# Was: Eberron - Passage (one week only)!



## RangerWickett (Aug 17, 2004)

This thread is now empty.


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## Graywolf-ELM (Aug 17, 2004)

So is that title the name of the Campaign? Adventure? or how often you are posting for this story?

I haven't done more than read Dragon articles, but from what I have read, your short story here captures some of the Eberron flavor.  I'd read this, if the story/campaign story hour/whatever continues.

GW


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## Pants (Aug 18, 2004)

Graywolf-ELM said:
			
		

> So is that title the name of the Campaign? Adventure? or how often you are posting for this story?
> 
> I haven't done more than read Dragon articles, but from what I have read, your short story here captures some of the Eberron flavor.  I'd read this, if the story/campaign story hour/whatever continues.
> 
> GW



This is his submission for the Eberron novel search. 

I'll post my thoughts later RW.


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## RangerWickett (Aug 18, 2004)

As spoke the Pants, this is my writing sample for the Eberron novel search.  I have since revised a few bits here and there, but that's the majority for ya.  I'm glad you like it.  _Hopefully_ you will be able to read more of it in a few months.


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## LostSoul (Aug 18, 2004)

I like it... but I feel like it needs a little more "zip."  I'm not sure what that means, though...


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## RangerWickett (Aug 25, 2004)

I already mailed this off, so I'm bumping it one last time before I take this post down tomorrow night.


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## ragboy (Aug 25, 2004)

RangerWickett said:
			
		

> I already mailed this off, so I'm bumping it one last time before I take this post down tomorrow night.



RangerWickett, 

Looks like I'm coming in late on this one. Here are my quick comments: 

I _really_ like the main character and the opening scene. He's got that roguish charm (ala Man with no Name) that definitely makes him a perfect protagonist. The scene itself is reminiscent of the scene between Tuco and his brother in _The Good, the Bad and the Ugly._ A lot of undercurrent. Very nice. I really like the last scene, as well. The warforged has a certain wry futility that is attractive. I have had a hard time getting my head around that race, and I think you helped me with this character portrait. Overall, the narrative is pretty tight and well constructed. The action flows nicely, as well. 

I think you're walking a fine line between a darker than average D&D fantasy book and outright brutality with Labeth's scene. I can say that I was rather unsympathetic to her plight after her actions. The capper, "It took several strikes before the man stopped moving" cinched it for me. I'm really hoping she dies in a most painful manner. This may not be a feeling you want to evoke for one of your main characters. Overall, I found a handful of grammatical errors and a few instances of phrases used by the characters that might not evoke the setting as deeply as you like ("god damned" and "hell" were two that stood out). 

Overall, I really like this piece. It's got the pulp feel, the anti-hero theme and is firmly rooted in the genre and WotC's campaign world. Thanks for a great story! 

On a side note, I finally finished mine last night...or I should say at 6a this morning. One more edit and I'm going to overnight it to WotC. That single page synopsis was HARD!


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## Graywolf-ELM (Apr 12, 2005)

Did you get the deal?  If so, what will the name of the book be, if you know.

GW


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## RangerWickett (Apr 12, 2005)

Oh, no.  I did not get the deal.  I got a form letter response, like 280 other people.  *grin*  I just hope the guy who did get it (his name escapes me now, but you can find it with a little searching) lives up to a high standard.


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