# Guy at my Wife's work nailed his Testicle to a House.



## Vraille Darkfang (Jan 10, 2007)

My wife works in the CAD Department, doing construction.

Guy at the job wasn't paying close attention with a Nail Gun & Impaled his Right Testicle to the Roof Framing.

It seems that in some of the areas they have to straddle the Frames and Nail as they go.



The proper techinque is to begin just pass your knee at fire the Nail Gun AWAY from you as you go.  Then, you can pull yourself forward & repeat.

Some guys find it easier to simply stretch out as far as they can reach & Fire Nails towards their body.  Stopping, then scooching backwards.  



Seems this guy was using method #2 & not paying close attention.

So the familiar:"Thump: Nail-Wood"; "Thump: Nail-Wood"; "Thump:Nail-Wood";  became...

"Thump: Nail-Wood"; "Thump: Nail-Wood"; "Whump: Nail-Denim-Wood"; "Thwack: Nail-Denim-Skin-Muscle-Skin-Denim-Wood"; "Thwack: Nail-Denim-Scrotum-Right Testicle-Scrotum-Denim-Wood".


This was followed by a "AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! HELP!!!! I Nailed by (Bleeps) to the roof!!!!!"

Thus follows a 911 call & 5 minutes waiting on an ambulance.


Did you many roofing nails have little backwards barbs on them, ensuring they remain impaled in the wood, and are thus nearly impossible to pull out?

I learned something new today.


Any way, the Peramedics had to cut the section of the roof he was impaled on away so they could lower him to the ground.

Then, in a Bob Via moment, they had to use a hacksaw, turned sidways into the wood, to cut the body of the nail off above the barbed part embedded in the wood.

Extraction of the steel spike from the Right Testicle was then possible.


Did you know the male testicle can survive being impaled with no lasting structural damage?

I learned something else new today.


The best part?

The Paramedic told the guy how lucky he was (The guy seemed to disagree).

Told him that if hadn't impaled his thigh first & thrown his aim off...

The Pressure Caused by the Wide Nail Head driving Flush into the Wood would have Ruptured his Impaled Testicle.  (The EMT had seen it before).

I was a little surprised that the EMT had seen enough of these Nail Gun Testicle Impalments to be a good judge of severity.


So, the guy is going to be OK (Might walk a lil' funny for a few days).

A little Swelling.  A few Stitches.  Investing in Admantine Codpiece.

A-OK.  (They gave him some pretty powerful pain meds).


So, to Sum up.

If using a Nail Gun, make sure you never aim anywhere remotely near your crotch.


----------



## Nightfall (Jan 10, 2007)

Sound advice.


----------



## jgbrowning (Jan 10, 2007)

Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> make sure you never aim anywhere remotely near your crotch.




Sir, that is good advice for all but a few things. 

joe b.


----------



## kenobi65 (Jan 10, 2007)

OW!

A good friend of mine is an amateur blacksmith.  Some years ago, he went out and bought a power hammer (a really big piece of electrical machinery, basically a hammer and anvil all in one automatic thingy).  The "anvil" part of it is about 2 1/2 feet off the ground.  As several of us were installing it, the guy from whom Frank bought it pointed out the height.  "Don't stick your d**k in this."


----------



## Bad Paper (Jan 10, 2007)

Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> If using a Nail Gun, make sure you never aim anywhere remotely near your crotch.



great.  NOW you tell me!


----------



## Dog Moon (Jan 10, 2007)

jgbrowning said:
			
		

> Sir, that is good advice for all but a few things.
> 
> joe b.




So true and yet some people never seem to learn this.


----------



## trancejeremy (Jan 10, 2007)

Wasn't that an episode of _Home Improvement_?


----------



## Nightfall (Jan 10, 2007)

Trance,

I believe it was a proposed accident that was never shown. Tim did however injury his groin one time, but not with a nail gun.


----------



## Tewligan (Jan 10, 2007)

That story is totally nuts! I'll bet you had a ball recounting it, though.


----------



## Harmon (Jan 10, 2007)

Proper safe technique and what one can do while using a nail gun are not always the same thing.  Once in a while you have to shot back towards your self, because you are up high and you can’t be levitating out in the middle of no where to make the shot.

Scooching along and nailing back towards yourself sounds like this guy was an apprentice (couple stories to follow).  He needed to be walking, course one never knows the situation he was in unless you can see for yourself, but seldom can one not walk when scooching is an option.


Story time-
Oh, about a thousand years ago when I was an apprentice carpenter I was nailing off a roof.  Somewhere in the neighborhood of ten thousand or more square feet, in near hundred degree weather (sun shines two ways on a plywood room).  I nailed my boot to the roof, right between my big toe and my index toe.  Scared the hell out of me ‘til I realized I had missed my toes, then I was just really embarrassed.

Few years later on another job I was framing with a nail gun, we had a gun that had no semi auto fire.  Depress the trigger and the safety and it went dry, so when the recoil knocked the gun back you had to release the trigger- sometimes you got a double shot if it bounced (this was before the little ring on the trigger to alter the auto to semi auto setting for those of you in the know).  Nailed the bottom nail on a 2x6 block, the gun rebounded inside the stub bay and fired twice more, the third came over the edge and went through my left palm.  I took a couple deep breaths went to the job shack, cut the head off the nail and pulled it through.  It hurt like you couldn’t believe, but it healed up in a day or three.

Heard about an apprentice that shot himself in the side of the knee while working high in a lift.  He started convulsing almost instantly, and then took a tumble out of the lift about twenty feet.  His partner (not in the lift, but above him) jumped into the lift, dropped down.  The kid was convulsive, flailing about, the carpenter pulled the nail out in a rush and the convulsing stopped.  The kid lost all feeling from his knee down from what I heard later.


----------



## kenobi65 (Jan 10, 2007)

Harmon said:
			
		

> I nailed my boot to the roof, right between my big toe and my index toe.
> {snip}
> the third came over the edge and went through my left palm.




You nailed your own foot *and* palm.

Sorry, I can't resist this one...

Jesus Christ.


----------



## BOZ (Jan 10, 2007)

horrific.


----------



## megamania (Jan 10, 2007)

... slack jawed as I read this thinking two things.....


1.  Poor guy

2.  YOU STUPID #$%^##&& IDIOT!  

I also had other thoughts / comments but they will not fly here very well.......


----------



## Agamon (Jan 10, 2007)

*faints*


----------



## LightPhoenix (Jan 10, 2007)

Harmon said:
			
		

> Heard about an apprentice that shot himself in the side of the knee while working high in a lift.  He started convulsing almost instantly, and then took a tumble out of the lift about twenty feet.  His partner (not in the lift, but above him) jumped into the lift, dropped down.  The kid was convulsive, flailing about, the carpenter pulled the nail out in a rush and the convulsing stopped.  The kid lost all feeling from his knee down from what I heard later.




Sounds like he got himself right in the nerve (whose name I can't recall... tibial I think).  It's the one that the doctor taps you on to test your reflexes.  The convulsing and flailing is not surprising in the least.  Plus, I've heard that knee injuries are extremely painful.



> Proper safe technique and what one can do while using a nail gun are not always the same thing. Once in a while you have to shot back towards your self, because you are up high and you can’t be levitating out in the middle of no where to make the shot.




Plus, sometimes accidents just happen.  Safe technique (and proper equipment) is important in helping to prevent them, but it's not the end-all panacea to stopping accidents and injuries.


----------



## MonkeyDragon (Jan 10, 2007)

It's incidents like these that make me glad that I have no manly bits.


----------



## Umbran (Jan 10, 2007)

Harmon said:
			
		

> Proper safe technique and what one can do while using a nail gun are not always the same thing.  Once in a while you have to shot back towards your self, because you are up high and you can’t be levitating out in the middle of no where to make the shot.




I am not buying that "have to", in any real sense.  There are situations when a nail gun can't be used with proper safety, yes.  But that's part of why they still make these "hammer" things.


----------



## diaglo (Jan 10, 2007)

gives a whole new meaning to the term, "Balls to the Wall"

OUCH.


----------



## Rel (Jan 10, 2007)

[Keanu]Whoah![/Keanu]


----------



## Pbartender (Jan 10, 2007)

Harmon said:
			
		

> I nailed my boot to the roof, right between my big toe and my index toe.  Scared the hell out of me ‘til I realized I had missed my toes, then I was just really embarrassed.
> 
> ...
> 
> Nailed the bottom nail on a 2x6 block, the gun rebounded inside the stub bay and fired twice more, the third came over the edge and went through my left palm.




Similar story...

Way back when, I was working in a general warehouse.  My job for the week was building crates and pallets with another fellow who was a pretty big jag-off.  Quick digression...  Pneumatic nail guns, for those who don't know, have two triggers -- the actual trigger, and the barrel of the gun itself -- both have to be pressed down to fire a nail. Normally, when you aren't actively nailing something, you take your finger off the trigger to prevent misfires.  ...back to the story.  Anyway, one day, this fellow was goofing around with his nail gun, pretending he was a cowboy or a gangster or something -- Hurr, hurr.  With his finger on the trigger, he swung the nail gun around and the nozzle hit the very edge of our work bench and spit out a nail...  It went straight through the leather upper of his boot, through the middle of his foot, through the rubber sole, and then blunted itself on the concrete floor of the warehouse.  That's right...  He essentially rivetted his boot to his foot.  

The paramedics had to cut away the boot leather, and then hacksaw the head of the nail off to get his foot out of the boot.


----------



## barsoomcore (Jan 10, 2007)

I never want to be part of any story that involves paramedics and hacksaws.


----------



## Pbartender (Jan 10, 2007)

barsoomcore said:
			
		

> I never want to be part of any story that involves paramedics and hacksaws.




...and then there was the guy who grommeted his hand...


----------



## Ghendar (Jan 10, 2007)

Takes balls to use a nail gun


----------



## gleicher27 (Jan 10, 2007)

Harmon said:
			
		

> Proper safe technique and what one can do while using a nail gun are not always the same thing.  Once in a while you have to shot back towards your self, because you are up high and you can’t be levitating out in the middle of no where to make the shot.
> 
> Scooching along and nailing back towards yourself sounds like this guy was an apprentice (couple stories to follow).  He needed to be walking, course one never knows the situation he was in unless you can see for yourself, but seldom can one not walk when scooching is an option.
> 
> ...




Ok you just made me cring...


----------



## werk (Jan 10, 2007)

Pneumatic air guns are really dangerous.  I myself have had numerous close calls, and have pried or cut my brother off of something he'd fastened himself to several times.

We were mostly working with hardwood, and high velocity poor quality nails in high pressure nail guns.  Yeah...nails don't go strait in, sometimes they go in and turn a full 180, or a 90, or you name it.  Makes you really aware of your body positioning, or, if not, reminds you why you should be aware of it.


----------



## Simplicity (Jan 10, 2007)

This was always one of my favorites at PartiallyClips...

http://www.partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1001


----------



## Pbartender (Jan 10, 2007)

I suppose it could have been worse...


----------



## nerfherder (Jan 10, 2007)

Pbartender said:
			
		

> I suppose it could have been worse...



There is no way on earth I am following that link, if it's worse than nailing your testicle to the wall


----------



## Mycanid (Jan 10, 2007)

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. OW!


----------



## Wycen (Jan 11, 2007)

I read this last night and it has taken this long for my testes to come out from hiding.


----------



## was (Jan 11, 2007)

ow.............just...............ow


----------



## Harmon (Jan 11, 2007)

Umbran said:
			
		

> I am not buying that "have to", in any real sense.  There are situations when a nail gun can't be used with proper safety, yes.  But that's part of why they still make these "hammer" things.




Working in positions that can not be described here I have had to (just to get the job done) take shots that I have thought- “this is f&*^in’ suicidal, but there is no room to hammer and no other direction I can fire this gun from.”

I suppose if you have never done anything like it, then you don't know what you have to do to get it done.

Job estimation is so close now a days with material values that labor is the breaker on who gets the job, so every company figures that framing will be done by gun- the fastest method to frame.  (I have certification in Estimation and Project Management from the Turn Key Institute, so I kinda have an idea how to figure that much out.)

And as far as hammers go- many times you can't use them, angle, position, not having something support what you are shooting into, but as I implied- if you have never done it….  

Personally- I have always disliked nail gun, because of the safety issues and the fact that I spent most of my apprenticeship nailing off shear (roof or wall), so when I could get away with no nail gun I did as often as I could, and when I was on a roll or in the rhythm I could keep pace and surpass nail gun framers with less experience.

As far as the guy noted by the OP- I understand, I know he was doing what he could to make himself safe and he would have changed everything that he had done to avoid the accident (in hind sight), just to avoid the humiliation, cause I have a fair idea of the names his co workers call him now.


----------



## hafrogman (Jan 11, 2007)

Harmon said:
			
		

> cause I have a fair idea of the names his co workers call him now.




Presumably it HAS to be 'Lefty'.


----------



## D.Shaffer (Jan 11, 2007)

...Ow.   That makes me cringe just thinking about it.


----------



## Harmon (Jan 12, 2007)

hafrogman said:
			
		

> Presumably it HAS to be 'Lefty'.




Maybe, if they are nice construction workers, otherwise its names that are not so Grandma friendly.  Needless to say he will be the brunt of many jokes in the coming decades whether he is present or not.

His best course of action might be to leave the area and change his name, cause he will never live this one down.


----------



## Dannyalcatraz (Jan 12, 2007)

I wonder if things like this get filed with the local building boards?  If so, what _DOES_ that look like on the blueprints?

Other possible names:

Donut.

One.

Andbolts.

Jewelie.

Planters. (or Emerald or any other company that makes snack food of a particular kind...)

Soprano


----------



## chakken98 (Jan 12, 2007)

Ghendar said:
			
		

> Takes balls to use a nail gun




_
AMEN_


----------



## kenobi65 (Jan 12, 2007)

I'm now reminded of an NFL game that occurred when I was a kid (mid-to-late 1970s).  The Packers were playing the Bears.  A cornerback for the Bears named Virgil Livers was playing on special teams, and blocked a punt.  As his teammates scrambled after the loose ball, Virgil stayed on the ground.  Turns out he'd blocked the punt using a very sensitive part of his anatomy, and suffered a ruptured testicle as a result.


----------



## Mycanid (Jan 12, 2007)

Wow ... I think I remember that one!


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Jan 13, 2007)

Found at a few more details (yes, it gets worse).

The company my wife works for does a lot of Pre-Fab work in the warehouse.

He was building a unit to ship on-site, Reinforcing the Studs to the Roof Beams.

Seems he has a bad back & gets tired leaning over to drive the nails into the wood, so he just straddles the beam & scooches himself along firing the Nail Gun as he goes.

The is an older-compressed air gun, runs off a house in the warehouse & Fires 6" Long Nails with a wide head & burrs to stick in the wood.  It has a Safety Trigger & Fires by Pushing the Base against the wood (That fires the Mechanism).

In order to work faster, he'd put Electrical Tape around the Safety.



So, here is the breakdown of how it is supposed to go.

1.  Smack Gun into Wood 3 times in a line, driving 3 Nails through Roof Frame into a Single Stud.  

2. Move Gun 14 Inches to Next Stud, Repeat.

3.  When you get to the Stud Close to you, Scoot back so you can Nail the Studs your Butt was previously Covering.

Here is what happened:

1. Smack Gun into Stud 3 times repeat.  Due to Window Placement next Stud is nearer than normal.  But, that's OK.  He's still got room to Fire that Gun.

2.  First Shot Goes Fine.  Second Shot Slips & Fires a Nail through his Pants into the wood.

3.  He's Startled, but still into his hammer-slinging routine.  So, the Gun slings down, firing a Nail COMPLETLY THROUGH his Thigh & Into the wood.  He is now upset & Drops the gun.

4. Gun Land in Crotch with enough Force to trigger the Firing Mechanism.  BAM! Gun Fires Nail Through Jeans & Right Teticle & Into the Wood.  However, unlike with his thigh, the Head of the Nail does not penetrate the Jeans.  Thus, he is now Nailed to the Wooden Beam Via his Testicle.

5.  Gun Kicks back with enough force to bounce OVER HIS HEAD!  The Kick-Back of this weapon packs the same punsh as a Donkey Kick (or so says a works how has been kicked in the gut by a Donkey & 1 of these guns).

6.  The falling gun attracts attention.  As does the high-pitched scream.

7.  This is when the EMT shows up (Who has a frightening number of anecdotes about trama to the groin; the one about flammable oil-based lubricants, smoking, & umm....  watching _videos _ alone should be reason enough NEVER to SMOKE!!!!!).

8.  Here was his diagonosis:

A. Minor Blunt Trauma for the Gun Falling on his Crotch.

B. Severe, non-permanent damage from SPIKE OF STEEL through Testicle.

C. Moderate Compression from Nail squeezeing Testicle to Wood.

D. Moderate Trauma from Kick-Back of Gun.



And, after what-ever the EMT's gave him, he didn't feel a thing.

And, he hasn't been back to work yet.  He's on 'Medical Leave'

Gossip is the Doctor's note mentioned "Severe Swelling"

So kids.

DON'T INTERFERE WITH THE SAFETY TRIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Kheti sa-Menik (Jan 13, 2007)

barsoomcore said:
			
		

> I never want to be part of any story that involves paramedics and hacksaws.




QUoted for truth.
Mod him up.

I'm snagging this for my sig.


----------



## Darth K'Trava (Jan 13, 2007)

He's lucky he wasn't any closer. He coulda been nominated for a Dawin had his aim been closer...

And one doesn't have to be a guy to say "OW!!!" 

"Safety triggers are there for a reason, folks. Don't mess with it or you too could lose one of your two best friends. And I don't mean those on the Winnebago"


----------



## frankthedm (Jan 15, 2007)

Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> In order to work faster, he'd put Electrical Tape around the Safety.



 He ain't getting any sympathy from me. IMHO he deserved worse.


----------



## Angel Tarragon (Jan 15, 2007)

I shouldn't be laughing, but I can't help it. That is seriously funny.


----------



## frankthedm (Jan 24, 2007)

Frukathka said:
			
		

> I shouldn't be laughing, but I can't help it. That is seriously funny.



You should be laughing, this is seriously funny.


----------



## Harmon (Feb 2, 2007)

Talked to an ol' carpenter buddy of mine couple days back.  He was putting blocks into a wall using a nail gun and shot himself through the index and middle finger (only went a half inch into the middle finger's bone he said).  He said that he was holding the back of the block (about a foot from the gun's muzzle like you are suppose to do) when the gun bounced inside the next stud bay and came out tagging his fingers.    

I have worked with him a few times and know how he works, so I believe him.  He might loose his fingers due to infection     which will be tough, but Know him well enough to know he will be alright.

Construction is dangerous, and nail guns do help with production, but they come at a price.


----------



## Mark CMG (Feb 7, 2007)

Tewligan said:
			
		

> That story is totally nuts! I'll bet you had a ball recounting it, though.






Must have been working balls to the walls.




			
				diaglo said:
			
		

> gives a whole new meaning to the term, "Balls to the Wall"
> 
> OUCH.





Damn.  You got there first, again.


----------



## Rel (Feb 7, 2007)

Mark CMG said:
			
		

> Damn.  You got there first, again.




Well you gave him a MONTH head start!  Even diaglo can work with that kind of lead.


----------



## hafrogman (Feb 7, 2007)

Mark CMG said:
			
		

> Damn.  You got there first, again.




Now, now.  Don't get testy.


----------



## Jdvn1 (Feb 8, 2007)

Most painful thread ever.


----------



## dragonhead (Feb 8, 2007)

at least now he dosent have to pay a body artist to peirce his balls now


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Feb 9, 2007)

Ok,

After all the Rumors and Stories (many exaggerated, some not) I can now do a correct presentation of events leading up to the accident (or the “Why we now get paid to watch a stupid safety video for 2 hours” as other workers now call it).

As the day started, it seemed to Bob (Expert, level 2; Not his real name) to be a normal, regular day.  He was scheduled to work on roofing as he always was.  He greeted this day like any other, with a curse to make it through as fast as possible so he could stop by the bar before Happy Hour was over.  Little did he know he’d be on the receiving end of some narcotics to which not even a Lake Superior amount of Bud-Light could begin to approach.

His Mission:

Secure Wall Studs to the Roof Frame of 6 Pre-Fab Houses.

His Tools:

An Electric Nail Gun with a 100 Nail Capacity & 50’ of Heavy Duty Cord.  Several Thousand 5- Inch Ridged Nails (the Ridges allow the Nail to ‘Bite’ into the wood, so they are very hard to pull out).  Bill (Expert, level 1; not his real name either), whose job is to go around and Staple Guide Plates over where the Stud Meets the Roof so Bob knows where to fire the Nail Gun.  Also around 50’ of Scaffolding to allow access to the Roof Frame.

The Encounter (EL 2):

There is around 70’ of Roofing to be done, leaving nearly 20’ Unscaffolded.  Bob, thinking about that refreshing Pitcher of $2 Bud-Light back at the Tavern, realizes that every Round spent at work is 1 less round he can spend drinking.  Thus, speed is of the essence.  Now, Bob must come up with a Plan.  He quickly derides Bill’s idea of Nailing 50’, then dragging the scaffolding the remaining 20’ as too time consuming (plus that scaffolding is bleepin’ heavy).  Bob ridicules Bill’s LN Alignment about doing things “The Official Way” and decides to show him what some CG ingenuity can do!  

Bob will do 50’ the ‘Right Way’, but will then walk along the roof Beams and finish the last 20’.  He quickly realizes that he shouldn’t of taken the Flaw “Lower Back Pain” for implementing any plan involving constantly bending over.  Thus, Bob implements Plan B.

For Plan B, Bob will straddle the roof beams and fire the Nail Gun from a sitting position.  This goes better, but, alas is slow and awkward. The Swinging Motion he uses with the Gun forces his swing too far and he is unable to get more than 1 Stud before being force to move.  Bob then makes an intelligence check.  Success!  The problem is the Gun is meant to be swung like a hammer, a Central Cylinder with a near 90 degree handle, thus the swinging movement.  If Bob were to hold the Central Cylinder in both hands & bring it down at a 90 degree angle, he will be able to get 3 Studs Nailed before needing to move.  Bob can taste his beer already.

Then the cruel, cruel, cruel, supposedly benevolent god OSHA rear his ugly head.  For the Church of Construction to appease this vengeful deity, all Items must have a ‘Safety Device’ to be activated.  In this case, his Gun has a trigger on the handle to be depressed for the Gun to Activate.  Bob cannot hold this trigger down while grasping it by the central cylinder.  Fortunately, Bob has Ranks in Disable Device.  Along with the +2 Equipment Bonus from his Minor Wondrous Item “Duct Tape” he rolls high enough to Bypass the “Safety Device”.  Bob is now a Nail Hammering Machine.  

Rapid Shot, Multi-Shot, Haste (Material Component, Folgers).  Bob is flying along.  BAM-BAM-BAM!  BAM-BAM-BAM! BAM-BAM-BAM!  Move Action.  BAM-BAM-BAM!  BAM-BAM-BAM! BAM-BAM-BAM! Move Action.  Every 12 Inches, 3 Nails solidly through a 3” Frame & into a Stud.  Bob finds it easy to just ready his actions every round, and fantasize about Beer & Hot Wings.  Then, as his monotonous grove has gotten him to his second pitcher, a foreboding change occurs.  Due to Window Placement, the next Stud is not 12” Away, but 18”, placing the Stud Firmly between his thighs.  No Problem, Bob confidently rolls his D20.  Darn that 3.  Bob Nails his Pants to the Roof Beam.  Bob then fails his Will save and is Shaken.  The -2 to hit really hurts, as Bob Not only Sends a Nail through his other Pants Leg, but a Good Chunk of his Thigh as Well (1d4 Damage).  Bob Screams.  A Manly Scream!  A scream of Rage Conan would take pride in (although he might not get all of the 4 letter obscenities used).

Bob then drops the Nail Gun (Most of this record comes from Bill.  Not the initial record he gave to the other workers, but the one he gave to the Plant Manager later).

The Gun Falls.  Bill is unsure whether it was pure gravity, or Bob leaning over, but the Safety Trigger Bypassed Weapon fell, Business end first, to make contact with Bob’s Crotch.  Bill Clearly remembers the “Thump” of the Nail gun going off.  Bill’s tale of how he believed Bob to be OK, as the Nail was Nearly Flush with the Wood is still the Highest Perform (Horror) check most listeners will ever hear (male listeners, anyway).

Alas, (for Bob).  The Nail had indeed pierced his Flesh.  Specifically, the Nail impaled his Scrotum, Left Testicle and 4.75” of wood.  The good news for Bob he made his Fortitude Save vs Crushing Damage to avoid Testicular Rupture.  The bad news was he took another 1d4 damage and effectively Grappled-Pinned to the Roof Frame.  Bob also screamed.  Not the manly obscenity filled roar of mere moments ago, but rather a single-note piglet squeal of a pitch no member of the Vienna Boys’ Choir, Past, Present, of Future could hope to come within 3 octaves of.   This is when the other workers made their Listen Checks (as obscenity-laced screams of pain are rather common, whereas Glass-Breaking Squeals of Terror don’t happen that often) and began to approach.

Bob was Pinned.  In Three Places (Pants, Thigh, Testicle).  But, Bob knows his d20 Rules.  Bob knows that to escape a Grapple is a Full Round Action.  Bob takes said Full-Round Action.  

Grapple 1:  Bob Versus the Nail through his Pants Only.  Bob rolls low.  Bob Right Pants’ Leg is still firmly Fastened.

Grapple 2:  Bob Versus Nail through Pants & Thigh.  Bob rolls good.  Bob leg jerk rips his thigh muscle off of the nail.  Unfortunate, his Denim does not rip, those he is still impaled (This is conjecture based on when Bill made his Spot check to see the massive Red Spot forming on Bob’s Jeans).

Grapple 3:  Bob Versus Nail through Pants & Testicle.  Nat 1. His attempt to pull the Nail out of the wood via his Scrotum fails horribly.  The only result was a +4 Circumstance Bonus to his Perform (Scream like Little Girl) Check.

Note:  It will be several more rounds before anybody thinks to make a Heal Check (in this case a DC 10 “CALL 911”).    It will then be several more rounds before any other Heal Checks are attempted.  These very from the DC 2 “Are you in Pain?”  to the DC 15 “Put Pressure on his Leg Wound!”

Several Turns Later, the Experts (level 3, Max Ranks in Heal) show up.  Their leader is a CG Paramedic who finds this way more humorous than Bob.  He realizes there is very little he can do with Bob Affixed to Wooden Beams 15’ in the Air.  He will have to come down.  As removing the nails is impossible (Without destroying Bob 1-B) the whole Beam he is fastened to will need to come down.  Out comes the Circular Saw. (And some really cool drugs that do like 6d6 Wisdom & render you incapable of feeling any part of your body).  

As the medicine takes effect, Bob no longer cares about the shaft of steel through his scrotum.  He no longer cares about Beer.  He does not notice the Paramedic Cutting his pants off to bandage the massive wound in his thigh.  He no longer cares that the Paramedic has gotten a Dremel with the Diamond Disc Bit and is approaching his Crotch.

Yes, in true Mcguyver Fashion, the paramedic uses a Dremel to Saw the Head off the Nails.  The Crotch one is tricky, it saws a bit into the Jeans, witnesses flinched when he said “Whoops”

Bob is then lifted off the nails (much like pushing an Arrow Through, rather than pulling it out).

Bob gets a ride to the Hospital.  Bob has the same crappy insurance all the employees there have.  Bob’s Beer Runs are not going to happen for a while.

The After Effects:

Bob’s just now back at the job.  He had several weeks off due to 20 Stitches (he won’t confirm all were in his thigh) & ‘Severe Swelling’.

All employees have had to sit through various Safety Training Videos (Their reproduced scenarios are not nearly as effective as Jim’s Cell Phone Video; With Sound!).

Bill made a level & was Promoted.

Sales of Steel Codpieces have skyrocketed.


----------



## Henry (Feb 9, 2007)

Vraille, the story is only surpassed by your artful telling of it.


----------



## KrazyHades (Feb 10, 2007)

The thread title is a real eyecatcher!

This deserves to be stickied...such is my prayer to the moderators


----------



## Rel (Feb 10, 2007)

KrazyHades said:
			
		

> The thread title is a real eyecatcher!
> 
> This deserves to be stickied...such is my prayer to the moderators




No dice.

The moderators have a specific policy against making sticky any thread with testicles in the title.*






*Well, we don't.  But we SHOULD.


----------



## Harmon (Feb 10, 2007)

Rel said:
			
		

> No dice.
> 
> The moderators have a specific policy against making sticky any thread with testicles in the title.*
> 
> ...




Please make changes, even with all my experience with nail guns (good and bad) I would rather not remember this one.   

Something else

Hay, VD, are you sure about the 4" nails and the "electric nail guns" 

Most nail guns are air powered and 16d (3 1/8") is about the longest nail most will drive? (course prefab seems to have its own little world).


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Feb 10, 2007)

Harmon said:
			
		

> Hay, VD, are you sure about the 4" nails and the "electric nail guns"
> 
> Most nail guns are air powered and 16d (3 1/8") is about the longest nail most will drive? (course prefab seems to have its own little world).




I keep getting mixed messages as to Air vs Electric.  I know it has a Cord.

Most of the Construction is done in a Warehouse, then shipped on site; so they have plenty of outlets and stuff that On-Site Construction doesn't have.

Most of the time they only have to fire through 2" of Wood; but sometimes they have to put 2 layers of boards on the roof; thus 4".

So, they might have a Special Gun just for when they do these special extra-reinforced jobs.

Everyone there has seen the proof.

Almost everyone has a Cellphone with a Camera these days.

Maybe I could post some pics   

Or maybe not


----------



## Harmon (Feb 14, 2007)

Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> I keep getting mixed messages as to Air vs Electric.  I know it has a Cord.




Emm- really?  Okay.  I will have to check into that, electric would be so much quieter and so much nicer to use (not as heavy).



			
				Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> Most of the Construction is done in a Warehouse, then shipped on site; so they have plenty of outlets and stuff that On-Site Construction doesn't have.




Outside construction is done with either generators or you can get electricity run to the job by the power company, or ask a neighbor (residental, not businesses) "mind if I pay your electric bill for a little while?" 

Power is run to "10 Power Boxes" where you plug in and get as much as 220V



			
				Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> Most of the time they only have to fire through 2" of Wood; but sometimes they have to put 2 layers of boards on the roof; thus 4".




Emm- not sure of the method but most plywood (up to 5/8" thickness) can be put down with   nails 2 1/8" long.  Or perhaps you mean rafters, which are toe nailed (45 degree) with nails 3 1/8" to the top plate.  The thickness of construction material is off by a bit- a 2 by 4 is actually 1 1/2" by 3 1/2" which is the norm for most materials



			
				Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> So, they might have a Special Gun just for when they do these special extra-reinforced jobs.
> 
> Everyone there has seen the proof.
> 
> ...




Its cool, I have never heard of a few things you mentioned and had questions, need not go further.

Thanks for the story, it was something I will remember the next time I am working (if every again) in construction (hopefully not, ever again).

Take care, and peace


----------



## Vraille Darkfang (Feb 14, 2007)

Harmon said:
			
		

> Emm- really?  Okay.  I will have to check into that, electric would be so much quieter and so much nicer to use (not as heavy).




Sorry,

Misspoke (or typed).  By Cord I meant a Tube of Thick Plastic, which may hold insulated wire for Electricity of be hollow for compressed Air.  (Thus why I've been getting mixed answers).

Yes, I'm talking about 2x4 Roof Joists & not Plywood.  And the special Nail gun doesn't aways put the nail all the way through.  The second Man's job is to not only put down Metal Guide Plates ahead of the Nail Gunner, but Go behind him and Hammer the nail the rest of the way in.


----------



## cnath.rm (Feb 14, 2007)

Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> The is an older-compressed air gun, runs off a house in the warehouse & Fires 6" Long Nails with a wide head & burrs to stick in the wood.  It has a Safety Trigger & Fires by Pushing the Base against the wood (That fires the Mechanism).
> 
> In order to work faster, he'd put Electrical Tape around the Safety.



Hmm, I wonder if that is going to impact any Workers Comp claims that he would be placing.


----------



## Balgus (Feb 15, 2007)

I am reading this in class, and you would not believe how hard I fell off my chair laughing...

Thank you very much. That made my day....


----------



## Harmon (Feb 15, 2007)

Vraille Darkfang said:
			
		

> Sorry,
> 
> Misspoke (or typed).  By Cord I meant a Tube of Thick Plastic, which may hold insulated wire for Electricity of be hollow for compressed Air.  (Thus why I've been getting mixed answers).
> 
> Yes, I'm talking about 2x4 Roof Joists & not Plywood.  And the special Nail gun doesn't aways put the nail all the way through.  The second Man's job is to not only put down Metal Guide Plates ahead of the Nail Gunner, but Go behind him and Hammer the nail the rest of the way in.




T'is okay. I was a little confused; normal state.  Thanks for the pain and the laugh, the image of the action will haunt for a while.





			
				cnath.rm said:
			
		

> Hmm, I wonder if that is going to impact any Workers Comp claims that he would be placing.




They will more likes have to pay for the medical, but if he wants compensation- not much of a chance for him getting that, and they could fire him without much problem.


----------

