# Holiday Customer Service Hell.



## Argent Silvermage (Dec 9, 2004)

I have started this thread as a way of venting due to the holiday season. I work Customer Service over the phone for a company that sells movies of all sorts from G to XXX. We also sell “adult novelties”. I just feel a need to share some of the great idiots that I deal with every day…

*Idiot 1:* “I see you can use the cheap shipping type only to the continental United States… Does that include Texas?”

*Idiot 2:* The customer had purchased a ‘realistic’ artificial female body part (starts with a V I’m being good for Eric’s Grandma). He wanted to send it back because…. “It don’t taste real.”

*Idiot 3:* The customer requests the cheapest and slowest form of shipping that in the catalog it states ‘takes between 1 to 4 weeks shipping time.’ This A-hat demands that we ship at that rate but we send it so he can get it over-night. I explain the how the shipping works and he says it’s up to me to get it to him overnight for that price and if he doesn’t get it he’ll sue me. Needless to say he will not be getting any shipment at all.


I’ll be updating this thread as the season progresses but do any of you CSRs have any funny stories to add?

Argent.


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## nakia (Dec 9, 2004)

Well, your job certainly puts you in a position to deal with much wierdness.  "It doesn't taste real."  I laughed and shuddered at the same time.

I spent last Christmas working at a bookstore, and was fortunate to leave this year in October, before the madness began.


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## derelictjay (Dec 9, 2004)

Argent Silvermage said:
			
		

> *Idiot 1:* “I see you can use the cheap shipping type only to the continental United States… Does that include Texas?”




Well in defense of this idiot, alot of people, in Texas, still believe that Texas is still an independent republic.  

Sorry, I had to say it. But; nonetheless, it is true.


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## der_kluge (Dec 9, 2004)

You know, if I'd bought said item, and it tasted real, I think I would have sent it back, because that would have just been strange.

And what's the point of eating the thing anyway?  It's not like it's getting any enjoyment out of that.

Ok, I'll stop.


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## ASH (Dec 9, 2004)

I have an issue, l not so funny but annoying and frusterated. I work at Walmart in Iowa. Recently they moved the area i work in to the front because our theft problem has risen. The managment seem to think that if we are working near the doors, our presence will deture criminals from stealing.  That said, we had a woman walk out the doors a few days ago and trigger the electronic alarm.  So I ran out the door and asked if she had her recipt so i could figure out what was not deactivated and deactivate it... She politely said that she did not buy anything. I then asked if she had a bag that she bought here at a different time that was not deactivated proberly, and would walk back in and so we could see if the electronic tag was on her, or a different customer.  She said no smiled at me, and walked away.

So, i had a woman steal somthing and because we have such hands off techniques I cant do anything about it.

Makes me angry.


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## der_kluge (Dec 9, 2004)

Ash, having worked at Wal-Mart myself, I'm fairly certain you do have a right to drag her back in the store and check her belongings.  I saw it done many, many times.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Dec 9, 2004)

Argent Silvermage said:
			
		

> *Idiot 2:* The customer had purchased a ‘realistic’ artificial female body part (starts with a V I’m being good for Eric’s Grandma). He wanted to send it back because…. “It don’t taste real.”.





AAAAAGGGGHHH!!! AAAAGGGGHHH!!!  AAAIIIEEEEE!!!!  NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!


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## MrFilthyIke (Dec 9, 2004)

Well, I answer phones at one of the major airlines here in the good ole US of A...there are so many it's not funny.

The best one is:

Agent: "What cities were you wanting to travel between?"

Customer: "I want to go to New York"

Agent: "And where are you?"

Customer: "My kitchen"

This happens at least once a month in one way shape or form.


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## Thornir Alekeg (Dec 9, 2004)

die_kluge said:
			
		

> Ash, having worked at Wal-Mart myself, I'm fairly certain you do have a right to drag her back in the store and check her belongings.  I saw it done many, many times.




It may be done, but I don't believe they may not have the right to do so.  I beleive different states have differing laws on the rights of store employees to detain, and especially to search a suspected shoplifter.  Detaining them might be OK, but you should wait for the police before searching, unless you are willing to risk a lawsuit, which is sometimes exactly what they are looking for.

I used to work at the Customer Service desk in a book/music/video store.  One year in the post-Christmas exhange frenzy I had a customer return a CD that had been opened.  When I asked him what was wrong with the CD he told me it sucked and he wanted his money back (he was already acting like a major   ss at that point).  I explained the policy we had that opened CDs could only be exchanged for the same title in the event there was a defect.  The guy went off on me and demanded to speak to the store manager.  The store manager was a woman who stood about 5 feet 4 inches tall.  This guy gets right up in her face and demands a cash refund.  Needless to say he did not get one from her either.  If the idiot had been civil, I might have allowed him to make the exchange for a different CD.


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## der_kluge (Dec 9, 2004)

You know, now that you mention it, those CD return policies are just stupid.  I bought a CD (of Michael Torke's music, if you must know) from a Borders a couple of weeks ago.  I got to the car, merrily ripped all that accursed plastic from the thing, and put it in my CD player.  Every track on it was horribly scratchy and bad.  In fact, I didn't even get out of the parking lot before I turned right around, and took it back into the store.

Of course, Border's policy is stupid, and unforgiving.  I could only get store credit for the CD.  I would have happily exchanged it for another of the same CD, but they didn't have two of them.  I ended up finding another CD of equal value, but it wasn't nearly as good as what (at least what I could hear) the first one was.

But I mean, come on!  I bought it TEN FREAKING MINUTES ago and you're telling me I can't get my money back?  That's absurd.


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## Altamont Ravenard (Dec 9, 2004)

Argent Silvermage said:
			
		

> (starts with a V I’m being good for Eric’s Grandma)




A _visage_?



AR


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## Ranger REG (Dec 9, 2004)

I wish I could feel your pain, guys. Honestly, I do.  

BTW, my gripe is when merchandise company uses terms like "Continental US only," As if they don't want to service the rest of the states (oh, like Hawaii) and US territories or give us the same offer for mainlanders.


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## Thornir Alekeg (Dec 9, 2004)

die_kluge said:
			
		

> But I mean, come on!  I bought it TEN FREAKING MINUTES ago and you're telling me I can't get my money back?  That's absurd.




How long does it take to rip a CD on a laptop in your car?  The policies suck, but the store I worked in had a very liberal policy when they first opened.  Then we started noting the people who were obviously building their collection by making their own copy and returning the one they had bought. When one person over the course of one month bought and returned 8 different albums by the same artist, it was a little obvious what was happening.  Hence the policy they instituted, and yet it was also the reason thet we were allowed to make a judgement call and go against the policy.  Of course in a big corporate store like Borders they are less likely to give the employees the power to use theri discretion.


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## Argent Silvermage (Dec 9, 2004)

MrFilthyIke said:
			
		

> Well, I answer phones at one of the major airlines here in the good ole US of A...there are so many it's not funny.
> 
> The best one is:
> 
> ...




I usualy get this...
Me: What kind of shipping would you like?

"customer": To my home.


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## Argent Silvermage (Dec 9, 2004)

nakia said:
			
		

> Well, your job certainly puts you in a position to deal with much wierdness.  "It doesn't taste real."  I laughed and shuddered at the same time.




You have no idea how hard it was for me not to as him how a man who I'm assuming has never even been near a naked woman other then when he was born would know the taste.


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## Hanuman (Dec 9, 2004)

Double post


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## Hanuman (Dec 9, 2004)

Triple post even!


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## Hanuman (Dec 9, 2004)

Years ago I worked in tech support for a international paint company. One day I recieved a phone call that went like this.

Me: Hello how can I help you.

Caller: (she is screaming) You f**king a**hole this crap paint of yours won't dry! Its been days now!

Me: (mental sigh) Sorry to hear that.Please if you could tell me what product you used and how you applied it I may be able to help you.

Caller: (still yelling) We used your One Coat Ceiling White all over every ceiling in the house! We used rollers to put it up but this rubbish paint just won't dry! I mean really what is this company trying to pull.We even waited a day before we put on the second and third coats and well what are you going to do about it!!!!!

Me: (Having a Monty Python Biggus Dickus moment and speaking very slowly) So you put on three coats of "One Coat Ceiling White"..................

Caller: (silence)...........................

Me: Hello?

Caller: Are you calling me stupid?!?

Me: (lost it)Bwwwwwaaaaaaahhhhhhhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah

Caller: (Shriek of pure rage) sounds like the phone has been launched at a wall and the line goes dead.

I then get up and go to my bosses office as I'm sure the s**t is going to hit the fan and find him with the call monitoring headphones on, red faced doubled over with laughter.

I recived a verbal warning and a case of wine.


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## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 10, 2004)

DungeonmasterCal said:
			
		

> AAAAAGGGGHHH!!! AAAAGGGGHHH!!!  AAAIIIEEEEE!!!!  NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!



 My reaction was similar.  *shudder*


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## Wereserpent (Dec 10, 2004)

I would be glad I even had one.  I mean so what if it doesnt taste real, just go eat some doritos and drink mountain dew while you are using it, then you will taste SOMETHING.


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## cignus_pfaccari (Dec 10, 2004)

My company does insurance reimbursement hotlines.  We're the ones you wind up calling if you want to find out if your insurance covers this drug; either your doctor has you fill out a form in the office (that he faxes to us), gives you our number to call, or you see one of the ads on TV and call in and get over to us somehow.

Now, as in every hotline, 99.9% of calls are relatively normal and pain-free.  However, you occasionally get the just plain insane...

Like, on this transplant hotline, this patient calls, furious, that we sent her an application that was pre-filled.

Me:  "Well, ma'am, we do that so you don't have to, and then you can correct anything that needs correcting."

Patient:  "I don't like people putting my stuff on any paper.  Send me a blank one."

Me:  "I'm sorry, but we're not able to generate any blank applications.  We can only generate them pre-filled."  (At this point, yes...we had no way of printing out a blank application...seriously.)

Patient:  "Well, I'm not going to fill this out.  And you'll get yours when I die because you murdered me!"

Me:  "..."

Patient:  "You're going to go to hell for that, you know!"

Me:  "...I'm sorry if you feel that way, ma'am.  But if you want assistance, you have to follow the procedures we've set in place to do so."

Patient:  (click)

This, of course, does not get into the discussion about notarizing her income documentation (since, after all, people can have other sources of income than Social Security...).  Sigh.

Brad


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## Argent Silvermage (Dec 10, 2004)

My Heart goes out to you Brad.
I used to work for AARP insurance. Goddess knows I got to hate the elderly after about 6 months of that job.   

I remember one guy who would call in and demand to speak to me and me only. the reason for this is I reminded him of his son (we sounded alike) but he hated his son so all he would do was unload his stress at me and then hang up.
Eventually when my boss heard one of his tirades for themselves (I was being monitered at the time) they had his number blocked.


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## Argent Silvermage (Dec 10, 2004)

Galeros said:
			
		

> I would be glad I even had one.  I mean so what if it doesnt taste real, just go eat some doritos and drink mountain dew while you are using it, then you will taste SOMETHING.



Talk around the office was tuna...(sorry if I offend)


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## nakia (Dec 10, 2004)

Here's a question: how do you feel about returning merchandise after 30 days and getting your money back?  The reason I ask is, at the bookstore I worked at, we had the standard "30 days with receipt" policy.  If you wanted your money back, you had to return the book within 30 days with receipt.  We had a very liberal "non-receipt" policy.  If we carried the book, at all, ever (or if any store -- I worked for a large chain) carried the book, you could get store credit or exhange it, even if you did not have the receipt.

I had a woman get very angry when she bought Christmas presents in September and wanted to know if she could return them in January and get her money back.  When I told her no, she got upset and asked to speak with the manager.  The manager basicly had to write her a note saying "she has my permission to return these items for a refund whenever she wants."

The money only until 30 days policy is for inventory and loss prevention (i.e. theft) reasons.  Granted, it's not like books "expire."  But some times you just have to suck it up and admit you got the wrong thing, no?


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## Zudrak (Dec 10, 2004)

When I worked at a supermarket, Thanksgiving was our "big" holiday.  One year, on the day before Thanksgiving, all the fresh turkeys were sold out.  The frozen ones started flying off the shelves until just one was left.  Two women were literally fighting over it in the aisle.  I'm thinking, "It's 5pm the day before.  How in the heck are you going to get that frozen solid turkey ready for tomorrow.  Go buy a turkey breast and cut your losses!"  Sheesh.

One woman left with the turkey, the other left with a black eye and a coupon.   

-----

Remembered another good one:

While working dairy at the aforementioned supermarket, a little old man asks me for a quart of skim milk.  Our milk supplier comes late on Mondays, so I tell him we are out.  He grimaces.  I apologize to him, saying we don't have any more.  His reply?  "Yes, you do!  I know you do!"  I said, "Sir, you are more than welcome to come with me to the back room and check out the dairy box yourself.  But you will find, as I did when I clocked in this morning, that we are out of most milk at this time."  I don't know why, but that didn't satisfy him.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Dec 10, 2004)

For a year, I managed a video store that was part of a regional chain here in the south.  During that time, I:

Had a woman throw her wallet at me and accuse me of putting late fees on her rentals on purpose.

Had a guy offer me money to erase his membership information but still allow him to rent movies.  His reason?  The GUBBAMENT (his word) was tracking his viewing habits because he "knew too much" and was afraid he'd be found.

Had a tweeked-up meth addict offer me oral sex if I'd let her rent movies for free.

Had a kid threaten to beat me up because I wouldn't let him exchange a PS2 game for one that "wasn't so hard".

Had a woman physically threaten me because we rented "R" rated movies to her kid.  When I showed her the signature on the ticket was hers, she got even madder and told me I was not doing my job to police what children watch, because she was too busy to keep up with their viewing habits.  

A man threatened me because his son had over $40 dollars of late fees on his account (and 40 bux was NOTHING compared to some).  He felt it unfair that he was prohibited from renting because of his son's fines.  I tried to explain it was company policy, not mine, and he begin screaming and banging his fists on the counter, then stormed out.  Less than 30 seconds later, a local police officer comes in to return his movies.  I made the joke about "never a cop around when you need one", and explained what happened.  He asked the customer's name, then started laughing. Turns out, this guy had been laying really low and the cops couldn't find him to serve him and his son a warrant for drug trafficking (meth).  He was arrested less than 10 minutes later.

Word got around (and I'm sure the cop had something to do with this) that people were being arrested for having late fees.  My collection quotas jumped dramatically.


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## Talmun (Dec 10, 2004)

I work the help desk for a company that produces both software and hardware for manipulating video...

I had one guy ask me if the alignment of the stars (yes, the ones in the sky) was important to the operation of his hardware.

As I was reading off a new serial number to another customer, I was saying 'hyphen' in-between each group of numbers...he asked me if it was an upper-case or lower-case hyphen.

Another customer called needing a serial number, I put him on hold while I generated it, and when I picked the phone back up, I asked if he had a pen ready.  He said "Hold on, I'm not near one right now..." I was then treated to the sound of a grunt and then a few seconds later, the flush of a toilet.  I bearly kept it together, thank god for mute.

There are, of course, many others, but these three are recent, and fun


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## Mystery Man (Dec 10, 2004)

Argent Silvermage said:
			
		

> *Idiot 2:* The customer had purchased a ‘realistic’ artificial female body part (starts with a V I’m being good for Eric’s Grandma). He wanted to send it back because…. “It don’t taste real.”
> Argent.



 OMG I almost passed out I was laughing so hard.


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## der_kluge (Dec 10, 2004)

These are just great.  Working retail can suck a lot, but it can have its moments.

I worked at a Wal-Mart in college, and this guy stopped me in the aisle to ask me a question. He had one boots, spurs, chaps, a belt with a big buckle, a vest, gloves, and a cowboy hat - all quite worn, and dusty.  He asked me if we sold "tack".  I'll never forget that guy.

I worked in Hardware, and I'd get people asking me all the time if we sold: carpet, tile, linoleum and even lumber!

Some lady came in with a paint swatch (the little pieces of cardboard in the display) from Sherwan Williams.  This was in the days before those fancy color-matching devices.  I told her it was from Sherwan Williams, and I wouldn't have the recipe for the the color she wanted in my book.  Her reply was that she couldn't read, and didn't know. 

Then there was the time this guy had me mix canary yellow for his ceiling.  I'd pay to see that!


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## Argent Silvermage (Dec 10, 2004)

*Today's Morons.*

1) The customer called in and said that he had purchased a movie a few weeks ago and there was something wrong with it. 
After searching for his information I found the he had bought the movie 7 MONTHS ago. He said he had just gotten around to watching it and found it was scratched. 
I explained that we have a 30 day return policy and he started shreaking incoherantly about how _his kid likes to watch porn before bed and this is the only disk the kid will watch_.
I immediatly place him on hold and laughed so hard I got dizzy. 

When I got back on the line I asked him how old his son was and he told me he was 13. I asked if he (the son) was mentaly impared in some way to explain this behavior. the father said no he just lets the kid do what ever he wants. I just said it would not be happening but if he wanted to order a replacement I would be more than happy to fill it. He wisely hung up the phone.

2) (god help me I wanted to hunt this idiot down.) This guy placed an order for 1,564 dollars worth of porn. His check bounces.

He calls up and asks where his order is. I explain that the check bounced and we would need a money order from him in order to ship. He asks why we didn't ship it COD. I explained that we don't do that. He told me that if I didn't send him his porn he would kill me and my wife (being a gay man I just said. OK kill the B!tch) he tried to get me to think that he knew who I was and where I lived and (thankfuly we have all calls monitored.) was going to come to Philly to kill me. I told him I not only knew who he was but had access to his credit and social security information. I then explained that with the recording of his threats to me the police in Montgomery Alabama would be at his home in about 5 minutes. 

Strangely he hung up.


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## Argent Silvermage (Dec 10, 2004)

Bad double p[ost. No desert for you.


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## Argent Silvermage (Dec 10, 2004)

die_kluge said:
			
		

> Some lady came in with a paint swatch (the little pieces of cardboard in the display) from Sherwan Williams.  This was in the days before those fancy color-matching devices.  I told her it was from Sherwan Williams, and I wouldn't have the recipe for the the color she wanted in my book.  Her reply was that she couldn't read, and didn't know.




That reminds me of some of the idiot "discussions" I have had with people. 
1) Everyone knows that Wendy's only has Chocolate Frostys. I had a woman insist that she eat at the store all the time and she always got a Big Mac and a strawberry frosty. I looked at her and said Lady you go to McDonalds but Wendy's we don't have either of those things.

2) this lady insisted I give her 2 chicken breast and insisted they be only white meat. Now I should have not said anything but I said to her Breasts are always white meat (i even explained to her about chicken parts.) she insisted that this one place she goes to offers both dark and white meat breasts. I picked up a thigh and asked her "Is this a dark meat Breast?" she said yes. I quit that day.


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## Florian (Dec 11, 2004)

And then there are those of us that work at convenience stores. Shemmy and the rest of my Sunday group know what I'm talking about.

 My store has a lot of Hispanic customers--some documented, some not, all very interesting people. One rather interesting guy in particular is somebody that we at my store refer to as "The Man Who Busted Himself".

 Dude comes in and goes to the cooler. He gets out a 12-pack of Corona, and is holding it so that the top comes open while he's bringing it to the counter (i.e. he was trying to carry it from the front rather than using the hand-holds built into the sides of the box).

 Herewith ensues the following conversation:

_(I attempt to check the contents of the box to make sure no bottles were broken in the fall)_

 Customer: "No man, is cool, is just chillin'!" _(repeated over and over as he tries to keep me from checking the box)_

 Me: "Just making sure no bottles broke."

 Customer: "No man, is okay man, yeah, is just chillin'," _ad infinitum_ (and yes, kids, he was flashing gang signs at me and acting like he was Straight Outta Compton<tm>.)

_(I explain to the guy in my broken Spanglish that I was making sure no bottles were broken (because the box fell to the hard floor), and that if any were broken I'd have gotten him a new box of Coronas. Customer finally accepts this explanation, but a little man pops up over his head and starts waving red flags.)_

 Me: _(raising an eyebrow)_ "You have ID?"

 Customer: "Oh, yeah."  _(Customer produces an ID with a picture on it that kinda resembles him and has a birthdate of 7-22-81)_ "Is my brother ID, I buy him..."

 Me: _(as alarm bells ring, making me look at the ID carefully and then back and forth between him and the ID repeatedly)_ "Your brother's ID?  Sorry, no beer."

 Customer: "No, is my ID. Yeah, is mine. See?  Is me?  My name Edgar." _(Yes the name on the ID was Edgar--but I doubt it was this dude)_

 Me: "You told me it was your brother's."

 Customer: _(In the midst of lots of "No man, is just chillin' man, come on, yeah, is okay man"s)_ "No, is mine!  See?  Looks like me!"  _(No, on closer inspection it didn't)_

 Me: "OK, so it's your ID or it's your brother's ID. Which one is it?"

_(Two more customers wait patiently by the counter, grinning at the scene)_

 Customer: "No, is my. See?  I tell you is birthday 22 de...."

 Me: "Right. Sorry, no beer for you. Leave and no come back, or I call la policia and they call INS."

_(Guy freaks, grabs ID, and RUNS out the store.)_

 We also lock our doors on third shift, because we've been robbed several times. So we do everything through our service window from 11 PM until around 5:00 AM or so. This is always interesting, because we get people that either 1) refuse to read the WINDOW ONLY sign on the front door and attempt to yank the doors open, 2) refuse to read the sign and attempt to yank the doors open, and then come to the window and yell at me because our doors are locked, or 3) decide to run me all over the store with constantly-changing orders, just to punish me for having the doors locked as an anti-robbery measure.

 PAR EXAMPLE:

 This guy came up one night. He first tries to wrench the front door open, even though he is 1) English-speaking (and, presumably, literate in English as well and can read the WINDOW ONLY sign) and 2) seeing that the doors are indeed locked.

 So he comes to the window and demands that I let him in, because he wants to buy some beer. The following conversation ensues:

 Me: "I can't let you in. If you tell me what you want I can--"
 Guy: "I want you to let me in, b!tch!"
 Me: "Please leave my lot, sir."
 Guy: "Fsck you, you fscking fatass!"
 Me: "I'm sorry sir, but you do not sexually excite me." _Love the Gord, Fear the Gord._
 <b>_I pick up the phone and start dialing._</b>
 Guy: "Get off the fscking phone and let me in!"
 Me: "One minute, sir--I need to finish asking the Raleigh PD to come take you down to City and County on trespassing charges."

 So the guy starts screaming at me and tried to rip the drawer out, leaving only when he sees that I was indeed talking to the RPD--2 cars come, one of the officers goes walking around the store with his maglite while I give a statement to the other officer, they didn't find the guy. But I had a cop in the lot off and on for the rest of the night, which was nice of them.

 I've also had people attempt to actually break in to the store while I'm back in cooler restocking after 2 AM (when the alcohol sales stop in this state)--for this reason, we have a "panic button" pager that I (and whoever else works third shift) carry with me when I'm back in the cooler and not near the phone or our main alarm button (which is behind the counter). 

 And then there are the Rich Soccer Moms<tm> that I get to deal with whenever I work at one of our stores in Cary (the "nouveau riche" town just outside of Raleigh).  A couple of times I had a Rich Soccer Mom come in to the store and proceed to jump all over me about the price of--get this--the bottled water.

 1 liter of Dasani, Aquafina, or Deer Park water costs about the same as a 20-ounce bottle of Mt.  Dew--which is to say, $1.27 after tax. That's pretty cheap, yo. And yet Rich Soccer Mom, whose left hand is weighted down by a huge rock and who drives a Mercedes SUV, is bitching about it?  There were two of them--RSM1 and RSM2, we'll call them. RSM1 shut up when I pointed out that it's probably cheaper to get her bottled water at the store I was working at than it is to get it at the Harris Teeter about 120 yards away--but only _after_ she went and checked to make sure I wasn't lying to her. RSM2, OTOH, was a screaming bitch who did her level best to make me feel like I was somehow lower than dog mess because I'm one of the proletariat--that, of course, was entirely the WRONG thing to do. I very quietly let her expend her energy bitching about how everything was overpriced, and then I gave her Intro to Economics 101:

 "Madame, I do not set the prices in this store or any other $CHAIN store--I only collect the money and make sure that no freelance socialists abscond with the merchandise or drive off without paying for their gas. If you find our prices so onerous, you are quite free to spend your money elsewhere."

 Then she threatened to have me fired--to which I threw out Standard Response #121:

 "Ma'am, I have lived through every natural disaster except tsunami. I have survived poisonings, shootings, knifings, beatings, the Bubonic Plague, bacterial meningitis, automobile accidents, and a whole raft of other things that should have sent me to an early grave. If you wish to scare me, you'll have to try a lot harder than that."

 Imagine that delivered with a cheerful voice, and you can imagine why she just sorta looked at me blankly and left without saying anything (and leaving the water on the counter).

 And then there are the people that can't figure out how to use our pumps. One woman pulled up and tried to Pay At Pump, but couldn't figure out that you have to leave the nozzle on the hook until it gives you the "remove nozzle and select grade" message (we actually had directions on the pump that flatly said this). So she came in twice--both times while I had customers at the counter.

 First time:

 Lady: "Could you please reset the pump out there?"

 Me: _(after checking the POS screen to make sure that the pump was reset)_ "It reset itself, ma'am."

 Second time:

 Lady: _*barges in front of the 5 guys at the counter and shoves her card at me*_ "That pump isn't accepting my card!  It keeps telling me to come inside, and I have to be at Court in half an hour!"

 Me: "Give me about 30 seconds, guys." *customers--all regulars--nod. A couple of them smile at the show that is forthcoming* "Let me see if I can give that pump an attitude adjustment for you, ma'am."

 So I walk outside with this pushy-ass bizatch, very politely ask her for her card, and--when I get to the pump--reach over and flip up the "on-hook" indicator so that the pump thinks the nozzle has been replaced. Then I slide the card, hand it back to her, let her enter her PIN, and then the pump says "please remove nozzle and select grade".

 Oh MAN was she pissed off! And I just smiled, apologized for the crabbiness of our pumps, and went back inside--blithely ignoring the dirty look and the nasty comments she hurled after me--to help the customers that had so patiently waited for me at the counter.

 And then there's the story that Shemmy has been telling me that I NEED to post in this thread:

 Two cars pull into my lot at about 3:45 AM or so and park in the "employee parking" spaces--an SUV (if you can call a Toyota 4Runner an SUV) and some little dink-ass hatchback. Driver of the hatchback gets out and gets in the back of the 4Runner. Driver of the 4Runner runs over to the window and buys a box of condoms. I ring him up, he thanks me, and hies off to his 4Runner....and gets in the back seat. After a few moments I see the 4Runner start shaking--not violently, but enough so that an observer would know that there was something going on back there.

 Yeah, that.

 So 25 minutes go by, and the shaking stops. This is about the time that I decided to go out and have a smoke--because, of course, a post-coital smoke is very satisfying. I have that on good authority, anyway.

 I go out, locking the door behind me of course, and get out my tin of Camel Izmir Stingers. I take one out, light 'er up, and take a deep drag or two from it. This is about the time the driver of the hatchback gets out and comes over to bum a smoke. I give him one, give him a light, and he says "So...."

 My reply: "If you have to ask, it wasn't."

 The look on his face, kids--I wish I'd had my camera with me to capture it, because it was fraggin' priceless. He and I laughed about it for a moment, and then he left.

 You think I should have told him about the RPD cruiser that came through the lot, slowed down while the officer gawked at the shaking 4Runner, and then drove on up Western Boulevard?

 Naaaaah.


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## Argent Silvermage (Dec 11, 2004)

LOL! Florian that was great. I caught my boss and his wife in the meat locker in the Wendys I used to night manage. They even used the frosty machhine greese for lube. UGH!


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## cignus_pfaccari (Dec 11, 2004)

DungeonmasterCal said:
			
		

> Had a woman physically threaten me because we rented "R" rated movies to her kid.  When I showed her the signature on the ticket was hers, she got even madder and told me I was not doing my job to police what children watch, because she was too busy to keep up with their viewing habits.




Oh...this reminds me of a story.

So, I used to run a patient assistance program that had thousands of patients enrolled (while I've given over the day-to-day stuff to my padawan learner, I still do the hard stuff, like crunching numbers).  I primarily kept up the provider prescription forms, which, when the doctor or other prescribing professional signs them, become prescriptions for this drug.  We then send them to the pharmacy that ships drug for us, and we keep copies in case the pharmacy drops the ball and loses the stuff.

Well, this doctor's office calls, SCREAMING, that they never prescribed [drugname] for this patient because she hasn't been to see them in almost a year, and how dare we ship drug to this patient, etc.  I go and look at the copies of the forms that I keep, and, yep, there's a signature of this doctor's name on it.  As it was surprisingly legible for a doctor's signature, I went and found another patient of this doctor's, and, lo and behold, the signatures matched.

I go back to the doctor, and tell her this.  She goes all quiet, and then says, oh, I must have thought it was for someone else, can I fax those copies to be sure?  Okey, fax them, but she wants to withdraw her prescription for the patient.  Okey.

The reason this has stuck out in my mind is because the doctor had no idea she'd signed a prescription form for a patient that, effectively, gave the patient about $10k worth of free medication.  Just think about the level of attention that demonstrates.

Brad


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## Jesus_marley (Dec 11, 2004)

Florian, you reminded me of a similar experience I had several years ago.

I was working as night security at the time in a very large complex that used to be a brewery. Part of my duties was to ensure that the rear parking lot remained empty and any vehicles there were to be towed. 

One night, while on an external patrol, I saw a lone vehicle parked near the entrance to the lot. As I approached the vehicle to gather the relevant information, I noticed that it was moving (but not going anywhere, if you get my meaning).

I get up to the vehicle and see an attractive young lady (early to mid 20's) naked as a jaybird straddling the driver in the front seat, seemingly oblivious to the rest of the world. ( a proper assumption considering neither of them noticed my direct approach to the car)

I can say that they did notice when I knocked on the window, however. They stopped and an obviously embarassed young man rolled down the window.
Trying desperately to hold back my hysterical laughter and thus destroy my intimidating demeanor, I explained to the nice couple that "You can't park here and you will have to move your vehicle."

I did have sympathy for them though. When he asked, I agreed to give them five more minutes. They were gone in three.


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## ASH (Dec 11, 2004)

I hate the customers that stink... Literally. And I am not being shallow here. We had a couple come in tonight dirty, with there clothing on backwards and they smelled like they had vomitted on themselves about 2 weeks ago with out showering...YUCK!


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## DungeonmasterCal (Dec 11, 2004)

ASH said:
			
		

> I hate the customers that stink... Literally. And I am not being shallow here. We had a couple come in tonight dirty, with there clothing on backwards and they smelled like they had vomitted on themselves about 2 weeks ago with out showering...YUCK!




When I was managing the video store, we had customers who'd come in that truly reeked.  Filthy clothes and unwashed bodies...I mean c'mon.  If you can afford to spend 50 dollars a week renting the latest releases, you can afford a bar of soap for you and your kids.


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## Panthanas (Dec 11, 2004)

ASH said:
			
		

> I hate the customers that stink...




I used to be a manager at an EB Games.  The particular store that I worked at had a good number of regular customers who must have thought that personal hygiene took up too much time from their gaming.  I always thought it interesting that these people could drop $100.00 or more on games but seemed unable to purchase a $1.00 bar of soap.

I'm drawing a blank right now on the all of the "good" customer stories I have unfortunately lived though...probably because I'm trying to burn the memories of EB from my mind...

Anyway, if I happen to remember any I'll post 'em.  I also offer my sympathies to everyone that is working customer service and retail this holiday season.  Also, these stories are great...reminds me why I ran screaming from retail!


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## eabha (Dec 12, 2004)

This is a great thread! I shall make a meagre contribution...

I used to work the night shift at a small town gas bar/convenience store. I once had a guy come in asking for a rag; he had spilled gas down the side of his leg. I turned to grab a jay cloth from the counter behind me and when I turned back to him, he had his lighter out...yeah, he went and lit his leg on fire. No serious injuries.

Same small town, same midnight shift, just up the road at Tim Hortons (for those who don't know, Tims is classic Canadiana...coffee and doughnuts). I got a call at 2:00am from an irate man who wanted to speak to the police. I said that he had dialed the wrong number but he insisted that he had already tried the right number. I reminded him that after midnight, he needed to call a special number but he started screaming "Cut the $&@%! I know they're there! Put one of them on the line NOW!"

Of course, had he called at 2:30, he'd indeed have caught all eight of the night duty officers in the area, coming in for their nightly break...


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## Argent Silvermage (Dec 12, 2004)

I'm beginning to think we Customer Service People need an official outlet away from EN World and Eric's Grandma.

The tales I could tell about the 2 years I worked as a clerk at an Adult Bookstore... OY!


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## Warrior Poet (Dec 12, 2004)

DungeonmasterCal said:
			
		

> Had a woman physically threaten me because we rented "R" rated movies to her kid.  When I showed her the signature on the ticket was hers, she got even madder and told me I was not doing my job to police what children watch, because she was too busy to keep up with their viewing habits.




My mind, my mind is . . . _staggered_ by this.


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## Warrior Poet (Dec 12, 2004)

eabha said:
			
		

> Of course, had he called at 2:30, he'd indeed have caught all eight of the night duty officers in the area, coming in for their nightly break...




That guy gets points for ingenuity and adaptive thinking at least.

Warrior Poet


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## Warrior Poet (Dec 12, 2004)

Argent Silvermage said:
			
		

> I caught my boss and his wife in the meat locker in the Wendys I used to night manage. They even used the frosty machhine greese for lube. UGH!




The hygiene and health safety issues on this one -- for _all_ parties concerned (including and perhaps especially potential customers!!) -- are, well, not pretty to think about.

Whew.  That's the _last_ time I stumble into a thread drunk.   

Warrior Poet


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## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 12, 2004)

Argent Silvermage said:
			
		

> LOL! Florian that was great. I caught my boss and his wife in the meat locker in the Wendys I used to night manage. They even used the frosty machhine greese for lube. UGH!



 I seriously just threw up a little in my mouth.  That is HYPER-DISGUSTING.


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## Umbra (Dec 13, 2004)

Working in a general bookstore seems to mean that you are the font of all knowledge.  The number of people who used to come in saying "Do you know Joe Blog?  He lives around here somewhere." or an equivalent was staggering.

My favorite was the young woman who came in...

Her:  I saw a book in (far away suburb) about Egypt and I was wondering if you have it.
Me: Do you know the title?
Her: No.
Me: How about the author?
Her: No.
Me: Do you know what it was about in particular?
Her: No.
Me: Have you looked through the books on Egypt we have?
Her: Yes but I couldn't see it.
Me: Do you remember what it looks like?  Was it text or photos?  Novel or Coffee table? What was on the cover? etc etc.
Her: No, I don't remember.

Me: I suggest you go back to the store you saw it.




			
				Argent Silvermage said:
			
		

> The tales I could tell about the 2 years I worked as a clerk at an Adult Bookstore... OY!



Ditto.


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## Alzrius (Dec 13, 2004)

I'm currently working at Customer Service for Nextel, so when people call in to either complain about their cell phone, troubleshoot it, or pay a bill, they talk to my department. I haven't been working there very long, so the stories I have aren't quite as amusing as other people's:

On November 3rd of this year, I got a call, but no customer was on the other end of the line. Instead, to my surprise, I heard the concession speech of John Kerry. Needless to say, I was quite surprised, as was my supervisor who I waved over.

I had one customer whom I had to explain her bill to while she was sobbing her heart out. As it turned out, it was because the last representative she spoke to about it made her feel stupid...when she called in the previous day.

I've also had my share of angry customers threatening to sue, change carriers, etc. But none stick out enough to warrant mention here.


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## Ao the Overkitty (Dec 13, 2004)

Argent Silvermage said:
			
		

> I caught my boss and his wife in the meat locker in the Wendys I used to night manage.




I am very glad I don't eat fast food.  Especially after hearing some of my current manager's special sauce stories about when he used to manage a local Taco Bell.  He speculated that such activities were common at the Taco Bells.  After Argent's story, it seems they're common at other restaurants as well.

My 'good' stories from tech support days are too numerous to mention.


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## Nellisir (Dec 13, 2004)

Thornir Alekeg said:
			
		

> It may be done, but I don't believe they may not have the right to do so.  I beleive different states have differing laws on the rights of store employees to detain, and especially to search a suspected shoplifter.  Detaining them might be OK, but you should wait for the police before searching, unless you are willing to risk a lawsuit, which is sometimes exactly what they are looking for.




I don't know the legality, but companies have to be pretty strict-- I worked retail in a department store and had gotten acquainted with the regular security job.  He had witnessed a customer pocketing a pair of sunglasses and walking out, and stopped the customer.  The customer claimed to have left the sunglasses on a different shelf.  They checked the store, found the sunglasses, and the security guard was fired.  They weren't allowed to make mistakes.

Unless you have overwhelming proof that a crime was committed, it's better to not do anything.  Detaining someone against their will is a crime.

Cheers
Nell.


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## Ice man (Dec 13, 2004)

i live in a small town, only 1 wal mart and few convenience stores.  one of the convenience stores is called Wally's and is listed right before Wal mart in the phone directory.  Of course they get about 3 calls a day for Wal mart.  As I was talking with a friend who works there the other night he got a call asking for the hardware department.  Without missing a beat he hands me the phone and says tell them we've got AA batteries and light bulbs.


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## Jesus_marley (Dec 13, 2004)

Nellisir said:
			
		

> I don't know the legality, but companies have to be pretty strict-- I worked retail in a department store and had gotten acquainted with the regular security job.  He had witnessed a customer pocketing a pair of sunglasses and walking out, and stopped the customer.  The customer claimed to have left the sunglasses on a different shelf.  They checked the store, found the sunglasses, and the security guard was fired.  They weren't allowed to make mistakes.
> 
> Unless you have overwhelming proof that a crime was committed, it's better to not do anything.  Detaining someone against their will is a crime.




According to our local laws, you don't even have to leave the store with the merchandise to be nabbed for shoplifting.

As an example, if you were to take a pair of sunglasses off the rack and place them in your coat pocket, you could get nailed. "Removing from public view" or something IIRC. This happens only rarely however. 99% of the time a person won't be detained unless they leave the store without paying.

As for detaining, the person stopping the thief must either be a witness to the crime, or barring that, be acting in good faith on the word of another.


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## Florian (Dec 13, 2004)

eabha said:
			
		

> Same small town, same midnight shift, just up the road at Tim Hortons (for those who don't know, Tims is classic Canadiana...coffee and doughnuts).



  I would kill a man if I could get Timbits out of it.

  Well OK, maybe not for Timbits. But they're that good (to me). 

 Timbits + hockey = VERY happy Florian (of course, I have neither--so you can imagine how I feel right now).


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## MrFilthyIke (Dec 13, 2004)

Argent Silvermage said:
			
		

> The tales I could tell about the 2 years I worked as a clerk at an Adult Bookstore... OY!




I worked at Fairvilla Adult Megastore in Orlando, Fl..._I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND_.


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## eabha (Dec 13, 2004)

Florian said:
			
		

> I would kill a man if I could get Timbits out of it.




I saw a lot of things working the night shift at Tims, but thankfully, never Timbit-provoked homocide   .


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## jollyninja (Dec 14, 2004)

I've worked for sears for over 3 years in various departments. they give me more money, i decide that selling things to old people is still worth slamming my head into a brick wall of technological disconnect. it's becoming reasonably lucrative but i've got some stories i think are good/bad. 

a little old man comes into the store and buys a tv. the next day, he calls me nearly crying because his new tv is broken and his wife's favorite show is on 1/2 an hour begging me to get him a tv delivered in 1/2 and hour. problem, it's december 22, i have no tv's even remotely resembling his left so i agree to come to his house on my lunch break (1 hr into my shift) to see what i can do. i get there and ask a few questions and all it is is that he is trying to change the channel on his satalite dish with his tv remote because he has never owned a satalite dish before. i explain this to him and he goes off on me about how all salesmen are bastards and someone should have told him that ect....... and i agreed with him. i explained to him how to fix the problem, writing down step by step instructions, button by button, how to fix the problem if it ever happened again. my quota of one good deed per day so i can live with myself after a day of manipulating people into giving me more of their money being filled, i go back to work. 2 hours later he calls again, screaming at me that he still only get's one channel on his t.v. and i'm a liar ect..... so i explain it to him again button by button detail and tell him to use the satalite remote to change the channel. every day for a week (not christmas day of course) i got this phone call. finally the last day, i looked at my boss and said, we are taking this t.v. back and i'm never talking to this customer again, you can fire me if you want.

i put a man's $2500 refrigerator under his girlfriend's name because they lived together and it was being delivered at the same time as the range she had purchased. he notices and freaks on me. so i void the transaction and attempt to rering it on his visa. now it's a sunday. credit transactions often do not get completed the same day they are put through the till on a sunday and he does not have enough room on his visa for two refrigerators because he's building a house. now i screwed up so my tolerance level for being dressed down is pretty high and i'm a commision paid person, i don't want to lose the hundred bucks. for the next 45 minutes, i spoke to representatives of sears, visa, his bank, the visa vendor that handles western canadian sears transactions, the sears card people (trying to get him one, DENIED), all the while having this prick yell at me and tell me how stupid i am, tell me i'm lucky he doesn't get me fired and finally after 45 minutes tell me that he is sure that every day my parents get up and thank god their son was able to get the great job of selling appliances for a garbage rip off company like this one. i hung up the phone and looked at him with my eyebrow raised ever so slightly, knuckles white from trying to clench back the rage, not saying a word. he apologised, ensuring me that he was grateful for the work i had been doing and saying that he would come back the next day to straighten everything out and left. 

living in a somewhat rural area, as in i talk to people who actually do communicate in grunts ccasionally, hygene is probably less prevailant here then most places (being a bit of an out of place metrosexual, i notice these things) so the guy who smells like three days of urine soaked overalls in the hot sun actually comes in often enough that this is how i refer to him to my colleagues and they know exactly who i'm talking about. even worse then him though is the old vacation man who has apparently lost his toothbrush or is using a dead animal to clog a hole in the top of his mouth that prevents his brain from falling out. he keeps changing skin so i suspect he's an alien wearing the decomposing skin of his elderly victims and asking me questions that make no sense while driving back and forth from texas to alaska.

oh well, someday, i'll snap and i have the phone number and address of every customer who has bought anything from me for three years because my employer makes me keep them. the day of reckoning comes. <insert siutably evil laughter>


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## drakhe (Dec 14, 2004)

*CEO's be clever people?!?*

I was part of the On Site Support team for an international bank at the time. 

Got a call from the helpdeks: URGENTLY to send sombody to hotel thisAndThat because the CEO of the Bank was giving a press-conference and the laptop he was supposed to use for his presentation (he is a funky young showoff CEO, doh) went completely black. We had 15 minutes to solve the problem because in 20 he would be on live broadcast.

We send sombody over: he walked into the room, took a glance at the laptop, tapped on the spacebar and left....

SCREENSAVER ...

Then the other day, we were asked to setup a BARCO beamer for another meeting. We send our guy out again, who ended up disturbing the board-meeting... The Secretary had failed to check her agenda, so she mist the board-meeting...

Or the misbehaving mouse...
We don't have a stock of new supplies, so if for instance sombody needs a keyboard or mouse replaced, we can only give them a used one.
So I go over to this lady who complains about a mouse that's very unresponsive. I explain her I have a replacement but that it's used. (btw our dept. had recently been outsourced, so after working 15 years for this bank, I now am an outside contractor.... BIG PAIN) She goes on about how we don't deliver any decent service, she was going to complain to everybody she knew, her colleague sitting at the desk accross argued we were overpayed for what we delivered... this went on for some minutes, I'm all the while trying to stay calm and diplomatic. She finaly she says, "I'll show you my good will, install that replacement mouse, you'll see it's no good" So I do, and yes, I just plugged it in when she allmost shouts "See it responds hardly at all!" So I ask her if I can check some settings on her PC (the supplies we keep maybe are used, but they are tested and this mouse passed the test, thus should be OK) and yes, lo and behold: MOUSE POINTER SPEED SET TO LOWEST! Set it to middle, ask her to test it again (had to insist, she didn't want anything to do with it anymore) and then witnessed the rising red of shame...


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## Florian (Dec 16, 2004)

More from "Tales of a Stop-n-Rob":

 This guy pulls up at Pump 5 and wants to pre-pay gas--he wants to fill his tank, and he has a $100. Now, I didn't have NEARLY enough cash in the register to make change for that, even if he got more than $20. So I asked him if he had any smaller bills and told him why, and he pitched a FIT. He started bitching that he wanted to fill his tank, he wasn't EVEN listening when I told him that I didn't have change for his bill, and then he said (get THIS), "Why you give me this problem? I'm not black!"--WHILE, I might add, there were black customers at the window (all regular customers of mine, too). I looked at this dumbass Russkie zeeb (he counted his $13 in singles in Russian and had a thick Russian accent, that's how I know he was Russian), and said "Mister, I don't care if you're green with red stripes--I don't have change in the register for this bill. If you're willing to wait, I'll put all $100 on the pump and you can pump your gas, and while you're doing that I'll help these other people and hopefully get enough money to make change for you." 

 So I prepaid $100 on Pump 5, and helped everyone else while this clownboat was pumping his gas. One dude asked me WTF the guy's problem was, and I just said "he thinks he's special." But I managed to get enough change for him when the gas he pumped came out to a whopping $21. I counted that $79 back to him--_in Russian_, I might add--and told him AGAIN that we don't keep change for Benjamins in the register, and that I tell everyone that regardless of the color of their skin.

 Did he listen?  No--but it did set him back a pace when I very carefully counted his change back to him in his native tongue. He asked me where I learned Russian, and I held up my textbook (which I've been taking to work with me so I can get back into practice) and just smiled.

 He left rather quickly after that. 

 And then there are the usual allotment of drunks, which are always fun to deal with. North Carolina has a dram shop law, which basically states that if you know a customer is intoxicated you can't sell him (or her) alcohol. Trying to tell a drunk who speaks no English that he can't buy beer because he's had too much (when you don't know enough Spanish to tell him that he can't buy any beer from you because he's had too much) is always fun, but not as much fun as a drunk anglophone who thinks that just because he lives two blocks away, that means he can buy beer even when he's drunk.

 Uhhh....no.

 North Carolina also stops all alcohol sales after 2:00 AM, which makes it even more fun when somebody pulls up after 2:00 AM and thinks that I'll sell him beer--especially when he thinks that calling me everything but a Moon Pie and threatening my job will get me to "just give him a $BRAND".

 Sorry, also no. But I get my fun with those types by pointing to the camera that's just over my shoulder and saying "By the way, you're being recorded right now. If you really want to complain about me, feel free--my manager comes in after 8:00 AM and she'll be happy to talk to you. She'll also be happy to laugh you out of the store when she goes back to look at the tape and see that 1) it's after 2:00 AM and 2) you tried to intimidate the least-intimidatable employee in the store into selling you a beer outside of the legal sales hours."

 And yes, I've had a couple idiots come and complain. And yes, my manager not only laughed them out of the store but also told them "you'll have to get your beer elsewhere, because if any of my employees see you on our lot again they're going to call the cops and have you removed. Have a nice day."


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## Wycen (Dec 17, 2004)

Well I started a temp job for some extra cash for the holidays, so I don't have much new stuff, but when I did tech support in a network operations center, one of my favorites was the lady calling up because she wanted access to her ftp files, which unfortunately were gone, due to the company being bought out and the old system simply being ignored.  All customers should have been informed of this, but I'm sure that wasn't the case.

Looking through the files on her unix shell account I found her weblink and some attached files.  She had a blank contract to be a slave.  After finding that I would have liked to have helped get her ftp files back.

Then there was the regular caller who would travel alot and sometimes need me to read her email to her.

Then the wanker who calls complaining that the mail servers are slow and he's "losing millions of dollars and I'm going to ing bust somebody's head open" by the delay (5 days once).  Yes, losing millioins using a DIAL UP ACCOUNT!

Then we had the real wanker using a satelite company's dial up connection which was $8.95 a month for unlimited access and gave you randomized login names like n000a56@network56.com.  He couldn't access his email.  That was because his inbox was filled with 300 megs of porn spam.

Then there was the old guy.  When the new company bought the old, they changed the internet access options.  This old guy didn't want the new stuff, he was happy with the old.  He kept calling for about 2 weeks until finally during conversation he says, "I like my Apple 2e and I don't wanna to buy a new computer". 

This leads me to the poor product manager for the dial up migration for our customers to the new company.  She couldn't understand why people who were paying $21 a month for dial up, shell access and web space wouldn't want to "upgrade" to the $100 web space product.  Apparently she or whoever she worked for had never heard of Xoom.com, geocities, yahoo or any of the other places providing small but free web space.  

Which leads me to my current job, doing office admin.  I'm basically the supervisor's bitch, doing whatever she needs, plus the goal of getting the filing setup for the new year plus phone receptioning.  Yesterday I had to update an Excel file for her.  She wanted to email the file to me, which would have been a trick because I don't have a company email and didn't want to give a personal, though I had already created a hotmail account just for these situations a year ago.

However I remembered I had been given a floppy disc earlier so I dug it out and presented it when she said she was ready.  "Oh I don't know how to use that."  I contained my dumbfoundedness and simply leaned over and copied the file to the floppy drive and left.  This explained to me why anyone would still display one of those training certificates, FRAMED!, for learning basic Excel.

Today she told me to update the FAX machine phone list and I asked if there was a file and she said no, despite seeing the list which had to have been printed in Word or Excel, thanks to the font color and size.


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## reanjr (Dec 17, 2004)

MrFilthyIke said:
			
		

> Well, I answer phones at one of the major airlines here in the good ole US of A...there are so many it's not funny.
> 
> The best one is:
> 
> ...




People can't understand what someone on the other end of a phone conversation is saying oftentimes.  This especially happens with older people who hav lost the ability to tune out background noise.  When a question isn't worded properly on the phone, it is hard to grasp the meaning of the question.  By beginning the question with "What..." you have set their mind off on the wrong foot because you are really asking a "Where..." question.  Try "I need to know where you are leaving from and where are you going to?" or something like that instead.  I bet the problem wouldn't come up nearly as often.

(I've done technical support for an Internet Service Provider)


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## reanjr (Dec 17, 2004)

die_kluge said:
			
		

> You know, now that you mention it, those CD return policies are just stupid.  I bought a CD (of Michael Torke's music, if you must know) from a Borders a couple of weeks ago.  I got to the car, merrily ripped all that accursed plastic from the thing, and put it in my CD player.  Every track on it was horribly scratchy and bad.  In fact, I didn't even get out of the parking lot before I turned right around, and took it back into the store.
> 
> Of course, Border's policy is stupid, and unforgiving.  I could only get store credit for the CD.  I would have happily exchanged it for another of the same CD, but they didn't have two of them.  I ended up finding another CD of equal value, but it wasn't nearly as good as what (at least what I could hear) the first one was.
> 
> But I mean, come on!  I bought it TEN FREAKING MINUTES ago and you're telling me I can't get my money back?  That's absurd.




If they did allow money back, you could easily go to your car, rip the CD and come back in in about 5 minutes, much less 10.  That's a very sound policy.  They probably should have offered to ship another copy free to your home, though.  It's just bad customer service, not a bad return policy.


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## Argent Silvermage (Dec 17, 2004)

*Flip side of the coin!*

Yesterday I found out about a CSR who works for the company we hired to take calls after our normal 9am -9pm hours.

It seems Erica had liked the guy she took the order from so much that she decided to call the customer over 12 times to chat. 
Being a gay man the guy was obviously confused and annoyed by this behavior and asked her to stop. Not only did she not but she went onto a credit website (of some sort) and gained as much information on him as she could. the credit company called him to let him know there was someone looking into his information and that was that....

I innocently pick up the phone having no knowledge of what had been transpiring and get my ear blown off as soon as I said "TLA Vi..." I never even got to finish my opening. Poor guy had to have his number changed and is getting a restraining order.


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## Boddha (Dec 17, 2004)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Argent Silvermage
Idiot 2: The customer had purchased a ‘realistic’ artificial female body part (starts with a V I’m being good for Eric’s Grandma). He wanted to send it back because…. “It don’t taste real.”. 


Can I shake my head like an etch-a-sketch to get rid of that image?


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## Argent Silvermage (Dec 17, 2004)

Boddha said:
			
		

> Quote:
> Originally Posted by Argent Silvermage
> Idiot 2: The customer had purchased a ‘realistic’ artificial female body part (starts with a V I’m being good for Eric’s Grandma). He wanted to send it back because…. “It don’t taste real.”.
> 
> ...



If you choose to.... But it will not do any good. I've been dropping acid into my brain for a week now and it just keeps coming back to haunt me.


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## Florian (Dec 17, 2004)

Boddha said:
			
		

> Can I shake my head like an etch-a-sketch to get rid of that image?



 Be sure to turn yourself upside-down before doing it.


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## Stormrunner (Dec 19, 2004)

*Not just the customers...*

I've had some "fun" management experiences too...

I never eat at KFC anymore after having worked there.
The sterilizing solution says in big red letters "Do not get in eyes or on skin".  Of course, no gloves are provided for the dish-"washers" ("Washing" consisting of dipping the grease-and-batter-covered rack in the sink, spritzing it with water and throwing it back to be used again - with most of the chunks still stuck to it.)

The fryers contain hot oil at 400 degrees.  The Extra-Crispy chicken pieces (covered in extra-slippery batter) have to be lowered in by hand until they touch the surface of the oil (which immediately begins spitting painful drops onto your hand) and then given a little flip so that they fall away from you into the oil.  Again, no eye or hand protection provided.  I let one slip once so that it fell towards me, and got a splash of hot oil in the face.  Fortunately I made my Reflex save and closed my eyes in time.  Then, keeping my eyes closed, fumble around for one of the wet towels (used instead of proper hand protection to carry the boiling-hot racks of Regular Chicken from the pressure cooker to the assembly lines) to wipe my face.  No burn creme in the medicine cabinet - in fact, the cabinet is empty because they only fill it when there's going to be an inspection.  About this time the manager comes back to yell at me for taking so long with the Extra-Crispy.  I explain that I got oil in my face.
"Can you still see?"
"Well, yeah." 
"Get back to work then."
Later I found out that if I had said no, I would have been retroactively let go - officially "fired" as of the day before so they wouldn't have to pay workers' comp (or the hours I worked day of the injury for that matter). (Saw it happen to another worker.)  Bought my own burn creme, had blisters for a week, mostly in eyebrows and hairline where the hair had held the hot oil next to the skin.

Still, it wasn't as bad as some of the temp jobs I've had...


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## cignus_pfaccari (Dec 19, 2004)

Oh...I forgot about this one.

So, like I mentioned earlier, I work on various pharmaceutical hotlines.  You know the number on the drug company ads on TV and in print?  Some of those lead to me.

Well, this one time, this guy called in to do an insurance verification (IV)*.  I was explaining the hotline services, etc., and he asks if I can come explain them in person!  O-kay...I, of course, can't do that, but we're happy to help him figure out if his insurance will cover [redacted].  "No, no, I just want to meet you; you sound like you're cute."

Did I mention that I'm male?

I had to break it to him, as professionally as I could, that I didn't swing his way.  Of course, given the disease he was calling in about, I don't think I'd want to even if I did swing that way.  Oy.

* - That's where you give me your insurance information and I call your insurance company to find out if the drug is covered, if so how much you'll have to pay, where you get it, and if there's anything special that you and/or your doctor have to do to get it.  This, of course, brings its own challenges.  Like, for example, a call I made two weeks ago, to an insurance on the west coast, where the rep repeatedly told us that this patient didn't have home health benefits.  I call the patient, and she tells me that she's got her employee benefits book out, and she does so have them.  Okay, call back, get someone, and explain situation.

"(HUMONGOUS sigh)  Aw, jeez, who told you that?  Of course she has home health!  I'm the one who told her about that!"

Oy.

Brad


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## nonamazing (Dec 20, 2004)

I work in a chain bookstore in the middle of a semi-scuzzy downtown neighborhood.  Oh, the horror stories I could tell you...in fact, I think I will!

Many of the strangest things that happen at our store occur in the men's restroom.  We're constantly taking books and magazines out of there (which we always handle with gloves and immediately send back to the publisher).  But sometimes things happen that just defy explanation.  Like the time someone poured a can of beans all over the floor.  Or the time we found an entire set of clothes (with shoes) tucked behind one of the toilets.  Or the multiple times we've found half-eaten take-out food from the italian restaurant right beneath us (I mean, who eats their dinner in a public restroom?).

Because we've had so many problems with those restrooms (and I'm being nice--I haven't told you any of the really bad stuff), the managers decided to put locks on the bathroom doors.  We had to put locks on the women's restroom as well, not because the women had caused any problems, but because we were afraid the men would just use the women's room if they didn't feel like asking for the key.  So the other night, as I'm heading to the back, I notice a woman having a hard time with the key.  She tells me that we've given her the wrong key.  I take the key, give the door knob a twist, and it opens right up.  She looks at me angrily and says, "You did that on purpose!"

We have a lot of scammers and con men who try and hit our store, and not all of them are very bright.  One thing they try to do is find a recepit in the trash, sneak a copy of that book from the shelf, and try to return it.  Only sometimes they can't find the book, since the recepits we use don't always have the complete title on them (if the title is too long, part of it gets cut off).  One time we had a guy come up to the desk, look down at a little piece of paper in his hand (which we can obviously tell is a recepit) and ask, "Do you guys have, uh, Calvin and Hobb?"  Sure enough, after we take him downstairs and give him the book, he's back less than five minutes later asking to return it.  I'm still stunned at how stupid this guy was, not only has he appearantly never heard of Calvin and Hobbes, then he tried to return, to me, the book I'd just gotten for him off the shelf.


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## Jesus_marley (Dec 20, 2004)

Stormrunner said:
			
		

> Later I found out that if I had said no, I would have been retroactively let go - officially "fired" as of the day before so they wouldn't have to pay workers' comp (or the hours I worked day of the injury for that matter). (Saw it happen to another worker.)




How would they have explained your presence in the store on the day of the accident? If you had been "fired" the day before, why would you be there working? Simply going to the hospital would have established a paper trail that they would not be able to eliminate. I would have loved to have been there when that happened.. Mr. manager would have gotten a very quick lesson on employee rights and OH&S standards.  He also would have met my friends mr. Lawyer, mr. reporter, and Ms. health inspector, 

When stores (and managers) try to pull stunts like this, it will catch up with them. then mr. manager will be mr. Unemployed.


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## Mark (Dec 20, 2004)

I find it annoying when Customer Service Reps answer questions that they have on their prep sheet as opposed to the ones that you have actually asked.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Dec 20, 2004)

While I was still managing the video store, a buddy of mine who managed another store in the chain called me completely freaking out.  When I calmed him down (actually managed to get him to stop cussing), he told me some guy had walked in, went to the back corner of the store, and took a dump.  They didn't find it until the guy walked by the counter on the way back out and more "fell out" of his pants leg.  True story.


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## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 20, 2004)

DungeonmasterCal said:
			
		

> While I was still managing the video store, a buddy of mine who managed another store in the chain called me completely freaking out.  When I calmed him down (actually managed to get him to stop cussing), he told me some guy had walked in, went to the back corner of the store, and took a dump.  They didn't find it until the guy walked by the counter on the way back out and more "fell out" of his pants leg.  True story.



 *blink, blink*

I have no response to that.


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## Queen_Dopplepopolis (Dec 20, 2004)

Stormrunner said:
			
		

> I've had some "fun" management experiences too...
> 
> I never eat at KFC anymore after having worked there.
> The sterilizing solution says in big red letters "Do not get in eyes or on skin".  Of course, no gloves are provided for the dish-"washers" ("Washing" consisting of dipping the grease-and-batter-covered rack in the sink, spritzing it with water and throwing it back to be used again - with most of the chunks still stuck to it.)




One summer, I worked on a fire restoration crew - I cleaned up after fires that didn't completely destroy homes and business... just after I started, the KFC in my home town had an ENORMOUS grease fire...

Now, I saw some pretty gross stuff that summer.  KFC was, BY FAR, the worst... between the dead rats, dirt, and general filth, I will NEVER eat there again.  Ever.  Just the smell makes me wretch.

We had to clean the place from top to bottom - start by cleaning the   It took me in excess of 16 hours to peel the 9" thick layers of disgusting years-old grease off of a single frier... there were 3 more to be cleaned.  My boss refused - and it's a good thing, too because I may have quit before I cleaned another one.

It is often suggested that the owner of that particular KFC started the fire in order to have it cleaned (wouldn't want to be shut down for health violations, and there were PLENTY).


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## Florian (Dec 28, 2004)

Jesus_marley said:
			
		

> How would they have explained your presence in the store on the day of the accident? If you had been "fired" the day before, why would you be there working? Simply going to the hospital would have established a paper trail that they would not be able to eliminate. I would have loved to have been there when that happened.. Mr. manager would have gotten a very quick lesson on employee rights and OH&S standards. He also would have met my friends mr. Lawyer, mr. reporter, and Ms. health inspector,
> 
> When stores (and managers) try to pull stunts like this, it will catch up with them. then mr. manager will be mr. Unemployed.



 You would be VERY surprised at what employers in right-to-work states (or, in Stormrunner's case, non-unionized workplaces in union states) can and do get away with. And calling OSHA in does no good--OSHA always announces their "surprise" inspections in enough time for the employer to correct any safety violations (and then remove those corrections after OSHA leaves) and find out which employee called them in (so that the poor sod can be fired).


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