# The "Favorite Simpsons Quotes" thread.



## Dark Jezter (Dec 8, 2003)

Over nearly the last decade and a half, the Simpsons have become a major part of our culture.  From "D'oh" being added to the dictionary, to being able to mention "pulling a Homer" and having everyone know what you are talking about.  So, I started up this thread for ENWorld Simpson fans to contribute their favorite quotes from this classic sitcom. 

I'll start: 

*Homer:* "We played Dungeons & Dragons for three hours.  Then I was slain by an elf." 

*Comic Book Guy:* "Last night's Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured I was on the internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world."
*Bart:* "Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain?"
*Comic Book Guy:*  "As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me."
*Bart:* "What? They've given you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? I mean, if anything, you owe them."
*Comic Book Guy:*  "Worst episode ever."

*Comic Book Guy:* _*reading comic book while walking down street* _ "But Aquaman, you can't marry a woman without gills; you're from two different worlds."
_*looks up and sees missile heading right for him*_
*Comic Book Guy:* "Oh, I've wasted my life."

*Homer:* _*explaining classic Rock & Roll to his children*_ "...Now, Grand Funk Railroad paved the way for Jefferson Airplane, which cleared the way for Jefferson Starship. The stage was now set for the Alan Parsons Project, which I believe was some sort of hovercraft..."

_*Homer wrecks his car and is trying to explain how it happened to an Insurance Agent.*_
*Insurance Guy:* Now, before I give you the check, one more question.  This place "Moe's'' you left just before the accident.  This is a business of some kind?
*Homer Brain:* "Don't tell him you were at a bar!  Awww... but what other buisinesses are open at night?"
*Homer:* "Uhhh... I was at a pornography store, I was buying pornography."
*Homer's Brain:* "Heh heh...  I would've never thought of that!"


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## Tsyr (Dec 8, 2003)

Abe: The metric system the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hodshead, and that's the way I likes it!


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## Piratecat (Dec 8, 2003)

"You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball sack."

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."


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## Maerdwyn (Dec 8, 2003)

Homer: Why do you mock me, o Lord? 
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there. (she scrapes it down with a broom) 
Homer: Oh, Lord, I know I should not eat Thee, but...mmm...sacrilicious.


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## Ankh-Morpork Guard (Dec 8, 2003)

Maerdwyn said:
			
		

> Homer: Why do you mock me, o Lord?
> Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there. (she scrapes it down with a broom)
> Homer: Oh, Lord, I know I should not eat Thee, but...mmm...sacrilicious.




That.Is.Great.

"I bent my Wookie!"


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## Mark (Dec 8, 2003)

"They have the Internet on computers, now?"


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## Psychotic Dreamer (Dec 8, 2003)

I'm not sure if I have these quotes right, but:

"I think my bed wet me."
"Tastes like burning."
"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"
"That's where I saw the leprechaun! He told me to burn things."
"Hi Principal Skinner! Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!"

You know I'm noticing a theme in the quotes I like.  There are so many.  This is one of my favorites from Homer:

"I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!"


*Anthony Kiedis*: You told our agent this place holds 30,000 people!
*Moe*: It does. We had 30,000 here last night. Now play! The audience is getting restless!
*Barney*: [flicking a lighter] We want chilly-willy! We want chilly-willy!


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## Storminator (Dec 9, 2003)

Tsyr said:
			
		

> Abe: The metric system the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hodshead, and that's the way I likes it!




Mr Burns: "Damn these metric booby traps!"

Stonecutter song: "Who keeps the metric system down? We do!"

PS


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## Tarrasque Wrangler (Dec 9, 2003)

*Homer (atop pile of sugar):  *In America, first you get the sugar.  Then you get the power.  Then you get the women.


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## EricNoah (Dec 9, 2003)

Wiggum: "Where's your messiah now, Flanders?"

--------

Burns at a ballet:  "Far too much dancing, not nearly enough prancing!"

-------

Homer, defending his crazy "sugar scheme":  'Never, Marge! Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odor. Oh, I'll never be the darling of the so called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"'


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## Villano (Dec 9, 2003)

*Homer:*  Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Well, except this guy. 

*Bart:*  This sucks!
*Marge:*  Bart!  Where did you learn such language?!
*Homer* (on the telephone):  Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked a suck! 

*Homer:*  You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, "Homer, you're a big disappointment", and God bless her soul, she was really onto something.

*Homer:*  They have the Internet on computers, now?

*Homer* (helping Bart break off a fictional date he set for his teacher):  Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.

*Homer:*  Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

*Homer:*  Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such. 

*Homer:*  Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. 

*Homer:*  I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.   

*Homer:*  English - Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

*Homer:*  What now on the what what?

*Lenny* (after being hit in the eye with pudding):  My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it! 

*Krabappel:* Embiggens? I'd never heard of that word until I moved to Springfield. 
*Hoover:* I don't know why, its a perfectly cromulent word.

*Cop:* Did you hold a grudge against Mr. Burns?  
*Moe:* No. *bzzz*  All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. *ding *
*Cop:* Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go. 
*Moe:* Good, 'cuz I got a hot date tonight. *bzzz* A date. *bzzz* Dinner with friends. *bzzz*   Dinner alone. *bzzz* Watching TV alone. *bzzz* ALL RIGHT! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalogue. *bzzz* (hangs head in shame) Sears catalogue. *ding*  Now would you unhook this already, please?!  I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment. *bzzz*

*Mulder:* Look at this Scully --  there's been another U.F.O. sighting in the heartland of America. We have to get there right away. 
*Scully:* Well, gee, Mulder, there's also this shipment of illegal drugs and weapons coming into New Jersey tonight. 
*Mulder:* I _hardly_ think the F.B.I. is concerned with matters like that.

*Lisa:* Wait! Doesn't the Bible say, "Judge not, lest ye be judged"?
*Wiggum:* The Bible says a lot of things. 

*Bart* (crank calling Moe):  Is Homer there?  Last name "Sexual"?

*Bart:*  Dad, why did you bring me to a gay steel mill?
*Homer* (sobbing):  I don't know!


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## mojo1701 (Dec 9, 2003)

Okay, I got a lot, but I'm too tired to write them all. I'll try it tomorrow:

*The BeSharps*: (_Singing_) For the latest medical poop, call surgeon general C. Everett Coop. Poo poo pa doop.

*Apu:* this is worse than your song about Mr. T

*Homer:* I pity the fool that doesn't like...

He.


I love Mr. T. He really does pity the fool. And so do I!


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## ConnorSB (Dec 9, 2003)

When homer's jaw is broken, he and marge go to Mr. Burns' party.

Burns: So, how do you like the evening
Homer writes on his little chalkboard "SO HUNGRY"
Burns Why yes, the music IS from south hungary. Here, have some money.


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## Datt (Dec 9, 2003)

*Former President Carter:* _(After tripping)_ D'oh!

*Grandpa*: Dear Mr. President, there are too many states these days. Please eliminate three. Sincerely, Abe Simpson. PS: I am not a crackpot


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## Taren Seeker (Dec 9, 2003)

A friend of mine used this one me the other day. In the middle of an email analyzing powergaming 2e he inserted this gem:

" And I had an onion on my belt.. which was
the style at the time, of course it was a green onion since the war was
on,  and nickels were made of wood and everyone called em bees, because
there was a picture of a bee on them.. 'give me five bees for a quarter'
you'd say..."

--Grandpa Simpson


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## mmu1 (Dec 9, 2003)

Homer (taking a test): "Ok, brain, I don't like you, and you don't like me, so let's just do this, and I can go back to killing you with beer."
Brain: It's a deal!

Homer: "Drunken hicks of the jury..."

Lisa: "You don't have to eat meat! I made enough Gazpacho for everyone!"
Barbeque guest: "What's Gazpacho?"
Lisa: "It's tomato soup, served ice cold!"
Moe: "Go back to Russia, little girl!"


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## fba827 (Dec 9, 2003)

*Homer* No body cuddles with Max Powers, you just strap yourself on (pelvic thrusts) and feel the cheese.



(something like that  )


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## Heretic Apostate (Dec 9, 2003)

*



			Former President Carter:
		
Click to expand...


*


> _(After tripping)_D'oh!





Are you sure it wasn't Gerald Ford?  He's the clumsy one.


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## Eternalknight (Dec 9, 2003)

*Homer:  *I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!

*Homer:  *I know, I'll make myself Vice President. No wait!  _Junior _Vice President.


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## Byrons_Ghost (Dec 9, 2003)

Ah, so many good quotes. I'll just stick with something I've seen recently...

(Fat Tony and his gang are hanging around in the Simpson's yard. Tony does a Godfather routine for the guys, where he puts an orange peel in his mouth and growls at them).

Mobster: That's great! I could wack my own mother after seeing that!
Fat Tony: Actually, I'm glad you brought that up...
Mobster: You want me to wack mom? But she makes such great sauce!
Fat Tony: It comes from a can.
Mobster: That's it- she's a corpse!


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## Tauric (Dec 9, 2003)

My wife put this one on ours screensaver:  "in this house we butter our bacon", which is followed by "bacon up that sausage, boy!"

Lisa to Homer, about what she does to cope with being ostracized for being smart:  tai chi and chai tea.

My absolute favorite is from a recent episode:

"Son, sometimes a man has to endanger his marriage for reasons even he doesn't understand."


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## Alzrius (Dec 9, 2003)

*Flanders* sings to his two kids (to the tune of "She'll be coming' around the mountain") inside their panic room to allay their fears after he hits the silent alarm:

"We'll be safe inside our fortress when they come.
We'll be safe inside our fortress when they come.
Unless they have a blowtorch or a poison gas-injector
We'll be safe inside our fortress when they come."

*Otto*'s last words to the school kids as he's washed out to sea: "Zepplin rules!"

*Homer* refers to a yuppie executive he just met: "He's got a company that makes computers...or a computer that makes companies."

*Frank Grimes* chews out Homer, and *Bart* comments: "In any, ANY other country in the world, you would have starved to death long ago!" "He's got you there Dad."

*Duffman* waters his front lawn: "That brown patch needs some H-2-O! Oh yeah!"

*Some little girl* complains to *Moe* about his family restaurant, and he responds: "Unky Moe, my sody is too cold, my teef hurt." "Aw, yer teef hurt? Well, that's too freakin' bad! And I'll tell ya what ya can do with yer freakin' sody!"

*Mr. Burns* and *Smithers* discuss a rock that just hurtled through Mr. Burns's office window: "Why look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost it's sense of direction." "I think its a rock sir." "We'll see what the lab has to say about this."

*Homer* sings his version of the Flintstones theme while driving home from work:
"Simpson! Homer Simpson!
He's the greatest guy in history!
In the, town of Springfield,
He's about to hit a chesnut tree!"

*Lenny*, *Carl*, and *some other guy* discuss their journey to Ape Island:
"Hey, I heard we're heading to Ape Island."
"What for?"
"To capture a giant ape. Boy I sure wish we were headed to Candy Apple Island."
"Candy Apple Island? What do they have there?"
"Apes, only not so big."

*Flanders* makes his displeasure known to members of the Movementarian cult who enter his home: "As guests I'm obliged to offer you a beer, but right now I'm so angry that it's going to be mostly head!"

*Otto* and *Barney* discuss their lifestyle arrangements after having been married by the Leader of the Movementarians: "Now remember, we agreed: _I'm_ the man." "You're the man!"

*Bart* informs *Lisa* of what he's done with her science log about her experiment to see if he is smarter than a hamster: "I've hidden it. You'll only find it by following a series of clues I've laid out, each one more devious than the-" "Found it!"


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## drakeblackblade (Dec 9, 2003)

[
*Bart:*  This sucks!
*Marge:*  Bart!  Where did you learn such language?!
*Homer* (on the telephone):  Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked a suck! 

*Homer* (on the telephone): Uh oh, can't talk now, my damn weiner kids are listening.
*Lisa:* We're not weiners.
*Homer* (indicating their school uniforms): Well, then why are you dressed like that?
*Lisa:* They made us.
*Homer*: Ooohhh, they made us.  That's loser talk.  You've gotta be winners, like my bowling team.



Let's see, what else can I scrounge outta the ol' brain box...

*Homer:* Stealing?  How could you!?  We live in a society of laws.  Haven't you been listening to the guy who gives those sermons at church?  Captain what's his name...  And why do you think I took you to all those police academy movies?  For fun!?  I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?  Well, there was that one guy who made those sound effects with his voice...  (pshoo, brrrrwooo, wee oo, wee oo...)  Now, where was I?   Oh yeah, stay outta my booze!



Mr. Chris


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## johnsemlak (Dec 9, 2003)

Ah the memories...

Homer: The two sweetest words in the English language--DEfault!!

Homer (to bart in a golf tourney): Rememvber the words of Vincent Lombardi--"If you loose, your out of the family."

Superintendant: We're dropping the geography requirement.  The results were getting embarressing.
Skinner: "Back to the three Rs!
Superintendant: Two come next November.


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## Tsyr (Dec 9, 2003)

Abe: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, pig, an idiot, a communist but he is not a porn star!

Homer: "If anyone asks, Marge, you need 24 hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie's seven people and Bart was wounded in Vietnam."

Smithers: "Sir, I'm afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre."
Mr.Burns: "I ought to club them and eat their bones!" 

Lisa: "Dad, we did something very bad!"
Homer: "Did you wreck the car?"
Bart: "No."
Homer: "Did you raise the dead?"
Lisa: "Yes."
Homer: "But the car's okay?"
Bart and Lisa: "Uh-huh."
Homer: "All right then."

Wiggum: What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?

Moe: You go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what? So some pimply little puke can treat you like dirt because you're not on the team. Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff...

Kent: Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over- 'conquered' if you will- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthman or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.


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## Sirius_Black (Dec 9, 2003)

I'm probably not getting the quote exactly right, but fans will remember the moment:

Homer on teachers about to strike:

"Lisa, that's not right. If you don't like your job, you don't go on strike. You do what every other American does.  You do it half-assed."

**
My world and welcome to it with many of the co-workers I've had.


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## Qlippoth (Dec 9, 2003)

Homer: "Mmmmmmm. Floorpie!"

Homer:"You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try."

Homer: "Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please ask her to pass me the syrup?"
Marge: (sighs) "Please pass your father the syrup, Lisa."
Lisa: "Bart, tell Dad I'll only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat products."
Bart: "You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup, Home boy?"
Homer: "Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning."
Marge: "Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart."
Homer: "Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out."
Marge: "Homer, you're not *not* talking to me, and secondly, I heard what you said."
Homer: "Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case."
Bart: "Uh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to."
Homer: "Bart! Go to your room!"


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## Villano (Dec 9, 2003)

How could I have forgotten this?:

*Grandpa* (leaving the house):  I'm going to the outhouse.
*Lisa:*  Dad, we don't have an outhouse.
*Homer:*  My toolshed!

From the Halloween parody of Nightmare on Elm Street:

*Lisa:*  If we fall asleep, we may never wake up again. 
*Grandpa:*  Welcome to my world!


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## Particle_Man (Dec 9, 2003)

Homer at an ice-cream store:

"Mmmm...Chocolate.  Oooooh...Double Chocolate.  <gasp>  Triple Chocolate!"

From the "Monkey's Paw" Halloween episode:

Lisa: "I wish for World Peace."
Homer: "Lisa that was a very selfish wish!"

And I wish I could remember the Homer rant to Mr. Burns about Dogs and bees, and bees coming out of the dogs' mouths when they barked...

Principle Skinner: "Bart, for this infringement we shall punish you by forcing you to do menial janitorial work."
Willie: "For pity's sake sir, I'm standing right here!"

Homer (rooting behind the couch for a peanut) (groans): "Oh, twenty dollars"  
Homer's Brain: "Wait, twenty dollars can get you many peanuts."
Homer: "Tell me how!"
Homer's Brain: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services."
Homer: "Woo-hoo!"


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## Caliber (Dec 9, 2003)

Otto: "Man what have I been smoking? Oh yeah! Pot!"

Otto: "Dude, they call 'em fingers but have you ever seen 'em fing? Oh there they go"

On one Halloween Episode Homer's horoscope said he'd die and as he is driving down the street a pickaxe falls off of the truck in front of him and hits him in the head. 

"Stupid flooropope."


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## Villano (Dec 9, 2003)

Caliber said:
			
		

> On one Halloween Episode Homer's horoscope said he'd die and as he is driving down the street a pickaxe falls off of the truck in front of him and hits him in the head.
> 
> "Stupid flooropope."




That episode has a couple of good ones:

*Homer:*  Oooh, my horoscope.  (reading) "Taurus:	Today you will die."
*Marge:*  What?!!
*Homer:*  "... and you may get a compliment from an attractive co-worker!"...Lenny?
*Lisa:*  It really says "die"?  That's unusually specific for a horoscope.
*Marge*  (takes paper):  Maybe I better check mine.  (reading) "Today your husband will die."


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## Kesh (Dec 9, 2003)

*Groundskeeper Willie*: (during a Halloween episode) "Don't worry lad, I'll save ye!
(gets an axe in the back from another character, and dies for the third time this episode while trying to save Bart)
"Och, I'm bad at this!"


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## der_kluge (Dec 9, 2003)

From the Harry Potter spoof -

_Bart conjures up something resembling a Bullywug, that constantly vomits_
*Bullywug*: Every moment I live is torture.

I like Ralph's comment that PC mentions above -
*Ralph*: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

The episode where the kids get taken by social services.

*Marge*: We're gone for a few hours only to come back to find that they have been taken by social services?!
*Abe*: B1tch, B1tch, B1tch!


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 9, 2003)

_*Lisa approaches Comic Book Guy (who is wearing a viking helmet and a shirt that says Dungeon Master) on bus*_
*Lisa:*  "Can I sit next to you?"
*Comic Book Guy:*  "You may sit next to me if you can answer these questions three.  Question the first..."
*Lisa:* Never mind.

_*Homer is pretending to be somebody else to get Barney to take his snowplow to a mountain top*_
*Homer:*  "There's a ten thousand dollar bill in it for you."
*Barney:* "Oh yeah?  Which president is on it?"
*Homer:* "Uhh... all of them.  They're having a party.  Jimmy Carter is passed out on the couch."

*Kent Brockman:* I, for one, welcome our new alien overlords.

_*Human race has been enslaved by alien overlords*_
*Marge:* "I don't know why we have to build a death ray to shoot at a planet I've never even heard of."
*Homer:* "Don't blame me; I voted for Kodos."


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## Alzrius (Dec 10, 2003)

*An amendment* and *some kid* speak and sing on a cartoon that tries to make learning fun, replacing Itcy & Scratchy:

"Hey, who left all this garbage on the steps of Congress?"
"I'm not garbage:
I'm an amendment to be
Yes an amendment to be
And I'm hoping that they'll ratify me!
There's a lot of flag-burners
Who have got too much freedom
And I wanna make it legal
For policement to beat 'em
Cause there's limits to our liberty!
At least I hope and pray that there are
Cause those liberal freaks go too far!"
"But why can't we just make a law against flag-burning?"
"Because that law would be unconstitutional, but if we change the Constitution-"
"Then we could make all sorts of crazy laws!"
"Now you're talking!"
"But what if people say you're not good enough to be in the Constitution?"
"Then I'll crush all opposition to me
And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay
If he fights back
I'll say that he's gaaay!"


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## Tallok (Dec 10, 2003)

what about "can't sleep. clowns will eat me" that's always a fun one, but there are too many to remember me favorites


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## BrooklynKnight (Dec 10, 2003)

fba827 said:
			
		

> *Homer* No body cuddles with Max Powers, you just strap yourself on (pelvic thrusts) and feel the cheese.
> 
> 
> 
> (something like that  )




Gees!

As in G's
as in Gravity!

OY!


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 10, 2003)

One that crops up regularly in our gaming sessions comes from the following exchange...

PR WOMAN: "Because we care about mother earth, all our newspapers contain a percentage of recycled paper."
LISA: "What percent?"
PR WOMAN: "Zero."
(Lisa gives her a nasty look.)
PR WOMAN: "Zero's a percent!"

So, when someone asks "Would I be able to jump off the wall, lasso the dragon in midair, and swing up onto its back?", the answer is invariably "Well... there's a _percentage_ chance..."

-Hyp.


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## Datt (Dec 10, 2003)

Another one of my favs:

Hotel Guy/Resturant Guy/lots of others: YES? YES. YES!


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## Tauric (Dec 10, 2003)

I just remembered some more of my favorites, both my Groundskeeper Willy:

"Shut up, ya bunch of cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!"

"Oh, ya talk like a poet, but ya punch like one too!"


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## A2Z (Dec 10, 2003)

_I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there superman, please save me._
-Homer


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## Pseudonym (Dec 10, 2003)

Dark Jezter said:
			
		

> *Homer:* "We played Dungeons & Dragons for three hours. Then I was slain by an elf."



That was my signature here for a little over a year.  I still use it on the Kalamar boards.


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## mojo1701 (Dec 11, 2003)

Homer: "Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!"

Homer: "You're right, Marge. Just like the time I could have met Mr. T at the mall. The entire day, I kept saying, 'I'll go a little later, I'll go a little later...' And when I got there, they told me he just left. And when I asked the mall guy if he'll ever come back again, he said he didn't know. Well, I'm never going to let something like that happen again!"

On the sign in front of the church:

There's something about the Virgin Mary

You have a f iend in God
Also: the Be Sharps

Private Wedding, Please worship elsewhere 

God welcomes his victims 

No synagogue parking 

Today's Topic: He Knows What You Did Last Summer 

No Outside Eucharist 

God: The Original Tony Soprano

My favourite one of all is when they show Mr. Burns in his office, and a riff of the Imperial March from ESB plays. I love Star Wars references (and Mr. T ones. Heh heh, he really does pity the fool!)


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## mmu1 (Dec 11, 2003)

Abe: (sending a young Homer to school): "Boy, you're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a stranger offers you a ride, I say you take it!"


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## Alzrius (Dec 11, 2003)

On the *community center bulletin*: "Tonight: Seniors' Dance. Tomorrow: Cat Spay-a-thon"

*Marge's mother* says to *Mr. Burns* after dancing with him: "Oh Monty, you are the Devil himself!" "Y-, who told you?!"


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## Steve Jung (Dec 11, 2003)

Two of my favorites

Mr. Burns: Welcome, come in. Ah, fresh victims for my evergrowing army of the undead.
Smithers: Sir, you have to let go of the button.
Mr. Burns: Well, son of a bi…


Mr. Burns: Hmm. Who's that goat-legged fellow. I like the cut of his jib.
Smithers: Uh. Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your 11 o'clock.


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 11, 2003)

*Lisa:*  I'm not a state, I'm a monster! _*starts crying*_
*Homer:* No, Lisa.  The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother.  I call him Gamblor, and we must save her from his neon claws!

*Bart:* Oh, me and Santa's Little Helper used to be best friends before his b!tch moved in.
*Marge:* Bart!
*Bart:*  But that's what it means!  I looked it up in the dictionary.
*Marge:*  Well, I'm going to write to that dictionary.  Sounds like a mistake to me.

*Drunk Mr. Rogers:*  What do you mean I can't take off my sweater?  I'm HOT!!!

*Hank Scorpio:* Homer, what's your least-favorite country?  Italy or France?
*Homer:* France.
*Hank Scorpio:* Heh!  Nobody ever says Italy.

*Troy McLure:* _*Singing*_  I hate every ape I see
From chimpan-A to chimpan-Z
No, you'll never make a monkey out of me

Oh my God, I was wrong
It was Earth all along

You've finally made a monkey
*Apes:* Yes, we've finally made a monkey
*Troy:* Yes, you've finally made a monkey out of me
*Apes:* Yes, we've finally made a monkey out of you

*Troy:* I love you, Dr. Zaius!


Yes, the Planet of the Apes musical has to be one of the most classic Simpsons moments ever.


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## Caliber (Dec 11, 2003)

I loved the episode with Hank Scorpio. 

Hank: When you go home Homer, there'll be another floor on your house.

Or speaking of Troy ...

Troy: Gay! I'd kill to be gay!


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## Eternalknight (Dec 11, 2003)

*Homer*:  Lisa, everyone knows vampires are make believe, just like elves, gremlins and eskimos.


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## ssampier (Dec 11, 2003)

Who could forget?

Bart: You killed zombie Flanders!

Homer: He was a zombie?


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## TracerBullet42 (Dec 11, 2003)

Dark Jezter said:
			
		

> *Lisa:*  I'm not a state, I'm a monster! _*starts crying*_
> *Homer:* No, Lisa.  The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother.  I call him Gamblor, and we must save her from his neon claws!




I've always wanted to stat out "Gamblor" and have him be a BBEG...


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 11, 2003)

TracerBullet42 said:
			
		

> I've always wanted to stat out "Gamblor" and have him be a BBEG...




Kamikaze Midget was looking for a BBEG to represent "Greed" in this thread...

-Hyp.


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## TracerBullet42 (Dec 11, 2003)

Hypersmurf said:
			
		

> Kamikaze Midget was looking for a BBEG to represent "Greed" in this thread...
> 
> -Hyp.




That's just crazy enough to work.  I think he/she should go for it.  Although there is very little to base it on, other than some neon claw attacks...


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## mojo1701 (Dec 11, 2003)

Eternalknight said:
			
		

> *Homer*:  Lisa, everyone knows vampires are make believe, just like elves, gremlins and eskimos.




Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire. Beer kills brain cells.


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## MarauderX (Dec 11, 2003)

[see sig]

Also love the Clockwork Orange and other Stanley Kubrick references.


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## Lady Mer (Dec 12, 2003)

What, no Sideshow Bob quotes yet? He's one of my favorites!

Parole Board lady: "What about that tatoo on your chest, doesn't it say 'Die Bart, die'?"
Bob: "No, that's German for, 'The Bart, the.'"
Parole Board lady: "Oh! No one who speaks German could be an evil man!"

Bart: "You have such a beautiful voice. Would you sing the entire score to the HMS Pinafore?"
Bob: 'Very well Bart. I shall send you to Heaven before I send you to Hell!"

Bob: "Darn it Bob, there were plenty of brand-new bombs, but no, you had to go for that retro 50's charm."

Bob: "Rakes. My old archnemisis."
Bart: "I thought I was your archnemisis."
Bob: "I have a life outside of you, Bart."

Bob: "You do know I used to have a…problem with…trying to kill people."
Cecil: "Goodness, I had no idea! For you see, I have been on Mars for the last decade, in a cave, with my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears."
Bob: "Touché, Cecil."

Bob "The truth? You can't handle the truth. No truth-handler, you! Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities!"


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## Barendd Nobeard (Dec 12, 2003)

"That's my retirement grease!" - Groundskeeper Willie

Grandpa Simpson walks into the Social Security Office:  "I'm old. Gimme, gimme, gimme!!"

Grandpa Simpson on Social Security:  "I didn't earn it; I don't need it, but if they miss one payement I'll raise hell!" 

There are many sound files here.


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## Villano (Dec 12, 2003)

Forgot this one from the Halloween episode where Homer was abducted by aliens:

*Homer:*  Please don't kill me!  I have a wife and kids!  Go kill them!


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## garyh (Dec 12, 2003)

TracerBullet42 said:
			
		

> I've always wanted to stat out "Gamblor" and have him be a BBEG...




Ya know, maybe we could use Gamblor as a deity over in Living Enworld.


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## garyh (Dec 12, 2003)

EDIT:  I've been caught by the neon claws of Lagor, king of double-posting!


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## Sirius_Black (Dec 12, 2003)

Lisa:  "Grandpa! Didn't you wonder if something was wrong when you kept getting a check in the mail for no reason?"

Grandpa: "No. I figured the Democrats were just in charge again."


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## JohnBrown (Dec 13, 2003)

I hope I remember this correctly:

“Here’s to Beer.  The cause of, and the solution to, all of the world’s problems!”


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 13, 2003)

*Homeless Man:* Got any spare change, man?
*Abe Simpson:* Yeah, and you ain't getting it!  Everyone wants something for nothing these days.
_*Abe and Jasper enter the Social Security office*_
*Abe Simpson:*  I'm old!  Gimme gimmie gimmie!


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## mojo1701 (Dec 13, 2003)

Roger Meyers Jr.: You're a writer?
Abe: I want my cheque. Gimme gimme gimme!
Meyers: Ha ha! You're a writer, all right!


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## Urbanmech (Dec 13, 2003)

Ralph: Ms. Hoover, I swallowed my worm.  Can I have another?
Ms. Hoover: No Ralph just go to sleep while the other children are learning.
Ralph: Sleep!  That's where I'm a Viking!

Ralph: I dress myself! (while wearing pajamas upsidedown and backwards)

Ralph: I'm happy and angry!

Ralph: I'm Idaho (while dressed in a potato sack)

Ralph: Me fail English?  Thats unpossible!

Ralph: I saw Principle Skinner and Ms. Kerbople in the closet and they were making babies, and one of them looked at me!


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 14, 2003)

*Ralph:* Hi Principal Skinner! Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!

*Homer:* _*swearing an oath*_ ...And if I betray the secret of the Stonecutters, may my stomach swell and my head be plucked of all but three hairs.
*Moe:*  Uh... I think he should have to take a different oath.
*Number One:* Everyone takes the same oath!

*Homer:* These people looked deep within my soul and assigned me a number based on the order in which I joined.

*Homer:*  Hmmm... I _could_ help people. I'll get a bunch of monkeys, dress them up, and make them reenact the civil war!
*Lisa:* Dad, that won't help anyone!
*Homer:* Couldn't hurt... unless the monkeys started hurting people, which they almost certainly would.

*The Stonecutter's Song:*

_Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do!  We do!

Who takes Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the martians under wraps?
We do!  We do!

Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
We do!  We do!

Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do!  We doooooo!_​


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## Qlippoth (Dec 15, 2003)

*Ah, Ralph*

All the Ralph Wiggum quotes triggered another one...

Ralph:"Um, Miss Hoover? There's a dog in the vent."
Miss Hoover: "Ralph, remember the time you said you saw Snagglepuss outside?"
Ralph:"He was going to the bathroom."


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## Elemental (Dec 16, 2003)

Photographer Lady: "Do you have any issues with nudity?"
Homer: "Well, I don't, but the block association does! Seems they wanted a _traditional_ Santa Claus!"

Flanders: "I did all the stuff the Bible says, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! I've even kept kosher, just to be on the safe side."

Otto (listening to music on headphones in store): "Man, all these bands are just ripping off Judas Priest!" (takes headphones off, showing original headphones underneath, playing music)

Homer: "Turn that noise down, I can't hear myself think!"
(noise is turned down)
Homer's Brain: "I want some nuts."
Homer: "Okay."

Announcer (about a baseball player): "He's pointing up at the stadium....probably at a little boy who's dying."
Bart: "Mum, am I dying?"
Marge: "No."
Lisa: "Is he, Mum? You can tell me."

Hans Moleman: "Oh no....my brains."

Lisa: "What do you need all those papers for?"
Wiggum: "Well, we're house-breaking a new ploice dog....and it probably wouldn't hurt Ralphie to brush up on the fundamentals."
Ralph: "Daddy says I'm this close to living in the yard."

(Can't recall who said this.): "Dude! You're kissing a girl! That is so gay!"

Bart: "It's just one of those things they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson."


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## Alzrius (Dec 16, 2003)

Elemental said:
			
		

> (Can't recall who said this.): "Dude! You're kissing a girl! That is so gay!"




That was *Jimbo*, talking to Nelson and Lisa after seeing them kiss.


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## Particle_Man (Dec 16, 2003)

For a friend of mine (a schoolteacher):

When Bart is on some drug and running a tank towards his elementary school.  Mrs. Crabapple, in a monotone, verrrrrrrry unmotivated voice, says: "Oh. No. The children."

That one made us laugh, but maybe you have to see it, because it is the way it is said that makes it so funny.


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## Steve Jung (Dec 16, 2003)

Then there's the softball episode:

Sung to the music of "Talkin' Baseball."

Well, Mr. Burns had done it.
The power plant had won it.
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while.
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile.
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile.

We're talkin'… Softball.
From Maine to San Diego.
Talking'… Softball.
Mattingly and Canseco.

Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer… Ozzie, and the Straw.

Repeat second and third verses twice.


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## Hypersmurf (Dec 16, 2003)

Steve Jung said:
			
		

> Then there's the softball episode...




Heh!

"Hey, you're Darryl Strawberry!"
_"Yes."_
"You play left field."
_"Yes."_
"I play left field too."
_"So?"_
"Are you better than me?"
_"Well, I never met you, but... yes."_

-Hyp.


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 16, 2003)

Speaking of the softball episode...

*Barney:* ...And I say that England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
*Wade Boggs:*  Pitt the Elder!
*Barney:* Lord Palmerston!
*Wade Boggs:* Pitt the Elder!
*Barney:* Okay, you asked for it! _*punches out Wade Boggs*_
*Moe:* Yeah, that's showing him, Barney.  _*scoffing*_ Pitt the Elder...
*Barney:* Lord Palmerston!  _*punches out Moe*_


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## Dirigible (Dec 16, 2003)

*Hank Scorpio*: You want some sugar? Here ya go. (empties handfuls of unbagged sugar from his pockets). Want some cream?
*Homer*: Ye.....no.

*Hank Scorpio*: Hey, Homer? If you could kill someone on the way out, that'd really help me.


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## pezagent (Dec 16, 2003)

Oh man, some of these really make me laugh... my favorites already mentioned are definately the Planet of the Apes musical and "Pain? Why was I programmed to feel pain?" always crack me up...

Here are some great ones that always stick with me for some reason:

*"No, let her speak, I'm trying to get fired."* -- producer to engineer when Lisa gets on television to talk about "her brain."
-------
*Belle:* Do you realize you're wearing a grocery bag?
*Homer:* I have misplaced my pants.
-------
*"I call the big one 'Bitey'."* -- Homer discussing a family of possums that live in the monorail. 
-------
*Jimmy:* Mr. McClure? I have a crazy friend who says it's wrong to eat meat. Is he crazy? 
*Troy:* No, just ignorant. You see, your crazy friend never heard of the _food chain._
_Film shows diagram of all animals with arrows directing them into a person's mouth._
-------
*Mmm... 64 slices of American cheese.* -- Homer sitting down to an all-night binge as Mr. Burns and Smithers try to get Bobo back.

*Marge:* Have you been up all night eating cheese again?
*Homer:* _(full)_ I think I'm blind...
-------
*"Dental plan..."* -- Lenny's echoing voice as Homer contemplates what to do with the union funds
-------
*Burns:* What country is that over there, it just screams capitalism.
*Smithers:* That's Cuba sir.

*Burns:* Okay, land the plane Smithers.
*Smithers:* Sir, you're flying the plane.
*Burns:* Excellent.
---------
*"Godspeed, little doodle."* -- Ned Flanders to the cheese doodle used as bait in the liferaft.
-------
*"Buenos ding-dong-diddly-dias, senior."* Flanders' cousin from Spain (or Mexico?).
-------
*"Mmm... forbidden donut..."*



/johnny


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## Qlippoth (Dec 16, 2003)

(From the "King Homer" episode from one of the Halloween shows)

Otto: "Hey, who's this 'Homer' dude?"
Burns: "He's either a 50-foot prehistoric ape, or a tourist trap concocted by the Ape Island Jaycees."


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## TiQuinn (Dec 16, 2003)

I always liked the one where the soccer fight breaks out:

Announcer: This match will determine once and for all which nation is 
the greatest on earth: Mexico or Portugal!

You’ll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Adiaga! Adiaga two! Badiaga! Aruglia! And Pizzoza!

Half back passes to center, back to wing, back to center! Center holds it! Holds it! HOLDS IT!!”

And of course, the entire John Waters episode...


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## Villano (Dec 16, 2003)

*Homer:* Okay, before I show ya, who wants to guess how I got the money? 
*Bart:* Dealing drugs?
*Lisa:* Drugs?
*Marge:* I'd have to say drugs, too.
*Homer:* Close, but you're way off. 

*Bart:*  Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of this day - the birth of Santa?

*Grandpa:* I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals, who remember the good old days, when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. 

*Grandpa:* They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I've never fully understood why that is. Frankly, I can see an upside to it. 

*Apu:*  Ah! The searing kiss of hot lead, how I missed you! I mean, I think I'm dying. 

*Moe* (on his boxing career): They called me 'Kid Gorgeous'. Later on, it was 'Kid Presentable'. Then 'Kid Gruesome'. And finally, 'Kid Moe'. 

*Professor Frink:*  Brace yourselves, gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is...Love?! Who's been screwing with this thing? 

*Professor Frink:*  Sorry I'm late! There was trouble at the lab with the running and the exploding and the crying. One of the monkeys stole the glasses off my head. Oh no! Wait! Please, no! Please, I have a funny story, if you listen. I even wrote the theme music! There, listen: *ahem!* "Hey! Hey! Professor Frink, Professor Frink/He'll make you laugh, He'll make you think/He likes to run and then the thing with the...person." Oh boy, that monkey is going to pay.

*Principal Skinner:*  Order! Order! Do you want to be like the real UN? Or do you just want to squabble and waste time?


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## Alzrius (Dec 17, 2003)

A *Helicopter Pilot for Itchy & Scratch Land* gives his passengers the introduction to the park as he flies them there. "Folks, welcome to Itchy & Scratchy Land, where nothing can possiblie go wrong. Er, _possibly_ go wrong. Huh, something went wrong..."


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## Psychotic Jim (Dec 17, 2003)

Alzrius said:
			
		

> *Some little girl* complains to *Moe* about his family restaurant, and he responds: "Unky Moe, my sody is too cold, my teef hurt." "Aw, yer teef hurt? Well, that's too freakin' bad! And I'll tell ya what ya can do with yer freakin' sody!"



Ned Flanders' Kids: Oh, my freaking ears!
Ned (taking his family and leaving the restaurant): I would expect such language at a Denny's, but not from a place like this!

A good one from a Halloween episode IIRC:
(In the dark)
Homer: I didn't do it! I swear on this Bible!
Marge: That's not a Bible. It's a book of carpet samples.
Homer: Mmm... Fuzzy.

Another Homer quote, upon hearing the word that means 3.14
Mmm... pi.


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## AFGNCAAP (Dec 17, 2003)

A few favorites that I can recall at the moment:

*Groundskeeper Willie:* Grease me up, woman!

*Groundskeeper Willie:* Ah, don't feel bad, wolfie--I've been wrestling wolves since yiu were a pup at yiur mother's teat.

*Bart:* Why are my bones brittle?  I've been drinking plenty of... malk?

*Grandpa:* _(pointing to a birdbath)_ Death!

*Grandpa:* Hello?  Hello?  I need my pills!  It's cold and there's wolves after me...  _(wolf howl)_

*Homer:* Shup up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!

*Apu:* _(gunshot)_ Thank you for coming!  I'll see you in Hell! _(gunshot)_

*One-Eyed, Many-Tentacled Alien:* Aaah!  A board with a nail!

*Lisa:* Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all of those papers?
*Lionel Hutz:* As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists.  Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

*Homer:* "...press any key." Where's the Any key?

*Hans Mulman:* Wait a minute--this isn't my army reunion!
*Gay man in campy "military" outfit:* You're coming home with me!
*Hans Mulman:* _(saluting)_ Yes, colonel!

*Robert Goulett (sp?):* You from the casino?
*Bart:* I'm from _a_ casino...
*Robert Goulett (sp?):* Good enough for me.

*Ned Flanders:* I'm a murderer!  A mur-diddlely-erderer!

*Lisa:* Xena, I didn't know you could fly...
*Lucy Lawless:* I'm not Xena--I'm Lucy Lawless.

*Comic Book Guy:* _(walking out with a wheelbarrow of 100 burritos for $100)_ This should be sufficient sustenance for the Dr. Who marathon...

*Homer:* Aaah!  A hungry hungry hippo!


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## der_kluge (Dec 17, 2003)

From the episode that was on last night (At least in my area)

*Homer:* So, I couldn't help but notice that your house smells like feces.


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## Lazybones (Dec 18, 2003)

German plant manager: "Homer, you have been Safety Inspector for three years.  What initiatives have you spearheaded in that time?"
Homer: "Umm... all of them?"
GPM: "I... see.  So do you have any ideas for the future?"
Homer: "I sure do!"
*pause*
GPM: "Such as?"
Homer: "Well, I wish the candy machine wasn't so picky about taking beat up dollar bills.  Because... a lot of workers, really like candy."
GPM: "We understand, Homer.  After all, we are from the Land of Chocolate."
Homer: "The land of chocolate..."  *cue music, hilarious fantasy scene*


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## Ankh-Morpork Guard (Dec 18, 2003)

*Homer:* Now, kids...we play, the waiting game!
*long pause*
*...pausing...*
*more long pausing*
*Homer:*...ehh, the waiting game sucks! Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos!


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## BrooklynKnight (Dec 18, 2003)

Man I wish they'd hurry up with the movie.


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## Particle_Man (Dec 18, 2003)

So...who can reproduce the "That's Good -- That's Bad -- Frogurt" speech from one of the "Treehouses of horror" episodes?


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## johnsemlak (Dec 18, 2003)

One of my favorite Kent Brockman quotes...

_after speaking about a new toy doll for the entire news program_

It's really interesting stuff, folks... Oh, and the president was arrested for murder, more on that at 11:00, or, you can turn to another channel.  _someone in the backround mutters something to Kent_.  Ok, do NOT switch to another channel.


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## Caliber (Dec 18, 2003)

Homer: I'll take that doll.
Creepy Shopowner: This doll is cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Creepy Shopowner: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Creepy Shopowner: The frogurt is ALSO cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Creepy Shopowner: The frogurt comes with free toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Creepy Shopowner: The toppings contain polysacchirides. 
Homer: *looks confused*
Creepy Shopowner: That's bad.
Homer: Oh, just give me the stupid doll!


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## Dagger75 (Dec 18, 2003)

Some of my favorites---

 Homer comes to the door wearing a Grocery bag

 Homer- I have misplaced my pants.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Something in Santa's Little Helper's dog house. Homer goes to investigate

 Homer-- Its either a badger or a griffon.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Homer- I know!! I can just make up news.

 Lisa- Could you please take off the Pulitzer when you say that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Bart- The dead have risen!! And there voting republican!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nelson-- Ha ha.. Stamp Collection.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My favorite

 Kent Brockmen- Some would say your neighborhood watch is causing more crme then they are preventing.

 Homer- Kent I would be lying if I said my posse wasn't commiting any crime.

 Kent Brockman- Touche.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kodus- Your superior intelligence is now match for our puny weapons!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Homer-- Mmmmmm... soul doughnut.


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 18, 2003)

*Homer:* In America, first you get the sugar... then you get the power... then you get the women.

*Bart:* Go orange!
*Nelson:* Go grapefruit!
*Ralph:* Go banana!


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## Caliber (Dec 19, 2003)

Lisa: Bart! I can't go in there! (referring to the Boy's room)
Bart: Oh theres nothing in there you didn't see when Dad boycotted pants.

Lisa: I cheated! Cheated! Cheated! Cheated!
Skinner: What are you trying to tell me Lisa?
Lisa: I cheated!
Skinner: *gasp*


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## Klaatu B. Nikto (Dec 19, 2003)

Ok, this got longer than I expected.

From the Stampy the Elephant episode I believe after hitting a deer:
Homer: DOH!
Marge: A deer.
Lisa: A female deer.
----
Chief Wiggum: No, this is uh... 9-1-2.
----
After a whistle blows, Homer slides down the power plant into his car and sings to the tune of The Flintstones:
Homer: Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history! From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree. AAH! 
----
Billy Corgan: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins. 
Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely. 
----
Lou: I went to the McDonalds over in Shelbyville the other day. 
Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what? 
Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2000 locations in this state alone. 
Eddie: Hmm...Must've sprung up over night. 
Lou: But you know, its the little differences. 
Chief Wiggum: Example? 
Lou: Well at a McDonalds you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese. 
Chief Wiggum: Get out! What do they call it? 
Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese. 
Chief Wiggum: Quarter pounder with cheese...well I can see the cheese but? Hey, do they have Krusty's Partially Gelatinated Gum-Based beverages? 
Lou: Yeah, they call them 'shakes.' 
Eddie: *Pfft* 'Shakes.' You don't know what you're gettin'. 
----
Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel. 
----
Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday. 
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend! 
----
Alien: I bring you love! 
Larry: It's bringing love, don't let it get away! 
Carl: Break its legs! 
----
Homer: Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene." 
----
Homer: Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening. 
----
Kent Brockman: At 3pm Friday, local autocrat C. Montgomery Burns was shot following a tense confrontation at Town Hall. Burns was rushed to a nearby hospital where he was pronounced dead. He was then transferred to a better hospital where doctors upgraded his condition to alive. 
----
Redneck: Let's fight! 
Other Redneck: Them's fightin' words!


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## Dark Jezter (Dec 19, 2003)

*Ned:*  We're saved!  Dolphins always help people stranded at sea!
*Dolphins:* _*begin chirping and squeaking, subtitles translate as "Ha ha!  You're all going to die!" and then the dolphins swim away*_

*Person #1:* I don't get it, first they hate each other, and now they love each other!
*Person #2:* Well, that's because you're a robot.
*Person #1:* _*Begins to cry, suddenly sparks fly out of eyes and head melts*_


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