# Funny Expressions From Your Neck of the Woods



## Rel (May 27, 2005)

So I'm sitting here eating my lunch (boiled egg sandwiches, mango and a Corona) and enjoying it so much that I said out loud, "It'd make a hound dog hug a whale!"

This is a saying that I picked up from an old coworker of mine and I've always thought it was funny (and bizarre).  It got me thinking about other funny sayings that I've heard and adopted and I wanted to hear some of yours.  Two others that sprang to mind were:

"I'd run up a hog's ass for a ham sandwich!"  (used when you are very hungry)

and

"Two axe handles and a long squirrel jump."  (a unit of measurement used to describe the width of a particularly large ass)


So what funny things do they say where you come from?


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## Jdvn1 (May 27, 2005)

"That is _off the chain!_"


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## diaglo (May 27, 2005)

1) fine as frog's hair

2) teets on a bull

3) aching plates of meat

4) why you throw chip?
edit: for Rel...

1. the existance of such a thing could not be believed. so the expression is usually in response to "How Y'all doin'?"

2. usually goes with, "Son, you are about as useless as..."

3. or my dawgs are killing me.

4. you had to be there.


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## Rel (May 27, 2005)

I can guess the context of some of these but can you provide explanations for the situations in which they are used?  I'd hate to scream "That is _off the chain_!" in outrage when I should be using it as a compliment.


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## Jdvn1 (May 27, 2005)

Rel said:
			
		

> I can guess the context of some of these but can you provide explanations for the situations in which they are used?  I'd hate to scream "That is _off the chain_!" in outrage when I should be using it as a compliment.



I'm not sure where it comes from or why it is, but it's used to compliment something or someone.  It's kind of... I don't use the term that much, though.  I learned it when I worked in a not-so-great part of town.

"Girl, you lookin' off the _chain_!"


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## Len (May 27, 2005)

"Neck of the woods"


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## EricNoah (May 27, 2005)

I am apparently not the only one around here who says, "Crap on a stick."


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## JimAde (May 27, 2005)

"Wicked"

An intensifier.  As in "Wicked good" or "Wicked ugly" or even just plain "Wicked" (which is generally good but can just be extreme).


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## diaglo (May 27, 2005)

5. Favorite Turd

6. Sh*t on a Shingle


5... usually associated with "I wouldn't Sh*t you. You are my ..." or "You were Sh*t on a fence post and Hatched by the Sun"

6. something you can get in the mess hall of most barracks.


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## Psionicist (May 27, 2005)

A popular swedish comedian once mixed up several old swedish proverbs (on purpose). THey are _weird_ if you translate them to english:

"He who makes his own bed often knocks over a small tussock, over and over again."

"He who yells over the mad bird won't see the trees for the legs."


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## JimAde (May 27, 2005)

Psionicist said:
			
		

> A popular swedish comedian once mixed up several old swedish proverbs (on purpose). THey are _weird_ if you translate them to english:
> 
> "He who makes his own bed often knocks over a small tussock, over and over again."
> 
> "He who yells over the mad bird won't see the trees for the legs."



 I'm going to have to use those for my next deranged NPC.


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## IamTheTest (May 27, 2005)

As a slow defenseman (hockey) from the farming country of Ohio, I often find myself telling my   younger, and less beer laiden (read: faster), teamates that, "the dog the $h*ts fast doesnt $h*t long". Or, "its better to be pissed off than pissed on".


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## Macbeth (May 27, 2005)

"Shaking like a dog sh*tt*ng razorblades" - From a song, but I've picked it up. Shaking like crazy.

"Flurb" - Slang among some LARPers I know (they do the kind of LARP where role-play means beat each other up) for nerds or excessive rolplayers. If you've ever had a character (or LARPed a character) with drow, elves, dragons, fairies, or cat-people in your background, you may be a flurb. If you have at least 2 of the above, you're almost definately a flurb. If yo uhave all of the above, you're some kind of patron Saint of Flurbiness


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## Del (May 27, 2005)

> "Flurb" - Slang among some LARPers I know (they do the kind of LARP where role-play means beat each other up) for nerds or excessive rolplayers. If you've ever had a character (or LARPed a character) with drow, elves, dragons, fairies, or cat-people in your background, you may be a flurb. If you have at least 2 of the above, you're almost definately a flurb. If yo uhave all of the above, you're some kind of patron Saint of Flurbiness




I don't see how LARPers can cast stones against said character choices, but to each their own.


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## reveal (May 28, 2005)

"I'm busier than a two-peckered owl."

"Slicker than greased owl s**t."


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## jonesy (May 28, 2005)

Hauskaa on kuin anopin hautajaisissa = Having as much fun as at a mother-in-laws funeral.
- When having a lot of fun.

Lähti kuin lehmä suosta = Left like a cow from a swamp.
- When someone or something goes from a dead stop to a great speed.

Niin kiero mies että pitää ruuvata hautaan = Such a twisted man you have to screw him into a grave.
- Said of a dishonest man.

Hävis ku pieru saharaan = Lost like a fart in Sahara.
- When you really can't find something.

Putos ku eno veneestä = Fell like an uncle from a boat.
- When something or someone falls down fast and hard.

Huutaa kuin mummo uunissa = Shouts like a grandma in an oven.
- When someone shouts, very loud.

Toimii kuin junan vessa = Works like the toilet in a train.
- When something works perfectly.

Terve kuin pukki = Healthy as a goat.
- When someone is really healthy.

Tuijottaa kuin härkä uutta porttia = Stares like a bull at the new gate.
- When someone can't get their eyes off something.

Vituttaa kuin liito-oravaa hakkuuaukion reunassa = Pissed off like a flying squirrel next to a logging forest.
- When you are really angry.


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## Hand of Evil (May 28, 2005)

Rough on rats
Like a cow pissing on a rock
Got to be tough if you are going to be stupid
Two tons of S**t in a one ton truck


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## Lhorgrim (May 28, 2005)

"Riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels" = Living an easy life, or having an easy job.


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## Bloodstone Press (May 28, 2005)

From Middle TN: 

1. finer than frogs hair split 3 ways
2. Sh*t Fire and save matches! 
3. Fixin' (I've lived in the South for 15 years and I still can't get over that one)

  ... there's others but I can't think of them right now...


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## pogre (May 28, 2005)

He wouldn't say $h*t if he had a mouthfull.


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## orchid blossom (May 28, 2005)

EricNoah said:
			
		

> I am apparently not the only one around here who says, "Crap on a stick."




It must be a Wisconsin thing, I remember saying that pretty frequently when I still lived there.  A friend's husband has expanded his repetoire of "stick" cursing.  Put any short curse word in front of "stick".  He has a wide range.

"Craptastic" is a personal favorite of mine.


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## Zappo (May 28, 2005)

"You're as strong as powdered vinegar" - told to someone who is boasting a bit too much.
"Unloaded" (rough translation) - overpowered, but don't ask me why.

My area is also possibly the worldwide capital of verbal blasphemy, with a rather impressing degree of inventiveness, but I think you don't need to know. Wouldn't know how to translate half of them anyway.


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## the Jester (May 28, 2005)

Davis, CA euphamisms, idioms & slang (in my group of friends):

"I'm on crack" -originally used to indicate you just said or did something stupid (as in, "Where's my hat?" "On your head." "Oh, sorry, I'm on crack.")

"Your mom" - extraneous banter; _some groups find it insulting, but my crew is good friends, and we can comfortably joke about things like this without hurting each others' feelings or offending each other (and we pretty much all have really good relations with our moms)_ (as in, "Who was at the party?" "Your mom.") 

"Sweet" - really cool (as in, "That's a sweet car.")


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## WayneLigon (May 29, 2005)

"He don't know s**t from shinola."
He has no clue what's going on, or is not as smart as he thinks he is.

"You'll get the Fu Manchu!"
You will acquire a hideous un-named disease of a fatal nature if you put that in your mouth because it is filthy.

"A*holes and elbows"
We will be retreating from the situation so quickly that those are the only parts of us you will see.

"We've been Fobbed."
We have been screwed very badly in the same manner that a former Governor screwed up the state finances.

"That dog don't hunt."
'That idea will not work' or 'what you are telling me is not the truth'

"Knock him out, John!"
You don't hear this much anymore. Used to be a general exclamation of joke bad advice. Derives from Mississippi comedian Jerry Clower's tale 'A Coon Huntin' Story', where this guy, having treed a coon in a coon hunt, is persuaded to climb the tree and knock the coon down to the ground where the dogs can get it. He does so, only what he whacks with the stick is not a raccoon at all but a large bobcat that proceeds to maul him. 

"Consider the source"
Said in response to a repeated bit of gossip or stupid advice

A "pure T", as in a "She had a pure T fit over that dress."
I have no idea what the hell this means and neither does anyone else. It's probably a corruption of 'pretty'

"You and Cox's army"
You and a lot of other people might make me do this. I have no idea who Cox was.

"My hand to God"
I am telling the truth

"God's willing and the Creek don't rise"
We will get it done unless God doesn't want us to or the Creek indians don't come and kill us all.

"Yeller Dog Democrat"
You don't hear this much at all anymore. Someone who would vote Democrat even though the Democrats were running a yellow dog as a candidate.

"I need to pi** like a racehorse."
I must urinate copiously.

Play Pretty
Toy (juvenile)

Miss (first name)
Term of respect given to a (usually elderly) respected female, whether she's married or not.

"Wally World"
Wal*Mart

"Well, La De Dah"
It's a sarcastic retort, usually means 'Well, isn't he acting above himself?'.


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## the Jester (May 29, 2005)

WayneLigon said:
			
		

> A "pure T", as in a "She had a pure T fit over that dress."
> I have no idea what the hell this means and neither does anyone else. It's probably a corruption of 'pretty'




Huh... this one floated around my junior high school in northern california (Redding) in about 1983.  Weird.

It's from your neck of the woods, eh?


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## Rel (May 29, 2005)

WayneLigon said:
			
		

> "Knock him out, John!"
> You don't hear this much anymore. Used to be a general exclamation of joke bad advice. Derives from Mississippi comedian Jerry Clower's tale 'A Coon Huntin' Story', where this guy, having treed a coon in a coon hunt, is persuaded to climb the tree and knock the coon down to the ground where the dogs can get it. He does so, only what he whacks with the stick is not a raccoon at all but a large bobcat that proceeds to maul him.




That's AWESOME!  Both because I recall and love the humor of Jerry Clower and because I actually use another line from this same story as a regular saying:

"Shoot up in amongst us!  'Cause one of us has got to have some relief!" 

I'll use this one in game, usually when a fairly unskilled character fires into melee when things are getting desperate.

Well, now I guess I'm asking for some Jerry Clower CD's for my birthday this week.


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## jaerdaph (May 29, 2005)

I'm from New York. Nothing we say could get past Eric's Grandma. Fuhgetaboutit!


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## Goblyn (May 29, 2005)

I can recall one -"Crazy as a bag of hammers"

As in:  You are "..."

I'm sure there are more, but I cannot remember them right now.


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## devilbat (May 29, 2005)

"It's Colder then a whores heart"

"It's not the straw that broke the camel's back, it's the rest of the load"

"Chicks dig the glove save" - I'm a hockey goalie

"You're gonna get beat like a red headed step child / three legged dog

"she's so ugly, she's oogly"


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## alsih2o (May 29, 2005)

Local favorite: "Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit!"


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## zepherus (May 30, 2005)

One of my favorites from my "drinking days" used to describe a hangover, but can also be used for other situations...

"I feel like I've been shot at and missed, and sh*t at and hit."


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## Jakar (May 30, 2005)

We have "Up and down like and old maid in a cuecumber patch" here in Brisbane Australia.


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## DungeonmasterCal (May 30, 2005)

Ahh...nothing like living in the South for this sort of stuff.

My dad, who I loved and miss dearly, was a man of little patience.  If I couldn't find the tool he asked me to send, he'd say, "Boy, you couldn't find your a** with a search warrant in each hand."

If we were target shooting, and I missed, he say, "Boy, you couldn't hit a bull in the a** with a bass fiddle."

I used to roady for a honky tonk band.  Our soundboard died in the middle of a pretty big show.  Our drummer, also the lead singer, just shook his head and said, "Well, looks like it swallered its own a**".

I notice "a**" gets a lot of use around here....

Others I remember are "Beat you like a borrowed mule", "ride you like a stolen bicycle", and if you needed to put a block behind the wheel of a vehicle, it was called "scotchin'".


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## Maldur (May 30, 2005)

"Kei zacht"

Kei means boulder, zacht means soft.

so "Boulder soft" 

Kei, is a "normal" intensifier for hard, so "kei hard" means: very hard.
For some odd reason, kei started to be used fas an "universal" intensifier, ergo "kei zacht"


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## WayneLigon (May 30, 2005)

the Jester said:
			
		

> Huh... this one floated around my junior high school in northern california (Redding) in about 1983. Weird.
> 
> It's from your neck of the woods, eh?




I've heard a couple others mentioned here, so there must be some cross-pollination. I bet there is some 99-year-old guy's research about this kind of slang/linguistic stuffed into a folder and forgotten in a damp university sub-basement somewhere, only waiting for a group of plucky teen detectives to come searching for it.


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## DungeonmasterCal (May 30, 2005)

WayneLigon said:
			
		

> I've heard a couple others mentioned here, so there must be some cross-pollination. I bet there is some 99-year-old guy's research about this kind of slang/linguistic stuffed into a folder and forgotten in a damp university sub-basement somewhere, only waiting for a group of plucky teen detectives to come searching for it.




Mt. Dew....out of  nose...hurts...so..bad...


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## Ambrus (May 30, 2005)

My dad always says "t-ts up in the rubbarb" or "les quatres fer en l'air" (four horseshoes in the air) meaning to fall flat on your back. I've never heard anyone else use those expressions but him, but I always found them amusing.


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## Bloodstone Press (May 31, 2005)

you couldn't poor piss out of a boot with instructions written on the bottom! 

Jeez oh Petes! 

Dag Gaum! (I think its supposed to be pig latin for G** D***, but its not)

Crapola!  (an old lady I once knew said this a lot)

Jesus on a pogo stick!


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## der_kluge (May 31, 2005)

Some of these I've heard growing up in Arkansas.

Colder than a witch's .
Slicker than owl sh*t.
That's like trying to shove a wet noodle up a wildcat's ass (something difficult).
She looks like she's been rode hard and put up wet (describing an ugly woman).
One foot in the grave, and the other on a banana peel (describing a really old person).
They're so poor they don't have a pot to p*ss in, or a window to throw it out of.

I'll have to ask my Dad. He has a lot of these.


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## HellHound (May 31, 2005)

Any number of variations of crap... craptactular, craptastic...

I used to work in a workplace where most of the employees are French, and most of management is English. So we hear some interesting English and some really mangled French. When things don't work at the mill, they are "F*ckitated" and then you fix it so it becomes "Fixitated"

I'm not much of an 'on-a-stick' person, but one of my close friends owns an on-a-stick domain (I can't remember which one at this point, but it's not onastick.com).

Hotdogs are called Steamies around here (well, if they are steamed, which is at every hot dog place for miles around).

For really bright people, we have "He's about as sharp as a sack of wet rats"

We also used to hear a lot of "That's more -BLANK- than a bag full of really -BLANK- things", such as "That's more fun than a bag full of really fun things!" or "That's dumber than a bag full of really dumb things" and so on.


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## diaglo (May 31, 2005)

10. my hat of d02 knows no limits.  



10. if you have to ask then you haven't been visiting many rpg forums.


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## Henry (May 31, 2005)

Maldur said:
			
		

> Kei, is a "normal" intensifier for hard, so "kei hard" means: very hard.
> For some odd reason, kei started to be used fas an "universal" intensifier, ergo "kei zacht"




Ironically, there's a local mom-and-pop computer reseller in my area called "Rock Soft Computers." 


A lot of expressions have been globalized much quicker now than in the past, probably due to the spread of communications technology and the Internet. As a result, I can't think of any that another Southerner from the board hasn't already covered.


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## der_kluge (May 31, 2005)

You've probably heard of a "two-bag" girl. You have to have two bags to date her. One for her, and one for you in case hers falls off.

And then there is a coyote date. That's where you wake up from being drunk, and find her laying on your arm, so you chew it off, in order to get away.


If something is sticky or persistent, you say that it's "sticks like stink on sh*t" or "like ticks on a dog".


If someone is stupid, they are "two cards short of a deck" or "not the sharpest pencil in the box".

A gullible person has "just fallen off the cucumber truck".

Someone who doesn't know what they're talking about "doesn't know anything about the price of tea in china."

I'll post more as I think of them.


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## Wystan (May 31, 2005)

Macbeth said:
			
		

> "Shaking like a dog sh*tt*ng razorblades" - From a song, but I've picked it up. Shaking like crazy.
> 
> "Flurb" - Slang among some LARPers I know (they do the kind of LARP where role-play means beat each other up) for nerds or excessive rolplayers. If you've ever had a character (or LARPed a character) with drow, elves, dragons, fairies, or cat-people in your background, you may be a flurb. If you have at least 2 of the above, you're almost definately a flurb. If yo uhave all of the above, you're some kind of patron Saint of Flurbiness





Well, my LARP character history has me being 1/2 fae, parents killed by Drow.... SO I guess I am a Flurb... First I heard of it...


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## der_kluge (May 31, 2005)

The motherload:

http://www.thataintnormal.com/Features/Foleyisms.htm


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## Macbeth (May 31, 2005)

Wystan said:
			
		

> Well, my LARP character history has me being 1/2 fae, parents killed by Drow.... SO I guess I am a Flurb... First I heard of it...



 Don't worry about it. Sure, it's ment to be a bit of a stereotype, but it's not completely bad, more like what a Mac owner might call a Windows guy. Yeah, it's a bit of an insult, but not horribly so. More of a joke thing. You flurb.


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## Aeson (May 31, 2005)

My sister for some reason says "mom and them" or with a twang "momanim" when asking about the location of our mother. "Where is momanim". This appears to be a southern thing. 

These two are not limited to the south.

"know what I'm sayin" often used in the middle of what is being said but mostly used afterwards. Makes me want to say "no I don't know what your saying"

This also gets a reply of "heard dat". 

Many I've heard are covered by that foley'ism site. I never thought that much could come out of one man. He must spout that stuff nonstop.


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## orchid blossom (Jun 1, 2005)

I can't believe I forgot yaderhey.  Used as a joke about our percieved Wisconsin accent (we do have one, but we _don't_ sound like the people in the movie Fargo.)

It's basically Ya, there, hey, said really fast.


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## thol (Jun 1, 2005)

bang a [left, right, yoo-ee] = take a [left, right, u-turn]
make a packie run = go to the liquor store
jimmies = sprinkles
milkshake = flavored milk
frappe = milk with ice cream
bubbler = drinking fountain
tonic = soda/pop/coke/soda pop (only people my parents' age say this now)
hoodsie = little cup of ice cream
calm your liver = don't be in such a hurry


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## JimAde (Jun 1, 2005)

And if we're starting on food items: what do people in your area call a sandwich on a long roll?

Here it's a sub or a grinder


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## orchid blossom (Jun 1, 2005)

Bubbler!  How could I forget?  A water fountain is a decorative thing in a park that sprays water up.  A bubbler is what you get a drink from.


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## der_kluge (Jun 1, 2005)

JimAde said:
			
		

> And if we're starting on food items: what do people in your area call a sandwich on a long roll?
> 
> Here it's a sub or a grinder




Thanks for that. I was up in Rhode Island this past weekend, and saw a sign for grinders. I wondered if they were maybe selling lap dances or something.


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## JimAde (Jun 1, 2005)

der_kluge said:
			
		

> Thanks for that. I was up in Rhode Island this past weekend, and saw a sign for grinders. I wondered if they were maybe selling lap dances or something.



 Now THAT'S a full-service restaurant!


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## DungeonmasterCal (Jun 1, 2005)

Here are a couple more from Arkansas:

"That dog'll hunt."--for when something works well.

"Time to piss on the fire and call the dogs."--Time to quit and go home.


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## Kanegrundar (Jun 1, 2005)

Here's a few from Mid-Missouri:

"Like a big dog." Used when describing something in the extreme.  
"I heard you got really drunk last night."
"Yeah, I puked like a big dog."

Crap a duck: Something my dad would say instead of simply saying sh*t.

Jesus T*ts: First heard this one a couple years ago, now I hear it everywhere.  

Something fierce:  "That salsa made my butt burn something fierce."

Hellfire: Yet another replacement for sh*t.

That is so dead it's stinking: Used mostly when cussing over a car or lawnmower that refuses to run.

I know there are more, but I can't think of anymore right now.

Kane


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## diaglo (Jun 1, 2005)

11. if it ain't broke don't fix it.

12. fish or cut bait.  also sh*t or get off the pot there is somebody waiting

13. drop trou... short for trousers.




11.  don't mess with something if it works. all you will do is break it.

12.  quit stalling. make up your mind and make a decision.

13. pull down your pants to answer nature's call. which could mean a nature of different things.


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## Kanegrundar (Jun 1, 2005)

Thought of a couple more:

Colder than a witch's t*t.

Hotter Than Hell.

Slicker than snot in September.

"Might as well get glad."  My dad would say that to me whenever I got pissed about something.

"Let a sleeping dog lie."  More colorful way of telling someone to leave well enough alone.

Kane


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## Rel (Jun 1, 2005)

thol said:
			
		

> calm your liver = don't be in such a hurry




And is it true, as we southerners have been led to believe, that this sounds a lot like, "cahm ya livah"?

Ok, now say, "Park the car at Harvard Yard." 




			
				Kanegrundar said:
			
		

> Colder than a witch's t*t.




One can also add "in a brass bra" for effect on that one.


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## Tinner (Jun 1, 2005)

*F---tard* - Someone very stupid.
*Cool! Monkey Head!* - Exclamation of excitement and pleasure. IIRC my brother picked this up from an episode of Beavis & Butthead
*You better pack a lunch and bring a friend!* - Said in response to someone threatening you with violence.
*Like white on rice* - used to describe how much you desire something. ie. "I'd be all over that steak like white on rice!"
*You're so smart you're stupid!* - My dad would always say this in response to some overly complicated hair-brained scheme I had come up with.
*If you got any slower, you'd go backwards*. - My dad, again. I was not a fast child ...
*More _____ than Carter's Little Liver Pills* - My dad used this to describe something he had a lot of. ie. "You've got more excuses than Carter's Little Liver Pills!" Apparently there was some company named Carter's that once manufactured such pills, and the selling point was that you got a lot of them in the bottle.


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## der_kluge (Jun 1, 2005)

When my wife and I were dating, I was at her place, waiting on her to get ready. We were probably going to dinner or something.

And I walked into her bathroom where she was working on her hair and I said:

"How much do you like?"

She looked at me like I was an alien from another planet.

I'd always taken that phrase for granted where I was from.

It means, "how much longer before you're ready?"


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## DungeonmasterCal (Jun 1, 2005)

"Like" for "lack" is definitely a southern thing, like "fixin' to".


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## Chaldfont (Jun 1, 2005)

My dad has a ton of these. He likes to surprise me with them in mid-conversation and then go, "did you like that one?"

Crazier than a sh*thouse rat.
That smell would knock a buzzard offa sh*twagon!
Busier than a one-legged man in an a**-kicking contest.
That don't belong to be there! (translation: That isn't supposed to be there!)

There's also:

"*load" (where * can be replaced with just about any four letter word--indicates a large amount)
"metric *load" (for everyone outside the US)
"slay" (verb, to make someone laugh uncontrollably, past tense is "slayed" as in "That movie slayed me.")
"That smells like butt."
"You a**ed it up!" (you messed it up, you broke it)
"f***-all" (big, giant, enormous--we got this from Eddie Izzard)


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## the Jester (Jun 1, 2005)

Oooh, here's another one.

"Flip a bitch"-- make a u-turn.


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## Raging Epistaxis (Jun 1, 2005)

More Southern-isms

"Bless (his/her/its) heart" - usually would translate as 'meaning no disrespect' and almost always followed or preceded by a not-particularly-flattering phrase.  ex.  'He's one fry short of a Happy Meal, bless his heart" , "Bless her little heart, but that dog's so ugly I'd shave her behind and make her walk backward"

"I don't care to ..." -  intended to mean 'I would ... '.  The first couple of times I heard it  I thought they meant the opposite.

"**it on stick, with cheese" - cause isn't everything better with cheese?   

R E


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## Ferret (Jun 1, 2005)

the Jester said:
			
		

> "Your mom" - extraneous banter; _some groups find it insulting, but my crew is good friends, and we can comfortably joke about things like this without hurting each others' feelings or offending each other (and we pretty much all have really good relations with our moms)_ (as in, "Who was at the party?" "Your mom.")





We have that in england too. I'm in devon but I think it's mainly an inner city thing.

"Allow you!" - to show disbelief, as in "As if you would do that".

"Arse about face" - a friend is a WW2 re-enactor and particualrly likes to use this when I get mixed up.


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## Cthulhu's Librarian (Jun 2, 2005)

My Dad always used to say "It's colder than a witch's t*t in a brass brassière" during the winter. 
"Slipperier than whale sh*t" is one my father in law uses all the time.


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## Warrior Poet (Jun 3, 2005)

"Lower than a snake's belly in August." -- No idea why it has to be August, but there it is.  Something to do with trying to get "lower" than the heat for a creature that's already low to the ground anyway?

"Mad as a wet hen." -- A favorite of my mother.  Presumably, moistened barnyard fowl are prone to particularly excessive rage.

"Blitzed," "schnockered," "p*ssed," "three sheets to the wind," "inundated," "high as Georgia pine," "liquored," "hammered," and "walloped" -- All euphemisms for a state of inebriation.

"Stun-gun stupid." -- Used as an adjective, more to describe an individual than a circumstance.  One of my favorites.

"Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." -- Unkind description of someone's comeliness, or rather, lack thereof.

"You can take as long as you want in a gunfight, as long as you're the first to draw." -- Cowboy wisdom used to denote a situation where an ultimate decision rests with a particular individual and must come sooner rather than later.  Somewhat akin to "Fish or cut bait," which has been previously mentioned in the thread.

"Slow as Christmas." -- Presumably because, for some, the arrival of Christmas (or other appropriate holiday that involves the giving, or more to the point, the receiving of gifts) cannot happen soon enough.

"Slow as molasses in winter." -- Usually aimed at individuals or actions, not necessarily events or circumstances.

"Mean as a rattler and half as cuddly." -- Illustrates the particular degree of orneriness possessed by some.

"Burning daylight." -- I've heard people use this one, and don't know if they got it from the John Wayne movie _The Cowboys_ where the very words are spoken by the Duke, or whether the writers of that film heard it from others and incorporated it into the script.  Either way, it means "wasting time."

"Hurts like the dickens." -- Another of my mother's favorites, often said after striking thumb with hammer accidentally, or similar painful experience.  Mom and Dad don't cuss much.   

On the other hand, I, and many of the other folks I know (including siblings), do:

"Slimier than two eels ******* in a bucket of snot."  -- Where ******* is a gerund sometimes used to denote the act of procreation (or recreation).

Warrior Poet


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## Cthulhu's Librarian (Jun 3, 2005)

One my Mom used to use when I was little and cut or bruised myself (which seemed to be a daily occurance): "It'll get better before you get married"


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## AuroraGyps (Jun 3, 2005)

Cthulhu's Librarian said:
			
		

> One my Mom used to use when I was little and cut or bruised myself (which seemed to be a daily occurance): "It'll get better before you get married"




I was just thinking last night of something my Mom used to say all the time that's really very weird.  Someone would ask "what's for dinner" and she'd answer "mouse ears".  It makes no sense and is kinda gross, but it cracks me up to this day.  I don't remember where it came from.
We also used to have another family "saying".  I'd ask, "where ya going?" and the answer would be, "crazy... wanna come?"  Again, it's dumb, but it's also one of those family things ya always remember.

The only other sayings that I can think of are:
Dumber than a box of rocks.  (you can fake "shaking a box of rocks" while you say this)
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.


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## orchid blossom (Jun 3, 2005)

AuroraGyps said:
			
		

> IWe also used to have another family "saying".  I'd ask, "where ya going?" and the answer would be, "crazy... wanna come?"




My mom used to say that one too.

She had her own answer to "What's for dinner?"  "Food."

I drive my fiance crazy cause I can't help but answer "food" when he asks what he should eat for dinner.


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## cignus_pfaccari (Jun 4, 2005)

"The Devil's beatin' his wife."  That's when it's raining, but the sun's shining.

I *think* that's from Georgia; the only other person I know who mentioned hearing it was from Milledgeville, GA.

"If it'd been a snake, it'd've bit me!"

That's when you've failed a bunch of abysmally-low DC Spot checks, and see the thing that's right in front of you.

Brad


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## weiknarf (Jun 4, 2005)

Hangin' in there like hair in a biscuit.

Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin' chairs

He don't know his A**hole from a hole in the ground.

All over that like -
          -a fat kid on a cupcake
          -stink on sh**

He got beat with the ugly stick

He'd argue with a sign post

He's uglier than homemade sh**

Don't bring a knife to a gunfight

I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.


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## Jdvn1 (Jun 4, 2005)

"She's a Mona Lisa"

Meaning she's pretty from a distance, but really ugly when you get close.


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## Stormborn (Jun 4, 2005)

jonesy said:
			
		

> Niin kiero mies että pitää ruuvata hautaan = Such a twisted man you have to screw him into a grave.
> - Said of a dishonest man.
> 
> 
> ...




OK, I'm from central Alabama and I have heard both of these expressions from rural people around here, not common but I have heard them.  The only difference was in the second case we say "calf" rather than "bull."  In fact it was what I was going to post.

Heard many of the other "southernisms" here, and some not so southern.  

a few more 

antigoglin - crooked or out of true
"Well, I'll be John Brown!" - an exclamation of suprise, much like "well I'll be a monkey's uncle"
"I swuny" - my grandmother's generation had been tought not to swear, so said "swuny" rather than "I swear."  She could cuss like a sailor thoughm and did so with almost South Park like casualness.

My grandmother's generation had several more, but I deem them not worth repeating, ever and much less on this board, due to their steroetypical content.


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