when I want to get angry and tell you how horrible you are for keeping me waiting you pull something like this.  Man, I would love to just watch one or two of your gaming sessions.

I love the zombie horde rules, makes for great story telling.  Just one thing, how do the zombies attack?  Is it after one or more have grabbed a character or can they attack the character as they run past?

Tell Anthony that I am really enjoying Haunted.  I really liked last nights episode.  That whole nasty bathtub scene was great.  

Anyway, thanks for the update you mean old bastard.   I look forward to the next one.


----------



## National Acrobat

I just have to say kudos to everyone involved in this story, it is one of the best things that I have ever read and now I am hopelessly addicted now. Keep up the good work!


----------



## Nail

National Acrobat said:
			
		

> *<snip>.....it is one of the best things that I have ever read and now I am hopelessly addicted ....*




...But it's a frustrating addiction.  You'll find soon enough that _jonrog1_ has a nasty habit of not updating very often....something about having a "real life" and a "great job".  What's up wit' that?


----------



## Piratecat

Less professional screenwriting, more updating!


----------



## Hatchling Dragon

Sheesh, with this many days between posts you'd almost think the guy had a *job* or something?!  

C'mon, we need to see our favorite gun tot'n suthurn gal slide into madness.

Hatchling Dragon


----------



## KidCthulhu

I think I missed the fact that there was a new post, what with the boards going up and down like a yo-yo on speed.  Finding it today was like getting an extra chewy undead center in the tootsie pop of my day.  Thanks.

And Andy, I'm enjoying Haunted.  Thank you for getting rid of that mini-aussie evil dog you used in the first episode and getting a cooler looking mixed breed.


----------



## jonrog1

*NIGHT OF THE CATTLE MUTILATORS
Pt. 7*

“What was the word I was looking for?”  Johanna thought.  “Oh, that’s right – AHAHAHAAAAAAGGGGAHAHHAGGAHAHAG!”

Denis raised his own gun.  “Hey, that’s what I was thinking too!”

Jo and Denis backed away as forty shuffling undead sloshed through hip-deep maggoty carcass juice, arms extended, broken teeth gnashing.  Denis pointed past the zombies’ bobbing heads.  “There!  The ladder!”  On the _opposite side_ of the tank was a rusted steel ladder leading to safety.  All that lay between the agents and escape was the zombie horde.

“We’ve got to go now, before they close up on us!”  Jo and Denis slogged forward.  They tried to slalom through the slow zombies, but it was a maze of grasping arms.  Jo ground to a halt as one of the zombies seized her upper arm, the others moving in for the kill –

*BLAM!*  The zombie’s head EXPLODED.  Jo and Denis looked up – Stephen and Ross were running along the catwalk crossing the tank, firing down.  “Look, each zombie we hit, he hesitates!  We’ll clear a path!”

Gritting their teeth in desperation, Jo and Denis rushed through the zombie horde.  Filthy fingernails clawed at their arms, tore their flesh.  The maggot-laden rotten meat soup soaked into their clothes and skin.  Their world was nothing more than that tenuous tunnel of safety, leading to the ladder.

*CLICK.* Above them, Ross and Stephen’s weapons came up empty.  They looked at each other in desperation as they fished more more ammo in their coats pockets.  Without their distraction, the zombies swarmed in on their friends below quickly.

Denis got to the ladder first.  “Don’t wait!” yelled Jo.  “GO!”  He quickly scrambled ten feet up the ladder, then turned and opened fire with his own pistol, buying Jo a few precious extra steps.  Jo hit the ladder hard, grabbed at the rungs above her.  She hauled herself up –

-- only to come to a grinding halt as one of the zombies latched onto her leg!  Jo felt her gore-slicked fingers sliding off the rungs as the dead-weight of the zombie dragged her down.  More hands reached out for her –

KA-CHANK.  Jo looked up.  Ross had climbed down the ladder.  His legs were locked around the rungs just above her.  One hand reached down and grabbed her wrist.  He extended his other hand down past her – the hand holding his SHOTGUN.  He pressed it against the zombie’s forehead.  “I don’t think so.”

*BOOM!*  Half of Jo was insanely glad she was being pulled of the zombie pit.  The other half realized that she now had zombie brains blown all over her butt.  And she was fairly sure those were teeth in her hair.

At the top of the pit, Ross and Stephen helped Jo and Denis stumble into the Control Room Andy had commandeered.  He’d tied up the Scientist with some wire from the lab.  Andy pointed at the back of the room.

Huge TUBES of green gel were wired to tubing and montiors.  Within them floated humans of various ages.  Most of them didn't appear to be zombies, but didn't exactly appear alive and kicking, either.  "I'm thinking that goo is what was on our little zombie toddler friend."  Andy called up a file on the computer, showing the little boy's photo and a list of experiments.  "And I think we've found out why so many hitch-hikers go missing on this stretch of highway ..."

"This is what you were doing while we were in the  _zombie pit?!_" yelled Denis.

"I knew you'd be fine," Andy answered, kicking the box with the Red Button under a nearby console.

Jo swung open a door in the back of the lab.  The Scientist's living quarters were back there.  "I'm taking a shower," she declared.  

"Now?" Stephen asked.  "We're about to interrogate this guy, find out about the zombies, the Men in Black --"

When Jo spoke, her voice was low and even.  "I have got teeth in my hair.  I am covered with God-knows-_what_, and it's in my clothes, my underwear, my nose, my eyes, in places you men _can't even imagine_.  Now I. Am Taking.  A SHOWER."  Jo cocked the hammers on both her pistols.  "Who's going to stop me?"

After a pause, the guys nodded vigorously, "Sure, sure, of course, nothing better than a shower..."

So while Jo sat in the shower, rocking back and forth and gently banging her forehead against the shower stall wall, the other Agents slapped the Scientists awake.  He muttered groggily in Russian.  When he saw the others, he babbled in panic.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down, Ivan."  Ross dumped the old man in a chair.  "Take it from the start."

"I am Dr. Sergei Putechin.  You are not _Spetsnatz_?"  The Agents shook their heads.  "You have to understand, they are closing in on me!  We must go!"

"What did you do to these people?" Andy asked.

Putechin gulped, but a quick prodding from the shotgun urged him on.  "In the Soviet Union, I was working on a super-soldier formula.  It would increase endurance and aggression, and dull the nervous system so pain would be ignored.  We made several great advances, but our greatest was an accident -- we found that it would over-ride the nervous system completely, and form a liquid neural net with its own ambient voltage.  It would ANIMATE DEAD TISSUE!"  Putechin shrugged.  "Unfortunately, it had soem minor flaws.  Although remnants of the original personality remained in the brain, they were eventrually overwhelmed, and all that was left intact were the rage and hunger centers."

"Figures," said Stephen.  "It couldn't be the hugs and choral singing centers."

The Russian continued.  "When the Soviet Union collapsed,  I embezzled twenty million dollars from our secret research funds and went underground.  I figured that once I perfected my formula, I could sell it for billions."

"Okay, so you found yourself a nice, hidden lab in the middle of nowhere," said Denis.  "How did you procur so many corpses?"

"The sherrif."  Putechin allowed himself some small pleasure at their reaction.  "The fat one, Glick.  He is a serial killer.  He has a chamber of horrors to rival mine in his basement.  When he was done with his 'guests' -- or even just tired of them -- he would bring them to me.  It was a mutually beneficial arrangement."  Putechin whimpered, dropping from cocky to terrified as Ross put the shotgun to the Russian's head. 

Andy pulled the barrel away.  "Not yet.  And notice I said 'not yet' and not 'don't'."  He turned back to the Russian.  "The Men in Black?"

"Russian intelligence, sent to collect me."

"How did you blow up their car?  You know, with the UFO?"  asked Stephen.

Putechin frowned.  "This thing, I did not do."

The Agents whirled as a strangled cry came from the doorway.  The Deputy, Tom Shea, stood their with a kerchief over his mouth, trying to block out the smell of the corpse-pool.  "Sweet Mother og _God!_"  Before the Agents could lower their weapons, Shea's eyes widened.  He ran over to the computer, pointed at the picture of the zombie toddler. "Timmy!"

"I'm sorry?" The Agents left Putechin to twist in his bonds.

"My brother, Timmy.  That's why I came to this town."  The Deputy produced an old picture from his wallet.  He was plainly five years younger, and next to him was the boy they now knew was Timmy.  "After he disappeared while we were on vacation out here, I never gave up.  I went through the academy, got myself a job in Fairview, figuring whoever abducted him was either a local or someone who spent a lot of time in the area."  He pointed at the computer.  "Do you know where he is?"

"Ummmm ... quick huddle."  Andy, Ross, Denis and Stephen stepped away a moment.  How exactly were they to explain that the Deputy's baby brother had not only not aged, but had been in suspended zombie-animation for five years, and _then_ sent away for dissection by, well ... the good guys?

As usual, Andy came up with a solution.  "The Sherriff killed him. Deputy.  Glick's a twisted serial killer."  The other were going to object, but when it came to covering up ugly truths and avoiding blame, it was always better to just let Andy run with the ball.

The men comforted Shea as he broke down weeping.  Jo came out of the bathroom.  She was wearing a clean lab jumpsuit.  She looked fine, but was stilll brushing her hair with a wire brush.  Her hands and face were a little ... raw.  "Clean ..." she whispered.  "Never ... be ... clean .. again ..."

They all jumped when a MOAN rose from the zombie pit.  Arming up, they ran to the edge and looked.

The zombies -- and even MORE of them were rising from the muck -- shuffled through a large CRACK in the wall of the tank Jo and Dneis hadn't noticed.  From the sound of the echoes beyind, some sort of chamber was on the other side of the opening.

Andy raced back into the lab to confront Putechin.  "Where are the zombies going?"

"They've been harder and harder to control!" blubbered Putechin.  "They've found an entrance to the mines, and lately wander at night feasting on slow moving cows.  But I'm afraid their appetites are growing!"

The Agents and Deputy Shea gathered in the doorway just in time to hear Putechin's prediction.  "They've reached critical mass.  They will follow the mine system to the largest collection of living tissue they can find ..."

"... tonight, the zombies will feast on the town itself!"


----------



## jonrog1

A wee bit of fudging here, to cover two beats I missed int he previous chapters.  Denis did a computer search of the local law off his laptop and discovered the story of missing Timmy and his brother, but that only gave them the context to help them trust the deputy.

The Hoffman Agency also identified the fragment of a passport recovered at the crash site, giving the Agents a hint about the _Spetsnatz_.  Again, they didn't put it all together before the refinery, so I think no harm no foul.

There was a totally different clue path leading the team to the Sheriff's home and his "creepy little Den of Death" (a phrase stolen from the great show _Silk Stalkings_...) that the PC's mised, but it turned out not to be so important.

Oh, and KidC, I'll ask Andy to explain about the dog switch.  There's was actually a very funny reason for it ...

Next episode: Zombie Jamboree.


----------



## Elemental

Like the zombies, this thing rises from the dead just when you think it's down and out. Good to see it back.


----------



## Desdichado

Good _heavens_ but this thing really freaks me out!  Great job!  Keep 'em coming!


----------



## Piratecat

Yee haw! That was beautiful.

The suddenly appearing crack seems a little surprising, though. How come Jo and Denis didn't notice it when trying to escape? I'd think that "follow mysterious crack to freedom" would be on their to-do list. Also, how come the soup didn't drain out of it, and why didn't the scientist patch it when it first occurred? How come the lizard thing didn't escape out of it?  Not to be fussy; its appearance just surprised me.

_"Never ... be ... clean ... again."_  Glorious. Elph, you may want to review your friendship with Jon, as one has to wonder if there isn't some sort of subliminal antagonism going on here.


----------



## Horacio

Beautifull, Piratecat? Not the word I'd used, but...

For me the word is epic, epic update. Wow!


----------



## fenzer

Great stuff Jonrog1!


----------



## Wulf Ratbane

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *"Figures," said Stephen.  "It couldn't be the hugs and choral singing centers."*




Heeeeee... Speaking as someone whose PCs don't have hugs and choral singing centers either, this floored me.

By the way... As a result of this thread's annoyingly infrequent updates, I have decided that when my story hour is actually UPDATED, and not just bumped by some useless prattle, I will be changing the subject line to say UPDATE! for a day or two.

Wulf


----------



## DanMcS

Wulf Ratbane said:
			
		

> *By the way... As a result of this thread's annoyingly infrequent updates, I have decided that when my story hour is actually UPDATED, and not just bumped by some useless prattle, I will be changing the subject line to say UPDATE! for a day or two.
> Wulf *




Ah, I think you're missing the subtlety of jonrog's plan.  See, he's a professional writer.  He knows exactly how to string us along, for how long, with what cliffhangers, teasers, and taunts too.  He knows just what he can get away with.  Unlike, say, Piratecat, or Sepulchrave, who are gifted amateurs at the art of rat-bastardly cliffhanging, jonrog is a PRO.


----------



## jonrog1

*D20 Dark*Matter: DSG with Guns, Zombie Toddlers and Bad Aliens UPDATED*



			
				Piratecat said:
			
		

> *Yee haw! That was beautiful.
> 
> The suddenly appearing crack seems a little surprising, though. How come Jo and Denis didn't notice it when trying to escape? I'd think that "follow mysterious crack to freedom" would be on their to-do list. Also, how come the soup didn't drain out of it, and why didn't the scientist patch it when it first occurred? How come the lizard thing didn't escape out of it?  Not to be fussy; its appearance just surprised me.*




Once again, streamlining for compression's sake.  They saw the crack, but a.) It stayed on the same level as the zombies, which was plainly not a good idea (and would have also required the zombie slalom) and b.) plainly led into some sort of underground cavern, also probably not a good idea.

The soup didn't drain out because the crack did indeed lead to a cavern -- and then a continuous tunnel -- on the same level, which was also flooded with meat-soup.  It was, as we'll also learn soon, where the _other_ zombies were resting up before their little underground treck.

The lizard thing swam away, leaving a ripple in the gunk, and no one know where he went off to.  Come to think of it, that is a loose end ...

Not that it'll be bothering anybody.  Nobody lives within two hundred miles of that refinery ... now.



> *"Never ... be ... clean ... again."  Glorious. Elph, you may want to review your friendship with Jon, as one has to wonder if there isn't some sort of subliminal antagonism going on here.   *




The antagonism moved up to the ... err, liminal on the next adventure.  At one point Jo pointed her cigarette in my face and screamed "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME!"

She's just so much fun to freak out.  Poor girl didn't sleep for three days after seeing _The Ring_.

I assume you and KidC have seen it?  Best American horror movie in a while, and actually a better flick than the Japanese original.   Although it was the original which had me backing up on my couch at midnight, screaming "NO! F&#@KING!  WAY!"

Oh, and I'm stealing Wulf's idea.  Smart man, that Wulf.

Thanks for reading, as always,

John


----------



## Sniktch

*The Ring*

You got that one right, JonRog, _The Ring_ is just pure creepiness.  Scariest movie I've seen since...  well, just the scariest movie I've ever seen.  It got to me and usually that sort of film leaves me unfazed.  My actual first sentence after leaving the theatre was, "So, how long has this been out now?"  I was actually really concerned that I was seeing it within the first seven days of release  

Keep up the spectacular posts, I can't wait to see what happens next!  Personally, the delays between posts don't bother me too much, since I'd never get anything of my own written if this thread got updated every day


----------



## Breakstone

Whoa!

...

Whoa!


...

Whoa!

...

Wowsers, jonrog! You're pretty darn-tootin' good at this stuff!


----------



## KidCthulhu

I haven't seen it yet, JonRog, but PC has.  It's on my list, as I dearly love a good creepy.

As for the dog, aside from the fact that the minature Australian Shephard is just a dumb idea to do to a great dog, could it be the fact that the blue merle color was almost impossible to see in the dark, urban filming style?

mmmm.  Zombies.


----------



## Hatchling Dragon

I think I've come up with a Campaign Motto:  _A game so good it just screams *therapy*!_  This leads to the question of:  "Did Jo smoke _before_ you started her down the road to madness, or is this a 'nervous habbit' you've driven her to?"   I think we already know the answer.  

Hatchling Dragon


----------



## Jeph

Okay. I'll admit it. I'm addicted. Now, just one little request . . .

*GIVE ME AN UPDATE!!!!!*


----------



## NiTessine

Whee, zombie massacre! Can't wait to read it... Although, given the evidence, I'll probably have to. And long, at that.

Try to update before 2003, though, willya?


----------



## Horacio

Jeph said:
			
		

> *Okay. I'll admit it. I'm addicted. Now, just one little request . . .
> 
> GIVE ME AN UPDATE!!!!! *




As official story Hour addict, I must agree with Jeph...


----------



## Dungannon

*Things that go BUMP in the night.*

Just a little bump to get this thing on the front page where it belongs.


----------



## Urbanmech

Wow!  I had read the very first part of the SH back on the old boards, but just now got around to reading the rest of it.

Great creepy stuff.  It is nice to see the players react in that viceral way to the horror.  The maggot meat-soup was priceless.  I now must find a way to work that into my game sometime in the future.

Oh and back to the first page with you.  Bump!


----------



## Jeph

Urbanmech said:
			
		

> * It is nice to see the players react in that viceral way to the horror.  The maggot meat-soup was priceless.  I now must find a way to work that into my game sometime in the future./B]*



*

I just did, last session.  Used a Puppetteer (you know--the psychic slugs that control your brain?) nymph breeding ground. Every round of exposure, characters had to save or become mind controlled. Add into that a few yuan-ti lizardmen genetically modified crossbreed superwariors, a jungle canopy city crashing and burning a few hundred fee above you, and 8 Yuan-Ti snipers . . . it was fun. *


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

Long time reader, first time bumper.

And by "long time" I mean "since I signed up on these boards."  And by "since I signed up on these boards" I mean "about a month ago."  But nevertheless, good stuff.


----------



## jonrog1

*NIGHT OF THE CATTLE MUTILATORS
Pt. 8*

The Agents and Deputy Shea stepped out into the blazing desert sun – but already, long shadows crept from their van, betraying the approaching night.  Jo raised her face to the daylight and gulped the cotton-dry air greedily.  Open space, no maggoty soup, no zombies –

The others were preoccupied with tossing the bound and gagged Russian scientist into the back of their van.  Shea ran to his cruiser, tried the radio.  “No luck!” he shouted across to them.  “Too much interference!“

“We can beat them back to the town, right?”  Stephen fired up the van, called over to the Deputy as he climbed into his cruiser.  Deputy Shea shook his head.

“The mines are a straight shot back to the town.  We can’t go overland, we’ve got to follow the road –“

“Less talking!”  Ross shouted, leaping into the van as it tore off in a dust cloud.  “More driving like hell!”


Sunset over Fairview was gorgeous that evening, high pink clouds scudding across a deepening blue sky.  The surrounding red rocks and desert dropped to a scarlet hue.  In the town square, Sheriff Glick stood outside his office, working a wad of chaw.  He arched an eyebrow as the Hoffman Institute van and the Deputy’s cruiser slewed up next to him in a cloud of dust.

“Hey, fellers, what’s the –“

SLAM.  Deputy Shea was out of his car and crashing into the Sheriff in one smooth motion.  The Sheriff’s gun went flying.  Shea pulled his own piece, pointed it at Glick’s head.  Andy placed his hand on Shea’s shoulder.  “Arrest him.  We have too many unanswered questions.”

After a long moment, the Deputy nodded.  He brutally SLASHED across Glick’s face with his revolver, then flipped the semi-conscious small-town serial killer and cuffed him.  Andy and the Deputy pulled Glick to his feet.

By now, a sizeable crowd was gathering in the town square.  The ranchers stood outside the diner, craning their necks.  The man in the wheelchair and his wife were crossing from the day care.  The local Reverend shooed his own family toward the small white church.  Stephen stepped forward, cleared his throat.  “Folks, there’s nothing to worry about.  We’re federal authorities, and we’ve discovered that the Sheriff here is involved with –“

“ZOMBIES!”

“No, no,” Stephen assured them, waving his hands dismissively.  “He’s not wrapped up with  --“

“F*&$#ing ZOMBIES!”  Johanna drew both guns, pointed to the edge of town.

There, arrayed in a huge line, a seething mass of one hundred ZOMBIES shuffled forward!  The ranchers cried out, raced for their shotguns in their trucks as some of the undead lurched from around the corner of the diner.  The arrest of the Sheriff had been enough of a distraction for the zombies to approach unseen!

“What they HEL-AGGH-YURRKK!” screamed the diner chef as he DISAPPEARED in the mob.  Arterial blood fountained up from the huddled of flashing teeth.  The few townsfolk instinctively fell back toward the town square center.  The Agents whirled in horror as another swarm of the undead suddenly appeared in the shadows behind the Sheriff’s office.  

Ross and Andy opened fire, backing away slowly.  Denis grabbed Putechin, hauled him out of the van just as some of the undead seized the opposite door of the vehicle and wrenched it open.

From above, one could see the square of zombies close.  The townsfolk and the Agents were surrounded, slowly being pushed back –

“The church!” Ross yelled.  “It’s defensible!”

Everyone bolted for the Church.  Denis hauled the hysterical Russian scientist with him, Deputy Shea manhandled Glick while firing over his shoulder.  Jo and Ross ran to the side of the Church, to see how bad the zombie situation was on their flank.  Stephen stayed at the church door, waving people in.  

A garbled cry sounded over the constant moaning of the zombie hoard.  Stephen saw the local Reverend, brandishing his cross, go down in a seething mass of undead flesh.

_(DM’s NOTE:  At which point Ross remarked: “Turning Undead doesn’t work in Dark*Matter.  Check.”)_ 

Andy had his own plan.  He ran straight for the small gas station.  He pulled the nozzles from the tanks.  He jammed them all open at full throttle, then tossed them down in front of the nearby wave of zombies.  He was about to ignite them when a SCREAM erupted from the gas station garage.

A shapely teenage girl in mechanic’s clothing stumbled out from the workbay.  Behind her an older man reached out desperately, hands flailing, as zombies pulled him back and CRACKED his skull open like a papaya.  Andy swooped in, slung an arm around the young woman, and hauled her back toward the gas tanks, firing point-blank into the ravaging jaws of zombies no more than three feet away.  She looked into his eyes, her own gaze bleary with shock.  He grinned.  “Hi there.”

Then with one smooth move he flipped out his lighter, lit it, and tossed it into the river of gasoline.

The resulting FIREBALL incinerated two dozen zombies as they SLOSHED through the gas-soaked mud.  They shrieked, their tongues charring, muscles melting.  The orange glow lit the unholy scene like a triptych from hell:  flesh-rending zombies closing in, panicked civilians scrambling for the church –

-- and revealing to Ross and Jo the SCHOOL BUS parked next to the church.

“Change of plan!”  Ross pivoted, bringing his shotgun to his shoulder.  He yelled between 12-guage BOOMS.  “Everyone into the bus!” *BOOM!*  “We!” *BOOM!*  “Are!” *BOOM!*  “Leaving!”

Denis hauled the Russian onto the bus, pushed him to the back.  Dropping his foul cargo, Denis then drew his own gun and fired through the back-door window of the bus, fending off zombies clawing at the metal.  “Remember!  Head shots!”

“Not going to forget that!””  Stephen was shoving townspeople into the bus with one hand and shooting madly with the other.  In just seconds, they’d be overwhelmed …

Ross and Jo shoved Stephen into the bus.  Ross jammed his shotgun in a zombie’s mouth, blew the creature’s skull off, then stepped onto the stairs.   Jo swung the lever closing the door.  The bus engine ROARED to life, and Stephen pulled away, zombied crunching under the tires.  The Hoffman Agents fired nonstop through the windows at the few undead clinging to the frame, reaching for the tasty morsels within.

Meanwhile, Andy still supported his semi-conscious young charge with one hand as he scooped up one of the gas nozzles with the other.  He swung it around, wielding it like a FLAMETHROWER, fending off still-mobile yet flaming flesh-eaters inexorably moving in on him …

Until the school bus burst through the flames!  It’s brakes squealed –

-- and the bus’s fender caught Andy on the hip.

Swearing profusely, Andy stumbled to his feet and carried the mechanic onto the bus.  Jo closed the door again.  Stephen threw the bus in gear, shrugged as Andy glared at him.  “Sorry.  Couldn’t really see through the flames.”

The bus TORE through the flames, zombies THUDDING off the sides and bottom.  After a few tense seconds, the bus clawed free of the roaring flame pool and broke through the zombie line.  People screamed and fell to the floor as the bus bounced over the rough ground, Stephen desperately trying to find purchase on the road. If the bus were to tip, there’d be no escape –

The transmission COUGHED as Stephen ground it into gear.  The bus righted itself, and the smooth HUM of pavement sounded from beneath the wheels.  The bus cleared the edge of the town square, sprinted along the access road.  There was a tense moment of silence as everyone looked back.

“You see that?” Denis whispered.

“It looks like hell itself,” answered Ross.

“No,” said Denis.  “That.”

Familiar green-and-white-lights suddenly pierced the new night sky.  They swooped low over the burning town.  Again, the Agents felt a low THROB.  Again, something FLASHED.  They could just make out some zombies JERKING, DANCING madly, then SHREDDING.  In the blink of an eye, the Zombie Horde was TORN APART.

Then the UFO swung in low, lining up on the fleeing bus …


----------



## Breakstone

Whoa...

just...

Whoa...

Jonrog...

...you know... how to write... ACTION.

Whoa...


----------



## Harp

I enjoy reading a good many of the Story Hours on this list, but none have had me on the edge of my seat like "Drunk Southern Girls...", a fact made all the more impressive given the lag between updates.  Well done, indeed.


----------



## jonrog1

Tsunami said:
			
		

> *Whoa...
> 
> just...
> 
> Whoa...
> 
> Jonrog...
> 
> ...you know... how to write... ACTION.
> 
> Whoa... *




Sadly, I'm only reporting the insanity the PC's came up with.  They were SUPPOSED to hide in the church, find the keys to the bus, climb out on the roof, real _Night of the Living Dead_ stuff.  But no.  When given a choice, my lads will always find the most incendiary way out of a situation.

This was nothing compared to the carnage in the Pulp Spycraft game.


----------



## fenzer

Arrg!  After four days, I finally post.  I was beginning to think Morris didn't like me anymore.

Thanks for the update Jonrog.  Great story, great action,   It played out in beautiful technicolor in my mind.

One thing I am not sure on.  Did our heroes have time to get all the surviving towns folk into the bus?  It seemed like the bus was surrounded pretty quickly and that most of the people had made it to the church.  Did they evacuate the church and get them all to the bus in time?

Here's hoping our heroes survive the BAD ALIENS.


----------



## Jeph

Yay! He updated! And now I can post about it! *does happy dance* 

Now, time to settle down and wait for the next installment.

* . . . 7 years later*


----------



## carpedavid

*Absolutely fantastic...*

I've been fairly picky in which story hours I read, but this is fantastic. Consider me yet another addict.

The long while between updates might get to be a bit much, though I don't have much room to complain, with as often as I update my own story hour. 

-DMG


----------



## threshel

*No, no, no...this will never do.*

Bump.


Great inspiration for my d20 Modern game.

Thanks, jonrog1!

\m/
J


----------



## jonrog1

Fenzer -- they got _to_ the church, but not _in_ the church before our heroes rerouted them.

And I can't believe I forgot one of my favorite creepy moments.  The guy in the wheelchair got eaten ... and then stood up and pursuded the players once the zombie virus was controlling his nervous system.  Creeeepy.

I'll jam out an update this week -- been a little busy DMing a Scarred Lands campaign with this very same crew.  And yet again, even in the staid world of D&D, they have managed to foil me with their creative problem-solving, moral relativism, and mayhem-wreaking.

I think the only thing that's really thrown them was meeting Meepo, and discovering he runs a cult.


----------



## Wulf Ratbane

Slacker.


----------



## fenzer

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *I think the only thing that's really thrown them was meeting Meepo, and discovering he runs a cult. *




Wonderful, just WONDERFUL!


----------



## jonrog1

*NIGHT OF THE CATTLE MUTILATORS
PT. 9*

The UFO dipped in low over the bus.  Instantly, the electrical system shorted out.  Despite Stephen cranking the key, the bus rolled to a stop within yards.

Andrew held up his cell phone. "Anybody getting anything but static?"

"Some sort of interference field!"  Ross turned back to yell.  When he faced forward, he couldn't believe what was landing twenty yards in front of the bus.

A black helicopter.

One's attention might be drawn to the array of lights scattered all over the chopper, instantly configurable to match a small plane, or a UFO.

One's attention might be drawn to the large inverted turbine at the base of both top and tail rotor, which seemed to _suck_ all the noise away, letting this helicopter glide along no louder than an owl's wing.

Their attention was fixed on the 70mm autocannon protruding from the open side cargo doors -- and aimed at the nose of the bus.  A grim young man in a black helmet and fatigues sat behind the weapon, staring them down through the gunsight.

A ramp descended.  The Agents squinted as someone walked down, paused, then approached the bus.  He waved his hand.  The man was wearing a grey business suit and navy tie.

"Hi!  I'm Chris Downey!  I'm with the government ... and I'm here to help!"

"We're f&*ked," muttered Ross.

"We're f&*ked," muttered Andry.

"We're f&*ked," muttered Jo.

"We're f&*ked," muttered Stephen.

Denis kept his mouth shut and jammed their captured Russian scientist farther down under the seat.

Andrew, Ross, Jo and Stephen filed out from the bus, lined up, guns held loosely in their hands.  The man minding the autocannon checked that his safety was off.

"Chris Downey, FEMA, nice to meet you folks.  So, have we put this all together yet?"  Downey adjusted his tie.

"You vaporized our Russian pursuers," guessed Stephen.  "But why not us?"

"Our organization and the Hoffman Institute have a ... workng relationship.  Or truce, depending on the mood of the week.  Besides, I figured you'd do all the dirty work."  He nodded at the fiery apocalypse roaring behind them. "Subtle."

"You're the UFO sightings," said Ross.

"Been looking for Putechin for two years.  We've been patrolling around the area for a while, ever since we figured his little zombie-pals had been out snacking.  The Russians sent their own clean-up squad."  Downey sighed.  "Only they would be thick enough to rent black four-door sedans and wear black."  Downey rubbed his hands together in glee.  "Speaking of which, perhaps you might hand Putechin and his research over now?"

At that, another seven men appeared in the cargo bay of the black helicopter, automatic weapons locked and loaded.

Andy whispered something to Ross.  Ross shrugged, took his lead. "How about we keep him for a while, then hand him over."

"Hmm.  How about I kill you and all those civilians."  Downey waved a clipboard. "I've already checked all the boxes next to 'tragic mine gas explosion.' It wouldn't inconvenience me a bit."

"He's going to kill us anyway once he gets the scientist," Stepehn whispered.

"Do you really want to go to war over this?" asked Jo. "It's not like you won't get him, the Hoffman Institute  will guarantee it."

"Just call your bosses and check!" Andy called out from behind Ross.

Downey grumbled a bit, then took out a cell phone.  He signalled to the pilot of the helicopter.  A second later, the low electronic HUM in everyone's inner ear ceased.  Downey hit speed dial, waited.  He turned away from the Agents, talked low.  Finally he hung up the phone.  "I'm sorry, no deal.  Hand Putechin over or we kill you all."

At that, Andy stepped forward -- with his own cell phone ON.  "Direct line to a friend at the _New York Times_" Andy called out.  "He just heard EVERYTHING."

"Don't be ridiculous," DOwney sputtered.  "The interference field ... interference ..."  The FEMA agent stared at his own cell phone.  The call he just made.  The call he had the interference field dropped for.

"Cr%p."

_(DM'S NOTE: Andy ACTUALLY DID THIS TO ME.  He leaned forward with his own cell phone on and triumphantly shut me down cold.  There are days I do hate him so.)_

Downey tried to save face. "We can kill that story --"

"Please, an entire town disappearing would be tricky, never mind that now there's even a RUMOR of something weird about it."  Andy shut his phone, pocketed it.  "Face it.  It'll ust be much easier to let us go, and pick up the Russian in two days."

"What about his research notes?" Downey asked.  He was considerably less chipper now.

"We never found them," the Agents lied smoothly, and almost simultaneously.

Downey turned, walked back to the helicopter.  He paused on the ramp.  "I won't forget this," he said, almost casually. None of the Agents mistook his tone, however.  Sleeping at the Hoffman Institute facilites for a while might not be a bad idea.

The helicopter rose soundlessly into the night.  In two seconds it was a shadow, in three more a ghost.  Now the only sound was the CRACKLING of the inferno that had once been Fairview, Arizona.  The Agents trod wearily back to the bus.  To the sorrowful music of the weeping, shocked townspeople, they drove back to Los Angeles ...

*****************************************

"Okay, I swear I saw the waitress from the Fairview diner panhandling in Santa Monica," Jo snapped.

The Agents were at their monthly debrief.  Director Richardson shrugged.  "Some people don't adust well to that sort of stress.  We do our best."  He paused.  "Some people, after repeated traumatic experiences of mind-bending horror, even take to drinking."

Jo glared at him, her hands heading for her guns.  Ross coughed, trying to get them off this subject.  "How's Deputy Shea?"

"Just fine.  We paid him off with what he wanted."

"Which was?" asked Stephen.

"A full day alone in the room with Sherrif Glick, the man who kidnapped his little brother."  Richardson nodded thoughtfully.  "You may see him around.  Resourceful young man, we'll be recruiting him."  Richardson cleared his throat.  "I do have some rather bad news for you, Agent Cosby.  Even after we returned Putechin to FEMA, Mr. Downey there seems to have held a grudge. I'm afraid, well ... several staff reporters on the _New York Times_ who were on duty the night you called have had accidents.  Fatal accidents."  Richardson slid a list across the desk.  "I'm sure your friend is one of the deceased.  I'm sorry for your loss."

Andy didn't even raise an eyebrow. "No loss.  I don't know anyone at the _Times_.  I called the subscription line."

They all turned to stare at him.  He shrugged.  "What?  Oh COME ON, what did I do this time?"

*END*

*Next, we catch up with our Agents after a rather difficult year ...*


----------



## blaster219

> Andy didn't even raise an eyebrow. "No loss. I don't know anyone at the Times. I called the subscription line."




Absolutly brilliant. I can picture may players doing something exactly like this.

Priceless.

Keep it up, i'm really enjoying these stories.


----------



## KidCthulhu

[Tips hat to Andy.] [ Tips hat again for good measure.]

He just might get a rat bastard player award for that one.

So JR, we should talk scarred lands some time.  I'm running a campaign there too.


----------



## fenzer

A wonderful story Jonrog.  Thank you.

I wait, like a ten year old for his next birthday, for the next installment of our intrepid agents.


----------



## jonrog1

Hey KidC, care to start a thread somewhere appropriate to trade idea?  I'll be beginning a Story Hour soon, although my Scarred Lands is a bit ... tweaked.

We actually just finished our first campaign in SL, and for gritty mid-level magic bad-assedness, SL is hard to beat.  Andy DM'd the urban stuff (tentacles ... *shudder*) and Ross did the continent-spanning epic quest missions, both wonderfully showcasing what can be done.

Mithril's a great setting, although I suspect one of your proclivities may prefer Hollowfaust.

Also, check out Rogue's gallery, I'l be statting the PC's from this campaign in proper d20Modern form soon.


----------



## Victim

Andy scares me.  What is his Bluff score anyway?


----------



## Nail

Victim said:
			
		

> *Andy scares me.  What is his Bluff score anyway? *



Bloody high, I'll bet.

I especially like the comment:


> They all turned to stare at him. He shrugged. "What? Oh COME ON, what did I do this time?"



Scary guy indeed...although, if he had called the telemarketing department......


----------



## Jeph

Was the phone actually on a line to the subscriptions dpt. of the NYT (The real phone, not the game-world one)? 

That would be bloody hilarious . . .


----------



## Hatchling Dragon

I think that the only appropriate title for Andy's type of playing would be the _(Brian) Van Hoose_ Award.

I wouldn't know which to be more afraid of playing in that game, Andy or the DM  

Is he like this in 'real life', coldly logical/ amoral?

Hatchling Dragon


----------



## Breakstone

...

 

...


----------



## jonrog1

Hatchling Dragon said:
			
		

> *I think that the only appropriate title for Andy's type of playing would be the (Brian) Van Hoose Award.
> 
> I wouldn't know which to be more afraid of playing in that game, Andy or the DM
> 
> Is he like this in 'real life', coldly logical/ amoral?
> 
> Hatchling Dragon *




Not at all.  He's funny, charming, an all around great guy.  But he does constantly have the escape route planned.  He just totally screwed me in the Scarred Lands campaign by coming up with an out-of-the-box way of killing the guy menat to be a recurring villain.

Both of us being writers, he's usually looking for the "cool scene" resolution, knowing I've either a.) planned it or b.) going to let it happen, because it is so frikkin' cool.  And that's what the game is about, not yanking somebody down because they blew their junp check by 1.  If they're just jumping a pit, yeah.  But if they're leaping atop a barricade, planting their hand on their opponent's head and vaulting over the poor git, I tend to give a "cool factor" modifier because they're increasing enjoyment of the game for all.

I would suggest that for any DM whose PC's have got their heads down on the Battlemat -- tell them they get a +1 to attack if the attack is described in a particularly cool/anime way.   Combat perks right the heck up.


----------



## Breakstone

That sounds like a great idea, jonrog. I'll have to remember that.

Woo hoo! Post #301 in the story hour!


----------



## paulewaug

*get them involved*

that is a great idea jonrog,
anything that gets the players 'into the game' and having fun is a good thing.

I will let my players Try just about anything they want, even if their character has practically no chance of pulling something off I'll let them roll and succeed on a Natural 20 if they are really into the game and it is keep that level of excitement up.  Even without the _20[/]i they may be partially successful- just to keep things Dynamic!

I also reward 'cool' scenes and things that keep the fun level up in game with Action Dice that they can use for re-rolls.
Sometimes they earn them over the course of many small things adding up, and sometimes they just do something that has to rewarded with something besides xp's.

On the flip side anything that they can have critacl success with they can  have crtical failure in my game. But that does not always mean they have to be beaten down just because of a bad roll of the dice..  It is just a good chance to make things tense for our heroes!

Even the most Evil bad guy doesn't always have to try to kill the good guys.  The James Bond approach "Now that I have you at my mercy..and I have none-allow me to gloat over you and show how I am better than you are, rather than just killing you like some commn thug..bwahaha!"

Keep up the great work!! Love the story hour-
mmm..."Brains.."_


----------



## dreadnought

Jonrog1:
BEWARE INSANTA


----------



## KidCthulhu

It's all about encouraging dramatic combat.  Which is why Feng Shui is so much fun.  My Scarred Lands players are great at stumbling right in to my dramatic scenes, bless 'em.  And recurring villains are the only way to get them moving.  I can point to the "Great heap of Evil and EXP over yonder" until I'm blue in the face, and they just shrug.  But they'll hunt the 0 level fishmonger who short changed them to the ends of the earth.  Shrug.  You gives the people what they want.

BTW, JonRog.  PC and I saw the preview for "The Core" yesterday.  Normally we'd not touch this kind of thing with a ten foot pole, but we're going to trust you on this one.  The hot pockets line is a keeper.


----------



## jonrog1

KidCthulhu said:
			
		

> *BTW, JonRog.  PC and I saw the preview for "The Core" yesterday.  Normally we'd not touch this kind of thing with a ten foot pole, but we're going to trust you on this one.  The hot pockets line is a keeper. *




Yes, well that's the damn problem with the genre .  Real world sci-fi used to be _Fantastic Voyage_ and _Andromeda Strain_, then the big loud dumb pseudo-science of _Armageddon_ and others made the whole style of movie suspect.

What kills me is that even in testing audience members will say confidently (and often condescendingly) "I loved it, but,  of course, all that science stuff must be made up like Hollywood always does."  That is a direct QUOTE.

But except for the ship itself -- and most parts of the ship _can_ exist, just don't in present form -- all the science is pretty dead on. 

Having a guy in a football shirt and a mullet who's test-screening your movie in a f*#&ing mall disparage your two years of geoscience research, that's a thrill.

Ah, but soon I can retire to write comic books and gaming supplements ...


----------



## Heap Thaumaturgist

My Health: Check
My Mental Health: ...
The Girl:  Check

Now all I need is JonRog's career and my life will be complete.  Hrmmmm.

I didn't know you were responsible for The Core, JonRog.  Actually, truth be told, I saw a preview for it in the theater with the guys and we all turned to eachother and said, pretty much:  "That sounds like a load of bull... or ..." 

It looked like fun, but the science isn't widely bandied about and we're all Computer Science Dorks and (I am) an English:  Rhetoric/Composition dork so it's not like we know that much specifically about geothermal goings-on within the core of the planet.  No mullets here.

I'll check it out, though.

--fje


----------



## barsoomcore

I was already planning to see The Core (disaster movie junkie, here), but hey, seeing as how it's yours, jonrog, I'll try and make it opening weekend.

Watching the trailer I thought, "What a great idea for a disaster movie. You get earthquakes, tidal waves, fires, storms -- right on. AND those incredibly tragic last-minute-guy-closes-the-bulkhead-door-from-the-other-side-thus-sacrificing-himself-to-save-his-friends moments. Remember _Grey Lady Down_? Anyone? Man, I had nightmares for weeks.

Anyway, cool, that. Hope it does well.


----------



## Wulf Ratbane

I don't know what possessed me to pop in here, since the subject line clearly indicates no update, but I am glad I caught the fanboy blathering.

THE CORE is yours, jonrog? All right, count me in.

I am going to have to speak to you about all that rummaging around in my head, by the way. First I see your Tesla-themed story hour, which of course is a telepathic map of my planned _League of Extraordinary Gentleman_ adventure I will be running in Boston; and here recently I've been catching up on my Jules Verne and now I hear 'bout this Core thing.

Can I go back to having my own ideas again? Not that there's anything wrong with yours, heavens no, it's just starting to disturb me. 

Although... I've always wanted to play the trumpet, so if you could just zap that over, I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

Wulf


----------



## Piratecat

KidCthulhu says "Don't let the mullets get you down."

I'm curious. You always hear horror stories of good scripts getting savaged in actual production. On a scale of 1 to 10 (where 10 is word-for-word), how close is the final movie to the script you wanted to see filmed?  

If answering this prior to the movie's launch is inappropriate, not a problem.  But it'll give us that many more tertiary bragging rights when we go see it if we know how much is your original vision!


----------



## (contact)

It looks like a pretty swet movie to me, and hell what I don't know about science could fill a book, but I'm takin' me and my common-law bride-to-be and her cousin and maybe even her cousin's baby daddy (if he gets out of rehab by then) to the openin' night!  We're goin' into the city and maybe even gettin' good and drunk at the tittie bar before we go to the mall, unless my p.o. signs me up for a pee test. 

But any movie with 10 people just droppin' dead in Boston without having something to do with KidCthulhu sounds like a whole mess o' horse you-know-what to me.  Hollywood just makes stuff up most times.


----------



## jonrog1

Wulf Ratbane said:
			
		

> *I am going to have to speak to you about all that rummaging around in my head, by the way. First I see your Tesla-themed story hour, which of course is a telepathic map of my planned League of Extraordinary Gentleman adventure I will be running in Boston; and here recently I've been catching up on my Jules Verne and now I hear 'bout this Core thing.
> 
> Can I go back to having my own ideas again? Not that there's anything wrong with yours, heavens no, it's just starting to disturb me.*




Wow, I almost feel bad about Wulf inspiring my dwarven character in the Scarred Lands.  Try double-folding the tinfoil on your head, it keeps the space aliens from reading my brain waves, maybe it'll help this ...



> _originally posted by PirateCat_
> * I'm curious. You always hear horror stories of good scripts getting savaged in actual production. On a scale of 1 to 10 (where 10 is word-for-word), how close is the final movie to the script you wanted to see filmed? *




About an 8.  I had a great relationship with the director, and what's there is mine, -- it's more a matter of what got cut for time and pacing.  Lots of character stuff went by the wayside.

Also, heckuva cast.  As soon as I heard Hilary Swank, Aaron Eckhardt, Stanley Tucci and Delroy Lindo, my first thought was "Damn, I should have written a much, much better movie."

It's just meant to be nine dollars worth of good old-fashioned sci-fi.  I think it lands there.  The fun part during the screenings was seeing the audience relax once they were in the groove, assuming they now pretty much had the movie's number ... and bad things kept happening to characters they liked.  It got genuinely quiet and tense.

It's amazing how movie savvy everybody is these days.   Some test audience members got angry, one guy actually said, "I figured out who'd survive for the sequel and then you killed them off!"

We hate predictable!  We hate that which does not match our expectations!

Weird damn business.  No matter, the one-two punch of _Fellowship_ and _Two Towers_ has broken my spirit.  I'll be opening some sort of small shop soon, maybe tires or auto supplies ...


----------



## barsoomcore

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *I'll be opening some sort of small shop soon, maybe tires or auto supplies ... *



Awesome! Can we expect more frequent updates as a result?

*ducks monkey wrench*


----------



## jonrog1

*Gone Missing: PROLOGUE

"One year later ..."*

Samuel shifted nervously in his chair.  Hoffman Institute Field Agent Director Richardson was legendary for precision and crankiness.  Not in that order.

Richardson stared at him.  "You're the best they can send for an assignment coordinator?  Ahh, well."  He tossed files onto his desk.  "Not like you can screw up too badly, coordinating these teams in the field.  They're all finely oiled machines."

They both stared at a file with a green strip across the top.  Green meant "All Access/All Levels of FX-Incidence Cleared."  Only one field team at a time had that sticker.   

Richardson nodded.  "Yes, well, except for them.  They're like a well-oiled car crash.  But somehow, they keep walking back through that door."

Samuel opened the file.  This group was almost legendary in the Hoffman Institute for their cataclysmic investigations.  As he laid each  ID photo out on the table, Richardson ran down the Agent's status.

"Denis there's the team leader.  He's new lad on, but after that debacle in Arizona, he was the one who thought to   grab the Russian's notes, and the one who remembered to cram the Russian on the bus in the middle of the firefight.  Got a cool head and an eye for tech, terrestrial or otherwise." 

"Stephen's the forensic scientist/ evidence tech.  He was their medic, but he kept almost killing people, so he switched to patients he can't hurt any worse. Good in an interview.  He can look at a month-old corpse fresh out of the river and tell you how it died.  Not a bad driver when he has to be, either."

"Ross there went through our military training rotation.   He's now familiar with all standard law enforcement and military firearms and armor.  He's made himself responsible for keeping the rest of them alive when the weirdness hits.  We keep docking his pay, but he insists on carrying a cut-down 10-guage under his coat."  Samuel stared at pictures of a burned-out neighborhood of apartment buildings.  "Ah, that.  They went chasing some extradimensional nonsene in Paris, got pinned down by militia cultists.  Ross solved the problem by severing multiple gas lines and turning the *entire neighborhood* into one big fuel-air explosive.  Not subtle, but he takes his job seriously."

Samuel stared at the next picture.  "I thought partial blindness would disqualify an Agent from fieldwork."

"The eyepatch?"  Richardson shrugged.  "Something magic and undead in Chicago clawed Andy's eye out.  Big damn hole there.  Helluva thing."  Richardson hesitated.  "More of a helluva thing is he can still see out of it."

"I'm ... not following ..."

"He can see out of the socket.  Cover his remaining eye, he can see through the eyepatch.  20/20.  Better vision than mine. "

"But ... there's _no eye_ there ..."

"Son, exactly who do you think you work for?" 

Samuel gulped, moved on.  The last photo showed a young woman with a white streak cutting through dark, shoulder-length hair.  Richardson chuckled.  "Ahh,  her."

"She can't be as crazy as they say."

"Well, she was a handful enough, and that was _before_ Seattle.  Team went up against some psi-freak who'd cobbled together an empathic feedback coil.  She got caught in a psi-wave.  A loop."  Richardson paused.  "Traps you in your worse nightmare for _six months_ of subjective time.  _Six months_.  In that microsecond she lived half a year in a waist-high pool of corpse soup fighting off flesh-eating toddlers trying to rip her throat out."

Samuel looked at the long, long, looonnnng list of Jo's prescribed medications.  "She must be completely, dangerously unhinged!"

"She just got out of the clinic a week ago."  Samuel noticed Richardson didn;t answer the question directly ...  "They say she's right as rain as long as she takes all her pills and doesn't drink too much."   Richardson  sighed.   "Only problem is, she doesn't take her pills and she drinks too much."   

The Director leaned forward.  "Okay, rookie.  There's your team."  He pointed to more files.  "There's today's caseload.    Make the call.  Who you sending where?"

Samuel looked at the breakdown of his crisis team (mentally noting _"breakdown's the right word ..."_).  "Something easy, change of pace after this many tough investigations."  He slid one folder across the desk.  "This one.  They don't even need cover ID's."

Richardson glanced at the folder title, nodded.  "Not a bad call."  He hit his intercom.  "Lucy, get First Team in here.  They're going to Oregon ..."


----------



## fenzer

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *"Well, she was a handful enough, and that was before Seattle.  Team went up against some psi-freak who'd cobbled together an empathic feedback coil.  She got caught in a psi-wave.  A loop."  Richardson paused.  "Traps you in your worse nightmare for six months of subjective time.  Six months.  In that microsecond she lived half a year in a waist-high pool of corpse soup fighting off flesh-eating toddlers trying to rip her throat out."*




You are one mean bastard.  And I wouldn't have you any other way .  I can't wait to see First Team in action again.


----------



## Breakstone

Heh heh heh... What did the players think of all these changes to themselves?


----------



## jonrog1

Tsunami said:
			
		

> *Heh heh heh... What did the players think of all these changes to themselves? *




They dug the idea, seemed a cool way to jump a couple levels off-screen.

Poor Jo, though.  I almost feel bad about ... well, you'll see.


----------



## dreadnought

Hey bud, 
You ever gonna get to that freaky session all that time ago when vodka flowed like water and a large Texan made threatening gestures toward me? It still burns in memory like a syphilitic patient's first morning .... well, you get the drift. I never do look at hockey sticks the same anymore. You know, they never did rebuild that neighborhood. Weird things kept happening, construction workers going mad, gas mains that could never be shut off. And I get these strange rashes after the periodic blackouts...


----------



## jonrog1

I believe their Canadian adventures occur right after this little jaunt.  Just stretching things out, as we haven't played in a while.  Pulp Spycraft took over the one-off slot last time.

As for the blackouts -- have you had the dreams about the bad clown yet?  If not, then you're one of the lucky ones ...

And Insanta came to the house.  Still repainting the doors.


----------



## dreadnought

I'm not worried about the bad clown so much as the KITTEN HEAD that keeps EATING the clown.
Long live Rael!


----------



## Nail

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *"The eyepatch?"  Richardson shrugged.  "Something magic and undead in Chicago clawed Andy's eye out.  Big damn hole there.  Helluva thing."  Richardson hesitated.  "More of a helluva thing is he can still see out of it."
> 
> "I'm ... not following ..."
> 
> "He can see out of the socket.  Cover his remaining eye, he can see through the eyepatch.  20/20.  Better vision than mine. "
> 
> "But ... there's no eye there ..."
> 
> "Son, exactly who do you think you work for?"
> 
> Samuel gulped, moved on. *



Now there's one fer th' scrap-book......


----------



## dreadnought

Ain't that the truth. I'd like to get my hands on that scrapbook.


----------



## KidCthulhu

Jonrog, Dreadnought.  You people scare me.  

And that's a deeply good thing. 

And Contact, people do occasionally drop dead in Boston without my involvement.  I can't be _everywhere_.


----------



## dreadnought

WE scare YOU? Hey, bud, you're the one with Cthulu on a toboggan as an icon.

Ia! indeed.

love, Dread


----------



## Nail

dreadnought said:
			
		

> *WE scare YOU? Hey, bud, you're the one with Cthulu on a toboggan as an icon.*



Point!


----------



## Wulf Ratbane

Yes, yes, but THIS was the laugh out loud moment:



			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *"They say she's right as rain as long as she takes all her pills and doesn't drink too much."   Richardson  sighed.   "Only problem is, she doesn't take her pills and she drinks too much."*




See, that there? That's scriptworthy. Obvious as it is, I didn't see it coming.


Wulf


----------



## dreadnought

Poor Jo. She never sees it coming either. Sometimes I wonder if there's some sort of pathological need to be hip deep in brain matter and blood imprinted on that poor Southern gal's tormented soul.


----------



## Graf

(OK so I came here looking for the angry monkies and wound up staying for the zombie maggots and weird punch lines....).

Is anybody else wondering why the psychic grandmother works for the US government? Or was that a real UFO?
(I know it is in the technical sense in that it flew and is of unknown origin -- but I mean in the bug-eyed sense).

Anyway, cheers for this!


----------



## Welverin

If you've finished all of jonrog's story hours and are still looking to fulfill your monkey quota try ForceUsers sh, it's full of monkey shines.


----------



## dreadnought

Come now, John, the thread has ended up on page 3! That is just unseemly. So here's a bump...


----------



## Horacio

We still want an update...


----------



## jonrog1

just bumping all three so I can find them easier to update this weekend.   Cheers.


----------



## jonrog1

“You’re all looking well,” Director Richardson greeted them.

“Thank you, sir.  And I’ll tell you, we’re very eager to get back out in the field,” Johanna answered.   She certainly looked stable enough, Richardson thought to himself.  Jo was perched eagerly on the edge of the office couch, her light leather jacket covering what he knew were twin nine-mils.  She seemed all the world like an eager grad student, except for the shock of white in her dark shoulder-length hair.  Maybe the reports had been exaggerated.  According to the paperwork Johanna was loaded with enough anti-psychotics to drop a rhino on peyote.  

Denis and Stephen were in the chairs directly opposite Richardson; neat in jackets and ties, like proper agents for a federal bureau, never mind an “academic” organization like the Hoffman.  Andy was slumped as always in the leather chair in the corner.  He had this habit now of watching conversations  “through” his eyepatch.  Ross stood next to the door and a little to the left.  The new man, Samuel  looked to Richardson for guidance; it was plain Ross had his cut-down Ithica shotgun tucked under his arm.  Richardson shook his head.  It wasn’t worth the effort.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” said Richardson.  “And I’m glad to have my primary team –“

DING.  Richardson stopped as Jo fished a little pill timer out of her pocket.  Never losing her smile, Jo produced a pill jar, popped two.  Then she took another jar from her inside pocket and popped two more.  Then she fished another pill dispenser from her jeans, popped seven, all different colors.  She put the pills away, returned to her patient waiting pose.

“The pink ones,” Stephen reminded gently.

“Whoops.” Jo grinned, embarrassed.  “Don’t want Mommy to have the bad dreams while driving in the passing lane again, do we?”  She took two more pills.

After an awkward pause, Samuel tossed three photos out onto the desk.  Denis and Stephen picked up the files to study.  The remaining three agents simply waited.  “Tom Mullins, Darren Vincent, Horatio Martinez.  All 15-year-olds in Eugene, Oregon.  Last Friday, two things happened in Eugene.  First, there were a spate of UFO sightings.  Second – these three boys disappeared.”

“Together or individually?”  Denis was already taking notes.  UFO’s were his specialty.

“They were together.  Apparently, at the Vincent home, the three of them were in the basement playing something called …” Samuel checked his notes, “… _Dungeons & Dragons_.”

“The Devils’ game,” snorted Andy.  They looked to him.  “That’s what my mom always called it.”

“The mother, Trisha Vincent, had left the house at 6:00 pm to pick up the seven year old daughter Gertie from ballet.  The middle son in the Vincent family, Elliot, was upstairs reading.  Bit of a bookworm, Elliot.”  Samuel handed the police logs to Denis.  “When Trish Vincent got home at 8:00 pm, the boys were no longer in the basement.  She thought nothing of it at first.  The boys’ bikes were gone, she assumed they were out mucking around.  When the kids were still gone the next day, she called the cops.”

“Lot more records here than we usually snoop up,” Ross said.

“We’re lucky,” Richardson answered.  “The kids have been gone a week.  The Sheriff called the FBI, and the FBI agent on the scene is big on unexplained phenomena.  He called in the Hoffman Institute on a government consult.  For once you get to go in totally above board.”

“This goes well,” Samuel added, “it could mean a whole new chapter in Hoffman’s ability to operate outside the veil.”

“We’ll try not to shoot any federal agents,” Andy said, standing.  

Samuel chuckled, then stopped short when Richardson simply answered, “I appreciate that.”

********************************

The Agents were taking their seats on the little shuttle jet to Portland.   Some passengers behind them were still hovering around the extended jetway.  The guys slid into their seats, Jo took hers –

-- _*screams and hands clenched and oxygen masks and banging and tears and screaming screamingscreamingscreaming *_–

“AHHH!”  Jo lurched up into the aisle.  

Every passenger stared at her.  Moving very slowly, Andy leaned over to Stephen.  “You’re sure she took –“

“—the pink pills,” Stephen nodded.  “We’re always careful with the pink pills.” 

Jo leaned down to Ross’ ear and whispered: “This plane is going to crash.”

“How do you know?”

“I just _do_, okay?  We need to get off this plane, we need to RIGHT NOW –“

“Whoa, whoa, no problem,” Andy assured her.  They all stood up.  “Just take the next flight.”

So ten minutes later the Agents stood at the windows and watched the plane take off.  They collectively held their breath as the plane lifted higher, and higher …

… and disappeared.  They all turned to look at Jo.

“Hey, it’s an hour flight, okay?”  Her hands shaking a little, she sat nearby.  The guys exchanged looks, then sat around her, silently comforting.  The next Portland flight would depart soon enough.

*****************************

As soon as the Agents arrived, Jo stormed to the gate terminal.  “What happened to the last flight?”

The gate attendant didn’t even bother to look up.  “Landed right on schedule, ma’am.”

Not meeting the others’ eyes, Jo walked away.  “I saw it.  I don’t know how I saw it, but I saw it crash.”

“But it didn’t crash,” Andy called out after her.  She flipped him the finger and stalked toward the luggage claim.

“Hey, “ Ross interrupted. “No pointing out my girlfriend’s tenuous hold on reality.  That’s not cool.”

“Sorry man.”  Andy and Ross tapped fists and followed the rest.

Two full-size dark sedan rentals (“Hey, now we’re the Men in Black!” “Shut up.”)  and a chain-smoking two hour drive later, the Agents pulled into the center of Eugene.  They found the Sheriff’s office in the middle of the town retail center.  There were the tell-tale signs of an FBI presence – a rented Taurus.  The Agents nuzzled their dark cars into parking spots in front of the office..  

Ross was the first one out. “I need a department store.”  Stephen looked him questioningly.  “Couldn’t check my weapons, like you did.  Be right back.”

As Ross crossed for the nearby Circle K, the Sheriff exited the police station.  He was a good-looking young man, lean and dark.  “Howdy, folks.  You’d be the Hoffman Institute fellas?”  He shook hands all ‘round.  “Sheriff Wilson, at your service.  Man, we sure are glad you could make it.  The FBI agents are inside.”

“This is a pleasant change,” Stephen muttered.  “I could get used to people actually being glad to see us.”

The FBI agents stepped out from the Sheriff’s office.  One was tall man, with a dreamy, far-away look in his eyes.  His FBI suit hung well on him, if a bit rumpled.  The other was a petite red-head.  She gazed at them dubiously over a pair of gold wire-rims.

“Pleased to meet you.”  They flashed badges as the man continued introductions.  “I’m Special Agent Frank Malloy, and this is Special Agent Diane Sullivan ...”


----------



## Breakstone

The truth is out there, jonrog...


----------



## Horacio

Frank Malloy and Diane Sullivan...


----------



## Dungannon

> _Originally posted by jonrog1_
> 
> *“The pink ones,” Stephen reminded gently.
> 
> “Whoops.” Jo grinned, embarrassed. “Don’t want Mommy to have the bad dreams while driving in the passing lane again, do we?” She took two more pills.*



Gems like this are why I enjoy your SHs so much. LOL


----------



## NiTessine

Whee, an update! And the story just keeps getting cooler, funnier, and better...


----------



## fenzer

Thanks Jon.  I haven'e laughed like that in a while.  Jo is the reason this story hour is my favorite.  I love these guys.  

Great update.


----------



## Harp

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *According to the paperwork Johanna was loaded with enough anti-psychotics to drop a rhino on peyote.*




An absolute _gift_ for metaphor...


----------



## dreadnought

Not to mention an absolute metaphor for gift!


----------



## ragefearmadness

*Bump*

BUMP!


----------



## ForceflowX

/delurk

~BUMP~

/relurk


----------



## fenzer

Oh John, you're killing me.  I was looking forward to this update most and..._nothing._


----------



## jonrog1

*GONE MISSING

Pt. 4*

Special Agent Diane Sullivan shook their hands.  "Nice to meet fellow skeptics."

The Agents exchanged puzzled looks, then suddenly remembered -- the public face of the Hoffman Institute was rigorous scientific fieldwork on the paranormal.  They tended to report the false claims, and keep the real cases buried ... sometimes literally, in shallow graves.  As a result, the net "public" output of the Institute was as a debunker.

Sullivan held Denis' hand a fraction longer than the others.  "I particularly enjoyed your last paper on electromagnetic anomalies on radar detection screens."

Denis nodded his head curtly.  "An elementary peace of work, but thank you."  Inside, his heart sang _YesyesyesYEEESSSSSS!_

Malloy pulled on his coat.  "I'm afraid my partner may have a somewhat distorted view of your work.  I have a few friends on the inside of the Institute who keep me appraised.   Now, sorry to meet and run --" he flashed a battered laptop, "-- but this is the Vincent kid's computer.  We're going back to our hotel where we'll look for any Internet chat or weird cultish files." He turned to his partner.  "Sully?"

The two FBI agents left the Sheriff's office.  They bickered genially as they got into their rented Taurus and drove away.

"Those two are SO doing it," Jo muttered.

"No.  No way," Andrew argued.  "Besides, the redhead was giving hug-me eyes to Denis."

Ross entered.  He had a familiar bulk under his coat.  He tossed a hacksaw down on the counter.  "You can keep that," he nodded to the Sheriff.  "What I miss?"

"The Feds seem pretty friendly, for once." Stephen turned back to the Sheriff.  "What's the story on these boys?"

Sheriff Wilson slid some computer printouts across his desk.  "Not bad kids.  The Vincent kid --"

"That's where they were hanging out before they disappeared, his house?" interrupted Denis.

"Yeah, he's got a couple misdemeanors on him.  He's really the ringleader, the other two are his sidekicks.  Nothing serious, but I can smell trouble when they get old enough to drive."

Jo was looking down at the report when Sheriff Wilson added: "Little puink needs a good crack across the head with a 2x4 before he winds up in juvie, not that his momma will take time off her whorin' to do it."

Jo's head snapped up. _ Wow, the Sheriff had seemed like such a mellow guy, then this sort of talk - he must be angry._

But Sherrif Wilson still wore the placid expression he'd had all along.  Her friends weren't particularly shocked either.  Huh.   Ross  ushered them out. "Let's go talk to the mother."

**************************

Trish Vincent opened the door, and immediately Andrew knew what had to be done.  Trish was a hot-buttered soccer mom.  He was a mysterious guy in a leather jacket with an eye-patch. 

"Dibs," he called.

Trish was distraught, but not so distraught she wasn't wearing make-up.  Andrew took her into the kitchen for a chat.  Ross, Denis and Stephen checked out where the boys' bikes had been, and the basement where they'd indulged in the secret sin of polyhedral pleasure.  Jo, still a little rattled from  her experience with the plane and Sheriff Wilson's emotional outburst, stayed by the front door.

Her pill timer went off.  She took an extra pink one.  Just to ease the edge --

"Hello."

Jo looked down.  Her jaw locked.  Her hands clenched, physically fighting to surge for her concealed weapons.  Staring up at her was... was ...

... a small child.

"Breathe," Jo hissed, "breathe, I am in my happy place, no one can devour my flesh in my happy place..."

"I'm Gertie."  _Ah, right, the little sister,_ Jo thought.  Blonde hair in ringlets, maybe six or seven, big blue eyes.  Adorable.

Or so it WANTED HER TO THINK __

"Breathing," Jo continued to whisper.  "In and out ..."  _Okay.  Should actually do a little investigation here._  Jo knelt down.  "I'm sorry your brother's missing."

Gertie shook her head.  "He's mean to Elliot and me.  I'm glad."

_Oh God, she's got a cornfield, she's going to wish me to the cornfield and then eat my braaaaainnnss ..._  "Ahem."  Jo forced a smile.  "Do you remember Friday night?"

"Un huh," Gertie nodded.  "Do you want to see my doll?"

"Sure honey."  Jo looked around.  "Where is it?"

Gertie held a finger up to her lips.  "Shhh!  It's a secret, special doll.  I just got it."

"When?"

"Last Friday.  It just showed up in my closet."

Jo's smile froze.  "Why ... don't you  ... take me to see .. . the secret doll?"  Gertie took her by the hand, leading her up the narrow stairs.

With her other hand, Jo eased one of her twin nine-millimeters from its hidden holster.  "What's so special about it?"  Jo asked.

"It talks."

_Click._  Off went the safety, and back went the hammer.  

They went into the Gertie;'s bedroom.  The girl already had more stuffed animals than Jo had ever seen in her life.  The idea she had more crammed  --

"In the closet,.  There."  Gertie pointed.  She gave a little _yelp_ as Jo pushed her back, raced forward and KICKED the closet door open.  

Jo saw dead eyes reflecting light, inhuman eyes, her gun came up --


----------



## jonrog1

Please, if you've guessed it, don't tell.  It took the players a little while longer ...


----------



## fenzer

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *...where they'd indulged in the secret sin of polyhedral pleasure.*



The sweat sweat pleasure.



> *Jo, still a little rattled from  her experience with the plane and Sheriff Wilson's emotional outburst, stayed by the front door.
> 
> Her pill timer went off.  She took an extra pink one.  Just to ease the edge --
> 
> "Hello."
> 
> Jo looked down.  Her jaw locked.  Her hands clenched, physically fighting to surge for her concealed weapons.  Staring up at her was... was ...
> 
> ... a small child.
> 
> "Breathe," Jo hissed, "breathe, I am in my happy place, no one can devour my flesh in my happy place..."
> 
> "I'm Gertie."  Ah, right, the little sister, Jo thought.  Blonde hair in ringlets, maybe six or seven, big blue eyes.  Adorable.
> 
> Or so it WANTED HER TO THINK __
> 
> "Breathing," Jo continued to whisper.  "In and out ..."  Okay.  Should actually do a little investigation here.  Jo knelt down.  "I'm sorry your brother's missing."
> 
> Gertie shook her head.  "He's mean to Elliot and me.  I'm glad."
> 
> Oh God, she's got a cornfield, she's going to wish me to the cornfield and then eat my braaaaainnnss ...  "Ahem."  Jo forced a smile.  "Do you remember Friday night?"*




Thanks John for a great Jo fix.  And no, I haven't figured it out.


----------



## Spatzimaus

Why is it the people at work all look at me funny when I can't stop laughing?


----------



## dreadnought

Ah, Jo. Always hip-deep in one zombie excreta or another. When will she ever catch a break?


----------



## KidCthulhu

Dead, inhuman eyes.  Talking.  Evil.

Could it be Teddy Ruxpin?


----------



## Horacio

I have a guess, only a small guess... I want to give a clue of my guess, but I'm not sure if Jonrog would like it...


----------



## Nail

I, too, would love to guess....but I'll just sit back, take _my_ little green and yellow pills, and let the author chose the pace....


----------



## ajanders

*Aaagh!*

Du Lieber Gott!
Did this completely fall apart once they got it?


----------



## jonrog1

*Re: Aaagh!*



			
				ajanders said:
			
		

> *Du Lieber Gott!
> Did this completely fall apart once they got it? *




No, they were too focused on Malloy, Sully, and the awful, awful thing I was doing to Jo.  THAT you'll start to see the full extent of next update ...

I believe, as usual, Andrew tumbled to it first and announced his knowledge with a priceless in-game quote.  So in respect to not blowing that story moment, we'll save any guesses for a while if you don't mind.


----------



## Horacio

*Re: Re: Aaagh!*



			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> * So in respect to not blowing that story moment, we'll save any guesses for a while if you don't mind. *




ARRRRGGGG!!!! 
That is goint to be hard... but as you ask me to do it I'll try to do it


----------



## Dungannon

*Re: Re: Re: Aaagh!*



			
				Horacio said:
			
		

> *ARRRRGGGG!!!!
> That is goint to be hard... but as you ask me to do it I'll try to do it  *



If it makes you feel better, Horacio, you can e-mail your guess to me.  I promise I won't reveal it.  I have a guess, too, but I'm not too sure about it.


----------



## Artoomis

Ooh!  Ooh!  I know - I know!  Well, I think so anyway - it seems so obvious - and that's all the clue I'm giving to what I think!


----------



## dreadnought

Oh! I know! Sully and Malloy are NOT sleeping together! But they COULD if only... You know, you've seen how they look at each other. The verbal sparring throws you off, for sure, but those tender glances, well, COME ON! It's only a matter of time. _Or is it?_ They were clearly made for each other, though they are so different in temperament. Will they? Won't they? The delicious truth is that they always hover around the edges of involvement, but any time they've spent in the same apartment ends up with Malloy sleeping on the couch. And what's with [THIS ENTRY TERMINATED BY INJUNCTION OBTAINED BY 20th CENTURY FOX AND ITS LEGAL REPRESENTATIVES. ALL CHARACTERES HEREIN ARE PROPERTY OF THE CORPORATION AND YOU ARE HEREBY ORDERED TO DESIST FROM FURTHER EXPLOTATION OF THE INCUMBENT COPYRIGHT]


----------



## Zarthon

This just keeps getting better and better


----------



## Piratecat

Hey, what closet door opens inwards?  

I have a guess, but I'll keep it quiet. In the mean time, I'd like to point out that the phrase "hot-buttered soccer Mom" is possibly the most concise, delightful expression I've heard in months. I'd also like to publicly appreciate subtleties, such as the additional tension caused by the simple description of the narrow stairs. It's little touches like these that cause me to recommend this to everyone I meet. Fellow gamers. Butchers. Electricians. Everyone.

Jonrog, how many sessions does the story hour lag the game at this point?


----------



## dreadnought

I'll give you a hint: I played as a guest in the next session, I think, and that was March 2002.


----------



## jonrog1

> _ Hey, what closet door opens inwards? _




Who said it was _supposed_ to open inwards?  Jo just splintered the sucker.

Shared credit for "HBSM" (hot-buttered etc.) must go to Chris Downey, fellow writer currently on KING OF QUEENS.  I'll take the Fifth on the context it was created in ...

This session, then the one Dreadnought played in, and we're all caught up.  Haven't done one of these in a while (got distracted by Pulp Spycraft and our regular D&D game).  

I hope to run another of these soon, as I start testing out ideas for the website.  I'm dying to try out the Savage Worlds system, and I'm finding the D20Modern conversion of the characters a little rough.  The original conversion was based on the Alternity classes of Combat Spec, Tech, Free Agent and Diplomat and were much more customizable.  As D20Modern is the big bear, though, the first conversions will hold to that standard.



> _...my little green and yellow pills _




Cute, Nail.  Thought I missed that, did you?


----------



## fenzer

I have an idea of what's in the closet.  Hurry up and post John.


----------



## Nail

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *Shared credit for "HBSM" (hot-buttered etc.) must go to Chris Downey, fellow writer currently on KING OF QUEENS.  I'll take the Fifth on the context it was created in ...*



FWIW, I'll second PC's assessment.  I'm blatantly stealing phrasings to use in my own story hour...although I'm not sure how to use '"HBSM" when talking about female kobolds...

*



			Cute, Nail.  Thought I missed that, did you?
		
Click to expand...


*I _think_ I'm supposed to say some thing about taking a "5th" here....a fifth of what, I can't remember.


----------



## dreadnought

Bourbon?


----------



## Nail

dreadnought said:
			
		

> *Bourbon? *



Oh no.

Those I remember.


----------



## dreadnought

Yeah, it's the ones you don't remember you have to worry about.


----------



## Jeph

The last update was three days ago, so that's about . . . ooooh . . . two and a half weeks until the next one, is my guess . . .


----------



## jonrog1

*GONE MISSING
Pt. 5*

Ross placed his hand over the slide of Jo's gun and slid it back -- KA-CHUNK.  The shell ejected and slide locked even as she pulled the trigger. He'd appeared just as she kicked in the door. "Sweetie, what are you doing?"

"LOOK!  LOOK!"

Ross followed her gaze into the closet.  Dead, inhuman eyes ...  glass eyes.  Doll eyes.

Ordinary doll eyes.  The closet was hip deep with dolls of every shape and variety.  Gertie pushed her way past Jo. "It's gone," she whispered with a frown.

"You heard her," Jo said to Ross.  "She said 'it's gone'.  That means there's an 'it'."  Jo stooped in front of Gertie.  "Tell Uncle Ross about the bad 'it'.  Go ahead."

Gertie sucked her thumb.  "You  have eyes like the lady who talks about Jesus outside the Rite Aid."

Jo lunged for her.

******************************

"You're sure you're okay."

"I said I was fine."

"You took --"

"Here, see, HERE!"  Jo took two more pink pills.

The Agents were just outside the local Chinese restaraunt.  Night was falling a crisp autumn evening in the Northwest.  If not for the missing kids, it might have been  a pleasant weekend stay.  Stephen turned to Denis.  "You talk to the other son?"

Denis shrugged.  "Eliot?  Nice kid.  Kind of geeky."

"From a guy who spends his weekends cataloguing ball lightning sightings," whispered Andy.

Denis ignored him.  "Didn't say anything of interest."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing I thought relevant."  He turned back to Jo.  "Okay, I'm sorry we're being so careful.  It's just, we're going in to meet the FBI.  We're emissaries here.  This is a chance --"

"-- for you to score with the redhead?" asked Ross.

"Forget it.  She and Malloy are doing it," grumbled Jo.

Andy shook his head.  "Nah.  That just wouldn't be right."


****************************


Inside the restaraunt, everything went very smoothly.  The Agents sat with Malloy and Sullivan.  Agent Sullivan was _definitely_ more than a little interested in Denis' work.  Malloy and Andy traded occult stories and Forteana.  Stephen had the Dim Sum.

Malloy gestured with his chopsticks.  "You notice the timetable on the Mom is off?"

Ross nodded.  "Yeah.  The drive from Gertie's dance class, where she was picking up Gertie, isn't as long as she says.  She was away from the house an extra hour."

Andy cleared his throat.  "I'll ... uh ... take that up next time I talk to her."

Jo smiled.  This wasn't so bad after all.  She really liked these two Feds.  " I have to say, it's nice for once to be working with law enforcement."

Sully shrugged.  "I have total confidence that our cooperation will wind up resolving this case, and we'll work together wonderfully --"

Jo smiled.  Then Sully finished, in the same chipper voice:

_" -- if it doesn't, I'll have to shoot all of you in the %$#&@ face and bury you in shallow graves."_

Jo stared at Sully.  Sully glanced to Denis, then looked back.  She raised an eyebrow.  "Yes?"

Jo looked to her friends.  None of them reacted.  Ross slurped his soup.


**************************


The Agents waved as Malloy and Sully pulled away.  They kept waving as the Taurus cleared the driveway, crept down the street ...

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?"  Jo grabbed Ross' coatfront.  They all turned, concerned.

"Um, about what?"

"When she threatened to KILL US!"  Jo looked from friend to friend.  They were just staring at her, blankly.  "I heard her threaten to shoot us in the FACE!"

Andy talked slowly.  "I didn't hear that.  Did ... anybody hear that?"

The guys all shook their heads slowly.  With a SCREAM Jo bolted away.  They watched her run across the parking lot.

"We ... may have a problem," said Ross.


----------



## jonrog1

*DM's Commentary*

From my homebrew D20 Modern -- WILD PSI:  Pick two psionic skills.  They are now permanent class skills.

The execution: don't tell Jo she's getting the feat. 

So this is how we did it.

All the guys arrived ten minutes before Jo.  I showed the a green magic marker.  "When I'm holding the green magic marker," I explained, "whatever I say, YOU DON'T HEAR."

"Like we're deaf?" Denis asked.  So literal, our Denis.

"No, like it didn't exist for you.  She's the only one hearing the words, because they're _just thoughts_."

"In game?"

"In game -- and OUT OF GAME."

Jo tends to ... have a drink or two during the games.  So, she has the plane incident.  Thoroughly embarrassed and frustrated that it wasn't a vision.  Am I really just giving her hallucinations?

Then the Sheriff bit.  Not only do the guys keep their poker faces in character when Jo reacts to it, they keep them out of character.  Andy swears he didn't hear it.  Jo shrugs it off.  Okay, maybe he wasn't paying attention.

Then Diane Sullivan.  Jo honestly asks "What the hell was THAT about?"  And beautifully, all four other players turn to her and ask: "What?"

The rest played out exactly as it did above, but out of character.  Diane Sullivan never said that.  The other players didn't hear it.  Jo leaps from the sofa, screams, jabs her cigarette in my face and storms away, screaming "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME JOHN!"

Oh, God, it was beautiful.  My only sadness is that I will never be able to freak her out that badly again.  Unless I put that inflatable _Ring_ girl in her backyard, but that would actually kill her.


----------



## Horacio

LOL!!!!

That was EXCELLENT!!!!

Simply excellent! Wonderful!


----------



## GreyShadow

Ok.

This confirms it.  I will be going to see The Core.

Your an evil, evil DM.


----------



## spyscribe

Well, I _was_ going to suggest that you should come meet the group sometime.

Now, I don't know that I want you and my DM in the same room.

Inveterate rule one violator that I am, it just doesn't strike me as a good idea.


----------



## Piratecat

Ha! I saw it coming - knew that she was reading thoughts - but the execution was impeccable. So very nice.  I'm taking notes.  

PS Saw the Core! And I definitely - _definitely_ - didn't watch it while specifically identifying which lines were Classic JonRog. Nope. Not at all. 

Even a little.

_wanders away, whistlling aimlessly_


----------



## jonrog1

Couldn't have done it without the other lads being right b@stards about it.  IN game would have been easy -- but actually convincing her she was going nuts in the middle of Andy's living room?

Ahhh, joy.  Makes me want to crack open the D20Modern book and finally put something new together ...


----------



## Morrow

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> * Jo leaps from the sofa, screams, jabs her cigarette in my face and storms away, screaming "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME JOHN!"
> 
> Oh, God, it was beautiful.  My only sadness is that I will never be able to freak her out that badly again.  Unless I put that inflatable Ring girl in her backyard, but that would actually kill her. *




Ah, true evil, perfectly expressed.  There's nothing better than that.   Mom, can I be Jonrog when I grow up?

Morrow


----------



## fenzer

Oops.


----------



## fenzer

Wonderful stuff John.  I would have loved to been in the room when she stormed out.  This says alot about your group and how far you all are willing to go to freak her out.  Thanks for a good laugh.


----------



## Henry

I gotta hand it to you -- you and your players have to have a LOT of love for one another to be able to do that to one another. 

...

I'd do it, but I BUY things from these people on the weekdays.


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

Seconded on the Evil, Evil DM.   Fantastic gaming, and writing.

*makes note to see The Core*


----------



## Kaodi

*The Perfect Score*

What you did to Jo was beyond perfect Jonrog, hehehe... that is what we should all strive for at least once in a campaign, hehehe... 

Anyway, I am going to try and see your movie before it leaves the theatres, I am very interested... hell, this could call for rereading the storyhour to refresh your style in my mind, and I won't do exactly what PirateCat didn't do...


----------



## dreadnought

Jo (Elph), if you're reading this, I'm sending you a big warm hug, honey (as long as Ross is not around. He frightens me.) But you know they only pick on you because they love you. It's the geekboy version of throwing stones at a girl you like in grade 3.


----------



## Tellerve

*?*

You pick two psionic skills or powers?  I'm thinking psionic skills since you mention they'll be class skills but, I dunno, doesn't seem all that shnifty.  And where does the mind reading come in?  Does she get that AND two psionic skills?

Tellerve

EDIT: Dangit, BTW, absolutely awesome, I can only imagine the euphoria of everyone else as she stormed out.  I'm really surprised you guys didn't break down.


----------



## jonrog1

*Re: ?*



			
				Tellerve said:
			
		

> *You pick two psionic skills or powers?  I'm thinking psionic skills since you mention they'll be class skills but, I dunno, doesn't seem all that shnifty.  And where does the mind reading come in?  Does she get that AND two psionic skills?
> 
> Tellerve
> 
> EDIT: Dangit, BTW, absolutely awesome, I can only imagine the euphoria of everyone else as she stormed out.  I'm really surprised you guys didn't break down. *




Sorry, should have made it clearer.  I prefer the feats and skill system of psionics -- so those skills are actually "powers".

The telepathic backwash of thoughts was just a cool way to introduce the idea.  Through training and upping her medication, Jo will come to ...  if not "master", at least use them without blowing the back of her skull off.

It should be one skill, actually, now that I've playtested it a bit.

The two I gave her were psychometry (object reading) and _postcognition_ as opposed to _precognition_.  The 'reading" she got off the plane wasn't  from a crash that was _going_ to happen -- she read an emergency landing the plane made the week before.  It came down okay, but the imprint of terror was really strong ...

At the time they were structured like the equivalent Force powers from Star Wars D20.  Now they're a straight SPYCRAFT conversion.


----------



## Nail

*Re: Re: ?*



			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *
> 
> Sorry, should have made it clearer.  I prefer the feats and skill system of psionics -- so those skills are actually "powers".
> 
> The telepathic backwash of thoughts was just a cool way to introduce the idea. ... *



You've almost convinced me to give psionics another try.  Almost.


----------



## KidCthulhu

*Re: Re: ?*



			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *The two I gave her were psychometry (object reading) and postcognition as opposed to precognition.*




And a particularly evil combination.  Is the object reading future or past?  Because if she can't tell if she's reading the future or the past, that's just messy, messy and bad.  In an evil "make the plot happen and the players crazy" kind of way.


----------



## Dungannon

*Re: Re: Re: ?*



			
				KidCthulhu said:
			
		

> *And a particularly evil combination.  Is the object reading future or past?  Because if she can't tell if she's reading the future or the past, that's just messy, messy and bad.  In an evil "make the plot happen and the players crazy" kind of way. *



Just wait til PCat & jonrog start having long conversations over the phone late at night.


----------



## jonrog1

*Re: Re: Re: ?*



			
				Nail said:
			
		

> *
> You've almost convinced me to give psionics another try.  Almost. *




May I sing the praises of SPYCRAFT once again?  I'll be doing a little article about this conversion on my website soon (hopefully) but just grab their psi system and slide the power down a few notches, or up the vitality (subdual) cost to powers, and they play flawlessly.

One might even argue that's a decent way to do supers -- but the near-flawless DEEDS NOT WORDS has beaten me to it.   Has somebody given that guy a full-time game design job yet?  He's released more incredibly well written expansions for his game than WOTC has for D20 Modern.


----------



## Breakstone

Green pen... genius, JonRog... pure genius...

By the way, my friends, family and I are going to be seeing The Core soon.

I'll be looking out for green pens...


----------



## jonrog1

*GONE MISSING: Chapter 6

(Warning: PG-13 stuff in here.  This is a Dark Ride...)*

Jo was curled up in the backseat of one of the rental cars.  The guys conferred.

"Okay, for just a second, let's assume she's not nuts," Ross started.  They stared at him.  "For a _second_."

"You know, when they treated Jo after that psi-ker did that to her in Seattle --" Ross growled.  Everyone else winced, remembering what he'd done to the guy.  So many little bones in the hands to break ...  "They tested her for psi-FX.  Maybe it's manifesting now."

Denis shrugged.  "Could be.  Telepathic backwash.  She could be hearing thoughts."  He stopped.  "Wait, does that mean Sully doesn't want to sleep with me?"

"At the very least it means Sully's prepared to shoot us and bury us in shallow graves," Stephen said.

"Yeah, yeah, but that _doesn't_ mean Sully won't sleep with me --"

"Okay, I have a suggestion."  Andy led them back to the cars.  "This stuff manifests under stress.  So keep her stress levels up.  Treat her like she's nuts, and see if the visions come on even stronger."

"You mean, treat her like she's crazy, make her think she's losing her mind, even though we strongly believe she's not?" asked Denis.

"For her own good."  Andy thought for a second.  "We may want to take the guns away though."

"Good f$%#@&* luck on that" muttered Ross.  "She sleeps with them."

"Under her pillow?" Stephen joked.

"No, she wears the holsters."  Ross's expression precluded commentary.

Jo glanced up as the guys got into the cars.  Denis leaned back over the seat.  "Hey, we're going to run  Malloy and SUllivan through the Hoffman database, okay?"  Jo nodded.  Maybe she wasn't going --

In the rearview mirror she saw Andy conspicuously spin his finger in the _cuckoo_ symbol.  Her jaw tightened.   She took two of the blue pills.  They tasted like ... happy.  Like puppies and vodka.  She settled in for a nap on the drive to the hotel.


*****************************


As they ate breakfast in the local diner the next morning, Denis slapped down a piece of paper.  "One of the farmers nearby reported seeing three boys on bikes last friday.  Who wants that while the rest of us hit the school, talk to the students?"

Stephen took it.  "Jo and I.  The rest  of you, make small talk with the kiddies."

The group split up.  Denis, Andy and Ross headed for the school while Stephen and Jo headed out to the farm  on an access road.  With the spotty cell phone service in the area, Denis just missed the message from the Hoffman Institute regarding those background checks ...


*******************************


A sprawling, harvested cornfield led to the edge of heavy Oregon woods.  Jo could just barely hear running water in the distance.  No other sound intruded.  She and Stephen were a quarter mile in, following the dirt path the farmer'd seen three boys bike down.  "We're not bloodhounds," said Jo.  "How are we supposed to know if they left the path or not?  It's been a week."

"We'll look for signs," Stephen said.

Jo snorted.  "Like what, a broken branch?  A footprint in dusty ground --" she stopped.  " -- or that.  That'll do."

A forty foot circle of scorched earth sat on the edge of the forest.  The discarded cornstalks below were charcoaled to an almost glassine texture.  Stephen whistled.  "Wish Denis were here.  This is more his gig."

Jo walked out to the center of the circle.  Something ... stirred.  Like an itch, but inside her brain.  She didn't even fully comprehend what she was doing.  She closed her eyes, let them float back in her skull.

Her eyes snapped open.  "GAHH!"

Stephen thought Jo was losing it.  She jumped back, her own gaze tracking empty space.

To Jo, three teenagers on bikes _appeared spontaneously_ at the edge of the circle, raced around her and plunged into the woods.  She pulled her gun, pointed it in the direction the bikes had gone.

But there were no boys on bikes there.  The woods were empty, mocking.  

"They were here.  Tom Mullins, Darren Vincent, Horatio Martinez.  The missing teenagers."  Jo, her gun still up, advanced on the woods.  "They crossed the circle.  Followed something into the woods."  Stephen was silent.  Jo looked ot him desperately.  "You think I'm crazy, don't you?  I was wrong about the plane and --"

"Let's go into the woods."  Stephen smiled comfortingly.  Jo relaxed and let him take the lead.

They weren't more than a hundred yards into the  woods when they smelled it.  Something ... foul.  Sweet and rotted at the same time.  Jo brushed against a tree.  Something sticky clung to her shirt, then she felt a TINGLE.  "What the --"

"You okay?"  Stephen stepped over, looked at the stain on her shirt.  There was some sort of viscous residue on the trees.  He lifted his foot -- it coated the sole of his shoe.  "Man, it's like somebody opened up a fire-hose of goo out here.  Got to be a hundred gallons of the stuff _everywhere_."

"And it's an aneasthetic of some sort."  Jo pulled her shirt down, baring her shoulder.  She wiped the substance away, but her skin still tingled.  "Let's go as far as the river, then come back and collect this."

Another dozen yards and the river bank opened up.  Stephen jerked his head down.  "Look."  There were two patches of fresh dirt on the riverbank. He bent down, cracked open his forensics kit.  With just a few brushstrokes, the shallow grave was revealed.  Jo swore.

Two of the teens, Tom Mullins and  Horatio Martinez, were no longer missing.  

Jo raised her cell phone to call it in.  But Stephen raised a hand.  "I want a look before the Feds and locals arrive."  Stephen had noticed something.  He looked closer ...

Without warning, he stood and threw up into the river.  Jo would have done the same, but she was riding a nice psychotropic buzz.  She switched the cell over to the ultra-high frequency converting the phone to a radio.  "Denis?"

Denis' voice crackled over the radio.  "Jo?  What's up?"   Behind Jo, Stephen just kept on sicking up in the river.

This was so surreal, Jo felt as if she'd floated away from the world, detached just a bit.  "You know how when we investigate UFOS, sometimes cattle, well their ... well the anus thing.  Missing.  Like surgically removed."

"Yeesssss?" crackled the response.

"What does it mean when it happens to people?"


----------



## Hatchling Dragon

First reply after update!!

I'm *so* easily amused!   

Gah, talk about nastieness in the Post-age!  

Hatchling Dragon


----------



## KidCthulhu

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *This was so surreal, Jo felt as if she'd floated away from the world, detached just a bit.  "You know how when we investigate UFOS, sometimes cattle, well their ... well the anus thing.  Missing.  Like surgically removed."
> 
> "Yeesssss?" crackled the response.
> 
> "What does it mean when it happens to people?" *




Well, I'll tell you one thing.  It doesn't taste like happy.


----------



## Breakstone

Yuk.

(But in an awesome way.)


----------



## dogchild

Jonrog, great storyhour. 

I've been meaning to read it for a while--I always thought that the title promised more than it could possibly deliver. I've been pleasantly proven wrong. 

Thanks!

d/c


----------



## jonrog1

GROUP BUMP 

trying to keep the updated SH clustered.


----------



## fenzer

Thanks John for more wonderful Jo moments.


----------



## Zarthon

I really like this story


----------



## fenzer

John,  I just saw The Core.  Took longer than I had intended, studying for certification the last few months, its been hard to get out.

Anyway, I loved it.  It was exactly what you promised and well worth the time.  John, pardon me for saying so , but this movie has your stink all over it.  You had me laughing from beginning to end.  I loved the ship, Virgil, loved Rat, and I liked who you/they picked for the lead.  You write that character to a tee.  I loved the "evil" scientist, reminded me a little of Mountheim from your Pulp Spycraft story hour, execentric, spoiled, and all.

The CG was fine.  I loved the Golden Gate Bridge.  Fun stuff.

The whales were a stretch for me but over all I thought the story was strong.  Thanks for a fun couple of hours.

A devoted fan,

Norm

P.S.  I didn't know where else to write this.  So this being my favorite story hour of yours, here you go.


----------



## Mystic_23

Well, since I'm a little late to read your story hour (I'm new to ENWorld) I gleefully read the whole thing in one day (here at work...I'm so bad)  Now I'm as much a junkie as everyone else and can't wait to find out what's next.

Good work, Jon.  I guess I'll have to read your other SH's to get my fix.


----------



## jonrog1

*GONE MISSING 
Chapter 7*

At the school, Andy and Ross dialed in to the same frequency Jo was reporting to Denis on.  "You mean the bodies are incomplete?"

Denis waved them off.  "Get Stephen please."  

They waited. Through the radiolink they could hear Jo call Stephen over.  Finally he hooked in, still spitting a bit and muttering: "Carrots?  I haven't eaten carrots, why  -- hello?"  Stephen let them yell into the comms a while before answering.  "Long story short, the bodies are in almost pristine condition, covered with some sort of  numbing goo.  Their .. ahem ... rectums are cleanly removed, as if by some high-velocity apple corer."

Denis frowned.  "This is atypical of most UFO mutilations.  They _never_ perform the same type of --"

"Could I just take a moment and _freak out here_?"  Andy smacked Denis on the back of the head.  "If this is a new stage in human/UFO relations, I say we put on the iron pants and fire up the space lasers."

Ross as always, was the voice of reason.  "Listen, we still have to talk to Eliot and the classmates of the missing boys.  That doesn't change.  Let Stephen call it in and manage that circus."  Stephen agreed.  

Ross, Andy and Denis  were about to enter the school when the balding, middle-aged *Principal Wills* intercepted them.  "Are you the FBI gentlemen?"

Andy cut in smoothly.  "We're on the investigation."

"Something rather odd I thought you should know before you got started." The Principal pointed to a beat-up '73 Plymouth parked in the school lot.  "The janitor, Mr. Wynorski, didn't report in today.  But his wife's called -- he never came home last night, and his car's right there."

"You think he may have slept at the school?" Ross asked. 

"He's never done it before."  The Principal wrung his hands.  "We checked the storage rooms, thinking perhaps he'd passed out, but ..."

"We're going to check out the basement and boiler room,"  Denis announced.  The three Agents got directions from the  Principal and entered the school.

"Why the boiler room?" Andy asked.

"Kids are filling the classrooms, teachers are in the lounges.  School's been in session for an hour.  Since nobody else has found him ..."

"Go where nobody else would go -- boiler room."  Ross nodded.  "Nice."

As soon as they through open the door to the stairs, a *wave* of stench and decay rolled over them.  The three Agents subtly drew their guns ...

_*KA-CHANK.*_

Andy and Denis stared at the shotgun in Ross's hand.  He shrugged.  "Am I the only guy thinking 'basement full o' zombies'?"  

They reached the basement, moving in two-by-one covering steps.  A dense maze of pipes cut all visibility to within just five feet.  Steam hissed everywhere, transforming their flashlight beams into long, dramatic shafts of white.  There was no noise but the clanking of the furnace, nothing could be seen.  They inched through the pipes like jungle explorers weaving their way through thick bamboo.

"Ah great."  Andy pointed his flashlight down.  A massive, sprawled figure lay before them.  "Janitor?"

"Or just somebody who enjoys dingy overalls. "  Ross played his light down the corpse.  "Bad news."

Denis bent down eagerly.  Andy and Ross exchanged concerned looks and raised their weapons.  They slid so they could stand back-to-back.

"Yep, his is gone too."  Denis started taking shots with his digital camera. 

"You didn't take this many pictures when we were in Paris," Andy muttered.

"There weren't any cleanly cored body parts in Paris."  From his angle, Denis could see under the next set of pipes.  He did a double take.  "Guys, we have a third winner in the missing teen trifecta."

The three men had to stoop to slide under the pipes.  They'd prepared themselves for the gruesome sight of Darren Vincent's body.

They hadn't prepared themselves enough.  For once, after all their missions, the three found themselves speechless.

Darren Vincent's body was propped sitting up.  The top of his head was sawed clean off, exposing the _*bulk of his brain.*_  Long metal needles, knitting needles, and some bent-off bits of coat hangar were plunged into his brain at intervals.  These were interspersed with tiny metal shavings, straight pins, some bigger nails ...  Some of them were wired together.  Some just had wire hanging off them.  It was a complex, intricate pattern, all finally tied into one long wire attached to a ... metal pot lid. 

The look on the young man's face made it quite clear he'd been awake for all of this.


*******************************


Hours later, the Agents were gathered outside their motel.  Each had taken some private time, showered, pulled themselves together.  Jo leaned against Ross.  Andy sat on the hood of their rental car.  Stephen was going over the preliminary reports from the local M.E.  Denis still hadn't returned from his room

"I suppose you're right," Ross said to Andy.  "The kids are no longer missing. "

"Job over, and we leave town before whatever does  ... that ... finds me sleeping in my motel room."  Andy raised his hands.  "Hey, don't get me wrong.   We've all faced some real nastiness.  But whatever did this has the tangy aroma of sadistic glee and technical wizardry, and that is never a fun combination."

"Did I tell you, I saw them?"  Jo looked up at Ross again.  "I'm not crazy.  Im psychic."

"Those are not mutually exclusive," Andy mentioned.

Jo's retort was cut off by Denis's return.  He held a fax from the motel office.  His expression was ... concerned.  "Okay, this just got weirder."

"How.  In the name.  Of GOD.  Could this get weirder?" Andy asked through clenched teeth.

"These are the background checks on Malloy and Sullivan.  He's exactly what he seems to be -- a true believer.  Investigator of the paranormal"

"What about your girlfriend?" Stephen asked.

"Well, I don't think Malloy knows this, there's no way he could, really ..."  Denis flipped over the fax.  "Diane Sullivan is a member of Majestic 12."


----------



## Alzrius

Who says you can't find quality writing for free on the internet? I'm eating this up and I want more!

This is by far the best story in this ongoing saga so far, and that's saying something! John, hats, and yes, even tops of heads, off to you! Especially for that Majestic 12 thing! How on earth do you find out something like that, it shouldnt be that easy! And that she's a member of the highest-ranking part of a huge conspiracy group...unbelieveable! Must have more!


----------



## carpedavid

An update! *me does happy dance*

Guess it's time to go read the jonrog Scarred Lands story hour and get addicted to that.


----------



## fenzer

An Excellent start to the week.  Thanks for this "...tangy aroma of sadistic glee..."


----------



## SpaceBaby Industries

Excellent post as always.   I recall long ago an allusion to the agents gaining possesion of "the anal corer" or somesuch.  I think I see where this is heading.

I have a question though: can someone clarify for me what "Majestic 12" is?  Obviously ominous, but that's not exactly narrowing down the list of possibilities in this story hour.

Come to think of that list, I'm surprised the FEMA fellow that was outwitted via cellular phone chicanery hasn't used a black ops helicopter to "erase" the agents yet.  There was a guy who would hold a grudge.


----------



## jonrog1

SpaceBaby Industries said:
			
		

> *I have a question though: can someone clarify for me what "Majestic 12" is?  Obviously ominous, but that's not exactly narrowing down the list of possibilities in this story hour.
> 
> Come to think of that list, I'm surprised the FEMA fellow that was outwitted via cellular phone chicanery hasn't used a black ops helicopter to "erase" the agents yet.  There was a guy who would hold a grudge. *




Majestic 12 will be explained next post.   It is a total conspiracy geek reference, and when you know Sully is a Scully stand-in ... well you'll see.

If I were DMing this on a regular basis, the FEMA guy would so be back.  I love recurring villains--in my Scarred Lands campaign, Ross has developed a serious hate-on for my recurring bad guy.  As these were one-offs, I plead the plot device as stated: Hoffman Institute has a lot more influence and power than people think.  Much like the whole "no killing agents" unspoken agreement during periods of the COld War, FEMA can't move against  them directly.

Next time we play, I may actually use the SAVAGE WORLDS system from Pinnacle,  Go check it out, it's very, very cool.


----------



## SpaceBaby Industries

> Majestic 12 will be explained next post



Ah.  I thought I had missed something (probably of significance) from a previous post



> It is a total conspiracy geek reference



It would appear the word "conspiracy" in that sentence doesn't apply to me.  I must not be paying enough attention to the subtle machinations of the Secret Masters.  

Note to self: see if I can scrounge up a copy of Illuminati, boardgame version.  It's been too long since I've lead the UFOs in their quest to control the Post Office.



> If I were DMing this on a regular basis, the FEMA guy would so be back. I love recurring villains--in my Scarred Lands campaign, Ross has developed a serious hate-on for my recurring bad guy. As these were one-offs, I plead the plot device as stated: Hoffman Institute has a lot more influence and power than people think. Much like the whole "no killing agents" unspoken agreement during periods of the COld War, FEMA can't move against them directly.




That plot device works for me.  The killing of several newspaper employees the next day now makes even more sense to me.  This was the level of retaliation safely available to FEMA guy (catchy tag there), not to mention the inherent venting of the spleen value.   

For a puppy kicking kind of fellow FEMA guy is.

Thanks for the rapid response, and I look forward to more details about this nefarious Majestic 12 lot.


----------



## BillMiller

*Great Story*

I live for an update to this and the Scarred Lands adventures.  Simply fantastic.


----------



## Breakstone

Hooray for Jonrog!

Oh, man, that brain-thing is disturbing... Jonrog, you have a sick, sick

and totally awesome

mind and work here...


----------



## Elph

*I'm not crazy. I'm special. I think.*

Ahhh, the story hours. Been a while since I checked in but I just caught up and there are so many things to say. 

The first of which is, my friends are evil. Now I can't be sure, but on the "pretend Jo is crazy and ignore the things I say when holding the green pen - (oooh look at us, aren't we clever that we can outsmart a drunk girl)" night, I had probably made them dinner, as I often do. 

Now I can't speak definitively as to whether it was lasagna or pork chops or a variety of Mexican deliciousness. All I know is that week, as every week, I had gone to our session with love in my heart and warm feelings for every person there. And look how I was repaid. Sigh. It feels like daddy's "love" all over again.


----------



## Piratecat

Elph, it's great to see you! I agree, you definitely got the short end of the proverbial kindness stick. I sort of see your PC as the straight man for the game universe's really, really cruel joke.  Zombie soup, anyone?

I'll probably be out in LA next November. If so, it'd be fun to finally meet you guys.


----------



## Elph

Then you must sit in on a session. Let's see if you can be mean to me while munching on a seven layer dip I made with love and a desperate need to be liked and accepted.

Stoopid stoopid boys. Keep us updated, P. It will be such a treat to have you here!


----------



## jonrog1

I see what's going on here.  Your LA "daddy" (DM) isn't giving you the love you need, so you going looking for a better "daddy".  Oh, P-Cat's so _nice_.  Oh, he spends _hours_ working up his adventures for his PC's ....

Have you SEEN what he DOES to those people?  Frikkin' GYGAX would read those story hours and shudder at the monster and spell combos.  Facing him as a DM, every _week_ at our place would be "Bring four d6 and come with me ..."

We tease because we love you.   Do not be seduced by P-kitty's silver tongue and dashing eye-patch.  He's evil.  Eeeeeevil.


----------



## fenzer

Elph, it's great to hear from you again.  I have to admit that the torture endured by poor Jo has been some of the best reading on these boards for me.  I live for those moments not out of any spite, mind you, but out of a perverse joy for John's writing.

Operation "Green Pen" was pure genius so thank you for being a great sport and true player. 

I enjoy your insight and have a player who can relate with the whole "make and bring good food only to be tortured" thing.  She feeds us well and often gets the short end of the stick.  Maybe we could start a support group for under appreciated and over tortured female players.

Thanks for posting and come back soon.


----------



## Piratecat

I want a monthly update!  

Dang, we're demanding - but KidC claims that she'll start posting Barry Manilow lyrics all over this thread if you don't get on it.  Starting with "Mandy," no less.  And I think she means it.


----------



## jonrog1

I _like_ Mandy. It's Angel's favorite song.

Thing's have been a bit nuts, trying to finish my usual horrible workload before I take off with the lovely wife for our anniversary trip.  I'll try to dash one off before we go, and then definitely do one when we're up visiting her family in Ottawa.

If everyone's really good, maybe I'll bang out or _Savage Worlds_ pulp anime game session.   And for once, Jo wasn't the target in this -- it was Ross.  And he was easily MVP for it.

Take care,

John


----------



## spyscribe

Elph said:
			
		

> *
> Stoopid stoopid boys... *




Poor Elph.  Remember, you're welcome to come visit anytime.  We've already got the guys at our table outnumbered 4 to 3, and reinforcements are always welcome.


----------



## paulewaug

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> * I like Mandy. It's Angel's favorite song.*




heheh 





			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *
> If everyone's really good, maybe I'll bang out or Savage Worlds pulp anime game session.   And for once, Jo wasn't the target in this -- it was Ross.  And he was easily MVP for it.
> 
> Take care,
> 
> John *




OOOhh!!
Do it! Do it!  I wanna read it!
pleassee?? 
are there any....Zombies?! 

My moto for Savage Worlds has become...
"If it's good enough for jonrog it's good enough for me!"


----------



## jonrog1

paulewaug said:
			
		

> *OOOhh!!
> Do it! Do it!  I wanna read it!
> pleassee??
> are there any....Zombies?! *




No.  Just mutated dogs, a massive seething proto-baby-mass, Agents from the Matrix, a running gun battle/car chase, a cop in a robot suit, and a 40 year old man in a little girl sailor suit wielding magical powers.  You know, the usual.


----------



## Welverin

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *
> No.  Just mutated dogs, a massive seething proto-baby-mass, Agents from the Matrix, a running gun battle/car chase, a cop in a robot suit, and a 40 year old man in a little girl sailor suit wielding magical powers.  You know, the usual. *




You are a cruel, cruel man. I can't wait!


----------



## KidCthulhu

Elph, I can highly recommend the PirateCat Experience (why does that sound like a bad 70's band?).  Is one of the layers of seven layer dip evil?  That's PC's favorite flavor.

And sure, he's evil.  But he's an honest, sincere evil.  Plus, I do all the game baking, so you'd be off the hook for the evening.


----------



## paulewaug

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *
> a massive seething proto-baby-mass,  *




suh..weet!




			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *
> a 40 year old man in a little girl sailor suit wielding magical powers.  *




ok..now that Is scary!!

hehe!


----------



## haiiro

Having just finished reading this story hour in its entirety: it totally rocks. 

I can't wait for the next update, but I'll try not to whine _too_ much about wanting one. Keep up the excellent work, and thank you.


----------



## Munin

*Asking to much...*

Quick question,
Would it be pushing it to get you to post your notes for your homebrew games somewhere?
I'd love to run those on my group!


----------



## Doc_Souark

KidCthulhu said:
			
		

> *Elph, I can highly recommend the PirateCat Experience (why does that sound like a bad 70's band?).  Is one of the layers of seven layer dip evil?  That's PC's favorite flavor.
> 
> And sure, he's evil.  But he's an honest, sincere evil.  Plus, I do all the game baking, so you'd be off the hook for the evening. *




The PirateCat experience sounds more like a thrill ride in Six flags Ms. C,   I've missed reading the Drunk southern girls with guns story hour, hope it's going well. Have you switched it to D20 Modern ?


----------



## jonrog1

*GONE MISSING
Chapter 8*

“What the hell is Majestic 12?” asked Jo.

“You missed my lecture on Major Power Conspiracy Networks back at the Insititute?” Denis asked, disappointed.

Jo frowned, thoughtful. “Hmm, I don’t know, maybe that was when I was STARK RAVING MAD LOCKED IN A STRAIGHTJACKET BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO CLAW MY EYES OUT AFTER SOME PSI-FREAK MELTED MY BRAIN –“

Ross pulled her back as she took a swing.  “Just the basics again, please.”

“Majestic 12 is an outgrowth of the original military and governmental panel which dealt with the Roswell Incident and further UFO contacts during the ‘50’s.  They used the secrets they discovered from these studies to grow more powerful than the nation they started out serving.  They are extra-governmental, answering to either ‘no one’ or a cabal of similar organizations scattered around the world, depending on your sources.”  Denis popped open his laptop and called up a convoluted flowchart.  “They are the big bad, the bogeymen of military intelligence.  Some think they’ve actually cut a deal with the aliens, but that’s unconfirmed.  The only thing we’re sure of is that they are the very front line of the cover-ups.  Most ‘Men in Black’ sightings are Majestic 12 agents.”

“Like our buddy from FEMA in Zombietown?” asked Andy.

Denis shook his head.  “Affiliated, maybe, but much, much higher than the New World Order conspiracy cell which FEMA operates.”

Stephen frowned.  “Okay, this makes no sense.  She travels around with the FBI’s leading paranormal true believer. This guy’s at the forefront of revealing the Truth –“

“No, no, now it finally, finally after years, makes PERFECT sense!”  Denis was excited.  He pulled up copies of Malloy’s files he’d filched from the FBI databases.  “I mean, when you read these things, Sully’s always walking in _just after_ something happened, so she can’t confirm the supernatural, or some crucial piece of evidence just _happens_ to go missing.  What were the odds?  You see, this finally explains why, even after years of painstaking research, Malloy can’t prove his theories – *Sully is secretly sabotaging him.*”

The Agents considered this for a moment.  “That’s so sad,” mused Andy, “considering that they’re sleeping together.”

“They are not sleeping together,” Jo snapped.

Ross turned to Denis.  “At the very least, you’re not going to sleep with her now.”

“I’m not following you.”

“She’s a deadly agent of a vast international conspiracy whose very nature is betrayal and death.”

Denis frowned.  “Annnnnd she’s hot.  So –“

Stephen brought them back to the point. “So we don’t share info with them.  But do we stay up here on the case?  I mean, the kids aren’t missing anymore.”

“And don’t forget the whole anal coring thing,” Andy piped up.  “Not a fan of that.”

Ross nodded.  “I say we do a straight sweep.  Talk to all the witnesses one more time –“

“—we’ve yet to talk to the brother, Eliot,”  Jo reminded them.  “He says he was home the entire night when the three older boys investigated the UFO, but we’ve got no confirmation.”

“Exactly,” Ross agreed.  “I think we ought to really go over that school again, too, seeing as that’s where the bodies were.  I mean, you think about it, that last kid had his brain experimented on for a considerable length of time in that school boiler-room.  The janitor died _after_ the kids went missing, so odds are he walked in on the festival of cranial fun and got himself killed –“

“And cored,” Andy said. “I cannot remind you of this enough.  I may get t-shirts made up for us to wear.”

“Whatever did this was holed up in the basement of the school for a while,” Denis frowned.  “Why choose that place?  Why not somewhere more isolated?”

“Then it’s agreed.  Tomorrow we start at the beginning and turn over all the rocks.”  Jo checked the clips on her nine-mils out of habit.  She kissed each one.  “You’re going to keep Mommy safe, aren’t you?  Yes you are.   Yesss you are, you widdle beauties …”  The others masked their reactions perfectly.  


*****************************


*THE SCHOOL LIBRARY, THE NEXT DAY …*

Ross pointed to the list of books.  “Advanced algebra.  Calculus, the Gnostic Gospels.  Young Eliot here is not just bright, he’s creepy.”

All morning the Agents had pored over the coroner’s reports and witness statements.  They’d  passed arcane tracking devices over the scorched circle in the cornfield.  Finally, as afternoon fell, they split up.   Stephen and Denis were covering the last of the town leads.  Jo and Andrew were next to Ross in the school library.  They looked dubious.  “I know you’re from Texas, and are therefore suspicious of anyone who reads for pleasure –“ Andy began.

“Ha frikkin’ ha.  You heard the Sheriff.  Eliot got picked on by the older boys.  He’s bookish, shy – I’m thinking Eliot whipped up some mojo and went Harry Potter on his brother’s @ss.”

_(DM’s Note: Ross’ exact words.)_

“Okay, Jo and I are going to perimeter sweep the school grounds.  You talk to the kid.”

Ten minutes later, Ross was walking across the high-school’s quad with the Eliot.  He ducked under a decoration – oh, that’s right.  Today was Halloween.   Frankly, walking among cardboard ghosts and tissue-paper pumpkins, Ross felt a bit foolish. Eliot was pasty, with a wet cough, but he was polite and kind of charming in a weird way.  He answered every question, had a good memory and called Ross “sir.”  Ross closed his notebook.  Frankly, now he was just fishing.   “You’re sure you didn’t see or hear anything even on the days _after_ your brother disappeared.”

“To be honest, sir, I was taking care of Gertie.”  Eliot seemed embarrassed.  “Mom kind of drinks when she gets upset, so, you know …”

Ross shook his head.  Man, this kid was growing up too fast.  All these kids were.  What happened to the world?  When –

“Ross?”  Ross turned.  Andy and Jo were standing ten feet away.  They were staring at him.

“Oh, hey guys.  Meet Eliot.“  Ross gestured down.  The boy was gone.  Ross turned around slowly. “Now wait a sec, he was just here, he couldn’t have gotten out of sight so fast …”

“He wasn’t here.”  Jo stepped forward.  She felt Ross’ forehead. 

Ross shook his head.  “No, I just pulled him out of class –“

Andy drew his own gun, kept it at his hip.  “Ross, you went to talk to Eliot an _hour_ ago.  We just found you staring off into space.”

Ross didn’t even hesitate.  He snatched his cel off his belt, switched it over to the radio frequency.  “Saddle up the headsets and check you ammo.  The kid’s got mental powers and he’s pulled a runner.”

As the trio ran back into the school, Andy nudged Jo.  “Hey, maybe you can duel him with your psi powers.”

“Yes,” Jo grumbled back.  “I’m sure my incredible ability to kinda-sorta-see-the-past-some-of-the-time is the equal to his mind-raping star-spanning alien brain assault.  I’ll certainly keep him from blowing up my head like a potato in a microwave.  Yay.”

“What if you punched holes in your head with a fork before you met him?”  Jo stared at Andy.  “Like … you know ... potato in a microwave …”

“I hate you.”


******************************


Afternoon was transforming to evening by the time the Agents returned to the town square.  They’d started at the school, trying to make sure none of the other kids were at risk.  Eliot’s bicycle was gone from the school sidewalk.  They’d driven out along the streets, swung by the forest, no luck.  They pulled their cars over to confer.

“I think we should check the house,” Andy said.

“First place we’d look,” said Denis.

“But it wasn’t the first place we looked, because we knew he’d think it would be so we didn’t waste time on it,” Jo answered.  She frowned.  “Ow, being sober makes my head hurt.”

Stephen waved a file at them.  “I may have something.  I was reviewing the evidence lists as we were driving.”

“Weren’t you supposed to be looking for the kid on the bike?” Ross snapped.

“I can’t look out the window, I get carsick.  Now shush.”  He pointed to the report of the school janitor’s death.  “The evidence list from his body was significant not because of what was there, but what _wasn’t_ there.  He drove to work, right?  His old clunker was in the school parking lot.”  Stephen showed them evidence inventory.  “But his car keyring wasn’t on the corpse!”

The others nodded.  “Nice,” said Denis.  “What else was on the keyring?  Eliot – assuming he was there at the death – didn’t take it so he could drive home, because the janitor’s car was, as you said, still in the parking lot.”

“The janitor was a car freak.  He had a couple junkers he was restoring over in a garage across town.”  Stephen showed them the address.  “The garage is totally empty.  It’s just storage.  Could be a new hiding place, better than the school basement.”  

Denis nodded.  “Okay.  Jo and Andy and I to the family house.  You and Ross to the garage.”  He hesitated, looking around.  The first trick-or-treaters were walking the streets as the shadows fell.  Concerned parents shepherded the youngest costumed kids from door to door.  An angelic chorus of _“trick or treats”_, accompanied by the melodies of doorbells, wafted into the crisp fall air.  “Could I request – no, beg for -- a modicum of discretion.  There’s a whole town of witnesses strolling around.”

“Please, we are professionals.”  With that, Ross KA-CHANKED a round into his sawed-off shotgun and drove off with Stephen.  Denis looked to Andy and Jo for support. 

“Hey, I’ll do my best,” shrugged Jo.  “But remember, I am legally insane.”

Denis sighed.


----------



## Welverin

Yeah! Great update!

Umm, wait a second, maybe I should read it it before doing my Horacio impersonation....

UPDATE: Done reading, doesn't change anything.


----------



## Alzrius

This one was more build-up than anything else, but that's just gonna make it all better for when the next part hits. Can't wait!


----------



## Cartolis

Quote
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“And cored,” Andy said. “I cannot remind you of this enough. I may get t-shirts made up for us to wear.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

that was great!
sick and dememted, but great.
Keep it up. its not often that reading somthing makes me squirm but this sure did.

Cartolis


----------



## KidCthulhu

I don't think I'll ever make a baked potato again without thinking about Elph.  Thanks, really, for that image!


----------



## KainG

Yay! An update!

Still funny and demented as ever, jonrog. I can't wait for the next part.


----------



## Old Drew Id

Really funny update. ( I am so addicted to this thread. ) 

I have to tell you, reading this story hour is what initially inspired me to actually write up my group's SH, and you definitely set the bar nice and high as well. 

Good job, jonrog


----------



## fenzer

An excellent start to the day, thanks Jonrog.


----------



## Pierce

*Best Story Hour Ever.*

Thanks for all of your work.  Old Drew Id is my GM and we've just started trying to post up our story hour (linked below).  You've inspired us!


----------



## fenzer

Pierceatwork.  I love your story hour.

Between you guys and John here, I am a story hour junky.  If you have not read all of John's stories, do!  They are all a great read.

By the way, which character do you play in your story hour?


----------



## Breakstone

> The first trick-or-treaters were walking the streets as the shadows fell. Concerned parents shepherded the youngest costumed kids from door to door. An angelic chorus of “trick or treats”, accompanied by the melodies of doorbells, wafted into the crisp fall air. “Could I request – no, beg for -- a modicum of discretion. There’s a whole town of witnesses strolling around.”




Beeee-yutiful!

Terrific story, Jonrog, I cannot say that enough!

Well, I suppose I could, but then I'd be dead. Or something.

Yup.


----------



## (contact)

Sully may be Eeeeevil with five e's, but she's foiiiiiine with six i's *and* an o.

(And creeeeeeepy, with seven e's but that's IRL.  I'm sure in your game she's just creepy with two, maybe 3 e's tops.)


----------



## Jeph

MORE!!!

More, I say! I want Moooooore! (That's more with 6 Os, if we're on that bent.)


----------



## Pierce

*Thanks, fenzer*



			
				fenzer said:
			
		

> *Pierceatwork.  I love your story hour.
> 
> Between you guys and John here, I am a story hour junky.  If you have not read all of John's stories, do!  They are all a great read.
> 
> By the way, which character do you play in your story hour? *




What, the white Stetson avatar and the sig don't give it away?  

Yeah, I'm *Guyzell "Brother" Cooper*....

Thanks for the feedback.  I'm not at all kidding when I say that jonrog et al. got us motivated to write up our stuff.  I even went out and bought a tape recorder and began transcribing our sessions - that'll start with Episode 2 ("Mind-controlling-mutant-genetically-engineered-giant-spiders?!?  PLURAL!??!")

Our crew has been playing together for three years now, primarily D&D 3E and d20 SW, and lately switched to Modern.  It's a bit of a gear shift, but it's been quite a ride so far.

Heck, we spent the first hour of play last night reliving parts of the Drunk Southern Girls SH like it was a movie we'd all seen over the weekend! (He says, trying desperately not to hijack jonrog's thread...)


----------



## fenzer

Sorry Pierce, I missed the signiture.

Well, now I need to thank John for motivating you guys.  I think his story hours have done more for this place than just about any other, sorry Pcat.

Here's to many more.


----------



## Doc_Souark

Still the best Jonrog, always a joy to read y'lls story hour. Jo's reply “Ow, being sober makes my head hurt.” is my new tag line thanks


----------



## ledded

*inspiration*

And please let me add my 2 cents Jonrog...  

I am totally hooked on this story hour... I laughed so hard at the latest installments that I had to leave my desk at work.

And thanks, also, for inspiring my GM and other players to write up and further explore our little universe... I play in Old Drew Id's group with Pierceatwork and it is quite a hoot.  I even have been inspiried to write a little off-camera fiction for my character, Willie Lamar, but sadly, after reading your stuff and Old Drew Id's write-up of our fun, I now feel like that kid that showed up to play 'army' with the others carrying a nicely shaped stick I found in the backyard, and the others all have the cool $25 spanko-ray blasters with the flashing lights and Real Sparking Action (tm).  And matching fatigues.

Jim, aka Ledded, aka Willie "I'm gettin' tired of all these d*&^ monkey remarks!" Lamar


----------



## Pierce

**BUMP**

.bumpy.bumpy.bump.bump....

c'mon....need my fix John....


----------



## Cartolis

Bah, Page 2?
to the top with ya!
update? please? need more info on the apple corer of doom!

Bump!


----------



## ledded

*knock knock knock*

Anybody home?   Hey, will someone go by his house and see if he is all right?  Gettin' worried about ya jonrog...


----------



## jonrog1

Oh, I'm fine.  The group came by last night and broke yet another module in their quest to burn down _everything_ in the Scarred Lands.

Just been stacked trying to finish scripts before the end of July. Either I spend the time prepping my games or writing updates, and you don't want to see Jo when she's denied her D20 fix for the week.

Probably do an update next week, when I'm hanging at ComicCon.


----------



## Piratecat

Well, you should know that you're indirectly responsible for some of the best roleplaying my group has done in the past year. I used a variant of the "green magic marker" trick to alter reality when one of my PCs suffered from a hallucination. All of the PCs were ready for it except the one person, and the results were better than I could have hoped.

So thank you! Apparently, Jo has suffered so that we could have fun.


----------



## jonrog1

She'll be tickled that her misery brought pleasure to others.  I'm ramping up a new Dark*Matter adventure, so I'm hardpressed to come up with something else that'll spook her.

Unless I lift from _The Ring_.  And then she'll never, ever come back.


----------



## Eyas

Now, don't go chasing her off now, jonrog. After all, who then would you torture?


----------



## shadoe

This is just a friendly little bump back up to the first page. This story hour is just too good for the second page.

Oh, and also, please update this.


----------



## fenzer

jonrog1,

If I recall, you ran this group through the two adventures in the Dark*Matter source book, the truck stop and the alien abduction/high school kids thing.  Did you ever run them through The Killing Jar by Bruce Cordell?

Point being, I want to run my d20M group through it and need your insight.  I know you have converted a bunch of D*M stuff.  I don't want to hijack your thread.  I started one in the d20 Modern board here. I would appreciate any input you have.

By the way, how is the web site coming?


----------



## Pierce

*BUMP*

No page 2 for you!


----------



## jonrog1

*GONE MISSING
Chapter 9*

Ross and Stephen parked their car a half-block away from the storage garage.  There were even some trick-or-treaters out here, moving from store to store.  Ross shrugged, showed his shotgun.

"What are you DOING?" hissed Stephen.

"It's part of my costume."

The two of them found the address.  Grimy windows kept them from seeing inside.  They crept around to the main door, off an access alley.  The big pull-down garage door was closed, but a small front office door lay open.  Ross entered, swept his shotgun side-to-side.  Clear.

The two Agents entered, crossed to a door leading into the main garage.  Stephen listened.  There as some sort of high-pitched ... muttering going on inside.  He drew his own weapon, shouldered open the door.

Eliot didn't see them at first.  He was filthy, soaked with sweat and grime.  He was throwing dozens of packages of snack foods into a cooler he'd bungied to the back of his bike.

"Eliot, you need to freeze ."  Ross kept his voice nice and even, gun high.

Eliot turned.  His eyes were wide, a desperate mix of hope and horror.  "Going to make it all better.  Me and my friend!"

"Yesssss, suuuurrrre," Stephen crooned, reaching for a pressure syringe of elephant tranquilizers he kept in his medical bag.  Eliot nodded, soothed.  Ross eased forward ...

Somewhere inside Eliot's fevered brain,  a connection fired.  His eyes suddenly narrowed.  When his voice came, it was metallic, cold.  "You don't want me to be with _ my FRIEND_ --"

The Agents felt a wave of vertigo slam into them.  Stephen , already off-balance, tumbled to his side.  Ross slumped against a nearby wall, his shotgun BOOMING wide.  Plaster EXPLODED  from the wall, shredded.  In his fogging vision, he saw Eliot leap onto his bike.

_"Dammit,"_ Ross thought, _"at least the others can't be having as bad a time ..."_


******************************


"Not good, not good ..."  Denis, Jo, and Andy had their guns out from the moment they'd walked through the front door of Eliot's house --

-- and seen his mother encased in a solid cocoon of goo.

Her featuress were frozen in horror.  Her hands were raised, as if she'd try to claw her way from the translucent gunk even as it hardened around her.   

"Like a white-trash wasp in amber," Andy muttered.  He touched a still-moist section of the cocoon.  He winced, snapped his hand back.

"Sting, then numb?" Jo asked.  Andy nodded.  "Ran into traces of that out in the woods."  She turned to talk to Denis, but he was already gone.

So he didn't hear the screams.


*******************************


Denis cracked the door to the attic.  He'd put most of it together, so up here ...

There it was.  Wire hangars, electronics, and... well ... brains.  Laminated wedges of human brains stuck on Lego building blocks in a weird 3-D array that  almost defied sight.  Bits of it seemed to bend away in the light.  It was just slighlty bigger than a breadbox.  A breadbox that might reside in Clive Barker's breakfast nook.

"Hey, guys!  Found something  VERY important in the attic!"  Denis grabbed the device.  He frowned.  "Andy! Jo!"  No answer.  He shook his head, descended the ladder.  You just couldn't depend on those two.


*******************************


Andy and Jo stood in the middle of the street, staring.  Parents, some openly vomiting, struggled to drag their tormented, traumatized children from the sidewalks.  Some panicked, running madly, randomly, until they collapsed.

There was the alien.  In the middle of the street.  It was maybe three feet tall, slimy, brown.  It had a huge, bulbous head with oversized, soft brown eyes.   Its gentle mouth was curved in a friendly smile.  Its thin neck tapered down to a potato body. In any other situation, its waddle would have been adorable.

That's not why people were screaming.

The alien apparently thought to flee town by wearing a Halloween costume.  Going by size, it naturally decided to gamble on Gertie's costume, a charming, innocent white ghost sheet.

*And perched on top of the alien's head was Gertie's head.*

Balanced, bobbling, a frozen smile on her dead lips.  Eyes wide open.  The alien was wearing Gertie AS a costume.  The alien looked around, Gertie's head swiveling atop his own a beat later.  it seemed genuinely saddened and puzzled by the reaction around it.

Andy reacted first.  He raised his gun.

"You are *so* not phoning home."

_(DM's Note: Exact quote.)_

His first shot hit home.  The alien SHREIKED.  It's insane screaming was drowned out by Jo yelling back, swearing as her twin nine mils BANGED away nonstop at the thing.  One of Andy's shot knocked Gertie's head off the alien's top.  That only served to push Jo farther over the edge.

The alien jerked from each hit, its brown eyes wide with sadness.  Suddenly, its expressive eyebrows angled in.  It opened its mouth.  Within was a CIRCULAR JAW lined with rows and rows of crooked, RAZOR TEETH.  The jaw distended, opening wide enough to swallow a human head.

Then the goo JETTED OUT.

Gallons of slime, impossible amounts, like from a fire hose SLAMMED into Andy.  He gasped, felt his limbs going numb.  He tried to shake off the effect.  His gun fell from nerveless fingers.  Beside him Jo dropped two clips, reached for two more.

Andy heard a BUZZ.  The alien, its face now a mask of cthulhu fury, teeth SPINNING in its mouth like a saw, CHARGED them on its stubby legs.  The _buzz_ came from the long, silver cylindrical DEVICE in the creature's right hand.

"So that's what you use to core a human," Andy thought to himself.  

And not happily.


----------



## Spatzimaus

Yay!  Update!  Jonrog, you're an evil, evil man.  Taking one of the fondest memories of our childhood and turning it into the sort of nightmare only alcohol, profanity, and high-priced psychiatrists can fix.

I'm SO happy to see how it's turning out.

(And is it just me, or is anyone else wondering when Jo was firing on the alien-with-Gertie-head, do you think she was visualizing the alien or the kid as the target?)


----------



## DanMcS

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *The alien apparently thought to flee town by wearing a Halloween costume.  Going by size, it naturally decided to gamble on Gertie's costume, a charming, innocent white ghost sheet.
> 
> And perched on top of the alien's head was Gertie's head.
> 
> Balanced, bobbling, a frozen smile on her dead lips.  Eyes wide open.  The alien was wearing Gertie AS a costume.  The alien looked around, Gertie's head swiveling atop his own a beat later.  it seemed genuinely saddened and puzzled by the reaction around it.
> 
> Andy reacted first.  He raised his gun.
> 
> "You are so not phoning home."*




Oh, you did not.  I just looked back through the thread, and this story has been going on since march or so, and I was so distracted by the Mulder and Scully thing and the mean-trick-on-Jo thing that I just now got traumatized.  His phone was made out of a record player and a saw-blade and happiness, not human brains!

On the upside, at least *you* didn't edit out the shotguns.


----------



## Pierce

*WOO HOO!*



			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *GONE MISSING
> Chapter 9*
> 
> *And perched on top of the alien's head was Gertie's head.*




Ya know, it's been a while since I read Drunk Southern Girls and so I really didn't make the connection immediately.  I think part of my brain was just saying "Na.... that's not the.... no way.  Really.  No."

Then I went back and double checked.  Jeezycreezy, man.  I don't know if I'll sleep tonight.  What a visual.

Thanks again for the story.


----------



## fenzer

Go Jo go!

Thanks for the update, John.


----------



## paulewaug

more more more!!

Man I wish I could play in this game!
What a great time! bwahaha!!

Thanks jonrog!


----------



## rbingham2000

*NICE!*

I am liking this Story Hour! Especially this particular update, with such gems as:


> _Originally posted by jonrog1_
> *"Like a white-trash wasp in amber."
> 
> 
> It was just slightly bigger than a breadbox.  A breadbox that might reside in Clive Barker's breakfast nook.
> 
> 
> And perched on top of the alien's head was Gertie's head.
> 
> 
> "You are so not phoning home."
> 
> 
> Andy heard a BUZZ.  The alien, its face now a mask of cthulhu fury, teeth SPINNING in its mouth like a saw, CHARGED them on its stubby legs.
> 
> 
> "So that's what you use to core a human."*



I also like that little visual I've got of Jo going both-guns-blazing on the cthulhoid alien dude like Chow Yun-Fat (though to be honest with you, I don't think CYF has killed an alien in a movie yet).

Though I hate to be Captain Obvious, it looks like the freaky psi-kid and that alien have some sort of working relationship with each other. And what are Malloy and Sully doing during all this?


----------



## KainG

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *GONE MISSING
> Chapter 9
> 
> The alien apparently thought to flee town by wearing a Halloween costume.  Going by size, it naturally decided to gamble on Gertie's costume, a charming, innocent white ghost sheet.
> 
> And perched on top of the alien's head was Gertie's head.
> 
> Balanced, bobbling, a frozen smile on her dead lips.  Eyes wide open.  The alien was wearing Gertie AS a costume.  The alien looked around, Gertie's head swiveling atop his own a beat later.  it seemed genuinely saddened and puzzled by the reaction around it.
> 
> Andy reacted first.  He raised his gun.
> 
> "You are so not phoning home."
> 
> *




Good god, jonrog! You've got one sick and twisted mind. And we love you for it. I'll never watch that movie the saame way ever again because of you.

Say, jonrog, have you ever considered writing a novel in a similar vein to this story hour? Something such as "Ordinary folk get pulled into the world of aliens and the supernatural. Wacky adventures (and much property destruction) ensue." I don't think there are many novels that mix horror and comedy as good as you.

Just imagine. 300 pages of zombie kids, gun-toting drunken agents, and anally-obsessive aliens.

I'd buy it.


----------



## carpedavid

Kain Gallant said:
			
		

> *Just imagine. 300 pages of zombie kids, gun-toting drunken agents, and anally-obsessive aliens.
> 
> I'd buy it. *




I'd buy it too. 300 pages of jonrog goodness = money well spent.


----------



## jonrog1

300 pages. SINGLE SPACED?  God, that's practically a real job.  Terrifyingly, the new member of our game group os attempting a novel, I'll have to quiz him on the agonies.

You'll have to settle for the website.  It still percolates -- been travelling quite a bit this summer, with a bit more of a workload than I anticipated. I hope we can have something bare-bones up this month.

Trick is, I don't want to put it up without having at least three good articles finished for it, in a very specific format. So we'll see.


----------



## threshel

Holy. Moley.

I completely did not see that coming.  The more I think of it, I should have.  Hell, you even named the kid _Eliot_ for crissakes.

WOW.

You da man.


J


----------



## Mathew_Freeman

And now, in sadness, I reach the end of the thread as it stands, and must join the wailing masses camped outside your door moaning softly into the night....

_Update...update...update..._

You're an evil genius, Jonrog, you really are. 

BTW - the funniest thing about this thread? Coming across Piratecat complaining about the lack of updates! Hah! So you do know how we feel!


----------



## KidCthulhu

JonRog, thank you so much for showing the world the _real_ ET.

Never liked that movie.  Stupid alien.  I got yer glowing finger right here, buddy.


----------



## Piratecat

I love you, Jonrog. Marry us, and we'll run away together with KidCthulhu.

You can't bring any corers, though. And considering the "phone," it's a little ironic for me to say that I love you for your mind.


----------



## jonrog1

Piratecat said:
			
		

> *I love you, Jonrog. Marry us, and we'll run away together with KidCthulhu.
> 
> You can't bring any corers, though. And considering the "phone," it's a little ironic for me to say that I love you for your mind. *




Sadly, my lovely wife of eleven years -- a complete and total NON-GAMER, might I add -- would be a little upset at me running off to set up an RPG threesome. 

Then again, California is a community property state.  She may be more amenable than at first thought.

I _wil_l check for a place in the compound with my cult (too long to explain, but a running viability).  She'll probably be cool with me adding a few new recruits, as long as you don't mind being referred to as a "sister-wife."


----------



## Mathew_Freeman

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *
> 
> She'll probably be cool with me adding a few new recruits, as long as you don't mind being referred to as a "sister-wife." *




Is that Piratecat or KidCthullu you're referring to there?  Because I reckon P-kitty would make a great "sister-wife".


----------



## ledded

*sick*

Sick.  Sick.  Sick.

Love it.  Love it.  Love it.


Keep up the good work, Jonrog


----------



## Breakstone

Oh my... holy... sweet... gee golly... great googa...

Wow!

Jeez!



> Eliot didn't see them at first. He was filthy, soaked with sweat and grime. He was throwing dozens of packages of snack foods into a cooler he'd bungied to the back of his bike.




Anyone else predict a fly-by shot in front of the moon?

By the way, jonrog, how did your players react to this extra-terrestrial revelation?


----------



## jonrog1

Tsunami said:
			
		

> *By the way, jonrog, how did your players react to this extra-terrestrial revelation? *




Exactly as stated.  With a pithy quote and oodles of firepower.


----------



## Fajitas

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *[The alien apparently thought to flee town by wearing a Halloween costume.  Going by size, it naturally decided to gamble on Gertie's costume, a charming, innocent white ghost sheet. *




>slams head repeatedly on desk<

So there I am, reading the description of the alien, blithely thinking, "Hey.  That sounds kinda like E.T.  What a coinci-- waitaminnit..."

Finally got to this thread (after years of PirateCat telling me to drop everything I was doing and READ IT RIGHT NOW), and it's as much a delight as I was led to believe.  Having had Ross and Jo join us in my game last night, so much of it makes perfect, perfect, horrible, wonderful sense.

Our gamer hostage exchange is off to a flying start.


----------



## Pierce

> Having had Ross and Jo join us in my game last night, so much of it makes perfect, perfect, horrible, wonderful sense.
> 
> Our gamer hostage exchange is off to a flying start.



Wait, you mean we can swap around?


----------



## ledded

> *
> 
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Having had Ross and Jo join us in my game last night, so much of it makes perfect, perfect, horrible, wonderful sense.
> 
> Our gamer hostage exchange is off to a flying start.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> Wait, you mean we can swap around? *




What, are you guys, like, rpg swingers, or something?

Fuggedaboudit Pierceatwork... with my luck, we'd just get a table full of Ron Jeremy look-a-likes.  And that just couldnt work out well, 'cuz we already got Eyas in there  ;^)


----------



## Guacamole

*more*

more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 
more more more more more more more more more more more more more 

ah, the joys of cutnpaste


----------



## fenzer

John, just wondering if you gave _The Killing Jar_ a look and what you think of it.  I will be running my group through it this weekend (unless they veto and want D&D instead.  Lousy friends.)  Is there anything that has given you fits when converting Alternity to d20 Modern?  I have had some good help but would appreicate anything you might offer.

Here's the link to my thread on the d20 Modern board.  Thanks for the help John.

http://enworld.cyberstreet.com/showthread.php?p=1069871#post1069871


----------



## Lola

As much as I hated that movie, and part of me is quivering with joy...

there's the other part that says "I will never sleep again!", and almost made me pee my pants when my cat jumped off the bed in the middle of the "Gertie costume" descriptor...

_*makes note - kick Henry's butt at the next GameDay for pimping this storyhour at the last one and making it sound sooooooo ultra cool.*_

Which it is, but he failed to mention the side effect of trembeling insomnia. And I think I failed my save against nausea back in the "pool of maggots-and-flesh-and-zombies."


----------



## randomling

More! I must have more! MORE I TELL YOU!

I've just started playing in a Dark*Matter PbP. Good God I'm scared.


----------



## jonrog1

*GONE MISSING

Chapter 10:*

Denis reached the front window of the first floor of Eliot's home, looked though it.

Jo and some sort of goo-spewing, razor-jawed alien were running at each other at full speed down the center of Main Street, screaming, her guns blazing, some sort of whirring metal saw/drill combo in the creature's clenched claw.  Andy knelt on the street, soaked in viscous green fluid, struggling numbly for his dropped gun.  All around them, _dozens_ of civilians and their impressionable children watched every moment in frozen horror.

Then, three police cruisers squealed to a halt.  The local Sheriff leapt out with his men.  They screamed in terror.

"... subtle."  Denis flipped open his cell phone, dialed the Hoffman Institute.

*************************************************

Through sheer force of will, Ross got to his feet and stumble-sprinted for the door.  Eliot was already outside.  Ross had a long stride, managed to close the gap just as Eliot hopped on his bike.  _"Better take him alive,"_ Ross thought.  He swung the stock of his shotgun around.  Eliot looked up just as Ross closed on him.  The boy's eyes were now completely BLACK, with red irises.  He let out a SHRIEK that was not of this earth.

Ross gently tapped the boy on the head with his shotgun.

Eliot's skull cracked like an overcooked egg.  He hit the ground, dying somewhere on the trip down.

"Crap."  Ross stared down at the ragdoll corpse.  Stephen came up behind him. 

"His skull's paper-thin," Stephen pointed out.  "Psi contact with the alien caused some sort of mutation, brain-swelling."

"In English?"

"Crap."  Stephen's cell buzzed.  "Hello? ... yes ... dead.  Be right there."  Stephen snapped the phone closed, started for their car. "Denis.  He's got something approaching a plan."

Ross stared back at the shattered, limp form of Eliot.  The boy seemed even smaller in death.  "We didn't save any of them."

"Welcome to the Hoffman Institute," muttered Stephen.

********************************************

Even a star-spanning alien can only cope with so much massive kinetic energy pounding into it.  Fading fast, the Alien swung the anal corer.  Jo nimbly rolled under it, came up again firing *bang-bang-bang* point-blank into the creature.  Her nine-mils CLICKED empty at the same time.  Sensing an opportunity, the alien LUNGED with its foot-wide razor jaws.

*BOOM.*  The Alien skidded sideways, tumbling off its wide clown feet.  Andy, still mostly paralyzed, had pulled a shotgun from one of the cruisers.  The Alien mewed pathetically.  Andy limped forward.  Jo caught him just as he almost collapsed.  They bent over the Alien's twitching, dying form.  It looked up at them, eyes wide.  Full of love, and suffering, and pain.  It gasped, trying to bridge the gap between worlds.

_"Be ... foooooood ..."_

Before either Andy or Jo could react, Ross pulled up in one of the rental cars, skidded across the road --

-- and PARKED on the thing's head.  *CRUNCH.*

Ross leaned out the window. "Is it dead?"

"If it's not, I don't want to deal with it anymore," Andy said.  "That was the anal corer with my name on it."

"Get in!" Stephen called from the opposite side.  "Denis called for us to pick you up!"

"To do what?" Jo asked.

From among the huge crowd circling the brutal showdown, Malloy and Sullivan appeared.  Malloy, transcendent with joy, fell to his knees.  Tears soaked his face.  He had his proof.  The truth was, indeed, out there.

Sully swore like a drunken sailor with Tourette's.

Denis, carrying something the size of a breadbox under a sheet, jogged out to meet them.  "Get in the damn car.  When I saw it going bad, I called Director Richardson, got permission for a walk-away."

Ross surveyed the carnage and confusion around him.  "Are you _serious_?"

"Let little Miss Majestic 12 pick up the pieces."  And although his tone was brusque, Denis threw a forlorn look to Sully as they u-turned and sped away.  She was evil.  Oh yes.  And fine.

Sully watched the Hoffman Agents disappear into the distance.  She looked to Malloy.  The Sheriff.  The now over-a-hundred witnesses gathered in the street. The dead alien sprawled in the middle of a suburban Main Street.  Gertie's severed head grinned impishly at her from the neighbor's lawn.

She was _so_ not getting her Christmas bonus.


*******************************************

*EPILOGUE:*

"You will note that once again Denis had the presence of mind to grab the alien transmitter _and_ the anal corer, snatching victory from the jaws of chaos."  Director Richardson nodded curtly to Denis.  From Richardson, that was the equivalent of a big hug and a sloppy kiss.

Andy flexed his left hand.  He still had residual numbness.  "So, autopsy shows the first two were food --"

"Right," Stephen spread out a report on the desk. "The brother and his friends went to investigate the UFO.  Eliot followed.  The alien, sensing Eliot's weakness, formed a psi bond with him and cemented their friendship by eiliminating Eliot's tormentors.  Eliot at first hid the Alien in Gertie's closet, among her dolls, then moved it to the school basement where it performed its experiments.  Apparently, it was trying to build a signalling device capable of transmitting through n-space, for which it needed insanely complex circuitry.  The only Earth-equivalent is the complexity of human neural structure."

"Whoa, whoa," Andy interrupted.  "Back to the food thing.  All these years, we had all these theories about the missing body parts ..."

"Apparently, these Aliens just think certain parts of us are yummy."

Ross nodded, slid a look at Jo.  "How you holding up there?"

Jo smiled. "Just great!  The sight of an alien wearing a five-year-old's severed head and a close-quarters gunfight with a toothy maw that could swallow my whole skull and a boom-box made of fried human brains didn't affect my therapeutic process at all!  I'm PEACHY!" 

The others waited for her to acknowledge whether that was sarcasm or not.  She instead just gave a cheerful thumbs-up and took more of her pink pills.

Everyone sighed.  Back to normal.

*NEXT EPISODE: the Agents go on vacation to Toronto!  They meet a new friend!  Creepy houses of death, mad bombers and Catholic schoolgirls in DARK CANADA!*


----------



## jonrog1

DM's NOTES:  Sorry if the wrap-up there seemed a little quick.  But just as the big combat was starting (and this wasn't intended to be the end, I had planned a stand-off at the local hydroelectric plant powering the n-dimensional transmitter...) Denis pulled me aside.  

"I want to call Hoffman and ask for permission to do a walkaway."

"Why?"

"We're a secret conspiracy group.  We shouldn't be here."

Got me.  Bailing when things went haywire was tactically sound.  The Agents were there to investigate.  If we played this campaign on a regular schedule, he would have gotten a whackload of XP.

And so, they drove into the sunset, letting "little Miss Majestic 12" deal with the aftermath (Denis' exact words).

The next story is the last session of Dark*Matter D20 the group played.  I'd better get cooking ...


----------



## Pierce

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *GONE MISSING
> *Ross gently tapped the boy on the head with his shotgun.
> 
> Eliot's skull cracked like an overcooked egg. He hit the ground, dying somewhere on the trip down.
> 
> "Crap." Ross stared down at the ragdoll corpse. Stephen came up behind him.



Don'tcha just hate it when you're _really_ trying to take the prisoner alive and they just don't cooperate?  I have SO been there....


			
				jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Sully watched the Hoffman Agents disappear into the distance. She looked to Malloy. The Sheriff. The now over-a-hundred witnesses gathered in the street. The dead alien sprawled in the middle of a suburban Main Street. Gertie's severed head grinned impishly at her from the neighbor's lawn.
> 
> She was _so_ not getting her Christmas bonus.



Great wrap.  Just perfect



> "Apparently, these Aliens just think certain parts of us are yummy."




*pause*
*shudder*
*grin*
*continue reading*

Bravo, jonrog.....  Can't wait for the Catholic School Girls.....


----------



## Pierce

That post was so good, I posted it twice!!  Whee!


----------



## Mathew_Freeman

That's a smart, smart move. Much kudos to your players for that one.

*awaits the hordes of excited readers to descend* 

Thoroughly looking forward to the final installment!


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

That was the creepiest ing thing I have _ever read_ on these boards.

Good job.


----------



## Dungannon

Jonrog, you are a sick, twisted individual.  And that's a good thing.   Keep up the great work.


----------



## rbingham2000

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Jo smiled. "Just great! The sight of an alien wearing a five-year-old's severed head and a close-quarters gunfight with a toothy maw that could swallow my whole skull and a boom-box made of fried human brains didn't affect my therapeutic process at all! I'm PEACHY!"



The little mental image of our favorite Drunk Southern Girl with Guns spouting off that line just brought a big grin to my face! 

Also, it looks like you've got a bit of double-postage going on, Pierce.


----------



## Lola

Whew! Now I can sleep at night knowing that E.T.'s brains are splattered all over the road and that obnoxious Eliot kid is dead. Good show! .... when's the next one coming?


----------



## Henry

OK, I got the ET and Eliot thing, but I REALLY had to do a double-take when I missed "Gertie's head." Then I called up imdb.com.

You magnificent bastard. I love you. 

--------------

And Lola, no need to thank me. Jonrog creeped me out first long, long ago, and I share the gift wherever I can.  Incidentally, if you also like a bit o' sci-fi, and John's style really grabs you, rent _The Core_ when it comes out on video (assuming you didn't catch it in the theater). It may not be on the Oscars list, but it's good watchin's.


----------



## KainG

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> *GONE MISSING
> 
> Chapter 10:*
> 
> 
> Then, three police cruisers squealed to a halt.  The local Sheriff leapt out with his men.  They screamed in terror.
> 
> "... subtle."  Denis flipped open his cell phone, dialed the Hoffman Institute.




If this is subtle, I'd hate to see what would happen if your players went all out. Or maybe I would enjoy seeing that.



> Ross stared back at the shattered, limp form of Eliot.  The boy seemed even smaller in death.  "We didn't save any of them."
> 
> "Welcome to the Hoffman Institute," muttered Stephen.




A nice, little serious moment here.



> Before either Andy or Jo could react, Ross pulled up in one of the rental cars, skidded across the road --
> 
> -- and PARKED on the thing's head.  *CRUNCH.*
> 
> Ross leaned out the window. "Is it dead?"




LOL! Perfect timing!



> "Apparently, these Aliens just think certain parts of us are yummy."




Absolutely twisted! I love it!

I'm really looking forward to the next adventure. I hope you and your players can get together to give some more "Drunk Southern Girls..." madness.

Keep up to crazy work!


----------



## Breakstone

Wha-ho-ho-ho!

As always, awesome job, Jonrog!

You're imagery is amazing... heads crunching, characters spouting off lines, spine-tingling scenery... I love it!


----------



## fenzer

Damn it John, you've done it again.  I laughed until it hurt.  

I'm telling you John, I love Jo, every last pink pill taking, gun toting, child fearing bit of her.  

Lola, some day I would love to shake your hand.

Thanks for another great story everyone.


----------



## Pierce

fenzer said:
			
		

> I'm telling you John, I love Jo, every last pink pill taking, gun toting, child fearing bit of her.




Ya know, I just had a chilling thought.  What if Jo gets pregnant someday?  Too much nasty fun


----------



## ledded

pierceatwork said:
			
		

> Don'tcha just hate it when you're _really_ trying to take the prisoner alive and they just don't cooperate?  I have SO been there....
> 
> Great wrap.  Just perfect





Yes, PierceAtWork, I believe it must be in the Rat-B*stard GM's Book of Rules, page 27, section 2:

"All key NPC children are to be made of paper mache, balsa wood, and warm marinara sauce"

Addendum:
"Note: if they are to be in a combat situation, be sure to perforate the paper mache prior to start"


Great, great work jonrog1.  Once again, I am completely impressed, great story with a great wrap to it.  Bravo.

Jim


----------



## Lola

*Fenzer*.... why? _*Begins looking over shoulder nervously. He must be... one of THEM!*_  

I can't believe that aliens would like to eat... um, rump gizzard. Wouldn't that be awfully tough? I'd attack GenCon, personally... all those plump, Cheeto and pizza-fed gamers... so bad for your arteries, but really, it's only once a year!


----------



## fenzer

Listen Lola, anyone who can peer into "The Core" of Johns mind and stand toe to quill with the "green pen" that is his madness deserves the respect and admiration of all gamers.

I, for one, extend my hand.  Well done.

Besides, you can't tell me that twin 9 mils aren't sexy.


----------



## Carnifex

Its been ages since I last read any of this awesome story hour, so I spent most of this morning catching up...

... and that ET parody was sick! sick! sick! But hilarious at the same time  Great stuff as usual!


----------



## Lola

fenzer said:
			
		

> Besides, you can't tell me that twin 9 mils aren't sexy.




Oh, I dunno. There's something about a sawed-off shotgun. And I often fantasize about my ex with a crossbow bolt in his throat. Knives are sexy in rituals, or for decoration. 

Sooooo... now that you've teased us with a trailer of the next story, Jonrog, when are you putting out?


----------



## paulewaug

excellent!
What's not to love about that?

So you say the last of the Dark*Matter d20 eps.
does that mean there is more to come that has been run using a different system?

Have you started using the Savage Worlds system yet?

BTW thanks for the great story hour!


----------



## Piratecat

The Core. Anal corers. An unhealthy fascination? I hope not!

But oh, how I love it. What a great game.


----------



## Mathew_Freeman

Lola said:
			
		

> Oh, I dunno. There's something about a sawed-off shotgun. And I often fantasize about my ex with a crossbow bolt in his throat. Knives are sexy in rituals, or for decoration.




OK...is anyone else _slightly_ creeped out by that?


----------



## Lola

Tallarn said:
			
		

> OK...is anyone else _slightly_ creeped out by that?




Pfft, if you were creeped out by _that_, why are you reading _this_ particular storyhour, hmm? I mean, look up at the poll and see which options are "winning", 'nuff said!


----------



## WhatKu

Bumping for justice.


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

(Isn't that for _great_ justice?)

How's the cooking coming, Jonrog?


----------



## ledded

Tallarn said:
			
		

> OK...is anyone else _slightly_ creeped out by that?




I dunno man, I was *much* more creeped out by that Liza Minelli avatar...


----------



## Lola

ledded said:
			
		

> I dunno man, I was *much* more creeped out by that Liza Minelli avatar...




Liza?!? Do you see any donuts, small dogs, and/or gay men (closeted and/or out)? Darnit, now that I know people are associating me with a woman whose exhubby called her a fata$$ on national tv, I'm going to have to get a new schtick. And do you know how long that takes? First you have to raise the ticks to maturity, and just mentioning the _cost_ of applying the sch...


----------



## Jon Potter

Lola said:
			
		

> I'm going to have to get a new schtick. And do you know how long that takes? First you have to raise the ticks to maturity, and just mentioning the _cost_ of applying the sch...





<HIJACK>

Lola, you are too funny! 

</HIJACK>


----------



## Nail

Jon Potter said:
			
		

> <HIJACK>
> 
> Lola, you are too funny!
> 
> </HIJACK>



...but only on mondays.  Thank god.    

Nice story.  Good ending.


----------



## ledded

Lola said:
			
		

> Liza?!? Do you see any donuts, small dogs, and/or gay men (closeted and/or out)?




No, but if I did I'm sure I've suppressed them along with some of the other horrifying images generated by this thread...  ah, good 'ole self defense mechanisms, jonrog1 you are giving my fragile mental balance a nice spinning class.  Thanks!



			
				Lola said:
			
		

> Darnit, now that I know people are associating me with a woman whose exhubby called her a fata$$ on national tv, I'm going to have to get a new schtick. And do you know how long that takes? First you have to raise the ticks to maturity, and just mentioning the _cost_ of applying the sch...




But they taste so good in butter.  With garlic.  Crunchy even, high in iron.

Oh wait, that's schnails...


----------



## fenzer

John, rented _The Core_ last night.  Enjoyed as much this time as I did the first.  

I have to say that with a name like John Rodgers I expected (read:  assumed) that you were a Brit.  But after watching the making of documentory on the DVD, I was mistaken.  

See what happens when you assume.

Anyway, I hope the DVD rentals/sales are strong and that you are getting a piece of the action.

And now that I have plugged _The Core_ for you _again_, would it kill ya to update your story hours?


----------



## jonrog1

fenzer said:
			
		

> John, rented _The Core_ last night.  Enjoyed as much this time as I did the first.
> 
> I have to say that with a name like John Rodgers I expected (read:  assumed) that you were a Brit.  But after watching the making of documentory on the DVD, I was mistaken.




It's the "d" everyone assumes is in the name.  That IS the British spelling.  I am D-less and only one generation down from County Roscommon in the Ould Country.

Which can be confirmed by my weak-ass beard.  My Welsh friend called me and chewed me out. "Saw The Core commentary. None of us but the Scots can grow a full beard.  Shave it off."

My wife prefers the beard, though, and she wins this one.

I'll add an update next week, when I'm on the road.


----------



## Allanon

I was noted to the existence of this gem of a storyhour by a post asking where there were good d20 modern story hours. Boy does Fenzer know his stuff. 

 I've just read this complete storyhour in one day and I want... scrap that... need an update. This game is so going into my library of things to do to my group. I just hope I can describe the visuals as I have had them while reading this. Although eating a warmed portion of lasagna while reading the mutilated cows wasn't a good idea 

[suck-up-mode engaged]Oh and btw... I've recently rented The Core and I think it was a great movie... [/disengaged] (I still mean it though)

  P.S. I'd like to quote a piece of this storyhour I like the most but copy/pasting the whole thing is just too much work


----------



## Pierce

Speaking of copy/pasting the whole thing:

Jonrog, are you planning on uploading the entire work to the archives?  I've got a couple of friends who (gasp!) don't have net access, and I'd love to print a copy of the story for them.


----------



## Welverin

Allanon said:
			
		

> I've just read this complete storyhour in one day and I want... scrap that... need an update.




Well while you're waiting, go read his other two (check his sig). They're just as good as this one.


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

Seconded.  I paticularly enjoyed the pulp spycraft....


----------



## jonrog1

pierceatwork said:
			
		

> Speaking of copy/pasting the whole thing:
> 
> Jonrog, are you planning on uploading the entire work to the archives?  I've got a couple of friends who (gasp!) don't have net access, and I'd love to print a copy of the story for them.




I'll see if I can get around to it before/during my little trip up north.  Would allow me to clean a few things up, maybe do an update.

Now that the Menace Manual kicks so much @ss, I may have to take another run at this campaign.


----------



## fenzer

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Now that the Menace Manual kicks so much @ss, I may have to take another run at this campaign.




Man.  John, you are such a tease.  Like I don't hang out here enough already.  Now I have this to deal with.  Give the alcoholic some liquor why don't ya.

Hey thanks Allanon.  I know what I like and I like what John puts out.  On some strange level, I relate with his warped imagination.  Actually, John was the reason I started reading stroy hour posts.  His, this very thread, was my first read.  I remember when Pcat, or maybe it was Eric, came up the idea of a story hour board.  John, correct me if I'm wrong, but you put this story hour up pretty early on if I remember correctly.

EDIT:  Needless to say Allanon, I love it here and enjoy the real talent these writers share with us.  And John here gets credit for paving the way for many EN Worlders who would never have done a story had they not read Johns work.

Thanks again John.


----------



## Pierce

fenzer said:
			
		

> And John here gets credit for paving the way for many EN Worlders who would never have done a story had they not read Johns work.




You can count the Medallions SH in this group.  OldDrewId and I were so inspired that I started transcribing our sessions.

On a tangent, I am making my directorial debut this week.  Little excited, little nervous.  I got some plannin' to do tonight....


----------



## ledded

pierceatwork said:
			
		

> You can count the Medallions SH in this group.  OldDrewId and I were so inspired that I started transcribing our sessions.
> 
> On a tangent, I am making my directorial debut this week.  Little excited, little nervous.  I got some plannin' to do tonight....




Definitely... reading jonrog1's work, and then my GM OldDrewId's, even inspired me to take a hand at a little writing (note to everyone out there; just because you made an 'A' in creative writing in college does not mean you can pick up the pen 12 years later and just spit out a lucid, entertaining story.  Unfortunately).   The Story Hours have become a nice source of inspiration, mainly led by people like jonrog, pcat, etc.  My hat is off to you, jonrog, and the varied and sundry others.  

The whole recording/transcribing thing that pierceatwork does was a little offsetting at first, though we learned to ignore it.  That is, until someone says something *very* off-color or disgusting, and he makes everything stop for a second so he can back the tape up a little ;^)

And I'm sure you will do well this week P, just remember rule 0.


----------



## dreadnought

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Which can be confirmed by my weak-ass beard.  My Welsh friend called me and chewed me out. "Saw The Core commentary. None of us but the Scots can grow a full beard.  Shave it off."
> My wife prefers the beard, though, and she wins this one.




Oh, for god's SAKE. I was only teasing, honestly. Plus, I don't think I ever said "Shave it off." Considering my own prediliction for bizarre facial hair that would be somewhat hypocritical, n'est pas?

I'm glad B likes the beard. Shows she has taste and discrimination. Why she likes you, remains a mystery.


----------



## jonrog1

dreadnought said:
			
		

> Oh, for god's SAKE. I was only teasing, honestly. Plus, I don't think I ever said "Shave it off." Considering my own prediliction for bizarre facial hair that would be somewhat hypocritical, n'est pas?
> 
> I'm glad B likes the beard. Shows she has taste and discrimination. Why she likes you, remains a mystery.




Oh no, you were quite definite.  And as odd as some of your facial hair choices have been, they've never had the air of desire-smacking-against-capability that mine carries.

Never mind my wife's taste.  how the hell we'reboth married still stuns me.


----------



## dreadnought

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> And as odd as some of your facial hair choices have been, they've never had the air of desire-smacking-against-capability that mine carries.



Yeah? You haven't seen me for a while.
How I'm still married is because I always do what I'm told. You?

And I DON'T dislike the beard. Much. At all.


----------



## Lola

Hey guys, look what I found! Remember this?

_*ACHOO*_

Geez, doesn't anyone ever dust back there? 

notsosubtle...BUMP to remind jonrog1 that we need a fix!


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> I'll add an update next week, when I'm on the road.




He decieves us, yes, preciousss... _Gollum!  Gollum!_ Nasty, lying jonrog!


----------



## Welverin

Damn it man, I need to know what _Dark Canada_ is like!


----------



## Pierce

It's a lot like _Dark America_ but with hockey.


----------



## ledded

...and curling.  Definitely a dark and evil sport if I've ever seen one.


----------



## darkdancer

newly addicted, so .....

I spent all yesterday, sick at home, reading this story ...

_I need my fix!!!!!!!!_

oh, and *bump*.


----------



## Lola

pierceatwork said:
			
		

> It's a lot like _Dark America_ but with hockey.




and _really_ salty ham. It's part of a plot. You'll see, when the revolution comes...


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

Lola said:
			
		

> You'll see, when the revolution comes...




Speakin' o' which....


----------



## Lola

Thomas Hobbes said:
			
		

> Speakin' o' which....




And if we know what's good for us, we'll be drinking Molson's with our mooseburgers when our Canuck overlords get here....


----------



## jonrog1

Lola said:
			
		

> And if we know what's good for us, we'll be drinking Molson's with our mooseburgers when our Canuck overlords get here....




I'm keeping a list, people.   Some will get to serve in our vast Mansions of Molsonic Power, some will be sent to the Salt Mines of Alberta.  Keep on your toes.


----------



## Pierce

OOOO!!  OOOO!!   SALT MINES FOR ME, PLEASE!!!



....wait.


----------



## barsoomcore

I'd dropped off on this SH for a while there -- good to see there's life in the old corpse!

I mean...

Never mind.


----------



## darkbard

my wife just called my attention to this story hour last night.  six hours of reading today and ... let's just say you've been added to my very exclusive list of sepulchrave and destan.  now, you're a trinity.  and i do hope that you continue this wonderful campaign.


----------



## barsoomcore

Hey, anyone here writing a new version of _Barbarella_?



Man, I'm psyched now. French Sci-Fi comics, Drew Barrymore and our very own jonrog1? Wee hoo!


----------



## jonrog1

barsoomcore said:
			
		

> Hey, anyone here writing a new version of _Barbarella_?
> 
> 
> 
> Man, I'm psyched now. French Sci-Fi comics, Drew Barrymore and our very own jonrog1? Wee hoo!




Man, as much as I WISH I were writing the "Drew in the Excessive Machine" scene -- I am not.  Currently on the burner: Rucka's _Queen & Country_; Lee Child's _Killing Floor_ which should have an actor in it by the end of next week; finishing my version of the rewrite of Andy and my script before he strangles me; finishing the rewrite of my Dreamworks script; "producing" (best scam in Hollywood, EVER) a horror film for the fine folk at Dreamworks; the script for movie franchise to-be-named-later; and a TV show for the WB Network which should be in the trades next week, which is sci-fi-ish but definitely not _Barbarella_.  And _Foundation_, after three years and thousands of pages of drafts, is no longer my problem, which I'm still not sure how I feel about.

But, as I said, sadly, no _Barbarella._. Unless, you're getting this from some interview I haven't seen  that Drew wants me for it, in which case, who am I to say no?


----------



## HeapThaumaturgist

Finally got a chance to watch The Core.  

It was ... interesting ... to see the connections between this story hour and jonrog's style and the dialogue and some things in the movie.

It was a MUCH better movie than alot of people were giving credit for.  My fiance liked it so much that she wants to buy the DVD to keep.  Alot of small turns of phrase that just set the mood and scene.

--fje


----------



## barsoomcore

WHOOPS!

Well, don't blame me (please) -- check out Dark Horizon's news page -- they misquote an interview with one John August (apparently of _Charlie's Angels_ er, fame) and somehow confuse him with you.

Darn. Now I'm all disappointed.

Well, if they can get it wrong, maybe Drew's making a big mistake and THINKS she's getting the guy who wrote _The Core_ -- you better straighten that out right away.

Sorry for the false alarm.


----------



## jonrog1

barsoomcore said:
			
		

> WHOOPS!
> 
> Well, don't blame me (please) -- check out Dark Horizon's news page -- they misquote an interview with one John August (apparently of _Charlie's Angels_ er, fame) and somehow confuse him with you.
> 
> Darn. Now I'm all disappointed.
> 
> Well, if they can get it wrong, maybe Drew's making a big mistake and THINKS she's getting the guy who wrote _The Core_ -- you better straighten that out right away.
> 
> Sorry for the false alarm.




 Not at all, it's just that, well, I've had to have a restraining order against Drew for a while now.  Wanted to make sure she wasn't off her meds, or next thing you know, I'm chasing her out of the gardenias with a garden  hose.


----------



## barsoomcore

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Not at all, it's just that, well, I've had to have a restraining order against Drew for a while now.  Wanted to make sure she wasn't off her meds, or next thing you know, I'm chasing her out of the gardenias with a garden  hose.



 Drew Barrymore + garden hose...

Well, now I have something to think about until the next update. Cheers


----------



## darkdancer

please, sir:  could I have some more .... bwains?


----------



## darkbard

ha ... haaa .... haaaaa ...  chewwwwwwwwwwwwupdate

hmmm, [bump] excuse me.


----------



## Pierce

Yep, there's only so long you can get away with            claiming some tangential connection to Drew Barrymore before you have to actually write up another update...


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

Rented "The Core" tonight.  Found it highly amusing, and fully living up to my expectations.

"We have no sense of humor.  And we're armed."

"In the darkest of unknowables, man comes to know the most unknowable: himself... why the __ am I doing this?" *throws away tape recorder*


----------



## coyote6

Yeah, the Core was good. I'm sorry I missed it in theaters.

And, hey, I see that the WB show is "Global Frequency", based on a Warren Ellis comic...

But still, I'm wondering . . . updates!


----------



## jezter6

Good god people! Stop talking movies and start gathering pitchforks for a good lynch mob to hang j-rog for not updating quickly enough.



I really do like this story hour...and would love to see the freaking out of Jo live...could you videotape a session and upload it?


----------



## Allanon

What do we have to do to get you to finish this storyhour Jonrog1...??? 
 Do you really want us to grovel at you're feet?
 Well then since my need for a fix far exceeds my self respect here goes.


----------



## ledded

Allanon said:
			
		

> What do we have to do to get you to finish this storyhour Jonrog1...???
> Do you really want us to grovel at you're feet?
> Well then since my need for a fix far exceeds my self respect here goes.




*<BANG>* _goes Ledded's head as he throws himself full-out on the floor_

ouch...

<grovel grovel>  <scrape scrape>


----------



## dreadnought

Page three? that just won't do, old boy.
Bump!


----------



## Lola

jonrog is avoiding us! *_bursts into tears_*


----------



## jonrog1

Avoiding you?  Heavens no.  I've just taken on a project which pushed me from "busy" to "insanely so."  As soon as the desk is cleared to just  two projects instead of four, I'll post an update.  Will also get over to Scarred Lands, as that campaign has been oodles of fun.

Tw words: "Monkey Bomb."


----------



## Piratecat

Hee hee.  Monkey bomb.

Now with 40% more monkeys!


----------



## barsoomcore

Anyone who rents _The Core_ DVD, don't pass up the "featurette" -- so THAT'S what a Story Hour author looks like!

What's funny is as soon as we saw yer smiling mug, my wife jumped up and said, "We know him! He's Koala Bear Guy!"

I think we caught one of your stand-up routines on Just For Laughs or something -- bears with minty fresh breath...


----------



## jonrog1

barsoomcore said:
			
		

> Anyone who rents _The Core_ DVD, don't pass up the "featurette" -- so THAT'S what a Story Hour author looks like!
> 
> What's funny is as soon as we saw yer smiling mug, my wife jumped up and said, "We know him! He's Koala Bear Guy!"
> 
> I think we caught one of your stand-up routines on Just For Laughs or something -- bears with minty fresh breath...




Oh WOW, I think I wrote that joke when I was playing Melbourne, over 10 years ago.  Part of a larger bit about how much of the wildlife in Australia is deadly.

Thanks for renting and watching the featurette -- although the blue eye liner is a bit disturbing.  What were they thinking?


----------



## barsoomcore

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Oh WOW, I think I wrote that joke when I was playing Melbourne, over 10 years ago.



 Yeah, we went through a phase of being total stand-up junkies. We'd watch anything that featured stand-up comics.

Er, not meaning to imply we only watched your act out of senseless, heroin-junkie-like desperation. Er.


----------



## robberbaron

Wow!
Just found this thread and it is FAN-bloody-TASTIC.

This is just the sort of game I want to play.


----------



## carpedavid

*The Core...*

I'm going to jump on the "I just bought The Core, and jonrog is a bloody genius" bandwagon.

*hops on*

*whee!*

I did, in fact, watch the featurette, as well - it was quite informative, and explains a lot about why the movie turned out so well. Thanks for an entertaining two hours jonrog!


----------



## jonrog1

robberbaron said:
			
		

> Wow!
> Just found this thread and it is FAN-bloody-TASTIC.
> 
> This is just the sort of game I want to play.




By the way, I actually have the original black marker sketch of your Usagi icon hanging on my office wall.


----------



## dreadnought

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Oh WOW, I think I wrote that joke when I was playing Melbourne, over 10 years ago.  Part of a larger bit about how much of the wildlife in Australia is deadly.
> 
> Thanks for renting and watching the featurette -- although the blue eye liner is a bit disturbing.  What were they thinking?




Heh. _Koala Bear Guy_. Y'know, that's kinda fitting. May call you that from now on. Do you own a fursuit?
And I have to say, the blue eyeliner was rather...pretty. Yes, pretty, that's the word. And I can say that because I'm comfortable with my masculinity. And I've procreated successfully. So there.


----------



## jonrog1

dreadnought said:
			
		

> Heh. _Koala Bear Guy_. Y'know, that's kinda fitting. May call you that from now on. Do you own a fursuit?





Do not make me send you a copy of the TV special on Furries with which I have successfully traumatized my entire gaming group.


----------



## jerichothebard

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Do not make me send you a copy of the TV special on Furries with which I have successfully traumatized my entire gaming group.




As if the bit with the green marker wasn't enough...


----------



## darkbard

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Do not make me send you a copy of the TV special on Furries with which I have successfully traumatized my entire gaming group.




okay, less gratuitous posting and more storyhour update writing and ... er ... umm ... posting of that!  yeah, there.  pretty please?


----------



## robberbaron

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> By the way, I actually have the original black marker sketch of your Usagi icon hanging on my office wall.




Can't find a smiley looking suitably jealous so   , glad to find another fan.


----------



## barsoomcore

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Do not make me send you a copy of the TV special on Furries with which I have successfully traumatized my entire gaming group.



Was their reaction as good as Peejee's?

Trauma is a powerful thing.


----------



## Lola

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Do not make me send you a copy of the TV special on Furries with which I have successfully traumatized my entire gaming group.




Oh man, I want a copy. I have a priggish brother, and sometimes he has to stay over at my house to be in this city the next morning....

_heh heh heh..._


----------



## jonrog1

barsoomcore said:
			
		

> Was their reaction as good as Peejee's?
> 
> Trauma is a powerful thing.




Well THANKS, there went the afternoon.

"Thank you, Bone Cancer, you're better than Jesus and Santa Clause, as you are real!"

Sweet God.


----------



## barsoomcore

Pots, kettles.


----------



## Carnifex

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Well THANKS, there went the afternoon.
> 
> "Thank you, Bone Cancer, you're better than Jesus and Santa Clause, as you are real!"
> 
> Sweet God.




Heheheh. You've been hooked into Something Positive too now?

Funniest thing on the web, that damned comic


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

Carnifex said:
			
		

> Funniest thing on the web, that damned comic




Amen.


----------



## Breakstone

Yup, Something Positive's pretty darn-tootin' good...

...but I'd take this Story Hour over it any day of the week.

Even... today!

Or tomorrow!

Or whenever you update!

I'm gettin' the shakes here, Jonrog!


----------



## dreadnought

Carnifex said:
			
		

> Heheheh. You've been hooked into Something Positive too now?
> 
> Funniest thing on the web, that damned comic




No kidding. Can't get enough of it. It's _waaaay_ more angrily angsty than my own life has ever been! It makes me feel happy! Too happy! 
God I wish I still smoked.


----------



## RC Hagy

*Hey...*

No one should have to go to page three for JonRog1 goodness!!!


Even if they are repeats...


 


Hagy


----------



## kipling

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> DARK*MATTER NOTES:
> 
> The players walked in blind and were assigned their characters. And they found their characters were ... them.




All right, you've convinced me. I'm doing this again. (I did it once in the late 1980s for a superhero game; everybody got powers. First thing people did was set up corporations to use their powers for profit.)

'Course, we're all older now and socially encumbered, so folks'll just have to wake up in the morgue, naked, and 22 years old, but with full memories up to yesterday...

Heh. Wait 'til they go home.

This thing--_Southern Girls..._ reads like a script, complete with stage directions, camera angles, and William Goldman reversals. Couldn't have anything to do with your day job.


----------



## robberbaron

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> "You are *so* not phoning home."
> 
> _(DM's Note: Exact quote.)_




You guys slay me!

More, please.

Please?


----------



## WDS

Oops, that was a double-post, so I'm deleting one.


----------



## WDS

[QUOTE do you have the Dungeon with the Aftermath adventure in it ? It involves a swamp, mutants and a Gray doing experments[/QUOTE]

It wasn't an Aftermath adventure, it was a Dark*Matter adventure entitled "The Kindness of Strangers" and it's excellent!

It, along w/ another D*M adventure (A Head for Business), are available as free downloads from (look under "reprints"):

http://www.alternity.net/actioncheck.php3?PHPSESSID=026d6e5009e89059e34666e955587345

"London Calling" is the third D*M adventure in Dungeon & it's available here:

http://www.alternity.net/resources.php3?cat=adventures&PHPSESSID=026d6e5009e89059e34666e955587345

I ran all three for my D*M PCs and they liked them all.


----------



## Kanegrundar

Wow.  This is really cool.  I wish some of my games would go as well as these!

Kane


----------



## Kanegrundar

I finally got through all the story hour posts and quite frankly I'm stunned.  Jonrog, you have got one of the most twisted imaginations I've ever seen displayed in a GM before!  I can't wait for Dark Canada!  Give me more!  

This is the first Story Hour thread I've followed.  I can't imagine anything being this good, but I'm going to have to check out some other as well.  

Brilliant, simply brilliant!

Kane


----------



## Pierce

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> I finally got through all the story hour posts and quite frankly I'm stunned.  Jonrog, you have got one of the most twisted imaginations I've ever seen displayed in a GM before!  I can't wait for Dark Canada!  Give me more!
> 
> This is the first Story Hour thread I've followed.  I can't imagine anything being this good, but I'm going to have to check out some other as well.
> 
> Brilliant, simply brilliant!
> 
> Kane




Start with Jonrog's other two - you can find them in his sig.


----------



## jerichothebard

pierceatwork said:
			
		

> Start with Jonrog's other two - you can find them in his sig.




Agreed!  And then move over to Piratecat's - it's the postest with the mostest, baby. 

views, that is.


jtb


----------



## dreadnought

O Jonrog, long hast thy thread tarried in the depths. I bringest thou bumpage most profound.

Dread
Minister of Holy War and Tentacle Growth Research
JohnWorld


----------



## Kanegrundar

I've waited so long for more conspiratorial goodness!  I even re-read the posts just to try and quench my appetite for more!!!

BUMPAGE!!!!


Kane


----------



## RC Hagy

JonRog... not to be mushy, but, you and your group are missed!


----------



## jonrog1

*DARK CANADA, EH?
Chapter 1*

One dark, snowy night, on the fourth floor of a prestigious Toronto museum, in one of the smaller gallery rooms, a young journalist regarded his reflection in the display case and sighed.

Flynn had just met up with an old University friend.  The fellow had put on quite a few pounds while Flynn had kept his same athletic shape from his Naval Officer days, but it had been cold comfort ... the man's hair was still thick and magnificent.  And everyone knew, that's what really counted.  Flynn ran a hand over his buzz cut, noting the rising forehead.  Damn Rogers.  Damn his hair ...

Across the room,  Jo rapped on the glass case around Napoleonic silverware.  Denis turned to her.  "It's not an aquarium." 

"I'd enjoy an aquarium more."  Jo yawned, moving to the next display more out of a need to keep from dozing off than any real interest.  Ross and Andy stood nearby, admiring some ancient rapiers.

"Can't believe Stephen got out of this Hoffman conference," Andy muttered. 

"Hey, he's spending the weekend cutting up dead bodies, hardly a vacation. "  Ross pulled a piece of paper from his pocket.  Off Andy's look: "Stephen left me Jo's medication schedule."

"Paranoid enough?" Andy snorted.  "He didn't need to write out the entire week."

"That's not the week.  That's just one day."  Ross ignored Andy's stare, flipped over the schedule to read the back.   Andy was distracted by a gaggle of Catholic schoolgirls standing by another of the display cases.  One glanced at him, giggled shyly.  Andy grinned.  It was the eyepatch.  Chicks dig the eyepatch ...

Andy looked up as the "MUSEUM CLOSING" announcement echoed from tinny speakers.  He let his gaze fall over the other museum patrons.  A middle-aged African-American couple, some German tourists, the schoolgirls of course, a shuffling young homeless man in a trenchcoat, a few other Asian tourists, the padlocked doors...

Andy blinked.  The doors to the gallery room had been *chained and padlocked from the inside.*  They were in an odd little blindspot behind a case, so no one else had noticed.  Andy quickly looked to the only other exit from the room.  The emergency exit to the internal fire stairs was unblocked -- for now.    Andy shook Ross' arm.  "We may have a problem --"

At that, the young, filthy homeless man in the trenchcoat stepped in front of the fire exit.  Ross spotted the chained front doors, saw the homeless guy blocking the back exit, and immediately all that Special Forces training he'd had from Hoffman kicked in.  Before the others could react, Ross CHARGED across the room and PLOWED into the trench-coated man.

"Ross, are you NUTS?"  Jo yelled.

"Ross, PLEASE," Denis grumbled.

"Ross, you don't need to --" Andy began ...

The trenchcoated man threw Ross like a ragdoll, bouncing all 200-odd pounds of him off the wall behind.  In the same fluid moment, the trenchcoat fell away to reveal a bizarre harness wrapped around the man's torso.  It was a mess of duct tape and wiring and plastic bottles of chemicals.

*Bomb.*

_(DM's Note:  This elicited one of the big quotes from the night:  "Oh sure, Ross is an @#$hole for tackling the homeless guy, but when he has a bomb, nobody thanks him ...")_

Time stopped for a moment as everyone dealt with this revelation.  Jo reacted first, reaching for her twin 9 mils ...

... and coming up empty.  "Damn Canada," she thought, "and their filthy European gun laws!"  The Hoffman agents were completely unarmed, but for their wits and training.

Andy eased forward, "Okay, buddy, you just tell us what you want.  We'll give it to you."

The Bomber's eyes, barely focused, tracked to Andy.  "I want ..."

"You got it, whatever."

"... I want ..."

Andy held both hands open.  "Right away, sahib, you just say the word."

"I want ... THE HOLY GRAIL!"

Beat. Andy nodded.  "Ah.  So much for that plan."

At that, the Bomber threw a switch on his chest.  The timer began running.  60, 59, 58, 57 ...

_(I believe my exact words were: "How long is sixty seconds?  Ten rounds?  Good luck, kids.")_

Several things happened at once.  The schoolgirls screamed.  Most of the tourists dove behind the glass display cases for cover -- little realizing that if the bomb did go off, thise cases would become shrapnel fields of metal, wood splinters and broken glass.  

Ross threw himself against the fire doors, wedging them open.  "Everyone OUT!"  Jo rushed foreward, clawing at the wires on the Bomber's chest.  Denis, behind her, winced.  He was fairly sure he was the only one in the room with Demolitions training.  If Jo pulled the wrong wire ...

Andy also rushed the Bomber, trying to grapple his hands away from the Bomb.  Behind him, he heard a _crash_.  Someone he didn't know had smashed a display case.

Flynn raised a randomly selected silver goblet from the Napoleonic Collection high over his head.  "Behold!"  Flynn bellowed, his voice ringing with drama.  "The Holy Grail!"   Unfortunately, the Bomber ignored him, grappling with Jo and Andy.  Flynn waved the cup again.  "Hey.  Over here.  Holy Grail."  No reponse.  "Grail here.  Hello?"

Jo had both arms wrapped around the Bomber's right arm.  The man was supernaturally strong, obviously driven by adrenaline and madness.  She watched as the timer spun down past forty seconds.  "Is there -- any way -- " she yelled to Andy over the struggle, "-- this could get -- worse?"

At that, the Bomber locked his right hand around Jo's throat.  She gasped.  It wasn't his grip, he wasn't choking her, but ...

Andy, wrapped around the Bomber's other arm, was close enough to see Jo's skin go grey.  Her eyes rolled back in her head.  At her temples, some of her long brown hair _turned white_ ...  

*TO BE CONTINUED*


----------



## fenzer

No, no, NO!  Jo!

Damn, I hate suicidal undead.  

Thanks for the update John.  It's good to finally hear from you.


----------



## Breakstone

Wheeee!



> Flynn ran a hand over his buzz cut, noting the rising forehead. Damn Rogers. Damn his hair ...




Great stuff, Mr. Jonrog!


----------



## Lola

.... your long absence has been forgiven. What happens next?


----------



## Kanegrundar

Thank you, Jonrog!  I can't wait for the next post!

Kane


----------



## Piratecat

What wonderful fun. C'mon, Jo, kick his undead bomb-toting suicidal ass!


----------



## Allanon

Praise the gods, an update! Looks like the thread has revived at long last.

*Sets the page to autorefresh


----------



## KidCthulhu

Poor Jo.  First crazy.  Then disarmed.  Now she's going grey.  She just can't catch a break.


----------



## RC Hagy

oh, yeah!


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

Mmm, update.

So was that level drain, ability damage, or what?


----------



## dogchild

It was so... short!

Damn it. This is like getting a little shot of methadone. 

GIVE ME THE STRAIGHT DOPE.


----------



## Harp

_That's_ what this Story Hour was missing -- Catholic schoolgirls.  Too much good.


----------



## barsoomcore

Harp said:
			
		

> _That's_ what this Story Hour was missing -- Catholic schoolgirls.  Too much good.



 Damn. Why didn't I see that?

Blame Canada.


----------



## dreadnought

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Flynn had just met up with an old University friend.  The fellow had put on quite a few pounds while Flynn had kept his same athletic shape from his Naval Officer days, but it had been cold comfort ... the man's hair was still thick and magnificent.  And everyone knew, that's what really counted.  Flynn ran a hand over his buzz cut, noting the rising forehead.  Damn Rogers.  Damn his hair ...




Okay, I deserved that after the crack about the beard. _Now_ can we call a truce over who has hair and where? (Mind you, "thick and magnificent" is somewhat overstated in my humble opinion...)


----------



## barsoomcore

dreadnought said:
			
		

> Okay, I deserved that after the crack about the beard. _Now_ can we call a truce over who has hair and where? (Mind you, "thick and magnificent" is somewhat overstated in my humble opinion...)



 Thanks for that mental image. Hopefully I can drink enough tonight to drive it from my mind.


----------



## dreadnought

There isn't that much alcohol in the world, my friend. Trust me.


----------



## jonrog1

dreadnought said:
			
		

> Okay, I deserved that after the crack about the beard. _Now_ can we call a truce over who has hair and where? (Mind you, "thick and magnificent" is somewhat overstated in my humble opinion...)




Youi've still got points to burn off from InSanta Clause, buddy.  I take my tiny, tiny wins where I can ...


----------



## Look_a_Unicorn

Hey Jonrog,
Devoured all three of your story hours- great stuff!
(a not so subtle bump...)


----------



## Thistleknot

Second page.

This shall not do.

*Bump*


----------



## deranged DM

Nor yet third page.

*Bump* indeed.




			
				Thistleknot said:
			
		

> Second page.
> 
> This shall not do.
> 
> *Bump*


----------



## DiamondB

Bump!

Just making sure this great story hour stays visible


----------



## Hatchling Dragon

Sheesh, not even a post per month!  Oh the (in?)Humanity of it all!

Ah, yes, let us not forget the *bump*! of course.

Hatchling Dragon


----------



## Horacio

What about an update as a gift for the returning story hour addict?  

Bump!


----------



## KidCthulhu

Hey Horacio!  Good to see you back!


----------



## Spatula

Congrats on the _Global Frequency_ thing, jonrog1.


----------



## coyote6

Yeah, congratulations, John -- make it kick ass. We need another good TV show.

(And squeeze in time for the odd gaming session and story hour update, eh?  )


----------



## Mathew_Freeman

Wow, I'd heard about that from Warren Ellis' website, but I didn't know you were involved. Many congratulations!


----------



## jonrog1

Spatula said:
			
		

> Congrats on the _Global Frequency_ thing, jonrog1.




Thanks all -- which is the main reason I've not been posting.  Running a TV show is damn close to a grown-up job.

Will do my best to catch up soon.


----------



## Allanon

?BumP?


----------



## Tellerve

Huh, I just looked up about that Global Frequency thing and it sounds interesting.  Looking forward to it, and seeing what you do with it.

While I was looking I noticed you were a creator for Jackie Chan Adventures, that's awesome!  I love that show, well, i haven't seen it lately but that's 'cause my tv broke.  But I used to watch it a lot and really enjoyed the writing.

g'luck

Tellerve


----------



## fenzer

Congratulations John.  I hope it works out.  From what I've read, Global Frequency has a good shot of making it.  

Here's to grown-up jobs!


----------



## barsoomcore

Whoa! Holy crap! jonrog1 + Warren Ellis = cool.

Apparently Mr. Ellis is pretty happy with your work -- saw this on CHUD:


			
				Warren Ellis on CHUD said:
			
		

> The pilot script is an expansion of the first issue, and, while it makes some obvious concessions to the form it's being adapted for (which it has to, otherwise it wouldn't be any good), it completely captures the tone, keeps some scenes entirely whole and doesn't change a damn thing about the central concept. Not a thing. John Rogers, the writer, did a brilliant job, and stayed in touch with me during every phase of the writing. Which, in and of itself, is unusual enough to be almost freakish.
> 
> And there's one idea in there I so wish I'd thought of myself.



Them's some heavy praise in them thar words. From a man who knows whereof he speaks.

I'll be watching it, saying to myself, "Is THAT jonrog's idea? Or THAT? Or THAT?"

I suspect it'll be reasonably straightforward to uncover. If it involves incredibly funny people getting completely freaked out -- that'll be yours, right?



Congrats!


----------



## Viktyr Gehrig

Third page? That will simply not do.


----------



## Viktyr Gehrig

Korimyr the Rat said:
			
		

> Third page? That will simply not do.




I'm not normally given to repeating myself, people. Make with the bumpy.


----------



## Viktyr Gehrig

Alright, will someone else do a couple of bumps or something? This is starting to make me look stupid.

Hey, Jon-- you been making use of the Menace Manual or the information from the Dark*Matter issue of Polyhedron?


----------



## buzz

"I sat through every disgusting reel of this story hour... Twice." jonrog1, you've got yourself a new fan. 

Oh, and should WotC ever have the sense to reprint _Dark*Matter_, this...



> Ross stared back at the shattered, limp form of Eliot. The boy seemed even smaller in death. "We didn't save any of them."
> 
> "Welcome to the Hoffman Institute," muttered Stephen.



Should be emblazoned on the back cover. Best summary of the setting EVAR.


----------



## Salad Shooter

Eep!! Nooooo...finally caught up to the last update Jon made...need update!


----------



## jonrog1

Double Post


----------



## jonrog1

*DARK CANADA
Ch. 2*

Ross reached in and yanked Jo clear from the Homeless Bomber's grasp just as blood began leaking from her tear ducts.  Andy locked an arm up under the man's elbow and the two began a twisting, whirling dance of death.  Andy swore as the man's life-draining grasp hovered just inches from his own throat --

Ross *kicked* open the fire doors.  "Andy, get him clear.  EVERYBODY OUT!"

With panicked screams the other museum patrons rushed past the struggle and down the stairs.  They were tangled up in their panic, though, stumbling, shoving -- they clogged up just one flight down, pounding on each other madly.  The Homeless Bomber let loose another garbled scream and tried dragging Andy toward the exit.  Ross kicked the man in the chest, sending both he and Andy stumbling back into the room.

"Oh HEY thanks!" Andy grunted as he struggled for footing.  The maniac was supernaturally strong.  "Could I get a little help?  Where's DENIS?"

"Right here."  Denis stepped up calmly.  In his right hand was a laquered wooden dowel used to hold up the cloth in the display case.  He leaned back and smashed it on the metal corner of the case behind him, leaving a jagged edge.

"What's that forrrgaaahhh --"  Andy choked.  The Homeless Bomber locked his iron grip around the Agent's throat.

"This."  Denis took another second, calculating, then SHOVED the splintered end of the wooden stake into the Bomber's chest.

The man collapsed in a pile of bones and sand.

Andy fell to his knees, completely off balance.  He stared at the still steaming pile of clothes.  "You've _got_ to be kidding me."   

His comment was partially motivated by the magical dissolving act the Bomber had undergone ...

... and partially because the bomb itself sat there on top of the pile of gunk.  The cheery little red numbers happily informed them that only 20 seconds remained before they'd be added to the walls of the museum, "Abstract in Overpressure in Red".  Denis knelt by the bomb, began wokring on it.  Beside him, Flynn knelt to help.  "Military training," he muttered off Denis' look.

"Take all the help I can get."

"Thr -- thrcchh- ow..." Jo was trying to form words.  "Stairs."   Ross looked back into the fire stairs.  Still full of people.  Well, this is what they got paid for.  Dying so others may live, facing the shadows --

*BEEP.* 

Denis leaned back on his haunches.  "There.  Rather primitive, actually."

_(DM's Note:  Does Denis seem like king gaming stud in the previous section? Well, that night he was.  Natural 20 on the crit to stake the bomber.  Natural 20 on the bomb defuse.  Some nights, Lady Luck's a b*tch, and some nights she's a drunken little prom girl who just wants love ...)_

Flynn raised the Bomber's trenchcoat from the ashes. Covertly, he ran his hands through the pockets.  Something hard, a mix of metal and plastic, slid into his grasp.  He palmed it.   "How'd you know to do that?"  

"I didn't," shrugged Denis.  "I was just trying to kill him."

"We SO need to be gone."  Andy and Ross helped Jo to her feet, led her to the stairs.

Flynn stepped in front of them.  "We can take this down to where your car is parked, there's an emergency outlet in the parking garage.  You can then come to my place, stay there for a bit."

"Why are you helping us?"  Andy asked, trying to be casual.

Flynn was already two floors below them, taking the stairs three at a time.  "I'm a reporter."

The Hoffman Agents groaned as one.

*******************************************

In the parking garage, Flynn moved from row to row, searching.  He could see Jo leaning back against a car as Denis wiped the blood from her face.   Andy and Ross caught up to him.  "Man," Andy said.  "Weird how you can think you see one thing --"

"Can it, it won't work."  Flynn ignored them, still searching,  He seemed to be _squeezing_ something between the fingers of his right hand.  All of them paused to acknowledge the sound of approaching sirens.  "Don't worry, though, the offer of a place to crash was legit.  I can tell you're from out of town.  The accents."

"What accent?"  Ross frowned. "I don't have an accent."

Flynn shook his head.  "Americans.  Anyway, we need to find that idiot's car --"  A CAR HORN suddenly started blaring near them.  Flynn raised his right hand.  He was holding a set of car keys.  He had his thumb pressed firmly on the red panic button.  "Best way to find a car lost in the lot during Christmas shopping."

"Not bad."  Ross and Andy's curiousity got the better of them.  They sidled up to the car.  Stopped.  "Um..." Andy continued, "was anybody else expecting the mad Homeless Bomber who turned into dust to be driving a Ford Taurus?"

"Jeesh, there's a kid's baseball mitt in the back," Ross pointed out.  "Suburban undead." 

Flynn climbed behind the wheel.  The inside of the car was a mess, filled with cheap fast-food containers, weird looking books and notebooks, old clothing.  He flipped open a notebook.  The tiny, scrawled writing within filled eavery page front and back to the very edges of the paper.  There had to a thousand insane, spidery little words on every page.  And every page, as far as Flynn could tell, in every notebook was full.  The parking stub for the garage was nestled in the sun visor."

"Follow me," Flynn said, turning the engine over.  "We'll talk at my place."

********************************************

Flynn's home turned out to be a modest little bungalow house near the lakeshore in Toronto.  He pulled into his driveway.  The Agents pulled in behind him, blocking him in.

"Find anything else out about the car?"  Denis asked as they all walked up to the house.

"Glove compartment full of parking tickets, someplace out near U.C.C."  Andy opened his front door.  "Didn't check the trunk."  Jo raised her hand expectantly.  Andy considered a moment, then tossed the keys to her.  "The rest of you, come on in."

Jo watched them go, then turned to the car.  She shivered in the wet, cold wind coming off the lake.  It chewed away at what little warmth she had left in her after the Bomber's bizarre assault.  She pulled her coat tighter around her neck, circled the vehicle.

Yes, a late-model Ford Taurus, forest green.  "My Child Is an Honor Student" bumper sticker.  She popped the trunk, paused.  A smell wafted out from the small space between the trunk edge and the fender.  Something acrid and organic.  Biting her lower lip thoughtfully, she let the trunk rise on its own.

The trunk was also crammed with trash.  A bag of golf clubs was under s pile of filthy clothing.  She stopped --the heads of the clubs were bent or broken off.  Dark stains smeared across the metal shafts.  If two years at the Hoffman Institute had taught her anything, it was that "dark stains" were universally never a good thing.

She spotted  a set of leather straps crammed in one corner of the trunk.  They were identical to the ones which had held the Bomb to the Homeless Man's chest -- she'd seen them up close, more than clse enough, thank you.  Curious, she lifted them to her face. They were the source of the smell.  They were... fresh.  It was new leather, recently cured.  The straps formed a  ball, like a big ball of twine.  She took one end, let the ball fall, unravelling.

Two of the longest straight-razors she'd ever seen tumbled out.  Eight inches long, half-a-hand wide, long wooden handles.  And all of them, every inch, spattered with dark stains.

Jo gulped, hard, then picked up the straps in one hand and one of the razors in the other.  She closed her eyes.  She'd been working on honing her curse.  "Gift," some called it, but Jo remembered how she'd acquired it.  She saw the looks everyone gave her.  She's the one who had to take pills every hour of the day.  

Curse.

She closed her eyes, concentrated  on the objects in her hands.  Pictured them.  Then pictured them distorting the space around them.  Stretching it.  Sinking, like heavy weights on a rubber sheet, until the straps and razor were holes in the world,  deep wells of blackness.

She let herself fall in, fall gently into the picture they would summon --

*-- DaDDYNoOooWHaTRUDOINgAGHAGHagh*GHBlood_BLOODMAsterDAYFIVE *STILL ALIVE*_thighboneconnectsto*theotherthighBONE*THINSTRIPS _keepitMOIST_*AGGGGGHHHHHHH --*

Jo fell backward and landed in the snow on the driveway with a gentle _crunch_.

*TO BE CONTINUED*


----------



## Jon Potter

Perhaps  "My Child Is a DEAD Honor Student" would be a more appropriate bumper sticker in this case.


----------



## Dungannon

Oooh, another dead kid to torment Jo's mind.  I can't wait for the session where Jon tells Jo her character is pregnant.


----------



## MTR

Well, that was disgusting.  And sick.

When do I get to read more?


----------



## Pierce

Aw HELL yeah!  Thanks for the update.  Keep 'em comin', will ya?


----------



## AGFlynn

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> "Glove compartment full of parking tickets, someplace out near U.C.C."  *Andy* opened his front door.  "Didn't check the trunk."  Jo raised her hand expectantly.  Andy considered a moment, then tossed the keys to her.  "The rest of you, come on in."



Don't mean to be picky, dude, but the editor in me is pathologically insistent that you've got the wrong Andy attributed in this 'graph. 
That aside, I can't believe you actually REMEMBER enough of the session, so long ago, to write it up now. T'was a fun night, the necessity of .50-calibre negotiation notwithstanding.

_"Okay. I poke him with the hockey stick."_


----------



## Kanegrundar

Eeeewwwww......

Poor, poor Jo.  She's never going to catch a break!

Excellent update, Jon!

Kane


----------



## Nail

Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> Eeeewwwww......
> 
> Poor, poor Jo.




Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Hey, she's now got a cool streak of grey in her hair.  How much better can it get?


----------



## ledded

Jonrog1, you are one sick human being.


And I love it.  Please keep the updates coming.


----------



## Eyas

ledded said:
			
		

> Jonrog1, you are one sick human being.
> 
> 
> And I love it.  Please keep the updates coming.





Hehe...it can't _All_ be blamed on jonrog...Jo should have known better than to pick up a stained straight razor and strip of fresh "leather" with the intention of seeing the past of the items 

Still....that was a distubing scene, perhaps even more disturbing than E.T. with a Gerti costume.


----------



## jonrog1

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Don't mean to be picky, dude, but the editor in me is pathologically insistent that you've got the wrong Andy attributed in this 'graph.
> That aside, I can't believe you actually REMEMBER enough of the session, so long ago, to write it up now. T'was a fun night, the necessity of .50-calibre negotiation notwithstanding.
> 
> _"Okay. I poke him with the hockey stick."_




Mr. Flynn is of course correct.  It was he, not Andy Cosby, who drove the car back. Their identical first names is what drove me to using Flynn's last name, and it tripped me up.

That night is burned in my memory.  Although any helpful reminders would be appreciated.


----------



## AGFlynn

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> That night is burned in my memory.  Although any helpful reminders would be appreciated.




OK, here's one I'm sure you don't need...
_The f****** head of a WHAT??????_


----------



## AGFlynn

Eyas said:
			
		

> Still....that was a distubing scene, perhaps even more disturbing than E.T. with a Gerti costume.



Well, that, to my mind mind, was possibly the _least_ disturbing element of the night, and was well before I had finished the second gin and tonic Jo offered in an effort to make the bad things that were accumulating in my head go away.


----------



## Pierce

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Well, that, to my mind mind, was possibly the _least_ disturbing element of the night, and was well before I had finished the second gin and tonic Jo offered in an effort to make the bad things that were accumulating in my head go away.




We can definitely empathize with the whole drinking-to-forget thing.  And welcome to the boards, btw!


----------



## AGFlynn

Pierce said:
			
		

> We can definitely empathize with the whole drinking-to-forget thing.  And welcome to the boards, btw!



Thanks, Pierce, although I should admit that I've been on the boards for a very long time under a different name. The new handle just clears up some password issues.
As for the drinking, if it only truly helped....
I've known John for a long time and if you think he's reached the bottom of his sociopathic barrel, well, no.


----------



## slingbld

Thought I'd combine all the story posts into a word document. This includes all the adventures except Dark Canada.

I figured this might be a little easier for people to read through the adventure parts


----------



## AGFlynn

Awesome, slingdude, thanks!


----------



## Nail

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> .... and if you think he's reached the bottom of his sociopathic barrel, well, no.



No worries, Flynn!  None of us suffer from that delusion.


----------



## Pierce

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Thanks, Pierce, although I should admit that I've been on the boards for a very long time under a different name. The new handle just clears up some password issues.



Well then, welcome back!


			
				AGFlynn said:
			
		

> As for the drinking, if it only truly helped....
> I've known John for a long time and if you think he's reached the bottom of his sociopathic barrel, well, no.



Again with the empathizing.  Perhaps John and Old Drew Id (our GM) are related....


----------



## ledded

Pierce said:
			
		

> Well then, welcome back!



And a hearty welcome back from me too.



> Again with the empathizing.  Perhaps John and Old Drew Id (our GM) are related....



Yeah, I have to concur about Old Drew Id.  There are two hundred thousand liver cells swimmingly chanting his name over and over in my body at any given time during game night.   And at least that many brain cells yelling out, crying, "oh for chrissakes, dude, *listen* to 'em already..."

Although Jo seems to get the brunt of it in this story/game, while OldDrewId gives everyone their turn in the barrel...


----------



## fenzer

My poor Jo.  

John, you gave me some kind of nasty visual with those straight razors, mean looking bastards.

Thank you for the update despite your busy schedule.  

AGFlynn, or should I say Andy?  Thanks for the always smart and expert player comments.  How long has it been since you played this encounter?

Keep them coming John.  My day is always better when I've had a little Jo in the morning.


----------



## jonrog1

slingbld said:
			
		

> Thought I'd combine all the story posts into a word document. This includes all the adventures except Dark Canada.
> 
> I figured this might be a little easier for people to read through the adventure parts




Holy smokes, thanks so much!


----------



## AGFlynn

fenzer said:
			
		

> AGFlynn, or should I say Andy?  Thanks for the always smart and expert player comments.  How long has it been since you played this encounter?




Aw, shucks. Smart? Expert? Debatable. But thanks. 
And please, call me Flynn. Everyone else does, for some reason. I'll leave the Andy sobriquet to Crosby. Besides, no-one's called me that since Lucy McSweeny pantsed me in 2nd Grade during an assembly.
If memory serves, the game was played in March of 2002.


----------



## slingbld

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Holy smokes, thanks so much!




Yer very welcome!
It only took about 30 mintues to cut n paste it together 

Looking forward to the next instalment.

I NEED ME FIX DAG NABIT!!


----------



## fenzer

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Aw, shucks. Smart? Expert? Debatable. But thanks.
> And please, call me Flynn. Everyone else does, for some reason. I'll leave the Andy sobriquet to Crosby. Besides, no-one's called me that since Lucy McSweeny pantsed me in 2nd Grade during an assembly.
> If memory serves, the game was played in March of 2002.




Your welcome and Flynn it is.

Wow, two years ago.  Lord knows my memory gets fuzzy after two hours but two years?  Well, like a good wine, these stories seem to have aged just fine.


----------



## slingbld

*** Bump ***

So, when the F*** is the next chapter due you freakin' sick psycho?!?!?!??

I want's me fix!!


----------



## DrZombie

The sad thing about finding a new storyhour is that, when you reach the end of the thread you have to wait for an update like all those lesser mortals.....

This is some very good stuff, hilarious reading with great one-liners. When's the next update?


----------



## The_Universe

This needs to be published...or filmed...and it NEEDS to be finished.  Fantastic story hour!

Paizo is starting up 'Amazing Stories,' again.  I'd love to see this serialized there.  After all, one can't have too many publishing credits, eh?


----------



## AGFlynn

I was really sorry to hear that John has had some personal problems as of late and has unfortunately been released from a number of his script projects.
I know he's been under a lot of pressure with deadlines lately and the stress seems to have put him over the edge once again, sadly. Family members I've spoken to say he's resting well at the Las Encinas clinic, and wishes to thank everyone for their kindness and he'll be back in touch when he's up to it.
Addiction is a terrible thing, but we know you'll kick it Jonrog! 
All the best, 
Flynn


----------



## darkbard

i'm just hoping, flynn, that that recent post is in the spirit of today's front page news....  right?


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

I'm 9/10 sure he's joking.  It is, after all, the first of april.


----------



## jonrog1

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> I was really sorry to hear that John has had some personal problems as of late and has unfortunately been released from a number of his script projects.
> I know he's been under a lot of pressure with deadlines lately and the stress seems to have put him over the edge once again, sadly. Family members I've spoken to say he's resting well at the Las Encinas clinic, and wishes to thank everyone for their kindness and he'll be back in touch when he's up to it.
> Addiction is a terrible thing, but we know you'll kick it Jonrog!
> All the best,
> Flynn




My only personal problem are my pernicious friends.  I'd be angrier, but compared to things you've done to me in the past, I'm not naked, dumped by the side of the highway, nor are my living quarters vandalized, so this is pretty much a wash.


----------



## AGFlynn

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> My only personal problem are my pernicious friends.  I'd be angrier, but compared to things you've done to me in the past, I'm not naked, dumped by the side of the highway, nor are my living quarters vandalized, so this is pretty much a wash.




I'm pretty sure I didn't have anything to do with the naked-by-the-side-of-the-highway thing. Then again, I was doing a lot of dru -- er, that is to say, _volunteer charity work for starving children_ during that period.


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

...

And they say Hollywood is a den of vice.


----------



## jonrog1

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> I'm pretty sure I didn't have anything to do with the naked-by-the-side-of-the-highway thing. Then again, I was doing a lot of drugs duing that period.




No, the naked and side-of-the-highway thing were two different incidents.  Remember, dumping me out by the old Expo site?  I foiled you all, of course, by returning within mere minutes through my Batman-like knowledge of the Montreal undercity.  Errr, that is, I knew there was a Metro stop nearby.

But before this gets into a litany of alcohol-fueled gnome-stealing stories, we should probably  move on.


----------



## caixa

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> No, the naked and side-of-the-highway thing were two different incidents.  Remember, dumping me out by the old Expo site?  I foiled you all, of course, by returning within mere minutes through my Batman-like knowledge of the Montreal undercity.  Errr, that is, I knew there was a Metro stop nearby.
> 
> But before this gets into a litany of alcohol-fueled gnome-stealing stories, we should probably  move on.





Does this mean _*Gasp*_ we're moving on with an update?!

Oh, and just for the record - I think my friends are direct blood relatives to your friends, Jonrog.....those bloody wankers have done many, many a evil thing to me.  ME!  Their loveable, fair, non-grudge-holding DM.  Can you believe it?

_"Gunthar, go get my Anal Corer of Player Horror +12 please.  We will see in how many different pitches we can make them scream....oh yes, scream for daddy DM.  Muwhahaha.  Er, move along - nothing to see here but simple npc-townsfolk."_ 

Also been called a RBDM,

Peterson/Caixa of the Mycabri, first blood to Quickclaw.


----------



## AGFlynn

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> No, the naked and side-of-the-highway thing were two different incidents.  Remember, dumping me out by the old Expo site?  I foiled you all, of course, by returning within mere minutes through my Batman-like knowledge of the Montreal undercity.  Errr, that is, I knew there was a Metro stop nearby.
> 
> But before this gets into a litany of alcohol-fueled gnome-stealing stories, we should probably  move on.




Agreed, but let it be said for the record: If I had been involved in the dumping you by the side of the highway incident (other than tangentially as a set-up man), you would just be getting home about now.


----------



## ledded

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Agreed, but let it be said for the record: If I had been involved in the dumping you by the side of the highway incident (other than tangentially as a set-up man), you would just be getting home about now.



Perhaps wearing some new duds that said "I got stone drunk and left for dead on the side of the highway in Montreal and all I got was this stupid T-shirt"?


----------



## slingbld

I have to second caixain asking:
Will we be seeing an update soon??


----------



## Angcuru

I find myself saying this a lot lately, having recently read through the _Medallions_ story hours, but it must be said.  When can we expect to see this in theaters?    It's too good to remain a simple post-by-post sanity-shattering slaughter-fest!  It's not fair!  I've had my psyche broken, so everyone else should as well!!!

BTW, John, I'll be purchasing _The Core_ as soon as humanly possible.  Anything written by a man with this level of genius is worth at LEAST $20.


----------



## AGFlynn

Angcuru said:
			
		

> I find myself saying this a lot lately, having recently read through the _Medallions_ story hours, but it must be said.  When can we expect to see this in theaters?




That would be cool, but only if they get Ru Paul to play my role.


----------



## Hammerhead

No, AGFlynn, your part of the movie would be edited out by Hollywood execs and replaced with a hot-buttered soccer mom love interest for Andy, who would subsequently be killed by the NSA as a warning.

Hollywood's tough, man.


----------



## slingbld

Angcuru said:
			
		

> BTW, John, I'll be purchasing _The Core_ as soon as humanly possible.  Anything written by a man with this level of genius is worth at LEAST $20.





Ok, are you referring to the movie _The Core_??  

Did I miss something?

Explain & expand please


----------



## AGFlynn

Hammerhead said:
			
		

> No, AGFlynn, your part of the movie would be edited out by Hollywood execs and replaced with a hot-buttered soccer mom love interest for Andy, who would subsequently be killed by the NSA as a warning.
> 
> Hollywood's tough, man.




I'm down with that, as long as the soccer mom is played by Ru Paul.


----------



## AGFlynn

slingbld said:
			
		

> Ok, are you referring to the movie _The Core_??
> 
> Did I miss something?
> 
> Explain & expand please




http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0298814/

'nuff said.


----------



## GunMonkey

Hello?  I'm dying here!  Please oh please post an update!


----------



## dsfriii

Found it loved it.  Will keep reading it...


----------



## ledded

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0298814/
> 
> 'nuff said.



You know, the movie "The Core", as in "Jonrog1 wrote..."

AGFlynn, you are one disturbed person... this Ru Paul thing, well, um, well I just don't want to know whats up with that.


----------



## AGFlynn

ledded said:
			
		

> AGFlynn, you are one disturbed person... this Ru Paul thing, well, um, well I just don't want to know whats up with that.




Did I say Ru Paul? I meant _Russel Crowe_. Damned cough syrup.


----------



## Xath

*Holy Crap!*

Wow, I just read the entire board today.  And Wow!  That's awesome. 

On a separate note, I always liked ET because it had someone with my name (Gertie) who was not over the age of eighty.  And it was a good movie. Now, I'll never watch that movie the same way again...yeah...

Anyway, Keep up with the posts.

-Gertie, (not a severed head)


----------



## The_Universe

YAY!  That's 2 players I now have addicted this thread!  HUZZAH!


----------



## Pierce

The_Universe said:
			
		

> YAY!  That's 2 players I now have addicted this thread!  HUZZAH!




Catch up, man!  Not only is our whole gaming crew addicted to ALL of jonrog's stories, we've got our families and friends hooked as well.  Hell, even one of my dogs reads 'em (the smart one - the lab just likes to lick the monitor).  Plus, I stand down at the bus stop every other Wednesday and give away bootleg copies of The Core. 

Now where's my update?


----------



## caixa

*Now, now my good brother*



			
				Pierce said:
			
		

> Catch up, man!  Not only is our whole gaming crew addicted to ALL of jonrog's stories, we've got our families and friends hooked as well.  Hell, even one of my dogs reads 'em (the smart one - the lab just likes to lick the monitor).  Plus, I stand down at the bus stop every other Wednesday and give away bootleg copies of The Core.
> 
> Now where's my update?





Pierce, don'tcha know that you ain't supposed to be given away bootleg copies of the Core?  You're supposed to be selling 'em for $2 and donating half the proceeds to Jonrog's well-being...y'know he's a hurtin after the Las Encinas clinic fiasco.  At least we know that Jonrog understands the pains of withdraws from addictions.  He knows what we are going through from his lack of updates.  However, like good junkies, we're still pulling for ya, Jonrog! 

(Editor's note: Jonrog's time spent at the Las Encinas clinic was a classic April Fool's joke.  However, the clinic may yet see the wonder of Jonrog if his loyal following does not see an update soon.  For wary is the leader when the cult begins to pine.)

Peterson/Caixa


----------



## AGFlynn

caixa said:
			
		

> (Editor's note: Jonrog's time spent at the Las Encinas clinic was a classic April Fool's joke.




April Fool's joke my a$$. Just _see_ if he'll share his Sour Patch Kids with you. Even if it's a _really_ big bag and you ask very nicely. I mean, it's not like they're hard to come by or anything.


----------



## barsoomcore

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> I was really sorry to hear that John has had some personal problems as of late and has unfortunately been released from a number of his script projects.
> I know he's been under a lot of pressure with deadlines lately and the stress seems to have put him over the edge once again, sadly. Family members I've spoken to say he's resting well at the Las Encinas clinic, and wishes to thank everyone for their kindness and he'll be back in touch when he's up to it.
> Addiction is a terrible thing, but we know you'll kick it Jonrog!



 Does this mean we can expect more frequent updates since he's got nothing to do but watch C-SPAN all day and think up new places to hide the pills?

I mean, I'm willing to chip in on the "string jonrog1 out on cheap heroin for as long as it takes" fund if it'll get us more Jo getting tortured for no good reason. I might even spring for the "heroin cut with icing sugar instead of Tide" level of addiction-mongering.


----------



## xbrokenxswordx

barsoomcore said:
			
		

> Does this mean we can expect more frequent updates since he's got nothing to do but watch C-SPAN all day and think up new places to hide the pills?
> 
> I mean, I'm willing to chip in on the "string jonrog1 out on cheap heroin for as long as it takes" fund if it'll get us more Jo getting tortured for no good reason. I might even spring for the "heroin cut with icing sugar instead of Tide" level of addiction-mongering.





You are a good man, truly you are.


----------



## skullsmurfer

*i need-a post-a*

 Hello, my name is skullsmurfer and i have to confess that I am hooked.  This story hour crawled up me and bit me good.  I thought i had it all under control until i found myself driving a pickup truck through Mattano Park in Elizabeth, NJ playing country music, brandishing bottles of JD and making really cool circles.  I am ashamed to admit that even with a plaid flannel shirt a trucker's cap and a few blacked out teeth i didn't get any Alien action. Heck i didn't even get a Black Helicopter.  The Elizabeth town police weren't very understanding to say the least.  You would think that standing on my hood waving my pants in the air while yelling "Dy-NO-Mite!" is some sort of federal offense.  After a rough pat down and a cavity search I was uncermoniously dumped in a cool green room and evaluated by an underpaid mental health professional.  To make a long story short i am now hooked on those little cups of apple sauce too.  I can't wait for your next post, I even recomended you to a sweet little outpatient I met on the 8th floor.  She has an alien living inside her dog(she can't prove it yet but she is building an x-ray machine in her basement).  Well, like i said I can't wait for your next post.  Keep up the good work.


----------



## GunMonkey

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN, I NEED AN UPDATE!

please?


----------



## oldschool

*Even making a lurker post*

Up ... date ... need ... update ... info ... please

1st post yea!!!


----------



## acolite23

*New Story Addict*

I dont know what to say.... I just read everything.... im Disturbed... But I need MORE! Awsome story keep up the good work Jonrog.


----------



## GreyShadow

I'd like some more Zombie Toddlers.

Please!


----------



## Angcuru

I'd like to place an order for a Conspiracy Burger, Two Sides of Medium Cthulhu Rings, and an Extra-Large cup of Jo's Sanity.   To go, please


----------



## AGFlynn

Angcuru said:
			
		

> I'd like to place an order for a Conspiracy Burger, Two Sides of Medium Cthulhu Rings, and an Extra-Large cup of Jo's Sanity.   To go, please




You want unidentifiable viscous bodily fluid with that?


----------



## slingbld

Angcuru said:
			
		

> I'd like to place an order for a Conspiracy Burger, Two Sides of Medium Cthulhu Rings, and an Extra-Large cup of Jo's Sanity.   To go, please






			
				AGFlynn said:
			
		

> You want unidentifiable viscous bodily fluid with that?




LMAO!!

Um, we're all out of Jo's Sanity. Not sure when it will be available again....


----------



## dsfriii

Bump....


----------



## Mathew_Freeman

Any news on any of jonrog's other stuff that's on the go? The TV series he was writing? Movies?

Warren Ellis was saying on his sight (http://www.diepunyhumans.com) that he'd been talking with the adapter of his comic book series, which I think was jonrog...I got a little confused by who was who...


----------



## caixa

*Here's what I found...*



			
				Tallarn said:
			
		

> Any news on any of jonrog's other stuff that's on the go? The TV series he was writing? Movies?




Holy cow, if the following is true, I am _*EXCITED * _  about it!

_Ice Station has been optioned by Paramount Pictures. A screenplay for it has been written by the Hollywood screenwriter John Rogers (The Core, American Outlaws, Catwoman), but as yet, no director has been attached._

That was taken right from one Mr. Matthew Reilly's homepage - an author who I considered at least as good as Mr. Clancy.

I can't wait!

Peterson


----------



## AGFlynn

caixa said:
			
		

> Holy cow, if the following is true, I am _*EXCITED * _  about it!
> 
> _Ice Station has been optioned by Paramount Pictures. A screenplay for it has been written by the Hollywood screenwriter John Rogers (The Core, American Outlaws, Catwoman), but as yet, no director has been attached._
> 
> That was taken right from one Mr. Matthew Reilly's homepage - an author who I considered at least as good as Mr. Clancy.
> 
> I can't wait!
> 
> Peterson




'Tis true. Read an early draft ages ago and it looks great. Also, last time we spoke, JR was working on Aasimov's Foundation and The Rockford Files too.
There was also talk of an adult sci-fi film on John's blotter, can't remember the exact title, but something like Star Wars: Asteroid of the Crotchless Panties. 
Then again, that could be the ritalin talking...


----------



## Angcuru

Okay, John.  It's been what, two months now?  I want me an update!  WE ALL DOOOOOOO!!!!


----------



## Piratecat

I've paid him off. If he updates less often, he makes the rest of us look good. All part of our clever plan....


----------



## Album Cover X

What a great story hour... I read it over the last few days and this would be the type of game I'd like to run/play/watch as far as d20modern/spycraft goes...

I'd like to compile my games into story hours someday but after reading some of these here I think I'm outta of my league...

Anyhow, let me add my voice to the choir in saying I eagerly await the next update.


----------



## Welverin

Piratecat said:
			
		

> I've paid him off. If he updates less often, he makes the rest of us look good. All part of our clever plan....




Damn you!

With the number of replies and views yours gets I'm not sure what your worried about, of course maybe that's what scared him off...


----------



## slingbld

Piratecat said:
			
		

> I've paid him off. If he updates less often, he makes the rest of us look good. All part of our clever plan....




YOU!!!

You evil man you! how dare you pay him off, keeping him from completing the greatest body of work the world has EVER KNOWN!!

I curse you sir!!  May your good eye become cross & lazy!!

May you always view the world ina blurr and not be able to see your keyboard thus keeping you from stopping this monolithic work from being completed!!!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
<cough> erm, yeah...

Not nice PC...


Slingbld~


----------



## AGFlynn

Piratecat said:
			
		

> I've paid him off. If he updates less often, he makes the rest of us look good. All part of our clever plan....




Considering the nature of the things John accepts as payment, that's very brave of you PC. May the scars, physical and spiritual, heal with alacrity.


----------



## Angcuru

So....ummm.... We still alive here?


----------



## slingbld

Angcuru said:
			
		

> So....ummm.... We still alive here?




No Clue.

I know JonRog1 posted about Grim Tales in the D20M/OGL forum so he's still around. 

just wondering if he's lost all interest in this story hour.....  

slingbld~


----------



## AGFlynn

slingbld said:
			
		

> No Clue.
> 
> I know JonRog1 posted about Grim Tales in the D20M/OGL forum so he's still around.
> 
> just wondering if he's lost all interest in this story hour.....
> 
> slingbld~




Last time we spoke he was insanely busy with Global Frequency, with shooting dates coming up soon. I'll bug him about it.


----------



## caixa

You know....

I can appreciate other work, especially the kind that pays, but we did offer drugs a few posts back.

I mean, c'mon, that should at least count for something!

Peterson


----------



## slingbld

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Last time we spoke he was insanely busy with Global Frequency, with shooting dates coming up soon. I'll bug him about it.




Heck, If he's working on another movie that's great!
Just so long as once he has some free time (prolly not fer a while) he does start posting some more of this story hour, I'll be happier than a pig in slop as my ol' Grandma used to say 

Slingbld~


----------



## jonrog1

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Last time we spoke he was insanely busy with Global Frequency, with shooting dates coming up soon. I'll bug him about it.




You're way too busy bugging me about your g-mail account.

Hey all, sorry for the delay. Ran into one of those movie/movie/movie/"oh cr@p, it's a lot harder to run a TV show than I remember" stretches.   _Global Frequency_, based on the DC/Wildstorm comic of the same name by genius Warren Ellis shoots the pilot Aug 9 in Vancouver for two weeks, looking at a fall pickup for a March launch.   I assure you, I'm stockpiling work so I can retire faster and get to full-time gaming sooner.

I can't suggest _Global Frequency_ the graphic novel strongly enough.  The first six are out in a colleciton entitled "PLANET ABLAZE" available in comic shops and on Amazon now.  If you like Dark*Matter and D20 Modern, it's the book for you.

I try to swing by more often.  I'd update, but that time out of my week would be my game prep time.  I'd rather fend you folk off than an angry, angry Jo.


----------



## fenzer

It's good to hear from you John.  I'm glad all is well.  Busy is good.  

Post soon.  I would love to read a little more Jo.


----------



## Ancalagon

This thread has been staring at me for quite some time, but for some reason I never read it, even though I am a big fan of dark matter (will I ever get to run it?   ).

I just read the whole thing straight, and I need a bigger dose.  I know you are terribly buisy, but update please 

Bravo, and well done.  This is very solid.

Ancalagon


----------



## Dakkareth

I came to ENWorld because of this thread back then ... now, that in my need for a fix I read the entire story hour again, I need MORE


----------



## Angcuru

Good to see that Jonrog is contributing out the world's entertainment industry while he's not to this.   

BTW, I've been wondering.  Would it possible to post up a pic of the group?  What with everyone playing themselves and all, it'd be nice to know what the chars look like when visualizing the story.  Though come to think of it, it would be fully understandable for Jo to decline, considering her....recent exploits.


----------



## exile

*People are dying here*

Greetings all. I've been reading this story hour (only my second) for the past few days now, and I must say that it has been an absolutely incredible ride. On the downside, I am a surgery resident, and I'm sure that more than one poor patient has had less attention than they deserved since I discovered this gem.

For the longest time, I thought that most everybody here was being a little needy, constantly clamoring for updates, but now that I have joined the hoi polloi at the end of this story hour, I too demand an update.

Update now please!

Chad


----------



## Pierce

exile said:
			
		

> For the longest time, I thought that most everybody here was being a little needy, constantly clamoring for updates, but now that I have joined the hoi polloi at the end of this story hour, I too demand an update.
> 
> Update now please!
> 
> Chad




Hoi polloi.  For some reason that word always makes me think of potpourri.

/really just a post to get re-subscribed.
//but it really does remind me of potpourri.


----------



## Angcuru

Ok, that's it!  You people are going to sit down with JonRog and get this made into a TV series!


----------



## HeapThaumaturgist

HA!

Jon, you're Public Enemy Number One as far as my wife is concerned.  She spent about ten minutes this morning cussing you, your ancestry, progeny, and intellect.  She wanted me to let you know that you're a bastard and she wishes rather horrible things on you.

Of course she was mad at ME first, so I sort of had to throw you to the wolves, there.

I was supposed to run a Dark*Matter game and really didn't have anything prepared ... so I spent ten minutes making notes from your "Night of the Cattle Mutilators" story hour and reverse-engineered it for play.

Apparently it's not just Johanna that's disturbed by zombie toddlers.  It's been several days and she's still terrified ... I whispered "yummy yummy yummy" and was nearly bludgeoned to death.

Finally I told her it wasn't MY bright ideal  It was YOURS.

--fje


----------



## heapswife

HeapThaumaturgist said:
			
		

> HA!  It was YOURS.
> 
> --fje




I hate you.   I spew minty fresh loathing in your general direction.

Though, the core was very awesome.   So I'm sure there's some marginal redemption there.  

I would have posted first, but Heap warned me that I'd be banned if I wrote what I was going to.  So since these are his stomping grounds I figured I'd let him post it.




I still hate you.   Forever.


----------



## jonrog1

heapswife said:
			
		

> I hate you.   I spew minty fresh loathing in your general direction.
> ...
> I still hate you.   Forever.




One of these days, I am going to stat that adventure out and sell it as a .pdf. I have the sad suspicion that it'll have a longer creative legacy than any of my little Hollywood stories.


----------



## slingbld

Great to hear from ya jonrog1!!!

Good to see you're busy working & not going insane or falling into a drug afflicted downward spiral like AGFlynn keeps telling us 

Slingbld~


----------



## Puppy Kicker

Jonrog!  Glad you're alive.  We were all worried.     This is the thread that got me to ENWorld oh so long ago and THEN motivated me to start my own Modern campaign.  Great writing!  And, of course....

POST MORE!!!


----------



## Azakiel

jonrog1, I know this is a bit off topic and possibly disrupting your story hour, but can you please check out this thread and see if you can help me

http://www.enworld.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1652426#post1652426

 Thanks
 Azakiel


----------



## Cor Azer

Jonrog, I read this whole thread yesterday (it finally pulled me in, like some big... storybook black hole). In recompense from you, I'd like the next update please.

I'll be all kinds of happy if you do.


----------



## ragboy

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> One of these days, I am going to stat that adventure out and sell it as a .pdf. I have the sad suspicion that it'll have a longer creative legacy than any of my little Hollywood stories.




I'll add my voice to the general clamor and say you've inspired me to run a Dark*Spycraft campaign as well, with a side of Alabama-hipped mean-mouthed witch-queen Sonic carhops. I stayed up all night getting it ready to unleash on my unsuspecting players this weekend (they're expecting Star Wars...). 

So, as not to hijack your thread... please update when you're through taking over Hollywood. And thanks for two days of the best story hour on the boards. (no offense to any of the other great authors here).


----------



## AGFlynn

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> You're way too busy bugging me about your g-mail account.




Actually, sadly, I'm way too busy unpacking from my "move" and "renovation" ("Hey, we're just going to raze your house to the ground and build it up again so slowly you'll wish you built it yourself out of Popsicle sticks") two months ago to bug you. Even sadder, I'm using this forum as my prime means of communication with you. I think my life might just be broken.

By-the-by, folks, I'd rather have you guys pissed off at me than Jo, too. The man has his priorities straight.


----------



## Paxr0mana

dreadnought said:
			
		

> If you want to go see some of jonrog's fine work, try getting out to see The Core this fall.




Jonrog wrote The Core? Wow. I loved that movie, despite all its holes, quirks, and fallthroughs.

Keep it coming Jon.


----------



## DrZombie

Allright johnrog, that was not nice. Adjusting your title to pretend that you've updated, just so you can get our hopes up and see us cold-turkey again. You nasty holywood-person you.

Edit : ok, so I'm sleep deprived. And yes, I'm addicted to this story hour. So i misread and thought it said : updated 17/*07*/04. So sue me. You still need to update.


----------



## Welverin

slingbld said:
			
		

> Good to see you're busy working & not going insane or falling into a drug afflicted downward spiral like AGFlynn keeps telling us




He's probably just hiding because people keep saying he wrote Catwoman, the poor bastard.


----------



## dsfriii

Welverin said:
			
		

> He's probably just hiding because people keep saying he wrote Catwoman, the poor bastard.




Maybe he is hiding because people think he wrote the Superman script that had his parents still alive and the Planet Krypton still around...


----------



## Welverin

Problem is he actually did work on Catwoman, but I remember him saying it got rather heavily rewritten.

So John how much, if anything, of what you wrote survived?


----------



## Peterson

Hey, I don't care as long as Ice Station goes to film and gets done halfway decent.

John, don't let them get you down.  You're a damn fine writer.....so update already.     

Peterson


----------



## Welverin

Peterson said:
			
		

> John, don't let them get you down.




Them, what them? Is it the they them?


----------



## Angcuru

MJ12, of course.  You don't think they don't realize that Jonrog is onto them, do you?


----------



## Sidekick

F%@K me this is brilliant.  I'm a true blue D&D nerd but this and Medallions so totally make me want to try d20 modern and Dark*Matter.

This is seriously good Jonrog1.  I've read the whole thing over two days (bits here bits there).  and I'm really looking forward to some more.  oh and this weekend I'll be getting out the Core to watch.


----------



## ragboy

Sidekick said:
			
		

> F%@K me this is brilliant. I'm a true blue D&D nerd but this and Medallions so totally make me want to try d20 modern and Dark*Matter.
> 
> This is seriously good Jonrog1. I've read the whole thing over two days (bits here bits there). and I'm really looking forward to some more. oh and this weekend I'll be getting out the Core to watch.



While you're waiting, go check out these fine story hours: 

*HeapThaumaturgist's Dark and Restless Tide*
*ledded's We were Like Gods Once*


----------



## Welverin

ragboy said:
			
		

> While you're waiting, go check out these fine story hours:
> 
> *HeapThaumaturgist's Dark and Restless Tide*
> *ledded's We were Like Gods Once*




You forgot Medallions


----------



## Downysole

Read it. Loved it.  Hoping to see more of it so I can read it again.  Thanks jonrog1


----------



## Angcuru

Just curious as to when there's going to be an update.  'Cause it HAS been half a year and all that.


----------



## buzz

The lack of updates is part of the horror.

The HORROR.

 

OooooOOoooOOoooooo...


----------



## Piratecat

The fun thing about being an admin is that you can edit polls to make a particular point.


----------



## jerichothebard

Piratecat said:
			
		

> The fun thing about being an admin is that you can edit polls to make a particular point.




Wow.  Add irony to Piratecat's list of class skills.


----------



## jonrog1

Piratecat said:
			
		

> The fun thing about being an admin is that you can edit polls to make a particular point.




Cute.

Well, I'll either have a ton of bloody free time in a week or none.  The network will decide whether or not to pick up _Global Frequency_ for 13 eps or not.  Think X-FILES meets 24, if Scully punched people in the throat a lot.  Light a candle for prime-time conspiracy goodness.  

We'll see if I can't squeeze out an update when I'm on vacation for Canadian Thanksgiving.

John


----------



## Piratecat

jerichothebard said:
			
		

> Wow.  Add irony to Piratecat's list of class skills.




Max ranks, baby. Max ranks.

Thanks for checking in, JonRog - and good luck!


----------



## shadoe

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> Cute.
> 
> Well, I'll either have a ton of bloody free time in a week or none.  The network will decide whether or not to pick up _Global Frequency_ for 13 eps or not.  Think X-FILES meets 24, if Scully punched people in the throat a lot.  Light a candle for prime-time conspiracy goodness.
> 
> We'll see if I can't squeeze out an update when I'm on vacation for Canadian Thanksgiving.
> 
> John



Good luck on getting the network to prick up _Global Frequency_ I always look forward to seeing something that you worked on even if it means fewer updates.


----------



## Pierce

Good luck!  I've narrowed down my must-see TV list to the Simpsons, Sopranos, Good Eats and Braves games.  I'll have to add GF to the list if (when!*WHEN*!) it makes it to prime time!


----------



## Friadoc

Paging Mr. Rogers, Mr. John Rogers, please pick up any white courtesy phone and press #411.

News? Updates? Witty gaming anecdotes?


----------



## fenzer

Good luck John and post soon.


----------



## FoolishFrost

Hey Jonrog, you ok?

You got quiet...


----------



## Thomas Hobbes

Incidentally, I spotted the D&D 30th (?) anniversary tome in Powell's bookstore (Portland, OR; check it out if you get the chance, it's one fantastic place, and they have gaming books, too!).  Having finished reading Vin Diesel's introduction (I still can't get over the fact that he plays D&D) I opened it to a random page and found... John Rogers.  Go figure.


----------



## weiknarf

TheFool1972 said:
			
		

> Hey Jonrog, you ok?
> 
> You got quiet...




I think he's writing Transformers or something....


----------



## The_Universe

weiknarf said:
			
		

> I think he's writing Transformers or something....



 I have heard that he is.  Any chance for a secret Transformers scoop on these pages?  You'll never find more adoring fans than here!


----------



## nobodez

*wellllllll*

I've put 'The Core' on my netflix list, and I've finished this little gem of a story hour (such that it is, leaving us halfway through DARK CANADA, EH?

But, let's hope that one day, one day, hopefully sometime before the one-year anniversary of the post, that we get the rest of the story.


----------



## slingbld

*Bumpitude*

Just cuz' it aint been updated in ferever don't mean it aint one of the best story hours out there.

TTFN,
Slingbld~


----------



## Salad Shooter

Me want update! Me want update!

-nuff said


----------



## AGFlynn

Spoke with John, and he's recovering from the hideous shock of completing a first run at the Transformers script in record time. Didn't discuss, but don't think there'll be an update here for a while...
Oh, and he's lazy. Did I menton that?


----------



## The_Universe

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Spoke with John, and he's recovering from the hideous shock of completing a first run at the Transformers script in record time. Didn't discuss, but don't think there'll be an update here for a while...
> Oh, and he's lazy. Did I menton that?



 I'd settle for just hearing a little bit about the Transformers script.


----------



## AGFlynn

The_Universe said:
			
		

> I'd settle for just hearing a little bit about the Transformers script.



He said something about giant robots. Giant robots fighting. Oh, and changing into other things, or something like that.


----------



## The_Universe

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> He said something about giant robots. Giant robots fighting. Oh, and changing into other things, or something like that.



 Really? I never would have guessed!

Har har.


----------



## AGFlynn

The_Universe said:
			
		

> Really? I never would have guessed!
> 
> Har har.




Indeed, I too was suprised to find that it was not a musical production of _The Crying Game_.


----------



## slingbld

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Indeed, I too was suprised to find that it was not a musical production of _The Crying Game_.



   

LMAO!!

I likes it! I likes it a lot I do!!

Sling~


----------



## jonrog1

A year?  Jeebus.

All right, I'll update this week, if only to give the story a nice finish.  But in the meantime, swing on over the my blog at Kung Fu Monkey -- www.kfmonkey.blogspot.com.  Ross from this Story Hour is Ross Richie, who's now publishing comics at his very own BOOM! Studios.  Next up is ZOMBIE TALES #1, with stories by Kieth Giffen, Mark Waid, myself, Andy Cosby (creator of Haunted and the upcoming SciFi show Eureka), and yes, your very own Drunk Southern girl, Johanna.

You can pre-order at the door.  And the blog's not a bad place for genre-fans to hang, generally, either.

See you there, and more importantly, see you over here this Friday.


----------



## threshel

Well, that's just great.  Now how am I supposed to get any work done this week?  I'm already a wreck, waiting...

Nice to see you, Jon.

J


----------



## slingbld

Wholey Freakin' COW!

The _*MAN *_has returned!!!

_*OUR PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED!!!!!*_

Ok, I'm feelin' much better now 

Sling~


----------



## Angcuru

Yaaaaay!


----------



## Xath

Whooooooooooooooooo!


----------



## Kanegrundar

Welcome back, Jonrog!


----------



## Bloosquig

Yay!  Jonroq is back!  Hopefully now the nightmares will stop!  Though knowing Jonroq they'll just get worse.  But thats why we love you jonroq.


----------



## Dungannon

Ya know, it's a true testament to jonrog1's phenomenal writing skill that, even though it's been over a _year_ since he last posted an update, we fans are still here keeping the thread on page one and eagerly anticipating his next offering.


----------



## Welverin

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> All right, I'll update this week, ...
> 
> ... see you over here this Friday.




You sir, are a cruel, cruel man. Two weeks later and still nothing.


----------



## Peterson

A very early April's Fools Joke?

Knowing the (extremely) little I do, I wouldn't put it past him....or Flynn.


Peterson


----------



## AGFlynn

Peterson said:
			
		

> A very early April's Fools Joke?
> 
> Knowing the (extremely) little I do, I wouldn't put it past him....or Flynn.
> 
> 
> Peterson




Oh fer crap's sake -- they're blaming it on _me _now Rogers. Yo, John? Get off your half-Yankee butt and pay the piper.


----------



## slingbld

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Oh fer crap's sake -- they're blaming it on _me _now Rogers. Yo, John? Get off your half-Yankee butt and pay the piper.




Yup!
Always yer fault.

Story's late, blame Flynn...
The rise in gas prices over in the U.S.? Blame Flynn...
The appocalypse? Blame well, you know who 

BTW: Has good ol' JR dropped off again?


----------



## AGFlynn

Nah, he's just busy. Apparently he has a whack of stuff due over the next couple of days.

As for the Apocalypse, dammit, it was a _mistake_ ... how many times do I hafta apologize for that?


----------



## ledded

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> As for the Apocalypse, dammit, it was a _mistake_ ... how many times do I hafta apologize for that?




_"I was in college... we were drinking... it was just, you know, 'experimentation'... jeez leave me alone about it already"_


----------



## Peterson

LOL

I wasn't trying to blame it on you Flynn....I just felt, like, well if the glove fits....

Besides, I was pretty sure invoking your name - especially after that appocalypse mess - would bring some heat to bear on old JonRog.  Maybe even get him to throw a bone (with some meat on it this time, please) to his storyhour fans.  

Peterson


----------



## AGFlynn

Now the _glove_ thing I had nothing to do with. Period.
How'd you know about that anyway?


----------



## jonrog1

Totally Flynn's fault.  Completely.

I did indeed get swamped, by my own laziness, and some scheduling crap.  Will try to bang this out this weekend.


----------



## barsoomcore

I'm sitting here, waiting for a good bang.

Er.


----------



## Bloosquig

Tick tock tick tock...

please by the god of southern girls and firearms let there be a bang...


----------



## doswelk

*Still waiting.....*

 

Still no bang!


----------



## Soullessweare

Huh? That's it? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


----------



## jonrog1

Well, if the boards hadn't eaten the ENTIRETY of the last post ... gahhh, been so long, I forgot -- write in Word, then cut and paste.

Coming soon, especially as I'll be doing more gaming stuff over at the website soon.

www.kfmonkey.blogspot.com


----------



## The_Universe

Exciting. Looking forward to an update here.


----------



## spyscribe

*Consider Yourself Served*

jonrog1, I am calling you out.

[size=-2](Yes, even in your own thread.)[/size]

On March 7, in the year 2004, you came and guest starred in a campaign chonicled in this forum known as Welcome to the Halmae.

Ten days later, you last updated this story hour.

Over the past 15 months, you have--on more than one occasion--implied your impatience that your time with the party had not yet been made public.  You have also promised your own faithful readers an update.

Well.

Today, I posted the first update from our first session of 2004.  The session you were in was the fifth played in that year.

I hereby state before all reading this: 

[size=+1]I will get to your appearance in our game before you next update this thread.[/size]

You've got at least a month.  Prove me wrong.


----------



## Capellan

I [heart] spyscribe.

Now all we need to do is figure out a similar call-out for PirateCat ...


----------



## jonrog1

*DARK CANADA
CH. 3
*
Flynn walked into the living room of his home balancing a coffee pot and some mugs. He looked out the front window, did a double-take.  "Your friend's collpased in the snow."

"She does that,"  Ross nodded, refusing to be fooled by Flynn's distraction.

_(DM's Note:  Nope. Nobody went to check on her. She was ... displeased.)_

Andy and Denis surveyed Flynn's walls while the reporter poured the coffee.  Various awards were hung among framed clippings.  Apparently Flynn specialized in crime reporting.  Andy took the proffered cup.  "Who you writing for now?"

"Freelance, doing some research." Flynn settled in behind his desk.  "See, I've been mucking around with some wierd deaths, that got me into some occult circles, then that, unexpectedly, crossed into defense tech research ..." He leaned forward.  "Who wants to tell me about the super-strong dissolving guy who was after the Holy Grail?"

Ross, Andy and Denis exchanged looks.  Ross took the lead.  It was time to pull a little scary Men-in-Black action.  Flynn seemed pleasant enough, but he needed to be warned off.  The three of them squared their shoulders, leaned over Flynn's desk.

"I have two words for you," Ross said. "Hoffman. Institute."

Flynn nodded. Raised his hand from beneath the desk.  "I have two words for *you*."  _CLICK_.  "Desert.  Eagle."


****************************************************


BANG.  Jo slammed open the front door.  Stormed in.  "I'm sorry, did nobody &$#*@ notice me lying $#^%%$# unconscious in the f^#^%#ing SNOW?" 

She stopped when she saw the handgun.  Flynn nodded.  "That's right.  Why don't you --"

"How'd you get a gun?"  she pouted.

"I, ah, had it in my desk --"

Jo pointed accusingly at Ross.  "You said I couldn't bring my guns!"

Flynn raised his voice over her.  "I was in the military and --"

"You know I can't sleep without my guns!"  Jo continued.  "I have to take three extra of the pink and green pills a day because I can't sleep!  I have to wash them down with VODKA or else I have the DREAMS --"

Flynn watched Ross' massive frame wilt under Jo's assualt.  He sighed, put down the gun.  "Wow," he whispered to Andy.  Andy nodded, and he and Denis quietly swug around to Flynn's side of the desk.

"Sweetie, sweetheart, good news!"  Ross put an arm around Jo's shoulders.  "We had a little misunderstanding, but it's all okay now!  Now we can have hot chocolate, and get you guns!"

Jo perked up.  "Really?"

"In due time."  Flynn called up news items on his computer. "Sorry for being overly cautious, but the whispers around the Hoffman Institute aren't all good.  I mean, look here.  You were plainly involved in this weird missing kid/cult thing in Oregon last year."

"Sure," said Denis. "That was actually our team."  Behind him, Andy shuddered at the memory. Anal. Corer.  Brrrrr.

Flynn flipped through the news items. "Sherriff dired in a car accident right after.  School was closed down because of groundwater poisoning, a couple of the students died, the rest were transferred out.  With that and a slew of bad investment breaks, damn near the entire town went belly-up."  Flynn called up a cesus report and some photos.  "What few witnesses are left alive are also scattered to the four winds."

As one, the Agents turned to Denis.  He tugged at his collar. "Ahhh, seems like Sully's ..."

"... been a little busy," Ross finished.  Then: "When did you start calling her 'Sully'?"

A beat.  Andy shook his head.  "You did not hook up with the amoral homicidal Majestic-12 agent who left a trail of blood and death in her unspeakable cover-up of the truth.  Tell me you did not."

Flynn raised his hand. "Wait, MJ-12 is real --"

Denis cleared his throat. "I believe that right now, we need to stay focused on the crisis here in the fine country of Canada.  That homeless --"

"Home-ful."  Flynn passed the Bomber's vehicle registration to Andy. "Tom Norris.  I know the neighborhood the address is in.  Sweet, suburban."

" -- the unfortunate Mr. Norris was obviously transformed by some sort of malign influence.  I suggest we --"

"Vampire," Andy chimed in.

"We do not know this, and there has never been any proof of vampires --"

"I know it.  Vampire."  Andy waved over his shoulder as he wandered off.  "Bathroom break."

Denis took a deep breath.  He would not let his sanity escape.  Not when it was entirely possible he was the only one with any left.  "Let's just go to Mr. Norris' home and investigate.  Please." He turned to Flynn.  "If you agree to be our guide --"

Flynn gave Denis a thumbs up.  "Not only that, but I'll contact this biker guy I know. _ Make up the wish list for your guns._"  He smiled back at Jo as she hopped up and down, clapping, like a twelve-year-old who'd just found a puppy under her Christmas tree.


**********************************************************

Andy washed his hands in the bathroom sink.  Something moved in the mirror.  He stared -- nothing now.  He took a deep breath, closed his remaining eye.

As always, his vision remained crystal clear, despite the fact the all he was "looking" with was an empty socket under an eyepatch.  If anything, this view seemed a little _more_ finely detailed.  Crisp around the edges.  He waited for it ...

.. there.  They stepped into view, reflected in the mirror.  A sweet young redheaded mom, two adorable boys.  Just standing there in the mirror.  Staring at him.  When he opened his only remaining "real" eye, the vision disappeared.

He exited the bathroom.  As he joined the others: "Hey, any leads on this Norris guy?"

Denis nodded to Flynn, who was busy lying creatively on the phone. "I ran a background check using his computer.  Tom Norris has a wife Ann, two boys.  Jason, age eight, and Tom Jr. who's eleven."

Both Andy and Jo started to speak at the same time.  Jo let Andy continue. "Ex-wife.  Ex-kids.  Trust me.  They're dead."

Jo jerked a thumb to the car.  "Those home-made leather straps in the car set off my vision. Nothing was clear, but I caught a lot of really sick violence." A pause.  "I mean, a LOT.  Downloaded right into my head.  Never to come out."  Another pause.  Jo took another pill, this one yellow, and continued. "Yeah, I don't think they're with us anymore."

Denis hesitated.  "Fresh leather straps?"

"Mmm-hmmm."

"... you know leather's made from flesh, right?"

"Sure, why ..." Jo looked down at her hands.  They were stained with some of the fluid from the straps.  "I'm... going to lie down for a while.  Just ... think.  What's worse: if there is no God, or if there is and he hates me?"  Jo then proceeded to lie down.  ON Flynn's floor.

Ross smiled encouragingly. "You do that, honey."  Then, to the others:  "Any thoughts on how to dispose fo the Bomber's car?"

Flynn hung up the phone.  "Well, we are next to a lake."

"Is it big enough?" Ross asked.

Flynn stared.  "It's a Great ... Lake.  *Lake Ontario*.  Inland sea."  He shook his head again.  "Americans ..."

*TO BE CONTINUED*


----------



## jonrog1

Hey all.

THings have been a bit busy for the last, oh, year.  But Spyscribe over at the Halmae thread has shamed me into finishing this up.  Updates once a week until it's wrapped.  I hope some of you who dig it are still around.  I promise, the spooky nastiness starts up again next post!

www.kfmonkey.blogspot.com


----------



## spyscribe

*An update!  Egads!*

And just in the nick of time too.  *shakes head*  All of my plotting and planning for naught.  Naught!

Still, we've got the update, so it's a win-win from where I'm sitting.    

Excuse me, I have to go change the "In which: ..." on my next update now.  [size=-2](Note to self: email Piratecat and tell him "nevermind.")[/size]


----------



## The_Universe

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Awesome.


----------



## Dungannon

Of _course_ we're still around.  Junkies can't just walk away cold turkey now, can they?


----------



## Groutknoll

It ok spyscribe, just wait 1 year after jonrog1's last post and call him out again.   


Ah, poor Jo... It's great to see the new creative ways you make her suffer...


----------



## Kanegrundar

Alright!  Good to see you're back, Jonrog!!!

Kane


----------



## Dakkareth

YeeeeeeehaaaAAAAWWWW!!!


----------



## Pierce

Yes!  I love me some updates!  Great stuff.

For those of you (like me) whose memory gets a little fuzzy past a day or two, here's links to the previous two entries:

http://www.enworld.org/showpost.php?p=1288137&postcount=582

http://www.enworld.org/showpost.php?p=1429993&postcount=620

Good to see you back JonRog!


----------



## ledded

Ah, many thanks jonrog1.  I look forward to more updatey goodness of the creepy persuasion.  Between you and OldDrewId it's a wonder I don't sleep curled up around a worn teddy bear, a bottle of thorazine, and a loaded .45.


Man, all of my favorites are updating lately, even jonrog1... the stars must be aligned properly or somethin'.


----------



## AGFlynn

ledded said:
			
		

> Ah, many thanks jonrog1.  I look forward to more updatey goodness of the creepy persuasion.  Between you and OldDrewId it's a wonder I don't sleep curled up around a worn teddy bear, a bottle of thorazine, and a loaded .45.
> 
> 
> Man, all of my favorites are updating lately, even jonrog1... the stars must be aligned properly or somethin'.




Add a bottle of Old Bushmills and tinfoil undergarments to that list and you pretty much have my every night.


----------



## Terwox

Ahh, glad to see this one coming back.  Great stuff.


----------



## barsoomcore

Thanks, jonrog1. Love seeing Jo suffer.


----------



## Warrior Poet

I know yer s'posed to be careful what you wish for, and I'd like to think I am, but I wish I could write as well as you do.

Been reading from the periphery for a long time (uh, well, since you started writing this story hour), and it delivers every time.  Cheers to you and your pen, cheers to your players for making the story come alive so well.

Sometimes so well that you have to beat it back into the grated sewer hole it emerged from, drooling and slavering and dripping with ichor, and it just wants to caress you, and hold onto your brain for a while, and your REM sleep patterns turn to run and find their shoelaces tied together.

Thanks for the update.

Warrior Poet


----------



## slingbld

John, great stuff as always!
Just letting y'all know as well that I'm still copying all the story hour info into the word.doc I started when he was last posting prolifically.
Once he's completed "Dark Canada" I'll post the compiled story from begining to end right here. Just an FYI: It's currently over 65 pages long at 10 point font..... 

Slingbld~


----------



## jonrog1

bloody hell.  tell you what, when you finish, email it to me.  I'll do a quick edit.


----------



## jonrog1

*DARK CANADA
CH. 4*

First, Flynn and the Agents took a quick trip to the local lover's lane.  Like most scenic overlooks, the drop to Lake Ontario below was a bit .... precipitous.  Tom Norris' car arced cleanly out over the drop and disappeared with barely a splash into the clear, delicious Canadian waters below.

Next, the local biker bar netted the new team some firepower.  Nothing heavy, but everyone was able to get their favorite weapon-of-choice.  Jo nestled two new nine-mils between her belt and the small of her back.  Andy scored a .45, Denis his usual Baretta.  Flynn kept his Desert Eagle, and Ross was even able to score a variant on his beloved shotgun.  All this was loaded into the back of Flynn's SUV.  The team headed off for the Homeless Undead Bomber's quiet suburban neighborhood as night fell.

"Should we get, hmm, I don't know, stakes or crossbows or something?" Denis wondered on the way.

"Because of the vampires," said Andy.

"They're not vampires.  There's no proof of vampires," Denis snapped back.

"Okay, so you're asking if we should arm ourselves against more of whatever Tom Norris became -- "

" -- yes --"

" -- which was not a vampire, but instead just a supernaturally strong humanoid who can suck the life-force from someone and collapses into a pile of dust when staked through the heart."  Beat.  "But is not a vampire."

Denis checked the map.  "We're close, right?  Almost there?"


*******************************************


Flynn killed the lights, let the SUV idle up to the curb.  Street lights were few and far between here -- too "ambience unfriendly".  Norris' house was a two-story colonial with a large yard, framed on either side by almost identical houses.  There wer estretches of woodland splitting the development up.  The hum of crickets almost drowned out the occasional crackle of a neighbor's television set.  All in all, a perfectly sedate little stretch of suburban safety.

The Agents assembled in front of the SUV.  Ross tossed Flynn one of their  cell phones.  "Flip the switch, it's a walkie."

"Got it."  Flynn looked around.  "No unwanted attention yet, but I can't help but notice -- no lights on at all in the house, or out here in the yard."

"No moon either."  Denis shielded his small solid-state flashlight in his hand as he tested it.  "Going to be pitch black in there."

Andy circled the yard quickly.  "Yeah, and I'm thinking we do NOT want to turn on any lights.  What if Norris' cover story is  that they're on vacation?  Let's take advantage of this, let it shield our entry from the nieghbors."

"What's our entry point?"  Ross slid shells into his shotgun.  "Force the front door?"

"Nah, could be pretty loud."  Andy pointed to the left side of the house.  "Look, there's a one-story expansion there, looks like they built a little den onto the side of the house.  Above that, they built a crappy little storm door into the second floor, leading out ont the top of the expansion, like a deck."

"I don't like being stuck up there while you pick the lock," said Jo.

"Then don't."  Andy moved to the house.  "'l'll climb up there, break in.  Do first surveillance, come down the stairs and unlock the front door."

"What if you run into trouble?" Flynn asked.

"I'll give the usual signal."

"Which is?"

Jo finished. "It's a scream, followed by some gunshots and more screaming, then like a gurgle, and dry snapping sounds."  Andy stared at her.  "Seriously, we're going to look at a skinned family.  Lighten up."


**************************************************

Andy got on top of the faux-deck easily enough.  The lock to the storm door was no problem -- he'd had a pretty dubious past even before joining the Hoffman Institute and puttting the fine sheen on his burglary skills.

He paused at the entrance.  This door led striaght into one of the boys' bedrooms.  He guessed it was the older boy, the eleven year old.  Hockey equipment and jerseys lay strewn over the bed.  A little TV had an  older Playstation hooked to it.  Andy left the door open behind him -- the starlight from outside gave him just a little help in making out the lay of the land.  And, to tell the truth, ever since losing his eye, he saw a little ... better in the dark.   His gun in one hand, he crept forward slowly.

Although this room looked normal, he could already smell the blood.  Old blood, the rich organics gone, now just leaving that weird metal tang.  Something behind his eyepatch itched.  He reached the interior doorway.

This was the second story landing.  A big staircase led downstairs, straight to the front door.  Directly to his left was another doorway.  The kiddie license plate next to the doorframe read "Jason" -- the younger brother's room. 

Still to his left was a bathroom, at the head of the stairs, and then, opposite Jason's room, was what looked like a study.  The door was open.  He flashed his light, just once to get a sense of the room.  He could  barely see two kid-sized desks, a computer.  Encyclopedias.

Which made the room directly opposite Andy the master bedroom.  Not that he could tell for sure.  A big, king-sized mattress was propped up, blocking the doorway to the room.   A mattress positively soaked in blood ... and strips of _something_ clinging to it.  

Andy slid out the door, deked left.  He had no desire to see what was behind that mattress -- laying dead behind it, sleeping behind it, or laying in wait for him behind it -- just yet.

He stepped into Jason's room.  Froze.


*************************************

The Agents jumped when Andy's whisper crackled over their line. "Uhhh, I think I found the boys."

"Dead?" asked Denis.

"Not sure ...." Andy responded.

Back in the house, Andy kept up his commentary as he advanced.  "... they're facing away from me.  Kneeling.  In prayer. Just ... kneeling there."

He stopped just a few feet from the boys.  They were in shorts and t-shirts, on their knees, heads bowed, backs to him.  They _had_ to know he was there.

Andy stood there, silently waiting, for a good three minutes.  Which is a very long time to be standing in a house of the dead waiting to see if two kneeling children are going to turn around and face you.  Finally, he eased a hockey stick off the wall.  He reached out, poked Tom Jr. with the blade.

Tom Jr. collapsed.

He didn't faint, or fall to the floor.  The outer shell of Tom Jr. _collapsed._  The skin was an empty husk.  As it fell apart, roaches -- thousands of them -- poured from the shape of the boy.  A moment later "Jason", too, dissolved.  Andy watched as the roaches surged over the deflated skins of the boys.  The bugs carpeted the room.  Soon they surged over his shoes, up the walls.  Carefully, Andy moved from the room.  The sound of crunching roaches echoed in the silent house.

A moment later, at the front door.  Ross brought his shotgun up as the knob turned.  All the Agents relaxed as Andy let them into the house.  "What took you so long?"

"Don't go upstairs."  Denis started to argue, but Andy cut him off.  "Let's just ... search down here for now.  Upstairs is going to take a while."


************************************************


The team flipped on their penlights, quickly tackled the bottom floor of the suburban hell house.  Oddly, there was almost no sign of violence down here.  Jo and Flynn went right -- the dining room connected to a den, and also, through a small waiter's pantry, to an refurbished kitchen.  Flynn tapped the large steel fridge. "Oooo, bottom drawer freezer.  Been wanting one of those ..."

To the left (under the boys' bedrooms) Andy, Ross and Denis checked the living room and the extension -- which was actually a small library.  Andy searched under the bookshelves.  "Nothing secret here..."

"Purloined letter," Denis muttered.  "Look.  Look at what ALL the books deal with."

They started filing through the library's selection.  It was all mass-market, all attainable from  any Barnes & Noble -- but all of it, every single book, dealth with prolonging one's life.  The library seemd to evolve in purchases from left to right -- the men could trace the change from diet and fitness books, to New Age spirituality books, to  --

"Ahhhh."  Andy pulled a couple older, waterbeaten texts from the shelves.  "Matregor, Vienna 1939.  The Book of Transpirituality, Volume of the Flesh."  He winced, put them back down.  "Like 'Nasty Blood Magic 101'.  Hard to get, but we're in a major city.  Not impossible.  The contacts needed to get these, though, lead to other ... avenues.  Messier, more hard-core ones."  

Ross shook his head.  "This is the slippery slope Deepak Chopra gets you.  One day you're learning to hold in your breath chi, or whatever, so you can squeak an extra five years out of your nineties.  Next you'e bargaining with minor league evil for immortality."

Denis led them back into the living room. "I blame television.  Now let's move --"

"Wait." Andy had stopped in the room.  He nodded to Ross -- the two moved the furniture out of the way, so the large rug covering the hardwood floor was exposed.  "This ... ahh ... this is just --"

"It has an arcane aura?" asked Denis.

"No.  Ugly.  It doesn't fit the rest of the house."  Ross grabbed the edge of the rug.  Pulled.

Beneath the rug, carved directly into the floor, was a masssive SUMMONING CIRCLE.  Norris had hammered long slivers of cold iron and silver directly into his own floor in certain sections.  Scorched into the wood around the circle were SYMBOLS.  Symbols which had the distrubing tendency to change shape when you blinked.

"This ... is bad," Andy muttered.  He was their resident occult expert.

"Scale of 1 to 10?" Ross whispered back.

"Okay, say there was a race of mind-bending reality shifting Elder Gods.  And they wrote a eries of pulp novels in the thirties about _their_ Elder Gods."  Andy indicated the symbols.  "That's the language they would use."

_(DM's NOTE:  Yep.  Actual quote.  That's why he sells tv shows, kids.)_


**********************************************


In the kitchen, Flynn and Jo stared into the now-open refrigerator.  Neither spoke.  Jo squinted a bit in the bright fridge light.

"That's ..." Flynn began.

" ... a whole lot of dissected pets,"  Jo finished.  The fridge was stacked -- like cordwood -- with the various body parts of what had to be fifty or so mixed breeds of cats and dogs.  All sawn off, some skinned, some jammed together.  All minty fresh.   Jo popped two yellows and a blue pill.  Flynn silently put out his hand.  She dropped two pinks into it.  Just to take the edge off.

The team re-united in the foyer of the house.  Ross nodded grimly to Jo.  "You won't believe what we just found."

Jo shook her head.  "Sweetie, got you beat, you'll never believe what we just found."

Flynn called over from the stairs.  "Actually, I think I've got you both beat."  Everyone joined  him.  An armoire was nestled under the stairs leading to the second floor.

"It's empty," Denis shrugged.

"Who cares?"  Flynn knocked on the wall.  "Another set of stairs, under the main one."  He and Ross began to ease the armoire away.  "We still have a *basement* to check out."


----------



## ledded

um... AGFlynn, howsabout passing me that Bushmills.  And the extra tinfoil.


----------



## Safana Cain

Hurray for frequent updating!

But don't you Hollywood fellows have rules about staying away from killing pets in your stories?


----------



## carpedavid

Mmmm...jonrog-y goodness. Thanks for the imagination taffy. It's wonderful, as always.


----------



## slingbld

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> bloody hell.  tell you what, when you finish, email it to me.  I'll do a quick edit.




Will do boss....


----------



## Kanegrundar

Ok, the two kneeling kids creeped the hell out of me.  Jonrog, you have just given me nightmares for a while!  Excellent!!!

Kane


----------



## KidCthulhu

Wow.  Just wow.  Every time I think this Story Hour can't get any better, you and your players blow right through the previous record without even blinking.

I knew all those self help books were evil...


----------



## jerichothebard

I've thought about running this whole series as adventures for my group.


I don't think I could live with myself if I did.


This is teh awesome.


----------



## KainG

Awesome, simply awesome. And the cockroach-stuffed kids freaked me out too.

Keep'em coming, Jonrog!


----------



## Dungannon

I'm still curious about the strips of "something" pinned to the overturned, bloodsoaked mattress in the doorway of the master bedroom.


----------



## Paxr0mana

I'm going to go with 'skin' for 500, Alex.


----------



## AGFlynn

ledded said:
			
		

> um... AGFlynn, howsabout passing me that Bushmills.  And the extra tinfoil.



Not a chance, bud. I need it to dilute my five or six prozac and two tramadol per day "holistic wellness" cocktail.


----------



## AGFlynn

Kain Gallant said:
			
		

> Awesome, simply awesome. And the cockroach-stuffed kids freaked me out too.
> 
> Keep'em coming, Jonrog!




Bah. That's pure Disney compared to what's coming next.


----------



## Kanegrundar

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Bah. That's pure Disney compared to what's coming next.



 I just got a cold shiver run down my spine...  

Can't wait for the next update!

Kane


----------



## ledded

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Not a chance, bud. I need it to dilute my five or six prozac and two tramadol per day "holistic wellness" cocktail.




Oh fine then.  But I don't wanna hear no whinin' when I shove the last 4 thorazine into *my* little debbie snack cake.


----------



## AGFlynn

ledded said:
			
		

> Oh fine then.  But I don't wanna hear no whinin' when I shove the last 4 thorazine into *my* little debbie snack cake.



Hey, no sweat. The one thing I learned from Jo is _never_ mess with another person's meds.


----------



## KidCthulhu

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> Bah. That's pure Disney compared to what's coming next.




You mean everyone's parents are tragically dead, everyone but the hero is freakishly and cartoonisly deformed and the animals all talk to you?

Cool.


----------



## resscane

Well after reading this story hour, I went out and bought the Dark Matter campaign book, D20 MOdern and D20 Modern Menace, all off ebay or amazon,  so it wasnt too bad.  Then I went to work trying to hammer a workable system, something I've never done, and being that I'm marreid w/ 2 children and work an extremely stressful job, took a little work.  Using this story hour as a guide and my own intuition,  i got it together.   4 players have agreed to play, including the one hard to find female.  Took some convincing.  

So I live in miami, and today a rather wet storm is descending, and an old D&D friend who I bounce ideas off, told me I should make Exit 23 a liitle bit more my own.  Hmmmm.

The storm came out of nowhere,  you had been lounging om the beach in Miami, getting ready for the MTV video awards, when the hotel management was told they had to evacuate the hotel.  WT..,.  Man, you had passes to Puff Diddy's pool parties and everything.   Tara Reed was gonna be at Crowbar and so were you.  This totally sucks.  An Aunt lives in Naples,  so you decide to hop in your rental car and drive across the state to visit her.     Most people were taking Alligator Alley,  but you knew of an older road,  Tamiami Trail.  An  old 1 lane road, that conneceted Miami to Naples before the new highways were built.  The road is desolate and unkept,  but it'll be empty, and thats what you wanted..,

The rain came so hard and fast,  it was almost of biblical proportions.  You could barely see the road doing 5 miles an hour.    Well, at least there were no other cars to worry about.  Watch out,  an 18 wheeler almost blows you off the road.  He had to be doing 60.  How the hell could he see where he was driving?  You creep on, afraid to go any faster,  because you can barely see the road,  and there are no guardrails to stop you from going into the swamp here abouts.    You pass by a billboard advertising the last truckstop for the next 100 miles.    Micosoukee Village Gas Station.  3 miles to go.  Stop and fill up.  See wally the gator.  The home of the original Fan swamp boat.  

All of a sudden, the car stalls out.  Whats going on.  You open the door and water pours into the car.   The swamp has risen up and swallowed the road.   The engine is half underwater.  Crap.  You grab your cellphone and back pack and start slogging through the water towards the truck stop.  Wind and rain whip your face.  Something large splashes behind you.  What the heck was that..,


Yah, I think that'll work just fine.  Thanks for the inspiration jonrog.  ress


----------



## jonrog1

well, seeing as I have time off now, I may finally post the outline/stats (in my homebrew, but it''s idiot-easy) for night of the cattle mutilators, gone missing and dark canada.

Digging the true D20 system by the way.  I'd be finished if I could just get FX to work properly...


----------



## Angcuru

Hmmmm.....strips of.....human flesh taken from a recently flayed body?


----------



## deranged DM

Bumpity that Southern Girl goodness...


----------



## Maxwell's Demon

Jo finished. "It's a scream, followed by some gunshots and more screaming, then like a gurgle, and dry snapping sounds." Andy stared at her. "Seriously, we're going to look at a skinned family. Lighten up."

I love these people.


----------



## A'vandira Silvermane

Took some time to read through this storyhour (having to work and all) and several things I noticed along the way:
1) John, you are one sick puppy, but I love it.   
I don't have a favorite character, as I think all players and theire respective characters are awesome.
Seen the comments pointing to this SH in several places on EN World, but the calling-out by Spyscribe (I'm an avid reader of her SH as well) was the one that finally got me to come over. Should have done that way sooner.

2) Having seen all the references to "The Core" and convinced by John's writing of this SH there was nothing else to do for me but order it from Amazon right away.

3) I even get to see peple posting here that I know from the good old days of Baldur's Gate and the Back Room: "Here's to you, NiTessine, you old tea-elf."

4) Now I'm done reading this the other stories of Jonrog are next on my list of things-to-do.

5) I never saw or read about Dark*Matter before, but this really is terrific.

6) This story needs to be back on page 1.

7) Consider this to be a much-needed B U M P


----------



## DMO

You should also check out John's blog Kung Fu Monkey.  Fantastic writing on a variety of topics.  That monkey's kung fu is strong!


----------



## A'vandira Silvermane

Alright. Just finished reading Pulp Spycraft and I must say it's hilarious.
Now all I've got legt to read is Scarred Lands.

How about it John?
When can we expect to see an update.
You bad man, getting me hooked and now leaving me to wait for an update, just like the rest of the addicts out here on EN-World

Update now or I'll use True Resurrection to call back E.T. and send him after you to get himself a little snack by using that little device of his


----------



## LovelyNipper

*Yay, more inspiration*

I've been checking this forum every month or so for a while now and there is more. Me thinks there is a reason I couldn't forget about this story hour.


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## AGFlynn

LovelyNipper said:
			
		

> I've been checking this forum every month or so for a while now and there is more. Me thinks there is a reason I couldn't forget about this story hour.




That's what my therapist says.


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## Dungannon

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> That's what my therapist says.



You only have one therapist?  I had to get myself a full team, Mr. Walker, Mr. Daniels, and Mr. Beam.


----------



## Kanegrundar

Dungannon said:
			
		

> You only have one therapist?  I had to get myself a full team, Mr. Walker, Mr. Daniels, and Mr. Beam.



 I see the same guys, but I also see Dr. Cuervo twice a week as well.


----------



## Funeris

Dungannon said:
			
		

> You only have one therapist?  I had to get myself a full team, Mr. Walker, Mr. Daniels, and Mr. Beam.




I, personally, have resorted just to Mr. Daniels.  You see, I went in for a "group" session with Dr. Walker and Dr. Beam...but two of the other "group" members (a.k.a. Mr. Jagermeister and Mr. Goldschlager) wouldn't do anything but Scream about some Nazis....needless to say, it wasn't productive.  

Mr. Daniels, though, has no problems comforting my fragile sanity when it suffers withdrawal.



~Fune


----------



## A'vandira Silvermane

Mr. Daniels caused me a headache after every session, despite the fact I found him a likeable guy. His successor Mr. Jameson turned out to be a bit of a let-down and so I found comfort in the arms of Ms. Bushmill. She is smooth, tender and sweet and we get along fine. And if I am in need of a stronger approach the Legend of Bowmore is always ready to help out. Strange that we both have had the same experience with Mr. Jagermeister, Funeris. But it's nice to find out that it wasn't me, but him apparently.

Now, here's to Jonrog1 and the hope he'll update soon.

*walks out again, calling for Ms. Bushmill*


----------



## Funeris

No no, I don't think it was you so much as them.  And actually I've spoken to Mr. Jagermesiter all by himself and he seems like quite the good man.  I think there is just some sort of...rivalry between Mr. Jagermesiter and Mr. Goldschlager...and they always have to fight.

Mr. Daniels was just the first that was kind enough to see me all by my lonesome...and often enough to keep me happy.  

~Fune


----------



## AGFlynn

But, O! Dark Mistress Percocet, how I do adore thee. Though maks't thy pale peaty imitators blanch in envious despite.
How I revel in thy felty embrace and maintaineth a groovy low-impact buzz.


----------



## jonrog1

See, the percocet I got for my surgery just made me REALLY nauseous.  Luckily my lovely wife cooked up a percocet/dramamine one-two that made three whole days just ... go away.

Update soon.  Flynn, October trip's gone wonky, looks like the WB movie's a go, so I'll be back and forth to London.  Still, hoping to tack a visit onto the tail end of one of those flights.   And I am SO jonesing for M&M 2E.  When I've got my hands on that, finally converting this campaign over along with the Pulp Spycraft campaign.  Will have lots of game-building time on British Airways.  Will hit you up for some writing.


----------



## KidCthulhu

Pkitty got a copy of M&M 2e at GenCon (probably free, that boy knows how to schmooze), and he's been drooling over it for weeks.  It gets two thumbs way up (but I'm not going to speculate on up where).


----------



## jerichothebard

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> ...looks like the WB movie's a go, so I'll be back and forth to London....



OOOOOhhhh..... any spoilers?  Details?  Stuff you can't share but will anyway?


----------



## AGFlynn

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> See, the percocet I got for my surgery just made me REALLY nauseous.  Luckily my lovely wife cooked up a percocet/dramamine one-two that made three whole days just ... go away.
> 
> Update soon.  Flynn, October trip's gone wonky, looks like the WB movie's a go, so I'll be back and forth to London.  Still, hoping to tack a visit onto the tail end of one of those flights.   And I am SO jonesing for M&M 2E.  When I've got my hands on that, finally converting this campaign over along with the Pulp Spycraft campaign.  Will have lots of game-building time on British Airways.  Will hit you up for some writing.




It's all good, brother. Glad to hear about the flick.


----------



## Angcuru

Hooray for John Rogers!


----------



## carpedavid

KidCthulhu said:
			
		

> Pkitty got a copy of M&M 2e at GenCon (probably free, that boy knows how to schmooze), and he's been drooling over it for weeks.  It gets two thumbs way up (but I'm not going to speculate on up where).




While I had to pay for my copy (my boss brought it back from GenCon for me), I can confirm that it is, in fact, spiffy.


----------



## jonrog1

my offer of a _global frequency _bootleg for a fed-exed copy of M&M 2E stands.  Will gladly update here on the movie, as soon as its announced.  Based on an old 70's spy novel.  You can always check out www.kfmonkey.blogspot.com for rants and news.

Also, I'm matching donations at my site all month for Katrina relief and housing.  Come donate there, and make me pay for my ill gotten gains!


----------



## jerichothebard

jonrog1 said:
			
		

> You can always check out www.kfmonkey.blogspot.com for rants and news.




Every day!  Your Political writing is inspired; I won't say more than that here.

Thanks!


----------



## A'vandira Silvermane

Yay. John is back. Great. Now if only he has enough time to keep his promise of the soonish update this time around.

*shaking from withdrawal symptoms. Crying for Ms. Bushmill*


----------



## A'vandira Silvermane

How about an update John?

Just asking nicely. Perhaps it helps.

Otherwise this will at least serve as a bump


----------



## Zarthon

*Just a small BUMP*

Hello all,

Just bumping this thread   

Keep it coming jonrog


----------



## doswelk

*.....*

I have come to realise that Jonrog has discovered a new form of internet torture!!

It's an experiment set up by Sully's Majestic 12 bosses to see how strung out a group can get the internet when we are drip fed once or twice a year an update to this story hour!

I CANNOT TAKE IT ANY MORE ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

 

Only joking just missing this story I want to know how it ends!


----------



## Warrior Poet

I believe jonrog1 is traveling right now for work.

Warrior Poet


----------



## Sidekick

John I know you're a busy man. But as Oliver Twist said.

" Please Sir,. may I mave some more?"

or as I like to call it.....


BUMP


----------



## Peterson

It's Christmas, Jon.

Let it be a merry one.  Update.  

Peterson


----------



## frog

I think Jon is co-writing the new Blue Beetle comic. Don't bug him...I need my Beetle fix.


----------



## Maxwell's Demon

Too fun to let it pass.


----------



## Dire Lemming

This Story Hour is just too disgusting, horrible, and good to let it off the front page.


----------



## FoolishFrost

<wanders in>

Oh no you don't.  Like I'm letting this fade into obscurity.

<BUMP>

And for the record, I'm willing to wait until he has more time.  It's worth it.


----------



## LovelyNipper

*Worth Reading Again*

Well it's been six months since I checked in last. No new update but reading it again is still a pleasure. Helps me keep my game from going too soft. Or losing its humor.

Oh and *bump*.


----------



## Raylis

This is absolutly fantastic


----------



## Friadoc

Ok, I'm not gonna beg...

...nope, I'm not...

...d@mnit!

John, Mr. Rogers, ser....Please give us more, PleeeeeEEEEEase!?!

Thank you!


----------



## Groutknoll

I think we need spyscribe to call jonrog out again ....


----------



## Deekin

Nah, He is to busy doing his fancy blog -> http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/


----------



## AGFlynn

He's actually pretty busy on a couple of movies and Blue Beetle from what I remember of our last conversation. Haven't spoken in a few weeks but when I do I'll remind him of his obligations. It's been so long since this game was actually played even I can't remember what the hell happened.


----------



## Groutknoll

then its the perfect story hour ... just make thing up !


----------



## slingbld

*** Bumpity bump bump ***
Patiently waiting on more..............


----------



## AGFlynn

John is moving back to Canada (w00t) next month. I'm sure he can finish this puppy off once he clears customs. Though the gun collection may slow him down.


----------



## Dungannon

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> John is moving back to Canada (w00t) next month. I'm sure he can finish this puppy off once he clears customs. Though the gun collection may slow him down.



So, what, they finally ran him out of Hollywood?


----------



## AGFlynn

Don't tell anyone, but I think it's connected to the fact that he just buried a few hundred tons of ammonium nitrate under the San Andreas fault line.


----------



## slingbld

Good Lord I hope he resumes this storyline!!
I've been jonesin' for the finale for, what 2 years now!?!?


----------



## Draco Bahamut

I don´t even want him to finish here ... I want thiis story to turn into a Dark Matter Show so i can watch the end in high resolution


----------



## slingbld

AGFlynn said:
			
		

> John is moving back to Canada (w00t) next month. I'm sure he can finish this puppy off once he clears customs. Though the gun collection may slow him down.




Ok, so he's moved in and all.
WHEN OH WHEN WILL HE FINISH THIS!!?!?!??!?!?

Ok, I feel better. 

But seriously, AGF, let him know he has die hard fans jonesin' for this to be completed


----------



## nobodez

slingbld said:
			
		

> But seriously, AGF, let him know he has die hard fans jonesin' for this to be completed




Die Hard? wrong movie man. He wrote Transformers, not Die Hard.


----------



## slingbld

nobodez said:
			
		

> Die Hard? wrong movie man. He wrote Transformers, not Die Hard.




LOL
I wasn't referencing a movie. I was using the phrase. 
I did not know he did Transformers though....
Sweet!


----------



## JeepGuy63

This is some great stuff!

Any chance of seeing an ending?


----------



## Friadoc

Now I'll be the first to admit that I'd love to see more of ths story hour, I think that John is a smidge busy at the moment.

In fact, if you check here - http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/ - you'll see that our erstwhile stroyteller is off shooting a pilot with Dean Devlin and folks up in Chicago.

Man, that'd just be fun, ya know?

The bastich! *grins*


----------



## JeepGuy63

Great for him that he has tv/movie work - bad for us with less time for more story!


----------



## jelmore

I just spent far too much time today getting caught up on the DSGWG stories. The more John Rogers writing I can get, the happier I am.

Consider this a *BUMP* if you will.


----------



## Vayden

*You see what happens, John?*

You go and start posting about 4th edition, you get people like me clicking around and finding your story hours and the legions bitching for an update increase.


----------



## arcade

Vayden said:
			
		

> You go and start posting about 4th edition, you get people like me clicking around and finding your story hours and the legions bitching for an update increase.




Yeah, I'm in that boat, too. The work hours I just whittled away getting acquainted with one of my newest fav authors. Fantastic stuff. I will be googling everything with your name on it now.


----------



## isepik

*I need MORE!*

I was just turned onto this thread and I am absolutely HOOKED!  Thank you for the awesome story so far but I can't help hoping for the rest to be posted.  In the mean time, I'll just have to content myself with the rest of jonrog's SHs.

Also, this servers as a mini-bump since this thread was at risk of slipping to page 2.


----------



## The Axe

*Strike!  Strike!  Strike!  Strike!*

Hey, uhhh, doesn't someone have some, uhhh, free time...  I'm just sayin; if you get bored or something...


----------



## isepik

*Excellent point*



			
				The Axe said:
			
		

> Hey, uhhh, doesn't someone have some, uhhh, free time...  I'm just sayin; if you get bored or something...




You know, he did have about 3 months of free time to update us.  I wonder if didn't find another addiction.

Speaking of which, I wonder how this campaign would have run in 4e?  I'm not trying to start an issue, but I'm interested in if this would have been as tricky to get the different systems worked out if 4e rules had existed.  I guess we'll find out in about 5-6 months.


----------



## Attic Whisperer

*Dear John*

I have been reading your posts for some time... yet not for some time... I need more story john... dont you understand? Im not alone john... WE WANT MORE! 

Erm sorry... Great story Jonrog, but we are all getting a bit... well antsy...


----------



## Tamlyn

Attic Whisperer said:
			
		

> I have been reading your posts for some time... yet not for some time... I need more story john... dont you understand? Im not alone john... WE WANT MORE!
> 
> Erm sorry... Great story Jonrog, but we are all getting a bit... well antsy...




I fully agree, but I'm not hopeful. August 2005 was the last update. _sigh_


----------



## LovelyNipper

Checking back once again on one of the best story hours. Still no updates but worth reading again. If you haven't read this story hour yet you're in for a treat.


----------



## Friadoc

LovelyNipper said:


> Checking back once again on one of the best story hours. Still no updates but worth reading again. If you haven't read this story hour yet you're in for a treat.




While there are no updates here, it should be noted that the author of this story hour is one of the folks behind the hit TNT series Leverage and has a blog known as KF Monkey, if you wanna keep up on what he's doing.


----------



## Hairball

Bump.

Just because.


----------



## slingbld

I realy miss this story hour......


----------



## wolff96

slingbld said:


> I realy miss this story hour......




Yeah, I've got it bad -- a friend pointed this one out to me, despite the fact that it's been here for coming up on a decade.  

So I read the whole thing over the last week...  only to discover that it's not finished.  GAH!

And given the length of time since the last update, it's unlikely to ever *be* finished.


----------



## Kaodi

Bump. 

Because I can.

And because this Story Hour was awesome, obviously.


----------



## Ceres Tauri

bump for the epicness.

Its obvious the folks involved were Hollywood writers.  Seeing "Transformers story credits", Im not surprised.  Sad to see it all just end... but I understand about careers or something drawing y'all away.

What you did with Jo ingame and out is simply amazing!  I hope to pull that off at least once ever.

Winner of the first prize for epic Story Hour, adaptation of a game module, into a great series of quality roleplay sessions, into a first class Story Hour!  


Your Homebrew modules are both worthy of publishing.  I was just floored by "Beeee fooooddd."  #1  satirical line, ehvar!  Gave me lastingcreeps (-2 sanity points) and helped to ruin the childishness of ET and morph it into a proper modern alien horror story.  It takes a massive genius to do that with only two words.


Im inspired by this to write my own hopeful novel.  Thank you!


----------



## Knightfall

I just spent the last few days reading this story hour...

I must say it is very good, and I hope there will be a conclusion to it at some point. If not, it has still been one of the most entertaining story hours I've read here on EN World.

Cheers!

KF


----------



## Wystan

Very overdue *BUMP*?


----------



## slingbld

I miss this campaign. I looked forward to the next post so eagerly when it was being updated....
I will never get the mental image of E.T. with the anal corer out of my head!


----------



## coyote6

Gee, whatever happened to all the players & GM?


----------



## slingbld

Well, the game is now 12 years dead.
The GM is a script writer and a lot of his players were actors, writers, etc...
I think jobs got in the way of game.


----------



## slingbld

Just a wee bump for an awesome story hour!


----------



## slingbld

As promised so long ago, while the story is not complete, here is the compiled story hour of JonRog's Drunk Southern Girls with Guns!


----------



## rbingham2000

Man, is that ever a blast from the past.


----------

