# Because I'm old(er) and I don't care anymore



## reveal (Jul 1, 2005)

Hey young whipper snapper! Here's your chance to read the embarassing stories of all the old fogeys on this board. Here's the deal: If you're over 21 post an embarassing story about yourself. The story must be about something really stupid you did when you were 21 or younger. I'll start:

When I was 18, after just joining the Air Force, I made up business cards for my first office. Thinking it would be funny, I put down my title as "Airman Basic/Male Prostitute" and handed them out to a few people. My boss found out and, needless to say, I got in a lot of trouble for that. I look back on it now and think "How could I have been so stupid?" 

Your turn...


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## Turanil (Jul 1, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> The story must be about something really stupid you did when you were 21 or younger.



I was 16 and visiting a national park here in the US, and there was a book where visitors could write comments such as "It is beautiful, I was glad to come". So I try to figure something witty and funny I could write, and inscribe: "The park would look better if there was a statue of myself around" and then I put my name... My mother saw it and was furious. I screamed that she had no humor, and now many people were looking at us wondering what was happening. Then, I suddenly realized that with my name inscibed below the line, it looked not funny but plainly stupid.

I guess that 27 years later the book has totally disappeared.


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## BigFreekinGoblinoid (Jul 1, 2005)

Man, I've got a bunch! 

The setting: High School Quad at luch time, on the grass. I was walking backwards, talking to some friends who were leaving campus, and tripped and fell on top of a girl who was sitting and reading. 

The hottest girl in school ( homecoming queen of course! ) asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance when I was a sophmore, and I couldn't bring up my nerve to kiss her that night, so her friends told me that was over.  

I got suspended form Jr High TWICE: Once for drinking a warm beer with friends behind the last building on campus one morning the first week of school. Turns out, that building was the teacher's lounge! 

My second suspension was for hitting a girl in the forehead with a homemade chinese throwing star I made in Metal shop. Like an inch above her eye! My shoddy workmanship 
was to blame, as it twisted in the wind and went like 120 degrees off course. I turned myself in for that one, but still got kicked out of Metals class. The class they gave me to fill that time slot? Model housebuilding in the woodshop!  - ooh , much less hazardous!!!?

I've got a bunch more like these...


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## diaglo (Jul 1, 2005)

i was 16 or 17 can't remember. a buddy of mine from school was having a party. everyone knew about it.

i went and left when the police raided.

so i'm back home.

another friend's parents call and ask to speak to their son.... he had told them he was staying over dave's house (my real name is david). so thinking i was covering for him. i told them he'd gone out to get some cokes. this is about 10 o'clock at night.

an hour later. my parents wake me.

joe's parents are at the door.   

i tell them the truth. that i hadn't seen joe all night. 

boy did i get grounded.



anyway... monday comes and i find joe at school. he's yelling at me. i'm yelling at him.

his parents only had my phone number and i was the only dave they knew. he was staying over another dave's house and had gone to the party after the police had left.... he got busted and couldn't find his parents to bail him out... as they were over my house.

last time i ever tried to cover for someone...


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## RangerWickett (Jul 1, 2005)

Let's see. . . .  If we leave out the 'Iceman' story and the 'Movie Theater Parking Lot' story for being non-grandma friendly, what am I left with?

Oh, yeah. 9th grade I worked in the morning announcements group at my high school. We'd read news and stuff over the intercom.  Last day of school, on a dare, I sorta butchered the pledge of alliegiance. My punishment? Well, I was one of the top two students in the school, so they couldn't expel me, since that'd mess with me graduating and they weren't evil. And they couldn't suspend me, since it was the end of the year.

So they banished me.

Yes, I was banished. The official wording was something like, "You can never return to the Central 9th Grade campus."  I was unable to take two of my final exams because of this, but my grades were good enough that I passed anyway.

The irony? The school was closed down over the summer, and the one I transfered to was a hell of a lot better.


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## Bryon_Soulweaver (Jul 1, 2005)

Wish I could post one, I'm turning 17 soon and got a life-time full of funny moments.


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## reveal (Jul 1, 2005)

Bryon_Soulweaver said:
			
		

> Wish I could post one, I'm turning 17 soon and got a life-time full of funny moments.




"life-time?" Dude, I'm twice as old as you.


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## der_kluge (Jul 1, 2005)

I really can't think of anything. I'm so ashamed.

The first story reminds me of something funny I did when I was in my 20s, though.

I bought some of the mailing labels that you see advertised all the time in the mail and such. The label had 4 lines. The example given was like name, business, address, city.  Since I had no business, I kind of felt like I wasn't taking advantage of as many lines as I could have been.

So, I come up with something clever, and for over a year I paid all my bills with a mailing label that read:

Curtis Bennett
Destroyer of Worlds
1535 W. 134th Terrace
Overland Park, KS


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## Turanil (Jul 1, 2005)

I just remember another!

I think I was 14. At that epoch, I loved sportscars (Porsche, Ferrari, Maserati, etc.). Now, my father was director of a small branch of a multinational company. He wasn't rich, but his business card has not been done properly, so in reading it, it looked like that my father simply was the chairman of the entire multinational company. 

I decided to use that to my advantage: I wrote letters (handwritten, and with childish style) to all the major sportscar manufacturers. The problem is that I wrote something like: "Dear sir, I want to change my Porsche for something else, can you send me your catalogues so I can choose a new car? Thanks." 

At first I simply got brochures and catalogues of Ferrari, Porsches, etc. I would spy on the mailbox and take them before my father would see them of course. But then Maserati directly wrote to his business office, and told him that they were bringing two brand new exceptional maserati from Italy, and that they would stop by his office to let him try them. It's when my father discovered I was using his business cards to fulfill my passion for sportscars...   Fortunately he wasn't too harsh with me.


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## diaglo (Jul 1, 2005)

Turanil said:
			
		

> It's when my father discovered I was using his business cards to fulfill my passion for sportscars...   Fortunately he wasn't too harsh with me.



did he let you test drive the Maseratis?


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## Turanil (Jul 1, 2005)

diaglo said:
			
		

> did he let you test drive the Maseratis?



At age 14?


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## diaglo (Jul 1, 2005)

Turanil said:
			
		

> At age 14?



well maybe not you driving. but you in the passenger seat... as he did 185mph...


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## DungeonmasterCal (Jul 1, 2005)

I can't really think of anything embarrassing, but I've done a vast array of really silly or stupid things, the majority of which involved lots of drinking before or during.

Lessee... turning down a beauty pageant contestant's invitation to sleep with her because I was afraid I'd miss something fun at the party. I was shunned by my friends for days and she told folks I was gay (I wasn't then or am now, heh).

Passed out on a golf course and woke up with snow falling on me. 

At a party, a guy was asking about one of the girls he'd met that night.  The music was loud, people were laughing and talking, so I was shouting to be heard above the din.  Evidently I shouted, "And she's got HUGE t****!" while sitting right next to her.  I had no idea she was there.

No...nothing to be embarrassed about that I can recall.  I really regret little in my silly and checkered past.  Just goofy stuff.


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## mojo1701 (Jul 1, 2005)

diaglo said:
			
		

> well maybe not you driving. but you in the passenger seat... as he did 185mph...




Maybe that's what scared him straight.


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## sniffles (Jul 1, 2005)

Keep it coming, guys!  This thread is giving me lots of laughs today.   

I don't have any embarrassing stories to offer.  I never did anything embarrassing when I was under 21 (folds hands primly).

Or maybe it's just that I'm more than double that age and it's hard to remember what I did so long ago.


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## DungeonmasterCal (Jul 1, 2005)

sniffles said:
			
		

> Or maybe it's just that I'm more than double that age and it's hard to remember what I did so long ago.




I'm nearly 42, and I remember everything with an accursed crystalline clarity.  I recall things my friends who were sober have forgotten.  So no excuses!  Fess up!


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## reveal (Jul 1, 2005)

This is one not about being embarassed but about being stupid, stupid, stupid:

When I was 16 and a senior in high school, there was this hot, hot, hot little sophomore who had this huge crush on me. She was probably the most attractive girl in school, at least to me, but I was so damn shy that I never pursued it. She was always staring at me and always trying to get my attention. I knew what she wanted but, again, I was just so danged shy.


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## reveal (Jul 1, 2005)

Bryon_Soulweaver said:
			
		

> Wish I could post one, I'm turning 17 soon and got a life-time full of funny moments.




Plus, I started this because there are a bunch of young people on here. It's fun to relate old "war stories" not only to remember how silly you were but to show the young people that the things they do now will becomes memories they'll have forever.


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## The_Universe (Jul 1, 2005)

I once got in a sword fight with a buddy in the attic of the local Masonic temple using ceremonial blades.  And then the blood started flowing, which we accidently got on the ceremonial capes we were wearing. And then one of the lodge members stopped up to get something he forgot the night before... I never got in trouble, but one of my friends (who was actually involved in the masonic thing) did, once it was found out that he'd let some of his friends in. 

Yikes.


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## DaveMage (Jul 1, 2005)

I was 16.

I went on my first real date (real=doing the driving myself).

To get to the girl's house I had to get on the interstate and go north 1 exit about 1/2 mile up.

So I'm heading over there, thinking about what might be...

...I get on the interstate...

...And accidentally go *south*.

The first exit south is 5 miles away, and has a very long exit ramp traffic light.    

...Nothing like turning a 5-minute drive into a 25-minute drive.


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## Turanil (Jul 1, 2005)

Yet another one:

In France there are state high schools, plus a few private ones. Usually the private high schools are religious schools. So, if a person is deeply religious, he/she would rather send his/her children to a private religious high school. However, some of these private schools are nonetheless subsidized / grant-aided by the government, so there is much less emphasis on religion in such schools.

So, as I was a bad student (and had been fired from the state high school), my parents sent me to one such subsidized private high school. Yet, as the emphasis on religion was rather weak, I never noticed it was a religious school.   (Plus and my parents never told me, or if they did, it was one of those many times I wouldn't listen to them...) 

Anyway, I had been in that school for more than a year, still never realizing this was supposed to be a religious school. THEN, someday we were several students discussing various things just for the sake of discussion. Someone brought up a religious subject. I very proudly attracted the attention of everyone there, to me, and loudly declared that religion was but idiocy and superstition. And then I saw the looks of anger and disbelief of everyone else around me, especially including that cute girl I had been trying to court... I discovered that day, that apart of a few others bad students like me that ended there for having been fired from state school, all the others were believers of the faith.


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## Dagger75 (Jul 1, 2005)

Well as you get older, all your funny stories start out the same...


"We were drinking when......."

 Fill in the rest.


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## Hellefire (Jul 1, 2005)

I was a freshman in high school. My brother is two years older than me. He convinced me it would be a great idea to have a reverse mohawk. And to let him do it. Um. Yeah. Shaved right down the middle. It was. Not the brightest thing I've ever done.

Aaron


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## Hijinks (Jul 1, 2005)

I was 18 and lived in Nicosia, Cyprus. My parents worked for the American Embassy (as did I, as a diplomatic security escort). There was group of 4 teenaged American girls in the entire country, of which I was one of course. We did everything together. There were also many lonely (cough) UN soldiers hanging around the "neutral zone" which was wha they called the mile-wide strip or so between the northern Turkish 1/3 of the country and the southern Greek 2/3. 

And when I say "lonely" soldiers, we were perfect ladies, but we did go out on a lot of dates. Can't have any true hanky-panky when you're overseas and have to worry about who's been where (diseases and such), but you can certainly meet lots of cute boys and hang out and have fun. I swear!

Anyway. There was a bombed-out hotel in the neutral zone and the UN soldiers wanted to have a karaoke party. I knew my parents would never let us go unescorted, so my friend Jill and I made a pact to each tell our parents that we were spending the night at the other's house.

We were having a kickin time at the party until the crowd of cute boys parted to reveal ... my father .. standing there with his "Oh holy god are you in trouble" look on his face. Turns out that our friend Jessica had told HER parents about the party (except that she told them my stepmom was the escort), and then everyone's parents met together for a pinochle night, and her parents saw my stepmom and asked why she wasn't at the karaoke party.

Yeah. Good times :þ

Then my parents went home to the States for 2 weeks when I was 19, and told me I was mature enough to stay in Cyprus alone. Ha! I drove their little Mazda 323 all around Nicosia, which if I had gotten in an accident, would have gotten us kicked out of the country and bankrupted to boot. Luckily, nothing happened, but I did get myself busted because I'd left something in the car that told them I'd been using it. St00pid!!


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## devilbat (Jul 1, 2005)

I got married to my starter wife at 21.  Most embarrasing four years of my life.


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## Abstraction (Jul 1, 2005)

Starter wife. I like that. I think I'll start using it. I married my starter wife at nineteen. How long did it last. Two years. Two _wonderful_ years.


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## Bryon_Soulweaver (Jul 1, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> "life-time?" Dude, I'm twice as old as you.





LOL, you'd be surprised at what a bored kid will do for entertainment with our techlodogy. especially if its with fireworks and shinny cars!!!! Plus every other state I've lived in or been to I got to have lots of fun.


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## Rel (Jul 1, 2005)

Ok so I was probably 16 years old, a junior in high school and Valentine's Day rolled around.  We did this thing at our school where we could send a "Candygram" to anybody we wanted for a quarter and it came with a little slip of paper for you to write a love note on and some of those candy hearts that say stuff on them (I never understood those damn things.  To me they always seemed to say, "I hate you and here is some candy that tastes like chalk.  I hope you choke and die.").

So I get a candygram from a senior girl who I have a total crush on.  She is HAWT!  Red hair, killer body, just hot from head to toe.  And I know that there is just absolutely no way in hell that she means any of this lovey stuff that she wrote.  She's just doing it so her and her cool friends can watch me come over like a pathetic puppy and coo over her and then she can shoot me down.  I was MAD.

So I confronted her.  I stalked over to her desk in Algebra and threw down the candygram, proclaiming, "I've seen some pretty mean stuff in my high school days but this is just cruel and unnecessary.  You might be a very pretty girl, but you're very ugly on the inside."

OH SNAP!  Can you believe I stood up for myself and said that to one of the prettiest girls in the whole school?!  DAMN!  It's like a scene from some 80's teen movie!  Watch out _Breakfast Club_, here comes Rel!  She looks up at me with eyes full of uncertainty and confusion and then looks at the candygram.

"I didn't write this," she says.

It was then that I saw my pack of jackass friends falling in the floor with uncontrollable laughter at the back of the class.  Oh they were dyin'!  And so was I.

I think I said, "Um, excuse me but I think I've made a mistake," and slinked back to my desk where I tried to kill those jerkoffs with a loose leaf notebook.  I'm still best friends with one of those bastards.  

Remind me to kill his next character, real slow like.


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## DaveStebbins (Jul 2, 2005)

This was *NOT* me, I swear.

It was the fall of 1980, and if it _had_ been me, I would have been a freshman at RIT. There is a single path, called the quarter-mile connecting the dorm side of campus to the classroom side of campus. A buddy and it-wasn't-me were walking back one night, noticing that most of the lights were out and the quarter-mile was practically deserted. Not-I observed that, under those conditions, someone could probably do most anything here undetected. So my buddy dares not-me to whip it out and take a whiz as we walk along...

I swear it wasn't me, and no one saw me anyway (but my buddy nearly fell over laughing). 

-Dave
(maybe if I drank alcohol, I wouldn't remember these things that never happened...)


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## Bront (Jul 2, 2005)

I remember asking my parrents when I was like 7 if we would have problems comunicating at Disney World and what language they spoke in Florida.

My highschool Chem teacher used to regularly appear on Letterman (Lee Marik), and I used to help prep experiments for him.  I used to brag that my claim to fame in HS was "Sucking Eggs for Mr Marik" (He'd run the exploding ostrich egg trick, but you'd have to suck the insides out with a vacuum pump.)  A friend of mine and I schroched the ceiling several times playing with methane and dish soap.  He also shattered my hand once (After I dipped it in Liquid Nitrogen durring his Fun with Liquid Nitrogen demo each christmass.)


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## Abstraction (Jul 2, 2005)

Bront said:
			
		

> I remember asking my parrents when I was like 7 if we would have problems comunicating at Disney World and what language they spoke in Florida.
> 
> My highschool Chem teacher used to regularly appear on Letterman (Lee Marik), and I used to help prep experiments for him.  I used to brag that my claim to fame in HS was "Sucking Eggs for Mr Marik" (He'd run the exploding ostrich egg trick, but you'd have to suck the insides out with a vacuum pump.)  A friend of mine and I schroched the ceiling several times playing with methane and dish soap.  He also shattered my had once (After I dipped it in Liquid Nitrogen durring his Fun with Liquid Nitrogen demo each christmass.)




Shattered your had? Boy I hope that isn't a typo for head. If it is, you are getting on remarkably well.


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## Tarrasque Wrangler (Jul 2, 2005)

High school for me was a wonderland of petty thievery and vandalism.  If I hadn't had one of those faces adults just wanted to believe, I'm sure I would have been summarily expelled for some of the crap I pulled.  As it was, I didn't get so much as a suspension.

Junior year I was paired up in English class with my dark twin Jarrod.  Jarrod was one of the most devoted teenage subversives I've ever met, and we constantly goaded each other on.  Our English teacher was a Grade-A clueless dingbat, and we took advantage every chance we got to practice our mischief skills.  We sat in the back of the class, naturally, and we'd had a lot of fun with the wall back there.  We'd kept up a graffiti conversation with a girl who had the class at a different time, and we'd made a kind of solidified sludge in the chalkboard tray behind us out of instant coffee and various sodas. 

One day we had a substitute who was a campus regular, this mousy yet vile woman named Mrs. Katz.  She puts on a movie for us and promptly leaves the room.  Hell ensues.  People talking, people making out, etc.  For some reason I decide it'd be a great idea to get out my Zippo lighter and liquify that sludge in the tray behind us.  I think we were going to paint with it.  I light it up under the tray like it's a burner on a stove, Jarrod and I giggling the whole time., when all of a sudden I hear this shriek: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"  I whip around and there's Katz.  Creating the only light in the entire room (movie on, remember?) made me stand out like a sore thumb.  She takes the lighter from me and marches me down to the school office, where she explains that I was trying to "burn the school down".

I'm sent into the vice principal's office and I'm pretty scared.  He looks at the lighter and asks me if I smoke.  "Nope."  Then why do I have a lighter?  "Useful tool?"  All of a sudden a lightbulb went on over my head.  Our graffiti wall had recently been scrubbed, and while our teacher couldn't prove it had been us who did it, she did make it our responsibility to make sure no more graffiti magically appeared.  So I told the vice principal that, and said that Jarrod had thought he'd seen some new graffiti on the wall in the dark, and we wanted to make sure there was something there.  So I'd used my lighter to make a little light to see by.  Pure American bullplop.

So of course, he bought it hook, line and sinker.  I didn't have a reputation as a "trouble" kid, and teachers and administrators always kinda liked me for some reason.  So the v.p. *gives me back my lighter* with an admonishment not to bring it to school anymore, and sends me back to class.  You should have seen the look on Katz's face when I cruised back in grinning.

So I'm not sure any of that was embarrassing, but it did frickin' rule.  Here's one that was all egg on my face, though.

Later that year, I was about a week away from Prom: tickets purchased, tux rented, dinner reserved, girlfriend asked out.  I had already heard about a couple of "undesirables" who'd been kicked out ahead of time for getting in trouble at school, so I figured some line-toeing might be in order and decided to cut back on my fun until this Prom thing blew over.  But I was getting antsy.

One day our history teacher brought in a sack of oranges from his tree to share with the class.  Everyone took one, and of course I went for the nastiest, mutant-looking orange in the sack.  I had no intention of eating it.

I found Jarrod after class on our morning break, and being disciples of Beavis and Butthead, we decided to play some "orange baseball".  Jarrod found some hefty stick to serve as a bat and I pitched.  Now, for some reason, of all the possible ways we could have been standing, he decides to stand with his back to a window, so my strike zone is the building behind him.  I had a pretty strong arm back then, but my control was lacking, and this orange was seriously oblong.  This thing goes sailing over his head and right through *my Trig teacher's window* with an explosive shattering sound.

Every head in our mini-quad looked over at me, mortified.  A campus security woman ("narc") appeared out of nowhere screaming like a banshee, "Who did that!  Who was it!"  Everyone just started laughing hysterically.  I threw up my hands and backed away, calmly saying "I did that.  My bad," but inside I'm thinking holy crap, they're gonna take Prom away from me.

So the narc runs up to me and asks me why I threw that at a window.  I said, completely straightfacedly, that Jarrod had wanted the orange so I tossed it to him (note: not strictly a lie), but my toss went wide.  I omitted that I had gone into this perfect pitcher's windup and the toss was more like a split-fingered fastorange.  The narc says building maintenance will fix it, and then walks off to tell another vice principal.  And that was it in terms of discipline, except for the really embarrasing part: I now had to go to my Trig class (it was my next class of the day), and explain in front of my kindly old teacher and the entire class that I had shattered the window with an orange.  It was like they couldn't come up with nicknames and jokes fast enough.  "OJ" was my favorite.


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## howandwhy99 (Jul 3, 2005)

This one I've never told anyone else as it is very embarrassing. Generally I'd rather not come off as stupid to anyone I know in real life, but online is a little different.  

=-=-
In college I took a semester in DC at a university as an elective from my home school. Near the end, one of the other semester seminar groups returned from a country in Africa or the Caribbean, I forget which. From it I met a really attractive girl from Hawaii. Unfortunately only a few days were left before school ended, so we were only starting to get acquainted.

On the last evening in DC a big group of my friends and a group of hers all went out to party in either Adams Morgan or Georgetown (somewhere with plenty of clubs). She must have been playing hard to get, but I played it cool and talked to her friend who was also pretty attactive. I was only trying to be nice, but her friend seemed very interested in what I was saying.

The rest of my friends wanted to go, (as it was a spanish dance club & only the Hawaiian girl was dancing with the regulars). So I was pulled out of that conversation and all of us met on the sidewalk outside as we decided on where to go next. 

While waiting another friend of mine casually started talking to me. It was innocent enough, but she happened to be female and this had a definite effect. The Hawaiian girl and her roommate, the other I was talking to, flagged down a taxi to go home. They were pretty mad without explaining why, so I offered to travel with them. They were still angry but relented for some reason (now I know), so I hopped in. Of course... all our friends came along too as no one else could think of a place to go so late. A second taxi was actually needed in the end. Both were packed full.

On the way back the group decided to stop and get some coffee and ice cream (DC has a great nightlife BTW) and then walk back home (about a mile). Things sort of worked themselves out on the walk home and the original reason for leaving was forgotten (meaning it was never brought up). All in all it was a pretty fun night. Sort of tame all around for a semester-ending bash, but it was two groups of people who were meeting for the first time.

When we got back to campus I split off from all the others to enter my dorm. Oddly everyone else lived in the big res. hall. Only the Hawaiian girl stopped me. She put her arms around me to kiss me good night. I was embarrassed as the whole group was watching. And she whispers in my ear, "Why don't you have breakfast with me and my roommate?"

Well of course, it was very late and I was tired, so I said no I just couldn't be up by breakfast time. (8-9:30) And I went back to my room to fall asleep. 
=-=-=-

Long story short, I was kicking myself for the next week. (didn't see either again)


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## Ralts Bloodthorne (Jul 3, 2005)

Tried to swing in a window wearing nothing but a Batman cape and cowl, and slammed into the wall and fell into the rosebushes.

Grabbed a girl's butt in the supermarket who was wearing the same pants and shirt as my girlfriend. It wasn't my girlfriend, she wasn't amused, and it was there that I discovered pepper spray in the eyes stings.


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## jeff37923 (Jul 3, 2005)

When I was 14, I managed to set the carpet on fire in my bedroom. I had read an article on injection molding of plastic and thought that I could reproduce the process and make my own dice using tools from the garage and kitchen. The experiment was a failure.

Getting kicked out of six classes as a senior in High School for fighting with a teacher I think was one of the highlights of being young and stupid.

The other highlight was being 19 and believing that if a girl tells you that she will marry you, that she means it and doesn't just want you to get her pregnant so she can get out of the army. I think that one was the all-time high for me being young and stupid.

I know, I'm a downer. My mistakes weren't so much embarrassing as they were painful.


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## krichaiushii (Jul 3, 2005)

I was ... 19 or 20, and in order to impress a girl, I got a rather large tattoo on my calf.

A tattoo of Tom Servo of MST3K fame.

Suffice it to say, she was not impressed.  

But that didn't stop me from trying to "make things work".

I figured a dinner-and-movie date might make up for the tattoo faux pas.

At the time this was happening, THE movie everyone was talking about was Schindler's List.  Only I didn't pay attention to the descriptions of it, only that it was a good movie.

And it was (and is) a good movie.  Only not a good DATE movie.

I do miss college sometimes...


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## ForceUser (Jul 3, 2005)

I've done some colossally stupid things in my time, but one of the stupidest was the night my buddy Jeremy and I, aged 20 and 18 respectively, gunned his '86 Mustang LX 5.0 down a deserted 2-lane road in backcountry Louisiana doing over 140 mph. The speed limit was 30 mph. When we saw headlights coming toward us, I joked to Jeremy how funny it would be if the approaching vehicle was a cop.

Turns out, it was a cop.

At this point, Jeremy starts slowing down. I recall screaming at him something to the effect of "You're driving 110 mph over the speed limit, without a valid license, and with expired tags and no insurance. If you get pulled over, _you're going to jail._"

So he gunned it. Since the cop had to slow down, flip a U-turn, then accelerate to catch us, I knew we had a good chance of dusting him. I was right, fortunately. We lost him. Jeremy, of course, was so freaked out by the whole thing that he had to spill the beans to his girlfriend, who naturally ripped him to shreds verbally for being such a fool.

Amazingly, alcohol wasn't involved. Just pure adolescent male stupidity.


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## Bront (Jul 3, 2005)

Abstraction said:
			
		

> Shattered your had? Boy I hope that isn't a typo for head. If it is, you are getting on remarkably well.



My hand actualy.


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## Shemeska (Jul 3, 2005)

My senior prom, 1997.

1) While driving towards the restaurant, I took the wrong exit. The next 5 exits were all 'exit only' and not knowing the roads I didn't dare take them and get lost. Forty minutes later we got to the restaurant, and being so nervous, I took the only spot I saw and parked so close to the other car that my date had to get out of the car on the drivers side. I was probably under an inch from the other car, and it's luck that I didn't hit it.

2) We get to the prom, which was being held in a science museum (yes, you heard me right). We spent around an hour making out in the apollo space capsule before we got caught because the windows fogged. *chuckle*

....

Same girlfriend, later that year. Stupid at the time, would have been more stupid had we gotten caught. Went all the way with her mother passed out less than four feet away on the other side of the room. I was young, I was horny, and my girlfriend wanted it. Who was I to say no. God I was stupid back then.


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## Rel (Jul 3, 2005)

Shemeska said:
			
		

> Went all the way with her mother...




It makes for an even better story if you don't finish the rest of that sentence...


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## mhacdebhandia (Jul 3, 2005)

I'm racking my brains to think of one of my own, so in the meantime I'll relate my favourite high school stories.

Background: there's a tradition in Australia that the graduating class has a "Muck-Up Day" where they're allowed to basically go nuts as long as no-one gets seriously hurt. At my high school, we went several years without a Muck-Up Day being allowed because of the following story.

The other big tradition is that the graduating class gets to put on a revue sometime during the last few weeks of school (and this is usually on the same day as Muck-Up Day). You have comedy sketches making fun of teachers, music from student bands, and so on. This particular year I was in Year Nine, so I would have been turning 15 shortly after this story takes place.

During the revue, which all the other kids in school attended, three or four of the Year Twelves climbed up into the attic of the school hall, which was the space in which all of the props and equipment for school plays and dances was stored. Now, this attic didn't actually have a proper floor _per se_ - everything was either balanced across the ceiling beams or sitting on certain sections which had planks nailed down over the plaster between the beams.

Kids are sometimes clumsy, naturally, so there was actually a hole in the ceiling plaster where someone had dropped a heavy prop the year before, which the school had never got around to fixing. This was where the Year Twelves gathered, with water balloons and bags of flour and juice to hurl at the Year Sevens below the hole (we were made to sit in sections according to our year) during the show.

The problem was that the hole was pretty small, and the beams were thick enough that standing or sitting on the beams didn't get you close enough to accurately hurl your missiles through. Accordingly, one of the kids up in the roof knelt down on another section of plaster and leaned over the intervening beam to throw his ammunition.

Leaning over that beam was the only thing that saved his life - when the plaster inevitably gave way and fell thirty feet to the seats below, he was able to grab onto the beam until his friends pulled him up. The Year Sevens below (directly in front of where I was sitting with the rest of Year Nine, only a few rows away) were only safe from the huge section of falling ceiling because they'd been trying to duck down under their seats to avoid the assault from above anyway.

After this, Muck-Up Day was banned at my school for two years. When I was in Year Eleven, though, the Year Twelves decided to test the ban with a fairly tame Muck-Up Day, mostly consisting of water balloons hurled over buildings into the courtyards during lunch. They managed to get Muck-Up Day banned *again*, however - when a pack of Year Twelves from a nearby school came by to attack our school, throwing eggs and flour at our Year Twelves, they responded in kind - and unfortunately, one of the moronic girls who'd come around from the other school with eggs herself was severely allergic to them . . . so when she copped an egg in the forehead and it dripped in her mouth she became violently ill.

Good times.


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## Jesus_marley (Jul 4, 2005)

I was roughly 15 and my friend Steve and I were playing with model rockets. We took a fairly tame rocket ( one that used C sized engines) and "modified" it so that it was a little more powered. We essentially taped 4 "D" booster engines to the outside of the rocket chassis, set them on a delayed fuse, weighted the tip of the rocket and removed the parachute ejection charge.  
Essentially, we sent the rocket up about 700 feet. the weighted tip caused the rocket to point nose down after it reached apogee at which point the delayed fuse boosters kicked in. Needless to say, the rocket was not re-usable. In fact it kind of buried itself about halfway into the ground.... spectacular sight though.
That was the tamest thing we did with rockets. Steve had a penchant for firing them off at weird angles. Mostly at 45 degrees.  The best one was when we fired one off at 180 degrees across the lake. it kind of skipped a few times them shattered and flew off in 10 directions simultaneously. Ah... good times.


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## Naathez (Jul 5, 2005)

I was in High School, and I finally manage to get a "friendly" date with a girl I madly liked. 

So I prepare myself, and decide the winning course of action is to get her family on my side, so they'll put in a good word to change things from friendly to.. well to boyfriendly. (Boy, was I naive). 
And my winning line is "I'll go to her mother and say "I didn't know Flavia had an older sister!" , thinking the mother will be so flattered that she'll INSTANTLY work towards having her daughter marry this adorable boy.

So the evening comes. I get to her condo and she tells me to come upstairs to their apartment while she finishes getting ready. I'm so nervous that when, while standing in the corridor waiting for her, a nice female voice from the kitchen says "don't stand there, come in and take a seat" I simply sigh of relief and step in. There's a woman, her back to me, washing dishes. Totally forgetting all my prepared lines, I stutter out something close to "Good evening, ma'am." And she turns, smiles, and says "Oh! No 'Ma'am' ... *I'm Flavia's sister."*

I
wanted
to 
melt
into
the 
floor


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## Turanil (Jul 5, 2005)

Naathez said:
			
		

> And my winning line is "I'll go to her mother and say "I didn't know Flavia had an older sister!" , thinking the mother will be so flattered that she'll INSTANTLY work towards having her daughter marry this adorable boy.



LOL!


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## Naathez (Jul 5, 2005)

Yes, Turanil, I was THAT foolish.


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## Sebastian Francis (Jul 7, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Hey young whipper snapper! Here's your chance to read the embarassing stories of all the old fogeys on this board. Here's the deal: If you're over 21 post an embarassing story about yourself. . . . .




An 'old fogey' is someone over 21???

As a 34-year-old, I truly find that depressing.


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## diaglo (Jul 7, 2005)

Sebastian Francis said:
			
		

> An 'old fogey' is someone over 21???
> 
> As a 34-year-old, I truly find that depressing.



they used to say don't trust anyone over 30.


diaglo "long past being able to be trusted" Ooi


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## mojo1701 (Jul 7, 2005)

diaglo said:
			
		

> they used to say don't trust anyone over 30.
> 
> 
> diaglo "long past being able to be trusted" Ooi




I remember a radio personality on a Toronto-based station mention a few years ago, that "I think that we were right to mention to 'not trust anyone over 30,' because, now that we are thirty, we can't be trusted."


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## reveal (Jul 7, 2005)

mojo1701 said:
			
		

> I remember a radio personality on a Toronto-based station mention a few years ago, that "I think that we were right to mention to 'not trust anyone over 30,' because, now that we are thirty, we can't be trusted."




_Talkin' bout my generation!_


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## Turanil (Jul 7, 2005)

Yes, but at 40 you can be trusted again (that is, until you are 50...)


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## Wystan (Jul 7, 2005)

No more?


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## BourbonFromHeaven (Jul 8, 2005)

Dagger75 said:
			
		

> Well as you get older, all your funny stories start out the same...
> 
> 
> "We were drinking when......."
> ...




Oy

To true.


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## mac1504 (Jul 8, 2005)

I was probably nineteen at the time and I was in the infantry. My unit just finished a live fire range (military excercise with real ammunition) and everyone was clearing their weapons for safety purposes when I yelled, "test fire!" (which is something you yelled before firing your weapon with blank rounds). I meant it as a bit of harmless humor.

Unbeknownst to me (but not my squad leader or lieutenant) there was a four star General (future Joint Chief) standing about 30 feet behind me. Actually the reports came in that the General was laughing, and my squad leader was turning five shades of red with steam coming out of his ears.


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## billd91 (Jul 8, 2005)

There are a few incidents that I remember, usually related to pyrotechnics of some sort.

We used to have semi-regular bottle rocket fights, using pvc pipe as firing tubes. We weren't too accurate, but hits were occasionally scored. What was worse was the backblast of sparks from the rocket. One night, a friend and I had taken cover behind an old pickup and suddenly noticed someone firing off their whole pack. We thought it was one of the other team firing off a salvo. Then we heard a different friend yell, "My jacket is a slag heap!"  We returned with "Stuart, are you alright?"  "Of course I'm not alright, I loved that jacket!"
Turns out, he had put the rest of his ammo in the breast pocket of his nylon jacket. The backblast of sparks had melted through his nylon and ignited the rest of the bottle rockets... in his pocket. Closer team mates of his said he was wildly gyrating and trying to beat out the flames. Fortunately, while the jacket was a loss, he was largely unhurt (physically, emotionally scarred, well....) aside from a few minor burns on his hand.

During another bottle rocket fight, we set the lawn on fire. It was a hot, dry summer and we were experimenting with smoke bombs as smoke grenades. But when they go off, they send out quite a flame and the lawn was too dry. We put it out with hoses but not before threatening the cultivated mushroom patch and getting in trouble.

We also used to play with model rocket engines but not so much the rocket models. We'd just attach the engines to arrows and fire them off. (Note to self: Multi-stages set up with lengths of fuse don't work well.) We learned quickly how to dive for cover. I'm still not sure how we avoided major injuries.


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## kenobi65 (Jul 8, 2005)

Lessee...

- At age 13, was in the audience of "The Bart Starr Show" (a weekly TV show hosted by the then-coach of the Green Bay Packers), and asked an incredibly inane question during the Q&A segment.  So, not only was I embarrassed in front of my friends (who were also in the audience), but I was embarrassed on TV across the entire state of Wisconsin.

- At age 15, kicked a hole in the wall in a fit of pique over losing a tabletop football game (APBA, if that game company means anything to any of you).

- At age 16, nearly rolled my dad's Jeep Wagoneer in a McDonald's parking lot, while driving sideways along an incline at the back of the lot.


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## kenobi65 (Jul 8, 2005)

BigFreekinGoblinoid said:
			
		

> My second suspension was for hitting a girl in the forehead with a homemade chinese throwing star I made in Metal shop. Like an inch above her eye!




I think I saw that on an episode of "South Park".  Did you convince her to go to a veterinarian, rather than a doctor, so you didn't get in trouble?


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## reveal (Jul 8, 2005)

kenobi65 said:
			
		

> I think I saw that on an episode of "South Park".  Did you convince her to go to a veterinarian, rather than a doctor, so you didn't get in trouble?




Poor, poor Butters.


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## sniffles (Jul 8, 2005)

I still can't think of any embarrassing stories of my own - not that I never did anything embarrassing when I was under 21 (unless you count eloping with a guy 6 yrs. my senior whom I barely knew), but they're just not amusing embarrassing stories.  

I like this story, though, although it's actually embarrassing for someone else. When I was in 7th grade I was in "accelerated" English class, the class for the "smart" kids. Our teacher, Ms. Brown, was a crotchety old lady. I grew up in a small town in west Texas. In a neighboring small city a shopping mall had recently opened, which was a big deal for the people in my home town. Some of the wealthier farm families would take their kids out of school on a weekday to drive up to the mall. Ms. Brown hated it when they did that. 

My father passed away that year. I was a bit of a tomboy and didn't own a dress my mother considered appropriate for funeral wear, so she took me and my sister out of school on a Friday to shop for funeral attire. On Monday I went back to school and Ms. Brown wanted to know where I'd been on Friday. I walked up to her desk and told her truthfully that I'd been out of school to shop for a dress. She demanded to know what occasion was so important I had to miss school to buy clothes for it. I calmly replied, "My father's funeral." 

It was so gratifying to watch Ms. Brown sort of shrink down in her chair. I went back to my seat, all the other kids in the class staring at me in amazement, wondering what I could possibly have said to put a cork in the old lady.


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## Sebastian Francis (Jul 9, 2005)

kenobi65 said:
			
		

> I think I saw that on an episode of "South Park".




Where do you think he got the idea from?


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## Rel (Jul 10, 2005)

billd91 said:
			
		

> There are a few incidents that I remember, usually related to pyrotechnics of some sort.




I've got plenty of these memories too including some centered around bottle rocket fights.  But the one that came from my pre-21 days involved a friend (and fellow board member here)...

So we were around 15 and out for a night of minor mayhem (probably after having played a few hours of D&D).  Another friend of ours had been experimenting with making a "kerosene bomb" and had brought along his contraption.  It consisted of an empty mayonaise jar filled about 1/3 full with kerosene.  The fuse stuck out the top and was a piece of scotch tape that he had patted onto loose gunpowder extracted from a few shotgun shells.  

Having seen his share of Bugs Bunny cartoons, he knew that gunpowder burns at a nice leisurely rate so that somebody could light the fuse and then run away before the big explosion.  The fuse was about 8 inches long.

Our friend who had designed this amazing device indicated that he would be happy to allow somebody else do the honor of lighting it.  This task was taken up by pyromaniac and fellow ENWorlder, Speaks With Stone.  He set the "bomb" down in the middle of a gravel parking lot and the rest of us backed away to "safe distance", which we estimated to be some 50 feet.  Speaks With Stone then went off to light the bomb with his handy lighter.

The thing is this:  Modern gunpowder does not behave like they show in the cartoons.  It burns FAST.  So fast in fact, that there was nothing at all like the amount of time that would have been necessary for Speaks to retreat to safe distance after lighting the bomb (or any significant distance for that matter).  Instead the entirety of the fuse burnt in about 1/8  of a second and produced a flash that only managed to illuminate the shocked expression on Speaks' face and render the rest of our night vision ruined.

In the wake of this bright flash, we could see nothing.  One thing that was certain was that the "bomb" had not gone off (it actually takes a fairly determined effort to ignite kerosene from my experience).  The next thing we were aware of was the sound of fast approaching footsteps across the gravel and then a pause as Speaks leapt into the air and performed a flawless tackle on the would-be bomb-maker whom he pummeled for a few seconds citing the potential loss of his eyes and disfigurement of his face had the kerosene ignited as planned some fraction of a second after the fuse was lit.

We all went home after that, adrenaline pumping and resolved never to volunteer to light any homemade bombs again.  I think we largely stuck to that resolution, depending on the precise definition of "bomb".


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## DaveStebbins (Jul 10, 2005)

kenobi65 said:
			
		

> - At age 15, kicked a hole in the wall in a fit of pique over losing a tabletop football game (APBA, if that game company means anything to any of you).



My brother and I used to play APBA football! I really enjoyed it until I started playing Strat-O-Matic football a bunch of years later. For APBA football, my brother had all of the 1968 AFL teams, which gives you a good idea of how long ago this occurred...


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## Dakkareth (Jul 11, 2005)

Mmhh, younger than 21 and no stories to tell (and I doubt that will change). Is that good or bad?


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## Angel Tarragon (Jul 11, 2005)

Dakkareth said:
			
		

> Mmhh, younger than 21 and no stories to tell (and I doubt that will change). Is that good or bad?



I'm 8 years older, and don't have any stories.  
I'm pretty much a goody two shoes.


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## Wormwood (Jul 11, 2005)

I once accidentally printed a 50+ page hardcore erotic story to the network printer at work. I never even noticed I had printed the file until I was called to the office.


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## reveal (Jul 11, 2005)

Wormwood said:
			
		

> I once accidentally printed a 50+ page hardcore erotic story to the network printer at work. I never even noticed I had printed the file until I was called to the office.




We have a winner!


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## Rel (Jul 11, 2005)

Wormwood said:
			
		

> I once accidentally printed a 50+ page hardcore erotic story to the network printer at work. I never even noticed I had printed the file until I was called to the office.




I simply must ask, what did you say to them when you walked in and saw the "evidence"?


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## reveal (Jul 11, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I simply must ask, what did you say to them when you walked in and saw the "evidence"?




"We searched every inch of this base and all we found was porno, porno, porno!" - Army officer who throws magazines on the table

Krusty the Klown walks by the table - "Hey hey! Now this is my kind of meeting!"


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## Angel Tarragon (Jul 11, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> Krusty the Klown walks by the table - "Hey hey! Now this is my kind of meeting!"


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## Wormwood (Jul 12, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I simply must ask, what did you say to them when you walked in and saw the "evidence"?




Date: 1995

Paul, the head of the IT department calls me to the office. I work in the Art Department, so he has no authority over me---but the guy can make my life a living hell if he wants to. 

I walk into Paul's office to find him holding a big fat sheaf of paper. In a strange, low voice he asks, "Did *you* print this?"

Having no idea that I had printed anything, I said I hadn't. Then, strangely, he handed the papers to me and says, "Are you sure?" 

I scanned the three columns of 7-point Arial and phrases such as "I never thought this would happen to me...", "slowly unzipped", and "my friend wants to join in" leapt off the page. 

I get really, really cold. Everything got kind of bright and I thought I suffered a mild stroke. 

"Okay, yeah that's mine. Where'd you get it?", I ask in a tiny voice. 

Paul leans in conspiratorially, "It was in the laser printer in Reception. Nobody could fax in because *this* was clogging up the cue. For 15 minutes"

At this point I'm mentally cleaning out my personal effects and deleting a large number of sensitive files off my PC. 

I manage to retain enough composure "Okay. Thanks. Did anyone else see it?"

"You lucked out, everyone was at lunch except for _[insert names of office drones I no longer remember-wormwood]_. You might want to be more careful"

I slink back to the Art Department, thanking the God of Fools and Perverts to have dodged a bullet. 

Later, Mark the Art Director came back from lunch and asked me, "Hey, did you really do that ?" I nod and he says, "Jesus! What the  is wrong with you? Are you ing kidding me? Jesus!"

And we never spoke of it again. I still work at the same place (although I've since been promoted.


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## reveal (Jul 12, 2005)

Wormwood said:
			
		

> I still work at the same place (although I've since been promoted.




"...and since I have tenure, I'm allowed to print off 3 pornographic stories a day."


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## mojo1701 (Jul 12, 2005)

reveal said:
			
		

> "...and since I have tenure, I'm allowed to print off 3 pornographic stories a day."




Is that considered a job perk?


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## Rel (Jul 12, 2005)

Wormwood said:
			
		

> And we never spoke of it again. I still work at the same place (although I've since been promoted.




"Now THAT's what I call a sticky situation!"

Awesome story.


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